Spike the Dragon

by ZeppelinFan64

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sex, Spike, Comedy
Length: 3734

Spike finds there is clearly more to life than just being a princess's sidekick. So he ditches his boring life for a more care-free one and soon spawns the beginning of a revolution.

After so many years of putting up with Twilight and working as her lacky, he decides to quit his boring repetitive life and pursues a more wild and fun one. But little does he know that he's about to spark up a revolution as he does. This is obviously a parody of Ralph Bakshi's X-Rated animated film "Fritz the Cat."

Published 2015-02-06 02:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-08 04:46:30 UTC

The Party

Spike has always been the kind, good hearted, and hard working dragon as he was known to be. Being very loyal to his somewhat mother Twilight Sparkle, he has helped her with her studies, various experiments, and adventures throughout his young dragonhood. But now he reaches to be in his early twenties, and is going into a bit of a rebellious stage where he feels that he's been pinned down too long and is now thinking that he has become a slave to Twilight and that he feels that she thinks he is just free labor. Well, Spike has nearly had it with her, but still remains a calm and collected dragon. Luckily, Twilight was gracious enough to give him the day off to hang around with his two buddies Snips and Snails. The trio hang around in their usual meeting spot, in the park to unsuccessfully try and woo mares. Spike finally makes it and sees his two friends sitting around with their guitars already out, even though neither of them know how to play a single note, they feel that as long as they carry them around, they're chick magnets. But there was one problem, the entire park was full of other young colts trying to do the same thing. Greatly annoyed, Spike and his friends look at the younger ones in great detest.

"Sheesh!" Spike exclaimed, "What a mob in the park today!" He began rubbing his temples in annoyance. "The entire place is just crawling with phonies!" The other two friends just stared at all the underage colts trying to get what Spike and his friends are after.

"Yeah, just a bunch of high school punks!" Snails says, flicking his cigarette on the ground and sitting down while the other two remained standing by the fountain. Snips looks at his companion sitting down and sits beside with him.

"Well, most of these creeps are only here on weekends though." He chimed in. "But most of them are total jackoffs."

"Ugh.." Snails groaned. "There's so many people here, but it feels like there's nopony here..." Snips quickly began to nudge Snails to get his attention.

"Hey, hey!" He says, smiling and pointing to an object in the distance. "Check out that mare!"

"Where?! Where?!" He began to look, his head spinning in every possible direction. Snips began to point harder.

"There! Over there! Look at the flanks on her!"

Snails began to frown, looking away in disappointment. "Please, it's a foal carriage."

Snips just rolled his eyes and proceeded to look. "Yeah, well so what dude?"

Snails began to glare at Spike, showing signs of mild agitation towards him. "Well hey, if Spike hadn't of shown up so late, we'd be alright now."

Spike stared off in the other direction to ignore his friend's meaningless banter. But as he stared, he saw something that he immediately liked. Three young mares walking their way. "Get out the guitars!" He said, jumping up and strapping his guitar around his neck.

"What?" The pair asked in unison, but as they see the trio of girls they jumped up at the same time. Dragging their guitars out of the cases and put them around their bodies.

Spike smiles, beginning to count it down to when they start playing. "Alright, and a one..a two..one, two, three, four!" What followed next was nothing but a bunch of loud incomprehensible racket. Hoping that the mares the mares would stop and notice them, they just simply were ignored as they girls kept passing buy. Spike frowned and immediately stopped, breaking a sweat from all the playing and jumping. "Dumb mares..." He says, rather pissed that he didn't get what he had expected. He looked down to see that Snips and Snails had collapsed in a breathless heap on the ground breathing heavily. "Look fellas, I think I'm gonna split." He says, packing his guitar up and planning on heading back home.

"Y-Yeah...See ya later Spike.." Snails says, trying to gather up enough air in his lungs to speak.

As Spike began to slowly step back to the castle, an idea popped into his horny brain. If music doesn't get those mares' attention, then maybe a little fake sympathy would. He thought of just the perfect way to do so, trying to make it seem like he was a poor, helpless soul craving affection. He followed the mares, them being the now very grown up Cutie Mark Crusaders and were along the same age as Spike. As soon as he made it close to the exit, he pulled his plan into action and quickly disrupted the girls conversation with his fake crying. Bawling out and sounding as lonely as possible for affect as the three mares quickly give their now undivided attention to Spike. Gathering around him and wondering what's wrong.

"Hey..." Applebloom spoke, looking at Spike questionably. "Are you alright...?"

"Oh Celestia!" He says, moving his hands in front of his face for dramatic affect. "My soul is tormented!"

