The Dazzlings Are Insane

by Justice3442

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Equestria Girls, Aria Blaze, Sex, Adagio Dazzle, Profanity, Random, Slice of Life, Sonata Dusk, Human
Length: 17429

A collection of short stories about the Dazzlings going through their daily lives of annoying each other and pretty much everyone around them.

A collection of short stories about the Dazzlings going through their daily lives of annoying each other and pretty much everyone around them.

Cover art used with permission by the awesome thegreatcat14!

Will be updated as more stories come to me.

Published 2015-01-27 01:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2024-08-19 19:36:46 UTC

Taco Fairy

“Yo, Dagi.” Aria said as she walked through the living room holding a cardboard box by a handle that read ‘TACO PARTY PACK’ on the side in one hand.   “I was hungry so I grabbed a box of tacos. You should have a few… You know... Before Sonata gets down here and tries to figure out how much she can stuff in her face and passes out from overstuffing her mouth to the point that she’s suffocating.”

From her seat on a large purple couch, Adagio watched with a skeptical look as Aria walked through the living room into the kitchen. “You were hungry, so you got food and actually brought it back to share?” she called out

 “Yeah, it was no big deal.”

Adagio got off the couch and cautiously poked her head into the kitchen. Aria was leaning over a small round table, opening the box.

“What’s the catch?” Adagio asked.

Aria rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed “Ugh…” before looking back at Adagio. “No catch, I just figured bringing back food would be easier than dealing with you two moaning about how I’m selfish and only got food for myself.”

“… I don’t buy it…” Adagio said as she eyed the box and then Aria suspiciously. “You never just do something nice… They’re poisoned, aren’t they?”

Aria sighed as she walked towards the fridge. “You caught me, Adagio. I unwrapped, poisoned, and expertly wrapped up all these tacos because it somehow seemed easier than suffocating you and Sonata in your sleep, lighting your hair on fire after applying a ton of hairspray, or getting you both to die of carbon monoxide poisoning after I convince Sonata to have a crazy, indoor, cheese-burger grilling party,” Aria replied as she opened the fridge.

Adagio frowned. “You’ve given this a lot of thought…”

Aria gave Adagio a dark smirk as she pulled out small bottle marked half full of an orange liquid marked ‘Habanero Hot Sauce’. “Those are just the top three ways I’ve thought about killing you two…” Her grumpy expression returned as she walked back towards the table. “Seriously though, you’re complaining to the point where bringing you food is worse than listening to you and Sonata complain about me just grabbing food for yourself,” Aria said as she pulled out a taco.

“Alright, alright!” Adagio said as she sat at the table and grabbed a taco. “Guess I’ll claim one or two before—”

“OH MY GOSH!” Sonata’s voice called out as she stood in the kitchen doorway, gawking at the box of tacos in disbelief. “IS THAT A TACO HUT TACO PARTY BOX?!”

“—before that happens,” Adagio concluded.

Aria simply rolled her eyes as she grabbed a taco, unwrapped it, and poured a liberal amount of hot sauce on it.

“Did the taco fairy come?!” Sonata asked as she walked up to the box.

Adagio shook her head as she unwrapped her taco. “Aria actually got the box and walked it all the way here from the taco hut, if you can believe it.”

Sonata’s eyes widened as she gasped and stared at Aria, stars practically shining in her eyes. “Aria, you’re the Taco Fairy?”

Aria rolled her eye. “Yeah, whatever you little screwball. If it makes you feel better, I’m the Taco Fairy.”

In a flash, Sonata was next to Aria, one hand around Aria’s waist, the other grasping onto one of Aria’s cheeks. “ …You’re MINE…” Sonata said in a vaguely menacing tone before she slowly ran her tongue over Aria’s free cheek.

Aria gave Sonata a confused, slightly frightened look.

In what seemed like a single swift movement, Adagio placed her taco on the table and raised her phone in front of her, pointing it at the other two girls.

“… I need an adult,” Aria uttered.

A digital sound of a camera shutter ‘click’ was heard from Adagio’s phone. “I’m an adult,” Adagio said. “Well… by several accepted definitions of the word, at least.”

“I need an adult who’s actually going to help me!” Aria cried.

Another ‘click’ came from Adagio’s camera. “Well you’re pretty screwed there.”

Sonata ran her tongue over Aria’s cheek again. “Taco Fairy, your skin is so salty and delicious!”

Book Report

Sonata lowered the piece of paper in front of her as she smile out at the classroom full of students that gawked at her in disbelief, and one that beamed at her with a huge smile on her face.

“… And that’s the story of how President Business decided not to use the Kragle to freeze everyone and why the whole world celebrates Taco Tuesday every week!”

“Yay!” Pinkie exclaimed as she stood up from her desk and began clapping. “That’s the most ‘wohoo’ worthy history book report I ever heard, ever!”

Sonata bowed. “Thank you, thank you…”

From her desk, Cheerilee sat with her hands covering her face. She slowly lowered them as she scowled at Sonata. “I’m just going to start with pointing out you were supposed to read a book on world history! You literally gave a report on something that had the word ‘Movie’ in the title! ”

“But I put subtitles on!” Sonata protested.

Empty Sink

Sonata hummed happily to herself as she walked into the Dazzling’s kitchen and opened up their chrome refrigerator. She pulled out a cardboard half-gallon carton of chocolate milk and continued to hum as she set it on the small black kitchen table.

It’s going to be a good day… She thought to herself as she opened the top of the carton. She turned and her eyes drifted towards the sink. Her happy smile evaporated in an instant. The sink, depository of all cups, plates, and silverware the Dazzlings used, was empty.

All the cups and plates in the sink are gone! Sonata gasped. Someone broke in and stole all the things we eat and drink out of! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Sonata took a few calming breaths as she looked over the kitchen.

No… no… don’t panic… Maybe there’s a cup in that… er… that place some people put their cups in…

Sonata walked over to a cupboard and opened it. She hoped that her salvation would be there, but instead nothing but sorrow and emptiness greeted her as she stared into the bare cupboard.

Panic gripped her as she stared at void where she had placed all her hope. A hope that was now gone. Dead and motionless as it drifted through an empty nothingness, as bare as the cupboard was empty.

Sonata opened her mouth. She felt like she might scream.

No, wait! I’ll try the otherplace some people put their cups in…

Sonata opened the cupboard next to the one she had just opened. It was full of white plates and tall cylindrical glasses.

Sonata let out a high-pitched scream of terror.

A heavy sigh came from the living room. “What is it now?” Aria asked.

“ARIA!” Sonata exclaimed. “SOMEONE STOLE ALL MY SIPPY CUPS!”

“… Sonata, you moron!”

“YOU’RE THE MORON!” Sonata shouted back. “YOU’RE JUST PLAYING YOUR STUPID GAME WHILE I’M DOOMED TO WITHER AWAY AND DIE WITHOUT ANYTHING TO DRINK FROM!”

Aria let out a heavy, annoyed moan as she trudged into the kitchen. “Seriously, calm down! Your stupid baby cups are in the dishwasher! I needed to clean out the sink so I threw them all in there!”

“… We have a dishwasher?” Sonata asked. Her jaw dropped. “You washed the dishes?!” she added in disbelief.

“I had to! The goat kept on trying to eat the plastic cups in the sink!”

“Oh, right!” Sonata said. She suddenly frowned. “I… wait… Are you making fun of me?”

Aria simply continued to tap away at her tablet. “What the heck are you talking about?”

“SONATA!” Adagio screamed out from elsewhere in the house. “WHY IS THERE A GOAT IN THE HOUSE?!”

“WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?!” Sonata shouted back.

“BECAUSE WHEN SOMETHING STUPID GOES ON, IT’S ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “I NEED THE GOAT, ADAGIO!”

“… WHAT?!” The sound of heavy footsteps going down the stairs was heard. This was followed by the sound of a hooved animal going down the stairs. Confused and angry, Adagio soon appeared in the kitchen, her hair more of a mess than usual. “Why do you need a goat?!”

Aria folded her arms across her chest. “Because I’m studying it!” she said as if the answer was obvious.

One of Adagio’s eyes twitched as a waist-high black and white goat trotted up behind her.

Aria turned her tablet and showed the screen to Adagio. “I’m trying to increase my efficiency at Goat Simulator. I’m competing with a group of people online to figure out who could get the highest score in a limited amount of time and I figure actually having a goat would give me the edge.”

Adagio stared at the screen is disbelief. “HOW IS THAT A THING?! GHAAAA!” Adagio cried out in alarm as the goat began munching on her hair.

“Oh! Eating hair!” Aria said as she turned the tablet screen back towards her. “I wonder if I can do that in the game!”

Adagio turned and swatted the goat away from her hair. “ARIA! I WANT THIS GOAT OU—”

Sonata interrupted, screaming will all her might, “ALL MY CUPS ARE IN THE WASH AND I MIGHT DIE OF DEHYDRATION!”

Aria and Adagio cringed and covered their ears as they experienced being at ground zero for Sonata’s shriek attack. Startled, the goat bleated before running off into the house; this was shortly followed by the sound of breaking glass.

“Ow… What?” Adagio asked as she poked a finger into her ear.

Aria rolled her eyes. “Sonata’s freaking out because all her dumb baby cups are in the dishwasher.”

“… We have a dishwasher?” Adagio asked. “You did the dishes?!”

“I had to!” Aria cried. “The goat—”

“You know what?” Adagio said, holding up her hands. “I don’t even want to know.” She turned towards Sonata. “Sonata, just pretend you aren’t an overgrown toddler and use a regular cup for once.”

Sonata’s face turned a paler shade of blue. “A—” she swallowed “—regular cup?”

“Oh my gosh, Sonata,” Aria exclaimed as she lowered her tablet. She walked over to the cupboard which had regular glasses, pulling one out and setting it on the kitchen table next to the milk. “It’s no big deal. Hurry up and drink your milk so I can go back to gaming in peace.”

Sonata swallowed as she stared at the empty glass. She suddenly felt as if she understood the color of infinity, and it was a feeling that left her feeling hollow and insignificant.

“O… okay…” Sonata said as she slowly reached out for the carton of chocolate milk with both hands. With what seemed like tremendous effort, she lifted the milk off the counter. She tipped the carton, steadying the spout over the open cup. She let out a startled yelp as the brown liquid poured into the cup, but didn’t yield.

Aria and Adagio raised their hands up to their faces.

“For God’s sake, Sonata…” Aria uttered.

The brown liquid slowly raised to the top. Sonata let out a little squeak of concern as she pulled up on the carton.  The liquid bubbled up until it was just above the top of the glass, but thankfully the surface tension kept the milk all inside the glass, but barely.

Sonata breathed a sigh of relief as she put the carton back on the table.

Adagio rolled her eyes as she placed a hand on one of her hips. “Now pick it up and drink it!”

Sonata felt her face turn hot, then cold as the air made contact with the sweat on her skin. Her hand shook as she reached out for the glass. Slowly, she opened her fingers so she could grasp the glass and lift it. Her fingertips made contact with the cold edges of the container.

Time seemed to move slowly as the glass tipped. Sonata could only watch in horror as the brown liquid began to pour out. Despite the feeling of slowness, the resounding ‘thud’ of the cup hitting the table came all too quickly. The deafening  sound of glass hitting wood reverberated through the kitchen. This thick liquid inside the glass seemed to explode in all directions, flowing out from the glass as it continued to roll over the table, a seemingly endless river of brown that would destroy and drowned all in its path.

Sonata dropped to her knees. Clenching her hands together as she threw them in the air. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Oh my God, Sonata!” Adagio exclaimed. “Just get a paper towel and clean it up!”

Sonata hung her head began to weep bitter tears. “This is it… I’m done for… I’ll die without anything to drink…”

‘BUUZZZZZZZ!’

“Oh hey, dishes are done,” Aria said as she turned towards a black, rectangular panel imbedded in the kitchen counter.

Adagio raised both her hands, covering her face. “I can’t believe how much I hate both of—”

“BAAAAAAAAA!”

