Author's Note

And you all thought this story was dead.

Nope. It just took me a little longer to get another chapter out.

Enjoy.

Chapter VII

I AM A BONA FIDE, not give a shit man. . . so it was very humiliating to be stripped of my gown and shoved onto a table by a heated nurse who about lost her temper at the sight of Umbra. I landed on my ass, of course, and winced as she finished with the whole procedure and crumpled and some of her papers. The only grace of this procedure was having my father in the room to keep things at a dull roar.

"Any problems?" Terra asked, minding not a damn bit that Umbra forced herself in this room.

Maybe he was enjoying how we acted around one another?

My hands were resting underneath my thighs. I had this terrible urge to ask if the nurse was going to take me to dinner after doing the turn-and-cough with me. I mean, come on—it's Nurse Redheart who has to suffer through this as much as me, but at least she doesn't have a methodical ex-queen for a marefriend.

I got to my feet as soon as I had the chance, feeling shaky and somewhat ill from the food they serve in this joint. My chest was applied with more bandages from the magical shock extremes they took to restart my heart. It was streaked with burnt blood, and my ass was itching from sitting down so much.

"How much longer until this is over?" I asked with an irritated voice, drifting to my marefriend, who was having the time of her life by gendering at the more sensitive regions you would see on a naked man.

If I wasn't nervous then, I was nervous now. This was the first time in years that I had a female see me without a shread of clothing. Not even Celestia and Luna got to see me in the nude when we were dating. The most they got was a simple drop of the pants after some foreplay.

I had an acute, innate sense of perverseness with Umbra, so after a minute of looking from her I turned and yelped pathetically with my hands flailing for a moment as the pain in my ass cheek began to sting.

"Firm flanks," Umbra said with a grin and bedroom eyes, making me and Redheart uncomfortable. "Guess all that manual labor does payoff."

Once the pain went away I reached for her ear to pull on it a little, but I realized in my moment of poor impulse that I was giving the unicorn what she wanted. A man with his hands on his junk to block the cold and a mare that has the hots for him, my brain clicked and it suddenly felt really warm in the room.

Of course, that led me to looking down where she was and see that her eyes were locked on the privates, because I had everything hanging out and flopping like there was no room for care or shame. I had gone crimson at that point and spun away with little patience for Redheart to hurry up with this checkup.

Unfortuantely. . .

"Not a bad size," she complimented, which did not help a damn bit. "Could be a little longer, but you have some girth."

This whole terrible conversatin ended with me having a moment of anger to actually retaliate with the unicorn. Terra had fallen flat on his ass and bellowed with laughter. Even the professional Redheart had a few snickers behind that clipboard.

I growled like a rabid hound after looking over my shoulder. My eye twitched, and then I grabbed my gown as the white mare held it in her hoof for me to take.

"You can forget about any intimacy after that remark," I said angrily whilst shielding the world of my naked body, scowling at the proud mare. If only the strings in the back were longer. "You don't tell a guy that kind of stuff."

"I was just being honest with you," she told me with faux innocence, pretending to be hurt. I knew better than to fall for those fake tears and quivering lip—and let's not forget that I WAS PISSED OFF!

"Can't handle the truth. . . sweetie?" Now she was going too far, and it wasn't even noon yet.

Welcome to the high life of dating an ex-criminal I suppose. I did try my hardest. I really tried to ignore the pony rubbing on me after I retained some bit of decency through my clothes.

Ignoring. I gave it my best after sitting down and shutting the mare out. But this was a pony whose main source of fun and happy-time came from the rage and misery of having her as a roommate; and what's worse is the fact that I am her coltfriend now. After a few minutes of playing the silent game—though one-sided since she can't shut her damn mouth—I'd given into the unicorn giving me the best puppy look she could muster from inside that methodical and sadistic heart of hers, and pretended to not care that was humiliating me in front of my father, who by the way, was snickering behind his wing.

"Shut the hell up!" I spat venomously at the asshole alicon.

"Nope." He draped the same wing over my back while we waited for the doctor to give me a release. I was more than ready to get the hell out of here and go eat some real food. He snickered again as Umbra rested her head in my lap, giving me a quivering lip.

"Seems to me that your marefriend is desperate for your attention. Perhaps I should leave so you two can have a some alone time before Doctor Horse comes back."

I drew in a breath and did what any man would. I looked down at the pony and cringed before my eyes widened at the idea of being alone with Umbra. As soon as he made his way to the door, I could see the horror.

"Don't leave me in here with this monster!"

"This is the only moment of peace you've had with just you and her," he said comically, receiving my glare of death. "Son, it's not going to kill you to spend a few minutes alone with your mare."

"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY." I screamed, giving the stallion his first honor of being flipped off by a human. "YOU'RE NOT THE ONE WHO HAS A HEART CONDITION!"

