Room for Rent: A Very Pinkie Christmas

Chapters

Scrooge You, Santa!
A Surprise Visit
A Familiar Face
Finale
Prelude

Scrooge You, Santa!

“Bah, humbug!” I groused. It was that time of year, and Pinkie being Pinkie, embraced the earth holiday every bit as much as one of her own. The fact that it involved gifts, parties, being friendly, and *shudder* singing, made it all the more attractive.

“Oh stop being such a downy frowny. We can have fun, and invite friends over, and sing carols!” The pink mare was in full housewarming mode. Decorations and lights were being strung up everywhere. I mean, really, did we need three trees? One adorned the lawn, freshly transplanted, as another sat stinking up the living room with its piney freshness. A third was located in her own room, and would have had a matching one in mine, but that was where I drew the line.

“I’m sorry Pinkie, but this kinda commercial bullshit just ruins the holiday for me.” I crossed my arms and glared at the highly toxic mistletoe that was hanging from my doorway to the living room. I had caught Pinkie eyeing me the entire time she was hanging it, and stood well clear.

“It’s the spirit of the thing! Friends, fun, laughter. Love, forgiveness, and presents!” Bouncing along, she managed to expertly hang each of seven stocking from my mantle, without skipping a beat. “Who cares if you buy your gifts or make them. It’s the thought that counts.”

“And how exactly did you become an expert on earth holidays?” I raised an eyebrow in question.

“Oh, well it’s very similar to what we celebrate back home. At first Hearth’s Warming Eve was just a pony holiday, all about coming together and caring for one another. But in more recent times, we have adopted other traditions from other peoples, and it has grown into something bigger than just Equestria.” Stopping, I saw her eyes drift as if reading a script while she explained this to me.

“You got that from that egghead friend of yours, Twilight, didn’t you?” I rolled my eyes.

“Weeell... She may have sent me a book on winter holidays throughout Equestria. Like this one from the Griffon Empire, where Sandy Claws brings presents to all the good foals, and feasts on the innards of naughty ones!”

“Well only slightly. Her real name was Sandstone Clawfury. She was the religious leader or something for the Griffon Empire a long time ago. Now there is all sorta holidays and stories about her. Of course, when there are gifts and parties involved, ponies are sure to adopt it. I think the more recent tradition is to leave a horseapple for the bad foals.” She giggle and waved her hoof. “And wooo whee! You do NOT want to be the one to forget to clean out your stocking.”

“And you got all this from a book?” I queried.

“Well most of it. I also got some of it from Rainbow Dash. She’s really big into the Griffon culture thing. I think her friend, Gilda, used to be some big shot ambassador’s daughter or something.” Finally stopping for a moment, the pink pony plopped her posterior down beside me.

“Well, you can decorate all you want, so long as you clean up afterwards. Just don’t expect me to get too excited. Christmas was ruined for me a long time ago, and it’s never been the same since.” I shrugged and slouched back into the couch.

“Aww, but you humans have such awesome traditions! Decking the halls, singing the carols, and spiking the eggnog!” Grinning, she flopped into my lap, where I grudgingly gave her a belly rub. What? It was like having a talking puppy. It’s very therapeutic, and I highly recommend it.

“The spiked eggnog I can totally get behind. The rest can go burn in a yuletide fire. Bastards forget what we are supposed to be celebrating, and it makes me sick.” I grumbled, as I took a swig of my own homemade, 100 proof eggnog.

“I especially like the mistletoe!” Grinning up at me, the pink mare in my lap tried her best to look alluring, but only succeeded in looking more drunk than I was. And I was pretty damn drunk.

“You know that shit’s poisonous, don't you?” I looked down at her.

“Really? Well not to ponies. It makes our breath all minty fresh! It’s better for kissing...” Again the smoldering look, as she sat up and puckered her lips at me. I noticed a small sprig of green poison hanging from her topmost curl as she tried to make bedroom eyes at me.

“You’ve been eating the mistletoe, haven’t you?” I deadpanned.

“Maybee....” She drawled, still trying desperately to pucker up to me for a kiss. I sighed, grabbing a nearby pair of scissors, and snipped the offending clump of hair and its deadly payload. With a pout, my pink pony partner rolled over and glared indignantly at me. “Oh poo!” she exclaimed, crossing her arms, uh, crossly at me. I could swear that the curl of hair I had snipped off was back in place, as if it had never been trimmed.

“Yea, I am definitely not kissing you after you have been munching on poison.” I stood up, causing my passenger to roll onto the floor.

“Sorry kid, but this holiday makes me miserable enough without a trip to the emergency ward.” With a small yawn, I wandered into my room, leaving my roommate to deck the halls, or whatever she had planned.

A few hours of internet surfing later, I was ready for bed. Since the music had finally stopped, I stepped out to Pinkie’s room to check on her. I know she meant well as always, but I was just not in the mood to deal with christmas. Her door was closed, a sure sign of occupancy, and I stepped up to knock. Instead, I paused as I heard her talking from within.

“Dear Mister Jeebus and Sandy Claws. I know I don't usually go in for this praying stuff. I mean, it’s kinda hard to take religion seriously after you have defeated a few demigods, and have had a slumber party with a couple of living avatars, so you can understand. This time I think I need some extra help on this one, though. My friend, Louis, is such a Scroogey McGrumperson, and I can't figure out why he seems so mean this time of year. I mean, did you forget his favorite present when he was a foal? I know he didn't watch his parents get gunned down in a dark alley as a kid on christmas eve, so I’m all confused as to what makes him so sad. Please help him find the true meaning of christmas, and cheer up. I miss my happy Louis!” A deep sigh and a sniffle punctuated the silence, before she finished. “Thanks for listening, but I really think you guys are better suited to this than the Princess. Merry Christmas, and Celestia bless us, every one.”

I stepped away, a little saddened, and padded back to my room. I wasn't ready to burden my happy friend with my reasons for feeling bitter about christmas. I would rather she kept her childlike innocence a bit longer. With a weary sigh of my own, I crawled into bed.

It was mere moments later that it seemed I was awakened by a burst of static. I lept out of bed to spot what had made the noise, only to laugh at what I saw. At the foot of my bed was a cheesy looking hologram, looking like a special effect from the old Star Wars movie. Blinking at me was none other than my old friend, Don.

“Hello? Is this thing working? Oh, awesome, I can see you! Can you see me, Louis?” He waved at me, looking all grainy and green.

“Oh, ha ha, very funny. I suppose you are trying to be Jacob Marley, here to tell me about the three ghosts about to visit me?” I crossed my arms and frowned at him.

“What? Oh shit! It is christmas there isn't it? I totally forgot with all the strange stuff going on here and all.” Scratching his head, he looked around at my room. “This is so damn cool. I feel like Al in Quantum Jump, standing in the hologram chamber. Lyra is trying out this neat astral projection spell she found in one of Twilight’s old books.”

