Twilight's Golden Age

by Bitpull

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Adventure, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 6229

Did you know there was a crime fighter named Twilight during the Golden Age of Comics? Not surprisingly, he was nothing like Twilight Sparkle. This is the story of what happened when they didn't meet.

Who is the masked mystery man known only as Twilight? And what does he have to do with one particular purple pony princess?

Return with us now to the days of ten-cent comics on cheap newsprint, of four-color fantasy that stayed around a lot longer than anyone expected it to. Princess Twilight Sparkle finds herself taking the place of a human, also called Twilight. The time may be different, the setting may be different, but evil stays the same.

Published 2015-01-26 06:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-31 19:15:00 UTC

A Must-Have, Double-Bag Adventure

When the world stopped spinning, Twilight found herself in a hotel room.

Travel between dimensions doesn't get any easier, she thought, shaking her head to clear it. Or maybe it's just that I was taken unawares this time…

Finally getting her bearings, she took in the shabby but neat furnishings, the "Check Out By Noon" sign on the door, the other door off to the side – presumably the washroom, where someone was being very noisy – a bed (undisturbed, thank Celestia) and a small writing desk. No sign of anypony else, so who summoned her?

Or was it a summoning spell? She gave herself a quick magic scan, and discovered traces of a displacement spell. That explained why no magician was standing around, awaiting her arrival; the object wasn't to bring her here, it was to send someone else away; as to who that someone was, and why she, Twilight Sparkle, was chosen as counterweight, well, that's what she had to find out.

She examined the magic in this dimension next. Not nearly as pervasive as back in Equestria, but very diffuse, and with a certain -- atmosphere? aftertaste? – something that reminded her of a grandmother's attic, or a very well-stocked collectible shop. Well, if there's magic here, that explains why I'm still an alicorn, even if ponies aren't the dominant species. She eyeballed the bed and found it much too long for most ponies.

Her scan had turned up a source of magic on the writing desk, so she hurried over before whoever was in the bathroom could come out. Sounds like they're dying in there… With her hooves at the edge of the desk, she could just make out a sheet of paper with the single word:

BLOOD

Well, that's suitably portentous. But it wasn't the source she'd detected. That turned out to be a nearby matchbook. It wasn't intrinsically magic; rather, it had been "soaking" in a magic-infused atmosphere for some time. She levitated it to her eye level and read, "Juju's Bayou Beanery." It had a drawing of a swamp scene and an address that didn't look like anyplace near Ponyville. On the inside she found some scrawls, or perhaps doodles – they certainly looked like no writing she'd ever seen.

Placing the matchbook where she'd found it, she saw something near the bed, something she remembered seeing in Shining Armor's room. And if this duffel bag is anything like Shiny's, there should be a name tag right – there. "S - G - T… Sergeant Terry Gardner, USMC" she read aloud. No idea what "USMC" stood for, and again, an address that meant nothing to her. "Terry Gardner" sounds more like a griffon name than a pony's; hope my showing up here doesn't lead to an incident. Ponies and griffons had not always been on the best of terms.

Just then the toilet flushed and the sink ran. Whoever was in the bathroom was about to come out. Twilight steadied herself and waited to greet the newcomer.

Out stepped a small white dog with floppy black ears and a rather large nose. He was walking – staggering, rather – on his hind legs while waving his right front paw in front of his mouth and going, "Bleah!" in a rather squeaky voice.

Then he saw Twilight and jumped. "Huh?" he chirped.

"Hello. Sounds like you've had a rough time of it."

"…Uh-huh."

"I'm sorry, but I need to check something." And she enveloped him in her aura, much to his surprise. "Whaaaaa?"

"Another displacement spell. You're not from around here, are you?"

"Nooo…."

It's like holding a conversation with a rubber duck. "Well, we need to start looking for answers. Let me introduce myself. I'm Twilight Sparkle from Equestria. And you are…?"

In answer the dog reached up to his neck and held his tag out. He's a pet? And he expects me to read that? Twilight obliged with a simple magnification spell; an enlarged image of the tag appeared before him.

