The Sisterhooves Anti-Social

by kudzuhaiku

Rating: teen
Tags: Sweetie Belle, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 10930

The Royal Pony Sisters, together once more, decide it is time to resurrect an ancient contest

This is a commissioned work for Cucharrador.

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna decide to check and see if they are truly blameless in the eyes of their subjects. To do this, they decide to play a game from long ago... The Sisterhooves Anti-social.

Published 2015-01-27 03:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-05-06 15:32:53 UTC

Chapter 1

Creeping up upon her sleepy sibling, Princess Celestia placed her mouth near her sister’s ear, drew a deep breath, which tickled her sister’s ear, and then softly whispered, “Sister, it is that time again… time for us to have a little gentle fun with our subjects.”

“Hmmwha?”

Pulling away slightly, Princess Celestia considered her sister’s sleepy utterance. Feeling a slight sense of worry, Princess Celestia hoped that her sister had not forgotten their contest from the old days. Celestia looked into her sister’s blinking sleepy eyes and realised it would be time to raise the sun soon.

“Dearest sister, surely you remember our ancient contest, the Sisterhooves Anti-Social, please assure me that you do indeed recall our contest,” Celestia said as she gave her sister a nudge with her hoof.

“Oh that…” Luna’s words trailed off as a wry grin overtook her face. “The storied contest of seeing what we could get away with because of our princesshood. Will these modern times even allow for such activity?”

Nodding, Celestia’s eyes twinkled with merriment. “Now more so than ever. Such an act is seen as being beneath most ponies, it is ignored for the most part, and acknowledging it is a larger breach of etiquette than actually doing it.”

While sighing, Luna looked a little sad for a moment, Celestia could see it, but then it was gone just as quickly as the glimmer of a glance had appeared. Celestia became distracted, worried, fearful for her sister’s mercurial moods, afraid of Luna being sad, and she almost did not hear her sister say, “My goodness how the times have changed.”

Snapping to attention, Celestia stepped away as Luna rose from her seat at the table where she had been sitting, allowing her sister to have room to stand.

“So just like the old days… we sneak up, commit ourselves to the deed, and then wait to see if we are blamed or if somepony even acknowledges what we, our perfect blameless selves have done, we wonderful sisters who are without blemish,” Luna said.

Moving closer to Luna, Celestia brushed her neck up against Luna’s own, almost in a hug, and closed her eyes for a moment. “Sister, I have always envied you your colouration… it makes it so much easier to hide certain things. I always live in fear of soiling my white hide.”

Feeling her sister lean into her, Celestia felt Luna’s warmth, glad to have Luna close again, and more importantly, on her side. Playing pranks on other ponies was only fun if Celestia had an accomplice, and there was no better accomplice for what was about to take place than Luna, who had once ended a war in one fabled moment…

“Sister, you have gone quiet and still… are you reminiscing?”

Jolted back into reality, Celestia sniffed for a moment and then backed away from Luna, whose heavy half-closed eyes demanded sleep. Reaching out a wing, Celestia touched her sister, caressing her softly, allowing her long white primaries to to trail over Luna’s silken pelt, down her neck and over her withers. “It begins… same old rules. We’ll keep track of points but hope that somepony calls us out on our misdeeds to determine a winner. Best of luck.” What Celestia did not say was, Luna smelled truly awful. Caught off guard by Luna’s prank, Celestia remained stony-faced, refusing to give her sister the satisfaction of a look of disgust.

“Sister, you must raise the sun, greet the dawn, and then attend to the morning petitioners… do not be merciful with them,” Luna said in a voice that could barely contain her mirth, and her laughter threatened to destroy her demeanour.

The line of morning petitioners was long. Too long. Sitting on her throne, Celestia mentally prepared herself for a long morning of battling boredom. She prefered battling dragons, or even legions of monsters, but boredom was now her lot in life as the Princess of the Day.

Raven was on her right and Kibitz was on her left. In front of her were two unicorns; one named Fancy Pants, which was funny, because he didn’t wear pants, and another named Fleur Dis Lee.

“—Majesty, this is the reason why we need an extraordinary number of bits. How else will we bring art education to the poor and potentially improve their outlook on their dreary lives?” Fancy Pants asked.

How indeed, Celestia silently remarked. She looked down from her throne, pursed her lips, leaned forward, and studied Fancy Pants. The mustachioed unicorn was wealthy, one of the Canterlot elite, a noble, but he wasn’t really a bad sort, and Celestia wanted to encourage charitable attitudes among the wealthy.

After a moment of quiet contemplation, Celestia wondered how Fancy Pants might handle himself in a situation that destroyed all sense of decorum. How would he handle a more plebian attitude in one of his many exclusive art galleries?

There was only one way to find out.

There was no sound to announce the arrival of yon ill wind.

Celestia heard Kibitz clear his throat, the old stallion took a step away, and then cast a dirty look at Raven. This was amusing. Celestia noticed that not once did Kibitz think of blaming her, he immediately blamed Raven. Celestia reveled in her blamelessness.

Fancy Pants began coughing after nearly snorting his own mustache up his nose. Celestia sat on her throne, watching as mayhem spread around her throne room, traveling as fast as the speed of smell. Fleur Dis Lee took one sniff and fainted dead away, a guard came running up to assist her, paused, sniffed, made a face of disgust, and then moved to help the fallen mare.

“Egads!” a guard shouted from near the door. “Who dares to soil the air of her Royal Highness, the Princess of the Day? I want this throne room cleared! Get out of here you lot! Get out or face arrest!”

As Celestia watched with stunned dismay, a vase full of fresh cut flowers wilted.

The throne room was evacuated and Celestia proudly tallied up a point for herself as the survivors began to stagger out of her throne room. At least the boredom had ended. So had the morning petitions for that matter.

“Raven, please, make sure that Fancy Pants gets a little of the financial assistance he needs for his arts education program,” Celestia said.

“I can’t believe that Kibitz would do such a despicable act and then attempt to frame me for his foul misdeed… look how quickly he fled! That’s just proof that he’s guilty! Perhaps it is time for him to retire…”

Celestia smiled as she listened to Raven’s exclamation of accusation, but said nothing.

With a careful eye, Celestia surveyed the table, looking at lunch. Leafy green salad… with red beans, dandelion greens, spinach, alfalfa sprouts, apples, and walnuts. Cream of potato and broccoli soup. Crêpes and fresh fruit.

With a careful well practiced ease, Celestia took another sip of coffee.

“You’ve been drinking coffee all morning,” Raven said as she helped herself to some salad. “Are you feeling okay? Usually you only have one or two cups at breakfast and then sip tea for the rest of the day when you get the chance.”

Celestia gave Raven a reassuring smile. “I woke up feeling a little under the weather I think. I suppose I am in need of a vacation.”

“That’s understandable,” Raven said.

