The Magical Adventures of Travis the Troll: Episode 3 The Trials of Sir Dango XIVby The Angry Dango of DoomChaptersOH NO THE MUNCHIES!The Cave of Sir Dango XIVTrial of Courage #2 The raceTrial of Courage #1 The Blunt of PowerOH NO THE MUNCHIES!Author's Note I already know that grammar isn't my strongest, nor is my punctuation. Mind helpin a brotha out, n telling me what I need to fix up? OH NO THE MUNCHIES! Travis admired his hard work, the vents in the ceiling spewed fresh smoke, the windows perfectly sealed to not allow any of it to leave the room, and most of all his entire Kingdom sheltered the world's largest pot fields. The amount he exported to surrounding kingdoms quickly made Travis the most wealthy Troll in Equestria. He remembered the day. Travis had set up his own room in Twilight's castle in the same fashion as the throne he now sat in. Twilight however was not fond of his recreation, she constantly forced him to take down his marvelous contraption, as its imperfections made smoke bellow from the room and castle causing the entirety of Ponyville smell of the green substance Travis was so attached to. Twilight planned to have a meeting with Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadence. They had all come to an agreement to kick out Travis. But his Previous actions had earned him quite the title, His deeds have earned him worthy of his own kingdom. The four Princesses came to a second agreement, create another kingdom to the west. They had told him to create a farm country, though it wasn't said for which item to be grown. With a satchel of seeds waiting to be grown in his pouches he set off to the fertile lands and the his Kingdom. In a half day's journey on Carlos' back Travis Arrived at his Kingdom, it was roughly the same size as Twilight's but had large farmland set up already. The current inhabitants awaited the Arrival of their new leader and new cash crop. After setting himself up in the new kingdom, Travis had consulted with the head of the farms. At first they were skeptical of Travis's plan to grow the seeds. But after the first haul they clearly saw the demand for said product, and in five months the entire kingdom had profited so immensely that it had rocketed to the second most wealthy kingdom; and in a short few months was more wealthy than the top three kingdoms combined. After recollecting his memories he peered through the haze in his throne room 'Damn 'mon I'm hungry' the munchies were kicking in. Gathering himself, he wobbled through the hallways, being so stoned that his balance was off to the point his royal guards were not to be inside any of the rooms. He continued swaying through the halls and finally made his way to the great kitchen and to the great food cupboard then grabbed a box of Four Cheese Cheez-its, tried pouring a handful out. But only dust came out! 'Damn 'mon I need to get some more' he made his way to the cellar where he kept a whole stock of them. When he arrived though, the entire stash was empty! He slightly panicked and checked the Cheeto stock. and it too was depleted! His mind raced 'Oh no 'mon I've bought all the Cheetos and Cheez-its in Equestria!' Travis rushed to his study where he quickly wrote a letter to the Princess of Friendship. "Purple horse! You need to come down to my castle immediately! Tragedy has struck my kingdom!" He quickly rolled the letter up and with a magic lighter set it ablaze to send it to the Purple Dragon. Travis paced awaiting the Purple Alicorn to arrive and save him from his predicament. An hour passed and the Princess burst though the main doors searching for Travis. "There's so much smoke! Travis! Is there a fire?!?" She panicked "No 'mon, Dat be normal. I told you 'mon my kingdom be a hotbox" "And I'm standing right in the middle of it all" She rolled her eyes "Isn't it great 'mon?" Travis Admired his work again "Ugh, I hate this feeling" She shook her head "What did you call me for? What's going on?!?" "Oh, right 'mon. We've run out of munchies and we have no more stock 'mon! And dat was all of the munchies in Equestria!" Twilight quickly grew and annoyed look on her face " You called me here for THAT! UGH you are so stupid sometimes! I have my own duties you know! I can't just up and leave Ponyville whenever I please! I have to get somepony to fill in for me!" "But what am I going to do 'mon!" "How about you stop being a stoner and be a Prince for once and figure your own problems out!" She left with an explosive sigh Travis stood in shock for a moment "What a bitch 'mon" Soon after Travis was back to thinking. He sent his top scientists to discover new ways to create munchies for his kingdom. But he was inpatient. He sought to find quick magic ways to to replenish his stash. He looked throughout his entire library of magic beings and stumbled upon one being of unknown name, it was said it live in the darkest reaches of the Badlands. Travis then planned the whole search out. He would search every cave and crevasse to locate this being and use its magic to create a never ending munchie plant that could be grown to save the kingdom. First he had to make Celestia aware of the journey he was about to embark on. He quickly made a letter to Celestia Dear Sun horse 'mon It Seems as though I gotta be travelin' to the Badlands 'mon. There be this one guy there that might save my kingdom's munchie shortage. Travis Not long after setting it ablaze with his magic lighter. A response letter had arrived, Dear Prince Travis I understand you must go for your Kingdom, But shit man that place is crazy! I'mma send Luna n' Twilight with ya'll again to make sure ya get back in one piece ya dig? Celestia Travis Packed some goods within his old trusty sacks from his adventuring days. The Essentials Food, Water, Camp Supplies, and not to forget five pounds of high quality Pot. He grabbed the Saddle of his companion and friend Carlos and made his way to the raptor stables. The Stables had a hotbox ventilation system in it as well, and after hitting it big, Travis acquired top notch raptor bitches for Carlos. "Ay, Carlos! We got a problem 'mon! There are no more munchies 'mon! We gotta down to da Badlands n' get some more!" Carlos got up and shot a look at Travis as if he was saying 'how the hell we run out man!' Travis had long known his raptor brother, and recently had grown a spiritual connection with him, almost knowing exactly what he would say if he could. The troll quickly strapped his ally in the saddle to prepare them for the long journey. Just as he finished two chariots arrived carrying royalty. Luna stepped down from her's saying "Greetings Travis, It has been a while, unfortunately on such dire terms" "Tanks' for comin 'mon" Travis lead his stead brother The purple one Stepped down from her chariot and growled at the troll "I swear to Celestia that this will be the last time I help you! "Twilight!" Luna was astonished " You must have some compassion for Travis! His kingdom is in dire need!" "Well MAYBE if he were to grow actual food instead of this stupid marijuana, he wouldn't be in this situation!" "Ay come on Twilight, dis stuff made me rich as all hell 'mon!" Luna stepped in "He does have a point Twilight" "Excuse me Princess, But just because it gave him the riches he has today, doesn't exactly mean it was completely ethical. I mean come on, the whole production in rural areas has gone down because of it!" "Not my fault 'mon" Travis crossed his arms "Equestria didn't even have marijuana before you came!" Luna cut in again "Excuse me, but we must be heading out soon. The Badlands are far away and they are quite large." "Yeah, Moon horse." Travis lead the group to the Chariot hangar within his own castle The Chariot that was stationed in his hangar was odd looking, it had wheels and was red, though it didnt have a place for any pegasi to pull it, which was really odd. The front was really long and had a Picture of this one guy named Bob Marley with a sword in the shape of a marijuana leaf, and he was riding a tiger with dreads instead of a normal mane, and in both their mouths was a two foot long joint. "What kind of chariot is this?" Luna inspected the machine "Dat be no chariot, Moon Horse. Dat be Francesca. She be my baby 'mon. A Ferrari." Travis opened the door and sat in the driver seat "You can take da back 'mon, She seats four at once. Carlos gets shotgun though." "Whom will be pulling such a vehicle?" Luna made herself comfortable beside Twilight in the back seats "Francesca works under her own power 'mon" He twisted the key shooting out a loud roar and rocketing off on the dirt paths The Cave of Sir Dango XIVTravis and his crew sped through the roads inside Francesca and made good time seeing how they were mostly bare. Within two hours they arrived in the Badlands. "Before we come up with a plan to search for this magical being, we need to create a base camp. I took the liberty of packing some supplies to create our base camp." Twilight stepped out of the car creating a magical barrier that spawned a small campsite. "Very good Twilight, I see you've learned that spell in one of Celestia's survival courses." "Celestia's school really does train you for