It was a quiet time, after harvest, before winter, not yet time to break out the cold-weather supplies, a time to relax for a couple weeks and refresh their working bones. The bare, silent trees told all that the birds were gone, and the other animals were falling asleep. The time was noon, supper was a time away, and the time before was just right for Applejack to have some silence while her children and their friends played in the barren orchards and empty fields.
Applejack was passing some time on the front porch with some knitting, typically scarves and socks. As she worked at the needle, she could see little gray furs around her hooves, and she knew that her mane and tail were sprouting fine clumps of silver. So these were the golden years? The time after all her adventures, and before she with riddled with arthritis and needed her children's help in her old age. She actually smiled at that, she wouldn't trade these days for anything. Her children were growing, and she still had her friends and other relatives. She knew everything would be alright.
"Mom?"
Applejack snapped out of her musings and shook her head to clear her mind as she searched for the source of the sound. She found the source close to her left. It brought a fond smile to her face. Strong Cider, her youngest child, and only son was a fine colt by anypony's standards. Shaggy, thick gray fur, black mane and tail, and deep green eyes. But despite his very young age, he already had the makings to be the strongest of her children.
"Sweetheart," Applejack said through her big maternal smile as she lifted the half-finished sock and turned so she more face him. "Yer just in time tah see if'n these fit. They were gonna to be fer Applespice, but ah got lost in thought an' they wound up a mite smaller."
But before she could try and maneuver the sock over his front hoof, he started crying. Applejack stopped and lowered the sock and gave him a pitying look, tilting her head curiously. "What's wrong sugarcube? Did ya hurt yourself? Do ya need me ta kiss and make it all better?"
"Are you upset I wasn't born a filly?" Strong Cider asked, looking up at her with tear in his eyes.
The knitting needles suddenly snapped in half, making the colt jump. Applejack stared in disbelief at what she had just heard her son say.
"What did ya just say, Strong?" Applejack asked, her body frozen in disgust at the terrible question.
"Were you upset when you found out I was a colt?" he asked, wiping tears from his eyes.
Applejack turned around and dropped the sock and broken needles into a basket full of yarn and assorted needles and crochet hooks. "Let's go inside, sugarcube, where there are fewer eyes an' ears ta tell mouths ta gossip," she said as she picked up the basket in her mouth and trotted inside, followed reluctantly by Strong Cider.
Inside, Applejack set the basket beside a couch and laid down on the rug so that she could look her son face-to-face. She indictated for him to sit and then cleared her throat before speaking in a soft, concerned voice.
"Now... sugarcube," she began, watching as tears were still sliding down his cheeks, "somethin' awful has happened. How could ya accuse me, yore own mother, of such a thing? What's put such a notion in yore head?"
Strong Cider shook visibly as he had to force the word out. "You."
Applejack's mouth fell open and she just stared ahead at her colt as though he had just stabbed her in the heart with a dull spatula. After what seemed an eternity, Applejack managed to get control of her mouth again.
"What? How could ah... ah mean, what could possibly make ya think... where did ya... jes... What?" But the signals from her brain were confusing the nerve paths. She shook her head a few times and tried again. "What do ya mean?"
"Last night when I accidentally broke my plate you said you wished you had filly instead of a clumsy colt," Strong said with a sob, locking his eyes onto the floor.
Applejack closed her mouth tight. She hadn't mean it like that, she was just tired and the girls had brought there friends over and really disrupted her schedule for the day. Strong Cider had accidentally dropped his dish after dinner and she took out her frustration on him. "Ah, Strong, ah didn't mean it like that, ah was frustrated, an' didn't know what ah was sayin'. I'm sorry, Strong, can ya forgive yer ol' mother's slip of the tongue?"
Strong looked at her and wiped his eyes, trying to remove all expression from his face. "What about what you said to aunt Rarity about dad? About how he was just a dumb ol' stallion?"
Applejack gasped sharply. "Ah... ah... it was a joke, between us mothers. Ah love yore pa, ah need him in fact. Ah would never mean such a cruel thing."
"Then why say it at all?" Strong demanded, his composure becoming cold.
Applejack didn't like the direction this was going. The look her son gave her was becoming less and less like that of a colt yet to attend school, and more like a resentful youth. She about to say something but Strong cut her off.
"What about when dad and I were roughhousing in this room a week ago?" He started. He could actually see his mother as if she were shrinking before his gave. As if she were a little filly and he was a much older colt. He hid his surprise as he continued. "You saw us and said you preferred it when there weren't stallions around."
Applejack lowered her head down onto her hooves and looked up at her son. Feeling small and helpless all of a sudden. She wanted to speak and tell him she didn't mean what she said, but how many times could she say that and expect him to accept it for the truth it was. She kept silent as he listed off other instances. The list was getting longer and longer, and she felt smaller and smaller all the while her heart was beginning to ache, pleading for it to be over. All the while she saw her son's eyes becoming cold and losing empathy.
"There are so many times when you've made me feel worthless for being a colt," Strong said finally, turning his back to Applejack and looking at a window. "My sisters mean more to you than me. Dad probably even thinks so. Why didn't you just..."
Applejack couldn't take anymore, she reached out and grabbed Strong Cider, hugging him tightly while she began to cry. "Ah'm sorry, ah'm sorry, ah'm so sorry. Ah didn't think that... no, ah jes didn't think at all. Ah love ya more than life itself Strong, your father does too, jes like we love all our children. Yore my only colt, ya'll will be the one to continue the family name. Ya'll grow strong and handsome, and meet a nice mare someday, and she'll make you very happy, and ya'll make her proud."