Adagio looked up as the goat charged forward. She barely had time to yell in surprise before the goat barreled into her.

Hardware Store

Sonata let out a startled yelp as she clutched a long spool of clear rubber tubing and quickly sidestepped a red shopping cart almost overflowing with what looked to be everything from allen wrenches to matching salt and pepper shakers.

The person pushing the cart, a man with curly brown hair, an orange shirt, and yellow pants, offered a quick “Sorry! I’ve got to buy a pair of pliers for every room in my house!” as he sped down the aisle of the hardware store.

Sonata watched the man round a corner, shrugged, and walked down towards the other end of the aisle where Aria stood with a slightly mystified expression as she stared into another red shopping cart.

Aria looked up with a irritable expression as Sonata approached. “What the heck is all this stuff even for, Sonata?”

Sonata rolled her eyes as she placed the spool of rubber tubing into the shopping cart. “Geez, Aria! It’s like you don’t know anything!”

Aria’s expression went from grumpy to rage filled in record time as she glared at Sonata. “Sonata, we’re in a hardware store… there are many things in here I can use to hurt you.”

“It’s not my fault you’re too stupid to know what these are used for!”

Aria’s face began to turn red. “We should stop at the hammer section…”

“Alright! Keep your bra on!” Sonata said. “If you want to know so badly, I’ll just tell you.”

Aria sighed heavily. Can’t believe I have to ask Sonatawhat this stuff is for… Aria reached into the cart and pulled out a rectangular metal container marked ‘ACETONE’. “What’s this for?”

“I’m making my own finger polish remover! We all paint our nails so much, I figured we could save some money that way!”

Aria put the acetone back and the cart and pulled up a canister “… Alright, and the lye?”

Sonata rolled her eyes. “You can use it in making food and soap, d’uh!”

“… Huh… And the lighter fluid?”

“That’s for starting fires!”

“Right… what was I thinking…”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Sonata said. “I need to get matches, too.”

“So what’s the tubing for?”

Sonata looked at the long spool of tubing and smiled. “Well, if you think about it, a tube is basically a big straw.”

“… Okay, but what do you need so much of it for? Are you trying to make a straw long enough to go from the kitchen to the living room?”

Sonata smiled and nodded her head up and down. “This way I can just put one end of the tube in my chocolate milk and leave it in the fridge and then I can drink it without even having to use a cup or get up!”

Aria stared at Sonata with wide eyes. “… Wow, Sonata… That’s actually a really good idea. I think I’ll get one for myself.”

Sonata grinned as she began to push the cart back down the aisle she had just came from. “See! You call me an idiot and stupid all the time, but I’m actually really smart.

Aria rolled her eyes as the girls walked alongside Sonata. “Well, let’s not go crazy here. Still… I’m kind of surprised you have a different use for all this stuff… it sorta looks like… uh…”

“Looks like, what?”

“Like you’re up to no good… Like… I don’t know… trying to stock up on stuff to get rid of bodies, or something…”

Sonata chuckled darkly. “Well, it’s not like there’s not a few uses for all this stuff…”

The girls stop as they arrived in front of several spools of rubber tubing. Aria began to pull on one end and gather her own length.

“Should we get one for Adagio?” Sonata asked.

Aria shrugged. “Maybe just so she doesn’t get mad at us for not thinking about her. Though she might still complain we didn’t get enough to go all the way up to her room.”

“Yeah… It’s too bad she didn’t want to come in so we can figure all this out together,” Sonata said.

Aria sighed heavily. “Well, you know her… Now that we don’t have our gems, she’s obsessed with making money doing what she does best.”

“… You really think people are going to pay Adagio to yell and sleep?”

Aria chuckled to herself. “Well… maybe a certain kind of yelling and sleeping…”

Soon the girls had gotten another spool of tubing and had moved on to getting the matches.

“Hey… Isn’t that one of our teachers? The boring chemistry one?” Aria said as she spotted a man with black hair that was set oddly on top of his head as if it didn’t belong there. He wore a brown sweater over a white shirt and tie and red pants which hung somewhat loosely around his legs. He also carried a paint can in either hand.

Sonata looked up as she dropped several large boxes of matches in the cart. “Oh, yeah! Hey, Mr. Donkey!” she called out with a wave.

Mr. Donkey looked at the girl’s cart, then looked up to give the girls a rather serious look. “You’re buying the wrong matches.”

Aria and Sonata exchanged confused looks.

“What?” Sonata asked.

“Those matches, they’re the wrong kind,” Mr. Donkey exclaimed.

“Oooookaaaay…” Sonata said as she raised an eyebrow.

Mr. Donkey continued, “Red phosphorous is found in the striker strips, not the matches themselves. You need to get the big 200-count box of individual matchbooks.”

The girls simply stared at Mr. Donkey with confused looks on both their faces.

“More striker strips. You understand? Those only have the one.” Mr. Donkey shook his head. “And don't buy everything in one place. Do it piecemeal. Different items, different stores. Attracts less attention. Are you following me here?”

“… Riiiiiiight~…” Sonata cooed with a wink.

Mr. Donkey gave the girls a satisfied smile as he chuckled to himself and walked off.

“… What the heck was that about?” Aria asked.

Sonata shrugged. “Beats me!”

“What? But you said—”

“I just did that so he’d leave,” Sonata said. “He was being kinda scary for some reason…”

Aria chuckled. “Maybe he should go talk to Adagio, I bet she could get him to relax a bit.”

-ooo-

Adagio leaned against a tall lamp post as with crossed arms as she stared at the hardware store entrance, the light from above creating a sort of spotlight that made her stand out in the darkened parking lot. She squinted into the darkness and frowned as she noticed a man focus his attention on her, then walk up with a speed and posture that let her know she was probably in for a confrontation of some sort. Her frown turned into a smile as the man stepped into the light.

Oh… It’s just Mr. Donkey from school. He should be fun to mess with…

“Hello Mr. Donkey,” Adagio said as she lowered her eyelids and give Mr. Donkey a sultry look. She placed a hand on her hip and posed to show off her shapely body. “Looking for something to help you unwind?”

Mr. Donkey paused and gave Adagio a look as if he was sizing her up. “Stay out of my territory,” he said in a quiet, yet threatening tone.

Adagio’s eyes widened in surprise. She looked Mr. Donkey down from head to toe, then back up again. “No offence, but I don’t think you and I are going to be attracting the same clientele.”

Well... She's not wrong...

“YES! You know you like it! Taste it! Taste the pain!”

Adagio’s words drifted downstairs into the Dazzling’s living room as Aria and Sonata glanced upwards, this was almost immediately followed by the sound of a loud ‘crack’ and some ecstatic, but muffled moans.

Aria’s almost perpetually grumpy expression had been increased with her narrowed eyelids and dark bags under her eyes as she lounged on the girl’s purple couch and stared at the TV. Sonata frowned from the girls big purple easy chair as she looked up from her ‘Highlights’ magazine.

Aria grumbled to herself as she turned up the TV. The sounds of gunshots and engines roaring filled the room, but it was not enough to block out the sounds from above.

Sonata sighed to herself. “I wish Adagio wouldn’t bring her new work with her like this…”

“Yeah, no kidding,” Aria agreed. “But she said all her tools are here… Maybe we can dip into the savings and try to get her room sound proofed or something…”

“YES! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT, YOU SLUT!” Adagio exclaimed from upstairs.

“I hope so…” Sonata uttered.

‘Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!’

Aria and Sonata jumped slightly at the sound of their front door being pounded on.

Sonata cocked an eyebrow at Aria. “You don’t think the neighbors can hear her, do you?”

Aria frowned. “Either that or they're mad because I threw a pair of nunchucks at their dog…”

“YOU THREW NUNCHUCKS AT LICKY?!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “The dog’s name is ‘Pom’, Sonata.”

Sonata folded her arms across her chest. “Yeah, but that name is hecka dumb! ‘Licky’ is more appropriate.”

“Anyhow, the stupid dog wouldn’t stop yapping! I had to do something to get it to shut up!”

“Okay… but nunchucks?!”

“Freakin’ dog was lucky it wasn’t my sais… or a katana, even…”

‘Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!’

Aria sighed. “I guess I better get that.”

Sonata quickly stood up, holding up her hands palms faced forward. “No, no… I’ll do it… You’ll probably end up attacking the neighbors with one of your big sticks.

Aria narrowed her eyes. “It’s called a ‘bō’, you moron.”

Sonata stopped at the houses wooden door and turned towards Aria. “We’ll just see who the idiot is when you get arrested.”

“Whatever…” Aria said dismissively.

Sonata peered through the doors peephole and smiled. “Oh hey! It’s not the neighbors at all! It’s a different angry person to see us!”

“Oh yeah? Who?” Aria asked.

Sonata opened the door and smiled at the teenaged girl with red-and-yellow hair who wore a leather jacket. Sunset Shimmer shot a look with her turquoise eyes that might have disintegrated Sonata if looks could kill.

“Heya, Sunny!” Sonata greeted cheerfully. She frowned. “You look upset—” Sonata suddenly grinned “—or Sun-set, even.”

One of Sunset’s eyes twitched.

“Oh, it’s Sunset Shimmer?” Aria asked in an interested tone. “Ask if she wants to play some video games!”

“‘Kaaaaaaay~!” Sonata shouted back. She turned towards Sunset. “Sunset would you like to play—”

“WHERE. IS. SHE?!” Sunset asked through gritted teeth.

“Aria?” Sonata pointed towards the living room. “She’s right over—”

“Not her!” Sunset cried as she stepped into the house. “Adagio! I heard she was now taking ‘clients’! Not that I’m too surprised, but I’m a bit worried at how easily I found this out!”

Sonata chuckled as she closed the door. “Adagio’s really been excited about her new business…”

“That’s what’s got me worried! She’s going to…”

Adagio suddenly appeared at the top of the stairs, holding a whip and dressed in a leather ‘coat’  which hung over her breasts but was open, leaving her belly, thighs, and leather thong exposed. Leather bands covered her forearms and black platform boots went all the way up past her knees. “SUNNY!” she exclaimed in an uncharacteristically cheerfully tone for laying eyes on the red-and-yellow haired pony turned highschooler.

“YOU!” Sunset cried as she leveled an angry index finger at Adagio.

Adagio grinned wide. “Me!” she said as she motioned to herself. “I found something I like doing that makes me money! And it’s legal!”

“That’s why I’m—Wait, what?”

“Turns out people will pay to be humiliated and beaten!” Adagio said excitedly. She clutched her riding crop tightly and bit on her lower lip as she glanced upwards with a look of absolute joy. “And I can’t even be arrested for it! It’s a dream come true!”

Sunset’s jaw dropped slightly as her left eye twitched. She slapped both her hands against her face and shook her head.

“Anyways, I better get back to work!” Adagio said “I’m not getting paid to not put welts on people!” she said cheerfully. With that, Adagio turned, briefly exposing her almost completely bare behind as her coat swayed with the turn.

Sunset removed her hands and gave a defeated sigh. She turned towards Sonata. “Video games, huh?”

Sonata nodded. “Yep! And I can even make sandwiches piled high with meat for everyone!” she declared as she threw her hands into the air.

“… Fine…” Sunset said.

“Score!” Aria cried from the living room. “What do you want to play?!”

“YES! LICK MY BOOT, WORM! LICK IT CLEAN!”

Sunset cringed. “Something violent… and with lots of explosions!”

There was a pause.

“… That doesn’t narrow it down…” Aria replied. “Like… at all…”

Cereal Experiments Sonata

Sonata squinted in the dimly lit office as she sat in a chair in front of Vice-Principal Luna’s large desk. Pale ribbons of light that managed to sneak past the room’s blinds where the only light source, and the lights combined with the shadows of the blinds created a look reminiscent of a window blocked by evenly spaced bars.

Sonata shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The almost prison like feel to the room was bad enough, but the Vice-Principal herself loomed over her with an almost expressionless gaze.

“Now, do you know why you’re here?” Luna asked,

Sonata offered Luna a weak smile. “Is it because you need to replace a light bulb and you need someone to hold a ladder?”