any situation, doesn't it" She gleamed back at the Fellow princess "But, does it have emergency weed dispensing, 'mon?" "No, because that isn't a REAL emergency!" rolling her eyes, she returned to setting up a planning table "Travis, let's get on with this already." "You got it, 'mon" Travis set down his joint he was currently rolling up. "Alright, there are over Seventy caves that have been mapped, Thirty of which have not been searched; and fifteen have been labeled as too dangerous to traverse." She pointed to the locations "The caves that are 'too dangerous to traverse' are inhabited by monsters. The book that the magical being was mentioned in, seems to have said that he doesn't like company, So we can scratch those off the map."Twilight marked the danger locations with a large X "Otherwise, we have to search fifteen caves. Although, if he isn't located there, we have to start from the top and work our way down." Twilight motioned to each of the remaining caves. "We can search three separate caves at once to give only five separate trips, max" she then turned to Travis "Since you don't have wings, you will be searching the five closest to our location, I will take the ones farthest from here, and Luna will take the rest" She levitated a small pendant over to Travis "Once you have searched the area, or require assistance contact the rest of us with this. Luna and I will do the same, but with magic." She tested the pendant with her magic and it responded with a slight glow. "Right. Let us waste no time" Luna took to the skies quickly "You understand, Travis?" "Yeah, sure 'mon" Twilight rolled her eyes, taking off to the skies muttering under her breath "Can't believe I have to put up with this bull-" "Yeeeaaaah.... Alright Carlos. Let's get out of here 'mon" grabbing his reins and hoisting himself over the raptor mount he set off. Carlos swiftly carried Travis through the deserted plains, a place where the terrain felt almost like home. Not long after they reached the first cave; a short climb up lead the Troll to the mouth. "Ay Carlos, 'tis place seems a bit dark. We got any torches 'mon?" the raptor jumped with a mighty kick to reach the ledge where Travis was standing, and offered Travis a saddlebag "Ah 'tanks 'mon" with a large burst of flames, it lit and he started the search. The cave started started slender, but it gradually opened to a large cavern filled with crystals. and many openings branching out to other systems, Travis quickly felt discouraged. But he had brought a backup joint, Well it's not so much of a joint as much as it is a mummified log of marijuana. The smoke filled the cavern and Travis enjoyed the haze he had created. Not long after he heard rumbling far in the cave, though he was much to stoned at the time to actually believe he hadn't imagined it himself. Spending about an hour and a half his pendant buzzed. It was Luna. He quickly hid his joint and brought it up; the pendant brought a hologram up of the Lunar Princess "Travis, I have searched my first cave, there were no signs of life, I shall be at the next cave shortly. Luna, out." Travis pulled the Joint up again to take another hit, when the rumbling threw him off balance making him drop the blunt and torch. The rumbling grew in force and volume. Travis scurried to collect his torch and get out. When suddenly the wall of the cavern broke open and revealed a large blue blob monster! "THE FUCK Y'ALL MU'FUCKAS DOIN' IN MY MU'FUKIN CAVE" it shouted down towards both Travis and Carlos. "HOLY SHIT 'MON! What da hell are you!?!" He stumbled backwards trying to stand up "Mu'fucka, I am The Angry Sir Dango XIV of Doom! And you bringing that smelly ass pot shit into my fine ass caves? You know damn well that shit stanks like all hell, n' it's a BITCH to get it out!" it shifted over to Travis "Ay 'mon aren't you like. Magic? Can't you jus' magic out the smell, 'den?" Travis quaked speaking those words "You know how hard it is to capture every last part of that smoke with magic? Its REALLY damn hard! Now tell me the hell you doin' in my fuckin caves foo'" "I was, uh, hoping you'd let me use your magic to create an endless supply of munchies 'mon" Travis tried to regain his composure. Sir Dango squinted at him "You mean to tell me, y'all traveled from that weird ass pony shit, JUST to get me to give you some damn munchies?" "Y-yeah?" The Troll quaked again "S'fukin unreal..." he turned away "So. Please?" "Fine. Y'all gotta do some shit for me before I give it to ya though." "Well dat depends on what kind of things 'mon. Cuz if it's some gay shit..." "The hell do think I am?!? Like, damn son. I'm THE Angry Dango of Doom. I ain't some Frilly ass Golden Potato!" "Hah, Actually 'mon I killed him" "Oh, damn really?" "Yeah 'mon. He tried to invade dat pony world or something. The Sun horse bitch made me kill him." "No, shit? Kinda liked that guy." "He kept offering Cheeseburgers for some reason" "Ugh gross! Did you take em?" "Hell no 'mon, why?" "Mu'fucker whacks one out in 'em and then lets 'em bake in the sun for like five hours. If you haven't guessed. He is pretty sick." "Ugh, gross. How did you even know him 'mon?" "We went to High School together. So anyway. You gotta do some shit for me, man. Nothing too much." "Yeah, alright 'mon, But let me get some shit ready." "Aight, cool cool. Just don't blow me off man. I'll kill ya" The Dango gave a slight squint with a single eye Travis shivered "Right 'mon" With that, The troll and raptor followed the path where they had entered. Travis pulled out the pendant again, and activated its magical powers, The light shone and the Purple Princess "Travis! Have you actually found something, or are you calling me to fetch you another joint?" Twilight sassed "No, purple horse, I actually found the 'Ting! He's real 'mon!" He panicked into the necklace. "So you found him on your first cave? That seems very unlikely..." "Well 'mon, I did! I found him." Twilight sighed "Alright I'll be right over, and if you haven't found him, SO HELP ME" she cut her connection Travis then called Luna "Travis! Have you anything to report?" "Yeah 'mon, I've found the ting!" She tilted her head "You found it in the first Cavern?" "Yeah 'mon!" She Nodded "Right, on my way" With her connection cut, he decided to return to Sir Dango to pass the time. Sir Dango the XIV greeted the troll again, this time without the crashing of walls "Oi, you ready?" "Not yet 'mon, Two of my horse friends are coming to help me" He pulled out his Mummified log of weed "ay 'mon, ya want some?" "Fuck na, man, I hate that shit, and don't you think of lightin' that shit in here! I told you already! That shit is a bitch to get out" Travis sighed and put it back "Ay 'mon? So, what kind of challenges am I going to do?" "Simple shit, man" Sir Dango XIV spawned a screen beside him "first one, is a challenge based off of your skills. Seeing how you like weed so much; I thought up a little something for you to do for my amusement, but you gotta wait it out n' see. Second is a little race ya gotta do, nothin' too crazy. Third, you gotta fight me in Mortal Kombat, Fourth, you gotta find the Damn fourth Chaos Emerald. And Five, I dunno, I'll think it up when I get there" "Uhh, you seem unprepared 'mon" "Well yeah, you're the first Mu'fucka to step into my caves in like five thousand years!" Sir Dango XIV stunned Travis "Five thousand years 'mon?!? What have you been doing this entire time?" Sir Dango glared into the distance "Gettin' out of ELO HELL!" "What the heck, is elo hell?" "Where all good League players like me writhe in pain" "TRAVIS!" the familiar sound of the Luna called out with Twilight following closely behind "Oh hey 'mon!" He turned and waved "So this is the magical being we are here to locate?" Luna examined Sir Dango XIV "I am the only magical being here in the Badlands. Yes." Twilight sighed "Well, what are we going to have to do? Fight you?" "Nah 'mon he's cool, but I do have to fight him in Mortal Kombat. And do other tings'mon" Luna tilted her head quizzically "Mortal Kombat? Other things? What do you mean?" "All we be revealed in time my dear princess. Now how's about we go right into it." A bright light flashed and the Five were swept away to another location. Trial of Courage #2 The raceThe five's vision cleared of the blinding light once more, and reveled to them a large garage. Inside the garage lay a large machine, it looked almost like a jet. But it had no wings, but two large stabilizers on both sides. "So" Twilight squinted "Where ARE we???" Sir Dango XIV shuffled over to the machine "We are in my secret garage in another Dimension.Place is called Mute City or something. Anyways this machine here runs at the speed of sound. it's pretty metal" "Oh, so that 'Little' race you said means this?" Luna inspected it "'Little' might be understating it a bit..." Sir Dango XIV chuckled Twilight chuckled to herself in the back still blazed as all hell "And you want me to pilot 'dat 'ting 'mon!?!" Travis Stumbled back "Well I made the machine to race myself, initially, BUT as you can see I have no arms or legs to do it myself." Twilight laughed again "Then how'd you manage building the