Dear Princess Cadence,
The enclosed package contains an object that fell from the sky and hit me on the shoulder today. At first, I thought it must have fallen from the gutter of my house, but after some mathematical calculation, I deduced that the only way it could have reached me where I was is if it was deliberately dropped, or shot, from the sky directly above and towards me. Upon further investigation of the arrow (for that was what the object was), I discovered that the tip was coated with a love potion and imbued with several complicated spells. Clearly, it was meant to be a love arrow.
I am writing to you about this because you are the Princess of Love as well as the ruler of the Crystal Empire. I thought this to be within your domain. I could not identify all of the individual spells on the arrow due to their complexity and close ties into one another. However, I was sure that you would be interested, hence my inclusion of the arrow with this letter.
I also thought that you would like to know that there's some pegasus who got hold of a bunch of these arrows somehow and is now flying around Canterlot shooting them at random ponies. Whoever this maniac is, she's messing with love like it's just candy to be passed around, without care of whether or not the ponies like what they're getting handed. As I'm sure you know the seriousness of this issue, I thought it best to alert you before the situation can get any worse. Fortunately, I've been prepared for this, and gave myself magical wards against arrows and love magic several years ago just to be on the safe side.
Sincerely,
Professor Nacht
Canterlot University Professor of Magical Protection
Dear Prof. Nacht,
Thank you for returning my love arrow. I know you've known it was me all along, so don't pretend that you're surprised. I currently have a team of elite unicorns working on enhancing my arrows so that they can break through your magical shields. Don't worry, I will find out how to bust them eventually.
I will get to you someday. Nopony escapes the Power of Love forever.
On a more pleasant note, do you have any new crushes I should know about? Maybe that nice stallion with the yellow mane and brown eyes? I can hook you up with him if you want, or anypony you like, really.
Oh, and enclosed you will find a considerable sum of bits. I'm willing to increase it if you want, but keep this between us, please. As in, don't tell Celestia that I'm attacking her city with my love arrows. She doesn't need to know about this, and neither does the Emotional a Protection Agency. I work on my own terms, and nopony needs to be messing with my noble work.
Sincerely,
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza