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Chapter: 1 Celestia's Slightly Defective Student
For Celestia, Vanquisher of Discord, High General of the Crystal March, and Banisher of Nightmare Moon it had been a fairly tame day. But for Celestia, Princess of Equestria, Tea Connoisseur, Strawberry Cake Fiend, and Terror of the Palace Kitchens the day had been quite exciting. In one swoop Celestia had felt the Elements of Harmony regain some of their lost power as a mysterious rainboom shattered the sky.
Were that the only entertaining event to have occurred, it would have been more excitement than Celestia typically witnessed over entire decades. That she had also acquired a new young student named Twilight Sparkle, who seemed to have an unusually close connection to the elements of harmony, was simply the strawberry on top of the day’s events. Returning Twilight’s parents to normal had been comfortingly routine.
Celestia smiled to herself, recalling the warm feeling of Twilight, pressed up under her wing. It was good to have a student again. Twilight’s parents had told Celestia that she would be ready today, and Celestia was eagerly awaiting her new student’s arrival in the Rosemary tea-room.
It didn’t do for royalty to be impatient, but Celestia glanced at the clock nevertheless.
“Where is that silly little filly?” she murmured to herself. It had already been 20 minutes after the agreed upon meeting time.
Thoughts flashed through her head of Twilight being mocked by other, jealous, students. Or worse, physically assaulted for the terror she had inadvertently caused other ponies. Celestia’s smile turned upside down. Maybe she should tell the guard to find her new student, before something terrible befell her?
No, surely everything was fine. It was only 20 minutes. It had been more than a hundred years before anypony had been this late to a meeting with Celestia. She did not like the feeling, and if she had possessed a mustache she would have been chewing on it. How to deal with this… oh!
She clicked her tongue softly in summons. One of the castle staff promptly materialized.
The green and purple earth mare bowed her head respectfully. “Yes Princess?” She asked.
“Please go find Guard Trainee Shining Armour, and tell him to make certain that his sister arrives at our meeting safely.” Celestia commanded.
The earth pony nodded, and whisked herself out the door. Celestia nodded and went back to waiting, a pleasant smile frozen on her worried face like a death rictus.
Twilight Sparkle was enjoying herself. The massive guard she was dragging around was not.
“This is Prunus amygdalus.” Twilight said enthusiastically patting the tree. “And over there is some Achillea millefolium.” She paused a moment, pondering “Most parks don’t have quite this variety of plants. This is fascinating!” She grinned, writing checkmarks on a long list.
The guard remained silent, uncertain as to the filly’s intentions in giving him impromptu lessons in botany. What he did know, from yesterday's events, was that she was frightfully powerful, had recently been appointed Celestia’s student, and was the little sister of Guardsman Trainee Shining Armour.
Everypony, except for Shining Armour, knew Shining Armour was being trained up as the replacement for the current captain of the guard. While that meant that the other guards were expected to be extra tough on Shining, his family was to be treated with a certain amount of deference.
Therefore there were three good reasons not to struggle too hard to get away. Also three very good reasons to sweat bullets.
“Sister!” a voice called out, startling Twilight. “Are you bothering the other guards again?” A small white unicorn had managed to work his way through the courtyard to arrive near Twilight just as she was about to pull another book and checklist out of her seemingly bottomless saddlebags.
“I… But… You!” Twilight spooked, glancing between the massive white earth pony, and the smaller white unicorn besides her. “... Brother, you really need to get a special uniform, so I can tell you apart from the other guards”
That small white unicorn chuckled “You can ask Celestia about it yourself… did you forget?”
Twilight blinked curiously. Then she began to dig through her saddlebag, completely missing a note marked ‘important, read first’. That small white unicorn noticed it, enveloping it with his pink magic.
“Twilight,” he murmured, leaning forwards.
She failed to respond, continuing her frantic digging.
“Twilight.” He repeated. “Twilight!” He stomped a hoof to the ground to get her attention.
“Yes… uhh...” She blinked at him once more, owlishly glancing at the other white guards pony nearby “Brother?” He wiggled the note at her playfully.
She read it. Her nose scrunched up. She took a deep breath. One of the white ponies braced himself. The other glanced aside at the first, then followed his lead.
She began to shriek, giggle, and dance simultaneously. “I’m the princess’ personal student!”
One of the white ponies began to relax, but then the other tapped the first and shook his head.
Twilight glanced at the battered watch that had been a gift from somepony important, then began screeching again. “Hoofstones! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!” She started to run so fast that she left purple and magenta streaks in the air behind her. The white unicorn began jogging to keep up.
The white earth pony relaxed, and returned to his post. He had been a royal guard a long time, but one fact remained inescapable. Unicorns were very strange ponies.
Twilight barreled through the castle, sparing not a single glance to the sides as she followed a ball of her magic, a tracking spell she had invented for just this purpose. It lead her past, around, over, and under obstructions, including other ponies, to take her to her destination in the quickest quantity of time calibrated to her current running speed and athletic prowess.
Thus she did not notice the ball leading her into a textbook perfect third baseman’s slide under a massive Alicorn, a tea table, and onto a small lilac cushion. She sat, and began to catch her breath. It was only then that she noticed the pony staring at her across the table. She was pretty sure that there was only one Alicorn, which made identifying her easy.
“Um. Hi princess Celestia. Uh, sorry I was late. I, um, forgot.” Twilight gasped. Celestia stared at Twilight a little bit longer, then began to release a melodic peel of earnest laughter.
“Oh dear. And here I thought nopony could forget such an event. I suppose the events of yesterday were fairly overwhelming.” Celestia’s voice washed over Twilight like a soothing balm.
“Er… yes they were,” Twilight said simply. She crossed her eyes slightly as she remembered the events, setting Celestia off in another quick bout of giggles as her new student made a face like a filly with a bee on her nose, as opposed to in her bonnet.
That white unicorn stepped quietly through the door, then struck the ground loudly with a metal clad hoof. “Announcing Twilight Sparkle.”
“Oh, she’s already quite announced” Celestia beamed. “Were there any difficulties in finding her?”
“None, Princess. I just searched for the most uncomfortable looking guard in the castle.” The blue mained white unicorn said.
Celestia felt like she was maybe missing part of this conversation. “And why was that?”
“My sister has an unfortunate habit of assuming that any white pony she sees with guard armour on is me.” The white unicorn stated as though this were the most normal thing in the world.
Celestia was a little taken aback. “Well, I suppose the purpose of the uniforms is to make ponies look alike. I suppose she was harassing another unicorn?”
“Nay. An Earth Pony. Name of Hard Knocks.” The unicorn said with a quick shake of his head.
Celestia’s eyes widened, and a short flicker of what could even be called fear crossed her face. “... We should continue this discussion at a later date, Guard Trainee Shining Armour. Dismissed. Return to your previous posting”
“Yes, ma’am” Shining said, blandly. His body language was utterly unreadable.
Celestia turned back to Twilight. Twilight, for her part, was already snout deep in the cup of tea Celestia had poured earlier. Noticing Celestia’s speculatively narrowed eyes on her, Twilight self consciously straightened her posture and carefully pushed the half empty teacup gently away. Under Celestia’s continued glare she spoke up “Sorry. The tea was just soooo goood. I’ll drink more politely in the future.” Some tea dripped from her muzzle quietly onto the floor.
Celestia suppressed a strong urge to rub her face with her hoof. Training this new student might be more difficult than she expected. Perhaps a lesson in manners would be a good start. And perhaps that magic surge had damaged her new student. This would require careful observation.
Author's Note
So, this is my first chapter. Shorter than I expected, only four scenes. I was originally planning on more scenes per chapter. Go fig. This is my first time publishing a MLP fanfic, so criticism is welcome.
Chapter: 2 Twilight's Etiquette Symposium
The etiquette lessons were not going particularly well. This is not to say that they were an utter disaster: Twilight was making progress, albeit slowly. The problems were more insidious than that. Celestia sighed deeply, in the privacy of her own thoughts, as she watched her youthful charge. The largest of them was the infuriatingly egalitarian way in which Twilight approached social situations.
Celestia approved of egalitarianism in a vague and generalized fashion, it certainly sounded nice enough to treat everypony the same regardless of birth or social circumstances, the truth was one could not treat a count or a banker the same way one treated a baker or a carpenter. It was quite fine to converse with ponies of lesser means, and they could make admirable friends, the cadence of conversation, even the very concept of what was polite, was very different among them as compared to the members of Celestia's court.
While the bow and scrape was an acceptable, if overly polite, method of greeting nobility such as Fleur de Lis, performing the bow and scrape to greet the maid who had entered to refresh Twilight's tea had simply made the poor mare nervous and flustered. Celestia cleared her thoughts, refocusing her eyes upon Twilight's enthusiastic visage.
Twilight, for her part, was starting to get nervous. She wasn't the best pony in equestria when it came to reading faces and emotions, but even she could tell there was something wrong when Celestia kept glancing at her, inhaling deeply, then carefully releasing the air as though she was trying not to sigh.
It just didn't make any sense to Twilight. Why was one pony supposed to be treated one way, and another pony differently? Twilight couldn't really see any difference between them. Maybe it was how they dressed? But that was silly, not only could a pony change their dress any day, but most ponies didn't even bother. She glanced between the two ponies before her carefully. This was some sort of quiz. She wracked her brain for names, then found one.
