Trixie's Five Stages of Grief
“Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful TRIXIE!” A blue arm suddenly emerged from behind the patched, threadbare curtain and tossed a hoof-ful of confetti onto the ground. Seconds later a blue unicorn in a wizard’s hat and cape burst out into the open, emerging from the curtains that hung tied to the overhanging branch of a tree. She wore an enormous smile as a small cluster of foals gave a half-hearted round of applause.
“Thank you, thank you!” the unicorn said as she gave a dramatic bow, “Now, watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs feats of magic never before seen!” Trixie’s hat hovered over her head as her horn began to glow. There was a bright flash and a fizzle as a bouquet of roses appeared in her arms. She looked out at the crowd again with an eager, slightly idiotic look on her face. They looked back with half-closed eyes, some holding pity, others holding mocking mirth. The magician, however, did not seem to notice the crowd’s overall lack of enthusiasm. Instead, she tossed the flowers up in the air, and let them fall all over her as though she were being showered with the roses once thrown at her by adoring fans.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie will now shock and amaze you with enchantment beyond your wildest imaginations!” cried the unicorn as she raised her front limbs in self praise. Her horn glowed once more as a rope snaked its way out from behind the curtain. Trixie levitated it and manipulated it to form a very crude image a pony. She turned out to the crowd with the overly fervent smile on her face. She was met with silence. Sompony coughed off to the right of the stage.
“Now watch in amazement as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most bold and daring of tricks! Trixie shall make a member of the audience disappear!” She looked out at the audience, waiting for the forest of volunteers’ arms to spring up. Several minutes passed before a young Pegasus colt in the front of the crowd raised a hoof.
“Yes, you!” Trixie cried a little too quickly and eagerly, “Come on up on stage!”
“But there is no stage…” the Pegasus muttered innocently. Trixie yanked him out of the audience and sat him down on a stool. His smile became a nervous frown as he watched Trixie melodramatically circle around him, her cape swishing with each step.
“And now,” she announced as she spread out her arms, “The moment where I, the Great and Powerful Trixie make this colt disappear right before your very eyes!” There was a sarcastic cheer from the voice in the back of the crowd as Trixie made a series of exaggerated gesticulations towards the little Pegasus. True to her word, he disappeared in a pathetic little wisp of smoke. The show-pony turned back to her crowd, still smiling, but now with a slightly pleading glimmer in her eyes. Nopony clapped except for the colt’s parents, and even they seemed to be faking enthusiasm.
“Thank you!” Trixie said with a bow, “And now, the Great and Powerful Trixie will make him reappear!” Trixie repeated the same motions at the stool. With a quiet crackle and a dim spark, the colt materialized back on the stool. He looked up at the magician with a rather bored look on his face.
“Can I go now?” he asked dryly. Trixie gave him a rather forceful shove back to his parents and addressed the crowd once more.
“Wasn’t that amazing and spectacular?!” she asked, “Just one of the many tricks the Great and Powerful Trixie is capable of!” She proudly basked in the nonexistent praise of her audience. “And for her next trick, The Great and Powerful Trixie will need another volunteer!” Again, it took quite a long time for somepony to raise their hoof. This time it was a purple unicorn. The moment she laid eyes on the volunteer, Trixie winced.
“I’ll do it,” said the purple unicorn.
“Trixie thanks you,” the magician said with a slight nervousness in her voice, “And…what is your name?”
“Twinkle Sparkling.” Trixie’s eyes became very wide when she heard this, and she froze up for a moment. The park grew quiet, except for the sound of Trixie’s teeth grinding together.
“Alright,” she finally said through her teeth, “Come up on stage!”
“But there is no--” Trixie pulled the mare up in front of the audience. The show-mare disappeared behind the curtain for a second, then returned levitating a large, rectangular box with a coat of blue, badly chipped paint, and two sawhorses. A feverish grin slowly crept onto her face as she set the box onto the sawhorses and opened it.
“For her next trick,” she shouted to the crowd, “The Great and Powerful Trixie shall saw a mare in half!” Her volunteer suddenly looked hesitant, but before she could voice her thoughts Trixie began shoving her towards the box. Once her volunteer--or now, as it appeared, victim--lay in the box, the cheery magician slammed the lid shut as hard as she could. Twinkle Sparkling looked very uneasy about her predicament, especially when Trixie reached behind the curtain and pulled out a ridiculously huge saw. The unicorn looked out at the crowd. Everyone was watching her. This made her feel happy, as they were now finally paying attention.
“And now we begin!” cried the Magician as she brought the toothed blade down on the box. There was the loud twang of metal embedding in wood, and then a sharp crack. Trixie looked down to see that while she still held the saw’s handle in her hoof, the blade was lodged in the top of the box. Twinkle let out a sigh of relief and let herself out of the box as the audience began to snicker. Trixie stood and stared at the handle in her hoof for roughly five seconds before looking back at the crowd with a sheepish, but much calmer smile.
