Thirty Million Miles of Trial and Error

by Spunge Bub Skwire Pents

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Tragedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Soarin
Length: 3786

how hard is Equestrian rocket science anyway?

WARNING: This was written long ago and my skills as a writer hadn't been honed. It isn't indicative of my current authorial maturity.

Equestria establishes its first space program, In hopes of discovering more about its own universe. Sadly Equestrian rockets have a nasty reputation of blowing up. How hard could rocket science be any way?

T for mild violence in the future

Warning: silly OC names and ascents :D
Example: Whinny Von Barn (strong Dutch ascent)

Published 2015-01-26 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-13 23:47:39 UTC

The EAA , Pegasus, and Eight Million Bits

Author's Note

Ignore the spelling errors of Von Barn's ascent i meant for them to sound dutch like.
this chapter is a little more serious than the rest of the story.

Why so serious?

The EAA , Pegasus, and Eight Million Bits

All is dark. A gentle breeze can be heard rustling through the fields, accommodated by voices and the sound of hooves muffled by the grass. The time is Three-Thirty, not even the sun has risen yet. the voices and movement quickly come to a halt as silence once again fills the darkness. Suddenly a flash of green flames erupts from the middle of the field, a long screeching noise penetrates the early morning calm as the source of the flames quickly rises into the air. Smoke fills the area as the two- meter long pole rides the flames into the sky quickly gaining speed and altitude with every second. Five seconds later, with the rocket having gained over two-thousand feet of altitude, it violently erupts into a ball of fire producing a large "Boom" that can no doubt be heard for miles.

Two weeks later...

The Pegasus I rocket has been the focus subject of local news paper agencies all across Equestria. The launch of the bare bone rocket has opened many new doors for the future of aerospace in Equestria. Even though Pegasus I failed to reach its goal altitude of twenty-thousand feet before it exploded, the important information gathered from real time observations will prove to be vital in future projects. Plans were already being made for fifteen more Pegasus missions, with the goal of escaping the atmosphere.

The Pegasus project was started five years prior of the launch. With newly crowned Princess Twilight investing into the study of advanced aerodynamics and physics, a goal for the program was to prove that it was possible to exit the atmosphere of Equestria without the aid of magic of any kind. A month after the project was fully payed for, Princess Twilight and the council of Canterlot Nobles established the EAA, which stood for "Equestrian Aerospace Administration" who's overall goal was to guide Equestria into a new age of aerospace related research. Within the first few months of the EAA's creation, it had already succeeded in putting a pony made glider into the air under its own power. The next few years were spent trying to tackle the task of leaving the atmosphere. It seemed that the agency had hit a concrete wall until a gifted earth pony who was in his early forties named Whinny Von Barn, proposed the idea of packing a pipe full of flammable chemicals and igniting it, sending it flying at ludicrous speeds. The idiotically simple idea caught on with some of the EAA's top scientists.

After transmitting the Idea to the drawing board, designing a-few prototypes, and constructing countless scale models, the Pegasus rocket was born.

Five years after Pegasus I

After fourteen launches of the Pegasus rockets, all incorporating progressively newer tech and fuels, had finally lead to Pegasus XV. With every launch of a new rocket, the program had taken one more baby step towards its goal. Every time they launched, a new engineering fault with the design of the rocket presented itself, but was quickly ironed out. Hopefully Pegasus XV will bring the long awaited conclusion of the Pegasus program. Currently the Pegasus XV was the most advanced machine ever built by ponies, to date. Powering the four meter long rod was one, liquid fueled Stallion MK V Kerosene engine capable of two hundred tons of force per square foot. Atop of the rocket shielded by a nose cone, sat a Globe master brand flight computer. Over eight hundred thousand bits had been pumped into the program with the knowledge of EAA's potential, but rumors are being said that after five long years and very little progress, the program has the chance of being abandoned.

with three hours until launch the Pegasus XV sat on its brand new concrete launch pad, being held up-right by four launch clamps. A grey Earth pony stood under a small umbrella shielding him from the Celestias sun. The launch today was located in the deserts of Appaloosa near Dodge junction being overseen by a group of executives, including all four of the Princesses. Whinny Von Barn looked down at his hoof watch, 2:30 PM, He looked up into the sky searching for the iconic golden shine of a royal carriage.

"uny secund now..." Von Barn said with his distinctive heavy Dutch ascent. As if on cue, Three royal carriages emerged from from the clouds landing a few yards from the launch pad. Von Barn shielded his eyes from the dust that was kicked up by the carriages. Once the dust resided he made his way over to Princess Twilight and her husband Prince Flash sentry (Trollolol haters gonna hate) who was first to step out of a carriage. "Velcume Preencess, i must inffurm yuoo thet its un honur tu hefe your presence fur tudey's launch." Von Barn said as he bowed to the Princess.

