Of Lonely Hearts and Objectum Sexuality

by Electronic Pony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Random
Length: 11347

The girls find their true loves in the unlikeliest of objects.

It's Hearts and Hooves Day in Ponyville, and the mane six are all alone. On a desperate journey for love, they find that their attractions may not be to other ponies at all...

Submitted for the Equestria Daily Lovefest

Published 2015-02-09 17:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-10 04:36:09 UTC

Applejack

*plop plop plop!* went the apples falling from one of the trees in Applejack's orchard. Applejack slowly trotted to the spots they'd fallen and placed them one by one in her basket.

"Why do I have to be the one who can't find something ta do on today of all days!" she mumbled to herself as she worked. "Big Mac's out with Cherilee, Granny Smith went out with some of her girlfriends, and even Apple Bloom snatched a date of her own!"

She sighed, and reared up her hind legs to buck another tree. She kicked it a few times, and waited for the apples to fall to the ground around her.

KONK! Applejack had misjudged her position, and one of the apples fell straight on top of her head, and rolled to the ground beside her. Anger already bottled up inside of her, she was about to kick it as far as she could before she noticed something off about it. The apple was smiling at her.

Applejack stopped her leg milliseconds before it would have hit the apple, and leaned down to look at it closely. A small parabola-shaped crease had been made in the apple when it hit her head, and a joyful looking smile had appeared on the crisp, red face of the apple. Applejack couldn't help smiling herself when she saw just how happy it looked.

"Why, this has to be the cutest lil' apple I ever did see," Applejack giggled. "I forgive ya. In fact, I think I'll keep ya! I'll call ya...'Appley'!" she finished, laughing to herself. "Where do ya think we should be of to now, Appley? West Orchard? North Orchard?"

Appley just smiled.

"North Orchard it is, then!" Applejack laughed. She placed Appley safely under her hat, and started to gallop towards the North Orchard. Once she was there, she took Appley out from under her hat, and placed him on the edge of one of her baskets.

"Do you wanna learn how to applebuck, Appley?" Applejack said playfully. "It's simple. Ya just rear up..." she lifted her hind legs against a tree, "...an' kick!" and proceeded to kick the tree, a shower of apples raining down from above like rose petals being blown from the stem.

Appley just smiled.

"I suppose ya can't do much applebuckin', now, can ya Appley?" Applejack admitted. Acting as if it were a great tragedy, she flopped her ears down and looked at the ground sadly. After staying silent for several moments, she looked up and smiled at Appley. "I wouldn't want ya workin' out here anyway," she told him, with real concern. "Wouldn't want ya to get hurt any."

As if on cue, a stray vampire fruit bat sailed down from among the branches of a nearby tree, and set it's sights straight on Appley. In slow motion, Applejack realized the bat's intentions, and dived to cover Appley from harm. But she was too far, and all she could manage to do was knock over the basket Appley had been sitting on. Apples toppled from the basket, and Appley with them, creating a mass confusion for pony and bat alike. The bat, taken aback by the sudden action, didn't think fast enough and crashed into the ground before leveling off for a smooth landing.

This was Applejack's chance. She pounced on the fruit bat as it lay in a heap, and held it to the ground with a hoof. It struggled for a while, before realizing that it's efforts were hopeless.

"Now you listen here," Applejack started, on the verge of an attack. "You better clear outta here if ya know what's good for ya, and I don't want to ever see you back here again? Ya got that?"

The bat could sense Applejack's anger, and nodded slowly, it's eyes wide with fear.

"Alright..." Applejack conceded, and stepped off the bat. "Now get out!"

The bat wasted no time, and flew as fast as it's wings could carry it away from that farm, and out of Applejack's life forever.

But now, where was Appley?

Applejack panicked. The bucket had been perched right on the side of a steep hill, and all the apples had rolled down to the bottom.

"What if he's hurt?!" she thought to herself, sprinting down the side of the hill. "There's so many rocks on this hill, and I know he bruises so easily!" The bottom of the hill sped closer and closer, and Applejack could see the red blotches at the bottom, laying like fallen soldiers after a fight for freedom.

She reached the bottom, and frantically searched through the imposters for her new friend. "Where is he, where is he, where is he..." she mumbled to herself. She threw apple after apple over her shoulders, until finally she found him.

"Oh, Appley!" Applejack embraced Appley in a warm hug. "I thought I'd lost ya!" Suddenly, she grew serious. "I don't want ya ever comin' back round here, okay? Who knows when something like that could happen again!" She held Appley out in front of her, and couldn't help but crack a smile. "Now come on, let's get back home 'fore the sun goes down."

Applejack gave Appley a quick peck on the side of his face, and placed him under her hat again for the trip home.

Appley just smiled.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Applejack opened up the front door to the Apple Family home with a flourish, and removed Appley from under her hat.

"This here, Appley, is where you'll be stayin' from now on! I know it ain't much, but we call it home," she said as she showed Appley the main living room, as well as the kitchen, dining room, and other places on the downstairs floor. Applejack looked at the clock after the tour was over. "7:30," she thought. "Apple Bloom should be getting home soon."

Applejack walked into the kitchen, placed Appley on the counter, and began to make dinner for herself and Apple Bloom when she got home. Granny Smith usually stayed out late with her friends, despite their age, and Big Mac would probably be out all night, so she needn't worry about them.

About a half hour later, Apple Bloom trotted through the front door, giving one last parting goodbye to Rumble, her date for that night. As soon as the door was closed, Applejack bombarded her with questions.

"How'd it go? Was he nice? Did he get you flowers? Or chocolates? Did you meet his parents? Tell me everything!" she spoke at a mile a minute.

"Whoa-ho there big sis! Calm down, will ya?" Apple Bloom said indignantly.

"How can I calm down? My little sis went on a date, on Hearts and Hooves Day no less!"

"Stop! You're embarrassin' me..."

"In front of who? The furniture? Ya can't be embarrassed in front of inanimate objects, ya know."

Apple Bloom just frowned at the floor.

"Ah, lighten up, I got dinner ready inside," Applejack said with a smile, and trotted into the kitchen. Apple Bloom tried to wait as long as she could, but couldn't help but follow her sister inside.

Sitting on the table inside were two hayseed and petunia sandwiches waiting for them, along with Appley sitting near Applejack's place on the table. Apple Bloom noticed Appley and cocked her head at him.

"Whatcha got there sis? An apple?" she examined him closer. "A bruised one at that."

Applejack responded without thinking. "Oh that there's Appley, I found him out applebuckin' today." She left the conversation at that and took a bite of her sandwich.

Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Uh, found him? And ya named it?"

Only upon hearing this did Applejack realize how ridiculous this notion must sound to other ponies. Quickly she thought up a reason. "Uh...yeah, I, uh, thought I could try a new method I've been workin' on. Yeah, I thought I could try to save some of the apples that get bruised when falling by...treating them like family?" Applejack hoped this would work.

