The Quest for a Discount

by Cold Spike

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 5460

Some would spin tales just for attention. While others leaned on exaggerating the truth to seem more mighty. Then there was me; I was just a drake looking for a good drink and place to relax.

Some would spin tales just for attention, while others leaned on exaggerating the truth to seem more mighty. Then there was me; I was just a drake looking for a good drink and place to relax. I just hadn't realized my story would catch up with me, the wastes were never kind to a drake.

This story is a crossover with Fallout but it is not associated with the FoE Universe.

Editor: Bahatumay
Proofreaders: Bahatumay, Hawthornbunny

Published 2015-02-04 22:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-04 22:10:02 UTC

A Drink Please

My feet marched onward through the desert sands, never tired. My saddlebag rustled loudly with every step, putting me on edge for whatever was hidden beyond. It was necessary, supplies were always necessary. The road had long ago given away to the tides of time and dust. I was in dangerous waters, so to speak. At any moment I could be ambushed by heaven knows what and I would only have myself to rely on. I was my one true ally.

It all started with a stallion.

There was so much that could go wrong; I wondered to myself if all of it was even worth it. If risking my life was worth such a high gamble. My resources were scarce, to say the least. All I had was a weapon with little ammo, some water, rotten food and a single gem. I looked to the stallion in front of me; his sharp black attire didn’t blend in very well with our current environment.

The place was a frankenhorse mix of old buildings and old technology mixed together. Oh, it functioned as a building and the place maybe even worked as a town. However, one glance at the oddly shaped jet engine being used as a portion of wall instantly reminded you of what this place truly was: a desperate attempt at a safe haven, a place of business and a sanctuary from the unforgiving wastes. One glance at the stallion told you he did not belong here, but another glance at his greasy smile made me reconsider that.

“So, do we have a deal?”

I took an imaginary sip of my empty cup of rum, then slammed it down and sighed. “So, you just want this piece of ‘old world tech’?” I questioned and made air quotes with my claws.

His smile brightened for a moment and he nodded. “Yes, bring it back from the complex we discussed and I’ll pay you six hundred small gems.”

Gems, it was almost like a joke. The very thing I needed to get by was a currency. Before the war magic was plentiful and ever increasing technology only made more of a demand for it. Now a days very few unicorns actually lived past that fateful day when all magic died and when all technology failed us. New Canterlot was the first hit after all, the unicorns were the first to burn.
Now a days magic is needed for all kinds of things, most of all survival. Those gems provide them with it, they are the most precious resources in the wastes.

I looked down at the blue sheet he had presented me, it was a blueprint (or so he called it). It showed me the look and design of the building he wanted me to explore. It even showed me how to get inside and where his precious tech was. Something didn’t sit right with me, though. I scoffed and shoved his blueprint back over, and almost immediately his smile vanished. His sickening scowl did little to scare me.

“Look, how do I even know if this building is even out there? Six hundred is a lot, but what’s to stop me from walking away right now? I’ll live longer,” I stood up and began to walk away

He seemed to panic from behind me. “S-surely there must be something you want in exchange? Er, in addition to the gems of… course,” he replied reluctantly.

I turned around and appeared to tower over him, by at least one more stallion’s size. Funny how ponies essentially rule this world and, of course, the last. He was pretty small, though.

“What did you have in mind?” My voice sounded tired. I knew I shouldn’t have been messing around with this joker.

His smile returned with a vengeance. “Well! I…” He trailed off, gave me a sheepish smile, and quickly began to rummage around in a dirty saddlebag he had by his side. “How about… this!”

Before me he placed a rather strange device.

“Hold up a minute, that thing?”

The bartender in front of me pointed to just behind myself. I tilted back to watch my “little” companion hover up and down, occasionally beeping or making a loud buzzing noise. I scoffed.

“Maybe! Now, are you gonna let me finish my story or not?!” I whined.

He shrugged. “Sure, I guess.”

Before me he had placed a rather strange device. It was sphere shaped and looked rather uniquely designed, to say the least. Two antennas stuck out from either side, at a slanted angle. On the front (or what I assumed to be the front) a grated shield had been installed. In the back it appeared to have several open cannister looking pipes that stuck out. They looked like exhaust ports of some kind, and had been stained black around their rims. To me it looked like a rather odd device, almost like a robot, only not one that could be used for anything practical. Not that I could think of, anyway.

