Shellstrings

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Bon-Bon, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Adventure, Main 6, Lyra, Drama, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 165656

After freakish happenstance turns Lyra Heartstrings and Queen Chrysalis into a symbiotic being, they find themselves putting their superpowers to heroic use in an ever-changing Equestria.

Life in Equestria is changing, and nopony knows this more than Lyra Heartstrings. While on vacation in Appleloosa to forget her past trauma with changelings, the struggling musician ironically stumbles upon Queen Chrysalis. In her starving death throes, the Matriarch of the Hive latches onto Lyra. When the unicorn awakens, she is no longer her usual self, but rather a super-powered pony with all the gifts and talents of the changeling queen who has merged with her, forming a shared consciousness in Lyra's head.

Together, the two will be forced to work out a symbiotic relationship, performing acts of heroism against a shifting tide of questionable politics, dangerous personalities, unpredictable technologies, and the runaway denizens of Tartarus. Neither Chrysalis nor Lyra exclusively, they must both settle for an identity that sparks fear in the minds of evil... and instills hope in the hearts of the innocent.

This is not the story of Queen Chrysalis. Nor is this the story of Ponyville's silly Lyra Heartstrings. This is the day-to-day saga of the pony known only as the Shell, the heroes and villains attached to her, and the adventurous legacy that she will ultimately leave behind.

Cover Art by Rangelost

Published 2016-06-26 05:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-05 04:26:21 UTC

Into the Fractured Mountain

The three young unicorns proceeded cautiously. The corridor on the other side of the abyss turned out to be a great deal narrower than the passage that they had previously traversed. The walls were comprised of more and more of the glossy crystalline surfaces—which proved supremely annoying in the way that they reflected the manalight from the ponies' horns in every conceivable direction.

Prince Miller took the lead—at least at first. Soon, his pace proved too sluggish for Tia, and the older of the two sorceresses marched on ahead, peering into the depths of the tunnel with tense vigilance. Luna—lingering at the back of the group—glanced every which way with increasing anxiety. Every other flicker of light and odd reflection in the sharp crystals only served to startle her more and more—to the point of breathy exasperation.

After a solid five minutes of trekking, beads of sweat formed along the muzzles of the three equines. Luna was the first to feel it. She loosened the collar of her hood. Not long after, Tia mimicked her gesture, unbuttoning her leather tunic halfway.

"It's getting hotter," Tia muttered. Her nostrils flared. "I think I smell..."

"Steam?" Luna remarked.

Tia nodded. "Although I do not know where it is coming from."

Luna craned her neck to look at the stallion trotting between them. "Prince Miller?" She cleared her throat. "How fares you? I trust that it must be awfully stifling in such thick armor—"

"We appear to be descending," was all the stallion said. The lines in his gray muzzle hardened as he attempted to ascertain the source of the heat. "I trust that your sense of balance is greater than mine, apprentices. Am I mistaken?"

"You are correct, Prince," Tia said. "Also, this tunnel has veered slightly south by about ten degrees since we first entered."

"Oh?" Luna craned her neck the other way. "How can you tell?"

"Manalight feedback, sister," Tia droned. "Don't tell me you forgot your elementary studies."

Luna sighed, rolling her eyes again. "Anyways," she muttered. "What could the Chancellor be hoping to achieve by venturing so far into these... crystalline caves?"

"Crystals have been known to harness raw magic," the Prince stated. "They allow for the connection of long-distance leylines, not to mention dense mana storage. As a matter of fact, Princess Platinum used them to magnify thermal spells in a last ditch attempt to ward off the windigoes."

"Which didn't work," Tia said.

"No." The stallion exhaled. "It did not." He squinted at the reflective surfaces all around them. "Since the founding of Equestria, my subjects and I have depended on the tranquil properties of harmony—as have the rest of pony citizens."

"Then, perhaps, this venture into crystalline buffering is a throwback to arcane forms of magic," Luna thought aloud. "Maybe the Chancellor seeks to reinstate pre-harmony spells!"

"The crystals are inert on their own, sister," Tia forcefully said. "If I would venture to guess, the Chancellor has discovered an arcane form of magic already." She glanced back at the other two. "She's merely coming here to magnify and focus that which she has discovered."

"Then... just what exactly has she discovered?" Luna remarked, wincing.

"Whatever it is... it has already consumed the lives of countless innocent ponies," Prince Miller said with a frown. "I shudder to think what the mare will do with such dark talents compounded."

"Just what drove her to such madness to begin with?" Luna stammered. "This turn came about so suddenly! Why would she attack her own kind? Fellow unicorns, no less?!"

"I only wished her truer self had surfaced sooner," Miller grumbled. "If the ponies of Equestria had witnessed her horrible qualities in the beginning, then they might never have voted her into such a position of authority." He grit his teeth. "This is precisely why I believe that the rite of rule by monarchy should be reinstated." He blinked ahead at Tia. "Doesn't Madame Clover predict that such will someday be the case?"

"I don't know what you've overheard, Prince," Tia spoke, "But the only path that is paved before us is one of wisdom and intuition. Not political manifestation."

"But surely if Clover would have revealed such truth to you—"

"She would have revealed it to everypony," Tia stated firmly. "Her role in our young nation is to illuminate, not withhold."

"And if she had foreseen the Chancellor's treachery..." Miller's green eyes narrowed. "...would she have told us all the same?"

Before Tia could retort—

"Sister!" Luna pointed. "Look!"

The three stopped in their tracks. Suddenly, the floor beneath them had narrowed, exposing gaping fissures in the lower walls. As the corridor proceeded, an enormous gaping hollow was exposed in the heart of the mountain. Gradually, the tunnel morphed into a bridge as the ceiling and walls gave way. An enormous basin stretched below the group—and beneath that the three observed large chasms illuminated with ever-boiling firelight. The crystalline surfaces of the cavern now reflected a flickering crimson aura permeating throughout.

"Prancing parasprites..." Luna gasped. "Could... could the Hills That Canter a Lot actually be one of those fire mountains from the dragon lands that Clover speaks of so often?"

"You mean a volcano?" Tia shook her head. "No, sister. If that was the case, the focus prisms in our Master's laboratory would pick up seismic activities from this part of Equestria." She took a deep breath, peering down at the source of the flickering redness. "This light is of a far more permanent essence. Something absolute... magical..."

"Starswirl's prison," Prince Miller remarked.

The two mares glanced at him.

He looked back. "The prison that Starswirl the Bearded conjured." He squinted. "He built it far below the continental shelf, did he not?"

"You mean Tartarus?" Luna breathed.

"First off... Tartarus is what Starswirl named the prison," Tia corrected. "And he did not conjure it. Tartarus was something he discovered... and then harnessed for its magical properties in holding chaotic abominations at bay."

"Nevertheless..." Miller pointed at the red chasms gaping far below their narrow platform. "...this meets every description that I've read of the underground purgatory. Could it be that it stretches into the Hills that Canter a Lot?"

"But... that would make it far larger than even our Master has recorded!" Luna exclaimed. She gaped at her older sister. "Tia, what could possibly have exposed the hollow of the mountain to Tartarus below?"

"Only something very... very powerful, dear sister," Tia said with a tight frown. "And I do not cherish the thought of what that power could do with the aid of these crystals."

"What of the chaos lords?" Prince Miller asked. "The sirens... the centaurs... and the other monstrosities that Masters Starswirl and Clover banished to these depths? With these fissures—could they not feasibly escape?"

"Not if they're fresh enough," Tia remarked. "There may still be time to avert disaster... so long as we put an end to that which has exposed the fire plains of this prison." The unicorn gazed forlornly ahead. A cylindrical chunk of rock shot up out of the belly of the cavern—making contact with the far end of the bridge. "We must make haste. I suspect our target lies ahead."

"How do you know that, sister?" Luna asked.

"The only reason this path still stands in one piece is because we were meant to follow it." Tia trotted boldly forward. "We now know with absolute certainty that this is a trap. But with traps come opportunities all the same." Her horn glowed hotter. "Prince Miller, ready your reflexes. Luna? Clear your mind."

"Y-yes, sister..." Luna bit her lip as her horn pulsed with equal intensity.

The group pressed on, slowly approaching the stone platform and the narrow entrance to it ahead. The air around them danced vaporously. On top of that, an ear-splitting noise increased in volume.

Prince Miller was the first to wince. "Do you both hear that?"

"Sounds..." Luna grimaced. "...like cricket song. Only louder... thousands of them..."

"But how?" Miller remarked. "And why this deep into a mountain?"

Tia said nothing. With a hard gaze, she entered the platform first...

The Price of Harmony

Tia, Luna, and Prince Miller threaded their way through the platform's entrance. As soon as they emerged from the tight passage, they discovered a black floor that was shifting like molasses. This caused Luna to wince. Tia and the Prince scuffled to a stop, squinting at the stone beneath them.

The piercing chorus of cricket song had reached a fever pitch. As the noise drew away from them, so did the floor. The unicorns realized that the blackness on the platform's surface was—in fact—a heterogeneous flood of beetles, scorpions, spiders, centipedes, and innumerable other arthropodic horrors. The creatures moved as one, oozing inward and rising until they formed a hauntingly tall column of wriggling limbs and antennae in the center of the granite dais. The crimson firelight of the surrounding cavern glinted eerily off their multitudinous carapaces. The cricket song by then had lowered in pitch, becoming a dull cicada-like buzz that echoed off the surrounding stalactites.

"Alright..." Luna gulped. "...eww."

"Apprentices," Prince Miller murmured. "In all your studies, have you ever seen so many vile creatures operate in such a fashion?"

Tia slowly shook her head. "No." Her eyes darted across the living column of black-shelled organisms. "Master Clover once sent us to cull a swarm of parasprites, but even they did not swarm with such collective efficiency."

"They're all varying species, sister," Luna remarked. "It isn't natural for them to act this way. Something or someone must be controlling them—"

"Magnificent, aren't they?" A voice rivuleted outward from the squirming column.

Luna flinched. She and Tia looked every which way for the source of the dialogue.

"Insects... spiders... mollusks... crustaceans... such basic creatures." The voice floated everywhere that the crimson firelight touched. "They are the simplest of lifeforms, and so very vulnerable to the whims of chaos." At last, a figure appeared, oozing through the outer layer of writhing lifeforms. She wore a thick black robe that covered her head, hooves, and horn. The cricket song intensified as she stood before them, a wry smirk appearing from beneath her hood. "She who masters chaos will soon master the fundamental components of life itself..."

Prince Miller frowned. "Chancellor Kathleen. What a vile witch you have become."

The robed mare nodded. "Thank you, dear Prince."

"Do not patronize me..." He stepped forward, snarling. "You've taken the lives of countless ponies! I swear on my House, I will make you pay for your treachery!"

"I did not take any lives, young one," the Chancellor said. Her smile broadened. "I merely unified them."

Hissing, Miller made to charge—

Tia steadied him with a gentle hoof. Nevertheless, she stepped forward, frowning at the robed figure. "Chancellor Kathleen... as magical stewards of the Nation of Equestria, my sister and I have been charged by Clover the Clever to track you down and make you answer for your criminal actions. The National Council has already voted to strip you of your authority." Her rosy eyes narrowed. "Perhaps... you might have an explanation for your most recent treachery?"

"If I have an explanation to give, it will be choice to do so." The Chancellor paced across from them. Spiders and millipedes slithered out the folds of her robe as she strolled sideways. "A most joyful... triumphant choice, mind you."

"We are the stewards of this Nation," Luna grunted, shivering in anger. "You will answer to us!"

A merry laugh flew out of Chancellor Kathleen's muzzle. "And that, young one, is where you make your most foolish mistake! I do not answer to any Nation. I do not recognize a Nation." Her eyes narrowed viciously. "Such a pathetic institution is weak... an embarrassing tribute to the ills of democracy..."

"It was the union of the three tribes that brought harmony to this frozen land!" Luna exclaimed, her temper rising. "Earth ponies... unicorns... pegasi! We'd be frozen windigo food if it weren't for our democratic actions!"

"And yet... starvation is still a bitter reality," the Chancellor murmured. "Outlying farmlands battle and quarrel with the griffons. Poverty creeps in to consume the lesser households." She scuffled to a stop, frowning. "Tell me, apprentices, what have you and your 'wise' Master Clover done to fix the injustice that continues to plague this land?"

Luna bit her lip.

Tia stepped forward. "We do not live in a perfect world. It is up to ponies like us to work tirelessly—each and every day—to ensure peace and harmony." Her eyes narrowed. "You yourself were charged with this valiant task, Chancellor, when the ponies of the Equestrian Nation voted you into office as our executive ruler. And yet... you betrayed their trust."

"You think too hastily, young sorceress," the Chancellor said. "What I've done is merely take the first step in solidifying a far more prosperous future." She waved a hoof towards the black column of shifting creatures within the center of the platform. "One that thrives off the subtle essence that empowers all that lives."

Luna gaped at her. "You expect a writhing swarm of bewitched insects and arachnids to be an aide to our Nation?"

"Not a Nation," Chancellor Kathleen rasped. "But a Queendom." She smiled. "Democracy is a very noble idea... but a flawed one. The ponies of Equestria need to unify—yes—but not in politics." She raised a hoof covered in beetles and moths. "Rather... in spirit... with all of our emotions and fears and aspirations becoming one." She blew on her fetlock, causing the insects to scatter through the air.

Tia winced, waving the inoffensive swarm past her face. "You speak of a collective consciousness," she remarked. Luna blinked at her.

"That I do, young one," the Chancellor said with a nod. She adjusted the hood of her cloak, and the unicorns could see a peculiarly bright glint to her green eyes, peering outward like emerald lanterns. "The equines of this land are like... drones lost from an ant colony. It has taken me several years of intense study to discover the unbridled essence waiting inside all of us. We are all like lost foals, really... waiting and yearning for our beloved mother to corral us under one song."

"And you expect to be this 'mother,' I take it," Tia said.

The Chancellor bowed. "If it must be so..."

"I don't care how hard you've toiled," Prince Miller grumbled. "Black magic is black magic. All this time, you should have been working tirelessly to assure the peace and prosperity of our subjects. It's what you were elected for!"

"Oh, but I have—!"

"Then tell us!" Prince Miller hollered, "Was it you who dimmed the sky?!" He gestured towards the cavernous ceiling. "Was it you who took the golden light from the heavens!"

Luna glanced at the Prince, then at Kathleen.

The Chancellor took a deep breath. "To control chaos... one must harness that which opposes it. The Sun—and all of its warmth and renewing properties—is the perfect source of harmonic energy. So, if you must know... yes... I am responsible for the so-called 'dimming' of this fragile, mortal realm."

Miller's ears folded back as he paled at that revelation.

"Then give that energy back!" Luna barked. "Restore the harmony that you've stolen from the sky!"

"And why should I?" Kathleen glared at her from under her hood. "I've already gotten what I wanted." A sharp grin. "When refined, harmony is no less serrated a dagger than chaos. I dug into the essence of all life. I lopped the fruit from the tree... then poured it into a magical frame like one might collect honey in a jar. And what I've conjured is oh... so sweet. The perfect gift for my brand new children..."

Tia cocked her head aside. "Children?"

"Mmmmm... indeed." Chancellor Kathleen pivoted about and gestured at the writhing black column. "Behold."

The sounds of cicadas increased. The three young unicorns watched as the insects and spiders rolled away like a parting veil. Beneath the column there stood an enormous cocoon comprised of a viscous green slime. Several ventricles pulsated from within, glowing with an eerie emerald light. Nestled inside these chambers—curled up in fetal positions—were dozens of adult ponies, seemingly unconscious.

Luna held a hoof over her muzzle.

Tia watched with a gaping expression.

"Heaven's frost..." Prince Miller stammered. "...what is this abomination?"

"I call it the Chrysalis," Chancellor Kathleen said. "And it will usher in a new age of harmony for all ponies."

"Prince Miller!" Luna hissed, pointing. "Their necklaces! The pendants on their persons!"

Tia also saw them through the translucent shell of the cocoon. "They all bear the Platinum Seal."

Luna looked at the Prince. "Your vassals... she... she took them..."

Swallowing, Miller glared up at the Chancellor. "What have you done to my subjects?"

"It's as I said, young prince. I did not extinguish them... at least..." She chuckled, pacing towards the enormous green structure. "... not all of them. Sadly, a few did not survive the transformation process. But those that did..." She stroked her hoof lovingly across the slimy contours. "...they have my eternal pride. And love." She turned to squint a glowing eye at the trio. "That is what this is all about, of course."

"What?" Tia blinked.

"Love," the Chancellor said. "Like the adoration you hold for your younger sister, but obscure it beneath an abrasive veneer of authority." Her eyes swept towards Luna. "Or your untold feelings of amorous affection for the Prince." As Luna furiously blushed, the Chancellor gazed at Miller. "And General Pansy's grandfoal. I can see how devastated you are at her passing—"

"Enough!" Prince Miller seethed, his vicious eyes tearing. "You were always one for superfluous speeches, Kathleen. But this absurdity ends now!" He dragged a hoof angrily against the stone floor. "In the name of Equestrian Democracy, you shall surrender my vassals at once—" He gasped suddenly, freezing in mid-speech. His eyes glowed until they matched the color and brightness of the Chancellor in front of him.

"Prince?" Tia stammered. She turned to face the stallion. "Prince Miller!"

The stallion whimpered. Shuffling... he marched slowly forward until he stood at Kathleen's side.

"Poor... sad little colt..." The Chancellor raised a dark hoof and gently draped it over his shoulder. Beetles and ants crawled across his coat as she leaned down to nuzzle him. "Your passion betrays you. But that is quite alright." She caressed his cheek. "I shall give you a place to channel your emotion." She looked up, smiling. "Such will be my gift to all my subjects."

"Your subjects?!" Luna panted, shivering. "You weirdo! What have you done to him?!"

