Talking Ponies Syndrome

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5712

It's a beautiful day in Ponyville. Then again, every day is a beautiful day for Derpy Hooves.

It's a beautiful day in Ponyville. Then again, every day is a beautiful day for Derpy Hooves.

Published 2015-01-27 17:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-27 17:50:03 UTC

Yesterday

Derpy Hooves awoke, as always, to a light, rhythmic flutter against the mattress. The mare curled up in bed, shifting beneath the covers. At last, using her wings for leverage, she pushed herself into a sitting position. With instinctual grace, she opened just her left eye and peered blearily around her apartment bedroom.

A soft golden light pierced the sheer draperies of her bedside window, refracting into platinum bands that glinted off the mirror of her vanity across the humbly furnished room from where she sat. A dull fuzz lingered in the extreme corners of her abode, melting away with each second that Derpy breathed awake. She still felt the rhythmic vibrations against the mattress, and so it was with wincing hesitation that she finally opened her right eye.

Derpy's vision fogged, then jittered, puncturing her temple with an all-too-familiar jab of pain. Soon, though, her eyes locked into solid positions within her skull, and she craned her head left towards the source of the alarm. An enchanted horizontal lever persistently patted the mare's bed from where it was rigged to the top of a squat, crystal-powered rod. Stretching her left wing, Derpy rubbed the crystal-laden top of the staff with her gray feathers. With a dim blue flicker of magic, the tapping lever went dormant, and all was still.

Crawling out of bed, Derpy alighted the floor. Her tiny hooves reveled in the soft touch of the fuzzy beige upholstery, and she took a moment to stretch her back, neck, shoulders, and—at last—her stiff and unpreened feathers. Every crackling jolt sent electrical sparks up her spine, until the last trace of a migraine was gone... for now.

With a slight teeter, Derpy turned to her left and trotted towards the window. Gentle, moist spring air wafted against her muzzle as she spread the curtain wide. Once again, there was a stab of pain to her swiveling eyes, but it didn't last for long this time. Derpy found herself smiling as she took in the dewy lengths of a rich morning, with gold dawnlight refracting off the wet green lawn and giving the misty air a bleached aura. Traces of overnight fog hung lazily, pendulous, waiting to dissipate upon the next warm breath.

Derpy sighed. She twirled about-face, careful to close one eye so as not to disorient herself. She made a bee-line for the bathroom where she enjoyed a lusciously warm shower. The mare took a good ten minutes to lean her exhausted head against the glossy eggshell tile, relishing the soothing stroke of warm droplets rivering down her neck and flank, saturating her coat with delicious warmth and clinging thickly to her blonde mane.

All too soon for her liking, the shower ended, but she busied herself for the next twenty minutes with filing her hooves, drying her mane, and straightening her tail. Derpy had gotten most of the moisture out of her hair—just enough for the morning flight to do the rest. She paused before her bedside vanity to observe her mane. Licking a hoof, she stroked a tuft of blonde bangs and pulled it down to obscure the very edge of a scar that peeked out the right side of her scalp. She winced slightly, but the pain didn't last long, and she squinted with one eye to admire her hoofwork.

Soon after, Derpy Hooves stepped out into the lively, golden world. She took flight, watching with a toasty smile as the rustic lengths of Ponyville stretched out all around her, its multitude of yellow-thatched rooftops like little tiny bonfires in the way they caught the luminous glint of the sun's penetrating rise. Far beyond the houses, a calico array of farmlands and apple groves stretched between the tiny earth pony town and the looming majesty of Canterlot in the far distance. It wasn't long before Derpy ascended above the clouds, and it was just in time to spot the dawn's amber gaze as it bathed the royal bowers of Equestria's Capital from spire to glimmering spire.

It was here, adrift in the high gusty winds, that Derpy felt the most titillating sensation of all. Tiny pools of moisture lingered within the fuzz of her ears, and the breeze tickled her inside and out. She closed her eyes, surrendering to the glide of her outstretched wings, until all the droplets had finally dried. The dull pain returned, periodic yet throbbing. She reopened her eyes with only the slightest wince, then began her routine descent into the merchant district of the modest town.