“And what’s this?” I pointed to the thing as if it was about to explode.

“Ah, this is an Eyebot Pony Intelligent Companion. Also known as the ‘EPIC’. I’ve used this baby for.. er, days. It’s in fine shape too!” He announced loudly like a proud father.

I poked it and a piece of the side port fell off, revealing to me some rather questionable circuitry. He slammed the port back in quickly and chuckled nervously.

“Go for me on this mission and this bot is yours, right now too!”

“What does it do?” I questioned, hoping he now understood what I meant before.

He stomped his hooves on the ground in glee. “It does anything you want! Need a group of pesky raiders evaporated?” He asked, then promptly slapped the device in the side. It took a very long moment, a moment in which the stallion sweat more than someone out in the wastes. However, the device eventually started to shake violently. A tiny red light on the top slowly turned on and to my amazement it began to float above the table. An exhaust port in the back started to blow bright blue, as flames shot out from it, keeping it steadily hovering.

“So it is that thing…” He pointed to it and I sighed.

“As I was saying...”

A loud series of beeps came from the front and it began to twirly around, looking confused. At least, I think it was confused. The stallion smiled, then without warning grabbed the ‘EPIC’ with one of his hooves and with the other he yanked something out from the bottom. A small gun popped out and immediately pointed downward in a slanted angle.

“If you want them taken care of, this EPIC can be used as a distraction. Command it to fire a few blasts while you’re safely hiding, waiting to ambush.”

I scratched my back, wondering if he was even telling the truth. “How would I even command it?”

The stallion’s smile wavered once more. “Well… it has voice commands, but if you had a ‘Pip Lad 3000’, then you could use that too.”

I looked to my wrist and chuckled, showing him that it was bare. “Last I checked Pip Lads don’t work on dragons, buddy.”

I started to push my chair away to get up, but he stopped me with one of his hooves. “Wait, wait, wait, I could modify one to work with you! But… not without what I require from that building.

“That doesn’t help me command it!” I pointed out, struggling to get up while his weight was practically all on me.

“Just agree and I can modify one right now! I swear!” His eyes showed me nothing but desperation, as did my own for a while. I wanted a Pip Lad, always have. They were invaluable tools to own and very rare too.

I narrowed my eyes and decided to trust him. I had almost no reason to, but it was in his best interest to keep me alive for his mission. After all, he seemed legitimately desperate. “Okay, how?” I questioned, but before he could even get out of his seat to do anything, I yelled. “Tell me first!”

He chuckled then nodded. “It’s simple really, the interface in these ‘Pip Lad’s’ were only built to work with a pony’s hoof.”

I tapped a few of my claws on the table in front of me and nodded, waving my other claw in a circle. “I already know that…”

“Ah, but I said built, I never said anything about design.” His sneer made me want to smack him upside his head, but I could tell he was being a bit more playful than rude.

“What do you… mean?” I slowly relaxed a bit and leaned in on the table.

“Do you truly think the makers of those Pip Lads were of good intent? Ha!” He slammed his hooves on the table and chuckled. “How do you think these even came about?” He questioned, showing me his pristine, shiny Pip Lad for me to see. To most it looked like an oversized watch with a large television screen planted in the middle. That was primarily the key to those devices, they could tell you nearly anything. The layout of your surroundings, with a detailed map to boot. As well as your vitals and could even double as a journal of sorts, though, mostly useful for recordings. They could also point out weaknesses of your opponent, very handy for large scale fights. Not so much for one on one, that would be worthless.

“I never really thought about it.”

“Few have! Nopony looks into Pip Tech technology, where it came from. Who made the stuff, why bother?” He questioned, upon seeing my feet move he hurried up. “Eh, my point is Pip Lad’s will work on any creature because they were designed for them, a simple security measure locked everyone else out, except for ponies.”

“Why would they do that?”

He scoffed. “The whole world goes to Tartarus, is practically destroyed. The ponies who made these devices wanted every advantage they could get from other creatures. Maybe at one point it was designed for all, to sell it to other markets. Back when other countries actually traded. However, when those chaos spells were set off, things changed. It was no longer about trades; it was about survival.”
“Okay… how do you get around the security… thingy?” I asked, inspecting his wrist.

“Heh, yeah… a simple and totally not menacing potion. That’s all it takes, one drink and you should be, mostly, fine. Also, it should work.” He began to rummage around in his saddlebag hastily. “Let me just… find it…”

As he dug around I couldn’t help but chuckle. He glanced back at me nervously and chuckled as well. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to poison me or somethin’.” He looked at in horror and that’s when I leaned in. “But you need me, don’t you?”

He pushed me back, gently. Then he nearly slammed a red glass vial onto the table with a smile. “Heh, for the time being. Now I need you to drink this.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, I gulped it all in one go.

“I would never recommend that!” The bartender exclaimed and set aside a cup he was cleaning. He then leaned in and glanced back over his shoulder. “You never know when a certain “undead” might spit in your drink.”

I looked behind the rather bulky stallion and spotted what he was talking about, an “undead”. They weren’t really that way, but their rotting skin and grotesque features would say otherwise to most. That and they lived for a long time, longer than any creature should. Except for dragons, idiot, I reminded myself. I shook my head and examined “it” some more. It was a unicorn, or was one, what was left of its horn--

“Why don’t you draw me, it’ll last longer!” The “undead” said then chuckled.

I guess it was a she. She then walked away and I got a glimpse of her non rotting side, it showed me a single cutie mark with a red cross. I almost laughed at the irony.

I turned back to the bartender, shrugged then continued.

We waited several moments, then he spoke. “Do you feel anything?”

He shook his head frantically. “No, this is good. The blood in the potion--”

“What?!”
“Relax, relax! It was just pony’s blood and… what’s wrong?”

My face felt as if it was turning red quicker than I could have ever imagined.

“Relax, it was my blood… that doesn’t help does it?”

Struggling to not stand up and rip his throat out, I sighed. “Why… did I just drink your blood?” A few of my scales seemed to stick up out of irritation.

“The security measure, it checks if a pony is there before the Pip Lad will activate. So, here.” He took his off and instantly the screen went blank. He then tossed it over to me. “Try it on.”

I looked down to my green skin and rubbed my arm. “Okay…” Hesitantly I snapped it on and I was surprised to find that it fit. There was a few tense moments when we both thought it wouldn’t work, more tense for him because if it didn’t then he would be dead. We both heard a loud beep a second later, signifying that it was, in fact, booting up. He sighed in relief. My eyes were glued to the tiny screen while I watched a tiny green bar grow more and more. The screen flashed once, then it turned on, showing me a very simple interface. A interface that showed a smiling dragon on the front.

Species: Dragon

Sex: Female

Status: Healthy

“And there you have it! I bet you thought I was lying… heh, heh.” He got out of his seat and then closed his bag. “So you get the Pip Lad, the EPIC and gems when it’s all over with. Sounds like a good deal to me.”

I couldn’t deny that it all just seemed too good to be true. While he wasn’t paying me upfront, he had helped me out quite a bit. I just couldn’t say yes, though. He saw my hesitation yet again, but this time he started to walk away from me. “I’ll tell you what, you return to me with the things I requested and I’ll have your gems.”

“But--”

“If you don’t wish to, then keep the gifts I have provided free of charge!” He boasted, then without any time to stop him, he had left my sights and the bar.

Stupidly, I decided to take him up on his offer. I looked down to the measly bag of gems that I carried, and wished the stallion had been more generous and upfront. I felt to my belt and reached for my handgun. Looking down at my new Pip Lad it read “10mm Pistol”. I shrugged. “I always wondered what it was called…” Looking it over I found the spot where I was forced to rip off the pony aided mount. It was useful for all of the races, just not for creatures with hands. No matter how much I traveled and how much I’ve seen, I will never understand why guns weren’t designed better for ponies. They essentially created them all, so what gives?

It didn’t matter, I smiled when I reached for it and felt it perfectly fit in my claws. I reached out with it, uncocked the thing and looked inside. “That was stupid. Out of ammo.” I looked into my saddlebag and sure enough I was out.

The EPIC in front of me suddenly beeped and without waiting for me to respond shot forward, out of the bar.

