Author's Note

Okay, before we get to the actual chapter, I just want to be clear that this is going to be no longer that 3-5 chapters. So do not assume that I am writing another story that is going to take me forever to finish, because it is not.

Other than that, I do hope you enjoy and will leave your thoughts on it by commenting.

Stay Pony my friends.

Chapter I

My yawn started slow as the creak in my eyes started. But the energy of one hungry lump on my side shot them open and forced said yawn out of me.

"Wake up daddy!"

"Geez." I wheezed, and quickly pushed the lump to my side, air returning to my lungs after a full ten seconds of coughing. To my right side was the most beautiful girl in her pajamas and her favorite stuffed animal in her left arm. She was sitting on her knees, and had given me a smooch on the cheek as the covers were thrown off.

"Get up, daddy. It's Saturday." she said loudly...and possibly a bit too lively for a good morning.

I scratched my chest and groaned when she pulled the blinds to let in Celestia's sunlight. The warm beams gave me a harsh wake-up call with enough rays to make my eyes squint. I hissed to the morning peace of Ponyville as the townsfolk went on with their Saturday morning in the middle of Fall.

Normally I'd just get up and go about things with a small smile, but today was one of two days I get off from working in Twilight's castle as her personal secretary, so to have my sleep broken by this girl made it hard not to hate everything there is about being a father.

I look over to the clock. My eyes go as flat as my care for early mornings.

"Sophia," I groan, spinning onto my stomach and falling into the pillow. "It's only seven o'clock. Daddy had a rough week and needs his rest."

Usually I would be up at six and already cooking breakfast for us, but today is my only day off during the week, and by god I was going to enjoy it with a little more sleep. Sunday is the special even for every dad that understands what I am going through. It is like enjoying the silence in your home when you are alone and sitting in your recliner, watching the SuperBowl start.

That's my kind of Sunday...or it was until I had a daughter.

"Get up, get up, get up." Sophia continued to bounce on my back, trying her best to irritate me. Her usual method of waking me up would be the alarm clock going off or making up some lie about a fire in the house or a burglar stealing our things; or so it would be if I did not threaten to ground her for the rest of her life.

She started whimpering in my neck as she pulled my hair. I groan in the pillow again and try to ignore the painful tugs Sophia repeated, hoping that maybe, just maybe, daddy would win this battle.

"Sophia..." I started.

"I want us to go play outside, please." she begged, using her best tone to increase the cuteness her mother taught her. " Please daddy. Mommy would make you get up and take me outside if she was here."

"Yeah, if she was here." I said lightly, the thought of her being gone making it hard for me to process that we are alone.

I silently curse to the memory and force myself out of bed. Sophia was right about her mother making me get up this damn early, and upon getting up she would smack me over the head for making our daughter cry when I told her no. Don't get me wrong, my wife was a beautiful and loving woman that kept me in line and treated me with as much care as Sophia. Whenever our little girl was fine she would come find me and make sure that I was not feeling down or neglected, which was very rare in our marriage.

But that changed on the day she left us for another man, a man that makes a shit load of money in the Industrial Business. She was the whole reason I found the strength to love another, and the same poison that destroyed my ability to find another. After the divorce I took Sophia home and decided to drink until my heart stops. My little girl, however, was fast enough to sober me up with the reality check I needed after losing my job.

Her mother, Layla, was in the same department as me but better at numbers, so the CEO fired me and gave me ten minutes to pack my things and exit the building. He knew I was going to make a scene, he knew I was going to blame Layla, but stopped me by having security at every corner.

Ever since that day I have not been myself. I have avoided females like they are some sort of disease and focused entirely on my job and daughter. It went very well, mind you, but for some odd reason I found myself whisked away to a land that my daughter wished for upon a shooting star.

Seriously god, where is my wish?

Oh and get this...Sophia also wished that I would find true love with someone that will be faithful to me and be her mommy forever. Well that was somehow twisted up in the mind of karma and made into the most annoying predicament a man can have in his life.

I said some choice words to that memory. See, apparently in Equestria there is little to no marriages for the simple fact that stallions are nothing but man-whores. The mares are left to tend with the foal and become both parents throughout its childhood while the father goes about his business, fucking two to three mares every heat cycle, and resuming their lives like nothing happened.

The most respectable ponies I can honestly say are Mr. and Mrs. Cake, Shining Armor and Cadance, and Twilight's parents. They have stuck together and raised their foals like parents should, so my respect goes to them.

