Pandora, greatest of the draconequui, heir to the legacy of chaos, vision of beauty, grace, and power, and best princess of Equestria, currently found herself cowering before the glare of her mother. “Please, I can explain…”
“Really?” Princess Twilight Sparkle, and coincidentally mother to Pandora, arched her eyebrow in the manner unique to teachers who already knew that there was no sufficient explanation. “Because I distinctly remember telling you no gum during royal duties!”
Sure enough the two of them found themselves sitting in the now unusable great hall of Canterlot. All around them, gum dripped from ceilings and walls and broken windows, until the chamber more closely resembled the world’s happiest changeling cave. Or the aftermath of a Pinkie Pie baking party.
“It was just a little bit…” Pandora sulked, folding her paws over her chest as she slouched defensively. As if to rub in the point, a glob fell from the ceiling, nearly plastering both princesses with fur-obliterating doom.
“A little bit?” Twilight almost screeched, only just blocking this latest splatter with a quick shield. “They’re digging the stuff out of the stonework! And the princesses! Did you know chaos infused gum can stick to their manes? I do now!” Twilight gave an exasperated huff. “You know something like this has never happened before! Who knows if they’ll ever grow back! Celestia could be bald! We’ll have to retroactively take her mane out of all her depictions, lest ponies start thinking she’s got mare-pattern baldness. Heaven forbid they think she’s aging! There’ll be anarchy! Conspiracies! Illuminati!” Already, Twilight’s eyes had shrunk to pinpoints, her mind frantically rattling through the dooms no doubt awaiting a mane-less Equestria.
“Luna didn’t seem to mind,” Pandora whispered, immediately regretting it as her mother fixed her with a glare.
“Yes, because Luna can pull off a bob-cut!” Twilight threw up her hooves. “You know what happened to Cadance’s hair when we cut it short? Snarls, Pandora Eris Sparkle. Snarls everywhere. It made Pinkie look well kept!”
“In her defense,” Pandora’s loyal minion Cupcake threw in, her intonation as flat as ever. “She was technically outside the throne room when the bubble burst.”
“Cupcake, don’t. Just… don’t.” Twilight proceeded to massage her head thoroughly, attempting to drive away the eternal headache that resulted from her daughter. “I don’t care if it burst on the far side of the moon. It’s the principle of the thing. Pandora, please, just once, could you exercise a little VWORP.”
Now, Pandora and Cupcake were no strangers to oddity. As a matter of fact, nine out of ten ponies in Equestria would name them as the primary sources of oddity in the country. Be it living baking products, giant robot wedding crashing, or simply refusing to follow proper royal procedure, chances were they were at the heart of it. That said, having the Princess of Magic suddenly spirited from their presence by what could only be described as a complete collapse of local space-time was kind of new.
Not entirely new, mind, but usually there was a little more warning.
“What,” Pandora stated flatly, staring at the spot where her mother and a small chunk of the floor used to be.
“I think she disappeared, boss,” Cupcake pointed out.
“Yeah,” was all Pandora could answer. For a moment, relief warred with a growing sense of panic, leaving her staring stupidly at the empty spot on the floor.
“Boss?” Cupcake asked.
“Gimme a minute.” Slowly, Pandora took a deep breath. After said minute, she let it out again. “Just, lemme enjoy the absence of scolding for a moment.”
“Gotcha.” The two of them sat there for a few seconds.
Finally Pandora shook herself off. “Okay, I’m good.” She then immediately proceeded to freak out. “Cupcake, what the buck was that?!”
Cupcake studied the spot for a moment, rubbing her hoof along the missing slice of floor. “Well, boss, if I had to guess, I would go with a remote space time pocket inversion. There aren’t shear patterns like you’d see in a summoning, but closer to tensile damage suggesting massive gravitational curvature.”
Pandora stood dumbstruck for a moment, before shaking it off. “Cupcake, when I asked you to do the reading mother assigned me, you didn’t do all of it, did you?”
“It wasn’t that hard,” Cupcake stated bluntly.
“It was a shelf Cupcake. An entire shelf.” Pandora stared for another second, before shaking it off. “Nevermind. You’re the smart one now, apparently. How do we find her?”
“We could always notify the guards,” Cupcake pointed out.
“Pffft,” Pandora snorted, flipping her mane. “They’re just going to ask us a million questions, then tell us to go home and let them handle it.” She coughed, memories flicking back to earlier incidents. “Provided they don’t just blame us right here. Nope! This is a job for Equestria’s finest princess.”
“Hmmmm, well, in theory such an inversion would still have to map to three dimensional coordinates, so your emergency amulet should still be able to find her.” Cupcake shrugged. “Assuming you still have it, boss.”
Pandora sighed heavily. “Here’s hoping.” She started rifling through her mane Pinkie style, her paws gliding through the magical land of hammerspace. A few beachballs, a toaster, and a bathtub later, she cried out in triumph, a small violet crystal clutched in her claws. “Knew I still had it!”
“How much do you have in your mane, boss?” Cupcake asked, peering at the bathtub with a mild curiosity.
“No clue. Been using it ever since mom tried to get me to use those dorky saddlebags.” Pandora started to funnel her magic into the crystal, her horns glowing a soft violet.
“That was over a sixteen years ago, boss,” Cupcake commented.
“Sixteen years spent not looking like a moron.” Pandora grinned as the crystal began to vibrate in her claw. “Cupcake, I think I’ve found her!”
“I didn’t know the crystal could locate,” Cupcake observed.
“Oh, it can’t. But hey, it’s supposed to work with Twilight, and as dad always says: ‘in chaos, close enough is good enough!’” She grabbed up Cupcake under her arm like a piece of luggage. “Hang on tight, this is probably going to be a little bumpy.”
“A little,” Cupcake stated.
“Yeah just like the gum,” Pandora muttered, a grin playing across her face.
“Yaaaaaaaay,” Cupcake deadpanned, before the two of them vanished in a direction that could only be described in eight dimensions, driven on metaphorical wings of pure chaos.
Where they were headed, they could only guess.
Starburst stared off into the distant sunrise, eyes wandering between the clouds that even now glowed gold in the first rays of sunlight. Other ponies might have simply admired the sight, but to Starburst, the clouds were cover, and the gaps were paths of advance. Every morning, she planned the defense of Canterlot from a different threat. Today, she carefully measured the cloud spacing for ambush pickets in the event of another changeling invasion. Wait until their forces were at the city gates, then swing out and sandwich them against the city’s garrison. Wipe them out, and this time, no escape.
“Starburst?” Twilight peered curiously at her daughter, gently giving her glass a tap for attention.
“Huh? Oh, sorry mom. My mind was elsewhere.” Star blushed a bit, but only a little. It wasn’t proper guard decorum to get too flustered.
Twilight sighed. “I know, dear. I was just kind of hoping we could catch up is all. You’re always so busy these days.” The words sent a sharp pang through Star’s heart, but she forced it down.
“I know mom, but if I’m gonna be bucking for promotion, I have to be a cut above the rest,” she said, telling herself she wasn’t just making excuses. “I’m already below regulation height, and if I don’t impress, I’m never going to break lieutenant.” She let her eyes wander off to the horizon, beginning her analysis of the city’s towers’ utility as firing positions. She could probably spread the mages guild through the commercial and government districts and turn the city into an entire arial killzone. Anything not to look at her mother.
“I know dear, but it’s alright to slow down a bit. You’re barely into marehood and already you’re an officer. Shiny wouldn’t get that far for another two years.”
“Oh?” Star blushed furiously this time, her attention back on Twilight. She’d never realized she was actually outstripping her legendary uncle. “I’m actually ahead of him?”
“Yes.” A conspiring smile flashed across Twilight’s lips. “Never tell him I told you, but Shiny used to have four back hooves. He could dance just fine, but put something in his hooves and it might as well have been made of molybendium disulfide!” Twilight giggled, then noticed her daughter’s blank look. “Uh, butter. Butter would work too.”
“Ahhh.” Star nodded, but they’d both felt the disconnect there. That was how these meetings always went. They’d make the effort, but every time something reminded them of the gulf in their interests. Star made a quick glance at the sun again. “My shift’s coming up soon, I really should get back and into uniform.”
“Oh, alright.” Twilight fussed with her cup for a moment, before glancing up. “Oh, Star, wait!”
“Hmm?” Star paused, turning back to look at her mother.
“I just wanted to tell yoVWORP.” The princess of magic disappeared from where she stood, the spot, her chair, and a portion of the table briefly folding into a gap in reality.
“Mom!” Star made a snap lunge for her mother, only to crash into the table, and tumble into the shallow crater that had once been the Princess of Magic. “Guards! Emergency!” She glanced up, spotting the startled expression of a passing pegasus patroller. “You! Fetch Captain Sentry and a full division of guard mages! We have a situation orange!”
