Welcome to Hell. How May We Be of Assistance?

by Imperial Brony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy
Length: 505

Hi! My name is Barbra and I'm the intern here at Hell, or Tartarus. Whichever you prefer.

Welcome to Hell! No, seriously you're in hell now. Now really there's no need to scream! It's actually really nice down here, 'cept for the smell. There is one issue though… That issue being a influx of pastel colored ponies.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-03 03:14:10 UTC

Go to Hell

Welcome to Hell. How May We Be of Assistance?

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Go to Hell

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HI! My name is Barbra! Welcome to Hell. I own the place.

   “NO YOU DON’T!”

Sorry, that's my boss. The Devil himself. Satin, The Dark Lord, The Big One, he has heard ‘em all. I'm just the intern. I guide all souls through the gates of Hell to my dad, Charon.  The job ain’t so bad in all honesty. You get to meet all kinds of people! Hell (no pun intended) the line to get in is so long people actually set up afterlives here (that time the pun was intended). I met my husband here. He was stuck here for at least a millennia before we met. Then he was here for another until he was next in line. I’ve never betrayed him and I will see him again.

ANYWAY! I’m sure you didn't come here to listen to an old woman's woes. I’ve got some good news for you my friend. The issue of having to wait eternity to get in we have faspasses. Bad news is that you have to apply, and that also takes forever. It wouldn't be hell without suffering, right? Think of this as a DMV with millions ahead of you and all the people in front of you are dumbasses.

Even though you have to wait forever I can help you abit. I can bump you to the front if you help me with this small problem. PONIES. PONIES EVERYWHERE. Blasted buggers showed up about four years ago and not only do they clutter the place up, they also give people HOPE. We can't have that going on in hell now can we?

Is that a yes? Perfect! We get started immediately then. Thing is I don't know how to get rid of these pests, but I’m sure you’ll manage. Good luck.

                          ***

Well I’m screwed thought Mordecai. How did I even die? I was on the bus, and then I wasn't. Well I’ll pick up the details later

“So buddy! Lets get started eh? a commanding voice boomed behind him.

    Mordecai turned slowly to be faced with a VERY large she demon. Now putting things in perspective this was the first time Mordecai had ever seen a demon, let alone a large flaming demon. Props to the man who could keep a full bladder in that situation.

    “Hey come back here! You can’t leave before we even start!”

    “DONT EAT ME PLEASEEEEEEE!” Mordecai shrieked as he ran in fear.

    “Eat you? Really? We were just talking, you were going to help me with all the ponies that are cluttering up the place.” The she demon deadpanned.

    “Prove you won't eat me then.” Mordecai said shaking from head to toes.

    “Ok, first your already dead so me eating you wouldn't hurt.” Mordecai bristled at that, “And secondly you just promised you would help me.”

    “Wait, that disembodied voice was you?” Mordecai asked.

Oh boy this one is a bit thick