Lifting the salad bowl in her telekinesis, Celestia carefully added some to her plate and then passed it along down the table for others. She glanced at Kibitz and saw that he was eyeing Raven with a suspicious expression. When Raven helpfully served the soup, Celestia said, “Thank you.”

Kibitz scowled but said nothing.

“Princess Luna will be inspecting the guard later this afternoon. Will you be attending Your Majesty?” Raven asked.

Serving herself a crêpe, Celestia piled in fruit and a bit of whipped cream. She folded it carefully, enjoying the ritual, and levitated her fork. Using her fork, she pulled away a dainty bite and ate it, carefully pulling her lips away so she would not make a mess. She chewed for a moment, enjoying a bit of strawberry and fresh melon. Afterwards, she swallowed and then looked at Raven. “Actually, clear my afternoon schedule. A bit of fresh air sounds good. It might be just what I need after the events of this morning. I shall watch my sister and her inspection of the guard.”

Raven nodded. “I will clear your schedule.”

Stabbing another bite with her fork while looking at the steam rising from her soup bowl, Celestia said, “Thank you.”

Kibitz, who was blowing on his soup, paused and looked at Celestia. “I think all of us could use some fresh air.”

It took all of Celestia’s willpower not to smile. She chewed her food, swallowed, and then wiped her muzzle with a napkin. Saying nothing, and offering no outward sign of her misdeed, Celestia gave her lunchtime companions a reason to seek fresh air.

There was a splash and a clunk as Kibitz’s spoon fell into his soup.

Celestia observed both Raven and Kibitz exchanging a both a furious and suspicious glare between them. As the silence intensified, the stench settled upon the ponies gathered at the table.

“Did someone request egg salad for lunch?” a pony asked in a hesitant voice.

Swallowing her sigh, Celestia felt the heavy feeling of disappointment. Not one smile. Not one laugh. Not one giggle. There was nothing at all. No mirth. Leaning forward in her chair, she relaxed herself enough to let rip once more, this time with the intention of releasing both sound and fury.

Just as Celestia’s backside began to emit a faint squeal, Raven began coughing, which completely muffled the sound. Everypony was looking at everypony else, eyebrows were raising, but Celestia realised that nopony was looking at her. It took a while, but it dawned upon Celestia that she was beyond reproach.

All around Celestia was the sounds of ponies chewing their food in utter silence.

“You know, there are times I envy my lighthearted sister and her ability to just let go. She was once the Element of Laughter you know,” Celestia said as she levitated her spoon and eyed her soup.

Raven, who was eating her salad, swallowed and looked at Kibitz. “Yes. Some ponies are much better at letting go than others.”

On the other side of the table, Kibitz snorted, which caused his mustache to twitch. “Speaking of letting go… how is your dear old uncle, Proconsul Windsmear? I understand that he was given the colony of Gallopogos Islands. The ponies in your family need that fresh air I suppose.”

Agast, Raven gasped and then with much anger, she retorted, “His name is Windshear! He cannot help his condition… just like another old stallion I know! At least he does not blame others!”

Sputtering, Kibitz banged his hoof upon the table. “Madam, I must demand that you end this slanderous libel at once!”

“I miss Windshear… he was a great diplomat. I used to send him to deal with creatures I did not much care for,” Celestia said as she stared off into the distance and began to reminisce. She absentmindedly began to eat her soup.

“You know Raven, I must ask you, would you please stop that,” Kibitz asked in a well cultured and polite voice.

Raven, now indignant, pointed her spoon at Kibitz. “I’ll be glad to stop it, just tell me which direction you made it go!”

Almost choking on her soup, Celestia lifted her napkin to her lips and tried to compose herself. Hiding herself behind her napkin, Celestia allowed herself a broad smile as she went through the effort of regaining her composure.

“Why I never!” Kibitz said and then he began to chew on his mustache in frustration.

Raven, never one to miss an opening, shook her spoon at Kibitz. “I do believe the evidence suggests that you did!”

Still hiding behind her napkin, Celestia realised that she was going to have to send fruit baskets to both Raven and Kibitz with a note of apology when this was over. And perhaps a nice scented candle.

“Madam, whomever deduced it produced it!” Kibitz said.

At long last, a mare at the end of the table began to giggle, which caused both Raven and Kibitz to turn and glare at her. The table once more fell into silence.

With a careful and well practiced motion, Celestia wiped her mouth, hid her smile, and resumed eating her soup as if nothing had happened. Carefully slurping her soup from her spoon, Celestia allowed herself another coffee fueled emission with the hopes that somepony would place the blame upon her.

Author's Note

Friendly feedback is welcomed. I apologise for any offense.

Thank you for reading, I do hope you had at least one good laugh.

Please, report any foul smelling typos. The sisters do so love their pranks.

Chapter 2

There were twelve columns of guardsponies with twelve ponies per column, for a total of one hundred and forty four guardsponies on the training grounds. Princess Celestia knew these guards, she knew them well. She trusted them, these keepers of the peace, and each and every one of them was a familiar face.

Because of this, Princess Celestia pitied them.

She had no idea what Luna had planned, but Celestia knew that her sister would soon be up to no good and the guardsponies would be the victims of her pranking. Celestia wondered if there was a guard who would be brave enough to call Luna out on her antics.

Celestia watched as Luna came prancing out to address the guard. There was a thunderous sound as the entirety of the guard snapped to attention; a stomped hoof, the clank of armor, and the exhaled grunt they all made.

“Impressive,” Princess Luna said, her voice echoing through the training grounds.

Leaning forward, Celestia awaited the sure-to-be mayhem that was bound to happen. Luna, once the Element of Laughter, was capable of comic mischief that had to be witnessed to be believed. Celestia could see all of the warning signs; the half smile, the lighthearted way that Luna pranced, and the way that Luna’s ears kept twitching. When Luna was serious, her ears were as still as a statue.

Luna began to move down between two columns and Celestia shifted her bulk so she would be more comfortable. Celestia lay upon a lounge chair that had been placed outside for her comfort, a canopy had been erected over it, and the shade was pleasant and cool. A bowl of strawberries and a pitcher of cold raspberry lemonade had been left upon a small table beside the lounge chair.

Celestia saw a guard cringe when Luna paused to look at him.

“That tail is a little long, Private,” Luna said.

Luna whirled and looked at another guard. “And you… why would you let your fellow guard arrive at an inspection with a tail not trimmed to regulation length?”

As Celestia sat watching and listening, the guard stammered a few times and then pulled himself together. The guard’s wing whipped out in a salute.

“I have failed, Your Majesty. I will not allow such a mistake to happen again.”

“I will hold you to that,” Luna promised.

Luna began to prowl once more and Celestia, who was eager watch a little mayhem, started to feel a little impatient. She ate a strawberry and continued to watch Luna’s inspection.

Celestia watched as Luna marched up and down the rows, moving from column to column, her careful eye looking for anything that might be out of place. Celestia was not as martial as her sister, she could do an inspection if she had to, but Luna was so much better at it.