“Hey! Wait up!” I stormed out of the building, looking around in the oddly constructed “town”. The outside lead to a barely standing platform, which connected to other crudely placed platforms. I spotted the EPIC on the other side. “Stop! You’re supposed to listen to me!” I commanded and ran as quickly as I could around the settlement. I saw it duck into a grimly looking building which had a crude sign out in front that simply said GUNS. I sighed, and slowly opened the front door, which promptly fell off its hinges the second I moved it. Inside I found my EPIC floating in place obediently and a mare who was glaring at me (or the door, I couldn’t tell) from behind a counter.

“I swear to Tartarus, that fucken door…” She muttered.

I awkwardly picked it up and looked at her for instructions.

She waved it down. “Just leave it there, I’ll smash it to oblivion later.”

I shrugged then dropped it back on the ground and walked inside. Behind her I saw several exotic looking guns hanging on a rack, along with a few cases of ammunition. “Got any ammo for this?” I showed her my gun and she nodded.

“Yeah, will be about… two gems per ten rounds.,” she said dismissively and went out of her way to then ignore me and walk away.

I had only had about enough for forty rounds and I knew I was going to regret it if I didn’t buy them all. Sighing I slammed down eight gems onto the counter and called her back. “I’ll take forty,” I said confidently.

She looked back at me and rolled her eyes. “We only have thirty.”

“I’ll take thirty,” I said confidently and soon I was out the door, my EPIC following my every move. I awkwardly walked down the dirt hill towards the center of town. In the middle I saw a rather unique sight of several mares and stallions all praying to a torpedo shaped crystal. The crystal was dark in color and was surrounded by water that was, without a doubt, contaminated with corrupted magic. A low ticking came from my Pip Lad confirming my suspicions. I slowly walked away from it and began to climb another hill that would lead to the exit. Two largely constructed doors made out of steel that looked to be barely holding together. A stallion guarded the gate.

“Headin’ out?” He asked me with a quirked brow.

“Yes,” was all I said, but before I could pull the lever which would open the doors, he got in my way.

“Listen, that stallion you were talking to, in the bar. I don’t like him, and I need to know what he wanted from you…” He trailed off and looked behind me. “And I also need to know what the hell that thing is?”

“It’s an EPIC, Eyebot Companion. Why do you need to know?”

His nostrils flared; apparently he hadn’t liked being questioned. “He is staying in town and so are you,” he pointed out. “Either you tell me or you’re not coming back.”

I chuckled. “Who’s gonna stop me? You?” I pushed him aside and pulled the lever, then watched as the two doors slowly moved open. “And for your information he just wanted some old world crap from a building he knows of. The place is overrun and he just wanted a hired gun to come in and clear it out. So sherriff, do I check out?” I turned back to him and smirked.

He shook his head. “You’re gonna get yourself killed. Hmm… how’d you like to help me out? I could make it worth your while.”

I looked out to the unforgiven wastes. A place of countless monsters, corrupted sorcerers and death traps. The wind picked up and suddenly I felt just a bit less confident about going out there. “What’d you have in mind?”

“You bring me what he was after instead and I’ll pay you whatever he was planning.” I was about to smile when he spoke again. “He said six hundred, right?” I frowned and then he chuckled. “I overheard the conversation, I’m not that stupid.”

“Okay, if I do this could you give me a few…” I trailed off and he hoofed me a bag that he was carrying. Looking inside I found several enchanted stimpacks, a few potions that swirled with a bright green liquid and some ammunition for my gun.

“Already taken care of, so, do we have a deal… uh?”

I rolled my eyes, then grabbed his outstretched hoof and pounded it with my right claw. “Just call me Sparks. Everypony does.”

“Alright, Sparks. Good luck,” he said then stepped aside. It was then that I took a long and cold unforgiving walk into the desert. I looked around, saw it was nightfall then promptly turned around. It was then that I decided to get some sleep and start out in the morning.

I woke up early and then immediately checked if the Pip Lad was still working. It was. A paranoid side of me felt whatever he had given me was bogus. I shrugged then ate a quick meal. Ordinarily I would have found a place to wash off, but taking a bath and then exploring the wastes after one was kind of pointless. I took one step and then my belly began to rumble in intensity.

“Forgot to eat last night…” I sighed and then looked over from my bed, sitting up against the wall was a rusted locker container. I knew almost nothing was in it, except the one thing I desired. I cracked open the first door and smiled.

