Pony Swagger

Author’s Note: Thanks for all the positive feedback, guys! I’ll be sure to keep typing away new chapters as best as I can.  Sorry for the FULL WEEK delay as well, I was just really lazy this past week.

The two stallions at the carriage head had it the worst, they were the first ones to feel the impact, and I swear I could hear a crunching of bone as the carriage reached the ground, but all I was focused on was waiting for the pain to hit, and it did, about a few moments after the stallions had hit the ground. Unfortunately, the three of us were catapulted into the air right before we were about to be hit ourselves. The pain from the crash hit my body as though I was hit by a truck, and I soon became unconscious, although the situation would have turned out much better for the two princesses.

“Right, since he’s unconscious, can I molest his body now?” I heard a familiar voice say.

“Sister! This is a public area! You cannot say such things! Save it for Wednesday night!” another voice retorted to the first one.

“B-but that’s, like, a day away!” said the first voice, which I had now determined as being Princess Celestia, or, in this case, Princess “Molestia”

“Your flank can wait!” replied the second, obviously Princess Luna. I slowly began to open my eyes, covering them with my hooves as the light hit my head. I looked at the two Princesses, Princess Celestia actually looked a bit embarrassed. Before any of us could speak, a doctor came in. He wore a typical white coat and, for some reason, had a clipboard.

“Right,” he began, obviously talking to me, “After you were brought here, the princesses did most of my job for me due to a healing spell the performed on your then unconscious body, so I took a lunch break and went out golfing. It’s good to see that you’ve already made a full recovery, and it seems that six ponies have come to see you,” the doctor said in his emotionless, droned-out voice.

I immediately jumped out of my bed and stood at attention, waiting for what I presumed to be the mane six. A few seconds after the doctor left the room, I saw I sight that I had not expected to see. There were six ponies all right, but not the kind I was hoping for. Six furious earth stallions came into the room, and the two princesses looked at each other then quickly teleported themselves out to safety.

“You gonna pay for your damages to our house!” said the stallion in front of the group.

“Yeah!” shouted one of the stallions.

“C’mon boyos, let’s get him!” shouted another, and soon they began to encircle me. I knew I had to duke it out with them. I gritted my teeth and stood in position.

“Right, we gonna settle this the only way I know how . . . with a game!” shouted the one who was at the front of the group before.

A game? Was he serious? Did he really want to settle this with a game?

“Wh-what kind of game?” I asked, trying not to sound nervous.

“It’s a game we here made up, we call its: Hopscotch,” said the group leader.

“I’m pretty sure someone already invented that game,” I commented.

“You want a chance to not get beat up? Yes? Then you best watch your wording, now c’mon boys, we going outside, get the chalk!” said the leader. The group soon left the room and I followed behind them. We made our way outside, and two stallions in the group got two pieces of chalk from their saddlebags and began drawing a crude congregation of quadrilaterals with numbers in the middle of them.

“So, what happens if I win?” I asked as the game ground had finished being set up.

“You get to not pay us, but if we win, you gotta give us the dough,” said the dude. Just then, the princesses teleported back to me as the guy was about to start. He then began hobbling on one foot, and I swear the princesses were cheering him on, passing forward one block, two block, three block . . . and falling over in agony, clutching his bladder area. “Crud! Im gonna pass a kidney stone!” he shouted in pain as he rolled on the ground.

“Oh shit!” somepony else yelled, trying to help with getting the dude up. That was the last time I saw him, and, frankly, I was kinda glad. It seemed that I won by technicality, but I didn’t want to celebrate, I just walked over to the princesses, seeing if they wanted anything else from me.

“So, anything else I should know before I set off into the land of Equestria to perform strings of mass murders and robberies?” I asked the two.

“WHAT?! Thou dare commit crimes in my land?! Sister, I will send him to the moon!” Luna said. I backed away a bit.

“Woah, I was only joking,” I said nervously. Luna let a sigh of relief, Celestia only rolled her eyes at her sister.

“Listen ‘North Star’, you better have a good personality made up, because you’re nopony without one,” Celestia told me. I had to make up a personality, but what would it be? Surfer dude? Ganstalicious? Hipster? No, I had one: Broski. I cleared my lips, ready to speak.

“Right, mayun, I’ll be sure to remember that, brah!” I said in a mellow tone. They looked at me, puzzled, and a bit perturbed.

“Well, I’m glad you have chosen a personality and character, but this is very . . . unfamiliar to us, but, if it fits you, you can use it.” Celestia said, raising an eyebrow.

“I guess I have to agree with you, sister. North Star’s personality reflects his small intellect.” Luna said to her sister. I grew slightly angry at that comment, but otherwise did nothing. I shouldn’t get enraged at the two ponies who brought me here.