Pausing beside one of the guards, Luna leaned over and almost pressed her nose into his armor. “Private… why am I having trouble seeing my face reflected in this armor?”

“Because I have failed to polish it adequately,” the guard said.

Placing her mouth near the guard’s ear, Luna said in a loud clear voice, “Your honesty, while appreciated, will not save you. Disciplinary action must be taken. One month of guarding the latrine in your barracks. It will give you time to think about the care and cleaning of your armor.”

The guard’s whimper was audible all the way over where Celestia was relaxing.

An unseen disturbance moved though the assembled guardsponies.

There was the faint clank of metal. The ruffle of feathers as wings fluttered and then were made still. Ears moved, some pinning back, others splaying out sideways. One guard near Luna appeared to be attempting to swallow his own muzzle, his lower lip somehow pulled up over his nostrils.

“Is something wrong private?” Luna asked as she moved near the guard trying to swallow his own muzzle. “You appear to be in some distress.”

The guard gasped and then said, “Nothing is wrong, Your Majesty.”

Luna moved to another guard. “And you… is something wrong? Why are you not at attention?” Luna drew herself up to her full height and glared down at the pegasus guard.

The guard was quick to pull himself together and regain his composure.

When a nearby pegasus coughed, Luna was on him in a second. Stomping over to him, she towered over him with an imperious stare. “Do you need a throat lozenge Captain?”

Still choking, the pegasus shook his head no as he attempted not to breathe.

Unable to help herself, Celestia began to chuckle. It was a polite sounding chuckle, well mannered, something low and unobtrusive. As Celestia was chuckling, there was a blaring trumpeting blast and Celestia almost choked.

Luna, brazen as always, had done the unthinkable.

The guards immediately began to snigger and chortle. Those caught in the immediate vicinity of the blast zone, those nearest to Princess Luna, all tried to keep their composure.

They failed.

“You there, Private, tell me, what is so funny?” Luna demanded.

“Nothing,” the guard replied, and then bit down upon his own lip.

“And you! Yes you there! Corporal, perhaps you would like to tell me just what is so funny?” Luna asked as she bounded over to the unfortunate pegasus she had singled out.

“There is nothing funny! Nothing funny at all! Absolutely nothing took place that was funny!” the pegasus replied.

“Is that so?” As Luna was speaking, a loud low pitched squeal came forth.

A nearby guard choked, snorted, and then began to guffaw. Luna, always one to seize an opportunity when it presented itself, marched over to the guard who was ready to collapse with laughter.

Seeing the angry Night Princess approaching, the guard attempted to pull himself together, but failed. He kept chortling in spite of his best attempts to be silent and stand at attention.

“Is something funny?”

“No…”

“Are you sure? Did you hear something?”

“No… -snort-”

“Was there perhaps a joke made by one of your fellow guards?”

“No…”

“Was it perhaps a joke made at my expense?”

“Never that Your Majesty!”

“I think you are lying to me… I suspect that you did hear something.”

“No!”

There was another trumpeting blast from Luna’s backside.

Celestia, who was quite some distance away, could hear some of the guards wheezing and struggling for breath. There was a loud flapping sound, almost like a flag being whipped in the breeze. For a moment, Celestia almost resented her sister, Celestia understood that Luna was fearless in her actions and knew that the guard would never blame her for the horrible things she was doing.

“There will be discipline! There will be order!” Luna commanded.

There was no discipline. There was no order. The inspection of the guard had collapsed into bedlam. Several of the guard had collapsed to the ground and were howling with laughter now.

Flaring out her wings, Luna’s voice boomed out through the training grounds: “I still do not understand what is so funny!”

Reaching up with her wing, Celestia had to wipe a tear away from her eye.

“The lot of you! Wing ups! NOW!” Luna commanded.

One guard, who had somehow remained stony faced through everything that had happened, immediately dropped down into position and began to hammer out wing ups, smooth well practiced rapid movements that were perfection according to regulation specifications.

Bounding over, Luna lept onto the hefty pegasus’ back, causing him to grunt with effort as he continued his wing ups. After several moments of bobbing up and down, Luna, with her perfect sense of timing, let go and let rip just as the pegasus reached the apex of his wing up. Luna felt him drop, she had to make a careful effort to balance upon his armored back, and she realised that the pegasus was trying not to laugh. When he pushed up once more, once again, as he reached the apex, Luna tooted her own horn.

Beneath her, the pegasus collapsed with a clatter, hitting the cobblestones with a thud.

Celestia struggled not to fall off of her lounge chair as she cried with laughter. Her sides ached and she was getting a cramp in an oh so delicate place. All of Celestia’s swan-like grace was obliterated when the majestic monarch honked.

Stepping away from the fallen pegasus, Luna performed her coup de grâce. As she walked away, each step she made was accompanied by a flatulent blast, as though she was walking on whoopee cushions rather than cobblestones.

“The lot of you are worthless and weak! There will be another inspection tomorrow! Pull yourselves together!” Luna announced as she strode away, each step causing a well timed accompanying rip from her backside.

Celestia was having late afternoon tea when Luna entered the small private sitting room. Noting the smug look upon her sister’s face, Celestia sighed and summoned her good graces. It was obvious that Luna was winning so far and Celestia was determined to be a good sport about this.

“Sister… I failed to keep track of the points I made this afternoon. I was lost in the moment and having too much fun,” Luna said.

Feeling a bit surprised, Celestia did not expect for this to happen. Usually Luna was a stickler for points and would contest anything that took away from what she felt she was owed. Looking over at her sister, Celestia watched as Luna began to construct a tiny fortress out of sugarcubes.

It was obvious that Luna was happy, and for this, Celestia was glad.

“I almost feel sorry for the guard,” Celestia said.

Not looking up from her sugarcube fortress, Luna smiled. “They are good ponies. At any time they could have called me out for my uncouth behaviour. They could have shamed me. All of them chose to ignore it and and they maintained my dignity as a princess. It is humbling that they are so devoted.”

“It sounds as though you have given this some thought.” As she was speaking, Celestia took a cookie from the tray and held it up. When she was done speaking, she began to nibble upon the edge of it. The cookie was an oatmeal cookie with little shreds of carrot and ginger, one of Celestia’s favourites. As she took tiny nibbles, Celestia could not help but notice that Luna had changed.

“Tomorrow I shall make it up to them and I will give them the inspection they deserve. I believe they had fun today,” Luna said as she began to look around the table for more sugarcubes. Seeing that there was no more to be had, Luna frowned.

“I have to know Luna… how did you manage… to do what you did earlier?” Celestia asked. She knew that there was a chance that she would regret her curiousity, but she felt that she had to know. She saw Luna look her in the eye.

“Magical candies that promise to give you terrible gas. Just one will cause hours of fun, or so the package promises. I ate several packages. They were quite tasty and I was surprised.”

Celestia’s eyes opened wide. “Oh my… Luna. I hope there are no other side effects.”

