It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and, as a rare treat, there was no sign of impending doom this week. It was a time for everypony in the quaint town to enjoy their day without worry.
Except for one pony.
Inside Sugar Cube Corner sat a gloomy Applejack. With one hoof propping up her head, she idly chomped away at a small plate of cookies and nursed a mug of coffee. A huge frown on her face, slumped shoulders, and filling the room with an occasional sigh, the orange mare was pretty much the picture of depression. The only thing that would have completed the scene was if a small thunderstorm loomed over her head, but the paperwork to obtain one from the Cloudsdale Weather Factory was too much of a hassle for the awful occasion.
Applejack’s hoof reached for another cookie, only to find nothing but the plate. Sighing heavily over the denial of sugary treats, she raised her coffee mug, only to discover that it too was completely gone. With another sigh that was heavier than Rainbow Dash’s secret shrine to a certain pony in the Wonderbolts, she set down her cup on the table with a loud thunk. Her face followed right after it.
What had started out as a good day for Applejack had quickly decayed into a series of failures and disappointments. She slammed her face into the table a few more times, hoping that perhaps if she did it enough, her problems would somehow fade away. Or she could pass out. That would be fine as well.
Eventually, she stopped her abuse to her face and the table. Partly because she realized she could not bang her problems away, and partly because she did not want to subjugate the table to any more unwarranted punishment. After all, it had done nothing but support her the entire time she was here.
As she continued her face to face with the table, silently apologizing to the innocent furniture for her past transgressions, she heard a plate being gently set down next to her. Looking up, she saw a portly blue mare nudging a chocolate muffin towards her.
“Here you go, dear,” Mrs. Cake said with a smile. “One chocolate chip muffin.”
Applejack gaped in awe as her eyes lovingly took in the sight of the amazing pastry. The muffin was of a perfect shape and color, literally covered with oozing, melting chocolate. The smell of the sugar and chocolate danced on her nostrils, and she could even see a few wisps of steam rising out of the delectable dessert.
Applejack felt no shame that a small puddle had formed underneath her mouth. She wanted, no, she needed to stuff that princess of all muffins in her.
Unfortunately, it was not hers to take. Stupid honesty.
“Um, sorry, Mrs. Cake, but Ah didn’t order that,” Applejack meekly confessed, tearing her eyes off the chocolate temptress seducing her.
“Oh, don’t worry about that, Applejack,” Mrs. Cake replied. “It’s on the house. You looked like you could use a pick me up. I’m sure if Pinkie was here, she would have already done so a long time ago.”
“Wow, Ah really appreciate it, Mrs. Cake,” Applejack gratefully thanked. “You’re right about needin’ a pick me up. Today hasn’t really been my day, but this will help a lot.”
“What happened?”
“Well, Big Mac got injured.”
“Oh dear, is it serious?”
Applejack shook her head. “Na, it’s nothin’ much. All he needs is a few days of rest. The trouble is that he’s out of commission, and with applebuckin’ season right around the corner, Ah’m goin’ to have my hooves full just tryin’ to keep up with all the work.”
“Couldn’t you ask your friends for help?” Mrs. Cake suggested.
“Ah already did. Every one of them is either too busy with their own business or disaster.”
Mrs. Cake blinked. “What was that second part?”
“Don’t ask,” Applejack replied with a huff.
“Um, alright then. Well, if it’s any consolation, I hope everything will work out for you.”
A small crash at the door caused both ponies to jump. A few seconds later, the bell on the front door rang as a large box slowly slid inside the bakery, barely fitting through the door.
“Package… for… Pinkie… Pie…” a weary voice called out.
Applejack and Mrs. Cake watched in awe as a gray head with a blonde mane slowly pushed the heavy cargo. When the pony and box finally made it into the middle of the room, the pony collapsed onto the floor.
“Oh my goodness, Derpy,” Mrs. Cake said as she walked over to the grounded pegasus. “Are you alright?”
“I’m… okay… Just doing… my job…” Derpy replied between pants, still lying exhausted on the floor.
“Well, that’s good. Do you think you could bring it to the upstairs so…” Mrs. Cake paused when she saw Derpy’s head shot up, her misaligned eyes shrinking to mere pinpricks. “On second thought, we can leave it here. I’m sure Pinkie can handle it when she gets back.”