The three girls gasp, looking quite surprised. "Oh no!" They say in unison. Spike looking away from them with a smile, but got up on his feet and began to walk, the girls quickly followed him as he continued.

"I've been up and down all four corners of Equestria! I've seen it all! I've done it all!" He starts to cross the street from the park, going into town square. The Cutie Mark Crusaders all following him, now becoming quite interested in him. "I've fought many a good stallion, I've laid many a good mare! I've had riches and fame and adventure! I've even stood face to face with danger and death countless times!" He came to a stop, looking at each of the mares in the face. "I've tasted life to the fullest and and still my soul cries out, yes! Cries out for more in this hungry, tortured, wrecked quest!"

"Well, look at the bright side of life!" Sweetie Belle says to him, trying to cheer Spike up even though he's lying right through his teeth. "Things aren't so bad.."

Spike immediately locked eyes with Sweetie Belle, putting both arms around her and smiling graciously. "You!" He shouts. "You must save me! And by doing so, you too will be saved!"

Sweetie Belle stepped back a bit, smiling nervously. "Well...I'd like to, but what can I do?"

Spike began to walk with her through town, placing an arm around her as they both walked. "Ah, little sweet one with a heart of gold. I know a place where we can be alone to join our souls in sacred truth."

Feeling left out, Applebloom and Scootaloo both wanted to take part in this truth-seeking soul joining. Running after Spike and Sweetie as they eventually came to a stop at a house that is a few blocks down from the market square. "Hey!" The girls yell as they finally catch up.

"I wanna be in on this thing!" Applebloom says, Scootaloo finally catching up.

"Yeah! What about MY soul?"

Spike's smile grew wider, looking away and mumbling. "Hmm, four in bed. That's a kick I haven't tried yet.."

"What..?" The girls asked, not being able to understand what he had said.

"I mean together we'll all learn the real existential essence of the life force!" He smiles, going inside the unlocked building. Spike knowing a few ponies who happen to own the place.

"Yeah! Existential! I heard that word once!" Scootaloo smiles.

"Well, what's it mean?" Applebloom asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I think it means, like, cool or something." The two just shrug and follow Spike and Sweetie inside. Sweetie laying her head on Spike's shoulder as they come to a stop at a bedroom door and Spike began to knock on it loudly. Inside the door is an entire group of other ponies from around the town. All of them either lying on the floor, in chairs, or over couches. Ash trays covered in roaches and the entire vicinity was completely trenched in cannabis smoke. Mares and stallions all stoned or passed out drunk, some writing and even reading. The house belonged to Rumble, a good friend of Spike over the years and is Spike's supplier on some of the best grass in Equestria. Rumble was laying on a bean bag chair, playing his favorite records and lighting up another joint. This being his third one as two minuscule roaches were in the tray right next to him. He tried his best to relax and unwind, but the knocking at the door kept him from it. Seeing how nobody around was going to answer it, Rumble grouchily stood up on his hooves and took a rather long puff on his joint. "I'll get it! Celestia Dammit!" He slowly trotted to the door, reaching for the knob and pulling it open. There was Spike smiling as the three mares were looking around the room with curiosity.

"What's happening dude?" Spike asked, walking his way in and having the girls follow him. Rumble rubbed his eyes and saw that it was Spike, but noticed that there were three hot young mares standing behind him.

"Hey! Spike the Dragon's become stud of the year!" He smiles, bursting out into stoned laughter. "Hey, I'm in the middle of a session now, so, uh...I don't know.."

Spike looked at the next door over, leaning his head back in the room. "Well, uh, what about that one?" He points to the next door over.

"Well, that's the bathroom. But hey, if you're really strung out.."

Spike smiles, seeing this as an open opportunity. "We'll take it! We'll take it! This way group!" He walked the mares over to the next room and opened the door. "Come along now, step lively! Watch your step!" He smiles and closed the door, beginning to step into the rather largely sized bathtub. "Alright my darlings, a new world of experience awaits us my loves. This bathtub now represents a space capsule of truth and love!"

Sweetie Belle smiles, still new to this kind of thing, she still accepts it with full anticipation. "This is perfect! Only in sheer closeness such as this can we all know and understand each other!"

"Yes! Very good there, Sweetie darling! You're a perceptive mare.." He smiles, beginning to slowly lay her down on her back. Placing his legs over her and starting to lay on top of her. "Closeness and fulfillment of our hidden desires..." Once her back completely touches the bottom of the tub, Spike happily begins to thrust inside of her. His dragonhood all ready for action as he starts to hump and thrust in and out, much to Sweetie Belle's delight as she starts to grin and moan throughout it all. Scootaloo and Applebloom sit and watch, all with looks of pure excitement and anticipation as they wait for their turn. But as Spike's attention starts to stick on Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo began to lose patience and stood up.

