A Crusadin We Will Go

by DrakoXeno1138

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 8216

A Crusaders adaptation of of three classic comedy shorts

First chapter not finished yet. Will repost when ready

The Cutie Mark Crusaders (members varying per story) embark on three crusades, which other's would call misadventures, in attempt to gain their cutie marks.

Wackiness ensues.

For the sake of the story, Snips & Snails are now mark-less and members. When needed.

Not related to Dragon Quest storyline.

I'm not explicitly saying what these are adaptations of. But if you get it, I love ya.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-18 19:42:55 UTC

Cutie Mark Crusaders Plumbers!

In a Juvenile Hall courthouse, a case was going on to prosecute two colts and a filly. Who identified themselves as Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"Your honor" the prosecutor said to Judge Gavel "these three should receive the maximum punishment. Their guilt is proved by the evidence, and their evasive attitude. Just look at them."

Three young ponies stood on the stand, Snips, Snails, and Babs Seed. Snips and Snails stood still, stone faced, while Babs stood between them a few steps back, and looked off in the distance.

"Remember you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth" the prosecutor told the ponies "Now were you or were you not, on the night of June the thirteenth, in Ms. Fluttershy's chicken coop?"

"Sointly not" Snips said after turning to the prosecutor "I was in the house."

"What house?"

"The dog house" Snails replied, which produced a nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck from Snips.

Babs knocked the two colts heads together in annoyance before they resumed their evasive stances.

"Mister prosecutor, you have not proved that those three were ever in that chicken coop" Judge Gavel said "Your evidence is purely circumstantial and insufficient to warrant a conviction."

"What's he talkin about?" Snips asked in a hushed tone.

"Quiet, he means we ain't guilty" Babs said.

"Oh boy!" Snips said as they all stood to go free, before pulling out a hat that released a large amount of chicken feathers.

Snips panicked before taking any feathers he could gather and putting them on his head.

"Dandruff" he lied.

"And in the future Officer Sentry" the Judge continued "Don't come crawling to me with flimsy charges against law abiding ponies. Dismissed."

"Mm" Snips said as he gave the officer a dismissive wave.

Babs walked up and gave Sentry (Yes. Brad Sentry) a snap of her hoof before leaving. Hooves. How do they work? Snails soon did the same. Snips followed, but no snap came. He put his hoof to his ear and shook it, which produced a dice shake sound, and ended in a snap. He attempted to give Officer Sentry a snap again, only to have the same result. He started shaking his hoof again, but was given a soft annoyed kick in the rump by the officer, making him leave.

For the sake of the story, Fla- I mean Brad is wingless.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were involved in their next crusade. Fishing.

Babs held the pole, while Snips and Snails stood behind her. Babs smacked away Snips' hoof when he tried to hold the pole as well. Babs finally got a bite from one of the large fish in the display tank in front of the pet store.

Officer Sentry was walking by across the street and caught sight of this. Babs brought back the pole and put the fish into the net Snips was holding.

"Hm. A barra-cutey. And what a cutey. Now go get me a freckled trout."

Officer Sentry began to make his way over tot he other side of the street after they placed the fish into a picnic basket.

Babs turned her attention back to the display tank, when she noticed a store employee close by.

"Jiggers" she said, alerting her cohorts to hide against the wall of the store.

Snips ended up bumping into a pony mannequin dressed as a cop. He felt it's chest and felt the fake badge. He turned around with a nervous face and was startled back when he saw it was a fake.

"Oh a cop ay?" he said before shoving the dummy, causing it to stumble forward and hit him.

"Oh. Pushing ponies huh? You see that?" he raised an arm to flex, and then used it to punch the dummy. He then flicked it's tie away with a chuckle and turned back to Snails and Babs, not noticing Officer Sentry arriving.

"Ya know? All my life I've always wanted to sock a cop right in the nose. Watch this one."

Snails and Babs turned around and became nervous upon seeing Officer Sentry. Snips turned back around to repeat his last action, not seeing Officer Sentry's face.

"You see that? Ah, I showed you that before. Well I've got another one." Snips turned Sentry's head and pulled back his arm, only for Sentry's head to turn back with the pull. Snips repeated his action, still not getting it. When Sentry turned his head back again, he bonked Snips on the head before he could throw a punch. Snips finally got it, and he and his friends ran off.

Sentry began to chase after the Crusaders.

"Come back here!"

On a stage outdoors, The Great and Powerful Trrrrrrixie was giving a performance using two cabinets and her assistant, Diamond Tiara.

"Yes, yes, come one, come all. Step right up everypony. As you can see, the little filly is in this cabinet. Trixie shall now close the door, and crossing to the other cabinet, she will fire the magic beam."

Trixie shot off a beam of magic into the air.

"And what have we in here? The little filly" Trixie opened the door of the second cabinet, revealing to Snips and Diamond Tiara standing on either side, facing each other, which made everypony laugh. Snips' head was swaying left and right as he stared at Diamond Tiara dreamily. DT had her eyebrows knitted in confusion and slight discomfort as her eyes shifted left and right.

Trixie looked inside the cabinet in surprise. And Snips finally took notice.

"Hey this is private. MMM" he said with a dismissive wave before closing the door to the cabinet.

"Well, ha-ha, it looks as though the little filly has picked up a coltfriend" Trixie said after getting over the surprise "Well Trixie will take him away from her. Again firing the magic beam" she said as Officer Sentry arrived.

Trixie shot off another beam.

"And now we have in here" she opened the door, revealing all three Crusaders in place of Diamond Tiara.