“You’re not in a position to make jokes.”

Sonata frowned. “No… but it’s really dark in here! I mean… It’s light outside! Do you need help opening your blinds without making them go all sideways and crooked? Because I can help you try, but I usually need help from Aria or Ada—”

Luna pursed her lips ever so slightly and narrowed her eyes.

Sonata’s eyes widened. “Did… did Miss Cheerio Bee send me here because I was eating leprechaun cereal in class and she’s sworn to destroy her hated rival and his magical marshmallow cereal?”

Luna’s stern look cracked a bit as she gave Sonata a perplexed look. “No, but you shouldn’t eat cereal in Ms. Cheerilee’s class. Or any class for that matter.”

“Oh…” Sonata said meekly as she looked up at Luna with worry, slouched, and clasped one hand over the other and placing them between her legs. She looked very much like she was hoping she would shrink until she disappeared.

Luna sighed and shook her head. “Perhaps if I remind you that while Canterlot High does not have a strict dress code, we do still have some basic requirements about what the students show up to school wearing… or not wearing in this case.”

“Oh! So it’s because I forgot to wear a skirt or pants today!” Sonata said as she looked down at her bare legs and pink panties.

Luna nodded solemnly. “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

Sonata gulped as she slowly leaned over, picked up an open box of ‘Lucky Charms’, and held it up for Luna to see. “Maybe if I share some of my magical cereal we can forget this whole thing?”

Luna narrowed her eyes slightly then peered into the box. Her narrowed eyes were soon joined by her furrowed brow. “You already picked out all the marshmallows, didn’t you?”

Beads of sweat began to appear on Sonata’s forehead her pupils shrank to the size of pin-pricks. She held the box in her left hand as she bent down to pick up another box with her right. “Maybe my friend the Captain can help… sweeten the deal…”

Vacuum 18:9... or Something

Sonata sat in an empty classroom at a desk that with a plastic yellow chair attached to it. She slumped in her chair with a bored expression on her face as she held a pencil in between her nose and upper lip, holding it in place by puckering her lips.

‘SLAM!’

Sonata jumped upright in her seat as she heard the door to the classroom open violently. Her pencil clattered to the desk in front of her as she turned.

Aria was standing in the doorway with a slightly grumpier than usual look on her face. She wordlessly trudged over to a desk next to Sonata and sat down.

“Hey Aria,” Sonata greeted. “What are you in for?”

“Some dude with light blue hair and an orange shirt was giving me the evil eye, so I got mad and had an”—Aria air quoted—“‘altercation’ with him as Vice-Principal Luna put it.”

Sonata scrunched her lips slightly. “Is that code for ‘kicked him in the face’?”

“Well, the eye specifically.”

Sonata raised an eyebrow. “Why’d you aim for his eye?”

Aria shrugged. “You know what they say, ‘If an eye offend thee, kick it as hard as you can.’”

“… Who says that?”

“I think it’s from the Bible… so probably Fixer Christ.”

“Huh…” Sonata muttered. “Seems legit…” She gave Aria a sour look and motioned down to her pink gym shorts. “So why’d you let me leave the house without any pants or a skirt even.”

Aria narrowed her eyes. “Because you ate all the marshmallows out of the cereal!”

“But that was my cereal!” Sonata protested. “I even took the box with me to school!”

Aria folded her arms across her chest. “Not that box, the other box…”

Sonata frowned. “Okay, but—”

“Plus the box you opened this morning just so you could pick out the marshmallows!”

“But they’re different shapes and colors!” Sonata cried. “I’m not made out of stone!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “They all taste exactly the same, moron.”

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!”

The girls heard the sound of the door opening and turned to see Adagio scowling at them. “You two in trouble. Why am I not surprised?”

Aria matched Adagio’s irritated look. “Say what you want, but I’m guessing you’re not here to get us out of detention.”

Adagio sighed heavily and trudged over taking the other desk next to Sonata.

Sonata turned towards Adagio. “So what did you get in trouble for, Adagio?”

“I learned that it’s not a good idea to try and seduce Mrs. Harshwhinny to raise one’s grades in her class. You two should keep that in mind.”

“Right,” Aria replied sarcastically as she leaned back in her chair, “because it’s so likely to come up with Sonata and me.”

Sonata continued to talk to Adagio, “So were you mad about the marshmallows too?”

Adagio gave Sonata an irritated look. “Sonata, I don’t live in the same ridiculous world you live in. What the heck are you talking about?!”

Sonata motioned to her gym shorts. “You let me leave the house without wearing a skirt or pants!”

Adagio gave Sonata a blank look before anger grabbed hold of her features. “We HAVE to wear pants or a skirt when we go to school?!” Adagio sighed heavily and slumped in her chair. “What’s the point of being mortal if you still have to dress in a way that doesn’t call attention to yourself? School blows…”

Are You Down With The Sickness?

Aria moaned in pain as she rolled onto her back in her sweat soaked blankets. The twin ponytails her hair was usually in were gone, and instead her straight hair clung to her cheeks and neck in drenched masses. Aria found herself pulling on her covers to find a dry spot. Even making herself slightly less soaked did little to comfort her. Under the covers her body burned, but without them she would quickly start shivering. This wasn’t nearly as bad as the muscle aches that wracked her body. Her back, her arms, and even her chest continuously assaulted her with pain that prevented her from being able to fall asleep as tired as she might be.

Bare arms ventured from the swampy environment of the blankets out into the frigid cold to grab a pillow and pull it into the dark, muggy cave.

Aria arched her back just enough to wedge the pillow under it, but it did nothing to alleviate the pain in her back. Aira sighed to herself, wishing she had someone who could at least help take care of her.

“Oh Ariaaaaaa~…” A sultry voice sang out as Aria heard her door creak open.

Aria sighed to herself, wishing she had been a little more specific about the qualities of the person she had just wished for.

Aria glanced towards her door past the walls covered with video game and rock band posters. Adagio was standing in the doorway, hips tilted with one hand on her waist. She was wearing a lab coat, white bra with a red cross on the center of each cup, and a pair of white panties that bared a similar cross. A stethoscope around her neck and a pair of white high heels completed the ensemble.

“I heard someone was feeling a bit under the weather~!” Adagio continued to sing out.

Aria rolled her eyes. “Real nurses wear pants Adagio… and shirts.”

Adagio frowned and tugged at the edges of her open lab coat. “Doctor,” she corrected. “The coat means I’m a doctor.”

“Whatever, please just tell me you’re here to give me a lethal injection.”

“Better!” Adagio said as she sauntered up to Aria’s bed, taking care to step over the various mediaeval weapons from various countries and time periods that littered the ground. “I’m here to help you!”

“I choose ‘death’, thanks.”

Adagio wrung her hands together and grinned wickedly. “Don’t worry I’ll take good care of you.”

Aria felt her hot sweat turn cold. “What? You can’t seriously be thinking of—”

“NURSE!” Adagio called out.

Aria sighed. “Oh dark metal Satan, please no…”

“Here!” Sonata called out as she cheerfully bounded into the room, her ponytail bobbing up and down behind her. She wore a little nurses hat with pink trim and a pink heart with a white cross on it, a white top with pink straps and a pink ribbon which covered her breasts and just a few inches below leaving her midriff exposed, a mini-skirt with pink trim that also had a heart with a white cross in the center, and thigh-high socks that held up by pink straps that disappeared under her skirt. She also wore a pair of pink high heels.

Aria let out a gurgled, irritated moan. “Nice to see your spending our budget so wisely, Dagi.”

“Oh please,” Adagio said as she quickly whipped out her smartphone and snapped a few photos of Sonata, “I’m going to make a killing off these costumes on the internet.”

Sonata raised a hand behind her head and made a kissing face as Adagio snapped another photo. “Gotta keep my fans happy!”

“Fine, whatever!” Aria said dismissively. “At least you guys can help bring me some soup or something.”

Adagio waved a finger back and forth. “Now we can’t do that! We need to figure out what’s wrong with you first.”

“It’s the flu, Dagi! I looked up the symptoms on the internet. They’re ‘everything hurts and the fluids in your body are trying to escape it because they know it’s poisoned.’”

Sonata sat on the bed and leaned her head back. She tut-tutted as she shook her head back and forth. “Self-diagnosing on the internet.”

Adagio grinned and folded her arms across her chest. “Did it tell you have anything else? What color on the autism spectrum are you?”

Aria began to growl as she clenched her teeth. “I swear I’m going to punch the heck out of you two. Flu, or no flu.”

“Oh calm down,” Adagio said. She held out a hand towards Sonata. “Thermometer?”

Sonata reached into her top and pulled a digital thermometer out from between her breasts.

Aria cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t think that’s a very sterile way of carrying a thermometer.”

“Oh like you’re going to get any sicker,” Adagio said as Sonata handed her the thermometer.

“This is stupid!” Aria cried. “Just look at me! Of course I have a fever.”

“Stop whining, you big baby!” Adagio said.

“Baby! Baby!” Sonata said in a mocking sing-song tone.

Aria removed an arm from her blankets to take a swipe at Sonata, but in Aria’s fatigued state Sonata easily got up in time.

“Look, this thing takes two seconds.” Adagio said. “It’ll be over before you know it.”

“… Fine,” Aria said begrudgingly. She opened her mouth.

Adagio grinned. “Oh, this doesn’t go in there.”

“What?!” Aria cried. “Of course it does! It has multiple settings.”

“Well it’s not set to that one,” Adagio informed.

“Adagio, there are just two buttons, just hit mode until—”

“Sonata? Covers.” Adagio said simply.

“Sonata! Don’t—”

“Out into the cruel world with you~!” Sonata sang as she grabbed Aria’s covers and quickly pulled them off her revealing Aria’s sweat soaked black tank top and sweatpants.

Aria immediately wrapped her arms around herself. “AHHHH! Sooo… ca-ca-ca-cold…”

Adagio’s smile widened. “Turn her over.”

“You’re the doctor!” Sonata replied.

“Sonata! Don’t—!”

Sonata leaned down, placed her hands under Aria, and quickly flipped her onto her front.

“NO DAGI! WAIT! DON’T STICK—”

Aria flinched as she felt a small cold piece of metal shoved into her armpit, but went quiet. A few seconds later she heard a beeping sound and the digital thermometer was removed.

“101 degrees!” Adagio announced as she handed Sonata back the thermometer. “You, my dear, have a fever.”

“Ugggghhhh…” Aria moaned as she turned back onto her front and reached for her covers. “Adagio, you’re just the worst,” she said as she pulled her damp blankets back over her.

“Yay!” Sonata exclaimed. “I’ve been replaced.”

Aria narrowed her eyes. “Sonata, you’re the worst…”— Aria trailed off as her eyes darted to the side for a second—“…est.”

“Oh yeah?” Sonata replied. “Well at least I’m not all sticky and gross!”

“How the heck did you avoid getting the flu anyway?” Aria asked. “You eat food off the ground for crying out loud!”

Sonata blew a dismissive gust of air as she waved her hand about. “Pffft… All that just makes me stronger! My body needs as much germs and viruses as possible to be the vessel for the ultimate, unstoppable disease!” Sonata’s smile suddenly went supernova as her lips opened up into a tight dagger-like smile. “When I get sick it’s going to be cataclysmic and world ending!” Her focus suddenly went distant as if she was staring at something far beyond the walls of Aria’s bedroom. “It will be glorious…”

Aria sighed heavily. “Sonata, I keep telling you all it’s far more likely you’ll just be the one with a debilitating…” Aria trailed off as Sonata’s shadow fell over her. “Wait, what are you doing?”

Sonata leaned her face closer to Aria’s.

“Seriously, you’re creeping me out, and—MMMMPGH?!”

Aria’s eye went wide as Sonata suddenly placed her mouth against hers and plunged her tongue far past Aria’s lips.

Adagio’s smartphone was out in an instant accompanied by the digital sound of a camera snapping a photo.

Sonata pulled away.

“Sonata?! What the Hell?!” Aria cried. Her heart pounded in her face and she could feel her already hot face turning hotter.

