Canterlot! A breathtaking model of magical engineering that never failed to take Twilight's breath away whenever she visited.... even more so now that she was approaching the spectacular city by air... in a rather small golden chariot.... that doesn't actually have a seat... or a restraining harness... or a door or retractable safety rail that would close up the chariot once the passenger is aboard and soaring miles above the ground... the hard, unforgiving ground that the pilots, being strapped in to the heavy, ornate mode of transport would be unable to save one from should they schedule a high speed meeting with it. Come to think of it, all of the princess's personal transports seem to be lacking in the passenger safety department...
Twilight was jarred from her increasingly fatalistic thoughts when the royal death trap touched down upon the royal landing pad, a flat roofed tower that offered a sweeping, high vantage view of the city of Canterlot and an imposing, low vantage view of the castle proper. It was constructed for the princesses to depart from their personal chariots and reach the private areas of the castle quickly while the vehicles were flown away to the significantly less regal royal maintenance hanger.
It also, to Twilight's growing unease, lacked safety railing.
Scuttling ahead of her armored escort a bit faster then was perfectly princess-ly proper, Twilight entered the royal residence proper, took a moment to take a couple of deep breaths, looked back at her ever stoic guards sheepishly, did her best to attain a royal composer (which made her look rather stiff and goofy in motion) and set off for her meeting with Princess Celestia.
Twilight could see it now: Her grand debut into the Equestrian political system! Rarity would have insisted on a flashy entrance down a catwalk with an ornate dress, but Twilight was determined to prove herself a practical princess. She was going to walk in, no doubt the most anticipated of Celestia's many meetings for the day, lay her proposals down on the table in precise, intelligent language, earn a rousing chorus of cheers from the nobles and civil servants, and Celestia would give Twilight that proud look that Twilight associates with the greatest happiness in the world and a kinda weird sensation in her...
Twilight was jarred from her increasingly context-inappropriate thoughts when the royal guards accompanying her knocked strongly but politely upon the gold embroidered doors marking Celestia's residence. Twilight steeled herself, took a breath, closed her eyes and sallied forth...
To find herself in a remarkably cozy study. Not at all the grand hall of government function she had expected, but Celestia was present (seated at a rather plain table and munching on what seemed to be pastries) and a chair was extended, so Twilight took a set.
"Pastry?" Celestia offered, levitating one of the treat's in Twilight's direction.
"Of course Princess!" Twilight responded cheerfully, overjoyed that Celestia-senpai had noticed her today, and took the offering of baked goods into her magic fields... only for the treat to splatter on the table when it proved much heavier then expected.
"Apologies, Princess Twilight, I have neglected to inform you of this wonderful treat." Celestia responded with a small giggle. "These pastries each have a jars worth of honey, sugar and assorted jams compressed inside them. They're dense as rocks, but taste heavenly and are quite useful when you need to meet the energy needs of three ponies and handle mountains of paperwork." During this explanation, Celestia had cleared the spot by floating the plate of uneaten treats off the table, setting it ablaze for a few seconds with a spark of the horn, and then conjuring a fresh tablecloth to put the plate back on.
Twilight was now sweating bullets, all her grand proclamations and triple checked calculations forgotten. "So, what brings you to Canterlot, my faithful princess?" Celestia asked warmly.
Now in full panic attack mode, Twilight shakily levitated her papers out of her saddlebag while stuttering out an explanation. "Well, Princess, ever since my, I mean our, recent adventurers in the Everfree Forest, we, I mean I! I came up with this idea, the consequences of it should not effect my friends! Was thinking of a way to make Ponyville, uh, less monster attack prone? As well as boost national education standards... Not that those aren't good! Equestrian education is great! It made me, right?"
Celestia mercifully took the papers into her magic grip and began reading them, a clear signal that Twilight could stop speaking and compose herself. Unfortunately, this only served to wind Twilight up further, who obsessively scrutinized every micro-expression Celestia made, all of which read "failure" in Twilight's eyes.
The solar princess, accustomed to reading both political proposals and her student's writings, finished the proposal quickly. "So, you wish to completely develop the Everfree forest?"
"Not completely!" Twilight stated quickly, believing that remark to have been derogatory instead of a question. "At least, not right away, but if you think better..." The air was quiet for a moment, and when Celestia didn't give a response Twilight was waiting for, the youngest princess resumed. "The Everfree Forest is a menace, not just to public safety and our weather infrastructure, but to Equestria's academic progress!"