“Lyra? Isn't that the crazy ex-girlfriend that the pony at the bar warned us to steer clear of?” I rolled my eyes and laughed. “What have you gotten yourself into this time, Donnie?”

Suddenly, his eyes grew wide, and he looked over his shoulder at something I couldn't see. “What? Oh yea, she’s a waitress back home at the bar we used to go to.” A pause let me know that someone was talking to him, before he continued. “No, no. Okay maybe. She said you were crazy, and to watch out for you. And after what we did last night, I understand why, but honestly, I never believed anything she said. Yes dear. You know I love you.”

Turning back to me, he remembered that he had another audience. “Oh, yea. Ahem.” Looking rather nervous, like a kid that had been caught doing something he shouldn't, he shuffled his feet at my raised eyebrow. “Yes, well, Me and Lyra are sorta dating.” His head jerked up. “Yes dear, I know. We are totally dating.” and back to me, “Really, don’t give me that look. We are engaged, and plan to get married in the fall, during the Running of the Leaves. I guess that will be spring over there.”

“Married. To a pony.” I deadpanned, before rolling my eyes. “I can't say that I am surprised, but I still think that was pretty damn quick. I mean, a pony?”

“Hey, don't knock it til you try it! Have you ever gotten a blowjob from a pony? They don't have a gag reflex, you know. And then there is this thing she does with her horn that *BZZZRRRT*”

Suddenly a wave of static rolled through the image of my friend, like an old television image. When the image stabilized, my friend was suddenly standing ramrod straight, and pointing a finger at me as his eyes glowed with a creepy gleam.

“Three. Three spirits will there be.” Suddenly his voice took on a deep Earl Jones quality, that reverberated hauntingly like the cheap special effect that it was. I gave a bitter snort, and rolled my eyes.

“Bout time you got to it. Let's hear the rest.” I yawned, theatrically.

“The first will come at the stroke of one.” Darkly, he intoned the proclamation. “The second shall appear to you at the stroke of two.”

“Yea, and the third will show up whenever the fuck he wants, because he’s all death and unexpected. Really man, I am not in the mood. You know how I feel about this christmas shit.” I grumbled at my old drinking buddy.

“Mock me not, for I am merely the herald of your redemption. The third will indeed come as it pleases, but none will be what you expect. This is a gift to you, so I pray that you use it wisely.”

Again the wave of static, rolling upwards, leaving the image of my friend looking over his shoulder. “-omething wrong. I can’t see anyth... Oh, there you are Louis. I dunno what happened. Lyra says she is getting tired from maintaining the spell, so I need to cut things short. You are invited to the wedding, which should be in a few months. Of course, with Discord hanging around, things never seem to go as planned. Can I count on you to be my Best Man?”

Too tired to give a shit, I decided to play along. “Sure thing Don. I’ll be there, if I can afford the pass.”

“Don’t worry about the cost. I have a few favors I can call in. Sorry to cut things short, but I gotta run!” And with another burst of static, the image faded away.

“Lamest. Prank. Ever.” I shrugged, and crawled back into bed. Don marrying a pony. Wow, that was something to think about. How the hell does the sex even work? Will she wear a saddle at the wedding? I decided I was too tired to give a fuck, and rolled over, putting such things aside for the morning.

Author's Note

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_tBtrDN6Ql8MyrUh1EirdLiiUcfmc-k-uD7NA990_o8/edit
Editing this one myself, since my Editor flaked out on me. Again.

What is it with my editors always going MIA? :facehoof:

A Surprise Visit

As I lay sleeping, all snug in my bed, visions of Playdude Bunnies danced in my head. When on top of my nightstand there arose such a clatter, I awoke from my sleep to see who the fuck changed my alarm to one am. With a groan, I smashed my fist down on the off button, since I would not be needing a wake up call on Christmas. Fucking. Morning.

I mean, seriously? Who was I, the Pope?

Rolling back over, I came face to face with a particular curly-haired pony, who was grinning at me like a Cheshire cat.

“Surprise!” she yelled, causing me to jump backwards out of bed, and onto the unforgiving floor.

“Jesus Christ, Pinkie!” I scrambled back to my feet with a groan. “What the fuck have I told you about sneaking into my bed? And why the hell are you all white, and glowy, and... when the hell did you get wings?” Adrenaline, the world’s fastest wake up drug.

“I’m not Pinkie, silly! I already told you, I’m Surprise!” Still grinning, the white pegasus with a golden mane lept into the air and did a backflip in my room. The resemblance to Pinkie was creepy as hell, like she was some failed cloning experiment.

“Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house?” Regaining my composure, I crossed my arms. As much as I wanted to say that this was an act done with makeup, there was no way Pinkie could pull off wings, or flying.

“You don't listen very well do you?” Hovering upside down, the pale pony gave me an irritated look. “My name is Surprise, and I’m the ghost of Pinkie’s Past.”

Suddenly it clicked. “Pinkie’s past? Wait, I remember now, you’re Pinkie’s Grandmother! Hold on, aren't you supposed to be dead?”

“Okay, Pinkie. I’m tired, and I don't want to put up with this shit, so stop the act and get your ass back to your own bed.” I sighed, and pointed to the door.

“Looks like she picked for looks, and not for brains. I guess you can’t have it all, now can you?” Shrugging, she stepped towards me. “Well, I work with what I am given. So let’s go, we haven't got all that much time.” Giggling, the pony stopped and rolled her eyes. “That's a good one. The time traveling spirit is short on time.”

Grabbing my hand with her hoof, she gives a tug, and I feel a shiver run through my body. I look down and see that I am hovering a few inches off the ground, and my heart skips a beat. This may not be a trick after all.

“What the everloving fuck? How are you doing this?” I concentrate, and start to lower back towards the floor, but then panic as I start sinking into it.

“Calm down, kid. As long as you are with me, you are safe. Now hold on, we gotta fly!” And as she spread her wings, the world went white.

After blinking the spots out of my eyes, I looked around to find myself outside my house, although the decorations looked a bit different. What was stranger was the fact that I was still in my pajamas, and yet did not feel the cold of the snow. Yes, after you find your roommate occasionally watches you sleep (creepy), you too will learn to enjoy pajamas. Besides, the silk ones are like wearing sexy to bed, and I highly recommend them.

“Okay, let me get this straight.” I turned to the pale pony next to me, who was beaming at me with the typical Pinkie grin. “You are supposed to be the spirit of Pinkie’s dead grandmother, and what, you are here to teach me something about my past?”

“Something like that.” She rolled her eyes, and fluffed her wings, looking like a horse-shaped pigeon. “Somewhere along the way you lost your love of christmas, and I am here to help you find out what happened.