Unfortunately it was Cadance I first met when Sophia and I wound up in Equestria (The Crystal Empire to be exact), and she just happened to be the friendliest mare in this entire world. She just could not understand where Sophia's mother was and why I was still around raising her, educating her, protecting her like a mother does for their foal.

It astounded her that I am not like other males, that a dad is still around for his little one when the foal would just be put in an orphanage. It just went to show that Shining Armor had a big job to fill when that pony pushed out twins. If anything happened to Cadance he would be left to take of them or get rid of them.

I knew he would not, but still it astounded his wife that a single father is keeping his little one and raising her. The compliments were pretty awesome, but the word of a male raising his daughter, by himself, mind you, spread faster than when Sophia develops a rash from Peanut Butter.

Thank god she only gets a rash. If she had the reactions like most children, I'd be unable to save her, and these ponies don't know how to treat an allergic reaction.

Well when word spread across The Crystal Empire, it spread across the entire country and came back with a full force of the most annoying, single, lovestruck mares. I get why Big Macintosh stays away from mares and minds his own business, but dammit could he just help me out by taking some of their attention from me!?

If you get where I'm going with this, then sit back because it gets weirder from here.

You know how so many bronies write about an OC hooking up with a princess? Take SaiyanUltima for example; that bastard needs to chill on his stories. His writing is okay, his passion is a little creepy, but good god that man needs to get his head on straight and write about another pony.

That's my view though.

Well after having a friendly meeting with all of the princesses, including Sparkle Butt herself, they deemed me as a nonthreatening person and gave us citizenship in Equestria. Twilight, however, sought to study me and see how humans act in nature, before offering me the position as her advisor and secretary.

Royalty in some perspective, but I don't see it like that, nor do I abuse that power. I do my job, pay for what I buy, live my life as a normal man, and go about things like nothing has changed.

Except for one thing, of course, the irritating, annoying, frustrating, pain in my ass, daily event of-

"Daddy. Miss Umbra is awake."

"Alright, baby. I'll be down in a minute." I yelled from my bathroom, brushing my teeth while putting on some deodorant. I had taken a shower last night, so it was not necessary for me to bathe right now.

Umbra...Oh where do I start with her? Well the beginning of this fucked up life will do better than nothing. Actually, after making a new life in Ponyville I came across Twilight and her friends and found myself in the most awkward situations a man should not deal with. The princesses were the exact same way, until my brother somehow found himself trapped in this world. After he showed up and made his spot in this world, things went downhill for me.

Umbra, however, was the first real friend I made; the simple fact is we met at the Crystal Empire, after her defeat and reformation by The Crystal Heart. She was The Unicorn Queen that enslaved the Crystal Ponies a thousand years ago, but through some weird defeat of The Crystal Heart she has become the newest villain that is working to change what the other ponies think about her.

But for now, she is the bitch that won't leave me alone or stop giving me crap. Now don't assume that I am gay or I will punch you in the balls. I know you're thinking we have some hate-love relationship, but we don't and we never will. Umbra is probably number one in my list of ponies, this excluding the princesses, but she has this tendency to be very assertive.

Anyway. Umbra has worked her way to being an aunt to Sophia, but she does so with the advantage of being a girl. However, when Sophia is not around to see us talk, Umbra shows her true colors to me, just like every damn mare that is in need of a man that will be faithful.

Only one problem. Umbra is the biggest bitch and pain in my ass, and possibly the first pony I am going to murder.

Why can't fate stick me in a world that is mute?

And why the fuck is Sombra actually a girl in this reality!?

She gives me crap every time she sees me. Every sentence starts cruel and hateful, then ends in some flirtatious way, which is just a fucked up joke because she knows I'm lonely. Now you're probably asking, 'Why the hell do you put up with her?' Think about it like this: If you were left for another man and thrown into a world of ponies afterward, you'd be a little leery of everything that is happening. But it just so happens that males with children, single fathers, mind you, are the fucking godsend in this world.

In other words, mares are crazy about a guy like me because I am somewhat settled into having a family. This gives them ample opportunity to take the chance with yours truly.

Anyway. As far as things go between me and Umbra, she is the only pony I can trust right now, the only one that has not stabbed me in the back, and I just don't have it in me to be around someone that is clingy and most likely psychotic about love.

As for the backstabbing part. Well let's just say I hate my brother, the princesses, and every fucking one of those ass clowns they call The Main Six.