“Maam, yes maam!” The guard snapped off a shaky salute, and buzzed off so swiftly for the palace that it left a gust swirling in his wake. As soon as he was on his way, Star proceeded to secure the premisses, grabbing out a royal guard badge from her saddlebags as her training fought to control her panic. It wouldn’t provide the protection of a set of armor, but it would make sure nopony questioned her authority. Suitably armed and feeling more like a guard, she quickly examined the scene of the abduction for any clues. She wasn’t the best student of magic, but living with Twilight Sparkle had helped her learn a few things, such as the propensity for magic to leave scorch marks. And whatever had happened to her mother, it hadn’t left a burn in sight. She glanced at the table, and did a double take. Where the edge of the table had been too close, the metal had been warped and bent, like it had been torn roughly away.
“Lieutenant Starburst” As soon as she heard the bark of the captain of the guard, Starburst snapped to attention. That he happened to be her father didn’t affect things in the slightest. “Report on the situation!”
“Sir! At approximately seven fourteen, Princess Twilight Sparkle disappeared from my presence. I attempted to prevent her capture, but by the time I could react, I was too late.” She gestured to the scene, professionally keeping the guilt out of her voice. “The local evidence would not suggest teleportation or summoning, given the lack of scorching. If I had to guess, I would say it was almost like she was pulled out of place.”
“Very good.” Captain Flash Sentry surveyed the scene himself, rapidly coming to the same conclusions. “And the scene has not been disturbed?”
“Beyond my attempt to save the princess, no. The incident was only a few minutes ago, and we chose this cafe for its isolation. There’s been no public exposure.” She cast a quick glance at the windows, still shuttered against the morning sun.
“Thank Celestia for small blessings. We don’t need everypony finding out about this before an official statement.” He turned to Star, a hint of paternal pride and familial worry hidden beneath the stony exterior of professionalism. “Report back to barracks and gather your gear. As of right now, the entire guard is mobilized.”
In the heart of Ponyville, there was a sound. Those who heard it would later describe it as the sound of ten thousand kazoos crying out, then being silenced. While it would echo through the memories of all those present for all time, it would echo through two minds more than any others. Specifically, it would echo through the minds of Cupcake and Pandora.
“SWEET CELESTIA’S ATOMIC ASS,” Pandora yelled, digging around in her ears. “THAT WAS LOUDER THAN THE ACTUAL SUN.”
“Actually, the sun was slightly louder,” Cupcake corrected, not even bothering to rub her own ears.
“WHAT?” Pandora snapped her claw, popping a pair of ears into her grasp, with a quick tug, she swapped out her own set for the new ones. “Oh wow, that is way better. What’d you say, Cupcake?”
“I said the sun was actually louder, boss,” Cupcake said.
“Eh, you’re probably right. I guess I just went deaf faster that time.” She snapped her paws, conjuring up a trash bin, then dumped her old ears in it before banishing it from existence. She briefly wondered if there was some extradimensional landfill packed with her discarded body parts. She wasn’t sure if that would be awesome or horrifying. “Okay, Cupcake, where to from here?”
“Hmmm.” Cupcake slowly studied the town around them. To the average pony, it would have seemed like nothing more than Ponyville, but years of living with Pandora had taught her to always look past the surface. Chaos magic never did what you’d expect. Looking more closely, she immediately began to pick out differences, moved shops and different decorations.
Also, the distinct absence of a gigantic “draconequus complaints here” sign was something of a giveaway. “Boss, what was that phrase you used once?”
“Time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of gum?” Pandora rubbed her chin. She found a lot of catchphrases just came to her, so it was hard to keep track. “That is the sound of the inevitable, Mr.Anderson?”
“No, the one about canned ass, boss,” Cupcake corrected.
“Oh!” Pandora snapped her claw, glancing through her handy list of out-of-context quotes. “ Uhhh, here! Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore?”
“That’s the one.” Cupcake pointed off towards the horizon, where what could only be described as an opulent little mansion sat just off the main thoroughfare. “I think it applies.”
“Woah, sweet digs! Since when does Ponyville have a mansion?” Pandora whistled, taking in the vaulted columns and manicured hedges, then glanced at Cupcake. “Are we in some sort of alternate Ponyville again?”
“That’d be my guess, boss.” She pointed again, this time at the mailbox. “Especially given that it’s the Sparkle residence.”
“Since what now?” Pandora glanced at the mailbox as well, and her brain promptly jammed up. “What.”
“Are we going to be heading in, boss?” Cupcake asked.
“Oh tartarus yes we’re going in. I wanna see mom’s mansion.” Pandora took her first step, then blanched. “Oh stars, I just realized, you think I’m like… prissy in this world? What if we go in there, and there I am, my hair in curls in a dress, asking ‘what do you think you’re doing in my mansion?!’” Pandora even added a bit of dainty prancing for emphasis.
“Boss, I don’t think you’re prissy in any world,” Cupcake pointed out.
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Just… fate worse than death and all that, you know?” Pandora suppressed a shudder. Somehow, she knew that somewhere, there was a her just like Skyla. Just as every mortal was born knowing they would die. “Come on, let’s go find some clues.” With a snap of her claws, she had a deerstalker cap on her head, and promptly strode up to the door, only to find it locked. “Ah well. Time for the Pandora brand skeleton key!”
“You mean bombs, boss?”
“Yes, Cupcake.” Pandora snapped her claws, producing a massive bundle of TNT, all colored a charming purple, and stylized with grinning little faces. Grinning faces that matched her own. “Yes I do.”
Deep in the royal court, Illusion nearly fell off his chair, prompting a worried look from his mother. “Is something wrong?”
Illusion quickly shook himself off, blinking a few more times in surprise. As a draconequus himself, he’d always possessed a certain sensitivity to chaos magic. That said, when he felt a literal wave of the stuff wash over him, it left him a little disoriented. “I-I’m not sure. I’m sorry, can I be excused today? I think I need to check on something.”
“Of course.” Celestia smiled serenely, but her eyes held a hint of concern. “Just make sure to be back in time for the financial hearings.”
“Yes mother, I promise.” Politely excusing himself from audience, he quickly made his way outside, only waiting until he was out of sight until he teleported.
Perhaps he should have told his mother about the burst of chaos magic, but something inside him refused. Even after all these years, so much of his own heritage was an enigma. He’d asked his father what it meant to be a draconequus, but the stories he’d gotten were as likely made up as true. Being the last of his kind for over a thousand years left Discord a lot of leeway to play with the history. A part of him wanted to see for himself, for once.
Between chaining his teleports and pushing his magic to the edge, it took him only a few minutes to put himself in the heart of Ponyville, where chaos magic hung thick as smoke. Resisting the urge to cough, he quickly took stock of the situation, which seemed to consist of a giant smoking crater blown in the face of the Sparkle mansion. Not the best start, he had to admit, but certainly looking like the work of a draconequus.
It was then that he heard the wild, cackling laughter.
He hesitantly stepped into the hall, where he found a sight he would not soon forget. Sprawled out in the main entryway was easily the second biggest draconequus he’d ever seen, not quite a match for his father, but certainly a sight larger than himself. She sprawled out on the floor, eyes squeezed shut as she convulsed with laughter, her serpentine body curling and writhing as she clutched something in her claws, her violet and white hair falling all around her.
“Oh my gods, Cupcake, no way, no way in tartarus.” The draconequus managed to pull herself together just long enough to glance again at whatever was in her claw, before devolving into paralyzing guffaws. “Oh my gods! This place can’t be real! Tell me I’m dreaming!”
“Excuse me.” Illusion felt a tap on his shoulder, and jumped nearly a foot in the air. Whipping around, he found himself staring at the plainest, most unimpressed earth pony he’d ever seen. “The boss’ll just be a minute. Allow me to apologize for the door.”
“I, uh, you…” Illusion found his tongue failing him. This entire situation was just too strange. “Who are you?”
“I’m Cupcake. That’s my boss.” She stuck a hoof in the laughing draconequus’ direction. “We’re looking for her mom.”
“Mom! Right.” The draconequus sat up abruptly, dropping her held item. As it tumbled to the floor Illusion noticed that it was a framed picture of Twilight and Flash Sentry on their wedding day. “Okay, Cupcake, help me…” She stopped, only now noticing Illusion’s entry. For a moment, there was dead silence, before she broke into barely restrained giggles. “Oh my gods, this place is too great.”
“Excuse me?” Illusion had the sudden feeling he ought to be offended.
“You’re so tiny!” She swept him up into a noogie, promptly running her paws through his hair. “What are you, some kind of pygmy draconequus?”
“Hey! What on--” Illusion found himself squirming helplessly, the height difference between himself and the new draconequus actually allowing her to pick him up like a foal. It was rare that illusion found himself truly embarrassed, but today looked like one of those days.
“He looks like a hybrid, boss,” Cupcake offered helpfully, and getting a snort in response.
“Draconequui don’t hybridize, Cupcake.” Pandora rolled her eyes. Every draconequus kid is a draconequus. I mean, can you imagine just being half as awesome? How sad would that be?” She grinned and took a second look at Illusion, still held in her claws. “I mean, he doesn’t even look… that… much…” As she studied him, her expression continued to fall, going from mirth to almost heartbreaking sympathy. “Oh slap me with a spreadsheet. I’m so sorry.”