"Play nice~" he mused, closing the door behind him in a slow fashion.

"YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!"

I was now alone with Umbra and vulnerable and fearing for my life, but something was very wrong here. She went quiet and still with that mysterious look in her eyes as we sat there with expectancy of the doctor returning soon. I'd thought it was her turn to play hard-to-get, but then I realized how upset she was by the way she sighed in my lap.

Must have been her façade we were seeing. . .But seriously, is she really upset?

Despite my conscience relentlessly telling this is just Umbra, I decided to try the good coltfriend act and take some interest in those despairing eyes.

"Anything you want to talk about before the doctor comes back? You've more annoying than usual ever since I woke up in that hospital room."

She giggled at this and rubbed her hoof against my knee in reassurance, I think, all tension rapidly dying between us as she looked to the wall.

"You scared the crap out of me Zane," she whispered, nuzzling the side of my knee affectionately. "One minute you're on the ground with Shining Armor listening to your chest, the next minute you're not breathing and he's taking you away."

"Well it was a scary moment for everyone." I told her calmly, care seeping into my words. "Moments like these do happen often. This is the fourth time I've been hospitalized in the last five years."

"But it's a first for me!" She snarled angrily, shocking me and some nurses that were close enough to the window. I had no idea Umbra could be this angry or upset, and I was learning the hard way through the sudden tears from her.

"You may be used to it, but I'm not!" She exploded furiously, jumping off the floor and rearing up to my eye level with her hooves sliding my chair to the wall. I had yet to realize my head hitting said wall as she berated me.

"I finally have a reason to be happy. A bucking reason to smile and not hate this world for giving me a second chance. And here I saw my happiness sitting in a bed with a bunch of freaking needles in his skin and his eyes not opening. How do think I felt when I saw that!? What do you think went through my head!?"

By this point Umbra was panting quite desperately, emotional exhaustion plastered all over her face as her tears flowed onto my shirt.

"I blamed myself for it." She sobbed heavily, burying herself in the crook of my neck. "I believed that I was to blame for what happened, because I torment you so much. I bother you in the worst ways I can think of, just to get your attention."

As her breathing slowed down and the nurses continued peeking through the window, their faces pressed against the glass like some climatic romance series too good to miss. . .

A single cry of pain from her, causing for me to think how selfish it was of me to play cool about this when I should have been concerned for her.

Umbra seemed like a totally different mare from her two masks, neither the bitch she can be when around others or the caring pony when we are alone.

"I can't lose you."

Such a simple mutter in my head, yet it stabbed at my heart to comfort her.

"I'm sorry Umbra," I instinctively wrapped my arms around her, a moment that which unlocked the flood gates and her tears overflowed.

"You better be sorry. You stupid prick. . ."

I blinked at that insult in some shock, before chuckling in her mane. Perhaps it was heartwarming to hear the bitterness in her words, or how heavy she weighed her emotions on me. . . but that is something I always found comforting. Like my ex-wife, she weighed everything on me so that I could pick up the pieces and put them back together.

Perhaps that was my purpose in this world. To help a broken mare learn.

She knew I had deep care for her. . . and damn near abused it for her own amusement.

"Why does it have be you?" She asked frustratingly, wiping her tears away with my shit. My eyes were still locked and I couldn't pry from looking at this elegant mare, but I could almost feel her emotions molding my heart for reasons.

"Would you prefer it wasn't me?" I asked jokingly.

And it was with that question I gave myself the answer I did not expect. Umbra had taken me by the back of my hair and jerked me onto my knees for a kiss that shocked the crowd. She quickly rammed her tongue into my mouth and moaned, giggling somewhat when I wrestled the muscle for dominance. She pushed harder and forced me completely against the wall, yet she did not take advantage or abuse me like I expected. She explored my mouth like there was some treasure to be found. We both moaned and flicked and caressed every second of this moment to the gasps of every nurse and doctor gasping or passing out.

My hands were deep in her mane, massaging it tenderly without moving to where I wanted to touch her the most, although only by the fact that I was not going to get a handful of her ass without there being consequences.

Umbra it seemed was more sure of this relationship. She retreated her muzzle away from me and fell into my lap with my hands shaken to her back. Said fall did far more than mold us on the floor however, although I did try my utmost to find a comfortable spot. With my hands subconsciously moving to her flanks, something she seemed find enjoyable if her giggles meant anything, Umbra moved her muzzle into my stomach and started nipping the left side.

It was. . . calming, odd but better than what Celestia and Luna did.

"If you your hands get any closer to my flanks, I'll bite your penis off and give it to Twilight for her research of your anatomy."

