Tear drops still rolled down my face. How long had it been since her last breath? I had no idea. I didn’t even want to count.
Despite my hands being unable to stop their shaking, I still cradled the cause of this mess against my chest. The little bundle of fur wouldn’t stop fidgeting in my grip, making it so I had to put some effort into guarding it from gravity taking its toll on the thing. And I hated that.
Not once did I tear my eyes away from the limp mare in front of me, helplessly laying on her bed.
Her deathbed.
I’m not sure why I couldn’t stop staring. Perhaps I had a spark of hope that she would do so much as blink open her eyes, to simply give a goodbye. I know it would never come though. I was being ridiculous.
This is what I had been waiting for. Almost a year, a mixture of excitement, nervousness and fear of the unknown… all for this. And what for? A little scrap of life that didn’t even know my name.
I realized I had been too lost in my thoughts when I felt a draft brush over my arms. For the first time in forever, I glanced down at my limbs, and saw that the tiny body was attempting to escape my grip. I reacted quickly, pulling it back against my body. Though, as I did, I couldn’t help feel a pang of hatred.
I never wanted to go in alone. I couldn’t go in alone… not without her.
The ball of fur then looked up at me, and I looked down at it. Its eyes shone with confusion. And I knew why. Why is a big, scary monster holding me, mommy? Where’s your comforting voice to sing me a lullaby? Where’s your shielding warmth to keep me safe?
Oh, you’ll never get it now, you little scrap of fur. I’m so sorry that I waited so long for you to come and steal her life away.
It’s not like you’re worth it.
Then it hit me. Was this thing a match for her? No, it wasn’t. Not even close.
Not at all.
I gritted my teeth as a sick idea came to my mind. I knew it was sick, but I couldn’t help it. That’s what I am… sick.
Would it really matter if I did something so evil?
Yes, it would. But somehow, I didn’t care. I just wanted her back.
I hadn’t once spoken a word to the little spawn, which to me, was a good thing. If I hadn’t said hello, then I didn’t need to so goodbye....
So why did my tears become all the more frequent?
I did my best to ignore them. I slowly moved it onto my lion paw, so that I could place my eagle talon on it’s black, fuzzy mane. It was still in a state of confusion, and even shaking out of fright a little. I tried to pretend that I could hear it say that it was okay with this, but I couldn’t. No one who had lived this long could.
My breaths became more shallow as I stared at the yellow light begin to waver away from the tiny bundle of fur. My hands shivered out of my control as the light began to curl up in my eagle claw, which I was gradually pulling away from it. The tiny scrap’s eyes started to fade in brightness, dulling themselves as more and more light escaped the tiny body.
Until eventually I couldn’t drag any more away.
It was a struggle to simply lift my talon up in front of my mouth, so that I could shakily blow the light over the still mare, who unfortunately had not moved. Suddenly feeling what used to be a warm pile of fuzz fade into a cold, lifeless shape flooded me with regret, top to bottom. I fell onto my knees.
What have I done?
I suddenly wished I had the power to erase my mistakes… but I couldn’t. Yet the desire grew as I watched the alicorn’s chest return to its rise and fall motion. I should feel happy… but I’m not. I’m terribly frightened.
Her head shifted off the pillow, though very weakly. The life given to her had not been much. And I wished it hadn’t been any at all.
It should have been a relief to me to hear her voice again, if a bit raspy, yet it was anything but that..
“Wha… what just…” Her eyes stiffly opened, as she looked at me, puzzled. “Discord… what…”
Tears continued to roll down my cheeks, knowing this wouldn’t be a happy reunion. I had only just realized I was cradling the tiny, limp body against myself as if it were the most precious thing to me in the world. I dreaded to know that I would have done no such things mere seconds ago.
“Discord… how am I here… I thought I…” She looked at her hooves to confirm that this was reality. She then turned to me once again. “Why am I alive…?”
Fear struck me in place as her eyes trailed down to what I was holding. I heard her gasp, making me cringe.
“Don’t tell me you…” She was lost for words. Often I was disappointed that she had gotten used to my antics, but here… here I wished she didn’t know me at all. If she didn’t, perhaps I could get away with a lie… a story… a…
“Yes… I did.” I croaked, my tone filled with regret.
Her eyes watered, followed by tears falling from her eyes as well as mine. Her horn glowed, and she snatched the lifeless body from my arms. When she did, half of me felt empty.
It only took her a few moments to start weeping uncontrollably. Regret tugged at my heart at the difference in time it took me to end up in her state.
“How could you… why would you…” She couldn’t speak. At least, not to me. She cradled her foal dearly, burying her muzzle into its fur. Her sobs became muffled, yet I could understand every word that she managed to choke out. “Why would he do this to you? How could I…” She took a breath.
“How could I love someone who’d do this…”
Those words were what finally broke me. Only because it was a question I would never be able to answer. And it was a painful question… a question that didn’t deserve to exist.
But as long as I’m here, it would. And I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t let her love someone like me…
I staggered over to the side of the bed, where it was easiest to still see the tiny pile of fur. She didn’t notice me; she didn’t want to.
I shakily lifted my lion paw, and gently lay it over the child’s mane, except this time, there was no spite involved. Celestia flinched back, then glared at me with the most protective expression I had ever witnessed from her. I expected her to say something like ‘Get away’, but she didn’t. She just continued to hatefully stare at me, letting the silence sink in. I know what that silence was - the silence of the child.
I felt the blood in my veins stop as I felt my life slip from my paw into the body that deserved the life that I had. As I did, I began to picture the child growing up with Celestia… playing with my dear Fluttershy… laughing along with Pinkie Pie… learning with Twilight… racing with Rainbow Dash… working with Applejack… helping Rarity… ruling with Luna...
It made me smile.
I payed no attention to Celestia’s protests once she figured out what I was doing.
“No… Discord, please…”
I cupped her chin with my eagle talon and chuckled. It was beginning to become painful, but I knew it was worth everything that was to come. “My dear Celestia… If I had to choose between any of us..” I moved my muzzle closer to hers. “It would be me…”
I then locked lips with hers for the final time, allowing myself to stop breathing moments early, just to be with her. I was fully aware of her gripping me desperately, even as I began to loose consciousness. Feeling her touch me was the last thing I knew, before darkness finally consumed me.
This is what I had chosen...
Author's Note
Can anyone tell I wrote this in like... in hour? Because it sure feels like it.
I get bored on Saturdays, okay?
