My Little Willow

After a grueling 8 hour day at my shitty job at 7/11 I finally returned home. I was anxious to come home and let Willow out of the cage. All day I kept replaying the morning in my head, the look on her face as I walked away from her was one of pure sadness..and I was the one who made her that way. However, as I left work that evening, I couldn't help but be tempted by the PetSmart located across the street. I thought that maybe if I got her a few toys for inside her cage, she wouldn't be in the same heartbroken state anymore. Not to mention I felt incredibly guilty and would do just about anything for that sweet little filly at this point. So, that is exactly what I did. I picked up a fuzzy stuffed duck that would squeak every time she decided to chew on it. Along with that I also picked up a few balls that she could roll around the cage as she pleased. I even got Gracie a new ball, seeing as how I knew she would be jealous of seeing someone who had only be there for three days get a load of new toys. Carrying the PetSmart bag in my hands, I walked to the door, reaching in my pocket for the key. I unlocked the door and walked inside, placing the bag on the kitchen counter just a few feet away. As soon as I managed to close the door, who else would be running frantically towards me than Gracie. Wagging her tail, jumping up on to me, almost knocking me down to the floor. Before I could manage to say anything, I was interrupted by warm, wet licks across the face.

"Gracie..stop..Good girl..stop..Gracie.." I tried to say through the laughter and the kisses.

"You want a ball?" I said playfully, halting any further licking from the pup. She got off of me and instead ran around me in a circle, barking profusely. I took that a yes. Walking back into the kitchen, I reached inside the bag and pulled out the bright blue ball I had gotten for Gracie. The barking stopped and she sat in front of me, eyes glued on the shiny blue ball in front of her. I arched my arm back before sending it forward, throwing the ball all the way across the house, making Gracie immediately sail towards it. I then looked back towards the bag and thought of the whole reason I went to the store in the first place. Leaving the contents inside, I picked up the bag and walked towards the living room, more precisely the black cage located beside the TV. Kneeling down towards the entrance of the cage, I looked inside to see the dark grey mass of fur bundled up, facing the backside. She must be sleeping. Carefully and quietly, I unlatched the barred door, slowly inching my hand inside, placing it atop her snowy grey mane. To my surprise, she didn't even perk up.

"Willow..its me..you can come out now." I spoke calmly as I gently stroked her mane.

Nothing.

I decided to tickle her gently along the backside of her ear. I was hoping that would wake her and also erupt some cute little giggles, but alas to no avail. The only movement that came from her was her little body moving up and down with each breath.

"Um..I have some toys for you. Won't that be fun?"

Still nothing.

"Come on Willow..its okay." I cooed, beginning to stroke her mane once more.

Slowly, the grey fur ball begun to move, turning her head towards me. Only, there was something wrong. Her rose-silted eyes were glossed over and the fur along her face and chest were saturated with tears. She stared at me, tears still slowly flowing from her eyes. I released my hand from her mane, taking it out of the cage, not taking my eyes off of her.

Was she really that upset with me leaving her in the cage all day?

"Willow..sweetie..whats wrong?" I spoke barely above a whisper.

She continued to cry, beginning to turn back away from me before I reached inside and gently grabbed her, pulling her out and placing her on top of my lap. She rolled herself back into a ball, her tear-covered face buried against my legs.

"It's okay. I'm so sorry I had to put you in there." I whispered.

I started to rub her mane once more, trying to calm her down. Unfortunately this didn't work. A few seconds later she climbed off of me, scampering back inside the cage.

This didn't make any sense. She loved her mane rubs. Was she really mad at me?

I then focused my attention back on the bag with the toys inside. Reaching in, I pulled out the stuffed duck, I knew this would probably be the thing she would like the most. I placed the fuzzy duck on the very inside of the cage, holding it loosely.

"Hello there Miss Willow. I'm..Ducky and I want to be your best friend." I said in a playful, probably cringe-worthy tone.

For an added affect I even squeezed the belly of the duck, causing a rather loud squeak to fill the room. Willow slowly moved her face from her hooves, staring at the duck and then back at me. I think she was asking for my permission again.

"It's alright Willow. Go ahead." Lightening up my voice, adding a smile.

She continued to stare back-and-forth between me and the duck. She stopped crying, but her eyes still displayed the same amount of pain. She echoed quietly before turning away from me once more, covering her face within her hooves.

My smile broke. In fact at that moment all of me felt broken. I dropped the stuffed duck in the cage and I just sat there.  She was mad at me. She was upset. And it was all my fault. I tried to keep her safe for when I'm not around and instead I ended up hurting her emotionally rather than physically. Maybe I'm just not meant to take care of anything..I let everything I meet down in some way or another. I'm worthless..

That's when I remembered the look on Willow's face before she covered herself up again.

How did I not figure it out sooner?

She was punishing herself.

The tears, the look on her face was not one of anger, but rather shamefulness.

She thought she had done wrong, so in return she thought she didn't deserve any of the affection I gave her.

I knew that was exactly what she was doing, I did that all the time growing up.