“Oh, where have you been all my life?” I questioned the dead rat which was hung up by its tail. I grabbed the tail, then brought it near my face and blew as hard as I could. A torrent of fire engulfed the critter and within seconds my nostrils were assaulted by a pungent aroma.

“Man these things stink!” I exclaimed. I took a large bite of the head and couldn’t help by sigh in pleasure as bits of it rolled around my mouth. Dragons could practically eat anything and rats were no exception to ‘anything’. By the end of my ‘meal’ a bit of blood was dripping down my mouth, I wiped it off with a dirty rag and left my ‘house’. House was a strong word as it didn’t have completely finished walls, but it worked for me.

I pulled the lever again and this time I didn’t turn around or look back. My belly rumbled with every step, but I was forced to ignore it for now. “Plenty of them out there, just gotta keep my eyes peeled.”

Every step I was forced to stay alert. Ponies, dragons, gryphons, it didn’t matter. All of them had fallen victim to the boredom of wandering. For if you let your guard down for one moment...

A large menacing growl interrupted my thoughts. I slowly turned around and thanked whatever gods were left that I had been listening. A large reptilian creature stood before me. In comparison to undead ponies it was like looking in a very disturbing mirror. He had claws like mine, he lacked wings just like me. Sharp teeth could be seen, with thick drool seeping down. Deathclaws, they called them. While I lacked his horns, we both walked on two legs. He was just as tall as me and had the same predatory stare I often gave ponies. I reached for my gun, but it was faster. Intense pain soared through my chest and I quickly pushed it off of me. I reached out with my claw and quickly aimed for his face. I didn’t have time to check my injuries, I just knew it hurt like Tartarus to move and I felt wet. It tried to kick me, but I used my adrenaline to grab his legs and took a bite out of him. There was an old saying I once heard, monkey see, monkey do. I don’t know where it came from, but for this moment I made a monkey out of it. He kicked my face in, then tackled me to the ground, it intended to bite me and end the fight. I was ready for it and I breathed out with all of my might, a yelp could be heard for miles as his face was quickly charred. He still tried to bite me, so I reached for my pistol and shot through his face several times, until he finally stopped moving.

It took me several moments to catch my breath and several more to shove him off of me. My Pip Lad claimed I was ‘critically injured’ that was until I shook it some and the message quickly changed to ‘it’s only a scratch’. I wondered if, at the time, I should have risked a stimpack. Infections could kill quickly, after all, and I had bitten into the thing. Of course, there were other methods of healing up a wound.

I shrugged and decided to take the wrist machine’s word for it. I started walking when a certain eyebot came hovering up behind me. “And where were you?!” I screamed at it.

It beeped a few times and looked back toward the settlement. I groaned and ignored it, but secretly I did find his constant hovering noise comforting. As the day ticked on, I felt it was growing warmer and warmer. Even a fire breathing dragon needed water, so I kept my eyes peeled for some kind of source.

The bartender skillfully picked up a tall glass of water, using his telekinetic grip. He waved it in front of me, then chuckled and drank some. I snorted.

My injury had quickly stopped dripping so I ignored it for the time being. Oddly enough I found no more Deathclaws; just nothing but sand and rocks. Occasionally I would see the wrecked ruins of old houses in the distance, they were never worth scavenging as they usually held nothing of interest. The heat started to get to me; annoyed, I looked up and questioned my ‘companion’.

“How close do you think we are to this dump?”

It beeped a few times as if to say “I dunno, idiot.”. I then checked out my Pip Lad and oddly enough it found several settlements near me that seemed pretty large, most held no name, but one was simply labeled ‘target’. “I guess that would be it, this was his after all.”

The thing beeped happily to agree, I guess. I glanced back up at it and decided it was a good idea to keep monitoring it. After all, it had come from the strange stallion. Before I even bothered to get near the place, I had decided to do a quick perimeter check. Every step I took I couldn’t shake the feeling that the building before me would spell my doom. It was an abandoned liquid magic station of all things. Vehicles of all sorts from miniature flying ships to land based transports would rely on crystal extracted magic. Unfortunately, almost none of them worked, with very few ponies left who knew how to operate or even get them in working order.