"I've simply liberated him from the burden of having to feel on his own," the Chancellor said. "It's the same as with his former slaves... only now they are all at peace. Their pain is my pain. In the collective pool of their feelings, the anguish is diluted... and all that persists is love." She grinned, and for a moment she bore fangs. "I intend to let them feed on that love... and soon all of Equestria will be invited to the banquet."

"Chancellor..." Tia exhaled. "...you've gone completely mad."

"A narrow-minded perspective from a narrow-minded sorceress." The Chancellor patted the hypnotized prince's head and trotted forward to meet the two mares. "Equestria—as a democracy—is antithetical to harmony. You two and Master Clover are fools... parading about and doing parlor tricks with the slim hope that it will fix all the porous holes of this doomed land. I am quite sorry about the Sun, yes, but—in the future my Queendom will bring—the only light that we will need is that which pulsates from within... the heart of all emotion... and the engine that will power my great, harmonious hive."

Before Tia could respond—

"You see one monster, you've seen them all!" Luna aimed her horn forward. "Let go of the Prince!"

"Luna, no—!" Tia stretched her hoof out.

But it was too late. FLAAAAASH! A bright blast of harmonic energy flew across the chamber, crossing the distance from Luna's horn and connecting with the Chancellor's body.

Chancellor Kathleen flinched, bracing herself as a wall of writhing insects leapt in front of her, forming a shield—

POWWW! Flame erupted upon contact. The far end of the platform was showered with a smoldering carpet of beetle shells and spider legs.

Luna and Tia flinched from the blast. As the light died down, they gazed at the settling column of smoke. What they saw brought a mutual gasp from both their throats.

The cloak had been completely evaporated from the Chancellor's figure. She stood tall and exposed, her black coat and limbs steaming with magical energies. Behind her slender, glowing horn and smokey green mane... a pair of gossamer dragonfly wings extended outward from her figure, glimmering in the crimson light.

"Sister, look..." Luna stared in disbelief. "A unicorn... with wings?!"

Tia's muzzle hung agape. "Good heavens..." She grimaced. "...Chancellor... what in Tartarus have you become?"

Cricket song rose and fell with every breath. Sweating, Kathleen nevertheless managed a fanged smile as she flexed the appendages in question.

"Royalty," she answered.

A half-second later—FLASH! Kathleen fired a solid line of vaporous green magic at the siblings.

"Luna! Shield yourself—" And Tia's voice was overwhelmed by a blistering wall of black magic. She held her ground, blocking the onslaught with a harmonic shield conjured in front of her.

Luna wasn't quite so lucky. Her legs buckled as she attempted to ward off the blast. Seconds later, she was propelled backwards and into a crumbling stalactite. "Ooomf!"

Tia glanced behind her shoulder, gasping. With a snarl, she slammed her hooves down—loosening several chunks of rock from the platform's surface. The shards lifted upwards, and she zapped each with her horn. The rocks turned into projectiles, sailing towards the Chancellor via arcane propulsion.

Kathleen relinquished her attack on the siblings. She backtrotted, aiming her horn and blasting the rocks as they came at her from multiple angles. At last, she flapped her dragonfly wings, knocking the rest of the projectiles off-target. They flew into the far walls of the cavern, exploding in puffs of harmonic light.

In the meantime, Tia had rushed over to her sister's side. "Luna! Are you alright?!" She felt the mare's horn. "Did her powers bewitch you?"

"Mrmmmff..." Luna sputtered, hobbling up to her hooves. "Will you please mind your own personal space?"

Tia sighed through a wry smirk. "You're still you, alright."

"Hmmm... curious..."

The two young sorceresses glanced over at the Chancellor.

Kathleen hovered gracefully above the center of the platform. By now, her voice had taken on a queer, vibrating tonality that added menace to her words: "It seems as though I've underestimated the training that Clover put you through. You two are far too immersed in controlled magics to be persuaded into my fold. Nevertheless... emotions are always... always universal." She aimed her horn at the Chrysalis below.

ZAAAP!

The ginormous cocoon lit up like a Hearth's Warming Tree, and then—POW! It exploded in a brilliant splash of green juices.

Tia and Luna hopped back to avoid the slime. As the mists cleared, they watched in horror as multiple equine figures shuffled out of the mess. Soon, a phalanx of mind-controlled ponies stood alongside Prince Miller, malevolently glaring at the two unicorns.

"It is time that I let my foals trot on their own four hooves," Kathleen mused. "Or... if not theirs..." She smiled. "...then on the hooves of the ones that you love."

"What..." Luna stammered. "...is she rambling about?"

"Shhhh..." Tia stared at the slime-covered ponies at Miller's side. "Sister, look."

Before them, the freshly-hatched equines lumbered forward. One by one they hissed—to the point that their muzzles stretched to grotesque proportions. Insectoid fangs protruded, popping loose and ripping outward from their fleshy veneer. Soon, hunched equine shapes with obsidian carapaces shook off their previous skins like loose gloves. Before the two sisters could even react, the creatures burst into emerald flame... only to suddenly materialize as immaculate doppelgangers of Luna, Tia, and the Prince.

The two unicorns backed up, suddenly mirrored by an earthen room full of their identical selves. The sounds of cicadas increased exponentially.

"And now, my children..." the Chancellor sang, waving a regal hoof. "...feed."

The League is Born

A long, narrow strip of land rested in the center of a lush delta. The waters on all sides of the island glittered with gray streaks, reflecting the overcast sky of Equestria above.

From all corners of the forested land, ponies marched in droves. Unicorns hovered burning braziers above the dirt highways to light the path for those stumbling in the unprecedented dimness. Cloud cities drifted inward from the eastern seaboard, and hundreds of pegasi in military armor glided down until they touched hoof on solid ground.

Mane and Hat Island – Capital City of the Equestrian Nation – Nine Days Later

Herds of ponies marched towards the center of the capital. There, an enormous wooden structure loomed—where an epic crowd had gathered. Shadows crossed the domed rooftop and brilliant torches flickered at each cardinal point.

Inside, the rustic air rang with hundreds and hundreds of worried, murmuring voices. Ponies from all trots of life sat on the circular, raised seats, gazing into the central senate chamber below.

Platinum Hall – Home to The National Council – 3:30pm

Standing at an antique podium, an elder pegasus banged her gavel. "Order! I shall have order in this Court!" Eventually, the voices of hundreds of delegates dwindled to a low murmur. Once it was silent enough, the mare sighed and said: "This is the first meeting of the National Council since the imprisonment of our former executive, Chancellor Kathleen, who—as we all know—had gone traitorous. Before I pass the floor to our first speaker, I ask that we may observe a moment of silence for the unfortunate victims who fell prey to her bewitching spells."

Ponies bowed their heads.

A few shuddered in tearful spasms.

Even the military officials appeared misty-eyed as they glanced at a wreath of flowers arranged around a section of empty benches.

At long last, the speaker of the house lifted her head and resumed speaking. "Now... I know that you are all anxious over the fate of Equestria—as am I. It goes without question that there will be a National vote on arranging a successor to the seat of Chancellor. But—first and foremost—we must address the new situation that stands to threaten this great land. To that end, I have agreed to give the floor to Prince Miller—who was present within the heart of the Hills That Canter A Lot when the former leader-elect was banished into Tartarus." She turned and gestured aside. "Your Majesty...?"

A hushed murmur rolled across the crowd as Prince Miller took a stand at the podium, garbed in a ceremonial robe.

"Ladies and gentlecolts," he began, his voice strong and penetrating. "Let me first start by declaring that none of us would be enjoying this moment of peace—however tenuous—if it weren't for the heroic actions of Clover the Clever and her two valiant proteges." His hard green eyes reflected rows upon rows of faces, as well as the wooden support beams of the Council Building looming above them. "With their combined powers of harmonic resonance, they were ultimately able to cast the heartless traitor into the abyss that Starswirl the Bearded sanctified... along with Kathleen's minions."

The Prince shuddered, the hair on the back of his neck raising.

"By minions... I refer to the vassals and servants of the Platinum House—my former colleagues and neighbors—who have been forever twisted and mutated by the former Chancellor's vile sorcery."

Ponies squirmed. Others whimpered. All eyes and ears were locked on the Prince as he took a pause to compose himself.

"Nevertheless," he continued. "While there may be no hope for them... there is still a chance for us to rebuild... and to prevent future tragedies of the most abominable kind." He gestured with his hoof. "No doubt the majority of you are concerned over the state of the sky—which the evil Kathleen has so malevolently dimmed. Rest assured that Clover's apprentices—Sorceress Tia and Sorceress Luna—are working hard on a spell that will restore luster to the sun and moon. My faith lies with them... that they will find a solution before Equestria suffers its worst winter since the Windigo Crisis. In times of extreme trials—when all hope seemed lost—our three tribes formed the strongest union ever known to equine kind. Let the knowledge of this glorious history grant us hope... as well as a hardened case of vigilance."

His eyes swept the crowd in a majestic fashion.

"For there now lies a greater and far more enduring threat than the state of our darkened skies. I speak—of course—of the prison that Starswirl the Bearded established generations ago... in order to contain the monsters and chaos lords that continue to threaten this land." Miller's brow furrowed. "We all remember the horrific tales of the Centaur Wars... and the rampage of terror committed by the Discordant One. For decades we have rested on our laurels... with full faith that the walls of Tartarus would be enough to contain these monstrosities. However—as we now know—the barriers of this prison are not impervious to sabotage. Chancellor Kathleen—once a mere unicorn—was somehow capable of ascending to a higher position within the magical plane, and she alone found a way to carve several fissures in the barrier that separates Equestrian harmony from the violent oppressors of the past. And although the porous chasms within the Hills That Canter A Lot have been sealed away—there is no guarantee that such a measure will hold permanence."

Taking a deep breath, Miller leaned back and spoke in a firmer tone.

"Thus, we must take action so that future generations of Equestrian citizens are protected from horrific and chaotic monstrosities. It is not a question of if prisoners will escape from the Tartarusian Domain... but when." He swallowed. "I have already talked extensively with Clover the Clever. Utilizing the wise directions written down by her Master, Starswirl the Bearded, himself—she has helped me devise a plan that will ensure the protection of this harmonious nation. But... to enact it... this measure will require the full and unanimous cooperation from all representatives of the Tribes of Equestria." His green eyes narrowed. "As well as a certain degree of... secrecy the likes of which this Council has yet to practice." He exhaled. "Believe me when I say that this will be in the best interests of Equestrian citizens everywhere."

"Hmmm?" Clover the Clever glanced over her shoulder, her eyes blinking behind a thick pair of bifocals. "What was that, Your Majesty?"

"I asked you, Madame..." Prince Miller stood nervously in the center of a complex library of floating bookshelves and alchemy equipment. "...why the need for such secrecy?"

Clover the Clever's Laboratory – Deep Within the Everfree – Earlier That Week

"It's quite simple." Clover resumed zapping a wooden rack chock full of glowing crystals. Her raspy voice echoed off of beakers and glass vials. "If Chancellor Kathleen—the would-be Queen of the Chrysalis—was able to mutate multiple subjects into... hatchlings that can change shape... then it is safe to assume that many of them could have easily slipped into our Equestrian herd."

"You mean they might be hiding among the general populace?!" Miller stammered.

"That is precisely my assumption."

"But..." The Prince winced. "...how is that possible? I thought you and your apprentices banished her and the entirety of her forces deep within the mountain!"

"That we did. But the Chancellor—if nothing else—has proven herself to be amazingly resourceful. She spoke of threatening Equestria once again in the future, but I have every reason to believe she may have already enacted a plan of conquest." The elder held a crystal up close, examining its glowing surface. "Easily accomplished... presuming she's utilized more than one hatchery."

"You... you're speaking of a second Chrysalis," Prince Miller exhaled. "Is that even possible?"

"Mmmmm... quite so. And a third and a fourth and so-on, I fear." The master sorceress glanced over. "There is simply no way of knowing... even for a mare of my experience and intellect."

"Then... then you must h-hunt these nesting areas d-down!" the Prince exclaimed, shivering in his armor. "Heaven's frost! If there are multiple shape-shifters waiting to pounce on our most vulnerable of citizens, then we're facing a crisis infinitely times more threatening than the one that the windigoes ever wrought!"

"I'm afraid... that I cannot."

The Prince's ears drooped. "Madame...?"

"Nor can my apprentices." She took a deep breath. "Their destiny lies in fixing the dimmed skies."

"You're certain of this?"

She nodded gravely. "It's taken me several evenings of meditation. But now—more than ever—Starswirl's written prophesies make sense. The gifted siblings are about to embark upon the most important phase in their young lives." She shuffled through the glowing crystals. "I suspect it will someday transform the very structure of Equestrian civilization—for the better, of course."

"Madame Clover, with all due respect..." The Prince leaned against a hovering bookcase. "...there will not be an Equestria if we allow the minions of Kathleen and Tartarus to overrun us. Just what are you going to do to fix the new weaknesses in the barriers between us and the underworld?"

"Me? Absolutely nothing. You?" Clover casually picked up a long metal rifle and slapped a crystal deep within its housing chamber. She lifted her bifocals and swiveled in her chair to smile at the Prince. "You are going to lead Equestria's future generations to glory."

"...?" Nervously, the Prince grasped the rifle in his hooves and held it gingerly.

"Now..." Clover gestured at a patch of stone wall. "...concentrate... imagine that you have a horrible abomination in your sights."

Taking a deep breath, the Prince humored her by aiming the rifle along the length of his right forelimb. He squinted at the stone wall, clenched his teeth, and—

Bzzzzt! On mental command, sparks of magical electricity fountained out of the rifle's crystal core. A pulse of mana ribboned up the barrel and—POW!—flew out in the shape of a burning blue projectile.

FLASSSH! A burning scorch mark blanketed the edges of a fresh crater in the laboratory's wall.

Clover the Clever hummed. "Nice shot, Your Majesty." She gave him a wrinkled smile—and a wink. "You may indeed be a natural."

"Erm..." Miller leaned back, visibly shaken by the technological display. "...a natural at what, Madame?"

"At leading your new loyal organization of defenders, of course."

Miller raised an eyebrow. "What organization?"

"The group that will lead the hunt for Kathleen's minions... and all Tartarusian escapees abroad." Clover gestured. "They have the power of anonymity on their side... and so shall you. Through secrecy."

"I... think I understand now..." Miller remarked, gazing at the crystal—still brimming with electrical bolts of energy. "Is this what you request of me?"

"No. I hope that you will follow through with it out of a sincere hope for protecting Equestrian interests on your own," Clover murmured. "Your lineage is a proud, noble one, dear Prince... but the time is coming soon when royalty will become an absolute harmonious thing, unbecoming of mere mortals. In the meantime... to combat the ills of Tartarus, ponies will have to master both chaos and harmony... only without becoming victims of it." She smiled. "I trust that you have the strength of character to accomplish this."

"Not on my own, I don't," Miller said. "I will need help." He gulped. "Sorceresses Tia and Luna—"

"—are busy mastering their cosmic spell. Besides..." Clover weathered a melancholic sign. "There may come a time when even the most powerful wizards of this land will be susceptible to the seduction of power. That is why you must assemble a team of the most trustworthy warriors in the land... so that they may teach future generations of hardened ponies to operate inside and outside the political system... so that harmony is maintained for Equestrians everywhere."

Miller nodded. "I understand. But... what of the Council?"

"Tell them only what they need to know," Clover instructed. "They will be the first and last public group to know about what you're organizing. Then—if the future necessitates it—the ruling Council will be alerted in order to stave off the rising tide of evil. For now..." She picked up the rack of crystals and held it before the Prince. "...take that which empowered the Queen of the Chrysalis and use it for something righteous." Her eyes narrowed. "My proteges will restore the sky. And you, my Prince, will protect from the shadows."

Miller gazed at her... then eventually bowed. "It will be my honor, Madame Clover..."

She smiled. "And my pride in you and my apprentices shall carry me aloft to the Harmonic Plains."

Beneath an overcast sky, ponies marched up a steep hill, drawing hundreds of wagons full of building supplies and canvas material. Pegasi flocked overhead, their armor glinting in the gray light. Collectively, they assisted the unicorns in surveying the elevated landscape while earth ponies unloaded their wooden carts below.

The Hills That Canter A Lot – The Western Plateau – Four Weeks Following the Banishment of Chancellor Kathleen

"Hrmmmf!" Earth ponies sweated and grunted as they hammered the iron stakes to a massive military tent.

A pair of stallions stood along a path filled with marching ponies carrying supplies. Sipping from canteens of water, the two peasants glanced at a spot towards the north edge of the plateau where unicorns began drawing lines in the rocky soil for the placement of a massive stone foundation.

"Seriously?" one earth pony wheezed. "They're actually building a castle here?"

"Looks like it," his friend said, nodding. "I've even heard rumors that the National Council is thinking of switching capitals."

"Pfft... you serious?" The first smirked cynically at the other. "Two whole generations of my family helped build the stinkin' senate building over at Mane-and-Hat! What—is the damn island being swallowed up by the sea or something?"

The other shrugged. "Beats me." He gazed up at the gray sky; he didn't even need to squint. "If the moon's actually vanishing... then who knows what will happen to the tide?"

"Whatever..." The first ditched his canteen and picked up a shovel. "I'm on latrine duty... which is all I can expect from our friggin' future." He blew out the side of his muzzle. "If you ask me... we were better off with the windigoes around to finish us off."

"Now don't say that!" The other scowled. "Word is that Prince Miller of the House of Platinum is working on something here to help ward off the monsters of Tartarus."

"Pffft... what kind of a project is he working on?"

"It's supposedly something super secret."

The first stallion rolled his eyes. "Yeah. That makes me feel a whole lot better." He froze, pausing to squint at the massive camp being erected around them. "Say... just where is that royal brat right now anyway?"