"Don't yell at me!"

"This is the safest place!"

"Shut up there's no room for an argument in here!"

"Oh there you are!" Officer Sentry said before coming to the stage.

"AaaaaaaaH!" the CMC said nervously as they closed the door. Sentry got up on the stage and tried to open the cabinet door.

"Come on out you three, you're under arrest"

The CMC emerged from under the stage, behind the cloth covering the stage, and ran off.

"What is this nonsense?" Trixie demand "Trixie paid a license so that she may present her amazing magic skills to the public" she was cut off as Sentry pushed her aside slightly after seeing the CMC and running after them.

The CMC skidded to a halt in front of a carriage and bumped into each other. The carriage read "Mario's Plumbing", ha-ha.

"Quick. Into the back of the carriage" Babs told Snips and Snails before getting into the front. She whipped the rains of the two driver stallions that were waiting, sending them into a run.

Officer Sentry jumped onto the attached wheeled ramp of the carriage, and had to steady himself.

Snips barked at Sentry before Snails pointed to the connector bolt.

"Let it go."

Snips pulled out the bolt with a nyuck nyuck nyuck. The ramp continued to move from the momentum, and veered off course. it eventually hit a curb, throwing Sentry off and crashing into a stack of paint cans, releasing red paint all over him.

Babs pulled on the rains, signaling the driver stallions to stop. The stallions skidded to a halt in front of a rich pony's house. The momentum of the stop caused Snips and Snails to fall out of the carriage. Babs got out of the front and walked up to the boys.

"Why don't ya call ya stops?

"This is far enough I guess"

"Where are we?"

"Who cares? So long as we're not in Juvie."

"Hey!"

The CMC reacted alarmingly to the shout of an older butler pony behind them.

"I sent for you plumbers an hour ago. Now get in there and fix that leak before it gets any worse."

"Who told you we're plumbers? How do ya like this guy?"

Then the CMC saw a red painted Sentry coming towards them on a bike.

"NYA!"

"We're plumbers!" Snips said nervously as they all got bags of.

"Three of the best plumbers that ever plumbed a plumb!"

Snips magically gripped a bag full of long pipes, and didn't watch where he was turning them. The butler got a knock to the head.

"Whoow-w-w-w-whoo"

Randal lead the three into the house.

"Nice joint you got here; where's the leak Jeeves?"

"In the basement"

"Where's the basement?"

"Upstairs"

"To the basement!"

"To the basement!"

"To the basement" Snips knocked over a flower pot when he turned, which the butler thankfully caught.

Randall looked worried when he heard a crashing sound ahead.

The CMC corrected them selves and went downstairs this time.

"To the basement!" "To the basement!" "To the basement!" "Whoowhoowhoo, whoo, whoo"

They began running in a circle once they reached the bottom and slipped on the wet floor before noticing the leaky pipe.

"Hey. Here it is."

"All right. On the tips of your hooves colts"

Snips released his magic hold on the bag of pipes, causing them to land on Babs' front hoof.

"Ow! Not my hooves.

"What do you know about plumbing?" she asked Snails.

"Nothing"

"That's fine, gimme a hoof."

Snails held out a hoof, earning him a slap from Babs.

"A simple job for simple ponies"

"How can you fix it while it's leakin?"

"I wonder where you shut the water off?"

"I got an idea"

"What is it?"

Snips began to move his hoof up and down in the air, Babs following its movement.

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pale of water. That's it" Snips finished. He put his hoof down but Babs continued looking up and down by Snips' lead.

"That's what?"

"Water always runs down hill"

"........On your way"

"Where?"

"Up the hill and shut off the water"

"O-o-o-o-okay" Snips said while nodding rapidly, which Babs repeated. She shifted in anger once Snips left.

"Gimme a wrench for the pipe" Babs told Snails.

Snails complied and gave her a wrench while he took a hammer in his magic grip. She reached up and gripped the pipe with the wrench, but the pipe didn't budge.

"Give it a tap to get things started"

Snails lightly tapped the pipe a few times.

"What's the matter muscles, ya weak? Hit it."

Snails brought the hammer back hard and hit the pipe, accidentally punching a hole in the steam pipe behind them, releasing smoke. Snails looked back in alarm and saw his mistake.

"Hey, you smokin?"

"No but the pipe is"

"What the eh" Babs said in surprise at hearing this and seeing for herself "Why you snail brain. You wanna get us suffocated? Put some tape on it"

"We forgot the tape"

"Well we had to forget somethin or we wouldn't be plumbers. Now go on and find somethin to wrap around it."

Snails went off in search of something while Babs put a hoof to the pipe, burning herself.

"Ah!"

Snails returned and stretched out a corset in his magical grip.

"Look, a straight jacket."

Babs momentarily looked startled before narrowing her eyes at him.

"Where did you get that?"

"Found it in the trunk"

"Oh. Well get it up there"

Snails threw the corset over the pipe and laced the bottom while Babs helped.

"Huh. Perfect thirty-six. Hook it up. I wonder what you do with these?" she said indicating to some square tassels.

"Swing on 'em you know?" he said before he grabbed hold of them with his hooves.

"Don't you" Babs said as Snails was about to attempt to swing. She quickly discouraged him by pulling back a hoof with a mean face.

Upstairs, Snips with the pipe bag in tow, came to the bathroom door where he heard the shower running. He assumed this was the water to shut off and entered. The shower curtains were closed, and Snips knocked on the non-existent door behind them.

"Anypony at home?"