Answers to

S N O O P Y

If found, please return to:

The Round-Headed Kid

"Sooo… your name is Snoopy?"

"Uh-huh."

"Well, I'm very pleased to meet you Snoopy," she said, extending her right front hoof for him to shake. Instead he grabbed it with both forepaws and smothered it in kisses.

"Uh.. heh-heh," said a flustered Twilight while Snoopy gave her what could only be called a leer. Shaking off her discomfort, Twilight laid out what she knew:

"Someone used us to get rid of their enemies by switching places with them. We don't know who or why, and no one knows we're here."

At that moment came a knock on the door. "Twilight? Twilight, are you in there?"

Twilight gulped at being proved wrong so quickly. "Looks like we're about to get some answers, Snoopy. Are you ready?"

In response, Snoopy collapsed in a dead faint.

"My hero," muttered Twilight. She braced herself and unlocked the door with her magic.

Author's Note

Just a quick note. This is Snoopy from the animated movies and TV shows, not the comic strip.

Twilight belongs to Hasbro, Snoopy belongs to the Schulz estate.

There Will Come A Reckoning! --Er!

First through the door was a human. Male, adult, and in a full dress suit, down to (up to?) a silk top hat.

I hope he isn't expecting me to marry him, Twilight thought, keeping her face steady and her gaze unwavering.

The human checked himself, then turned to someone behind him. "They're not here, Chipper!" A young boy in street clothes appeared beside him. "Nothing here but a couple of stuffed animals!"

"Stuffed animals! Well, I like that!" said Twilight, breaking her poker face. Behind her, a groggy Snoopy raised his head.

"Gah!" said Mister Tuxedo.

"It talks!" said the boy.

"Yes, I talk," said Twilight, "And right now I'd like to know who you are and what you're doing here."

"Um… We're here looking for Twilght," the adult began.

"And Snoopy," added the boy.

"Yes?"

"So where are they?"

"Right here."

Slight pause.

"No, no, we came here expecting to find Twilight and Snoopy."

"And you've found them. I am Twilight, and this.." she swept her hoof towards him… "is Snoopy." The dog responded with a deep bow.

The man and Chipper looked at Twilight, then each other, and fell into a huddle.

"This is nuts! Are you sure this is the right address?"

"Positive! Here, let me try something."

The boy came up to Twilight, pulling something from his back pocket. Twilight recognized it as a comic book. Don't tell me we're in one of those again…

"See, the Twilight and Snoopy we know fight crime! Here's what they look like," and he opened the comic to a splash page with "TWILIGHT" in big red letters. Twilight (the pony) spared a passing glance for the comic-book Twilight – with his pointy-eared cowl, he looked a lot like one of Spike's favorite four-color heroes – fastening instead on the words, "Sergeant Terry Gardner of the Marines…" One part of her mind connected "Marines" with the "M" in "USMC"; the rest was recalling the conventions of comic books, especially secret identities.

To give herself time to process all this, she looked at the cover of the comic. "Clue Comics?"

"That's right," said Chipper. His eyes took on a glaze and he seemed to look somewhere Twilight couldn't discern. "Remember, kids, Clue Comics are the ones for YOU comics! Get your copies today!"

Twilight might have called him out on that behavior but it reminded her very strongly of a pink tornado in pony form. She turned back to the Twilight story. Apparently this "Twilight" was a costumed human, and "Snoopy" a multicolored parrot. And as promised, they indeed fought crime.

"I think I know what may have happened," she began. "This is the hotel room belonging to your Twilight. Someone cast a spell causing us to switch places, latching onto myself and Snoopy simply because we have the same names."

The man in the monkey suit got back in the conversation. "Who could have done that?"

"No idea. The only real indication of magic I've found is that matchbook. Be careful!" she warned the human, who had stepped to the desk and was looking the matchbook over. "It's got come unusual writing inside the cover! It could be a sigil of sorts!"

"Sigil?" He opened the cover. "Why, this is Pittman Shorthand!"

"...Can you read it?"

"Like a native! Let's see now…

Blood of a virgin

Midnight sacrifice

Madame Juju

"Well, that clears that up!" He put the matchbook in his inside pocket.