Sonata leaned up with a satisfied grin on her face. “Another sample for the super virus!” she announced proudly.

Aria glowered at her as she wiped an arm across her mouth. “You are so going to regret that in a few days.”

Adagio waved a hand about. “Enough of the little weirdo’s little hobby, if you have a fever, you need to drink plenty of fluids.”

“So you’re finally going to do something useful?”

Adagio waved Sonata towards the door as her smile went from wicked to full on devil. “You might say that.”

Sonata smiled and carefully walked out of the room closing the door behind her.

Aria followed Sonata with a suspicious look then turned towards Adagio. “What stupid thing are you plan—Whoa! Adagio! What gives?!”

Adagio suddenly crawled onto the bed and then sat up on top of Aria, startling her arms and chest with her legs and placing herself very close to Aria’s face.

Aria felt her face go cold again. “You… you can’t be serious.”

Adagio regarded Aria with predatory, hungry eyes. “I think you can use a big drink from the furry cup,” she said as she placed a hand over Aria’s eye and applied a little pressure to force Aria’s chin up a little. “Now don’t fight it~! That’ll only make it worse…”

Aria attempted to struggle, but between Adagio’s body weight on top of her and her fatigued state, she found she could do very little. “What?! Wait! Adagio! Stop! You can’t—!”

Aria felt something fuzzy press against her lips then a cold liquid enter her mouth. She coughed and sputtered as Adagio removed her hand from her eyes.

Adagio still sat on top of her, her face a mixture of evil delight and pure mirth as she fought back the urge to laugh hysterically. In her hand she held up a cup that appeared to have grey fur of some sort glued to the outside of it.

Next to the bed, Sonata broke into a fight of laughter which filled the room as she leaned a hand on the bed to support herself.

Adagio slowly positioned herself so she was no longer on top of Aria, then placed her feet back on the ground. She took care not to spill the furry cup of water in her hand. “Oh Aria, I told you not to fight it. What are we going to do with you? You can’t even drink water right.”

“Cough… cough…” Aria attempted to melt Adagio and Sonata with her eyes, but quickly determined she lacked the mutant ability to do so. Still glaring she, reached out for the cup Adagio held. Adagio gave Aria a half smile as she handed her the cup. Aria felt the cup bend slightly in her grip, it was obviously just plastic underneath the fur. Oh well… It’ll have to do…

Aria shook her head as she sat up and brought the cup closer to her face. “I can’t believe you two went this far just to torment me while sick. You two are horrible.”

Adagio chuckled. “The look on your face was priceless.”

Sonata held up a smartphone. “And I captured it so we can enjoy the moment again and again!”

Aria began to mumble angrily to herself in between gulps of water. “You guys… glug glug…Hate you guys… glug… so much…”

“Still,” Adagio continued, “give me some credit. I’m not going to take advantage of you in your weakened state.”

One of Aria’s eyes twitched. “That’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“Well we have to have some fun at your expense, don’t we?”

Sonata nodded her head in agreement.

Aria finished her water and hurled the cup at Adagio which bounced off her harmlessly. “Uhg… I can’t wait until you two catch this stupid thing.”

o~A few days later…~o –

“This isn’t glorious!” Sonata cried from the Dazzling’s purple easy chair from under a quilt decorated with images from The Hungry Caterpillar. “This isn’t glorious at all!”

Sonata’s hair was down and stuck to her face and neck, sweat soaked much like the rest of her.

Across from her on the girls couched laid Adagio under a puffy lilac-colored comforter. Her hair either clung to her face in messy wet clumps, or was in a curly, frazzled mass depending on if it was soaked in sweat or not. “This would be a heck of a lot less unpleasant if you’d stop whining!”

 “Unpleasant?!” Sonata cried. “Adagio, this is the worst thing ever!” Sonata gave Adagio a worried look. “Am I dying?”

“… Maybe.”

Sonata whimpered in response.

“IT’S NURSE TIME!”

The girls turned to see Aria dressed in what might be considered a nurse’s outfit if nurses walked around in dingy, torn, blood splattered blouses that covered them down to their thighs and not much else. A pair of high heels, a white nurse’s cap in similar condition to the blouse, and bandages wrapped around Aria’s head completed the getup. Aria had left her top couple buttons undone exposing her cleavage. She stood with her body bent into a slightly unnatural-looking, angular pose and held a thermometer in her hand as if she was wielding a dagger.

“No, Aria! No!” Sonata cried as she pulled her quilt over her head.

Adagio merely sighed and rolled onto her front before tossing her comforter off of her. It fell to the floor with a ‘flumph!’

“Adagio!” Aria cried. “You’re not wearing—”

Adagio’s massive mass of disheveled hair covered her from head to her waist, leaving her bare behind and legs exposed making it look like some sort of matted hair beast was consuming a naked girl.

“Hurry it up!” Adagio said from under her hair pile. “I might suffocate under all this hair!”

“Dagi! I wasn’t actually going to—”

“Don’t be gentle,” Adagio added. “I like it rough.”

This chapter brought to you by the letters C,H, and O and the numbers 2 and 5

Aria opened the door to the Dazzlings house and stepped inside. She began to unbutton the dark maroon coat she was wearing as she walked across the entryway.  She quickly took the coat off before placing it on a hook next to a faux-fur purple coat.

Aria turned then jumped slightly as she noticed Adagio glaring at her. Adagio held what looked like a trashy romance novel in her hands, but Adagio’s interest in the book seemed rather secondary compared to the attention she was giving Aria. No, Adagio’s deep magenta eyes were focused solely on Aria, and both seemed to burn brightly with the fires of accusation.

Adagio said nothing, letting her expression do the talking, or rather, the shouting of ‘You screwed up big time!’

Aria hated it when Adagio just stared accusingly at her. At least when she yelled at her she could yell back, but Adagio always reserved the look of silent judgment for when she felt Aria had done something really wrong. The main trouble was that Adagio was always right when that look came out, and that it was more than likely Aria had done something wrong and it was far too late to correct it.

Aria frowned and shook her head, walking towards the living room. She’d find out soon enough. Hopefully Adagio was just in a bad mood and blowing something out of proportion.

She walked into the living room noting Sonata was on the couch watching some obnoxiously bright children’s show. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“Hey, dummy,” Aria said casually as she walked between Sonata and the TV.

From the middle of the Dazzlings’ purple couch, Sonata turned and gave Aria an angry, flushed look. “Aria, Ms. Frizzle is a c*#%!”

Aria stopped dead in her tracks as she felt her forehead turn cold and clammy. ‘Doody-head’ was considered the ‘big-guns’ when it came to Sonata’s insults. To hear her break out a real swear, especially when she was talking about one of her beloved cartoons for children, was practically unfathomable.

“Wha… What?” Aria replied.

Sonata pointed at thelarge flat-screen TV. "She has a magic school bus capable of shifting into anything and she use it for TEACHING?! What a F#^%ing WASTE!"

Aria’s jaw dropped.

"Adagio!” Sonata shouted out. “We NEED to jack a magic school bus and show them how it's done!"

Adagio simply uttered an irritated grunt from the other room.

Aria watched as one of the characters on the show let loose a pun that caused the others to groan.

Sonata was on her feet in an instance. “THAT WAS COMEDY GOLD, YOU LITTLE S#!%-HEADS! YOU WOULDN’T KNOW COMEDY IF IT CAME UP AND TORE OUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE THROATS!” Sonata punctuated her yelling by bringing a bottle up to her lips and tilting her head straight back. She took a quick swig of the neon blue liquid inside the bottle and went back to shooting death glares at the characters on the TV and screaming at them.

Aria felt her face turn burning hot as she recognized the bottle in Sonata’s hand, she quickly ran back to the house’s entryway as the sounds of vulgarity continued from the living room.

Adagio looked up from her book and glared at Aria as she ran in.

“I think Sonata got into my wine coolers!” Aria cried in a panic.

Adagio rolled her eyes. “I know that already! Why do you think I was glaring at you when you walked in?!”

“It’s not like I didn’t hide them!” Aria exclaimed. “I hid them behind all the sauces we never use!”

Adagio nodded. “Right. That we never use! Us two. Sonata is the only one in the house who cooks, remember?” Adagio narrowed her eyes at Aria. “Why’d you get b!#&% beer, anyhow? I thought you took drinking more seriously than that.”

Aria flung her hands up as she glanced towards the ceiling for a second. “Look, I wanted something sweet and to get a nice buzz on at the same time! It sounded good.”

Adagio shook her head. “Too good. I think the little idiot thought that it was soda.”

Sonata’s angry cry rang out from the living room. “THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GLASSES-WEARING GINGER FREAK! TAKE OFF THAT HELMET! TAKE OFF THAT HELMET AND DIE IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE!”

Aria shot a terrified look, towards the living room. “Well, what do we do?!”

“We?” Adagio said as she stood to her feet and walked over to grab her faux-fur coat off its hook on the wall. “This is your mess. You can make sure she keeps her aggression focused at the TV. You remember the last time she got into alcohol!”

“Of course I do!” Aria said. “We had to move after we set fire to the house.” Aria’s eyes went wide and she wrapped her arms around herself. “There was soooo much blood…” Aria shook her head as if trying to erase an etch-a-sketch that depicted a traumatizing memory. “Wait, you’re leaving?!”

Adagio nodded. “I’m hungry, I’ve already had to keep that moronic psychopath in check, and I need to drink until this evening turns into a warm, inviting blur.”

“But... but…” Aria stammered.

“GOD F#&%ING DAMMIT, JANET! I HOPE THE WHOLE CLASS GETS STUCK ON PLUTO AND HAS TO EAT YOU TO SURVIVE!”

Aria pointed towards the living room as if current events spoke for themselves.

Adagio rolled her eyes as she placed a hand on the front door’s doorknob. “You’ll be fine. Just keep her focused on the TV and indoors.” With that, Adagio opened the door to the Dazzlings’ home and stepped outside.

Though Adagio closed the door softly, the sound of it shutting seemed to reverberate in Aria’s ear as she fought away panic over what might happen next.

“ARIA!” Sonata shouted out. “Tellemummies is on next! Help me shout at the purple one for carrying around a f#&%ing man-purse!”

Aria took a few calming breaths. “It’s okay… It’s only a few wine coolers,” she reassured herself. “Sonata should be over it in just a little bit…”

Aria took one more big breath, then stepped into the living room.

-ooooo-

"F#&% you, Swiper! You leave Dora alone!" Sonata threw her empty wine cooler bottle ‘at’ the T.V., at least in the sense that the T.V. was in front of her and that’s where Sonata intended the bottle to hit.

Aria’s eyes went wide as the bottle homed in on her location sitting on the easy chair just a bit to the couch’s side.

‘THUD!’

“OW!” Aria cried as she raised a hand to her head, rubbing what was most assuredly going to be a lump soon.

Sonata reached into the couch cushions and pulled out a bottle full of neon blue liquid. She unscrewed the cap and took a swig from it.

Aria gulped. It was going to be a loooooong night of children’s programing.

-ooooo-

“WHAT THE FLYING F#&%, THURSTON?! I HOPE THE ROCKET TRAIN CRASHES INTO A SUPER VOLCANO AND CAUSES IT TO ERUPT!”

-ooooo-

“IF YOU HAD SUITS THAT GAVE YOU THE POWERS OF ANIMALS, WHY WOULD YOU WASTE YOUR TIME SAVING TWO F#&%ING BEAVERS?! WHO THE HELL IS FUNDING THIS BULLS#!%?!

-ooooo-

“GOD DAMNIT, MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS STUFF COMING?! THE F#&%ING MONKEY SCREWS SOMETHING UP EVERY TIME YOU BRING HIM OUT!”

-ooooo-

“CHRIST, CAILLOU! GET YOUR S#!% TOGETHER!”

-ooooo-

“WHY THE EVERLIVING F#&% IS THE BLIND MAN FROM STAR TREK TELLING ME TO READ?! HOW CAN HE READ WITHOUT HIS FUTURE GLASSES?!”