"Will she talk behind my back?" Strong asked coldly.
Applejack squeezed him tighter and sat up on her haunches to cradle him against her chest. This shouldn't have happened. No child should have to question a parent's love. Why did this have to happen to her.
"Ah wasn't talkin' behind yer pa's back," Applejack said in a shaky voice. Stallions could be crass and unfeeling when talking, but mares could be downright cruel without realizing it. She knew this down in her heart. "Ah was jes being a mare, a mare needin' tah exaggerate situations tah gain her friends sympathy. It's what mares do, we want others tah feel for us, so we..."
"Lie?" Strong asked in an even colder voice.
Applejack sighed and nodded. "Tah think, ah'm the element of honesty, and ah'm tellin' little lies that make big problems. Ah never thought it was hurtin' anypony tah exaggerate. Is there anythin' ah can do tah prove how much you being my little colt means tah me? Ah wouldn't want ya tah be a filly, ya bring joy tah my life in a way yore sisters can't, because yore a colt, and different from them. It's always a surprise tah see what you do everyday, because colts are ambitious and adventurous, always chasing the next little toad that jumps in their way. Mares can be the same, but seldom with as much passion and drive."
"You hate toads," Strong bluntly stated.
"But you love 'em," Applejack sobbed. "Ah don't understand why, but ah'm happy when somethin' makes you happy. Let me tell you somethin', Strong... somethin' all stallions and mares should know."
She leaned her head down next to his ear and whispered softly. "Stallions and mares are opposites, incapable of fully understandin' each other, an' that's what makes us all so special. That's why ah love yore pa, and why he loves me too."
Applejack managed a smile and looked at Strong. But the smile faded when she saw he wasn't at all impressed, and in fact looked uncomfortable being held. "You almost died before ya'll were a year old."
That got Strong Cider's attention. He looked up at her in shock. He had never heard that before.
Applejack looked up at a family photo on the wall as she told the tale. "A couple months you were born, we let yore Aunt Pinkie threw a huge party tah celebrate. You were born on time, cried loudly, meanin' you were strong and healthy, and were walkin' sooner than your sisters, and ah was having a hard time supplyin' enough milk for you, you were so hungry. Everythin, seemed perfect."
Strong blushed a bit. Why did mother's love to embarrass their children even when there was no pony else around.
Applejack continued, "But it was at the party that... Cinnamon, who had been watchin' you, came runnin' tah us screamin' her head off about you havin' fallen off a table. Of course there was already a crowd, but we had been talkin' tah Mr. and Mrs. Cake and didn't notice, and your sister was the only one with enough brains tah look for help. Ah refused to let go of you until we reached the hospital, and they took you from me and carted you off tah emergency. We waited in the hospital with your aunts and some other friends for four hours until they finally came with news."
Strong tilted his ears back a bit in concern.
"They said you had received a severe concussion, worse than any they had ever seen. They said it was a miracle you survived. They told us you would live, but would be mentally retarded an' need looking after for all of your needs if you were lucky. They let us in tah see you... it was terrifyin', seeing you connected tah all those wires and tubes and monitors. Yore pa was the greatest comfort ah had at that time. They gave me a bed next to yours so ah could be near you through the night, ah stayed their until they said we could take ya home.
"At home, we laid you in your crib. You weren't movin', barely breathin', and ah had tah insert tube down your throat just tah feed you. Ah did all the doctors told me, jes fer you. Yore pa and I placed yore crib right next tah my side of the bed so ah could be there in case somethin' happened. This went on for three months, me and pa, yore sisters, your aunts, and other family and friends were prayin' hard to God everyday for those three months, prayin' somethin' would happen."
Applejack's tearstained face suddenly lit up with a smile and she nuzzled Strong's head affectionately. "After three months, ah woke up to the greatest sight ah've ever seen. Yore father had woken up before me and saw you trotten around yore crib, movin' for the first time in since the accident. Ah still quite haven't forgiven him for not wakin' me and takin' ya'll out tah play while ah slept, keepin' you tah himself. Ah screamed for help when ah saw yore empty crib, but when ah saw you runnin' around on the floor without a care in the world, ah cried my eyes out for joy.
"Soon after, Pinkie set up another party, but she made sure this time there were no tables except for ones holdin' food, and they were closely guarded. Though that weren't necessary, ah wasn't lettin' go of you for anythin'. Do you see now, Strong? Ah love you, and ah always have. Even before you or yore sisters were born, yore pa an' ah agreed tah love whatever child the good Lord blessed us with, no matter what deformities or imperfections, no matter the gender. Ah'm yore mother, yore my only son, and ah wouldn't have it any other way. Even if you hate me, ah'll keep on loving you. Ah'll take care of you when yore hurt, and be there when yore lonely, there is nothin' that will take that away from me."
"I could never hate you," Strong Cider said after a long pause. He looked down, feeling terrible now. "Even if you had said you wished I was a filly, I could never hate you. I'm sorry I made you cry."
"You have nothin' to be sorry for," Applejack said as her heart seemed to soar and new life spread through her bones. Those were marvelous words to hear coming from her colt. "It was my fault you were feelin' unloved. It was me who hurt you and wound up hurtin' myself because of my own foolishness. Please forgive me, Strong. Ah promise tah do my best and watch what ah say."
Strong hugged her and pressed his nose deep within her chest fur. "I'm supposed to aren't I?"
"Ah love you, my Strong Cider."
Author's Note
Sometimes a boy just needs to know how much he truly is loved.