Illusion wasn’t sure which he liked less, being held like a foal, or being looked at like he was a quadruple amputee with jaundice and a cheating wife. Unfortunately, the newcomer continued before he could voice this opinion. “Don’t worry, it’s… I mean. You’ll be okay. I mean, omnipotent power isn’t that great. It’s actually, kind of…” She glanced at Cupcake, and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Cupake, what’s the opposite of impossibly awesome?”
“Possibly awesome, boss?” Cupcake offered.
“Right!” She turned back to Illusion as though he hadn’t just heard their conversation. "It’s very possibly awesome. Wait. That doesn’t sound right.”
“What boss is trying to say is that you should always feel good about yourself no matter how inadequate you are,” Cupcake explained.
“Exactly!” The draconequus dropped Illusion on the floor. “Okay, back to the mission.”
“Wait!” Illusion finally blurted out, getting their attention. “What are you two doing here?”
“We’re looking for her mother,” Cupcake supplied.
“Yeah, would you believe she disappeared right in the middle of a lecture?” The draconequus shook her head. “If there was ever proof there was an emergency, that’s it.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Illusion managed to cut in. “Who’s your mother?”
The draconequus stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, of course!”
Illusion’s brain died.
Then it pictured his dad banging his aunt.
And then it wished it had stayed dead.
Starburst was not having a good day. She’d never been one to shirk guard duty, but simply having to sit by and watch as the mages went over her mother’s disappearance grated on her nerves like steel wool. She found herself stealing glances at them as she maintained the cordon, watching as they swept over the wreckage with their horns. And meanwhile all she could do was watch.
“Star?” She glanced up, finding herself looking at a halfway familiar pony clad in a pair of painfully garish saddlebags. Though she knew just who it was beneath the disguise, she went through the motions anyway.
“I’m sorry, Citizen, there’s nothing to see here.” As she moved forward to guide him away, she leaned in to whisper. “Sorry, Illusion, this is really a bad time. Mom just disappeared, and we have no idea where.”
“Star, I… wait, you mean Twilight disappeared?” He blinked in surprise, a surprise that Star matched when his saddlebags started talking.
“Wait, your Twilight disappeared too?” A lone eye poked its way out of the saddlebag, glancing out the gap under the flap, prompting Star to nearly break her composure.
“Illusion, what is that?” She jabbed her hoof at the saddlebag, glancing around to make absolutely certain they weren’t being watched.
“It’s… come on. Lead me into the alley.” Illusion glanced around, before getting Star to ‘lead’ him into the alleyway. As soon as they were properly out of sight, he dropped his disguise. “Okay, this is going to get extremely strange, extremely quickly. I just want you to brace yourself.”
“Illusion, my mom just vanished before my eyes, I don’t think--” As if on cue, which it probably was, Illusion’s saddlebag opened, and from it issued forth a head, some arms, and eventually a whole draconequus. Star blinked. “Is she--?”
“Star,” Illusion sighed. “Meet Pandora Eris Sparkle.” He nodded slowly as Star’s head whipped to him. “Yes, you heard me right.”
“Wait,” Pandora cut in, leaning in to peer at Star. “Did you say your mom was… Holy solar spankings I can see it!” She immediately clapped her paws over her mouth, trying to fight down heaving giggles. “Oh wow, this world’s Twilight really picked the low hanging fruit.”
“The buck did you--” She found Illusion’s hooves holding her back. “Let go!”
“Star, she’s here looking for her own mom too!” He struggled to hold on to the angry pegasus, years of guard training making a joke of their size differences.
“Boss,” said an earth pony currently being pulled forth from the other saddlebag. “Maybe you shouldn’t antagonize the locals.”
“But it’s Flash Sentry, Cupcake! She could have married a spirit of chaos and she married dullard do-right!” She fought down another fit of giggles. “It’s like if Shining Armor banged the mailmare!” Pandora paused, then grinned. “Oh mare, I hope there’s a world where Skyla delivers letters for a living.”
“Hey! My father’s ten times the colt yours is! Good for nothing layabout…” She trailed off as she noticed Illusion’s eyebrow climbing towards his hairline. Oops. “Uh, I mean…”
“Look, this is weird enough for everypony.” Illusion glanced out of the alley. “Star, I’ll cover for you out there. You two… see if you can find out what’s going on. Without killing each other.” He lifted one of his paws and gave a snap, instantly transforming into an identical copy of Star.
The two of them watched him go, waiting for him to pass the corner before Star rounded on Pandora, her previous ire still seething in the back of her mind. “Okay, spill. What the buck are you doing here?”
“Gaining a new appreciation for how lucky I am!” Pandora stated with a wicked smirk. “Seriously, what are you, two foot nothing?”
Star felt her cheeks flush hot, her embarrassment not helped by the fact that she had to tilt her head nearly vertical just to look Pandora in the eye. Were she not in uniform, she was sure she would have decked this overgrown idiot in her stupidly high face. “I’m not here to trade comebacks with a delinquent. What do you know about my mom?”
“What, you mean besides--Ow!” She glanced down at Cupcake, rubbing the newly formed bruise in her side. “Okay, alright. All I know is Mom disappeared right in the middle of giving me a lecture, okay? Then I pulled out my old emergency amulet, and tried to use it to follow her.”
“It didn’t work that well,” Cupcake added.
Star glanced over at Cupcake, not sure what to make of the pony, beyond that she could give Maud Pie a run for her money. Or a rock for that matter. “And you are?”
“Cupcake. Minion.” She extended a hoof, holding it out for a solid minute until Star finally shook it. Star nearly gasped, the mare’s limb like solid steel. Again she found her mind going to stories of Maud Pie. “A pleasure.” Cupcake concluded flatly, finally releasing Star.
“Okay, so,” Pandora cut in. “Your Twilight. Did she go VWORP and just sort of suck up everything around her?”
“I-- yes, she did,” Star grunted, annoyed to lose control of the conversation. “Yours do the same?”
“Of course she did, why else would I possibly ask that?” Pandora rolled her eyes, earning another growl from Star.
“You got any idea where she went?” Star asked, again fighting down the growing urge for hooficuffs.
“We thought she came here. Again, duh.” Pandora sighed, waving to Cupcake. “Come on, let’s try the amulet again.”
“Woah, no way you’re leaving without me!” Star took a step forward, drawing a glance from Pandora and Cupcake. “My mother’s missing as well, and chances are she went the same place yours did.”
“Okay, listen Shortstack, I--Ow! Jeeze! The same rib, Cupcake? Really?” Pandora met Cupcake’s deadpan gaze for only a few seconds, before glancing back to Star and sighing. "Fine, you can come. Just keep all hooves and wings inside the ride at all times.”
With that, she snapped her claws.
And Star’s ears learned a new definition of pain.
Somewhere on the outskirts of another Ponyville, there stood a castle. Though its form resembled a mighty tree, it was covered not in bark, but in black painted steel. A thousand glass-wrought eyes stared from its branches, watching the silent town below. From its peak, a lone voice issued forth.
“Good morning. The current time is eleven o’ clock. The weather is overcast with a 24% chance of acid hail in the evening. Please follow all requisite safety procedures, and have a fulfilling day.”
Within the tree, the voice echoed down the metallic halls, stirring two sleeping souls from their slumber. Each one was a purple alicorn with a starburst on her flank. One looked a touch younger, her hair done up in a bun, while the other was clearly the elder, though the white in her hair and bags under her eyes might have been just as much stress as age.
They stirred at about the same time, and locked eyes a moment later.
“What’s the date?” Asked the elder.
“31 years after Luna’s return,” replied the younger.
“What’s your origin code?” Asked the elder again.
“5274329,” replied the younger. “Yours?”
“3967583,” said the elder, sighing. “Well, at least it’s not time travel.”
“Did they laugh at you when you came up with your origin code?” The younger asked.
“Only when I tried to make them get theirs. Of course, a week later we get visited by future Pinkie Pie.” The elder chuckled, remembering that particular adventure. “Nopony was laughing then, ironically.”
“So, alternate versions of each other?” The younger asked, receiving a nod from the elder in turn. “Any bright ideas?”
“Not one.” The elder sighed, feeling up around the base of her horn, where an ink black ring was affixed. She tried a few cursory pulses of magic, examining the ring’s behavior. “The inhibitor ring is solid. I don’t even recognize the material. Some sort of lattice construction that bleeds off the magic with almost perfect efficiency. I’d run dry long before it burnt out.”
“That was my take,” The younger agreed, settling on her cot with a sigh. She glanced around the room, no doubt picking up on exactly what the Elder had: The room was clearly a holding cell, complete with reinforced one way mirror, solid steel blast doors, and a toilet and sink for extended stays. As soon as the younger took it all in, she shook her head. “So much for an easy escape. So, got any family?”
“Yeah, one kid,” The elder answered, settling in for the long haul herself. “You?”
“Two,” said the younger, piquing the elder’s interest. “Boy and a girl. Yours?”