"I say there" Fancy Pants said as he poked his head out through the curtains.

"Oh you've got an upper ey?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Why? Whatcha do?"

"I'm taking a bawth"

"Taking a bath?"

"A bawth"

"Bawth, bath, bawth. You've gotta get outta. I'm gonna shut off this water. Now get goin." he finished as he pulled back the curtains, forcing a toweled Fancy Pants to leave.

"Arf! Left over from New Year's ey?"

Snips turned the knob of the shower, but the water continued to flow in a smaller amount.

"Mm. Stubborn ey?

And he didn't bother to try the others before taking a wrench to the one he had turned all the way. This caused the knob to fall off, and a stream of water to come out of the hole. Snips nervously covered it with his hoof, stopping it. Then he dropped the wrench in the tub and removed his hoof while looking around for it. He noticed that no water was emerging.

"Oh"

He looked in the hole, only for the stream to start again and hit him in the face.

"MMM :twilightangry2:"

This time he used his hat from earlier to stop the stream, and got the same result when he peeked. But now the stream was coming without end.

"MMM Arf!"

:facehoof:  Snips sat down on the edge of the tub in frustration and tried to think of a solution.

Back in the basement, the pipe continued to trickle water.

"I wonder why that egg head don't shut that water off"

Snips picked up a shovel with his magic.

"Hey I saw a guy shut the water off once in the front yard."

"When I want your advice I'll ask for it. Now go out in the front yard and shut the water off."

Snails turned, not looking where the shovel was, and hitting Babs in the flank, causing her to stumble foreword and hit her head on the furnace.

Snails looked at her nervously, when she picked up a pickax and began to approach him.

"Why you"

Snails quickly ran upstairs.

Snips was about done screwing a pipe into the faucet hole and chuckled triumphantly, only to see the other end of the pipe releasing water. He grabbed another pipe only to get the same result, with the other pipe pointing in a different direction, now outside the shower. He muttered frustratingly every time.

Snails began to dig into the yard while Babs worked on the pipe.

In the kitchen, the cook was washing the dishes, when the sink faucet suddenly turned upside down, startling him. This was the result of Babs finally turning the pipe with the wrench. The cook looked on curiously, only for the faucet to start turning continuously, which he attempted to stop by grabbing hold of it, only to accidentally break it off.

Babs accidentally caused the pipe to detach from the one it was conjoined to, releasing a large amount of water.

"Whoa!"

She attempted to rejoin them, causing a stream of water to shoot into the cook's face twice.

"Nyuck nyuck I got it" Snips said as he removed his hooves from either side of a double opening in a  pipe over his head.

"Nya ah ah!" he said when water began to flow out again. Then he saw that he had somehow managed to build a cage of pipes around himself.

"Ah Ah! Hey Snails! Hey Babs! I'm-I'm surrounded." he then saw a solution if you want to call it that. He picked up a hoof drill and crouched down to the floor.

"I gotta get this water out!" and he started drilling into the floor.

The butler arrived at Snails' location and was outraged. Snails had dug up to his knees.

"Stop it! Stop it! You're ruining the lawn."

"Don't tell me how to run my business. Beat it" he said before resuming his shoveling.

"Put that sod back where it belongs" which got him a solid piece of sod in the face from the oblivious Snails. Making him leave in frustration.

Babs gave one last tight turn on the reattached pipe, finally stopping the leak.

"Who said you need brains to be a plumber? Hahaha!" she said before she felt a stream of water hit her head.

She moved out of the way to look up at where the water was coming from.

"Hey!"

Snips continued to drill holes.

"Turn it off! Plug it up! Of-" another stream forced her to move away.

"Don't you hear what I tel-" she threw down her wrench in frustration after another stream, and moved to the other side that didn't follow her.

Drill, drill, drill.

"This ain't a house; it's a sieve!"

Snips suddenly fell through with a large amount of water, taking the other half of the pipe with him, that hadn't been the problem.

"Why you lamebrain, you" Babs said angrily as she picked Snips up.

"Look what'ya did to the pipe!" she said after noticing the damage. She gave his muzzle a turn of the wrench.

"Whoa-ow!"

"Go on and get another piece of pipe"

"I resent that!"

"What are ya gonna do about it?"

"Get another piece of pipe I guess" he said casually, earning him a knock on the back of the head when he turned.

"OW! ARF!"

Snips went to a vertical pipe attached to a box on the wall, and didn't see that on the side it said 110 volts. He pulled the pipe away and saw wires coming out of it, leading to the box. He began to pull them out and realized they were rather long.

"Hey, no wonder the water don't work. The pipe is plugged up with wires."

"A fine place for wires. Well pull 'em out and get that pipe over here" she replied before attaching a small extension to the end of the remaining pipe.

Snips began to pull out the wires with his magic, and became frustrated when they still didn't end.

"Mmm M!" and he began to pull and pull and pull.

Back in the kitchen, the cook was stirring something and gave a cautious glance at the sink. He then heard a clinking sound and recoiled in surprise when he turned to see the light bulb in the ceiling moving up and down.

Snips continued to pull, the wires still not ending.

"MM! :facehoof:" and pull and pull.

A clock was above the cook on the wall, when it's arms began to spin rapidly while changing directions. The cook glanced up at the sound momentarily, and recoiled when looking at it again. The arms spun until the clock fell off the wall into the cooks bowl, splattering him with the mix.

Pull and pull.

"This has gotta end some place!"

Pull and pull.

"Neh eh!"

Pull

:ajbemused:

Pull faster and faster.