“I hope not either.” Luna hesitated for a moment and then looked away from Celestia. “I shared some of the candies with various members of the castle staff.”

“Luna!” Celestia almost dropped her cookie. “How could you?”

“Oh, it was easy. All I had to do was smile and act friendly,” Luna replied as she raised her eyebrow and allowed a sly grin to spread over her face.

Taking a bite of her cookie, Celestia chewed and thought about what Luna had done. The feeling of shock and surprise turned into a feeling of amusement the longer she thought about it.

“I have learned a great deal since Nightmare Night in Ponyville. Things are different for me,” Luna admitted in a low voice that was a far cry from Luna’s usual bellow.

“I remember how things were… for the both of us… before the shadow took you.” Celestia lifted her teacup and looked down into its depths. She tried to think of all the words she wanted to say. “I have missed you sister… not just you during your absence, but also how you used to be. You were always there to make me smile. No matter how bad things might seem, I could always count on you making me smile… making me laugh.”

Luna offered her sister an awkward smile and then stared down at the table, her eyes lingering over a half finished fortress made of sugarcubes.

“The day after tomorrow I must go to Ponyville… how about you come with me and we shall go create mischief together?” Celestia asked.

Luna looked up from the table and her smile turned into a broad toothy grin. “Oh I would like that a great deal. Shall I bring candies to pass out to our beloved subjects?”

Author's Note

Sorry, I had to include one syrupy moment.

Hopefully no typos slipped through.

Chapter 3

Ponyville. A city of equines that go about their lives, living from one disaster to the next. Ponyville, where moments of sheer terror and excitement are broken up by extended periods of boredom as well as a distinct lack of anything to do. Ponyville, which has never been quite the same since the arrival of Twilight Sparkle.

Ponyville, a sleepy provincial city, where a visit from the Princesses was big news…

“Spike! Spike the Princesses are coming! Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are coming. Spike… Spike… Spike… everything has to be perfect!”

Spike, having seen all of this before, was able to observe all of the warning signs, every known indicator that something would go wrong. And if something went wrong, Spike knew he would probably be responsible for the clean up.

Corner of the eye twitching ✓

State of near hyperventilation ✓

Strands of loose mane appearing accompanied by audible -twang!- sounds ✓

Demands for everything to be ‘perfect’, an imaginary ideal created by Twilight Sparkle ✓

There was only one thing left to do in this situation, one final option, and Spike knew it was time to get clear and find shelter from what was sure to be a disaster if this was allowed to continue. The little dragon cleared his throat.

“Ahem, Twilight, I promised Rarity that I would help her organise her closets.”

Twilight shook her head. “Spike, I need you here with me, helping me get everything ready for the visit from the Princesses.”

“But I made a promise… to Rarity. Do you want me to break my promise?”

Feeling pretty clever, Spike forced his face to remain passive, allowing no smile to escape. Twilight was squirming now, caught, the Princess of Friendship couldn’t be responsible for the breaking of a promise to a friend. Even better, he had in fact made a promise to Rarity to help, so he wasn’t lying.

It had just never been decided when they would get together to tackle the chore.

“Maybe I should ask Rarity for help—”

“There is no need for that,” Spike said, cutting in and trying to prevent Twilight from getting any funny ideas. “Everything will be fine. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna would probably appreciate arriving in Ponyville without a big commotion. I’m sure they just want a chance to be themselves.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” Twilight replied. Her brows furrowed and she looked at Spike. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you Number One Assistant.”

Spike, not quite believing his good luck, decided that it was time to go. “Well, uh, I had better get going. Don’t worry about this so much Twilight.” He wasn’t in the clear just yet, he could see Twilight’s eye still twitching and he could tell that Twilight was planning. Twilight’s plans always had unforeseen consequences.

For a moment, Spike wondered when the next train to the Crystal Empire was leaving.

“Twilight has received word of our visit,” Luna said in a worried voice as she looked at her sister. “I thought we were going to keep our arrival secret.”

“I had to tell her… It seems impolite somehow to just drop in unannounced. Ponyville is practically her city,” Celestia replied, not bothering to look at Luna but instead watching as the train was being loaded.

Rolling her eyes, Luna snorted in frustration. She shook her head and snorted again, hoping to draw her sister’s attention. Celestia seemed far too absorbed in watching the train as it was being filled with cargo.

Aware of her sister’s desire for attention, but focusing upon the train instead, Celestia smiled. “Sister, we do not get out enough. I do not know what happened. There used to be adventure… excitement. We went out to retrieve the Elements of Harmony. We fought dragons. We went out and retrieved powerful artifacts from distant lands, brought them home, and exploited their power for the good of our subjects.” Celestia fell silent, her eyes closing for a moment. When she opened her eyes again, she turned to look at Luna. “Now look at us. We get excited about a simple day trip, riding upon a train to Ponyville, off to commit various nefarious acts and prankish misdeeds against our subjects. What happened?”

“We grew up and became responsible?” Luna replied, not sure what to say. Celestia’s words bore down upon her like some great weight. “You decided to settle down and found a kingdom. I do not know what happened. I was… away when some of these changes took place.”

Celestia, aware that an awkward silence was coming, could do nothing to stop it. It arrived at the train platform with a deafening roar, causing Celestia to look away from Luna. It caused Luna to turn her head and stare at a wall, her focused stare treating the wall as though it was the most interesting thing Luna had ever viewed. The silence, a powerful thing, muffled the sounds around the sisters, causing the bustle of the train yard to soften into a dull muted bit of background noise.

Wrestling against her own pain, Celestia forced herself to say something. “It is important to look for the good in everything… when we had our… disagreement, when our squabble happened, I learned a few things.”

Luna’s reply was raspy, dry, her regal voice sounded parched. “And what did you learn?”

“How important it was to keep my subjects safe. How much they meant to me. I guess I knew it was time to settle down and stop adventuring. I also learned how important you were to me… I was far too heartbroken to go out and face the world after I lost you… so I stayed home and I tried to focus upon ruling so I would not think of all of the ways that I had failed you.”

“I… I… I do not wish to be so maudlin! Today was supposed to be a day of fun and merriment,” Luna said.

Looking at her sister once more, Celestia offered up a quivering smile. “It still can be. Today can be an adventure. Just like old times. There is nothing stopping us from taking wing and going to Ponyville on our own. We do not have to allow the guard to escort us.”

“We might be lectured.” Luna peered over at the assembled guard. “The commander is a mother hen.”

“Plus, most of the guard are pegasi. They fly. Eluding them could be an adventure all of its own.” Celestia blinked away a single tear. “It is good to have you back… I have missed having you as both my sister and my accomplice.”

“I believe a suitable distraction would allow our escape,” Luna said as her eyes narrowed. She began to study the surrounding area, looking for something, anything, that might work as a means of distraction. On the next platform over, there was a large crowd of secondary school age fillies and a group of grown mares acting as chaperones. Luna was only somewhat aware of their purpose, going off to Rainbow Falls for some kind of band competition. An idea began to form.

