Royal Pains

by Harmony Charmer

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Pinkie Pie, King Sombra, Slice of Life
Length: 3852

It's Sombra and Pinkie's 10th Hearts and Hooves Day, and while they want to celebrate, there's one issue... Their son.

It's Sombra and Pinkie's 10th Hearts and Hooves Day, and while they want to celebrate, there's one issue...

Their son.

This takes place after the events of No Day But Today, though it's not really a sequel. This is a Hearts and Hooves Day special, really. Yeah, I know it's late, but whatever, I do what I want.

Published 2015-02-16 15:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-16 15:40:03 UTC

We Have To Learn To Lock The Door

"Oh, Sombraaaaaaa," Pinkie drawled out. "It's time to get up!"

Sombra's ears twitched upwards, though his eyes remained closed. "Is the sun even up?" He wasn't about to get up at the crack of dawn. Not like those first couple of times when he had slept over at Pinkie's.

"Yep." He felt Pinkie fall onto his side, her head slipping onto his shoulder. He could smell the cake frosting from her day of work the day before, and he prayed that there wasn't any leftover flour or sugar left in it. Though, it was better than dandruff. "Come on! We gotta get up, Mr.Grumpy!"

"Hmmm..." Sombra opened his eyes as he lifted his head up. He smiled at her. "Is it because today is Hearts and Hooves Day?"

"Maaaaaaybeeeee." Pinkie smiled at him, radiant as usual. "You know, the kids are still asleep..."

Sombra arched a brow, and he sat up a bit. "Even Surprise? She's usually up around this time." When Pinkie looked away in a shifty manner, he sighed. "You gave her a cupcake to keep her from bothering us, didn't you?"

"...Maybe."

"Pinkie! She's a foal!" He sighed. "Her teeth are gonna rot from that sugar..."

"Hey, it's sugar free!" Pinkie protested, smacking him on the foreleg. "Besides, she didn't even eat it. She just played with it and stuff."

Sombra put a hoof to his face. "OK, fine. What about Oz? Where's he at?"

Pinkie shrugged. "He's still in his room, doing... stuff. He already ate breakfast, and he's probably trying to figure out what he's gonna do for his Cutie Mark Crusader meeting today."

"Funny. It's almost as if you planned for us to be alone..." Sombra smirked at her. "You did, didn't you?"

"Well, it is our tenth Hearts and Hooves Day together! Well, we weren't together that first one, but I'm still counting it! Plus, this is the first Hearts and Hooves Day we have where we don't have work, either." She nuzzled into his neck. "So, what do you want to do for our five minutes of freedom? You know how Ozzy gets when he spends too much time alone."

Sombra pulled Pinkie close and nuzzled her nose. "Five minutes is all we're going to need..."

Suddenly, the door came bursting open, a small blast of blue aura overtaking it as it swung against the wall. Standing at the door was Oscuridad, who barely reached the doorknob in height. He looked very much like Sombra, but his horn was still spiraled and held no different coloration like Sombra's did. "Moooom, Daaaad, I'm bored!" He paused, his blue eyes flickering between Pinkie and Sombra in quick succession. "Were you two wrestling again?"

Sombra sighed. "No... Not yet, anyway."

"Sombra!" Pinkie hissed, smacking him as she went to her side of the bed. She put on a bright smile as she turned to her son. "Hi, Ozzy! Are you ready for breakfast?"

Oscuridad brightened up immediately. "Are we doing Strawberry Pancake Saturday?"

"I thought you said he ate already?" Sombra whispered to Pinkie, leaning over so that Oscuridad wouldn't hear him.

Unfortunately, he still did. "Well, maybe I got hungry again!" Oscuridad put his forelegs on the bed and his tail seemed to wag with excitement. "Can we have pancakes?"

"You bet!" Pinkie rolled out of bed, her messy mane somehow bouncing beautifully in a effortless way as she trotted. "Beat you downstairs!"

"You're so on!" Oscuridad called out, galloping down the hall.

"Hey, no fair, you cheater!"

"Wait, no you two have to be quiet or else Surprise will--" Sombra stopped mid-sentence as a loud cry came from the hall. He sighed. "Wake up."