Secret Meeting Chamber – Deep In the Heart of the Hills That Canter A Lot – 5:05pm That Same Day

Unicorns slapped down manalight torches in the corners of the cave. The crystalline walls of the cavern reflected the flame in a deep blue kaleidoscope of glittering brilliance.

Other ponies dragged crates full of supplies and weapons and metal tools across the granite floor. While a group of workers hammered shelves into place along the opposite walls of the hovel, Prince Miller took center stage on a rickety podium erected before a series of makeshift benches. Hardened citizens—sage-looking unicorns, battle-scarred pegasi, and muscular earth ponies—sat in attendance. They awaited Prince Miller's speech in respectable silence.

"My friends... colleagues... thank you for joining me today." Miller took a deep breath. "This marks the first hour of the first meeting of our most illustrious organization." He gestured at the small crowd. "You thirty... have been chosen for your strength, your tenacity, and—most importantly—your unwavering devotion to Equestrian security."

"This is about the windigoes, isn't it?" a mare with an eyepatch grumbled. "They've returned... and we've been chosen to take them out. By force."

Prince Miller pointed at her. "No. This is about a far greater and more nebulous threat. But I do appreciate your furious attitude." His eyes narrowed. "Which is why I shall not throw you in irons for speaking out of turn."

The group chuckled. More ponies gathered to relax, resting their weapons and armor beside their wooden seats as they collectively focused on the regal stallion ahead of them.

"A 'more nebulous threat.'" An earth pony folded his leather-clad forelimbs, smirking. "I must say... you've got my attention. It will be an honor hunting monsters by your side, Your Highness."

"Indeed. And the honor will be mine too." Miller took a deep breath. "But this will be a matter of vigilance over pride, my friends. For our foe is a shadowy one... and so we must likewise operate within the shadows if we are to outsmart them." He gestured towards the ceiling. "Above us... our nationalist brothers and sisters are erecting a new stronghold to overlook the lands of Equestria in this perilous dark age. But this is as far as the public knowledge goes. In truth... the city being built above us is merely a mask for our operation here..." He pointed at the walls. "Here... in the dark sanctum that the traitorous Chancellor sought to make her evil lair. Instead, now, it will serve as our base of operations. The crystals here will empower our arsenal as we patrol the barriers of Tartarus and seek to seal away detestable nemeses of Equestria for good."

"This sounds like no small task," spoke a unicorn. "With all due respect, Your Majesty, how will we be expected to establish such security in one lifetime?"

"We won't. By agreeing to sit here, you are all committing your lives," Prince Miller said. "Your only legacy will be the lessons taught to future generations who will carry our secret creed into the future, ensuring freedom and liberty to all ponies living on the surface. Our sacrifice shall be their gain... and the chaos lords' loss." He took a deep breath. "From henceforth, we shall be known to a choice few as the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria. If you are not up for this selfless task... then you are free to wander back out into the dimness."

The ponies exchanged glances. No one said a word... and no one moved.

Miller smiled ever so slightly. "Very well. Then it is settled. Our devotion is absolute." He pointed at himself. "And, to hammer forth our secrecy, we shall cast off the skins of our past... and adopt new personas." The Prince took a deep breath. "In a month's time... my 'death' will be staged before the Council. The last line of the House of Platinum... will perish in the eyes of the Equestrian citizenry. This sacrifice is for the best... to maintain the illusion that will become our sacred shield. Royalty—if it is required—shall be manifested through... more divine means."

He held a scroll of paper in his hoof.

"I have created a list of names. We will each adopt one separately... to assure the anonymity of our operation." His green eyes narrowed. "From now on, 'Prince Miller' no longer exists. Each and every one of you shall refer to me as 'Secret Agent Sombra.' True to name, my supreme task will be to direct the operations of this League from the shadows. In the meantime, I will study the crystal manabatteries of this mountain hollow with intense scrutiny... finding new ways to improve our technology in the pursuit and containment of all monstrous enemies to harmony."

He glanced at the crowd. His gray brow furrowed.

"Each and every one of you shall take on new names and new positions. But... before I hoof out your assigned tasks... it is most important that we read—collectively—the mission statement of the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria." He unrolled the scroll in his grasp. "This is our creed. This is our bible. Read this. Learn this. Memorize this. Let it be the only thing that you know by heart—come death or interrogation—so that we may drive our vigilant crusade into the heart of evil... for the ages to come."

Clearing his throat, the once-Prince leaned over the podium and read from the scroll:

"'My life, my identity, my flesh and my soul... I commit to the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria. So that whatever foul force may fall on the land of this nation, I pledge—with full devotion—to put all energy to eliminating that threat...'"

A Very Special Secret Agent

"'So th-that whatever f-foul force may fall on the land of th-this nation...'"

She huddled against the wall.

She trembled.

She clenched her eyelids tight as she whispered into the mountain air.

"'I pledge... with full devotion... to p-put all energy to eliminating that threat...'"

Explosions thudded in the distance, growing closer.

The air filled with screams and hisses.

Moisture escaped the edges of her sockets. She fought past a sob, forming a stern frown.

"'So that the last living being m-may enjoy his or her final breath as a free pony... and a proud bearer of harmony... as I am... now and forevermore... an unswerving agent of the League.'"

Once the breathy mantra had been finished, the earth pony opened her moist blue eyes. She inhaled deeply while raising a manarifle to her chest. Cocking the weapon—ch-chtung!—the agent spun around the granite column where she was hiding and fired a crackle of blue energy into a swarm of changelings sailing overhead.

Z-Zaaap! POWWW!

Three of the abominations exploded, littering the streets and storefronts of Canterlot with insectoid entrails. Terrified citizens ran for their lives while more ravenous creatures pounced on them—sinking their fangs into exposed necks and flanks.

Snarling, the mare pumped loose a spent crystal, reloaded a fresh manabattery into her rifle, and tossed her blue and pink mane back so she could aim true. "Begone!" Zaaaaaap! A fiery blue beam sailed across the rubble-strewn street.

A changeling exploded before it could drag a filly off into the wild blue yonder. The foal scampered off, breathlessly joining a herd of panicked ponies fleeing every which way while hundreds upon thousands of changelings dove in, turning the sky above into a squirming black mass.

Canterlot – Seven Thousand Years Later – The Day of Princess Cadance and Captain Shining Armor's Wedding

The screams of the innocent were soon drowned out by a collective banshee shriek. The sounds of crickets and cicadas intensified as row after row of changelings dove towards their prey below.

"Not on my watch!" The agent shouted, galloping forward. She slid to a stop beside a cluster of cowering ponies and fired straight up into the phalanx of plunging changelings. "Rrrrrngh!"

Zaaaaaap!

The air flickered from a shiny black to a juicy green. The bloody remains of the changelings parted ways, staining the cobblestone street on either side of the cowering citizens.

"Oh Goddess!" A mare whimpered.

"Celestia... Luna..." A stallion shivered in his sweater-vest. "It's the End Times!"

"No it's not!" The agent shouted, reloading her rifle yet again. She yanked the ponies to their hooves and pointed towards the nearest hotel. "Get inside! Put as many closed doors between you and the outside world and wait this out!"

"Wait it out?!" A young mare pointed incredulously at the blackened sky. "Canterlot is good as captured by these... f-freakish beasts!"

"Who are you going to listen to, huh?!" The agent sputtered, cocking her rifle. "Those beasts? Or..." She squinted one eye, aimed at a lamppost, and fired. ZAAAP!

CRACK! The metal pole fell over, crushing three changelings in a row.

The citizens flinched. An aged stallion shouted to the rest: "Let's g-get inside that hotel!"

"Hurry! Put as many closed doors between us and them!"

"Move your tail or lose it!"

"Go! Go!" The agent shouted, waving a hoof and taking aim once more at the sky. "I'll cover you!" ZAAAP! Z-ZAAP! "Rnnnngh!" She gritted her teeth as she fired several burning volleys at the impossibly large swarm. "Where in Equestria d-did these bastards from from?!" She sputtered, sweating and heaving as she reloaded yet again. "Tartarus couldn't even hold th-these many drones... could it?"

"Help! Please! Helpppp meeee!"

Gasping, the agent spun to face the far end of the street.

A mare and a stallion flailed as blood-thirsty changelings lifted them up off their hooves and carried them skyward in separate directions.

"Nooooo!" The mare sobbed, being hoisted away. "Green Clover!"

"Flower Dust!" The stallion struggled as he and several other horrified citizens were being hauled into the buzzing swarm. "Honey! I love y-you!"

"Hey!" Snarling, the agent galloped straight towards the scene. "You let go of them! If you wanna feast on the living, then you gotta get through me—" She scuffled to a stop, blue pupils shrinking as a dark shadow crossed over her.

No less than thirty changelings converged on her spot, hissing madly. Their fanged mandibles glinted in the manalight from her rifle.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shit!" the agent snarled, spinning right around and galloping in the opposite direction. Cicada song pulsed in the back of her ears. She jumped left—dodging a changeling as it smashed through a street sign to her right. She hopped again, kicking off a diving monster and shoving it into a collapsing stagecoach. As she reached an intersection, she grabbed a post box by its support beam, spun around, and twirled the rifle until she aimed with one hoof. "Hiss into this, ya larva-humping plotsplats!" ZAAAAAAAP!

The blue beam fired into the incoming swarm, melting a dozen of the bugs into bubbly green goo. The rest pounced on the mare, surrounding her on all sides, scratching and clawing with their charcoal-black grasshopper legs. The agent struggled from deep within the dogpile of carapaced creatures. For a moment, her struggles ceased as she disappeared deep within their writhing limbs. But then—only a few seconds later—

THUNK! A grappling hook fired out of the circular mass, embedding into a third story apartment building's face above. Half-a-breath later, the agent came flying out of the dogpile with the grappler controls in one hoof... and three loose grenade pins in the other.

"Have fun being spray paint, flankholes!" she spat.

True to her profane prophecy—POWWW!—the changeling cluster exploded in a sticky mess of scattered shells. Among the many, only a few shape-shifters survived—one of which flew up in a violent streak and collided with the airborne mare.

"Ooomf!" The agent grunted as she and her attacker toppled sideways and—

SMASSSH!

—shattered through a third-story window. Glass flew as the two rolled and wrestled across an apartment room carpet.

"HRESSSHAAA!" The changeling's mandibles lunged at the agent's muzzle.

"Rnnnngh!" The mare held its jaws back with aching fetlocks. She grimaced as dollops of insectoid drool fell down on her peach coat. "What'd you h-have for breakfast this m-morning?" She wheezed, fighting against the beast. "Diamond dog?"

"Noooo!" shrieked a foal.

"Mommy!" whimpered another.

Panting, the agent tilted her head straight back.

She witnessed the upside down sight of a mare being pinned against the wall by two other changelings. A pair of children shivered in the corner. Upon spotting the agent's gaze, they pointed at the older pony. "They're going to eat our Mother!"

"Rnnnngh... dammit to Tartarus..." The agent clenched her teeth. Her eyes darted left and right. "...!" She spotted a horseshoe on the floor, grabbed it, and shoved it deep into her attacker's mouth—forcing the creature's jaws wide open.

Surprised, the changeling lifted up, struggling to toss the offending object loose.

"Mrnnngh!" Wham! The agent wasted no time in punching the changeling in its thorax. As the creature stumbled aside, she hopped up, kicked it in the back, and then grabbed the monster lengthwise. She then proceeded to charge across the apartment, wielding the changeling's body like a battering ram.

WHAM! She slammed one of the other two changelings into the wall. As the third released its grip of the mother, it received a massive uppercut to the chin via the agent's rifle butt.

Frowning, the agent yanked a lamp from the kitchen table, smashed the bulb off, and then shoved the live socket into one of the offending changeling's fangs.

Bzzzzzttt! The beast shook from head to tail. Its wings burst into flames and its compound eyes exploded. P-POW! As its smoking corpse fell to the ground, one of the two remaining monsters came charging over it, rushing the agent once again. "HRESSSHA!"

The mare braced herself, took the brunt of the monster's charge, then hooked its neck under her forelimbs. "Grrrrr—Raaaugh!" She punched the creature's gut three times, kicked an oven door open with her leg, stuck the beast's head inside—and then SLAMMED the door shut, decapitating the beast in a blink. Crunch!

Panting, wheezing, the agent backtrotted. She sensed three equine figures sobbing in her peripheral. "Don't... uh... worry, citizens. This goo... uh... trust me... eheheh... it'll wash out—"

Bonk! A loosely spat horseshoe ricocheted off her forehead from across the room.

"Ow!"

Teetering backwards, she slipped on the offending juices covering the kitchen floor.

"Whoah—!" She braced herself awkwardly against the kitchen table, leaving her open for—

"SHREEEEEEE!" The last surviving changeling sailed at her on buzzing wings.

She had no choice but to grapple with it. The two flew as one across the apartment—SHATTER!—out the side window and—CRASSSSH!—through the glass rooftop of a greenhouse two stories below.

"Mrmmmmf!" The agent landed roughly on a soft bed of petunias. Her foe, however—

Schlunkkkk! The changeling let loose a final, pained shriek as its body was impaled on a rusted sprinkler rod. Its spider-like limbs remained twitching a full minute past death.

The agent remained lying on her back. Her peach coat was scraped and bleeding in more than two dozen places. She grimaced, staring up through the shattered ceiling at a patchwork sky full of swarming abominations. The hooked legs and thoraxes of the buzzing drones blotted out the sunlight as they flitted between the blue spires of Canterlot.

"Get up," she murmured to herself.

She grunted... winced... fought gravity.

"Get. Up."

Stifling a whimper, she stirred her legs, rolling slowly off the bed of potted flowers.

"Princess Celestia is down," she wheezed. "The Elements of Harmony are missing." She battled a wincing expression as she stumbled to her knees. "... ... ...and I've yet to drink a cup of goddess-damned coffee."

Just then, a fresh wave of shrieks rattled the metal framework of the greenhouse. She looked up.

A galloping herd of changelings crossed the street, rushing towards the glass entrance to her hiding spot.

The agent's ears drooped. "...somehow, I don't think they've come to sniff the roses."

Just then, a brand new thunder lit the air. With a blink, the agent spun to look in the opposite direction.

First came the voice. "Gaaaaaaang waaaaaaay!" Second came the horn. And then—

SMASSSSSSSH! Glass. Lots of it. The mare winced as a huge gray figure barreled through the opposite wall and charged the entrance in time to meet the incoming changelings.

"Haaaaaaugh!" A rampaging rhinoceros in a black vest impaled beast after beast, raining the sidewalk outside with insect parts. "That's right!" The rhino hollered. "From Detrot with love, ya mangy melon fudges!" Snarling, she slammed her front hooves down, forcing the surviving herd of changelings to scamper off in abject fear. "What?! What?! You like that? Want more hot love right up your slimy ovipositors?!" The rhino spat on the bloodied ground with a smirk. "Tell them Betsy sent ya!"

The mare recovered on four hooves, sputtering: "Secret Agent Betsy?"

The rhino spun around, batting her eyelashes. "Yesssssss, Secret Agent Sweetie Drops?"

Sweetie Drops gulped. "What the Hell are you doing here?"

"Saving your sassy little flank, from the looks of it!" Special Agent Betsy snorted. "What? You think the only rhinoceros in all of Equestria was going to sit out the Wedding of Princess Candlehead and the Captain of the Guard?"

"It's Cadance... also..." Sweetie Drops gestured at her forehead, then pointed at her partner. "Uhm..."

"What?" Betsy blinked.

"You've... uh... got something on your horn..."

"I do?" The rhino sniffed, then went cross-eyed, noticing the remains of a changeling skull impaled on her horn. "Hah! Well, will ya look at that! Shish kabitch!" Plunk! She tore the offending thing off and held it in a thick hoof. "Not a bad air freshener, if I do say so myself. At least back where I come from. Heh..."

"Betsy..." Sweetie Drops huffed. "There are countless citizens at risk. This is no time for jokes!"

"No... it's a time for action..." rasped an elderly voice from behind.

Sweetie Drops' blue eyes instantly widened. She spun about, gawking. "D—... Chief Agent Sugar Cane!"

A wrinkly—yet grizzled-face earth pony with a gray mane trotted over the fresh hole in the greenhouse and approached the other two agents. "Secret Sweetie Drops," the elder grumbled, all the while priming a double-barreled manarifle. "I see that you're in one piece."

"I... uhm..." Nervously, Sweetie Drops brushed the flakes of dried green blood out of her two-toned mane. "I've performed better, to b-be perfectly honest, s-sir—"

"At ease," the stallion droned. "This is hardly what I call a surprise examination."

"Nope!" Betsy turned about, grinning wide. "More like the Ass-Kicking Convention! HAH! If I knew the wedding reception would had this in store for my visit, I would have worn my green vest today!" She sniffed the air once again with hairy nostrils. "Mmmmmmm—how I do love the smell of buggy insides in the morning."

"Save it, Betsy," Sugar Cane said, marching through the opposite hole and gazing at the blackened sky. "We must find the other agents and regroup with them."

"You mean..." Sweetie Drops galloped up towards him, breathless. "The rest of the League is h-here?!" She blinked, muzzle agape. "Secret Agent Haze? Sharp Quill?"

"Mmmm... yes. And Special Agent Horizons is leading them in battle as we speak." Sugar Cane turned to squint down at the young mare. "I gave her the order to round up the rest of our brothers and sisters so we can rally against the invasion."

Sweetie Drops shivered. "I... I thought that I was—"

"What?" Betsy snorted. "The only dumbass agent to be caught with her britches down in Canterlot? Pfft... girl, please."

"There'll be a time to compare notes later," the old stallion insisted. "Right now, there's an even greater threat that we must all confront."

"You mean Queen Chrysalis, right?" Sweetie Drops gulped, then frowned. "Because an invasion of this scale could only mean that she's returned."

"I don't speak of the Treacherous One."