"Uh-huh..." Apple Bloom didn't lower her eyebrow for several moments as she stared at Applejack, who blushed a deep red. "Can't be embarrassed in from of inanimate objects, huh?" she mumbled, a slight sneer on her face, before looking back at her sandwich and taking a bite.

"Phew," Applejack wiped her forehead as she thought to herself. "Bullet dodged there. Maybe I should just keep him upstairs." She looked toward where Appley was set on the table facing her, and smiled.

After they had finished their meals, Apple Bloom bid Applejack goodnight, and headed upstairs to bed. Hearing the *click* of her door, she tip-hoofed into the kitchen and retrieved Appley from a drawer she had placed him in to alleviate any suspicion.

"Oh Appley," she whispered, holding him close to her face. "You really did help me pull through today, and there's somethin' I...kinda wanted to give you." A hush fell over the room, and Applejack brought Appley up to her lips, kissing him passionately. She pulled him away from her face, smiling warmly, and Appley's smile seemed to grow a few millimeters wider.

"I suppose it's time we head to bed too," she whispered to him. "We got a big day ahead of us tomorrow."

Applejack left a light on downstairs for Granny Smith, and the door unlocked, then made her way to her room, carrying Appley in one of her fore-hooves. She opened the door to her room, and hung her hat over the bedpost, and placed Appley on her bedside table. She turned out the light, and rolled over in her bed to face Appley.

"Oh Appley," she whispered. "I love you."

Appley just smiled.

Rarity

Rarity shoved the sharp edge of the shovel deeper into the dirt with her magic, dust rising around her as she did so. She did her best to avoid it, but the effort proved fruitless, the dry substance settling on her already sweaty forehead and back.

"The things I do for work," she thought to herself as she lifted the soil out of the way. Underneath was a small bundle of sparkling gems, which she proceeded to scoop up with her magic and place in a saddlebag. Rarity had just received an order for a dress from one of her most reliable clients Sapphire Shores, who was putting on a Hearts and Hooves Day performance in a few days, even though Hearts and Hooves Day was the next day. Despite the generally accepted color of the holiday being pink or red, Sapphire had requested that the dress be adorned with sapphires, as it usually was. Rarity had drawn up a few quick sketches back at the boutique, and her ideas would need an abundance of the surprisingly common gem.

"Why is it Sapphire had to send in her order today? I'll be working all day tomorrow on this, and I won't have time to appreciate the holiday! It's not as if I had a date or anything, but it would've been nice to watch the couples go by. Instead I have to be here and watch the dirt go by my face," Rarity said to no one. She often mumbled to herself on a hard job. So far she had only accumulated about half of the total gems she would need, but that was enough to get started on the design for now. Also, the sun was starting to set, and the citizens of Ponyville had an agreement with the Diamond Dogs that they could collect gems by day, and the dogs could collect gems by night. Celestia knows what they'd do if they caught her again.

Trying not to think about the Diamond Dogs, Rarity started to pack up her things. As she was putting away her shovel, she noticed a slight blue glint being reflected off of it's surface. She turned around, and saw the beam of light was being reflected off of a dazzling blue gem sticking slightly out of the ground.

"That must be the greatest gem I ever did see!" she whispered. "Why, if that gem is as large as I think it is, it should be enough to fill the rest of Sapphire's order!" Nearly squealing with delight, Rarity rushed towards the spot where the gem lay buried. She plunged her shovel into the ground, lifting up dirt with every scoop, and throwing it off to the side. In a short amount of time, the whole gem was revealed. It wasn't quite as big as Rarity would have hoped, but it certainly was a beautiful gem, far more honed than any of the other gems Rarity had found that day.

"Oh, my," Rarity breathed, her whole body trembling with excitement. She retrieved a small cloth from her bag and rubbed the gem to let it show it's true shine. "What a beauty!" she exclaimed, her eyes wide in awe. "There's no way I can let a gem as fantastic as this one go to such waste as to be broken down and used on a dress! I...I shall keep it for my own!" She hugged the gem close to her, laughing almost hysterically. "Oh! But a gem this nice cannot go without a name," she said. Addressing the gem, she continued, "I shall call you..." she tapped her chin, with a foreleg. "...call you...Jemry! Ah, that's perfect! But I feel that you're missing something..." Rarity's horn alighted with magic, and she picked up a nearby rock. Working meticulously, she carved 'Jemry' in flowing cursive letters into the surface of the gem. "There now," she said. "Now you're perfect!"

By this time, the sun had almost completely fallen below the horizon, and Rarity was still marveling at her newest find. Realizing that she was short on time, she carefully placed Jemry into her saddlebag, packed up the rest of her things, and rushed back to the Boutique.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sweetie Belle woke up the next morning to the smell of a delicious breakfast being cooked downstairs. Finding the phenomenon odd, as Rarity usually didn't wake up early enough to make her breakfast, she took the stairs two at a time and trotted briskly into the kitchen to find Rarity humming away and preparing the biggest breakfast Sweetie Belle had ever seen.

"Wow, sis!" Sweetie squeaked, laying her eyes on all the delicacies Rarity was making. "What got you up so early?"

"Oh, I thought I'd just get up and prepare a little breakfast for my favorite little sister before she goes off to school," Rarity responded in a sing-song voice. "Besides, it's Hearts and Hooves Day, and isn't spreading a little cheer what today is all about?"

"I think that's Hearth's Warming sis..." she cut herself off. She knew Rarity hated it when she corrected her, especially on tiny things like this.

Rarity showed no reaction.

Sweetie Belle cocked her head in questioning. Realizing she was not about to be reprimanded, she hopped up cheerily, placed her forelegs on the counter, and said, "Wow, sis, you must be in a great mood! Seriously though, what's got you so happy?"

Rarity, obviously waiting for this question to be asked, replied, "See for yourself!" and stepped aside to reveal Jemry, who was propped against the wall in such a way so that the light coming in from the window was bouncing off of Jemry's surface and making him glimmer like the sun rising on morning dew.

"Wow!" Sweetie Belle gasped, excited, but quickly grew confused as to why it was in the kitchen. "What is it?"

"It?" Rarity scoffed. "He is a one-of-a-kind, magnifique, true-blue sapphire! His name is Jemry," she ended with a smile.

"Jemry?" Sweetie Belle was becoming more confused with every word that exited Rarity's smiling mouth. Looking closer, she saw the name engraved into the surface of the gem. "Ohhh, I see. Well that's super coolio!" she raised her hooves over her head with enthusiasm.

Rarity cleared her throat audibly. "Yes, I do suppose he is rather 'coolio'," she said, then told Sweetie, "Why don't you take a seat, and I'll get you your breakfast?"

After the meal had been finished, the dishes cleaned, and Sweetie Belle had been sent to school for the day, Rarity decided to take Jemry and go out on the town for an hour or two to watch the couples enjoy themselves and perhaps take a look at some of the HAH (Hearts and Hooves) specials. Trotting through town, Rarity kept the sides of her saddlebag, where she was keeping Jemry, open for all to see. The day was bright and sunny, and the light gleamed off of Jemry's surface, casting a light blue aura wherever they went. Several stallions stared at the beauty, disappointed that they weren't able to find anything that special for their mare-friends, and several mare-friends stared at them, dissapointed their colt-friend was staring at somepony else!