“Well, if you have nothing else to say, I’ll just be going to Ponyville, to rut the Mane Six- I mean befriend them,” I said as I took off in a light swagger, still vaguely unfamiliar with my body. I had only went about three feet, before Celestia teleported in front of me, blocking my path. I stopped my hooves just in time to not ram into her.

“Not so fast, don’t you pull any funny business when near my student! And I need a report from you by the end of tomorrow, got it?!” Celestia yelled. I wanted to reply in some way, but I seemed to be speechless, so I just nodded and walked around her. As I walked toward the center of Ponyville, I noticed that there were ponies bustling about, about seventy percent of them female. There’s Vinyl Scratch, I’d tap that. There’s Octavia, I’d tap that also. Hell, I’d tap all the mares here . . . man, what the hell is wrong with me, I just got here, and now I’m thinking of copulation?

Maybe I should tone down my swag-o-meter. As I trotted along, I could see Twilight’s library.

“Might as well . . .” I said to myself as I walked over to the tree-house and knocked on the door. As a familiar purple mare opened it, I could see five others just waiting inside the house.

“Oh, you must be North Star! The Princess sent us a message that you would be coming here to Ponyville, but that was an hour ago, what took you so long?” Twilight Sparkle asked me, letting me in. Before I could answer, I was distracted by a hyperactive pink pony, which I knew as Pinkie Pie.

“Hi there, my name’s Pinkie Pie, you’re new here, right? Of course you’re new! I’ve never seen you before, so why wouldn’t you be new? By the way, what’s your name? And, this might seem strange, but I really like your mane! Hey, that rhymes, name, mane!” Pinkie stopped, she gasped for air and tried to continue her sentence, but Twilight put a hoof around Pinkie’s mouth, muffling Pinkie’s voice until she gave up.

“Well, since you asked, mayun, the name’s North Star, and I had a few delays on my trip here, so that’s why I’m late. But it’s a pleasure to meet you all, Princess Celestia told me a bit about you all. Like . . . you’re Twilight Sparkle, and you’re Pinkie Pie, of course, and your Rainbow Dash, you’re Applejack, you’re Rarity, and you’re Fluttershy,” I said, pointing to the respective characters of the mane six.

“Please, North Star, have a seat, the Princess told us that we should help you fit in, as this town is much different that the town you’re from, Stalliongrad, was it?” Twilight asked, I nodded, and she continued, “ Well, we’ve here have already decided that Rarity will house you, she has an extra room,”

“Hold it! We did not decide anything!” Rarity interrupted.

“Come on Rarity, you’re the only one that has an extra room! He’ll make up for it!” Twilight whispered, making sure I didn’t here.

“Oh fine, Twilight, I’ll house him until he has enough money for his own house,” Rarity replied.

“Thanks, mayun, I’ll make it up to yah, promise,” I told Rarity.

“Whatever,” she said under her breath. I was a bit perplexed to why she already had despised me so, but I just shrugged.

“So, where can I make some dough?” I asked the mane six.

“Try looking around town, I’m sure there’s help wanted somewhere,” Twilight suggested.

“Or you could help me around the farm,” Applejack suggested.

“You’re a unicorn, right, so your magic can help you, can’t it?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Actually, I’ve never been taught how to use magic . . .” I replied. They all gasped and looked at me. An dead silence filled the room, but Twilight broke it.

“Fear now, I, a personal student of Princess Celestia herself, can help you learn it, I Pinkie Pie promise! Just visit me whenever you have the time and I will teach you all that I know. But, for now, I think our meeting is done here, no? You should leave with Rarity, she’ll show you where you’ll be for the night,” Twilight finished. Everyone except Twilight quickly headed for the door, and I followed behind Rarity to her house.

“So, how’s it like in ‘Stalliongrad’? I’ve never heard of that town,” Rarity asked me as we walked.

“It’s an okay city, but I think I like Ponyville better, you know brah?” I replied.

“That’s what they all say . . .” she said under her breath, “ Now I hope you find a job sooner rather than later, I don’t really appreciate you living in my house, no offense,” she said to me.

“None taken, I’ll be sure to find something that suits me as soon as I can, promise,” I said to her.

“Now, I must ask, why exactly can’t you use magic?” she asked in a manner of genuine intrigue.

“Well, uh . . . we’re not exactly taught it over in my home town, you know?” I said nervously.

“I noticed you don’t have a cutie mark either, what is up with that?” she continued to inquire. Well, that was embarrassing, I just remembered that I don’t have a cutie mark, but what was I supposed to say? That I didn’t find my special talent yet? That I couldn't find my special talent?

“You know, mayun, it’s, like, a long story, broski,” I replied, a drop of sweat running down my forehead. Luckily, we got to her boutique before she could interrogate me further, and what a relief that was. She soon opened the door and led me to a small, dusty attic on the top of the house, filled with old dresses.

“Hold on, I’ll get some necessities, just wait right here,” she said as she went downstairs.