Chapter 1: The All-In-One
The Canterlot markets were bustling at this time of the year. There were many ponies gathered around the various stores setup in garish colours and prideful displays of each pony’s stock and trade.
“Come one, come all!” one would shout out to the crowd. “See the best that we have to offer. Fruits and vegetables all freshly grown and shipped in today. Oops, we’ve made a mistake on our orders and everything must go! Cheap, cheap, cheap!”
Luna was examining the bits and bobbins splayed out in each stand. Some glamorous goods would catch her eye. Perhaps a well-crafted necklace or tiara, or the latest in Canterlot fashion, but what she was looking for was something new and different. Something she had never seen.
“It slices, it dices, it cooks and it cleans! It does everything! A truly multifunctional all-in-one!”
Luna was lured in by the enthusiasm laced within the bombastic voice of the salespony. Intrigued, Luna leaned in to inspect the strange device. It was small, barely the size of a foal, but less adorable. She tapped it experimentally with her hoof. The salespony—Flim or Flam— she didn’t remember when they were performing their little song, was instantly by her side.
“Ah I see you’ve taken an interest in one of our fine products! What say you, Princess, take this opportunity to allow us to demonstrate it to you?” He looked particularly eager to impress her. Perhaps it was her royal presence? If she showed favouritism it might do good for their business. But would that be unfair?
Luna hesitated for a moment. There didn’t seem to be any harm in listening to what these ponies had to say. It didn’t guarantee that she was going to purchase their product. So it wouldn’t be unfair.
“I’d like to see, erm, Flim?”
“I’m Flam!” he said.
“He’s Flam!” said the other. “I’m Flim!”
Luna whipped her head back and forth in confusion.
“I—”
“Not to worry Princess, a mistake easily made,” Flim interrupted, tipping his hat at the Princess. Assorted vegetables, a knife and cutting board was set on the small table in front of him. He gestured grandiosely while clearing his throat.
“You know the traditional methods of cutting up vegetables?” He cut up the vegetables slowly and unevenly. Luna had to agree that the vegetables no longer looked as appetising with the way he butchered them like that.
“Well, Princess, you no longer have to worry about that because this machine does everything! Just slide in the vegetables like so—” the vegetables went into the funnel at the top “–hit the button on the side–“ the curious little box started sparking and churning. Luna took a few steps back “–and hey presto!” With a cheerful *ping* the box churned out a vegetable soup that looked and smelled absolutely tantalising. It truly looked like it could do everything… but Luna was wily to assumptions about merchant goods. She asked all the prerequisite questions.
“You say anything? Can you guarantee it? Can you guarantee the quality of its construction?”
Flim-or-Flam nodded vigorously.
“I guarantee it, Princess! Working satisfaction or your bits back! Just a small point of interest…” The unicorn reached into his shirt and withdrew a lengthy looking scroll. “Be sure to read the manual and adhere to all the safety precautions. Without the manual, well, unfortunately we can’t service your product.” He locked eyes with Luna. “Make sure you read it. Some legal matters…”
Luna drifted off as the pony recited quite a long list of legal clauses. When he was done, he passed her the scroll. Luna looked dubiously at the long document. Then she smiled, she would test it herself!
“A deal has been struck!” she declared, hoofing over the requisite bits. The salespony gathered the large sack of bits and grinned form ear to ear.
“Here you go!”
Luna couldn’t help but rub her hooves together with glee. Ah modern science Equestria has truly excelled technologically since the last time she had perused its markets. It seemed she had only blinked before everything changed. She glanced at the faintly gleaming metal contraption. Oh this was going to be so much fun!
Celestia yawned and stretched, stretching out her wings in preparation for her morning ritual. The mornings were a time of peace for the solar princess and she savoured every moment of the quiet solitude that—
“SISTER! WE HATH A MATTER OF GREAT IMPORT TO IMPART TO THEE!”
Or she could have it all shattered by the only family member that would burst into her room like that. Never mind the awkward position of her splayed buttocks in the air whilst she had been completing her stretches, or the shocked expressions and their reddening reactions of the guards as they whipped their heads back from trying to see what fuss was about, or the fact that Luna had broken down the doors in her haste to convey important information.
This, Celestia thought, had better be important.
From Luna’s expression Celestia veered away from her initial assumption that the world was about to end. She carefully rearranged her posture so that she wouldn’t be embarrassing herself anymore and faced her overly enthusiastic sibling.
“Oh sister! You must try this contraption. It is simply delightful!” She brought out a strange metallic object with a funnel on top. “It does everything!” she cackled, looking around the room. Luna spotted scrolls and documents lining Celestia’s desk.
“Ah, here we go,” she giggled. Levitating the various sheafs of parchment that represented Equestria’s tax code policies and reports for the last year.
“Luna…” Celestia began, but before the alicorn could object, the button was pressed and the machine churned and hummed as it worked its magic. Celestia watched with faint trepidation. She didn’t recognise the machine, but it certainly didn’t look like anything that could be used with documents. With a *ping* a bowl was served with a year’s of taxation and accounting reports served deliciously with creamy mushroom sauce.
“Luna,” Celestia spoke in the silence that preceded. “Did you read the manual that came with this… machine?”
Luna shrugged sheepishly.
“Who reads manuals?”
Author's Note
Written in the Writeoff for 'All In' when I used a pseudonym because I don't write all that well 'cause I was embarrassed. Oh well, I hope I do better the next time. I really appreciated the reviews and everyone else participating in the writeoff.
Next Chapter: Nope!
As always, my poignant readers, thanks for reading!
P.S. I kind of wanted Celestia to say 'Are you kidding me that's a year's worth of work!' but that's out of character.