Rarity acted as if she didn't notice, as if she were looking for a nice bistro or cafe to sit down and have a meal, but in reality she was taking careful note of the attention her new friend was attracting. After about an hour or so of walking around downtown Ponyville, she decided to stop at her favorite little cafe in town for a rest. She sat down on her own seat and used her magic to arrange Jemry in such a way that it could be seen by any passers-by. A waiter arrived shortly.

"Good afternoon, madame, how may I help you?" the waiter started. He was trying his best to be cheery, but his boss had made him wear a pink suit today instead of his normal black, which he did not particularly like.

"Good afternoon," she responded, taking note of how dashing the waiter looked in that pink suit. "I will just have some tea, thank you."

The waiter nodded slightly, and began to walk away.

"Ahem," Rarity cleared her throat loudly.

The waiter took a deep breath to calm himself, and turned around smiling. "Is there something I missed?" he managed.

"You didn't take his order!" Rarity was trying her best not to make a scene.

The waiter looked around, genuinely confused. "'His', madame? About whom are you speaking?"

Rarity rolled her eyes, and pointed towards Jemry, sitting at the other end of the table.

"Oh..." said the waiter, coming to a rather disturbing conclusion. He put on an apologetic face, and started again, "Oh! I'm terribly sorry..." he grimaced, "...monsieur. And, ah, what is it you'd like?"

Silence. Then Rarity answered, "He will have the tea as well."

The waiter nodded again, and trotted briskly to the kitchen. "Being alone on Hearts and Hooves Day must really get to some ponies," he thought as he gave the orders to the pony inside.

Meanwhile, outside, Rarity again pretended not to notice the watchful eyes falling on Jemry's shimmering surface. She thought perhaps it would be a fun experiment to keep track on the amount of ponies eyeing him, so she leaned down to search for a pencil and paper from a her saddlebag. Finding a small pencil and a notecard, she placed them both on her lap, and sat up.

She was alone at the table. Jemry was gone.

At first, Rarity suspected he may have fallen over, but he was not under the table. In fact, he was nowhere on the ground. She sat up and looked around frantically. She couldn't lose him! After experiencing such a creature of beauty, how could she go back?

Then she caught sight of a clue, just in time. A smallish pony dressed in all black was stealing away to a dark alley, a slight glint emanating from the inside of it's coat. Rarity instantly gave chase, screeching to a halt at the entrance to the passage. The pony wasn't expecting pursuit, and had stopped just inside, but upon noticing it's victim sending it a violent glare from just a few steps away, it bolted on the spot, with Rarity in hot pursuit.

Through the town square they ran, shoving past happy couples and lines of busy street vendors, one to get away, and one to get closer. The thief had good distance on her, but being it's smaller size couldn't run as fast as an angered Rarity. The pony knocked down barrels and baskets to try to block her path, but Rarity had no trouble leaping over the obstacles. The thief then had a great opportunity, and jumped up small stack of crates to the rooftops above, knocking down the topmost crate to prevent further chase. However, the pony must either have been incredibly dense or have poor skills observation, because Rarity simply lifted the box back into place with her magic and jumped up to the rooftops as well. Rarity scoured the top of the town, finding the pony jumping precariously from rooftop to rooftop close by. She gave no thought for her own safety, and caught up with the thief, tackling it when she got close enough, sending them all sailing down to the ground below with a sickening *thud*.

"Ugh..." the thief whispered, the wind knocked out of it. Rarity took the chance to pin it down and take a closer look. The pony, a stallion, was indeed small for his age, which seemed to be only slightly younger than Rarity. He had a yellow coat and a tussled orange mane, but his eyes were as blue as the crisp oceans' waves.

Rarity raised a hoof to smack him.

"P-please! Don't h-hurt me!" he stuttered in fear, getting back his breath. "I-I just wanted to find a good gift for...for..." he trailed off. Rarity kept her hoof elevated, but waited a moment to ask questions.

"For who? What are you doing? Why are you stealing my Jemry?" she demanded.

"P-please, just listen to me!" the pony pleaded. "I just wanted a good gift for this great mare I like, and my job is dead-end and I can't do anything for her and I just...I just love her too much! I'm sorry I took your gem, please, just take it, I don't deserve anything beautiful."

Rarity, taken aback by this moving story, stepped back from the pony, and lowered her hoof. She lifted Jemry from inside the pony's coat, and leaned him against a nearby wall.

She lifted the pony to his hooves, and gave him an encouraging smile. "There's no need for any of this. A stallion doesn't need a gift to prove his love to a mare. Just go up to her and tell her how you feel. If she really loves you, she'll accept you for who you are, gift or not."

"Do you really think so?" he said, looking slightly happier.

"I know so," she replied, giving him a gentle pat on the back. "Now get out there, and go find your love."

"W-wow! Thank you, miss!" He removed his black clothing, threw it into a trash can, and ran as fast as he could to his new life.

Rarity smiled, and sat on a nearby crate, taking up Jemry in her arms. "Oh, my little Jemry, you did a good thing, getting stolen," she said, laughed, but quickly grew serious. "I couldn't bear the thought of being without you. It scared me so bad, why I just had to find you. I guess I'm not the only one who's..." she tilted her head slightly and stared right at him, "...fallen in love."

Rarity took Jemry in a warm embrace, and didn't let him go for a long time. His blue aura engulfed them both in a beautiful light, marking the start of a romance that Rarity would never forget.

Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie hopped all around the storefront of Sugar Cube corner, throwing red-colored streamers, heart-shaped confetti, and placing cutouts a little winged pony with a bow and arrows on the tables and windows. While the store did not produce chocolate, Mr. and Mrs. Cake still expected customer turnout to be huge for the next day, Hearts and Hooves Day, and knew the bakery should look appropriate.

The Cakes had gone to buy ingredients for a few new festive recipe ideas, and to stock up for the old ones. As such, Pinkie was left in charge of the decorating, but they knew she wouldn't mind; it seemed to be her favorite thing to do anyway.

"Some more streamers over there! A little confetti over there! Another Cupid over here! Oh! This is just so much fun! I know all the happy little couples will love coming in here tomorrow!" Pinkie was always a little over-exuberant about decorating, and planned everything out loud. After throwing all the confetti in her hooves, she moved over to her small pile of balloons and a helium tank and started to inflate the balloons one by one. She only had six balloons, but the storefront was small, so that would be enough.

After all six were inflated, she stood in the middle of the floor contemplating where to put them, tapping her chin with a hoof as she did so. All the possibilities of optimal positions entered her head at once, and soon she found the perfect one. She placed two on opposite sides of the inside door, one near the banister to the stairs, two on opposite sides of the order counter, and one just inside the window. When that was done, she walked to inside kitchen to retrieve some more streamers, only to be met by a thin balloon string floating in front of the door when she was coming out.