The gears were turning in Twilight's head. "Okay, I think I've got it. This world's Twilight investigated this Madame Juju's place, taking notes, but he didn't go unobserved. For whatever reason Madame Juju decided not to confront him then and there but instead set a displacement spell on him. The spell could run automatically; once it had enough power it would switch Twilight and Snoopy with whomever it chose, and it chose us simply on the basis of our names! In fact…" She opened the outer door with her magic and trotted outside.

The hotel turned out to be one of those newfangled motor courts, all one story with parking spaces in front of the rooms. Twilight ran out, scanning the night sky.

"There!" she pointed. "See? The evening star! I'll bet anything that's what triggered the spell!"

Whatever her human acquaintances might've said was lost in the full-throated scream coming off to her right. She turned to see a mature female human protecting her young.

"It's some kind of monster! Hurry, kids, get inside!"

"No, wait, I'm no monster…" she said to a slamming door. "Just a pony…"

The man in the formal outfit came up behind her. "I don't think they're listening. Kinda think we should get going."

Twilight drew herself up. "You're right! We need to confront this Madame Juju and get everypo– everyone back where they belong! Let's get going, Mister..."

"I'm the Reckoner."

Seriously? Twilight didn't say. Aloud, she called, "Let's go, Snoopy!" dragging a very surprised beagle along with her magic. The Reckoner led them to an empty taxicab and they were off.

Author's Note

And there it is. This may very well be the most obscure crossover ever.

I came across Golden Age Twilight and Snoopy, as well as The Reckoner and Chipper, in a compilation of public domain comics called Pure Excitement Comics.

A chance to pair our favorite by-the-book pony with a free-sprited beagle? A cabdriver who considers it enough of a disguise to wear a tuxedo? (Class conscious much?) There was no way I could leave something like that alone.

Twilight Sparkle is owned by Hasbro, Snoopy by the Schulz estate, and the golden agers are apparently in the public domain.

"A Fury in Your Words"

The yellow cab hurtled along the evening streets.

The Reckoner and Chipper were up front, the latter holding his mentor's silk hat in his lap. In back Snoopy gazed out the window while Twilight tried to make sense of the comic book Chipper had shown her.

Maybe I'm just sensitive because it's my name, but he just doesn't look like a "Twilight," the lavender alicorn considered. Aside from the cowl and unitard – not uncommon among ponies, uh, men of mystery – this Twilight had a shoulder length mane attached to his cowl, one most stallions would be proud of. He also had long strands of hair dripping off his fetlocks; terribly dangerous in a fight. All in all, he just didn't look like a creature of the night, unless that meant he wouldn't dare show himself in the light of day.

"Uh, Chipper, why does your Twilight call himself that?"

"Hm? Oh! Well, he was a private investigator before he joined the Marines, see, and he was investigating a shooting at an opera house, see, and then this parrot gave him a fortune: 'At Twilight you will be master.' Well, at that moment he saw this costume with a big red 'T' on it and felt it was just meant to be, so he called himself Twilight."

Twilight Sparkle blinked once while digesting this. "So he didn't even design this costume?" So this isn't a creature of the night? Looks more like just a creature – What kind of animal is brown, with a mane and hairy forelegs, and starts with "T"?

Wait – was this outfit meant to be a THOROUGHBRED?

Twilight shook her head to clear it of that image, while Chipper, oblivious, was soldiering on. "It was like kismet, I guess. He took Snoopy – that's the parrot that gave him the fortune – on as his partner and decided to keep fighting crime after his first case wrapped up."

Twilight Sparkle wondered at this. "Just like that. Risking his life doing what the police do every day." Still, it's not like the Power Ponies are any different…

The Reckoner joined in with a pained expression. "Around here the police aren't what you would call top of the line," he offered. "There have been any number of scandals involving graft and corruption. I'm sure that's why so many adventurers, even those without special powers, decided to put on a mask. We want to do something to make a difference."

"Actually I wondered about that," said Twilight. "Why aren't you wearing a mask?"

The Reckoner paused for a beat. "I'm not?"