“I’ll tell you what happened. I found out that Santa wasn't real, Nobody cares about Jesus, and everything is just a big fat lie created by corporations to sell more toys and decorations.” I crossed my arms and glared at the pegasus. “That about sums it all up.”

“Oh really? Is that the only reason?” She taunted.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Well then, just indulge an old mare then, would you?” She smiled sweetly, batting her eyelashes. Boy was she barking up the wrong tree.

“Look, lady. I’m tired, I’m grouchy, and I don’t wanna participate in some sad excuse for a christmas special.” I crossed my arms, and glared at her. “So I’m gonna just go back inside, and go to bed, and if you come into my room again, I am going to try my new taser that I bought. If it worked on Pinkie, it will sure as hell work on you.”

“By all means, go right on in!” Beaming, she landed and used a wing to wave me on.

I just shook my head, and stomped to the house. Letting myself in, I paused a moment. I was in the house, but something was up. I didn't remember actually walking through the door. I shrugged, and continued inside, grumbling at all the decorations Pinkie had put up everywhere. It was worse than when my parents lived here.

As I entered the living room, I stopped cold, and realised it was exactly like when my parents were here, because they were standing in front of me. My dad looked much younger, and my mom... Well she always looked like a supermodel.

“Wow, your mom is a hottie!” I jumped as I heard a voice behind me, and turned to see the white pegasus had followed me inside.

“Shit, you scared me!” turning back, I addressed my parents. “Mom, dad! What are you guys doing here? And what have you been eating? You look twenty years younger.”

“They can't hear you, ya know. This is just an echo of the past. A memory, long faded.” Sounding melancholy for once, the exuberant mare looked on the scene with a distant stare.

“Dafuq you say?” I glared at her, but noticed that they indeed, did not seem to hear me.

“We are in your past, Louis. This is a Christmas long ago. See, here you come now!” Smiling again, she pointed at the other hallway as a little nappy-headed boy came stomping in, wearing a pair of Spider-Man Underoos.

“Yay! Santa came! Santa came!” Giggling, the boy made a beeline for the tree that was knee deep in wrapped packages, while my much younger parents beamed down on him with warm smiles.

“That’s right, ya little rugrat! You musta been really good at hiding your screwups if Santa didn't find out.” Laughing, my dad winced as my mom thumped him in the arm.

“Daryl, that was uncalled for. We both know our little boy was good all year!” She leaned over and softened the blow with a tender kiss. It was really awkward, seeing my parents being so affectionate. It didn't help that my mom was pretty damn hot.

“Yea, right. He probably just bribed the reindeer.” My dad chuckled.

“Nope! I was exta good all year! I even left exta cookies, and carrots for Santa and Rooduff!” Beaming, the little boy grabbed the first box and gave it a shake.

“See what I mean? Bribery!” Laughing harder, my dad plopped in his chair and pulled my mom into his lap, where she giggled like a little girl.

Meanwhile, the younger me was on his fifth present, and paper was flying everywhere. I felt something squeezing my heart at the scene. Such joy and innocence, long ago lost to me. I turned away to look at Surprise, only to suddenly find myself outside again. Looking around, I saw a church before me, and craned my head back to see the steeple far above me.

“You were such a cute little foal. So full of happiness. What made you so bitter?” Beside me, almost blending into the snow was the pegasus spirit. She had a bittersweet smile on her face as she looked up at me.

“Life. Life made me bitter. That and a good dose of reality.” I sighed, looking back at the doors of the church. I recognized it from my childhood as the place my father took us to worship. Christ the King Church, a catholic church near our home. I heard it’s now the location of some hispanic protestant church or something. Things really have changed.

“So why here, granny?” I pondered.

“Well, let’s go inside and find out!” Hovering a bit, she led the way to the doors, now closed with late mass in session.

Again, I found myself standing in a pew, with no recollection of walking inside. Next to me was Surprise, holding a hymnal in her hooves, and smiling serenely at the scene before us. On the altar was my old priest, Father Wojciechowski, and on either side were two young boys. I recognized one as an older, and better groomed version of the boy I had seen earlier.

Beside me, Surprise gasped. “Ohmygosh! You look so cute in your little robe! Are you like a church helper or something?”

“I was an altar boy, nine years running. They thought that one day I would be a priest, but I never was religious enough.” I sighed. I noticed I was getting a funny look and turned to face her.

“I’m so sorry...” Hopping up on her hind legs, she threw her arms around me in a brief hug.

“What?” I stammered.

Pulling back, she pulled a small cloth doll that kinda resembled the younger me. “Would you like to show me on the doll where the priest touched you?”

“Fuck. You.” I growled. “Not all altar boys get molested, asshole. My priest was a mean drunk instead.” And indeed, a slight slur could be heard to the priest’s voice as he gave his sermon.

“Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to stereotype.” Looking down, her wings drooped to her side.

“It wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyone’s fault, really.” I started to explain, looking straight ahead at the mass before me. I noticed my parents near the front row.

“I started out like the normal kid, all full of wonder and believing in Santa, but the more I got into studying my dad’s religion, the more lies I uncovered. I found out how fake everything was, and it just sucked the joy out of it all.” I sighed, and sat in the pew, my head in my hands. Slowly, a warm wing made it’s way across my back, and I was pulled into a hug. I didn't feel like returning it, so I just closed my eyes as the hollowness filled me.

A few moments later, I felt the wing retract, and I lifted my head. Before me was a scene from the 80’s. I was in a mall, with all the bright colored decorations, the crappy music, and the horrible clothing everyone was wearing. I looked over at Surprise, and she just shrugged at me. Then I looked up to see a young teen with high top sneakers, Tight jeans, and a fade haircut. It was me again, and I cringed at how horribly fashion deprived I looked. Ever seen the movie Breakin? Yeah... that was me.

“Dad, I don’t wanna see no Santa. It’s just some drunk dude in a suit.” The boy whined in his cracking pubescent voice.

“What you talkin bout boy? You always loved going to see Santa! I paid some good money so we could get your picture taken and shit. Now get your black ass on that old pervert’s lap.” My dad growled at me.

“Seriously dad, I don’t wanna. Did you know that the department store Santa is less than fifty years old? Even Saint Nicholas wasn't associated with Santa until way after his death. This is all just commercialized bullcrap used to sucker people into buying more junk!” I saw as the boy pouted and stomped his foot.

“You watch your mouth boy. I am your father, and you will sit on Santa’s lap, let us take pictures, and like it. And if you are good, then mebbe I won't bust your ass for embarrassing me and your mother in the middle of the goddamn mall!”

“No! I won't live the lie! There is no damn Santa Claus!” I watched the boy slip out of the grasping hand of my father and run off into the crowd.

I remembered that day. That was the last day my family celebrated Christmas. After that, it was just another day. No more decorating, no more tree, no more gift giving. I remember my father and mother quietly accepting my decision. I remember being so pissed off that I didn't return home until night, and neither of my parents said a word.

