Coming to a Theater Near You!

by Mod On Death

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other
Length: 3828

Spike has invited the Cutie Mark Crusaders to the movie theater to watch something he's seen on posters. When there, something occurs that makes it so they cannot watch it. Taking another choice, they hope to win movie tickets despite challenges.

Spike has invited the Cutie Mark Crusaders to the movie theater to try out a movie that he's been eyeing ever since he saw the awesome poster. The three don't know how things will go, but one manager is looking to make sure their viewing experience isn't pleasant. Audio glitches, a conspiracy, and a hobo town in the theater are several of the things the four experience in their quest

Published 2015-02-09 00:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-09 00:10:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Apple Bloom was waiting outside the schoolhouse for her two friends to be finished with their projects. She'd managed to finish early and was depending on them to finish up before they were late for their meetup with Spike.

"I need more glitter," Sweetie Belle told Cheerilee as she passed by.

"I just need a couple more pipe cleaners," Scootaloo added.

"Girls, I'm not sure your volcanoes need all of that," she responded as she looked at Sweetie Belle's shining volcano and then over to Scootaloo's furry version. "They already look very...interesting enough."

"But the glitter makes it look like shiny lava!" Sweetie Belle replied, proud of her science project.

"Mine needs more fur so when it lights on fire it doesn't-" Cheerilee cut her off right there.

"Fire? Why is it going to catch fire?"

"When Spike spits out the burning marshmallows from the bottom-"

"You know what?" Cheerilee interrupted before she became curious with her idea, "You both get A's. They look fantastic. Go on now," she said, literally pushing the two out the door. "Now go have fun. You all made great projects." She then closed the door and locked it.

"Wonder why she's in a hurry," Scootaloo asked them.

"Probably since you took two hours to finish up your projects," Apple Bloom answered, partially annoyed. "You two took so long that I decided to do the homework for tomorrow as well!"

"Wait, when were we supposed to meet up with Spike?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Something like 4:30. Why?" Scootaloo checked the clock inside the school through a window and saw that it was ten minutes till deadline.

"We gotta hurry!" The three ran off to the theater, desperate to not miss their meeting with Spike.

"What's taking them so long?" Spike asked, tapping his toes as he waited in the theater lobby. "The movie's gonna start any minute now." Spike was getting impatient with the three of them. He'd been wanting to show the three this movie he'd heard about called Hoof of the South Star. He looked at the poster of the main character, her mane blowing in the wind, ruined towers standing behind her while she readies for a fight. He hadn't seen or heard anything about it until now, but it was currently the only thing he could think of. "The times say that it starts in five minutes!"

Spike would have bought the tickets for the movie, but he had given his ticket money to Sweetie Belle to look after in case he'd forgotten it in the confusion. It seemed like a choice he was now regretting.

"Come on!" Apple Bloom yelled to the other two as she opened up the door leading into the lobby. "Spike! Sorry we took so long. These two just had to spend more time making their pretty volcanoes."

"All forgiven. Sweetie Belle. Money." Hearing Spike's orders, Sweetie Belle opened up her backpack and got out the bits for the group. Before she could even understand what had happened, Spike grabbed the money and went over to the ticket booth. "Four foals for Hoof of the South Star please," he said casually while sliding the bits through the window.

Spike and the gang were excited to be seeing the movie that had been hyped up now. They didn't know anything about it, but for them that just made the wait worth the while. The four of them were now just waiting for the employee to count their money.

"Uh...you do know that the movie you're wanting to see isn't out yet, right? Those times were for premiere day" The pimply colt's words hit the four of them like a bag of bricks. Spike's face was frozen while Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo looked shocked. Those three slowly turned their heads over to Spike and started to glare at him.

"You said it was today, right?" Apple Bloom asked. Spike was silent.

"He just said it isn't out yet," Sweetie Belle added. Spike was silent.

"Why did you think it was out, Spike?" Scootaloo asked. Spike was now emitting a low pitched squeal.

"SPIKE!" the three yelled at once, knocking the sense back into him.

"I'm sorry! I thought it said that it was out today! I just looked at the times instead! I was just too excited!" Spike was on the verge of crying and the girls didn't want to cause him any more trouble after all, he was the one most anxious about the movie.

"Come on, Spike. Let's go home." Apple Bloom led the gloomy group out the door as Spike slumped his way forward. Just as he was about to exit the threshold, the employee at the booth spoke up.

"Hold on a moment! I think I know how you can still make this trip useful." Looking around carefully, he approached Spike and whispered, "There's a way each of your friends can get free tickets to the premiere of Hoof of the South Star." Spike immediately re-energized at that statement. "There's a secret theater that is never in use for anything other than previews for other movies. We use it for training and for identifying which trailers should go to which movies. However, if someone manages to sit through an entire training session for a testing, they get their choice of free movie ticket of any movie coming out soon."