"Then... what, Chief Agent?" Sweetie Drops stammered as the buzzing and shrieking intensified beyond. "What could possibly be an even greater threat than what's assailing Canterlot as we speak?"

"Sweetie Drops," Betsy murmured, her voice taking on a dull tone for once. "The floodgates of Tartarus have been blown wide open."

Sweetie Drops spun to gawk at her. "How could you possibly know this?"

"Your old nemesis." Betsy took a deep breath. "The Ursa Arthropodica... we saw it."

Sweetie Drops' eyes instantly shrank. She leaned back, her ears drooping over a trembling expression. "... ... ...the Bug Bear." She gulped. "It's back?"

"Aye..." Chief Agent Sugar Cane nodded. "And no doubt it's still angry over your accomplishments in the Stalliongrad operation." He glanced at the other two. "Its sense of smell is beyond compare, and its surreal strength has undoubtedly quadrupled. I say we have less than an hour before it tracks us down and attempts to finish the rest of us off."

"But... b-but what can we possibly do against that?!" Sweetie Drops swung a panicked hoof. "The last time it was on the loose, it slaughtered over half the League!" She gulped. "I-I was only one of two who c-came back alive..."

"Let's focus on one thing at a time." Sugar Cane gestured into the battle-strewn streets. "Let's regroup with Chief Agent Horizons and her company. We'll whittle down the changelings from the inside out. Hopefully—if we time our assault well—we'll relieve the pressure from the Canterlot Royal Guard so they can assist us in warding off the Tartarusian escapees."

"But... b-but—" Sweetie Drops shivered.

"So, in other words, more stompy-stompy-kill-kill?" Betsy asked. When Sugar Cane nodded, she reared her hooves and tossed her horn in the air. "Wooohooo! Let's get it on!" She charged thunderously out into the streets. "You hear that, ya beady-eyed buggers?! Ya bitches be sidewalk spaghetti tonight! Woo!"

Sweetie Drops blinked—only to flinch from the touch of Sugar Cane's hoof. "Don't worry about Secret Agent Betsy," he said. "She may be headstrong, but she will carve the path we need."

Sweetie Drops gulped. "I'm not worried about our uncaged rhinoceros, sir."

"Stay focused," he grumbled, cocking his manarifle and rushing out into the fray. "I will need you at your best."

"Yes, s-sir." She saluted, picked up a garden rake for a makeshift weapon, then galloped out of the greenhouse in pursuit. "You can count on me!" She grunted, smacking two changelings aside and headbutting her way past a third. "Grnnngh! Besides... c-can't be any worse than what Horizons and her gang are going through!"

The Impenetrable Six

Canterlot Library – Front Foyer – Ten Minutes Later

"Rrrrrrrrgh!" A battle-scarred griffon with a metal beak sliced her way through a wave of changelings. She shook the insect juices off her headcrest, yanked a candelabra from a nearby table and flung it like a javelin across the room.

"Hressssssh!" A shrieking changeling found itself bloodily pinned to a book shelf on the opposite end of the chamber.

"Good throw, Sharp Quill!" hollered a leather-winged pony hovering at the other end of the library. With a grunt, he twirled a manarifle loose from his fully-armed backpack and fired down at a mess of scurrying changelings on a lower walkway.

The bug-like ponies hissed and retreated while a few of their brethren were reduced to dribbling shell-parts.

"Your aim is starting to suck, Haze," rattled Sharp Quill through her metallic beak. She punched one changeling and wrestled with another. "And here I thought sarosians fought better in the shade!"

"Grnnnngh..." Secret Agent Haze grumbled, his leafy ears pulling back. "It's their damnable shrieking. The sonic vibrations are throwing my senses off—"

"At your six!" the griffon hollered.

"On 'em!" Haze spun around, aiming down the sight of his rifle. The sarosian was too late—and two changelings pounced on his lithe figure. "Rrrrgh! Friggin' shitmops!" His growl soon turned into a hiss, and he flung his fanged muzzle over the necks of both changelings in turn. "Scrkkkkk!"

"Here!" Sharp Quill flew towards him. "I'll lend you a—" She grimaced, braking in mid-air with ruffled feathers. "Eugh... never mind. You got it."

Th-Thwump! Haze landed on the first floor of the library, still biting onto two limp, twitching bugponies. The sarosian stood up with a breath, wiping his muzzle clean of green juices. As soon as his eyeslits came back into focus, they reflected the orange figure of a patiently-standing unicorn. "Good morning, ma'am. Enjoying the wedding half as much as we are?"

A stern-faced mare snorted. "Quit showing off." Special Agent Horizons calmly trotted past him, firing bursts of bright red mana towards the ceiling of the book-filled chamber, forcing the remaining hatchlings to scatter. "You two should have cleared this place minutes ago."

"Yeah... so?" Sharp Quill smirked, smashed the skulls of two changelings together, and flew down towards the others as the ceiling above them cleared out. "The only crime here is not letting us tear loose outside. That's where the real meat-fest is." She glanced at Haze. "How do they taste, Haze, ol' buddy?"

"Mrmmfff..." Haze frowned, wiping the last of the slime from his fangs. "Like day-old egg drenched in mustard and ostrich piss."

"Quite an improvement over hydra jugulars, huh?"

"Don't you dare remind me."

"Line up!" Special Agent Horizons hollered, frowning at the two agents at attention. "This is serious business! The Princesses have been neutralized. The Element Bearers are unaccounted for. Queen Chrysalis was last seen dominating the Royal Ceremonial Hall—and changelings fill the streets and skyways of Canterlot!"

"Yeah... but..." Sharp Quill cleared her throat, her metal beak clattering. "What about the Bug Bear?"

"Still at large, I'm afraid, Secret Agent Sharp Quill."

The three agents spun to face the entrance.

"Chief!" Sharp Quill hollered, struggling to manage a smile beneath her prosthetic. "Betsy! And—heeeeeeeeey—Sweetie Drops!"

"Our youngest member?" Haze blinked his slitted eyes. "Still alive?"

"Mrmmmff..." Sweetie Drops stood beside Betsy and Sugar Cane, grasping a bruised shoulder. "For what it's worth."

"Tell me about it," Haze muttered. "Your mane has seen better days."

"Yeah, well, at least I can look at myself in a mirror," Sweetie Drops grunted.

"Hah hah!" Betsy's leathery lips curved wide beneath her horn. "You see, it's funny because Haze is a vampire pony!"

"Rrrrgh..." Horizons snarled. "Has everypony but me gone mad?" Her orange nostrils flared. "Eyes forward, everypony. We've got an extreme situation here."

"At ease, Special Agent," Sugar Cane interjected. "The League performs best when it lets loose."

"With all due respect, chief, I beg to differ." Scowling, Horizons pointed up at the stained glass mirrors—fluctuating from the insectoid figures streaking outside. "We can't afford to be anything but serious right now. It's not enough that we failed in our task to guard the barriers surrounding Tartarus, but this invasion by the Treacherous One is confounding our efforts to track down the Ursa Anthropodica—among other beasts."

"It's not like we could do shit-all with the League whittled down to one sixth of its founding ranks!" Haze snarled. "Why couldn't we have three hundred members? Y'know... like in the good ol' days?"

"Yeah, well..." Sharp Quill blew out the side of her metal beak. "...the Bug Bear made quick work of that."

"Wait. Hold the sound stone." Sweetie Drops turned to squint at the others. "When exactly did this breach of Tartarus happen?"

Horizons sighed. "Current guesstimates put it at about seventy-two hours ago... at least judging from the density of purgatorial fumes detected around the cave entrances to the Canterlot Mountains."

Sweetie Drops raised an eyebrow. "Could it have anything to do with the escape of Cerberus?"

"You mean that incident in Ponyville a month ago?" Sharp Quill remarked.

"Well, Ponyville is closer to the front gates to Starswirl's prison," Haze remarked. "Perhaps that was merely a distraction for somepony—or something—to infiltrate Tartarus and free the Changeling Queen."

"For the last damned time!" Horizons growled. "Chrysalis is the least of our troubles!"

"Miss Citrus is right," Betsy said with a bloodthirsty grin. "We can tear through these buggy punks like tinfoil! Give me twenty minutes outside with 'em, and I'll paint the whole damn town green!"

"I'm afraid it's not that easy, Betsy," Sweetie Drops said with a shudder. "This is more than a mere changeling incursion. There's gotta be tens of thousands of them out there!"

"But... they're ch-chumps!" Betsy pointed at the still-twitching limbs collected in the corner of the chamber. "I mean, look at 'em!" She whistled. "Also, I gotta say... it's about the sexiest I've ever seen a library."

"Your enthusiasm is much-appreciated, Secret Agent Betsy," Sugar Cane said. "But Sweetie Drops is right."

"Yeah, but—"

"Princess Celestia and the Element Bearers have been defeated at the hooves of Chrysalis—not any mere Tartarusian monstrosity." Sugar Cane took a deep, weathered breath. "There's no telling whether or not the Treacherous One is in collusion with the Ursa Anthropodica. But until we see a sign of our long-lasting nemesis, then we must follow through with our chief order."

"Which is to eliminate all threats to Equestrian sanctity of life," Special Agent Horizons said, nodding. She glanced at the others. "That puts the changeling swarm into top priority."

"Then let's get back out there and resume crushing shells already!" Betsy growled, dragging her hoof.

"Not so fast," Sweetie Drops waved a forelimb. "Now that we're together, we need a plan."

"Chief?" Horizons glanced at her superior. "If their numbers are indeed so vast, exactly how do we chase them all down?"

"We don't." The old stallion took a deep breath. "We draw them to us."

"How, exactly?" Haze asked.

"Changelings love to leech off of emotion." Sugar Cane's eyes narrowed. "We go out there and we make them very... very angry."

"Hrmmmm..." Sharp Quill folded her talons with a smirk. "I'm already liking this idea."

"My plan is that we march out onto Main Street and face the swarm head-on," Sugar Cane instructed. "We'll stay together. However—we will cluster into two groups, each covering a separate lane of the avenue." He faced his second-in-command. "Chief Agent Horizons. You, Sharp Quill, and Haze shall tackle the west end of Main Street." He gestured at himself. "In the meantime, I shall lead the rest of the League in tackling the east end."

"What's the twist?" Haze asked.

"We will dwindle their numbers on separate fronts. Once we've raised their ire, the changelings will surely redouble their attack—focusing on the downtown area now that we've taken so many of their fellow hatchlings." Sugar Cane clenched his jaw muscles. "That is when we will group up—both halves of the League—and form a perimeter inside the center courtyard, around the fountain. Hopefully Chrysalis' minions and their Hive Mind won't account for how impenetrable our well-trained defense is."

"Then what?" Sharp Quill inquired.

"We fight as long as we can," Sugar Cane explained. "We occupy the swarm's attention and buy the Element Bearers time to drive the minions out of Canterlot's city limits." He swallowed. "Then we'll make a move on the Castle and check on the status of Princess Celestia."

"I like it." Betsy grinned. "Especially the whole 'keep-killing-changelings' part."

"Chief..." Horizons took a deep breath. "...and what should we do in the event that the Bug Bear actually does show up?"

Sweetie Drops gulped nervously.

Sugar Cane took a deep breath. "We all converge on it. And we do not relent in our full-on assault until the dreaded monster is neutralized." He squinted at the rest of the group. "No matter how few of us are left standing in the end."

Silence hung in the war-torn library.

"You heard the Chief!" Horizons ultimately blurted. Her horn picked up a smattering of weapons as she made for the library's exit. "League Members, form up! We have a swarm to distract!"

"Hold up!" Sweetie Drops winced. "I... uh... lost my main weapon while saving a family of apartment-dwellers several blocks back."

Haze glanced over. "Need another zaponator, huh?"

"Who doesn't?"

Haze reached into his backpack, grabbed a manarifle, and tossed it to her. "There. Freshly loaded."

Sweetie Drops caught the weapon, cocked it with a twirl, and sighed. "Thanks, Haze."

The sarosian glanced over at Betsy. "Need a boomstick yourself, girl?"

"Uh-uh." The rhino shook her head. "I prefer to fight with the help of Lil' Betsy here." She tapped her horn. "She hungers like a motherbucker!"

"Suit yourself." Haze turned to smirk at Horizons. "Mini-boss? Ready to go?"

Horizons grumbled. "You know how I hate it when you call me that..."

"Can't help it. As a fruit-bat, I'm a sucker for a sour orange." Haze motioned to Sharp Quill. "Move your tail-feather."

"Ohhhhhhhh..." Sharp Quill shook her head as she followed the other two out—along with Betsy. "You're damned lucky that there are changelings out there for me to punch."

"Betsy! Guys!" Sweetie Drops scampered after them. "Hold up—"

"No, Secret Agent Sweetie Drops," Sugar Cane said, holding her back.

The young mare blinked back at him. "Chief? Is something the matter?"

The elder took a deep breath. "I want you... staying close to me during this upcoming fight."

Sweetie Drops' muzzle dropped. "Really?" She gulped. "Close to you...?"

He frowned. "Are you questioning my orders, Agent?"

"Uhm... n-no, sir!" She stood tall with her manarifle. "It's an honor to fight by your side. I promise that I will protect you with my life."

"Every member of the League is worth protecting," he rasped, hobbling past her with his double-barreled managun. "But the citizens are worth even more. Don't forget that." His eyes glinted with another glare. "And don't forget your training! Now is the most important mission of our careers."

"I-I won't forget, sir..." She tried to keep a straight face. Despite her best efforts, a tiny... warm smile formed. "Besides... we've been through tons before. How bad could it get?"

Serve and Protect

Canterlot – Downtown Courtyard – Twenty Minutes of Mindless Carnage Later

"Yeah! So... uhhhhhh..." Sharp Quill grimaced, backing into Agents Horizons and Haze as a cyclone of changelings swarmed in, shrieking louder and louder. There was no more glimpses of the surrounding palace structures through the swirling carapaces. "...anypony else regretting this half as friggin' much as I am?!"

"Hah!" Betsy impaled two changelings on her horn and bucked her armored weight into the attacking swarm. "What's to regret?! Raaaaaaugh!" She charged ahead, tossing exoskeletons left and right. "Come on in, friends! The water's fine! Hahaha!"

Haze grimaced. "What in the Hell does she drink every morning?" He fired his rifle into the swarm. ZAAP! Z-ZAAAP!

"Just keep fighting back!" Special Agents Horizons shouted, her back to an enormous fountain, a last resort. "We're doing well, Agents! Maintain the defense!"

"Rrrrrgh!" Sharp Quill viciously pecked a changeling, spilling green mist into the air. "If Horizons is feeling optimistic..." She wiped her metal beak clean before parrying another attack. "Mrmmmf... then it must be the end of the world!"

"Listen to your superiors!" Sugar Cane hollered, firing dual blasts of mana into the rampaging onslaught. "We've got the swarm's attention!" He panted, sweat dribbling off his wrinkled brow. "At this rate... I wouldn't be surprised if we summoned Chrysalis herself!"

"We'd be so lucky if the Treacherous One gave a damn for her 'children' after all these centuries of roasting in Tartarus," Sharp Quill spat. "Haze! To your right!"

The sarosian took aim. ZAP! "Got 'em." He tossed the empty gun away and reached for another fully loaded rifle from his pack. "Aaaaaaand..." ZAAAAP! "Got 'em."

"Do I have to spot every bug for you?!" Sharp Quill spat, warding off another drone.

"Nope." Haze managed a fanged smirk. "Only the easy ones."

"Grnnnngh..." Sharp Quill frowned—but was soon distracted by a distant scream.

Horizons heard it too. "Something's happening..." She craned her neck between firing blasts of magic from her horn. "...across the street."

"I see it!" Sweetie Drops gasped. Her eyes twitched to the sight of a dozen citizens being carted off. "Chief! Several families! They're being abducted! Just like the ones I saw before!"

"Stay in position!" Sugar Cane grumbled.

"But... but s-sir!" Sweetie Drops gnashed her teeth, firing in the direction of the foalnapping changelings. "They'll make off with the ponies if we don't—"

"If we break formation now, we'll be overrun!" Sugar Cane hollered as he slammed a lunging changeling's skull in with his rifle-butt. "Grnnngh... for the sake of all Canterlot—Equestria, even—we must keep the main Hive distracted!"

"You can't expect me to just let those families be torn apart!" Sweetie Drops yelped. "It's our chief function to protect the citizens of—"

Sugar Cane shouted: "Stay put! That's an order!" His nostrils flared. "I do not want you leaving my side, Sweetie Drops!"

The young mare flashed him a surprised look. "Chief... I-I—"

"Look!" Sharp Quill suddenly exclaimed, her voice strangely jubilant. "To the northwest!"

"Huh?" Horizons squinted through the buzzing bodies. "What exactly am I looking for, agent?"

"Rnnngh!" Sharp Quill smacked two offending changelings and flung a twitching body through the swarm, forcing a visible gap in the living cyclone. "There! See?! Above the palace rooftops!"

As the agents of S.M.I.L.E. Gazed northwest, they spotted a cluster of six colorful equine figures rushing across the ramparts of Canterlot. Soon, the black shells closed in, and they could see the figures no more.

"The Element Bearers..." Horizons murmured.

Haze bore a fanged smile. "Celestia's apprentice and her friends!" His leafy ears twitched. "They're off to wield the Elements of Harmony!"

Sweetie Drops' squeaked: "Chrysalis' swarm will be banished! I just know it!"

"Focus on the moment, agents!" Sugar Cane instructed in a gravelly voice. He fired more shots into the attacking onslaught. "If they're truly going to flank the enemy, then we must keep them occupied until—"

Just then, a horrendously loud roar tore its way through the changelings. Several minions flew skyward, making room for a battered rhinoceros' body to slide across the floor and tumble to a stop against the base of a fountain.

"Betsy!" Sweetie Drops gasped. She aimed her rifle skyward, firing pot-shots while side-strafing towards the collapsed agent. "Speak to us! Are you okay?!"