“Daughter.” The elder sighed, half with longing and half with regret. “Everyone tells you kids are going to be a hoofful, but you never really have any idea. You’ll actually probably get to meet her. She eats this adventure stuff up.” The elder rolled her eyes. “Chances are she’s already on her way to rescue me.” The elder glanced around, shrugging. “Not like I don’t need it, but knowing her, it’ll be twice the mess it has to be.”
“Wow, she sounds like quite the firebrand. Reminds me of my own, though she’s not much of one for messes.” The younger smiled, though her expression as well wasn’t without misgivings. “Takes so much after her father.”
“Oh? And who’d that be?” The elder held up a hoof. “Wait, let me guess. Soarin?”
“Soarin? What? Noooo.” The younger burst into giggles. “Rainbow’d kill me if I swiped her little cirrus cloud. No I prefer a colt in uniform.”
“Colt in uni… no.” The elder’s expression took on an aspect of mortification. It’s not like she hadn’t contemplated the option in her youth, but to actually see it played out was a little too surreal. “Tell me you didn’t.”
“Flash is a fine pony!” The younger gave an exasperated huff. “Strong, upstanding, and a loving father.”
“Oh I have no doubt.” The elder giggled, amused that even the version of her who had wound up chasing Flash was embarrassed. “But he’s so dull. At least tell me he gave up the band!”
“They’ve gotten better.” The younger muttered apologetically. “Kinda.” She flipped her mane, shooting the elder a teasing stare. “Well, who’d you end up with?”
“Oh, uh.” It was the elder’s turn to blush. Flash might not have been her first choice, but it’s not like her pick was exactly kosher. “It’s kind of a long story.”
“Please tell me it wasn’t Blueblood.” The younger groaned and rolled her eyes. “I swear, the moment you get a pair of wings, the vultures just start circling.”
“Oh stars, no. I wouldn’t touch him with a twenty foot spear,” the elder snorted, only to briefly realize that there probably was a Twilight married to blueblood out there. Now that was a scary thought. “No, my tastes are a little more… mature.”
“Mature?” The younger rubbed her chin for a moment, before letting out a gasp. “No! You can’t mean Discord!”
“Hey, it’s not like I planned it this way!” The Elder shot back with a huff. “Honestly, that was part of the problem. Before I really got to know him, I thought you had to schedule everything to live an efficient, productive life.” A soft smile teased her face, laced with fond memories of subtext laden fights. “I remember the first year he taught at the school. He made a complete mess of the schedule inside of a month. I spent the first two years just trying to fire the old miscreant. Of course, the students loved him, and he was always on his best behavior with the review board, so I spent most of that time fuming.” She shook her head, chuckling softly. “It was only after I started paying attention to why they loved him that I started to see the beauty in chaos. He kept them on their hooves. He made learning an adventure!”
“Easy there,” muttered the younger. “You’re going a little fanfilly on me.”
“Sorry.” The elder took a deep breath, blushing with embarrassment. “Just, he really opened my eyes to how I was living my life. There are so many things I never would have experienced if not for him.”
“I guess that makes sense.” The younger shook her head. “I just can’t imagine life without my Flash.”
“To each their own.” The Elder shrugged. “Tell me about your kids.”
The younger brightened immediately. “Oh! Well, Star was our first. She was such a sweet little thing growing up…”
“I’M GONNA TAKE YOUR STUPID HEAD AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR STUPID ASS!” Star screamed, her hooves wrapped around Pandora’s throat. The fact that she could even keep her balance, much less engage in aggravated assault, after having her eardrums blown out was a clear testament to her skill as a guard.
“Cupcake!” Pandora gurgled, flailing around as an angry pegasus attempted to decapitate her barehoofed. “Cupcake! Help!”
“I”M DEAF BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID TELEPORT.” Star squeezed harder, finally dragging Pandora to the ground. She was really gonna kill her this time, she was sure of it. “THEY DISCHARGE DEAF GUARDS. YOU’VE TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME!”
“Cupcake!” Pandora snapped a prybar into existence, feebly trying to remove Star from her back, only for Star to knock it sailing from her grip. “Cupcake. Dying.”
Twenty feet away…
Cupcake raced through the undergrowth, the sounds of the continued scuffle disappearing at her back. A part of her heart twinged at the thought of abandoning her boss, but she knew she had bigger fish to fry. Ahead of her, a strange construct of light and metal raced away, trying to outrun her through the heavy undergrowth. Something told her that letting it escape was not an option, lest it return to its masters. She’d read enough military history to know how that ended.
Hopefully boss could keep out of trouble until then.
“Freeze!”
The squabbling half-siblings froze, though it took some frantic gesturing from Pandora to get Star to notice. Facing them was a pony, clearly a guard of some sort, but his uniform was unlike any either had seen. He was clad in heavy, camouflaged cloth, and stood on his hind hooves. Several metal tines seemed to be grafted to his limbs, extending past his hooves to give him de-facto toes and fingers. He leveled a strange black device at them, his posture leaving no question it was a weapon. “Produce your registration papers, now!”
“Right here,” Pandora wheezed, snapping her paw. A sharp hissing filled the clearing, and the guard whipped around to find a large, smiling bomb burning away behind him.
He had a split second to register this. “Son of a--”
The explosion shook the leaves from the surrounding trees, and were the two ponies not already varying degrees of deaf, they would have heard his wailing screams as he sailed off into the cloud choked sky. There was a beat of silence, during which Pandora slowly let herself feel the warm satisfaction of a job well exploded. “Well--” Pandora began, before the clearing filled with rattling thunder.
Before Pandora realized what was happening, Star was gone from her throat. In an instant, she was between Pandora and the noise, her armor casting sparks as shards of metal ricocheted off the enchanted plates. She dove into the bushes, producing a startled grunt from their attacker as her hooves plowed into his barrel. The two tumbled, his weapon clattering away as she proceeded to pummel his face. Fighting back, one of the soldier’s tined hooves grabbed her around the throat, the other yanking a combat knife from his fatigues. In response, Star flared her wings, and for an instant the soldier froze in cowed surprise. It was just long enough for her to drive her hoof into his knife wielding limb, smashing the metal fingers and sending the knife tumbling from his grip. She then finished him off with a vicious right hook to the jaw that left him slack.
“Damn,” Pandora muttered, poking her head up from where she’d heroically dived into the underbrush. “You are one angry little pony.”
“WHAT?” Star yelled, her absent hearing still throwing off her tone.
With a roll of her eyes, Pandora snapped up fresh pairs of ears for both of them, quickly swapping out Star’s before she even realized what was happening. Star blinked for a second as she finally heard Pandora speak. “I said you are one angry little pony.”
“I’m not having a good day,” Star growled, before turning around to dig through the soldier’s fatigues, one hoof absently rubbing her ears.
“Yeah, uh, remind me not to piss you off,” Pandora mumbled, taking a chance to glance over Star’s shoulder. Though she’d never admit it, that little brawl of Star’s had been boss as all get-out.
“Too late,” Star grunted, rifling through several sheaves of papers on the soldier, before finally digging out a map. “Alright, here we go.” She traced her hoof along the various lines, silently mumbling to herself. Pandora leaned in a little closer, but Star swatted her off with a wing, earning the pegasus an indignant glare. “I’m busy trying to figure out where we are. Go secure the soldier or something.”
“Fine,” Pandora sulked, walking over to the soldier. She snapped her paw and conjured a massive three tumbler safe right into existence, deftly tossing the soldier inside and scrambling the locks. Belatedly she remembered to add some airholes.
“What the buck is that?” Star blurted from behind her.
“You said secure him!” Pandora shot back, leaning against the massive container. “How else would I do that?”
“With, I dunno, rope?” Though Star tried to keep a straight face, it was clear she was struggling with the fact that Pandora had simply summoned a couple hundred pounds of iron out of thin air. A fact that brought a particularly smug grin to Pandora’s lips.
“Why?” Pandora asked, cocking an eyebrow sassily. “Just because you can’t carry around a safe on demand, means I have to use some puny rope?”
“Fine, whatever,” Star grunted, quietly grinding her teeth. “I’m gonna see if I can get our bearings. Just stay here and… don’t do anything crazy.”
“Excuse me? You want me to stay here?” Pandora snorted and snapped her paw, a pair of figurines popping into existence onto Star’s map. The one representing Star admittedly took some unflattering artistic liberties. “How about I just get our bearings for us?”
“I…” Star began grinding her teeth harder, only stopping when she noticed that her little figurine was doing exactly the same thing. “Fine. We just need to know where everything else is now.”
“Done and done.” Pandora snapped again, and an entire village found itself on the map. An entire village plus one gigantic metal tree. The two of them stared blankly at it for a moment. It was Pandora who spoke up first. “Damn, that is ominous.”
“Then it’s probably where our mothers are.” Star went through the soldier’s pockets one more time, grabbing a few more papers whose purpose admittedly escaped Pandora. “Come on. Let’s hurry up, save mom, and get the hell away from each other.”
“Seconded,” Pandora grumbled, starting to follow Star, only to suddenly decide she wanted to lead the way. Brushing past, she made it about three strides before Star muscled right on past her.
And so began the pissing contest.