“Luna, what mischief are you plotting?” Celestia asked. Luna’s expression was worrisome. Luna was up to something, which caused Celestia to worry about what was about to happen.

Making no reply, Luna continued to think, her lips pursed together, and her ears splayed out sideways as she continued to plot. There was a gaggle of teenage fillies, a source of mischief if ever there was one, all they needed was something to set them off. Something to get them riled up. Teenage fillies were a force of nature, much like a tornado or a flood, and, like a tornado or a flood, they were a disaster that could be made to happen.

Luna needed a catalyst, something to provoke them into a frenzy. Conjuring up a giant spider or three was too dangerous, plus, fillies these days seemed to like spiders. Gross icky bugs were no longer quite so gross or icky. Daring Do had made giant spiders popular. Spiders and centipedes had become pets, something unthinkable to Luna.

No, that would never work.

Perhaps something else was needed, but no other opportunities presented themselves. The third train platform had a few commuters upon it, miserable looking souls that appeared ready to expire from boredom at any moment.

Ponies in need of excitement, or so Luna thought.

“Luna, what are you planning?” Celestia asked.

Once more, Luna did not reply. She was committed now, focused, seeking results. The blinders were on and Luna was now presented with a challenge. Lacking any other resource, Luna turned to look at the guard. With the guard today was three cadets, three young trainees that had joined the ranks not long ago. Teenage colts. They had not yet earned their armor.

A terrible idea formed in Luna’s mind. A terrible, horrible, awful no good idea. Her head dropped down a bit and her nostrils flared as a wicked grin manifested, a rictus of ill omen.

Celestia shivered. Nopony smiled quite like Luna when Luna had a mind for making trouble. It wasn’t that Luna was a bad pony, it was just that Luna could be a wicked pony.

“Celestia, what is the name of that pony that makes all of the fillies go weak in the knees? You know, the heartthrob? He’s on all of the magazines they market to fillies and he shills popular culture… who is he?” Luna asked.

Wracking her brain, Celestia struggled to recall a name. She was not well versed in popular culture, but she knew of the celebrity in question, having once entertained him in the castle. He had arrived for a formal dinner and then wrote a review of the food and the social environment.

The cheeky stallion had called the castle culinary experience ‘bland and uninspired.’ Celestia felt a hot flash of anger just thinking about it. He had described the event as being dry and stuffy. Celestia was not angry at the stallion for libel, she was angry because every word in his review had been true. Celestia loathed so many of these social affairs and the stallion had created a long list of all of the reasons why she hated these detestable social functions.

“His name is Trenderhoof,” Celestia said after she managed to recall his name.

“Excellent,” Luna replied, her utterance of a single word little more than a mutter.

“Luna, what are you about to do?” Celestia asked, now feeling more than a little worried.

“Be prepared to take flight,” Luna replied, explaining nothing.

A little illusion was in order to aid their escape. Nothing too serious, Luna intended to take one of the cadets and make him look like Trenderhoof for a while. The spell would wear off in a short time. Luna felt confident that the cadet, a young not quite so handsome looking colt, wouldn’t mind being mobbed by squealing teenage fillies. He might get trampled, sure, but he was young, broad barreled, and sturdy looking. He would survive. The way Luna saw it, Luna was doing him a favour. Out of the three cadets, he was least attractive looking. Luna knew his type right away. He would probably marry the first filly he kissed, his first love, and he would go on to live a long productive, if somewhat boring, life as a devoted husband, a member of the guard, and a quiet unassuming member of society from which no trouble would ever come.

Yes, Luna thought to herself. I am doing him a favour. He might even get a new fillyfriend out of this. The justification, however flimsy, eased Luna’s mind and she prepared her magic.

The colt was already wearing glasses. A lot of the guard wore glasses. To remain uniform, the helmets they wore had invisible means of vision correction. The colt was a unicorn, so most of Luna’s work was already done. A little shift in colour, a tweak to how the glasses looked, an adjustment to how long the colt’s neck was.

It was close enough for Luna’s purposes. She sucked in a lungful of air and then said the words to begin the stampede. “OH MY! IS THAT TRENDERHOOF?”

The effect was immediate. Every single teenage filly turned their heads in unison, a sight that would haunt Luna’s dreams for years to come, and several full grown mares turned to look as well. Ponies, herd animals, sometimes behaved a little too much like a herd. Several of the male commuters also lifted their heads to have a look, an unintended consequence.

A roar went through the crowd.

“Sister, I do believe it is time to go!” Luna cried.

The sounds of thudding hooves upon the wooden platform was thunderous. The teenage fillies were stampeding. Celestia felt true terror well up from the very depth of her being. She had battled dragons, the undead, and had even once made the mistake of once answering one of Twilight Sparkle’s many ‘why is this’ questions, opening the floodgates for an endless stream of other questions that would come later, but this unnerved her. The mob was terrifying.

A cry came from the guard. “Brace yourselves! Form ranks!”

Luna took wing and did not turn back to look at the carnage behind her. As she flew away, she could hear the chaos on the train platform. The squealing, the shrieking, the screaming. The guard were overwhelmed, Luna could hear their cries to retreat, she heard the commands shouting for backup.

Beside her, Celestia was laughing and Luna felt good about their escape.

Author's Note

I apologise for nothing...

Except for the typos.

Chapter 4

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna circled. Beneath them was Ponyville, a city ill prepared for the sort of mayhem that the princesses intended to visit upon it. Canterlot was too uptight, too stuffy, too well-to-do. Ponyville was populated with earthy ponies, simple ponies, the sort of ponies that were sure to call them upon their foul smelling antics.

At least, that is what the sisters hoped would happen.

“We should drop in and say hello to our dear friends, our mutual acquaintances with Twilight Sparkle. It has been a while since we were last social,” Luna said.

Celestia looked at her sister, noting Luna’s nervousness. Luna’s speech patterns became somewhat archaic and somewhat jumbled for a moment. Ponyville was a difficult city for Luna to deal with. “Wonderful idea. Fluttershy is directly below us. We should drop in and say hello.”

“Do princesses just drop in and say hello?” Luna asked. She flapped her wings, hovering in place. “What is the protocol for doing such a thing?”

Hovering beside her sister, Celestia shrugged. “Raven or Kibitz are always the ones reminding me about protocol… I keep forgetting.”

“Oh… how dreadful.” Luna’s lips puckered into a moue. “This explains the cake incident. Kibitz was sick that day.”

Hearing Luna’s words, Celestia gave her sister an annoyed glance. “How was I to know that there was a photographer lurking in the bushes?”

“So… we drop in on Fluttershy and we continue our little game. I doubt that the quiet one will say anything but it will be nice to see her,” Luna said as she aimed herself downward and took off in a slow dive.

Celestia, watching Luna dive, took off in pursuit.