“That place couldn’t possibly hold any of the things he was talking about…” I trailed off as I began to consider the possibilities of what the gas station held. I had uncovered and found plenty of strange places. Very few small buildings were still standing to this day and if they were, odds were they held a strange secret. I couldn’t shake it that the stallion wanted me here for a sinister reason, though. I looked down to my Pip Lad and narrowed my eyes on it. Out of a pure hunch, I dipped one of my claws into a crack on the thing and cracked it open. Inside I found from all the circuitry there was simply one thing that didn’t look like it belonged. A red light beeped on and off which was attached to a tiny device which was clearly taped on.

“Tracking me…” I peeled it off, and the very sight of my EPIC gave me an idea. “EPIC, I need you to go into that building. Understand?” I asked it after taping the tracker onto it’s front. Immediately it beeped and zoomed past me, almost giving me no time to plan at all. Before I even had a chance to look for a hiding spot, I heard gun shots coming from inside. I reached for my own, but what followed made me pause in awe. A very familiar and very loud and long beep, followed by an even louder gun blas. The dirty stained window flashed a bright red, and then everything was silent.

Hesitantly I stepped forward, then walked inside. I immediately began to cough from the smoke that had built up. “EP- EPIC?” I screamed out and a few tense moments later I heard a beep. When the smoke cleared I gasped. There before me was a pegasus mare, unmoving and sprawled out on the ground. A perfectly sized hole had been shot clean through it’s insides. Through the smoldering smoke on its wound I could smell the rancid odor of burnt flesh. I looked back and my EPIC was simply hovering, its emotionless face practically smiling away at me.

I leaned against the still standing counter and sighed. “Alright, he sends me off here to kill me. Not sure why, but that much is clear. But why give me you?!” I pointed my EPIC and it simply beeped. “So, that gun on you isn’t just for show? Maybe he didn’t know that…” It was possible, after all the stallion barely seemed to know he even owned the thing until he had found it in his sack.

I shook my head and figured it was now safe to move around. “I doubt he would have followed us. Now, who are you.” I pointed to the dead pegasus and rummaged around in his saddlebag. Aside from ammunition for his ‘ray gun’ and his Pip Lad, I found nothing of actual use.

“Perfect, just perfect.”

“And that’s my story!” I proudly announced, he was smiling at me which was always good news.

“I see,” he plainly said, though, his smile never left. It didn’t seem right.

“Uh, yeah…” Suddenly my senses came back to me. The loud casino noise had slowly, through my story, died off. The crowds of ponies didn’t appear to be anywhere near me. All I could hear was my EPIC and the stallion who never seemed to stop washing cups. Before I could even blink, one of the pristine bottles of booze I had been eyeing all night exploded, The bartender quickly ducked behind the counter, then I heard him yell.

“You better run, missy!”

I grabbed my side arm and turned around. Several shots whizzed past me, narrowly missing my tail and face respectively. I raised my gun, but it was quickly shot out of my claws. Thinking quickly I ducked behind the counter with the bartender. He had wrapped the top of one of his remaining bottles in an old rag. With each blast from their guns the counter was chipped away more and more. He looked at me and shrugged.

“Got a light?” He asked me, knowing full well I did.

I sighed and quickly lit the top of the rag. He then promptly tossed it behind us. The resulting explosion silenced the blasts indefinitely. We looked up and found both of them had been essentially blown to bits.

“What was in that stuff?” I asked and half whined to the gods that it was gone.

The stallion chuckled. “Strongest drink in New Pegasus. Ha, still have one bottle left!” He exclaimed.

Feeling excited, I looked back to his now wrecked bar and saw that he was correct, there was one bottle remaining on a barely standing shelf. It shone like a gold bar amongst the rotted dirty wood and other broken fixtures. I reached out and just in that moment my EPIC came back through the back door, it’s gun ready to fire. The gun hit the bottle and then it fell over and shattered to pieces.

“Oops, I guess none. Erm, you’re paying for that, by the way.”

I glared at my companion with the fiery hatred of a ‘mare’ who had came so far but lost it all. I hated my EPIC so much in this single instance, I wished I could hate it to death.

All was lost. That mysterious stallion would pay.

Author's Note

So, would anyone like to see more of her? Let me know!