Chipper shook his head. "You left it in your hat. Again."

The Reckoner gave an annoyed grunt. "I'm always doing that! It's because it cuts down on my peripheral vision – a real hazard when you're driving or fighting!"

"You should ask your Twilight what he does about that, looks like he'd have the same problem."

"Let's hope we get the chance. And here's the Bayou Beanery coming up."

I don't suppose we'll have time for dinner, thought Twilight. She had never tried cajun cooking, having yet to visit Neigh Orleans, but Shining Armor spent his leave one year at the famous Mare di Grass festival. Said things were way too spicy for him.

The cab rolled past Juju's Bayou Beanery, but screeched to a halt in front of the adjacent alley.

"Trouble," said Chipper, handling the Reckoner his topper.

Twilight followed the two crime fighters. Their attention was on two large male humans – interestingly, their skin was dark brown, rather than the pink she had seen thus far – who were trying to subdue a redheaded female. "Step away from the girl!" the Reckoner called.

The larger human charged him while his friend hung onto the girl. He was more than twice the Reckoner's body mass and could've caused some real damage if those outsized hands managed to connect. He whiffed one fist past the tuxedoed terror, who retaliated with two or three jabs and one interesting move that sent the hulking figure into a brick wall. He lay down on the ground, out of the picture for the time being.

His partner tightened his grip on the hostage, holding her neck in the crook of his left elbow while his right hand brought out a wicked looking switchblade. "Stan' back, white man, or de mouse gits it in de face!"

The Reckoner met his eyes, and in a steady voice, intoned: " 'Keep up your bright swords, for the dew will rust them.' "

This took both the captive and the captor by surprise. (For her part, Twilight found the words familiar but couldn't immediately place them.)

Filling the silence, the Reckoner continued, " 'You are one of those that will not serve God, if the devil bid you.' "

"Hey, you shut yo' face," said the bravo. "Don't act so high'n mighty, comin' here, spoutin' Othello–"

"You knew it was Othello."

The assailant opened his mouth, shut it again. He closed his eyes, his knife hand dropping to the side, although his grip on the girl never loosened. That was okay; as long as that knife was out of his line of sight, Twilight could act.

The Reckoner was pressing his advantage. "But then again, why wouldn't you recognize it? Two performances each Saturday and Sunday, August in the town park? And who was that kid from New York who played Iago? Klugman, Krugman, something like that?"

"All right, all right, no need to bring out my press clippings." The mugger sounded very articulate all of a sudden.

"Wh-What's going on?" said the girl.

"Miss," said the Reckoner, "may I introduce Cuthbert Robespierre, late of the Mercury Theatre."

That took her by surprise. "Cuthbert??"

"Memorable, don't you think?" said that worthy. "But enough of this. You've all been sticking your noses in business that doesn't concern you, and now I'll ask you to back off, or this young lady will be hurt 'past all surgery.' "

" 'I understand a fury in your words,' " said the Reckoner, " 'but not the words.' "

"That doesn't matter. What matters is, we're all going for a little ride." And he flexed his wrist in front of the girl's face.

Playing a hunch – he really had nothing to base this on, other than proximity – The Reckoner said, "Why are you working for Madame Juju, Cuthbert?"

"Why do you think?" said the actor. "She 'puts money in my purse.' Artists don't really like starving."

"What does she want with the girl?"

"That would be telling," the assailant said. "Why don't we all go out to Rue de Valley, and you can ask her yourself." He gave a short laugh. " 'They laugh that win.' "

"Which doesn't include you," said the Reckoner, pointing to Cuthbert's right hand.

Cuthbert looked down and discovered he was threatening the girl with an empty fist, jolting him enough to loosen his hold. In a flash the girl broke free, which was good, and threw herself into the Reckoner's arms, which was not.

Cuthbert gave a less than articulate growl, pulled a blackjack from his pocket and came at the pair. Suddenly he was enveloped in a purple aura, making him a living statue.

"What did you do?" said the girl.

