The REAL Rainbow Factory

by BigBadBorox_Is_Back

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Comedy, Scootaloo, Random, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1920

Scootaloo turns eighteen and learns where clouds, colors and dreams come from. Far out, maaan...

Ever wonder where clouds and colors, even dreams come from? Scootaloo has been told some crap about evaporation, the water cycle and brain impulses while sleeping. When Derpy and Tree Huger let her in on a secret, things get a bit sketchy. Mostly because the strong stuff is illegal...

Published 2015-07-06 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-07-06 19:43:10 UTC

1) That Funny Blue Plant

It was a sunny day in Ponyville, a warm breeze swept past the happy equines in the streets. Up in the blue areal expanse was Scootaloo, she was relishing the thin air of the sky. Being eighteen now felt amazing to her, she felt like a new mare. She soared through the air with a wide grin. The giddy mare was flying through the warm summer air, refreshed and alive.

Out of the blue, she remembered something. She recalled from a few days ago that Derpy offered to help her move a new TV in her house today, but the screw-eyed mare was no where to be seen all day. Scootaloo turned a one eighty and headed to Derpy's house. As she grew closer, she noticed some strange tinted clouds that made her head dizzy when she flew through them.

"That's weird," she thought to herself," I've never seen clouds like those..."

She approached the cabin, occasional puffs of blueish smoke coughed up from the chimney. Scootaloo landed in the soft grass lawn and tilted her head to hear the feint noise from inside.

"Reggae?" she asked aloud.

The orange mare moved to the door and was about to knock when she heard feint singing from inside. She knocked the door. No response. She knocked again and louder this time. Still nothing. She tried to look into the windows but the curtains were blocking view.

"Hello? Derpy?" Scootaloo asked loudly," Weren't you going to help me move some stuff today?" Still no response.

She groaned and threw the door open. It was dark inside and the calm, calming rhythmic sound of Reggae flew into her's ears. What the pegasus wasn't expecting is what her eyes saw. Derpy was stretched out over a massive bean bag with a cloud of blue, hazy smoke around her. Her eyes were droopy and blood shot, the mare sat giggling at the patterns in the wafts of air. A roll of burnt paper and some kind of plant was in her loose lips.

"Derpy?! Whats going on here?!" Scootaloo shouted.

The ditsy mare had a spaced out gaze and snickered," Heeeeeey, Rainddow Bash....what's up? Oh wait...it's you," She snickered.

The orange pegasus had no idea what was going on but she was determined to find out. She trotted sternly over to the Mail Mare and snatched the roll of giggles. She looked down at Derpy like a teacher reprimanding a delinquent. Derpy looked up at her with a confused yet positive expression. Scootaloo yanked away the blazed paper roll and glared at Derpy.

"Come on bud," Derpy giggled,"You didn't even say please!"

"What is this stuff? I've never seen it before," Scootaloo said dejectedly.

"Whaaat?" Derpy chuckled,"Get real, nopony's told you about this?" Scootaloo's blank expression answered Derpy's question. The mailmare sighed,"You pinkie promise not to tell anypony about this?" Derpy asked, if she was more 'sober' Scootaloo would be intimidated.

Scootaloo nodded,"Cross my heart and stick a cupcake in my eye and all that."

"You know what poison joke is right?" asked sounding like a teacher during an exam.

" 'Course I know what it is, you turn into really funny stuff if you touch it," Scootaloo said, remembering what happened to the main 6 and all of their odd transformations.

The grey pegasus took back the roll and smiled,"If you burn it and breath it in...your mind goes funny," She wiggled her eyebrows,"Wanna see something awesome?"

"i dunno,"Scootaloo grimaced,"This stuff is making me feel really weird..."

Derpy put the blunt up to her lips and inhaled deeply. The lit end crackled as the mare took in more and more air. Scootaloo blinked in confusion as Derpy held her breath with a comically determined look. To the orange mare's amazement, perfect rings of smoke puffed out of Derpy's mouth into the air, making a dart board looking cloud.

Scootaloo was amazed,"Woah! That's so cool!"

Derpy giggled,"You think that's cool you should meet Tree Huger, she's craaaaaazy!"

"Hey," Scootaloo poked Derpy,"Come on, I wanna try!"

"What the hay?" Derpy looked suddenly surprised. She scrunched her face,"Not this stuff you're not."

"Aaaww, come on!" Scootaloo begged,"I can handle it!"

Derpy shook her head,"Nuh uh, this strain would knock you flat. I'll give you some crap joke dope," She wobbled off the bean bag and headed to a rug on the floor. She lifted it and hidden away was a secret cabinet. Scootaloo watched with wonder as the humble mailmare took out several boxes, each with a slightly different but strong scent. Derpy lazily blinked while she sniffed each box. Selecting one, she slid the others back.

"You pinkie promise not to tell anypony about this, pinkie promise?" Derpy asked, if she was more 'sober' Scootaloo would be intimidated.

"Okay den...if you're up for it," Derpy giggled hysterically,"Here you go."

She handed the paper roll to Scootaloo, who looked at it like a work of alien technology. She placed it on her lips and inhaled. There was a moment of drug induced bliss but it was cut short. The smoke from it burned surprisingly, causing Scootaloo to go into a coughing fit. She handed the roll back to Derpy with a grumpy look. Derpy just chuckled.

"You puffed to rough Scoots," the grey mare said with a mellow tone,"Just...take it easy..."

