Broken

by Violet Frost

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Slice of Life, Wonderbolts, Sad
Length: 3383

Mistyfly takes a moment to reflect on the languages she knows, and the offer she'd been made.

After facing off with the shadow bolts Mistyfly begins to think on how ponies see her, and must come to terms that even the one who communicates with her the most see's her as disabled, not different.

Takes place in Calm Wind's Wonderverse between Flying Sky High and Piercing the Heavens.

Art done by the talented CrystalMelody_Kc

Published 2015-02-16 00:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-16 00:30:02 UTC

I'm not Disabled

A note to the reader: The sign language in this story is written in a style called gloss, which will be noted in bold. Due to the limits of this site its more of a skeleton of true gloss which linguists use to study sign languages.

Misty Fly woke up to the flashing light above her. A quick glance at the alarm clock told her it was simply her daily alarm going off, not an alert in the compound. Reaching up lazily she pressed the off button, causing the light to remain on. The yellow mare smiled and pulled herself out of bed, stretching briefly to get out all the kinks from the previous day's events. She grabbed a towel from the edge of her bed and tossed it around her neck, setting it just right so it wouldn't get in the way. She trotted out of her room and down towards the showers, wanting to have a fresh start before the day began.

She smiled at a janitor who waved at her, his lips moving in a familiar greeting. She nodded at him, though she could not hear the words he used. Her world had always been silent, she was profoundly deaf. As she continued on to the showers her smile became a frown. The silence was normal. Normal was comforting. But today the silence seemed wrong. She threw her towel onto a hook and stepped into the shower.

She turned the water on and allowed it to run off her back. Not too warm, not to cold, just the right temperature. Unbiddingly her thoughts traveled to the most recent fight she'd been in. Her world had gone from silent to loud in one moment. Misty Fly closed her eyes and embraced the silent wet rain, trying not think on what had transpired. But its funny, the more somepony tries to not think of something the more it comes to the front of their mind.

The bright pink beam shot out from the crystal, the enemy pony, decked in a black flight suit, was holding. It narrowly missed Rainbow Dash, but Mistyfly stumbled back from the force which it struck her with. She shook her head, unsure of what the beam was supposed to do, when crashes and loud screams met her ears. Her ears, suddenly she was assulted with a new sense, it was confusing. She'd never needed to hear, and it was there distracting her.

“Misty Fly?” Misty’s head snapped around towards Rainbow Dash. Her name, her name had always been symbols to her, but now even it had a new dimension.

“It’s nice isn’t it? Being able to hear?” The pony said with a grin intending to be inviting.

“Ah… Ahhaaaahhh…” Misty Fly tested, trying to communicate and make sense of the world. Her voice didn't sound as good as the others. Good. She was already becoming used to and was able to list sounds as good and bad.

“Oh, and a voice! You do have one!” The pony approached, head held high. “Not only that, but without any practice or time with a nose lodged in a boring book, you know our language! Go on, try it!” the pony was shivering with excitement. Dash’s mouth hung agape watching as the two interacted. Misty Fly could only stand there aghast. She'd always had a voice, she'd felt it within her throat when she was younger, it just wasn't good to communicate with.

“Ahhhhyyyeee… I… khhh... caaaan… t—t—taaaaaaalk?” Misty tried, her voice broken and not as clear as the other two ponies. She felt tears form in her eyes, even being able to hear, her speech was horrible. She knew this, years and years of training hadn't helped her. The pony stood in front of her, taking her speech as disbelief, instead of anger and frustration. Even with a voice the pony didn't understand Misty Fly.

“Not bad for your first words!” The pony circled, eyeing her like a shark. “With a little work you could use one of our crystals to hear and speak just like everypony else!” She stopped, talking in an even tone. “It feels good doesn’t it? All your life you’ve struggled, and now the solution is right here.” She held the crystal in front of Misty, as Misty felt her face flush. She used to struggle, she didn't anymore. The pony lightly removed her flight googles, the world bursting into real color instead, the yellow tint being removed with them. “Forget the Wonderbolts, half of them never even try to understand you. They have nothing for you.” Misty looked at the pony, taking in the words she said. She was deaf, and many had a working communtication with her. “You’d be welcomed by all.” She was deaf. Hardly anyone could talk to her. She was deaf. It was something to be cured. The tears begun to sting as her memories as a filly had rushed her mind.