-ooooo-

"F#&% YOU, OSCAR! GET OUT OF THAT GARBAGE CAN!” Sonata shouted as she stood inches away from the screen. She thrust a finger into it. “I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU, YOU DISGUSTING GREEN B%*&#!"

Aria stared out at the TV with a vacant, almost completely empty look in her eyes. A few more bruises had made their way onto her body, and one of her pointed-star headbands was gone… she wasn’t sure where. Now free, one side of her hair was a complete disheveled mess. The end of the pony tail she still had was in her mouth, and she chewed at it with an even rhythm. She knew she couldn’t let it escape like the other one did. Keeping it secured was the only way to make sure it didn’t go anywhere.

‘THUD!’

Aria jumped as she heard the front door slam open.

“Hehehehe… I’m hoooooome~!” Adagio sang out.

“ADAGIO!” Aria said excitedly as she rushed from her chair, into the  entryway and threw her arms around Adagio.

“Whoa!” Adagio cried as she struggled to keep her balance. “Wellll helllooooo to you too, missss huggy!”

Aria took a few sniffs of the air, then broke her embrace of Adagio. “Dagi, you smell like a brewery somehow collapsed into a distillery…”

Adagio smiled wide and threw her arms in the air. “AND THEN A BUUNCH OF PEEOPLE HAD AN ORG-EE IN THE WECKRAGE!” she cried, her enthusiastic display almost causing her to topple forward.

“Uh… wow…” Aria said. “I don’t know about that.”

“I DWOOOO!” Adagio slurred cheerfully.

“ADAGIO!” Sonata cried from the living room. “HELP ME CONVINCE THESE KIDS THAT MR. NOODLE IS A COMPLETE F#&% UP!”

Adagio grinned manically as she half-walked, half-stumbled her way into the living room. “ARE YOU WATCHIN’ THE ONE WITH ALL THE PUPPETSsss AND THERWE’Sss ONLY LIKE THE TWOOO GIRL ONESsss AND A BUNCH OF DUDE PUPPETSSsssssSS!? YOU KNOW THAT FAIRY PUPPET HAS TO BE A C*# GUZZELING ssssSLUT DUMPSsssSTER!”

Aria’s face went blank. “I’m going to hibernate,” she announced. “Not bed. Hibernate. Wake me up when it’s spring again.”

“IT’Ssss ALWEADY MAWRCH!” Adagio cried from the living room.

Aria turned and shouted as she began to climb the staircase. “Hence why I said, ‘again!’”

Revenge Is a Dish Best Served When the Target Just Wants to Nap

“Goooood morning, girls!”

“Ugggggghhhhh…” Adagio groaned a response to the chipper greeting as her eyelids slowly opened, both slowly twitching as if deciding if it was a good idea to let any light in or to simply keep shut without figuring out the source of the noise.  Though a cheerful ‘good morning’ was pretty common in the house, that Adagio was almost certain the voice belonged to…

Aira chuckled. “Or afternoon, should I say?” Aria asked with an uncharacteristic upbeat tone and an even more uncharacteristic smile. “Sleep well?”

Adagio found her eyes only seemed to open half-way. “A-Aria? Wha… oww…” Adagio moaned as the throbbing pain from her head made itself known. On top of that, her mouth was bone dry and she could still taste… well… lots of things… but mostly last night’s beers.

“Owchies…”

Adagio glanced over to the purple easy chair which Sonata was currently slumped in. The hand Sonata held up to her forehead let her know that the blue haired girl probably wasn’t feeling any better than she was, and the disheveled mess both Sonata’s hair and clothes were in gave Adagio a pretty good idea of what she herself probably looked like.

“Awwww…” Aria uttered, though it’s flat tone and look her face showed she wasn’t exactly being genuine. “Are the two party animals suffering from some post-drinking problems?”

Sonata gave Aria a pained look. “I think a goblin snuck into my head and is now playing the bongos!”

Adagio moaned again. “Ughh… Aria, what are you doing up? I thought you said you were going to sleep through the year?”

Aria shrugged. “You guys were unusually quiet during the hours I like to sleep! I feel great!”

Adagio pursed her lips as she continued to wrinkle her brow. The pain in her head and protest from her eyes kept her face in a near perpetual scowl. “‘Hours you like to sleep?’   You’d sleep until well past noon, if given the chance.”

Aria ginned wide.

“Hey, girls?” Sonata said in a tentative tone. “I forgot what it means when the little hand on the clock is pointed up and the big hand is pointed down…”

Adagio sighed. “Sonata, you don’t even know what it means when the hands are pointed anywhere!”

“Yes I do!” Sonata insisted angrily as she flung her hands to her sides. “Owie…” she uttered as she returned her hand to her head.

“‘Owie’ is right,” Adagio said as she rubbed her own head. “Let’s use our ‘indoor voice’ for moronic outbursts, shall we?”

Sonata wrinkled her nose and puffed out her lips. “I know the more the big hands leans over, the faster the time machine goes!”

Adagio and Aria shot eachother confused glances.

“Sonata,” Aria said, “what the heck are you talking about?!”

“Pinkie has clocks on her time machine!” Sonata said. “The more the big hand leans to the right, the faster we get to the future!”

Adagio thought about this for a moment. “Does… Does Pinkie’s machine have four wheels and requires a key to start?” she asked.

Sonata gasped. “You’ve seen it too?!”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “No, just a lucky guess…” She turned to Aria. “If it’s past noon, then why the heck do I still feel tired?!”

Aria smirked. “You two kept screaming at the TV for quite some time. At one point you got mad at it for ‘ooo’ing at you and both started getting angry at the colors cyan and magenta for ‘not committing to one color or the other’.

Sonata sighed. “Yeah, that rainbow show wasn’t very fun.”

Adagio scrunched her lips up to one side of her face. “We got angry at a test pattern!?”

Aria nodded. “Must of… That would explain why you said you ‘missed the chief’ and ‘wanted to have sloppy make-outs with his disembodied head.’”

“Bleh,” Sonata said, “that old black and white Indian circle show was boring anyways! I can’t believe how many seasons it lasted!”

Adagio swallowed. “Please tell me you didn’t record any of what happened last night.”

Aria smiled and shook her head. “Oh, Adagio. What kind of petty vengeance seeker do you take me for?”

Adagio breathed a sigh of relief.

Aria suddenly wiped out a cylindrical item with a cone on the end of it, pointing it up into the air. “Hey! You two want to hear my new air horn?!”

Adagio grit her teeth.

Sonata gave Aria a confused look. “Wait, wha—”

‘AWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…’

“AHHHH!”

“EEEAAAAK!”

The two suffering girls covered their ears as Aria released an eardrum shattering wail into the living room courtesy of her air horn.

‘…OOOOOOOOO!’

Adagio shot Aria a pleading look once the offending noise which seemed to continue to reverberate in her skull subsided. “Okay, you’re mad… I get it… But please tell me you’re not going to continue this one woman attack on our heads all day.”

Aria shook her head. “Of course not! I invited someone over to teach me the drums!”

Adagio cocked an eyebrow. “Invited someone over…? Drums?!”

‘Knock, knock knock knock knock… knock knock!’

Sonata’s pupils suddenly shrunk as if being submerged in a sea of lavender. “Oh no…”

Aria smiled wide. “And there she is now!” Aria walked out of the living room and into the entrance area of the house.

“Aria!” Adagio called out. “Please tell me that isn’t…”

“Hello!” A bubbly feminine voice called out followed by a giggle. “Did someone order a package full of fun?!”

“… Pinkie Pie…” Adagio finished with a sad sigh.

Aria’s voice responded from the other room, “I know two girls who could use a whole crate full of fun!”

Adagio and Sonata watched with expressions one might reserve for when a relative visits who perpetually smells of cigar smoke and had a knack for telling inappropriately racist jokes. However, in this case, the ‘relative’ was a ‘friend’ of sorts who always smelled of cake batter and kept a healthy supply of noisemakers in her hair.

Soon the hyperactive girl was bounding into the living room, her light-blue boots stomping on the ground as she sprung up and down and her curly pink hair bouncing along with each skip. “Have no fear, Pinkie Pie is here!” Pinkie announced as she brought a colorful green and pink noise maker up to her lips and blew into it.

‘Pheeeewoooo!’

“… Yaaaaaaaaaaay…” Sonata replied with a sort of empty hollowness to her voice as she simply stared directly at Pinkie.

Adagio simply stared on with her mouth agape as one of her eyes twitched.

Aria walked back into the living room, her lips spread to the far corners of her mouth into an icepick smile.

“I heard you two weren’t feeling well!” Pinkie said with a concerned look.

Sonata frowned. “My tummy is angry at me and I think my brain is trying to tunnel its way out of my skull!”

“My body is a roadmap of pain!” Adagio chimed in. “And all exits get off onto my forehead!”

Pinkie smiled wide. “Well don’t worry! Nurse Pinkie Pie has just the thing to turn those frowns upside down and get you two feeling super-de-duper again!”

Adagio gulped. “Rest and quiet?” she asked, even though she knew that wasn’t the answer.

“No, silly-billy!” Pinkie replied. She pulled out flat, square-shaped item with a trio of cats on it all wearing Christmas hats. “This CD always makes me feel better when I’m feeling down.”

Adagio stared at the cover art as terror gripped her features. “Pulleeease tell me that’s just the sound of cats purring quietly to help the healing process.”

“Haha! Noper!” Pinkie replied. “I mean… booooring! This is a bunch of cats singing Christmas songs!”

Sonata swallowed as she forced a hopeful smile despite the obvious dread that wrote volumes over her face. “I like Christmas…”

Pinkie’s face lit up. “Then you’re going to love this!”

Aria quickly rushed towards the TV, bent down, and began fiddling with a few devices. “Here, Pinkie!” She said as she held out a hand. “I got the surround sound working for you!”

Pinkie grinned and hopped over to Aria, retrieving the CD from the case and handing it to her.

“A-Aria?” Adagio stammered. “La-look, I’m really sorry about leaving you alone with Sonata last night! Please don’t—”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEEEEOW!”

Adagio was cut off as cats began to wail in a tone vaguely resembling the holiday classic, Jingle Bells. Both Adagio and Sonata clenched their teeth hard as the slightly off tune cries of cats flooded the room causing the already throbbing pain in their heads to protest further.

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW!”

Pinkie smiled wide. Snapping her fingers and tapping her toes in whatever passed for ‘rhythm’ on the song. “Yeah! Listen to those kittens sing!”

“DO WE HAVE A CHOICE?!” Adagio cried.

Sonata slumped in her chair, as if hoping the furniture would suck her into it and allow her some respite from the ‘music’. “Please… make it stop…”

Pinkie turned to Aria “HEY!” she shouted over the cat croons. “You didn’t specify whichtype of drum or drums you wanted to learn, so I just packed my car full of them!”

Aria grinned widely. “Well, we’ll just have to try them all, won’t we?!”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW! MEOW MEOW MEOW, MEEEEOW!”

Pinkie’s smile exploded so wide it seemed her face couldn’t even contain all the joy. “AWESOME-O-POSSUM! Let’s grab some drums!”

Pinkie and Aria rushed out of the living room.

“A-Adagio?” Sonata said in a pained tone.

“… Yeah?”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW,”

“Is God punishing us for our sins?”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW.”

“… Yes. Most definitely, ‘yes’.”

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!”

Sonata whimpered as she sank lower into her chair.

“MEOW!”

To Be Fair, Rules 1 and 2 Are Pretty Hard to Follow When She Ends Each Meeting With "And Remember to Tell Your Friends."

Adagio’s magenta eyes rose briefly over the hunched over backs of the other two ex-sirens. Her brows knit together in a suspicious look before Adagio lowered her face into the safe zone she and the other girls had created by resting their arms on each other’s shoulders. She turned towards Aria. “I don’t know, Aria… What do you think?”

Aria shook her head. “Could be a trap.”

Adagio glanced up slightly before returning her head to the huddle. “You think? She… or he in this case is doing a very good job at looking effeminate if that’s true.”

