CODE ORCHID

Chapters

Rock Bottom
Tired
DEPTH
Rake
Dry Out
Fire
Cut
Belt Sander
Tired
Stress
Esroh Gib
Boat
Latem Htaed

Rock Bottom

I zipped my suit up and got ready to dive. Orchid was still lurking in the water beside my boat, swimming around and keeping anything dangerous away. I fixed my helmet and checked the oxygen supply.

I did a few final checks as I walked towards the edge of my boat. “Orchid!” My yell was muffled by my mask. “Come on out here!”

Orchid slowly lifted up out of the water, her glowing antenna dripped as she opened her mouth and churled at me. “... Hi.”

“Hi sweetie.” I straddled the railing and looked into the dark grey beast. “Remember...don’t--swallow. Say it.”

Orchid’s ears went flat as she looked away. The glowing bands in her eyes mirrored off the water’s surface. “Don’t swallow.”

“Good girl.” I crossed my arms. “Get home, I’ll make you something nice.” I slowly let myself fall into the water. The cold drop was replaced by a loud groan and a mushy warmth as I was consumed.

I held my breath, realizing how pointless it was soon after. I reached up through the squishy mess and flicked on my headlamp. Orchid’s mouth was just about as blue as her eyes and the fresh air I was pulling from my mask put an end to the stench of blood and seawater bloated flesh.

I pulled my legs under me and braced myself as she clenched her teeth. “Go?”

I slapped my hand against the roof of her mouth. “Get us home! Longer it takes us to get there, the less time I have to cook.”

There was a loud groan as she shifted her tongue and a few drops of water slipped through her teeth. I held on tight as her teeth started to groan. “Take it easy, remember, squishy mortal in here!”

A grunt reverberated through my feet as she jammed her tongue down. I continued to brace myself as she dove deeper. I felt my sense of balance distort slightly as I forced myself to stay in place. My hands and feet dug into her fleshy mouth as she dove.

I hummed a song in my head as we dropped lower and lower, the pressure started to cause a slight strain on Orchid’s teeth. I shined my light on them and my blood went cold. “Oh shit.” One of her teeth was coming loose. “Orchid, Orchid hurry!”

I didn’t know how it might affect our little trip, but I wasn’t exactly in a hurry to find out. “Orchid hurry up!”

She groaned and I could feel the muscles around me tense up. I felt something crawl up my leg. A crab had decided to come along for the ride. “Eugh.” I kicked the crab back towards her throat. She gagged slightly and a bit of sea water splashed the back of my legs.

I dug my foot in and braced as she started to retch. “Shit, Orchid hurry!”

“Mphhy.”

I felt myself flip upside down for a bit. The tooth started to lean back as her lips started to push back from the pressure. I braced my foot against the tooth, trying to keep the tooth from popping out. “Come on, little hustle would be great.”

I felt her shift me around with her tongue. “Orchid?” I felt myself slip back. “Orchid!?”

“MMhmm?”

I felt my feet slip out from under me. “Orchid no!”

I watched as she opened her mouth, the dull glow of her eyes and mane lit up the room as she spat me out. I rushed out with a load of seawater coating my way along. I hit a heavy metal floor with a loud gong and scrambled to get my feet under me as I slid across the airlock. “Wha-fuck--fuck!” I lost my balance and fell towards my shoulder, only to have another wave of water slip under me and keep me from crushing my bones.

I slammed my hands down and ripped my mask off. “Holy shit!” I ran my hand through my hair and grabbed my chest. “Orchid...growing up girl, gonna lose a tooth!” I watched as the water around me drained away. “Oh man.” I stood up and turned to face the giant mare.

A quick look around the massive damp chamber told me everything I needed to know. “Good girl.” I walked over to her and jumped to scratch her underside. Her airlock was massive and I could finally see just how big she’d gotten. “Orchid, baby girl, you’re gonna freaking outgrow this place soon.”

She cocked her head to the side “What happens then?”

“Gonna have to build a new airlock for you.” I looked from Orchid to myself. “I need to get a new dive suit too. Gotta get thick skin too if we’re gonna go out and play.”

Orchid smiled, her mane started to finish dripping as I looked over my old suit.

The old suit had large tears along the arms and torso, and the stitching was coming loose along the leggings. “Gonna get a new fancy one, and we can go play on the floor. Sounds like fun, right?”

Orchid nodded slowly. “Yeah…. Still no squids?”

I shook my head to the sound of the main doors opening. “I’m telling you they’re gonna make you sick.”

Orchid made a low grumbling noise. “But I like when they explode.”

“They’re gonna stain your teeth black if you keep doing that.” I rubbed my face and turned to the doors. A trio of ponies were standing before me. One with a solid purple coat waved me over. “Oh, hey boss.”

I jogged over and stood before her. “Chris, how was your ride?”

I shrugged. “Orchid’s tooth is loose. Probably gonna have to deal with that before I go.” I ran my hand along the back of my neck. “Any news on my suit?”

A pony with a red baseball hat nodded. “We took the sketches you provided and Earl made one up. Should stand the pressures of deep sea so you can head out with Orchid whenever.”

I flexed my fingers. “Sketches…. Those pictures were from a video game.”

The pony in the cap shrugged. “Well it looks about the same.”

“Hmm, cool.” I looked back to Orchid. “Well, gonna get her to bed for the night and settle in--”

“Chris, we have to talk whenever you’re ready.” The purple mare walked up beside me. “In private, my office, as soon as you can.”

I pinched my nose. “About Orchid?”

The purple mare looked back at Orchid. “Yes…. And it’s a little important.”

I shrugged. “Alright then. Just let me get settled.” I walked past them and looked around the next room. Orchid’s room was massive with great metal shutters over a plexiglass dome. A giant rubber mat was strewn across the floor. “Orchid, go on to bed. I’m gonna go sleep to, I’ll make something nice in a little bit.”

The giant mare stomped past me, her massive thick sharky tail slid across the ground as she went towards her mat. The football stadium sized room didn’t even shake as she stomped her mat and settled down.

I shook my head and walked along after the ponies. “Like a dog, I swear.”

Author's Note

And that is how Equestria and an idiot created this....

God help us all.

Tired

I stepped out of the shower, the clean geometric look of the room was a constant reminder of just how deep I was. I dried my head off and found a jumpsuit. I walked out of my bathroom and into the main room. I walked up to the solid grey wall and found a small set of buttons into one of the struts that ran up and down the wall every two meters. I pressed the button and the metal shutters that blocked off Orchid's area slowly slid up into the polished titanium frame of the facility. Orchid sat staring at me, the light off all I could see was the massive set of bio luminescent eyes twitch and lock onto my. Her eyes narrowed as she opened her mouth to a ghastly glow. She sat on her haunches and reached up to lick my window.

"Hi Orchid, good morning." I pressed another button and the lights in her room slowly came on, going from a dim blue to a nice sunny color. Orchid's eyes went back to their usual bright blue as she sat there, braced on the wall to my overwatch.

She let out a long chruling groan and pressed her tongue against the glass and kissed my window. "Hi...." Her voice was still as deep as ever, if only because of her size. Given her pitch and tone, if she was a more manageable size she'd sound like an absolute sweetheart. But, it didn't make much difference to me, she was always a sweetheart in my book. "Morning."

I watched as a crushed crab slid down the glass. "Orchid, I'm gonna have to clean that." I leaned against the glass and watched her trot in place. She was absolutely restless, left to trot and wiggle around as I stood over her. "Orchid, calm down."

Orchid shook her head. "You went away too long. I wanna play."

I laughed and pressed the button on the shutters. "Sure, just give me a bit." Orchid ducked her head down and watched me throw the narrowing slit in the window. I shook my head and hurried off down through my single large room. I walked to the door and grabbed my boots. A small single slit window by the wall was banging on. I pulled my boots on and opened the window. Orchid was staring in with one giant eye. I could see the glowing fibers that made up her iris contract as she spotted me.

She lifted her head up and kissed the window. It left a massive greasy smear as she dragged her lips down across the glass. She churled and groaned before pressing her throat up against the glass. She growled and groan, sending a heavy rumble through my cabin. "I wanna play...."

I glared at her. Either she felt it or my silence spoke louder than I could. She pulled her head back down and peered into the window. "Orchid...stop."

Orchid groaned loudly. She pouted softly and frowned. The deep groan in her throat reverberated through her room. "Okay."

I closed the window and stepped out into the hall. My boss was waiting there, staring at my door. She looked up to me immediately. "Chris, we need to talk."

I nodded. "You told me."

Sparkler shot a few sparks off her horn. "Don't be smart--"

"No, you literally told me when I got here." I walked out and closed the door. "You told me about the suit and said we needed to talk."

Sparkler looked me up and down, then with a deep huff she shook her head. "I did, didn't I...." She rubbed her head with her hoof. "I-- We're replacing Orchid."

I felt my skin grow cold. "What?"

Sparkler shrugged. "I'm sorry to have to tell you like this, but we're phasing her out for a model that's a bit more compact."

I stared at her. "Okay.... So what does that mean to me and her?"

Sparkler pursed her lips. "Well, she's a budding mare...she's about the size of a building, and she thinks you're her dad." Sparkler scratched the floor. "Now...normally I would have euthanized her and been done with it, but I figured you'd want a say."

I felt the underside of my eyes start to burn. "...I really want to punch you right now." I crossed my arms and looked down. "What exactly are you telling me?"

Sparkler cocked her head. "I thought I was pretty clear."

I shook my head. "It sounds like you're planning to murder my baby girl, and replace her."

Sparkler shook her head. "Sorry...." She rubbed her head, her horn sparked yet again. The dark bags under her eyes were growing more noticeable as I adjusted to the light. "It has been...insanely hard dealing with her without you." She dragged a hoof down over her face. "She's growing up, she thinks you're the big daddy, and you being gone nearly drove her crazy." She tapped the ground with her hooves. "How's your arm?"

I flexed my arm. My stomach settled and my heart sat heavy in my chest. "It's alright. A little weak."

Sparkler nodded. "Good...good. Now please, tell me you can take care of that--" She stopped herself and snorted. She gritted her teeth and ground them left and right. "Celestia damned bitch in training."