"Just a little something I picked up in the Orient," said the Reckoner. Twilight couldn't help but sneer a little at that, but decided it was probably simpler than a discussion of Equestrian magic. And that was some pretty cool sleight-of-hoof with the knife, if I do say so myself. She took inventory. Chipper was binding the arms and legs of the prone mugger, the Reckoner was calming the shaken victim, and Snoopy was busy standing around doing nothing.

"Snoopy, that girl's had a rough time tonight. Get her a glass of water," said Twilight.

Snoopy saluted, sped off, and returned in two seconds with a tall cold tumbler full of water.

Which he proceeded to drink himself.

"Don't know why I expected any different," muttered the alicorn.

Meanwhile the Reckoner was getting the details. "Are you all right, Miss…?"

"Ah, Summers. My name is Winnie Summers. I'm roommates with Betty Ann Noakes, she's a waitress at the Beanery, and she hasn't been home in two days, and when I came by to ask where she was they took me out back here and – and –"

"It's all right, all right now, the bad part is over. From what our thespian friend told us, I'm pretty sure they took Betty Ann to Madame Juju's home. What I need you to do is go to a pay phone, call the cops and have them collect our playmates here. Tell them we've gone to Madame Juju's on Rue de Valley."

"Madame Juju's, Rue de Valley," she repeated, and ran off to make the call.

"As for us, we've got a date with a swamp witch," declared the Reckoner.

"Is that enough of an address for you to find her place?" said Twilight.

"If it's on Rue de Valley, I know the place it has to be. Chipper! Snoopy! Let's get going!"

As they climbed in, the Reckoner turned to Twilight and said, "By the way, nice job with the knife and the whammy."

"Thank you. And I was impressed, you really know your William Shanksmare."

"Really? You know Othello?"

Well, we call it O'Thelwell, but never mind… "As it happens, I'm a librarian, and have read the Complete Works several times. I do appreciate a well-applied quote, 'for I am nothing, if not critical.' "

Author's Note

The purple passages are direct quotes from Shakespeare's Othello.

Norman Thelwell was a British cartoonist, perhaps most famous for his pictures of ponies and their riders. How that can be interpolated into a drama of race, sex and ambition is anybody's guess.

How Much Would You Charge to Haunt a House?

Heading out past the city limits, Twilight finished paging through the issue of Clue Comics Chipper had lent her. I was right, not that different from Mare-Do-Well or the Power Ponies. Aloud she said, "So Chipper, your Twilight is one of the heroes in this comic…"

"Yes?" Chipper said, a little apprehensive.

"Does that mean you guys are comic book heroes, too?"

At that the Reckoner squinted his eyes, like he'd gotten a sudden migraine. Chipper looked at Twilight in panic, making downward motions with the hand not holding the top hat.

She got the message and changed the subject. "Have you worked with Twilight before this?"

"No," said a relieved Chipper. "This would have been our first team-up. Although it's not the usual kind of case for any of us."

"How so?"

"Well… all this magic. Both us and Twilight generally have pretty down-to-earth villains. Actually, it's kind of funny that a magician would send Twilight away, only to get another Twilight who's actually a magician in exchange."

"Yeah, funny…" said Twilight. But maybe not unexpected. From what I know of the Voudoun, they grant wishes as they see fit, which might or might not match up with their supplicants' expectations. It would be just like them to pick me because of my magic! Of course, I'd still be stuck in that motor court if this world's Twilight hadn't sent a message to his friends. How about that – even here the Magic of Friendship comes to the rescue!

After twenty minutes or so the cab came in sight of a ramshackle mansion, isolated and forbidding. This neighborhood's haunted house, in fact.

"There it is," said the Reckoner. He parked as near the driveway as he dared and the party edged up to the house. Through gestures, the Reckoner directed Chipper and Twilight to go around to the back, while he and Snoopy took to the front. Everyone nodded and moved out.

"Why aren't there any guards?" whispered Twilight.

Chipper shrugged. "Lack of manpower. It really feels like Madame Juju has a small operation."

"Let's hope so," said Twilight before lapsing back into radio silence.

The back door was locked, but the window next to it wasn't, and a little purple magic raised it with little or no fuss.