She smiled widely, carefully inclining her head as the princess had directed, then took one of the two ponies' hoofs into hers. "It's good to see you again, Coco Pommel..."
A loud *whap* sound echoed throughout the small room. Twilight spun on a dime to glance behind her, but Celestia was already looking nonchalant, hoof posed midway in the air. "Twilight" Celestia said gently, looking at her student, her gentle voice broken by an odd tautness. "That pony's name is Shimmering Mist. Coco Pommel is one of the fillies from your classes."
"Oh." Twilight wilted like a flower left in the sun too long. Then she perked up "So then you're Mr Fancy-Pants?" She asked, pointing at the other pony. He shook his head. "Rich. Filthy Rich, my dear. Close though, Fancy Pants is my second cousin on my mother's side."
"I... I see. Um..." Twilight struggled to think of a polite conversation topic. "Ummm.... How is your mother Mrs. Mist?" A smile, sickly with nerves, spread across Twilight's face.
"She's been in the Bene Humor Hospital this month with a fractured femur... she fell onto the pier while disembarking from our yacht. She'll be fine." the unicorn said airly. She waved her horn in the air as she spoke.
"Oh, I see that is most unfortunate... Um... And... Uh... Your business investments?" Twilight asked Filthy Rich, struggling for conversational topics. She tapped her front hooves together nervously.
"Coal has fallen two points but Salt has risen four. The Marefield mine is tapped for copper, but we've found a great vein of tin" He said with a wide grin. "Actually we're doing quite well!"
"Copper? You know I found a spell that separates copper from sulfides and selenium, do you use in in processing?" Twilight's eyes lit up like lanterns.
"Yes, we do use such a sp..." Filthy Rich began with a gentle smile.
"It's funny, though, because copper is associated with the sun, and selenium with the moon, so it's like you're mining all of celestia's domain" Twilight enthused, grinning widely now.
"I su..." Filthy Rich started, with a thoughtful expression.
"Selenium is really dangerous though, it's said that one of the reasons that the wildlife in the Everfree Forest is so dangerous is because of too much exposure to selenium, though that could be a mistranslation and it could have been because of the influence of the mo..." Twilight rambled, waving her hooves in the air.
"Twilight" Celestia's pained voice cut through her student's nervous rambling. She was holding a hoof gently to her own muzzle to keep from giggling. "I think that Mr Rich would perhaps like to be given a chance to actually speak in response."
Twilight fell silent, blushing heavily.
Silence fell, neither pony certain about what to say.
Celestia shot the brown pony a look, and he acquiesced, deciding to throw Twilight a bone. "Would you like a demonstration of some of our mining spells?"
Shimmering Mist continued to sip her tea, smirking gently.
Somewhere else, a young hungry dragon was very lonely.
Dragons learned to talk fast, because they could hear while in the egg.While he hadn't mastered forming words, he could certainly understand them. If he cried he could bring any of his caretakers into the room, but none of them were the pony he wanted with him. Only one word adequately described the purple maned unicorn he wanted to be near.
"Mom..." he whistled and chirped, half asleep.
Shining Armour knocked gently on the door to the classroom. "Guardsman Trainee Shining Armour, reporting for duty. Here to escort Twilight Sparkle back to her home."
Celestia poked her nose out the door first. "Oh! Shining! I hadn't realized it was quite so late. We've been making... progress" Shining didn't fail to notice the hesitation in her voice. Nor did he miss the tautness around her eyes, nor the downward curve of Twilight's snout. He responded the only way appropriate.
"Yes ma'am." He said, in an emotionless deadpan.
"Oh Twilight, your brother is here" Celestia said, turning back to Twilight. Her student turned away from the half-eaten plate of strawberry shortcake she had been stirring on her plate dejectedly, and launched herself like a javelin at Shining. "Brother!"
Shining Armour caught his sister in his magic, and gently placed the filly on his back. "Here to take you home Twi," he said, saluting her formally.
Celestia smiled at the two "Don't forget, 8:00 tomorrow, Twilight."
"Yes, Princess!" Twilight responded enthusiastically.
Shining walked with Twilight a ways, then turned back to look at her on his back. "So... how has it been going?" he asked
"Oh... It's... It's not going well. All the nobles look exactly like you, Brother. Bronze Blood and Fancy de lis and Stinkin' Pants.... I thought I'd be learning more magic and less..." she gesticulated uncertainly with her hooves, then let them drop to dangle off Shining's shoulders. "I thought maybe I could be special."
Shining shook his head violently "O.K, first off, Twi, you'll always be special. Especially to me, and to everypony else who loves you. Second, you are an extremely powerful little filly. And finally, I'm sure Celestia will start teaching you magic soon, it's just that she's trying to round out your education some. Chin up." He paused mid-step to place a hoof against her chin, and gently scritch the underside of it.
In response she smiled back, softly. "Thanks brother"
Celestia stared into the depths of her tea-set. The way Twilight couldn't attach names to the proper pony, other than Celestia. The way anything she said that didn't have to do with academic pursuits seemed to go into one of Twilight's ears and directly out the other. That odd, slightly unfocused look she gave everything, as though she were watching it, but somehow not taking it in. There was definitely something wrong with Twilight. It was time to investigate.
Perhaps the first step should be interviewing Twilight's parents?
Author's Note
I FOUND OUT WHAT IT WAS MISSING!
The scene with Spike and the one with Shining! I fixed it! Thanks to smxsonic and moustachemerlin! (though, sorry moustache that you didn't actually manage to get into the second chapter, I honestly don't know how to use the pre-reading password myself >.<)
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Chapter: 3 An Unstoppable Force and an Impenetrable Shield
Canterlot was an unusual city, one with two different vibrant and beating hearts. The first, true, heart of Canterlot was the palace, and the surrounding noble's district. The nobles' district was a large walled city unto itself. 2,000 years ago, it was Canterlot. Over time a city grew around the outer walls of Canterlot, and new outer walls were constructed. The inner walls were eventually repurposed as a sort of privacy curtain between the castle and surrounding estates of the inner city nobility, and the rest of the holi-poni outside.
The second heart was the commercial district, where crafts ponies and merchants from all over Equestria worked, lived, and hawked their wares. It was loud, crowded, conveniently near the train station, and apartments were universally located above nightclubs, potters, greengrocers, coffee shops, and other inner city necessities.
Twilight's incredibly purple house and its excessively purple colored yard, was a small 'estate' located between the two hearts of Canterlot, near other modest estates owned by accountants, doctors, lawyers, scholars, and nobility who were not wealthy or important enough to be located within the inner walls. This was very appropriate partly because, well, Celestia could count more than 50 shades of purple, and partly because Twilight's parents fit well into the social atmosphere of the neighborhood.
Twilight's mother, Twilight Velvet, was a Dame of the Order of the Recondite Tulip, a researcher in the department of High Energy Magic at the University of Canterlot and had once had a medal bestowed upon her by Celestia for writing an amusing filly's adventure novel entitled "The Grand High Mugwump" that had poked fun delightfully at the stuffy attitude that many of Celestia's nobles had wrapped themselves in. In truth the middle aged wizard was better known for her writing career than her magical breakthroughs to which her greatest donations were an obscure treatise about the manifestation of earth pony and pegasus magic with regards to sensory perception and a thesis on the mathematical modeling of the compression of magic infused closed spaces.
Twilight's father, Sir Night Light was a Knight-Protector of the Order of the Radish, and was a guiding member of the Committee of Magical Monitoring and Regulation. He had received his knighthood for services in removing maloderious and malignant magical pests from Celestia's atrium. They were not close acquaintances of Celestia, but she did see them from time to time and offer a nod in their general direction. Both unicorns were in the top first percentile of magic ability, even among nobles.
Celestia's informal entourage consisted of Twilight, and four guards. Shining Armor had already run ahead to inform his parents of the impending informal visit by their ruling princess. As though any visit by one's princess could be considered 'informal'. Which, of course, was why she had given them ample time to prepare. She paused a moment in front of the door, then nodded to one of her four guardsmen. "Sergeant Sanshiro, please knock upon the door. Gently, if you will"
"Hai," the black maned pegasus said, stepping smartly to the door and rapping twice upon the wood. The door swung open, revealing the face of Night Light.
"Your Highness, welcome in," Night Light said, performing an informal bow. "My wife is already at the table, getting the refreshments ready. If you'll come in?"
"I do believe I shall, Sir Night Light," Celestia responded.
The table in the solarium was too small for an alicorn of Celestia's size. It was also draped with books. Despite the general cleanliness and lack of dust within their house, the most common decoration contained within were books. Big ones, small ones, even a few magazines here and there. A large mug of hot coco had been placed in front of Celestia, along with a large collection of small strawberry based pastries. She munched through both at a slow but steady rate. Her guards were sitting in the servant's quarters having cucumber sandwiches with a maid, a gardener, and Shining Armour. Twilight had retired to her bedroom, claiming not to be hungry for tea.
Other ponies, when Celestia visited, typically tried too hard to make her comfortable or keep her happy. Velvet and Night Light seemed to have a better grasp of how to maintain a formal level of informality.
"I would like to thank you for the wonderful spread, dame Velvet," Celestia said, a gentle smile on her face.
"It was the least I could do your highness" Twilight Velvet said, beaming with modest pride.