"If she needs a diaper change, it's your turn to do it!" Pinkie called from the stairwell, her hooves thundering against the steps with Oz's.

Sombra sighed, then collapsed against the bed. "I hate my life."

* * *

"Surprise, please don't throw it, please do-- Oh, you threw it." Sombra sighed as he rubbed his ear where the piece of carrot grazed it. "Pinkie, could you be a dear and clean that up? My hooves are full with Surprise."

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie replied, bouncing over with a rag hanging onto her curly forelock. "How's feeding Surprise going?"

Sombra rolled his eyes. "Same as always. And it doesn't help that her magic's acting up." He ducked another toss of carrot food, then frowned at Surprise. "You just love getting food on me, don't you?" The baby gurgled in response, then stuck her pink hoof into her mouth. Her black mane was a stark difference to her coat, which was the same light shade of pink as Pinkie's. He sighed, then wiped her face with a napkin. "This family is just full of messy eaters..."

"Hey, no we're not!" Oz called out in protest, lifting his face up from his plate. Strawberry syrup laid all over his mouth and bits of strawberry and pancakes stuck to it like stickers.

Sombra sighed. "Oz, please use a fork when you're eating. You have syrup all over your face." He looked at Pinkie. "Pinks, could you...?"

"Already on it," Pinkie said as she walked over to Oz's side. "Come on, Ozzy, the more food you get on your face, the less you get to eat!"

"What if I'm saving it for later?" Oz asked. He whined as Pinkie wiped his face. "Aw, come on, it's not that bad!"

"Ah!" Sombra recoiled as Surprise tossed her sippy cup at him, drenching him in milk. He wiped his face with a hoof, then glared at Surprise as she giggled. "OK, now you did that on purpose."

"Mom, stop wiping your spit on me! It's so gross!" Oz waved his hooves, but they did little to deter from her mission. "Gah, it's gonna get in my mouth!"

"Only if you keep talking and moving away from me!" Pinkie told him. She grinned victoriously. "There, all clean!"

Oz gagged. "Gross, I think it got in my mouth!"

Sombra rolled his eyes. "Oz, would you watch your sister for a moment? I have to go wash myself off."

Oz groaned. "Aw, but she's gonna throw stuff at me."

"Don't worry, I'll do it." Pinkie stepped over to Sombra. "Besides, we gotta get Oz ready for his CMC meeting!"

"Oh, yeah!" Oz said, looking up in remembrance. "Missy, Strike and I are gonna race today! We're trying to get our sports cutie marks!"

Before Sombra could voice his concern over Oz being around Missy, AKA Mystery, Discord and Fluttershy's daughter, Pinkie started to push him to the door. "Go on, get cleaned up! I'll handle Surprise and Oz." Pinkie smiled. "Besides, Apple Bloom's coming by to get them for us. I asked her about it the other day, and she's gonna make sure Oz and Surprise are occupied."

"What's that got to do with-- Oh." Sombra raised his brows. "I forget how much of a sneak you can be."

Pinkie giggled. "You should be used to it by now, Sombry!" She shooed him a bit with her hooves. "Now, go on! I'll see you in a bit and then we can see the kids and AB off." She kissed his cheek. "Love you!"

"Love you, too," Sombra replied, leaning in for a kiss.

"Ew, gross!" Oz called from the table. "Blech, love is so gross..."

Sombra rolled his eyes, then pulled away. "I'll be back in a second." He smiled. "Then, when we're alone... Then we can have fun."

"Oooo, are you guys gonna do a board game or something?" Oz asked, blinking innocently.

Sombra frowned. "Of course, that's going to have to wait until later."

* * *

"Sombra?" Pinkie called out, stepping into the hallway. "Sombra, where are you?" There wasn't a reply, nor any indication of a presence in the house. Pinkie frowned, her brows furrowing a bit in worry. "Um, Apple Bloom came by a couple minutes ago... She's got Surprise and Oz with her now."

Again, no reply.

Pinkie sighed. "Well, if you're not gonna come out, then I guess we can just cancel our plans to 'have fun'."

"Oh, but I thought you'd be looking forward to that?"

Pinkie jumped with a small squeal, then whipped around to face behind her. "Sombra, you scared me!" She paused, then arched a brow in confusion. "What are you wearing?"