Immediately, Derpy trotted through the entrance to Sugarcube Corner. The pegasus' eyelids fluttered from the rapid change in air pressure before basking happily in the mauve and fucshia pastels of the aromatic bakery around her. She passed familiar faces and grinning muzzles: a cornacopia of pretty pony expressions that flickered about in her swirling peripheral. As she approached the counter, she reveled in the fine scents of cinnamon and gingerbread wafting out of the kitchen and mixing with the fragrant texture of fresh coffee grounds.

The mare tilted her gray head aside, squinting her right eye and allowing her left to peer around the kitchen, searching for a familiar blue coat and an even more familiar mane of salmon-colored hair. Despite her ardent focus, she noticed a distinct shudder of equine bodies along the very edge of her vision.

With dual blinks, the mare turned to her far left and peered across the eatery. A pair of young mares immediately pivoted their heads away from her, though Derpy could spot a mischievous grin being shared between the two. One pony brushed her mane aside, stealing a secret glance at Derpy and smirking harder. Her head bobbed as her nostrils flared above a smirking expression.

Derpy bit her lip. When she glanced back at the counter, she jolted, for the blue coat and the pink mane was standing directly across the glass from her. Cup Cake's lips were moving when she lurched backwards, evidently more startled than Derpy. Nevertheless, she swiftly smiled, her lips moving some more as she pointed at a tray of blueberry muffins beneath the glass counter.

Derpy smiled. She flexed her right wing, stretched it, then retracted her muscles slowly until one sole feather stood out from the rest.

Cup Cake nodded dramatically with a knowing grin. She reached beneath the counter, pulled a single muffin out, and wrapped the bottom half of it in candied tissue paper. After laying it before the pegasus, the plump mare reached into a lower shelf, pulled out an abacus, and slid two beads to the far right before displaying it before Derpy.

Nodding, Derpy laid two bits onto the table, which Cup Cake gratefully swiped up in a blue hoof. After sliding the bits into a jar, the mare smiled at Derpy and squatted in a pronounced curtsy.

Derpy returned an equally warm expression before cradling the muffin in an outstretched wing. She took a bite out of it, instantly reveling in the crumbly goodness as it filled the depths of her mouth, electrifying her taste buds with a delicate spritz of cinnamon sugar that coated the blueberry bits with each subsequent nibble.

As she turned around and made her way out the bakery, she spotted movement from the table once more. Derpy couldn't help but look up, and she was able to spot one of the two young mares crossing her eyes while mimicking a slack-jawed eating motion with her muzzle. The pony across from her held a hoof over her grinning muzzle as her shoulders shook. At last, both mares stared unabashedly at Derpy while the mare exited, those sickly plastered smiles refusing to wane.

When Derpy reached the nearby street corner, the muffin was half-eaten. Only, all of the sudden, the rest of her morning breakfast no longer looked quite so appealing. The mare's wing muscles hung limply and she sighed. Seconds later, a dull pain reverberated across her skull. Wincing, Derpy tugged at her blonde bangs until they covered her right scalp once more. Then, with a soft exhale, she trotted across the street—

A strong hoof suddenly yanked her back with extreme force. Derpy's jaw hung open as she spotted a massive wagon full of blacksmith parts speeding right past her, reeling so close that she felt the spray of dew-soaked dirt splattering across her quivering fetlocks. She shook all over with timid breaths. Then, smiling in relief, she turned towards her savior, only to lurch back from a suited businessstallion's angry, barking face. His muzzle opened widely with sharp, black bursts as he pointed at her then gestured madly into the street where the wagon's dust still lingered. All Derpy could do was tremble in place until his aphonic rant was over. Then, with a stiff shrug of his shoulders, he picked his suitcase back up in his tense jaws and trotted across the street once it was clear of traffic.

Derpy bit her lip. She looked down at the ground, spotting where the muffin had fallen into a crumbly mess along the edge of a muddy ditch. Squinting her right eye shut, she aimed carefully for the clouds, flapped her wings, and made her way swiftly for the Ponyville Post Office on the far side of town.

Once there, it wasn't long before Derpy spotted her supervisor, who was customarily waving a wild forelimb. Without wasting any time, she trotted swiftly across the bustling parcel center, where a dull-faced mare hoofed Derpy a mail-bag full of stamped envelopes and tiny paper-wrapped packages. Derpy strung the satchel around her shoulders without ceremony, along with a thick pad of paper and some pens. Then, turning completely around, she squinted through her left eye until she was absolutely certain she had formulated a path across the hazy gray office full of moving, heaving, shuffling bodies. She trotted across the busy interior, nevertheless bumping once or twice into a passing flank, summoning agitated expressions in her distant peripheral.