"Please, call me Celestia. I am teaching your daughter as my personal student, after all." Celestia winked at the two unicorns.
"Very well... Celestia," Twilight Velvet said "We have always know our daughter was a very remarkable pony, but becoming your personal student is certainly more than we had anticipated!"
"Could you tell me a little more about what she was like before I met her?" Celestia asked, sipping at the thick, sweet, hot coco.
The two glanced at one another, unspoken communication dancing in their eyes. "To sum it up in one word," Night Light said "Flighty."
"Flighty." Celestia repeated back carefully, prodding the two with a carefully sympathetic look.
"Yes. Flighty. One day we'd wake up to find that she had glued butterflies to Miss Smarty Pants to make her fly. The next we'd find her in Pony Joe's trying to bake doughnuts." Night Light confirmed.
Twilight Velvet giggled "And she'd never sit still for anything. She's matured a lot since then, you've been a good influence on her. Ever since she saw you raise the sun she's been studying."
Celestia smiled warmly "I'm glad I've been a positive influence on her but... was there anything unusual about her behavior?"
The two glanced at one another, then back at Celestia...
Upstairs in Twilight's room, a little filly was crying into a stuffed doll. "An' Celestia's gonna stop teaching me an' I'm gonna have to go back to Magic Kindergarten... 'Snot fair. I'm not broken. I have my lists an' my notes." She whispered to Herr Professor Doktor Smarty Pants.
She enveloped the Smarty Pants in her magenta magic, turning the doll's head to look at her.
"Well, I just can't seem to get the hang of her etiquette," Twilight slumped.
She cocked Smarty Pants head to the side in a questioning fashion.
"They're... boring. And they all look like Big Brother. I can't keep them straight," Twilight said, shaking her head.
Smarty touched herself in the chest with drooping ears hanging free.
"Well, that's because you look different from the other dolls," Twilight stated with an imperious wave of her hoof "Anyway it doesn't have anything to do with magic!"
Smarty gestured expansively while bouncing up and down a little.
"But there's nothing to simplify and memorise in smaller parts," Twilight whined, lips flapping nervously
Smarty shoot herself vigorously, then pointed at Twilight.
"No, I can't just 'do it'. It's not something that you can just do the same every time. Everything changes every time you do it," Twilight said with frustrated hoof stamps.
Smarty gestured at the magenta glow enveloping her.
"But magic is different. I can predict how I need to change things. It makes sense." Twilight shook her head once again, snout pointed down dejectedly.
Smarty inched closer to Twilight.
"No, nothing else makes quite as much sense," Twilight's snout was almost touching the floor now.
Smarty patted Twilight gently on the horn, then gestured to some of the small knick knacks around Twilight's room.
"Yes, well, that's because I learned math." Still, Twilight raised her snout a little.
Smarty pointed at Twilight's face and then her own.
"It's just nopony else seems to have any trouble with it... I think." Twilight tilted her head sideways as though hearing something far away.
Smarty shook her head, then touched Twilight's horn again.
"You're right, maybe it's hard for everypony and I'm not noticing. After all, why would there be classes in it if it wasn't hard?" Twilight awkwardly patted the well loved doll.
Smarty patted her back, this time gently on the muzzle.
"Awww, I don't think you're broken either, Smarty. You always know the right thing to say" Twilight hiccuped and snuggled with the toy, letting the glow of her magic fade.
"No, can't say there is" Twilight Velvet said, after a moment's hesitation that Celestia did not fail to notice. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with our little filly." Velvet gave Celestia a glare, as though daring her to challenge Velvet's statement.
Celestia shook her head, frustration at her subjects' stubborn evasiveness dancing across her face. "Tell me... did she always have a hard time telling other ponies apart, or did she suffer some sort of traumatic injury in the past? Was it the magical overload?"
"My daughter. Is not. Damaged." Twilight Velvet said, pounding the floor with a hoof for emphasis. "If you believe that she is, we would be glad to take her off of your hooves, and invite you to leave." She gesticulated towards the door.
"I do not believe that you are a bad parent," Celestia rumbled through clenched jaws "But right now you are potentially denying Twilight the help that she desperately needs. I am not here to repudiate my student. I am not here to accuse you of bad parenting. I am not here spread prejudice or throw around accusations. I am here to figure out what, exactly is wrong with my student and how to fix it."
"And if it can't be fixed?" Night Light's voice rumbled dangerously, eyes narrowed menacingly
"Then I will teach her how to work around it." Celestia hissed, her wings shaking and rattling at her sides and her ears tight against her head "I care as much about her as you do. Possibly more since I am actually trying to help her instead of pretending that her patently obvious problems don't exist to protect her from imaginary threats."
It was later agreed by everypony involved that this was around the time that the first buck was kicked.
Author's Note
The first 'plot' is taking longer to resolve than I had originally anticipated.
However this is certainly a fun ride! once again, props to smxsonic for pre reading!
____
I am so sorry for this.
Chapter 5 will be after the fight. Anyone not interested in non canon Pinkie Pie announcer is recommended to skip to chapter five.
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Chapter: 4 No Wonder We're Losing Time (non canon)
Author's Note
Just a reminder. This isn't 'canon'. Those who don't want some random sillyness should skip to the next chapter.
Chapter: 4 No Wonder We're Losing Time (non canon)
A small pink filly with a mottled egg resting on her back and a pith helmet on her head bounced excitedly into the room. "And here we have Princess Celestia fighting with two other ponies!" She told the egg with all of the aura of a tour guide. "This is fun! I've never been in Canterlot before!"
The egg failed to respond in any meaningful way.
" What? What do you mean it's boring, Gummy?" She asked sounding shocked, two hooves in front of her muzzle.
The egg failed to respond in any meaningful way.
"Well, I've never been an announcer before. Are you sure it's O.K?" She cocked her whole body to the side.
As usual, the egg failed to respond in any meaningful way.
"Alright! Let's let her rrrrrrip!" The pink pony pulled out a folding card table from somewhere behind her back, two folding chairs, and a shower head that she pressed up her lips like a microphone. She placed a second shower head in front of the egg. The pith helmet disappeared to wherever the table came from.
"I'm Pinkie Pie, everypony's favorite party pony who throws pony parties for ponies who like to party, and this handsome baby alligator is Gummy! We're here to announce today's match of the EPWF, the Equestrian Princess Wrestling Foundation. In the left corner we have the queen of queens, ruler of day, night, and all she surveys, riser of the sun and moon, whisperer of the wind and tides prrrrrrrrrrrrrrincess Celestia! In the right hoof corner we have, in a tag team, the light that pierces the darkness, the cleanser of gardens and terror of parasprites, siiirrrrrrr Niiiiight Liiiiight! and the defender of truth love and happiness, baker of mulberry pies... what's that Gummy?" Pinkie froze mid ramble, then turned to face the egg.
The egg continued to fail to respond in any meaningful way.
"I should bring a pie back with me?" Pinkie quirked her head to the side, blinking once or twice. "That's silly, why would I do that?"
The egg failed to respond in a way that was even remotely meaningful.
"Wouldn't that be cannibalism?" Pinkie gasped, hoof to mouth in shock
The egg utterly failed to respond in a meaningful way.
"Ohhhh, that's a good point! Anyway baker of mulberry pies, mrrrrrrs Twilight Velllllvet!" Pinkie shouted loudly into the shower head, causing a reverb effect.
The adult ponies didn't even spare a glance at Pinkie's magnificent announcement, making the poor filly feel a ignored and a little bad. Nevertheless she soldiered on.
"To start out with we have a glorious right hook by Twilight Velvet... ohhh, ladies and gentleponies that had to hurt! Countering that Celestia, with a manic grin on her face, has grabbed Velvet's mane in her teeth and is tugging her closer, is this the end for Velvet?" Pinkie's ears trembled with worry as she leaned in shock.
*Klang!* "Get your teeth off of my wife!"
"And Celestia's down, Night Light has struck her with the copper teapot! He's standing over her panting, and I think I see little stars floating around her head! Night Light is checking to see if the princess is O.K..." Pinkie leaned forwards over the table to better see the action.
*Whap!* *thud*
"Ladies and gentlecolts, Celestia was just faking it! She just slammed Night Light with her wing, knocking him across the room! I have never seen anything like it in all my seconds at the EPWF! She looks pretty pleased with herself! I think Night Light is down for the count!" Pinkie pounded the table enthusiastically.
"You... You opossum!" *whiny* *Girlish shriek*
"Aaand Twilight Velvet has just sunk her teeth into the princess' ear! I think I see blood! Oh my gosh blood! Blood! Is everypony O.K?" Pinkie started hopping in a tiny, panicked, circle.
The combatants continued to ignore Pinkie. Night Light stood up woozily, just in time to see Celestia donkey-hoofing his wife in the throat. Celestia screamed as Velvet choked, biting nearly through her ear. Night Light charged, planting two solid hoofs directly into Celestia's barrel, and knocking the larger pony over.
"Gummy! We havta do something! This isn't fun anymore!" Pinkie continued hopping in a tiny panicked circle.
The egg failed to respond in a meaningless way.
"That's a great idea Gummy! Let's go get some help! Just... Just hold on, we'll be right back with a doctor to kiss your boo-boos away!" Pinkie darted out, then back in to grab the alligator egg, before darting out again.