Fluttershy’s cottage was a little cluttered and a little crowded. Celestia sat in an overstuffed high backed chair while Luna had made herself comfortable upon a sofa. Beside Luna sat a bear, Harry the Bear, one of Fluttershy’s dearest friends.

Harry’s right hind paw was bandaged and propped up on a cushion placed atop a stool.

From the kitchen, there was a clatter followed by a muffled cry.

“Do you want some help?” Celestia asked.

“No no… you’re guests, it wouldn’t be right. I was not expecting company,” Fluttershy replied in a voice that almost could not be heard. “Oh dear, I can fix this.”

From the kitchen door, a small white rabbit watched the two sisters with a scowl.

Celestia looked around the room. A lot of wood carving had gone into the decorating, the most ornate piece was a cuckoo clock. There were a lot of hidden details all over everything, little details that one might not notice on first glance. Celestia wondered who did all of the carving.

Lost in her own thoughts, Luna was staring out the window without seeing anything that was outside. It felt wrong to prank Fluttershy. There was no pony nicer, no pony kinder, and Fluttershy was always so shy as well as so timid. Luna contemplated the morality of such an act.

The two sisters, distracted, did not hear the warning gurgle that came from Harry the Bear’s stomach, a low rumbling reverberation that was felt more than it was heard, like some distant earthquake. Harry let out a low concerned growl.

There was another clatter that came from the kitchen. “Discord!”

“Is everything okay?” Celestia asked.

“Everything is fine!” Fluttershy squeaked in reply.

On the couch, Harry the Bear leaned over, clutched his stomach, and then he closed his eyes. The sound that issued forth was very much like a train in a tunnel. A soft distant sound, a rushing wind, something that grew in volume and intensity.

Beside Harry, Luna’s eyes went wide in shock and then terror as the flatulent bear continued to let rip, the sound going from a faint whoosh to a roaring, deafening, tearing sound. It was as if reality itself was being slowly ripped in two.

Everything in the living room vibrated. The windows rattled. The carved wooden cuckoo, a victim of circumstance, came out of his clock to announce the hour, bore witness to the ass tearing bear, shat himself, and then fled back into his clock, never to be seen again. A lamp on the table rattled and shook, moving closer to the edge of the table, and would have fallen if Celestia had not moved it back to the center of the table. A family of mice dove for cover, some of them fleeing into their hole, others hiding under any available cover. Angel Bunny took off at a speed that would have made Rainbow Dash jealous, taking on an odd red tint as he gained acceleration.

A vase full of fresh cut flowers wilted as the bear’s trumpet solo reached a crescendo.

“Oh… my…” Fluttershy’s voice quavered and was full of fear. The sunny yellow pegasus appeared in the kitchen doorway. “I’m so sorry… Harry was wounded and has an infection. The vet said the medication may cause gas… I had no idea.”

Harry, grunting with relief, let go of a high pitched squealer, an almost harmless after-the-fact announcement. He settled back into the couch and patted his stomach.

Without understanding why, Luna felt very small and inadequate. For the rest of her long life, she would never be able to match the majesty, the terrible wonder of the flatulent bear’s thunderous crepitation. Luna had been humbled by the force of nature that was Harry the Bear.

Luna would also never match her sister’s speed as Celestia hurried for the door.

“We really must be going,” Celestia called out as she bounded through the door.

“I understand,” Fluttershy said as Celestia departed. The sunny yellow pegasus waved.

Still stunned, Luna rose up off of the couch, her legs wobbling like a frightened yearling foal. She took a few shaky trembling steps, wobbled sideways, almost fell, and then somehow keeping her balance, made her way towards the door, following after her sister.

“Goodbye Fluttershy… it was nice seeing you… Harry, I do hope you get to feeling better,” Luna said as she stumbled off.

Feeling ridiculous, Luna followed after her sister. Celestia, wearing a broad brimmed floppy hat and sunglasses, moved through the crowd, taller than all of the little ponies around her. There were a few strange looks. Luna adjusted her own sunglasses and floppy hat.

The sisters were in disguise. Incognito. For reasons that Luna could not explain, ponies did not approach them or begin shouting that there were princesses among them. Luna wondered if some strange magic was at work, some odd warping of perception. This was most peculiar.

To Luna’s eyes, Celestia’s disguise could fool nopony. It was obvious that there was a large white alicorn under the large broad brimmed sun hat and sunglasses with bright pink frames. Luna wondered why nopony approached them.

It was a mystery.

The Ponyville street market was full of ponies. There were dozens of stalls where farmers and vendors hawked their wares. The market was full of strange smells, loud voices, and common day to day mundane items.

Celestia moved with purpose, as if guided by some unseen force. Luna, perplexed, followed after her sister and tried to figure out everything that was going on. The seeming ease as they moved through the crowd, protected by some strange magic that Luna did not know or understand.

“Wanna buy some apples?”

The words did not come from the pony that Luna would have expected to say such a thing. Rainbow Dash stood near a stall, asking passersby if they wanted to buy some apples. As Luna watched, Celestia took off her glasses.

“Oh…” Rainbow Dash blinked. “Oh hi… Princess Celestia.”

“Fancy meeting you here,” Applejack said in a slow drawl as she looked at Princess Celestia. “If yer gonna buy some apples, buy them from me.”

“That’s not fair!” Rainbow Dash cried as she rose into a hover and looked down at Applejack.

Taking off her glasses, Luna stepped forward. “Is something going on here?”

Applejack, seeing Luna, looked surprised. “And Princess Luna. Surprised to see you.” Applejack smiled and then narrowed her eyes as she glanced at Rainbow Dash. “Dashie here says that selling apples is easy—”

“It is, selling apples is not hard work,” Rainbow Dash blurted out.

“How many apples you sold today Dash?” Applejack asked.

Remaining silent, Rainbow Dash turned away from Applejack with a frustrated sneer, her forelegs folded over her barrel in defiance.

“That’s what I thought… anyhow, we’re having ourselves a little contest to see who can sell the most apples, since Rainbow here thinks it is so goldurn easy,” Applejack said, explaining the situation.

A crowd was gathering around the princesses. Luna wondered why the crowd could see them now that she had taken off her sunglasses. Luna began to feel curious about the disguises her sister had conjured up.

“Sounds as though a brash little pegasus has a lot to learn about commerce.” Celestia, smiling, looked at Rainbow Dash and then at Applejack.

Applejack was smiling a smug self satisfied smile.

“A wise and patient teacher would be showing her student how to sell apples, instead of revelling in the smug satisfaction of her knowledge as her student failed.” Celestia dropped her head down low and looked Applejack in the eye.

“But this ain’t no lesson, it is a contest to see who can sell the most apples.” Applejack’s smile melted away, her expression becoming one of worry as she stepped backwards, moving away from Celestia.

“But it could become a lesson, to the betterment and self improvement of both ponies involved.” Celestia’s words were patient, kind, and contained more than a hint of suggestion. “Rainbow Dash is something of a celebrity. Imagine how many apples both of you might sell if you worked together as a team.”

Blinking, Applejack’s face became blank. “I… uh… I…” Stammering, Applejack tried to figure out what to say. “I never thought of that.”

“This was a wasted opportunity. You could have made a great deal of money. Instead, this opportunity was squandered. It is not too late though. There is still the rest of the day.” Celestia looked around her, eyeing her little ponies, hoping to teach them a lesson. “There is much to be gained from harmony and much to be lost from contention. Think upon these words my little ponies.”

Luna, looking at the crowd, caught a whiff of something. Her nostrils crinkled. For a moment, she began to wonder if her sister had done something other than offer up a lesson.

“Rainbow Dash! Consarnit! Right in front of the princesses!” Applejack glared at the hovering pegasus.

Waving her front legs around, Rainbow Dash replied, “Any mention of school or learning and I get nervous, okay? I can’t help it! I’m sorry, alright? We pegasi are full of buoyant gases!”

“You keep yer buoyant gases to yerself!” Applejack said, scolding Rainbow Dash. “You done broke wind in front of all four princesses now… yer lucky they don’t brand you as a public menace!” Reaching up with her right front hoof, Applejack took off her hat and began to fan the fumes away from her. “Other ponies call me country dumb and even I know better than to do what you just done did!”

It took an extreme act of will for Luna to keep a straight face as Applejack slapped Rainbow Dash with her hat.

“It happens to the best of us,” Celestia said as she slipped on her sunglasses.

Luna, following Celestia’s lead, also put on her glasses.

“Hey, where’d they go? The princesses were just here.” Rainbow Dash looked around as she evaded further slaps from Applejack and Applejack’s hat.

“They left ’cause you have stank like a polecat!” Applejack said. “Now get down here so I can show you how to sell apples the proper way, you pooty pegasus!”

Hurrying after Celestia, Luna drew up to her sister’s side and fell into step with her. The crowd seemed to part as they moved though it, but nopony seemed to be seeing them. “So sister, where are we off to now?”

“I thought some cupcakes might be nice,” Celestia replied. “And there is really one pony who can make a perfect cupcake.”

“Sugarcube Corner?” Luna asked.

Celestia nodded. “Pinkie Pie is always glad to see us.”

Author's Note

Angel bunny redshifted.

Next chapter. Sugarcube Corner and Carousel Boutique.

Chapter 5

Sugarcube Corner. The place to be in Ponyville. Not only did the Cakes produce magnificent treats, but the resident party planning pony, Pinkie Pie, did her part to make certain that each customer felt extra special before, during, and after their purchase.

Ponies did not just go to Sugarcube Corner to buy treats. No, ponies went to Sugarcube Corner for the experience. Sometimes, a pony needed to smile. Or a pony felt lonesome. Or a pony was having a good day and just wanted somepony else to celebrate with them.

The princesses had entered without incident and it wasn’t until they had removed their hats and sunglasses that they were noticed. Pinkie Pie appeared as if by magic, exploding into existence with a poof of confetti.

“Hi! Oooo! It isn’t everyday we get princesses in Sugarcube Corner! Ooh ooh ooh! Hello, it is so nice to see you! What can I get for you today?” Pinkie Pie asked with all of her usual over-enthusiasm.

From a back room, the sound of two foals wailing could be heard.

“One vanilla spice cupcake and—”

“One blueberry cobbler muffin,” Luna said, cutting her sister off.

“No cupcake?” Celestia asked.

“No cupcake!” Pinkie Pie repeated.

“I am the thin, dainty sister. It requires sacrifices to remain that way,” Luna said as she gave a pointed look to her sister. “All that buttercreme frosting is empty calories.”

Her eyes narrowing into slits, Pinkie Pie leaned forward towards Luna. “Buttercreme frosting is the essence of happiness.” The dark cloud that was Pinkie Pie’s face parted and allowed the sun to come out. A smile spread over her muzzle and one ear twitched. “But if muffins make you happy, I can bring you muffins!”

And with that, Pinkie Pie went pronking off.

“Is it just me, or does Pinkie Pie have… mood swings?” Princess Luna glanced at her sister and one eyebrow arched.

“Those poor dears, they won’t stop crying. I wonder what is wrong,” Princess Celestia said as she raised her head high and peered off in the direction of the sounds of sobbing.

“Foals cry sister, it is what they do.” Luna began to look around Sugarcube Corner. It was a cozy space and a lot of love had been rubbed into the wood, which was polished to the point where it almost glowed. The glass display was spotless. The brass trim on the counters gleamed with a mirrored finish.

There was a whoosh and a pink blur. Like a pink wind, Pinkie Pie went blowing past, and in her wake, she left behind two plates. On the first plate there were two cupcakes, and on the second plate, there was a lone muffin. The pink blur vanished through the swinging double doors and into the back room.

“Ooh… pinchy knee,” Pinkie Pie said from the back room.

Her ears perking, Princess Celestia did not manage to make out what Pinkie was saying. Figuring that eavesdropping was a bad habit to begin with, Celestia got down to the business of eating her cupcakes. She peeled off the paper from them, licked her lips, and then took a dainty nibble from one.

“Pinchy knee getting worse…”

The blueberry cobbler muffin was a work of edible artistry. The blueberry density was almost scientifically perfect, and the crumbly cap was just the right amount of moist crumble. Brown sugar and cinnamon lurked within the heart of each crumble, and Princess Luna found that crunching them between her teeth would release their sweetness.

“Pinchy knee… bad case of the shudders… a doozy is coming!”

“A what is coming?” Princess Celestia asked after she swallowed. She looked at Luna, hoping for some explanation as to what was going on.

Princess Luna shrugged. “I have no idea what is about to happen.”

And then, as Princess Celestia was eating her second cupcake, it happened. There was a moan of worry and fear from Pinkie Pie that came floating out of the back room. Mrs. Cake let out a worried squeal. Mr. Cake whinnied with concern.

The two sisters were ill prepared for what happened next.

“Oh they exploded!” Pinkie Pie cried and then let out a gagging giggle-snort. “That explains the pinchy knee!”

A ruinous reek crept out of the back room and into the front room. Everywhere it crept, ponies went wide eyed as the funk forced its way into their nostrils and had its way with them. Mares squeaked and squealed in terror. Stallions nickered and took off running.

Princess Celestia and Princess Luna valiantly attempted to maintain their princessly decorum and pretended as though nothing was wrong. Unable to stop herself, Luna sniffed. Her ears perked upwards and she gritted her teeth as she stuck her resolve to the sticking place.

“Diaper overflow! We have containment failure! Quick honeybun, open a window!”

“It’s still coming! Save me Mister Cake!”

Princess Celestia looked at her sister, her eyes watering, and said, “Discretion is the better part of valour!” Five golden bits winked into existence and landed upon the table. And then, in a blur of motion, Celestia was gone, leaving behind one perfect white alicorn feather that floated down in a graceful motion that resembled a snowflake.