Twilight and Chipper crept through the darkened halls, Twilight's horn giving a low level of illumination. This place is much bigger than it looks from outside, she thought.

She whispered, "Chipper? What was that about you guys and comic books? If your Twilight's in one, shouldn't you be too?"

Chipper sighed. "We were. I'm not sure why the Reckoner doesn't realize it, I think it's because I'm closer in age to the target audience. But yes, we had a short run as a back-up in Cat-Man Comics, followed by two stories in Terrific Comics. Since then, nothing."

"You mean, we're not in a comic right now?" On one level, that was disappointing – she'd been thinking all she had to do was wave a hoof and call, "Hi Spike!" to give her #1 assistant a thrill. "So… this isn't part of a comic book story, this adventure in a haunted house?"

"I like to think that if they ever publish us again, we'll have a heck of a backlog. But that's why we could team up with Twilight and Snoopy; they had an even shorter run, only seven stories, none of them cover-featured, and for a different publisher. This may be a kind of limbo for old comic characters, but the danger is very real. If we don't find Betty Ann Noakes, she could even die!" And he resumed the search.

Light shown through a nearby doorway. Creeping up, the alicorn and the adolescent saw three figures: two male humans, light brown this time, in flamboyant if ragged clothes. Between them was a female human with blonde hair, in a simple white shift, almost a toga. Nobody was speaking but the girl had an angry look in her eyes.

Twilight gave Chipper a wink and flapped her wings gently. Rising to a hover she floated into the room, giving the startled guards a brief look at her before turning off the lights with her magic.

"What the –––!"

"Good Lord! (Choke)"

Then her horn started flashing in assorted colors. Kind of like the disco ball at the Fall Formal. She didn't want to expend the energy for a full transformation, but she made her wings appear more batlike and her teeth more fangsome.

"Who calls the Spirits of Magic?" she declaimed in a sharp voice, calculated not to carry beyond the room. "Who is willing to risk their soul?"

Chipper, feeling the moment, gave out a very creditible moan.

"YAAAAAH!"

"THEY'RE AFTER US!"

The two of them nearly collided, running out the back way. For her part the girl was transfixed, not sure where safety lay.

"It's okay, Miss Noakes, we're here to rescue you," said Chipper.

"Oh, thank Heaven!" And she planted a big kiss on the young boy's surprised face. I can almost see the valentines sprout around his head, thought Twilight. "Do you know what they were going to do to me?"

"Well," said Chipper, "we know they wanted to sacrifice a virgin. That's you, right?"

"Of course it is! That time with Freddy doesn't count, we were both drunk!"

"Right. Well, Chipper can take you out to the car. I've got to see where Madame Juju keeps her spells."

"I can help you there! I saw where she kept her stuff at today's rehearsal! Everything is set up down in the basement!"

"Then that's where we're headed," said Twilight, gesturing for the victim to lead the way.

Meanwhile the Reckoner and Snoopy were feeling their way along a dark hall passage.

This place is much bigger than it looks from outside, thought the Reckoner. We should be fine as long as we don't –

"What are you doing here?" said a newcomer in a ragtag costume, which wasn't as important as his angry look and tense muscles, not to mention his almost identical friend.

– run into anybody. "Someone call for a cab?" Oops! Wrong identity!

"We don't like having strangers around. Ever." And the two started advancing.

"Looks bad, Snoopy – Snoopy??" Great, the mutt had taken a powder. Still, there's only two of them.

Which is when three more showed up behind them.

The Reckoner was a hero, but not stupid. He about-faced and took off like a jackrabbit, the colorful crowd chasing after him with cries of "Get him!" and "Stop him!" as well as a few less printable.

Stumbling through a dark house, trying not to make more noise than necessary, it's easy to become disoriented. The Reckoner found himself in a large room, perhaps a dining area, with burly henchmen coming at him from two sides.

Suddenly a whistle cut through the melee. The Reckoner saw Snoopy, sitting on a small desk next to a bronze bust of Edgar Wallace. He pointed to the center of the ceiling.