I felt my chest heat up as she spoke. "Uh...excuse--"

Sparkler shook her head. "Chris, she ripped open three corridors and a research pod! She chewed on a submarine until the propulsion was broken! She has been a devil since you left! And if we're right, she's about to hit adolescence, so you're just about the only thing standing between a meltdown, a mare, and me burning this entire facility to ash! Underwater! I'll light the fucking water on fire!"

I licked my upper lip. "You haven't been sleeping well, have you?"

Sparkler cringed and turned away. "Chris...can you take care of her?"

I scratched my neck. "Look, it's never been about can I. It's been about me getting fucking ruined while I'm doing it." I held my arm up. "This was bad, but there's been a few times I nearly just bit the bullet."

Sparkler nodded. "The suit should fix it...please, please, if the suit fixes it you have to promise you'll take her away for a while!" Sparkler pressed her hooves into my midsection. "The old lands, if you can survive the old lands, I know that giant will too! You can take back the continent! I'm sure she'd work on land too!"

I shrugged. "Alright...."

"So you'll do it!?" Sparkler grew an extremely wide smile.

"Sure." I set her hooves back onto the ground. "One condition besides the suit."

"What?"

I looked back to the windows into Orchid's pen. "This scaled down version, I raise those too."

Sparkler locked up. "...Chris--"

"They're ponies too." I put my hands on my hips. "You can't just chip them and pretend they're not."

Sparkler's eyes watered slightly. "They're not even born yet. They're going to be the size of ponies, they'd be so easy to handle--"

"Still fillies and colts." I shook my head. "Do we have a deal or not?"

Sparkler stared deep into my right eye. "...Why? What do you--"

"Fillies and colts to play with." I scratched my back. "Generations of monster ponies to raise. Eugenics to secretly practice." I rubbed my chin. "Look, I'll take care of it. I just need details later, but I'll handle it."

Sparkler looked to the window. "They're really just Orchid but smaller. They'll be about as durable, about as jumpy and--"

I shook my head. "So basically you just made them smaller? Same everything else? Same power, same--"

"It's all scaled. But yes, they'll survive like her, and our projections say they should be able to chew through Sea Titan skin."

I nodded swiftly and put my hands in my pockets. "Then yeah, I can handle that. I got here, raised her, and only got a broken arm once! I--have--got--this." I turned to the window and pressed a button. The metal shutters flew up and Orchid turned to face us. "Orchid! You're gonna have some brothers and sisters!"

Orchid's eyes grew wide. She stood up and beat her hooves against the floor of her pen. "Really?! Really you're not lying!?" She bucked her legs and punctured her home. Seawater streamed in and started to fill up her room. Orchid spun around, her body glowing slightly as the water filled up and the lights shut off. She turned back around to face us, the blue was starting to show in her cheeks.

I pressed the button and locked down the shutters. "Hmm...yeah, making them smaller is probably a step in the right direction."

Sparkler stared at the metal shutters. "She really needs to go to the surface, she just doesn't fit anymore."

I nodded. "So...probably don't even bother fixing that then."

Sparkler nodded. "Get your suit, go run with your filly, I'll tell you when the new batch is done."

I nodded. "Yeah. You should probably get some sleep too."

DEPTH

I took a deep breath and looked at the suit the ponies had built for me. A few of them were standing around poking and prodding the heavy synthetic skin. I didn't even hesitate and stepped straight over. It was about as human shaped as they could have gotten, with a massive three port helmet.

I stepped into the boots and slipped my arms into place. A red unicorn walked up to me and started forcing the zipper closed. I stood there and let the ponies work on sealing me into my half metal suit. I felt a heavy rush of air come from above, the helmet was slowly descending into place.

A pony with a hat walked up and watched the helmet closed. "Chris, have fun." He smiled wide. "We're trying this out on you, might move to ponies if you don't die."

I felt the air fill my suit as the helmet was dropped into place and sealed. I was given control of the suit. It moved rigidly, with mechanical joints that whirled and buzzed as I lifted my arms and tested out the movement. I cleared my throat and looked down at the pony. A loud buzz came from the helmet. "You'd better start making more then."

The pony in the hat smiled. "Oh, by the way, there's a button on your suit that'll call Orchid! It kinda sounds like her groan, so she should hear it far a pretty far ways away."

I looked down at the suits. Amongst the various straps and buckles a small panel sat on my arm with a few buttons. The buttons were massive and inlayed into the panel. One read, Orchid. Another, emergency air. Another, lights. I nodded and turned to the airlock in the side of the room. "That just leads to the outside, right?"

The hat pony nodded and walked me over. The bright grease stained room felt a bit awkward with the thick sheet of polymer between my face and the outside world. The tools and workbenches rattled as I stomped through towards the airlock. The ponies started to whistle and cheer as I walked past.

I stepped into the single body drop off and faced the crowd. I really did match the lumbering lobotomite I was dressed as. All I was missing was a rivet gun. The pony in the hat pulled his brim down and pressed a few buttons. "Have fun." The door slammed shut and sealed with a loud waxy whoosh. I flicked on the lights and felt the floor drop out from under me.

I looked down and saw only pale blue earth ten meters down. I held my arms out and slowly fell back down to solid ground. It was like falling through jelly, and with a splashdown like something from a mech movie. I landed with a massive plume of soft fine grain sand kicking up around me. A few glowing creatures scurried away as the dust settled, and I was left in the bottom of the deep ocean.

I held my breath a few moments as the suit groaned. The sound of metal trying desperately to break rattled around the inside of my suit, but never did it falter. The suit didn't want to be, but it would survive against its will. I waited until everything settled, then with one fledgling step, I walked amongst the deep.

The pressure made the movements slow, but didn't stop them. The sandy muddy ground gave way under the boots, but I sunk in deep and kept moving. And with the press of Orchid's button, I watched her spring from the glowing titanium facility and out around into the ocean. The glow of her body, of her antenna, of her eyes and the bits of her mane flashed through the darkness and around towards me.

Orchid, in all her giant form, stood before me. She smiled wide and laid her chin in the mire. "Hi...." Her voice was muffled by the water, but the deep groan carried across well.

I reached out and ran my hand over her nose. She smiled and closed her eyes as I touched her. "Hi there baby girl." I scratched the top of her muzzle and looked her over. "How ya been?"

Orchid stood up and stomped the ground. Bottom dwelling life fled around me as she destroyed the ecosystem, one step at a time. "Good." She looked down at me with a burning gaze. "How long?"

I looked down inside my helmet. "Timer says...about six hours."

Orchid's smile went even wider. "I wanna show you a thing." She reached down and took my arm between her teeth. She tugged me along. "Come on."

I pulled my arm free and stepped back. "No mouth."

Orchid lowered her head into the sand. "No? But you're slow. We wont make it if you're--"

I reached up and pulled myself up over her face. I climbed up onto her muzzle and walked calmly up to her mane. I settled in amongst the waxy set of alien hair and held on. "Go."

Orchid lifted herself up and tried to shake me off. "You alright?"

I looked out at the depth, only the sprawling facility and ten meters ahead were illuminated, the rest was darkness, pure and simple. "I'm fine."

Orchid kicked off the earth and hung in the sea. She swung her tail around and sent us sailing through the water. I suppressed my urge to scream the whole time. She made contact with the ground and hopped upward again. She threw herself like a javelin, letting herself glide just over the floor for long strokes. She looked up and stopped dead. My headlights caught it too. A massive creature with a mouth the size of a bus was stalking overhead.

Orchid let out a long churl. "Whales...he's picking on the whales."

I flipped my lights off and spotted what she was talking about. Further above the darting creature was a pod of large slow moving blobs. I grabbed on tight and slapped Orchid's head. She shook her head and shot up off the sea-floor. The rush of water past me rattled my suit and the pressure gauges weren't too happy either, but nothing ticked over into the red.

Orchid opened her mouth and we both came to a lurching halt. I flung forward and slammed into the creature, my grip on Orchid decimated by the sudden impact. I was quickly righted by the weight in my boots, but all I could do was watch as Orchid's eyes flashed left and right, mixed violet and blue as she tore the half-hidden creature into shreds.

I felt a heavy impact knock me back into the padding of my suit. I pushed forward into the unseen. I spun backwards and managed to flip my lights back on just in time to watch a flipper slip like a knife into the darkness below. I started huffing and wheezing out a sharp chuckle. "Oh fuck." I felt my suit shake as I hit the sea-floor again.

I stumbled back a step before I sunk into a comfortable level in the sand. I held my helmet in place and looked down at my timer. Twenty minutes had passed by. "Holy shit, this is fucked." My accent bled through like crazy, just stopping short of spewing the word cunt from my mouth like the bogan I secretly was. I laughed a high pitched laugh as the top half of a still living wide mouth shark creature slammed a few meters away. It was gulping water and trying to bite me, but without much more than a head and some neck it could only chew on sand. And what few creatures did get within its mouth simply walked out the back of its throat, unmolested.

Orchid slammed down next to the creature and put her hoof on the dying beast's head. She looked down at me, like some sort of horrid statue. "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry--"

"That was awesome as fuck!" I held my arms out like an over-excited goalkeeper. "Oh my god!"

Orchid's face went a bit blue as she shifted her hoof on the dying creature's head. "...Thanks." She looked down at the dying beast. "Should I smash it?"

I shook myself inside my suit and walked over. Crabs and other smaller creatures were already hurrying over and nipping away and the dying tissue. I looked up and shook my head. "No, I think you just made a little home for someponies."

Orchid pulled her hoof away and stepped back. "What? Homes?" She ducked down and looked into the gasping creature's mouth. "...Little firebugs."

I walked up and took hold of one of the dying beast's teeth. Its eyes flashed down at me as it jammed its mouth shut over my hand. I held my breath as I watched my hand disappear into the creature's mouth. "Fuck--fuck no!" I pulled my hand back and found only a tiny nick in the metal bracer around my wrist. "Oh...oh thank god." I put my hand against my heart and took a deep breath. I laughed softly and stepped back as the creature's now broken teeth bled. "Oooh, you prick." I watched a lamprey wiggle past my head and hook onto the dying monster.

