A Spoonful of Spoons

by Bootsy Slickmane

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Silver Spoon, Comedy, Random, Diamond Tiara
Length: 1353

Diamond Tiara has a very unusual day.

Diamond Tiara has a very unusual day.

A collab between myself and Mattricole, written by trading off each writing a paragraph (most of the time).

Published 2015-02-02 20:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-02 20:40:02 UTC

The Spooning

It was a painfully average day for Diamond Dazzle Tiara, at least, it was supposed to be. She was sitting by her pool, watching some ducklings swimming and was thinking of throwing some bread in, when all of a sudden Silver Spoon came in with the biggest, creepiest grin she had ever saw.

Diamond sat up slightly, one eyebrow sliding upward. "Um, Silver Spoon? Are you okay? You look a little, erm, excited. Like, too excited."

Silver Spoon continued to smile freakishly at Diamond, drool dripping from her mouth as she slowly inched towards Diamond Tiara, until she was only a few centimeters away. Finally, she opened her mouth and said in the most sweetest way: "I want you inside me."

Diamond's eyes shot wide. The last time she'd heard somepony say that, it was mere seconds before a zombie outbreak. Of course, that'd been in a movie that her father probably didn't want her to see, but still. "Oh, I see," Diamond said with an uneasy smile as she scooted back against the pavement. "Well, um, you know, about that…."

"COME AND GET YOUR LOVE!!!" Silver Spoon cried as she dashed towards Diamond Tiara. Sadly, Diamond was surprisingly quick on her hooves and had just enough time to pick up her lawn chair and smack Silver Spoon with it, who instantly flew back and fell into the pool, much to the ducks's dismay.

Diamond gingerly approached the edge of the pool, leaning in to see where Silver had gone. Through the ripples and shed duck feathers, she could just barely make out the shape of a gray blob at the bottom of the pool. Bubbles steadily streamed from the silvery lump, though they stopped after a few seconds. Diamond stood there, staring down and trying to figure out what to do next.

"Hiiiiii, DT!" a familiar voice called out, chilling Diamond Tiara down to the bone. It couldn't be! She quickly turned around, spotting a mare with a gray coat and old granny hair. The same one that was at the bottom of the pool still, and she had the same creepy grin.

"Whaaaat?" was all Diamond could say in response before the other Silver charged her, spit spilling and splattering onto the ground. Diamond squealed and reached for her lawn chair, only to find it missing. Her eyes swiveled up from the bare spot on the ground, searching for it. She found it soon enough, wrapped in the hooves of an eerily-similar gray filly. Her silvery mane hung loose across her shoulders, barely held in any way by the tie-dyed headband resting just above her ears.

"... DADDY!!!" Diamond screamed as she began running for her life with the two Silver Spoons quickly giving chase. Why were there two Silver Spoons?! Why were they chasing her?! And why does all this weird stuff happen in Ponyville?!

Diamond nearly smashed open her house's back door as she flung herself through it. She bucked it shut, front hooves still sliding across the carpet a bit. The filly hopped up, pressing her back to the door just in time for a pair of heavy, likely filly-shaped objects to slam against it, rattling it in its frame. She struggled to get her breathing under control as the Silvers outside scratched and pounded at the door, moaning sweet nothings through the wood. She couldn't hold the door forever. She needed help.

Locking the door and moving a nearby table to block it off, Diamond turned around, planning on leaving through the front door, only to be met with a gray, deathly ill looking tree. The tree looked directly into her eyes, gazing adoringly at her as it lifted it's hoof towards her, scratching her under the chin.

"I... am... Silver Spoon."

Diamond stood, hooves rooted to the spot as she screamed incoherently, the curiously-cute tree still stroking her. Only at the sound of commotion behind her did she finally manage to pull away and stop yelling. The house’s back door blasted open, with the two previous Silver Spoons falling in as a third hurled them into the house. What came after was a sound that Diamond would never forget as the third, mohawk-bearing, aviator shades-wearing Silver Spoon marched into the house.

"Muckled dern richies! 'Ere ya punnies be keepin' me wee mare?!"

"... Whaa?" Diamond muttered, looking hopefully at the cute tree. Maybe it would know what was going on?

"I... am... Silver Spoon."

Or not.

Wrenching free of the cute Silver tree, Diamond desperately dashed down the dirt road and away from the league of Silver Spoons. There had to be some answer for all of this. Somepony had to know something, right? But who? Cheerilee? Her butler? That nerdy librarian, maybe? Diamond skidded to a halt at an intersection, head whipping this way and that as she sought refuge somewhere, anywhere.

"Over here, stranger!" somepony in a trench coat called out. Diamond sighed in relief at the unexpected aid, and quickly rushed over. She didn't care if the pony looked creepy in the trench coat, after all, it was better then getting captured by the now christened "League of Silver".

The trench coated pony herded her into a dark alleyway, tucking the filly behind a trash can just as the Silver Spoons bounded past, all three of them groaning her name. The cute tree was moaning its own name, but it was still planted in Diamond's front yard, so it probably wouldn't be an issue. Diamond waited a few moments more before turning to the strange pony. "Thanks," she sighed.

The trench coat pony then laughed eerily at Diamond. Confused, Diamond Tiara started questioning, but was interrupted as the pony ripped off her trench coat. "WHAT ARE YA BUYING, STRANGER?!" asked the now confirmed Silver Spoon, causing Diamond to scream.

Diamond's scream quintupled in intensity as the three other Silver Spoons skidded into the alley, surely drawn by the tremendous volume of air that was leaving her lungs. She eventually digressed into a coughing fit as her lungs neared collapsed, one hoof clutching her ribs as she fought to recover the precious O² she was missing. She'd barely managed to get another lungful before the four Silvers pounced, burying her under a mass of gray coats, silver manes and tails, and a fair amount of slobber.

When all hope was lost and the end seemed near, the weight of the Spoons began leaving. It was then Diamond noticed somepony began throwing the Spoons off of her! As the last of the Spoons was thrown off, another gray hoof outstretched itself towards her. It was another Spoon clad in black leather, with a shiny pair of sunglasses clinging to her face.

"Come with me if you want to live."

Diamond stared at the hoof before her, unsure if she should really take it. Just as she was about to accept it, an odd whistling sound reached her ears. She twisted around, eyes turning to the sky. A silver streak was plummeted down from the clouds, and all the five Silvers shifted their attention to it as it smashed into the street in a mighty cloud of dust and debris. As the dust cleared, the image of a gray filly took shape in the crater, her silver mane spiked wildly atop her head. Streaks and strands of yellow light encircled her limbs as she stood up and glared down the alleyway.

"Yooooosh!" The Silver Spoon screamed with a burst of light. And screamed. And screamed. And then, with a mighty yell she... screamed some more. Minutes passed by, feeling like hours as this Silver Spoon stood in place and screamed even more.

"... So, wanna get going now?" Diamond asked the leather clad Silver Spoon, who nodded in assent.

"Hey, wait for us!" called one of the other Silvers as they all got back to their hooves and bounded after Diamond. "We saw her first!"

And thus, Diamond and the Spoons walked off down the street and away from the ever-screaming Silver as the sun slowly set on the small town of Ponyville.