The Reckoner saw a large brass light fixture overhead. He wasn't sure if this was what Snoopy had in mind, but the bad guys were almost on top of him – up seemed the safest place to be at the moment.

He gave a very impressive jump and hauled himself up into the branches. At the same time Snoopy tilted Edgar's head back and pushed a red button in the facial cavity.

The floor split in half, dumping the security team into a plain metal holding cell. Almost immediately the pieces swung back into place, and the Reckoner made landfall.

"That was… just great, Snoopy! Looks like you're the hero this time!"

Snoopy blew on his knuckles and buffed them on his chest.

Twilight was plowing through the notes and notions in Madame Juju's rather messy work area, while Chipper and Betty Ann did their best to disassemble the altar, censers and other ritualistic paraphernalia.

"So, you're a unicorn princess?" said Betty Ann. "From a magic land of talking ponies?"

"Little busy here," said Twilight. "And the term is, 'alicorn.' I'm surprised you haven't run into anything like me before, this world does have magic, after all."

"Yeah, well, there hasn't been any magic in my life. I mean, some day I would love to glabble bah ma moo moo wake na…"

"…Sorry? What was that again?"

"Glx sptzl glaah," said Betty Ann, and then she sat on the floor and began to cry her eyes out.

"Betty? Are you all right?" Twilight ran over to check. She seemed all right physically, but she was waving her fists like –

"Gwan Po Po!" said Chipper, before he, too, started sniffling and then full-throated bawling.

Age magic was something Twilight hadn't studied much; she'd meant to get more into it after the Alicorn Amulet incident, but other matters always seemed more pressing. Besides, this isn't true age magic, they haven't actually regressed, they're just convinced they have. That should be easier to fix.

"Begone, demon steed!" came an aged, yet commanding voice. An woman, no, a crone stepped into the room, dark eyes flashing. She had a green skirt, a white blouse with a rather patchwork vest, a red bandana and gold earrings. Overrall, thought Twilight, her look owes more to Roamany than the Carriagebean.

"Leave this place! The hour draws nigh!" Madame Juju made a mystic gesture that might have seemed threatening if Twilight were actually affected by it. She doesn't know what I am, so I'm safe for the moment, but it won't take her long to find an effective spell. Twilight groaned. I don't have time for this! I have to find those spells, and defend myself against unfamiliar magic –

Wait – suppose I did both at once?

The papers and bottles in Madame Juju's area started to wiggle and jump; they flew upwards in a whirlpool of purple energy.

"NOOOO!" cried Madame Juju. "You'll ruin everything!"

"Displacement spell!" called Twilight. "Blood sacrifice! Infantilizing spell!"

Despite herself, Madame Juju's eyes flicked over the spells named, the papers glowing red as she registered them, even if for a fraction of a second. Twilight immediately seized them in her beam and let everything else fall to the ground. Juju looked at the mess in anguish, calling for her men who, unknown to her, were stuck in her hidden cell.

The infantilism spell was the easiest to break, which was convenient. Twilight muttered a short cantrip and cast a healing aura on her human companions. Betty Ann and Chipper started blinking, picked themselves up.

"What happened?" said Chipper. "Did the place explode?"

"Later," said Twilight. "I've got what we need, let's get out of here."

"Amen to that, sister," said Betty Ann, and the three ran upstairs as fast as possible, Madame Juju's imprecations following them.

The alicorn and her human friends paused outside the ramshackle house. "Where's the Reckoner and Snoopy?" said Twilight.

"Dunno, but they better get out here before the fire starts," said Chipper.

"Fire? How did – Did you set anything?" Twilight began.

Before Chipper could answer the roof exploded and flames started to spread.

"Didn't have to do anything," said Chipper. "One way you know the adventure is over, is the evil lair burns down."

"Why are we just standing around?" said Betty Ann.

"We're waiting for our friends – oh, there they are now."

Silhouetted against the rising flames, a man in a top hat and strangely immaculate tuxedo strode forward, accompanied by a smaller figure with a yellow scarf, a swagger stick, and a leather helmet with goggles.