Deep within the highest branches of the iron tree of eyes, a single pony sat alone. All around her, pale screens glowed with sights of the outside world. The streets of Ponyville, the halls of the tree, and a cell filled with two quietly chatting Twilights. Alone, the pony watched them all.
“Twilight Sparkle,” she muttered softly, her lone blue eye fixed on the pair in her screen. “Hello again, my old friend.”
As far as incarcerations went, the elder Twilight had to admit, this was one of the better ones. The cots weren’t too hard. The cell was clean. Their captors hadn’t felt compelled to lord over them every ten seconds with how brilliant their plan was. The food was even pretty good, so far as nutrient pastes went.
And the company was the best she’d had in years.
“Well, obviously Shining and Cadance had a kid first. But I’m guessing that’s the same in your world as well?” The younger alicorn asked, her hooves folded under her like she was snuggling up for for a good old slumber party.
“Oh yes, Princess Skyla.” The elder sighed, a few memories of ancient headaches passing through her mind. “The absolute picture perfect princess. She’s polite, refined, and probably the one pony Panny absolutely cannot stand.”
The younger winced. “Something of a rivalry there?”
“Oh, it wasn’t always that way. They actually got along well as foals. But as the years passed, they just got more and more different, and you know how kids can be.” The elder sighed, remembering years of escalating pranks and jibes. “I’m hoping they’ll grow out of it, but sweet Celestia it’s taking a while.”
“I know the feeling.” The younger Twilight rolled her eyes in an all too familiar expression to the elder. “Nidra and Prism are taking their good sweet time growing up as well. Though, not to sound judgmental, but I can’t really say I’m surprised.”
“Prism, isn’t that… wait, let me guess.” The elder rubbed her chin, her brain quickly making the obvious connection. “Rainbow’s kid?”
“You got it,” the younger giggled. “For a pony who reads so much, Rainbow hasn’t got quite the imagination you’d hope. You know she turned down Chroma Blaze for a name?”
“What?! Really?” The elder rolled her eyes. Of course Rainbow wouldn’t take a good suggestion. “Probably just because you came up with it.”
“Oh, obviously. But when I get somepony to use Chroma Blaze--” She clapped her hooves. “Then she will see the superiority of the name!”
“Not that she’ll ever admit it,” the elder threw in, the two devolving into giggles. “So, you never told me about your Shiny’s kid.”
“Oh, Valiant Heart.” The younger smirked conspiratorially. “Think Shiny with all of Cadence’s magnetism.”
The elder whistled. “Do you have to beat the mares off with a bat, or a hammer?”
“You’d have to ask Cadance, but luckily he got his father’s morals. Otherwise I’m sure we’d be sorting out bloodlines for the next thousand years.” Again the two giggled. “Oh! Did Spike and Rarity get together yet in your world?”
“Spike and Rarity?” The elder gaped, honestly surprised. “Don’t tell me they actually followed through on that crush!”
From her expression, it was clear that it was the younger’s turn to gape. “Crush? They were a romance for the ages! Love everlasting!”
“Pfft, it was a foalhood crush.” The elder waved her off. “It took years, but he finally saw Scootaloo was the mare for him.”
“Scootaloo!” The younger sputtered, reduced to flailing. “Really? Scootaloo? Not even Sweetie Belle?”
The elder raised her eyebrow. “Yeah, because dating the little sister of your Ex-crush wouldn’t be weird at all.”
“Ehhh, point.”
At that moment, the door opened, and the pair found themselves faced with a guard.
“The administrator will see you now.”
“That’s your idea?!” Starburst hissed, her once golden armor smeared with dirt and grime, until the filth served as improvised camouflage. As much as it galled her to ruin the finish, utility was more important.
“I’m sorry, do you have a better plan than ‘blow it up?’” Pandora folded her paws over her chest, glaring down at Starburst. “Does the guard regularly go over fortress tree assaults?”
Sure enough, the tree was decidedly a fortress. Even before the iron plated sides, the town surrounding the tree was itself built from concrete fortifications, the shops and homes looking more like bunkers than buildings. Even the common ponies were clearly armed, each and every one sporting some form of the strange metal claws and weapons that the soldiers had carried. It made for a pretty bleak assault scenario.
“Yes, actually, we do. And I am not taking a two mare team against that thing when the stakes are this high!” She resisted the urge to flap up into Pandora’s face, the danger of discovery too high this close to the town. “We should go back and get reinforcements!”
“Hey, news flash. I wouldn’t expect a pegasus to understand, but chaos magic ain’t exactly accurate.” Pandora snorted. “Maybe you’d like to fling us into oblivion running back to big daddy Sentry’s apron, but my parents taught me to be independent.”
“We’ll see how independent you are on life-support after I break every bone in your idiot body,” Star snarled, again fighting down the urge to dispense hoof based justice. “Celestia knows you’ll be safer than thinking for yourself!”
“Big talk, shortcake.” Pandora raised one of her paws threateningly, poised to snap. “Maybe I ought to turn you into a shortcake just so you’ll finally figure out who should be running this little operation.”
“I’d like to see you try,” Star growled, flaring her wings wide and making Pandora flinch. To say the response satisfied her would be a gross understatement.
“Or we could take the front door,” Cupcake said, crawling out of the underbrush. Though clearly by no means a fussy pony regarding her appearance, Cupcake currently looked like she’d had a pitched battle with a woodchipper, and won in a nine round slugfest. Needless to say, Star and Pandora were struck speechless.
“Cupcake, what, um…” Pandora trailed off, gesturing vaguely at the mess that was her minion.
“Got in an argument with a robot,” Cupcake stated flatly, picking a few bolts out of her hair, and wiping a bit of oil from her fur. “He came around.”
“I’m not even going to ask,” Star stated. Honestly, she’d seen trained soldiers less competent than this Cupcake.
“Cupcake,” Pandora muttered reverently. “Sometimes you amaze even me.”
“Are you finally going to start paying me, boss?” Cupcake asked.
“Oh buck no, but you’ll totally get a gold star when we get back.” She gave Cupcake a winning smile and a pat on the head.
“Just don’t make it produce fusion this time, boss,” Cupcake said, starting to lead the way. “The last one kept making my cupcakes glow.”
“But that’s half the fun!” Pandora whined.
“Can we please focus on saving our mothers?” Star interjected, a hoof massaging her forehead. And she thought Prism’s family could be dysfunctional. “Before I go insane?”
“But that’s half the fun!” Pandora repeated with a teasing smile.
“Boss?” Cupcake offered. “I think Ms. Starburst has a point. We don’t know if your mother is in danger after all.”
Pandora glanced at Cupcake, surprise blatant on her face, followed swiftly by resignation. “You have a point. But I’m docking you that star for insubordination.”
“Of course, boss,” Cupcake replied.
Star shook her head, trying to massage her head even harder. Yes, she was gaining a new appreciation for madness. “Why is everypony around me insane?”
The group emerged into a roadway. A roadway that also seemed to have been the sight of a small war. Burnt trees wafted smoke into the already blackened sky, their fires joined by a dozen burning vehicles crashed all along the road. Only two vehicles remained intact, both of them trucks, one of them stuffed full of bound and gagged soldiers. Star and Pandora shared a single glance with each other, agreeing silently for the first time since they’d met.
Cupcake is freaking terrifying.
“Right this way, boss,” Cupcake commented, as though she were describing where to find the pickles in the pantry. She casually hopped into the driver’s seat of the truck. “I’ll need Ms. Starburst up front with me. Boss, you’re going to have to hide in the back, if that’s alright?”
Pandora sighed theatrically. “I suppose I’ll survive.” She snapped her paw and conjured a luxurious four poster into the back, curling up into it. “The hardships I endure for family.”
Star glared at Pandora, but just as she opened her mouth for a snide comment, she found a set of fatigues shoved at her. She glanced down at them, then up at Cupcake, who had somehow already slipped into a set of her own. “Ms.Starburst, I’m going to have to ask you to change.”
“Alright.” Star grabbed the clothes, then started to slip out of her armor. It felt wrong, shrugging off what had become her second skin, but she understood the need. It wasn’t hard to figure out just what Cupcake was planning, though the fact that Cupcake already had a plan was slightly disconcerting. After a second or two, she was clad in her new uniform, and scowling profusely at how the sleeves and helmet managed to sit almost perfectly wrong on her body.
“What?” Pandora snarked from the back of the truck. “They didn’t have anything in children’s?”
“Why don’t you check the hospital gift shop?” Star shot back. Without warning, Pandora lifted a paw and snapped. Star almost jumped for her right there, until she realized just what had changed. She glanced down at her now perfectly form-fitted uniform. “What?”
“Don’t say I never did anything for you.” Pandora grinned, slumping back into her bed. “Seriously, don’t. Or else I’m counting it as two favors.”
Star just glared, before climbing into the side seat with Cupcake. This adventure could not be over soon enough. As soon as she did, Cupcake gunned the ignition, and the entire truck roared to life, making Star jump.
“It’s similar to a train on wheels,” Cupcake commented idly, either oblivious to or just ignoring Star’s skittishness. “Fairly clever if one doesn’t want to invest in a rail infrastructure.”
