Adogeio 3: Aria Sick of It Yet? III

by All of the Above

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Adagio Dazzle, Sunset Shimmer, Random, Sonata Dusk, Human, Aria Blaze, Comedy
Length: 3460

Sonata is a taco obsessed pony, Adagio has a dog on her face, and her apartment seems to be in shackles. To rectify this problem, Aria goes to the last person she wants to see.

Sonata is a taco obsessed pony, Adagio has a dog on her face, and her apartment seems to be in shackles. To rectify this problem, Aria goes to the last person she wants to see.

The exciting conclusion to the "Can't Explain" series.

Oh, and Doom Trot was made just as insane as I am helping me with this.

Published 2015-04-11 19:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-11 19:10:02 UTC

Please stop

Author's Note

As of right now, it's 1:11. We spent hours on this. If you don't like it... that's fine. We don't like it much either.

Have a nice night, pick up your ebolas vaccinations, drive safe.

Please stop

There was something terribly off about the restaurant. For one, it was called "Taco-Palooza-Kingdom", and second, it looked oddly American for a restaurant selling Mexican food. But Aria didn't have too much of a say here. She'd only been to two Mexican restaurants in her life, and neither felt like it belonged to either ethnicities. Honestly, it seemed almost Asian.

Oh, and third, there was a giant fire consuming the restaurant.

An employee with a crown on his head sat on the sidewalk and looked up at the fire.

"I'm not good at striking," he said to himself.

Aria sighed. The only other taco joint was right down the street, and that was the one where... certain... horses had recently been held. So that place might as well have had big red X's on it to form an even larger X.

Where could another taco joint be?

She looked over her options. Go back and be pony food to a terrifying horse, or never go back and live on her own.

No, she could never do that to them. They needed help. They don’t know it, but they seriously do. And the only one who was sane enough and the most... prepared to tackle whatever else life wanted to huck at them.

That and she had her stuff at that apartment. She didn’t want Sonata going through it in that state of hers.

If she was talking about the state she was in, it would be Florida.

Aria rested against a nearby wall. This morning was... unexplainable. First, Adagio’s face turned into a dog (which was disturbingly becoming more and more sensical the more she thought about it) and Sonata turned into a taco obsessed horse with an impressive vocabulary. And poor Aria was left to make what little sense there was in that steaming pile of nonsense and other things. Like the question, who actually buys Kidz Bop and why?

She would rather ponder about the latter because it was slightly easier to think about.

"Kidz Bop wasn't that bad, actually."

"Yes it was!" somebody shouted from afar.

And then suddenly, Aria was a rock.

"rock." she said blandly and unemotionally. Get it? 'Cause she's a rock. It's funny. Laugh.

"Forget that!" cried out the same voice.

And then suddenly, she was a cat.

"Mrow."

The employee on the curb looked over and said, "Ooh, cat. I like cats."

He stood up and walked over to the sudden cat. "Good kitty."

"You touch me, and I will snap your arm off."

"Talking cat. I don't like those. Those are unusual."

"Why do I go outside?"

"Were you here to get a taco?"

"Actually, yes. I was."

"You're kind of out of luck."

"And you're kind of out of a job."

"Normally, I don't punt cats. For you, I'm willing to make an exception."

"Screw you, guy. I'm going home."

She gracefully catted away as cats do. Her paws were something she was going to have to get used to, but she could manage.

"What do I do now? I can't go home, nor can I buy a taco. I'm a cat. And I hate people." She looked around, sniffing the air like a cat. Cats sniff the air, right?

"Maybe there's one in that trash can," she said, looking at a nearby trash can that smelled of death and the inside of an outhouse. "It would make sense that a taco would be in there."

The trash can seemed to smile as she came closer and closer to it. Her frown only deepened as the smell became more and more repulsive, like a neckbeard playing a 3DS in public.

She plugged her nose, afraid of what was going to be awaiting her in the place where broken dreams and unwanted food go to die. And recyclables that belong in the recycling bin, you assholes.

Instead of all that, there was actually a perfect taco just waiting to be taken away and eaten by a horse with excellent grammar. What are the chances?

"Well, what are the chances!"

She picked it up in her paws, but then realized she didn't have fingers.

"Oh yeah, I'm a cat now. Dangit." She awkwardly took it all in stride, because turning into a cat wouldn't matter if she was dead.

She picked up the taco with her mouth, trying her hardest not to get any saliva on the shell. Fortunately, cats have dry mouths. So that wasn't going to happen.

Hold up, we haven't made a single cat pun. Seems like things aren't going purrfect for Aria, now are they? Okay, back to the story.