What I didn't remember was the look of profound devastation on my father’s face as his little boy told him he no longer believed in Santa Claus. I don't remember seeing my mother holding him as tears ran down his face, right there in public. I don't remember that the strongest man I ever knew was reduced to a wreck because his little boy had decided to grow up and become a bitter, jaded man.

“I- I didn't know.” I turned away from the spectacle of my broken father, to look into the sad eyes of the pony beside me.

“Christmas isn't just about you, Louis. It’s about the people and the things you hold dear. It’s about family, and friends, and showing them you love them.”

My eyes started to blur, and a gentle wing rose up to wipe away the tears forming on my face. When my vision cleared, I was back in my room, and I was alone. Not just physically alone, but I felt emotionally adrift. With a sigh, I collapsed onto my unkempt bed, and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Author's Note

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_tBtrDN6Ql8MyrUh1EirdLiiUcfmc-k-uD7NA990_o8/edit

That's right folks, this was a reach church, I was an altar boy for 9 years, and Mrs. Mary Branch was my catechism teacher. And I shed real tears when I read This Article. :fluttercry: :ajsleepy:

Unfortunately, I learned too much, and drifted away from my childhood faith. But, no matter where my life leads, I will always remember my roots. :pinkiesad2: :ajsleepy:

A Familiar Face

My sleep was again interrupted by someone in my bed. This time I was not nearly as shocked, although I was still rather pissed as I felt a weight shift next to me. Rolling my eyes, I rolled over and peered into the smiling pink face and blue eyes of my housemate, and groaned in irritation.

“Dammit Pinkie, I’m trying to sleep. I had the craziest dream that I met your grandmother or something, and she showed me why I was pissed at Christmas. It was like some cheesy-ass christmas carol ripoff.” Rubbing my eyes, I waited for a response, and only got a giggle. I opened my eyes to see Pinkie with her chin on her hooves, looking at me with her usual smile.

“What’s so funny? And what the hell are you doing in my bed, again. It’s...” I rolled over to look at the clock. “Two in the friggin morning. There is no way in hell I’m opening gifts or anything else yet. I don't even plan on waking up until noon.” I sighed, and plopped my head down on my pillow, trying to ignore the annoying pink pest in my room. “Go back to bed, Pinkie.” Yawning hugely, I closed my eyes.

“I’m not Pinkie, silly. My name is Diane, and I’m the ghost of Pinkie’s Present! In fact, that makes me Pinkie’s Present to you!” My eyes shot open as the words sank in.

“Oh, fuck that noise. I can tell it’s you Pinkie, now get the fuck outta my room before I drag you out.” I tried my best to snuggle deeper into my blankets, but to no avail.

“Silly Louie, it’s my turn to help you, and that means you gotta get up! Up up up!” Bouncing on the bed, she managed to dislodge me from my blanket cocoon.

“Fuck. You aren't gonna let this go, are you?” “I grumbled, wondering if my taser was charged. Maybe I could use the paintball gun again.

“I only got a little bit of time tonight, Louie, and we have places to be. So up and at em!” Yanking the blankets, the pink menace sent me flying off the bed to land in a heap upon the floor.

“Oh, fuck that. I’m gonna kick your furry pink ass.” I clambered to my feet, and then launched myself at my target. Unfortunately I met only air as I seemed to pass through her and land painfully on the floor next to the bed.

“C’mon, Louie! Stop messing around! Let’ get going before it’s too late.” Hopping off the bed, she reached out a hoof to help me up. I rubbed my bruises and looked at my antagonist. I realized that I could almost see through her, as if she were some crappy CGI prop from a movie.

“What the fuck are you? You’re Pinkie... but you’re a ghost?” Suddenly my heart sank, and I remembered what the doctor had told me about certain tendencies. “Oh god, Pinkie! What did you do?”

Sighing heavily, the ghost pony rolled her eyes. “I told you, Louie. I’m not Pinkie. My name is Diane, and I am the ghost of Pinkie’s Present. Or is it Pinkies Present? Wait, maybe it’s a present from Pinkie?” Muttering to herself, she trailed off.

I ignored her, and dashed for the door, and into the hallway. The next moment I was in Pinkie’s room, expecting to see something horrifically tragic. Instead I saw Pinkie peacefully snoring in her bed, as the twinkling lights from the nearby tree played across her serene features and lit the room in a dim riot of color.

“I don’t get it. If she’s sleeping, then who is in my room?” I stepped closer, and tried to shake the pony awake, only for my hand to pass through her without resistance.

“I keep telling you,” Softly, the reply to my question came from behind me, and I turned to see the doppelganger in front of the still closed door. “That is Pinkie, and I am Diane. I’m a ghost.”

“But how?” I pleaded.

“Let’s just say, there were once more of us, but now we are gone. I only have a short time to return, and then I must go away again.” A sad smile crossed her face, and she looked up at me with liquid eyes full of repressed pain. “So, will you come with me while I can still be of help?”

The sad look on the ghostly pony’s face was painful to look at, and I finally relented. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”

“Yippee! You are gonna love this.” With a bounce, she lept forward and grabbed my hand with her hoof. Did I ever mention how weird it feels to have your hand gripped by a hoof? It’s creepy.

With a slight tug, I was pulled forward, and I stumbled, trying to regain my balance. As I stood up, I saw that the room had changed to a lawn. The grass felt like spongy carpet under my feet, and there were palm trees in the yard. Turning around, I was unsurprised to see my parent’s house, as the sun rose behind me on a beautiful Florida morning. A lizard scampered up a nearby wall, cocking his head to look at me, and a line of fire ants marched before my feet, building their low grey fortress on the lawn.

“It had to be my parents. Really, Pinkie?”

“Diane!” She returned.

“Whatever. Lets do this.” I straightened my pajama shirt and pulled my pants up a bit.

With another tug, we were inside, and all the christmas-y splendor surrounded me. My mom always did go overboard, with everything decorated in green and red, while garlands and lights were in every corner courtesy of my dad. And as if on cue, they came walking into the room. My dad had on a classic Hugh Hefner robe, while my mom wore...

“Oh for fuck sakes, mom! Put some damn clothes on!” I averted my eyes from the christmas themed bunny outfit she was wearing, fishnets, heels and ears. I felt my face burning as my parents started to kiss and make out in front of the tree, and I started to feel a little ill.

“Oh wow, lookit them go! It’s like softcore porno, without the cheesy music.” Diane was practically panting, as she stared wide eyed at my parents. I managed to grab her by the tail and drag her from the room so that they could have a bit of privacy, and I could keep my lunch.

“Really, did I have to see that?” I stalked over to the sink and tried to turn it on for a drink of water. Sadly, my hands just passed through the knobs, and I sighed in frustration.

