A Pony Walks Into a Bar and...

by ThePristineEye

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life
Length: 1879

A depressed mare walks into a bar and strikes up a conversation with an old blind stallion far past his prime.

Parkcent is blind and far past his prime. Despite this he does enjoy striking conversation up with ponies and gives them all the advice he has. A mare walks into a bar and sits next to him and when he finds out that she's in a rather gloomy mood he begins to do what he does best.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-24 05:10:03 UTC

She Drowns Her Sorrow in Whiskey

The bar was a cozy abode. The hard wood floors reflected the lights of the overhead lamp and it was clear that whoever cleaned the floor did it rather casually and not too often. The walls had been covered in an assortment of items ranging from framed pictures of past and present employees of the bar and posters promoting sports events and local band gigs. Away from the bar area the ceiling fans that endlessly circulated the pleasant smell of cheap nachos and booze. The business day was mild and only a few families were scattered in the diner and the same was true for the more lonely folk who sat at the main barstools in the center of the establishment. The constant sound of friendly chatter came from all directions but it did not overwhelm the tranquil music coming from the record player. The bartender mingled around from behind counter starting casual conversations with the ponies who sat on their stools across from him.

In one of the barstools sat a earth stallion who's coat shade was of an underwhelming gray, most things about him were about average stock but he was clearly aging as evident by his yellow mane losing it's vibrant colors. A cutie mark that resembled that of withered paper with a doted line resided on his flank. Notably he wore large heavily tinted glasses that obscured his eyes from view. Under him a large cane rested slightly on the wall of the counter. He waited patiently for the bartender to address him, and when he did the bartender spoke to the stallion in a tone that only pleasant friends had the pleasure of hearing sharing

“Hello Mr Parkcent, A visit from you has long been long since overdue.” The bartender spoke in a gravelly voice which seemed to be a symptom of having a large unkempt beard like his. He was a plain brown stallion for the most part, but he had vibrant green eyes that Parkcent has never had the joy of seeing.

Parkcent aimed himself in the general direction toward the bartender.“I know Vintner, guess you can say my cravin' for booze has been on the down low recently.” Parkcent licked his maw for a split-second only realizing how parched he was at that moment. “I'm in the mood for something cheap today, but none of that Crudlight or whatever they call it.”

Vintner  stood in thought for a moment before reeling himself from his thoughts. “I've got just the thing you need in that case.”He bent down and looked at the various bottles that lay askew in the ice moat under the counter. He saw a crisp white bottle, popped the cap of with his front teeth, and slid it toward the old stallion's left hoof.

Parkcent took a moment to sniff the air. “What beer is this, Smell isn't too familiar to my old nose.” he brought his muzzle closer to the open bottle and sniffed furiously in an attempt to recall its smell.

“It's an import from the griffion empire up north. They call it Heisenhower Blood and it's one of the cheapest booze you'll find in their borders.” The bartender could sense a slight bit of shock coming out from Parkcent so he reviewed what he said and decided to quell his silent dismay. “No, it's not real blood. They're carnivores, not savages.”

While reluctant at first, the old pony shrugged and figured the worst that could happen was that he was dissatisfied with the drink and lost a few bits, unless of course it really was blood. He held the bottle with his hoof and raised it to his mouth, when he finally decided to pour the lightly fizzy drink into his gullet his brain practically exploded. While it hadn't been the absolute top of the class beer he tried at a few weddings, it was clear that the country he lived in had rather inferior beer in comparison. If a cheep beer from the grffion empire was of that quality, what did the more expensive stuff taste of? He could only imagine that it must taste like joy in its purest form if it was edible. Admittedly he was too much of a penny pincher to find out for sure. Vintner watched in amusement as Parkcent was absolutely flabbergasted by his drink at hoof.

Parkcent heard the front door swing open, all the friendly background chatter came to a halt. All that could be heard was the light footsteps that approached in from behind. With a squeak of a barstool, the ever so slight change in atmosphere, and a light scent of primrose in the air, he was able to discern that whomever sat beside him was to his right and most likely female.

“I'd like a count of three of only the harshest of your whiskey.” The mare spoke to the bartender in a sweet yet seemingly reserved voice. The bartender audibly gulped but immediately retrieved said whiskey from the deepest corners of an overhead shelf, put three shot glasses down, and poured enough golden fluid to come near to their brims. Parkcent heard the audible whir of the use of magic, a quick gulp, and then the sound of one of the shot glasses making sharp contact with the wooden counter.

