Pinkie's Buffalo Adventures Through Ponyville

by InfantHorizon

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 1056

Pinkie Pie has a problem. The buffalo are coming. They're coming for Ponyville.

Pinkie Pie is facing a major conflict. She was trying to have a perfectly good party. But the buffalo just couldn't leave her alone.

Rated teen for language and references to certain fan material.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-28 22:40:01 UTC

Pinkie's Buffalo Adventures Through Ponyville

Pinkie Pie was having the time of her life. She had just began another party, and it was fantastic. All of her best friends were there, and they were dancing the night away.

However, it all stopped when someone stopped the flow of music. Ponies looked at him. The brown stallion. The one who stopped the music. "Quick", he yelled, " we need to go NOW!"

"What?" Pinkie didn't understand. "Why? Who are you?"

"My name is Big," he replied, "Big Schitt. And right now, a large angry herd of buffalo are coming right for us!"

"What? Big shit? Ew!"

"Its not spelled like that! Listen, the buffalo will kill us all!"

"They're just buffalo," Twilight chuckled. "What's so bad abou- HOLY SHIT RUN!"

Everypony screamed as a giant hoof the size of the building, and possibly bigger, smashed the ground outside. A building behind it was completely crushed.

"What the fuck???"

"Go! Go go go!"

Pinkie darted out the back door, a crowd of ponies following. Outside, more giant buffalo were charging at the town. Each one of them had bombs strapped to their chests. A few were committing suicide as they blew up buildings.

"What the hell is going on???"

Pinkie kept running, her breathing getting heavy. She couldn't run much longer, or she would fall over from overexertion. She panted as she lay her hooves across a building's wall. Four seconds of rest is all it took for a hoof to smash the building down. Pinkie laughed; that was Silver Spoon's house.

"Fuckin' biiiitch... Oh shit."

Pinkie hopped up and ran straight into the Everfree Forest. More buffalo were inside, but they were lying down. The pile of sleeping buffalo was tall enough to reach cloudsdale, so Pinkie started climbing.

The climb was tough, but she eventually made it. At the top, she started smelling smoke. Flying giant buffalo were invading the city, shooting lasers out of their faces at the cloud houses. A building not too far off that read "Cloudsdale Weather Corporation" collapsed, and piles of corpses flopped out of it. Pinkie wondered where they came from.

She decided Cloudsdale wasn't such a good idea. She looked down the buffalo stairs. They were being blown up by the active buffalo.

There seemed to be no hope for Pinkie Pie. It was over. Not wanting to be crushed to death, Pinkie jumped off. Splatting to death would be much more funny, after all. Like a pie on someone's face, or something.

As she fell, she saw Big Shitty McShittington looking up at her, with his hooves stretched out and ready to catch her. She collapsed into his arms. "Thanks, shit head."

"It's Big Schitt."

"Whatever, Shit face. Where to?"

"No where. No pony makes fun of my name and gets away with it."

Big Schitt laughed like a maniac as he turned into a giant buffalo. He was even bigger than the other buffalo, and he was on fire. Unfortunately, buffalo die when they burn, so he roared in agony before falling to the ground. Pinkie Pie spat on him, and the entire fire went out. There was no visible damage whatsoever, but Dip Shit still died. Or something.

"What a pile of shit," Pinkie giggled as she turned away. "Oh shit." A buffalo smashed Pinkie into the ground, causing her to pop up on top of her bed. "Oh," she giggled, "that was a shitty dream."

However, that wasn't even 600 words. There was no way it was over yet. Another buffalo smashed through her roof. "Oh, come on!"

Pinkie Pie did a barrel roll out of the window and landed right on Doge. She looked at Pinkie before kicking her in the face.

"Such buffalo," it said, "much wow." Doge ran off, leaving Pinkie in the dust. She stood up and ran in the opposite direction. Buildings all around her detonated, flamed, and... Watered. A building was being filled with water. From a buffalo's eye.

The ponies in the house swam up the stream and bucked the buffalo in the eyeball, making it stagger back onto the main hall. The pointy top of the building stabbed its spine, paralyzing the buffalo. It fell to the ground, limp.

Pinkie giggled and broke wall next to her with her hooves. She went in the building and broke three other walls. One plus three equals four. When she broke the fourth wall, she was flying way higher than the buffalo. She grabbed one of them and threw it into the air. Then she flew past Fluttershy and knocked her over.

"Sorry!"

"It's okay! Just stay out of my shed, okay?"

Pinkie Pie flew back to her house, realizing that she was invincible. She entered her cellar. A bunch of dead corpses were in there, too. What was up with all of the bodies?

Pinkie Pie grabbed a hammer and flew back out. Fluttershy was still there, attempting to force a diaper on Rainbow Dash.

Pinkie flew past. "Fluttershy," she said, "what the fuck?"

"My new formula doesn't work very well on Dashie..."

"Fucking weirdo..." Pinkie knocked her out with the hammer. Then, she flew straight into Applejack's barn. The powers of breaking the fourth wall wore off, and she collapsed on the ground. Panicking, she opened the door to Applejack's cellar. A gravestone in the middle read "R.I.P. CMC". Must have been a funny game. Pinkie put her hammer on the ground in Applejack's cellar.

She wondered around for a bit, wondering what to do. She couldn't leave Ponyville, because the buffalo were everywhere. She also couldn't stay in Ponyville, because the buffalo were everywhere. It was quite the difficult decision. As she thought, a creaking noise echoed through the cellar. Pinkie stopped thinking.

The door opened behind her, but when she looked, nopony was there. She went through it and found herself in Fluttershy's shed. Inside of that was a bed. When she got in it, she dozed right off, and awoke once more in her bedroom. She checked the word count. This time, it was over 1000. It wasn't 9000, but it would do. Pinkie Pie shut the fuck up, and the buffalo barfed. Every building was restored, and everypony lived happily ever after.

Except the humans. They just wasted their time with Pinkie Pie.