"Oh shit! Maybe we better go, huh?" She asks, getting pissed since Spike is only paying attention to Sweetie Belle and leaving Scoots and Applebloom out of the 'truth seeking' experience. She begins to step out of the tub when Spike immediately stood up.

"W-Wait! No!" Spike stopped her, grabbing her by the right hoof and placed her down on the tub floor. "Alright, now you get right over here...Applebloom, you get right here!" He says, placing them all together so he can have the three way of a lifetime. "Alright, ready everybody? Then here we got!" He says, using his dragonhood, mouth, and even his tail to elicit pleasure from the mares. Each of them giggling and moaning with intense delight as Spike happily gets what he's been wanting this entire time. But the good times were soon to end when two Ponyville police officers were at the door to the building. Getting a call of suspicious activity within the premises.

"Okay partner, I think this is the place we got the report on with these ponies inside doing the shit and smoking, I think."

His partner, being a few bricks shy, goofily nods and smiles. "Tell me what to do! I never did this before! You gotta tell me what to do!"

"Okay, okay, listen. Now look, you're a rookie and this is your first bust. So all you gotta do is just follow me." He says, opening the door and beginning to noiselessly step inside. His partner following up behind him. "And remember, the most important thing is that we don't make any noise." He whispers. "Just follow me slowly, you got that?"

His partner, being the rather dense-headed cop that he is, just nods. "Yeah, yeah. I got it!" He smiles, whispering like his superior. As the two make it towards the bedroom door, the dimwitted cop began to tug on his partner's police jacket.

"What is it private?"

"Can I, uh...Can I search the mares?" He grinned, his face blushing. His superior officer just quietly snickered, patting the rookie on the back. "Yeah, I've done enough of that." Meanwhile, as they were proceeding with the bust, Spike was too busy getting it on with the Cutie Mark Crusaders in Rumble's bathtub. But as things were really getting heated up, the doorknob quickly swung open. Rumble looking at the threesome going on in his bathroom.

"Hey!" He says, storming in to the bathroom and looking at Spike who had come to a stop. Looking up at Rumble with a more than annoyed face.

"Oh for Luna's sake!" He groaned. "What do you want?!" As he said that, the noise level of his voice peaked the interest of a few other stallions. Going inside the bathroom and are quite surprised to see what's been going on.

"Hey!" One random stallion blurts out. "Spike's got his own little orgy going on in here!" He dove right in, shoving Spike out of the way.

"Hey!" Spike grunted, being pushed to the edge. "Will you get out of here?! We're seeking the truth!" Rumble quickly dove in and pushed Spike who managed to actually fall out of the bathtub.

"It's MY bathtub dude!" He smiles, placing a hoof around Scootaloo. "Don't pay attention to Spike, he's got a real Celestia complex." The two of them begin laughing, Rumble taking out a joint from behind his ear and started puffing on it. Taking a hit and passing it to Scootaloo, who's eyes began to droop as she began to toke. A smile soon placed upon her face, giving the joint back to Rumble.

"Oh Luna.." She says, feeling the effects entirely. "I'm...SO there!"

Spike hopped up to her, getting real close. "Oh yeah? How is it?"

"It's..."

"Yes?"

"It's like..."

"Yeah?!"

"That's funny...I'm not there anymore.."

Spike just facepalmed himself, sliding down with grief. "Oh shit.." Realizing that all his efforts have become flawed, he grabs his own joint off the bathroom floor. Going into the other room to smoke it alone while everypony in the bathroom continued the orgy. But downstairs, the cops soon make their way upstairs.

"Hey.." The superior officer turned to his partner. "You hear anything?"

His partner raised his ear, listening in carefully. He could pick up the sounds of lighters flicking and various moans. "Yeah..Sounds like a bunch of degenerates."

"Now listen here rookie, you got the deeper voice. So when we charge in there, I want you to yell 'Open the fucking door!' But really say 'fucking' because it sounds tough."

His partner nodded, quietly making their way to the bathroom door. Spike, in the room next over, is thoroughly enjoying himself with the beauty of cannabis and all of it's wonders. Too far gone in his thick cloud of Panamare Red that covered the room to hear or even care what went on in the other room.

"Okay...on the count of three..." The cop began to count. "One...two..." He burst the door down with full strength, his partner running in after him. Each of the ponies in the bathtub were too stoned and too horny to quit what they were doing. "You're all under arrest!" They both say, grabbing each pony out of the tub individually and slapping hoof-cuffs on each one. After finishing the joint, Spike figured that he'd better get back to the castle before he gets in any trouble. Flicking the roach down, he, while stoned out of his mind, quickly heard the sound of the Ponyville cops. "Alright, that's it! Party's over!" The deputy says, still slapping cuffs and making various arrests.