The gratitude on Derpy’s face looked as if though Mrs. Cake had actually saved her life.
Suddenly, the sound of foals crying descended from upstairs.
“Cup, honey, could you come up for a moment?” Mr. Cake called over the fuss in a panicked voice.
“Oh no, what now?” Mrs. Cake muttered. “I’ll be right back, Derpy, but in the meantime, could you at least push the package to the side?”
“O-oh, sure,” Derpy said, her smile faltering for a second as Mrs. Cake rushed upstairs. “I’ll... I’ll get right on that.”
“Here, let me help with that,” Applejack offered, joining Derpy on the side of the box and began their arduous labor.
Even with the two of them working away at Pinkie’s perplexing package, it took a great deal of effort. After a few moments of grunting and the use of their hard heads, they managed to finally move the heavy load up against a wall.
“Whew, thanks for the help, Applejack,” Derpy said as they leaned on the box.
“It’s no big deal,” Applejack replied. “Ah’m used to luggin’ around heavy stuff on the farm, although, Ah have to admit that Ah didn’t expect to have so much trouble with this dang thing. What did Pinkie order?”
“It’s better not to know, trust me,” Mrs. Cake explained as she came down the stairs. “Carrot tried opening one before, and well… let’s just say that I never knew he could scream like that.”
Applejack and Derpy both took a big step away from the box.
“Anyway, thanks for moving that for me, girls,” Mrs. Cake continued. “Derpy, would you like a little treat before you go? It’s a little thank you for your hard work.”
“Ooh, that sounds great, Mrs. Cake!” Derpy chirped with a big grin, following Mrs. Cake to the counter.
Derpy’s smile faded a bit when Mrs. Cake pulled out another muffin exactly like Applejack’s. “O-oh… a muffin,” she said in a slightly quieter voice.
“Pinkie finished them a little while ago before she left,” Mrs. Cake added.
Derpy’s smile completely collapsed like a house of cards. “P-Pinkie made them?” she repeated, staring at the muffin as though it was going to devour her instead.
“Oh yes, she—”
The sounds of foals crying started yet again.
“Why?!” came Mr’s Cake’s cry before his sobs joined the foals’.
“Sorry, I have two little foals and a big one to take care of,” Mrs. Cake said with a sigh before heading back upstairs.
Applejack curiously watched from her table as one of Derpy’s eyes kept watch on her muffin, and the other darted around the room. After a moment, she shrugged and set her sights on her own treat. She had to get back to Sweet Apple Acres soon, and she was going to need all the energy she could get to survive the intense schedule lying ahead. She licked her lips, taking a moment to bask in its glory, before bringing it up to her mouth.
“Applejack! Noooo!”
Applejack looked up just in time to see a blur of gray ram into her, sending the both of them crashing to the floor.
Time seemed to slow as Applejack looked in horror as her muffin flew out of her hoof and through the air. It spun further and further away from her before gravity remembered to do its job. Applejack could hear a thundering boom in her head when the innocent muffin splattered onto the floor. She let out a growl at the sight of the chocolatey casualty and directed her glare at the pegasus on top of her.
“What the hay, Derpy?!” Applejack bellowed, her face lighting up red with anger.
“Sorry, Applejack, but I had to save you,” Derpy replied.
“Save me? Save me from what?”
“The muffin.”
“The muffin? Derpy, why in Equestria would Ah need savin’ from that?”
Derpy frowned. “Because Pinkie made it. Don’t you remember the baked bad incident? Half of Ponyville got sick because of the muffins she gave out.”
Applejack’s anger quickly disappeared, but her face remained red, this time from a big blush. “Um, Derpy, didn’t you hear what actually happened? Ah helped her bake those, but because Ah was too tired from work, Ah messed up the recipe… a lot…”
Derpy blinked. “I guess I missed that…”
Applejack nodded slowly. “Guess so…”
“So that means I tackled you for nothing…”
“Pretty much…”
Derpy sheepishly looked away as an uncomfortable silence, similar to one might find after somepony revealed too much information about what they did last night, filled the room.
Applejack sighed. Despite the tragic loss of her beloved dessert, she could not stay mad at Derpy. “Look, Derpy, you were just tryin’ to help, and Ah shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s just been a really rough day.”
