Chapters Sir Derp-a-lot and the Gluttonous Dragon
Sir Derp-a-lot and the Gluttonous Dragon
A long time ago in a land far away there lived a small kingdom by the name of Equina. This kingdom had known peace like no other, for it was much too small to worry about, and fighting the knights from there was considered more of a joke than anything.
However, it one day came to the attention of a certain dragon. This dragon was the biggest and greediest of them all. He was the Gluttonous Dragon. And he wanted Equina.
The ponies of Equina were going about their usual business, when the dragon attacked. He swooped over the houses and gave a roaring scream, scaring everypony and causing them to all hide. Then, after a couple more passes, the dragon landed in front of the castle.
"King Hoofgar! I am the Gluttonous Dragon and I have set my sights on your kingdom! Give up now!" the dragon commanded. It took a few minutes, but eventually King Hoofgar came out and stood on top of the castle's wall with his guards who were all quaking in their armor.
King Hoofgar called out to the dragon in a shaky voice, "Wh-, wh-, why do you want my kingdom?" The dragon snarled.
"I am, as I have already stated, the Gluttonous Dragon. I am considered the king among my kind, for I am the greediest and largest," he leaned in to look closer at the King, "And I want your kingdom! Now give it up! That is, unless you want me to burn it?"
King Hoofgar swallowed. He tried to think of a way to get out of the situation, but couldn't. Then a small idea struck him.
"Mr. Gluttonous, sir. I would love to give up my kingdom. But I can't just 'hand it over' as you say. There are many official documents and other things that must be signed first. Then Equina will be yours," the King said.
The dragon squinted his eyes at the King.
"And how long does it take to have these documents signed?" he asked.
"A few days?" King Hoofgar hid his face behind his hoof.
"A FEW DAYS!" the dragon shouted, "But I want your kingdom now!"
"Yes, yes. I understand that. But if you are truly king of your kind, then you must understand that these sort of things must be done, and that they take a few days."
The dragon glared at King Hoofgar.
"I will return tomorrow, then. And by that time, you must have your documents and your kingdom ready for me."
"But-!" the king stuttered.
"No buts! Tomorrow, understand?"
The king hung his head, then nodded it.
"Then I will leave you to get busy." And with that, the Gluttonous Dragon flew away.
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"Oooh! What am I to do?" King Hoofgar asked the air. He was pacing back and forth in front of his advisers.
"We can make a quest to kill the dragon and send our best knights?" suggested one.
"No," the King said, "He will just come here immediately and destroy us all."
"How about we just leave?" advised another. The King shook his head to this as well.
"That would take too long."
They all sat there and thought. But nopony could think of what to do.
Then, with a crash, one of the knights ran in and fell flat on his face. He was not like the other knights. For one, he was just a gray earthpony with blue hair. And another, he was extremely clumsy.
King Hoofgar groaned. "Sir Derp-a-lot! What are you doing?" he demanded.
Sir Derp-a-lot stood up and saluted.
"My Lord, I heard of the predicament our land is in, and I believe I know how we can stop the dragon." he said, facing the opposite direction. The King sighed.
"Sir Derp-a-lot, I'm over here!" Sir Derp-a-lot turned around, "And what do you mean you think you know how to defeat the dragon? If you plan to fight him, then that would be stupid! And if you think we should leave, me and my advisers have already discussed this. What idea could you possibly have that is better than theirs?"
The advisers continued to whisper among themselves as they tried to come up with a plan. One was over heard saying "gelatin" and another "rubber ducks". King Hoofgar winced.
"Fine, let's here it." he said dejectedly. But Sir Derp-a-lot shook his head.
"We can't take any risks, my Lord, of the dragon hearing of our plan. Instead I will tell you what I need."
The King looked at Sir Derp-a-lot confused. Then he shrugged his shoulders.
"I guess we're doomed anyways. So what is it you'll need?"
---------------
The next day, the dragon landed where he had before.
"I am ready for you to give me your kingdom, King Hoofgar!" he shouted at the castle. The dragon looked around. The streets were devoid of life, and the houses all had their windows closed. But then he noticed something.
"King Hoofgar! You dare to send one of your knights out to fight me!" he screamed. He took a breath, and was about to start burning the place and the knight, when the knight spoke.
"I am not here to fight you, Mr, Gluttonous." he called. The dragon let the breath go, "I am just curious if you are truly the greediest dragon of them all."
The dragon looked at the knight. Then he laughed.
"You do not believe me? Are you stupid?" he laughed some more, "I can easily prove my greed to you."
"Good, for that is what I want you to do."
The dragon laughed again. "Who are you?" he asked, leaning in to look at the knight.
"I am Sir Derp-a-lot!" he declared. The dragon sat back.