"I think you mean... 'What are you wearing, Your Majesty?'" Sombra stepped out into the hallway, smirking in a somewhat victorious manner. He was wearing his red cloak, clasped around his neck with a golden chain. His mane was pushed back with his old silver crown, reminding Pinkie of the Hearts and Hooves Day when she had given it back to him as a gift.

Pinkie's eyes widened. "Oh my gosh." She blushed a bit. "So, um, I retract my earlier statement of cancelling our plans."

"I figured." Sombra leaned down so he was at her height. "So, my dear Queen, would you like to retire to the bedroom for the day? It has would seem that our heirs will no longer be in the castle for the remainder of it..."

Pinkie frowned at him. "You're starting to weird me out a bit."

Sombra frowned, then straightened his back. "You didn't say that the first time we did this."

"I was in character then!" Pinkie protested. She held up a hoof. "Hold on a second." She cleared her throat, then stood up a bit straighter. "Shall we make our way to our chambers?"

Sombra smiled again. "Love to, Your Majesty." He walked past her, his tail brushing under her nose. "So, darling, are there any plans you have for our alone time together?"

"Oh, there's that jigsaw puzzle we have in the hall closet that we never finished!" Pinkie blinked in confusion as Sombra smacked a hoof over his face. "Ooooh, you didn't mean that sort of plan, huh?" Pinkie let out a small hum of thought. "Hmmm, maybe we could have a tickle fight?"

Sombra sighed. "You know what, I'll take it, but only because I know it usually ends up with you and I kissing afterwards."

"That doesn't sound very regal, Your Majesty," Pinkie said, waggling her eyebrows as she added emphasis.

"Indeed it doesn't..." Sombra replied, leaning in for a kiss.

"Um, what are you guys doing?"

Sombra let out short shout and leaped back, causing Pinkie to rear back with shock of her own. They turned collectively to see Oscuridad, who was wearing his Cutie Mark Crusader cape and a small saddlebag beneath it.

"Oz? What are you doing here?" Sombra questioned, silently praying that he hadn't been there for long.

"Um, I live here?" Oz replied, as if it were an obvious answer.

Sombra sighed. "I mean, what are you doing here now? I thought you were at your meeting!"

"Oh, that? Yeah, it got cancelled. Turns out Missy turned the track into a lazy river."

"Oh, fun!" Pinkie commented.

"Hold on, there's something else to it..." Sombra said, holding up a hoof as a pausing motion.

Oz nodded. "Yeah, she also put electric eels and poisonous blow fish in it, too. The river wasn't even made of water, either. It was made of chocolate milk."

Pinkie gasped. "Really?!"

"He literally just said that it had poisonous fish in it," Sombra told her, his lids falling down in annoyance. He sighed. "So, where's your sister at?"

"She's playing on the play mat downstairs. Also, I think she needs a diaper change."

"Your turn!" Sombra called out, pointing at Pinkie. "I did it this morning!"

Pinkie frowned at him. "Fine, I'll change the diaper." She trotted down the hall a bit before turning around. "Also, you might want to change out of what you're wearing... Your Majesty."

As soon as she was out of the hall, Oz turned to Sombra with an arched brow. "Why are you wearing that? Were you and Mom playing dress up again?"

Sombra sighed. "Yes, Oz, we were playing dress up..."

Oz perked up excitedly. "Can I play, too?"

"Fine."

"Oh, and can I be the king?"

Sombra sighed, then lifted the crown off his head with his magic and put it on Oz's. "Go for it."

"Yay!" Oz cheered, galloping down the hall.

Sombra put a hoof to his face. "I guess it's time for Plan C... If I can come up with one, that is."

* * *

"Hey, Surprise? Does Dad seem bothered to you?" Oz asked, blinking innocently as he awaited an answer. Oz liked to talk to his sister, just not in front of other ponies. He was made fun of by Missy because of it, and he didn't want to be called names again. Though, because they were alone in the nursery together, then it was fine to do it.

Surprise merely laid on her stomach and continued to play with her building block, gurgling a bit as she gummed on the corner of it.