Derpy’s attention quickly focused back on her. “Anything I could do to help?”
“Yup, you could get off me.”
“Oops, my bad,” Derpy apologized, and with a flap of her wings, she flew into the air and helped Applejack back on her hooves.
“Can I do anything else for you, Applejack?” Derpy asked.
“It’s fine, but Ah really need to get home now,” Applejack replied, brushing herself off.
“But—”
“Ah’ll talk to you some other time,” Applejack said as she exited the bakery, leaving the confused pegasus behind.
Applejack trudged back to Sweet Apple Acres, dreading the upcoming workload as the events of the last time she tried to take on everything by herself filled her mind. At least she did not have any lingering promises to help her friends this time, so maybe Ponyville would remain intact when it was all over.
“Wait, Applejack!”
Applejack turned around to see Derpy flying towards her.
“Derpy, Ah already told you that it’s alright. You don’t have to worry about what happened,” Applejack stated.
“Let me help you!” Derpy blurted out loudly.
Applejack reeled back at the sudden outburst. “Um, what?”
“Mrs. Cake told me why you were looking so down, and I want to help you with the applebucking.”
“Gee, Derpy, that’s mighty kind of you, but you don’t have to do that. It’s goin’ to be a lot of work, and it doesn’t feel right to ask you for so much when we don’t really know each other that well.”
“That’s alright. I want to do it.”
Applejack rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. “Well…”
While it was true that the two of them were just mere acquaintances, that was not the only reason why Applejack was reluctant to accept Derpy’s help. Whether it was a bizarre streak of bad luck or some other power, the other reason was because Derpy had a tendency to be involved in accidents. While Applejack respected her good-nature and drive to fix her messes, something was bound to happen if she let Derpy help out, and she could not afford any delays.
“Please, Applejack,” Derpy pleaded. “I heard that you ran away to Dodge Junction when you didn’t win enough bits at the Canterlot Rodeo Competition to repair the damages that I caused to the town hall. I’ve been wanting to apologize to you, but I was just too nervous to apologize.”
“Derpy, really, Ah—”
“Look, Applejack, I know I sometimes mess things up, but I really, really, really want to make it up to you.” Derpy sank to the ground a little so she could look up with her lips pursed out and her misaligned eyes watering up.
Applejack cringed at the sight. Derpy looked as though she had kicked a cute, cuddly critter that was not named Angel, and the odd, yet also adorable, sight pierced her soul. She did need help, and her resistance was vanishing faster than a fridge full of ice cream in a depressed Rarity’s hooves under the all powerful pout. With a sigh, she conceded. “Alright, Derpy, Ah guess Ah shouldn’t be rude to turn down your generous help. Thanks for offerin’. We start tomorrow mornin’.”
“Woo hoo!” Derpy cheered. “You won’t regret it!”
As Applejack watched the gray pegasus fly away, she could not help but feel that she was going to regret it.
Applejack got up earlier than usual, wanting to get a head start on the massive list of chores that was dumped on her. After a quick snack, she headed for a long day of applebucking. She let out a massive yawn as she made her way out of the door.
“Hi, Applejack.”
Applejack’s eyes bulged before staring at the smiling gray pegasus standing right outside her home. “Derpy, how long have you been waitin’ out here?”
Derpy shrugged. “I didn’t want to be late, so I came early.”
“Derpy, you’re earlier than early. Even Princess Celestia hasn’t woken up to raise the sun yet. Ah appreciate that you’re rarin’ to get to work, but you really didn’t have to get up so early.”
Derpy smirked. “Don’t forget, I deliver the mail, so early mornings are not out of the ordinary for me. So, what are we goin’ to do today?”
“Pretty much applebuckin’ the entire day. We got a ton of orders to fill,” Applejack explained as she retrieved a cart full of baskets. “You ever done that before?”
“Nope, but it shouldn’t be that hard. I’ve got plenty of experience knocking down things from high places,” Derpy chirped with a giggle.
Applejack paused to stare at her companion. “Right…” Applejack replied warily, unsure if it was a joke or not.
When they reached a good spot, Derpy helped Applejack unload the baskets and placed them around all the nearby apple trees.