Twilight frowned. "Snoopy, why are you dressed like a Wonderbolt?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind," the alicorn said, turning to the sound of police and fire sirens. "Let's get out of here. Everyone, hold onto me!" And with a burst of light she teleported the group to the Reckoner's cab.

Avoiding official vehicles was second nature for an experienced hack such as the Reckoner. Beside him Chipper was holding his hat as always, casting disgusted looks at the backseat.

Snoopy was sitting in Betty Ann's lap as she petted him and called him a good boy, yes he was, so brave to save her like that. Snoopy rolled his eyes heavenward in sheer bliss.

Beside him, Twilight likewise rolled her eyes, but for a different reason. Shaking her head, she went back to reading Madame Juju's notes, a feeling of excitement building in her.

After twenty minutes or so they pulled up in front of a boarding house. Winnie Summers was on the porch, shooting up to greet them.

"FREDDY!" called Betty Ann, hugging her roommate and crying and laughing at the same time.

"I thought her name was Winnie," said Twilight.

"It's short for Winifred," said the Reckoner. "She could go either way."

"You're telling me," muttered Chipper.

After a clandestine raid on the botanical gardens (which was scary) and a trip to the all-night drug store (which was scarier) Twilight had the ingredients she needed. They went back to Sgt. Gardner's room at the motor court, upending the bed alongside the wall while Twilight laid out a pentagram in baby powder. Placing the votive candles where needed and lighting the herbs and oils, she recited the incantation. A cone of white light opened from the center of the pentagram.

"This is it! Reckoner, Chipper, thank you so much! Come on, Snoopy, it's time to go home!"

"Bye!" squeaked the beagle. He and Twilight ran toward the light, becoming white outlines that shrank and coalesced into a golf-ball sized mass before expanding into two forms, one much larger than the other. The light slowly died down, revealing a multicolored parrot and a male human in a furry costume that was torn and smoking in places.

"Welcome back, guys!" called Chipper.

"Wow, Twilight, you look like you've been through the wars," said the Reckoner.

Twilight gasped for breath. "I'll just say this – if ever you fight a ring-tailed roarer, lead off with the cocoanut cream pie!"

"Rawwk! At least you had some excitement," said the parrot. "I got stuck with a bunch of neurotic kids!"

"Sounds like you've got quite a story to tell, and so do we," said the Reckoner. "Who's up for Chinese?"

"Save me an egg roll!" called Snoopy.

So the four of them repaired to Ho Fat's, which meant they were on hand to break up the white slaver's ring, but that's another team-up.

In another place, a certain round-headed kid was listening to a complaint from his younger sister.

"No, I didn't leave your stupid ice cream cones on the kitchen counter! I want you to do something about that stupid beagle of yours! I think he's finally lost his mind! He tore the wings off my angel costume for the Christmas Pageant!"

* * * * *

"Here's the majestic Alicorn Prince surveying his realm from his Crystal Palace. His subjects adore him for his boundless compassion, his infinite wisdom, and enough sheer magical power to split mountains.

"Suddenly he sees a black-haired gorgon…"

* * * * *

For her part, Twilight found herself back in her own bed. I didn't just dream all that, did I?

"Hey!" said a little yellow filly with a big red bow. "Our Twilight's back!" And she ran outside Twilight's chambers. Nope, not a dream…

In seconds the room was filled with her five best friends as well as the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"Didja fight a super villain?"

"Darling, I'm so glad that vulgarian has gone back where he came from! I shudder to think about what his claws did to your marble floors…" (Claws? So much for "Thoroughbred"…)

"First he was all panicky and stuff, but I gave him one of my extra super duper peanut butter-salami-and-onion popovers and then he calmed down."

The babble rose until finally Twilight laughed, "Girls, girls, I'll be glad to tell you everything that happened, and I want to hear how Mister Twilight took to Ponyville, but let's get this down for the record. Spike! Oh, Spi-ike!"

Out stepped a small white dog with floppy black ears, a rather large nose, a bedraggled mustache, a battered fedora and a hangdog look.

And Princess Twilight Sparkle gave the only possible response: "Good Grief."

Author's Note

Six two and even, over and out.