Out in the yard, Snails was no longer visible as he continued to shovel dirt onto the large pile he created.

A large amount of wire was piled up beside Snips, when he finally reached the end.

"Oh. The end of the line. Ha-hah!"

"Hurry up with that pipe!"

"Okay" he said in a sheesh like manner before pulling the pipe over. He held it up as Babs screwed it in.

"Straighten her up so I can line her up"

"Here we go! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Yeah!"

Back in the kitchen, the cook was looking around to attempt to figure this all out. He switched on the light, and the light bulb was filled with water until it burst. The cook looked up in surprise at the pop and saw water running out of socket.

"This house has sure gone crazy!"

"If it wasn't for me where would we be?" Babs asked as she finished screwing in the pipe.

The cook suddenly had his face hit by a shower stream coming out of the top of the stove. The knobs didn't seem to help as he attempted to stop it. The floor now covered in water, he slipped and fell  numerous times on his way out of the kitchen.

The cook reentered now in a raincoat and hat to fight the water. He made it to the stove and tried all the knobs, which did nothing. He placed a pot upside down over the stream, only for it to get pushed off. He finally decided he had enough, and made his way out whilst slipping and falling.

To those who know what this is, I'm sure you can identify when I say it was this scene that ultimately had me put Snails in this role.

Out in a separate part of the yard, Snails' head emerged from the ground and looked around.

"I'll find this thing or else" he said before retreating into the ground.

In the spacious living room, the mistress of the house was holding a get together, and was about to show off her new T.V.

"Now friends, I know you'll enjoy a demonstration of my new television receiver. You'll not only hear the broadcast, but actually see it on this screen."

The guests all murmured excitedly as she turned on the set.

"This is station WX-12" said an announcer "making a television broadcast direct from Neighagra Falls. Are you ready Neighagra Falls? Let her go.

A visual broadcast of the Falls appeared with sound, fascinating the guests.

"Isn't this thrilling?"

When suddenly a large wave of water burst out of the set, pushing a mare to the ground, alarming the guests.

"What is this? What's happening?" the mistress asked the butler.

"It's the plumbers madam. And they're wrecking the house."

"Well I'll put a stop to that. I'll call Mario."

The mistress picked up the telephone receiver, only to put it down when a jet stream of water hit her face.

Back in the basement, Babs and Snips were finishing up.

"Gimme the torch"

"Right." Snips picked up the torch and turned to Babs, accidentally unleashing a stream of fire on her flank.

"Owow!"

Snips put down the torch and ran off in fear.

"Why you dummy you"

"Whoop whoo"

Snips made for the stairs just as the mistress opened the door to the basement with the butler in tow. Babs grabbed, Snips' waded up, wet hat to throw at him.

"Nya ah ah ah!"

"You imbe-cyle!" she threw the hat, only for it to hit the mistress in the face after Snips had ducked.

The mistress closed the door and leaned against it in frustration.

"This is terrible"

"Get those hoodlums out of this house" she told the butler "I'll take my guests to the garden."

She was suddenly pushed forward into the butlers arms as a result of Snips opening the door.

"Don't mind me I'm only the plumber" he said before running off.

Snips ran into the bathroom and skidded to a halt, turning around the door after avoiding the large hole he had made/.

"That thing's dangerous" he said before using the bathroom rug to cover it up. He exited with the empty pipe bag.

Judge Gavel arrived, dressed casually.

"What's going on here?" he demanded of the butler.

"It's the plumbers sir. And they've completely wrecked the bathroom."

"They have?! :twilightangry2:" he said before proceeding to the room.

In the basement, Snails had rejoined his fellow crusaders.

"Nice job guys"

They all looked hopefully at their flanks, only to see them still blank.

"Oh"

"Well at least we gat paid. Let's go up and collect for the job."

Above, Judge Gavel was outraged by the scene in the bathroom.

"Just look at this place! I whoa!" he said, not knowing the rug was covering a large hole before stepping foreword.

Gavel fell through and took out a large portion of the steam pipe on his way down.

"Who is that?! What's the matter with you?! Why you dummy! You ruined a hard days work!" Babs said as she and the boys picked him up.

"Nya ah ah! The Judge!" Snips said, sending the three off into a run while being chased by the angered judge, who now held a piece of pipe.

"Why you!"

The mistress and her gusts were outside, with a new and previously seen form of entertainment.

"My treat for the afternoon. The Great and Powerful Trixie, the great and powerful magician."

"Officer!" the butler called out to the policemen as the CMC rushed past him, causing him to stumble to the ground.

"WHOO W-W-W-WHOO!"

"Get those three officer!" the judge yelled. Two officers soon joined the chase.

The CMC skidded to a halt in front of the large hole Snails had dug, knocking their heads together. Officer Sentry arrived and recognized the three, alarming them.

"Quick! Gophers in the hole!" Babs said before they all jumped in.

The judge and the cops arrived, and they all jumped in to follow the trio.

"Crossing, Trixie shall fire the magic beam *choom*" Trixie repeated her routine "And opening the door, what have we here? The little"

"AIIIIII!"

Diamond Tiara ran out and moved to the side as the CMC emerged and ran off. The judge, six cops, and two cops on motorcycles emerged, one after the other, chasing the CMC into the distance.

Cutie Mark Crusaders Jr Doctors!

Human tag for the EG world. And ages have been moved up to 17. I'm sure you'll agree when I say it works better.

At Los Hooves hospital, Superintendent Doctor Cheerilee,  was welcoming some new Jr. Doctors in his office.