Star stared at Cupcake a minute. First combat, now heavy machinery. “I’m sorry, but what is it that you do?”
“Whatever the boss needs,” Cupcake said, gunning the throttle. “And I bake cupcakes.”
The two Twilights found it impossible to talk as they were escorted through their prison. Everywhere they looked, there were more guards standing watch, a full legion occupying the blank steel halls through which they wandered. Occasionally, one would nudge the other, pointing down a passing hallway at various sights. They passed infirmaries filled with ponies, their hooves still bandaged from the addition of their metal tines. They passed cavernous garages, packed with vehicles of all shape and make. They passed weapons ranges, muted flashes and thumps seen from behind heavy glass.
“It’s like everything here is devoted to war,” the younger muttered softly.
The elder nodded silently, agreeing even as she tried to build a mental map of the labyrinth in her head. Already, the facility was staggeringly massive, with the estimate only growing with each hallway they took. “Not every world lives happily ever after, it seems."
“No,” the soldier leading them grunted. “They don’t.”
Their path led them to a massive pair of doors labelled ELEVATOR A. Waving them ahead, the soldier waited until they were inside, before stepping inside and keying in a combination on the control board. A moment later, the elevator lurched into motion.
“Time to meet our host,” The elder muttered.
Star felt her heart hammering in her chest. She’d been in fights. She’d participated in a few adventures, but all of those had been at the front lines. Armor-clad and hooves swinging. She’d never been one to skulk behind the scenes and worm her way past the defenses. In a way, it was infinitely worse.
She could see the checkpoint rolling up, a narrow gap in the barbed wire and chain link fences that ringed the entirety of the town. Seated at a small concrete kiosk, a bored guard glanced up from what was probably a magazine masquerading as paperwork. Already, it felt like he could see right through her, and a sweat began to break out along her brow. It felt like the truck went slower with every second, leaving her longer and longer to be found out with each passing second.
She suddenly had a newfound appreciation for Illusion’s time spent in disguise.
“Halt!” The guard finally called out as they pulled up to the barrier, looking them over. “What are you doing back? Where’s the rest of the convoy?”
Star massed all her willpower, and shoved down every drop of anxiety she could. It was time to do or die. Drawing herself up, she shot a glare at the guard. “We got ambushed just outside of town. We got wiped out, and if I don’t get this cargo secured ASAP, we’re gonna be riding around in a crater you could bury this town in!” She flared her wings for emphasis, their awkward thumping into the sides of the driver’s cabin only adding to her act of panicked disarray. “Get your ass in gear and get us inside! We’re sitting ducks!”
“Wait, that makes no sense, the convoy was only--” Whatever else he was going to say was lost as a soft snap echoed from the truck’s cargo compartment, and a moment later a massive violet explosion demolished the edge of town. Already rattled by Starburst, the guard snapped. “Crap in a can! This is a code red!” Finally panicked the soldier slammed the gate button, grabbing up some sort of device in his hoofclaws and shouting into it. “We are under attack! Secure the perimeter and radio artillery!”
As he spoke, he waved them inside, Cupcake driving them calmly even as Star battled cardiac arrest. Around them, soldiers rapidly streamed out of their forest of bunkers, those ponies out of uniform pulling up their weapons as well as they raced to defensive positions. Ahead of them, the massive tree lit up like it was burning, a million glowing embers winking to life among its branches and bark, their purpose unknown. Ahead of them, the road led into a massive recessed door at the base of the tree, a gigantic garage already visible as other vehicles streamed out, bristling with cannons and armor.
It took them a few moments to enter the cavernous garage, and get some distance from the tides of personnel. As soon as they were out of earshot, Star whipped around to glare into the back compartment. “What the buck do you think you’re doing?!”
“Selling your little act, princess!” Pandora hissed back, glaring through the back window. “You were bombing it hard, and so I decided to bomb something else harder. And now we’re in, so you’re welcome.”
“They’re also on high alert you lunatic!” Star had to restrain herself from smashing through the back window and throttling her pseudo-semi-sibling to death. “How are we supposed to find Twilight now?”
“We run to the cells in the confusion?” Pandora shrugged. “Geeze, have you ever read a book?”
Star flushed bright red as Pandora inadvertently slammed a figurative hoof on one of her nerves. “Have you ever gone outside?” She snapped right back. “Half those thrillers are crap, and the rest are garbage! Believe it or not, they actually design guard procedure to prevent that sort of exploitation!”
“Well do they design guard procedure to prevent this sort of exploitation?” Pandora snarled, snapping a paw and conjuring up a big grinning bomb in the other.
“Yes, let’s blow our way through the facility holding our parents!” Star all but shouted.
“Brace yourselves,” Cupcake said.
Both girls had just enough time to glance forward and realize that Cupcake was accelerating straight for a pair of closing blast doors within the tree. For the second time that day, Star and Pandora agreed on one thing.
“Foal of a nag!”
And then they blasted through in a tortured scream of metal.
It felt like hours before the elevator doors opened, letting the two Twilights out. The soldier did not follow, the elevator doors closing and leaving the two Twilight’s alone. Sharing a glance, they instead turned their attention forward. Unlike the rest of the facility, this place was lavishly decorated, massive walls of polished crystal forming an arched hall that would have fit in perfectly among the palaces of Canterlot.
As they walked, they found the walls adorned with great oil paintings and glass display cases of various oddities. One was a massive portrait of Rainbow Dash, her mane fluttering in the wind of a new dawn, her polished armor glinting in the sunlight. In the display case beneath it, a pair of goggles sat ensconced in the glass. Beside it was a portrait of Rarity, resplendent in armor of her own, standing proud atop the walls of what could have been Canterlot, her own protection striking a balance between ornament and implement.
“Every one of them’s in armor, even Pinkie,” The younger murmured, looking them over.
“Look at those fortifications in Cloudsdale and Canterlot,” The elder pointed out, gesturing at the paintings. “And the blade motifs in the banners. It seems martial prowess was far more important in this world.”
The two continued their tour, until their path led them out into a massive office. Massive windows lined the far wall, looking out on the roiling skies of black and grey. Below, the countryside sprawled out, a dark green more reminiscent of swamps than fields, great gashes of churned earth marring it here and there. Within the office, the wan light only barely illuminated a lone desk, its dark hardwood almost black.
At it sat a lone pony, her eye fixed on them even in the darkness. “Welcome, Twilight Sparkles. I believe we have much to discuss.”
“Get me out! Getmeoutgetmeoutgetmeout!” Pandora struggled frantically, her half of the truck rapidly being crushed in the elevator doors, her own body stuck where she’d tried to clamber through the back window.
“Oh, if only you were a bit smaller,” Star grunted with more than a little satisfaction as she strained to pull Pandora free alongside Cupcake.
“Oh bite me!” Pandora shot, pulling back as hard as she could.
“I prefer my meals low-fat!” Star snarked, finally pulling Pandora free as she and Cupcake tumbled backwards.
“Oh ha ha,” Pandora grunted from her faceplant on the floor, slowly struggling to her hooves. “Maybe I’ll bite you instead.”
“You’re welcome to try,” Star mumbled absently, already ignoring Pandora in favor of the massive elevator that had become their prison. It was little more than a massive steel platform, wedged into a shaft that stretched up to a distant set of doors above. Along the sides, massive gears ground into tracks in the walls, hauling the platform up and down. Currently, it was heading up. “I don’t like the looks of this.”
“Not one of my better moves,” Cupcake admitted, already trotting over to the controls. Giving it a few experimental manipulations, she nodded, then disemboweled the controls with a thrust of her hoof, roughly splicing a few wires together afterward. “That should get us where we’re going.”
“Where are we going?” Star cut in. Admittedly, she wasn’t inclined to doubt Cupcake at this point, but she would hardly call her current situation inspiring.
“Probably some sort of epic showdown,” Pandora commented with a stretch and a grunt. “These things tend to end in those.”
“Or they’re going to cut the power, and then going to drown us in soldiers,” Star commented darkly. “Nice going, Pandora.”
“How is this my fault?” Pandora shot back, shocked. “It was Cupcake’s idea!”
“It was,” Cupcake agreed. “And we’re headed--”
“Yeah, a bad idea she had thanks to your screwup!” Star stalked over to Pandora, wings wide. “Ever since we got here, you’ve done nothing but screw around! Do you even care?”
“Look who’s talking,” Pandora hissed, her expression genuinely nasty. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have even made it this far. Maybe I’m a screwup, but at least it matters if I screw up!”
“Yeah, it does! And what do you do? You keep screwing up!” By now spittle was flying from Star’s shouts. “My mother is going to die, your mother is going to die, and it’s all on you!”
“And that must just rip you apart,” Pandora sneered back. “The little never-was. Born to one of the greatest heroes to ever live, and all you’re gonna be is a footnote in history and a corpse in the ground!”
“I’ll kill you!” Star screamed, leaping across the space and taking Pandora right in the middle. The two tumbled across the ground before Pandora got her hooves under Star and kicked her across the room.
“Be sure to save me a seat in the hereafter!” Pandora shot back, snapping up a bomb and chucking it at Star.
