Fallout Equestria: Revenge

I awoke once again to music. Except this time Alph wasn't humming. She was singing. She had a beautiful voice that didn't suit her body at all. It sounded like a completely different pony. It almost sounded like an exact likeness of the song that was playing.

"Holy Luna," I said, "Where did you learn to sing like that?"

"From this pony!" she said. She concentrated and slowly transformed into a white unicorn mare with white and silver mane that was done in curls.

"Who is that?" I asked. She looked familiar.

"Sweetie Belle!" she exclaimed, "At least I think that's her name."

My jaw dropped. Sweetie Belle was one of the singers on Dj Pon3's radio broadcast. But that couldn't be, those songs were hundreds of years old.

"Alph," I said slowly, "How old are you?"

She put a hoof to her chin in thought then said, "2,856. I think. Yeah, 2,856." She smiled at me. I just sat there, dumbfounded.

"T-that's impossible!" I said, "You look like a filly!"

"Hivemind," she said, "Changelings are a hivemind. Sort of. We are all connected through a series of instincts, signals, and other things that I can't quite describe. It's a telepathy of sorts. When I cut myself off from it, about two years ago, I assumed my natural cycle. No more immortality. Well it's not real immortality. Only my mind would've lived on. Now, my mind dies with my body."

"I take back what I said earlier," I said, "There is still so much I have yet to see."

I'll skip the traveling part. You don't want to hear about a two day travel across country do you? Thought not. Moving on!

We came up on Tenpony Tower. It hadn't changed since I'd last seen it. I slowed Mr. Guy to a stop in front of it. I hopped off and walked up to the massive building. I urged Alph to change into somepony that she had seen here. She instantly changed into a unicorn stallion with a brown coat and a wedge of cheese for a cutie mark. He looked familiar somehow. We got past the security guard without incident and went in.

The buildings interior never ceased to amaze me. A massive foyer with shops and ponies bustling to and fro. It was so lively and uncharacteristic of the Wastelands. I immediately walked up to the ammo shop. The pony behind the counter almost instantly recognized me.

"Black Eye? Is that you?" he asked, "What happened to you?"

"Not now Bullet Time. Do you know where Comedy Gold is?" I asked.

"Yeah she's over in the atrium, but-"

I cut him off with a thank you and began to run to the atrium. I burst through the door and looked around. Then I saw her. Comedy Gold was sitting on a bench reading a book. Beautiful as ever. I told Alph to stay behind and slowly approached her.

"Excuse me sir, but would you mind getting me a glass of water," she asked without looking up, "I'm ever so parched."

"Not at all fair princess," I said with a smile. Her eyebrows knit and her head shot up to look at me. I stood there smiling down at her. She smiled and I brushed a tear from her eye.

"Now now," I said, "It's undignified to cry at a time like this."

She jumped up and embraced me. She began to cry into my shoulder. I held her tight and saw Alph slowly approaching. I nodded slightly to her and she sat down. After about a minute of sobbing, Comedy Gold let go of me.

"I thought you were dead!" she said, "You didn't came back for three months! What happened?"

"Well I think that's pretty obvious what happened," I said gesturing to my cybernetic limbs and bionic eye, "Somepony got me pretty good. but I'm here now and that's all that matters. Come with me. I need you to write a letter for me."

"But we've only just got back together!" she said frowning, "Wouldn't you at least like to catch up for a bit?"

"Alright," I said, "Alright, alright. We'll catch up for a bit. I'll start. This is my friend Alph." I waved Alph over. As she did, necromantic light swirled around her and she turned into her normal, smiling self.

Comedy Gold jumped back as soon as she saw the necromantic light.

"What is that!?" she practically shouted.

"Hey now don't be mean," I said, "She don't bite."

"Pleasure to meet you miss Comedy Gold," said Alph bowing her head, "I am delighted to make your acquaintance, and I do hope we can be friends in the future." Now it was my turn to be surprised.

"Well," I said, "That's certainly uncharacteristic. She normally acts all happy and jumpy and excited. How did she su-"

"Black Eye," Comedy interrupted, "Why is she staring at me like that?"

I noticed that Alph was engaged in an intense staring battle with Comedy Gold. I was confused. She didn't normally do that.

"That's strange," I said.

"Why can't I turn?" said Alph, "You cannot be transformed into."