"My dear Jr. Doctors, it is indeed a pleasure to welcome you here for the beginning of your practice. This letter states that in this group, there are three of you who are not overly bright, but were graduated because you had been in the senior class too many years. Your identity I shall keep secret, and will disclose to no one on one condition. That you try hard, and forever devote your lives to the glorious cause of duty and humanity."

Three girls, Babs Seed Apple, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom Apple  emerged from the group, dressed in all white outfits different from the rest of the Jr. Doctors. Their pants had loops to hold their doctor's mallets. Babs had the biggest, Sweetie had normal size, and AB had the smallest. It looked like a gavel.

Whoever knows what this is, you know why AB and Babs have the same last name.

"We will!" the three said simultaneously.

"Hello Ms. Cheerilee. How are ya? Glad to see ya again" Sweetie Belle said as she shook Cheerilee's hand.

Babs pulled Sweetie back by her hair.

"Spread out"

"Do you solemnly swear to devote the rest of your lives to the cause of duty and humanity?"

"For duty and humanity!" they yelled simultaneously while holding up fingers of justice, before grouping into a huddle, for whatever reason.

They were startled out of the huddle by Cheerilee.

"And remember! When you hear your call come over the loudspeaker, rush immediately to answer, as seconds, mean lives."

"Yes mam"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple!" Ha-haaa, there it is.

The trio rushed out of the office, Apple Bloom whooping. Just cuz it would sound hilariously weird.

AB was the last out, and closed the office door so hard that the glass plane shattered.

The trio rushed into the Store Room and emerged while riding a three person bike.

"Whoo-w-w-whoo!" AB said as they rode down the hall to answer the large loudspeaker machine attached to the wall.

The trio stopped and fell over on the bike, only to get up immediately to answer the loudspeaker. In front of the loudspeaker was an intern/assistant desk, where Button Mash was seated. You'll see why I picked him later.

"Dr. Apple, report to room 66, Dr. Belle, room 72, Dr. Apple, room 83. Room 66, 72, 83."

"Over" the trio all answered on the individual receivers.

"66, 72, 83"

Babs picked up the microphone on Button's desk.

"On track 13, all aboard for Phillydelphia, Chicago and points west."

"Emergency call, emergency call. 66, 72, 83."

"Callin all cars! Callin all cars!"

"Calling all cars!"

"Callin all cars!"

"Whoo-w-w-w-w-whoo!" Apple Bloom whooped as she went down another hall.

Two wheelchair patients, a nurse with a medicine cart, and a gurney with a covered patient were brought out by the call.

Sweetie Belle blew a whistle at a doctor wheeling one of the chairs, stopping him.

"Oh a wise guy ey?" she addressed the young lady in the chair "I've got a good mind to give you a ticket. Where's your driver's license?"

Babs pulled Sweetie's hair up, smacked her forehead and pushed her aside to address the patient in the chair.

"Spread out. Pull over the curb. I wanna talk to you."

The doctor pushed the chair to the side, Babs and Sweetie standing on either side, with Sweetie next to a chalkboard.

"Open your mouth Babs said before putting a thermometer in "What's your name?"

"Anna Conda"

"On account a what?"

"No, no, just Anna, Conda."

"Anna Conda" Babs said to Sweetie, who repeated it and wrote it down on the board.

Babs checked the thermometer.

"Anna Conda 95 and an eighth"

"Anna Conda 95 and an eighth" Sweetie repeated and wrote.

"That's awfully low doctor" Anna said,

"Yeah, we ought to sell. Sell a hundred Anna Conda 95 and an eighth"

"A hundred Anna Conda sell! Come on get goin folks."

"All right, get going"

The cars all left at the behest of the two Jr. Doctors.

"Whoo-w-w-w-w-whoop. Whoop, whoop, w-w-w-w-whoop!"

Babs and Sweetie looked up, down, left, right, and behind for Apple Bloom, while a gurney with a covered individual miraculously wheeled itself next to them.

Babs removed the sheet, and Apple Bloom sat up wearing an old fashioned, pointed sleeping hat.

"Oh, cutie pie."

"Yeah"

Babs smacked her cousin on the head.

"Get off that carriage"

"No"

"*smack* Get off that carriage"

AB finally got off and went off somewhere else after Sweetie pushed her away.

"Get outta there"

"Take this carriage out"

"I'll take it when I'm ready"

"....Are ya ready?"

"Yeah I'm ready" Sweetie answered nonchalantly as she began to take the gurney.

The repairman, Big Mac, just finished replacing the glass plane for Cheerilee's office.

The air headed Nurse Pinkie arrived carrying a tray of instruments while happily laughing for no particular reason.

"Oh Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple. Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away? *giggle*"

"Yeees, that's true"

"Well then why don't the patients just eat an apple a day and save hospital expenses? *giggle*"

"Pardon me if ah laugh" Apple Bloom said before giving a hearty chuckle "That's a pippin."

"Oh I know what a pippin is" Nurse Pinkie said, stopping them from walking away.

"You do ey? WHAT'S a pippin?"

"A pippin is an apple with the skin on the outside *giggle*"

Apple Bloom: :facehoof:

"Did you ever see an apple, with the skin, on the inside? :duck:"

"Oh sure I did"

Babs: :rainbowderp:

"You did? Where?"

"In home made apple pie"

The trio all fell back with exasperated looks as Pinkie left, giggling the entire time.

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple" the trio were awoken by the loudspeaker.

"Whoo-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-whoop!"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple. Dr. Apple, report to room 66, Dr. Belle, room 72, Dr. Apple, room 83."