Adogio walked round the room aimlessly.

"What are you doing, you dreck?"

"much walk. so think. hum. wew."

"What are you pondering?"

"oh, lif. y i here. y i doge."

"You're surprisingly deep for a mutt."

"ow. dat hert. so pain. many sad. much insesitive."

Sonata heard a tiny pawing at the door. It sounded adorable. She currently hated adorable. It must stop.

"Get the door!" Sonata commanded.

"okey. doge get dor. such good doge."

Adogio opened up the door, and didn't see anybody there. She looked around, and saw two people staring at her.

"wut?"

They hurriedly exited the hallway.

"much rood."

Adogio almost turned and went back inside when she looked down. At her feet was a cat. A very contemptuous cat holding a taco in its mouth.

Adogio's eyes caught on fire as rage built inside of her like legos. She was a dog after all. And dogs don't like cats. You know.

"...doge get cat. many eat. so crunch. wow."

"It's Aria, Adagio. Back off."

"...doge get Aria. many eat. so crunch. wow."

"Here's your damn taco." She threw the taco through the door, and entered in as Adogio panted with hatred.

"*pant pant* I hate you *pant pant*"

"Oh no, Aria's a cat!" Sonata cried from the couch, which was now covered with blankets and bits of glass for some reason:

"Don't say it."

"This is a-"

"I swear to God..."

"Catastrophe."

“Splendid!” Sonata uncharacteristically ate the taco like a proper lady would.

“You’re... not mad?”

“Why would I be? I have what I want.”

“But... I thought you wanted more. That’s all I could find.”

“That’s okay. I just wanted as much as you could accrue.”

"Oh... I was really worried there for a second."

"Don't be afraid of me. I'm not entirely terrifying."

"much love. she purrty gud. wow."

"Good to hear."

They all sat in that oil spill that was more commonly known as silence and awkwardness. Sonata stared at Aria, Aria stared at Adogio, who stared out the window looking at a man who was pouring water into his flowers. He was staring back, letting the water pour out of its primitive water carrying device and overflowing the flower pot like a popular YouTube video being overflown with stupid comments.

Bad simile aside, the Dazzlings sat in the living room like a trio of freaks.

"So..." Aria pawed at the ground.

"So...?" Sonata asked, licking her lips.

"so. woof. wow."

"I think I'm going to take a walk outside. Being stuck in this apartment isn't good for me," Aria said

"I think it could benefit us all if we take a leave of absence from this abode," Sonata said.

"I think it would be better if you two, specifically the dog, just stay here."

"Why?"

"We've weirded enough people out today."

"So you get to go out? You're a cat with feline dwarfism and an underbite that can talk. I think that's more weirder than either of us!" Sonata pointed a hoof in the air, and suddenly realized how bold of a statement she just made.

"Yeah, you two just stay here. Keep staying quiet and not let anyone in."

"wil do-"

"Especially you. Keep your mouth shut."

Aria traveled all across the city with a new sense of exploration and wonder. As a human, when she wandered around the city, the coolest thing she saw was a homeless man having (sex term) with another homeless man.

This time around, Aria could go into the abandoned and off-limits parts of the city. There was plenty of graffiti and strange gangster club signs plastered all over sealed off warehouses. There were some clever ones, but the one that stuck out in her mind was a gang sign that was just a circle with a middle finger in the middle. It was simple, yet bold.

But like all good things, they are all milked by Hollywood for cold hard cash. The rain came back up.

“It’s January! Why is it raining?”

As a giant “go screw a bottle,” Aria was swept away by a freak blast of watery wind. Or windy water. OR, uh...

As cruel as fate is, sometimes it will give you a break, even if it is a small one. You could be flying through the air and break your back, but then in the hospital you can get ice cream.

In Aria’s case, after she was launched into the air, she fell right through a manhole and landed safely on a soft thing in the sewers.

Hey, I never said the break was going to be good.

And to make matters even worse, the soft thing she landed in was... the arms of an angel.

No, it was Sunset Shimmer. But close enough, amiright?

Aria’s and Sunset’s eyes locked together. Sunset gasped. Aria began to purr. Because she was a cat. And cats’ purr when they’re aroused.

Cat’s purr when they’re aroused?

I don’t know, probably.

Anyway...

“Sunset... you rescued me.”

The moment was lost, because Sunset realized she was holding a talking cat. An annoying talking cat, at that.

“Aria?"

"...uh-huh." Aria noticed the bedspread and clothes scattered around Sunset.

"...Why are you a cat?” Sunset asked.

“What are you doing in the sewers?” Aria asked.

“What are you doing in the sewers?”

