Author's Note
As of late, I've been in a dark place. From this dark place, I often get nightmares. Pretty horrific ones. This, was a dream I had, if you replace Dinky and Ditzy with my daughter and me.
I woke up crying so hard I literally ran into the next room to check on her.
Terrifying.
Why? Because her birth was very complicated. I am very lucky to have her as healthy as she is now and I can't imagine a worse kind of hell, than being powerless to do a thing.
I love you, daughter of mine. You are the greatest mistake I ever did create and dreaming your death is something I will never ever want to experience again, but, I am sure it is to happen. My imagination when dreaming is pretty inventive.
Even if it means giving my kidneys, my heart, and my lungs just so that you could live, I would do just.
With My Last Breath
Ditzy shook her head. “I… I don’t understand.”
Nurse Redheart forced a smile as she laid her hoof over Ditzy’s trembling own, and drew it close to her chest. “There is treatment.”
Shaking her head, Ditzy drew her walled eyed gaze above Nurse Redheart’s desk. Tears formed in her yellow orbs, ironically with little despair in its corners.
It was disbelief.
“The sarcoma of the brain is common place—”
“Will she—”
Nurse Redheart’s muzzle softened. “We will do what we can.”
Ditzy leaned over the desk, eye's desperate. “Will she be okay?”
Redheart stood up, lifting a hoof. “We will do everything we—”
Ditzy mirrored the nurse’s actions, but she thrusted her hoof on the desk, making it shake. She bit her lip. “No. Y-you will save her right?”
“... she is very lucky to have—”
Ditzy shook her head, walked away from the desk, and began to pace near the door with her eyes clenched tight. “Just tell me me you can save her.” She deathly whispered.
Silence was met and nothing more.
“Please tell me you can save Dinky.” Ditzy begged, denial rendering her numb. “Please.”
Nurse Redheart stepped from her desk and approached Ditzy. “We will do everything we can.” She said as she patted Ditzy’s back.
The frown of the nurse made her shake. A tear slithered slowly out her wally gaze, which was set upon the door.
The walls began to cave in.
________________
Ditzy stared into the toilet, noting the streaks of red amongst the ceramic.
“Mom! You’ve been staring into that toilet for like... forever! I want to play.”
Ditzy found herself smiling. “Sure, muffin.”
“Mom?”
The red bled through more as she stared at it.
Ditzy turned her gaze to her daughter. “It is nothing.” She turned about as her heart clenched. Her rabid, uncontrollable breathing for oxygen found no solace in what comfort it had. “I’m just a little distracted. Do you… feel fine?”
The filly shrugged. “Yeah…” She tilted her head. “Why are you crying?”
Ditzy wiped a hoof over her eyes. “I am?” A slight shiver raced down her spine. “Sorry. I was just thinking of…” She paused.
What could she say?
“I was thinking of… something sad.” Ditzy finally stated with a forced smile. “Do you want to go to the park? Do you want to go and play on the swings?”
Dinky simply shrugged. “Not really…” She redirected her gaze to the window.“Hey, Mom?”
“Hm?” Ditzy revealed her smile as best she could. “What is it, darling?”
“... am I broken?”
Ditzy’s mind short-circuited as the words registered in her mind. Her daughter, smarter than any muffin she has ever created, saw through her facade. She quickly advanced on the question, hoping that Dinky didn’t catch her sly lie. “What makes you think that?”
“... in school, someone said I looked like a skeleton.”
The dejected look Ditzy saw made her glow red. Growling, Ditzy swiped a hoof in the air. “They’re just jealous.”
“Of… what?” Dinky blinked.
Ditzy simply regarded her daughter with a smile, even if it was fake. “Because you’re beautiful.”