Within seconds, however, Derpy was outside, once again embraced by the warm hug of a golden morning. She took off immediately, curving her way westward across the balmy winds as she began her ritualistic sweep of the town, street by street and cottage by cottage.

As per usual, it was a simple task: matching the numbers and addresses on her envelopes with the appropriate mailboxes and apartments lingering beneath her. Derpy Hooves descended upon the residences one road at a time. Once grounded, she kept her left eye trained upon the sidewalk's edge, guiding her hooves straightforward as she dropped off letter after letter. She only paused when the brightening sunlight of the day got to her, bringing a twitch to her eyes that magnified a lingering dull pain in her skull. Determined as always, the mare encouraged herself forward, knowing that just a few stops away she would be on Booth Street, where the most dazzling rose gardens lingered.

Derpy's rounds hit a slight snag, however, when she stumbled upon Roseluck talking with Daisy directly in front of Roseluck's mailbox. Derpy nevertheless smiled, reaching deep into her mailbag and pulling out the envelope with Roseluck's name on it. When she attempted hoofing it out to the mare, Roseluck merely gave her a side-glance, holding up a hoof as she looked directly at Daisy again, her muzzle moving rapidly while the other pony opened her mouth with a heavy exhale of humored breaths.

Patient, Derpy stood in place, gripping the envelope in the crook of her hoof. Her eyes wandered in opposite directions—until her right one caught colorful, flouncing bodies. With a curious breath, Derpy tilted her head to the right, aiming her left eye at the neighbor's yard. Four tiny foals were galloping in the springy emerald lawn, playing tag. The noonday sun glinted off their young, silken manes, and the shadows caught the dimples across their spritely faces at just the right angle to magnify their innocent, laughing grins. When one foal got caught, the others tackled him into the dirt, rolling around, teeth bright, white, and flashing.

Derpy smiled, exhaling. Just then, a peach hoof waved directly in front of her muzzle, cutting the sunlight into strobe-light flickers. The pegasus instantly winced, teetering backwards as she clutched the right edge of her skull. When her vision stopped fogging, she saw Roseluck's angry expression. The mare mouthed something, then mouthed something again, pointing angrily at the envelope that Derpy was inadvertently dragging across the sidewalk.

With a fidgeting expression, Derpy held the mail out again. Roseluck snatched it out of her timid grip with a vicious slap, then upturned her muzzle as she trotted up the front steps to her apartment, accompanied by Daisy. With a dull sigh, Derpy flapped her wings and made for Booth Street around the corner, her nose wriggling for wont of beautiful floral scents.

The prevailing fragrance of lavender and rose bushes was of little respite to the mare, for as soon as Derpy landed on the first house, she was interrupted in the task of dropping off a tiny cardboard box by a wrinkled old mare with an even more wrinkled frown hobbling out her front door to interrupt her. The geriatric pony's muzzle-skin flapped and wobbled as she spat and pointed an indignant hoof at Derpy, the package, and Derpy again.

Derpy waved a hoof, gnashing her teeth, but the elder equine kept gesturing and spitting wildly. At last, with a dull sigh, Derpy whipped out her pad of paper and scribbled three words onto the sheet as neatly as her squinting vision would allow her. Then, with an overly polite smile, she held the pad up for the elder to see.

This didn't calm the old mare at all. In fact, she got even more red-faced, her wrinkles turning into dry little scarlet canyons that gnotted tightly around her flaring eyes. Derpy fumbled with her pen, preparing to write again—only to have the mare snatch it out of her grasp along with the pad. With quivering shoulders, the ornery pony hunched over, clasping the pen in the crook of her hoof and taking a veritable eternity to write down a single word.

Derpy exhaled slowly. Another twinge of pain traversed her skull; she was finding it hard to resist all of the sudden. So, with a desperate tilt, she pivoted her head towards the rose garden once again, filling her nasal cavities with nature's perfume. Crimson petals bloomed lusciously in the afternoon glow. Lady bugs crawled across the flowers' silken surfaces, their glossy shells like tiny globes that split to reveal gossamer wings as they took off into the humid air. It was impossible for Derpy not to smile—that is, until she was receiving a face full of notepad.