"Ever since Ponyville was founded, uncontrolled nature has regularly ruined lives and harvests, but not only has nopony attempted to remedy this, nopony has ever attempted to unlocks the secrets of Equestrian history lost to the forest! Your castle and the mountains of ancient knowledge within have been lost for hundreds of years, and the Tree of Harmony is completely beyond proper study down there!" Twilight's nervousness vanished as she fell into the rehearsed lines and began building momentum. "It's unacceptable that ponies have been injured and knowledge left to rot when the forest is within our power to change!"
Twilight telekinised a specific few papers out of her stack, and laid them out. "By utilizing my crystal tower as a base of operations I'm confident the Everfree's numerous unique flora and fauna can be documented and compared with recorded species, to see if the Everfree inhabitants are offshoots or simply distant populations. I've divided the forest into zones that can be developed with minimal impact on the forest whole. By cataloging each sector then developing them, we can ensure no unique species go extinct (I have some early sketches for a research facility the populations can be transferred to) and ensure every page of lost knowledge is found and duplicated. This project will last years, yes, but it will remove a national threat to Equestrian security, unearth hundreds of years of lost history, open up hundreds of acres to civilization and kick into action a national civil works project that will directly and indirectly employ thousands!"
Her speech concluded, Twilight rushed back to reality and gave Celestia a cheesy grin. The Princess of the sun was still for a moment, then gave one of her tiny smiles. "I think this is a wonderful project that is sure to benefit Equestria for years to come. I grant you unlimited access to the personal resources of the crown for use in this project, as well as permission to use my personal stamp when negotiating with independent businesses and other branches of the Equestrian government, effective immediately."
"Thank you your highness, I'll begin right away!" Twilight declared, leaving behind a copy of all the papers for Celestia while galloping out the study doors. As the doors shut behind the purple princess pony, Celestia's smile dropped a bit, but did not disappear. Oh Twilight, you really don't know what you're getting into. You're not the first person to challenge the Everfree, and you won't be the last. Then Celestia's face perked up. Still, this will be a valuable learning experience on the limits and functions of federal bureaucracy. After a few months and a couple of discoveries, Twilight will decide to cut her losses, and I'll cheer her up with a some similar stories from my past.
In the castle hallways, Twilight bristled along excitedly, buzzing along with ideas on how to see her project to completion. "No matter what comes along, I will see this through to completion. I'll prove myself a proper pony princess by not giving up, no matter what tries to stop me!"
A moment after this, Twilight was stopped because she happened to run into the large white body of Prince Blueblood, sending her papers all over the floor. "Oh, hello there Twilight. Fresh from another confidence inspiring meeting with auntie?" He commented dryly while catching the scattered papers with his magic.
"Blueblood! Good to see you again, how's your research going?" Twilight, frazzled and trying to grab all her papers back up.
"Well, I haven't had any wings burst out of my spine yet, but on the plus side I haven't had to move to a smelly boondock fully of idiots yet." Blueblood responded, earning him a glare from Twilight.
"You know I don't like you talking about my friends like that Blue."
"Yes, yes, and I don't like that the smartest pony since Starswirl the Bearded is out living a satisfying life in a healthy environment instead of spending her energy haggling with bureaucrats and politicians." Blueblood replied in voice both sarcastic and weary, before cracking a smile. "So what are you and auntie up to now?" he asked while levitating the cover page within reading distance. "Huh, developing the Everfree Forest. I suppose the polar ice tap has been completed the bridge to the moon will be started up next Tuesday?"
"It's not just about development Blue." Twilight explained. "The Everfree Forest is both mysterious and dangerous, not just on an individual scale but a national one. Its uncontrollable weather and abundance of monsters have caused incalculable damage across Equestrian history. My project will dismantle the Everfree Forest, preserving everything unique and wonderful within it while neutralizing it as a threat."
"Well, it has my complete support then." Blueblood replied. "Would you like my support to be delivered in the form of several passionate public speeches or a stockpile of blackmail material?"
Twilight grinned and roles her eyes at this. "That won't be necessary Blue. I've received free use of the crown's resources and Celestia's personal stamp!"
Blueblood stared at her blankly. "Twilight, you are aware that "the crown's resources" are mostly just cash stockpiles generated by auntie opening savings accounts every hundred years or so? That the crown directly commands very little in terms of horsepower and supplies?"
"It's okay though, I got the stamp!" Twilight reassured. "As long as I've got the official support of Princess Celestia and enough bits to compensate business and government offices for their time and work, they'll be happy to support this monumental undertaking!"
Blueblood continued to stare blankly, then snapped back to reality. "Well, if that's the case, I wish you the best of luck in your project Twilight. It will surely go down in Equestrian history! And now, I must get going." With that done, the two royals separated. Once he was a fair ways away, Blueblood made a mental note to himself: Definitely get her the blackmail material.
