The Seduction of Colgate

Supper that night was a bit odd for all three ponies. Amethyst and Sea Swirl were eating meat for the first time in their lives and Colgate had not had supper with anypony since she killed Lyra and Pinkamena several months ago, which was something that she vowed to take to her grave with her. The three were gathered around the table in the dining room and Colgate could see that her new employees did not like the cheeseburgers she fixed for them. She asked, "What's the matter ladies, do you not like your meal?"

Amethyst replied, "It isn't that, it is just that neither one of us have ever eaten meat before."

Sea Swirl asked, "Colgate, how can you stand to eat meat and who got you into eating it?"

Colgate replied, "Well it was my mom and dad that introduced me to it. It is a tradition that has dated back many generations in my family. I think it all started back when my distant relatives were living in an area where not much in the way of nutritious plants would grow so they simply killed and ate the animals that did eat the prairie grass that grew there."

Sea Swirl asked, "Prairie grass? I've never heard of it. Where does this stuff grow?"

Colgate replied, "It grows along the foothills of the southern mountains. Why my family ever tried to settle there is beyond me. I doubt that place would even be fit for changelings, much less ponies."

Amethyst said, "You're probably right. I remember in geography class growing up the teacher talking about how it was a desolate wasteland and that he wouldn't even wish it upon his own worst enemy."

Colgate laughed, "Yeah it is that bad."

Soon they finished their supper and Colgate brought some papers out from the back and set them down in front of her new employees. Amethyst asked, "Colgate, what are these?"

Colgate replied, "They are the tax forms and citizenship forms that everypony must fill out before they can start work. After all, taxes do have to be held out of your check and Luna doesn't want anypony who is not either a citizen or a legal non-resident working in Equestria."

The two sort of took it as offensive that they had to fill out a proof of citizenship form before they could work given that they were both born in Ponyville but realized that there was no getting around the law. Once they finished filling out their forms they relaxed in the living room and had a nice discussion over some refreshing water. Amethyst asked, "Since we filled out those forms tonight, what will we do tomorrow since we don't go to work until Monday?"

Colgate replied, "Well I am thinking we could play some of the same board games that Lyra and I used to play before she vanished."

Sea Swirl really wondered what happened with Lyra. She asked, "What caused Lyra to leave anyway? I know you two were awfully close."

Colgate, who had developed nerves of steel during her time of torturing bad patients, answered the question without even breaking a sweat, "Well I gave her and Pinkamena their bonuses and told them to take a week off. Both of them headed to Manehattan and simply vanished. I don't know if something happened to them or if they simply decided it was time to start a new life, changed their identities and stayed there. I will admit, I was really distraught when they never returned and then right after that there was that explosion that destroyed my home, destroyed my practice and put me in the hospital."

Sea Swirl asked, "Colgate, I had heard rumors that you coded for a few minutes when you were in a coma. Is that true?"

Colgate replied, "Yes, that is true." Having a bit of a morbid sense of humor she laughed, "Thank Luna unicorns have that extra adrenaline or I would have stayed dead."

Amethyst asked, "Why are you laughing about that? Coding is nothing to laugh about!"

Colgate replied, "Oh don't mind me. I have a rather morbid sense of humor so I laugh about a lot of things that most ponies won't."

While the two realized that they would have to learn to put up with Colgate's morbid sense of humor they still had trouble comprehending how she could laugh about her own death and revival. Amethyst asked, "Colgate, is it only your own death that you laugh about or do you laugh about bad things happening to other ponies as well?"

Colgate replied, "Oh sometimes I find myself laughing when bad things happen to other ponies as well. For instance, once somepony left my office after I discovered he had six cavities and periodontal disease. Ugh ponies who don't take care of their teeth piss me off! Well he got hit by a stagecoach. Well he wound up breaking all his legs and suffered a ruptured spleen like I did. I couldn't help but laugh seeing him all crumpled over in a heap in the street!" She began to laugh sadistically and continued, "Oh and when he was in the hospital they had me come in and fill those cavities! I couldn't help but laugh when I was looking down at his half-broken body as I was filling those cavities. While he looked terrified, he couldn't move back to cringe. It was priceless, absolutely priceless!"

By this point they were kind of creeped out by the direction Colgate had taken their discussion. Amethyst asked, "Colgate, I know you find all this funny but could you not laugh about other ponies getting hurt around us? It really bothers us."

Colgate gave her a look of disapproval but replied, "Oh, ok. Some ponies just don't enjoy a good laugh!" She looked at the clock and continued, "Well it's getting late. I don't know about you two but I'm going to hit the hay. Sleep tight, don't let the parasprites bite."