"Fine then, Sir Derp-a-lot, how should I start to prove my greed to you?"
"Well, if you are so greedy, then you must be able to drink our entire storage of cider," Sir Derp-a-lot explained, gesturing at several large kegs of it nearby. The dragon smiled.
"Of course I could."
He reached down and picked up one of the kegs, then ripped the top off and dumped it in his mouth. He continued to do this, drinking every last drop of the kingdom's cider.
After the dragon downed the last one, he looked at Sir Derp-a-lot groggily. "I have drank all of your -hic- cider. Do you -hic- believe me now?" Sir Derp-a-lot shook his head.
"Impressive," he said, "But any dragon could have done that."
"Then what -hic- is your next challenge?"
Sir Derp-a-lot waved his hoof at a stage with several ponies holding musical instruments. "I will begin to believe you better if you can do this. Steal these musicians music."
At his cue, the musicians started to play a lullaby. The dragon squinted at the musicians on the stage. Then he put his head near them. He took a deep breath, and continued to do so until, with a whoosh, the music was sucked right out of the air and the instruments produced no sound.
The dragon sat back up.
"Again I have done what you challenged me to do. Now I want the kingdom." the King demanded. But, again Sir Derp-a-lot shook his head.
"A mere trifle. I have one last challenge."
"What is this last challenge?"
By now, it had grown dark. Sir Derp-a-lot pointed to the heavens.
"If you truly are the greediest, then steal the stars! If you do, then and only then will I believe you!" he cried out to the dragon.
Normally, the dragon would have seen this as ridiculous. But, because of the cider and the music from the lullaby, he was very tired and was unable to think clearly.
"Ha! I will have it done, you'll see! Then Equina will be mine!" The dragon crouched down, then leapt into the air. He spread his wings and flew upwards, on and on. Eventually, there was no sign of him. And there was never any sign of him again.
---------------
The kingdom threw a great party that lasted for days in celebration of their great hero. During the feast, King Hoofgar stood up and called for everypony's attention.
"Quiet down, quiet down now."
All the subjects looked at their king.
"As you know, we are a mere kingdom, not one to even bother about. However, for some reason the Gluttonous Dragon had set his sights on it and demanded we hand it over. I'll admit, I was ready to do so. But then Sir Derp-a-lot stepped forth and, with his plan, saved us all!"
Every single pony in the kingdom roared and clomped their hooves on the table, taking up the cry of "Sir Derp-a-lot! Sir Derp-a-lot!" The king quieted all of them again. Then he turned to Sir Derp-a-lot. "How did you think of the plan to save us all?" he asked the knight. Sir Derp-a-lot looked at him.
"Just because I'm clumsy, doesn't mean I'm not clever."
The Truth
"Hey Twilight, I got the books you needed," Spike called out. He was helping the mare who had taken care of him since he hatched in her latest studies.
"Spike! Did you just feel that?" Twilight asked.
"Feel what?"
"I don't know..." Twilight cocked her head, a look of extreme confusion on her face, "What do you last remember doing?"
"Uhhh." Spike thought about the question. "I remember getting you these books."
"No, no, no." Twilight took the books from him. "Before that."
Spike thought even harder, trying to remember what he had last done. "Well, all I can remember last doing is going to your brother's wedding"
"Hah! I knew it!" Twilight exclaimed, "And I don't remember asking you for those books. I only remember the wedding happening last as well."
"Then what does it mean?" Spike wondered out loud.
"I don't know," Twilight said, shaking her head, "But I do know I want to find out."
"There it is again!" Twilight shouted.
"What?" Spike raised his head up from where he had fallen asleep. He looked around. It was dark out already, and yet, had it been a few seconds ago that Twilight was talking about figuring out something?
"Hey! When did it get dark?" he said, getting up.
"Just now, it felt like," Twilight looked around. Then she shuddered. "I do not like this one bit. What could possibly be causing this?"
Spike looked around. "Maybe it's just a dream?" he suggested. But Twilight shook her head.
"No, I don't believe so. But I wonder if anypony else notices? Tell you what, tomorrow, we're going to visit our friends and see if they have felt what we have."
"Twilight..." Spike said, fear in his voice.
"I know," she replied. They were suddenly finding themselves headed towards Sweet Apple Acres, with no recollection of having ever starting their journey. "We'll just have to keep going."
They soon arrived at Sweet Apple Acres, home of their friend, Apple Jack. Twilight ran to the front door and started to bang on it. It wasn't long before Apple Jack answered it.
"What in tarnation is goin' on out here?" she asked. Then she saw that it was Twilight outside of her door. "Twi! Spike! What are y'all doin' here?"
"No time to explain! Quick, what is the last thing you remember?" Twilight said, breathing heavily from her run.
"Hmmm..." Apple Jack tapped her hoof on her chin, "All I can remember was your brother's weddin'. That's odd."
"Then it isn't just me and Spike," Twilight said, stamping her hoof into the ground.
"What isn't just you and Spike? Could somepony please tell me what in Equestria's goin' on here?"
Twilight looked at her friend. "Spike and I have observed how our life seems to be going by in flashes, jumping from one point in time to the next. We do not have any idea how it's happening, but it does have us creeped out."
"Yeah, now that you mention it, I think I see what y'all mean. Remember last year's Winter Wrap Up, your first?" Twilight nodded. "Well, it felt like we'd just started spring when it was suddenly time for the Runnin' of the Leaves race. What had happened to summer?"
"That's exactly what Spike and I are noticing. Come on, let's see if the others notice it too."
Twilight, Spike, and Apple Jack all ran around town, talking to their friends and seeing if they felt it as well. The results were all the same. Nopony could remember what had happened between that moment and the wedding. Soon, they all found themselves at the library.
"It's happened! I felt it now!" exclaimed Rarity.
"What's going on?" Flutter Shy asked nervously.
"That's what I want to know," demanded Rainbow Dash.
"Girls! Calm down. I've been trying to think of a possible explanation," Twilight explained.
"I know what it is!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie.
Everypony looked at her.
"You do?" asked Twilight.
"Mmhm! It's easy to explain! We are being controlled by evil beings from another dimension who are intent on making us worship them!"
Twilight sighed. "That's ridiculous Pinkie! Have you been worshiping anything lately?"
"No. But we could start doing so at any moment!"
But Twilight and everypony else ignored her.
"Maybe it's Discord again?" suggested Rarity. But Twilight shook her head.
"No, this has been going on since before him."
They all sat there, each trying to come up with an explanation of what was causing this. Then Twilight had an idea.
"I've got it! maybe we are being controlled! But not by evil beings. We are in a cartoon!"
The storyboard designer turned to his coworker.
"This is starting to get ridiculous," he said. The other put down his pencil.
"Now that you mention it, I kind of have to agree. But we need to do something for more episodes."
"I know, but this is breaking the fourth wall too much. Here, give me the pencil. Okay, so how about we do a Cutie Mark Crusaders episode that starts with them attempting to get their marks in, I don't know, pig wrestling? Anyways after they fail, they..."
The Rainbow Plague
I raise my head from where I had laid it down to rest. I look and see that the pony who I had spent the night watching over has succumbed to this accursed plague as well. I get up, but do not shed any tears. I take the body and place it in a pile of others. Now I am the last one from my village.
All of the ponies I knew are now dead. Friends, family, enemies. All consumed by this disease. I look around and breath in the morning air. I taste the death and feel myself grow sick.
I bend over and hold myself steady, dry heaving. A trickle of bile dribbles out of my mouth. I stand up straight again, wiping it away. Then I think of what it is that I will do.
I know that my time is short, for even if I am the last survivor I know that the sickness will claim my life too. I contemplate going to warn the other villages in the area, but quickly decide this is not the best, for it is the very same thing that had brought the plague.
A messenger wracked with it visited us to deliver a warning, and was soon dead. We did not take long to figure out that it was his visit that had brought this hammer of colorful death down on us.
No, I must not visit the other villages. They too will die. Then, I know what I must do. I pack a few belongings and some food in a saddle bag. Then I set off into the forest surrounding us, me, and canter in a straight line, stumbling over every fallen branch and every root that sticks out in my path.
But I take no notice of these, and only continue on. I stop occasionally to rest and eat. However, I am soon up and back to walking.
As I go on, I grow weaker with each passing moment. My breathe begins to rattle as it had done the others. My hooves and legs do not feel as if they can hold me up. I am suddenly seized a few times by a cold that makes me shiver, even in the sun. And when I look at my pelt, I see the marks that had appeared on the others. A wide array of colorful spots each one a different shade. Some of them itch and a few ache. But I know what they mean. My time is short.
I had hoped the wild animals would try to eat me, but they are avoiding me and the parcel of death I carry. Soon, a branch or root trips me, I do not know which, and places me flat on my face. I am now too weak to get up, or even move.
I just lay there, slowly fading, drifting in and out of consciousness. One time I wake up and see my family, friends, and many other ponies that I did not know gesturing from a light for me to come to them. They are all seated around a large table laid out with the best foods I had ever seen, many of them causing my mouth to water. But when I try to move towards them, I pass out again.
This repeats several times, and each time I try and move to them, losing consciousness again and again. It is a cruel pattern, one I hope that ends soon. It soon does so when a mare with a white pelt comes forward from the light and holds out her hoof to me.