Oz nodded, as if he understood what she meant. "Yeah, I thought so, too. Do you know why?" He looked towards the bedroom door, making sure it wasn't open. He held up a hoof and stage whispered: "Do you think it's 'cause it's Hearts and Hooves Day?"

Surprise let out a small coo, then rolled onto her back, her small legs wiggling as she did.

"Oh, duh!" Oz bonked himself on the head. "Dad's trying to spend time with Mom!" He paused, then looked to her. "What do you think I should do? Should I do something nice for them or something?"

Surprise fell onto her side, then giggled as she crawled over to Oz. She poked his nose lightly, then snuggled into his neck with a small sigh of content.

Oz smiled. "You're so right! I should do something!" He paused, then tapped his chin in thought. "But what? I mean, I can't cook or anything like that... And I'm terrible at arts and crafts." He shivered. "Oh, sweet Celestia, the glitter... I swear, no amount of hot water will ever get it all off!"

Surprise let out a noise of protest, upset by his sudden exclamation.

Oz winced a bit. "Sorry. You must be sleepy, huh?" He stood up, then lifted her up and put her on his back. "Come on, I'll put you in the crib."

He trotted to the crib by the window, then slid the gate down with his magic. He hopped on the bed, then placed Surprise down beside him. Oz wrapped her up in a blanket, just like he'd seen his mom and dad do, then climbed out before sliding the gate back up.

"Alright, Surprise, while you nap, I'll figure out a way to get Mom and Dad to spend time together!" He paused, then sighed a bit in annoyance. "Ugh, why are adults so weird? Do they like being mushy with each other or something?" He blanched. "I hope I never get like-- Ow!"

Surprise giggled from her crib, peering from the bars with a toothless smile.

Oz glared at her, rubbing the tender spot on his head as he looked down at the building block she threw at him. "Ha, ha, very funny. You're lucky you're too young to know better or else I'd... Actually, I don't know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be very nice!"

Surprise frowned at him, then pointed a hoof to the door.

"Oh, right!" Oz trotted to the door, then turned back to look at his sister. "Oh, thanks for listening! You're real good at that!"

Surprise rolled her eyes at Oz galloped out the door, then picked her bottle up with her magic. "Dummy."

* * *

"Oh, Daaaaaaad," Oz drawled, leaning in from the doorway. "I got something to ask you."

Sombra looked up from his book with a small sigh, then pulled his glasses down from his nose. He hated how his eyesight was fading with his growing age. "What is it? If you're wondering where your mother is, she's with Surprise."

"Oh, I know that!" Oz hopped onto the couch beside Sombra, like a cub next to a full grown lion. "I just wanted to ask you if it was OK if I could stay the night at Strike's house tonight."

Sombra blinked. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah, since the meeting was cancelled today, Aunt Applejack and Uncle Thunderlane said it was OK if I wanted to spend the night at their place!" He gave Sombra a reassuring smile. "Besides, Missy got grounded by Aunt Shy and she made her fix the track up, so we can have our meeting tomorrow morning on Sunday!"

Sombra, stunned by the news, could only stare in wonder. "Really? So you'll... You'll be at Applejack's all night?"

"And all tomorrow morning!" Oz smiled at him even more. "You get to spend all night with Mom. No interruptions whatsoever." He shrugged. "Don't know why you two want that so much, but I guess it's an adult thing."

"That's... one way of putting it." Sombra arched a brow. "Wait, so you're fine with leaving? I thought that you'd want to spend all day with us."

"Well, I did, but it's Hearts and Hooves Day. I can spend any day I want with you guys!" He snuggled into Sombra's side. "But, you guys don't get a lot of alone time, huh? I guess me and Surprise keep you really busy a lot of the time."

Sombra frowned. "Hey, I love being around you two. It's just sometimes when you're around someone for a long time, it's nice to take a break." He laid his head next to Oz's. "But I really do like being around you, Oz."

"Yeah, I get it. Like when Missy likes to spend time with herself after she stays with me and Strike for a long time?"

"Yes, like that." Sombra frowned. "Why do you like hanging around her? All she does is cause trouble for you."

"Yeah, but not all the time!"

"Oz, your mother and I spent a better part of an hour yesterday getting all that tree sap and everything that got stuck in there off of you because of her."