Parkcent never particularly liked odd moments of silence like these and decided to start a bit of small talk with the mare sitting next to him. “Wow, this place hasn't been this quiet since the Wonderbolts lost that race against the Manehattan Thunderstikes.” He felt a grin form on his lips. “So you must either be the ugliest thing in existence, or the prettiest. I'll assume it's the latter since you have one of the most beautiful voices I've heard in years.”

Parksent heard the shifting of fur as she cranked her neck. He felt her gaze upon him and his smile faltered when it was a rather cold feeling gaze. “If this is some form of flirtation I wil have to kindly ask you to stop.” His ears pressed against his skull and his grin was slowly replaced by a light frown. He blew it.

“I apologize ma'am, I greet all pretty mares in a similar fashion and it was no way intended to offend you.”He sat in his stool with his head down slightly twirling the content of his beer with his left hoof.

The mare only then noticed the stallion she was speaking to was blind and immediately felt a little bad for what she had said. “No, I should be th one apologizing, sir.” The mare let out a frustrated sigh. “I have been in a bad mood lately is all.” She slammed her second shot of whiskey.

“Bad mood? May I ask why?” The stallion's voice eased into a concerning tone. He raised his eyebrow from behind the black shades and tried to focus his non-existent stare to the mare beside him but failed by looking ever so slightly to the left.

The mare had put her one of her forehoofs on the counter and began to fiddle with the two empty shot glasses. She thought for a few moments before answering. “I guess I can't get over the past. I keep looking back and missing how things used to be.” She gave a quick stare to her final full shot glass before making hr final rebuttal. “I've lost many friends to the past.”

“I can relate to that.” the earth stallion momentarily look a light sip from his cheap booze. And let the dead air hang between the two. “Do ya want to my story?”

“I've got nothing better to do as of now. Continue if you so please.” She looked toward the bartender and pointed to her empty shot glasses. Vintner began to replace the fluid she had lost moments ago. Before he got a chance to begin filling the final glass the mare motioned him to just leave the bottle behind.

The stallion took a second to adjusted himself in his seat so his back pain would recede. “Grew up in this two bit farming community which was populated by one-hundred percent pure breed earth ponies. The place was self-sustained and I didn't even know the other two races existed. Eventually I reached an age where I was considered independent so I took my leave to pursue my talent in topography.” The stallion shifted uncomfortably. “I tell ya, the first time I met a unicorn I didn't take too kindly. I was young and stupid and if I could take what I said back I would.” his ears perked up slightly. “That went all behind me when I met this beautiful blond unicorn mare. She had the sweetest personality and a heart of pure gold. We began dating frequently, and she'd come with me when I ventured off to survey land. She had this almost unquenchable desire to help those in need and eventually became a missionary and went off to the poorer regions to work as a nurse. She said she'd come back and she did, but in a body bag. Her life had been taken early by some foreign disease that didn't have a vaccine back then.”

A ping of guilt ran through the mare. “I'm sorry for your loss.”

“Please, don't worry about it. I grieved fer her death for many years. Then I realized something; the past is called the past 'cause it ain't comin' back and you shouldn't be  grieving for the things you lost, you should be spending it appreciating the things you had.” The stallion finished off his beer with with a drawn out sigh of relief.

Parkcent heard the bottle of jack land not so gently on the counter followed by the screech of her barstool across the wooden floor. A few bits could be heard landing on the table by the empty shot glasses. “Thank you Parkcent, I appreciate the advice and would wish to converse further, but I have other manners to attend to.”

“Odd, I don't remember telling you my name?”

“You never did, I know all my subject's names.” The mare turned her head to the bartender. “barkeep, I wish you to spend these spare bits buying this man only the finest of beer that you have. I'll be taking my leave now. I wish your fine establishment farewell and hope that your business flourishes.” The bartender nodded. The mare strode out the front door and all the hushed wispering that filled the air was replaced with friendly background chatter.

Parkcent took a breath of fresh air. “Hey Vintner, who was that mare I was just speaking to?”

Vintner had already began cleaning the shot glasses with a rag that hung over the sink. “Would you believe me if I told you it was Princess Luna?” He put the shot glasses away and began to fill a tall glass at the beer tap.

Parkcent chuckled briefly. “No I would not, Vintner. No I would not.” Vintner slid him the tall glass in which Parkcent took on of the largest swig of beer he had ever taken since he was a dumb foal trying to catch a quick buzz.