“I think it’s sweet that they can still be affectionate at their age. Besides, your mom is still pretty hot, for her age.” Wagging her eyebrows, the pink poltergeist grinned at me.

“Not. Helping.” I growled. I stopped as I heard raised voices coming from the other room, and jogged in.

“I know honey, but you know how he is.” My father pleaded.

“I jus wan mah baby fo Christmas! Is dat too much ta ask?” My mother looked distraught as my dad tried to calm her.

“We invite his ass every year, and every year he blows us off.” Running his hand through his hair, my dad let out an exasperated breath. “This year I didn't bother. Let him be a damn Scrooge. Mebbe if we are lucky that little pony of his will talk some sense into him.”

“Ya really tink so? She’s such a sweet ting. Iffen she can, den mebbe we get our little child back for da holidays. We kin be a family agin.” My mom reached out and hugged my dad fiercely.

“See Louie? Christmas isn't just about religion, or shopping. It’s about family, and love, and being together. You can believe whatever you want, and still celebrate.” She hugged my leg, as I stared stiffly at my parents having a tender moment. A part of my heart began to melt, and wanted to join them in the family hug.

”On the other hand, we can always make another kid!” And just as quickly, the moment was over as my dad goosed my mom, and began chasing her around the room lustily, as she giggled like a school girl.

“And we are outta here.” I turned to see the fake Pinkie with a bowl of popcorn in her lap.

“Aww c’mon, this may get interesting!” She grinned, shoveling popcorn in her mouth.

“We are leaving. Now.” I growled.

“Oh, alright.” As she stood up, the popcorn vanished. “Lets get to the next one.” And as she tugged on my hand, I stumbled again, ending up back at my house.

“So are we done for the night? That wasn't much of a ride.” I shrugged, heading to the door.

“Not quite. There is still more. Your parents aren't the only ones hurt by how you are acting.” Coming up behind me, Diane leaned against my leg. With a bump, I stumbled again, and we were inside.

I sighed sadly as I saw Pinkie decorating the tree, happily bouncing around and humming as she put the finishing touches on it. Suddenly, the music that was playing on the radio changed, and I heard an old familiar song. Pinkie reared back on her hind legs, grabbing an icicle shaped ornament and began to dance upright as she sang into the improvised microphone.

Louie is a friend,
Yeah I know he's been a good friend of mine
But lately something's changed
It ain't hard to define
Louie's needs himself a girl
And I want to make him mine

And I’m lovin’ him with my eyes
And I’m lovin' him when that body sweats!
And I’m dreaming of being in his arms, late at night

You know I wish that I was Louie's girl
I wish that I was Louie's girl
Where can I find a stallion like that?

Suddenly, the music stopped with a click as Pinkie turned the radio off. She seemed to deflate as she sank first to all four hooves, and then to the floor. “Dammit Louis.” She muttered.

“Wow, she really has it for you bad.” Diane whispered in an awestruck tone.

“Yeah. I don't get it. I’ve been nothing but an asshole to her, I keep telling her I am not interested in ponies, and yet she never gives up.” I managed to plop onto the couch without falling through it somehow.

“Well maybe just be nicer to her, and let her know she’s a friend.” Shrugging, the other pink mare sat next to me. “At least for the holiday. be a little nicer.”

“I’ve tried being nice, I’ve tried being mean, I even tried to get her deported once. She just won't give it up. Besides, what does this have to do with Christmas?” I turned to my paranormal pest.

“Well let me put it this way. There is a magic this time of year, when the barriers between the worlds grow thinner. Sometimes, when a pony, or person, wishes for something strong enough, somepony listens. And sometimes, somepony answers.” Turning away from me, she looked at her sad pink doppelganger now shuffling around the tree, cleaning up the fallen tinsel.

“You want to know what she wished for?” Now sounding more sober than the real Pinkie ever got, she continued to stare ahead into the distance.

“I just heard the song. She wishes she could be my girlfriend. I’m sorry, but that's just not gonna happen.” I sighed, and looked away myself.

“No Louie. She just wished that you could be happy for Christmas. Nothing for herself, not even her heart’s desire. She just asked that you would be happy.” I felt her get up, and turned to look, but found the couch and space before it empty.

“Come on, we have one last stop to make.” I jumped as her voice came from the opposite side of me. Without a word, I reached out, and my hand was tugged by her hoof. Again the world lurched, and then we were in the middle of a rock field.

I looked around me, but in every direction, all I could see were rocks and dirt, with the occasional desolate dead tree. Off in the distance I saw hills and mountains, all grey stone and lichen, with only the topmost peaks showing white as a change of color. The fields were grey, the clouds were lighter grey, and even the bit of sunlight that managed to make it through was dull and lifeless, illuminating only more shades of grey. Turning around, I saw what appeared to be a small shack at the edge of the rocky field. Of my pink companion, there was no sign. With no better idea, I shrugged and started walking towards the shack.

After what seemed like a hour, the shack finally seemed to be within my reach. It was deceptively larger than it first appeared, being a two story affair of greyed timber. Dusty windows gave no indication of what was inside, and only a grey wooden rocking chair gave any character to the otherwise ramshackle abode. It looked like a black and white photo of an old frontier house. I even noticed an old grey dog on the porch, who raised his head at my approach for a moment, before seeming to lose interest and going back to sleep.

Ignoring the animal just as much as he ignored me, I stepped to the door. A dingy white door was fronted by an old greyish screen door. As before, when I reached for it, I found myself inside. Surprisingly, the inside was tidy and clean, with a meticulous attention to detail in the arrangement of furnishing. Warmer colors lived here, as orange, brown and cream welcomed and soothed the soul, while decorations of green, turquoise and amethyst were arranged with loving care. Whoever lived here has a fondness for rocks and crystals, with many of the normal bric-a-brac being crafted from semi precious stones. I had a strong suspicion as to who lived here.

I was soon proven right as I heard a soft murmuring from the next room. I followed the sound to a brightly colored kitchen where three ponies stood around a table covered in a brilliant red tablecloth. One I immediately recognized as Pinkie’s sister, Maud, and the other two shared a strong resemblance, being colored shades of grey, with the same straight hair and tails. Unlike their violet haired sister, they wore happy smiles, although I now knew Maud’s enigmatic smirk for the warm smile it actually was.

“So why isn't Pinkie coming, Maud?” the lighter grey mare asked.

“She says she wants to spend some human holiday with her special somepony. Something called Christmas.” Slowly Maud drawled. “It’s kinda like Hearth’s Warming.”

“But she never missed our birthday before. Never ever.” The darker grey mare responded. I realized that they were nearly identical twins, with their dark and light grey colors reversed. One had a dark mane and light coat, and the other the opposite. Maud seemed to be the odd one out with the purple hair, and a much deeper voice. The twins definitely had Pinkie’s high toned vocal range.