"That's easy!" Scootaloo yelled out in confidence. "Why don't more ponies do this?"

"It's very exclusive." The employee almost sounded excited when saying that. "Look, it's not something that most ponies know, so don't let any managers know it was me that told you this. Just go to the ticket teller and let her know that you're here for...THE TEST!"

"Do we have to say it dramatically as well?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Yes. Now remember that I didn't say anything." With this advice, the three approached the ticket master, nervous at what awaited them.

"Tickets, please," she asked with a smile.

"We're here for," the three paused for dramatic effect, "THE TEST!" Upon hearing that the ticket master's smile disappeared.

"Come with me," she said solemnly. Without a word she led the four to the end of the theater's hall and pushed on a part of the wall. Suddenly it revealed itself to be a hidden door and she led them into the secret theater.

The secret theater looked both immaculate and creepy. It appeared to be a theater from a bygone era where film was a special event with chandeliers and red carpets. It was scary since it felt out of place in this theater. That and there was a hobo who had created what looked like a small home. There were other ponies in the theater who had come in to take the challenge.

"Take your seat," she said, motioning over to the front seats of the theater. The four took their seats and made themselves comfortable.

"This'll be a piece of cake," Apple Bloom said, waiting to see what kinds of trailers they would see.

"Yeah. Wonder why the ticket guy told us about this thing," Scootaloo said, taking a drink from her soda.

"Maybe they just need ponies to watch previews?" Sweetie Belle had no idea why either.

"Hey, it's free tickets!" Spike reasoned. The three were content with that and waited patiently for the previews to start.

Over in the manager's office sat a mare in a chair, gently petting a dog. She looked over the books for box office records and how well they were doing at the concession stand.

"Excellent," she said to herself slyly. "Popcorn sales are up and soda sales follow. Remind the employees to put more salt in the soda and that refills are fifty cents. Don't want the customers satisfied." While flipping over to the future release schedule somepony knocked on her door. "Who dares to disturb my record keeping!"

"Tis the ticket giver, Your Managy."

"Ah, come in." The door opened to reveal the pony who worked at the ticket booth standing there. He came in the room and stood at attention in front of the manager's desk. "So, what is there to report?"

"I am pleased to announce that we have found four replacements for preview testing. Children," he said proudly.

"Marvelous! They are the one demographic we were in need of! Now we can truly begin...THE TEST!" The manager laughed maniacally, the employee joining in.

"Shall I have the projectionist begin?" he asked his boss.

"Of course. Be sure to have the 'special' trailers show up at the end though. Those will finish them off and we'll yet again succeed with our plan!" The manager started laughing again, the employee only slightly joining in.

"What exactly is our plan again, Your Managy?"

"It would be too complicated to explain right here, right now. Just make sure everything's on schedule." Following those commands, the employee from the ticket booth went to inform the projectionist that they were ready to being.

"I love it when a plan comes together," the manager said, returning to her books.

The lights for the theater dimmed, letting the audience know that the previews were about to start.

"Alright. Just about two hours of this and we get free tickets!" Spike whispered to the three, each of them giddy. They then turned their attention to the previews.

"Joe Blow was just an average stallion with an average job," the trailer announced in a whimsical tone.
Until one day," in the movie a space ship crashed into his house,"he finds himself with a housemate who's OUT OF THIS WORLD!"

"This does not look like it will be that good," Scootaloo stated calmly as they watched the rest of the preview which contained wacky hi-jinks, the alien dressed unconvincingly as a pony out in public, and a professor in large glasses accusing the protagonist of hiding an alien. The trailer ends by promising to be the family film of the year, something that it would eventually fail to end up being when released later that year to terrible scores and also having scenes of explicit racist content.

The next preview came up immediately at the end of the previous, this time the opening a quiet sound of monks singing.

"In a world...where evil is growing,"the trailer began dramatically. The four started to become invested. "There will be one mare who can stand with the best of them" It then cut to a scene of warrior ponies gathered on a hill, ready to fight a dragon flying overhead.

"Dragons killed my father!" the mare in the film exclaimed, the next scene cutting to a visage of a dragon standing in a sea of flames. "It's my duty to kill every single one of them." The next three minutes were filled with scenes of dragons laughing menacingly and eating pony folk and then getting killed in gruesome ways one would not expect to see in a preview, such as being decapitated, maimed, pulverized, frozen and then breaking into little pieces, and then a method so horrific that me describing it would bump up this story to a Teen rating.

"This summer!" the narrator announced,Kill all the dragons!" as the trailer finally ended, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo slowly turned their heads over to Spike to see his reaction. At that point he'd curled up into a ball and was shaking.