“Not that kind of trap!” Aria exclaimed in irritation. “The regular kind were we’re tricked into something… You know… we walk out that door and suddenly we get hit with skipping detention! And then bam, more punishment!”

Adagio hummed thoughtfully, ignoring the sound as she considered Aria’s words. “Hmmm…” She turned to Sonata. “Sonata, what do you think?”

Aria sighed. “She doesn’t! Not ever! Why do you even ask?!”

“Hey!” Sonata snapped back. “I happen to have a brilliant idea!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “Here we go.”

Sonata continued, “I say we kill her and hide the body!”

Adagio groaned.

“Told you!” Aria said.

Adagio looked up at Sonata with a tired look on her face. “Sonata, for the last time, we can’t just murder Ms. Cheerilee!”

Sonata gave Adagio a disappointed look. “We never do what Iwant to do!” she bemoaned.

Adagio furrowed her brow. “You want to get some tacos or ice cream when we finally get out of here, fine, we’ll do it! But every time we huddle up, you always want to kill someone! You never just want a double-decker!”

“Girls!” Cheerilee snapped from the front of the empty classroom. “I’m just a few yards away from you! I can hear everything you say!”

Sonata lifted her head up from the huddle. “That’s what we want you to think!”

Adagio groaned again as she lowered her head, giving it a couple slow, sad shakes.

Sonata grinned. “I’ve always wanted to say that!”

Aria cocked an eyebrow. “Do ya’ think you coulda waited until it actually made sense!”

“That’s what I WANTED you to think!”

Aria narrowed her eyes at Sonata. “I spit in your mouth while you sleep.”

Sonata whimpered.

Adagio raised her head. “Kinky!”

“Seriously, girls!” Cheerilee cried. “I’m waiting on you three! Once you’re out, we can all go home!”

Standing admits the empty desks, the girls broke their huddle and gave each other one more look before turning to face Cheerilee.

“We don’t believe you,” Adagio said. “Also, please lift your skirt if you will.”

“What?! No!” Cheerilee cried. “Girls, I can’t lock up until you’re out of the room! You’re free! Go! Just Go!”

“No way!” Aria said as she leveled an accusatory finger at Cheerilee. “You just want to dump more detention on us!”

Cheerilee grit her teeth. “I can’t give you more detention because you three don’t have any!”

“Ha!” Adagio cried. “I find that hard to believe! We’ve had detention pretty much every day since we started going to school.”

“Yeah!” Aria said. “We musta done something!”

Cheerilee frowned heavily. “If you did something wouldn’t you remember it?!”

The three girl’s eyes widened as they turned and looked at each other, exchanging blank expressions and shrugs.

Sonata turned and raised her hand.

“Sonata, we’re not in class,” Cheerilee said.

“She is trying to trick us!” Aria exclaimed as her index finger once again flew out to stab in the direction of Cheerilee. “Now she wants us to believe we’re not in a classroom!”

Cheerilee smacked a hand against her face. “I mean class isn’t in session!” She removed her hand and looked at Sonata. “You don’t have to wait to be called on, you can just talk!”

Sonata lowered her hand. “I never remember what I’m in detention for!”

Aria nodded. “And I figure someone is gonna nark me out for starting a school fight club sooner or later!”

Adagio scrunched her lips up slightly. “I can get pretty noisy in the throes of passion… I mean, the natural science section of the library isn’t exactly private and biting down on a book will only muffle so much.”

Cheerilee grimaced as her left eye twitch and she examined her hands. “I’m just going to pretend I heard none of that.” She lowered her hands and stared at the girls again. “Look! I’m just as surprised as you, but you’ve all somehow avoided doing anything wrong or at least getting caught doing it! Can you please just go! I’m just as tired of spending an extra hour each day at school as I’m sure you three are.” Cheerilee raised her hands again and stared at them. “Plus I really want to wash my hands now.”

Sonata grinned cheerfully. “You also touched your face!”

Cheerilee sighed. “Make that take a really hot shower.”

The girls looked at each other and exchanged another round of head shakes and shrugs.

“Fine, we’ll go,” Adagio said. “But only on one condition!”

Cheerilee’s shoulders slumped. “Adagio, I promise you I’m a woman!”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “Prove it!”

The Commodity of Love

‘Knock! Knock!’

Adagio sighed as she heard a knock from the front door. For whatever reason, the other Dazzlings were not in the living room generating an obnoxious level of noise, but held up in their rooms doing… God only knew what. While this had given Adagio some time to sprawl across the big purple couch and watch her daily soaps uninterrupted, she knew it meant trouble in the future. Sonata was likely creating some sort of horrible mess she’d need help cleaning and there was a better-than-not chance Aria wouldn’t exit her room until she had skipped basic hygiene long enough that she came out smelling like week-old dirty socks that had been left out in the sun.

‘Knock! Knock! Knock! Knock!’

It also meant she might actually have to get up and answer the door!

“Aria!” Sonata shouted out. “Please get out of your caveand answer the door!”

“I’M BUSY GRINDING MY GOAT!”

Adagio sat up in alarm. She… she’s turning Chompers into sausage?! Adagio got up and walked to the front room. Looking out the window, she could see a large wooly goat with big curved horns locked in a tug of war over a mail bag with a blond, wall-eyed girl in a baby-blue shirt and shorts.

Adagio put on a perplexed look and shouted up the stairs, “Is that a euphemism for something, or…?”

“I’m playing Goat MMO Simulator!” Aria shouted back. “So unless you’re going to bring me up some soda and some chips, get off my back!”

Adagio let out a heavy sigh. “Sonata?!”

“I’M MAKING TACO ISLAND!” came the response.

Adagio forehead tightened almost on impulse. “… Nevermind!”

“KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!”

Adagio gritted her teeth. Shebegrudgingly walked over to the door and flung it open. “What do you wa…?!” Adagio trailed off when she noticed she was staring down a bright sunny day. Near the mailbox, the same blond-haired mail-girl was now locked in a wrestling match with Chompers over a saliva-soaked letter. She looked down and jumped slightly, startled to see a girl with silvery-blue hair biting her lip until the skin around it had turned white. The girl was in a purple sun dress with a magic wand and star design on it and she sat on her knees and looking up at Adagio with a sort of desperate look on her face.

“Trixie wants you!”

Adagio simply blinked a few times. “Uh… okaaaaay…”

Trixie continued, “Ever since that first day you showed up at Canterlot High, Trixie has been unable to get you out of her thoughts! Everyday I’m plagued by the idea of running my hands through your glorious long locks of fiery hair, and every night I can’t help but wonder how your curves must feel—” Trixie swallowed “—how your lips must taste. I think of you almost as much as I think about myself! Trixie wants you! Trixie needs you!” Trixie clasped her hands together as if she was begging. “Take Trixie! Use Trixie! Abuse me! Do what you will with me! Just so long as you accept me! I don’t care!” Trixie’s eyes went wild and unfocused briefly. “And Trixie won’t take ‘no’ for an answer!”

Adagio looked down into Trixie’s eyes, deep and purple like a fine dark wine. There was something dangerous in those eyes, almost as if Adagio could see a flickering fire that was threatening to consume everything around it. Despite the danger, Adagio could feel herself being drawn closer, invited by the fire’s blistering heat despite the danger. It was possible Adagio herself would be consumed in her suitor’s madness, but she knew some things were worth the risk.

Trixie had much to offer her, and she’d be a fool to simply dismiss the girl from her doorstep.

Adagio kneeled down, took Trixie’s hands in her own, and lifted her up. Trixie’s hands seemed to shake in anticipation… or perhaps the girl was doing all she could from wrapping her arms around Adagio and ravaging her in front of Chompers, the mail-girl, and anyone else passing through the neighborhood.

Adagio could feel Trixie’s hot breath on her face, catching the faint scent of cinnamon with each exhale. She locked her amethyst eyes with Trixie’s darker wine-colored eyes. She gave Trixie a seductive smile as she fluttered her eyelids. “My going rate is $100 per hour and an extra $75 for ‘special services’,” she said with a wink before licking her lips.

Trixie reached down into a blue handbag and pulled out a wallet. “Do you take credit?”

“Hold on,” Adagio said as she quickly walked back into the house, “let me get my smartphone and my Square.”

The Legend of King Forge and the Colonies

‘KABOOO!’

Aria smiled widely as another explosion filled the night sky with blue and gold. Lounging on a lawn chair that almost put her in the lying position, she raised a stout glass full of ice and a brown liquid up to her lips and took a sip.

‘KABOOM!’

Aria hummed contently as yet another firework went off, filling the night with light and noise.

“What the heck are you doing?!” Adagio’s annoyed voice called out.

Aria leaned over slightly and motioned out with the hand that held her beverage, the ice clinking gently. “I’m watching the fireworks!”

“I can see that? I meant what are you doing inside?!”

“It’s like 90 out there!” Aria said. “I can see the fireworks fine from here!” She declared as she continued staring out the large window of the Dazzling’s entry room.

‘KABOOM!’

Adagio jumped slightly, then looked up at the sky in annoyance. “I don’t even know what’s the point of this stupid holiday. Every year it’s just bright lights and noise.”

“I know! It’s great.” Aria said. “For some reason I get to see explosions and see you get all huffy!” She took a sip of her drink. “It’s win-win!”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “That’s not—”

“You two don’t even know the true meaning of Independence Day?!”

Adagio and Aria turned and looked up the stairs as Sonata hefted down a massive misshapen red bag.

Sonata shook her head as she descended the stairs, stopped at the front door, and dropped the bag. “Don’t you two know anything?!”

Adagio and Aria narrowed their eyes.

“You hold her down,” Aria said. “I’ll punch her.”

Sonata continued, “Everyone knows the fireworks are to scare away the British!”

Adagio and Aria exchanged confused glances.

“Sonata,” Adagio began, “the sounds incredibly stupid.”

Sonata folded her arms across her chest. “Do you want to hear the story of July the 4th or not?”

“Not,” Adagio answered.

“I do,” Aria said, “but only because it’ll annoy Adagio more.”

Adagio creased her brow and glared at Aria.

Sonata smiled. “Every year the ghost of King Forge angrily gathers the English troops to reclaim the lost American Colonies.”

Adagio cocked an eyebrow, “Wait… wouldn’t the military—”

Aria raised a finger to her lips “Shhhhh! Let’s see where this goes.”

Adagio shot Aria a sour look.

“Now as everyone knows, ghosts are afraid of loud noises and bright things.”

Aria nodded. “Of course.”

Adagio rolled her eyes.

“So every year everyone gets fireworks and shoots them off into the sky! Scarring King Forge and his troops off for another year!”

Aria chuckled. “Seems legit.”

Adagio shook her head. “Sonata, that has got to be the most ridiculous—”

Sonata practically dived into her misshapen bag. With a couple muffled clicks she resurfaced with a pair of large gold framed reflective sunglasses and two hissing, lit massive rockets, one under either arm. “So that’s why I have these!” Sonata exclaimed as the rocked fusses continued to hiss and shoot sparks off in all direction.

Aria’s eyes widened and she leaned away from the sparks, raising a hand between her face, her drink and the fiery items.  “Whoa!

“Sonata!” Adagio cried as she quickly gathered her own hair and held onto it tightly. “Not in the house! Do you know how much hairspray Aria uses to keep my hair in place?!”

Sonata suddenly kicked the door, it slammed open. “UP YOURS, KING FORGE!” Sonata cried as the sparks and flames of the fuses reached the end of the rockets.

‘HisssssssssSSSSHHHH’

A mass of golden sparks shot from the ends of the rockets.

‘HHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo’

The massive fireworks shot off into the sky, smoke streaking behind them.

‘KAAAAAABOOOOOOM!’

“Aaaaaiiieeee!” Adagio cried as the massive dual explosions rocked the house and she dived into the living room.

Aria coughed and waved her hand in front of her face, clearing some of the smoke that now filled the entry room. “Maybe you could fire the rest outside, genius?”

“Sonata!” Adagio cried poking her head back into the room. “What have we said about lighting high explosives indoors!?”

