Cookies

by YoGrandma

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 926

YoGrandma makes some coookies.

I make you and your ponies some cookies.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-24 01:33:13 UTC

The one and only! ta da

Hello. I don't have much to say. My name is YoGrandma. I like to sit in my chair and watch my adopted pony child braeburn run around in circles and chase his pathetic tail. He sometimes realizes that his tail isn't good enough so he chases his apples. (meaning his cutiemark.) I don't believe in cutiemarks though. I believe that when a pony is of the legal age of getting a tattoo, they go and get one and they call it a cutiemark instead of a tat because they all star on a childs show that braeburn likes to watch.

So all i do is sit. One day i got bored of sitting and watching stupid braebrun. i hate braeburn now. and  I like to bake some cookies. So I went to bake some cookies. I made them from scratch; they were made from milk and sugar and eggs and braeburn and flour and eggs and chocolate. I heard a knock on my door. I looked out and saw a kid with red curly hair and green eyes. he was really short and fat and wearing a speedo.

"Hello, sonny." I said.

"Hi." he says.

"What do you want, child? I asked him.

"I smell some cookies. Can I have one?" he asks.

"Yes. Come inside, child." I reply.

So he comes in, and I throw him in my blender and I throw him into the cookies.

"That ought to make my cookies really good,' I say.

iIwanted to go watch tv, but i couldn't find my remote. I got mad and banged my window.

I heard another knock on my door. It was not a kid this time. It was Princess Luna from my TV that braeburn used to watch before we lost the remote control.

'"Hi there Luna," I said.

"I have a message for you, YoGrandma." She tells me.

"Whut it is?" I asked.

"You are baking cookies, and I want one." She says.

"Of course! Of course!" I said. I let her in. Then, using my cane, I kill her and put her in the cookies.

I begin mixing my cookies when I hear another sound.

I heard another knock on my door. it was a purple pony with a crazy mane.

"Hi.' says the maniac.

"What do yous want???" I scream. I am by now very annoyed. in fact, my teeth fell out, but i caught them and put them back in.

"I want a cookie." she said.

"Sure, I'll give you a Cookie alright." I let her in, and I stab her heart and put her in the batter as well.

I want to take a nap, but I remember that I am making cookies. MY house might burn down if i don't watch them very carefully.

I hear a knock on my door.

"I will kill you all!" I scream.

"There's only one of me. "Says a unicorn

"Who are you? I never saw you on my TV before." I said.

My name is bluray. Hey, is that cookies I smell? Dang, they smell  good!   Can I have One?" he aks, licking his lips.

"Yea yea fine whatevs. Come on in." I shoot him, and throw him in the batter.

Another thing knocks on my door.

"Whut what what do you want, children?" I ask.

"My name is plum rose. Can I have a cookie?" says a thing.

"No!" I chop his neck off and throw him in the cookie mix.

I hear a knock on my door.

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WHAT?!?!" I scream.

"My name is harmonic brush. Do I smell some  cookie? I want one, please." a looking pony says.

I throw her inside and pull off her head. I eat it, and then throw her body in the batter.

"Good. cookies should be done soon." I say, sitting them in the oven.

The cookies are finally done. I pull them out and eat one. BUt it tastes weird. So i run outside and get in my car. I drive my car to knighty's house. I kill knighty and hide their dead body in the back of my car. I drive home and make sprinkles out of knighty. then i put the sprinkles on the cookies. They taste fabulous. In fact, they taste like fluttercord.

Then i go outside and i put all of the cookies in a little green and blue and red basket. I walk out into the middle of a road. A car comes and swerves before it hits me. I cuss at it many words that i shouldn't type here

Then i see a little girl.

Hi little girl. "i said.

"My parents told me to not talk to strangers." she says.

"Im not stranger, you dumb butt. Im yograndma." i comforted her.

"Ok then. Whats in you little green and red and blue basket?" she asks me.

"A cookie. Do you want one" i ask.

"Sure thing Yograndma." she says.

I give her a cookie from the basket. She falls asleep because of how good they taste.

"Oh dear child." I said.

I look around and see a turtle.

"Hi turtle." I say.

The turtle looks at me.

"Want a cookie?" I asks.

The turtle is still looking at me.

"Fine, then. ' i said. I shoved a cookie in the turtles mouth. he falls asleep, too.

"i don't remember putting sleepin pills in these" i said out loud. then i look at my watch.

"Hmm" i said," it looks like its time to make more cookies."