Derpy winced, stumbling back as the air around her filled with fluttering leaves of paper. She gawked at the elderly pony, who by this time was a furious mess, pointing an incriminating hoof at Derpy before waving her forelimbs left and right and spitting up a storm. At last, the enraged equine thrusted her rear hoof out, attempting to kick the cardboard box across the sidewalk. It only amounted to a tiny tap, but the gesture was venomous enough. In the very next huff, she was storming her way back to the rustic apartment's front stoop at a blistering one-mile-per-hour.

Grimacing, Derpy lifted the box back up and waved it towards the building. But it was too late; the front door had shut. With a drooping sigh, Derpy lay one eye prolongedly upon the dirtied parcel, chewing on her bottom lip. At last, with a scathing exhale, she stuffed the package angrily into the mailbox, scooped up as many sheets of paper as she could, and took off for the warm afternoon skies.

It wasn't until half-an-hour of furious wing-flaps had passed by that Derpy calmed down just enough to take true measure of the time. Between the angled glint of the sun's rays and the miniscule weight to her mailbag, she surmised that she had actually gotten ahead in her rounds that day. This meant she was afforded a moment of rest before dropping off her last package.

So, with very little ceremony, Derpy circled and circled until she hovered directly above a verdant green hilltop overlooking the northwest patches of farmland just outside Ponyville. Here, she dropped, draping her body liberally over the pliable blades of grass until they tickled her fuzzy gray tummy. Only once her chin was nestled in the hilltop's crest of soft soil—firmly anchoring her and her eyes—did she allow her body deflate with the mother of all sighs.

The mare's fragile breath rolled downhill, fluttering at the gossamer tips of dandelions and spreading the puffy seeds outward in a monochromatic spray. Derpy's left eye squinted, following the powdery trail until the seeds disappeared amidst the bright blue horizon, a vanishing point that surrendered to jagged brown and white peaks as mountains loomed eternally in the Equestrian distance.

Between Derpy and forever, lustrous lakes loomed, their glassy surfaces rippling with untold life—above and beneath—like the rapid, flitting, winged things circling haloes above the dormant mare's blonde mane. Derpy swiveled her good eye left and right, catching farmlands sliced into rows of fertile plots, their crops sprouting a homogenous assortment of sometimes green, sometimes brown, but all the time luscious vegetables.

Faraway villages loomed in the shadows of tall earthen ridges. Roads stretched east and west in dazzling gold lines, connecting townships like arteries, all brimming in the soft navel of a glowing world that refused to stay still, but somehow shimmered, somehow scintillated, somehow danced just for her.

It was all such beautifully bittersweet grandeur to be alone with, and the weight of that returning epiphany finally squeezed the first of many hot tears out of Derpy's lopsided eyes, until they rolled off her quivering muzzle and delicately christened the soundless earth beneath her. She sniffled, rubbing her lids, suddenly feeling an aching throb deep inside her chest—something that made her dreadfully miss her usual migraines.

There was still one package left to be delivered. Derpy was many things, but she refused to be tardy. So, steeling herself, she stood up atop the hill with a determined frown. A timely wind blew at her bangs, drying her muzzle before she took one last glance into her mailbag. A pink-wrapped package lay deep inside: small, delicate, and tied with an even more delicate bow. Derpy hardly even had to look at the stamped address; the mailmare already knew where it was destined to go.

It took barely three minutes to arrive at the entrance to Carousel Boutique. Landing before the ornate door and its diamond-shaped window, Derpy raised her hoof up to the lavender frame to knock. She paused, however, mentally reminding herself how ornate and finely painted the building's wooden finish was. Her left eye swam figure-eights until she discovered the doorbell. She pressed her hoof to the button, mentally counted two and a half seconds, then released.

Half-a-minute later, the door opened. Purple mane flouncing, Rarity poked her elegant head out. A loose measuring ribbon was draped around her neck, and she was already smiling, her luscious lashes fluttering behind bejeweled spectacles. Her lips moved in liquid fashion, smiling brighter. Suddenly, the unicorn cocked her head aside, her eyes glancing down towards Derpy's slack and empty satchel. The fashionista tapped her delicate chin, squinting in sudden thought.