thing?" "Hard work and determination." He said flatly "That makes no sense though, how did you actually build it?" Luna asked "HAAAAAARD, WOOOORK," he started to lean into Luna "AND DETERMINAAAAAAATION!" he stopped inches from her face "a-alright then" She stammered Travis pressed the button on the control panel that opened the cockpit "Ay 'mon, I don't even know how to drive dis 'ting 'mon" "I'll tell ya. Don't worry." "You're going to just throw him into the fray like that?" Luna worried "Eh, he'll be fine." Twilight continued giggling in the back "I hope so!" Her front legs split apart and she fell face first into the floor "Yeah, you're really helpin' 'mon..." Travis sighed "You're welcome!" Twilight yelled between her giggles Luna picked Twilight up off the ground "Apparently being high takes away her sense of sarcasm. And so it seems her balance as well..." "She can't handle her weed, can she?" Sir Dango XIV laughed Travis laughed "Na, 'mon. She hates the stuff." He climbed into the machine that was perfectly suited for him to sit in "Makes sense." Sir Dango XIV turned to Travis "Alright, That pedal makes you go faster, that one slows you down, the trigger on the right of the wheel shifts you to the right, and the other one to the left. and you turn the thing to turn." "Self explanatory for the most part, Travis." Luna kept placing Twilight on her hooves "Yeah 'mon." "Oh yeah, and on your right there is a boost. Hit that and you go rocketing off like a motherfucker." "So you built this to work with hands?" Luna asked "Yes." Sir Dango XIV confirmed "Ay 'mon but you don't even got hands." Travis felt the controls "Yes." He said again "Uh, whateva 'mon" "Oh yeah, and that one on the right rockets you to the side real hard. Good for knocking other racers out." "You mean that you want Travis to hurt random ponies?" Luna's eyes widened in concern "They're not ponies. They're people, at least some of them are. The others are like aliens or some shit." "People? Like humans 'mon?" "Yeah, Humans." Travis' eyes glared off into the distance, remembering a time long ago when he was still in Azeroth. "Ay Carlos! Dis weed be cash as shit!" Travis sat with his raptor buddy and sack of marijuana. His raptor friend growled in excitement over the haul they had just received. Just then a strange being appeared in the distance riding in on a horse. It stopped a few feet in front of Travis and Carlos and dismounted. It ran up to the two and started dancing. He wore a blue bodysuit and a red helmet with a large ax sheathed on his back. He swayed his hips and pointed up and down to the non existent disco music. Travis smiled "Greetings, friend!" But the man didn't respond and continued dancing. Travis looked worried as if the man was damaged in the head. He reached out to him and touched his shoulder, a white text rose up saying'MISS' then the man grabbed the ax off his back and with a mighty spin cut down the troll with yellow text rising up saying '100,000,000!', he laughed and sat on his face then stood up repeatedly for some reason. Travis woke up in a graveyard, with the world turned a blue gray and the sky with a vortex in the center of it. Angrily traveling back to his corpse, he had seen the man stolen the bag of weed he had worked so hard to obtain. From that day, he vowed if he ever saw that man again, that he wouldn't hold back. Travis looked up from the cockpit with blazing eyes "Let's do 'dis 'ting 'mon!" "Alright then!" Sir Dango XIV turned to Travis "Race actually starts right now. So it's time you get goin', I'll show you to your place." Travis jumped out of the machine and Sir Dango XIV pressed the button the on the control panel that rose the machine though a passage way in the ceiling. "Alright, I've registered you as a racer, all you gotta do is go down this hallway and you'll run into someone down there who'll lead you to the track. They'll call your name and you just walk out to your machine and they'll start you on the race." "Got it 'mon." Travis walked down the hallway There was an girl who was blue and had fish-like eyes and two parallel tentacles coming from her head to her lower back as if it were hair, and wearing a white uniform "Hi there! Travis, right?" She checked her space age clipboard "Yeah, 'mon 'dats me" "Right this way! So," She started walking "First time racing in the F-Zero GP?" "Yeah 'mon." "Well I wish you luck. Some of these racers are a bit more tough, and will try to knock you around," She turned right "but if you keep your eyes up, you can use that against them. Seen a few racers knock out more reckless racers. I'm sure you'll do great!" She smiled "Alright, thanks 'mon." "Your entrance is right here." She pointed to a room"They'll call your name and position, then you just have to walk into the doorway there and you'll see your machine in position Twenty-four." She smiled and bowed "Again, good luck!" Travis walked into the room, it was set up with a couch, a small table, and some bottled water. He grabbed one and sat himself in the extra soft couch. 'I need one of 'dees back in my castle 'mon'. Ten minutes passed and he heard racer number Twenty-two being called, though he didn't catch the name. He heard the loudspeaker come online again "Coming in position twenty-four! New comer, Travis! Racing in the Silver Hawk!" The crowd cheered the newcomer as he walked out onto the track, and Travis raised his hands to his face shouting "AYY FOR THE HORDE!" "Coming in position twenty-five! The legend, CAPTAIN FALCON!!!" The crowd roared "In the machine you know and love, Blue Falcon!" He walked out flexing and showing off his moves. He turned and saw the new machine sitting on the track, and approached it. "Hello there!" He said with his deep man voice "New racer, huh?" Travis, on the other side of the Vehicle responded "Yeah' 'mon. I never raced before" "Well, I hope to see you in the after race party!" He rounded the side of the machine and came into view of the Troll Travis stopped. He saw the muscular falcon themed man, and his eyes burned with a feeling of pure hatred and revenge. "Good luck, friend." He extended his hand in a sign of sportsmanship and friendliness Travis responded by yanking the man's arm with his left instantly dislocating it, and brought down his right upon the man's head, shattering the Red helmet like it was glass. Falcon screamed in horror while falling to the ground. The stands roared in utter shock as the super star fell to the ground. Travis pounced on the man and made a bloodcurdling cry as he started to pound the captain's face into a crimson puddle. The sound he emitted was that of a banshee's scream and elephants having sex. While he pounded the captain's face into the metal floor white and yellow text rose up in all forms of numbers. Security quickly swarmed the area in an attempt to pry the raging beast from the innocent man. But his sheer size and strength easily outmatched four men. They had no choice but to use tranquilizer darts. They shot one into Travis, but to no effect! He picked up the still screaming Falcon and slammed him into the guards around him shattering his left leg. Two more darts came flying into the troll, only slowing him slightly. He threw the Captain against his machine shattering his rib cage. Four more darts lodged themselves into Travis' back finally stopping the berserking beast. A paramedic team rushed out onto the track and heaved the bloodied Falcon onto a stretcher. The sobs of the Captain could be heard as they hurried him to the futuristic ambulance. The Paramedic turned to the fellow racers who had rushed to see the fight, and said "Looks like this Captain won't be showing any of his moves for a long time." he ducked his head and shed a tear. The police arrived and cuffed the sedated beast, and hauled him into the car. "Holy shit!" Sir Dango XIV laughed uncontrollably from the spectators box "Oh Sweet Celestia!" Luna watched in horror Twilight rolled on the floor laughing even harder than Sir Dango XIV at this point. "Damn, I didn't know he had that in him!" Sir Dango XIV cried "Holy shit, we need to go get him!" "Right." Luna nodded and set her fellow princess onto the Raptor with magic The four traveled out into the parking lot where Sir Dango XIV had stationed a car. "How will we drive this thing?" Luna examined the controls "They're made for use with hands!" "I dunno" Sir Dango XIV climbed into the back seat with Carlos "use your magic or something." "Why in all of Equestria would you have a contraption you couldn't even operate?" She placed Twilight in the passenger seat and took the driver's seat "Ughhhhh, God damnnn, Whateverrr" He enveloped the both princesses in a magical cocoon "W'what are you doing!" Luna managed to say before the cocoon enveloped her face "Don't worry about it" Sir Dango XIV lowered the magic The magic lowered and the two sat, no longer ponies, but as people. Twilight woke up "Ugh my head" she rubbed her temples moaning "W-why am I like this?" she looked at her hands and back at Luna"Vice Principle Luna?" "No, it is I Princess Luna. Apparently Sir Dango XIV has the power to alter forms as well." "Yeah, now lets get going. Car's a manual