While Night Light was checking his wife's panicked breathing, Celestia got to her wobbly feet, turned around twice, and bodyslammed him hard into Velvet. This sent Sparkle's parents tumbling across the floor with a loud crash.
Celestia found herself feeling inappropriately gleeful when she noticed that the tumbling pair broke the overly small table that had been barking her legs before this fight had broken out.
Chapter: 5 Watch Closely and Observe
Celestia's guards heard her outraged spluttering, and the sounds of a scuffle. The butler, maid, and gardener did as well. All of them piled through the doors, elbowing and shoving in their haste to get to their respective masters. Only Shining Armour held back.
When he did make it to the room, the scene he saw set his teeth on edge. His Princess bleeding and battered, his Mother beaten and bruised. The guardsponies were advancing on the stunned combatants. Shining Armour chewed his lip uncertainly. He had sworn an oath to his Princess, but he owed just as much, if not more, to his parents. The servants stepped between the three advancing guards and Shining's parents, hoofs raised and teeth bared. In response Sg. Sanshiro raised his spear. Biting his lip, Shining Armour made a desperate choice, hoping against hope it was the right one.
"EVERYPONY STOP FIGHTING!" he shouted. Both of his hooves struck the floor as pink bubbles sprang up to separate the combatants.
Celestia was performing complex crossteps inside her bubble, hissing in short hard gasps loudly between her teeth, and rattling her wings aggressively. Her ears were tight against her head, and her pupils had narrowed into tiny dots. She was acting more like an animal than a pony. Blood slowly dripped from one of her ears. Slowly she began to calm down, her breathing returning to normal, and her pupils widening. Finally her wings dropped back to her side, and she returned to her normal regal posture.
Night Light and Twilight Velvet slowly stood up from the small pile they had been knocked in, glancing frequently at their slavering princess. Night Light ran his hooves over his wife, checking to make sure she was in one peace, and gently turning her head away whenever she began glaring at the princess again.
Shining watched it all silently, pupils wide and eyes narrow, still roiling with emotions. "I'm not dropping the bubbles until all of you promise to play nice." His voice caught in his throat, and it took three tries to get the commanding message out in its entirety.
Princess Celestia sighed, lowering her forquarters and burying her nose against her hooves. "I'm sorry. My behavior was not worthy of a princess. Instead of fighting I should have teleported away, and I shall admit that my words were more inflammatory than necessary."
Twilight Velvet remained silent. Night Light gently bumped her with his muzzle. She stubbornly glared at him, and he bumped her again a little more forcefully. "It's your turn to apologise my dear".
She sighed, and glared daggers at her husband before turning to her princess. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kicked the first buck. Even if you are trying to take my little Sparkle away just because she's different to 'fix' her just like those social workers who wanted to send her to the school for 'special' unicorns. All of you keep calling her broken, or damaged, or sick. She's not! She's just... different. She needs protecting by somepony who cares about her, not fixing. We've had enough fixing after Dr. Hoofentrotter."
"And I" Night Light said, after the two mares spoke "Am sorry that I ruined a perfectly good copper kettle." Twilight Velvet looked at him in shock. Then Princess Celestia started to snort. Twilight Velvet whirled around to glance at the princess who was shaking and jiggling spasmodically against the ground. "P... Princess Celestia? Are you O.K? Are you hurt? Somepony call a doctor, she's having a seizure!"
Celestia raised a hoof gently from her position and waved it dismissively "I'm alright, really" she said between snorts "My head is clearly the hardest part of my body. No wonder the kettle was ruined." She continued to giggle and guffaw at the absurdity of the whole situation. After a moment Twilight Velvet nervously joined in, followed dutifully by her husband.
Shining Armour rolled his eyes. "You're not all getting out of the bubbles that easily. Sgt Sanshiro, go fetch a medical examiner to treat everypony's wounds. Pvt. Pumpkin Dulce, bring..." he glanced around counting "Nine large frothy lattes from one of the coffee shops in town. Extra cinnamon, extra cream..."
"I'm lactose intolerant" Pumpkin Dulce said, seeing where this was going.
"Eight with cream, One without cream for yourself" Shining concurred with a swift nod. "Cpl Shadebottom, you have overwatch. Don't let my mother strike the princess, nor the reverse. I am going to go fetch my sister. I think it's about time everypony heard what she wants, instead of just making assumptions."
He began marching up the stares. Night Light and Twilight Velvet continued staring up after him. "Did he just..."
"Order around three guardsmen all of superior rank to himself while keeping his cool in the middle of a stressful situation, and be obeyed despite the fact that all three outrank him? Why yes" Celestia said, ears twitching with continued amusement "He did indeed. Guard Trainee Shining Armour remains quite the remarkable pony," she leaned forwards conspiratorially "It's why he's on the fast track for command." she stage whispered to the two proud parents. "You raised a truly remarkable son. And a truly remarkable daughter as well." She finished.
Velvet and Light glanced at one another, then Light spoke gently. "Well, he certainly is blooming in your guard." Velvet nodded "Maybe... maybe I am being... a little... too protective of Twilight" she said, as though every word was a tooth being extracted from a block of diamond.
Celestia shook her head with a soft chuff as the sound of Shining's hooves returning down the stairs, Twilight's small patter in tow, reverberated through the room.
Shining was pausing to nuzzle Twilight with each couple of steps. Twilight, was moving slowly, with obvious reluctance. Tears streaked her face, and clumpy snot stained her muzzle. She had Smarty Pants located securely on her back.
Celestia put a hoof to her mouth, feeling taken aback. Velvet tried to burst through the bubble to go to her daughter's aid. Shining nodded to Twilight. "Please tell them what you told me, sis." He said gently.
Twilight scrunched up her face, starting slow, but soon emotion was suffusing her voice. "Um... I don't want you two to fight over me. I want to be Celestia's student! Please don't kick me out! I'll study hard! I promise I'll try to do better! I'm not broken!"
Shining gave the former combatants a look, shaping the inside of the bubbles to communicate with them without letting Twilight know. Mom, if you try to take Twilight back from Celestia, Twilight will think she is a failure. You won't be protecting Twilight, just hurting her
Shining's mom shot Shining a glare, but then her eyes drifted over her daughter. She sighed, and nodded reservedly.
My Princess, you might not realize it, but Twilight's not completely unable to work out somepony's emotions. Stop sighing whenever she has a hard time identifying somepony, or looking horrified whenever she does one of her little... Twi-isims. Teach her how to get around it, but stop judging her for it.
Celestia was offended, eyes crossing in offended surprise. But... Shining was right. She bowed her head in acquiescence, but made a note to assign the uppity guard trainee to latrine duty for a week.
"Don't worry Twilight" Shining said nuzzling his sister "No one's forcing you to do anything." he licked a hoof, then smoothed down her disheveled mane as he dropped the shield. There was a knock on the front door "Somepony wanted medical assistance in here?" A voice called out, "And... It looks like there's also a delivery of coffee out here?"
Author's Note
This chapter took longer than expected thanks to my dream and resulting frantic work on Rock Moon Equestria. I didn't run this chapter through my usual pre-reading either, as a result.
This is the final full chapter in the 'Celestia/intro' story arc of Empty Pages. The next chapter will intro a new story arc and finish the current one.
Chapter: 6 Kitchen Clean Up
It had been a month or two since the fateful encounter between Twilight Sparkle's parents, and princess Celestia. Her brother had finally finished his prolonged tour of latrine duty, but was still on KP duty for the foreseeable future. Twilight had decided to give her brother a happy surprise. It may be punishment, she reasoned, but that didn't mean that the two of them weren't supposed to enjoy it. Smarty Pants had agreed with her, and thus was seated in a place of honor on her back.
Twilight gently pushed open the door to the back room of the Guard Kitchen, and slinked forward on her belly, edging her way towards the pony working there. She opened her mouth to shout boo, when suddenly the pony whirled around and shouted "BOO!" at her.
Twilight squealed, her front legs sproinging outwards, sending her tumbling backwards head over heels while the other pony wiped at his face while laughing "I can... hehehe... I can always hear you coming, Twi!" he extolled.
Twilight gave him the same sort of look a cat gives its owner after it falls from a chair. "Hmph." She said, waving her nose in the air. She paused a moment, watching him out of the corner of her eye.
The other pony laughed harder, now clutching her belly. Twilight started to smile, then started laughing herself. Soon the two of them were laughing together. "How did you know I was coming?" Twilight asked.
"I read your checklist for today." The other pony said, offhandedly, ear flicking casually.
"... You WHAT?!" Twilight gnashed her teeth, then charged the larger pony. Chuckling he lead her on a merry chase through the storeroom behind the kitchen, when suddenly a large male pony with a soup ladle on his hoof burst through the doors "Do I hear a recruit on punishment duty having FUN behind my back?" he demanded with scalding voice.
Twilight and the other pony froze in a tableau, Twilight's teeth just about to bite the tip of the other pony's tail.
The other pony was the first to speak, straightening his back and pulling off a textbook salut. "Guardspony Trainee Shining Armour, Sir! I was performing my ordinary duties when I discovered what I believed to be an enemy infiltrator in the back room of the kitchen with me, Sir! On inspection, the unidentified contact was revealed to be my sister, Sir! I attempted to report to you, but she intercepted me, and we played a merry game of cat and mouse through the storeroom, Sir!" Twilight moved her mouth away from the swishy tail, trying to look small.