Princess Twilight smiled "No Mr. Von Barn, i must thank you for giving us the chance to observe history in the making" They were soon joined by the other three Princesses, and some Canterlot nobles. Von Barn bowed in respect to the other Princesses and Guided the group to the launch pad. "If yuoo vuoold fullo me i veel geefe yuoo a tuor off ze Pegesoos roket" Von Barn smiled at his guest and guided them through the history and development of the rocket.

"und es ve-a cun see-a here" Whinny pointed a hoof at the kerosene engine at the bottom of the rocket. " ve hefe mede sure tu incurpurete ze letest thrust vectureing technulugeees" Von Barn shifted his hoof along a sphere connecting the thrust nozzle to the rest of the rocket. He made sure not to bump into any pipes or hoses as he pointed out the parts of the rocket. He continued describing every detail to his guest until he had moved from top to bottom of the vehicle.

Von Barn turned to his guest "und ooff cuoorse-a nune-a ooff thees vuoold be-a pusseeble-a veethuoot any oof yuoo're fondeeng." he looked at Princess Twilight and gave her an exciting smile. after a few more details about the programs past and future plans the group made its way off the launch pad and over to a camp site which had been erected a safe distance away from the launch pad. "Now, if ve dunt hefe any mure quesshuns, I must depert" Von Barn said as he boarded a carriage.

Princess Celestia smiled "Well I thank you for the tour Mr. Barn" she looked around at the group. "And I think I speak for us all when I say that we are very excited for the launch and possible mile stone of your rocket" Celestia smiled at Von Barn "Twenty bits its gonna blow up as soon as it launches" a smug Noble in the back said as he was rewarded with a couple chuckles from the other Nobles. Von Barn dead panned "Vell ve-a shell see... boot unteel zeen, feel free tu help yuoor selfes tu lunch." Von Barn pointed a hoof over at one of the tents before he departed on his own carriage.

Congratulations you've won a trip to space!

Congratulations you've won a trip to space!

The time is 5:00 pm. Appaloosa Mission Control or AMC for short is busy with the hustle and bustle of over a hundred ponies, most of which are recording data and passing along papers while others stay focused on the data consuls in front of them. In the front of the room is a giant TV screen relaying a live camera feed from the launch pad, a count down timer located above it. The timer read 20:29, twenty minuets and twenty nine seconds until zero hour. The tension can be felt in the air as countless numbers pour off the monitors relaying random information such as coolant and temperature levels.

"Alright gentle colts lets begin pre- launch checks and stand by" a white unicorn colt in the center row announced as he put on a bulky set of head phones. "Begin pre-flight stand by" the colt says as he pulls out a clip board and pen.

"AMC"

"GO" a brown mare with a black mane responded.

"CAPCOM"

"GO"

"ESM"

"GO"

"PADMAT"

"GO"

"FLIGHTCOM"

"GO"

"Affirmative all are GO" the Colt said again as the count down timer reached 01:34. He looked over at his hoof watch to check the time. "We are on time and ready to go" the timer now read 00:59. "T minus fifty nine seconds" the white unicorn said with his face buried in his monitor. if any thing went wrong in this critical stage, it was his job to abort the launch.

"T minus ten seconds" all eyes were glued to the live feed on the mega screen.

"Nine..."

"Eight..."

"Seven..."

"Six..."

"Five..."

"Four..."

"Three..."

"Two..."

"One..."

"Ignition!"

Five Years After the Pegasus Missions

Soarin stared into the glossy void that was his helmet. His reflection beamed back at him with the same solemn expression. his white jumpsuit itself a pinnacle of pony technology, weighed heavy on his back but it was nothing compared to what he was trained for. The assistant flight captain was one of the best flyers in Equestria. He had not only countless hours of unaided winged flight, but also many hours of flying as a test pilot for the EAA.

It all started when he crashed into that innocent looking town hall. Come to think of it, it may have not been that innocently looking. In fact it was the most easiest thing to spot in the entire city of manehattan. Any-who, he had somehow managed to smash through a window on the second floor and wedge his face firmly between the two plot cheeks of a young accountant mare. After a harsh back hoof and some explaining, he was haphazardly kicked out of the building.