“Now, watch what Ah do,” Applejack instructed as she walked up to an apple tree. “Just line up your hind legs, dig your hooves into the ground like so,” she continued, demonstrating each movement, “and then give it a good buck!”
Applejack’s hooves lashed out at the unsuspecting tree. The wood trembled before releasing its hold on the red fruit that sustained Sweet Apple Acres. Through secret applebucking sorcery, every single apple gravitated and dropped neatly into one of the awaiting baskets down below.
“Yay, Applejack! Woo hoo!” Derpy cheered as she applauded with her hooves.
Applejack’s chest puffed out a bit. It is not everyday she got praised for kicking stuff. “It takes a bit of practice, but you should be able to get the hang of it. Here, you try it out.”
Derpy trotted over to another tree and turned around. She looked behind her, scrunching up her face as she aimed one of her hind legs at the tree. After a few moments, she kicked out, and a substantial thunk rang through the air.
Not a single apple fell to the ground.
Applejack blinked. “Uh, what?”
“Did I do something wrong?” Derpy asked.
“No, you didn’t, at least Ah don’t think you did. It seemed like that was a pretty good buck and that should’ve at least gotten you a few to drop. Why don’t you try again, maybe a bit harder?”
Derpy nodded and repeated her buck, this time making a louder sound.
Again, not a single fruit dropped.
Derpy glared at the tree, one eye giving the stubborn plant an evil eye, while the other gazed at her captive prizes. She let out a growl before charging at her wooden nemesis.
“Um, Derpy? Maybe we should try somethin’ else? Ah don’t think that’s goin’ to work,” Applejack suggested as Derpy kicked, bit, and headbutted the tree over and over, not even leaving a scratch.
Derpy sighed and trotted back towards Applejack, her head bowed in shame.
One of the apple tree’s branches broke off and fell on the spot Derpy was just assaulting with a heavy crash.
“Yeah… Applebuckin’ is definitely not workin’ for you,” Applejack dryly remarked as they both stared at the offending branch.
“Um… maybe I should just try picking the apples off the branches?” Derpy suggested.
“Sure, couldn’t hurt,” Applejack replied. She made sure to discreetly take a few steps back when Derpy was not looking.
Derpy flew up to a different tree, grasped an apple in her hooves, and began tugging on it. Instead of easily coming off the branch, the apple refused to let go. As Derpy grunted and flapped with all her might, the branch began to bend. Suddenly, the apple slipped out of her hooves, and as if it was made of rubber, the whole branch snapped back and forth, swatting the pegasus out of the sky and sending her crashing into the dirt.
“You alright, Derpy?” Applejack asked with concern.
“I don’t think your trees like me, Applejack,” came Derpy’s muffled comment, her face still planted into the ground from her fall.
“Anythin’ hurt?”
“Just my pride,” Derpy mumbled as she got back up. “I can’t believe I couldn’t even get a single apple. I really wanted to help.”
“Aww, don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s other things you can do to help besides gettin’ apples,” Applejack consoled. “Come on, Ah’m sure Ah can find you somethin’ to do if you’re up to it.”
“Yeah, I guess. Still, it doesn’t make sense. Things usually fall over whenever I’m around. I mean, I made a huge mess at town hall with nothing more than…” Derpy blinked before scrunching up her face in thought.
“Uh, you okay, Derpy?”
“Hey, Applejack, do you mind if I try applebucking one more time? I think I got an idea.”
“Sure, knock yourself out,” Applejack replied before her eyes widened. “Er, not literally, of course.”
Derpy approached yet another tree, eyeing it up and down. After a moment, she walked back towards Applejack.
“Somethin’ the matter?” Applejack asked. “Ah thought you were—”
With a sudden burst of speed, Derpy launched herself backwards. With her hooves pointing in front of her, she shot through the air before colliding with the tree with an earsplitting crack… butt first.
Every single apple dropped into the baskets below.
Applejack’s jaw dropped, and she was sure it would have continued burrowing deep into the ground if it was not attached to her.
“Woo hoo! I did it!” Derpy cheered.
“You… Ah… How… What… Huh?!”
“What’s wrong, Applejack?”
“Derpy, you just bucked a tree… With your butt! How is that possible?!”
“Oh, well, I remembered that I wrecked some of the supports and floor of town hall, so I thought that since it’s capable of doing that, I could apply it to applebucking,” Derpy proudly explained.