Derpy squirmed slightly in place, holding the pink package out further as her tail flicked anxiously.

But—just then—Rarity's muzzle beamed wide in a jubilant smile. She opened the door the rest of the way and gestured for Derpy to step inside the sparkling Boutique.

Derpy Hooves merely bit her lip, glancing at the neighboring rooftops of Ponyville before swiveling her eyes once more in Rarity's direction.

Rarity pointed at Derpy's empty mailbag with a curious expression. Her lips moved with six tight words, and her eyelashes fluttered once more.

Derpy shrugged, gave her empty bag a wave, then shook her head.

Grinning once more, Rarity waved again, emphatically this time. She backtrotted, staying constantly two feet away from Derpy's final delivery in the mailmare's outstretched hoof.

With an inward sigh, Derpy Hooves trotted into the Boutique. She nearly fainted from the intoxicating aroma of vanilla and jasmine. She glanced left and right, fidgeting, for this was her first time actually stepping inside the place, and the glitter of the many fabulous dresses were playing an awful number on her optics.

Almost as if sensing this, Rarity gave the pegasus a soft tug with her magic. Derpy gasped as she suddenly found herself ascending a raised dais, facing a comfortingly opaque wall. Within seconds, the package was plucked telekinetically from her grasp, along with her satchel and notepad. Before the mare's eyes could swivel at the right angles to make sense of the situation, she felt a soft velvet fabric being draped over her shoulders and flank. With an honest jolt, Derpy looked straight down, spotting an earthen brown sheet being fitted to her upper body and hind quarters. Muzzle twisted, she pivoted her face towards the unicorn to protest.

However, at this point, Rarity had a veritable arsenal of scissors, pens, straight edges, and pincushions floating all around the two mares in dense orbit, imprisoning them. She waved a chiding hoof, looking at Derpy... looking through her as she draped on smaller swaths of velvet bergundies, reds, and soft green lace.

Squirming, Derpy's eyes rotated left and right as she began to shiver. She felt the material sliding off her quivering shoulders and over coiled wingfeathers. Just then, the softest of touches graced her chin, tilting her head towards the right so that her good eye faced the fashionista. It was the exactness of the gesture that soothed Derpy still more than anything.

Rarity was smiling at her. Her lips moved, pronouncing two words. Then, with a tight look of concentration, she levitated a blue sheet by her side, sketching furiously and brilliantly across a dotted equine outline. Her gaze danced a few more times between the two—the pony and the design—until at last she sported a proud grin. In a blink, she fluttered her lashes, staring squarely into the left edge of Derpy's vision. She smiled again—with friendlier dimples this time—and every other string of muzzle-movements that Rarity made ended with two pronounced syllables and a delicate swish of her tongue.

Somehow, this was enough to lull Derpy into a calm state. However, a persistent throb of pain still issued across the pegasus' skull. As if reading her mind, Rarity exhaled through pursed lips and rested a white hoof directly over Derpy's eyes, slowly lowering. Derpy closed her lids on command, and she drifted there, alone in a fuzzy black world.

Only—she wasn't alone. With gentle feathery brushes of velvet and silk, she felt the artist encircling her, wrapping her neatly with a magic shroud of dressmaking finesse. Gentle vibrations fluttered against Derpy's bangs, lingering closer and further and closer as Derpy smelled traces of the elegant unicorn's apricot perfume. At some point, the vibrations came more pronounced, accompanied by sporadic breaths. Derpy realized that the entire time—be it thirty minutes, an hour, two hours; she couldn't tell—Rarity was talking to her, no doubt pontificating over the exquisite methods that the unicorn was employing to build a textile masterpiece around this unwitting pegasus ponyquin.

And then, without warning, the movement and the fluttering and the vibrations all stopped. Derpy lingered in place, feeling like a fuzzy bundle of feathers stuck in a lace cocoon. Then, with gentle traces brushed against her fetlocks up to her chest, Rarity's hooves made their way to her face, gently tapping the square patch of fuzz between the pegasus' closed lids. Slowly, Derpy obeyed, opening her left eye before following it with the swirling right. Once the pain and the fog had cleared, the mare saw two angelic visages merging together like opposite fringes of a revolving kaleidoscope, until a singular image stood dead-center in the middle of a mirror.