“Why are you so ugly?”

“I will drop you into the dirty sewer water." Sunset stretched out her arms, making Aria clutch Sunset's jacket for dear life.

“Please don’t. I’mma scared wittle kitty cat.”

Sunset held Aria like a baby.

"Don't hold me like that. That feels weird."

"How should I hold you?"

"Don't! Put me down!"

Sunset obliged, dropping Aria without giving her warning to do so. And as cat's do, she landed on all fours.

"That was cool! Do it again!"

"No."

Aria frowned. She crossed her paws and turned away and stared into the blackness of the sewer.

"So... why are you a cat?"

"The hell if I know. I was just trying to do something, and I suddenly turn into a cat."

"What do you mean?"

Aria turned around, ready to claw out Sunset's eyes, chew them up, spit them out into the sewer and... Aria felt tired.

“Why am I tired?”

“You’re a cat. Cats sleep a lot.”

Aria grumbled a little more

“So why are you a cat?”

“I don’t know. And to be honest, I don’t even care. Today hasn’t made a lick of sense.”

“Why?”

Aria turned to Sunset. “Its... a long, confusing story.”

Sunset knelt down, which Aria thought was demeaning. “I’ve got time.”

“Well...”

Sunset, trying not to laugh, held her hand over her mouth as Aria finished her story. “And that’s when I fell into a manhole and into your arms. Which are surprisingly soft, I should mention.”

“So...” Sunset snickered. “Adagio had her face replaced by a dog?”

“Stop laughing.”

“And Sonata turned into a... pony?”

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds ridiculous.”

"And you're a cat."

"...No. No I'm not."

"I'm pretty sure you're a cat."

"Okay, this is going to sound really, really weird, but... could you do me a favor?"

"Sure... why not?"

"...Could you pet me? Like, on my back, but only for a second?"

"Okay... I believed it when you told me when you were a cat, because I could see that you're a cat. But now that I'm in your apartment... I'm not sure what to believe anymore."

"I believe in Creationism, personally, but you are permitted to practice any faith. Or choose not to. I'm a horse," said Sonata from her couch throne, chomping on a fresh taco.

"Where did you get that?" asked Aria.

Sonata froze, about to take another bite. In an instant, she shoved into her mouth like a daring hippopotamus devouring a truck.

Apparently, the shell had cut open the roof of her mouth. Blood oozed from the laceration.

"Whert terker?" she said, globules of blood and taco meat spilling onto the floor.

"You know, for a pony with great grammar, you sure are sloppy."

With a great heaving gulp, Sonata's taco disappeared down her mouth hole.

"Yeah, well, you're the worst."

"Really."

"much weeek. so boo. disapoint youre gramma. wow."

"Can someone explain how this happened? Preferably not Adagio, because I don't think I can understand what she's saying."

Adogio ruffed a mighty bow-wow in derision.

"Sadly, you bacon-haired demon lady, none of us can explain this. Because none of us know what happened." Sonata put a hoof to her chin and rested on it.

"So... just out of the blue. All three of you became... how do I put this? Different. Without warning, without anything to warn you of the future consequences... just changed?"

"much coler. i lke red, mor. but blu gud. wow."

"I think the author said that somewhere," said Sonata.

"So you don't have anything that will help you?"

"If we had something to help us, we wouldn't be asking you." Aria did a cat face. An angry cat face. Which isn't much different from her regular cat face.

"I want to go to a taco place!" exclaimed Sonata out of nowhere.

"...Well, there was this taco joint that caught fire not too far from here."

Sonata gasped. "That means that people were hurt! Or better yet, dead!"

"wut?" said Adogio.

Sonata hopped off her couch of thrones and barreled towards the windows. With a shattering of glass, she escaped through a window.

"I cannot fly, and we are on the second floor!" she exclaimed as she fell to the ground.

"Let's go ahead and go to the taco place. I need to get out of here," said Sunset.

"Good idea," said the other two.

"Fact! Winston Churchill once said, "Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with I will not put."

Sonata lightly panted as the fire and the flames engulfed the restaurant in a mighty blaze of glory.

"Why are we here, again?" asked Sunset.

"To salvage." Sonata chuckled a little bit.

"hugh mann, too o clok."

The group of... I'm just going to say angels. Because what they are to me.

Anyways, they saw a prepubescent boy. He was eighteen actually. But he was still prepubescent. Poor guy.

"Hey, isn't that the person who was flirting with Adagio?" asked Aria.

"wut?" asked Adogio.

Adogio looked over and saw the boy that Aria was talking about. And as a result of seeing the boy, something in Adogio snapped like butter. It snapped so hard, the author couldn't make good similes.