"Mrmmmff..." The rhino winced. Her vest hung on her bruised body in tatters. "Felt like an avalanche just gave birth to me inside a minefield... goddess damn..."

"Who did this to you?!" Sweetie Drops exclaimed. Her jaw clenched. "Was it Chrysalis?! Did we draw her out of hiding?!"

"I... only wish..." Betsy tried to sit up, only to collapse with shuddering muscles. "I... I'm so sorry, guys..." Her tiny eyes fluttered shut. "It... c-came out of nowhere. Tried... tried to stop it..."

"Tried to stop what, agent?" Sugar Cane asked.

In answer, the growling breath redoubled. The cyclone of changelings parted ways with panicked shrieks before scurrying into higher altitudes.

The members of the League collectively glanced towards the east edge of the courtyard. A bulbous shadow crossed their pale, gaping expressions.

Hovering several stories up, a three-ton behemoth on buzzing wings blocked out a swath of sunlight. As the agents' vision refocused, they made out striped bee-fur covering a thick thorax the size of a stagecoach. The stripes melded into black-and-white fuzz, like a panda's patchwork coat. Flexing massive biceps, the top half of a Tartarusian beast loomed ravenously above them, connected with an insectoid bottom half. The bear's compound eyes blurred red upon spotting the rest of the League, and drool dribbled from its razor sharp maw as—Schinnnng!—its abdomen brandished a serrated four-foot long stinger coated with venom.

Haze gulped. "Exactly how many rocket strikes did it take to bring this bucker down in Stalliongrad, again?"

Sweetie Drops trembled. "Don't make me remind you..."

"Uhm..." Sharp Quill gulped. "Chief?" She murmured aside. "What d-do we do now?"

Sugar Cane fearlessly glared up at the hovering monster. "So... I see that you remember us. You know..." He cocked his double-barreled manarifle and stepped forward, standing before Sweetie Drops. "...my old friends had many a curse to give you before they died. Would you like to hear them?" He frowned. "Come closer, and I'll be glad to share."

Sweetie Drops' eyes twitched.

"Grnghhhhh—HRAAAAAAAAUCKTT!" The Bugbear roared at the top of its lungs.

Sharp Quill sighed. "I was afraid he'd say something like that—"

SWOOOOOOOOOOOSH! The escaped convict of Tartarus sailed down into the courtyard, mercilessly knocking aside errant changelings in its attack.

Chief Agent Sugar Cane met the beast head-on, firing point-blank into its furry thorax. The Bugbear took the brunt of the blow and swept up the old stallion, smashing through the nearby fountain as the two went barreling across the Courtyard.

"Chief!" Sweetie Drops shrieked.

"Agents!" Horizons hollered, sweeping up loose debris and stone shards with her telekinesis. She galloped towards the Bugbear's flank. "Attack with me!"

"Go time!" Agent Haze sailed in on leather wings, firing his rifle at full burst. Z-Z-Z-Zap!

The combined assault of Haze's manabursts and Horizons' projectiles only angered the bear. With a roar, it lifted off of Sugar Cane, swiping at the rest of the League with an angry paw.

Sugar Cane took the opportunity to fire a shot that ricocheted off the Bug Bear's skull.

"RAAAAUGHHHCKKT!" Infuriated, the Bug Bear lifted up, stabbing downward with its massive stinger.

Sugar Cane gasped—only to be lifted up by Sharp Quill's talon as the griffon swept by. Cl-Clank! The Bug Bear's stinger struck pure granite, splashing sparks across the rubble.

"A million thanks, Agent Sharp Quill," Sugar Cane wheezed.

"Less thanking and more living!" Sharp Quill batted a few errant changelings aside as she took to the air. "Look out, Leaguers! He's doubling back—!"

"We see it!" Horizons hollered, erecting a crimson shield around herself and Haze as the beast lifted a massive granite bench and flung the thing. "Heads up!"

Fl-Flash! The bench bounced off the top of the shield and shattered into a cloud of stone shrapnel. The projectiles flew in the direction of Sweetie Drops.

"Hey sexiness!" Haze yelled. "It's coming your way!"

Sweetie Drops wasted no time with a reply. She turned tail, galloped up a wall, and backflipped just as the stone shards sailed into the building face behind her. Th-Th-Thud! In mid-air, she spun about and fired a grappling hook at the beast's head. Pow!

The Bugbear was too busy growling to notice the incoming tool. Thw-Thw-Thwpp! It wrapped three times around its neck, choking the beast.

Swoooosh! Sweetie Drops flew along the length of her cord until she perched on the Bugbear's chest. "Here..." She unclipped two grenades and shoved it into the bear's maw. "...try pooping these out, big fella." With a grunt, she backflipped in time to avoid—

BOOM!

—a tremendously fiery explosion. Sweetie Drops landed in a slide. "Hah!" She stood up in the rubble-strewn courtyard, panting. "And that, my friends, is how you skin a—" She grimaced as the smoke cleared. "Awwww shit it's still alive."

"RAAAAAAAUGH!" Bleeding from the gums, the hovering beast lumbered forward.

"And pissed!" Special Agent Haze flipped his backpack upside down, emptied it of all remaining manarifles, and then tossed them into the air above Agent Horizons. "Special Agent! The Orange Maneuver!"

"Everypony stand back!" Horizons gnashed her teeth, summoning a translucent field of red telekinesis above herself. She caught all six rifles in a hovering grip, cocked them, and fired every barrel simultaneously at the airborne abomination. ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" The Bug Bear lifted its many arms, absorbing the multitudinous manablasts. Bloody welts and burn marks formed viciously across its hairy limbs, chest, and neck.

"That's it! That's it!" Haze hollered over the bedlam of unloading manashells. "Turn the bastard into the dumb sponge that he is!"

"Mrnnnghhh!" Horizons sweated with concentration, firing shot after shot while spent manacrystals littered the cobblestone around her. ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!-ZAP!

However, despite her best efforts, the burnt and bloodied beast kept lurching forward.

"It's n-not working!" Sweetie Drops gasped aside. "Special Agent Horizons! Move!"

"I... almost... g-got it dead!" Horizons sneered.

Soaring overhead with Sugar Cane, Sharp Quill sputtered, "The kid is right! Horizons, move your flank!"

"Stand back!" Sugar Cane hollered. "That's an order!"

"But it's actually bleeding!" Horizons spat. "Sir, when was the last time you recorded it—" Her eyes widened, reflecting the lunging fangs of an angry bear. "Ohhhhh buck me."

"Raaaaaaaaaauchkttt!" With a single paw-swipe, the Bug Bear knocked Special Agent Horizons to the floor and pinned her down. Haze tried pouncing on it from behind, but the beast knocked the sarosian away with a single flap of its wing. It then sank its jaws down into Horizons' left forelimb... dismembering the pony with a sickening, meaty POP!

"Aaaaaaaaa-haaaaaaaaaugh!" Horizons shrieked at the top of her lungs. Blood pooled beneath her quivering figure. "Celestiaaaaaa!"

"Horizons!" Sweetie Drops grimaced. She picked up a chunk of stone and rushed forward to flank the monster.

Sugar Cane saw it. He gasped. "No! Sweetie Drops, don't—"

Just then, something big, hulking, and gray rushed in and stabbed the Bug Bear from behind.

RAAAAUCHKTT!" The bloodied bear reared its fangs to the sky, howling in pain.

Sweetie Drops stumbled to a stop, panting in surprise.

"Grnnngh..." Secret Agenty Betsy stood with her horn embedded ten inches into the backside of the monster. "All of y'all bastards... on me!"

Sharp Quill dropped Sugar Cane. Together—along with Haze and Betsy—the three pushed the Bug Bear off of Horizons' twitching figure and shoved its thick weight the rest of the length across the courtyard—SMASSSH!—and into the fragile entrance to a flower shop.

"Grnnkkkt... Sweetie Drops..." Horizons sputtered, aiming her horn at the remnants of her limb and cauterizing the wound. "...your... r-remaining ordinancccce..."

Sweetie Drops was already pulling the pins off her last three grenades. "Everypony...!" She flung the explosives at full force through the shop window. "...get back!"

P-P-POWWWWW! The floral shop exploded in a burning plume of flame. The changelings—now distant—shrieked from high above where they circled the carnage.

Sharp Quill and Haze helped a dizzy Betsy up to her hooves. The three gazed into the smoldering remains of the shop while Sugar Cane squinted, getting a survey of the kill. At last, the elder gulped, shuffling about. "Well done, team. Quick... let's get Special Agent Horizons to an infirmary—"

SMASSSSSH! Soot-stained and growling, the burnt figure of the Bugbear emerged, paws swinging.

WHAMMM! One single punch sent Sharp Quill and Haze sailing violently across the courtyard. Betsy tried charging the creature, but the Bugbear effortlessly lifted the rhino's entire body and tossed her—shrieking—through a news stand across the street. Dripping with blood and ashes, the Bugbear pivoted about until its compound eyes reflected dozens of frightened Sweetie Drops.

"Oh Goddess..." the young agent whimpered. In a blink, she rushed over to Agent Horizons' side and picked up one of the many rifles. She found a half-charged manacrystal and crammed the thing into the weapon's chamber. Taking a defensive stance, she spun about, aiming the weapon high—

CLAMP!

"Snrkkkk!" Sweetie Drops hissed as one of the Bug Bear's many claws grasped around her neck. She found herself lifted up—dangling in the monster's grip.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr..." Drooling, the beast raised another set of claws... aiming them squarely between Sweetie Drops' eyes.

A single tear trickled down the mare's cheek as her vision went blank...

...and her ears heard a growling voice, rising in tonality.

"Youuuuuuuuu—let go of her right now!" Chief Agent Sugar Cane leapt high, mounting the beast's backside. He then proceeded to hammer the butt of his rifle repeatedly into the back of the beast's skull.

Angered, the Bug Bear dropped Sweetie Drops to the floor besides Horizons. She winced, sitting up and gaping at the scene.

The Bug Bear took a swipe at the League's leader. But the elder stallion was too adrenalized. Sugar Cane easily jumped the monster's attack. He landed back on the bear's fuzzy chest—which was precisely when he chose to aim the manarifle's double-barrels into the beast's sternum and unload. BLAM! BLAM! BL-BLAM!

"Graaaaaaaaaulkkktt!" The Bug Bear let loose a blood-curdling shriek. Its wings flapped awkwardly while its limbs flailed. The insectoid freak flew back—with Sugar Cane in tow—ultimately smashing through a stagecoach full of packing supplies. Crasssh! A plume of dust and debris flew sky-high, obscuring half of the courtyard.

Sweetie Drops stood up and winced, covering her muzzle as she squinted into the fray. The dull thuds of continued combat echoed from ground zero, followed by more and more of the Bug Beast's pained shrieks.

And then...

...there was silence.

Horizons panted, clutching her heat-seared stub.

With a quivering lip, Sweetie Drops trotted nervously towards the debris cloud. "Chief...?" She gulped. "Chief Agent Sugar Cane?"

At last... as the dust begin to settle... a dark shadow lurched out from the mess.

Sweetie Drops' heart stopped.

"Mrmmmff..." Sugar Cane, bruised and battered, stumbled into the light. His eyelids were heavy, his gray mane disheveled, and he stepped with a limp... but he was alive. His gaze lifted up—ultimately meeting Sweetie Drops.

With a relaxed sigh, Sweetie Drops smiled.

A twinkle sparked across Sugar Cane's eyes. He smiled back. SCHLUNNNK! A four-foot stinger protruded from his chest, causing his body to jolt.

Sweetie Drops' muzzle dropped. "NO!"

Sugar Cane's figure lifted—as did the Bug Bear, bleeding and blistered from the heart of the wreckage. With a lethargic grunt, it gripped Sugar Cane's body and hoisted him off the length of its envenomed barb—dropping the elder like a sack of meat to the cobblestone floor.

Sweetie Drops' breaths had fragmented into hysterics. She galloped straight for her chief's body. Behind her, Horizons sat up, shaking her head. "Agent! Don't—!"

Sweetie Drops didn't listen. She rushed to the elder's side, cradling him in her grasp. "Chief! Chief... hold on! I'm going to get you somewhere safe..."

"Snrkkkt... not..." Eyes rolling, the stallion gargled blood, raising a jittery hoof. "...not me... Horizons... the City... p-ponies..."

"Shhhhh!" Sweetie Drops gripped the stallion's fetlock, wincing. "Just... don't move!" She gulped. "Don't talk! I'm going to—" She froze the moment she saw a bear-shaped shadow looming over her. The mare blinked... and her grimace melted into a furious snarl. Reaching over, she hoisted Sugar Cane's weapon off the ground and spun around to face the monstrosity.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr..." The ravenous creature hovered above her on bent wings. Several mana-wounds splotched its black-and-white coat with red, but it fought through the pain to stare the tiny agent down.

Sweetie Drops trembled. She pumped the manarifle—but realized that its crystal casing was completely spent. So—gulping—she spun the weapon around until she wielded it like a club. "Well? What are you waiting for?!" She gulped again, her brow furrowing. "You want to finish me? Then do it!"

"Hraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaulllktt!" The Bug Bear howled down at her.

"Bring it onnn!" she hollered, standing between it and the bleeding Chief.

Just as the beast was rearing its paw—

FLASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH! A rosy pink burst of light emanated from the central Palace of Canterlot.

Horizons gasped, glancing over.

High above, every changeling chirped in sudden dismay.

The Bug Bear blinked stupidly, then spun to face the Palace.

Breathless, Sweetie Drops looked in the same direction.

Outward from the heart of the capital, an enormous sphere of pink energy expanded rapidly. It phased through every building, tree, and platform of the mountain maretropolis.

"Captain Shining Armor's spell..." Horizons wheezed. "...I've never seen it so br-bright—"

Just as she said that, the barrier reached the ruined courtyard. Hundreds and thousands of changelings yelped in fright as they were propelled away from the center of the force field. The Bug Bear was no luckier. It flinched at the last second, clutching its bloody, battered body, until—POWWW! Its meaty frame was forced skyward, sailing towards the southern end of Equestria.

Sweetie Drops gasped. Her mane rose and settled as the force-field rippled harmlessly over her equine form... and that of Sugar Cane and Horizons. Spinning about, she gazed south... watching—dumbfounded—as the entire black cloud of changelings was swept towards the distant horizon. Among the scattering swarm, she spotted a single toppling figure. At first, she thought it was the Bugbear, until she heard a siren wail of high-pitched screams, followed by a microscopic flash of corrupted green light...

And then every monster that had plagued Canterlot that day was banished.

Silence reigned... eventually punctuated by the worried breaths of pony citizens coming out of hiding. The voices soon turned to sobs as many of them struggled to find their loved ones amidst the carnage.

As the numbness of the moment set in, Sweetie Drops panted for breath. She dropped down beside Chief Agent Sugar Cane, gaping at his bloodied figure. After a gulp, she scooted over and held his haggard body in her forelimbs. "Chief... can you hear me?"

"Tell... tell Horizons..." Sugar Cane sputtered, the brightness in his eyes fading. Blood seeped fresh and hot out of his punctured chest. "...she... m-must disassemble the League." He winced. "Too... t-too many threats now... and not enough members." Blood and bile dribbled out his chin. "Get her to work with Celestia. With the Princess' p-permission—"

"Horizons knows what to do." Sweetie Drops sniffled. "You taught us well. Please, Chief, you have to stay me—"

"It's... n-not a retreat," he wheezed, his pupils scraping the sky. "Just... advancing backwards..." His eyelids grew heavier. "...must... be anonymous... f-for the safety of Equestria..."

"Chief..." Sweetie Drops choked on a sob. She leaned in, whispering now. "Dad... for once in your life... will you talk to me... and n-not just instruct me...?"

He blinked... then blinked again. His hoof reached blindly out.

She caught it... bringing it to her cheek to nuzzle his fetlock. She sniffled, staring tearfully at the stallion.

"I... f-failed in my order..." He murmured. "Always... pledged t-to protect the citizenry... when in fact..." His voice shook, gargling. "...I only ever wanted t-to protect you... Sweetie Drops... after your m-mother—grmmff... after sh-she..."

"It's not like with Mom. Don't you see, Dad?" She kissed his hoof and bore a fragile smile. "I'm alive and well. You did it. You protected me."

His breath squeaked through his nostrils. His weak eyes darted towards her... lingering.

"You're n-not a failure," she exhaled.

He stared. He blinked. "May you too... find a life that will br-bring you joy... mmmm... pr-protecting..." And then he blinked no more.

Sweetie Drops gazed at him. Her muzzle hung open... and then she clenched her jaw shut. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she leaned forward, burying her face in the nape of his neck. Her sobs were quiet, tender things... muted out by the hoofsteps of Betsy, Sharp Quill, and Haze as they limped towards the scene along with gaggles of anxious, wandering ponies... filling the gaps of Canterlot that had previously been filled with so much pain and loss.

Burning Bridges That Were Never Crossed

Headquarters for the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria – Deep Inside the Canterlot Mountains – Six Hours After the Vanquishing of Queen Chrysalis From Equestria's Capital

Sweetie Drops sat silently on a wooden crate, staring into cavernous space. The mare was surrounded by ancient furnishings and age-old tapestries depicting League Chiefs from the past.

She inhaled and exhaled in long, melancholic breaths. Every now and then, she'd glance at her hooves—still stained with her father's blood.

This brought a shiver to her person. Pensively, she lifted her eyes just high enough to spot a shrouded figure stretched-out on a red-stained cot several feet in front of her. Her ears folded back as a lump formed yet again in her throat.

"Agent Sweetie Drops..."

Eventually, she glanced up at the griffon standing in front of her.

Secret Agent Sharp Quill's eyes narrowed. "Did you hear what I said?"

She nodded. "Yes." A gulp. "And I'm fine."