I stopped for a few seconds and looked around. I was surrounded by beautiful bio luminescent life, a giant mare, my surrogate daughter, and beasts that would make Lovecraft shit himself. I let out a long sigh and looked up at Orchid. "Good girl--"

I felt something tap the back of my helmet. Orchid let out a long growl as I swung around to empty water. Orchid stepped out over me and growled. "Stop it."

I looked up at Orchid and glared. "Orchid, what did you just say to me?"

Orchid scrambled back. "Nothing!"

"That's what I--" I felt something poke my helmet again. "What the fuck!?" I swung around to empty water again.

Orchid growled louder and bared her teeth. "Stop it!" She stomped her hoof next to me and put a wall of sand over my front. "Stop!"

I covered my faceplate and swung around. "Orchid!" I stepped back and felt something knock against my helmet. I turned around and found a light blue mare sitting in my view. She stared at me, locking eyes. She tapped my helmet with a hoof and wiggled her backside, really just one long dolphin style tail.

She smiled at me. "Hi." Bubbles flew up from her mouth.

I lifted my hand up. "Uh...hi...." I turned and looked at Orchid. "Orchid, what is this?"

Orchid snorted a few bubbles into the water. "Merpony."

The apparent merpony shook her head. "Sorta. I prefer Mici." She leaned in and pressed her cheek against my helmet. "You look funny." She looked up to Orchid. "Are you the pony taking care of the giant?"

I tried to scratch my head. "Uh, yes?"

The merpony nodded. "Thanks." She hugged my helmet and pressed her underside against my faceplate. "Free food and less dying has been really awesome for us!" She let go and floated back. "Didn't really have anypony to thank until now."

I stared at the floating blue creature. "Uh...am I high?" I looked back to Orchid. She shook her head and dropped an antenna between me and the blue mare. I looked her over and instantly figured where they got Orchid's designs from. "Hmm.... Guess not." I looked her up and down, only two forelegs. "Are you amphibian or just--"

The merpony nodded, her thick bushy mane wiggled around behind her. "I can go on land, but its no fun. Really super cold up there."

I looked the merpony up and down. "So...how long have you been living here?"

The merpony laughed and pressed a hoof against my helmet. "Here?! Oh heck no. I live in the caves with everypony else. Why would I live out here? It sucks out here."

I looked back to Orchid. "Huh." I looked back to Mici. She smiled at me, her teeth slightly sharper than a normal pony, but no where near as sharp as Orchid's. "...You wanna come visit?"

Mici popped her eyebrows up. "That a date?" She laughed loudly. "I'm jo--"

"Yes."

Mici stopped laughing and wiggled her tail around. "Oh...." She shoved back off my shoulders to distance herself. "Uh...." She paddled in the water a bit and laughed. Bubbles floated up as she did. "What are you exactly? Some kinda weird pony in a suit?"

"Human. We're kinda newish." I held my hand up and flexed my fingers. "Plenty of normal ponies back home though."

Mici bit her lower lip. "Um...you said-- You're a really weird pony." She tapped the top of my helmet with a hoof. "You just asked me like you--"

I shrugged. "You've got a cute face. And I have to imagine everypony back at home would want to meet you."

Mici wiggled her tail again. "Um...." She swam around me and hugged around my head. "You got crackers? I had crackers from an old box once...."

I looked up to Orchid and she looked at the pony pseudo piggybacking me. "Orchid. You wanna go home?"

Orchid scratched the seafloor and tapped her hoof against it. "No...."

"Rake time?"

Orchid's ears perked up towards me. "Rake time."

I nodded and watched as she scooped me up against her hooves. "Get this weirdo settled in and I'll go find a rake, okay?"

Orchid snorted again, a few bubbles burst against my head. "Fine...."

The merpony around my head pulled tight as Orchid braced herself. "Wait, so what-- oh Celestia!" She clenched hard around my helmet as Orchid bounded over the seafloor.

Rake

I looked up at the platform into the main airlock. The merpony was still riding on my back as Orchid set me down on the platform. The merpony let go and swam around to my front. She looked at the giant metal doors and settled in before me. "So, how long has this been here?"

"Longer than I've been here." I looked down at the panel on my arm. A small red button near my elbow blinked on and off. "Probably longer than Orchid's been here, and she's like...fourteen." I looked back at her, the blue eye'd filly was floating around just outside of the platform. "Accelerated her growth if I remember right."

Orchid churled behind me. "Big filly now."

"Yes...yes you are." I pressed the button on my elbow and my radio crackled to life. "Yeah, what you need?"

Sparkler's voice cut in quickly. "Hey Chris...why is there a genetic freak in front of you?"

I looked to the merpony. "Because we found it. I figured you'd want to talk to it."

Sparkler sighed heavily. "We've talked with merponies... eastern merponies are pretty common. Western ones aren't supposed to even be alive anymore though."

I reached out and squeezed the mare's tail. She pulled it free and swung around to look me over. "Hey...no touchy."

I shifted back and pressed the button on my wrist again. "Well, it's real. Now, I need a bath or something for her to sit in, and I need the rake."

A loud groan came from Sparkler's side. "The rake again? Really?" Sparkler's voice was cut off by a soft okay. "Fine, rake is coming. And I'll get a tote or something for your little friend to ride in." She sighed heavily. "I'll see if I can't order parts for a walker from the east."

The radio cut out and I was left with the mares. And water. I looked around and the realization slowly settled in just how much the suit weighed. By the way Orchid and Mici moved around, I must weight nearly a scalar ton more. I tapped my foot on the ground while I waited. I looked up to Mici. "So...you're single, right?"

Mici dropped down and stood on her two hooves. "Are you serious? I really thought you were--"

I shook my head. "No, I was pretty serious." I coughed loudly. "You don't exactly get out a lot with the ponies here at home, and if you had to break up...things would get really...really awkward."

Mici grew a bit flushed under the lights of the platform now illuminating the metal grate I was standing on. "Is this not awkward to you? And you look like a monster. Weird head thingy--"

"You know this is a suit, right?"

Mici swam a lap around me and stopped to look into my helmet. "Okay...so what do you look like inside here?"

"Like an Australian.... So, white and sunburnt." I looked around the panel on my arm. I pressed the light button a few times until the inside of my suit lit up.

Mici's eyes narrowed as she pulled back. "Ow...." She shook her head and swam back to look into my helmet. She swapped eyes and looked me over. "Oh, you're all peachy." She laughed softly. "I thought you'd be like some lizard thing, or some weird mutant pony." She put a hoof against the glass of my faceplate. I made a loud slurp noise, Mici twisted her head away and swam off me. She wiggled in place before dropping back down to look at me. "You're really pushing it."

"I'm either gonna push it, or you're not gonna take me serious." A loud thunk came from the doors. Warmer water from inside the airlock rushed out. Orchid rested her chin on the platform. The doors opened to a large steel tub and the rake, now broken in half. "Aw, come on!" I walked in and picked up the shattered rake. "They killed it!"

Orchid churled loudly. "What?"

I turned to face her. "They killed the rake!" I walked out to her and tossed the broken stick into the abyss. "...Orchid...they killed it."

Orchid held her mouth open ever so slightly. "No...."

I looked at the rusted up rake head. "I'm sorry baby." I reached up and scratched the top of her muzzles. She let out a long snarl as I scratched between the plates on her muzzle. "We'll get you a new one soon." I made sure to get the spots she couldn't reach with what little remained of her rake. She leaned her muzzle into the edge of the platform and let me get between the plates.

Something caught between the joining between two and refused to smooth out. Orchid let out a long grunt and shifted around. I pulled rather hard and a soft crack echoed through the water. "Orchid?"

"More please...." She braced her hooves on the platform and looked at the plate on her nose. "Pull it."

I dug the rake in and pulled hard. I lifted my foot and braced myself on her nose and threw my back into it. Another crack came from her main plate and with a bit of blood drifting into the air, the entire plate peeled off and landed against the grate. Orchid pulled her head back, trailing blue blood as she rubbed her muzzle.

She smiled like an idiot and rubbed the top of her muzzle with her hoof. "Aaahahaha, yes."

I tossed the rake aside and picked up the plate. Deep scars and gashes were laid into the thick outside, but the inside was a bit slimy and looked like it had barnacles living inside. "Huh...fucker!" I tossed the plate down and stomped the barnacle into powder. I felt an odd sense of rage at a barnacle living on Orchid's nose, let alone where she couldn't reach it.

It was a barnacle though, my rage wasn't satisfied and my revenge was petty. Except to the barnacle, which was promptly dealt with. I snorted loudly and watched as Orchid popped back up and rested her chin on the grate. "You alright sweetheart?"

Orchid churled and took my head into her mouth. She picked me up and shook me gently left and right. I went limp and let her go through with the awkward show of affection. She set me back down and rubbed her nose on the platform. Her new plate was slowly coming up from her body. "Thank you...super thank you." She groaned and scratched her nose on the underside of the platform. "Shedding hurts."

I looked down at the busted rake. "You still hurting?"

Orchid lifted her hoof up. "Itchy all over.... Rake time helps."

I looked down at the shed plate. "I'll see if I can't get a hook or something to help. We'll go topside and I'll get those spots cleared up."

Orchid groaned loudly. "...Can I go find a place on land?"

I looked to the airlock. "Alright...just be safe, okay?"

Orchid nodded. "Okay...bye dad...." She floated back off the facility and hurried off towards the west.

I felt everything inside and out heat up and a shit eating grin formed up over my face. I turned and walked into the airlock where the merpony was already waiting in the tub. She looked up at me as I strode in and started the drain. "Did she just--"

"Yep."

Mici hummed as the water slowly dropped and left us to dry. ".... So, yeah, by the way I am single. But you really shouldn't--"

"So I'm thinking something nice. Like a good sized dinner and maybe some alcohol." I watched as the main door opened up.

Mici pulled her lips inward and glared at me. "Seriously?"

I nodded and started to take my helmet off. "A giant sea-pony-monster just called me dad! Do you know how amazing I feel right now?" I took my helmet off and set it down as a few ponies walked in and started hooking up Mici to a sled.