"Yeah, but--"

"And then there was that time that she turned you purple."

"But that wasn't--."

"And who can forget the time she turned your chocolate milk into regular milk?"

Oz held up a hoof as he opened his mouth to protest, then frowned as he put it down and sighed in defeat. "OK, that time she went too far. But, she's fun to hang around! Besides, Aunt Shy says I'm the only one who she actually likes."

Sombra arched a brow. "Really? Well, that explains an awful lot..."

"What?"

"Oh, um, it's just that... Whenever fillies like colts, sometimes they act mean to whoever they like." He held up a hoof. "Now, that doesn't mean it's OK for her to do it. I just want you to know that's why she's a bit prissy to you sometimes."

"Duh, I know it's not OK for her to do it. Why would she be mean if she liked me, anyway?" Oz nudged Sombra's foreleg. "Hey, you wanna help me pack? Last time I did it by myself, I accidentally took Mom's pink glitter and it got literally everywhere. Don't ask how or why, just know that it did."

Sombra rolled his eyes. "Fine, but I'm not responsible for any glitter explosions. Not like that last time."

"OK, deal!" Oz hugged Sombra's foreleg, though because he was so small he barely wrapped around it. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

"Oh, and Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Your crown's on the kitchen table if you want it." Oz smiled. "Have fun playing dress up!"

Sombra smiled, though it was more to himself than to Oz. "Oh, believe me, I'm sure I will."

* * *

"Sombra, where are you?" Pinkie called, stepping out from the nursery. She closed the door behind her, careful for it not to make a noise so it wouldn't wake Surprise. "Sombry?"

"I'm in here," she heard him call back.

Pinkie arched a brow as she descended down the hall. "Are you in the bedroom?"

The door creaked open a bit, a sparkle of red aura encasing it for a brief moment before disappearing. "Why don't you come in and find out?"

"Um... I feel like I should ask what our code word is so that way I know this isn't a Changeling pretending to be you... Not like that one time, anyway."

She heard a sigh. "Golden Oaks Library."

Pinkie smiled. "OK, it's you!" She paused. "Wait, how do I know that you didn't get this from the real Sombra?"

"Oh for god's sakes, Pinks, if you don't get in here, I will close this door and you won't get anything from me for the remainder of the night." She heard him pause. "That includes late night cocoa with whipped cream and cinnamon sticks."

Pinkie gasped. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh, now I'm not a Changeling?" She heard him sigh. "OK, I'm being ridiculous, will you just get in here?"

Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Fine, fine, I'm on my way in." Pinkie stepped up to the door and opened it. "I don't see what the big deal i-- Oh my gosh."

Their quaint, little bedroom had been transformed into a romantic, breath-taking honeymoon suite. Roses littered the floor in a beautifully careless manner, leading a trail to the bed where Sombra laid. Their plain bedspread had been replaced with luxurious looking covers and what appeared to be silk sheets beneath, rumpled and creased from Sombra's disturbance.

He smiled at her from the bed, his forelegs crossed in front of him. "Care to join me, dear?"

Pinkie grinned. "You bet!"

Sombra's eyes widened. "Wait, Pinkie, please don't jump on the--" He let out a small yelp of surprise as Pinkie tumbled into him, forcing them to roll into the bed in a tangled mess of sheets and limbs. He sighed as he looked up at her. "I spent so long making this bed look nice and it took you seconds to ruin it."

"What, did you think it was gonna stay like that for long?" Pinkie questioned, looking down at him with a smile. "Besides, I don't remember you complaining about messing the sheets up back at Golden Oaks Library."

Sombra smiled up at her. "Hush now, Twilight might sense us talking about her library. You know how she is about her books."

"So... How do you want to do this? Are we gonna cuddle or what?"

"Hmm, I was thinking something more... intimate."

Then, they leaned in, their eyes closed and their lips ready to receive the other's kiss...

...as a loud cry broke from the hallway.

"OH COME ON."

Author's Note

This is basically the entire fic in a nutshell. Also, enjoy some Sombra for your late Valentine's Day viewing pleasure.

I mean, I know Pinkie will enjoy it~

Happy late Valentine's/Hearts and Hooves/Non-Canon Day!