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“Nope, guess I have buns of steel,” Derpy said with a giggle.
“W-well, whatever works Ah guess…”
“Ooh, ohh, hold on. I think I can do this even better,” Derpy said as she took position in front of another tree.
Again, Derpy shot her prodigious posterior at a tree, causing another torrent of apples to shower down, but instead of simply landing on the ground, her hind legs kicked off the tree, launching herself towards another nearby tree. With an impressive spin in the air, Derpy’s destructive derriere struck the tree.
“Whee!” Derpy yelled as she continued her chain, her rampaging rear completely cleaning out every tree it struck.
Applejack could only watch in awe as Derpy swiftly cleared the whole area. The Apple Family’s legendary applebucking techniques, a labor of countless hard work and passed down from generation to generation, was being outdone by Derpy’s bubbly butt. In record time, not a single tree in sight had an apple in their branches.
“So, how did I do?” Derpy asked as she flew back to a still stunned Applejack.
Applejack’s bulging eyes stared at Derpy’s eyes then flicked down to the wrecking ball that was Derpy’s butt and then back to her face. “You just about cleared an entire morning’s worth of applebucking.”
“That’s good, right?”
Finally recovering from her stupor, Applejack sighed before giving Derpy a smile. “Derpy, you did more than good. While Ah’m still a bit weirded out by your… um butting… Ah can’t deny the results. You saved me a lot of work, and Ah got to thank you for that.”
Derpy blushed as one of her hooves twisted into the ground. “Aw shucks, I’m just glad I could help.”
“Well, there’s still a whole bunch of trees to buck, so if you are up to it, Ah would really appreciate it if you can continue putting your butt to work,” said Applejack, sticking out a hoof for a shake.
Derpy grinned and shook the offered limb. “You got it, Applejack!”
Big Macintosh stepped outside into the fresh air. As he chewed on a sprig of wheat, he took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the orchard he had sorely missed. He had been cooped up inside the house for a few days with his injuries, but now that he was all better, he intended to get back into the thick of things.
Applebucking season was well underway. At first, he was worried that because of his injuries, Applejack was going to be alone and work herself to exhaustion to make up for his absence, but he was pleased to hear that she got one of her friends to help out.
As he scanned the orchard for Applejack or one of her friends, a gray blur caught his eye. Getting a better look, he saw that the blur was bouncing from tree to tree like a pinball.
The sprig of wheat fell out of his mouth when he saw that every tree the blur touched was bucked clean of their apples. At one point, the blur slowed down enough to reveal a pegasus he recognized as their mailmare, Derpy. What amazed him was that Derpy was somehow bucking the trees with her butt. He had never seen or heard of such a thing, but with the speed and efficiency Derpy was harvesting apples, he was definitely intrigued. A crazy idea started forming in his head.
Trotting up to a nearby tree, he turned around so that he was facing away from the plant. Checking to make sure he was properly aligned, he took a deep breath. With his powerful hooves, he launched himself backwards towards the tree, just like Derpy was doing, before his own butt crashed into the wood.
A sickening crunch filled the air.
Big Mac let out a scream in a much higher pitch that defied his normally deep voice as he crumpled to the ground. His butt throbbed with pain and hurt worse than Granny Smith’s spankings when he was a bad colt. He did not even want to think how many splinters were most likely lodged into his aching behind.
As he laid sprawled on the ground, groaning in pain, Applejack appeared in his vision, looking down at him with a deadpan face.
“Couldn’t wait to get back to work?” Applejack asked.
“Eeyup,” came his reply.
“Saw Derpy flyin’ around?”
“Eeyup.”
“Saw what she was doin’ with her butt?”
“Eeyup.”
“Tried to see if you could do the same thing?”
“Eeyup.”
“And now you’re hurtin’ like the dickens, so Ah have to drag your sorry butt back inside, and you’re goin’ to be out of commission again.”
“Eeyup.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah would kick your butt for bein’ so dumb, but that tree already beat me to it.” With a sigh, she walked off. “Ah’ll get you in a minute. Just sit tight… Or should Ah say, just lie there, since… you know.”
As Big Mac waited for his sister to come back, he came to one definite conclusion.
Life can be a real pain in the butt.