Mici looked me up and down. "Cool, but you still don't--"

"So in like an hour? We'll sit down and talk, eat, maybe dry off if you want." I started unzipping the suit mid walk out into the main entry, a large titanium box with a few chairs and desks strewn about. "See how things go from there?"

Mici stared at me as the ponies pulled her off into the facility. "Um.... Alright. It's not a date though--"

"It is," I corrected with a laugh.

"...It's not, but okay." Mici huffed and let herself be carted off by the ponies.

I stepped into the lobby and found the red pony with the hat waiting for me. He watched as Mici was pulled towards the elevator into Sparkler's office. "Did you just ask her out?"

"Pretty much." I undid the suit and carefully stepped out. "How single do you feel?"

The red pony cocked an eyebrow. "I have a wife...she works with me in development."

"Oh." I finally scratched my head. "Orchid called me, dad, too. That was pretty awesome."

The red pony nodded. "You act surprised." He turned away and started crossing the large open space between the landings and the elevators and corridors.

I walked after him. "Well, kinda. Oh, by the way do you have like a sickle or something like the rake? Orchid's shedding her plates and I need something to help tear them off." The red pony stopped suddenly, leaving me to bash my junk on his ass. "Ow."

He turned around slowly, his muzzle scrunched up. "That...is disgusting. She's peeling off, and you're going to help rip off dead skin?"

I stared back at him. "Soon enough I'm going to need a vibrator the size of a tree so she doesn't start raping the facility.... Do you not know how gross my job can be?"

The red pony held his hoof up. "I-- I-- Okay, I get the rake. But why a vibrator?"

I held my hand out. "You've seen mares in heat. Some take it well, some don't. And I'm going to guess a giant sea-mare with no sexual outlet is going to get a little aggressive when she can't cum."

The red pony bit his tongue and made an ugly face. "...I'll go get to work...." He slumped downward and walked off, leaving me standing with a date, a giant mare-child, and a giant dildo on my requisition sheet.

I couldn't help but smile. "Been back a fewdays and this shit is already crazy." I hurried off towards the way to my room. "Oh boy I missed this bloody place."

Dry Out

I sat in my apartment, the wall between my home and Orchid's had been welded shut after her incident. "So...thanks." Mici sighed and laid down across my bed, over a towel. "I can't explain to you how nice it is to lay down and dry out." She looked off to the ceiling while I looked over the freshly welded wall. "So...what now?"

I turned to look at her. She looked like any other mare from hip up, with a normal mane and a Wrench cutiemark. "Uh, I don't know. They're supposed to be bringing food." I walked over to my desk and grabbed my chair. I sat down and wheeled myself over towards the bed. "So, you can be on land, I figured by the whole no leg thing you'd be in the water all the time."

Mici shook her head. "There are places back home where you can get up into a cavern...usually dry there." She wiggled herself around on the towel. "It's usually...where we...." She looked away. "There's a lot of reasons why I told you this wasn't a da--"

I scratched my neck. "You bang on land, don't you?"

Mici laid her chin down and huffed. "Its not really all that safe to do it out in the open ocean. And critters can come and...eat...the stuff in the water...." She shook her head. "Ocean stuff is gross. That's half the reason I agreed to come along." She looked around the room. "So...crackers? I thought you said you had some?"

I spun in my chair. "Uh, sure." I stopped my spinning and stood up. I walked over to a small fridge I had in the corner of the room and rummaged through it. "So, are you like the ponies, or do you eat red meat?"

Mici bit her tongue. "Like any other pony." She laughed softly. "Fish aren't bad depending on what you catch. Generally they're better as you go farther up."

I grabbed a box of animal crackers from the fridge. "Bloody Barnum's, fake ass crap." I slapped the fridge shut and walked over to her. I dug my finger into the box and ripped it open. "These were what you were talking about, right?"

Mici looked into the box and tilted her head. "No...." She tipped the box and let a few crackers fall into her hoof. She looked it over. "What is it? Like a little dog or something?"

I looked at the box. "I think it's supposed to be a bear or something." I sat next to her on my bed and looked back at her mark.

Mici hummed and brought a cookie to her mouth. "I gue--" She stopped dead and kept chewing. I could see something click in her brain while she ate. She swallowed hard and frowned. "This is what sweet is, isn't it?" She sighed and laid down on her side. Her tail slapped a pillow rather loudly. "You just ruined my life."

I laughed and reached towards the box. "What did I--" She slapped my hand away rather hard. "Ow...."

Mici tipped the box over and collected the crackers in a pile. "These are mine now." She pulled them all into her mouth and glared at me, her cheeks puffed out like mad. She mumbled something through the crackers and pointed a hoof at me. Her tail slapped the pillows again.

"I filled your mouth now get in bed?" I stopped myself from chuckling as she glared harder. She turned away and relaxed her jaw. She sat there, head up, chugging on cookies for a while before she started to crush them down.

She let out a soft moan as her face eased into a pleased smile. "Ish eshts suuh gud."

I reached out and rubbed her back. "Sure." She had a normal coat down to her hip, then a soft rubbery skin that reminded me of a dolphin. She whipped her head around, her cheeks still packed with crackers. "What?"

Mici turned away and slapped my back with her tail. "Nuuthin...." She set her tail back and laid down flat. She swallowed hard and settled in against the towel. "...Your grabbers are all hot."

I rubbed down and ran my hand over her fin. "Or, you're cold. Probably a bit more likely."

Mici sighed and turned away. "Why ya gotta touch me?"

"Why do you have a wrench on your ass?" I scratched her tail and got a slap across the back in return. "I wouldn't think seaponies would have machines."

Mici looked back up at me. "We do...a little. Boats that sink down and junk." She whipped her tail again. "... Are you gonna touch me?"

I shook my head. "Like, sexually? Because I really just like your skin." I rubbed the side of her tail. "Smooth."

She snorted and laid her head back down. "Fine.... I just-- Fine." She huffed and went slack. "... Your touching my mark...think about where it is on land ponies."

I stopped with my hand on her side. "...I'm touching your ass, aren't I?"

Mici sighed. "You've been fondling my since you sat down." She huffed and slapped me with her tail.

I rubbed my cheeks with my thumb. "Well stop me next time."

Mici sighed and rolled onto her back. She curled her hooves up to her chest. "...See that?" She looked down. "Look."

I sighed and looked down her. I already knew what I was looking for. A discolored spot on her underside was starting to show, and just below that a neat little pit. "...Right?"

Mici groaned and rolled over again. "...Grabbers." She huffed and settled in. "Ponies don't have grabbers."

I flexed my hand. "So, why'd you show me that?"

Mici snorted. "I don't know. Dry air makes me feel all weird." She shook her head. "Kinda good weird, kinda bad weird--"

"The whole breeding thing?" I scooted away from her.

"Maybe." She rubbed the towel with her hoof. "It's nice though. Really warm when you're not under all that pressure and freezing ass water." She huffed and looked up. "I wanna go see the sun."

I nodded. "Well we're gonna go up to the surface so I can help peel Orchid's plates. It'll be safe enough, and if it's too cold you can borrow a coat." I looked back to the clock by the head of my bed. "I mean--" I stopped myself as Mici laid her head on my lap.

She looked a bit mad and stared off to the side of my lap. "Small circle, around the opening."

I shifted in place. "Huh--"

"Small circle around the opening. Tell nopony, I'll deny it if you say anything." She sighed heavily. "For the crackers...and the bed...and the towel--"

"You don't have to pay me for anything.... Especially not like--"

She looked up at me and grumbled. "I thought this is what you wanted."

I sat there, my knees together as Mici looked up at me. I took a deep breath and reached around her. "So this is a one time--"

"Shut up." She shifted around and exposed her belly. ".... One time. We don't talk about this."

I sighed and slid my hand over her tail. "So this mean that another date's out of the que--"

"Shut up." She looked down and laid against my knee. "We'll see."

I slid my hand down her tail and felt a very very weak warmth dip against my fingers. Mici let out a soft sigh and closed her eyes as my fingertips touched her slit. I was rushing it like mad, but I was also ten seconds from getting finger deep. Being a strange sea-loving man took the lead. "So first date--"

"I will bite you, and I'll probably take off a grabber." She huffed and wiggled her tail as I traced a circle around her rubber body. "Between you and me, that's it."

I left her talking and focused on tracing a close circle around her. I paused and pressed my fingertips in against her. She let out a soft groan and wiggled around. "Right there, wait." She pushed her body forward against my finger.

I slid my finger down and pressed them inside her. She tighten up immediately and started hyperventilating. I put my free hand against her ear and sunk my fingers into her warm squish insides. She pulsed and convulsed around my fingers as I sunk my index into her body. "Shit--shit--mmm." She rocked her body back and sighed. I pulled my finger out of her squishy little hole and held her belly. She huffed and went slack. "Um, that's not what I--"

I cut her off and started slapping her hole lightly. She convulsed and wiggled as I tapped her over and over with the inside of my fingers. I planted my palm down against her slit and rubbed her in a rather vigorous circle. She opened her mouth and let out a smooth sigh, something like a singer. A creamy white goo dripped out of her slit and rolled down her tail. "Ooooooo--" She pouted hard and closed her eyes.

I stared at her. "...Been a while?"

Mici didn't answer, didn't open her eyes, she just laid down on my lap and tucked in. "Second time the stuff came out." She sighed and curled her hooves around my thigh. "Dear Celestia...that was weird."

I pulled the towel up and wiped away the thin white cream that was dripping from her. "Sure.... Weird."

I'd done it. First human if not first land creature to take a seapony to bed. However sudden and slightly desperate it might have been on either of our parts. I could complain, but I could also lock myself in an airlock and go skinnydipping, both were poor choices.

Fire

I stood in a small sub slowly puttering to the west. Orchid circled around us as Mici and I drove on through the bright morning air. Mici laid her hooves up atop the sub. "Wind...." She sighed heavily and slapped my leg with her tail. "Right, I'll be around." She lifted herself up and tumbled down the side of the sub. She landed in the water with a loud splash and soaked herself.