The larger pony looked at the two of them, then chuckled gently. "At ease, Guardspony Trainee Shining Armour."
The other pony relaxed. Following his cue, Twilight relaxed as well.
The larger pony leaned forward to inspect Twilight, at which point her tiny belly rumbled. He chuckled. "Guardspony Trainee Shining Armour, you are hereby granted use of the stoves. Your assigned mission is to make your hungry little sister some food. Git you, spend some time with your sister." He playfully whacked the other pony on the rump with the ladle as he passed. "Soon enough she'll be all growed up, and you'll kick yourself for missing it if you don't." Now his voice sounded somewhat wistful. The cook gave one last look around the storeroom, and resecured the store room's exterior door, before returning to the kitchens himself.
Shining was preparing Twilight several of his precious Morning Glory pancakes. Carrots, Dates, Barley, Oats, Banana, Walnuts, and Flax seed, saffron, topped with plenty of butter and molasses. The thing that Twilight loved most about the golden pancakes were that they tasted of sunshine, happiness, and love.
"So, Twi, how are your studies going?" He asked as he used his magic to flip another cake in the skillet.
"Mmph, Celemstria stargit..." Twilight began, spraying pancake all over the filly sized table that Shiny had carried into the kitchen for her.
"Don't talk with your mouth full, Twilight. Chew. There you go. Swallow. Now milk. Good." Shining said with a soft sigh. She was always so eager to talk about classes, he really should have remembered. One time she had almost choked herself. "Now... How are your studies?"
Twilight took a deep breath "Well, Celestia finally started teaching me magic, she taught me how to teleport so I'll never be late again, she said that she didn't mean to teach me that, and that I shouldn't ever teleport 'blind' nor do it without supervision, but why would she have teleported in front of me if she hand't intended for me to learn how, and if I teleport to her, that's with supervision right, because I can totally use her as a fixed reference point when I teleport by combining my pony finding spell with the teleport spell and it should be sooo awesome so I can't wait to try it out." Twilight was very high pitched from low air when she finished her incredibly unbroken sentence.
Shining armour was staring at his little sister with his mouth open in shock, a flapjack blackening on the stove. "Wait, hold up there Twi, you can teleport? You're just a foal! I can't even teleport yet."
"It's really easy when you get the feel for it you just twist your magic perpendicular to everything else like this..." And then Twilight was standing on the stove next to the pan, using her magic to rescue the pancake, "aand you're done."
"Oh. That is simpler than I had thought," Shining said thoughtfully, eyes half lidded in focus, "But it's not very elegant. If you do that too often, you're going to be very tired and hungry. I think I'd better make you a few extra pancakes to go."
The door to the kitchen from the dining room opened, and another guardspony stuck her head through the door. It was Cpl Battleax. "The boys outside are getting kinda rowdy" she said "They say they can smell something delicious, and are getting tired of waiting for it to come out to them. You'd better start making them some of whatever you're making, or we're going to have a riot on our hands."
Shining nodded, eyes wide, and wrapped a some pancakes in some wax paper for later, with a small pot of butter and another of molasses. "You'd better get going, Twi. I'm going to be really busy pretty soon. Be care..."
"O.K," Twilight said and disappeared in a purple pop.
"...ful." Shining blinked. He worried a moment, then shook his head. She'd probably be alright.
Celestia was having tea while waiting on her student. She sipped gently at the warm sun berry tea. It was a lovely day. There was a soft *pop* sound. A little bit later there was a clattering sound. It sounded almost like it was coming from somewhere near the table. Celestia ducked her head down to glance under the table, checking if Twilight had teleported under it. "Please! Help! Let me out!" a little voice echoed out of the spout of her teapot.
Celestia blinked, then cautiously removed the lid from the teapot. A familiar little filly was inside, treading tea. Celestia snorted. "Twilight, whatever are you doing in there?" she giggled as she lit up her horn, beginning to fish the familiar filly from her flowery teapot. Twilight breathed a sigh of relief as she felt Celestia's magic wrap around her and stand her on end, before lifting her out the lid. Smarty Pants soon followed, wrapped in Twilight's magic. Celestia then set Twilight on the table, and lifted the pot to tip the remainder of the now filly flavored tea into a flowerpot. Twilight set Smarty on the table, propped up against a flower pot.
"I was practicing teleport magic," Twilight said, sheepishly, ears submissively straddling her head.
"Are you alri.." Celestia leaned forwards to nuzzle the dripping filly, checking to see if Twilight was alright. She sniffed at Twilight then wrinkled her nose. "What is that remarkable smell?"
"I snuck up on my brother in the kitchen and he gave me some pancakes," Twilight said cheerfully, opening her wet totebag to show Celestia the wax-wrapped pancakes.
Celestia gave a quick glance inside the saddlebags to see the contents miraculously dry. Given how often the filly in front of her managed to get herself sopping wet, she supposed it wasn't a surprise that the bag was either enchanted, or just lined with an oilskin to keep the contents dry. Probably both.
Celestia then leaned forwards to sniff the pancakes, her pupils narrowing to points. "My, these smell divine," she whispered to herself. "Twilight, may we share a pancake together?"
"Of course!" Twilight said "Mom says that sharing is the best thing any ponies can do with each other!" She grinned, grabbing one of Celestia's fine china plates in her magic and indelicately slamming it to the table, then flopping a pancake on, and drizzling melted butter and thick molasses over it. She picked up a fork and knife, only to feel them wrenched out of her magic by Celestia.
"I'll do the honors of cutting it," Celestia said, privately fretting about the possibility of Twilight cutting through her plate.
The golden flavored pancakes were heavenly, and Celestia sighed in contentment as she sipped at her cream filled tea. The only portion that was unfinished was the small tidbit placed in front of little miss Pants.
"This is another example of what I was teaching you," Celestia said to Twilight, waving a fork philosophically in the air.
"Oh?" Twilight asked, a scrap of parchment and a pen appearing from her bag.
"Yes, remember how I told you to identify ponies by their personality traits? Well, I doubt any other pony makes pancakes exactly like your brother's," Celestia said, with a contented sigh.
Twilight nodded with wide eyes as this tidbit was added to her list.
"Kitchen clean up, Kitchen clean up" Shining half sang to himself with a sigh, as he washed the massive mound of dishes produced by the constant demands for pancakes he had filled. It felt like every single gardspony within commuting distance of the castle had decided to visit him.
"Kid, you're not done yet. Keep working," The head chef said, as he put more plates next to Shining, "Consider this your punishment for playing with your sister."
Celestia watched Twilight amble out the door, Smarty in tow, personal lessons complete for the day. The rest of Twilight's lessons would be with the other ponies and teachers in the school. She rested a moment, than clicked her tongue to request an attendant.
"Yes, my lady?" A maid said.
"Go fetch the the Captain of the Trainees. We need to discuss and further refine the punishment detail for Shining Armour."
Author's Note
This is actually only half of the little story I decided to tell to bridge the gap between story arcs. Basically a small-story arc Enjoy!
Props to smxsonic and the Fimfiction chat for encouraging me to expand the snippet I originally had into a full two chapters
The very next day, Twilight decided to go visit the guard kitchen again for more pancakes. She was sure her brother would be here again, and her daily journal had stated that she had felt very happy sharing the pancakes with Celesta. She was looking forward to repeating the experience enough times to remember it.
With this on her mind, Twilight firmly strapped Dame Smarty Pants of the Collared Rose, in her elaborate knight's uniform, onto her back, making sure that the jousting stick was in place. She would get her revenge for her brother reading her checklist! Unless he had read it again. With that she charged the door to the pantry.
*whump* Twilight impacted with the door, which was unimpressed with her filly like strength. She rebounded, landing on her rump. She then began to rub at her muzzle, teary eyed. After a moment, she picked herself up again, turned, and gave the door a solid bucking with both of her feet "Take THAT door!"
The door was unimpressed, but now Twilight's hooves hurt just as much as her nose. With a sigh she reached for the handle to open the door with her teeth. It was out of reach. She strained to the tips of her hooves to reach for the handle but she was too short. She could have just opened it with her magic, but that seemed unsatisfying, especially in the role of noble steed that she was playing for Smarty Pants. Everypony knew earth ponies made the best noble steeds.
Pegasi were the daring, brash, loud mouthed warriors. Unicorns were the dark and mysterious magicians. Earth Ponies were solid and dependable. Twilight wanted to be solid and dependable. She knew she wasn't. She was forgetful and distractible and twitchy. She wasn't the least bit brave nor mysterious. She had heard the adults talking about her, and was starting to think that maybe her magic had something to do with whatever they thought was wrong with her. Maybe if she was an Earth Pony she would be more normal.
Not liking this turn of thought, she turned back to her vile nemesis, the door. She had an idea for how to deal with it! She threaded some string quickly through a button with her magic.
"You may think you've won, foul door, but I shall be victorious in the end!" Twilight declared, "Smarty! Prepare the grappling hook!"
She used her magic to twirl around a piece of string, then make like Smarty was throwing it. It wrapped around the handle, and she pulled down. The door came open at last!