But that is for later on in this story.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Umbra. She is the opposite of what I deal with, she is a hateful, mean, crabby mare that calls me ugly once a week, but it is better than nothing. It's a nightmare that never ends, and Sophia has the privilege of seeing me exhaust myself to the bone. But at least I have her to keep me on my toes.

Speaking of nightmares, I had yet to put my shirt on when a furry, black hoof smacked the back of my head. I was still brushing my teeth, and this mare took it upon herself to invade my room and smack me so hard that I choked on my toothpaste.

At least Colgate makes toothpaste that is not poisonous if swallowed.

"What the hell is taking you so long?" she flicks my ear as I spit out the toothpaste. "Slugs move faster than you. Scratch that, Derpy is faster than you, and she's handicapped."

I wash out my mouth out and glare up to the divine beauty behind me. Her smile has always been something I look forward too, but today I was not in the mood to have Miss Bitchy stand in my personal bubble and give me hell. Today is already going to be tough for me, and the last thing I need is her making it worse.

"You're lucky I like you!" I yell, only to entrap myself.

"Oh you do, huh?" Umbra coos seductively. "Well thank you sweetie, but I don't date someone that is foaming from the mouth, and has such a messy mane."

"It's fucking toothpaste, and you're one talk about messy hair. Yours hasn't seen a comb in ages!"

"Yes, but I'm sexy with that style. Now hurry up and finish, because Sophia and I are hungry."

Damn, she's as beautiful as I remember when I saved her furry ass. That's the only reason I have not taken my size twelve and shoved it up her ass.

Don't get me wrong. She's beautiful, as always, but annoying and sometimes the last pony I want to see. Still, I cannot help but feel a little proud of myself for stopping Cadance and the others from destroying her. If it wasn't for me getting between them after The Crystal Heart stopped her, I don't think there would be a mare like this.

"How many times must I endure your invasion of my privacy?" I begin like always, but with a different mare every day. Usually I'm stuck with someone saying hello, but most of the mares know by now that I am not going to mingle. "You just keep barging into my room to give me some sort of reason to hate you, right?." She just giggled and squeezed my chest like its her property, and then nipped my neck a couple of times.

Bitch! You know that is only for couples, and I do not like you that much!

"Oh come on, Zane." she pouted (more like cruelly teased to piss me off), "How can you say that to a mare like me? I'm just having a little fun with getting up and at it."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and pushed her away. "Would you just leave me alone, please? I have enough problems with my brother and every mare hitting on me."

"But what's the fun in that?." she asked while sitting on the toilet, (No, not taking a shit, you damn perverts), "If I don't bother you, you'll be a real drag when your brother arrives. Speaking of which; are you two talking again?"

"No, we're not talking, and you know why," I began sigh with impatience as last year's fiasco played in my memory again. "I have nothing to say to that piece of shit, and I sure as hell have no desire to make amends with him."

"Seriously?" Umbra said flatly, "You're just gonna hate him for the rest of your life because he stole Luna from you."

"Yup," I quipped nonchalantly, "He's nothing to me, and everyone around him is a fucking traitor. That's how I like it, and that's how it's going to be for the rest of my life."

As far as it goes to have a little grudge with someone, my grudge with my older brother goes much deeper than it should.

...

There was no anger to feel...just words. Cosmica, the mare who took us in, and Celestia, daughter of Cosmica, stood with me as my older brother gasped with Luna, releasing his essence into her womb after I barged into my room to pack Sophia and I's things. I was done with this family bullshit that Cosmica keeps talking about, done with living in a place that is nothing more than a prison.

I had enough of Cosmica favoring Alex, so I decided to leave and live on my own with my daughter. But this happened, and now I had no reason to look back, no reason to love...to care what happens to my brother.

Silence was the only answer that came first. But soon after I grabbed my bags, ignoring Alex's wing on my arm, I proceeded to leave the high life for a much more reasonable one.

Luna's expression was in every meaning of the word: Desperate. She didn't know what to do when I threw my engagement ring on the floor and stormed out of the bedroom. But at hearing the ring bounce across the floor, whatever played through her mind simply turned into meaningless words of reassurance.

"Beloved, please let me explain my actions and think this through!" she pleaded in my direction, heartbroken tears streaming down her muzzle upon seeing me carry my worried daughter out of her bedroom. "Zane, we-I am so sorry. I should have rejected when he came to me about being what you are not. I love you with all my heart, so please stop and let us talk through this!"