I kept looking ahead as the seaponies swam around me. "...I feel like Aquaman.... The good one," I corrected. I put my hands on my hips and put my hip against the lip of the sub hatch. "Jack, don't let go!" I put my arms out. "Just hang on--"

Orchid groaned and breached the water. "Titanic."

I crossed my arms and ducked down slightly. "Yep." I watched as the land came into view. "Orchid...don't tell anypony."

Orchid nodded and started to hit the land. She transferred from swimming to walking rather well. The land of the west was a soft white sand beach, the sky overhead was clear and the sun beat down a rather nice heat into the air. "Wait.... Wasn't this supposed to be frozen?"

Orchid stepped up onto land and looked around. "Yeah." She scratched the ground, kicking sand up the beach towards a set of dark green hills that made up the top of the beach. "Remember when I wanted to show you something?"

I lifted myself out of the sub and closed the hatch. "Yes.... Orchid, what did you find?"

A bright orange shot flew into the sky from over the hills. It popped in the air and lit up the scene. Sparks fell from above and fizzled out in the water and sand. A normal looking white unicorn with a bright fiery red mane stepped up over the hill and looked down at me. "What the buck is that?" Her voice was like iron going through a cheese grater, but with such a heat to it that I couldn't help but get slightly aroused.

"Oh...." I dropped down into the shallow water, my highriders keeping me dry. "Hi there?"

The white mare walked down and trotted slowly on the sand. "Oi, you the daddy of this monster right here?" She pointed her horn and shot a few embers out towards Orchid. "Some human, bipedal lanky thing, right? That's you?" She walked past Orchid and stood off with me at the edge of the beach. "Oi, you listening?"

I nodded. "Oh completely. But who are you exactly?"

The mare snorted. "I'm the reason this place isn't covered in three feet-a-buckin snow." She stomped her hoof. "Eureka, age old mare! Fighter of the Frost! I keep the windigos back, and I keep Equestria safe from the cold bitter end!" She trotted in place. "Been her a few hundred years... was getting a little bored until this filly showed up, started dragging squid onto the damn shore."

I stepped out of the water and held my arms out to Orchid. "Really? I told you to stop that!"

Orchid stepped back over the hills at the far end of the beach and his herself. "...They're like squirty ink babies." She snapped her teeth in the air. "They explode and its all slimy and sweet and chewy."

My mind immediatly equated squid to Gushers. "That's not a damn excuse!" I walked after her and past the white mare. "I tell you to stop something and you stop, okay!"

Orchid growled at me. "I wanna eat the squishy!"

"No!" I pointed at her. "They're bad for your teeth! You get ugly black teeth stains and your breath smells!"

Orchid growled again. "I like them!"

"You like having ugly teeth?" I crossed my arms. Orchid stayed quiet and laid in the grass. "Orchid!"

Orchid jumped up and roared at me. I stood there, arms crossed as she screamed. "Fine!" She reached down and tore up a chunk of earth from the hill. She carried it in her mouth and walked straight into the water. She smacked me with the tip of her tail and knocked me back.

"Don't you get pissy with me!" I walked after her, she scurried into the deep before I could follow.

Eureka huffed. "Giants...can't control em, ever." She shook her head and walked beside me. "I thought she was a bloody seamonster at first, then she came out, just like a big ol' filly prancing around on the beach, rollin' in the snow and laughing."

I turned to face the mare. "She's a filly alright.... Gonna have to grow up sometime though."

Eureka sighed. "Aye...." She looked past me towards the sub. "How's Equestria? Been a while since I saw it last. I can't imagine its changed too much in a few hundred years."

"Uh, I mean there's humans around. Got carts and electricity and that thing." I pointed to the submarine. "...How long have you been gone?"

Eureka shrugged. "Few hundred years. You stop counting after a while." She lit the tip of her horn on fire like a torch. "So, things got better? No more blizzards?"

I shrugged. "Occasionally, but you get some pretty advanced warnings before they hit."

Eureka shook her head. "I meant constantly. They used to be constant back when I lived in Hoover."

I shook my head. "No then. North is still frozen, but it's getting better from what I heard."

Eureka nodded. "Right, glad to hear it. So when is somepony coming to help me deal with the things out here?"

I rubbed my chin. "Never? I don't think anyone knows someone is alive out here. I sure as hell didn't." I scratched my ear. "How exactly are you alive?"

The mare looked up at her horn. "Fire...."

"Ah."

She nodded. "How are you alive?"

"Giant...."

"Ah." She laughed and nodded. "That'll do it." An otherworldly cry came from the west. "Oh, well looks like I'm back on the clock." She turned away and shot another fireball high into the air like a flare. "Enjoy the beach! And tell somepony to get their asses out here to help me! Really wanna go home already. Few hundred years and no break really tends to leave a pony a bit tired."

I watched as the red head popped over the hill and off towards the unknown. I hurried after her and clambered over the hill. The entire area aside from the sixty foot beach was covered in ice and snow, and the temperature change from stepping away from the sand was immediate, from a pleasant eighty to below freezing within two meters. I could see ancient stone buildings buried up to pony height and ice crystals jutting from the ground as the red mare walked a swath of heat through the icy wastes.

"... Fuckin' bugga." I stepped back down onto the beach and sat down in the sand. I rubbed my forehead vigorously. "Well... I'm just surrounded by bloody wonders, aren't I?"

Author's Note

Cut

I stood on the beach with my tools laid out on a hard pelican case. Orchid was laying on her belly with her hooves extended towards me. She sighed heavily and churled. "...I wanna make a sandcastle."

I picked up my sickle and pick and looked them over. "Orchid, just let me do this and you can do what you want." I turned to her and looked at the plates on her upper hooves. "This doesn't hurt you, right?" I held up the blades. "Orchid?"

She shook her head gently and laid down to look at me close. "Feels like sharp scratchers. It hurts a little...like a bad itchy spot."

I walked up to her nose and reached up. I dug my hand into her nose and felt a heavy rush of air as I climbed up. She snorted loudly as I stood on the top of her muzzle and ducked down to look at the new plate. "So that didn't hurt when I pulled it free?" I rubbed the brand new unscarred plate, the organic material bulletproof and utterly impervious to almost everything. Another plate was coming free behind the one I'd pulled free. "Orchid?"

"Hmm?"

I pulled the pick from my side. "Tell me if I hurt you, okay?" I crawled along her nose and found the edge of the second plate.

Orchid growled as I sat on her nose and dug my boot under the new plate. "Ah--there, there, there right there." She lifted a hoof up and tried to scratch. "More--"

I swung my sickle up and dug it into her hoof. It stuck a bit into the numb armor plates just enough to get the message across. "Orchid, you can't pick!"

She growled loudly at me and bared her teeth. "I wanna!"

I sat on her last plate and started to leverage my feet up under the plate. It cracked loudly as I caused it to bump up and start to peel at the sides. "You can't! You'll just push it down. Let me peel it up then you can scratch."

Orchid dug her hooves into the sand as I sat upright and stood. I hooked my tools onto my side and pulled up at the edge of her plate. The smell of rotten fish came from the new plate sitting just under her old parasite infested one. It looked like if fingernails were replaced by a completely new nail rising up under the old one.

The underside of her plate was damp and had the texture of rotten pumpkin. I held it up with my left and started slashing away the dying flesh holding it in place with my right. Orchid grunted and moaned as I sliced at her body. The sickle dug in deep with each swing and tore through the old fibrous skin with ease.

She opened her mouth and growled loudly as I reached the end of her second plate and cut away the last of the dying skin. I lifted it hard like a trunk top and sent it swinging against the other side of her nose. I turned and watched as her eyes watered. She was staring at me like I was food. She slammed her hoof into the sand and closed her eyes to stop the tears. "Itchy itchy itchy!"

I ran my hand over her new plate and scratched it. Orchid's panting cut out to a loud purr as I dug my nails against the joining between her nose and the plate. Hunks of rotten skin and muscle came off in my hands as I scratched her. She smiled wide as could be and pressed her hoof right next to my hand. "Aaaah fuck--"

"Orchid!" I stomped my foot against her nose. "What the heck!?"

Orchid's eyes shot wide and slammed towards me. She grew a bit blue around her cheeks as her hoof tore at the dying skin on her nose, ripping it clean and making new room for the next fresh and lively skin to breathe. "...Sorry. You said it so I th--"

I glared at her. "Orchid...that's not a good word to say, maybe for me and this stuff. But you're a good filly, and good fillies don't talk like that." I sat down as she cleaned her nose off, spreading slight trails of blue blood over her as she scratched. I shook my head and looked at the underside of her old plate. It was covered in muscles and a rather small clam. I wanted to swear and smash the damned things, but I couldn't rebound on my scolding that quickly.

I slid down and chopped at the soggy flesh holding the plate in place. Her eyes watched with awe as I cut away the plate and sent it crashing into the sand. She cringed hard and dug her hoof into the sand as the plate dropped into the sand. "Ooooooh dear Celestia! It itches! It just raugh." She beat up the sand as I wobbled towards her last plate.

I swung the pick between her last plate and her face. I pulled hard with my left and chopped with my right. She purred and growled as I pulled at her plate until it ripped up and off to the side. She clenched her teeth as I kicked the plate to the side and went to work cutting it free. The skin tried to hold on, but the rotten state of it all didn't hold up well against a blade.

I sliced through the last of the holding and slid down her nose. I dropped onto the plate and crushed a crab with my boot. I stepped back and looked at my filly as she tried to keep from scratching. "Alright, done. Go ahead."

Orchid let out a sharp yell and dug both her hooves into the top of her muzzle. She let out a long laugh and rolling growl as she stripped away the old in small heaps. It landed on the sides of her muzzle and cleaned up to a tidy set of new plates pulled tight and parasite free with brand new skin and muscle holding them in place. She held her muzzle down into the sand with the dumbest tiny smile on her lips. "Uuuuuuuuuggh yeah...."

I swung the pick into one of her abandoned plates and dragged it away from her. "Oi!" A sharp voice came from the hills on the beach. Eureka walked down with her ass still on fire. "What happened?" She reached back and rubbed her flank out.