Twilight did a happy little hoofy victory dance, then strode confidently into the storeroom. It was dark, and a little bit spooky. Brother wasn't visible this time, just a bunch of dusty boxes of turnips and celeriac roots. She saw something slinking through the shadows, and pressed herself tightly against a box. She cocked her head to the side as though listening to Smarty talking, but remained where she was.
A rat about half large as she was, in a tiny chef's hat, walked past her chittering to a trio of smaller mice and rats. Twilight squeaked in surprise, and the rat turned to glare at her over the edge of its tiny glasses. Then it turned back to giving the others a tour.
"You were right, Smarty, it was nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing dangerous in the princess' castle."
Thus reassured, Twilight made her way to the door to the kitchen. She pushed it gently open, and glanced in. There was a unicorn in trainee armour and a larger male pony. It had to be brother! She barreled through the door. "AHA! Vile reader of checklists! Dame Smarty and I are here to take revengance!"
She charged the other pony. He squealed as Twilight pushed him down and poked him with the lance. "Gah! T...Tickles! Quiddit!" He announced.
The larger pony glanced at her, and snorted. "I remember you, little filly looking for your brother yesterday, right?"
"Yup!" Twilight said eagerly, bouncing up and down on the poor pony under her hooves to a chorus of 'ough, gah, oof'
The large pony nodded. "Cadet Trainee, make this filly some pancakes, and send her on her way."
"Y...Yes sir" The cadet said from his current position under Twilight's hooves. "Let me up please?" Twilight hopped off of her victim.
Soon enough Twilight was once again seated with pancakes. She smiled at the pony who made them, then cut into one. She took a bite... They tasted wrong. She frowned, remembering the lesson from yesterday. The pancakes were wrong, it wasn't brother! Suddenly Twilight was incredibly embarrassed.
"You alright?" The other pony asked gently, placing a hoof comfortingly across her back.
"Yeah, it's just... the pancakes aren't quite right." Twilight responded sadly.
"Well, I'm really better at pineapple turnovers..." The other pony said earnestly.
"Oh! I've never had pineapple turnovers before! Maybe next time?" Twilight asked brightly.
"You know... that might be nice. Sure!" The guardspony trainee said.
Twilight hugged the other pony. Brother was a guardspony, after all, so in a way all the guardsponies were family, right? They certainly seemed nice enough. So she didn't need to be embarrassed. This way she could also try all sorts of new foods too! She giggled happily as she kissed the other pony on the cheek and darted off "See you next time, 'brother'!"
She needed something else to call her real brother. A name or something. Surely he had one, right? Shield? No, that didn't sound right. Maybe Shiny? Because he always had a shiny mane? Yeah! That would do it! Whistling happily, she trotted off to her lessons with Celestia.
Meanwhile Shining Armour was slaving away in Celestia's private kitchen, making pancakes. Over him stood an elderly chef with a moustache that draped on the floor, and a hat that brushed the ceiling.
"More pancakes" The pony demanded. "The Princess is seeing visitors."
"I know. The visitor is my sister" Shining said, heatedly. His face was covered in flour, and he was exhausted. The Princess' appetite seemed endless today. This earned him a whack from the cold hearted beast.
"Silence. The Princess said you are on punishment duty. The goal of this is punishment." The elderly pony said. "You are off kitchen duty once you can pluck this pebble from my hoof!"
With a grunt Shining Armour twirled around, and grabbed the pebble in his magic. "THERE. Can I go now please?"
"... Nopony's ever just... just done that before." The head chef stared at his hoof.
"Can. I. Go. Now. Please?" Shining growled through taut teeth.
"Yes... I suppose so." The head chef responded, sounding almost sad. "You have made enough pancakes for the rest of the month."
"Thank you. I am going to go take a bath." Shining grunted, pushing through the door to leave.
"Yes. You do that" The other pony continued to stare at his hoof, turning it over and over in front of his face. "Am I getting slow?"
A few days later.
"Right" The older kitchen master said to the new recruit, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "In a few hours, trainee, a young filly is going to come barging through that door. She's Twilight Sparkle."
"T...Twilight Sparkle? Isn't she the most powerful unicorn in, like, ever and Celestia's personal student?" The trainee said, sweatin bullets.
"Yup. The one and only. Now, she's going to confuse you for her brother, Shining Armour. You know him right?" The kitchen master said, a sinister smile on his face.
"Y... Yeah, everypony knows him, he's the best of us." The trainee said "Erm, why is she going to confuse me for him? My coat is red and I'm a filly." the recruit said.
"Because, Guardspony trainee Stamina. That's all the reason you need to know. Anyway, Shining will be pretty disappointed if you upset her" The kitchen master said, with a soft growl "Don't question it."
Stamina gulped loudly.
"Your mission is to keep that filly entertained, feed her whatever food you can cook up, and to try to enjoy yourself." The kitchen master's voice took on a wicked edge. "Fail and earn my ire, the ire of your princess, the ire of the most powerful unicorn in recorded history, and the ire of Shining Armour. Good luck, recruit." He laughed a dark and evil chuckle.
"Y...yessir" Stamina stammered, staring at the door as though afraid of some threat from tartarus coming out to skin her to her hoof shoes.
The kitchenmaster merely grinned to himself, enjoying the new twist in the old game of trainee baiting.
Elsewhere Shining Armour was off of punishment duty at last, and highly appalled by events that had occurred in his absence. "You're telling me that there's a betting pool? ON MY SISTER" He demanded, stomping through the recruit barracks.
"Yes, we're betting on how long it's going to take her to figure out you're not in the kitchens." one of the Trainees told him, while cowering in the corner.
"This. Ends. Now" Shining said, grabbing the book in which the bets were recorded. It only took a few moments to render it to confetti. "All bets are off, you got that?"
"Y...yes" The unfortunate book keeper said, "I got it."
"Good. Now put me down on five bits for that reporter, Phoenix Quill, to try sneaking in through Celestia's toilet next." Shining said, more calmly.
"Um..." The book keeper gestured to the torn up book on the ground. "That held... all of the bets."
"Oh. Well then" Shining said rubbing the back of his head. "I'll be back later. No more bets on my sister, kay?"
"Kay..." the bookie watched Shining leave.
"So.. Five bits on her working it out by the end of the week?" One of the trainees asked cautiously.
The bookie turned and hit the other trainee over the head with what was left of the cover of the book. "No." He said simply.
Later, at home, Shining was staring quietly at Twilight while she played some game with Smarty. She seemed to have seated the doll he made her behind a table with a teapot that looked suspiciously like a smaller version of Celestia's. "Um... Twily?" He asked gently.
She turned her adorable eyes to stare at him. He couldn't help but smile warmly. "Yes Shiny?"
"You know I'm not in the kitchens anymore, right?" Shining asked carefully, ears in the back position.
She nodded, eagerly "Yup, I know! They don't cook the same as you do!" She grinned eagerly, ears attentively forwards. "But they're almost as nice as you, so it's O.K"
"So why are you calling them brother?" Shining asked cautiously, ears now unguarded.
"Well, because guardsponies are brothers in arms, right? So they're all your brothers, so they're all my brothers right? Also, if I call them brother, they feed me" She smiled with that look of innocent mischief that only children can manage.
Shining started laughing. "Ohhh you little glutton." He pushed her over. "I bet you haven't told Celestia yet, you little glutton." He started tickling her playfully and she squealed in response, wriggling like a seaworm.
"Eek! Glehehehe! I'll tell Celestia! I promise! Glehehehe! Stop tickling!" She squirmed happily.
Many miles away, Celestia was in a small white room, with scorch marks on the walls and a baby dragon in the center. She was holding a picture of a certain filly. "This is Twilight. Repeat after me. Twi. Light."
"Mama" The baby dragon responded. He hiccuped and a jet of flame struck the wall.
"No, Twi. Light" Celestia said, shaking her head.
"Twi...light?" The dragon asked. He cocked his head inquiringly to the side.
"Very good." Celestia said, patting the dragon on the head. "She's going to come visit soon."
The dragon's face contorted into happy smile. "See mom! See mom!" He cheered, waving his claws in the air.
Celestia rubbed her face gently with a hoof. "Nooo. See Twilight. See Twilight" she corrected patiently.
"See Twilight! See Twilight!"
Author's Note
Wow, 11 days to post. Normally I take 6. I just didn't know how to tell the story I wanted to do in this chapter. It's not even edited much. I'm terrible. Editing help appreciated! Send me corrections, or reply with them, or what have you and I'll fix it.
In celebration of the end of the Pancakes arc:
Shining Armour's Morning Glory Pancakes:
makes 7-8 pancakes
three quarters cup whole wheat flour (Brown rice flour if gluten gets you down + add another egg)
In a shot glass, mix saffron with 1 ounce of warm water and crush the saffron against edge of glass with a spoon. This will then be mixed with the wet ingredients.
In a large bowl, combine the dry ingredients (Spices, flours, baking powder). In a small bowl, combine the eggs, milk, oil, saffron and molasses. Whip the wet ingredients until they are very frothy. Mix the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Add in the carrot, banana, dates and walnuts. Stir just until combined.
Heat a large frypan over medium heat. Melt 1 and a half tablespoons of butter, bacon fat (Lard), or duck fat into the pan. Add 1/2 cup of the pancake batter to the griddle and cook until the edges are golden brown and the batter is bubbling. Flip and cook until the second side is golden brown. Continue with the remaining batter.
