Spikes & Apples

Applejack yawned as she descended the stairs this Saturday morning, heading for the kitchen. She smiled as the smell of fresh waffles tickled her nostrils on the way down.

“Morning, honey,” Spike greeted her cheerfully.

She lingered in the door for a minute, grinning to herself, admiring how he stood there at the stove, clad in that frilly apron with the heart printed on it.

Noticing his wife's glance, Spike sighed. “What? You know how tough those...”

“... those blueberry stains are to get out of yer scales,” she finished for him and drew closer to give him a quick kiss. “Ah didn't say nothing. Besides, ah think ya look sexy in pink,” she added, lightly slapping her tail against his bottom as she made her way over to the coffee maker.

“So you don't want me to take it off?” he asked slyly.

“Oh, ah want ya to take it off, alright. Ah think it's about time we tested whether or not that dining table really will hold our weight.” She suddenly stopped, staring out the kitchen window in confusion. “Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we at war?”

The dragon turned to look at her. “Well, I haven't had the chance to read the paper today, but not that I know of. Why do you ask?”

“Cause there's an army in front of our house,” she replied, pointing with her hoof.

When they stepped out their front door, the couple was greeted by a blaring of dozens of trumpets and fanfares by the assembled Royal Guard. Unable to ask what was going on, they simply stood there dumbfounded.

When they finally stopped, a tall, white alicorn stepped out of the midst of the ponies. “Hello, Spike. Applejack.”

“Princess Celestia,” Spike said, bowing in reflex, with his wife following suit. “I...”

He was interrupted by yet another blast of flugelhorns, coming from the Crystal Guards that had drawn up in formation opposite their Canterlot counterparts. When they were done, a pink alicorn joined the Princess.

“Cadence.” Having known her since the time she was Twilight's foalsitter, she'd made a point of the fact that it wasn't necessary for him to address her with her full title.

“It's good to see you...”

Once again the Royal Guard orchestra blared their fanfares loudly when an annoyed Twilight joined her fellow princesses, waving a hoof to cut the traditional introduction short. “Sorry, Spike. They arrived unexpectedly this morning. There wasn't time to send word ahead.”

“It wasn't our intention to make a big deal out of this,” Celestia said, earnestly apologetic. “It's just that some in our party were very eager to see you.”

“Like family,” Shining Armor, stepping next to his wife, said with a grin. But it didn't end there. Immediately behind followed his parents, Twilight Velvet and Night Light.

“Shin...”

This time Spike didn't even get a full word in, as the Crystal Guards once again lifted their flugelhorns to their lips to announce the arrival of their Prince.

Meanwhile the Canterlot Royal Guards were frowning at them. The very second they were done, the Canterlot side picked up with a new sound of music, even though they had nopony left to announce.

Equally out of royalty to actually sonicate, the crystal guards immediately picked up again, before the other side was even finished.

So the Royal Guards did all they could do, play louder. And since they were playing different tunes while trying to play over each other, their dissonant orchestra grew louder by the second.

At some point, all Spike and AJ could do was to plug their ears while Celestia and Cadence unsuccessfully tried to shout over the sound battle that had broken out for their guards to stop.

Suddenly the ground began to shake. “CEASE THY INCESSANT DUEL OF WIND INSTRUMENTS THIS INSTANT OR THOU SHALT FACE THE WRATH OF THINE PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT!!!”

The music stopped abruptly, with some undignified notes here and there due to lips curling in fear.

Between Celestia and Cadence stepped a rather groggy-looking Princess of the Night, with dark lines under her eyes and a hideous case of bed mane. She scowled wordlessly at the Royal Guards, then at the Crystal Guards for good measure. Her own entourage was tastefully small, just two night-pony guards and that was it.

Luna turned to look at Spike and Applejack. “Congratulations on your recent entering into a maritime union.” Her pet possum, Tiberius, hopped down from her back, delivering a present wrapped in black paper and adorned with a dark blue ribbon to Applejack, who mumbled her thanks. The Princess then yawned loudly. “Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going back to the castle to get some shut-eye. And if anypony even thinks about lifting their lips to those hellish instruments again, my sister isn't the only one who knows how to banish ponies to the moon.” With that said, she turned and began to march off. Prudently, none of the guards decided to play her out.

Celestia gave them an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that. Spike, I'll see you later at the castle, where we can talk more about the wedding preparations.” Then the Princess of the Sun hurried to catch up with her sister. “Luna, that was very rude.”

“If you want me to be presentable, Tia,” Luna shot back acidly, “then don't yank me onto the morning express without warning right after the night shift ends. 'Five Nights at Donut Joe's 2' just came out. Do you have any idea how many nightmares I've had to deal with last night?”