Star had barely a second to register the grinning explosive flying at her. It was long enough. “You first!” Rolling on her back, she kicked the bomb back to Pandora, leaving the draconequus only a moment to register the turnabout before she exploded. She flew against the wall with a resounding clang, leaving her open for Star to leap upon.
Snarling, Star took Pandora by the horns, and shoved her head against the wall of the shaft, trying to force her head into the grinding space between the floor and wall. Pandora tried to pull up her paw to snap, but Star was faster, slamming her hoof down on the limb with a crack of breaking bone. “No more tricks!”
Pandora howled in pain, turned her eyes on Star, their depths practically burning with hate. “Wrong,” She stated, and blazing violet energy flared in the depths of her throat. Her head was turned away from Star, so she couldn't hit her, but she didn’t try to.
Pandora let fly with her blast from her maw straight into the floor, knocking both her and Star away, and breaking Star’s grip. As Star struggled back to her hooves, it was just in time to see Pandora leveling another blast dead at her. In that instant, her life flashed before her eyes. With a grim agony she realized Pandora had been right. She would disappear a footnote in history, a blasted crater, just because she’d been born a pegasus.
For some reason, the thought didn’t leave her as sad as she expected.
Maybe, if magic was this important, then it wasn’t a world she wanted to live in after all.
SMACK
Pandora’s blast scored the wall of the shaft, spraying bits of steel across the floor. Pandora herself merely stood there, eyes vacant and blinking. Before her, Cupcake stood stock still, her hoof still outstretched from where she’d clocked her boss. Slowly, Pandora turned back to Cupcake, utter confusion in her eyes.
“Enough boss. That’s enough.” Slowly, Cupcake turned to Star, displaying the first emotion she ever shown: anger. “You too. Up.”
Awkwardly, Star stood up, her joints already aching from the blows she’d taken. Without a word, she trotted over to Cupcake, even as Pandora sat down, still drifting through a state of shock.
“Both of you need to stow it,” Cupcake stated bluntly. “It doesn’t matter if you share a mother or a toothbrush. We’re all failures. We’re all screwups. And we’re all here for the same reason.” She shot one more glare between the two of them. “Now, if you’re done making me watch two of the most talented mares I’ve ever seen sink to the level of foals, we have some ponies to save.”
There was silence.
“Cupcake…” Pandora finally uttered.
“Sorry about that, boss,” Cupcake stated, back to her monotone. “Had to be said.”
“No, no, you… you were totally, right. Thanks.” Pandora glanced at Star, confused emotions flickering across her face. “Look, I don’t like you, alright? You’re the worst kind of hidebound, by the book do-gooder I cannot stand.” She held up a paw as Star began to object. “And a lot of that is because… I know that’s the pony mom wishes I was.” She sighed. “I can’t help it sometimes. The world is just so stupid and rigid and I hate it. But she loves it, her rules and regulations. And I can see it every time I blow up another bakery or cause another custard flood. Why can’t you be a good girl?”
“Boss…” Cupcake muttered, a soft sheen of sympathy glinting in her eyes.
“Look at me,” Pandora muttered, taking a moment to wipe her eyes. “One smack and I’m blubbering like a little kid. I’ve gone soft Cups.”
“I get it,” Star cut in, catching both their attention. “I get it. She looks at me like I’m an alien sometimes. Or even a cripple. You know she forbid Nighty from teleporting inside the house because it was unfair?” Star indulged in a small sniff, quickly coughing and taking a deep breath. “Magic is everything to her. It’s her life. And here I am, bashing heads and working out, and I might as well be speaking another language. Even Aunt Dash likes to read, at least, but I’d rather do, and she just doesn’t understand what that’s like. To hold something in your hooves, to see it for yourself.” She snorted softly. “At least she eventually got the kid she always wanted.”
“Hey,” Pandora finally said. “Sorry I bucked it all up.”
“No, we were probably sunk before that,” Star muttered. “You were right, I was blowing it.”
“Guess our moms were screwed the moment they had us, huh?” Pandora asked.
“Guess so.” Star sniffed one last time. “Least we tried, right?”
“Least we tried, sis.” Pandora reached over and pulled Star into a hug, followed by Cupcake as well. “And thanks Cupcake, for beating a little sense into us.”
“Somepony has to,” Cupcake stated, back to her old self. “Now, if you’d give me a moment, boss, I can explain my plan.”
The two Twilights sat down at the massive desk, awkwardly watching the pony behind it. She was actually quite striking, or had been once. She was a pure white earth pony, with a light rose mane that had been shaved to little more than an efficient stubble. Her one good eye was an almost sky blue, and bored into her guests with a hawklike intensity. She extended a hoof across the desk.
“Sunny Skies. I apologize for the inconvenience, but circumstances dictate.” She shook each of their hooves in turn, before settling back into her seat. “Tell me, do you have any concept of why you’re here?”
“Because you want something,” The elder stated bluntly.
Sunny smiled, nodding. “I would expect that much to be obvious. I’m sure you’ve seen the state the world is in.” She spun around in her chair, her lone eye sweeping across the wasteland that was Equestria. “Not many ponies even remember what it was like, back then. I’ve seen soldiers stare at my old paintings in curiosity. I even had one ask me why the sky was blue.” She let out a soft, bitter laugh, remembering the expression on his face when she’d explained that it still was, above the clouds.
“What… happened here?” The younger finally whispered, her eyes wide.
“A betrayal,” Sunny muttered, older memories boiling to the surface. “The short sighted actions of the fearful and ignorant.” She sighed and shook herself, pushing the feelings back down. “But such is the burden of leadership. If we all knew the proper course, we’d have no need of leaders at all.” She turned back to the ponies, steepling her hooves as her gaze swept over them. “Enough philosophizing. Let’s get down to the meat of the matter.”
“Fair enough,” The elder began. “Why have you brought us here?”
“I have no idea,” Sunny stated bluntly, as though it were the most normal thing in the world.
Dead silence fell.
“What?” Both Twilights asked at once.
“I do not know,” Sunny replied simply. “In truth, I haven’t known what I’m doing for centuries now. All I know is that the visions will lead me true. They always have.”
“That’s absurd!” The younger blurted out, flailing her hooves. “You can’t lead just by visions!”
“You never complained before, Twilight.” Sunny leaned back, a calculating gleam in her eye. “But then, I suppose you never knew.”
“What?” The elder whispered quietly.
“Oh come now. I remember you being a little quicker than this. What earth pony lives for centuries and speaks of visions?” The gleam in her eye turned impish as she watched the gears turn in Twilight’s head.
“Celestia?” The elder finally asked, horror apparent on her face.
“What’s left of her,” Sunny admitted. “But it’s alright. I foresaw this, as I foresaw the rest. As I foresaw two Twilights sitting before me, beneath a black ash sky.” She smiled. “Everything is as it should be.”
“This?” The younger thrust her hoof to the sky. “This is how it should be?”
“Yes.” Sunny nodded. “I know it can be difficult to accept, but this is the best of all worlds. I had trouble accepting it myself. When the visions told my of my sister’s betrayal, I doubted. When they told me of the Crystal empire’s fall, I thought Sombra could never truly seize power. And every time I paid a price so much higher than what they asked.” She turned back to the black sky outside. “I have learned to accept what what I cannot change. A lesson my enemies still reject.”
“Your enemies?” The younger asked.
“Rabbles of idealists still flying the flags of old. Ponies who have not accepted what must be done.” She sighed, her lone eye reflecting the world with no shortage of regret. “Ponies who will fight the inevitable and lose, as I once did.”
“So, that’s it. You just gave up?” The younger spat, standing up. “You just submitted to your visions, to their beck and call?”
“Twilight. I gave up long before I ever met you.” A sad, lonely eye fixed upon the Twilights before it. “I sent an untested filly, without combat training or guard, against an immortal force of darkness I myself could not defeat. And then I did it again, and again. I sent Shining armor against Sombra when I knew he hadn't a prayer, and Cadance to share his doom. I threw the fight against Chrysalis when I could have plastered her across the floor. And I’ve given up my alicorn magic not once, but twice, this time for good. Because it will all work out in the end.”
“That’s insane,” The elder whispered.
“My sister said the same thing,” Sunny said. “She’s dead now.”
In the silence that followed, a flash and an explosion roared in the town below. “And that, I would assume, is what I’ve been waiting for. Come, let’s see what fate holds in store.”
Star coughed, staggering about as muted clangs rang in her ears and the floor lurched beneath her. Blinking, the smoke stinging her eyes, she just barely made out Pandora gesturing something at her. She could only blink dumbly as Pandora threw a rubber ball and knocked the pair of earmuffs off her head.
“Come on! This thing’s gonna go!” Pandora shouted, reaching from the hole she’d blown in the wall. Sure enough one of the elevator’s gears had come clean off its track, and the other sputtered and sparked as it struggled to hold the entire elevator aloft. Star had only an instant to register this before the world dropped away from beneath her hooves.