"Oh!" she said, startled. The balloon by the stairs had floated over in front of the kitchen door. "Silly balloon!" she giggled. "I put you over by the stairs!"

The balloon stayed in front of the door.

"Oh, come on now!" she said. "You look good there!" With this, she led the ballon back over to the stairwell, put some streamers in that area, and left again for the window to hang some from the top window pane. When she was done there, the balloon again was right behind her.

"Ack!" she yelped, slightly more startled this time. "Hey, stop that! I told you already you look good over there. Don't you want to please our customers?"

The ballon again did not move.

Pinkie softened. "You're not making this any easier," she said slightly annoyed, but again led to the balloon back towards the stairwell. She left it there and started to walk away, but she sensed that something was following her, and whirled around to come face-to-string with the balloon.

She sighed. "You just can't sit still, can you?" she asked, but got no response. Pinkie could sympathize with the balloon though, knowing how it felt to sit still. She shivered, and looked up at the balloon, smiling. "If you're so eager to be out and around, you should come with me! I just ran out of decorations, and Celestia knows this needs some more decorating!" She gestured to the room, which was almost completely covered in streamers and confetti.

Wrapping the balloon around the wrist of her left foreleg, she trotted towards the door to leave, before she realized a horrible truth and gasped loudly.

"WAIT a second!" she yelled, stopping dead in her tracks. "What if ponies ask about you? I can't tell them anything! I don't even know your name!" She stopped and thought for brief moment. "I know! I'll call you...Ballonso!" Pinkie looked up at Ballonso, and said "Whaddya think?" Hearing no response, she took this as 'Wowie, Pinkie Pie! That's the greatest name ever!' and replied, "I know right? Everypony will be so excited to meet you!"

After naming her new friend, she trotted out the door and made her way to the arts & crafts store a few blocks down to get some more supplies, keeping Ballonso safely tied around her leg as she went. She bounced happily inside through the double doors, and started to look for the decorations aisle, which at this time of year was filled with paper hearts and love letters. Gathering all she needed, she made her way to the register at the front, arms full of packages.

The checkout pony looked disappointedly at the giant pile, and the pony behind it. She didn't like long checkouts or small talk, and this was exactly the pony who would engage her in both. She started to quickly scan the packages, trying to get as many through before Pinkie walked up and tried to talk to her.

"Hiya, Bar!" Pinkie vociferated loudly.

She was too late.

"How's you're day going?" Pinkie asked nicely.

Bar Code put on a happy face. "Oh, y'know, same ol', same ol'."

"You need to add some spice to your life, Bar! Maybe you should take a vacation," Pinkie suggested.

"A vacation? Ha! Even if I could afford it, I doubt I could get the time off to travel," Bar responded in contempt.

Pinkie tried to cheer her up with a smile. "You never know! Maybe some day."

This did cheer up Bar slightly. This cheer, however, went away almost instantly when she discovered that Pinkie was no longer listening, and staring up at a balloon tied around her leg.

"Who's your friend, Pinkie?" Bar joked.

"Oh, silly ol' me, I didn't even introduce you! Bar, meet Ballonso. Ballonso, meet Bar!" Pinkie answered brightly.

Bar blinked. She hadn't actually expected Pinkie to introduce her to the balloon. She simply thought Pinkie had the ballon with her for another party, whether she had just been or was going now, she could not tell.

"Er...nice to meet you?" Bar tried. The balloon just floated there.

Pinkie answered for him. "He says nice to meet you too!" She looked back at the balloon. "And he says that your mane looks fantastic today!"

Bar blushed. "Oh, why thank you Ballonso, I did do a little something..." She stopped. She was talking to a balloon. She kept scanning.

Finishing off the whole lot of packages and stuffing them into small paper bags, she handed them over to Pinkie Pie. "That'll be 25 bits," she told her. Pinkie produced 25 bits from no where, and handed them over to Bar. She then impossibly balanced all the bags onto her back, and walked out of the doors with no effort at all.

Bar rubbed her forehead. "I have got to get a better job."

Outside, Pinkie bounced her way happily back to Sugar Cube Corner, finally with enough supplies to finish decorating for tomorrow. She hoped the Cakes were as impressed with her decorating as she was. Joy filling her body, she bounced higher and higher, feeling the sunshine on her face, the cool breeze through her mane...

...and a striking absence on her leg.

Pinkie stopped bouncing and looked to investigate. Ballonso's string was no longer wrapped around her leg. Instead it was following him as he drifted off into the sky!

Pinkie tried to jump up after him, all the while yelling for him to come back down. "Ballonso! What are you doing? Get back down here right this instant, mister!" He wouldn't listen, and drifted farther and farther into the sky, until he snagged on a wooden post protruding from a house under construction. Pinkie was relieved, but she still needed to think fast. The winds were strong, especially among the rooftops, and he would soon become dislodged and travel farther into the sky, too far away to follow any more. She looked around, and found a low-drooping roof where she could reach the rooftops and make it to his level. Ascending her way to the roof, she hopped, skipped, and jumped her way across the rooftops of Ponyville, making her way closer and closer to Ballonso's position. Just as she was about to make her last bound, Ballonso was pushed by the wind off of the post, and slightly closer to Pinkie Pie, where she was able to grab him while in the air and plummet to the ground below.

The problem wasn't over yet. Pinkie pulled Ballonso closer to her and turned so her body would protect his fragile surface from any harm upon having contact with the ground. Only a few moments passed before Pinkie's back made it's greeting with the ground, and had enough time for tea as she lay there for several moments with the wind knocked out of her.

Coming to her senses, she checked on Ballonso. He was intact.

Pinkie breathed a great sigh of relief, hugging Ballonso for several moments on the ground before getting back up. She said nothing, only glad that her friend was still alive. She went back to the place where she had left her packages in a disorganized jumble, and slowly and safely made her way back home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pinkie pushed open the door to Sugar Cube Corner, placing her bags by the door, and sitting down on a chair near one of their many tables. The Cakes weren't yet home, which she very much preferred, as she didn't want them to see her in her battered state and become worried.

She unwound Ballonso from her leg, and pulled him down to the from of her face.

"Had quite an adventure, today, huh?" She managed a laugh. "You know you should be more careful, you had me all worried...I could have lost you! Nopony wants to lose somepony they just met! Especially somepony they really like..."

She directed her attention briefly towards the pile of bags at the door, and draped her head across the back of the chair. "Suddenly, I'm not in a very 'decorating' mood," she sighed. "I'm in more of a 'sleeping-for-nine-hours' mood." Looking back at Ballonso, she realized that she should probably put him in his place back next to the stairs before she went to sleep. As she left him by the stairs, she looked back. The light from a nearby lamp reflected off of his surface, forming what seemed to be a frown on his face, and Pinkie simply couldn't take it.