“Also, I'm pretty sure you meant to say marital union back there, not maritime union.”

“Didn't you say they got married on a boat or something?”

“I said they got married in Las Pegasus during a Pony Trek convention.”

“See, I knew ships figured in there somewhere. No wonder they didn't ask you. They probably got Captain Quirk to hold the ceremony for them. How awesome is that?”

Celestia groaned as they walked out of earshot. “Ugh, just go back to sleep, Luna.”

The Royal Guard made an about-face to follow their Princess while Cadence shooed her Crystal Guard back to give the family some room.

Twilight Velvet was the first to let her excitement get the better of her, closing the gap quickly and wrapping Spike in a hug. “Oh, Spike. I'm so happy for you. Congratulations!” She ruffled the scales on his head with one hoof. “Just look at you. You've grown so much. I can hardly believe you're the same little baby dragon who used to throw up over my shoulder when he had too many gems.”

“Cut it out, Auntie! You're embarrassing me,” Spike replied with a blush, but returned the hug nonetheless.

Night Light extended his hoof with a smile and shook Spike's claw. “Congratulations, son. We're very happy for you.”

“Thanks, Uncle Night Light.”

Shining Armor was far less formal, greeting the dragon with a brohoof. “Congratulations, Spike. Now, I realize this ceremony is after the fact. But you gotta let me throw you a bachelor party.”

“If you want. I never got to apologize for messing up yours.”

The Prince gave him a broad smile. “Then we'll just have to make yours twice as awesome to make up for that, won't we?” Catching his wife's raised eyebrow and small cough, he quickly added: “Within reason, of course.”

“Are you all staying at Twilight's then?” Applejack asked, a little unsure of how to act around a family that wasn't her own until recently.

“Yeah, about that,” Twilight said. “You remember what I said about the castle feeling a little empty?”

Spike and AJ both nodded.

“Forget I said anything. As the resident princess, I'm kinda expected to host the visiting royalty. Which wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't for the fact that Ponyville doesn't have a garrison. So all the guards are staying at the castle as well. I even had to put up some tents in the library wing. So, Spike. Could you do me a favor and let mom and dad stay with you while they're here?”

“Only if it isn't too much trouble,” Night Light added.

“Of course not, Uncle. We'd be happy to have you,” Spike replied immediately. Then he turned to his wife. “That's alright with you, isn't it, honey?”

“Aw, shucks,” Applejack said a little evasively. “Ya know ah would never turn away family. But we haven't even had the time to furnish the guest room yet. It's just a mattress and an old drawer.”

“That's fine,” Velvet assured her. “Quite frankly, we were looking forward to getting away from all the hustle and bustle of Canterlot for a while.”

AJ gave Spike a look, seeing the request in his eyes. “Well then, of course yer welcome to stay. Let me help ya with yer bags.”

“Don't worry, I got it,” Spike said eagerly.

“Sorry, son,” Night Light said, putting a hoof around Spike's shoulders. “You gotta come back to the castle with me. We're already late as it is.”

“Late? Late for what?”

“Didn't Princess Celestia tell you? As her wedding gift, she's arranged for you to take your librarian's exam right here in Ponyville, saving you the trip to Canterlot. And I'm gonna administer it, in my function as royal adviser.”

Spike's eyes went wide. “Exam? Today!? But I … I haven't even studied!”

Twilight gave him a calming smile. “I told you already, Spike. You know everything you need to know and more.”

“I am sure you do,” Night Light encouraged as well, but then gave him a serious look. “But that doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you. You know I don't play favorites when it comes to my job.”

Spike gulped audibly, not noticing the wink Night Light gave his daughter and her subsequent giggle.

“Good luck, Spike!” Applejack called after him as they marched off with the royalty in tow, leaving her alone with Twilight Velvet. There was a moment of awkward silence. “So, uh, Mrs. Twilight. Did you have breakfast yet?”

“Oh, Applejack. Please call me Velvet,” the unicorn mare replied. “Unfortunately we only had time for a snack during the train ride over.”

“Well, then. You're in luck. Cause Spike made his special … uh-oh.” With a mad dash, Applejack made her way back to the kitchen.

Curiously, Velvet followed in her hoof steps, only to see a billowing cloud of black smoke rise from the kitchen door. “Oh, dear.” She fired up her horn immediately, opening the window on the far side of the kitchen and venting the smoke with a magical breeze.

“Cough, cough, aw shucks, so much for the waffles,” AJ said dejectedly, sitting in front of the burnt remnants of their intended breakfast.

“Phew, we're lucky. Doesn't look like anything worse happened.”

“Yeah, thanks to Twilight. Guess these are the benefits of a fire-proof homestead. Just give me a sec. Ah'll whip up something else.”