by the way." "Where are we?" Twilight groaned "A place." Sir Dango XIV explained thoroughly "Ugh, yeah I coulda' figured that..." Twilight got annoyed "It seems as though the smoke has worn off." Luna pressed the clutch and turned the ignition, starting the car "Wait. You know how to drive this thing?" Luna sighed "I was acting when I said I didn't know what Travis' Ferrari was. The truth is, that I actually sneak into that Mirror World you went through. Quite a bit actually." Luna sped off into the streets. "You do?" "Originally I wanted to just see what that place was like, but then I got into street racing, which I am currently holder of three street titles" She smiled "Then I got into the dining. The night life over there is quite enthralling. I should take you one of these days." She weaved through traffic "Umm, no thanks. I prefer to stay away from that kind of excitement." Twilight turned to the bread ball "But why'd you have to change me too?" "Low profile, I mean there are aliens walking around, but no horses. Less weird to them, or something like that." "But the raptor?" "Oh, uh. Here." He spawned a meat chunk "eat this The raptor quickly devoured the chunk, his eyes widened and his mouth hung open Luna stopped the car at a light and turned her head "What was that?" Carlos spoke like Christ Tucker "Holy shit man, is this what it's like to have free thought?!?" "Now no one will question it." Sir Dango XIV said proudly "Hmm, yes. No one will question the giant blue bread ball. Celestia forbid the raptor doesn't speak." Luna continued driving "Where are we going anyway?" "Oh, yeah. He was taken to jail. So it'll be in the police station. He's prolly' going to be on trial for maiming that poor guy." he chuckled "Where exactly is it?" Luna sighed "Hell if I know..." "OH LOOK AT THAT!" Carlos shouted sticking his head out the window like a dog "Just put it into the GPS of the car." "GPS?" Twilight looked back at Sir Dango XIV again " Yeah, press that thing right there and tell it the name. It'll take you there. I'mma take a nap in the meantime." "Wow..." Twilight sighed and searched the console for buttons "I don't know what to look for, I usually drive old muscle cars. Not these futuristic cars." Luna glanced down at the many nobs and buttons "OH WHAT'S THAT!!!" Carlos shouted out the window again but the two ladies ignored him "This one?" Twilight pushed it and turned on the radio Luna laughed "Guess not." "There's one that says menu." Twilight pressed it and a hologram appeared "Oh, wow." her eyes glittered at the technology. "Seems this place is far ahead of that Mirror World technologically." Luna glanced down at it Twilight pressed a few holographic buttons and opened up the 'GPS' and smiled "Got it." pressing more she turned the guidance on "Wasn't too hard." "Turn right, at the next intersection." The guidance spoke "It even talks?" Twilight's eyes glittered again "What's a Whataburger?" Carlos read the sign "OH SHIT. SOMEONE SAY WHATABURGER?!?" Sir Dango XIV jumped up "Ay, Luna ya'll gotta go there right quick!" "Alright, but only because I've been famished for the past hour" She stopped by the speaker box Twilight read the sign"What's a 'burger'?" "It's food that these people make." "Hello!" A voice from the speaker greeted the four "Welcome to Whataburger! May I take your order?" "Lunaaaaa. Get a a tripple with cheese and bacon." Sir Dango XIV hissed into her ear "Alright, I know you'll like a double, Twilight. And I guess we'll get five patties to feed to the Raptor. Then we have to get something for Travis too I guess." Luna turned and ordered the meal and was told to go to the window. "Here" Sir Dango XIV fabricated a fifty dollar bill from magic "Use this." Luna handed the lady the bill, received her change, and two large sacks of delicious food and sugary beverages. "Alright let's get Travis and get out of here." Sir Dango XIV took the two bags The four continued driving through the futuristic city and finally arrived to the police station, where they arrived to a gruesome scene of many fallen policemen and women. They saw a still raging beast of a troll ripping the people to shreds with brute strength. "TRAVIS!" Luna shouted He stopped and turned to the car "Oh hey 'mon! Give one second." He turned and blocked a taser shot with his bow returned fire with his arrow passing right through his neck. He turned and ran to the getaway vehicle and jumped in "Hey man don't smash the burgers" Sir Dango XIV pulled the bags closer to him "So how'd you know it was us, Travis? You haven't seen either of us in this form." Twilight turned to the battle bloody troll "eh well 'mon, you're purple and she's blue, and there's a giant bread monsta' stittin' in hea'. It be kinda obvious." Luna peeled out of the scene leaving a huge smoke cloud. The sound of helicopters and swat trucks swarmed the area. Luna drifted down a turn and drove up onto a highway " How are we going get out of here?!?" "Hold on 'mon" Travis stood up and faced a tailing helicopter. He grabbed a bow with three sticks of dynamite strapped to it." Get down!" the arrow went sailing into the helicopter "Sweet Celestia!!!" Twilight shielded her head and ducked down The road ahead was completely blocked by squad cars."Oh my!" Luna slid into a full U-turn "there's no way out!" she shouted as the helicopters swarmed the skies. She rocketed off in the direction she came. "OH! PRESS THAT ONE!" Sir Dango XIV shouted "The red one?" Twilight asked panicking "Yes!" Sir Dango XIV held onto the two bags as if they were his children She pressed the button and the console flipped inside out to reveal a glowing white Y shaped object "Now get this baby to 88Mph and we'll see some serious shit!" Sir Dango XIV yelled over the sound of gunfire "Got it!" Luna shifted the gear up again The speedometer quickly ticked up and up till it reached 88Mph. It stopped at 88Mph making blue sparks shoot out from the the front of the car and parts of the body emitting blue light. The helicopters and squad cards swarmed the car as it sped down the highway. Both the sparks and the lights grow brighter and brighter until it was completely engulfed in light. The road sat with helicopters circling the skies and squad cars slamming the breaks. Two long flame trails lay in the wake of the blinding ball of light, and a license plate spun on its corner eventually falling to the ground. A man stepped out of one squad car removing his sunglasses quickly "Great Scott!" Author's Note Like a Phoenix from the ashes this chapter rises. But replace the phoenix with a giant shit phoenix, and the ashes a sewer... Yeah, I'm VERY ADHD when it comes to working on fanfiction. I was writing this and then I thought of two other stories to create, one of which I am currently working on as well; But I wont be releasing that till it's fully complete. The other one is just an idea at this point, I don't think it'll ever see the light of day. Anyways, this was originally supposed to be an actual race, but as you can see I'm not quite skilled in creating 'action' sequences, so I dropped it and made Falcon get 'rekt like a lil' bitch'. I thought it was funny and worth changing the chapter up. Next part shouldn't take nearly as long. Trial of Courage #1 The Blunt of PowerAs the blinding white light dissipated from the eyes of the five, they saw they were in a sunny grassy field with few wild flowers. Sir Dango XIV broke the silence "Aight. I saw how you like weed so much. And I wanted to see something" He spawned a blunt the size of a log of firewood "I want you to take this entire blunt in one hit. Do that and your first challenge is done." Travis grabbed the blunt " Ay 'mon, this ain't even a challenge! This is Tuesday!" "Well, at least the first challenge should be easy enough for you Travis" Twilight sighed Luna Sparked a flame under the tip with magic and set Travis off. He exhaled as much as he could and cracked his neck. And with that, set his mouth to the edge of it, taking one very long inhale the blunt slowly burned away. "Go Travis!" Luna cheered on He gave a thumbs up with a free hand, still inhaling deeply Twilight rolled her eyes yet again, very disinterested in the topic at hand Sir Dango looked at the blunt closely "Holy shit you're halfway there man!" Travis continued inhaling and the edge slowly shrank. inch by inch the first trial was being completed. twenty seconds went by and Travis reached the final nub of paper, Travis turned his head towards Twilight smiling Her eyes widened and she backed up, but was stopped by the fake wall behind her "Travis, no!" But Travis exhaled and a tsunami of smoke engulfed Twilight. Both Sir Dango XIV and Luna broke out in laughter watching Twilight struggle to get the smoke away from her, but it was no use. She had inhaled too much already, she opened her eyes and her pupils were completely dilated "Dammit Travis!" her balance quickly went and she struggled to stand Sir Dango struggled to speak "That'll loosen her up!" Luna was also hit by the smoke but not the brunt of it, so she wasn't completely drugged "Oh my." she giggled "Seems as though some of it has hit me!" "You mu'fuckas are crazy" Sir Dango shook his head "Aight lets bounce" And again they were shrouded by light, transporting them to their second challenge.