"Oh, Ballonso," she grabbed him and held him out in her arms. "I can't leave you alone downstairs! Thinking of how lonely you'd be..." she looked at him straight. "Why don't you stay in my room? Would you like that?"

The light now reflected onto Ballonso's surface gave him a warm smile, which seemed to say 'I love you.'

Pinkie brought him in for a quick kiss. "I love you too, little guy."

Pinkie yawn'd wide, and made her way upstairs. Tying Ballonso's string securely around her bedpost and making sure her window was locked tight, she turned out her light, and rolled over to look at him, shining in the moonlight that was beginning to seep through her window.

"Goodnight," she giggled. "Boyfriend."

Author's Note

Pinkie Pie is very bad at tying knots.

Twilight Sparkle

Twilight Sparkle rushed around the base of her library, searching for anything that could teach her more on the power of love.

It was Hearts and Hooves Day, and Twilight was busy working. Princess Cadence had realized Twilight's confusion on the power of love when she had used it to defeat the Changeling Queen at her wedding, so she had sent a special order down at the beginning of the week for Twilight's reports that week to be on the magic of love, rather than the magic of friendship. Cadence must not know Twilight as well as she thinks though, as she had expected her to do some field research, observing couples and maybe even flirting for herself, but Twilight had other ideas.

"Y'know, Twilight, I'm pretty sure you're not gonna learn much on love from old books written by ponies who probably never experienced it for themselves," Spike commented as he watched Twilight raid the books in the library.

"Oh, what do you know Spike? I've never even seen you try to read any of the books here. In fact I've never seen you read anything other than comics," Twilight retorted.

"Yeah, they can't write about love either, and they're supposed to be the good ones," Spike joked. Twilight didn't notice.

"Just help me look for the right book, will you?" Twilight finished.

"Whatever you say, Ms. 'Love Expert'," Spike grumbled as he made his way to the bookshelves.

Book after book went flying by Twilight's face, being placed in two neat stacks at the end if it looked either promising or completely irrelevant.

"Potion Brewing Guide, no. Equestrian History in 100 Pages, maybe. The Life of Leon Trotsky, no. Tropical Tea Blends? I've asked Celestia not to leave her books around here..." Twilight briefly took a look at the covers and decided whether or not it would be a worthwhile read. By the end of all her sorting and organization, she had deemed that about one third of the books in her whole library could contain some valuable information on love.

Spike peeked around one of the corners of the large pile of books Twilight was getting ready to read and cast her a questionable look. "How are you gonna read all these books, Twilight? This is gonna take a lot longer than seven days!"

Twilight settled down on a cushion and lifted her first book off of the top of the pile with her magic. "I know I can't read them all in seven days, but that doesn't mean I can't read enough to fill a good report. Besides, it's only for this one week, I won't need to know that much right away."

Spike looked over the entire pile of books, then back at his guardian. "What if I told you there's a way to do all this research," he gestured to the massive pyramid beside him, "in just one day?"

"I'd say you're crazy," Twilight responded, not looking up from the book.

"Oh, but that's where you're so wrong," Spike said vaguely.

"Oh really?" Twilight said indignantly. "Prove it."

"Only with a question. What day is it?" he asked.

"February fourteenth," Twilight said after thinking about it briefly.

"No, no, no, what day is it?" Spike repeated.

"Saturday?" Twilight replied, slightly confused.

Spike's hand quickly made a polite acquaintance with his face, and stayed for a quick chat before it had to leave again, after which Spike revealed, "It's Hearts and Hooves Day Twilight! The day of love! When ponies are outside! Showing affection!"

Twilight's eyes widened at the realization. "You're right! I'd been so busy trying to learn about love, I didn't stop to think about how I should do so!" She grabbed Spike in a strong hug, and said happily, "Oh, thank you Spike, you're the greatest assistant ever!"

"Aw, just doin' my job," Spike said, feeling slightly embarrassed.

Twilight quickly gathered a fountain quill and a notebook, bid Spike adieu as she opened the door, and stepped outside to observe the magic of love being put on display in Ponyville. Standing just outside her door, she debated the best places for romantic environments in town, and decided to check on the population at the fountain in the town square first. As she was starting to head in that direction though, she spotted a notebook not unlike her own lying open on a bush near her house. Thinking it in a strange position, she approached it to take a closer look.

Three words were written on the first page that read 'You are beautiful', each on a separate line in rather large font. Twilight picked up the notebook to look at it more, though she held no interest in the three words there. Finding it was in good condition, she took it with her and continued her journey to town square.

Twilight arrived at the fountain and discovered her assumptions were correct, as three different couples were seated around the edge of the fountain, looking wistfully into each other's eyes and smiling slightly. She took a seat meant for customers at a nearby cafe, and non-schalontly pretended to be observing a menu, while also keeping a watchful eye on the first couple, a handsome yellow stallion and a pretty light-blue mare.

Twilight angled her ears in order to catch more of their conversation over the gentle splashing of the fountain behind them.

"Oh, Ivy," the stallion said warmly. "You're the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life."

The mare smiled upon hearing this, and the two ponies hugged tightly for several moments. Twilight took notes nearby.

"Compliments equals affection," she wrote, and drew a quick sketch of the stallion expressing love, and the two hugging afterwards. She then moved to a different table, and started to observe the second couple, a maroon stallion and a deep-green mare.

The couple had already been hugging, and when they broke away, the mare said, "I can't imagine ever being with anypony else," after which the two nuzzled each other. Twilight was mildly surprised by this display of affection being much greater than the last from a seemingly similar compliment. She labeled this particular situation as 'Level 2 Affection', and labeled the first as level one, then inconspicuously moved to a table closer to the third and final couple around the fountain.

A mint-green mare and a golden stallion sat there, eyelids slightly closed as they stared at each other. "You are beautiful," the stallion said passionately, to which the mare replied, "I love you," and brought him in for a long kiss.

Meanwhile, nearby, Twilight sat up, shocked by this new find. How could the same basic level of compliment create such varying levels of affection? Twilight scribbled the three different compliments in her notebook, and tried to see how they were different, but they all just seemed so similar!

Except for one.

The last one stood out to Twilight. Where had she heard this before? She doubted anypony had ever said it to her, otherwise she would have reacted in the same way that mare had. She flipped through the pages in her notebook, from front to back, to the front again, and it hit her when she reached the first page. Twilight reached over and grabbed the notebook she had found earlier, opened the cover to the front, and there it was, written in large font all on separate lines.

'You are beautiful'

But what was this? This wasn't a pony. It was a notebook! An inanimate object!

And it was complimenting her?

Twilight wasn't sure exactly what to do. Were the conditions different because this wasn't a pony? Or when objects complimented you, did the same rules apply?

Utterly confused by the situation, Twilight stuck with what she knew. "I love you," she said, imitating the mare she had just seen, and kissed the cover of the notebook for several moments, closing her eyes as she did so.