The trio all went to their respective rooms, with Babs and Sweetie having rooms across from each other. They realized they got mixed up, ran past each other, and indicated to each other's rooms with a jerk of their thumbs before switching.

Seconds later they ran into a huddle, until they were called again a second later.

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple report to Dr. Cheerilee's office."

They all rushed into Cheerilee's office.

"Hello captain, you sent for us?"

"Yes. How'd you find that patient in 66?"

"Under the bed"

"(O_O) How'd you find the patient in 72?"

"Up on the chandelier"

"What'd you do for him?"

"Nothin. What'd he ever do for us?"

":twilightoops:  :twilightangry2: What are you working here for?!"

"For duty and humanity!" Huddle.

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"Whoo-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-whoop!"

They all rushed out, Apple Bloom once again slamming the door and breaking the pane. Big Mac immediate stepped in, holding a replacement plane. He set it down and gave Cheerilee a wave.

Apple Bloom lagged a bit and slammed into the Store Room door after Babs and Sweetie had entered and closed it just as she arrived. She got up and entered.

The trio exited while riding a large, red horse wearing a work collar.

"Giddy up"

Big Mac walked by after replacing the pane and stared with wide eyes at the horse as it passed, while it just looked at him.

:eeyup:  :rainbowderp: Do do DO do, do do DO do! Who knows what that tone is?

The trio dismounted the horse and answered the call.

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"What is it?"

"There's a messenger girl down in the lobby to see you"

"Send her up"

"Here I am" a blonde, gray skinned, cross eyed girl said from behind, startling them. She was in a mail person outfit.

"What service. Give us the message" Apple Bloom indicated to the letter in the messenger girl's hand.

"Can't. 75 cents, collect."

"Who's it from?"

"It's from a fella by the name of First Base" He's a real character. Look it up

"My guy" the trio all said dreamily. Babs slapped Sweetie and Apple Bloom in response.

"What does he say?"

"He says he loves all three. But he'll be with the one who does the greatest thing for duty, and humanity."

"Thanks" they all said and began to leave.

"Hey! How's about my money?"

"I'll tell ya. We'll toss for it. Pay ya double or nothing."

"Yeah. She'll call it because she's tongue tied" Sweetie said while indicating to Apple Bloom.

"That'll make it easier"

"Uh.....you got a coin?"

"Yeah I got one" the messenger girl said before bringing out a large coin.

"That'll really make it easier" Sweetie said after seeing the coin.

She flipped it in the air and caught it.

"What is it? Head or tail?"

"Nmaheh"

"What?"

"Nmaheh"

"Is that it?! Sweetie said while holding out the coin for AB to see.

"Sointly"

"Oh then you lose. We'll split this three ways Sweetie said as they left the confused messenger girl.

The trio entered a room where another doctor watched over a small patient. Her head resting on her fist that was steadied on the bed. the trio approached the other side of the bed and mimicked his position for a few seconds.

"How is she doctor?"

"A slight hope"

"That's too bad. What's the matter?"

"She's in a coma"

The patient sat up suddenly.

"I am not, I'm in a bed."

She was a short adult patient. She had light purple skin, purple swirl eyes, and a purple mane with white stripes. She looked to the trio and put on a fake look of shock.

"Gee, the joint is haunted"

The trio looked behind themselves before turning back.

"How old are you?"

"I'm thirty five"

"Nah, you couldn't get that fresh in thirty five years."

"Lay down" Babs told the patient "Let me see that, that thing there." The doctor gave Babs her stethoscope.

Babs put the ear tips in the patients ears, and the diaphragm to her chest. Apple Bloom checked the doctor's pulse, and got her hand smacked away in annoyance.

Babs shook her head sorrowfully.

"Can't live till morning"

She then placed the ear tips in her own ears, for no particular reason, and jerked when Sweetie spoke into the diaphragm.

"A voovoovoo, a voovoovoo, a v-" *smack to the forehead*

"Just a minute. What do you young ladies know about medicine?" the doctor asked, outraged.

"Why, we graduated with the highest temperatures in our class"

"Psh, some class"

"You said it kid, some class" Apple Bloom said with sass, rhyme. This earned her a poke in the stomach and knock to the head from Babs.

"What are ya tryin to do?"

"Why, you don't even know how to deliver a proper anesthetic!"

"Girls, give the doctor a little, anesthesia. *chuckle*"

Sweetie and Apple Bloom gave the doctor a dizzying hit to the head with their mallets, each producing the sound of a carnival bell.

*Bing Bing*

"A winner every time, no blanks." the patient said as she sat up and produced two candy canes for the girls.

Seeing that she didn't get one, Babs gave Sweetie a light knock to the head with her mallet before taking her cane, and threatened Apple Bloom with one before taking hers.

"Say doctor, do you really think I'm gonna get better?"

"I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid you are" Babs said solemnly.

"Oh thanks doctor, you don't know how much I really appreciate it" she said before resuming her coma.

Sweetie approached the doctor and shook her hand.

"Doctor! We're mighty proud of you. You've done a wonderful thing for humanity. And when we leave here, we're going right down to the president's office and"

"We won't say a word about it"

Sweetie brought her mallet up to hit AB, not knowing it was Babs behind her. Babs slapped Apple Bloom in response.

"What are ya buttin in for?"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

The trio rushed and answered.

"Report to Dr. Cheerilee's office"

Apple Bloom had stopped short and sat herself on Button's desk. She put on a flirtatious face and fluttered her eyelashes at him. They were about to kiss when Babs smacked the back of her head and pulled her away.