"Oh shit!" Spike thought, hoping that they wouldn't notice. "I gotta get my ass the fuck out of here! This is for shit!" He then sneakily tip-toed out of the cop's sight. Everypony else in cuffs while Spike made a victorious get away. Still managing to escape fully stoned.

The Sudden Realization

The Sudden Realization

After narrowly avoiding the cops back at the apartment, Spike grouchily walks back home to Twilight's castle. Mumbling to himself as he was still very high and still very horny and pissed that he couldn't accomplish his mission because of his stupid friends and the cops barging in and ruining everything. "Shit, I had a real good thing going on. That is until the fucking fuzz showed up and ruined it all." He starts to cough a bit. "I wish Sweetie Belle hadn't turned on the shower, I think I'm getting a cold." The walk helped Spike sober up so Twilight wouldn't get on his case about smoking, since she detested the whole idea of it. Once he felt that he had came down enough, he makes it back home and goes into the castle. Not seeing anything too different, Twilight having her nuzzle crammed in another book for her studies. "Hey Twilight, I'm home!" But like usual, Twilight barely let out a word. Too captivated in her own studies to notice her dragon assistant walking in the door. Spike closed the door behind him as he stepped to Twilight as she was reading. "So, busy studying for whatever Celestia damn reason again, I see?" He asks with sarcasm, expecting a usual witty remark from her. But she still laid silent in her books, almost as if Spike was invisible to her own head. Fed up with her constant ignorance of his presence, Spike just sighed and proceeded to walk down the castle halls.

"Hmmph...Such a bitch, you'd think that those stupid studies of hers should be the complete be-all-end-all of existence. Like some kind of cosmic life form or something." He goes into the bathroom, looking in the mirror over the sink while continuing his self-monologue. "You'd think ponies like here were the fucking fugitives...I can't even get a decent word in to her, it's a total fucking bore..." He turned on the sink faucet and began to wash his face. "She just sits there and doesn't move a muscle, staying up all night with her face stuck in some book and her hoof up her ass..." He turns off the sink, drying his face off and exited the bathroom. Continuing down the hall as he let his inner thoughts out. "Oh yes, yes, I too remember at time when it was all inspiring to be a princess's assistant. All enlightening and shit like that." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it up as he went into his bedroom. Laying on the floor by his bed and puffing out a ring of smoke. "It's like she thinks learning is some real fucking deal, but she's just a giant intellectual..." He groaned, taking another puff of his smoke and blowing it out. "I can't imagine...Spending so many Celestia damn years with your nose buried in some damn tome..." He gets up to look out his window, seeing the cloudless blue sky up above. "While the world is passing you by..." As those words left Spike's lips, he began to think back to every second of his life. Remembering every single moment, every detail, every waking minute just buzzing by his brain. And the sudden realization that it was all completely worthless. "But out there...All the stuff to see, and all the kicks..." He began to smile, starting to think about all he's missed. "And all the mares are out there!" He opens the window, now loudly speaking his mind. "I should be out there having adventures! Experiencing all the diversities, paradoxes, and ironies of life! Passing over every single fucking road of this world! Digging all the cities, and towns, and rivers, oceans, and..." He paused, thinking about an even bigger issue in his life. "And getting with all those mares..." He got up, realizing that he needs to be free of this repetitive lifestyle. "I have to do it! I have to get out there and see the world! To swim in the whole fucking scene while there's still time!"

He ran out of the room, his heart and mind hellbent on a sudden burst of adventure and self-freedom. Going up to Twilight, who's face is still glued to her book. "My sitting around days are over baby!" Spike yells, taking a lot of the books around the castle and gathered them in a huge pile. "From this day on, I will live every single moment like they were my last! No more of these sitting around with the constant spoutings of some mare who thinks she knows the whole damn score!" He stood right in the middle of the pile of various books and notes. Taking a long and deep breath, Spike belched out a large ball of flame. Engulfing the whole pile of learning material into one huge blaze. As Spike continues to stare at it, his smile begins to fade.

"Oh damn, what have I done..?" Spike asks, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I just set all of Twilight's books and notes on fire...Now she's going to flunk, and Celestia's going to be pissed...I'll get a blanket!" Spike rushes over to his room in barely a second, coming back with the biggest blanket he could find to desperately put out the fire he started. But unfortunately, the blanket too caught fire quickly "Huh...Now the blanket's on fire...." He noticed, just staring at the rising inferno. "I better call the fire department..."