Sharp Quill's metal beak clenched tight. "You don't have to be 'fine.' What happened... none of us could have expected."

"Couldn't we have?" Her brow furrowed. "We should have opened up to the Regal Sisters sooner. Even if it meant going public with the League for the first time in eons." Her nostrils flared as she stared past the shroud again. "What mattered was that the barriers of Tartarus remained secure... and we failed on that front."

"I'm not certain that greater numbers would have prevented what happened, Sweetie Drops," Sharp Quill calmly said. "The Treacherous One's invasion was on a scale never before precedented. And besides..." She cleared her throat, glancing at the equipment lining the crystalline walls. "...with the Elements of Harmony in the grasp of mortal bearers... I'm guessing we all thought that the era of the League was over."

"Well... it is now..." Sweetie Drops sighed, gazing at the obscured figure lying between them. "Nothing short of a direct harmonic blast from Princess Celestia could actually slay that infernal Ursa Arthropodica." Her eyes narrowed. "That thing is still out there... alive. And so long as there are beasts just like it running free from the shackles of Tartarus... then there's a vendetta against us. So long as the League still exists—these horrible monsters will stop at nothing to make sure we are all slaughtered... along with our families." She tilted her head up, shaking it. "It doesn't matter how many innocent ponies might get in the way."

The sound of clattering medical equipment echoed across the cavern.

Special Agent Horizons winced, hobbling on a make-shift prosthetic across the domain. "All the more reason to enact Project Field Fire as soon as possible!"

Betsy and Haze stumbled up behind the mare. "Special Agent Horizons!" Haze hissed. "For Saros' sake! You lost a limb today! Now lie down so you'll bleed less, ya stupid bastard!"

"That's Chief Agent Horizons now..." Horizons brushed the two agents off of her, lingering beside Sweetie Drops. "I heard Sugar Cane's last few words..." She gazed at the youngest recruit, sighing. "And... I'm sorry that it had to come to this."

Sweetie Drops limply nodded. "He..." Her breath shook. "...he would wish to be cremated."

"Yes, well..." Horizons hobbled across the domain, gesturing at the tapestries and ancient plaques. "...the same can be said for the rest of this stuff. All up in smoke."

"Must we really do this?!" Sharp Quill grimaced. "Countless generations of ponies, griffons, and other brave souls gave their lives while operating out of this place!"

"It doesn't matter anymore," Horizons grumbled. "Project Field Fire is a go. Now somepony go grab a canister of kerosene."

"For Celestia's sake, ya ass!" Betsy grumbled. "Have some heart!" The rhino pointed a bruised hoof at Sweetie Drops. "She lost more than the rest of us combined today!"

"No..." Sweetie Drops stood up. "The Chief is right."

"'Chief?'" Betsy frowned aside. "You're quick to label her with the new moniker! Seein' that Miss Sassy Plots has been Jonesin' for your dear-old-daddy's position for years, now!"

"That..." Horizons pointed angrily across the cave. "...was out of line!"

"Girl, the only thing out of line is your neckbone! Too weak to support your fat head!" Betsy spat. "How about you come here face to face and I'll show you what a true horn is!"

Swoooosh! Haze glided in and landed in the center of the group. "Okay... calm the buck down!" He frowned, fangs glinting in the manalight. "The last thing we need to do is jump at each other's throats in the presence of our beloved boss' dead body!"

Sweetie Drops shook as the sarosian's voice echoed loudly against the crystalline walls.

Horizons sighed, leaning on an ancient wooden table. "Look... the fact of the matter is... we're no longer safe. Queen Chrysalis may have been banished by Captain Shining Armor's spell... but she's still out there. And so is that Bug Bear... and—for all we know—so are countless other Tartarusian beasts who will want nothing more than to hunt us all down and rip what's left of this threadbare organization apart from its very foundation!" She gestured with her good hoof. "And if we're no longer safe... then Equestria is no longer safe. It's like Sugar Cane said. We're not retreating... we're advancing backwards. The only way anonymity will save us now is if we all spread out to the furthest reaches of Equestria. We're not giving up our agency... we're simply operating from the outside in. Until the coast is clear... we cannot pretend to function from a centralized hub. It'll attract too much attention and the collateral damage will encompass far more than we can contain."

"We did pretty damn well on our own earlier!" Betsy barked. "Just a few more hours, and all those sniveling changelings would have become changepuddles!"

"Yeah, well..." Haze's slitted eyes glared at her. "...just a few more minutes, and we'd all be trophies atop the Bug Bear's purgatorial mantlepiece. Face it... the only reason any of us are alive right now is that something somehow triggered Shining Armor's spell to overload. Not even Celestia or the Element Bearers could banish those monsters."

Betsy tried to protest... but she ultimately hung her head with a sigh.

"This is it, isn't it?" Sharp Quill murmured. Her titanium beak quivered as she looked at the rest. "This is the lowest of our League's lows?"

"Now don't dramatize," Horizons growled.

"Think about it!" The griffon frowned. "Even when our founding chief went batshit insane and enslaved the crystal ponies of the north, there was at least a sizable force to oppose him!"

"The League's never been about size," Horizons said. "It's been about tenacity. We've performed efficiently in fewer numbers before." She gazed at the shroud between them. "Chief Sugar Cane knew this... and he had every reason to trust us... because we're the best agents of this generation." Her hard eyes swept across the group from where her bandaged figure teetered. "And we shall continue to serve competently and diligently from our separate posts."

"Where... exactly shall we haul our asses to?" Betsy murmured.

"I've got an even better question," Haze remarked. "When will we know that it's time to regroup?" His leafy ears drooped. "If there's a time..."

"Let me be the one responsible for that," Horizons muttered.

"What do you have in mind?" Sharp Quill asked.

Horizons took a deep breath. "I shall expose the state of the League to Her Majesty."

"Princess Celestia?"

The mare nodded. "Yes. The monarch may be immortal... but there's no telling whether or not her memory is." She gestured. "No doubt, she will enforce complete deniability."

"Well, for our sake, I hope she will keep the League's presence a secret," Haze said. "Or lack thereof."

"I will remain here in Canterlot," Horizons murmured, hobbling about. "Take on the identity of... a royal guard." She winced, gazing at her haphazard prosthetic. "...or a veteran."

"Right." Betsy tilted her horn aside, squinting. "And what of the rest of us?"

"Spread out," Horizons commanded. "Head towards the four corners of the continent. Keep only enough resources that you can carry on your person. Set your sound stone frequencies to our lowest leyline... and listen for my voice." Her eyes narrowed. "Trust nopony but each other. And if you see another member of the League..."

Sharp Quill was already nodding. "Blood test for dopplegangers." She bore a brief smirk, shrugging in the sarosian's direction. "Or in Haze's case... just bite the neck and taste."

"Hardy har..." Haze droned. "Remind me to crack a joke over your parent's grave some day."

"Well then... enough is enough," Secret Agent Sweetie Drops murmured, reaching for a manatorch. "Let's get Project Field Fire underway already—"

"Not so fast, Sweetie Drops," Horizons said, waving her good hoof. "You're leaving first."

"What?!" Sweetie Drops' muzzle scrunched. She gazed at the shroud, at the manatorch, then at Horizons. "What for?"

Horizons stared at her. She spoke to the others without looking. "Prepare the bonfire, agents. Let's make this quick."

"Aye, chief," Sharp Quill murmured, joining Haze in gathering wooden supplies—both new and ancient.

As the other two rummaged in the background, Betsy drifted closely past Sweetie Drops. "Take care of yourself, girl." She braved a gray smile. "I'm gonna miss a lot of things from this gig. But you and your optimism? Your chipper voice? Well..." She cleared her throat, stumbling past on thick hooves. "...let's just say he had a whole hell of a lot to be proud of."

Sweetie Drops bit her lip, watching Betsy walk off. She turned just in time to greet Horizons, hobbling up towards her.

The orange unicorn came within breathing distance, then proceeded to murmur: "We all know the real reason why you were inducted into the League. And while your track record is more than exemplary... I suggest you do us all—and yourself—a favor."

Sweetie Drops squinted. "And what's that?"

"When the call goes out for the League to rejoin—however long from now..." Horizons' eyes narrowed. "Don't answer it."

The young mare blinked.

"You won't be disciplined for it," Horizons said. "In fact... I won't even note it in the royal logbooks."

"Special Agent... Chief..." Sweetie Drops grimaced. "...are you discharging me from the agency?"

"Sweetie Drops, there's no telling how long we will be spread apart. For most of us, this is a second life that we are being forced to live. But you? You're young as shit. You haven't even begun a first life."

"I do have a life," Sweetie Drops hissed. "And it's this! The League! The agency is my whole existence!"

"Only because your father wanted to protect you," Horizons calmly remarked. "But he cannot do that anymore. Your life—as you choose to live it—is now in your own hooves."

Sweetie Drops blinked. "...this has been all I've ever known. If I give up on it... I will dishonor his legacy."

"No, Sweetie Drops," Horizons said. "You will dishonor his legacy if you never seize the opportunity to make good of the life that he sacrificed to protect." She took a deep breath. "You've done your service to him... and to us. But now... I do believe that you have every right to serve yourself."

Sweetie Drops' muzzle lingered open, fumbling for words.

"Please..." Horizons sighed. She rested her good hoof on the young mare's shoulder. "Take it from a pony who's... f-falling apart... literally." She shook her head. "A cold fate befell his wife... don't let it happen to his only child as well..."

A hard lump formed in Sweetie Drops' throat. Her eyes teared up as she whimpered: "I... wouldn't even know where to go..."

Horizons inhaled sharply. She nodded towards the corner of the cavern with her head. "There's a brown satchel by my cot. I want you to take it to wherever you're headed."

"Huh?" Sweetie Drops glanced at the item in question. She blanched. "Chief... your... your life's savings?!" She stared incredulously at the mare. "But... but I already have my own! You can't expect me to rob you of—"

"I'll be working directly with the Royal House," Horizons said. "Believe me. I will be sustained. But you?" She patted the mare's shoulder. "You will need a hoofhold in wherever you choose to settle. Let this be a gift to you... like your father's gift."

"My... f-father's...?"

Horizons nodded. "So that you can accomplish what we both heard him wish with his final breath... and find a life of love and contentment that you can protect..."

The Promise

Downtown Canterlot – Two Hours Later – Sundown

Sweetie Drops limped through the streets of Equestria's Capital... in a daze.

She wasn't alone.

Families huddled on the sidelines—hugging each other tight and sobbing.

Stray citizens wandered the wreckage—some still dressed in affluent wedding attire—searching for their loved ones.

Voices cried out—some longing, others mournful. The building faces echoed with the galloping hooves and flapping wings of royal guardsponies. The armored soldiers shouted to one another as they moved broken fixtures and collapsed stagecoaches over, scouring every nook and cranny for survivors of the recent attack.

A loud sob billowed across the nearby courtyard. Sweetie Drops looked to her left. It was just in time to see a somber-faced doctor drawing a white sheet over a limp mare's body. Two sisters hugged each other close, sharing their shivers and tears.

Whump! Sweetie Drops suddenly bumped into a lavender figure.

"Whoops!" a feminine voice gasped.

Sweetie Drops winced. "I'm s-so sorry! I didn't see..." She blinked. "...Princess Celestia's pupil? Please forgive me. I-I wasn't looking where I was—"

"Don't fret, citizen," stammered a frazzled Twilight Sparkle. "It's not like I'm royalty or anything." The unicorn turned and hollered over her shoulder. "Rainbow Dash! Fluttershy! Let's check over here!" She galloped straight past Sweetie Drops, shining her light down a dark alley covered in rubble. "Did Rarity and Applejack have any luck on the west side?"

"Yes!" A feeble voice came out of a yellow pegasus struggling to keep up. "They discovered an entire group of scared little foals. Looks like their elementary school teacher evacuated them from West Canterlot Academy right before she... b-before she..." The pegasus teared up, squeaking.

"Let's just focus on helping all the ponies we can here!" rasped a rainbow-mane'd speedster. "Grnnnngh!" She struggled to move a chunk of rubble with her petite strength. "Twilight! Grnnngh... I thought you said your brother was gonna lend us a hoof with his super zappy horn of his!"

"H-he's busy covering the northern bluffs along with Princess Cadance and Pinkie Pie!" Celestia's student replied. "That leaves the Princesses with the eastern slopes while we cover the southern end! Now help me with this debris!"

"What... do you think... I'm tr-trying to do! Grnnngh!" A pause for breath. "Nothing here! I'll check the next alleyway!"

"Good! Keep combing! I'll see if I can flag down some of the local guard!"

By that time, Sweetie Drops had trotted well out of earshot. She stumbled into another courtyard—one that was pockmarked with numerous fissures and steam-venting crevices. She grimaced, gazing at a once-immaculate city district that was now rendered to seismic detritus.

Raw emotions throttled through the mare, and she found herself leaning weakly against a crooked granite statue for support. Her eyes clenched tightly shut, and she imagined cavernous fires devouring the threadbare vestiges of her father's wrinkled muzzle.

The pony breathed... heaved... and shuddered. Sniffling, she bore an iron frown... looking over to glare at the hollow remnants of a dead changeling's skull. With a grunt, Sweetie Drops stepped over and violently kicked the cranial shell, shattering it to black eggshell bits.

And then... mere seconds after letting loose her aggression...

"I need some help down here!" a young male voice hollered up through a gaping chasm.

Sweetie Drops gasped. She spun about, muzzle agape.

"I've found somepony!" the voice hollered again. From deep within a hole, Sweetie Drops heard the unmistakable sound of flapping wings. "It's... it's another one of the bridesmaids! I think she's been down here for a long, long time!"

"Brides... maids...?" Sweetie Drops glanced across the sundered courtyard.

Underneath a Canterlot overhang, two unicorns sat on a series of benches—one cobalt blue and the other bearing a pale coat. The two clung to each other—teary-eyed and shivering. The tattered remnants of formal gowns and flowery hairpieces clung to their emaciated bodies.

"Hello?!" The voice from below grunted once more. "Lieutenant? Captain? Are either of you there?!"

"Uhhhh..." Sweetie Drops cleared her throat. She galloped up to the edge of the fissure. "I... I'm here! Let me help!"

"Who... who is that?! Sergeant Fleetfoot?"

"Please! Just bring her up!" Sweetie Drops squatted low. "I'll lend a hoof!"

She caught the barest hint of a bright orange shape, rising up from the shadowed depths below. The walls of the fissure were lined with crystal—much like the ill-fated headquarters to the League. Soon, a sweating, panting young pegasus guard rose to level with the chasm's peak. After much strain, the exhausted stallion hoisted a shivering unicorn in his grasp.

"Here! Please... b-be gentle with her. She's been through a lot."

"Don't you worry, sir," Sweetie Drops said, leaning back as she took the weight of the young mare. The unicorn's mint-green coat was ice cold to the touch. "I can be very gentle—!" She gasped suddenly, for the unicorn was hugging her in a vice-tight grip.

"Mmmmmfff..." The bridesmaid stared past her, her shrunken pupils performing a thousand mile stare. She trembled from head to tail in her tattered gown. "Crickets... somepony please st-stop the crickets..." Her teeth chattered. "They're in my head! Keep... k-keep swirling and swirling around her burning eyes..."

"What...?" Sweetie Drops winced. She brushed the mare's silver-streaked bangs back. "Ma'am, what's the matter? What are you—?"

"So loud..." Tearing up, the unicorn clenched her eyes shut. "They're so loud! Her burning eyes... like a conductor! Mmmmfff... goddess... please m-make the crickets st-stop...!"

Sweetie Drops shook her head in confusion. "Burning eyes, I... I don't—"

"It was the Changeling Queen," droned the stallion.

Sweetie Drops looked into the hole. "Huh?"

The guard had crawled halfway out. Bright blue eyes stared at her from behind a thick curtain of sweat. "Haven't you heard? She took on Princess Cadance's form and bewitched innocent mares to act as her bridesmaids..." He gulped. "Then she sicked the rest of her minions on Canterlot."

"Princess Cadance's form..." Sweetie Drops cradled the shivering mare in her forelimbs as she stared off in thought. "...so that's how she made her attack. She ambushed the city from the inside."

"Yes... and there are many... many survivors that are needing to be found. But no more down there." The guard pointed a shivering hoof into the chasm. "I've looked all throughout that cavern. Swept it from top to bottom. I promise!"

"Yes. Of course." Sweetie Drops nodded. "I believe you."

"Look... uhm..." The guard shook in his rattling armor. "...I checked her vitals before bringing her up here. She's in psychological shock, but her body's fine."

"You did good..." Sweetie Drops glanced at the emblems on his shoulderplates. "...Sergeant."

He blinked at that. "Do... do you work for Canterlot Security?"

"You... could say that." Sweetie Drops cleared her throat. "I was... uh... off-duty today."

"Right. So was I at first. Look..." He rubbed his hooves together, gazing at her with pleading eyes. "This is going to sound super... super unprofessional. But... c-could you look after these three mares? At l-least until my Lieutenant gets back with a medic?"

"Why?" Sweetie Drops cocked her head aside. "What's the problem?"

"My parents..." The guard gulped, his eyes moistening. "They rode in all the way from Manehattan to witness the royal wedding. They... they were in the Royal Courtyard when... when..." He grimaced, his orange ears folding back. The guard's voice took on a shaky tone: "Anyways, th-they haven't b-been recovered yet and... and I-I gotta find them." He gulped. "Please... if it's not asking for too much..."

Sweetie Drops looked him straight in the eyes. "Go," she said in a deep voice. "Go find your parents." A nod. "You deserve to know that they're safe."

He instantly exhaled. "Thank you, ma'am. This... it..." He waved, flapping his wings and ascending immediately. "It means a lot!"

"Sergeant!" she called out after him.

"Yes?" He froze in mid-air.

"What is your name?"

"I... uh..." He fidgeted in mid-air. "Sentry. S-sergeant Flash Sentry..."