“I’m sorry Marble, Limestone. She says he is very sad, and wants to try to cheer him up. Something about him hating the holidays.” Shrugging, Maud turned to get the cake and bring it to the counter.

The twins shared a troubled look, and sighed in simultaneous disappointment. “It’s just not the same without Pinkie.” The lighter one groaned.

“See. Even ponies you don't know are hurt by the way you are at Christmas.” I jumped as I heard Diane behind me.

“Shit! You scared me!” I yelled, turning to face her. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I’m sorry, but my time is almost up, and my link to this world grows weak. Soon I must return to the mirror.” Shrugging, she gave me a sad look, and then looked past me to where the other ponies were glumly eating a bright pink iced cake.

“Mirror? What the fuck are you talking about?” I looked back at the ponies eating. Turning back, I noticed that I could now see through the pink pony, as if she were fog.

“It’s not important. Just remember, what you do affects more than you and the ones you love. It effects the ones they love. We are all connected, even those of us that have no true life.” Slowly she turned and walked to the front door.

I quickly ran to follow, but as I reached for the door, there was another lurch, and I was again in the middle of a field of rocks. Only this time, there was no house, there were no trees. There was no sun, and there were no mountains. There was only the unending field of stone and dust, and for the first time in my life, I knew that I was totally alone.

Author's Note

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1u9nEw6nAOo2WWoYaj0BAwJiQT4VE0RcafPiE4RW9PWM/edit

I honestly never knew that was a Springsteen song...

Finale

I walked for what seemed like hours across that desolate field. Rocks, dust, the occasional dead tree, and look, more rocks! There was nothing but shades of grey, and not the kinky, sexy Shades of Grey either. Just boring, depressing grey. Grey clouds, grey ground, grey rocks. You get the idea.

I never seemed to feel cold or hot, my feet never hurt, surprising since I had no shoes, and was wearing only my pajamas. Even when a wind started to blow across the plain, I barely felt it. It was like purgatory. A limbo that never ended, but only existed. Damn it was boring as hell.

It was long after I stopped paying attention to where I was going that I managed to finally find some manner of break in the tedium by stubbing my toe against a random rock.

“Ow! Dammit, stupid fuckin rock!” Angrily, and not quite thinking straight, I managed to kick the rock. “Aaah! Dammit, piss...” Lets just say I cussed alot. While it hurt like hell, a small part of me was relieved to actually feel something. I sat down and glared at the offending rubble as I nursed my sore foot. I’m not quite sure how long that was, since time apparently had snuck out for a smoke break and forgot to clock back in. Finally I heard a throat being cleared behind me.

“You know, it’s just a rock, right? Glaring at it won't help.” The voice was familiar, yet wrong. It was the same high pitched voice of Pinkie Pie, and yet spoke with the dull monotone and slow cadence of her sister, Maud. Sure enough, when I turned around, I saw Pinkie, and yet she was also looking off character. Her hair was straight and limp, like her sister, but far longer, and her color seemed dulled and darkened. Or maybe it was just the dull grey light that seemed to drip from the sky like a sluggish rain.

“Well it’s about time you showed up, Pinkie. I...”

“Pinkamina.” she replied, interrupting me.

“What?” Blinking in confusion, I just stared.

“My name is Pinkamina. I am the third and final spirit of Pinkie. I am the omega, the end, the unwritten future that will come if the present goes unchanged. I am apathy. I am entropy. I am overly dramatic.” She pauses for a moment, face totally blank, as she stares unblinkingly at me. I wasn't entirely sure how to respond, to be honest. After what felt like several minutes, she blinks. “That was a joke.” The same deadpan monotone forces any semblance of humor into a lifeless anecdote.

“Ooooh-kay. I take it I am still dreaming this shit, and that I have no choice but to play along. You are some sorta future-emo Pinkie, here to show me what horrible future awaits if I do not embrace the spirit of Christmas and blah, blah, whatever.” I rolled my eyes. Too many christmas specials and other holiday ripoffs had left me inured against such drivel.

“Yes.” a single word, without inflection or emotion was all I got. Again the dead, unblinking stare that reminded me of Maud Pie and her perpetual lack of emotion.

“Yes, and?” I prompted, getting a bonus blink for my trouble. Woot!

“And I am here to show you what happens if you choose to continue on your path, rejecting Pinkie and the holiday spirit. A bleak and lonely future.” Another blink as she intoned my fate.

“Can we just skip to my tombstone? Oooh, I die alone and unloved, blah blah. I have some serious sleep to catch up on before I can put this bullshit pageant behind me and continue not caring about this bullshit holiday.” I grumbled, crossing my arms in frustration.

Again the slow blink, and then she turned away from me. “The tombstones will come later. Be not so eager to seek death. Come, we have things to see.” And with that she started walking away. I shrugged, rolling my eyes again as I followed her.

Suddenly, in a way that only dreams can do, I was back in the old farm house. Before me was the three ponies I had seen, all hugging a crying Pinkie Pie. She looked like the spectre that was currently guiding me, with straight hair and faded coat, but was showing a depth of emotion absent from my tormentor, who stood in the doorway as I watched. The Pinkie before me cried loudly, sobbing and sniffling as her sisters tried to comfort her. A dilapidated cake lay on the table, a slice taken, but untouched on a plate beside it. I looked round to see halfhearted decorations hanging limply from the walls as the candles guttered atop the wounded cake.

“A time of joy, her sisters’ birthday. Forever tainted by your rejection.” Pinkamina intoned slowly from the doorway. “One holiday ruined will destroy another, as she associates the two. So in rejecting Christmas, you crush not only her heart, but the hearts of those around her.”

“Meh, not my fault. I let her celebrate Christmas. I just asked her to leave me out of it.” I shrugged, turning away from the heartbreaking scene. For a moment though, Maud’s eyes met mine, and a small head shake of disapproval made me feel cold inside. Then her eyes went back to her sister, and the scene was nothing more than an imaginary scenario.

“Are you really so selfish as to not care about those around you? A joy shared is a joy multiplied. But come, there is more to see.” Turning away, she walked through the door. As I stepped to follow, I felt the world around me warp and bend like a funhouse mirror. The doorway became a hallway, and stretched into the distance. After walking a few feet, the hallway collapsed and came back into focus, appearing as a hospital hall, with doors on either side. There were elderly people randomly sitting on wheelchairs, and a constant beeping like an alarm was going off somewhere. The dead eyes and vacant stares of the patients were unnerving as they seemed to each be trapped in their own world. The dark pink mare stopped before an open door, glancing dispassionately at me before stepping inside.

I followed, seeing my mother sitting in a chair beside a bed. My breath stopped as I realized that my father lay under the sheets, the once powerful and muscular body now frail and wasted. My mother sat holding his hand as tears made their way down her face.