"What?" I asked, completely flabbergasted at the turn of events.

"I tried to turn into her," said Alph slowly, "But I can't. Strange magic surrounding her, like an aura of sorts, except I can't penetrate the magical barrier." Suddenly in three consecutive transformations, Alph turned into a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane, a pink earth pony with an extremly poofy mane, and a white unicorn with purpled curled hair. Then it happened again, but with different ponies. An earth pony with a weird circular hat, Comedy Gold, and Dj Pon3's assistant, Homage.

"A Bearer," said Alph, "You bear the Element of Loyalty."

Then Alph shook her head and became here usual self again. She transformed once again into Comedy Gold and began to mimic her movements, smiling as if that whole ordeal hadn't even just happened.

"What the hell just happened?" said Comedy her voice doubled by Alph.

"I have absolutely no idea," I responded.

"So let me get this straight," said Comedy as I sat down at our table, "You want me to write a letter to the one who blew you up, then you're going to get it to Dj Pon3 via his assistant Homage, and call out this Judge character to the whole Wasteland?"

"Yep," I said, "That's pretty much was I was planning on."

"That's insane," said Comedy, "How will you even get it to Dj Pon3?"

"Simple," I said. I laid out 10,000 of the fifty thousand caps I had gotten from the safe back in Fetlock. Comedy's eyes went wide.

        "Where did you get that?" Comedy asked incredulously.

        "Uh, I found it," I said trying not to look suspicious. Comedy Gold's eyes narrowed.

        "Right," she said slowly, "Anyway, fine. I'll write the letter, but after that, you're coming with me to the spa. You look like and smell like you haven't had a bath in weeks. Then again, knowing you, you probably haven't."

        "Thank you," I said, "Now you just write what I say. Please don't question what I tell you to write."

        "Okay," she said nervously, "I'm trusting you on this one."

        She reached into a drawer and pulled out a pen and paper. She placed the tip of the pen to the paper and looked at me.

        "Hello Judge," I said, Comedy Gold writing it down as I spoke, "This is your old friend Black Eye. That's right you worthless, scum sucking piece of crap. I'm still alive and know that I'm coming for you. I'm not going to stop until you're dead, dead and gone. I shall wipe you from the Wastelands. Pretty soon it'll be like you never even existed. With love, Black Eye."

        Comedy Gold finished writing and placed the pen down. She rolled up the letter and tied it with a piece of string. I put the letter in my saddle packs.

        "Right," said Comedy Gold, "Now you're coming with me to the spa."

        I followed her without question. She took me and Alph, who thankfully had transformed into somepony else now, to the spa.

The trip was uncomfortable and somehow relaxing at the same time. The spa ponies began by giving us a back massage. I could barely feel it because of the metal piece of my back. I could tell the spa pony was getting frustrated because she kept pushing harder trying to get the knot out my back that wasn't even there in the first place. Eventually she gave up and began to massage my shoulders.

Afterwards they took me to the bathhouse. I didn't go in. I knew (unfortunately from experience) that if I got in the water, I would kill everyone else in the water. I just sat down and enjoyed the steam. I walked out, my mane and coat all fluffy. I shook myself off and the spa ponies began to brush me down, straightening my coat and tail.

It only took all of twenty minute, but I felt thoroughly refreshed and ready to take on anything the Wasteland had to throw at me.

"I'll admit," I told Comedy, "That was pretty relaxing."

"And you doubted me," said Comedy, "Next time, just go without question. And by the way, part of your mane is sticking up." She said that last part stifling a laugh.

I looked up and sure enough, part of my mane was sticking straight out in front of me. I licked my hoof and pushed it back, but it just shot back out. Comedy Gold, not being able to contain her laughter, began to laugh harder and harder as I continued to try and push it back. Eventually I was successful, but Comedy Gold was gasping for air. She stood back up, tears in her eyes and smiling.

"Yuck it up," I said smiling. I turned to one of the spa ponies.

       "You wouldn't happen to know where DJ Pon3's assistant is would you?" I asked them.

       "As a matter of fact we do," she said, "She's over in the atrium."

       I thanked them and left, Comedy Gold and Alph following close behind. I entered the atrium and stopped dead. There standing next to my good friend Homage, was Littlepip. They were holding hooves and we're talking to each other. As I approached, I could barely make out their conversation.

      "-er gonna let me forget that whole counting thing are you?" asked Littlepip.