Five weeks after the incident Soarin was given a letter from princess twilight herself detailing his recruitment as a test pilot for the EAA and health insurance. Despite the lack of health coverage from the EAA he happily sold his soul to his employers. It is said that the greatest reason for his employment was his unique ability to take massive amounts of trauma to the head and suffer little to no brain damage. His first few weeks at the EAA's base located somewhere in Appleloosa, had been a woozy. He spent countless hours displaying his body to random doctors and scientist, as well as being poked and prodded with needles. He will never forget that time when they accidentally put him in a induced comma.

A year and a half had flown by just like that and Soarin was done with his physical testing. It was now time for the fun part, the moment we all as the readers had been waiting for. That's right! The mental testing! Soarin cursed his luck for all the paper work he had to fill out. his cramped broom closet/ office was always overflowing with paperwork. He was always taking test that seem pointless when you read them aloud. For example a question from one of the aptitude test he was forced to take.

Question 1) How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

"What the hell type of retarded question is this?!" Soarin said as he rubbed his mane.

Over fifty complaints were filed to the EAA about the testing department. and it was very likely that not a single one of them ever saw the light of day. once Soarin had finally completed the mental testing, It was time for the REAL testing, Soarin soon found himself inside of a Gee force simulation sphere. Nicknamed the "Vomit ball" by staff and fellow test pilots, it was a horrid machine constructed in a circular room made of concrete. the "ball" part was were the poor pony that was selected would sit, which was connected to a long metal support beam that was rigged up to a massive diesel motor rigged in the center of the room. The idea was to have the sphere holding said pony be flung rapidly around the room simulating the gees cause by a rocket.

On the inside of the sphere Soarin quickly under stood where the term "Vomit" came from, due to the strangely colored stains on the floor and walls of the sphere. Inside the sphere was a few data screens, a camera, and a big fat abort button. Not the most calming thing to be inside of. But this was no bother to Soarin, for he was pre-occupied with his seat and harness. Whoever designed the harness needed to be tarred and feathered, for it was the most uncomfortable seat in the world.

The seat was designed to sit flush against the riders back and neck to help brace the rider. The annoying part was the straps. they were thick and heavy rubber straps that were designed to hold the rider in place during testing. The strap started at the base of the chair and snaked up between the riders legs. A cup was installed for stallions to help make the ride a little more convenient for there packages. The heavy rubber strap came up to the stomach and then split into three separate straps. The right and left straps went to the sides and secured firmly to the seat keeping the rider from moving forward much. The middle strap continued up the body until it hit the steel neck brace. The original design for the neck brace was to hook up with the metal ring that connected the glass helmet to the space suit. Currently there were no prototype suits in stock, so the neck brace was shrunken down with magic until it choked snugly around the riders neck. Said brace was then bolted to the chair by a latch system that could be undone without the use of magic.

The sound of the motors spooling to life became ambient sound in the sphere. Soarin could feel the machine burst to life as its slowly started accelerating. A voice came through one of the data screens.

"Alright Soarin, our goal for today is a total of eight Gees, if you feel the need to abort at any time, feel free to hit the abort button located to your right" Soarin nodded and gave a nervous smile to the camera which quickly faded into a look of sheer terror.

"We have just past two times normal gees, begin heart and brain testing." Soarin kept his gaze as far down as possible, to keep himself from looking out the small window at all the things whizzing by, the neck brace making this somewhat hard for him.

"Approaching four times normal gees, four gees achieved." Soaring could start to feel his joints and muscles begin to lock up as the Vomit ball picked up speed.

"Approaching six gees..., Six gees achieved" Soarin breathing became heavy as the weight started to build up on his chest, his face started to stretch and feel painfully numb.

"Approaching seven gees..." Soarin was barely able to force air into his lungs as the sheer force was too much for him. Soarins world faded around him and he blacked out.

"Abort!, subject has gone into gee-lock."

Author's Note

lol sorry for last min edit but i thought the cliff hanger left to many things unexplained.

Can't Win Without Losing.

The skies are rainy and grey. A large gathering of ponies, ranging from close friends to Canterlot nobles, and even a lover. A large beautifully designed casket sat next to a unfilled grave. Professor Whinny Von Barn had passed away. His sudden and untimely death was caused by a major heart attack, he died at age fifty five. The funeral was short and silent, many words had been said about the grandfather of the EAA, the pony who's dumb idea actually ushered in a new era for pony kind. The rain only continued to fall as the group began to disperse from the area. Only a few ponies remained, one of which was Clare Von Barn who was crying over her husbands grave. her crying subdued when she felt the hoof of princess twilight at her side.