Twilight had taken another blood pressure rising carriage ride back to her Ponyville castle and spent the last few days making preparations for the first stage of the project: Scouting the Everfree and cataloging its natural wonders. While Celestia had agreed to forward any letters to the appropriate Canterlot offices (allowing Twilight to dragon flame deliver to all government offices) private contractors still needed to be contacted and scheduled in the slow way.
Today was the day of the first of those schedules, and any minute now Spike should be showing her first potential hire in.
"...Anyway, that's when Celestia said she'd tell me when I'm older." Spike concluded as he opened the door to Twilight's study. "And here we are! The princess will see you now." Spike stood to the side to let the over-dressed pony into the room before making his way out. "She's all yours Twilight!"
Once inside the mare removed her large hat, revealing her to be Daring Do, dressed in her K.A. Applegate persona. "Greetings princess. I've read your offer and find myself intrigued."
"I'm glad you're considering it Daring Do... or uh, Miss Applegate. I'm going to be honest, I kind of forget which was your real name." Twilight admitted sheepishly.
"Since you've called me for dungeon delving and treasure grabbing, Daring Do will... suffice." The adventurer replied. "Unless you intend to hire me as a writer to have this adventure recorded in an biography?"
"No no, adventure is what I'll be paying you for." Twilight replied. "Specifically, you'll be one of several working to explore and catalog the ins and outs of the Everfree forest. I've called experts in biology, meteorology, cartography and geology, but you I need for an expert's opinion on the various ruins of the forest, particularly the castle of the twin sisters." Twilight levitated up a sheet of paper. "In addition to living here in the castle as a guest of the crown, this is the payment you'll be receiving over the course of the project."
Daring Do spent a minute reading the government contract, found it acceptable, and gestured for a pen to sign it with. "Glad to have you on-board Daring!" Twilight said happily while retrieving the pen from her. "Spike will show you to your room and brief you on the schedule. If you need anything specific, he'll be happy to get it for you."
` Once Twilight was alone again, she retrieved her personal stamp from within the desk, planted her seal upon Daring Do's signed contract, used a basic spell to make a copy of it, attached to it a pre-written form indicating the pony described on the other form was to be registered as a government employee, stapled the sheets together, and had Spike send them to Celestia to be moved on into the churning gears of government bureaucracy.
The response was unusually swift, as Spike burped up a letter before he even got halfway across the floor. It was from Celestia personally. My most faithful princess, it read, you are aware Daring Do isn't real, right? She's just a storybook character. The mare you just hired is likely an impostor utilizing the name as part of some scheme or joke.
Twilight penned her response just as quickly. Sometimes I forget that the things we write in the friendship journal don't go to you, your majesty. Daring Do and her adventures are actually real. Me and the girls went on an adventure with her. And I'm a long time fan of the series.
Two flame spits later and Twilight had Celestia's response. Twilight, are you feeling okay? Has your research into the Everfree casued you any exposure to strange plants or spores lately?
Twilight rolled her eyes and wrote back I know its a little bit strange, but Daring Do really prefers to write in privacy and doesn't really enjoy being in the spotlight. I'll magic paste Rainbow's writing in the journal into the end of this letter, and you can see it for yourself in her own hoof-writing.
"Alright, after she responds to this one, I'm getting a glass of water." Spike stated before burning up Twilight's next correspondence. Celestia's response was a bit slower then the previous ones, but once it came through, Spike turned on his heels and started the twenty minute trip down to the recently installed kitchen.
I sincerely request you forgive my skepticism in the earlier letters. This is not the most unusual thing I have ever been told, and past experiences should have taught me to trust you. Please keep Daring Do within the castle but do not speak to her about this exchange. I am sending a royal representative to clear up a few miscommunications.
Twilight wanted to send Celestia a request for clarification, but Spike would not be back from his water break for some time, as this castle was large, unfamiliar, and to Twilight's growing disgust inefficiently designed. Whatever mysterious power was behind the Tree of Harmony obviously wasn't an architect. Nor was it familiar with modern convinces like plumbing, Twilight remembered with a sudden scowl, recalling the unpleasant couple of weeks she had to spend living at Sugarcube Corner while those things were installed.
With no Spike, no further visitors and no current paperwork to fill out, Twilight rapidly grew bored and curious waiting for this scene to continue. Her idle wondering about these "miscommunications" quickly turned into a full on panic attack the purple horse came up with dozens of dire and wildly unreasonable scenarios.