"So I guess we can all agree not to see that movie," Apple Bloom said, not sure of how to console their dragon friend.

"Uh...hey! The next preview is starting," Sweetie Belle said in the attempt to break the tension. The four turned their attention to the screen and were surprised to find that is was actually an ad.

"Why are their ads in the movies?" Spike asked.

"Guess it's so we have no choice but to pay attention to them," Apple Bloom offered. The ad that they were watching was for some sort of mushy play-stuff called Gik. The ad itself lasted only a minute. What surprised the group was the fact that the ad started playing over again once it had ended.

"Wait, didn't we just see this?" Scootaloo asked, almost finished with her soda.

"Yeah. Wonder if it's a mistake." Apple Bloom was proven incorrect though when the ad finished and started over again. This happened for fifteen times before somepony else in the theater broke down.

"IT'S GIK GIK GIK! IT'S GIK GIK GIK!" she kept on repeating, the commercial burned into her mind. She ran out with that cry going on. The rest of the theater was silent while seeing this. The ads finally stopped, returning to the previews once again.

Thirty minutes later and two more ponies had decided to leave...THE TEST! The first one left when the comedy featuring farts had an audio issue, causing one of the farts to repeat over and over the next three previews. The second one ended up leaving when the movie being previewed was one that was currently in theaters, something that movie theaters should never EVER do since come on guys. Now it was only the four of them and the hobo and several of his guests in their hobo shack.

"It's gotta be done soon," Apple Bloom told them while an ad for bottled water played.

"I hope so," Scootaloo said, feeling anxious when she saw the waterfall flowing into the bottles. "I think I'm starting to regret that soda."

"We've managed to make it this far. We can't quit now." Spike's motivation couldn't come at a worse time. The next segment in the previews was about a documentary on the history of bathrooms.

"For many centuries the lavatory has provided a place for equine creatures of all races to relax and reminisce on their lives," the narrator began, making Scootaloo feel even more nervous.

"Come on, Scoots. You gonna let some preview for a documentary nopony would want to see make you fail?" Apple Bloom said.

"I dunno. It looks interesting to me," Sweetie Belle told them.

"Anyway, you can make it through this. Remember that we're doing this for a free movie ticket on premiere night." Remembering the twelve bits she would save on tickets, Scootaloo prepared herself and sat back down, forcing her mind to think of nothing bathroom related. Once the preview had ended, she felt much more at ease.

"Let's see what's next." Spike and the others waited for the next ad, only for one thing to appear on the screen.

"The test is ended?" The four said, reading the writing on the screen. The four were relieved upon seeing this message. They had struggled, but managed to make it through to the end.

"Free movie tickets, here we come!" Spike said, leading the pack as they walked out the exit. Sweetie Belle was at the end of the group when she realized something fishy.

"Hey, guys? Why is it still dim?" The three were perplexed by this question.

"Sweetie Belle, what're you talking about?" Scootaloo asked.

"The lights in the theater are still dark. If the thing was really over then wouldn't the lights have returned?" The group pondered this question, realizing something might be up.

"Now that I think of it, doesn't this entire thing feel like it was made to trick the audience into leaving? Technical issues made the previews annoying and now we're all that's left." Apple Bloom, feeling like things weren't over, went back to her seat. The rest of them followed back, knowing that there may be something more to this.

"So how long should we wait?" Spike asked.

"Until the lights return," Apple Bloom suggested. The two waited a couple minutes for there to be some sign that the test was over. Suddenly, without any warning the screen said "Coming out to stores this October" in bright red font before continuing with another preview.

"I knew it!" Sweetie Belle cheered, feeling that she had saved the group.

"Wow. So how long is this thing actually going to go on for?" Before anypony could answer Scootaloo, a mare dressed in the theater's uniform apparently came into the room, unaware of their presence.

"Looks like that trick got the rest of them. Guess we'll just make sure everything is ready for next week," she said before turning away.

"Hold on a sec!" Apple Bloom called out, surprising their guest. "What 'trick' are you talking about? What're you trying to pull here?"

"I can't believe this!" she yelled, completely surprised at the sight of four members still in the audience. "Nopony has ever managed to get past that preview! How did you know?"

"The lights didn't come back on," Sweetie Belle told her confidently.

"So, somepony finally noticed. Guess silly little tricks won't work on you four. PROJECTIONIST!" The booth where the projector was stationed opened up to reveal a glasses-wearing mare meekly peering out.

"Y-yes?" she gently asked.

"Use 'The Forbidden Hour'," the loud mare ordered. "These four shall know that I, the manager of this establishment, shall succeed with my project!"

"What are you trying to do?" Spike finally asked.

"My plan is too complicated to be explained to the likes of you," she responded.