“Behold!” she proclaimed, “The Great and Powerful Trixie has sawed a saw in half!”
“You suck!” said a voice from the back of the crowd. Some of the crowd murmured in agreement. Trixie suddenly snapped out of her seemingly delusional state, and scanned the crowd for the pony who dared to comment negatively of her performance. They locked onto a green Pegasus, who in turn looked back at her.
“So,” sneered the unicorn, her voice saturated with derision, “You dare to say that I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, suck?”
“Yeah, I do,” replied the Pegasus, “I’m just saying what everypony’s thinking. You suck.” Trixie let out a contemptuous guffaw.
“You clearly have no idea who you’re talking to! The Great and Powerful Trixie is the most amazing, most stupendous, most remarkable unicorn to ever grace Equestria!”
“That’s not true!” came a young filly’s voice, “My mommy is the bestest unicorn in Equestria!” The filly’s mother blushed a little, but was obviously flattered by her daughter’s complement. Trixie, on the other hand, looked as conceited as ever.
“Ha! Silly little filly, the Great and Powerful Trixie is famous all over Equestria!”
“Then how come we never heard of you?” asked the green Pegasus. For just a brief moment, Trixie’s face screwed up in a demented grimace, and her left eye twitched noticeably.
“Trixie is famous!” the unicorn exclaimed, “Trixie is renowned worldwide! Trixie is celebrated by all who lay eyes upon her!” She shot a near-manic grin at the Pegasus. “And who are you? A nopony, that’s who you are! Not like the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
“The ‘Great and Powerful Trixie’ can go take a hike,” said the green Pegasus, not at all put off by her words, “Don’t quit your day job.” Trixie gave him a gimlet-eyed glare as he turned and walked off.
“Well I won’t,” she called after him, “This is Trixie’s day job!” She turned back to her crowd with the slightly desperate smile on her face. “And now the Great and Powerful Trixie will astound you with the true might of her power!” She rose up on her hind legs and spread her arms out again, “Watch as I--” She suddenly noticed that the audience was dispersing. The unicorn’s mouth went open in shock.
“Where are you going?!” she shouted indignantly, “The Great and Powerful Trixie hasn’t finished yet!” No one even reacted to her. They just kept walking away, leaving Trixie in the middle of a park next to a tree with an old curtain tied to it. For a second her face took on that peculiar grimace again, but then it was gone.
“Fine,” the mare said with a little too much cheer in her voice, “If they don’t want to see the most famous unicorn of all time, that’s their loss. They’re simpletons anyway. Trixie doesn’t need them.” The unicorn turned around and untied her curtain from the branch. If they wouldn’t watch her show here, maybe they’d watch it on the other side of the park.
Trixie's Five Stages of Grief
Trixie did find ponies on the other side of the park, but these ones were a little different from the crowd she’d just been performing for. They were in their teenage years, much like the green Pegasus who had heckled her earlier. There were about twelve of them, and they were all kicking around some kind of small beanbag. Trixie gave herself a reassuring smile as she tied her curtain to another branch. She gave herself a quick touchup, then took a deep breath.
“Come one, come all!” she called from behind her curtain as she tossed another hoof-ful of confetti, “Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” She leapt through the curtain and saw all the teenaged ponies turned to gaze in her direction. The magician was so engrossed in the moment that she didn’t notice the odd looks that they gave her.
“What the Tartarus?” murmured a gangly unicorn.
“Watch and be amazed by the awe-inspiring feats performed by the greatest, most famous unicorn in all of Equestria!” continued the show-mare, “The Great and Powerful Trixie will leave you spellbound!” Once again she made a bouquet of roses appear in her arms, and tossed it all over herself. But rather than the applause she expected to hear, she instead heard snickering.
“Are you a clown?” a chestnut earth pony asked with a grin. Trixie’s face went from proud to incredulous as this comment drew another laugh from the small crowd.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie is not a clown!” she barked, “She is a magician of the utmost importance!” Trixie was perplexed when this only drew more laughter. However, she responded with boisterous laughter of her own.
“You poor little foals,” she said in an infuriatingly smug voice, “I can’t believe that you’ve never heard of the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
“Hey wait a minute,” said a petite mare, “Wasn’t there a Trixie at the Grand Galloping Gala last year?”
“Naw,” responded the gangly unicorn, “I think that was Twilight Sparkle.” The moment Trixie heard this, she exposed her teeth in a very threatening grimace.
“Wasn’t she the one who, like, got rid of an Ursa Minor?” asked an elfin Pegasus.
“Yeah,” replied a stout earth pony, “She totally owned it!” Trixie’s face turned an interesting shade of scarlet.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that you pay attention to her, and her alone!” she roared, “And stop discussing that bumpkin of a unicorn this instant! Trixie wants to entertain you!” The twelve ponies gave her the kind of look one would give to a ranting lunatic standing on a street corner. Though Trixie was unaware of it, she had been getting this look quite a bit for her last few performances.