OH NO THE MUNCHIES!Author's Note I already know that grammar isn't my strongest, nor is my punctuation. Mind helpin a brotha out, n telling me what I need to fix up? OH NO THE MUNCHIES! Travis admired his hard work, the vents in the ceiling spewed fresh smoke, the windows perfectly sealed to not allow any of it to leave the room, and most of all his entire Kingdom sheltered the world's largest pot fields. The amount he exported to surrounding kingdoms quickly made Travis the most wealthy Troll in Equestria. He remembered the day. Travis had set up his own room in Twilight's castle in the same fashion as the throne he now sat in. Twilight however was not fond of his recreation, she constantly forced him to take down his marvelous contraption, as its imperfections made smoke bellow from the room and castle causing the entirety of Ponyville smell of the green substance Travis was so attached to. Twilight planned to have a meeting with Princesses Celestia, Luna, and Cadence. They had all come to an agreement to kick out Travis. But his Previous actions had earned him quite the title, His deeds have earned him worthy of his own kingdom. The four Princesses came to a second agreement, create another kingdom to the west. They had told him to create a farm country, though it wasn't said for which item to be grown. With a satchel of seeds waiting to be grown in his pouches he set off to the fertile lands and the his Kingdom. In a half day's journey on Carlos' back Travis Arrived at his Kingdom, it was roughly the same size as Twilight's but had large farmland set up already. The current inhabitants awaited the Arrival of their new leader and new cash crop. After setting himself up in the new kingdom, Travis had consulted with the head of the farms. At first they were skeptical of Travis's plan to grow the seeds. But after the first haul they clearly saw the demand for said product, and in five months the entire kingdom had profited so immensely that it had rocketed to the second most wealthy kingdom; and in a short few months was more wealthy than the top three kingdoms combined. After recollecting his memories he peered through the haze in his throne room 'Damn 'mon I'm hungry' the munchies were kicking in. Gathering himself, he wobbled through the hallways, being so stoned that his balance was off to the point his royal guards were not to be inside any of the rooms. He continued swaying through the halls and finally made his way to the great kitchen and to the great food cupboard then grabbed a box of Four Cheese Cheez-its, tried pouring a handful out. But only dust came out! 'Damn 'mon I need to get some more' he made his way to the cellar where he kept a whole stock of them. When he arrived though, the entire stash was empty! He slightly panicked and checked the Cheeto stock. and it too was depleted! His mind raced 'Oh no 'mon I've bought all the Cheetos and Cheez-its in Equestria!' Travis rushed to his study where he quickly wrote a letter to the Princess of Friendship. "Purple horse! You need to come down to my castle immediately! Tragedy has struck my kingdom!" He quickly rolled the letter up and with a magic lighter set it ablaze to send it to the Purple Dragon. Travis paced awaiting the Purple Alicorn to arrive and save him from his predicament. An hour passed and the Princess burst though the main doors searching for Travis. "There's so much smoke! Travis! Is there a fire?!?" She panicked "No 'mon, Dat be normal. I told you 'mon my kingdom be a hotbox" "And I'm standing right in the middle of it all" She rolled her eyes "Isn't it great 'mon?" Travis Admired his work again "Ugh, I hate this feeling" She shook her head "What did you call me for? What's going on?!?" "Oh, right 'mon. We've run out of munchies and we have no more stock 'mon! And dat was all of the munchies in Equestria!" Twilight quickly grew and annoyed look on her face " You called me here for THAT! UGH you are so stupid sometimes! I have my own duties you know! I can't just up and leave Ponyville whenever I please! I have to get somepony to fill in for me!" "But what am I going to do 'mon!" "How about you stop being a stoner and be a Prince for once and figure your own problems out!" She left with an explosive sigh Travis stood in shock for a moment "What a bitch 'mon" Soon after Travis was back to thinking. He sent his top scientists to discover new ways to create munchies for his kingdom. But he was inpatient. He sought to find quick magic ways to to replenish his stash. He looked throughout his entire library of magic beings and stumbled upon one being of unknown name, it was said it live in the darkest reaches of the Badlands. Travis then planned the whole search out. He would search every cave and crevasse to locate this being and use its magic to create a never ending munchie plant that could be grown to save the kingdom. First he had to make Celestia aware of the journey he was about to embark on. He quickly made a letter to Celestia Dear Sun horse 'mon It Seems as though I gotta be travelin' to the Badlands 'mon. There be this one guy there that might save my kingdom's munchie shortage. Travis Not long after setting it ablaze with his magic lighter. A response letter had arrived, Dear Prince Travis I understand you must go for your Kingdom, But shit man that place is crazy! I'mma send Luna n' Twilight with ya'll again to make sure ya get back in one piece ya dig? Celestia Travis Packed some goods within his old trusty sacks from his adventuring days. The Essentials Food, Water, Camp Supplies, and not to forget five pounds of high quality Pot. He grabbed the Saddle of his companion and friend Carlos and made his way to the raptor stables. The Stables had a hotbox ventilation system in it as well, and after hitting it big, Travis acquired top notch raptor bitches for Carlos. "Ay, Carlos! We got a problem 'mon! There are no more munchies 'mon! We gotta down to da Badlands n' get some more!" Carlos got up and shot a look at Travis as if he was saying 'how the hell we run out man!' Travis had long known his raptor brother, and recently had grown a spiritual connection with him, almost knowing exactly what he would say if he could. The troll quickly strapped his ally in the saddle to prepare them for the long journey. Just as he finished two chariots arrived carrying royalty. Luna stepped down from her's saying "Greetings Travis, It has been a while, unfortunately on such dire terms" "Tanks' for comin 'mon" Travis lead his stead brother The purple one Stepped down from her chariot and growled at the troll "I swear to Celestia that this will be the last time I help you! "Twilight!" Luna was astonished " You must have some compassion for Travis! His kingdom is in dire need!" "Well MAYBE if he were to grow actual food instead of this stupid marijuana, he wouldn't be in this situation!" "Ay come on Twilight, dis stuff made me rich as all hell 'mon!" Luna stepped in "He does have a point Twilight" "Excuse me Princess, But just because it gave him the riches he has today, doesn't exactly mean it was completely ethical. I mean come on, the whole production in rural areas has gone down because of it!" "Not my fault 'mon" Travis crossed his arms "Equestria didn't even have marijuana before you came!" Luna cut in again "Excuse me, but we must be heading out soon. The Badlands are far away and they are quite large." "Yeah, Moon horse." Travis lead the group to the Chariot hangar within his own castle The Chariot that was stationed in his hangar was odd looking, it had wheels and was red, though it didnt have a place for any pegasi to pull it, which was really odd. The front was really long and had a Picture of this one guy named Bob Marley with a sword in the shape of a marijuana leaf, and he was riding a tiger with dreads instead of a normal mane, and in both their mouths was a two foot long joint. "What kind of chariot is this?" Luna inspected the machine "Dat be no chariot, Moon Horse. Dat be Francesca. She be my baby 'mon. A Ferrari." Travis opened the door and sat in the driver seat "You can take da back 'mon, She seats four at once. Carlos gets shotgun though." "Whom will be pulling such a vehicle?" Luna made herself comfortable beside Twilight in the back seats "Francesca works under her own power 'mon" He twisted the key shooting out a loud roar and rocketing off on the dirt paths