"Try us," Scootaloo taunted.

"Very well. This test with the previews is a psychology experiment testing how long anypony can last when it comes to mind-destroying previews when they have the chance to win prizes. The last part determines whether anypony can use cognitive functions once they've watched these previews for over two hours."

"We've been in here for over TWO HOURS?" Sweetie Belle yelled, realizing how much time they've spent watching this awful stuff.

"Yes. Unfortunately my study is to track three hours of this test, so now there's only one left. However, I've saved the very best for last." The manager started to laugh maniacally at the thought, the mare in the projection booth slinking away from the window to prepare the last roll of film. "Now, can you take the pain?"

"Let's do it! For the movie tickets!" Spike cried out and the four sat back down into their seats.

"Very well. I must stay here to record this in pony. Things have gotten...interesting."

The first ad in the forbidden hour was an extended and sped up version of the Heaty-Cold commercials with the jingle 'Heaty-Cold! Apply directly to the chin!' repeating over and over. That was apparently got to Apple Bloom who felt like she was starting to get a headache herself. The next ad was for Krillex heavy metal/dubstep album where the speakers were turned up to max. Even the hobos started to react to that ad, placing their hooves over their ears. The manager wasn't affect however and just hummed along with the noise. The next thing was a preview, and the first to elicit rage from Sweetie Belle.

"In a land where dragons and wolves fight, where the dragon's have dominated for centuries," the narrator started as the camera zoomed from a bird's eye view to that of city streets. Sweetie Belle gasped when she heard the description of the place. Apparently she was familiar with what the preview was for.

"THIS IS IT!" she squealed. "This is the preview for Dragon Mother! I can't believe I get to see it today."

"The conflict that has gone on for so long will soon come to a head." The music started to swell and Sweetie Belle's smile swelled with it. "And with the conflict, comes combat." The scene suddenly cut to a dragon using a club running at a wolf, only to trip on a banana peel and hit himself with the club. Right then the epic music died, along with a little bit of Sweetie Belle.

"WHAT THE-!"

The rest of the preview played out like a comedy, featuring a troupe of dancing street gang dragons, a queen-ish dragon playing video games against two wolf servants on her left and right, and a character quite visibly drinking a brand-name energy drink.

"Dragon Mother! Coming soon." the narrator ended. Sweetie Belle had tears pouring down her face, no noise or anything else. The manager laughed when she saw this.

"Yes! This is good. My paper needs this. Now, will the subject stay or leave after having their heart destroyed?"

"I...I must-" Sweetie Belle gathered her strength. "STAY!" she yelled out. "I have died inside. Now the only thing I have left is vengeance against you and your paper. I will finish this and win a ticket!" The manager was intrigued by this and scribbled something down.

"Well, I doubt any of you will make it through the next one." The next preview started with a manic introduction of Flash-animated colors and mediocre animation along with clip art. Almost as soon as it had started, the preview stopped with the words 'Breadwinners: The Movie' on the screen.

"I don't get it," Sweetie Belle told the manager. None of the others seemed to get it as well.

"Wait, the fact that they're making a movie about that awful show doesn't frighten you?" she asked incredulously. "Don't you know how awful it is already?" None of the four knew anything about the show. "Whatever. I'm sure what's next will make you change your minds.

Right then the lights to the theater turned up.

"Uh, is that it?" Scootaloo asked. "Doesn't seem like it was an hour."

"PROJECTOR GIRL! WHY HAVE YOU TURNED THE LIGHTS UP?" the manager asked.

"T-that's all there is," she replied quickly.

"Oh. Yeah. I called it the 'Forbidden Hour' just to sound cool." She turned to the four to say, "Whatever. I can't have your success ruining my paper. I'll just say you failed and-"

"MARYBELLE CHEESE!" a large stallion with a handlebar mustache yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' WITH MY THEATER?!"

"Daddy!" she yelled, surprised by the sudden appearance of her father. "I was just-"

"Just what? Doin' onea yer' periments 'gain? Yer' makin' ma accent act up!" he yelled. Calmly he approached Spike and the Crusaders, saying, "My dear apologies. I'm the owner of this grand theater and I had my daughter act as manager while she was studying her psychology degree to make some money and build character. It appears her interests have conflicted however and she has made you her test subjects. Please accept these free movie passes for any movies released in the next six months." The four's mouths dropped open when they heard his offer. "Now, who wants ice cream and to forget this ever happened?" Everypony in the theater, including the hobos raised their hooves. "Good! Marybelle, you clean up this mess, work out who was under your loyalty and then have them join you in unemployment. I'll have these fine vagabonds work here as your replacements."

"Yay!" the homeless cheered. And with that the group went off to have their ice cream and celebrate their free movie passes.