Miss Hooves gasped, and her vision danced left and right until it once again found that center, and that center stared elegantly back—a pair of lopsided eyes being the only blemish marring what was otherwise an inexplicably scrumptious work of genius. Ribbons of green-laced red bands spun up Derpy's gray limbs like vines until they coalesced underneath a floaty bustle of converging forest-green and desert-brown velvets. A series of scarlet bows dotted the skirt's hem, with a series of green-and-red ribbon trailing at the back, sparkling with dark amber sequins along the outer trim.

It was almost as if Rarity had sculpted the dress out of a clay bucket of rich soil and lush vegetation, only to then dip it all in a glittering cloud of ruby dust. Derpy wasn't sure if she belonged anymore in the postal service or on a runway. The sensation was almost as shocking as it was flattering, especially when she remembered the fact that Rarity had just dreamed it up within a minute of ushering the mare into her Boutique.

Gawking, the pegasus' eyes swiveled to the side, followed by her trembling face. Rarity's smiling muzzle swam into view. The fashionista sat on her haunches, clasping two forelimbs together as she cocked her head aside with an inquisitive expression. She nodded, her lips moving in four syllables, over and over, more and more ardent.

Derpy swallowed a lump down her throat and nodded back, smiling. Suddenly, Rarity lifted a hoof, then scooted over, tilting Derpy once more towards the mirror. With a gentle tug of telekinesis, she raised Derpy's mane into an ornate bun, allowing the golden hair to stay that way through the sheer lift of magic alone. Rarity craned her neck so that her reflection caught Derpy's eye beyond her own reflection. Again, she pronounced four syllables.

Derpy smiled and smiled—until she saw the tell-tale edge of a scar along her right brow. Immediately, that grin faded, and she watched in the mirror as one eye wandered far from the other, and then everything fogged yet again as her face drifted towards the stage below.

A warm breath brushed past her. Two snow-white hooves clasped with her own. With a tug, she was forced to look straight ahead.

Rarity gazed at her with the softest of smiles. She mouthed a single syllable once, twice. Finally, once she had gotten Derpy's full attention, she stepped back, pointed at the mare with her right hoof, then swiftly waved the same limb before her own face in one clock-wise sweep. The gesture was accompanied with five swift syllables, then repeated right when Rarity performed the gesture again, all the while keeping eye contact with the mailmare.

Derpy had not expected this. Her jaw dropped as she felt a delicious pain deep in her chest, just as she had felt it on the hilltop an hour or two before. Sniffling, she turned to look into the mirror once again. A fragile smile clung to her muzzle as she admired herself. She wasn't aware of how much time had gone by—until suddenly she felt the dress being peeled off her in glimmering waves of magic. With a woeful breath, she watched as Rarity neatly folded the dress in mid-air, then trotted off with it floating directly in front of her.

Gazing back at the mirror, Derpy saw her naked, gray, googly-eyed self. She exhaled heavily, feeling the lump in her throat magnifying. Seconds later, however, she sensed movement out the edge of her foggy vision. Pivoting, she saw Rarity return, neatly tucking the dress into a long silvery box and tying the package up with a shiny blue ribbon. Then, after a firm breath, she dropped the container in her two front limbs and held it out before Derpy. Smiling.

Derpy's left eye blinked. She leaned backwards, as if reeling from a hammer blow. Incredulous, she shook her head.

Rarity smiled. Rarity nodded. Rarity held the container out further and further.

The mailmare was trembling at this point, her teeth gritting as she felt the glittering lengths of the Boutique merging as one around her. But then Rarity crossed the distance between them, practically shoving the container into Derpy's grasp. The fashionista's expression was momentarily stern, but it swiftly morphed back into an elegant smile as she nodded and nodded some more.

Biting her lip, Derpy clutched the dress container to her chest. There was no way she could look at the unicorn now, for the tears had rendered her wandering eyes twice as useless. The smile that accompanied them hung true, however, and she reached a hoof blindly forward through the fog, only to feel Rarity's dear embrace as the mare gave her the friendliest of nuzzles. Rarity then held the mailmare's shoulders at forelegs' length, smiling as she gestured towards the bag.

Derpy nodded, finally swallowing that lump in her throat away to oblivion. She felt a lingering toastiness to the fragrant air as Rarity magically lifted her mailbag for her. When the satchel was close enough, Derpy slid the container in, smiled jubilantly, and made a polite exit.