"Remember our oath for duty and humanity!" she said as she held an angry Apple Bloom by her shirt.

Sweetie Belle meanwhile had put on a crazy face :pinkiecrazy:, and began to inch her way to a scared Button Mash, reaching to him. He had started to stay clear of her after she cost him everything he had in Minecraft. And after she got a little clingy.

Babs pulled Sweetie away by her and pushed her into the hall.

"Get goin"

The trio went down the hall to Cheerilee's office, with Apple Bloom needing to be whistled to after turning the wrong way. Big Mac was cleaning the pane, when he saw the three approaching and opened the door for them, while covering the pane with his body.

"Hi colonel, did you call us?"

"Yes" Cheeriliee responded before going back to a phone call "And just another thing uh, hello? Hello, hello. Hello?!"

"Hello?" Sweetie said as she picked up the receiver of one of Cheerilee's other three phones.

"Don't let that body go out of 84 until the bill is paid.

"I ain't got nobody"

Babs and Apple Bloom picked up the other receivers.

"Yes it's in 84"

"Yes?"

"Hello?"

"Yes?"

Cheerilee and Sweetie hung up their phones.

"Yes?  yes? Yes yes. Yes." Apple bloom then reacted with a frighten shiver, as if she had been told something horrible.

"Line's busy" she said nonchalantly before hanging up. Babs hadn't said anything or put down her receiver.

"Say there's nobody on your line"

"I know, but I'm expectin a call"

"Just a minute!" Cheerilee said, causing Babs to hang up her phone.

"Go to room 81, there's a dangerous patient there and hurry!"

The trio began to walk out at a normal pace.

"Hurry!"

"Don't get nervous"

"The patient ain't goin no place"

"HURRY!"

*slam and shatter*

Big Mac turned around with a large piece of broken glass sticking out of his pants and gave Cheerilee a shrug.

Into the Store Room.

And out the trio came, riding go carts.

They stopped at room 81 and entered.

The patient was an odd individual.  His eyes were yellow with disproportionate red pupils. His attire appeared to me multiple clothing items of different colors sewn together. His left hand wore a glove, while his right had long, untrimmed nails. His hair was white and styled somewhat like a mane, and he had a long goatee to match. :pinkiehappy:

"That is the momentous question" the patient said in the midst of a conversation he had been having with himself "I once asked Starswirl! And he made this suggestion! He said go for a walk. And I met a dog."

He then began to bark at the trio, not acknowledging their sudden appearance. The barks turned into an aggressive cat hiss, that ended with him spitting on them, which they didn't like.

"Water" he said in amazement "Water!"

The sudden shout caused Apple Bloom to throw the water in a jug at the patient, soaking him. He just repeated the word, still in amazement.

"Water"

"Girls. Let's give him some medicine."

"Oh yeah"

The trio approached a medicine table and Babs took a tall cup, telling Sweetie and Apple Bloom what to put in.

"Anapontang"

"Cedarscram"

"Cedarscram"

"Bolsider"

"Bolsider"

"Senaconapons"

"Senaconapons"

"EEnoxx"

"EEnoxx"

"EEnoxx"

"Sit!"

"That's it"

I didn't have a stroke. That's just the best I can spell the nonsense words used in the comedy skit.

Apple Bloom covered the cup with a towel and shook her arms about to mix the concoction, while Sweetie prepared three medicine cups. Apple Bloom poured into each cup, and they all took one.

"Viola"

"For duty and humanity" Sweetie toasted before they drank.

"Parasprites!"

The trio were all startled by the patient after their drink and turned to him.

"You know? Once I was crazy. You see that buttonhole there? Parasprites used to come out of that. Soon as one came out I'd throw it down, and then another one would come out!"

"Hey, hey. You're not well yet" Babs indulged the patient "There's another one coming out now"

"You take it. I've got enough of em."

"I'll be seein ya" Babs said as she sat by the window.

"Look!" the patient pointed to the sky "great big giant, fire birds!"

"Fire birds huh" Babs said derisively before a small peculiarly orange colored bird flew in from the window and landed on her shoulder, small embers momentarily coming from it's tail.

The other three gasped and shouted in shock, Sweetie and Apple Bloom leaving while the patient jumped into his bed.

Babs narrowed her eyes suspiciously before slowly turning her head and seeing the bird. She jerked her head back in shock.

"AH AH AH AAAAAAH! Move over, you got company! she said before jumping into the bed as well.

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom where with Nurse Pinkie.

"Oh Dr. Apple hic, Dr. Belle hic, Dr. Apple" she hiccupped.

"Her shoes are too tight"

"Hic"

"Her cold's breakin up"

"Hic"

"Wait, pitch that an octave higher"

"Hic"

"Oh lee oh ley ee"

"Hic"

"Oh ley ee" Sweetie and AB sang, Babs arriving next to them. Then she joined in

"Oh ley ee"

"Hic"

"Oh, oh lee oh ley ee"

"Hic"

"Oh ley ee"

"Hic"

"Oh da lady oh"

"Hic hic"

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"Hic, hic"

"Hic"

Big Mac was just finished cleaning the latest glass pane when he saw the trio coming yet again. This time he just threw his tool box through the pane, welcoming them in as they jumped through.

"Terrible disaster at the oil wells" Cheerilee said in distress "Twenty men injured. Radium is the only thing that'll save them."

"Give us the radium and we'll get goin!"

"It's locked up in the safe, I can't get it."