Serve with butter, whipped cream, and Sorgham, Molasses, Corn Cob Syrup or Maple Syrup. Use butter to make eyes, whipped cream to make nose, and syrup to make smiley face for little sister.
I'm thinking of doing a my little pony themed cookbook next.
Chapter: 8 Blue Blooded Vassal (skippable)
Rain pattered gently at Twilight's window in the dewy morning fog. It was not a school day. Twilight stared out the window in rapture as the sun peeked through the misty fog, scattering rainbows from every fat, slow falling raindrop. She snuggled tighter into her patchwork quilt, and let her ears and eyes relax, then sipped at Dad's Leftover Coffee, rescued from the sink after breakfast. Mom's Leftover Coffee was always black and bitter. Dad's Leftover Coffee was milky, and sweet with hints of cinnamon and chocolate. Twilight wasn't allowed to drink either, which totally wasn't fair because Shiny always had two cups every morning.
Mom and Dad had both left in a rush when something had exploded in Mom's high energy magical laboritory, rocking the city of Canterlot. Shining had also rushed off to help with the guard. Normally someone would be sitting for Twilight on a day like today, but Cadence was avoiding Canterlot and Celestia, and Twilight's other sitter couldn't make it on short notice. Mom could have put Twilight into the Celestia's care, but Mom and the Princess still fought over Twilight from time to time, albeit with honeyed words as opposed to closed hoof. Regardless Twilight was proud that she was considered responsible enough to be home alone. Even if it was really lonely.
She stuck her tongue out at an imagined stand in for her brother. No face, no body, and a not particularly defined voice, she saw her brother as an almost conceptual object of warmth, hugs, softness, a powerful pink magic haze, a shimmering shine dancing through the air like reflections from armour, a pair of strong forelegs, a musky warm scent against the nose, a hoof messing up her hair, a voice reading to her in the dark of the longest night of the year, and a nuzzling on her forehead. An image of toy swords, and baseball hats.
This was how Twilight Sparkle saw her brother. Bodies were immaterial, unimportant and, unforgivably they changed. They changed with motion and emotion, they changed with time, they changed with the shades of light, and they changed with the vagaries of the wind, rain and gravity. It was the soul of a pony that mattered, and it was the soul that Twilight remembered. In her mind she knew everything that she felt was important about everypony she knew. She wondered how it was that other ponies could tell each other in the day and twilight. Whatever mystic magics they used to see each other's souls through the changes in their forms eluded Twilight, for even a simple smile could change a pony irreconcilable to Twilight's inadequate eyes. Yet sometimes she thought she could see the flicker of their hearts, shining through their skin. Occasionally she could feel their warmth, and their beauty around her and feel that she belonged, that she was a part of them.
In the end, however, the illusion was always just that, an illusion. Like all illusions, it was broken easily enough. She sighed as she sipped at the coffee, and placed a small toy flugelhorn into Smarty Pants' arms. With her horn she reached into the aether, and began to play music upon the threads of magic flowing through the city.
Here and there throughout the city a unicorn perked their ears, listening to an aria unheard. A pegasai here or there would feel wings twirling around their wings in an invisible symphony. An earth pony would vibrate on their hoofs as though the earth was trembling to an unheeded beat.
A grey coated earth filly felt the music in her bones and sang back to it with her own cello, adding upon and improving the childishly simplistic melody into a true haunting melody. A white maned unicorn filly with violet eyes found yet another muse for her epic wubs. A green coated unicorn filly in ponyville found a mystery to solve. A blue coated illusionist finished her best magic show yet. She was seeing and feeling the magic dance around her in applause of her talent. She would spend many years trying to best herself and others to regain that sensation of magic it'self singing her praises. Any pony could spread their music into magic to create a heartsong, but Twilight, in her destiny, was a powerful amplifier of such primeval powers.
An amplifier yes, but not a skilled producer. Her childish attempt at a heartsong was only half heard by those with music in the hearts, and only half felt by those tied closely to magic. Despite the efforts of those who heard whispers of her song and tried to serenade her back, she could not hear them in return. She hummed a simple melody to herself as she took joy in simply exploring magic today, with no lesson plans and no tests. Just unstructured play.
One foal, however, had a special talent for navigation. He could find his way to, and from, anything. Right now, that stately young stripling wanted to find the pretty voice that, in his childishness, he believed to be an angel of the Princess. Surprisingly, he wasn't too far off the mark. Twilight was no messenger of a goddess, but she certainly was the student, perhaps one may even say prophet, of one.
He ambled through the remarkably purple garden and raised a blue blooded hoof to the door, and with rapt attention, he knocked. A softly startled squeak came from the finely fluted fenestra. Twilight scuttled down the stairs, tumbling a few steps at a time. Her mane was billowing behind her head in the magical currents still clinging to it from her play, her eyes flickering and sparking with power as they rattled around inside her all to small head which still echoed with the music on the winds of magic. Smarty Pants walked after her sedately, seemingly of her own free will.
Twilight yanked open the door. Her eyes glanced through the other poor foal, seeing through him, seeing to his core, his soul for once shining through his skin. A thing of maps, of stories, of legends. A thing of pride and fear. A dusty soul, aged beyond its fragile years, and bent but unbroken by the weight of the ages. But she didn't know him. It was unfair, for once she could see the soul and it was somepony she did not know. "Who is it?" her voice ringing out with an ethereal sublimation as magic spilled from her throat.
The poor little princeling, surprised by this fae appearing creature, took flight, eyes wide with elemental terror and sent scurrying away like a lamb before the wolf.
A potential friend lost before she could even meet him, of books and maps and magic like her. A potential friend as lonely and in need of a friend as she felt, now and today. The gathered thaumic blitzkin leaked from her skin diffusing harmlessly into the morning fog. The warm summer rain kindly hid her tears well.
Author's Note
Maybe I have been reading to much of Mr number's current magnum opus. This has a very different tone than I expected to produce today. Maybe tell me what you think?
Next chapter will be in my usual style again.
While canon, much like pinkie pie the announcer, this chapter is largely skippable. It may or may not effect the plot much later.
I edited it to add some stuff with Trixie. I also accidentally hit the unpublish button just now like an idiot when trying to hit the edit button. Seriously why are those buttons directly next to each other. Lastly I have some good mood music in a link down below. (Hallelujah, KD Lang)
<< This is what I was listening to while I wrote it
Chapter: 9 In the dark of the night
'Hey You' was happy. She was somewhere with flowers, plants, and sunshine. Other 'Hey You's were there too, but she was the only 'Hey you' that was her. The thought of being one of the other 'Hey you's made her giggle as she wondered what it felt like to look out of their eyes. She felt the happy giggles bubbling out of her horn.
The other 'Hey You's noticed the bubbles, and backed away from her. Looks of worry flashed across their faces. The smaller 'Hey You's were not afraid, but they were quickly corralled away by the larger ones.
Little bubbles popped around her, letting their happiness flow into whatever they touched making it sing with magic, and she relaxed into the song. The other 'Hey You's started screaming. This startled 'hey you'. She lost the thread of her magical song, and it burst from her control, quickly turning on her.
Now she was scared, and her fear was feeding the flames bursting forth from her horn. More and more fear, more and more power. The 'hey you's around her were being filled full of magic, frightened magic now instead of happy fun magic, and when filled they turned on one another. Locked hoof to horn to wing they fought.
'Hey you' screamed and scrambled about, trying to get away, trying to make them stop, trying to regain control.
Twilight Sparkle rolled over in bed, half awake, and pressed her muzzle into Smarty Pants' lap. She brushed her horn against Smarty, rubbing the fringes of magic gathered on it, and the leftover wisps of memory mixed with foalish fantasies and unfounded fears.
Now awake, she started through her waking checklist. Saddlebags, check. checklists in saddlebags, check. Smarty Pants firmly placed in place of honor on back, check.
The moon was still gloaming through her window, so switched to her 'sneaking out of home at night' flowchart, feeling very adult and responsible. Glance out door. Nopony there. Poke nose down stairs, quick check couch! A 'you' was sitting on the couch, asleep with a book over her face.
Following the flowchart, Twilight used a little TK to make herself lighter and her steps quieter as she slinked down the stairs. She also used her TK to deaden the sounds, stopping the vibrations before they could travel far. The pony on the couch shivered, her breath steamy in the chill of the subtle spell.
She stared firmly at the pony on the couch, trying to practice identifying ponies based on their traits. She started the list. Book. Horn? hard to tell. In Twilight's house. Wearing a sleep mask, with cucumber over the eyes. Female. Shimmering under the surface invisible yet leaving a touch of an impression were hugs, warmth, and food but Twilight couldn't tell which sort of food. It was probably either Cadence, Mom, or Celestia. Too small to be Celestia, so either Cadence or Mom. What color was Cadence again? Twilight had forgotten. It was hard to tell colors in the dark anyway.
Probably Mom though, Twilight was pretty sure this was her house. This wasn't like that time she had wandered into somepony else's house... right? She decided to double check that this was her house. Books, check. Smarty pants, double check. Bed, check. Fireplace, check. Twilight paused a moment. This was a terrible checklist, it needed updating. Later, however. Right now she was restless, bothered, and antsy, though she no longer recalled why. She worked her way backwards, whispering the steps of the day back to herself. Right, bad dream, that's why she was restless.