I stopped dragging the plate and looked down at the slimy bit of armor. "Uh, skin problems." I put my hands on my hips. "You know how it is."

The fire mare hummed. "Right...." She walked up to the plate and poked it. "Eugh. Your filly's damned disgusting."

I sighed heavily. "Yeah...I know. The ocean is a hell of a place." I watched a lamprey wiggle its way over her plate. "...Hell...of...a place." I walked over and chopped the eel with the back end of the sickle.

Eureka watched me work. "...Hmm, so your kind strong?"

I wiped the blade off on my pants. "I mean, I have to work with this filly, I don't think I'm really the best for a study of humanity."

Eureka grunted. "Eh, I'm looking for somepony to take care of me. Somepony to fuck. You know, a husband."

I couldn't help but think of reverse fifties wife logic. I looked up at the sky. "Uh, not me."

Eureka started laughing loudly. "Oh Celestia no! Oh no...no." She shook her head. "That-" she pointed to Orchid, "-that mess isn't worth whatever you're offering. I'm just asking about your kind."

I shrugged. "Why not a pony?"

Eureka grunted. "I'm five-hundred years old...I'd like to try something new...but if not, I just want somepony nice. If I want a pony, a whatever you are, a griffon, a dragon, I'll take it for myself." She stomped her hoof. "I'm the mare, I decide. I just asked how your kind was."

I shrugged. "Hands are pretty cool." I reached out and scratched Eureka's back. She bumped her hip up as I dug my fingers into her coat.

She cooed softly and stretched her back leg. "Oi...." She shook her body and huffed. "Right...give it a whirl." She nodded. "Good luck with your monster there." She turned back to the hill.

I waved at her with the bloody sickle. "Later." I looked up at the dripping sickle. "Huh...probably put that down."

Belt Sander

I flipped the helmet down and slipped a new spark battery into the sander. Orchid watched close, huffing and breathing heavily through her nose. "Feels good to breathe again."

I revved the sander a bit and turned to her. "Sure. Now where did you want this?" I held the sander up and looked her up and down. "Ah, I see." I hooked it onto my belt and walked towards her hoof. Her horn was covered in bumps and such. She let me stand in her hoof and lifted me up to her head. I pulled the sander up into place as I walked through her strange mane. It was still rather waxy, but it looked more like a normal mane outside of the water. "Hey Orchid...."

"What?"

I blasted off a barnacle and sent it into a mushy pile in her mane. "The ocean is fucking gross."

Orchid grunted. "I know.... The land is gross too." She dug at the beach. "Crabs everywhere."

I nodded and went to work clearing her horn of blemishes. "So how your plates feel?"

Orchid groaned softly and laid in the sand. "Better. Still itchy."

I stopped for a bit and looked over to the pile of shed plates from her hooves and nose. "Yeah...your back is gonna be the problem. Might need some help with those." Orchid huffed and wiggled in place. "It's alright Sweetie, you're a big girl--"

"No--"

"Okay then...I know that huff." I stopped with the sander and walked towards her muzzle. I hurried off and dropped down into the sand. "The sex thing?"

Orchid laid down and pulled a dune's worth of sand over her face. She poked her mouth out the pile of sand and huffed. "I don't know...I feel all hot sometimes."

I frowned hard and flipped my mask up. "About the back end?"

Orchid covered her head with sand and gurgled. "Yes...."

I set my tools down and sat down. "Orchid...you know anything about sex?"

Orchid peeked at me through the sand. "...The boy makes a white goo, and the girl eats it, then babies...."

I stared at my surrogate. "What the fuck have you been smoking?"

Orchid growled at me. "I watched the fish do sex...."

I felt my face drop into a heavy scowl. "Orchid, you're not a fish. You're very, very different from a fish."

Orchid grumbled loudly. "No I'm not--"

"Genetically speaking you're eighty percent pony." I scratched my neck. "You procreate like ponies, you have sex like ponies."

Orchid shook her head and dusted me with sand. "Wait...you have sex? I thought you did it."

I tapped my foot on the ground. "You...can have sex done to you, or you can do it." I took a deep breath. "Given the fact nopony is as big as you, you're probably going to do it to yourself."

Orchid snarled. "I thought it was two thingies."

I sighed heavily. "Mares have things put inside them, sometimes when there's not a stallion around, they can use something else...." I thought back to my old marefriend. "Like...a phone...or a dildo...or a bottle...or a hand." I scratched my head. "I mean, you're too big for all that, but you could even just use a hoof."

Orchid growled again. She thrashed her head away. "This is weird!" She stomped up the beach and did a circle before me. She set herself back down before me and crossed her hooves. "...How do I do it."

"Uh. You'd press a hoof against your vagina...and rub it. Or, if you had a dildo, you'd stick it in and push it in and out." I put my hands on my hips. "I think you can figure it out, just don't stick something in your urethra."

Orchid leaned towards me. "What's that?"

"Piss hole." There was no humor in my voice. "There's two holes...one is for piss...the other is for sex. The one that doesn't hurt is for sex." I shook my head. "It'll make sense if you try it."

Orchid snorted at me. The rush of air blew up sand around us. "Wait...so, just rub it?" She held her hoof up. "Just like...." She waggled her hoof in the air inarticulately.

I held my hand up and made a gentle circling motion. "Just take it easy, reach back, feel around, you can talk to a mare later. Sparkler or somepony else would help you more than I can."

She stood up and whipped her tail against the ground. "But just rub it? Like, hard?"

I shrugged. "You'll figure out how to do it, just touch it and go from ther--" Orchid turned to the water and stomped her way in. Her tail dragged across the beach and slithered under the water like a shark fin. "There.... Alright." I looked to the tools scattered across the beach.

"Oi...what happened?" Eureka slowly crested the hill. "I heard the filly beatin' on the sand--"

"Can you go?" I turned to face her. "You've been lurking around for like two hours. It's kinda creepy."

Eureka stared right back at me. "...I'm lonely, alright...." She scratched at the ground and huffed. "I don't talk to many ponies! I don't talk to anypony! Just let me be here...okay?"

I shrugged. "Well I'm leaving." I looked towards the east. "Tell you what, I'll go tell somebody your out here, send fake letters or books or something. Maybe somepony can come out and get you."

Eureka sighed heavily. "Why can't ya just sit with me?" Eureka turned away and stepped straight into a pile of Orchid's dead skin. Her face said it all, twisted up in utter horror. "...I don't want to be around you anymore...." She turned to the side and dry-heaved. "I'm gonna go." She yanked her hoof out and trotted towards the hill. A distant vomiting noise came from her direction as I turned to gather my tools.

"Mare are fucking crazy...."

Tired

I sat on the beach with Eureka on my lap. "So...you'll do it?"

I sighed heavily. "Look, I'll send some notes out, make some fake journals and send them to someone stupid. You'll have someone thinking they need to come save you, and you can send them back to bring more people. Okay?"

Eureka groaned and popped a bit of fire from her horn. "It's not my fault I'm like this! It's your fault!"

"How the pissing hell is it my fault!?" I held my arms out. "Fuck off with that ya damned cunt!" I put my hands down on her back and rubbed her coat. "Don't even blame your social problems on me...."

Eureka glared out into the distance. "...Pissy little--"

"Don't get mad at me cause you're bloody butt hurt now! My daughter fuckin' took to the ocean and never came out!" I shifted my leg in the sand. "I smell like rotting whale, it's night, and I just want to go home and shower, so don't you start with me."

Eureka snorted steam. "My butt ain't hurt lad--"

"Your butt is about as sore as a bad schoolfilly!" I scratched her soft body, focusing on the spine and strong muscles of her back. "Bloody tired...." I scratched my head. "Orchid's gone...and I show up without her I'm gonna get yelled at."

Eureka grunted. "I got a bed. It's made out of stone, but it's covered in old furs and stuff the old ponies left behind."

I looked down at the mare on my lap. "Do you want me to drop a pillow and blanket by if I get a chance?"

Eureka looked up at me, her lips trembled slightly. "Yes...I would like that...very much."

I nodded. "Just gotta wait for--"

The sea rose up a bit as Orchid dragged herself out of the sea. "Ugh... I fell asleep, sorry." She coughed a few times and sighed. "I fell asleep and was floating around the sea floor...sorry, sorry."

I shifted out from under Eureka. "Well, did you do it?"

Orchid smiled dumbly and started to blush. "I felt really tired after, sorry I didn't--"

I held my hand up. "Yeah, yeah spare me the details." I walked towards the subs with my tools packed away inside. I glared up at her as Eureka started walking away. "You left me with that wreck for two hours!" I held my hands up at her in a strangling motion. "Don't do that!"

Orchid jerked her head back. "I didn't mean to...I just started--"

"No!" I pointed at her and climbed up onto the sub. "Don't." I dropped down inside and sat down. "Into the water, we're going home."

Orchid walked around and looked into the port on my sub. "...Dad...are you mad--"

"A little." I crossed my arms. "That mare is so sad...she just started talking about how much Vanhoover sucked, and how she bet ponies hadn't changed at all." I shook my head. "That's why I said I'd raise you! That mare has no social skills, and you do!" I pointed to her eye. "I mean...that's mean to her, I'm sure she'll get better, but damn she's weird."

Orchid grunted and rubbed her nose. "Okay.... Thanks for today by the way...talking to me about that junk...and the plates."

"Grab them by the way." I felt Orchid slowly shove the sub back into the water. "I'm sure they can use them somehow back home." I put the sub back and sputtered back through the water.

Orchid groaned loudly and popped back into the water with a hoof full of discarded plates. She gurgled loudly and blew a huff into the water, sending me bounding to the side. "Orchid?"

She saw ahead into the murky dark then popped back up just before my port. "Do other ponies look like that? Down there? With the squishy bit?"

I stared at her. "...Tell you what, I'll go back to Van Hoover...Fetlock, somewhere, and I'll pick you up a magazine, okay?"

Orchid's eye closed up slightly. "Of what?"

I pursed my lips as she looked into my sub. "Porn. I'll buy you porn."