“Take a chill pill, lady,” replied the gangly unicorn.
“No, The Great and Powerful Trixie will not take a chill pill!” bellowed the magician as her face screwed into a furious scowl, “She will amaze and astound you blithering idiots if it’s the last thing she does!” The reaction to this statement was quite predictable.
“Go buck yourself,” said the elfin Pegasus as she and the other trotted away, once again leaving Trixie alone. This time, however, she did not gleefully pack up her things and move to a new location. Instead she continued to sit in the dirt with a seething look on her face.
“Naw, I think that was Twilight Sparkle!” she spat mockingly. “Of all the garbage I’ve ever heard…” As Trixie sat broodingly next to her rag of a curtain, her head hosted all manner of mean-spirited thoughts about the purple unicorn and her friends, who had left her humiliated and penniless. Trixie did not take into consideration that they had saved her from becoming an Ursa’s midnight snack, or that they sent her belongings to her via mail, along with a heartfelt note forgiving her for her abhorrent behavior. While any other pony would have been moved by these gestures, Trixie was not any other pony, and therefore regarded them with about as much empathy as one would regard a lumpish pebble.
“Twilight Sparkle,” Trixie hissed venomously as she scratched a crude image of her ‘nemesis’ in the dirt, “This is all your fault. I’m supposed to be performing for Canterlot socialites, not prepubescent miscreants!” A vein throbbed in the unicorn’s forehead as she began to beat the earthen sketch with her hooves. “You and your imbecile friends ruined my life!” she screamed, “Because of you I’m talking to dirt right now!” Trixie suddenly noticed a flash to her right. She looked over to see a puny Pegasus with a camera around his neck. “What are you looking at you little twerp?” she snarled, “Get out of here!” The Pegasus quickly followed her advice and shot up into the sky faster than physically possible. The demented magician stood up and brushed the dirt off of herself, “I’ll show you,” she sneered at the ruined face in the earth, “I’ll be more famous than you’ll ever be!”
After deciding that two shows had been enough for the day, Trixie began walking back to her caravan, which was parked in a thick cluster of trees. Trixie absolutely hated her caravan. It was a rickety, secondhand piece of junk that she had bought for twenty-five bits. The axels weren’t even, and it was incredibly hard to transport from place to place. The roof leaked horribly in the lightest of drizzles. The wooden walls were unfinished, and she got splinters every time she brushed against them. But the thing Trixie probably hated the most about her home was that there was a knothole somewhere in one of the boards that whistled whenever the wind blew through it. Despite searching the entire wagon from top to bottom she had never been able to find its source, and thus spent many sleepless nights listening to the infuriating noise.
As Trixie neared her mobile home, she was quick to notice that something was amiss. The cart stood more unevenly than usual, which at first she ignored because it tended to shift whenever the wind blew. But as she drew closer, she noticed that one side was much higher than the other. It was only when she came right up to it that Trixie saw that the wheels were gone, and the uneven axels were propped up on cinderblocks. Scrawled across the side of the wagon in red spray-paint were the words ‘Trailer Trash’. Upon processing this sight, Trixie’s face contorted to make the most frightening face a pony could make, riddled with fury and hatred.
“TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” howled the unicorn. She had no reason to associate the bookish mare with this misfortune at all, but it had become a nasty habit of Trixie’s to blame all of her shortcomings on her nemesis. The thoroughly perturbed unicorn began to say words that nopony should ever utter as she stomped her hooves on the ground childishly. The unicorn then proceeded to flop onto the grass and kick and scream in a manner most horrible. It would be most accurate to say that she was throwing a temper tantrum. In her youth, Trixie had been known around her neighborhood as the Tantrum Queen, a title well-deserved. Her skill in this art had not diminished, as she was still prone to throwing them on an increasingly regular basis.
“I hate Twilight Sparkle!” she bawled for nopony to hear, “I hate Ponyville! I hate, I hate, I hate-” She suddenly froze as a flash went off in the bushes, followed by a mechanical whirring. If there was one sound Trixie recognized in this world, it was the sound of a camera going off. She knew as well as any that a camera could be a dear friend or a hateful enemy, depending on what kind of photos it held. Realizing that it had had managed to capture one of her lower moments, her heart began to race with fear and panic. These emotions quickly morphed into anger as she leapt up from the ground and dove into the bushes.
“Give me that camera!” she shrieked as she thrashed around in the brush. Twigs and leaves flew in every direction as the magician madly tore the bush apart looking for the perpetrator. By the time the shrub was devoid of its foliage, she realized that the photographer had escaped. Enraged, Trixie tore the bush out of the ground, ripped it to pieces with her bare hooves, and used her magic to start it on fire. As she watched the broken branches wither and burn, Trixie seethed about her current situation. Nothing had gone right for her since her performance at Ponyville. Up until then her life had been smooth sailing. The unicorn couldn’t understand why all these terrible things had been happening to her. Trixie was certain that there was no possible way she could deserve this, as she was perfectly flawless in every way.