_________________
The dangling light swung above the two occupants of the room: one in uniform white, while the other was bare, with her coat and mane on display. The return of hopeful news was what Ditzy desired. Yet, here Nurse Redheart was: shaking her head with her eyes lowered from Ditzy’s gaze. “The cancer has spread to the brain.” Nurse Redheart explained. “We removed as much as we could but… I am sorry. We did what we could.” A brief silence hung in the balance, but it was soon broken as the sounds of hoofsteps echoed loudly in Ditzy’s ears. “I know this is no consolidation, but we believe we have bought her time.”
Redheart swiped her hooves on her apron, smearing red.
Ditzy’s eyes widened. “I-is that my daughter’s blood?”
“Pardon?”
Ditzy lifted her trembling eyes from the apron. A loud sob wracked her entire being. “Please… save her.”
Nurse Redheart shook her head. “I am sorry but I—”
“SAVE HER!” Ditzy shouted and threw herself at Nurse Redheart. She clasped her hooves against Redheart’s shoulders and shook her violently. “Please! You’re a doctor! Save my daughter!”
“I—”
“DO IT!” Ditzy pushed Nurse Redheart against the wall. “DO IT!”
Ditzy ignored the pressure on her body as she saw Redheart’s disheartened gaze. The color of red made place of her memory; resided well within her brain. The name tag of Redheart stayed there too as the pressure came back tenfold. On top of Ditzy were two stallions and a mare. The three restrained her and drew her from Redheart.
She had no words for the mare. Not even as she flailed and spat...
____________________
Nurse Redheart entered the ward. Seeing Ditzy like this wore an ever-living curse of red on her mind. The very thought made her frown as she approached the frazzled blonde mare who watched the small immobile body.
“The, doctors want to know if you are prepared to sign.” Redheart pulled out her clipboard and hoofed it to her.
Ditzy glanced up at the clipboard. “You want to kill my daughter, don’t you?”
“Dialysis treatment is costly and…” She paused and looked Ditzy square in the eyes.
“Ditzy, please. She has suffered enough.” Redheart lowered the clipboard. “The cancer has spread to a part of her brain that it has effectively shut down her kidneys and is now doing the same to her heart. She is suffering.” She dropped into a whisper, whimpering. “I am sorry, but I can’t save her.”
Ditzy ignored the mare in front of her and gazed down at her lovely creation.
“She’s beautiful,” she softly muttered, “even now. Even when she came home after the tests. Even as they took blood samples— subjected her to radiation.. she is absolutely perfect.” A soft sound of the machine was all to be heard.
Ditzy sighed. “The moment I birthed her, I knew I was in love with something that I could not understand. But I loved it regardless.”
Redheart sighed with her. “I… we need to turn off the life support.”
The glimmer of life inside Ditzy shattered as the words sharpened reality.
“WHY!?” Ditzy snapped.
“It…” Nurse Redheart gulped the lump in her throat. “It costs quite a bit to—”
“You are killing my daughter because it ‘costs’ you?!” Ditzy stood up, snarling.
“I… I’m sorry.” Redheart offered with a sympathetic smile. “If there is anything I can do—”
“No.” Ditzy weakly swiped a hoof in the air. “No.” Tears streamed down her cheeks, her eyes narrowed. “You have nothing to say that’ll make this any better. All you can do is watch my little muffin... But I can’t let you take her from me with her still in my mind!”
Redheart nodded. “I will do what I can.”
With that, the nurse in white exited the room, leaving a broken, frustrated mare to her island of misery.
Powerless to save the only thing she treasured.
________________
Ditzy’s eyes narrowed up at the ceiling, determined of her choice.
“Do you understand this procedure?” Redheart stared down at Ditzy as she laid upon the operating table, then drew her eyes to the immobile filly next to her upon a similar cold, metal slab. "The kidney transplant won't stop her from dying, but providing we successfully remove all of the cancer growing on the part of her brain that is placing pressure on her cardiac system, we should be able to buy her time... but, I must tell you, I believe this may all be for no—"
"No," with a subtle smile, Ditzy looked to her daughter, “even if I can give her two more minutes to live, I will give her that. I will give her anything.”
