Absolute Rob-sense

by Totally Not Nick Cage

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 882

Rob Schneider wants to make another My Little Pony movie but soon complications arise...

As Rob Schneider finished starring in Ultimate Spider-Man 7 as Spider-Man, he decides to star in My Little Pony 5 as he starred in the last 4.

But sadly… Complications arise and Rob Schneider is transported a wacky alternate Equestria filled with pop culture references.

What could go wrong?

Rated PG-13.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-31 14:58:59 UTC

Season 1 - Episode 2

Princess Celestia was reading ScreenRant and found out that Rob Schneider was making another My Little Pony Movie.

"Guards!" she yelled.

"Bring me this Schneider and make him suffer!" she screamed.

Rob Schneider was in Texas, not knowing where he was and wondering how to get to Canada.

Suddenly he was transported into Equestria, surrounded by changelings.

Rob Schneider remembered his training from when he played Neo in the Matrix movies and started to make everything slow mo and pointed at the changelings, when he pointed at the changelings they exploded into pee and they died.

Suddenly the guards came and saw Rob Schneider so they fired at him with Stormtrooper guns, but Rob Schneider remembered his training when he played Brian Mills in all 52 Taken movies, so Rob Schneider ran up to then a karate chopped them all in the neck and yelled "Adam Sandler ain't got shit on me!" and then he ran off into the distance wierdly.

While Rob Schneider is running he notices Rainbow Dash and pulls out his only Pokeball prop from when he starred in the 18 Pokemon movies (That were directed by Michael Bay, obviously) and throws it at Rainbow Dash, capturing her in an instant.

Rob Schneider then ran off again screaming "Herp derp herp ma derpity dee" because this story is just nonsense at this very moment.

To be continued...

Season 1 - Episode 3

As Rob Schneider entered the Twilight Forest, he noticed a Wild Goku but he didn't have any pokeballs left, so he opened up the cheat menu and gave himself infinity pokeballs.

He sent out Rainbow Dash to attack the Wild Goku and made Rainbow Dash use Quick Attack, then Rob Schneider used a pokeball and caught the Goku in an instant.

Then Rob Schneider continued his Equestrian journey while listening to Vanice Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" on his Sony Walkman.

Rob Schneider reached Pony Town to battle the gym leader, but was sad to find that the town was blown up due to Team Celestia's wrath to enslave all Ponymon.

A single tear ran down Rob Schneider's cheek.

To be continued...

Season 1 - Episode 4

As Rob Schneider peered into the cavern, he noticed Gummy in the cavern, so he threw a pokeball and caught Gummy.

Then Rob Schneider continued on his journey, unable to get the first gym badge from Pony Town.

In a far off land known as Earth, Nicolas Cage was filming Die Hard 84 when suddenly he was transported to this alternate Equestria, but he was stuck with his arm behind a rock in a chasm.

Kinda like that boring James Franco movie.

As Rob Schneider was masturbat

As Rob Schneider was journeying through a strange mountain, he noticed a Wild Woman, he threw a pokeball at the woman and caught her, Rob Schneider nicknamed her Sex Slave.

Rob Schneider then carried on with his journey while listening to the Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris" on his Sony Walkman.

To be continued...

Season 1 - Episode 1

As Rob Schneider kissed Chris Pratt and Anna Faris goodbye, he took off on his journey to Toronto, Canada where he will meet Edgar Wright to start filming on My Little Pony 5: The Sequel-ning.

Day 1.

Dear Diary.

I, Rob Schneider, have begun my quest to Toronto, Canada where my goal of starring in every film ever will progress as I am to star in My Little Pony 5: The Sequel-ning.

Also I have begun to feel that I am in love with Ben Affleck, he doesn't know yet but I shall tell him while proposing in Africa.

Day 2.

Dear Diary.

I, Rob Schneider, ate a tuna fish sandwich for lunch.

I also blew a guy for a free ride to Wisconsin, I don't even know where that is.

Do you know where it is, Diary?

Day 3.

Dear Diary.

You were a jerk yesterday for not answering me.

I, Rob Schneider, hate you.

Day 54.

Dear Diary.

I'm sorry for being mean to you Diary... Do you still love me?

Day 55.

Dear Diary.

WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME!?

To be continued...

Season 1 - Finale

As Nicolas Cage had his arm stuck behind the rock above the chasm like in that boring James Franco movie, Nicolas Cage decided he'll have to gnaw his arm off.

Meanwhile...

Rob Schneider arrived in Pony City to face the second gym leader when suddenly Princess Celestia appeared and said "I am Princess Celestia, leader of Team Celestia, our goal is to enslave all Ponymon!"

"Get ready to du-du-du-du-duel!" said Rob Schneider as they entered battle.

Rob Schneider opened up cheat menu.

Rob Schneider gave himself Batman and infinite health.

Rob Schneider sent out Batman.

Princess Celestia sent out Caterpie.

Batman used "I'm Batman!"

It's super effective, Princess Celestia's Caterpie fainted.

"You won't be seeing the last of me!" said Princess Celestia.

Rob Schneider gained Caterpie for winning.

Rob Schneider nicknamed it Whore's Pokemon.

As Nicolas Cage finished gnawing off his arm, he realised he gnawed off the wrong arm.

"Aw fuck me" he said.

To be continued...