When she opened her eyes and brought the book away from her lips, she felt a strange sensation stirring inside of her, something she had never felt before.

"Is this love?" she thought to herself. Surely there was no way.

But when she looked back at the notebook, she felt the same feeling, and as she brought it closer, the feeling grew stronger.

"Is this what love does to ponies?" Twilight wondered out loud. "How can something be so strong and so strange," she looked at the notebook, "and yet so logical?"

Twilight decided to ignore every sense in her body telling her this was strange and unnatural, succumbing to the power of love which only now did she fully understand. She hugged and kissed the notebook for several minutes, pausing only to stare at his cover and smile.

"Oh, Note," she decided to call him, "You've taught me so much today." She kissed him once more, and said, "And I have a feeling this is only the beginning."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Twilight opened the door to her library, carrying Note carefully in the crook of her foreleg and the rest of her supplies above her head with magic. Spike greeted her at the door, and immediately noticed she had doubled the amount of notebooks she had left with.

"Wow, Twilight, you must have learned a lot if you had to go and buy another notebook," he commented innocently.

"Oh you have no idea," she replied, staring affectionately at Note as she did so.

Spike looked between her and the notebook, but thought nothing of it. "Well, you sure were gone a long time," he yawn'd. "I think I'll be off to bed now."

Twilight yawned as well, and came to the same conclusion. She waited for Spike to make his way fully upstairs, then put her original notebook and quill away, sneaking Note upstairs with her. As per usual, Spike was already fast asleep, and he never woke up easily.

Twilight climbed into her bed, pulled up her covers, and placed Note on the pillow next to her. "I am truly glad to have met you, Note," she told him affectionately. "I'll see you in the morning, and remember, you are beautiful."

She giggled, gave Note one last kiss, then drifted off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flash Sentry fluttered outside of Twilight Sparkle's window, watching her sleeping peacefully with his notebook lying on her pillow beside her. His plan had failed horribly.

Flash had gotten that notebook earlier that day and had written the words inside it, then placed it on a bush outside of Twilight's front door with a string attached to it on a a fishing pole. However, Twilight had not come out of her house all day, and he had grown bored waiting, so he had fallen asleep. When he finally woke up, the book was gone, and when he found it again, it was in the loving arms of Twilight.

"I knew I should have tied that string tighter!" he cursed himself as he slowly lowered from the window to the ground below. Soon his anger turned to despair, and he cried out in the night, "How am I ever going to find her love now?"

Author's Note

Looks like Pinkie's not the only one who needs to learn how to tie knots.

Also I regret nothing.

Fluttershy

Fluttershy trotted around the rolling green hills of the meadow looking for flowers and grasses that dotted the landscape here and there for her pets' lunchtime meals. Her animals had become very picky over the years, wanting only certain vegetables in their lunches, sometimes only on certain days, but she liked the work. It gave her something to do.
On this particular day, however, she'd made the mistake of deciding to accept special orders on meals, seeing as it was Hearts and Hooves Day, a holiday of kindness, and practically all of her animals pulled out lists and photographs to show her exactly what they wanted. Fluttershy simply couldn't work up the courage to say no.

Currently, she was working on her last order, Chuck's, one of her beavers; lettuce, cucumber, dew-dropped blue flowers, roasted almonds, and light Italian dressing. She'd have to go into town for the almonds and dressing later, and the lettuce and cucumber she could get from her garden, but the flowers were something she couldn't find anywhere but here.

Fluttershy lifted the flower she had just picked carefully into her basket so the dew wouldn't slide off. She knew she spoiled her animals to a point where not even a high level magic spell could bring them back to ripeness, but she didn't mind a little extra work to please them.
As she placed this last flower in her basket, she looked around and noticed that the spot she was in was now completely devoid of blue flowers, and she still didn't have enough for Chuck's meal. She sighed and scoured the rest of the field for anything remotely blue in color, until a slight blue glint caught her eye. It was the reflection of a dewdrop on a radiant blue flower.

"Oh my," she breathed as she trotted over to where the flower was growing. It was even more beautiful up close. Each dew drop seemed to glint on it’s own accord, making it so that no matter where you stood, the sun always shined brightly off of it’s surface.

“It’s so gorgeous,” Fluttershy tried not to disturb the flower’s tranquil surface as she leaned down to get a better look. “A flower like this deserves to be recognized a little bit more for it’s selective traits.”

Fluttershy’s deft jaw quickly plucked the stem of the flower from the ground, transferred it to her hoof, and from there into the crook behind her right ear, all without the slightest movement on the surface.

“There now,” she smiled. “I’ll bring you into town with me so everypony can admire you.” She began to gather up her basket and start towards town when suddenly a horrifying thought entered her mind.

“But what if ponies ask about you! Oh, I won’t know what to call you! And I feel so bad, I never asked! What is your name?”

No response.

"Okay, didn’t think that one out,” Fluttershy thought to herself. “I suppose I should name you,” she mused. “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet,” she said philosophically. “Oh no, that’s just silly. A name means everything! I’ll call you Florent,” she finished.

With that settled, Fluttershy happily skipped into town, Florent tucked safely behind her ear. Upon arriving in the business center of Ponyville, which consisted mainly of produce stands being run by ponies who could be spending their Saturdays doing much better things, Fluttershy encountered several ponies who were entranced with the flower as they walked by.

“See how much they like you?” Fluttershy whispered up to Florent. “This is where you truly belong.”

Thinking he had gotten enough time in the limelight for now, Fluttershy checked her list of errands to see where she had to go first. The first stop was for Chuck's roasted almonds, and since nopony was in line there, Fluttershy walked right up.

Open Fire welcomed Fluttershy warmly. "Hey there Fluttershy! Back for some of Chuck's almonds, I see?"

"Do I really buy them here that often?" Fluttershy queried.

"You were here no more than three days ago."

"Oh."

"Well, I'm glad you stopped by, anyhow," Open smiled. She noticed the flower sitting on her head. "Like the new look you've got here," she commented gesturing to the flower. "It really complements your mane."

"Does he really?" Fluttershy blushed and raised a hoof to cover her embarrassed smile.

Ignoring the masculine pronoun, Open proceeded with the conversation. "So, what can I do ya for? We got almonds of all kinds here," she ended with a salesman-like smile.

"Oh, yes," Fluttershy said, focusing on her errands. "Um, I would like a pound of roasted almonds please."

"Can do," Open nodded, and warmed up a small burner to the side of her stand. It was any wonder it hadn't burned something down yet in the cloth fire hazard that was the almond stand. "It'll be a few minutes before they're ready. Hope you don't mind waiting."

"Of course not," Fluttershy grinned. "I'm always happy to talk to a friend."

Open brightened at this comment. "Thanks, Fluttershy. It means a lot to hear someone say that to you, especially today."

Fluttershy was slightly taken aback. "Oh, I didn't mean that I--"

Open cut her off, "I know what you meant."

Fluttershy nodded. "Um...right." The conversation became awkward. "So, uhhh, that burner ready yet?"