“What the fuck, Pinkie?”

“Pinkamina.”

“Whatever. Why are you showing me this?” I yelled.

In answer, she just pointed at the bed.

“He’s not coming, is he?” My dad managed to breathe, his voice barely a whisper.

“Naw love, he says he’s still cross wit us fo makin him go to dat christmas pageant. He dun want none of Christmas.” Shaking her head, my mother wiped away her tears and put on a brave face.

“Too bad. He’s gonna miss my best performance. I’m gonna look death in the eye and tell him to get fucked.” My dad’s words ended in a wet cough, and my mom got up to help him.

That's when I looked around and saw the room was decorated for the holiday, just as their house had been. My chest felt hollow as I put it together and realized that my stubbornness would cost me the last moments of my father’s life.

“I’m leaving. I’m done with this shit, and I want to go home now.” I turned to leave, and found the depressing pink pony was standing behind me.

“Oh we can’t leave yet. Didn't you want to see the gravestone?” A sickly smile appeared on her face, slowly growing in size. It spread across her face like a disease, and soon took on the appearance of a cheshire cat.

I took a step back, nearly tripping over something. Spinning around, I saw that there was indeed a gravestone behind me, and that were once again in the stony field. A spark of anger ignited, and I spun around to face my tormentor.

“I said I was done with this shit. It’s over. I don’t want to see my fuckin grave, and it’s not going to make me have a change of heart. Everybody fucking dies. Knowing when and where I die won't matter two shits.” I made to step around her, only for the pink pest to appear in my path again.

“Do you really think this is about you, after all that you have seen? Perhaps you haven't seen enough then.” Pointing a hoof at the gravestone, she kept on grinning, a manic gleam in her eye.

“Fine. Fuckit. I’ll look, but then you are taking me back to my room so I can get some fucking sleep.” I shoved my hands into the pockets of my pajama pants and turned around.

I stomped around the headstone, now in a graveyard under a tree, in the manner of dreams. I didn't question the change of scenery, but looked down at the chunk of carved rock with all the malice I could muster. This was it. This was the moment I saw the evidence of my death and had my heart changing revelation. I would finally break and embrace the bullshit message of a fake holiday, and forever change my life.

I looked down, and I did indeed break. I broke, because it wasn't my gravestone I was looking at. It was Pinkie’s.

0 O 0

\ | /

Pinkamina “Pinkie” Diane Pie

Love, Laughter and Lunacy

She brought it all to our lives

“No.” I breathed. It was supposed to be my grave. My heart, my lesson, my death.

“Yes.” Intoning the word, the newest apparition’s voice hit me like a physical blow, causing me to flinch. “Without your love and friendship, she drifted farther away from you and her friends. She became more withdrawn. Finally, one day she gave up. She tried again to throw one last party.” Leaning over the gravestone, where I had dropped to my knees, the straight haired pony glared at me, still as dispassionate, yet somehow far more sinister. “Only this time, her Ponyville friends were too far away to find her in time.”

I woke up, and I was crying. I don't exactly know why, but I was sobbing uncontrollably. After a few moments, I calmed down and looked at the clock. It was four AM, and dawn was fast approaching. I had very little time. I had some calls to make.

A few hours later, I had everything in place, just as Pinkie came yawning into the living room. She was rubbing her eyes and smacking her lips as she walked in, blinking in confusion. I was sitting on the couch, wearing a Santa suit, and sipping on some coffee. On my face was a massive grin.

“Merry Christmas!” I belted out, sounding in my ears like a cheezy department store Santa.

“L-louis? Have you been drinking again?” She stopped to peer at me accusingly.

“Only a little in the morning coffee. Are you ready for an awesome day?” I grinned.

“But I thought you hated Christmas?” she blinked at me in confusion, before her eyes went wide, and a huge grin appeared on her face. “Oh! Is this one of those Christmas Miracles I hear about in all the stories?”

“Meh, something like that. Let’s just say, I decided that if my friends like something, I don't need to be such a dick about not liking it.” I replied dryly, shrugging.

“Oh boy! That's awesome!” She bounced in place, before stopping and deflating a bit. “I just wish my friends were all here to enjoy it with me.”

At those words, my grin grew three sizes, and I hit send on the cell phone I had hidden in my lap. With a bright magenta flash, a group of ponies appeared in the room, blinking dazedly from the teleport.

“Merry Christmas, Pinkie Pie!” They all yelled in unison, as they all caught sight of the stunned party pony before them.

“Wait, what? How? Who? Maud?” Pinkie sputtered, and twitched as her brain broke. All three of her sisters, and all five of her friends, including a very exhausted looking purple princess cheered and rushed forward to embrace her.

“Turns out having a princess on speed dial comes in handy. Also, your sister has her own connections, apparently.” I smugged, standing up and sipping my coffee.

“Yea, he called me early in the morning, and asked me to get everypony together. I told him he was insane if he thought I could pull something off in an hour.” Twilight rolled her eyes, grinning at me. “Then he reminded me about a certain spell I once tried, and he had me send a message back in time to Princess Celestia. I teleported here just as everypony else was arriving, having gotten the message a week ago.”

“Yep, and we kept our traps shut the whole time, so as ta not make a pair of ducks, err somethin.” Applejack spoke up.

“It was some super cool spy stuff, zipping around finding everypony in time. We had to be all ‘Come with me if you want to party’!” Rainbow Dash jumped in, with the worse Eliminator voice I had ever heard.

“So, everypony came to see me, and Louis did it all? For me?” Pinkie gasped, still in shock.

“I even got a birthday cake delivered for your sisters.” I pointed to where Maud was uncovering a cake on a tray. “And shame on you for missing your sisters’ birthday, even for something as awesome as Christmas!” I chastised.

“Ohmygosh! I am such a horrible sister! I was so excited to celebrate a new holiday, and I forgot about the twins!” Pinkie seemed to melt into a pouting, quiver-lipped mess. I nodded toward the Pie sisters, and they all charged forward to hug and forgive.

“We forgive you, Sis! We know how you get when you are planning a new party.” Both twins said in unison, which is even creepier in real life than it is in the movies. Maud just nodded, and did her little smile-thing.

Blinking away tears of joy, Pinkie looked over at me as her friends smiled on at the happy display of sisterly love. “But Louis, I don't get it. I thought you hated Christmas?”

I sighed, and kneeled down before my roommate. “Pinkie, I don't hate Christmas. In fact, the problem may be that I love Christmas too much. I learned the original meaning of the holiday, and fell so deeply in love with it, that it became painful to see what it had become. I was so blinded by what I wanted it to be, that I forgot that Christmas means something special to everybody. I had to remember to respect that, and stop being such a self righteous prick.” I leaned forward and gave a brief hug.