Twilight was suddenly jolted from her record breaking panic attack by the sound of crystal shattering downstairs. A combination of teleports and gallops later, the purple princess was within the wing she had side aside for guests of the crown, and the source of the continued sounds of conflict. She had arrived just in time to see a small team of royal guards dragging a limp Daring Do away in a net. Several spots on the wall were cracked or shattered, and crystal shards were all over the floor.
"Ah, Princess Twilight! Nothing to worry about, the criminal has been apprehended!" One of the guards declared.
"Criminal!? Daring Do's not a criminal! She's an adventurer and an award winning author!" Twilight exclaimed.
"Actually Princess, Daring Do is a fictional character. She stars in this series about going on adventures and finding treasure..."
"I'VE READ THE DARING BOOKS!" Twilight suddenly exploded. "WHY ARE YOU DRAGGING MY GUEST OUT OF MY HOME IN A NET!?"
"Princess's orders Princess." The guard replied. "Don't worry though, this will be resolved soon, I'm sure. After all, Daring Do isn't real, and fake people can't be charged with crimes."
1 Week Later
"Okay, so, turns out the countries and native people's Daring Do stole all those artifacts from are kind of angry about it and have been on Celestia's back for a really long time to capture the pony responsible. She's also being charged with obstruction of justice for not reporting the long list of crimes she's witnessed, then passing them off as fiction. Fiction that Celestia has apparently hated for awhile now thinking it was cheap sensationalist fictionalizations of artifact thefts that have created serious political consequences for Equestria. Also, she hasn't reported any of her treasure hunting to the tax agency. As punishment, she's had a tracking spell put on her and been ordered to work on this project through to its conclusion, for free, as community service. That's why you get to be Daring Do's coworker, Rainbow Dash."
After a week-long slew of more normal interviews, hirings and the legal processing of a fictional character, Twilight Sparkle delivered the above explanation to Rainbow Dash, who the princess wanted on-board to map the forest using her top notch flying skills and extremely sharp senses.
Rainbow looked blankly at Twilight for a moment, then let out a dismissive snort. "Is this some kind of nerdy prank or something? I'll admit, you had me for a second there, but your story has one crucial hole in it: How could a bunch of regular royal guards take down THE Daring Do?"
"The castle is too cramped to fly in, so once she started resisting arrest they just zapped her a lot with their horns. She still beat a lot of them up pretty badly, which added at least two felonies to her rap sheet." Twilight explained. Rainbow was getting ready for another sarcastic retort, when the adventurer in question walked into the room, with a highly recognizable tracking bracelet around her back left leg.
"Hello Rainbow Dash." Daring Do greeted with no enthusiasm in her voice.
"Also, we had Doctor Caballeron arrested and sentenced to the same thing, so try to be civil with him should you two run into each other." Twilight added.
"You caught Caballeron!?" Rainbow questioned. "But he's a criminal mastermind, a snake in the grass, a master of disguise who knows a dozen languages! How did you..."
"He lectures on paleontology in Canterlot." Twilight stated dryly. "We sent some guards to his office. They found him relaxing after a speech on the effects of dung on buffalo history with a bag of chips. He surrendered without a fight. Ahuizotl's still at large, but wanted posters have been printed and put up in every border town in Equestria."
With that said, Twilight walked away and Daring moved in to speak to Dash next. "So this is how Daring Do finally meets defeat: Community service."
"Well, it's not like this is forever, right? Once we finish up whatever job Twilight needs us all for, you can get right back into it, right?" Rainbow asked.
"No, my publisher dropped me. Turns out they're really strict about properly categorizing what genre you're writing for." Daring replied ruefully. "That, and it's kinda my fault that their Manehatten branch got torn up by a bunch of Griffons who came to my office to get back the ashes of some really important emperor of theirs."
"What!? Who knows what kind of danger that artifact could pose now that it's in the open!? Who knows what kind of dark magic remains in the ashes of an Emperor-Wizard!?"
"Rainbow, the ashes are harmless and the emperor in question is famous because he established the Gryphon parliament. I was using the urn as a door stopper." Daring responded dryly. "Anyway, you're in air scouting and I'm in artifact cataloging so we won't be on many missions together, but I wouldn't mind hanging out over some coffee. Also, I'm uh, not really allowed to leave the castle unescorted. Anyway, I got an orientation I need to visit, so I'll see you later Dash." On her way out, Doctor Caballeron came in through the same door. "Hey Doc."
"Daring." Caballeron returned as they passed each other. Feuding with each other seemed to have lost its spark now that they had tracking bracelets stuck on their legs. "Rainbow." He added when passing the element of loyalty, who currently found herself stuck in another friend-or-idol crisis.
"Don't you worry Daring Do, Rainbow Dash is going to make sure you beat this rap!"