"Oh." Orchid stayed floating before me. "So...if I hurry, I'll have porn sooner?"

"Do you even know what porn is?" I asked calmly.

Orchid nodded, sending bubbles into the water. "You were looking at porn when I was as big as the sub--"

I put my hands out against the window. "Hey, hey! Don't!" I sat back and slapped my hands against my lap. "Our little secret, okay?"

Orchid churled loudly and swam around. "Okay...but we're going fast." I felt the hull of the sub shake as a foreleg wrapped around it. "Go time."

Stress

I set the sub down in a pen and popped the hatch. "Fucking twelve kinds of ridiculous." I climbed out and dropped down against the concrete walkways that ran up and down the massive pen. Orchid peeked her head out of an adjacent pen and groaned. "Don't!"

Orchid dropped into the water and gargled. "I mean...I could--"

"And I could take a bat to your ass and make a pretty clear point!" I kicked at her and grunted loudly. "Get the hell out of here...go to bed."

Orchid blew bubbles into the water. "Why are you mad?"

I held my hands out to the giant. "I'm tired, I've got a lot of work tomorrow, and I need some time to sort things out. Orchid, you're a fucking teenage girl, you're fucking exhausting!" I held my hands out to her. "Just go, just go hoof yourself, go to bed, if you really need me tell Sparkler." I turned towards the doors into the facility.

Orchid grumbled at me. "I just--"

"Use me!" I held my hands up. "That shit is not okay!"

Orchid lifted herself up. "Well I don't know--"

I held my finger up. "Things that are not okay! Your family, fish, squid--"

Orchid slammed her hooves down and crushed one of the walkways. "I like the squid!"

"Orchid!" She reeled back into the water and stared at me. "We'll talk more later, for now you listen to me...you go relax, we'll talk tomorrow. Okay?"

Orchid floated over towards me. She didn't say anything and looked directly down into the water. She bumped into the walkway I was standing on and looked at me. She patted her muzzle with her hoof. "Please...?"

I ducked down and scratched at the edge of her plate. "I'm not mad, just frustrated." I dug my nail into the fresh blue flushed skin around her plate. "Seriously, life lesson." I stood up and stepped back from the edge. "You don't touch your family like that. Inbreeding ends up spreading around some bad genes, and with you I have no idea how bad it would be to have a severe mutation in your offspring." I shook my head. "And no offense...but Orchid, I don't want to hear about your vagina. I had to fucking clean you with a broom."

Orchid covered her face and slowly sank down into the water. "Okay...no family." She sank down and blew a thin spray of water into the air. "Sorry."

I sighed heavily and walked off towards the doors into the facility. "Don't be. Just a really weird day." I rubbed the back of my neck and thought back to Eureka. "Just a fucking weird day." I scratched my scalp and walked to the massive metal doors. I felt a deep knot in my stomach. I turned back to the water swirling around the docks. "God damn i--"

Orchid peeked out of the water. "Sorry."

I stared at her. "...Yeah, me too." I waved at her. "It feels bad, right?"

Orchid leaned her chin up on the edge of the dock. "Yeah.... I'm sorry I said that."

I sighed heavily as the door opened up. "It's not your fault...completely." I shrugged. "Just get some rest, we'll go hunting tomorrow and we'll see if we can't go shopping for you over in Fetlock, okay?"

Orchid growled. "Hunting day?"

I nodded sharply. "Hunting day, we've been getting them good, and Sparker's been saying there aren't many big ones left." I smiled at her and walked into the doorway. "Be nice and calm after that, lots of fishing I guess."

Orchid growled loudly and showed off her teeth. "Hunting...sounds good."

I looked up and spotted a big black patch on her teeth. "Orchid--"

"They're squishy!" She snapped her teeth at me. "Stop it! I just wanna--"

"Orchid, stop."

"But--"

"No."

"I just--"

"No squid."

Orchid snapped her teeth at me again and started growling. "I hate you!" She spun around and dove down into the water. She popped up a few meters away and grumbled in the corner. She sat there like a crocodile, watching me from afar. "...I don't hate you...but I do...."

I nodded. "Oh don't worry...I get it." I walked on deeper into the facility. A few ponies were waiting and watching as I walked towards them. Sparkler had the look of death hanging under her eyes.

She walked up to me and sighed. "It's happening, isn't it?"

"Yep."

Sparkler groaned loudly and shakily pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her side bags. "The sea ponies started showing up too.... I think we did it." She sighed heavily and laughed as she levitated a lighter out. "The ocean's safe-ish." She laughed with the most haggered smile I'd ever seen. "I don't think we were ready for this."

I shrugged. "This is why I just take care of the kid. By the way, how are the new ones coming?"

Sparkler laughed. "Stopped production, there's fifty waiting in artificial wombs.... I just don't know where we're gonna put em."

"Do you want to fuck?" I rubbed my neck. "You seem a little stressed out."

Sparkler's cigarette few low in her mouth. "...Yes, yes I would." She looked around the lobby and walked up towards a small intercom. She pressed a bright red button with her hoof and whispered something into the panel. The ponies standing with her seemed a bit uneasy.

A loud buzz came over the intercom. "Attention...all personnel, work will end in five minutes, pack up and settle in...we're uh...taking a holiday." The intercom worker sounded extremely disinterested.

Sparkler walked back over to me, her cigarette still burning gently. "Your room...ten minutes--"

I held my hand up. "Can I bring the sea pony?"

Sparkler looked around. "Sure.... But no kissing, no talking, don't make it weird." She groaned to the floor. "Spring is here...." She laughed nervously. I joined in laughing. Sparkler frowned hard and stared at me. "Don't you fucking patronize me."

I held my hands up. "Okay...."

Sparkler looked around at the ponies. "...I'm bringing more stallion." She rolled the cigarette into the other side of her mouth. "...I'm just-- It's gonna be an orgy...in the mess hall, you're invited."

I coughed into my wrist. "Uh, I'd rather not get chlamydia."

Sparkler looked me up and down. "Alright.... Sorry, you're not worth missing out on an orgy."

I shrugged. "You're not really worth getting an STD, so I think we're about even."

"Alright." Sparkler looked around and took a deep drag. She blew smoke out her nose and coughed softly. "I'm so tired, Chris, I'm so friggin tired."

I nodded. "I think we all are--"

"Don't try to one-up me." Sparkler looked over towards the docks. "I'm gonna go smoke...."

I looked up at the far of ceiling. "This is why I took a vacation, you go fucking crazy otherwise." I sighed and looked around. "Where's Mici?"

Esroh Gib

“What’d you mean no hunting today Sparkler!?” I threw my arms out wide. “We gotta do something today, why not hunting!?

“Chris, we’re doing a mandatory holiday.” Sparkler pulled a cigarette from a pack in her coat. “Everyone gets the day off.” Sparkler lit her cigarette. “You can still do your shopping trip, join everyone in the cafeteria for another orgy, or do fuck all.”

“No way, you guys have fun with you gonorrhea and chlamydia. We’re gonna be normal for the day.” I turned to walk away

“Yeah yeah, you do that.” Sparkler turned and walked the opposite direction. “I’m going back to the cafeteria.”

“Like bloody hell I’m gonna fuck where ponies eat.” I slid the door open to Orchids bay. “Baby girl, slight change in plans for today.

Orchid lifted her head from of over-sized mattress. “Still hunting day? Shopping?”

“We’ll be goin’ shopping but hunting is gonna have to be another day baby girl.” walked to the far side of the bay near Orchid. “Only problem now is to kill a little bit of time. Wanna clean up a bit?” I pulled open a closet door revealing a large buffing machine and several buckets of rubbing compound.

“oh, shiny scales for today? I like shiny scales.” Orchid stood and stepped closer to closet, before settling back down on her stomach. “ Can I watch T.V while you do shiny scales?”

“Sure baby girl, you wanna watch cartoons?” I asked as I reached into my left pants pocket, pulling a universal remote free. “Maybe that new Stephanie Galaxy carton?”

“Yea, that one. I like how they beat up monsters like I do, but with superpowers.” Orchid rotated herself to face a large blank wall where the IT team had set up a projection system.

I pressed a few buttons on the remote to call up the projector and then the channel orchid asked for. The title screen for Stephanie Galaxy was just starting. “Good, it just started.”

“Alright baby girl, need ya to sit still while I setup.” I dragged the buffer machine over to Orchid’s hooves.

“How long for shiny scales?” Orchid had turned her head, her large blue eyes staring at me.

“I’m not sure sweetie, you’ve gotten bigger since the last time we’ve done this.” I pulled myself up onto her back with a bucket of the buffing compound.

“I like being a big pony!” Orchid beamed at me.

“Yes orchid, I know.” I poured a small about of the compound on to orchids back. “Alright, can you hand me the buffer please?”

“Yes!” Orchid reached behind herself and latched onto the buffer, lifting it to her back.

“Thanks sweetie.” I flipped the switch and the machine came to life with a soft whirring that filled the room.

“So have you thought about what you want to buy when we get to the market later today?” I continued moving the buffer back and forth across her back.

“Chips, chips and more chips. Maybe a movie too.’ Orchid continued to gaze at the projection.

“you always buy chips. Why do--”

“I like chips! they’re salty, crunchy, sweet, and delicious!” She lightly tapped her hoof against the ground.

“Fine, fine. We’ll get you a couple bags of chips and a movie to watch.” I poured more compound on her back and continued to buff her scales.

“Shiny scales yet?” Orchid turned her head to look at me.

“Nope, just started. I’ll be done soon and then we’ll go shopping, ok?” I kept at my work.

Hopefully I’ll be finished soon. I’d really like a day to spend on the surface with shops so I can buy a few things for Orchid and myself.

Author's Note

Hi, for those that don't know, I'm Mike and I'll be doing some writing for Hatt. This chapter is to show that I'm actually writing.

Boat

I looked out over the vast expanse of ocean. The gulf of northwestern Equestria was wrapping around from the spot I'd stopped in. The deep water teetered my boat. I had no idea if I was deep enough, but I'd painted the underside a bright white. I could only sit here and wait for Orchid to show up and we could get back to the compound.