She exhaled slowly. "Well, Flash... I wish you luck."

"Thanks..." He sniffled, braving a brief smile, like candlelight. "You too." Then, with a burst of wing-power, he sailed deep into the heart of the broken capital.

"Yes. Good. Cool. Go find your Mom and Dad." Sweetie Drops sighed, looking down at the mare in her grasp. "I'll take care of Miss—" She froze suddenly.

It was the first time Sweetie Drops had caught a glimpse of the mare's face... and it was strangely tranquil. The bridesmaid's rapid breaths slowly... gradually lessened into a calm pace. She laid in the agent's lap, her forelimbs curled up in an almost foalish fashion as her tears dried one by one. Amber eyes darted about, calming gradually within the warmth of Sweetie Drops' embrace.

Sweetie Drops stared... and stared. Before she knew it, the knot in her throat gave way... as if melted by a rising heat from the center of her being. "It's... it's gonna be okay..." She caressed the mare's cheek... and then her mane. She couldn't decide which felt silkier... feathery soft and trusting. "Really. I promise. I'm not going to leave your side. See over there? The other two? I bet they're your friends, huh? See? We're all safe here..."

"Mmmmm..." The unicorn sniffled. "The Queen... burning eyes..."

"Shhhhhh..." Sweetie Drops stroked the mare's cheek. "She's not here anymore. I promise."

"She... she f-filled my head with cricket song," the mare whimpered. "Stole my insides and outsides..." She clenched her teeth, grimacing. "Made me... do th-things...... mean things..."

"But she doesn't have control over you anymore," Sweetie Drops said. "You're safe, Miss... Miss..." She blinked, craning her neck to glance at the mare's cutie mark. Beyond the tattered remnants of a skirt, she made out one half of a golden lyre—

"Heartstrings," the mare murmured. She gulped. "Lyra Heartstrings..."

Sweetie Drops nodded. "Well, I think that's a very pretty name, Miss Heartstrings." She nodded again, smiling this time. "For a very pretty mare." She stroked the unicorn's bangs again. "You're going to be just fine, Lyra."

"Mmmmm..." The mare's shivers settled as she curled tighter against her. "...bon bons..."

Sweetie Drops blinked. "What?"

"Your cutie mark..." Lyra cleared her throat, closing her tired eyes. "...so h-hungry..." A sniffle. "...could really go for some bon bons right about now..."

Sweetie Drops stared at her, then at the wreckage surrounding them. Voices and sobs formed a background chorus, and out from the bedlam she pulled a sentence: "Well... what... uhm... what a coincidence! Because that happens to be my name! Bon Bon... yeah... who'd a thunk it?"

"Bon Bon..." Lyra sighed... Lyra breathed... Lyra fell blissfully into much-needed unconsciousness. "...such a stupid name..." The hint of a curve to her lips, then... fuzziness. "It's silly... you're silly..."

Sweetie Drops stared. Once more, she dragged a soft hoof across Lyra's cheek. This time, the gesture collected some of the unicorn's tears... and when Sweetie Drops brought her fetlock up to the red light of the dying day... she saw that the moisture was starting to rub off the blood that had first stained it so many hours ago.

And that was when something inside the mare collapsed. Sweetie Drops exhaled with a sob... and Bon Bon inhaled through a smile. Tears blanketed a tender smile as she leaned her head down, nuzzling this trusting stranger closely.

"Don't you worry one bit, Lyra," she whispered, still smiling. "I am going to protect you. I promise..."

Happiness is a Best Friend

Canterlot – Royal Hospital – Thirty-Six Hours After Royal Canterlot Wedding

"The doctors say that I'll be... mmmm..." Lyra Heartstrings sat up in bed, fidgeting in her drab olive gown. "I-I'll be good enough to stand on my own four hooves in less than a week." She looked up, eyelids fluttering. "From the sound of it, I was severely dehydrated when... when I was rescued down there... in th-those caves."

"I'd say," Bon Bon said, leaning against the opposite wall of the hospital room with her forelimbs crossed. "From what I was told, you were worse off than your other two friends..." She squinted. "Twinkie House and Minnesota?"

Lyra giggled, hugging herself with a warm smile. "Twinkleshine and Minuette."

"Of course..." Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "How could I be so mistaken?"

"And it's no surprise that they're recovering faster," Lyra said, gazing out the cold gray window beside her bed. "They're a lot more resilient than me. Always were." She gulped. "Especially Minuette... that bundle of joy can bounce back from anything."

Bon Bon smiled. "Seems like you've got some good friends."

"Yes... and good luck. It's awfully nice for the Royal Sisters to let the common public have access to their medical facilities. And... and then there's you..." Lyra cleared her throat, hugging herself tighter as her amber eyes lifted up. "You've... done so much for me, Bon Bon. I... I can't thank you enough."

Bon Bon curtsied. "Believe me. It's my pleasure."

"I mean... you d-didn't have to visit like this," Lyra murmured. "I... uh... I'm sure you've got places to be... n-not to mention family to look after."

"No. Believe me." Bon Bon took a deep breath, her brow furrowing. "I just... want to make sure that you're okay... you know?" She swallowed. "It means a lot to me to make sure that you recover fully from this."

"Well, thanks to you and the doctors, I'm fast on the road!" Lyra chuckled breathily. "Can't wait to get back home..."

"To where?" Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "Trottingham?"

"Hah!" Lyra's eyes scraped the ceiling. "I'm not that elegant. No... uhm..." She waved a hoof to the window. "I grew up here. In Canterlot. But... I've since moved to Ponyville."

Bon Bon squinted. "Ponyville?"

"Lemme guess," Lyra droned. "Never heard of it?"

"Can't say that I have."

"It's a wonderfully peaceful escape from the likes of Canterlot, believe me." Lyra blinked, then blushed. "Well... when it's not being overrun by ursa minors... parasprites... hydras... timberwolves... chaos lords..."

"Sounds... interesting," Bon Bon said, squinting.

Lyra giggled. "Hell, if you're brave enough... you're welcome to come visit sometime. There's these two B.F.F.s of mine you'd lovvvvvvvve to meet!" She giggle-snorted. "A real musical pair. They put me to shame all the time."

"Y'know what...?" Bon Bon leaned forward, smiling warmly. "I think I just might take you up on that."

Ponyville – Sugarcube Corner – Six Weeks After the Royal Canterlot Wedding

Lyra slurped lethargically from her cup of hay soda. Bored eyes burned holes through the tabletop.

Bon Bon sat across from her, blinking over a newspaper. Concerned, the mare folded the articles aside and leaned forward. "Is... there something wrong with your hay soda?"

"Meh," Lyra droned.

"Did... Vinyl and Tavi do something to offend you?" Bon Bon asked. "I know how jealous you can get of their studio work, but I could have sworn the reason they couldn't join us this time was merely weather-related—"

"Double Meh," Lyra droned even harder. She toyed with her straw, spinning it around.

Bon Bon blinked. "Well...?" She folded her forelimbs and frowned. "Are you gonna spit it out or will I have to play 'mind-reader' again?"

"It's just... everything, Bon Bon. A big ol' waxy ball of meh." A beat. Her eyes briefly lit up as they fell on the mare across from her. "Except you, of course."

"Mmmm... of course." Bon Bon smirked, then leaned her chin against her hoof. "Then what exactly is this whole waxy ball of 'meh' about?" Her eyes twitched as she thought of something. "... ... ...it's the record company from Manehattan, isn't it?"

"Third rejection this month," Lyra grumbled. "And if that wasn't enough... nopony around town is wanting to hire a minstrel for any kind of performance—big gig or little gig. I mean... why bother, right?" She rolled her eyes. "I live in the same town as Pinkie Pie... a pony who can play ten instruments simultaneously." A long-winded sigh. "...at least... I used to live in the same town."

Bon Bon's muzzle hung agape. "But... I thought you got the mortgage situation under control."

"Bills stack up, Bon Bon. And I'm running completely dry." Lyra half-whimpered. "I've tried doing honest... boring work... but it just doesn't suit the artist's heart within me." Her eyes flared up with amber anger. "And we all know what happened in Canterlot."

"Ah jeez, Lyra..." Bon Bon brushed her bangs back with a sigh. "Not with this again—"

"I'm telling you, she sabotaged it," Lyra hissed. "That dirty bug queen sabotaged me." She lifted the soda cup with a frown. "The day she possessed my body into blowing off that music theory paper that I worked for months on just so I could become a bimbo bridesmaid... my chance at becoming a recognized scholar and performer of the traditional lyre tanked all the way down to Tartarus! GRNNGH!" She crumpled the paper cup against her skull with a wet splash. She then stared at Bon Bon... deadpan. "... ... ...it's impaled on my horn, isn't it?"

"Lyra... how many times do I have to tell you?" Bon Bon reached across the table, gently ripping the soda cup off Lyra's magical skull protrusion. "It's not the end of the world! You can't just... put all your eggs in one basket! After all, there'll be more opportunities for you in the future!" She smiled sweetly. "I just know it!"

"Yeah, well... between scrambling for work and running around like a parasprite with its head cut off—wait..." Lyra's eyes crossed. "...do parasprites have heads? Or are they just heads." She shook her head furiously. "Anyways... I just don't have the luxury of time for honing my skills anymore! If there are opportunities for me out there... I-I simply lack the resources to pursue them!" She slumped back in her seat, tossing a hoof. "And sooner than you know it, I'll be out on the street! 'Lyra Homeless!' That's what they'll call me... hrmmff... assuming I'm not somehow magically invisible by then," she slurred, producing air quotes with her fetlocks.

Bon Bon rubbed her chin in thought. Slowly, a brilliant smile crossed her peach muzzle. "Lyra? I think I might just have the solution for this..."

Lyra glanced up, innocent eyes blinking. "Oh?"

Ponyville – 485 Faust Lane – Two Story House – Two Months After the Royal Canterlot Wedding

"Aaaaaaaaaand..." Bon Bon opened the door to a bare room with basic upholstery. "...this is where we can build that studio that you've always wanted! See?" She pointed. "We'd put the sound booth over there... the sound equipment just right there..." She winked aside with a smile. "The corner would be for a mini-fridge with extra hay soda... just the way you liiiiike it..."

"Uhm.... okay... cool..." Lyra blinked numbly into the room. "I've got just one question, Bon Bon."

"Yes, Lyra?"

"How."

Bon Bon arched an eyebrow. "How what?"

"What the Hell else, how?!" Lyra swung a hoof dramatically to the threadbare walls and ceilings of the place. "This how, the hell!"

"You're fumbling with your words again—"

Lyra waved her hooves. "Look... j-just... stop being an expert on how I get frammatically glustered... guh... and just t-tell me how you got to be an expert on friggin' housebuying!"

"It's simple, I... uhm..." Bon Bon squirmed slightly in place. "...I received a lucrative inheritance."

"Yeah. No shit." Lyra's nostrils flared as she gazed at the empty rooms and even emptier halls. "This place is roomy. Super roomy. Even Tavi—with all her daddy dollars—doesn't have a flat that even compares to this friggin' pad."

"Well, you can look for yourself!" Bon Bon pointed out a curtain-less window. "See? She and Vinyl are right across the lawn! You can gloat now!" She smiled nervously. "Eheheheh..."

Lyra gazed out the window... then slowly pivoted her head to smirk at her friend. "You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

"Look... I know how jealous you can be." Bon Bon shrugged. "But... heehee... isn't it perfect?"

"Oh. Yeah. Totally." Lyra paced about, brushing her mane back. "Almost... a little too perfect." She tongued the inside of her muzzle... eventually turning about to squint at Bon Bon. "How... uh... exactly are we going to afford this?"

"Well, one day, you're gonna land that record deal you've been dying for."

"Yeah," Lyra droned. "At this rate... when I'm dead." She paced forward across the rough carpet. "Let's be real here, B.B. How are we actually gonna pay for it?"

"I... uhm..." Bon Bon cleared her throat, eyes darting left and right. "...I g-got approved for the lease."

"What lease?"

"Uhhh... the lease."

Lyra blinked... then blinked again. Suddenly, her whole face lit up like a neon sign as she gasped: "You mean that candy shop you've been wanting to start up downtown?!"

"Yes!" Bon Bon exclaimed, forelimbs open wide.

"Oh wowsies!" Lyra practically pounced her, hugging the earth pony tight. "Bon Bon! That's so super duper terrific! I know how much being a professional confectioner means to you and—" Suddenly, she stopped in mid-sentence, blinking hard. She leaned back. "Whoah... whoah whoah whoah wait..."

Bon Bon blinked, her muzzle twisting worriedly. "Wait f-for what?"

"This... this isn't right. No... this isn't fair," Lyra said, wincing.

"If... if-if-if..." Bon Bon pointed a trembling hoof. "...you want a bigger room for the studio, then I'm certain that 487 Faust Drive would do—"

"No, I mean... you shouldn't have to do all this just to support me—"

"Lyra, don't dramatize," Bon Bon said. "It's more than that! It's an opportunity for me too!"

"Yeah, but... it's been months since I had a decent job! I was going through college on scholarships and that paper of mine was going to be everything. And... and since then I've been floundering and... and..." She sniffled, squinting misty-eyed at her friend. "Oh Bon Bon... I don't want to be useless dead weight..."

"Lyra... no... no no... don't say that..." Bon Bon crossed the distance, hugging her tight. "It's like you said. You... were just dealt with a bit of sabotage!"

"But..." Lyra sniffled, surrendering into her embrace. "You always c-call me a drama queen when I ramble on about that..."

"But there's some truth in it... y'know?" Bon Bon smiled warmly. She parted the hug so she could lift Lyra's chin up. "Face it. You got a raw deal. And it's only right that you got the opportunity to climb back up, y'know? Just think about it! I'll be making delicious candies... and you'll be taking your time to make wonderful... beautiful music!" She winked. "We'd both be getting what we want! No dead weight about it!"

Lyra sniffled, rubbing her eyes dry. "You..." She smiled crookedly. "...you planned this, didn't you?"

Bon Bon held a hoof over her chest. "Guilty as charged." A side-giggle. "Really, though. Let's give it a shot! If you don't like it... then we'll work out another plan."

"We?"

"... ... ...well, we're in this together, aren't we?" Bon Bon smiled sweetly. "Best friend...?"

Lyra stared at her. Eventually she sighed through a tired smile. "You always gotta use that damned trigger phrase..."

Bon Bon stuck her tongue out. "Also guilty."

"Alright... alright!" Lyra waved her forelimbs before pacing about, eyeing the doorframes of the place. "We'll give it a shot. Besides..." A deep breath. "What's the worst that could happen?"

Ponyville – 485 Faust Lane – Four Months After the Royal Canterlot Wedding

THUDDD! The front door to the house slammed shut.

"...?" Bon Bon craned her neck, peering over from a steamy kitchen full of cooking trays with half-baked sweets lined up in neat little rows.

Angry green hooves stomp-stomp-stomped their way across the foyer. At last, with a thunderous sigh, Lyra slumped back onto the sofa in a sullen reclining position. She dropped her saddlebag, folded her forelimbs, and glared daggers into the decor. "... ... ...Meh."

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. Sliding an oven door shut, she yanked the mitts off her hooves and calmly trotted into the living room. "Okay..." She leaned against a table with a gentle smirk. "...what seems to be the problem this afternoon?"

"Friggin'... motherbuckin'... smokey-hair'd... wine sippin'..." Lyra's tongue hung low as her hooves strangled an invisible neck right in front of her. "Grnnnghflblbkggrrrgghhhuuuuuuuu..."

Bon Bon arched an eyebrow. "...'melon fudge?'"

"Thank you!" Lyra slumped back in her seat even further, huffing. "She stole another gig from me!"

"You don't say...?"

"Yes! I do say!" Lyra snorted. "I'd friggin' sing it if any cultured jackass within a hundred clicks would bother giving me a timeslot at the Trottingham Community Center! But noooooo... they give it once more to Octavia Melody... Celestia's goddess-send to concert halls everywhere!" Her cheeks turned lime-red as she shook a hoof in the air. "You know that's the third... fourth... fifth time that she's surpassed me in... in... guh!" She slapped her own fetlock. "My kingdom for some damned thumbs to count the ways in which I want to murderrrrrrr herrrrrr!"

"Oh please, Lyraaaa..." Bon Bon slinked over, half-reclining on the sofa cushions next to the mare. She propped a wry grin atop a peach hoof. "She's your friend. In the end, you always forget all your murderous desires and still manage to have lovely conversations over bread and wine."

"Yeah, well... not anymore!" Lyra huffed and puffed, folding her forelimbs even tighter. "The line must be drawn here! No further!"

"Oh, that's original."

"Friggin' World War of the Strings up in this bitch!" Lyra spat. "And her friend! Vinyl! Hah! She's no better! DJ-Dildo-Hax0rz or whatever she likes to call herself these days! I tell you, she's totally conspiring with Tavi against me, too!"

"Now this is new..."

"I mean it! That shades-wearing record-skipping sycophant is so far up that velvety mare's plot that she'd might as well write a two hundred thousand word novel about her spelunking adventures in Bimboland! Hell! Why not write a sequel! Bow Ties In Space: A Warrior's Tale!" Lyra slumped against the hoofwrest, covering her sighing face. "... ... ...Goddess damn, I need a drink."

"What you need is a vacation from your own ego," Bon Bon said.

"Mrmmmfff..." Lyra muttered into her fetlock. "...leave it to my best bestie to tell it like it is. Grffff... Why do ya gotta be such a best bestie, best bestie?"

"Isn't your therapist always telling you, Minuette, and Twinkleshine to take it easy?" Bon Bon smiled. "I mean... what's the rush for, Lyra? When your opportunity comes... it'll come. Just... pace yourself. Be patient. Spend the time making your awesome music."

"Yeah, well, what's so awesome about music that nopony else hears?"

"They'll hear it one day, Lyra. I'm sure of it."