“Can you forgive me?” I whispered into her ear.

“I will always forgive you Louis. Even when you are a self righteous prick, you’re MY self righteous prick.” She giggled.

“Thanks Pinkie.” I whispered back. “Oh, and can you please not grope me in front of your friends?”

“Oops! My bad!” She pulled away, blushing.

Suddenly there was a knock, and the doorbell went off at the same time. Everyone in the room turned to the sound of the noise, and I stood up to check it.

“Who the hell is that? All the deliveries arrived half an hour ago!” I stomped over to the front door, pausing before opening it. I could hear voices from the other side, and they sounded very familiar.

“I don't give a shit what he says this year. We are celebrating Christmas, and that's final! It may be his house now, but it used to be ours and...” My father stopped in mid-rant as I yanked the door open, and my parents took in the sight of their son in a Santa suit. “Oh dammit, did we get the wrong house?”

“Merry Christmas, dad. Merry Christmas, mom.” I grinned at them, getting an even more startled look. “What bring you two to town?

Suddenly Pinkie pushed her head around me, seeing who was at the door. “Oh horseapples! Don't you hate it when you get somepony the same gift they got you?”

Merry Christmas Everybrony

And Celestia Bless Us, Every One!

Author's Note

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mIJbrmh-tvsLUAg__NOqGeCakjNhyT8ZJ1c9U3s5mOw/edit

And this concludes the obligatory Christmas Special. Now bugger off, I got some nog to drink! :moustache:

Prelude

“Hey Pinks!” I turned around to see my bestest friend, Rainbow Dash landing softly behind me. She looked so very awesome in her red scarf with the multi-colored tassels.

“Heya Dashie! Is that the scarf Rarity sent you?” I grinned and bounced in place, showing off my own hoof-knitted scarf with the embroidered cutie mark and pink tassels.

“Sure is. It’s awesome for this weather, especially at high altitude.” She demonstrated by way of shivering, and pulled the scarf off of her muzzle to release puffy white steam clouds into the air. “I still can’t believe they won't let us do any weather control. I mean, they finally figured how to enchant our hooves to act like they do in Equestria.”

“Yeah, they are all scared of magic.” I shrugged, and turned back to what I had been watching.

“Hey Louis. Whatcha doin?” Dash looked up to spot what I was looking at.

“Rigging up the lights.” Louis gruffly answered. He was being a bit of a grouchy-pants about it, but he did promise to help me. Hooves are just not as good as hands at hanging lights, and he was afraid I would fall off the ladder.

“Huh, well that's just silly. You should just get a pegasus or unicorn to do it for you.” Rainbow Dash responded. If she noticed the death glare she received, she ignored it.

“So you all ready for X-mas?” Turning to me, she grinned widely, and pranced in the light snow that covered the yard.

“I think it’s pronounced Christmas. I’ve been reading all sorts-a books and stuff on it! I even got Louis to help with stuff.” I bounced, enjoying the soft crunch of the snow under my hooves.

“Rigging up these lights!” Again, Louis grouched to nopony in particular.

“What was that, big guy? My friend asked him.

“I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!” He shouted back.

“You askin’ for help or something?” She shot back, and was met with another glare. I guess I really shouldn't have blackmailed him into putting the lights up.

Before Rainbow could get too riled up, I came to Louis’ defense. “I think he’s determined to do them himself. I kinda… maybe… implied that he wasn't stallion enough to do them all by himself, and he’s been at it all day. He only fell twice though!” I smiled and put my arm around Dashie’s shoulders.

Louis has at this point stomped back into the house to look for something. From within the depths of our home I heard him yell, “What? We have no extension cords?!”

“Are you sure he doesn’t want help? I can like, fly up and have it done in ten seconds flat!” Dash looked at me, a worried look on her face.

Suddenly, the slowly gathering gloom of evening was pierced by a majestic glow, as the lights flickered to life. Triumphant, Louis stomped out of the house, arms raised in victory as he grinned at us. Moments later, the lights began to flicker intermittently.

“NOW WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BLINKING?!!!” Louis bellowed, before stomping back into the house.

“I really think it would be better if you let him handle this himself. He’s already kinda cranky about the holidays, and he’s been getting even more grouchy since starting these lights.” I sighed and shook my head. Dashie looked back at me, sympathy in her eyes. We all knew somepony like this--with a pride bigger than their brain.

With a fizzling sound, the lights stopped their frenzied flashing, and the yard was plunged into darkness. “One light goes out, they ALL go out!” More yelling could be heard from inside the house. I think I heard something crash, and a cat could be heard yowling. I was rather puzzled by this, since we didn't own a cat.

“Really, Pinks, I think he needs help. Or an intervention.” Dash popped into the air with a flap of her wings, looking worried.

The next sound I heard would forever be etched into my brain, as a steady stream of obscenities wafted out of the house. The neighbors peeked out of their curtains, and just as quickly shut them. I am sure that even Discord would have trouble unraveling the mangled mess that was being woven out of the human language as every obscenity I had ever learned in my time in this world, and many others new to my pony ears were screamed into the nether. In the heat of battle, my Louis wove a tapestry of obscenity, that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Baltimore.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the profanity stopped, and both me and Rainbow Dash released a breath we didn't realize we were holding. After a moment more, I heard one last shout, directed at me.

“Pinkie! Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse!” Emerging from the house, covered in dust, cobwebs, and for some reason, cake frosting, came Louis. His normally light brown skin was a livid red, and his beautiful curly black hair was a dusty grey. His eyes were bloodshot, and he appeared to be grinding his teeth.

“Umm, seriously big guy. It’s no problem! Let me help you.” Dash made one more misguided attempt at assistance. I couldn't help, however, noticing her wings were fully extended in the classic pegasus position of “Fight or Flight.”

And for a brief moment, I almost thought it was going to work. My dear friend, Louis, took a deep breath, and I saw all of the tension flow out of his rigid frame. He closed his eyes for a moment, and seemed to be counting down.

And then it all went to hell as he snapped his eyes open again, a vicious snarl on his face. “FINE!” he screeched, his voice gaining in volume and pitch. “You’re so smart, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!” And in one smooth motion, he launched the bundle of cords he was holding across the yard, where they impacted a tree and rolled away, unfurling as they went. Continuing his tantrum, he turned away from us and stomped off into the snow and descending gloom of the winter evening.

“Wow, Pinkie. I don’t think I have ever seen him that pissed off before. He really hates rigging up these lights.” Dash adjusted her scarf nervously as the adrenaline washed through her system.

“Oh, this isn't so bad. You should have seen him when we were out finding a christmas tree.” I quipped, before bouncing over to retrieve the fallen lights.

Author's Note

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WMSH61pd8hBcruOXhQLVuT8Yqj7ba8SFow_ZygOIvEw/edit