“Pfft, whatever…” Sonata said dismissively. She adjusted her sunglasses. “You’ll be thanking me when we go another year without ghosts!”

Afternoon Delight

Aria glared out at the coffee maker in front of her, her grumpy countenance framed by purple hair which clung to her cheeks in a soaking wet mass.  Her eyes focused onto her her dark, dark blue mug that read “looks like I’m the only one here with a mug full of THE ANTIDOTE”.   The kitchen’s single cup coffee machine continued to release a black, almost ooze like substance, which dribbled into down into the mug. A small white cup with sat next to the machine, Aria already having used it to get the first half of the strong coffee she required to lift her out of ‘angry cavegirl mode’ as Sonata liked to call it. Soon she’d be able to do more than grunt irritably and perform simple acts of violence; she’d be able to string sentences together and commit complex acts of violence.

As the machine gave out one last spat of dark black dredge, Aria reached for her mug. She brought it up to her lips and took a small sip of the black substance. She felt her eyes widen as the hot, bitter coffee entered her mouth.

Her bleary eyes focused, taking in the  kitchen as if really seeing it for the first time that morning. Huh… Adagio must finally broke down and cleaned recently. She mused, noting the sticky crust of miscellaneous substances were absent from the kitchen’s counters, floors, walls, and ceiling. She took another quick scan of the room, craning her neck slightly to see if perhaps a certain someone was ineffectually hiding behind a chair or simply with her back turned facing a cupboard or wall.

A memory of Sonata’s chipper words rang through Sonata’s ears, ‘If I can’t see them, they can’t see me!’

Ari shook her head, as if the action would evict the obnoxious memory.  Wonder what the little psycho is up to… she thought, taking note that Sonata hadn’t yet bugged her nor seemed to be waiting for her first sip before launching straight into ‘insane airhead’ mode .

Aria took another small drink and noted Adagio was likewise absent, though that fact was far less surprising. Both her and Adagio tended to sleep in, sometimes until well past noon.

‘Creak… Creak…’

Aria picked out the familiar cadence of Adagio slowly dragging herself down the stairs and decided to take a seat at the kitchen’s small round table. She prepared an almost motherly look of disappointment.

Adagio’s face surrounded by a mess of orange hair soon appeared in the kitchen doorway. This was quickly followed by the rest of her covered in lingerie, which was very short on modesty, and an open purple bathrobe. With a quick glance around the kitchen, Adagio soon caught the look Aria was giving her. Adagio returned fire with a look that seemed to say, ‘Oh you’re one to talk!’

Aria took a sip of her coffee, taking slight solace in the fact that she got to let out the disappointed look today. Given both participants were usually up rather late, this greeting ritual she and Adagio had wasn’t so much a game either could ‘win’ so much as ‘lose to a smaller degree than the other’. The morning pleasantries taken care of, Aria’s eyes shot open wide as she took notice of the many, many bruises Adagio had acquired since the last time she saw her. “Whoa, Adagio! The heck happened to you?! You look like one of your clients after they get out of your room!”

Adagio let out an annoyed sigh as if she knew was going to be having this exact, tedious conversation. She opened a cupboard and pulled out a black mug with a red heart on it. “Trixie came over and confessed her obsession with me.”

Aria waited for a follow up. Aria scrunched her forehead slightly as Adagio wordlessly went about fetching a box of sugar, a spoon, and a black mug with a smudged red heart on it.

“Okay, so what?” Aria said. “Peeps throw themselves at our feet all the time, and even without our powers we’re still super-hot.”

Adagio bent down and opened a cupboard. She looked through a selection of tiny cups full of coffee grounds, picking out a cinnamon flavored one. “Well, I told her my rates of course.”

“Sure, but how did you—”

“I let her have a turn with the flogger, alright?!” Adagio cried.

Aria’s eyes widened in surprise. “Whoa, you let someone else swat the heck out of you for a change?!”

Adagio poured a generous helping of sugar into her mug and placed it under the coffee machine’s nozzle. “She seemed like she would make a good dom and I just wanted a change of pace!” Adagio snapped irritably as she opened the top of the machine, removed Aria’s last coffee ‘charge’ and put in her own. She hit a button and quickly turned to level an agitated glower at Aria. “Do you have to ask so many questions this early in the” –Adagio glanced over to the microwave clock –“afternoon?!”

“Well dang, Dagi. You don’t usually walk down the stairs looking like you did a few rounds with a kickboxer. ”

Adagio threw on a mock smile. “Hey! Here’s an idea! Why don’t we fixate on how you spend the last several days holed up in your room!” Adagio let the fake smile fall from her face as her brow wrinkled. “I’m amazed you didn’t gas us all out of the house with the horrendous smell when you finally emerged!”

“Hey, I just need to take a shower and I’m good to go,” Aria said as she brushed a strand of soaked hair away from her face. “You're gonna have to wear pants and a sweater or somethin’ if you don’t want a lot of questions. What the heck was it about Trixie that made you feel like experimentin’ anyhow?”

Adagio glanced at her mug impatiently as a steady stream of coffee dripped into it. She refocused her irritated glare at Aria. “Is it so wrong that I found her possibly all-consuming obsession with me kind of adorable!? Look! I don’t have to tell you everything! In fact, I don’t have to tell you anything!”

Aria raised her palms in front of her defensively. “Alright, chill! I was just a little surprised is all.” Aria took a sip of coffee. “You don’t exactly give your clients a ton of freedom… I mean, I thought that was sorta the point.” Aria narrowed her eyes. “Wait… you don’t actually… you know… like her, or nothin’.”

“Of course not!” Adagio snapped as the coffee machine spat out its last few drops of coffee. “Don’t be absurd!” Adagio quickly grabbed the mug and the spoon. She thrust the spoon into the mug and began stirring. “The very idea of me becoming attached to someone is ludicrously absurd!”

Aria cocked an eyebrow and sipped her coffee. “That was a lot of words to just say ‘no’, Dagi.”

Adagio crinkled her nose into a sneer as she flopped down into a chair next to Aria. “Look would you drop it already?! So last night went just a little different from other nights! No need to make a federal case out of it!” Adagio took a sip of steaming coffee and immediately recoiled as the hot liquid made contact with her mouth. “Ow!” she exclaimed before blowing on the hot beverage inside her mug.

Aria chuckled. “I thought you were starting to enjoy pain.” She raised her own mug up to her lips to help conceal a smile. Though far from the hardest person to annoy, Adagio seemed oddly touchy today.

 Adagio narrowed her eyes at Aria. “Look, as flattered as I am that Trixie is still obsessed with me despite our magic having worn off, she’s still going to have to pay for the privilege of being with me, just like everyone—”

“The Grrrrrreat and Powerful Trixieis feeling peckish!”

Aria’s head snapped towards the doorway as Trixie announced herself before she heard someone stepping down the stairs. She turned back to Adagio who looked like someone suddenly blotted up all the color from her face. “You… you let her spend the night?!” Aria exclaimed in disbelief.

“She… she was a lot of fun, alright?!” Adagio said with a sheepish look as the steps continued. Adagio lowered her head, allowing her frizzy hair to fall in front of her face. “I lost track of time,” she added quietly.

“… Wait, you mean you let her spend the night and you only charged her for an hour?!” Aria exclaimed.

Adagio’s face came back, her teeth already clenched together hard. “Shut. Up.”

Trixie walked into the kitchen her hair a frazzled mess, but her body mostly completely covered by a form fitting full leather outfit with a zipper that went down the middle. Trixie had zipped or unzipped the suit so that her head was exposed, the hood crinkled behind her. The tops of her breasts where likewise exposed, her cleavage enjoying the benefit of the tight-fighting outfit pushing them up.

“You!” Adagio snapped at Trixie. “I strapped you into the gimp suit and put you in the gimp box!”

“Hmmm, yes,” Trixie said dismissively, “but I decided I was hungry.”

Aria closed her eyes hard and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Adagio, I think we should agree not to talk about work first thing in the afternoon.”

Adagio ignored Aria. “But… but the flipping box was padlocked!”

Trixie grinned. “The Grrrrrrrreat and Powerful Trixieis a master of many talents,” her grin fell from her face, “but that box was pretty cheaply made… Also, you need a new gimp box.”

Trixie continued her journey into the girl’s kitchen as Adagio let out an irritated growl and turned to Aria.

“Don’t look at me,” Aria said. “Maybe if you bought some halfway decent wood she wouldn’t have Beatrix Kiddo’d her way out of the stupid thing.”

The girls turned as they heard the fridge open. Trixie’s leather clad, shapely backside poked out from behind the fridge’s chrome door as she leaned down to examine the contents inside. She suddenly stood up and poked her head out from behind the door, giving Adagio and Aria a perplexed look. “Do you… do you all just live off Lunchables?!”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “Get out of our fridge!”

In Which Continuity Continues to Be a Thing

Sonata bounded down the stairs with the energy of a hyperactive 10 year old. The kitchen sounded unusually lively. Though it was late enough in the day that both Adagio and Aria being up wasn’t too strange, the pair usually kept their aggression at a sort of quiet and tense simmering point. It was only when Sonata made her presence known did things tend to boil over until all the girls got fed up with one another, breaking off to one electronic distraction or another.

Getting to the bottom of the stairs, Sonata titled her head and peered through a doorway so she could look into kitchen. The answer to what had got the other two Dazzlings so worked up quickly became apparent: one of the girls from school was inside, dressed as a spy.

Sonata focused her eyes and raised an index finger to her chin. What was her name? Lixie? Hixie?

“Trixie,” Adagio said in an aspirated tone, “if you’re going to bitch about what’s in our fridge than you can just close it and find something else to eat!”

Trixie! That was it… The other two girls must be mad because they caught her trying to steal our delicious Luncahbles! Still… who can blame her?

“I was just surprised!” Trixie said as she sat down at the table and began tearing into a peanut butter and jelly Lunchable. “I love Lunchables, but I figured you three had more expensive taste.”

“I prefer quality meals,” Adagio said motioning to herself. “The other two idiots here generally don’t care what they stick in their mouths.”

“Pfffft…” Aria replied with a smirk. “Look who’s talking!”

Adagio narrowed her eyes. “That’s not what I mean! I’m talking about the weird and disgusting stuff you make out of leftovers.”

Aria folded her arms across her chest. “Pizza topped with chow mien, is awesome, Adagio.”

“More like ‘awful’,” Adagio retorted.

Aria lifted her nose into the air. “I will not apologize for art!”

Trixie began to snack on the ‘sandwich’ she had constructed as she looked back and forth between the quarrelling girls. “Do you two do this every day?”

Adagio scrunched her lips to one side of her mouth. “Well, usually Sonata is here by n—”

“Hello!” Sonata said cheerfully as she thrust herself into the kitchen.

Aria sighed heavily. “You just had to mention her, didn’t you?”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “She lives here! She was bound to show up at some point! We’ll only get solace when a toy’s age warning woefully over estimates Sonata’s intelligence and she chokes on a piece of plastic shaped like a taco.”

Trixie cocked an eyebrow. “How… how do you girls manage to share a house together?”

Aria and Adagio looked at each other then back to Trixie.

“Uh… We just do?” Aria said replied in a slightly perplexed tone.

Adagio shook her head. “Trixie, what the heck are you on about?”

“You all seem to hate each other,” Trixie said. “How do you all put up with it?”

Adagio and Aria turned towards one another and both raised an eyebrow.

Adagio turned back to Trixie. “It’s called ‘family’?” she answered, stressing ‘family’ as if the answer was apparent.

“Speaking of family,” Sonata said as she leaned down and placed her face inches away from Trixie’s, “are you our new mommy?”

Trixie’s face contorted in confusion. “Uh…”

Aria and Adagio’s eyes shot open wide as Aria began to cough and sputter on her coffee and Adagio sprayed hers across the table onto the side of Trixie’s face.

“So-Sonata…cough… cough…” Aria exclaimed. “What? Why?!”

Trixie scowled at Adagio and wiped coffee away from her face.  “Can we save the spitting on me until we’re behind closed doors, please?”