“I… I…” Misty tryed, wanting the printed words to come out of her mouth. The pony leaned towards Misty’s ear, the level voice starting up again.

“Come with us, and you can be the pony you’ve always wanted to be.” The pony told her quietly.

Misty Fly slammed her hoof against the shower wall, feeling vibrations rush through her from the impact. It felt good. She hit the wall again, and again, and again. As her legs pounded the walls, tears fell from her eyes. She felt the vibrations of her voice let out as she tried to drown the memory. She let her voice stop as she dropped to her knees, letting the tears fall. Why couldn't anyone see she was already who she wanted to be? Why did they see her as broken?

She stood up and shut the shower off, letting the water drip from her body for a few moments. She spread her right wing and began to preen it, as delicately as possible. Focusing laying each feather where it needed to be helped push the memory away for a while. She folded her wing back against her body as she pulled the other wing out. She carefully continued preening trying to not let her mind rest on the frustrations of the hearing world.

She grabbed her towel, rubbing her fur, mane and tail furiously. She avoided toweling her wings, but made sure to get every inch under them before she trotted out into the hallway. She had to fight breaking out into a gallop to get to her door, seeing a couple of wonderbolts chatting, their voices meaningless to her.

She shut the door hard as she entered her room, tossing the towel in her hamper. She grabbed a brush and began to focus on smoothing her fur, so that the air resistance wouldn't slow her down. She closed her eyes as her vision blurred. Hearing, to be able to hear and understand what a voice means. Being not broken. She shook her head. She was not broken. She couldn't be broken. She didn't accept that she was broken.

Misty Fly was sitting in a chair, a bigger pony was standing over her, wearing a nurses uniform. The nurse pony moved its lips trying to make her understand them. They placed headphones on her ears. She shook her head and tried to squirm out of the seat. Where was her mom? She felt her throat vibrate before the nurse sat her back in the chair. The nurse, when she was sure she had finally gotten her message through went into a small side room. She sat there for what felt like an eternity, though she didn't know the words at the time. The nurse finally let her stand up and walked her to a small room with a gray maned and brown coated pony with a stethoscope for a cutie mark. Her parents came in shortly afterwards, taking the seats beside her.

The big ponies' lips began to move, and Misty Fly moved her head back and forth trying to make sense of what was going on. The pony shook his head several times and handed Misty Fly's parents a packet before letting them leave the office.

Several days later Misty Fly found herself in a room with another adult. This adult was mean, she wished she didn't have to go there. She didn't understand why she had to go their anyway. The mare would point at her mouth then at a letter and then back again while moving her lips. Misty Fly tried to copy the mare but could never do it just right. The mare would smack the table with a ruler, the vibrations intimidating Misty Fly before copying the pose again.

She had to go to Miss Right Speech every couple of days. It was just awful! She slowly remembered being able to understand her parents, if they didn't speak to fast that is. But it was hard, words like ball and tall looked exactly alike, and she was confused more often than not when they both tried to talk to her.

Her only escape at that time had been the school her parents had sent her to, a school on the ground for ponies with disabilities. She was in a classroom with other deaf students, and for the first time ever, felt like she could learn. The teacher, Sunny Dancer, spent time teaching the students to put gestures to concepts. Suddenly Misty Fly was able to tell someone that a black ball was black, by moving her dominant wing across her forehead or a hoof if she chose to. She could count as well as any other pony, and arguably spoke more languages than anyone else in the Wonderbolts.

She set her brush down and let out a long sigh. Today was definitely not a good day so far as looks were concerned. She shook her head from side to side few times before turning and putting her uniform on. Hopefully no one would notice her distracted looks today, she could already tell the day was going to be off.

She let out a shaky breath and turned towards the door, slowly walking out and towards the cafeteria. Her face relaxed as she noticed the other two Wonderbolts were no longer conversing in the hall way. She picked up her pace thinking that getting some breakfast would help push away the bad thoughts that wanted to run through her mind.