“Oh, please don't trouble yourself, Applejack. I'll do it.” Velvet pointed at the farmpony's soot-covered coat. “Why don't you go and get cleaned up in the meantime, dear?”

“Ah guess so. Holler if ya need help finding anything.”

“Don't worry,” Velvet assured her with a smile, getting to work by getting some ingredients from the cupboards. “You just go wash up. I'll take care of it.”

Ten minutes and a shower later, Applejack returned to the kitchen, ready to offer her help, only to discover Velvet humming to herself as she put freshly made pancakes on the table. Not only that, she'd also somehow gotten rid of the burning smell from the ruined waffles and cleaned the dirty dishes in the sink seemingly as an afterthought. “There you are. Dig in.”

“Uh, thanks,” Applejack replied as she took a seat. After one bite, she couldn't help but moan at the sweet, velvety texture of the pancakes. “Oh, wow. These are great.”

As Applejack began to chow down, Velvet watched with a smile, levitating a small piece with her fork to her mouth before taking a sip of her coffee.

Suddenly self-conscious of her manners, Applejack swallowed what was in her mouth, dabbed it clean of the syrup that was around her lips and began to eat more slowly.

“I've been thinking,” Velvet said. “We should celebrate Spike's promotion tonight by making his favorite dessert.”

“That's a great idea,” Applejack agreed, then stopped, suddenly realizing something. “What … exactly would his favorite dessert be?”

The unicorn blinked. “You don't know? Why, it's Sapphire and Saffron Cake of course.”

“Right, course it is.” How could she not know that? It wasn't even the first time it had happened. Only recently, his knowledge of dancing had taken her by surprise as well, and she had to admit that she knew hardly anything about Spike's life before he moved to Ponyville. “Ah'm … not really sure how to make that.”

“Then it's a good thing I'm here, isn't it?” Velvet said brightly. “Don't worry. Auntie will teach you.”

* * *

Later that day, the two mares found themselves in the Ponyville market. Yet Applejack's mind couldn't be further away from baking as she watched Velvet shop for the ingredients they'd need. Her mind kept thinking of things she should know about her husband, but didn't.

She knew he was brave, smart and dedicated. He had a sense of humor that somehow always managed to make her smile. She knew that she could always be honest with him, because he accepted her for who she was, a trait that she'd found sorely lacking in any stallion she'd ever considered dating. She knew she loved him. And at the time of their spontaneous wedding ceremony, that seemed to be all she needed to know.

That fact hadn't changed, but there was this nagging feeling that she wanted to know more. And here was the perfect opportunity, to ask a mare who'd known him all his life, who seemed to regard him as much her child as she did Twilight and Shining Armor. But how to broach the subject?

“Looking to buy a TV?”

“Huh?” Velvet's question had taken her by surprise. She'd only been staring into space, lost in thought. But now she realized that she had stopped in front of Ponyville's one and only electronics store, making it seem like she'd been looking at the television set in the store window.

“Let's go inside.” Velvet opened the door, and AJ followed her without comment. “I noticed that you don't have a TV in your living room.”

“Yeah, ah suppose it's common in most cities nowadays to have one. But hardly anypony in Ponyville does.” For now, Applejack decided to just go along, making a show of checking out the cheapest set available.

“Oh, you don't want that one,” Velvet insisted, steering her towards a bigger screen. “This one's got a VHS recorder integrated.”

Applejack gulped at the price tag. “Ah don't think we can afford that.”

“Nonsense. I'll pay for it. I was at my wits end trying to think of a wedding present for the two of you. This is perfect.”

“Uh, that's mighty kind of ya, Velvet. But there's no way ah can accept that. It's just so expensive.”

Velvet waved her hoof. “I won't hear anymore of this. Look, I have a son who married a princess and a daughter who became a princess. There's really no point in buying expensive gifts for them. At least you and Spike can...”

“Ladies!” they were suddenly interrupted by the salespony. “Looking to buy a new television set?”

Before Applejack could interject, Velvet had already engaged in conversation. “Perhaps.”

The farmer groaned inwardly. She knew the stallion. Until recently he'd been selling cherries next to her apple stand at the market, and he was as shrewd as they came. There was no way a city pony like Velvet would be able to deal with him.

“You've got a good eye, ma'am,” he said extravagantly, tapping the TV set with his hoof. “This here is our best-selling product. The latest in magic viewing pleasure, surround sound, tape recorder, and with the new and improved magic wavelength modulator, it doesn't even need an antenna. Only twelve hundred Bits.”

The unicorn looked at the set, then at the clerk. “Excuse me, but I bought one with the same features just last year in Canterlot. And it was only six hundred Bits.”