Adogio stopped panting and stood up straight. "I'mma tap dat."

"Oh my God, Adogio used proper capitalization. Sonata can hear capitalization. Or lack thereof. Why? Because the authors have been in a hotel room together for four hours, that's why.

"Wait, what?" asked Sunset.

Adogio ran over to the cute boy, who was rifling through the trash for some reason.

The boy saw Adogio approaching. He had a worried look on his face, but seemed to try and cover that up by acting like he was as surprised as anybody else.

Adogio tried to be as sexy as possible as it was with a dog face. Which is pretty hard, but can be done. I mean, have you seen the Internet? Those kids are crazy.

"Is she trying to seduce him?" asked Sunset.

She was answered when Adogio loudly whispered into his ears, "much sexy. very dew. wowwwww," she licked his ear.

"Okay, I'll change you back! I'll do it, just get her away from me! I didn't think it would be that bad!"

The party started releasing "ooooooohhhh's" from their mouths like a... like a group of surprised people.

Hey, they can't all be winners.

"You did what?!" Aria cried.

The boy looked over, and tried to disappeared into his jacket. He had a little problem because the jacket was too small.

"You changed us!? You did this!?"

The boy pulled up his hood and tried to hide as a turtle would. But he was a boy. Not a turtle. He couldn't hide as effectively as a turtle would. Turtle.

The boy, knowing that he's not going to get out of this, decided to fess up.

"Okay... my name is Damon."

"hi Damon."

"She wasn't as funny as she was the first time."

"Okay. That's great. Now, I want you to change us back." Aria said, gritting her cute widdle cat teeth.

"Well... maybe you don't need to change back."

"...Excuse your dust, sir," said Sonata.

"Oh yeah, you're a horse."

"Pony. Not just a horse. A pony. You would know this. You're the dreck who changed me!" Sonata was prepared to deck the petty human boy and shove his face into the ground, licking off the blood from the cement. "Okay, yeah. Change me back. I don't like my dark thoughts.

"Look, haven't you always just felt like you were a cat trapped in a siren's body trapped in a human's body?"

Aria thought about it for a second. "No. Not at all."

"much esxtentil. so proofond."

"It matters not what my physical manifestation may be! So long as I have access to the transcendental pleasure that is the taco, I don't care if I am equine or anthropomorphic!" Sonata exclaimed.

"Was the advanced vocabulary just a package deal?" Aria asked.

"I just meant to make her a pony. Don't know where the big words came from. Maybe she was a pony in a siren's body in a human's body."

"so exxestentacle. so provund. wow"

"This conversation is going nowhere. Change us back!" Aria put her paw down. It was cute.

Damon laughed. "Or what? You'll claw my eyes out?"

"I was just gonna lick your face with my dry tongue. That's a much better threat."

Damon considered his options.

"So, I get licked by a dog that's trying to seduce me. Or I can get licked by a cat with a dry tongue who's trying to hurt me..."

"Or I claw your eyes out."

"Or you claw my eyes out."

"So we're on the same page."

"Actually, I'm in a completely different book."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's complicated."

"How about you change us back, then you can explain."

"Guys, Sunset is confused," Sunset said.

"can lick?" Adogio asked.

"Starting with her. She looks better with a human face."

"I wuv u." Adogio said before suddenly, Adagio's face was now a demon with horns and a scary 666 pattern on her head with Illuminati triangles. Pretty creepy.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I appear to have summoned a demon. I apologize."

"CHANGE HER BACK OR I WILL BREAK YOU!" Sonata shouted.

"Eh, I didn't think her scariness would be used against me. I feel so betrayed."

"I swear to God, Damon..." Aria said.

"Okay fine!"

Since there is a lot of really disturbing imagery here, I'm going to skip it. The gist is that he changes them back. He's like a Mormon missionary. Sorry religions.

"Happy?"

Aria was a human again. A rather sexy human from strange angles. Not those angles. Like, a far away angle.

"Okay thanks," Aria said.

"Now, this is going to be the complicated part," Damon said, rubbing his hands together in a nervous manner.

"How so? Because I'm kind of confused anyway, so... there's not much you can do without making it confusing," Sunset said.

"Look... I'm going to say it upfront, and I'm going to sound crazy-"

"Reeeeaally?" Sonata asked.

"I'm a from a different dimension! I come from a dimension where... we watch you guys on TV."

Needless to say, there isn't much that can be said. I mean, let's say a dude showed up and said that you need to be a better actor in "The Vasquez Family Adventures." You just can't explain that.

"much confuse. I mean, I'm confused."