When my mother killed herself..I always thought it was somehow my fault. Though both my father, grandmother, and everyone around me told me other wise, I always felt it was somehow because I wasn't good enough. Maybe if I gotten better grades in school she wouldn't had felt so ashamed. I felt as though I should have been a better son. I regretted not making her birthday card a few months prior. For years I felt as I didn't deserve the toys I received on Christmas, or the cookies my Grandmother would make time-to-time. In my young six-year-old mind,  even all the way up to my teens I felt I didn't deserve any thing. Hell, I still don't. It only got worse after the death of my daughter..if only I went to the store rather than my wife..my daughter would be alive and walking the floor of this house today. What was I even thinking..letting my 8-month-pregnant wife run errands anyway? After that I didn't deserve my wife. Obviously the universe decided I didn't deserve my father either and he died a year later. All my life I missed out on things..amazing things because I felt I didn't deserve them because of the way I affected other people's lives. I bet that is exactly how Willow feels and I know I don't want her to go down the same path. Maybe I have more in common with a cartoon bat pony than I thought.

I reached back inside the cage, gently pulling Willow out and holding her in my arms. She glued her eyes on to me, she had started crying once more. I couldn't help it as I stared at her I teared up as well, as I begun petting her soft, frail body.

"Its alright Willow." I spoke quietly through the tears. "I'm not mad at you..I never was. Listen, I only put you in there because I wanted you to be safe when I'm not around. I'm sorry, I should have prepared you more. Please don't think you did anything wrong. I know we've only known each other for a very short time, but you are a wonderful pony Willow. You're sweet, caring, and very affectionate. I just want you to know that. So, hopefully you can avoid what I've been dealing with my entire life.."

At this point I was in full on tears. I meant every word I had said. It had only been about three days and I truly cared for this little pony. I felt so bad that I had made her feel like I had felt for all these years. I hugged her to my chest, holding her tightly, causing her to echo quietly. I didn't know if this was her way of comforting me, but I took it. A few minutes later, after I was sure all the tears had flowed from my eyes, I placed Willow back on the floor beside me. She looked up at me and instead of a heartbroken frown, she gave me a large ear-to-ear smile, and I gave her the same.

"We good?" I said happily.

She continue to smile, echoing playfully in response before running back against me and rubbing her head alongside my stomach. I laughed as she then started to paw..or rather hoof at my hand I had placed on top my lap.

"I guess I'll take that a yes."

We then played a few rounds of the 'hand game' before I re-introduced her to Ducky. Who she absolutely loved. I was expecting her to act like Gracie and immediately start digging her tiny fangs into it, but instead she gave it a hug and carried it around on her back. It was pretty adorable actually. If she would drop it, which was often, she would squirm trying to place it back atop her back. That pretty much meant I had a new job: placing stuffed ducks on a cartoon filly's back. I swear my life is strange. Later that night when I fed her the apple bites, she would pretend she was feeding Ducky too, echoing in delight as I would make the eating noises for the duck so she would believe he was actually eating. She would then repeatedly place her hooves on it's belly making that god-awful squeak noise. It got on my nerves after awhile, even more so since I was extremely tired and running on about two-hours sleep, but I decided to let her be. She was happy. Plus it was adorable, watching her echo in response and flap her wings frantically in excitement. She was just too cute.

Around 10:07 p.m the squeaking had finally wore Willow out. She was passed out in the middle of the living room floor, snuggling close with her new duck pal. I quietly bent down and picked her up, causing her to instinctively grab on to Ducky more tightly. I walked in my room and placed her on the little blanket I had put on the bed the night prior. I gently tipped-toed out of my room, cracking the door slightly. I walked back into the living room and stared at the cage.

When I put Willow in there that morning it was so I would keep her safe..but she didn't deserve to be locked up like an animal. I've been treating her like a pet, hell I went to PetSmart for god's sake. It didn't occur to me that she displays real emotion just like a human being. She is capable of expressing pain, joy, and more importantly love. Sure she might be a pony. A cartoon one at that, but I know she is just as real..as me. Tonight proved that more than ever. Although, one thing I felt was odd was the fact that she was punishing herself. She seemed kind of young for that..didn't she? I'm no pony expert, but she does seem pretty young to be displaying that sort of emotion. Honestly, it just makes me all the more curious about her life in Equestria..nevertheless I know I'm not putting her in that cage anymore.

I picked up the cage and carried it towards the door. I then walked outside and placed it  near the trash can to be picked up in the morning. I went back inside, locking the door, turning the lights off, and said good night to Gracie, before I went back in room. I stared at the grey bundle sleeping along my bed, spread out along her blanket like she was the queen of the world. I smiled. As long as this loving little filly is in this world, in my care, I am determined to make sure she has the most prosperous life imaginable.

I got down onto the bed and adjusted myself under the covers. I took one last look at Willow and smiled.

"Well, hopefully I actually get some sleep tonight."

I chuckled before petting her mane one more time, before pulling my hand away and closing my eyes.

Goodnight, my little Willow.