He nodded, undeterred by her assertion. “But that was the old model. This one's newer.”

“And what exactly makes it so much better?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“This one is Broad Definition!”

“Velvet, let's just leave,” Applejack said, trying to keep her from getting swindled out of her money. “We don't need a TV that badly.”

The unicorn held up one hoof, squinting at the sticker on the set. “It only says that it's BD Ready. And that doesn't really mean a thing, since that technology underwent a recall. If anything, it lessens the value due to a totally useless feature.”

The salespony was taken aback. “Well, alright then. I see that you know your stuff. I'll make you a deal. A thousand Bits.”

Velvet was unimpressed. “That's still over fifty percent more than I would pay in Canterlot.”

“Look, lady. I'm the only one who sells these here. If you want them cheaper, then why not buy one in Canterlot?” he replied, hardening his stance in the knowledge of having the market cornered.

Far from being cowed by his negotiation tactics, however, Velvet smiled. “You know what? That's a great idea!”

He blinked. “It … is?”

She nodded happily. “Of course. But why stop at one? I should go into business myself, seeing as you're the only competition. I could get a dozen of these in Canterlot. At six hundred a piece, they'll probably even give me a discount. Even if I added the cost for transport, I'll still make my money back by selling them at eight hundred, undercutting your prices by a third.”

“You … you can't do that!” he blurted out, flaring his nostrils at the prospect of getting run out of his business. Yet, he turned to Applejack a little bit less sure. “Can she?”

Seeing Velvet wink at her, Applejack pretended to think about that. “Probably not,” she admitted. “You know what it's like to go to city hall and get a business permit around here.”

“Right,” he said, relaxing visibly. “That place is a madhouse.”

“Then again,” Applejack mused, as if the thought had just occurred to her. “This is the mother of Equestria's newest princess we're talking about here. Ah'm sure Princess Twilight could expedite the process. Mah guess, ya'd be outta business by the end of the month.”

The stallion gaped at her, knowing that coming from Applejack, it had to be the truth if they really went for it. Caught between a rock and a hard place, he looked back and forth between the two grinning mares before finally slumping his shoulders in defeat. “Seven hundred,” he mumbled. “I gotta make some money off this deal.”

“I assume that includes delivery and setting up?” Velvet asked cheerfully.

“Well, normally ...” He stopped himself. “Course it does. I'll come by this afternoon to take care of it personally.”

It only took a couple of minutes for the payment and giving him the delivery address. Then it took a couple of extra minutes for Velvet to give him a promise in writing not to open a royally endorsed electronics store in Ponyville.

“Ah gotta admit,” AJ said as the two mares stepped outside. “Ah hadn't pegged ya for such a savvy business pony.”

“Please,” Velvet replied with a chuckle. “I'm a writer. Have you ever tried negotiating a book deal? Compared to how cutthroat the publishing industry can get, that guy was tame.”

The farmpony nodded, then stopped as she remembered the words Velvet had spoken earlier, but didn't get to finish:

Look, I have a son who married a princess and a daughter who became a princess. There's really no point in buying expensive gifts for them. At least you and Spike can...

“Velvet, can ah ask ya something?”

The unicorn turned around, realizing that she had stopped walking. “Of course, dear.”

“Ah know that Spike calls you his aunt. And ah know he regards himself as part of yer family. Why, he and Twilight are as close as any siblings ah know. Ah was just wondering, … how do you see Spike?”

Velvet drew a step closer to her. “I love him,” she said simply. “Spike might not be my biological son, but he's just as precious to me as Twilight and Shining Armor are. That's why I'm so happy that he's found a wonderful mare to spend his life with.”

Applejack lowered her head, hiding her eyes under the brim of her stetson. “Then … ah suppose that makes you mah … mother-in-law, doesn't it?” she blurted out.

“Is that … a problem for you?”

Hearing the sadness in the older mare's voice, Applejack looked up. “No, that's not it!” she reassured her quickly, not wanting to give her the wrong impression. She poked the ground with her hoof. “It's just … Ah didn't have a mother growing up. Not that ah didn't have a loving family, mind ya. But ah never had a relationship to model my own after. So sometimes it feels like ah don't know what to do, and ah've realized that ah don't know Spike as well as ah maybe oughta. If that happens … would it be alright if ah came to you for advice?”

Instead of answering right away, Velvet drew closer, laying a gentle hoof across her shoulders and pulling her into a soft embrace. “Oh, Applejack. Of course it is. There's no way I could replace your mother. But I'm here for you. We're family now.”

Family. At the mention of that word, as she leaned into the hug, Applejack remembered what she'd known all along. There was nothing more important to her than family, and Spike did come with a pretty amazing one. “Thanks, … Auntie.”