I zipped my suit up and got ready to dive. Orchid was still lurking in the water beside my boat, swimming around and keeping anything dangerous away. I fixed my helmet and checked the oxygen supply.

I did a few final checks as I walked towards the edge of my boat. “Orchid!” My yell was muffled by my mask. “Come on out here!”

Orchid slowly lifted up out of the water, her glowing antenna dripped as she opened her mouth and churled at me. “... Hi.”

“Hi sweetie.” I straddled the railing and looked into the dark grey beast. “Remember...don’t--swallow. Say it.”

Orchid’s ears went flat as she looked away. The glowing bands in her eyes mirrored off the water’s surface. “Don’t swallow.”

“Good girl.” I crossed my arms. “Get home, I’ll make you something nice.” I slowly let myself fall into the water. The cold drop was replaced by a loud groan and a mushy warmth as I was consumed.

I held my breath, realizing how pointless it was soon after. I reached up through the squishy mess and flicked on my headlamp. Orchid’s mouth was just about as blue as her eyes and the fresh air I was pulling from my mask put an end to the stench of blood and seawater bloated flesh.

I pulled my legs under me and braced myself as she clenched her teeth. “Go?”

I slapped my hand against the roof of her mouth. “Get us home! Longer it takes us to get there, the less time I have to cook.”

There was a loud groan as she shifted her tongue and a few drops of water slipped through her teeth. I held on tight as her teeth started to groan. “Take it easy, remember, squishy mortal in here!”

A grunt reverberated through my feet as she jammed her tongue down. I continued to brace myself as she dove deeper. I felt my sense of balance distort slightly as I forced myself to stay in place. My hands and feet dug into her fleshy mouth as she dove.

I hummed a song in my head as we dropped lower and lower, the pressure started to cause a slight strain on Orchid’s teeth. I shined my light on them and my blood went cold. “Oh shit.” One of her teeth was coming loose. “Orchid, Orchid hurry!”

I didn’t know how it might affect our little trip, but I wasn’t exactly in a hurry to find out. “Orchid hurry up!”

She groaned and I could feel the muscles around me tense up. I felt something crawl up my leg. A crab had decided to come along for the ride. “Eugh.” I kicked the crab back towards her throat. She gagged slightly and a bit of sea water splashed the back of my legs.

I dug my foot in and braced as she started to retch. “Shit, Orchid hurry!”

“Mphhy.”

I felt myself flip upside down for a bit. The tooth started to lean back as her lips started to push back from the pressure. I braced my foot against the tooth, trying to keep the tooth from popping out. “Come on, little hustle would be great.”

I felt her shift me around with her tongue. “Orchid?” I felt myself slip back. “Orchid!?”

“MMhmm?”

I felt my feet slip out from under me. “Orchid no!”

I watched as she opened her mouth, the dull glow of her eyes and mane lit up the room as she spat me out. I rushed out with a load of seawater coating my way along. I hit a heavy metal floor with a loud gong and scrambled to get my feet under me as I slid across the airlock. “Wha-fuck--fuck!” I lost my balance and fell towards my shoulder, only to have another wave of water slip under me and keep me from crushing my bones.

I slammed my hands down and ripped my mask off. “Holy shit!” I ran my hand through my hair and grabbed my chest. “Orchid...growing up girl, gonna lose a tooth!” I watched as the water around me drained away. “Oh man.” I stood up and turned to face the giant mare.

A quick look around the massive damp chamber told me everything I needed to know. “Good girl.” I walked over to her and jumped to scratch her underside. Her airlock was massive and I could finally see just how big she’d gotten. “Orchid, baby girl, you’re gonna freaking outgrow this place soon.”

She cocked her head to the side “What happens then?”

“Gonna have to build a new airlock for you.” I looked from Orchid to myself. “I need to get a new dive suit too. Gotta get thick skin too if we’re gonna go out and play.”

Orchid smiled, her mane started to finish dripping as I looked over my old suit.

The old suit had large tears along the arms and torso, and the stitching was coming loose along the leggings. “Gonna get a new fancy one, and we can go play on the floor. Sounds like fun, right?”

Orchid nodded slowly. “Yeah…. Still no squids?”

I shook my head to the sound of the main doors opening. “I’m telling you they’re gonna make you sick.”

Orchid made a low grumbling noise. “But I like when they explode.”

“They’re gonna stain your teeth black if you keep doing that.” I rubbed my face and turned to the doors. A trio of ponies were standing before me. One with a solid purple coat waved me over. “Oh, hey boss.”

I jogged over and stood before her. “Chris, how was your ride?”

I shrugged. “Orchid’s tooth is loose. Probably gonna have to deal with that before I go.” I ran my hand along the back of my neck. “Any news on my suit?”

A pony with a red baseball hat nodded. “We took the sketches you provided and Earl made one up. Should stand the pressures of deep sea so you can head out with Orchid whenever.”

I flexed my fingers. “Sketches…. Those pictures were from a video game.”

The pony in the cap shrugged. “Well it looks about the same.”

“Hmm, cool.” I looked back to Orchid. “Well, gonna get her to bed for the night and settle in--”

“Chris, we have to talk whenever you’re ready.” The purple mare walked up beside me. “In private, my office, as soon as you can.”

I pinched my nose. “About Orchid?”

The purple mare looked back at Orchid. “Yes…. And it’s a little important.”

I shrugged. “Alright then. Just let me get settled.” I walked past them and looked around the next room. Orchid’s room was massive with great metal shutters over a plexiglass dome. A giant rubber mat was strewn across the floor. “Orchid, go on to bed. I’m gonna go sleep to, I’ll make something nice in a little bit.”

The giant mare stomped past me, her massive thick sharky tail slid across the ground as she went towards her mat. The football stadium sized room didn’t even shake as she stomped her mat and settled down.

I shook my head and walked along after the ponies. “Like a dog, I swear.”

Author's Note

And that is how Equestria and an idiot created this....

God help us all.