With a nod to herself that everything had been sorted, and a note to herself so that next time she wondered she'd know why, as well as a reminder to update the 'is this my house' checklist to be less foalish. She glanced at the front door. According to the flowchart, it squeaked. She intensified the sound deadening spell, and pushed her way through it. As she slinked out of the house, frost flowered intricately across the silvered oak door frame before blooming onto the midnight grass. Dark mist condensed out of the air around her, falling heavily to the ground like ink dropped in a glass.
Fascinated by the interaction between her magic and the environment, Twilight kept her chilly silent spell up in the thick, humid summer night.
A scarce memory flashed before Twilight. A foal, between her age and Shiny's running from her in terror. Yesterday. Here. His soul brightly bare to her magically inundated eyes. That's why she'd had the nightmare! She pulled out a note and marked it down, just in case she forgot. This was important!
Canterlot had hard, heavy streets, designed to withstand the hooffalls of thousands of ponies and the weight of their carts. Twilight lightly trapeezed down the streets towards the castle. Her feet barely left a patter in the cloak of her silencing spell. Behind her mist trailed like a cape, sweeping the streets behind her.
She drifted steadily from corner to corner, inexorable in her course.
A young gryphonic scholar by the name of Crane Westling was sleeping by one of the many fountains in canterlot. He felt a cold chill drifting across his feathers, and shook a little, rustling his wings. The chill got colder and became somewhat damp. Annoyed Crane opened an eye to make sure one of his pony drinking compatriots hadn't started splashing cold fountain water on him.
He froze, seeing a huge cloak of mist spreading through the square. At its center was a ghostly purple pony figure that moved with no sound. Tiny purple flashes occasionally burst from its horn. It drifted up to him, its wide black eyes staring deep into his own. He squeaked softly, frightened.
Its lips moved but no sound emerged. Then crane heard a ghostly filly's voice, so soft as to nearly be inaudible. The only word he could make out was 'where'. Crane whimpered softly in response. The ghostly pony tilted its head to the side, ears flickering. It repeated the nonsensical muzzle motions that somehow failed to match its voice. 'where?'
Crane screamed and flapped his wings once, twice, bolting down a path. The phantasmal pony drifted after him. With a cry he took off, and was thankful to see that this finally left the spirit behind. Sweating bullets he flew back to his cramped scholar's apartment, and swore never to go drinking late at night again.
Twilight exhaled a grumpy sigh. The gryphon had not been very helpful. At first she had thought that he was leading her to the pony that had run from her, but then he took wing. Maybe he was bad at giving directions to earthbound ponies? Grumbling to herself she sniffed at the air, seeking the magical residue that marked the frightened unicorn from yesterday's path.
Guards patrol in pairs so that one can report back to central while the other handles the threat. Hard Knocks was patrolling the outskirts of the noble district when he saw the rippling sea of mist traveling up the street. As old and experienced as he was, this didn't really phase him. It was probably some unicorn farting around.
Unicorns were mighty strange. Whenever anything strange happened, it was usually a unicorn's fault. Sometimes it was a pegasus. Hard Knocks was pretty sure that earth ponies had been put into equestria to serve as the sane, unrufflable straight pony to the rest of the universe. He watched the misty figure drift through the gate and into the noble's district. He inflated his barrel and let out a long breath of air. Whelp, now it was officially his problem.
At least there was an upside. He had been paired with an obnoxious young recent graduate named Avocado Hills. He reached over and poked Avocado with the tip of his hoof. "You."
Avacado jumped, leaping nimbly over the edge of the wall, only to be caught by the tip of Hard Knock's spear slipping between her armour and her body, holding her up. her own spear uselessly fell to the streets below. Hard Knocks carefully levered Avacado back over the wall shaking his head. Maybe he was the only sane pony in the universe. Knocks remembered his mom telling him "Hard knocks, honey, if you're the only sane pony in the universe, who is it most efficient to lock up for your safety. You, or everyone else?"
Hard Knocks put the shaking Avocado back on the bricks of the wall. "Right." Hard knocks said "Did you see that mist thing?"
"YES!" Avocado said, quavering in fear. Hard Knocks hoped that she hadn't peed herself, cleaning urine out of the uniforms was surprisingly time consuming.
"I'm going to report back to command that we saw it, and get another patrol to cover our shift." Hard knocks said. "Your job is to follow it." This wasn't, strictly speaking, true. It was far more common to leave the other guard on the pair following the normal patrol route. Still, it was a command decision that was occasionally permissible, especially for pranking raw recent recruits.
"B.b.b.b" Avocado stammered "It's scary!"
"Yes." Hard Knocks said with a firm nod. "That is why it is your job to follow it. Make sure it is safe. Keep other ponies away from it. I'll be back with reinforcements soon enough. We will follow the tracking charm in your armour. Go"
Avocado gulped, and headed to one of the towers to clamber down the stairs and follow her orders. Hard Knocks sat on the top of the wall, whistling for a moment, then headed towards the patrol center. If he was lucky, they'd still have some of that chocolate rooibos tea, imported from the Zebra Lands, that he liked so much.
The shivering Avocado tippy hooved after Twilight, shaking so hard her teeth felt like they were going to fall out of her head. She hoped that the scary mist monster didn't notice her. Perhaps to her fortune, Twilight did not.
Author's Note
Empty Pages has a prequel named Clean Slates now.
Updates have been very slow lately. I work as a tax prepare, Pillars of Eternity just came out, and I'm jobhunting for a less seasonal work solution. Lots of demands on my time. Also I keep scrapping and rewriting stuff.
Chapter: 10 Tales of the Myst Pony
Twilight slunk through the gentrified avenues of Inner Canterlot. A cloak of heavy fog was sluggishly sloughing to the streets around her, the fascinating side effect of an overpowered silencing spell stilling the hot humid air around her. To herself, she loudly sang the popular themesong of a street puppet show about an equestrian spy in the zebra lands.
It was fortunate that only those very close to Twilight would be able to hear her singing past the sound damping, for she was as badly out of tune as a sack of damp grifflets. She could not remember the words, so she made up her own.
Behind her slunk an unfortunate Earth Pony Guard, by the name of Avocado Hill. Avocado's Cheyenne green body blended well with the darkness of the night. Her golden uniform did not. She held a clipboard, with a quill on a string attached to it, in her mouth. She occasionally ducked down to write down phonetic approximations of the nightmarish eldritch chanting whispering from the mist-enshrouded banshee that she followed.
Avocado felt like there were worms crawling behind her eyes. Her mane was disheveled and, in a massive betrayal for an object made from braided wire, her torc was beginning to look frazzled. The apparition ahead of her paused in its stride and began to sniff at the air. Avocado once more ducked behind a hedgerow, teeth clattering in the unpleasant chill emanating from the ghastly creature.
Suddenly, with a pop, it vanished. Avocado shrieked, and glanced around looking for a place to hide in this upscale neighborhood. She found it in a small dog castle that was clearly large enough for a slight pony like her to slip into. It was modeled after Canterlot Castle.
The owner of the small castle would discover her in the morning, curled up into a small ball and shivering in fear. He would poke her with his wet little nose, waking her from her nightmares. He would then dutifully bring his master. By the time he had made himself understood to his owner, however, Avocado would already be well on her way back to headquarters to file her somewhat embarrassing report. Hard Knocks would nod seriously, then duck into the breakroom to guffaw uncontrollably.
3 years, and some therapy, later Avocado would look back at the memory as a fond recollection of the hazing that 'builds community among the guards'. 5 years from this event she would adopt a stray puppy, and find it to be one of the more rewarding moments of her life. 8 years from this event, she would send one of her own wet-behind-the-ears patrol partners on a similar wild goose chase as a member of the newly minted Night Guard, reinstated under the returned Princess Luna.
In the here and now, however, Avocado was frightened and alone, and the steady snore of the sleeping dog was a warm reprieve from the unnatural bubble of silence surrounding the spectre.
The Blueblood Family Summer Palace was not a palace in the same sense that the Princess' castle was a palace, for that would be ostentatious. Rather the opulent structure was constructed of sturdy materials by long deceased masters at the pinnacles of their craft. The rich carpets were deep enough and comfortable enough for a pony to sink into, but to one unversed in the maker's marks and long extinct quarries whose distinct grains the stones carried, the palace of the Bluebloods might not seem much more than a particularly nice mansion. There were no intricate filigrees that could break away with time, no gilding that could wear down. Only the inhabitants of the structure were unprotected from the ravages of time.
Within the mansion, Twilight Sparkle appeared within a standing closet with a soft pop. Teleporting, especially blind teleporting, took a lot out of a young filly. Twilight was now exhausted both magically and physically. She kicked open the door to the wardrobe open from the inside, then finally dropped her spell of silencing. She looked around the room. Bed, fireplace, bookshelves... looked like a bedroom. She was tired, and she knew that whichever pony she was searching for was likely somewhere nearby. So, with a yawn, she crawled onto the bed near the fireplace, and closed her eyes for a quick rest.
She was fast asleep soon after.
Author's Note
I am sorry that this took so long, and wound up being so short. Next chapter she'll actually encounter Blueblood again, after she wakes up from a quick nap. All of the Bluebloods in fact.
If you like Empty Pages, and you havn't checked out Rock Moon yet, please do so. It's where most of my effort has been going lately.