That evening, long after Derpy had punched out at the post office, long after she had flown her happy way home, long after she had taken a long shower and an even longer soak...

She lay on her bed, reclined, allowing time and gravity to swivel her good eye until it was level with the chair seated across the bedroom from her. There, she had draped the gown over the back of the furniture, having smoothed out its velvety length so that the fabric could best catch the moonlight shining in from the airy open window.

After several warm breaths and even warmer minutes of non-stop smiling, Derpy finally found the courage to stand up and trot across her soft carpet floor. There, she lingered beside the chair, looking into the dress container that lay open on her vanity. It was then and only then that she finally noticed something else that had been slid inside. Breathless, Derpy reached in and pulled out a tiny pink package. Rarity's name and address had been completely removed, replaced by the crude illustration of a cartoonishly dotted muffin.

Antsy, Derpy pulled the silk ribbon loose and opened the package altogether. Inside, she found a scarlet hair-bow, its color practically identical to the bands that ran up the legs of her new and beautiful gown. Breathless, the mare pivoted towards the mirror, squinting through her left eye. She fastened the bow to her mane, just along the bangs. To her exquisite delight, it covered the right side of her scalp quite strategically. However, after a full minute of staring, she pulled her mane into a bun, placing the bow higher instead. Taking a deep breath, she opened her right eye all the way, allowing it to swivel up at muzzle-level at the sacrifice of the left side of her vision.

And for the first time in as long as Derpy could remember, the mare didn't feel repulsed. Her lingering smile couldn't possibly have meant anything else.

Tomorrow

The next morning, Derpy Hooves woke up yet again to the rhythmic tapping of the lever to her mattress. She showered, shimmied, sighed, then flew her way—smiling—through the golden bands of the blossoming day.

Within an hour, she stood at the glass counter inside Sugarcube Corner. Cup Cake was trotting up and the mailmare was reaching for her bit bag—

When two familiar figures jittered in the pegasus' peripheral vision. Derpy glanced to her left in time to see the pair of young mares smiling, tittering, murmuring unknown things as they glanced mischievously her way.

Derpy softly exhaled. When she turned back towards the counter, she spotted Cup Cake frowning at the two patrons. The baker looked as though she was about to open her mouth with an angry breath—but Derpy distracted her with a gentle hoof-wave. Once she had gotten Mrs. Cake's attention, she pointed at the pastries beneath the counter, then pulled out six bits.

The two young mares continued giggling at their table. Suddenly, a petite shadow rolled across the pair. They both looked up, and their smiles instantly faded as they blinked in confusion.

Derpy stood before them, her swiveling eyes glossy as she stretched her left wing out, offering two freshly-baked muffins. A third one rested on her right wing.

The mares gawked at her, their muzzles agape. A blush lingered between them as they exchanged nervous expressions, then looked at Derpy again.

Derpy only smiled harder, nodding as she stretched the wing with the two muffins closer to the mares.

The duo exchanged glances again. Then, with meek smiles, they graciously accepted the offering. Soon, they were scooting their chairs aside, offering Derpy room.

The mare sat down, immediately nibbling on her muffin with a contented smile. She was vaguely aware of the two mares' muzzles moving, their lips a steady blur amidst the warm haze of the living, breathing world. At some point, her good eye wandered up until it fixated on one mare's braided brown mane. Swallowing a blueberry morsel down, Derpy exhaled, pointing at the hair-do with a bright grin.

The mares looked at her, then at the one pony's manestyle. Smiling playfully, they pointed at the mare's head, then at Derpy.

Derpy nodded, grinning wide.

Over the next few minutes, the two mares stood around Derpy, licking their lips as they tied her scrappy blonde mane into neat, intricate twirls. At last, after fluffing the front edges of her bangs, they stood back with proud smirks. One mare even raised a hoof-mirror towards the pegasus, pronouncing a string of unintelligible words.

Intensely curious, Derpy simply took the mirror, clutching it before her. A middle-aged mare with a princessy braid stared back. It was so delightfully absurd that Derpy couldn't contain herself. Her breathy giggle fogged up the glass in a cloudy gray burst, and once the mist had faded, the reflections of two friendly faces were giggling too, loud and clear.

Author's Note