As she made her way into the cafeteria she was again made aware of ponies talking. She couldn't hear them, but their mouths moving were easily seen, even when she wasn't directly looking at them. She grabbed a tray and moved through the short line. A new cook was standing there, asking her much too quickly what she wanted, listing out what was available. She blinked once before putting one hoof sideways in her other one. The cook looked confused. She glanced around but found that the other cooks must have been busy in the back. She tried again with the same sign, turning her head to the side looking at the cook confusedly. He started again into his speech, much too fast for her to understand. She shook her head and tried again her wings moving slightly in agitation. The other pony seemed to become angry and his mouth began moving differently. She felt a touch on her shoulder.

She turned to see Fire Streak staring at her. YOU OKAY YOU? he signed. She nodded breifly. She had had to deal with new cooks before, she could handle one more. Fire Streak stepped next to her and began talking to the cook, she could read his face. He was scolding the cook for how he had treated her as well as listing off what it is she would want, without signing anything back to her. 'Broken,' the thought came unbidden, but she knew from how he had stepped in he felt that way. That she was simply something broken.

She dropped her tray to the floor suddenly, turning and sprinting from the room. Tears stung her eyes as she tore through the compound, avoiding any pony she saw. She had to get away, to find somewhere to hide. She wasn't broken. She wasn't.

Misty Fly ended up in a small supply closet typically used by squad two. She fell against some mats and began to sob, letting herself become lost in her misery and the promises that had been offered by those who had attacked them. The darkness and the stinging wetness of her tears, and the vibrating of her voice made it easy for her to be enveloped by it.

The door opened, the light from the outside spilling into the room. She turned her head away. With no where else to run she simply wanted to be left alone. The pony who opened the door stamped twice before taking a few cautionary steps in. When she didn't turn toward them they repeated their stamps. Suddenly she felt another wing touch her shoulder, cautionarily.

She turned slowly, to see Silver Lining staring at her with confusion. YOU OKAY YOU, he signed, though not as fluidly as Fire Streak, he'd picked up enough when Misty Fly was a new Wonderbolt.

Misty Fly shook her head, hiccups causing her body to shake. ME FEELBAD, she signed, as tears fell down her face.

Silver visibly sighed YOU STAND YOU. As Misty Fly stood he gestured for her to follow him. It wasn't in Pegasus Sign Language or in Equestrian Sign Language but the meaning was clear.

Silver lead her to his room, making sure to lock the door so they wouldn't be bothered. He seemed to ignore her as he turned on a hot plate and placed a kettle on it. She sniffled a bit as he came and sat on the bed with her . He tapped her shoulder with his hoof. WRONG WHAT he asked his eyebrows down.

She hiccuped before responding ME BROKEN she asked her eyebrows up to indicate her question, the frown on her face, wet eyes, and tired ears communicating her stress.

Silver's eyebrows raised to question the sign BROKEN? She nodded. He looked lost for a moment, before hesitantly signing YOU BROKEN YOU? with his eyebrows lowered.

She nodded, tears falling from her eyes. Silver jerked his head back. He didn't move for a few moments, as Misty looked down at the floor. Tears dripped from her eyes as her shoulders began to shake. She sobbed to herself, before off sounding whimpers escaped her lips. Silver sat on the bed next to her, watching as the second oldest wonderbolt broke down like a little foal. A shrill whistle joined the sound of Misty's whimpers.

Silver moved only to take the kettle off the hotplate, and to grab two mugs, and tea bags. He poured the boiling water into them before setting them down on the bedside table. He tapped her shoulder again, waiting for her to pull her eyes up to see his face. He pointed to the tea, and lowered his eyebrows. MILK SUGAR WHICH?.

Misty Fly stared at the cup as she felt the uncomfortable spasm of hiccups over taker her. The smell of herbs hit her nose and she shook her head before responding MILK SUGAR NO HONEY LEMON JUICE?

Silver stood their dumb founded as he tried to remember if he'd seen those signs before. REPEAT he signed.