      "You know I won't," said Homage.

      I gave an obvious clearing of my throat. "Am I interrupting something?" I asked.

      Homage's head slightly turned in my direction.

      "Oh Black Eye," she said and then saw me, her smile quickly turning to a face of worry, "Oh Black Eye. What happened to you?"

      "You know him?" asked Littlepip.

      "Yes," replied Homage, "He's a resident here, a bounty hunter."

      "A bounty hunter?" asked Littlepip warily, "He's doesn't have any weapons does he?"

      "Oh trust me Littlepip," I said, "You should know just by looking at me, I don't need a weapon to kill a pony."

      "Black Eye!" exclaimed Homage.

      "Kidding!" I said, "I need you to read this letter on tonight's evening news."

      "Me?" she askd, "Why me?"

      "Oh come on, you of all ponies should know," I said, "You're Dj Pon3! And I'm giving you ten thousand caps, so you can't say no anyway."

      She looked astonished. She stepped back.

      "I'm not Dj Pon3!" she said.

"Of course not!" said Comedy incredulously, "How could you be Dj Pon3? Dj Pon3 is a stallion."

      "Then why do you look so surprised?" I asked ignoring Comedy and pressing on, "Only reason you'd be that surprise is if I'd guessed correctly. Besides, if your not Dj Pon3, then why do you take everything for him and Dj Pon3 is never seen? Only one probable answer: you're Dj Pon3."

      I handed the letter to the sheepish looking Homage. She dropped it and then picked it back  with her magic.

      "Will do," she said in a small voice.

      We all left the atrium, heading out into the main foyer.

      "I just had a great idea!" said Alph gasping. She bounced up to Homage and transformed into her. Homage stepped back, as well as Littlepip. Littlepip began to draw her weapon. I smacked it out of her magic and disarmed it before she could raise it. Now she was even more surprised.

      "What is that thing!?" exclaimed Homage, Alph no longer mimicking and looking slightly confused.

      "Excuse me," I said, "She is a changeling. And quite frankly, that was rude, trying to shoot her. Shame on you Littlepip!"

      They both looked at Alph and began to have a calm down and began to give a hint of a smile as she danced around them, transforming into them over and over again. They weren't as uncomfortable as Comedy Gold had been.

      We eventually got to the broadcasting room and Homage informed us that she was about to do her evening news, telling us to remain quiet. Her horn glowed and she put on a pair of headphones, walking up to the microphone.

      "Good evening everypony, it is your pal Dj Pon3 for the evening news," she said, her voice magically changed, "I've got something different this time folks. Some pony has sent me a letter and ten thousand caps with the request that I read it here. Since this pony was so generous to provide me with an incredible stack of caps, I will read the letter," she said and picked up the letter, clearing her throat, "'Hello Judge. This is your old friend Black Eye. That's right you worthless, scum-sucking piece of crap. I'm still alive and know that I'm coming for you. I'm not going to stop until you're dead, dead and gone. I shall wipe you from the Wasteland and pretty soon it'll be like you never existed. Love Black Eye.' Well, that certainly was something. This Black Eye's got some guts to be calling some pony out like that. Those are some strong fightin' words, so let's just hope that he can hold up to that claim. In other news..."

      She finished her news report and took off her headphones. She trotted over to us.

      "That better have been worth it to you," she said, "Because that is the last time I do that."

      "Oh, believe you me," I said smiling deviously, "That was worth every cap."

      We left and parted ways. Alph went off on a search for more cooking supplies. Homage and Littlepip went back the way we'd come. I thought about the conversation I had overheard between them. Counting thing? What did that even mean? I gave up trying to figure it out. Me and Comedy Gold went back to our home. And it was just me and her.

     "I'll be right back," Comedy informed me. She went to our bedroom and shut the door. Maybe she had something to take care of. I wandered around the old and now empty house. After a few minutes, Comedy emerged...wearing socks. She had a seductive half-smile on her face. She wandered over to me, putting emphasis on swinging her damn sexy flank back and forth in a hypnotic manner.

     "Welcome home big boy," she said, "Call this your welcome home gift."

     I blushed hotly. Comedy walked around me, coaxing me to the bedroom with her tail, making full sure I got a view of that ass. I followed her with a dopey grin on my face. I had a feeling I might be staying longer than I had intended.