"I never got to say goodbye..." twilight slowly nodded and moved in to hug clare

"I'm sorry for your loss, he will be missed by us all" Clare stifled another sob as tears only continued to flow down her cheeks.

"He will never get to meet his daughter." Clare rubbed the bulge in her stomach with a trembling fore hoof.

"She will be the daughter of a great pony. I'm sure she will be so proud of him" Twilight moved away from her and stood at Clare's side.

"Thanks to your husband Mrs. Barn we have achieved feats of science that we thought were impossible." Clare didn't respond and only kept on staring at the head stone.

Here lies Whinny Von Barn the Grand father of the EAA

The heavy white space suit Soarin again wears sparkles, in the well lighted hallways of the space center. He has worn this outfit on countless occasions and test, But this time was it. The moment all of Equestria, the EAA, the Princesses, and all of pony kind had waited waited for. The moment Soarin would become part of history for ages to come. Soarin followed the security staff down the hallways and past countless enthusiastic reporters for international press and news. The loud buzz of ponies was drowned out by his thick pressurized suit. When he was inside this suit he was isolated from the rest of the world, vocally, and physically.

The group continued there trek down the hall until they reached a back door where a van was waiting for soarin. The surroundings were ether blocked off by the van or the large crowd of reporters all hoping to get one last word with Soarin. He was happy that he couldent hear the shouting through the glass of his helmet. as he boarded the van he remembered his interview a week ago with a reporter from Equestria Now.

"Good evening Mares and Gentle colts, we here at Equestria Now would like to thank you for tuning in for our exclusive interview with Equestria's first Astronaut, Captain Soarin of the wonder bolts." the camera switched sets from infront of the reporter to behind her revealing a well dressed Soarin.

"Its a pleasure to meet here with you Soarin" the reporter said enthusiastically.

"Its great to be here Paper Press" Paper Press smiled and pulled out a note pad and quill with her magic.

"Now we are all wondering what drove you to this prestigious field you are in now? what hardships were you forced to go endure to accomplish such an achievement" the reporter held the quill and note pad at the ready preparing to record Soarins every sentence.

The white EAA van pulled up to the massive launch pad, the Pegasus II perched proudly above it. Soarin steped out of the van with the aid of some staff to help carry his equipment. The massive Pegasus II stood in the afternoon sunlight, beams of light reflecting off of its silver painted body. Soarin could not help but marvel at the feat of engineering as steam floated off of its metallic skin from the melting coolant.

"Well, i'm sure everypony knows my story before my employment and training with the EAA the most interesting part, and the hardest had to have been the non stop training."

"Oh please explain!" Paper Press replied taking note of Soarin's dialogue.

"Well, for starters, I was put through two years of nonstop education and testing. Would I do it again? Nope" Soarin gave his signature smirk.

The elevator of the lift whirred to life as is slowly ascended to into the air. The trip to the top of the rocket was short, giving the riders a unique close up view of the Pegasus II rockets and it blindingly shiny, and reflective body. The lift suddenly lurched forward and stopped at the top of the launch tower, a utility ramp connected the tower to the command capsule via walk way.

"Oh darling, by the sound of the testing I only imagine what the physical training had to be like." Soarin chuckled and nodded his head in agreement at Paper Press' statement.

"You got that right, almost every hour I spent awake, I spent training." Paper Press adjusted her glasses and continued writing.

"And are there any role models or mentors that you stride after?" Paper Press asked with fascination."

Soarin was guided into the cramped command capsule, and fastened in with the same bulky and uncomfortable straps that constricted his body. the access hatch was closed shortly afterwards, and the only thing keeping him company was the sound of his nervous breathing. The in front of him where various controls and dials that adjusted the on board computer, above him was a small circular window giving a small blue glimpse of the outside world. The number on the count down timer was growing smaller by the second, but for Soarin every second was an long hour.

"I would say my role model would have to be Von Barn. I will never forget the things he had told me when i was broken and ready to give up."

"And what is that?" the reporter asked with curiosity

The count down clock reached its final ten seconds, and Soarin could feel the engines bursting to life underneath of him.

"He always told me that science was never easy and that no mater how hard we are kicked to the ground we have to just pick ourselves back up."

The timer read five seconds. Soarin looked up out of the small window to get one last look at the beautiful afternoon sky, it may be the last time he would ever see it. As if on cue, Pegasus II's engines burst to full power and Soarin could feel every pound of force being spewed out of the nozzles. He shut his eyes from the sheer vibrations as the rocket began to lift off of the ground and slowly make its way to the heavens.

"He had once told me, you can't win without losing."

Author's Note

Pegasus II looks somewhat like the mercury atlas