The Cave of Sir Dango XIVTravis and his crew sped through the roads inside Francesca and made good time seeing how they were mostly bare. Within two hours they arrived in the Badlands. "Before we come up with a plan to search for this magical being, we need to create a base camp. I took the liberty of packing some supplies to create our base camp." Twilight stepped out of the car creating a magical barrier that spawned a small campsite. "Very good Twilight, I see you've learned that spell in one of Celestia's survival courses." "Celestia's school really does train you for any situation, doesn't it" She gleamed back at the Fellow princess "But, does it have emergency weed dispensing, 'mon?" "No, because that isn't a REAL emergency!" rolling her eyes, she returned to setting up a planning table "Travis, let's get on with this already." "You got it, 'mon" Travis set down his joint he was currently rolling up. "Alright, there are over Seventy caves that have been mapped, Thirty of which have not been searched; and fifteen have been labeled as too dangerous to traverse." She pointed to the locations "The caves that are 'too dangerous to traverse' are inhabited by monsters. The book that the magical being was mentioned in, seems to have said that he doesn't like company, So we can scratch those off the map."Twilight marked the danger locations with a large X "Otherwise, we have to search fifteen caves. Although, if he isn't located there, we have to start from the top and work our way down." Twilight motioned to each of the remaining caves. "We can search three separate caves at once to give only five separate trips, max" she then turned to Travis "Since you don't have wings, you will be searching the five closest to our location, I will take the ones farthest from here, and Luna will take the rest" She levitated a small pendant over to Travis "Once you have searched the area, or require assistance contact the rest of us with this. Luna and I will do the same, but with magic." She tested the pendant with her magic and it responded with a slight glow. "Right. Let us waste no time" Luna took to the skies quickly "You understand, Travis?" "Yeah, sure 'mon" Twilight rolled her eyes, taking off to the skies muttering under her breath "Can't believe I have to put up with this bull-" "Yeeeaaaah.... Alright Carlos. Let's get out of here 'mon" grabbing his reins and hoisting himself over the raptor mount he set off. Carlos swiftly carried Travis through the deserted plains, a place where the terrain felt almost like home. Not long after they reached the first cave; a short climb up lead the Troll to the mouth. "Ay Carlos, 'tis place seems a bit dark. We got any torches 'mon?" the raptor jumped with a mighty kick to reach the ledge where Travis was standing, and offered Travis a saddlebag "Ah 'tanks 'mon" with a large burst of flames, it lit and he started the search. The cave started started slender, but it gradually opened to a large cavern filled with crystals. and many openings branching out to other systems, Travis quickly felt discouraged. But he had brought a backup joint, Well it's not so much of a joint as much as it is a mummified log of marijuana. The smoke filled the cavern and Travis enjoyed the haze he had created. Not long after he heard rumbling far in the cave, though he was much to stoned at the time to actually believe he hadn't imagined it himself. Spending about an hour and a half his pendant buzzed. It was Luna. He quickly hid his joint and brought it up; the pendant brought a hologram up of the Lunar Princess "Travis, I have searched my first cave, there were no signs of life, I shall be at the next cave shortly. Luna, out." Travis pulled the Joint up again to take another hit, when the rumbling threw him off balance making him drop the blunt and torch. The rumbling grew in force and volume. Travis scurried to collect his torch and get out. When suddenly the wall of the cavern broke open and revealed a large blue blob monster! "THE FUCK Y'ALL MU'FUCKAS DOIN' IN MY MU'FUKIN CAVE" it shouted down towards both Travis and Carlos. "HOLY SHIT 'MON! What da hell are you!?!" He stumbled backwards trying to stand up "Mu'fucka, I am The Angry Sir Dango XIV of Doom! And you bringing that smelly ass pot shit into my fine ass caves? You know damn well that shit stanks like all hell, n' it's a BITCH to get it out!" it shifted over to Travis "Ay 'mon aren't you like. Magic? Can't you jus' magic out the smell, 'den?" Travis quaked speaking those words "You know how hard it is to capture every last part of that smoke with magic? Its REALLY damn hard! Now tell me the hell you doin' in my fuckin caves foo'" "I was, uh, hoping you'd let me use your magic to create an endless supply of munchies 'mon" Travis tried to regain his composure. Sir Dango squinted at him "You mean to tell me, y'all traveled from that weird ass pony shit, JUST to get me to give you some damn munchies?" "Y-yeah?" The Troll quaked again "S'fukin unreal..." he turned away "So. Please?" "Fine. Y'all gotta do some shit for me before I give it to ya though." "Well dat depends on what kind of things 'mon. Cuz if it's some gay shit..." "The hell do think I am?!? Like, damn son. I'm THE Angry Dango of Doom. I ain't some Frilly ass Golden Potato!" "Hah, Actually 'mon I killed him" "Oh, damn really?" "Yeah 'mon. He tried to invade dat pony world or something. The Sun horse bitch made me kill him." "No, shit? Kinda liked that guy." "He kept offering Cheeseburgers for some reason" "Ugh gross! Did you take em?" "Hell no 'mon, why?" "Mu'fucker whacks one out in 'em and then lets 'em bake in the sun for like five hours. If you haven't guessed. He is pretty sick." "Ugh, gross. How did you even know him 'mon?" "We went to High School together. So anyway. You gotta do some shit for me, man. Nothing too much." "Yeah, alright 'mon, But let me get some shit ready." "Aight, cool cool. Just don't blow me off man. I'll kill ya" The Dango gave a slight squint with a single eye Travis shivered "Right 'mon" With that, The troll and raptor followed the path where they had entered. Travis pulled out the pendant again, and activated its magical powers, The light shone and the Purple Princess "Travis! Have you actually found something, or are you calling me to fetch you another joint?" Twilight sassed "No, purple horse, I actually found the 'Ting! He's real 'mon!" He panicked into the necklace. "So you found him on your first cave? That seems very unlikely..." "Well 'mon, I did! I found him." Twilight sighed "Alright I'll be right over, and if you haven't found him, SO HELP ME" she cut her connection Travis then called Luna "Travis! Have you anything to report?" "Yeah 'mon, I've found the ting!" She tilted her head "You found it in the first Cavern?" "Yeah 'mon!" She Nodded "Right, on my way" With her connection cut, he decided to return to Sir Dango to pass the time. Sir Dango the XIV greeted the troll again, this time without the crashing of walls "Oi, you ready?" "Not yet 'mon, Two of my horse friends are coming to help me" He pulled out his Mummified log of weed "ay 'mon, ya want some?" "Fuck na, man, I hate that shit, and don't you think of lightin' that shit in here! I told you already! That shit is a bitch to get out" Travis sighed and put it back "Ay 'mon? So, what kind of challenges am I going to do?" "Simple shit, man" Sir Dango XIV spawned a screen beside him "first one, is a challenge based off of your skills. Seeing how you like weed so much; I thought up a little something for you to do for my amusement, but you gotta wait it out n' see. Second is a little race ya gotta do, nothin' too crazy. Third, you gotta fight me in Mortal Kombat, Fourth, you gotta find the Damn fourth Chaos Emerald. And Five, I dunno, I'll think it up when I get there" "Uhh, you seem unprepared 'mon" "Well yeah, you're the first Mu'fucka to step into my caves in like five thousand years!" Sir Dango XIV stunned Travis "Five thousand years 'mon?!? What have you been doing this entire time?" Sir Dango glared into the distance "Gettin' out of ELO HELL!" "What the heck, is elo hell?" "Where all good League players like me writhe in pain" "TRAVIS!" the familiar sound of the Luna called out with Twilight following closely behind "Oh hey 'mon!" He turned and waved "So this is the magical being we are here to locate?" Luna examined Sir Dango XIV "I am the only magical being here in the Badlands. Yes." Twilight sighed "Well, what are we going to have to do? Fight you?" "Nah 'mon he's cool, but I do have to fight him in Mortal Kombat. And do other tings'mon" Luna tilted her head quizzically "Mortal Kombat? Other things? What do you mean?" "All we be revealed in time my dear princess. Now how's about we go right into it." A bright light flashed and the Five were swept away to another location.