Princess Luna, who realised there would be no running away from this, winked and was gone in a flash of silver light, the remains of her muffin disappearing with her.

Now wearing her floppy hat and sunglasses once more, Princess Celestia bit her lip and looked around. The day was turning into quite an adventure. Nothing had smelled that bad since she and Luna had battled the stink demon Bloograth the Nostril Violator one thousand years ago. Thinking of it reminded Celestia that the one thousand year seal on the stink demon was probably wearing off by now, and for a brief moment, Princess Celestia felt a moment of pity when she realised that Twilight Sparkle was going to have to clean up another one thousand year old mess. Bloograth’s return was prophesied by the great pony mystic, Nostrildamus.

Twilight Sparkle would find a way, and if she couldn’t, her friends would help her.

“Well, this day has been adventurous. Shall we see what calamity awaits us when we visit Rarity?” Luna asked in a low voice as she kept an eye on the crowd.

“Today has been an adventure worth having,” Celestia replied as she looked at her sister. “Come, let us face this danger together.”

The door opened but no smiling face appeared. There was a cough and a sniffle from the behind the door. “I am dreadfully sorry, but I am closed. -aaachoo!- Hay fever! I must beg your forgiveness!”

Celestia looked over at her sister Luna, and saw Luna give a nod. Celestia nodded back. Being a very large and very solid pony, Celestia pushed against the door and let herself in, feeling a bit of concern for one of her little ponies.

Rarity’s nose was red and swollen, the skin chapped from too many tissues. Her eyes were bloodshot. Snot was encrusted around her nostrils. And when she saw Celestia and Luna, she shrieked, “I’m hideous!” at the top of her lungs.

Lifting Rarity up in her magic, Celestia flooded the mare’s body with sunny warmth. She sat Rarity on the sofa while Luna disappeared into the kitchen. With a flash of her horn, Celestia conjured up a blanket and wrapped it around Rarity, who kicked and protested that she was too ugly to be seen.

There was a pop as a warm wet cloth was conjured and Celestia began wiping Rarity’s face. Celestia ignored Rarity’s kicking hooves and murmurs of protest. One alabaster mare comforted the other.

“You poor dear, you look miserable,” Celestia said in a soothing voice to Rarity.

Sniffling, Rarity looked up at Celestia with a watery quavering smile.

Celestia gave Rarity a gentle pat when the unicorn sneezed once more and then said to Rarity, “We were in the neighborhood and we thought we would drop in for a visit. We had no idea you had hay fever.”

“I do all I can to keep it a secret. Some days, I can’t hide the symptoms.” Rarity’s eyes watered as she looked up at Celestia, who was sitting on the couch beside her.

Princess Luna emerged from the kitchen with a tray loaded with steaming cups. The strong scent of peppermint filled the air of Carousel Boutique. Luna set the tray down upon a table near the sofa where Celestia and Rarity were sitting and then passed a hot cup of tea to Rarity.

“Tell nopony,” Luna commanded. “We do not want word getting out that we princesses visit sick ponies and fix them tea. Everypony would get sick and there would be anarchy.”

“Oh, of course,” Rarity replied. “Thank you so much… I don’t know what to say.”

“Hello Twilight Sparkle. You are looking well.”

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight Sparkle bounced in place. “Princess Luna! How are you both! Why are you in my library?”

“We thought we would pay you a visit,” Luna replied.

“Well… I was just teaching Sweetie Belle a lesson about magic. You are more than welcome to stay. Please, make yourselves at home.” Twilight Sparkle looked up at her mentor with unabashed adoration.

“Wonderful… how are you Sweetie Belle?” Luna asked.

“I’m fine, thank you for asking.” Sweetie Belle gave the princesses a self conscious grin and then looked at Twilight Sparkle. “Nothing like a little pressure… heh heh heh.”

“I am certain you will do fine. You have a wonderful teacher and I know Twilight Sparkle would seek out capable students.” Princess Celestia smiled at her former student and then at Sweetie Belle.

Both Sweetie Belle and Twilight Sparkle blushed and looked away from Princess Celestia. More nervous laughter bubbled out of Sweetie Belle and the foal tapped her hoof on the floor.

There was a moment of awkward silence and then, Sweetie Belle sniffed. She sniffed again. And then, as her eyes went wide and her muzzle crinkled, she backed away from the three princesses.

“Oh come on! You’re princesses! Princesses don’t fart!” Sweetie Belle cried as she retreated. She shuddered with revulsion and then gave an accusatory glance at the three princesses in the library. Gagging in disgust, the unicorn filly ran out of the library.

“Well sister, I guess the contest is over,” Luna said in a low voice as she looked at Celestia. “I shall go and have a talk with Sweetie Belle.”

“Contest?” Twilight Sparkle asked. One nostril flared and the corner of her eye twitched.

“A contest between us sisters. I shall explain while Luna attends to Sweetie Belle,” Celestia replied. “Goodbye sister, have fun!”

“Oh, I shall,” Luna replied as she departed out of the library door.

Princess Luna landed on the balcony of a small clubhouse nestled in a tree. She folded in her wings, making certain each feather was tucked away just so, she put on her most princessly smile, and then knocked upon the door.

It opened, and Sweetie Belle poked her head out.

“Hello Sweetie Belle. Might I come in?” Princess Luna asked.

“That depends… are you here to gas us?” Sweetie Belle replied.

“No.” Luna’s smile became a bit more mischievous than princessly. “I came to commend you for your bravery. My sister, Celestia, and I, we were playing a bit of a prank on ponies to see what we could get away with. And nopony had the courage to call us out on our uncouth behaviour.”

“I forget… what does uncouth mean again?” Apple Bloom asked.

Sucking in air, Scootaloo opened up her mouth and belched out the entire alphabet.

“Oh… that’s right. Uncouth!” Apple Bloom grinned up at the stunned looking Princess Luna.

Recovering her composure, Luna blinked a few times and then looked down at Sweetie Belle. “Anyway, you are the first pony in over a thousand years to have the courage to call us out on our terrible behaviour. For this, you get one Royal Favour. Details about what this is will be mailed to you. You are a brave little filly. I apologise for disrupting your lessons with Twilight Sparkle.”

“Well, thank you, I suppose.” Sweetie Belle looked a little confused. “Would you like to come inside? We have cookies.”

“That would be lovely,” Luna replied.

“Well sister, I had a wonderful time with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I see great promise in them.” Luna looked at Celestia and grinned. “And I must congratulate you on your stunning victory. You wasted no time, you walked into the library and proved your superiourity.”

“Luna, sister, I thought that you were the one that fumigated the library… this entire time while you were away I was left feeling humbled by the ferocity of your trumpeting triumph.” Celestia looked very confused.

“Sister, I thought it was you… does this mean…” Luna’s mouth fell open.

“Twilight Sparkle!” both sisters said together, their eyes wide with shock.

Author's Note

And so, we conclude our tale of two sisters.

The end..?