Adagio gave Trixie a sheepish look.

Sonata grinned. “Well, now that everyone is paying attention to me—” Sonata produced a letter that looked like it had one of its corners bitten off – “It’s here!” Sonata shouted. “And only partially eaten.”

Adagio loaded an annoyed expression and fired it off at Aria. “You really need to get rid of that goat.”

“Hey,” Aria said in a protesting tone. “I opened the gate so he could roam free! How was I supposed to know he’d actually like it here enough to stay?!”

Trixie leaned forward slightly and peered at the letter. “So, what is it?” she asked.

Adagio and Aria groaned.

“Don’t encourage her!” Adagio cried.

“Yeah,” Aria agreed, “you keep talking to her like that and she starts thinking she’s people.”

Sonata’s smile widened as she held up the letter. “I’m glad you asked, Mixie!”

Trixie narrowed her eyes. “It’s Tri—”

“This is a letter from the creators of Dinosaur Monorail, no doubt saying they love my entry for the shows series finale and will use it right away!” Sonata’s happy smile suddenly turned wild and malevolent. “You see, the conductor of the Rocket Rail decides the dinosaurs are a plague on the planet and uses the time machines to cause several volcanoes to erupt simultaneous across all the different time periods!”

Adagio’s brow knit. “How can they explode simultaneously, but in different ti—”

Sonata continued, “The eruptions wipe out all the dinosaurs!” Sonata’s grin began to grow darker and darker. “Some die quickly in the fiery explosion of debris and lava! Other’s die slowly as the ash thrown up into the sky blocks the sun and kills off the dinosaur’s food supply, causing them to slowly starve to death!” Sonata said cheerfully. Her grin suddenly went supernova. “The main family dies when the T-rex they adopted finally gives into his base predatorily instincts and devours the pterodactyls!”

“Wow…” Trixie muttered. “That sounds rather… heavy… for a children’s show.”

Sonata shrugged. “Gotta explain how all the dinosaurs died somehow!”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “Somehow I’m not hopeful they’re going to pick it up.”

Aria nodded in agreement. “Yeah! No one is going to read a script written in crayon, doofus.”

“… That’s not what—” Adagio sighed heavily. “Never mind…”

Aria continued, “They’re especially not gonna try to read anything in your chicken scratch!”

Sonata smiled. “And that’s why I drew and mailed a story board of the whole thing!”

Once again, Sonata’s words caused Adagio and Aria’s eyes to go wide.

“Sonata… you… you didn’t…” Adagio uttered.

Aria shook her head. “Those poor bastards.”

Trixie looked back between Adagio and Aria. “What? What’s the problem?”

Adagio frowned heavily. “Sonata is a very—” Adagio paused and stared upwards as if some of the messy locks of her hair contained the word she was searching for “—skilled artist.”

Aria chimed in, “Yeah, she’s great with detail, but…” Aria wrapped her arms around herself and shuttered.

Adagio picked up where Aria left off. “But what she draws is usuallyhorrifying!”

Aria nodded. “Yeah, just imagine if that famous Italian painter dude they named a samurai tortoise after… uh… Duh Itchy had a DeviantArt account.”

Trixie cringed. “Trixie is could have lived without that mental image.” She gave Sonata a puzzled look. “But why would you want the show to end? If you like it enough to write an episode for it, why the ending?”

Sonata’s expression suddenly turned very serious. “That show has already friggin’ soared over a megalodon!”

Aria let out an exasperated sigh.

“Oh, here we go!” Adagio said in an annoyed tone as she leaned back in her chair.

Trixie’s expression revealed Sonata’s explanation did little to answer the silvery-blue haired girl’s question. “Er… Was that like… an episode, or…”

“It’s called Dinosaur Monorail!” Sonata insisted. “Not Dinosaur blimp! You know they made that stupid airship just so they could sell more toys! I mean… Who makes a show for kids just as a marketing excuse to sell a buncha toys?! That’s just evil!”

Aria suddenly sat upright as a quick shiver seemed to pass through her head and down to her toes.

Adagio cocked an eyebrow at her. “What’s your problem?”

“I dunno,” Aria replied. “For some reason I just got this weird sense of existential dread…”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “Me too, it’s called ‘listening to Sonata talk for any length of time!” She turned to Sonata. “Just open your stupid letter so we can all get on with our lives.”

Sonata happily hooked a finger into the chewed corner of the letter and tore the top open. She took out and unfolded a piece of paper then held it in front of her, her eyes slowly scanning the printed words on it. Sonata’s gleeful expression quickly fell into an ocean of disappointment. “Another restraining order.” She sighed heavily, lowered her head, and shook her head. “Story of my life…”

Adagio looked unfazed. “I knew it. Looks like we’ll have to update the list of places Sonata’s banned from, again.”

Sonata’s shoulders began to heave up and down as she quietly stood in the kitchen, her head still lowered. “Hhehhh… sob… choke…”

“Ugh… Not again,” Adagio said.

“WhouaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHOUAAAAAAHHOUAAAAAH!”

Trixie frowned as she watched Sonata suddenly erupted into body wracking sobs and tears that practically formed waterfalls going down her cheeks.

Aria placed her hands over her ears as Sonata wailed. “Seriously?! You get one of those every time you submit an episode somewhere! What’s the big deal?!”

“WHOUAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHEEEEeeHHH… choke… But… But… sob… I tried so hard!…Sob… And I got so far! But in the end it doesn’t even matter! WHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAAAHOUAAAA!”

Aria rolled her eyes, pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. “Alright, stop bawling like a baby. Let’s go to Greasy Pizza’s already.”

Sonata looked up, her expression suddenly changing as if someone suddenly threw a switch from ‘sob miserably’ to ‘hope springs eternal’. “Can we throw skee balls at all the animatronics?” she asked in a hopeful tone.

“Is there any other reason to go?” Aria said as she walked out of the room.

“Yay!” Sonata exclaimed happily as she discarder her letter and followed Aria.

“Oh!” Trixie said as she stood up. “Trixie will go, too! Greasy Pizza’s never fails to remind me my life could always be much worse!”

Adagio chuckled as Trixie followed the other two girls. “Heh, well looks like I get a nice quiet day all to myself.”

‘SLAM!’ came the answer from the house’s door.

“Yep,” Adagio said to the empty kitchen. “Finally a day where I can just lay on the couch and not have to deal with idiots making a racket with the stupid things they’re doing.”

Silence was Adagio’s only answer. She reveled in it for a few seconds before she started to impatiently tap her foot against the kitchen floor.

Adagio sighed heavily and stood up from her chair. “Hey, wait!” She called out. “I need to get changed!” she cried as she discarder her purple robe.

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait Almost Two Years

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One Night at Greasy's (Come On... You All Saw This Coming)

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I Ain't Afraid of No Blobbish Gray... Piles.

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A Not so Special Christmas Special

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Food for Thought

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The Fluffiest Installment Yet

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Sex, Robots, and Hamsters... But Not Necessarily in That Order

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The Bourne Compuhackingavagansa!

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In Which Adagio is a Slut. Shocking, I Know!

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In Which Aria and Sonata are Kinda Mean! WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?!

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Surprise! Sunset Shimmer is Angry in This One!

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Guess What Day It Is!

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Do You Wanna Commit Copyright Infringement?

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The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 1: A Delicious Cut of Meat

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The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 2: Submissive Bread

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The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 3: Catatonic Stuffing

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The​ ​Dazzlings​ ​Do​ ​Thanksgiving: Blood​ ​Red​ ​Cranberry​ ​Sauce

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The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 5: And Several Slices of Pie

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And Now to Focus on Lyft!

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Oy Vey Sonata

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Driving Miss Blazey

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The Most Relatable Chapter Yet

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Guess the Theme!

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The Heavy Toll of Mega Cuddles

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Hey, What’s Going on with Adagio and Sonata Anyways?

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Despataco

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Taki is Dead

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Urgently Needed Care

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Urinal Lot of Trouble

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How Early Are They For That Flight

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The Hairpocolypse or How I Learned to Shut Up and Love the Self-Insert

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Flames, Dames, and Automobiles

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Vengeance Fell

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What the H: Part ! "The Room"

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What the H: Part @ "Adagio Sunset & Allegrio Midnight (Allegrio Shine can come too...)

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Favorite Animals

Favorite Animals

“So what’s everyone’s favorite animal?” Sonata asked as she looked around the classroom.

“Ooo! Ooo!” Pinkie cried raising her hand. “I like baby alligators!”

“Neat!” Sonata said with a smile. “I like praying mantises because they eat their mates.”

All the boys sitting close to Sonata scooched their desks a few inches away.

Ms. Cheerilee shot Sonata and Pinkie an annoyed look. “Girls! This is world history!”

Sonata nodded “Yeah, but that was boring, so I figured we could talk about something everyone likes!”

Ms. Cheerilee gritted her teeth. “THAT’S NOT HOW CLASS WORKS!”

“I like wolverines,” Aria chimed in. “They’re vicious and can kill prey several times their size.”

All the students sitting close to Aria scooched their desks a few inches away.

“YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN THIS CLASS!” Cheerilee cried. “What are you doing here?!”

“I’m partial to the antechinuses,” Adagio said casually as she examined the back of her hand. “That’s a marsupial that has sex until it gets so exhausted it dies.”

All the boys close to Adagio shifted their desks a few inches closer to her.

Cheerilee gave a defeated sigh as she collapsed into her chair and placed her hands on her face, resting her elbows on her desk. She shook her head. “I should have been a gardener…” she uttered to herself.

For-realzies-ultra-super-emergency Taco Cache

“I’m soooo hungry!” Sonata moaned as she strolled into the Dazzling’s living room.

“I don’t care,” Aria announced as she lounged on the girl’s purple couch. She held a comic book in front of her face she had folded to hold in one hand.

“But I’m out of emergency tacos!” Sonata whined. “So I’m like… past emergency! This is a for-realzies-ultra-super-emergency taco shortage!”

Aria sighed as she lowered her comic book with enough speed the it whacked against her knee. “Just walk to the Taco Hut, I know you’re an idiot, but I also know you can walk there and back without getting lost!” She raised her comic back in front of her face, adding “unfortunately” under her breath.

“But I’m so hungry!” Sonata cried as she clenched her fists and brought them up to her cheeks. “I might die of starvation on the way there!”

Aria rolled her eyes. “…If only.”

“That’s why I need Adagio!”

“Adagio?” Aria asked as she lowered her comic again. “Why do you need—”

Aria was cut off by the sound of feet stomping loudly all the way down the stairs. Adagio came into view, her open purple bathrobe billowing behind her exposing her lilac lingerie barely which concealed any of her more private parts. She shot Sonata a glare a she made her way into the living room. “DO YOU MIND?!” she cried angrily. “YOUR WHINING IS MAKING IT HARD TO SLEEP.”

Aria glanced at a large clock on the wall that had a sparkling golden-colored frame.  “Dagi… it’s two in the afternoon!”

“And I was up late!” Adagio snapped as she walked into the living room. “Geez, you two are so inconsider—”

“YAY!” Sonata cried as she suddenly plunged her hands into Adagio’s vast orange curls. “I’M SAVED!” she announced as she pulled out two wrapped tacos.

Adagio and Aria’s eyes went wide as Sonata happily walked away, unwrapped a taco, and took a bite.

Adagio’s face turned bright red. “I’m… going… to… kill her… so… hard!”

Aria quickly raised her hands in front of her face as she tried to stifle a fit of laughter.

Adagio turned and glared murder at Aria. “AND JUST WHAT IS SO FUNNY?!”

“Forgot taco sauce~!” Sonata sang out as she walked up to Adagio, placed her hand into her hair, and pulled out a bottle of a brownish-red liquid. Sonata quickly did an about face and hummed to herself.

The dam of Aria’s hands broke and laughter poured out of her as she toppled to the floor with a loud ‘thud’. She continued to laugh from the ground.

Adagio grit her teeth and her eyes twitched as she watched Sonata walk away. “GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”