I stretched my neck, my hoodie a bit damp from the sea spray. "Come on Orchid...it's cold out." I walked back to the cabin, I'd kept a surefire way to get her out in there. The boat probably wouldn't fare very well, but it never did. I hurried into the cabin and grabbed the bag I needed. A krinkly bag of chips came along as I walked to the stern and looked over into the water.

My heart jumped for a moment as I saw a massive glowing eye staring up at me, the other one a few feet if not a few yards away. "Jesus, Orchid...you really gotta stop that."

Orchid blinked and swam off the bow. I held my breath as the water crowned upwards, a hill forming up under Orchid's head as she breached. Her ears shot out first, dripping water and seaweed. A massive hoof pressed against the bow, tilting it downward slightly. She hung over me completely, head shadowing a large portion of my boat. She let out a loud churl, groaning at me, staring down at me with her glowing eyes. "Hi Chris" Her voice matched her size, rattling my bones with her heavy tone. "Chips?"

I stared up at the giant sharp toothed mare. "Orchid, have you been eating squid again? You smell like squid." I put my hands on my hips, the glowing blue mare shrinking down slightly, taking her hooves off my boat as she sank back down. "Orchid...."

She slunk down into the water until only the upper half of her head was above water. She opened her mouth, letting water rush in. She drooped her nose down and force a few bubbles up from the water's surface. "Orchid look at me!" She sank deeped into the water, keeping her eyes focused on the landfall to the east. "Orchid!"

Orchid threw her head out of the water, rearing up high over me. She let out a disgusting roar, spitting seawater and saliva past my boat. I stared up at the colossal creature as it loomed over me. I held my arms out. "What?!"

Orchid sank back into the water, making sure to keep her entire hut sized head above the waves. "...They taste good."

I shook my head. "Sure. And Orchid, don't try and bluff me." I reached into my pocket and drew a pistol. "It won't work." I pointed it at the base of her ear and squeezed off a few shots.

Orchid shook her head as the rounds ricocheted off and into the water. "I'm not itchy."

I sighed loudly and put my pistol away. "I know...I still like that I can shoot you and nothing will happen." I walked up to the edge of my boat and stuck my hand out. "Now come here."

Orchid floated over, offering the tip of her armor plated muzzle to me. "Chris, they said I had to stop eating the ugly fish."

I scratched my upper lip before reaching up and scratching the tip of her rubbery muzzle. "Did you?"

Orchid's cheeks started to glow as she sank down, keeping her muzzle above the water. "Maybe."

I shook my head. "I know the ones they're talking about, magical mutations of sharks or something. And you shouldn't be eating those, they're right!"

Orchid's antenna slid over the edge of the bow as she sank back down. She popped back up, strange mane dripping seawater. "I like them though."

I looked towards the coast, Sea-Saddle sitting bright on the dim afternoon sky. "And? I know ponies who like fish, doesn't mean its good for them!"

Orchid shook her head. "I'm a pony...."

I reached down, a long pole sitting across my bow with a sharp rake on the end. "Yeah, but you're a big, big special pony." I swung the giant rake up and brought it down across her muzzle. "Orchid, who's my big pony?!" I brought the rake down across Orchid's muzzle.

Orchid's ears flicked, shooting water across the boat. "I am--"

"Louder." I scratched my mare's nose. "Come on, who's my good pony--"

Orchid pulled her head back and shook herself. "I am!" Her tail whipped over the surface as she reared up, the thick shark like tail unweildy. "I'm a special pony!"

I pulled my rake away as the boat started to rock. "Alright! Orchid-- chill!" I held onto my boat as her tail threw my boat about. "Orchid! Stop it!"

Orchid snapped her head towards me and stopped. She sank back down into the water, my boat bobbing slowly out away from her. She swam after me, lurking under the water like a shark. "Sorry." She reached up with her chin and rested against the back of my boat. "Too big...."

I took a deep breath and put my hand on her nose. "It's okay sweetie...it's not your fault." I rubbed her nose a little, the mare's glowing eyes buried in my skull. "Orchid...I know that look."

She looked away. "Sorry."

I shook my head. "Urges?"

She churrled again, her throat slowly filling with water as she opened her mouth. "Hungry."

I looked over at the deck, the bag of chips missing already. "Let's got to Altan, I'll feed you once we get there."

Orchid grumbled loudly. "Mean ponies...don't like them, mean to me."

I shook my head and patted her nose. "I know, but I'll be there." I pointed to the west. "Now, you gonna keep me safe?"

Orchid swam back and snapped her jaws at me, thick, sharp teeth crashing together and letting off a thick smell of blood. "Yes. I'll chew on them if they get too close."

I nodded. "Good girl." I went back to my helm and looked around the Equestrian ocean. "Hopefully it wont come to that again." My mind shot back to the magically curse or deformed creatures that roamed the seas. Ponies turned into monsters, normal fish deformed and turned into dark blood thirsty creatures the size of whales. "Well, come on then."

The giant fish mare swam beside my boat, glowing head slick and shiny in the falling sunlight. I couldn't wait to get back under the water and get back to work with the ponies trying to rid the seas of these monsters. And as much as I didn't like them using Orchid like a weapon, she was bulletproof, stab proof, and giant, there wasn't much that could hurt her.

I watched her swim, the filly had grown up from a modified pony embryo, into this massive apartment building sized monster with skin so thick she couldn't be killed by conventional means. I had to wonder how many ponies gave up life and limb to get her here, and she was still just a filly, or minded like a filly. I dreaded the day she became a mare for several reasons, but for now I could treat her like she deserved, like the curious young mare she was.

Only a mare bound to the seas due to her size. I had to talk to the ponies at Altan about size reduction and issues that might rise of her changes. But right now, I could just sail along with a sea mare guiding my way with her glowing body. "Pretty filly, aren't ya?" I sighed loudly, screaming would have felt better but solved a lot less.

Author's Note

Latem Htaed

“Chris, you drunken motherfucker!!”

“I’m not drunk yet!” I slammed the door open to see Sparkler standing at my door.

“Chris, I need to know who set up a karaoke machine for Orchid to use. I need to know, so I can rip off their fucking head and feed them to the sharks.” Sparkler fumed at me. Her usual cigarette had been replaced by a cigarillo. Sparkler’s hair was an absolute mess, and she was practically red in the face

“Jesus Sparkler, what the hell happened? You look pretty pissed.” I said stepping out into the main hall, a light thumping could be heard.

“Chris, shutup and listen around you.” sparkler closed my door and we both stayed silent as I listened.

Something was definitely going on. There was a thumping vibration that ran through the bulkhead followed by a voice that could only be described as a chain smoker on a week long whisky binge.

“Uh, Sparkler, what’s going on?” I said breaking the silence that filled the hallway.

Sparklers grabbed my shirt and pulled me close to her. “Some jackoff gave Orchid a karaoke machine and put a shit-ton of death metal songs on it. She. Won’t. Shut. up.”

“Go fix the problem Chris, I need to get some damn sleep at some point today.” She pushed off of me as she started to walk down the hall.

“What’s wrong with music Sparkler?” I asked as I stood in front of the door, arms stretched wide.

“Fuck you Chris, I know you had something to do with the damn singing. Fix. It. Today.” Sparkler continued down the hall, not even stopping to answer my question.

“Great, now I’ve got work to do. First she tells me mandatory holiday, now it’s work.” I opened my rooms door once more and grabbed a pair of slip on sandals and started walking down to orchids room.

The ever present thumping had grown stronger as the voice I heard earlier had increased volume.

“-m atomic weight, with a hardened thrust, deep in the core, a seismic tunneling, a rhythmic pum-”

“What the fuck is Orchid singing? Sounds like that shitty cartoon metal band.” I slide the door open to see orchid swinging her head a circle as her hair followed. A single, large microphone hanging from the ceiling was held in one of her hooves.

Orchid rose her head level with the mic and took a deep breath. “Murdering, knew, nothing, outcast! Choke on gas, kill my sperm!”

“Fate won't lead fast enough, come coagulating blackness, when can I re-decor-”

“Orchid, what in the name of God are you singing!?!” I yelled over the music and Orchids ‘singing’.

Orchid pressed a button on the side of her mic and the music paused. “Oh, hey Dad, it’s called ‘I Ejaculate Fire.’ Thanks again for the karaoke machine!” Orchid smiled as she sat down next to me.

“Right, you’re welcome?” I shrugged “I honestly don’t remember getting it.”

“You got it for me the other night.” Orchid beamed. “You said I was being a good pony and that I deserved a reward, so you asked IT people to come set it up.”

“Oh, yea. I should really stop drinking whisky.” I side stepped Orchid “Are you having fun singing whatever it was you were singing?”

“Yep, the IT guy said he put a bunch of songs on it, but I like the metal songs.” Orchid said turning around, her tail wagging. “IT guy said I was really good at making that weird deepy, scratchy, yell-y kinda voice for metal.”

“I noticed. You should take a break though. Sparkler is trying to sleep and the music is driving her up the wall.”

“Awww, do I have too? I was gonna do Face Fisted next.” Orchid pouted as she stood and walked closer to the mic.

Those damn pouty lips and eyes, she knows my weakness. “Fine, fine. But I get to help. I may not look it but I was quite the metal head in my day to.

“Yes, we’ll do a duet.” Orchid wrapped one of her hooves around me and lifted me up on top of her head.

“Ok, the screen will count us in. ready?” Orchids eyes rolled to look at me.

Giving Orchid the thumbs up signal. “Yea, lets do this!”

The screen counted down and the first line came up with a small indicator pointing to the words. Sparkler can deal with a few more songs. I’m gonna metal the hell out of this song.

Author's Note

Quick note: Songs used are I Ejaculate Fire and Face Fisted by Metalocalypse.
Also, I'm fuckin' slow at writing. Don't expect chapters soon. They show up whenever I finish them.
I've also been stuck on games. Started playing Undertale, Insurgency, and Contagion.

In other news, I'll be working on the next chapter for Red. Plan is to go back and forth from this story and Red. Red should be done soon, gonna try to wrap that one up.

As always, allahu akbar *explodes*