"Huh? Oh yeah. Should be by now," Open checked the temperature of the pan, and discovered it hot enough to start roasting. She weighed out a pound of almonds, and began to stir them slowly in the pan.

Once they were ready, Open poured the contents of the pan into a medium sized burlap sack, and handed them over to Fluttershy. "Here ya go, Fluttershy. These are on the house."

"Oh, no, I couldn't possibly take that," Fluttershy began to pull out a small coin purse from nowhere.

"Please, my gift for the holidays," she placed the sack into Fluttershy's saddlebags. "Perhaps not the most traditional of gifts, but you get the idea."

"Oh, thank you!" Fluttershy said, quite grateful. "Have a happy Hearts and Hooves Day!"

"You too, Fluttershy!" Open waved at her as she trotted away. "Keep the flower, I love the look!" she shouted to her.

"Thank you, he really is quite a beauty!" Fluttershy responded, and the was out of sight.

Open shrugged at the repeated use of 'he', but decided to once again ignore it. Who was she to judge other ponies?

Suddenly, the thought of judgement made a new thought enter her mind. "The safety inspector is coming by later today!" she realized. Open moved the burner to a safer location.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lunch is almost ready, my lovelies!" Fluttershy catcalled throughout her cottage, and creatures came running from all directions. She had laid out all the meals with name cards of the respective animals who had ordered them leaning against it, as well as table settings which most of them usually ignored.

"I worked very hard at preparing these meals for you, so what do we say?" Fluttershy asked.

There was a cacophony of animal noises.

"That's right, 'thank you'!" Fluttershy smiled.

After that, any motion to say anything else was utterly useless, as despicable, repulsive sounds of absolute gluttony could be heard throughout the cottage, and to a few passers-by outside, who wondered what could possibly could be making such slobbery noises. Remembering what day it was, they quickly moved on.

Fluttershy just giggled, as she was quite used to this sound, but this display was rather excessive as compared to others when it was usually just a few animals at most. Soon, she found it slightly hurtful on her sensitive ears, so she retrieved some earplugs from a drawer and put them in as effectively as she could.

Upon feeling around her ears to see if they were in well enough, she found that something was missing.

Florent was gone.

Fluttershy panicked. He was gone. He was completely gone. Quickly, she went over all the possibilities in her mind. She'd had him all the time at the marketplace, she had him when she got home, she had him when she was putting groceries away, so that must mean she had lost him when she was...

...preparing the meals.

Fluttershy's eyes widened in realization. Florent was somewhere in one of the animals' meals. She searched what was rest of the meals as fast as she could, but she couldn't make anything out in the flurry of fur and vegetables. In a desperate attempt to stop them, Fluttershy shouted at the top of her lungs, but even she could barely hear herself over the eating orchestra tuning to all the wrong notes.

Fluttershy didn't know what to do. The animals' meals were growing smaller and smaller by the minute, and there was absolutely no way to stop them. No way except for...

As a last resort, Fluttershy used The Stare on every dining creature at the table.

They all stopped, from the strongest bear to the tiniest chipmunk. A unanimous freeze-frame out of fear.

Guilt setting down heavily in the pit of Fluttershy's stomach, she began her frantic search through every animal's meal that had contained blue flowers, as she would have noticed if he had fallen in any of the ones that hadn't. She began with Tortue's, her tortoise, who had requested only a small amount in his, but they were already all gone. Hopefully he hadn't been there.

Next she checked Adrian's, one of her chipmunks, who had a few blue flowers left, but none of them could even compare to Florent.

Lastly was Chuck's. Fluttershy was now becoming increasingly anxious as to whether or not he would be here, because this was the only other place he could be. She ravaged his meal, searching for that one thing that was not like the other, the one thing that could bring her joy...

And she found him.

Near the bottom of the bowl, she found him, still extraordinarily beautiful though being squashed by all the other vegetables. Picking him up in a careful (and awkward) hug, she whispered, "Florent! Oh, I missed you so much! I thought I'd lose you forever..." she trailed off. Once she finished the embrace, she realized that she was standing smack dab in the middle of her dining table. By this time, the effect of The Stare had worn off, and all of her creatures were eyeing her curiously, some even a little bit doubtfully.

"Oh, um, sorry everyone," Fluttershy managed, highly embarrassed. "Please, uh, do continue," she mumbled as she slid from the table and into the next room. Her animals simply shook their heads and kept eating.

Alone at last, Fluttershy shared counsel with Florent. "Everypony in town seemed to like you so much, I couldn't bear the thought of what it would do to them if they couldn't get to see you again. What it would do to me..." she let slip out. Hearing her words, she blushed. "Oh, I mean, not that I...I mean I guess I do but," she blushed again, "Wait! No, that's not what I meant to say..." she looked helplessly at Florent, who seemed to glisten back in approval.

Fluttershy's mood brightened significantly. "Do...do you mean, you feel the same?"

The same glisten.

"Oh...this is not what I was expecting at all," She nuzzled his petals with the tip of her muzzle. "I guess this day was a little more rewarding than I had thought."

Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash glared over at the defendant’s side of the courtroom, stopping her gaze on that...that thing that used to be her fiance. He didn’t look back at her.

“All rise,” the judge’s voice was amplified across the whole room. The room did so.

“Court is now in session for the case of Rainbow Dash vs. Her Lover,” the judge adjusted his monocle and read the page again. It most certainly did say “Her Lover” as the name of the defendant. He leaned over his booth to look at the defendant, and was slightly taken aback.

“Is this the right case file?” he addressed the prosecution.

Rainbow Dash’s lawyer laughed uncomfortably, and responded, “Yes, Your Honor, it is.”

The judge cleared his throat and shuffled some papers. “Well let’s get on with this, shall we?” he joked. “Does the defense have an opening statement?”

“We do, Your Honor,” Icus, her prosecuting attorney, stated. With his title as an attorney, though, his full name was Atty. Icus. “We would like to prove to this court today that the relationship between Rainbow Dash and,” he looked at the defendant’s chair, “Her Lover was one of unrelenting passion instigated by the latter of the couple. In so proving, we will claim that all responsibility of the wrongdoings because of the relationship be attributed to Her Lover, and that Ms. Dash be compensated for her losses, and in the case of her childbearing, her gains.” At this, most male members of the courtroom could be heard to chuckle, while the female members became slightly offput.

The judge addressed the prosecution. “And, ah, what is it exactly, that she is being compensated for?” he asked.

“Custody, and child support, plain and simple.” Icus said bluntly. The judge nodded in response. “And, the defense?”

The lawyer for the defense stood up, and walked to the front of his desk. His name was Ringer, and ironically, he was one. “Your Honor,” he began, “During the course of this trial, I am going to actively disprove,” at this he looked at the prosecution, “everything my opponent will be ‘proving’. That is all I have to say,” he went back around to his seat, and sat down confidently.