"Why not?"

"During the excitement I swallowed the combination to the safe. Put a burning cigar in my pocket."

"You got nothing to worry about" Babs said nonchalantly.

"But you don't understand. the combination is, in, here" Cheerilee said while indicating to her stomach.

"You still got nothing to worry about, we'll get it"

"How?"

":trixieshiftright:......Well operate"

"You? Me? No! Nnnno!"

":trixieshiftleft: Girls, give her the anesthetic. And see me in the operating room later. Ha-ha-ha-ha. :ajbemused: Give."

Sweetie and AB hit Cheerilee in the head with their mallets, giving her a surprised look, and causing her to pass out slowly.

In the operating room, the unconscious Cheerilee lay on an operating bed, everything below her neck covered by a sheet.

"Everything's ready" Nurse Fluttershy told the trio of Jr Doctors.

The trio turned around, wearing headsets with two cloths acting as mini curtains for their faces. They pulled on a string to open the curtains, This appeared to be the only use for these headsets.

"We'll make an incision like this" Babs said and drew a vertical line down the right side of Cheerilee's torso.

"No, we'll make an insertion like that" Apple Bloom drew a line like Babs' but o the left.

"No. We should make an excursion like this" Sweetie drew two horizontal lines apart from each other. Creating a tic tac toe table.

Babs: top right corner X

AB: bottom left corner 0

Sweetie: middle right X

Then all at once.

"Tic tac toe!"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"Shut up"

"Shut up yourself!"

:rainbowderp:

"Should I give her more sodium amatol?"

"Nah. Give her some fizzy apple cider"

Cheerilee sat up.

"No. Schnapps" earning her another dose of anesthetic from AB.

Bonk

"Awoo" she said as she laid back.

Apple Bloom grabbed a surgical knife.

"Stop, we might cut her"

"What do ya want me to do? Kiss her?"

"I got it" Sweetie said as she pulled out a steak knife "Wait a minute. :pinkiecrazy: Let's plug her, and see if she's ripe."

Earning her a smack in the cheek from Babs.

"Say, why are we all whispering?" Babs asked Nurse Fluttershy.

"I don't know why you're whispering. But I lost my voice asking for a raise."

:rainbowderp:

"AHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Whoop w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-whoo!"

The trio ran around in reaction to this. Babs began to lightly and rhythmically bonk Cheerilee's head with two of the mallets. Sweetie and Apple Bloom stood to the side, saluted each other, and kissed each other on both cheeks.

Then the trio all ran excitedly to the tool table and grabbed everything to bring over. Sweetie chuckled somewhat evilly as she grabbed hers, and Apple Bloom whooped.

They laid the tools out on top of Cheerilee, and Babs had to smack Apple Bloom twice to get a tool away from her.

"Insena"

Sweetie handed the tools to Apple Bloom, who passed them to Babs.

"Hanacon"

"Hanacon"

"Hanacon"

"Senaturner"

"Senaturner"

"Senaturner"

"Anaconapuner"

"Anacanapuner"

"Anacanapuner"

":ajbemused: AnacanaPuner"

"Oh" ""Oh"

"Shift" Babs signaled.

"One"

"Two"

"Three" Babs was now in the middle with Sweetie to her left and AB on the right.

"Four" Sweetie said as she handed Babs another tool.

"Vidinar"

"Vidinar"

"Anasinic"

"Anasinic"

"Cotton. Cotton." Babs said as she turned to Apple Bloom "Cotton!" she said while flicking her cousins face. AB angrily went to get the cotton.

"Appear"

"Appear"

"Honic?"

"Honic"

"Shift"

"Hike"

Babs and Sweetie switched places.

"Cotton.............Cotton!" and she got a sheet of cotton thrown in her face by Apple Bloom. :rainbowderp:

"Cotton....Cotton!" she got the same.

Babs took the middle again and brought up a miniature jackhammer. Sweetie and Apple Bloom held her as she used it on Cheerilee.

She stopped it and pulled out the paper with the safe combination.

"There it is!

"Needles!"

"Needles!"

"Needles!"

"Needles" Nurse Fluttershy said as she presented a tray of threaded needles.

Babs jumped on top of Cheerilee and sowed her back up, while Apple Bloom and Sweetie held the thread.

"Scissors"

"Scissors"

"Scissors"

"Scissors!" Nurse Fluttershy shouted as she presented, startling the trio.

Babs cut the thread and jumped off the table, finishing the job.

"Success"

"Success"

"Success"

Before Babs could walk away, a thought struck her.

:rainbowderp:

"Where are the tools?"

"The tools?!"

"Tools?"

Cheerilee slowly got off the table a blank face :rainbowderp:, and the sound of medical tools jingling was heard. She jumped slightly, producing another jingle, and walked off, jingling.

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple are you coming?!"

"Whoop-w-w-w-w-w-whoop!"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

"Get it" Babs said sinisterly as they readied they're mallets. And they began to tear the loudspeaker apart, attempting to stop the call.

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple!"

"Calling Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple!"

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple!"

They tore off the front panel and growled at the machine.

"GRRRRR" "AAAAAAH!"

But the call wouldn't stop.

"Where is that noise coming from?!"

"Where is it?!"

"Where can it be!"

Then they heard the call again and turned to see it coming from a small, vibrating device part of the machine.

"There it is!"

"Dr. Apple, Dr. Belle, Dr. Apple"

The trio all pulled out a revolver and shot the device.

"Oh! They got me."

And they cheered

"FOR DUTY AND HUMANITY!"