I could only estimate that the speed of my hands retreating into my pockets must have been at least a millisecond. But as I continued to sit there with Umbra resting on me, one of her hoofs grabbed my rear and traced to my hardening bulge. She instantly stopped nibbling at the feeling and smirked evilly like the monster she becomes when entertained. She leaned up and brought her lips to mine rather seductively, her tongue lapping the upper part of my mouth so gently.

"Don't worry lover boy, you'll get to touch all of me after a few dates." She said breathlessly to my lips, licking my lower lip. "By the way, that was a nice package down there."

I growled in the mare's mane as she finished laughing in my waist, the care I had for her going out the door as fast as her ability to stand up when the door began to open. I was quickly snapped out of the growing anger to her comment and brought to my feet before the doctor entered.

A part of me was a little peeved by the hypocrisy this pony has for grabbing someone's ass while Doctor Horse made a quick slash of his clipboard. At the same time however, I kind of liked having Umbra like that; where no boundaries are met in most relationships, she made them and was intentionally doing it to make me earn her.

I wasn't the kind of guy to take up the challenge of earning a handful of Umbra's ass, but something about her sparked me, something I'd thought long dead when Sophia and I were abandoned.

To my surprise as we waited, said unicorn made an effort to irk the staff still watching. And she did it with a whimsical smile whilst curling around my waist, her tongue lashing across her lips in provocative manner.

"Sorry boys and girls," she cooed, nuzzling my side. "But your soap opera is over. My stallion and I must keep the adult stuff in the bedroom."

I merely slapped my own forehead in realization, although I was secretly overjoyed at the revelation of Umbra's intentions.

She's trying to fool them into thinking this was to give them a show. . .

It hurt me to know how embarrassing it was for them to see us like that.

"Come on doc," Umbra complained. "Don't you have better things to do than keep us here?"

Horse looked over his clipboard with a look that spoke ill will towards the obnoxious mare. Even I cringed on the inside when the click of his pen retracted it, and he hadn't said a damn word to us yet.

"Maybe I should run some more tests," he replied, his cold frown cracking into a malicious grin directed at Umbra. . .

Who exhaled annoyingly in the midst of dragging her hooves over her eyes. It was only a matter before someone got an insult or a loose cannon punch.

Well it just goes to show that dating an ex-criminal can have some consequences—some bad and some good, but mostly bad.

"I hate hospitals."

"Welcome to the club," I snipped.

. . .

"Everything go alright?" Terra asked as Umbra and I made a quick exit. I was finally free to go out and get a damn meal that did not consist of Umbra bitching to the nurses that I can't digest it.

Who am I to complain? She's just looking out for me like a real marefriend would do. I can't say the same about Celestia or Luna, they did not exactly accompany me during checkups or give me surprise visits when I was sick or injured. Even as friends I didn't have the honor of either mare paying me a visit.

Probably because of Alex. . .

"Tolerable," we said together before Terra's lovely marefriend approached me.

"He is better!" Lady Spice chirped in her freaky accent, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug.

I wheezed and unwillingly listened to what must have been my spine cracking like a domino effect, from atop to the lower region, only to hug her in return so that I could pat her back. I was submitting to defeat, but I doubted that dad told how fragile the human body can be compared a pony that felt like she'd taken steroids.

He smile filled my blurry vision. Said pony was cooing to me, a very large grin adorning her hay-covered lips while Umbra yelled at her to let me go.

"I give," I wheezed dryly. "You win. . . can't . . . breathe. . ."

Finally the overexcited mare dropped me on my ass and apologized for nearly crushing, admitting that in her country the mares spend most of their days working on farms.

"No shit," I rebuked, regaining my footing when she pulled me up. "And here I thought you were on some sort of steroid."

She cocked an eyebrow quickly before tilting her head and brushing my face of the hay that she got on me.

"What is this steroid you speak of?" She inquired curiously. "Is that your dry humor your father told me about?"

"Let's go with that." I said, rolling my eyes to Terra as he looked away. His little act of playing dumb needed serious improvement. Seriously, nothing says guilty like looking away and whistling a tune.

"Dry humor?" I drawled, crossing my arms at the stallion.

He just stood there and turned his attention to anything he could find as a means of escape.

Yeah. . . good try dad, but you can't bullshit a bullshitter. I may not be all-powerful or have lived so long that dirt is young, but I can tell when you're talking behind my back.

I think the sun moved an inch before he found something to change the subject.

"Would you look at that?" He pointed at the restaurant directly across from Rarity's old boutique. "How about we go get a bite to eat? Spice and I have been snacking on hay bars all day and need some real food."

This is supposed to be the most powerful and influential alicorn in existence. . . yeah, why do get the feeling I'm not seeing the bigger picture of this pony?

"As long you're buying, I don't care." I told my father, patting him on the back.