Trial of Courage #2 The raceThe five's vision cleared of the blinding light once more, and reveled to them a large garage. Inside the garage lay a large machine, it looked almost like a jet. But it had no wings, but two large stabilizers on both sides. "So" Twilight squinted "Where ARE we???" Sir Dango XIV shuffled over to the machine "We are in my secret garage in another Dimension.Place is called Mute City or something. Anyways this machine here runs at the speed of sound. it's pretty metal" "Oh, so that 'Little' race you said means this?" Luna inspected it "'Little' might be understating it a bit..." Sir Dango XIV chuckled Twilight chuckled to herself in the back still blazed as all hell "And you want me to pilot 'dat 'ting 'mon!?!" Travis Stumbled back "Well I made the machine to race myself, initially, BUT as you can see I have no arms or legs to do it myself." Twilight laughed again "Then how'd you manage building the thing?" "Hard work and determination." He said flatly "That makes no sense though, how did you actually build it?" Luna asked "HAAAAAARD, WOOOORK," he started to lean into Luna "AND DETERMINAAAAAAATION!" he stopped inches from her face "a-alright then" She stammered Travis pressed the button on the control panel that opened the cockpit "Ay 'mon, I don't even know how to drive dis 'ting 'mon" "I'll tell ya. Don't worry." "You're going to just throw him into the fray like that?" Luna worried "Eh, he'll be fine." Twilight continued giggling in the back "I hope so!" Her front legs split apart and she fell face first into the floor "Yeah, you're really helpin' 'mon..." Travis sighed "You're welcome!" Twilight yelled between her giggles Luna picked Twilight up off the ground "Apparently being high takes away her sense of sarcasm. And so it seems her balance as well..." "She can't handle her weed, can she?" Sir Dango XIV laughed Travis laughed "Na, 'mon. She hates the stuff." He climbed into the machine that was perfectly suited for him to sit in "Makes sense." Sir Dango XIV turned to Travis "Alright, That pedal makes you go faster, that one slows you down, the trigger on the right of the wheel shifts you to the right, and the other one to the left. and you turn the thing to turn." "Self explanatory for the most part, Travis." Luna kept placing Twilight on her hooves "Yeah 'mon." "Oh yeah, and on your right there is a boost. Hit that and you go rocketing off like a motherfucker." "So you built this to work with hands?" Luna asked "Yes." Sir Dango XIV confirmed "Ay 'mon but you don't even got hands." Travis felt the controls "Yes." He said again "Uh, whateva 'mon" "Oh yeah, and that one on the right rockets you to the side real hard. Good for knocking other racers out." "You mean that you want Travis to hurt random ponies?" Luna's eyes widened in concern "They're not ponies. They're people, at least some of them are. The others are like aliens or some shit." "People? Like humans 'mon?" "Yeah, Humans." Travis' eyes glared off into the distance, remembering a time long ago when he was still in Azeroth. "Ay Carlos! Dis weed be cash as shit!" Travis sat with his raptor buddy and sack of marijuana. His raptor friend growled in excitement over the haul they had just received. Just then a strange being appeared in the distance riding in on a horse. It stopped a few feet in front of Travis and Carlos and dismounted. It ran up to the two and started dancing. He wore a blue bodysuit and a red helmet with a large ax sheathed on his back. He swayed his hips and pointed up and down to the non existent disco music. Travis smiled "Greetings, friend!" But the man didn't respond and continued dancing. Travis looked worried as if the man was damaged in the head. He reached out to him and touched his shoulder, a white text rose up saying'MISS' then the man grabbed the ax off his back and with a mighty spin cut down the troll with yellow text rising up saying '100,000,000!', he laughed and sat on his face then stood up repeatedly for some reason. Travis woke up in a graveyard, with the world turned a blue gray and the sky with a vortex in the center of it. Angrily traveling back to his corpse, he had seen the man stolen the bag of weed he had worked so hard to obtain. From that day, he vowed if he ever saw that man again, that he wouldn't hold back. Travis looked up from the cockpit with blazing eyes "Let's do 'dis 'ting 'mon!" "Alright then!" Sir Dango XIV turned to Travis "Race actually starts right now. So it's time you get goin', I'll show you to your place." Travis jumped out of the machine and Sir Dango XIV pressed the button the on the control panel that rose the machine though a passage way in the ceiling. "Alright, I've registered you as a racer, all you gotta do is go down this hallway and you'll run into someone down there who'll lead you to the track. They'll call your name and you just walk out to your machine and they'll start you on the race." "Got it 'mon." Travis walked down the hallway There was an girl who was blue and had fish-like eyes and two parallel tentacles coming from her head to her lower back as if it were hair, and wearing a white uniform "Hi there! Travis, right?" She checked her space age clipboard "Yeah, 'mon 'dats me" "Right this way! So," She started walking "First time racing in the F-Zero GP?" "Yeah 'mon." "Well I wish you luck. Some of these racers are a bit more tough, and will try to knock you around," She turned right "but if you keep your eyes up, you can use that against them. Seen a few racers knock out more reckless racers. I'm sure you'll do great!" She smiled "Alright, thanks 'mon." "Your entrance is right here." She pointed to a room"They'll call your name and position, then you just have to walk into the doorway there and you'll see your machine in position Twenty-four." She smiled and bowed "Again, good luck!" Travis walked into the room, it was set up with a couch, a small table, and some bottled water. He grabbed one and sat himself in the extra soft couch. 'I need one of 'dees back in my castle 'mon'. Ten minutes passed and he heard racer number Twenty-two being called, though he didn't catch the name. He heard the loudspeaker come online again "Coming in position twenty-four! New comer, Travis! Racing in the Silver Hawk!" The crowd cheered the newcomer as he walked out onto the track, and Travis raised his hands to his face shouting "AYY FOR THE HORDE!" "Coming in position twenty-five! The legend, CAPTAIN FALCON!!!" The crowd roared "In the machine you know and love, Blue Falcon!" He walked out flexing and showing off his moves. He turned and saw the new machine sitting on the track, and approached it. "Hello there!" He said with his deep man voice "New racer, huh?" Travis, on the other side of the Vehicle responded "Yeah' 'mon. I never raced before" "Well, I hope to see you in the after race party!" He rounded the side of the machine and came into view of the Troll Travis stopped. He saw the muscular falcon themed man, and his eyes burned with a feeling of pure hatred and revenge. "Good luck, friend." He extended his hand in a sign of sportsmanship and friendliness Travis responded by yanking the man's arm with his left instantly dislocating it, and brought down his right upon the man's head, shattering the Red helmet like it was glass. Falcon screamed in horror while falling to the ground. The stands roared in utter shock as the super star fell to the ground. Travis pounced on the man and made a bloodcurdling cry as he started to pound the captain's face into a crimson puddle. The sound he emitted was that of a banshee's scream and elephants having sex. While he pounded the captain's face into the metal floor white and yellow text rose up in all forms of numbers. Security quickly swarmed the area in an attempt to pry the raging beast from the innocent man. But his sheer size and strength easily outmatched four men. They had no choice but to use tranquilizer darts. They shot one into Travis, but to no effect! He picked up the still screaming Falcon and slammed him into the guards around him shattering his left leg. Two more darts came flying into the troll, only slowing him slightly. He threw the Captain against his machine shattering his rib cage. Four more darts lodged themselves into Travis' back finally stopping the berserking beast. A paramedic team rushed out onto the track and heaved the bloodied Falcon onto a stretcher. The sobs of the Captain could be heard as they hurried him to the futuristic ambulance. The Paramedic turned to the fellow racers who had rushed to see the fight, and said "Looks like this Captain won't be showing any of his moves for a long time." he ducked his head and shed a tear. The police arrived and cuffed the sedated beast, and hauled him into the car. "Holy shit!" Sir Dango XIV laughed uncontrollably from the spectators box "Oh Sweet Celestia!" Luna watched in horror Twilight rolled on the floor laughing even harder than Sir Dango XIV at this point. "Damn, I didn't know he had that in him!" Sir Dango XIV cried "Holy shit, we need to go get him!" "Right." Luna nodded and set her fellow princess onto the Raptor with magic The four traveled out into the parking lot where Sir Dango XIV had stationed a car. "How will we drive this thing?" Luna examined the controls "They're made for use with hands!" "I dunno" Sir Dango XIV climbed into the back seat with Carlos "use your magic or something." "Why in all of Equestria would you have a contraption you couldn't even operate?" She placed Twilight in the passenger seat and took the driver's seat "Ughhhhh, God damnnn, Whateverrr" He enveloped the both princesses in a magical cocoon "W'what are you doing!" Luna managed to say before the cocoon enveloped her face "Don't worry about it" Sir Dango XIV lowered the magic The magic lowered and the two sat, no longer ponies, but as people. Twilight woke up "Ugh my head" she rubbed her temples moaning "W-why am I like this?" she looked at her hands and back at Luna"Vice Principle Luna?" "No, it is I Princess Luna. Apparently Sir Dango XIV has the power to alter forms as well." "Yeah, now lets get going. Car's a manual by the way." "Where are we?" Twilight groaned "A place." Sir Dango XIV explained thoroughly "Ugh, yeah I coulda' figured