The judge blinked. “Well this trial is getting stranger by the minute,” he admitted. “Before we start whatever testimony could possibly be relevant to this case, is there anything either of you would like to submit?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” the plaintiff said. “I would like to submit this brochure that contains details on the promised appearance of the defendant.”

“Er, okay then,” the judge said uncomfortably. “Anything else?”

The plaintiff spoke up again, “This dress that Ms. Dash was wearing on the night of her first romantic meeting with Her Lover.”

This seemed like slightly more normal evidence. “Okay then, is that all?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” Rainbow’s lawyer replied. The judge looked over at the defense, who made a motion implying he had nothing to submit.

“Now then, will the prosecution call in their first witness?” the judge vociferated to the room.

“With pleasure, Your Honor,” the plaintiff replied. “Will Ms. Rarity please come to the stand?”

On cue, the bailiff brought in a white unicorn mare, and escorted her to the witness stand. He held up the book of The Two Sisters. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Celestia?"

"I do," the unicorn replied. The bailiff moved away.

Atty. Icus walked around to the front of his desk. “Will the witness please state her name and occupation?”

“Why of course darling,” she responded responded happily. “My name is Rarity, I am self-employed at the Carousel Boutique where I work as a fashion designer.”

“And how do you know the defendant?” he asked.

“Why, she’s one of my best friends. Hello, Dashie, darling!” she called. Rainbow waved embarrassingly in response.

“Have you ever given any gifts to the defendant?”

“A few, most likely, but I couldn’t name them right now.”

Icus held up the dress. “Was this one of them?”

Rarity recognized the dress. “Oh, yes, I gave that to her when she said she needed something for a,” she giggled, “special date.”

“Did she mention who this special date was?”

“Um,” Rarity thought for a moment. “No, I don’t believe so.”

“But nevertheless, she seemed very nervous, no?”

“Well, anypony would be, wouldn’t they?”

“Yes, of course. Now, has Ms. Dash ever come to you with such a request as for a dress before?”

“By my heavens, no! Rainbow Dash isn’t exactly the fashionable type, you know.”

“So it would be safe to assume she was trying to, say, impress somepony?”

Ringer stood up. “Objection. Asking for speculation on the part of the witness.”

“Sustained,” the judge replied.
I cus tried something new. “From Rainbow Dash’s emotions that night, you could tell she was trying to impress somepony, correct?”

Ringer wasn’t letting this go. “Objection. Your Honor, he’s asking the same question.”

The judge shook his head. “It was a nice try, Atty. Icus. Objection sustained.”

Atty. Icus looked defeated, but only for a second. He began to follow a different path. “Has Rainbow Dash ever worn a dress unless it was illicitly required?”

Rarity thought back through all her years of knowing Dash. “No, unless it was completely required, she would avoid it.” Then a thought came to her mind. “Although, such drastic wear is not required at the gala, to which she wore a dress to impress the Wonderbolts.”

Icus grinned. “So Ms. Dash has only before worn a dress on her own accord to impress somepony?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“No further questions, Your Honor.” Atty. Icus stepped down.

The judge raised an eyebrow. “Does the prosecution have any questions at this time?”

Ringer stood up and started, “Yes, Your Honor. Ms. Rarity, you have just stated that Rainbow Dash has never worn a dress unless required or to impress, correct?”

“Yes, that’s correct,” Rarity replied.

“May I remind you that you are under oath?” Ringer insisted.

“Excuse me?” Rarity said, astonished.

“Were there not any other instances where Rainbow Dash has worn a dress for neither reason?”

“No!” Rarity replied indignantly.

“What about the Royal Wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Captian of the Royal Guard Shining Armor?”

Rarity looked taken back. "Yes? A-and, what about it?"

"Did Ms. Dash wear a dress to this particular occasion?"

"Well, yes, of course she did..."

"But it was not particularly necessary to wear anything exceptionally formal, was it? It's not hard to recall that several ponies did not wear much for the occasion."

"But we were the bridesmaids..."

"So? I've confirmed that one Ms. Applejack broke the dress for the bridesmaids not long after the ceremony began."

Rainbow Dash made a note to curse out Applejack later.

Rarity looked put out. "Yes, but you have to understand, Applejack isn't one to observe dress code often."

"Is that to say Rainbow Dash is?"

"Well, no..."

Ringer walked back and forth in front of his desk. "The question is very simple, Ms. Rarity, will Rainbow Dash wear a dress even if not illicitly required?"

"Well, not usually--"

"A simple yes or no will suffice."

"You see she's--"

"Ms. Rarity! Yes or no!"

"Yes!"

The room turned silent. Rainbow Dash looked wide-eyed at Rarity, her expression of both disappointment and betrayal.

"Yes..." Rarity breathed. She blinked a few times, and flipped her mane to the back of her head. "Now, sir, is there anything else you need, or will you let this poor lady leave your interrogation room?"

Ringer feigned regret. "Yes, that will be all."

Rarity left the stand.

The judge massaged his forehead. "Does the prosecution have any less emotional witnesses?"

Atty. Icus laughed uncomfortably. "Unemotional? No, but she is on the other side of the spectrum."

"Other side of the spectrum? I think I can handle anything after a sensitive drama que--"

"HI EVERYPONY!"

"Oh sweet Celestia take me now."

Atty. Icus loosened his tie. "The prosecution calls Ms. Pinkamena Pie to the stand."

Pinkie raced up to Icus in a second. "Hey, Mr. Lawyer! You can call me 'Pinkie'! All of my friends do!

"Yes, um, Pinkie, will you please take the stand?"

"No problemo, señor!" Pinkie saluted ironically. The bailiff approached her once she had taken her seat. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Celestia?" he repeated to her.

"I sure do!" she vociferated.

Atty. Icus produced the brochure he had presented earlier. "Ms. P--er--Pinkie, do you know what this is?"

Pinkie peered at what Icus was holding from her seat on the stand. "As a matter of fact, I do! That's Mr. and Mrs. Cake's kitchen set brochure." Upon saying this, she noticed the defendant. "Hey, why is Mr. and Mrs. Cake's sink in the defendant's chair?"

The judge breathed a sigh of relief. "Good, I'm not going crazy!"

Rainbow Dash finally broke. "I'll tell you why he's in the defendant's chair! Because he's a thief! A thief who stole my love and my life away from me!" She collapsed into a fit of tears.

"Bailiff, please escort the witness out of the courtroom," the judge sighed, and banged his gavel on his desk. "This court is adjourned on account of the defendant being an inanimate object!"

"No!" Rainbow screamed as she was dragged from the courtroom. "No!"

Sink said nothing as he watched the madness he had created evolve around him. He dripped mischievously. All had gone according to plan.

Author's Note

Holy bejeezus, glad I finally finished this thing. Actually I finished it a while ago, but if you've read the blog post from like a year ago then you know what's up. Kinda just felt like I needed to finish this, even though I didn't really like where it went. Oh well, hopefully you got a good laugh or two out of it. If you didn't, well then, I'm sorry. But you're the one reading titles like this. C