"It is time," she says. I somehow find the strength to nod and reach out my own hoof to hers.
She takes it, grasping it firmly in her own, strong hoof, and lifts me up. I look at myself and see what the death had done to me, eating at me and making me feel so much pain and suffering. Then I look at the mare and know that both of these are over. She smiles, then leads me into the light, where I am again joined with those I love.
Rarity VS Rouge
A bit of background before you read. This story is really one I just wrote for the heck of it. What had started it, however, was when my good friend, Kane, started something on Facebook. He said that he would take in requests for VS and that he would write them. I suggested a couple, Sonic VS Rainbow Dash and Infested Kerrigan (aka Queen of Blades) VS Queen Chrysalis. When I read the first one he wrote, Sonic VS Rainbow Dash, I was inspired to write this story as a response. So, here it is, Rarity VS Rouge.
Rarity had no idea where her horn was taking her. She had come out to the gem fields to find more emeralds for her latest line of outfits, when her horn had homed in on something and started dragging her along to where ever it wanted to take her.
She came to a skidding stop near the middle of the field, then her head dipped towards the ground as her horn was drawn to whatever it was that had set it off. Resisting the pull, Rarity used a spell to liquefy the ground and pull up the gem.
What emerged was something more than she had ever expected. Out of the bubbling earth, the most amazing and perfect gemstone appeared. It was a deep green and seemed to glow with a light that came from inside it.
Eyes wide, she bent over to look at it closely.
“Step away from that Chaos Emerald, pony,” a voice called behind her. Rarity turned around to see who it was that had talked to her. She was surprised to see that it wasn’t a pony, but a bat.
“And who are you?” Rarity asked. The bat smirked.
“Name’s Rouge the bat, and I believe that that’s my Chaos Emerald you have there.”
Rarity glared at Rouge.
“What right do you have to this marvelous gem? I found it three feet under the ground and got it out. So it is mine, fair and square,” declared Rarity. Rouge glared back at Rarity.
“Yes, I know that, so I thank you for finding it. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll be taking it.”
“No! You shan’t have it!”
“Fine, if that’s how you want to be…”
Rouge suddenly charged through the air, zooming towards Rarity and the Emerald. Taken by surprise, Rarity was knocked back by one of Rouge’s wings. Unable to catch herself, Rarity fell back, right into a puddle of mud.
Rarity extracted herself from the wet ground. She looked at her coat, now disgusting and brown without any sign of her pristine whiteness of before.
“Oh, it is on!”
Rouge was about to pick up the Emerald, when a large force slammed into her from behind. Using her wings to turn around, Rouge rotated in midair and stopped herself from moving through the air. She snarled at Rarity, for it was she who had charged into Rouge from behind.
“Alright, pony. If that’s how you want to play.”
Rouge flew at Rarity. Then she turned her foot towards the unicorn and started spinning, preparing for her signature attack.
Rarity however leapt to one side and dodged the attack. She then used her magic to freeze Rouge. With the bat unable to move, Rarity bucked her foe’s side. The instant Rarity’s hooves made contact, the spell was broken.
Using her sudden freedom and the force of Rarity’s kick, Rouge pivoted and grabbed one of Rarity’s legs. She then continued to use her momentum to fling Rarity. Rarity was not to be surprised, however. She used her magic to slow her fall and land on all four of her hooves.
They clashed like this several times, a few of them they resorted to a primeval method of biting and scratching at each other.
Eventually, they separated to each take a break. Rouge was breathing heavily, coated in bruises and bite marks.
Rarity wasn’t any better. She too breathed heavily. Her hair was a mess and her coat was even worse than it had been when the fight had started.
They circled around the Emerald slowly, each preparing to fight the other off of it when the time came. With a sudden yell, Rouge dived at the jewel. Rarity, who had been waiting for such an opening, dived forward as well.
But as they flew towards it, the ground erupted around the Chaos Emerald. There was a brief flash of something red from the center of the dust, but when it settled there wasn’t anything red. Nor was there any sign of the Emerald.
Both caught by surprise, Rarity and Rouge collided painfully. Moaning in pain, they shook their heads to try and clear the stars from their visions.
Realizing what had happened, Rouge became infuriated. She immediately started clawing at the ground where the red thing had been last seen.
“Knuckles!” she yelled at the ground, “Why do you always do this to me?”
Giving up on her futile attempt, Rouge sopped digging. She then looked around, hoping to see some sign of the echidna. As she searched, she noticed that Rarity was walking away.
“Where are you going?” Rouge shouted angrily after her.
Without turning around, Rarity called back, “I don’t know about you, but I need to go home and take a bath. Our fight has made me into a dreadful mess.”