that..." Twilight got annoyed "It seems as though the smoke has worn off." Luna pressed the clutch and turned the ignition, starting the car "Wait. You know how to drive this thing?" Luna sighed "I was acting when I said I didn't know what Travis' Ferrari was. The truth is, that I actually sneak into that Mirror World you went through. Quite a bit actually." Luna sped off into the streets. "You do?" "Originally I wanted to just see what that place was like, but then I got into street racing, which I am currently holder of three street titles" She smiled "Then I got into the dining. The night life over there is quite enthralling. I should take you one of these days." She weaved through traffic "Umm, no thanks. I prefer to stay away from that kind of excitement." Twilight turned to the bread ball "But why'd you have to change me too?" "Low profile, I mean there are aliens walking around, but no horses. Less weird to them, or something like that." "But the raptor?" "Oh, uh. Here." He spawned a meat chunk "eat this The raptor quickly devoured the chunk, his eyes widened and his mouth hung open Luna stopped the car at a light and turned her head "What was that?" Carlos spoke like Christ Tucker "Holy shit man, is this what it's like to have free thought?!?" "Now no one will question it." Sir Dango XIV said proudly "Hmm, yes. No one will question the giant blue bread ball. Celestia forbid the raptor doesn't speak." Luna continued driving "Where are we going anyway?" "Oh, yeah. He was taken to jail. So it'll be in the police station. He's prolly' going to be on trial for maiming that poor guy." he chuckled "Where exactly is it?" Luna sighed "Hell if I know..." "OH LOOK AT THAT!" Carlos shouted sticking his head out the window like a dog "Just put it into the GPS of the car." "GPS?" Twilight looked back at Sir Dango XIV again " Yeah, press that thing right there and tell it the name. It'll take you there. I'mma take a nap in the meantime." "Wow..." Twilight sighed and searched the console for buttons "I don't know what to look for, I usually drive old muscle cars. Not these futuristic cars." Luna glanced down at the many nobs and buttons "OH WHAT'S THAT!!!" Carlos shouted out the window again but the two ladies ignored him "This one?" Twilight pushed it and turned on the radio Luna laughed "Guess not." "There's one that says menu." Twilight pressed it and a hologram appeared "Oh, wow." her eyes glittered at the technology. "Seems this place is far ahead of that Mirror World technologically." Luna glanced down at it Twilight pressed a few holographic buttons and opened up the 'GPS' and smiled "Got it." pressing more she turned the guidance on "Wasn't too hard." "Turn right, at the next intersection." The guidance spoke "It even talks?" Twilight's eyes glittered again "What's a Whataburger?" Carlos read the sign "OH SHIT. SOMEONE SAY WHATABURGER?!?" Sir Dango XIV jumped up "Ay, Luna ya'll gotta go there right quick!" "Alright, but only because I've been famished for the past hour" She stopped by the speaker box Twilight read the sign"What's a 'burger'?" "It's food that these people make." "Hello!" A voice from the speaker greeted the four "Welcome to Whataburger! May I take your order?" "Lunaaaaa. Get a a tripple with cheese and bacon." Sir Dango XIV hissed into her ear "Alright, I know you'll like a double, Twilight. And I guess we'll get five patties to feed to the Raptor. Then we have to get something for Travis too I guess." Luna turned and ordered the meal and was told to go to the window. "Here" Sir Dango XIV fabricated a fifty dollar bill from magic "Use this." Luna handed the lady the bill, received her change, and two large sacks of delicious food and sugary beverages. "Alright let's get Travis and get out of here." Sir Dango XIV took the two bags The four continued driving through the futuristic city and finally arrived to the police station, where they arrived to a gruesome scene of many fallen policemen and women. They saw a still raging beast of a troll ripping the people to shreds with brute strength. "TRAVIS!" Luna shouted He stopped and turned to the car "Oh hey 'mon! Give one second." He turned and blocked a taser shot with his bow returned fire with his arrow passing right through his neck. He turned and ran to the getaway vehicle and jumped in "Hey man don't smash the burgers" Sir Dango XIV pulled the bags closer to him "So how'd you know it was us, Travis? You haven't seen either of us in this form." Twilight turned to the battle bloody troll "eh well 'mon, you're purple and she's blue, and there's a giant bread monsta' stittin' in hea'. It be kinda obvious." Luna peeled out of the scene leaving a huge smoke cloud. The sound of helicopters and swat trucks swarmed the area. Luna drifted down a turn and drove up onto a highway " How are we going get out of here?!?" "Hold on 'mon" Travis stood up and faced a tailing helicopter. He grabbed a bow with three sticks of dynamite strapped to it." Get down!" the arrow went sailing into the helicopter "Sweet Celestia!!!" Twilight shielded her head and ducked down The road ahead was completely blocked by squad cars."Oh my!" Luna slid into a full U-turn "there's no way out!" she shouted as the helicopters swarmed the skies. She rocketed off in the direction she came. "OH! PRESS THAT ONE!" Sir Dango XIV shouted "The red one?" Twilight asked panicking "Yes!" Sir Dango XIV held onto the two bags as if they were his children She pressed the button and the console flipped inside out to reveal a glowing white Y shaped object "Now get this baby to 88Mph and we'll see some serious shit!" Sir Dango XIV yelled over the sound of gunfire "Got it!" Luna shifted the gear up again The speedometer quickly ticked up and up till it reached 88Mph. It stopped at 88Mph making blue sparks shoot out from the the front of the car and parts of the body emitting blue light. The helicopters and squad cards swarmed the car as it sped down the highway. Both the sparks and the lights grow brighter and brighter until it was completely engulfed in light. The road sat with helicopters circling the skies and squad cars slamming the breaks. Two long flame trails lay in the wake of the blinding ball of light, and a license plate spun on its corner eventually falling to the ground. A man stepped out of one squad car removing his sunglasses quickly "Great Scott!" Author's Note Like a Phoenix from the ashes this chapter rises. But replace the phoenix with a giant shit phoenix, and the ashes a sewer... Yeah, I'm VERY ADHD when it comes to working on fanfiction. I was writing this and then I thought of two other stories to create, one of which I am currently working on as well; But I wont be releasing that till it's fully complete. The other one is just an idea at this point, I don't think it'll ever see the light of day. Anyways, this was originally supposed to be an actual race, but as you can see I'm not quite skilled in creating 'action' sequences, so I dropped it and made Falcon get 'rekt like a lil' bitch'. I thought it was funny and worth changing the chapter up. Next part shouldn't take nearly as long.
Trial of Courage #1 The Blunt of PowerAs the blinding white light dissipated from the eyes of the five, they saw they were in a sunny grassy field with few wild flowers. Sir Dango XIV broke the silence "Aight. I saw how you like weed so much. And I wanted to see something" He spawned a blunt the size of a log of firewood "I want you to take this entire blunt in one hit. Do that and your first challenge is done." Travis grabbed the blunt " Ay 'mon, this ain't even a challenge! This is Tuesday!" "Well, at least the first challenge should be easy enough for you Travis" Twilight sighed Luna Sparked a flame under the tip with magic and set Travis off. He exhaled as much as he could and cracked his neck. And with that, set his mouth to the edge of it, taking one very long inhale the blunt slowly burned away. "Go Travis!" Luna cheered on He gave a thumbs up with a free hand, still inhaling deeply Twilight rolled her eyes yet again, very disinterested in the topic at hand Sir Dango looked at the blunt closely "Holy shit you're halfway there man!" Travis continued inhaling and the edge slowly shrank. inch by inch the first trial was being completed. twenty seconds went by and Travis reached the final nub of paper, Travis turned his head towards Twilight smiling Her eyes widened and she backed up, but was stopped by the fake wall behind her "Travis, no!" But Travis exhaled and a tsunami of smoke engulfed Twilight. Both Sir Dango XIV and Luna broke out in laughter watching Twilight struggle to get the smoke away from her, but it was no use. She had inhaled too much already, she opened her eyes and her pupils were completely dilated "Dammit Travis!" her balance quickly went and she struggled to stand Sir Dango struggled to speak "That'll loosen her up!" Luna was also hit by the smoke but not the brunt of it, so she wasn't completely drugged "Oh my." she giggled "Seems as though some of it has hit me!" "You mu'fuckas are crazy" Sir Dango shook his head "Aight lets bounce" And again they were shrouded by light, transporting them to their second challenge.