"There is nothing to talk about, and you do not love me!" I replied scathingly, tears falling past my chin as I pushed her aside. "If you did love me, you would not have lied on your back and take my brother's cock up your cunt."

She took my hand and thrust herself unto me, vinegar in her lips than the sweetness of black berries. I felt nothing that comes close to what was my love for her, my mind blank with bitterness at this moment. Alex just stood there and watched, a worried expression adorning his new face.

For himself?

For Luna and I to work this out?

No, to see how weak I am when it comes to the touch of a mare. Well I was not going to give him the satisfaction of Luna and I staying together while he fucks her behind my back.

"Zane I beg of you to give me a chance to fix this." Luna pleaded silently...desperately. "You are the one I love, the one that is my heart."

There it was...Alex's arrogant smile...that darkness about him.

It was nothing that bothered me when we were kids I suppose, but eventually he overstepped his boundaries and continued so with little care of what I felt. I began to feel more like his doormat than his little brother, and he knew of it from how I would look at him so incredulously. He rarely allowed me to have a love of my life, a woman to call my girlfriend, but it always ended in his bed.

I can still hear Luna's cries of ecstasy right now.

Well no more...

"I trusted you, I fell in love with you, I even trusted you to become Sophia's mother, and you betrayed me for him. And now you get to live with that worthless fucktard and be his mate, because I will not stay with a mare that cheated on me."

"Zane...no...please don't..."

I felt both of her wings curl around my free arm to gently pull me back into the bedroom, but after realizing how much my brother is going to torment me, even when she knows that he does, I pulled away, tightened my other arm around my slowly panicking daughter and made my way out of this life for good.

...

"You don't know what I went through when that happened." I said dryly against the mirror, catching a small glimpse of hurt in Umbra's eyes as she looked away.

"Daddy," I hear Sophia yelling downstairs. "I'm hungry, and I want to outside to play."

"Alright babygirl, I'm coming!" I yell.

After turning to the unicorn, I take in a deep breath and compose myself for the day that is ahead of me. She says not a thing when I do, and then follows me downstairs to the kitchen.

It was cold and silent between us, but I am for certain that I heard her whisper something. It almost sounded like she was being affectionate with me, or just fucking me as usual.

"I would not cheat on you."

Perhaps I'm losing my mind from all the work lately. I don't know, but at least I have someone to keep me sane by treating me no different than the average citizen.

Anyway. Now that I was in the kitchen with my daughter and Miss Dark Butt taking their places at the table, I began cooking breakfast by grabbing a few ingredients out of the fridge. It was not much, not in my perspective, but what I have in here was plenty for me to make a breakfast for six ponies. That however is just me thinking with my stomach. I have a very high metabolism, so eating is not so normal with a guy like me.

"So what is on the menu today?" I ask both girls as the eggs crack in the bowl, prepping to mix what I know will require eggs in it.

"Scrambled eggs, bacon, and french toast." Sophia chirped.

"Make that two." Umbra added.

"Okay, and what would you like to drink?"

"Orange Juice."

"You."

I drop the last egg into the mixing bowl, a scowl of pure evil as my expression.

"UMBRA! QUIT THAT SHIT!"

I had hoped that she would at least give me one morning without her being a flirt or a smartass, but, alas, she has the gall to be a bitch. And unfortunately, she decides to give me more trouble that is only going to end with me having something I cannot remove so easily, if you know what I mean.

It's okay though, Sophia just laughs at me every time Umbra gets under my skin. I should be more aware of what I say, but this furry bitch keeps pissing me off.

"Make me." she retorts playfully, tongue sticking out as she winks. "Oh wait a second, I forgot, you're not into-"

I grab the hatchet out of the cupboard, blade as sharp as a scalpel. "FINISH THAT SENTENCE AND I'LL REMOVE SOMETHING YOU CAN'T GET BACK!"

"Daddy's blushing." my daughter giggles, which only makes it worse. "I think he likes you, Miss Umbra."

"I think so too, kiddo." Umbra muses, her tone so mocking that it eats me away.

"Great, now I have my daughter against me!"

"Daddy, why don't you go on a date with Miss Umbra?" Sophia asks, thus my day is already shot.

"Because he is too afraid to ask, sweetie. Plus he probably forgot how to take someone on a date." Umbra guffaws on the table, hoof slamming so hard it dents the wood.

"SHUT UP!"