Reflexively, she spread her wings wide, trying to balance out into a glide. The motion nearly swung her into a wall, and she actually had to jump off the scarred steel to avoid a crash. Still falling, she flapped frantically, a lethal cascade of shredding steel whipping past her as the elevator tore itself apart against the walls. Caught in the elevator’s downdraft, it took her several heart stopping seconds to slow, her massive wings dangerously unwieldy in such a confined environment.
Flapping in midair, she watched as the elevator finally slammed into the ground, sending up one final spray of sparks as it smashed down into a chamber below. A few seconds later, every light in the shaft flickered and died, before illuminating again in a deep blood red. All throughout, alarms began to blare, howling out an ominous message.
“Warning. Curvature array misalignment. Degenerative cascade imminent. All personnel, please evacuate.”
That doesn’t sound good. Star thought to herself, quickly flapping back up to the hole in the wall they’d blown, the opening illuminated by about thirty birthday candles clutched in Pandora’s paws. As Star got there, she couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. “Birthday candles, really?”
“Hey, I ask for a candle, I get a candle,” Pandora shot back, chucking away the burning sticks of excessively festive wax. “Chaos doesn’t do practical.”
“Boss, Ms. Star, we should really get moving,” Cupcake pointed out. “I admit my plan didn’t account for meltdowns.”
“Right, we need to hurry,” Star agreed.
Sadly, hurry and access tubes were not terms that often got along. Almost immediately, their progress devolved into shoving and pushing as quickly as they could. This time, however, there were no jibes or jabs, just the silent progress of mares on a mission. After several minutes in flashing red darkness, Cupcake finally stopped. “Here,” she announced, thrusting up a hoof, and kicking an access panel off with one blow.
The three of them quickly spilled out into an opulent, crystal clad hallway, lined with pictures all along its length. Pandora grunted as she stumbled out, taking one glance and snorting. “Well, Cupcake, looks like you did it again.”
Star had to agree. This place had evil lair written all over it. “How’d you know this was here?”
“Saw the windows from outside. It’s really a poor design flaw,” Cupcake commented, already taking the lead down the hallway. "The rest was basic geometry and structural design."
Pandora stopped, glancing at something on the wall. “Geeze, someone has a fetish,” Pandora mumbled, eying the paintings with a raised eyebrow.
Star took her own look, briefly struck by the beauty of the pictures. She’d never seen her aunts like this, armor clad and heroic. To her, for all the adventures they’d had, they were mothers and family first. And yet here they were, venerated as warriors.
Like herself.
“You coming?” Pandora asked, giving Star a tap on the head. “Don’t tell me you’ve got a wingboner for this too?”
“No, I don’t,” Star grumbled, swatting Pandora away. “Just weird is all. Come on.”
Still, something about the pictures lingered in her head. She’d never voiced it, but seeing her aunts, the heroes of Equestria, as just common mares had always bothered her somehow. It didn’t seem right, to trust the fate of Equestria to what would barely qualify as militia. And yet, here they had been warriors, and this world was a place of darkness and violence.
Was it because they had chosen to fight?
“Interesting. Not what I was expecting.”
Star blinked, quickly berating herself for drifting off. Before her was a massive office, bey windows opening on the black sky outside. Before a massive desk sat a sight she’d feared she might never see again. “Mom!”
“Star!” Said one of the Twilights, whipping around to look. “What are you doing--” She trailed off as her eyes flicked to Pandora as well.
“Right on time,” The other Twilight muttered, clearly the elder from appearances. “I expect the explosions were you, darling?”
“You know it!” Pandora announced with a sharky grin. “And I’m just gonna guess that this is the punk we’ve gotta stomp?” Pandora thrust a claw at the pony behind the desk.
“You’re welcome to--” The pony began. She did not finish, however, as inside that second, Pandora let fly with a searing blast of magical fury from her maw, and punted the pony clean against the window. Colliding with a thud, she slowly slid down the surface, her body letting out a slow, prolonged squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.
The entire room just stared at Pandora.
“What? Was I supposed to let her finish?” Pandora asked.
“Well uh…” Offered the younger Twilight.
“It’s just not the way things are typically done, honey,” The elder explained. “But I suppose it works. Now can you get these rings off our heads?”
“Working on it Ms. Twilights,” Cupcake stated, stepping over to brace her hooves on the rings. With a simple squeeze of her hooves, the rings cracked and shattered, crumbing to the ground like stale cookies.
Star just stared at the felled pony, and her rescued mother. “This seems kind of anticlimactic.”
“Well, the place is still exploding,” Cupcake pointed out. “So there is that.”
“What?!” Both Twilight’s shouted.
“Funny that she wouldn’t have alarms hooked up to her office,” Cupcake commented, glancing at the still smouldering pony slumped against the wall. “Something about her seems familiar.”
The Twilight’s shared an awkward glance. “We’ll tell you about it later.”
Star cleared her throat, the whole exploding thing sticking in her mind. “Everypony, can we go before we’re all more or less obliterated?”
“Of course. This way!” The two Twilights announced as one, glancing at each other, before shrugging and charging down the hall, their rescuers in pursuit. They got as far as the elevator that had taken them there, quickly slapping the buttons, only for it to buzz at them and flash INVALID. “Dammit! Of course it would be locked. Cupcake! Help me out!”
“Star, you as well!” The younger added.
Quickly bracing herself against the door, her mother’s magic glowing beneath her hooves, Starburst put her back into it. Slowly, the door opened with a low screech, a swift gust of air roaring past them as soon as the doors opened a crack. “Woah, what on--” Star had to clutch her wings to her sides just to avoid being sucked out.
“You said this place was exploding?” The elder Twilight shouted over the howling wind. “Because that doesn’t feel like exploding!”
“I don’t think it makes much difference!” Pandora shouted, having grabbed onto one of the display cases herself. “Seems kind of like it’ll make us dead either way!”
“Well actually, that’s really dependent on the nature of the catastrophy!” The elder Twilight corrected, somehow managing to lecture despite struggling for purchase. “Judging by the complexity of the facility, there are any number of systems that could be reacting adversely with unpredictable results.”
“Cupcake!” Star shouted, remembering the warning alarm. “What was the warning it was shouting?”
“Curvature array misalignment,” Cupcake offered, the only pony who seemed to be managing to ignore the wind completely.
“Oh my gosh, this place has a space time distortion manifold?” The elder Twilight nearly squeed with delight, clopping her hooves with glee just long enough to nearly get sucked out the door. “Those are completely theoretical!”
“That would explain how we were abducted through our personal wards!” The other Twilight added, likewise grinning inappropriately.
“That would mean the facility isn’t exploding, it’s imploding!” They both shouted as one.
Star nearly smashed her head into the wall. “That’s great and all, mom, really, but what do we do about it?”
“There isn’t a lot we can do!” The elder offered. “If the array’s fallen out of alignment, then the aperture’s degenerated into an unstable wormhole. If it gets us, we could wind up anywhere!”
“Anywhere?” Pandora asked. “Like, at random?”
“Yes, at ran-- Pandora, no!” The elder wailed, too late.
“Chaos to the rescue!” Pandora immediately let go of her perch, and held out her arms, grabbing up the rest of her friends as she was sucked towards the door. Before she could do anything to save herself, Star found herself trapped in what would probably be the last group hug of her life, plunging into an empty elevator shaft. At the bottom, a churning maelstrom of flickering madness awaited.
What a strange way to die. Was her last thought.
Slowly, Sunny Skies groaned, rolling to her hooves. She hadn’t seen that coming. It wasn’t as though her visions were comprehensive, but she’d have thought they’d at least have given her a heads up. As she stumbled upright, she felt a powerful wind rushing past her fur. Glancing up, she saw her great bay windows broken, the first chunks of acid hail clattering about her office. Out her hall, a terrible howling echoed as the winds tore down it.
“Administrator!” Her desk crackled. “Administrator, are you alright? What are your orders?”
“I’m fine,” she grunted, pulling herself over to it. “Soldier, I need you to…”
She didn’t know.
The sensation hit her like a hammer blow. Frantically, she groped through her mind for that echoing thread of instruction. The path she was meant to follow. Instead, all she found was a chaotic mess of might-yet-be’s. She could order them to try and suppress the breach. She could order them to complete the evacuation. She could dive out her window. She could die with the ship.
She could. She could. She could.
But she did not know what she should.
“Administrator, please respond! What are your orders?” The desk blared. “What are your orders?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, tears beginning to well in her eye. “I don’t know.”
And all she could think, as her fortress began to lurch, was that this is not how things should be.
Elder Twilight rubbed her head, feeling like she’d just been run through a fully outfitted hammer testing facility. She could hear dull muttering all around her, and as she opened her eyes, it was to a blurred world of color and shapes. Several of which resolved into an all too familiar face peering over her.
And then she realized that she was home.
As relief flooded over her, she reached up and pulled her husband into a deep kiss. “Hey honey, sorry you missed all the fun.”
She then noticed how stiff he’d gone.
And then she noticed Celestia also in the room.
A Celestia whose mane had not been destroyed by gum.
“Oh buck me,” Twilight muttered.
“Way to go, mom!” Pandora cheered.