Scootaloo wan't one to lose or look silly. She had a determined look back on her face,"Okay, one more try."

Author's Note

Next time, the Fuzz steps in...or the fluff...lpuff

2) Corrupt Cops in Ponyville

It had been several days since Scootaloo had first tried smoking joke, she was now a avid user of the herb. At Derpy's house while Dinky and the Doctor were away, the two joke heads would roll up a blunt and chill. Being pegesi they could move all the dank air afterwards out so no suspicion aroused. Scootaloo had even arrived one time to see Derpy's family home, to the orange mare's amazement they had no idea about the blue plat.

Upon one summer evening she went up to Derpy's house and knocked on the door as she always did. Derpy didn't answer. She knocked again, louder this time. Still nothing. Scootaloo checked all the windows, instead of being blocked with curtains they were completely dark. The whole scene felt eerie to Scootaloo.

"That's a trip," Scootaloo smiled to herself,"I'm totally having deja vu right now."

She opened the door to Derpy's house. Stepping inside it was very dark, no music, no smoke...nothing showing the mailmare was home. Scootaloo rubbed her head in confusion. She looked throughout the house, calling the mare's name a few times but she was nowhere to be found. She checked closets and any other hiding spot twice.

"This is so weird...why would she just run off like this?" Scootaloo asked aloud.

She decided to head back to Ponyville. As she flew in the darkening sky, she soon was over the park. Down below were two officers and a grey pegasus. Scootaloo nearly dropped out of the air realizing who it was. She flew down as quietly as she could behind a tree to see what was going on. Out of sight and out of mind, she tuned in.

"Uh...um...y-yes officer?" Derpy asked timidly,"Is there something you n-need?"

Both officers were stallions, one had a heavy looking mustache on his squared off face, while the other was a unicorn that looked like he was straight out of the academy. The sterner pony glared through his aviators,"It's very bad, working for her highness' mail service, and partaking in illegal activities," He was holding a plastic bag with a few blue buds in it. Derpy was dealing joke somewhere?

Scootaloo held down a gasp,"What is he talking about?" She asked internally,"Derpy isn't a criminal!"

Derpy had a guilty look as her hat slid down over her face a bit. The mustached officer had a stone face,"A puppy face won't work on me miss, come on. We're taking you down to the station for some questioning."

Derpy bit her lip,"It's only that blue joke stuff, it's harmless!"

The stony officer's eyebrows subtly rose. He looked over to his younger counterpart,"Hey Jolt, could you go grab some doughnuts for me? I'll take out friend here to the station and we'll meet up later."

The young stallion nodded nervously,"R-right away, Duke! D-don't let her get away," he said. With a sheepish look, he darted off in search of doughnuts.

Once the young police pony was out of sight, the stern Officer Duke took off his glasses. Derpy was taken back by how no-threatening he looked at her. He bit his lip looking for the right words,"...now miss...I've been stressed out lately, kids going off to collage in Canterlot and the wife had to go to Manehatten on business..."

Derpy was nervous,"Why a-are you telling me this?"

The bulky stallion sighed,"Look, I can...sweep this whole mess under the rug. If we come to a deal, of course."

"Oh?" Derpy instantly brightened up,"You want to be friends?"

"If by friend you mean 'supplier' then sure," Officer Duke said,"I'll even have some of the other guys...you know...look away, if you catch my drift."

"I think we can come to an agreement,"Derpy held out a hoof,"Okay Officer, it's a deal!"

They shook hooves and walked their separate ways. As Derpy walked down a rural street across from the park, Scootaloo ran up next to her. Derpy was a bit shocked to see the orange mare now.

"What are you doing out here?" Derpy sighed.

Scootaloo was very nervous,"What was that all about?"

Derpy looked up to the sky as if to say 'thank you'. She looked shaken up,"I was almost arrested. Ponies around here aren't very keen on our joke."

"I bet you're glad that you found a corrupt cop then, eh?" Scootaloo chuckled.

"Yeah, I could've met the Fluff..." Derpy cringed.

"The 'Fluff'?" Scootaloo asked,"You mean the fuzz right, like real cops?"

Derpy groaned,"No, I mean Flufflepuff. She's one of the most persistent cops in Equestria. She snuffed out a hidden joke den up in Detrot in a week. She's also pretty brutal when it comes to...service time."

"Joke smokers can get arrested..."Scootaloo was going into a cold sweat,"Derpy! How could you drag me into this? This is becoming really serious!"

Derpy made a reliving smile,"As long as you keep calm and quiet, nopony will find out. Just...try not to tell anypony okay?"

Scootaloo was getting sick with fear,"I...I had no idea..." She sat down next to the street with her face in her hooves,"What if Fluff finds out I did some?"

Derpy bit her lip. Suddenly an idea blossomed,"Listen to this; what if I took you over to my friend's house. It's totally legal and safe over there, we'll get you some and shrug this off. That sound okay?"

Scootaloo wiped a bit off wetness away from her face,"O...Okay. How far away is it?"

Derpy grinned,"It's not far at all, just a way's into Everfree," She helped the distraught mare up,"We'll go tomorrow, okay?"

Scootaloo thanked her friend and the two mares went back home. As Scootaloo walked through the streets of ponyville she noticed something. Something odd. Among a decorative hedges was a...pink bush. She didn't think it was bad, just odd. As she walked away from it, it made a raspberry sound. Scootaloo yelped and took off into the air.

She was seen by the Fluff!

Author's Note

Things are getting...hairy!