Misty Fly repeated the signs for lemon juice and honey and Silver stood there still confused. Letting out a shaky sigh Misty sipped her bitter tea before setting it down. YELLOW she puckered her lips LEMON JUICE. Silver opened up a small fridge and pulled out a little green bottle that Wave Chill took in his tea. Misty nodded and waved her hoof YES LEMON JUICE.

Silver paused before repeating the sign before opening the bottle and pouring a small amount into Misty's cup. THANK-YOU, She signed.

YOUR-WELCOME, Silver signed back as he watched her take a sip of her tea.

Misty Fly looked back up at him after a small grimace. HONEY? she questioned only to be met by another confused look. She bit her lip to prevent tears from falling as she began to sign GOLD SUGAR HONEY.

Silver's ears twitched as he reached into the fridge and pulled out a small bottle. HONEY? he signed. Misty nodded much to his relief. He poured in a healthy amount before handing Misty a stirring stick. She stirred it quickly before taking a big gulp of the rapidly cooling tea.

Silver waited for her to lower the cup from her face before addressing the problem again. YOU BROKEN YOU?

Misty stared at him for a while before she began to shakily sign. DEAF DIFFICULT HEARING PONIES UNDERSTAND she signed while shaking her head, S-H-A-D-O-W-B-O-L-T-S she pointed to a spot, OFFER NOT WANT. OFFER HEARING. She made a face of disgust as her signs sped up. THEY SEE BROKEN. I WONDERBOLT. I NOT BROKEN. EVERYPONY SEE BROKEN. F-I-R-E-S-T-R-E-A-K she pointed again HE SEE BROKEN. COOKS SEE PROBLEM she stopped seeing the lost look on Silver's face. Misty dropped the cup she was holding and ran to the door. Silver caught the cup before it hit the floor, setting it down on the table before grabbing Misty by her shoulders.

He pulled her away with a grunt and pushed her back towards the bed. He waited until she stopped struggling before beginning to sign again. YOU SIGN FAST. I NOT UNDERSTAND. FINGERSPELLING DIFFICULT. He paused before asking his eyebrows raised. PAPER WRITE?

Misty Fly looked down before nodding her head slowly. Silver grabbed a notebook with a pen and passed it to Misty Fly. She took the pen in her mouth and began to write, starting from her interaction with the cook that morning and her feelings of the Shadowbolt offer. When she finally finished tears were once again streaming from her eyes. She handed Silver the notebook.

Silver read through the text before moving his lips. Misty cocked her head to the side, as the lip movements didn't match the context of things a pony would be saying. Silver set down the paper before signing, YOU BROKEN? NO. THEY NO SEE DIFFERENCE GOOD. YOU STRONG MARE. FIGHT AND WIN OFTEN. I WONDERBOLT YOU WONDERBOLT SAME.

Misty sat there contemplating his signs. YOU OKAY YOU.

OK Misty Fly signed back her eyes still filled with tears.

Author's Note

I hoped you all enjoyed this story. I'll admit I did not expect to be asked to be a leading author into the Wonderverse :rainbowderp: . I have to thank Calm Wind for his characterization of Misty Fly, Fire Streak, and Silver Lining.

As you may have noticed, the sign language is not written here as Calm Wind writes it. Because I am studying American Sign Language (ASL) I asked Calm about some things I learned in class as they pertained to Misty Fly and he suggested I try to write a story about them. One of the things I learned is that ASL is not a visual code for english, in fact there are some signs that are highly situational or just don't exist (for example are, to, a). In places where people claim they exist its because there have been several visual codes of English which have been used to teach deaf people english (which really wasn't needed). I figured since PSL (Pegasus Sign Language) took after ASL then I could tackle it like ASL.

You may also notice how odd and primative (with no er, ing, etc) endings. This is because the sign used for strong is the same used for stronger. It is where and how it is used, as well as the non-manual signals (mostly on the face, though with ponies having access to ears it gives more avalible signals to play around with) to know what you mean. Also periods are not typically placed when delvering a statement (a sentence in ASL as far as I have learned is as long as the signer is signing. ) But question marks are indicated by raised or lowered eye brows depending on the question.