"Look... I can handle rejection. It's in my friggin' blood," Lyra muttered. "And..." A long-winded sigh escaped her lips. "I'm not really mad at Octavia and Vinyl. It just... burns, y'know? After so many friggin' times in a row, it burns to be so overlooked and I'm sick of it."

"I know, Lyra." Bon Bon nodded. "It sucks. I know."

"... ... ..." Lyra lowered her hoof, gazing calmly at her. "But what burns even more..." She gulped. "...is coming home all the time... knowing that I gotta tell you that... nothing's changed."

"Oh, Lyra, please—"

"It shouldn't have to be like this." Lyra gulped. "I... I should be trying harder. Or... or maybe..." She cleared her throat, avoiding Bon Bon's gaze. "...I can just give up the whole musical gig. Become a teacher. That's feasible, at least, right?"

"But Lyra..." Bon Bon reached over, caressing Lyra's hoof. "...you hate teaching."

"No." Lyra blinked. "I hate kids. There's a difference."

Bon Bon giggled explosively.

Lyra leaned into her hoofrest, trying in vain to hide a smirk. "When am I ever going to figure out how I make you laugh so easily?"

"It's just... you're so you." Bon Bon composed herself well enough to smile. "Silly Lyra."

"Best friennnnnnnnd," Lyra cooed back.

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "Alright. What do you want."

"When I said 'I need a drink' several dreadful monologues ago, I do believe that was your cue."

Bon Bon smirked, shuffling back into the kitchen. "Yeah, well, it's your turn this week to put the garbage out."

"I'll do it all next week as well if you promise to put extra ice in it!"

"Deal!"

Edge of the Everfree Forest – Public Swimming Hole – Six Months After the Royal Canterlot Wedding

Splash! "Hah!" Bon Bon emerged from the waters with a spray of water. "Gotcha!" She pounced on Lyra, and immediately blinked her eyes open. "Seriously?! This was your plan all along?!"

"And it was a good plan, t-too!" Lyra pouted, hugging herself in the cool water. "You just cheated!"

"Nuh uh!" Bon Bon shook her head. "You never gave me a reason to shout 'fish-out-of-water!'" She stuck her tongue out. "You just suck!"

"Grrrrrr..." Lyra frowned. "...this is what I get for growing up in a place where the only 'water holes' are lined with concrete and have little marble colts pissing in them."

"Poetry will get you nowhere, Admirable Heartstrings." Bon Bon performed a mock salute. "I done sunk your battleflank. Shall the score remain three to nothing?"

"Nuh uh! Buck that! Best out of seven, ya hydro-hussy!"

"Pfffft..." Bon Bon broke into giggles. "'Hydro-hussy?!' Did Tavi spit that out during one of her manic wine bacchanalias?"

"Shut it! Now's my turn to find you!"

"Alright alright..." Bon Bon pointed with a sly grin. "But you'd better count all the way!"

"Yeah, yeah..." Lyra swam out into the middle of the pond.

"Be careful!" Bon Bon sputtered, swimming out to the side. "And hold your breath!"

"Sure thing, Mom." Lyra inhaled... inhaled some more... and then dunked herself completely. Her flank bottomed up, the wet tail flicking playfully with each underwater second that the mare counted.

Blinking, Bon Bon stealthily swam ashore, careful to make as few waves as possible. She bit her lip with a mischievous grin... then rushed off, hiding herself amidst the rushes and cattails.

In the meantime...

Lyra continued to submerge herself. Bubbles popped against the surface of the lake surrounding her as her tail continued to flick like a limp grandfather clock's soggy pendulum.

But then...

Out from the Everfree Forest's edge...

An eight hundred pound grizzly bear suddenly emerged. Its beady eyes caught sight of the submerged unicorn... and its jaws drooled instantly. One claw at a time, it approached the edge of the pond... until its shadowy reflection crossed over Lyra's vulnerable figure. At the last second, it reared up... raising both claws to strike at the pony's supple flesh—

Fwooosh! Bon Bon came suddenly from behind, grabbed the bear's midsection, and violently suplexed him against hard, dry soil. THUDDDD!

The bear growled in mixed alarm and pain. It raised is angry maw to snap at its attacker—but found itself being stared down by a religiously pissed-off mare.

"You make one more move towards her..." The former Secret Agent hissed. "...you so much as breathe in her general direction or look at her... and I swear... without a moment's hesitation..." She leaned in until she was breathing down the grizzly bear's snout. "...I will rip your pupils out from their sockets, replace them with your kidneys, and sew your eyelids shut with your own fingerbones. Got it?!"

The bear complied with a whimpering nod. Its lower legs turned pigeon-toed, and the pond's water turned yellow beneath it.

Bon Bon hissed: "Now beat it."

With a slight yipping sound, the bear scampered off with its dinky tail between its legs.

Bon Bon slicked her mane back and sighed. Folding her forelimbs, she smiled to herself.

Splassssh! Lyra surfaced with a gasp. "Duaaaaaah! Thirty!" She clenched her eyes shut, feeling around the pond's surface blindly. "Mareco!"

Bon Bon flinched. "Oh! Uhm..." She made a stealthy dash for the pond. "Poloats—!"

Lyra spun and pointed at the water's edge. "Fish-out-of-water!"

"Oh wow..." Bon Bon droned, bearing a tired grin. "You got me."

"Hah! Yes!" Lyra pumped her hoof, splashing moisture all around. Her eyes fluttered open over a cheeky grin. "I knew it! This girl's still got it, baby! Yeah!" A beat. She sniffed the air. "Huh..." The mare glanced around. "...why's the pond smell so... funny all of the sudden?"

485 Faust Lane – Bon Bon's Bedroom – Eight Months After the Royal Canterlot Wedding

A thudding sound echoed through the wall...

Followed by muffled whimpers... ...

Accompanied by a muted thunder... ... ...

At last, Bon Bon's eyes fluttered open. She sat up with a gasp—then craned her ear to the wall beside her bed.

Once more, she heard the whimpers—more like sobs. They grew more and more pronounced.

"Lyra..." Hyperventilating, Bon Bon leapt out of bed. She tore through the house, took a sharp turn, then burst through the door to Lyra's bedroom. "Lyra! Lyra, is everything... alright?"

The bed covers were tossed onto the floor. Humid mists wafted out of the open bathroom... where a dim-light flickered. The sound of running water permeated the household.

"Lyra...?" Gulping, Bon Bon trotted briskly into the bathroom. She scuffled to a stop on the slippery tile.

Lyra huddled in a fetal position, curled up against the edge of the tub. Hot running shower water bathed her unblinking figure.

Bon Bon bit her lip. Rushing in, she spun the shower handle off, grabbed a towel, and wrapped her roommate with it... drying her.

"Mmmmm..." Lyra choked on a sob, shivering.

"Shhhhh..." Bon Bon rubbed the mare dry, caressing her mane. "Shhh... it's okay..."

"No it's not... I can't..." Lyra grimaced. "...I can't wash her out..." She clenched her eyes shut. "I... I-I hear crickets... and then her eyes start burning in the darkness..."

"She's not here, Lyra." Bon Bon crawled into the bathroom next to her, wrapping a hoof around the mare. "You're okay. You're free from her."

"So... so scared..." Lyra gulped. "...she'll take over again... m-make me do bad things..." Sniffling, Lyra clenched her eyes shut. "...horrible things t-to you..."

"You won't, Lyra. Don't worry. We're best friends..." Bon Bon held her close, weathering a bitter sweet smile as the two rocked together in the tub. "...I promised that I would protect you, didn't I?"

"Mmmmm..." Lyra buried her wet face in Bon Bon's shoulder, heaving. "I suck... I-I suck so much..." She sniffled. "Such a burden. Can't make music... c-can't stay friggin' sane..."

"You're not a burden. Trust me. You're not..." Bon Bon kissed the top of her forehead and held her close, gazing out the bathroom and into darkness. "You're anything but, Lyra."

"Honestly... h-how can you st-tand me, Bon Bon...?" Lyra wept.

Bon Bon gulped. "Well, you know..." She hummed. "Silly ponies as silly ponies do..."

Lyra shuddered... shook... but eventually calmed. She blinked into the linoleum. "...I need a drink."

Bon Bon looked at the shower faucet... then at the wet mare she was holding. "...you are a drink."

Lyra couldn't help it. She giggle-snorted... then slapped Bon Bon's shoulder as the chuckles lingered on.

Bon Bon took the hit. When Lyra wasn't looking, she dried her eyes... and smiled some more.

Ponyville Park – Pathside Bench – Ten Months After the Royal Canterlot Wedding

"Holy shit!" Lyra Heartstrings shrieked. "Wings!"

"What?!" Bon Bon dropped her book and looked every which way with wide eyes. "Wings?! Where?! How big is it?! Do you need me to swat it for y—?"

"No no no... dorkinator..." Lyra slapped the newspaper in her grasp. "I can't friggin' believe it! Twilight Sparkle—my foalhood friend—has grown wings!"

"Oh... ohhhhh... right... okay..." Bon Bon panted, then ran a hoof over her frazzled bangs. "Goddess damn..."

"An honest-to-Celestia alicorn... that really takes the cake..." Lyra stared up at the verdant hillsides stretching between them and downtown Ponyville. "...guess that makes her a princess now. Who'd a thunk it?"

"Hrmmmf..." Bon Bon calmed down enough to smirk. "You and your silly princess fetish."

"Seriously, though. I wonder if this was all planned." Lyra gestured. "As if... the old egghead has had secret access to my musical notes all this time."

"Lyraaaa..."

"For 'sho!"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "No... Twilight Sparkle does not have clandestine access to the orchestral epic that you've been secretly working on half your adult life."

"Well... it could happen, right?" Lyra glanced over her shoulder. "I mean... Queen Chrysalis was the first alicorn ever... and she got it by being treacherous, didn't she?"

"That..." Bon Bon cleared her throat. "...is a whole different scenario altogether." A shuddering sigh, and she smiled. "Still... I'm... uh... proud of you... y'know... for having the strength to even mention her na—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Lyra crumpled the newspaper and tossed it into a nearby bin before folding her forelimbs. "Hrmmmff... at this rate... there'll be no more slots for me."

"... ... ...are we talking about the ever-so-holy 'princess slots?'"

"Well... yeah... what other slots are worth talking about?"

"Heheheh..." Bon Bon winked. "You know... there's always a simpler way to become a princess."

Lyra looked up from where she reclined. "Buh?"

"They say that Prince Blueblood is moving out to the country soon, and—"

"Ugh... save your breath." Lyra rolled her eyes. "Never gonna happen... ever. Not in a million years."

"Eheheh..." Bon Bon glanced aside, hiding her rosy cheeks. She toyed with a lock of blue-and-pink mane hair. "I figured you would say that—"

"It's because I'm never going to be caught dead going to another wedding again!"

"Oh please, Lyraaa..." Bon Bon patted her friend's shoulder. "Don't let one horribad experience block you for the rest of your life! Weddings are fun!"

"My vomit green ass they're fun!" Lyra snorted. "For real... I'd rather live a thousand years being digested in a live hydra's stomach than go to another wedding in my life. And I mean it!"

Just Outside Ponyville Town Hall – Twelve Months After the Royal Canterlot Wedding

"Good byyyyye!" An emotional sea serpent waved, tossing rice in the open air.

"Bon voyage!" Dr. Whooves joined in, smiling jubilantly.

"So long! Have a pleasant honeymoon!" Amethyst Star sing-songed as she stood with the gathered crowd.

"Happy birthdaaaay!" Derpy Hooves grinned, tossing sunflower seeds backwards.

A stagecoach carried Matilda and Cranky into the sunset, dragging behind a clattering assortment of cans and kitchen utensils.

"So long, friends and neighbors of Ponyville!" Matilda melodically called back.

"Yeah... sniff you jerks later," Cranky grumbled.

"Oh! Matilda!" Cup Cake hollered, waving a pudgy hoof. "The bouquet!"

"Goodness! Almost forgot!" The donkey bride reached past the bustle of her dress and tossed the flowers in question. "Thanks for everything!"

They flew high in the air... came down... and landed square inside a pair of mint-green hooves. The surrounding ponies cheered.

Lyra's eyes sparkled. "Mmmmm!" She hugged the flowers close to her cheek, smiling rosily aside at her friend. "Squeeeee!"

Bon Bon smiled. She gazed happily into the distance—but not at the sunset. Her eyes were trailing the wagon trails that led south... towards Tartarus. From afar, she could almost make out the rattling cage that housed the notorious Bug Bear... for good.

Lyra blinked. "B.B.?" She snuggled the bouquet in one hoof and waved the other right in front of Bon Bon's face. "Bae-squared? You there?"

"Hmmmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled, her ears twitching happily.

Lyra squinted. She leaned forward, hissing through her teeth: "Best friennnnnnnd."

Immediately, Bon Bon snapped out of it. "Huh?" She blinked aside.

Lyra's teeth showed in a brilliant grin. She waved the flowers around before digging her soft muzzle into the petals, amber eyes blinking bashfully at her roommate.

"Hehe... well, look at that, princess." Bon Bon patted Lyra's cheek through the flowers. "You're happy, aren't you?"

"Mmmmhmmm..." Lyra nodded. Her smile peeked through the colors. "And I didn't faint once today."

"No. You didn't. Not even through... well... you know..." Bon Bon sweated suddenly, avoiding Lyra's gaze.

"Are you happy, Bon Bon?" Lyra asked as the crowd split up around them.

Bon Bon stared at her. She smiled. "The happiest." Silence. "Come on, Lyra." She spun around and marched back into town hall where a certain punch bowl waited. "Let's get pissed drunk."

"Yaaaaaaay!" And Lyra skipped happily after her.

485 Faust Lane – The Living Room – Thirteen Months After the Royal Canterlot Wedding

Matilda's bouquet sat neatly in a vase on the couchside table.

A single lamp cast soft orange light on a radio box broadcasting the latest episode of Shadow Spade at low volume.

Lyra lay curled up on the couch—like a big green cat—with a dumb smile plastered on her unconscious face.

Beside her, Bon Bon sat in a chair, squinting at a spreadsheet in her lap as she took notes about her candy shop in preparation for tax season. For a moment, she paused to crunch numbers in her head, chewing on the end of her pen.

"... ... ...thank you, Bon Bon..."

"... ... ...?" The earth pony glanced aside. "Hmmm?"

Lyra yawned... yawned some more... then once again slurred: "Thank you."

Bon Bon cocked her head to the side. "For what?"

"Mmmmmm..." Lyra curled up, falling once more into slumber. "...for everything."

Bon Bon stared at her. She smiled, and her eyes grew misty. "Well..." A warm breath. "...I did make a promise, didn't I?"

Lyra did nothing but smile. It carried her into sleep... even after Bon Bon leaned over to kiss her forehead... draped a comforter over the mare... and turned the light out.

Didn't You Get the Memo?

Downtown Ponyville – Bon Bon's Bountiful Bakes – Thirteen Months After the Royal Canterlot Wedding – Present Day

"Hmm-hmm-hmmm..." Bon Bon hummed to herself, opening a steamy oven. Clasping a mitt in her muzzle, she reached in and pulled out a sheet full of chocolate croissants.

It was a slow morning, but business was bound to pick up into the later afternoon. The charming confectioner took advantage of the time by baking an extra surplus of dessert items. Gentle sunlight glinted off the pristine walls and multi-colored floor tile of her establishment.

"Hmmm-hmmm-hmmmm..." She slid the tray onto a kitchen counter and spat the mit out. "Immerse your soullllllll in lovvvvvvveeee," she sang beneath her breath while trotting about to fetch more ingredients. "Immerse your soul... in lovvvvvvvvvve..."

D-Ding! The bell above the front door jingled happily.

"Just a second!" Bon Bon dusted some baking powder off her apron and trotted over to the sales counter. "Well, good morning to you! Welcome to Bon Bon's Bountiful Bakes! I'm she who would be Bon Bon. Heehee... what can I cook up—..." She blinked. "...for you?"

A massive figure shuffled in on all fours, its huge girth obscured by three pony-sized trench coats tied together.

Bon Bon blinked. With a smirk, she leaned against the counter. "Mooella... how many times do I have to tell you?" She winked. "There's no need to be embarrassed about walking into a horse-run store and asking for pasteurized milk—"

Just then, a single jutting horn slipped out of the front of the trenchcoats, aiming straight towards the ceiling.

Bon Bon blinked. "... ... ...you're not a cow."

"No, I am most certainly not a cow..." The figure disrobed completely, gray hooves and all. "Mmmfff... but with the sugary shit you're peddling these days, looks like I could become as fat as one over night."

Bon Bon's chin fell. "... ... ...Secret Agent Betsy?!"

"Shhhhhhh!" The rhinoceros frowned. She pulled over a chair, sat down—and smashed it to pastel colored bits. She blinked down at the mess, shrugged, and saluted the mare behind the counter. "It isn't 'Betsy' at the moment. At least not now. I'm doing this all undercover-like, ya dig?"

"It... it's..." Bon Bon trotted briskly around the counter with a dumb grin. "It's so amazing to see you! I mean... how've you been?! Did you hear about the Bug Bear?! How's the weather in... in... wherever you've been—"

"Yeah yeah yeah... knock it off with the pussy-hoofing around, already," Betsy grunted. She eyed the mare with a steely squint. "I came here to find out why you haven't responded to the memo."

"Memo?" Bon Bon blinked. "What memo?"

"Cheese and crackers on shit, girl?! Did you lose your sound stone or something?"

"What? N-No!" Bon Bon fidgeted, ultimately producing the enchanted communicator from a pocket of her apron. "I-I've kept it on me at all times!"

"Huh..." The rhino tapped her chin. "...well... if that isn't interesting as all get-out."

"Why... what's the matter?" Bon Bon leaned forward.

"Horizons sent out the call weeks ago," Betsy said. "It's being reformed."

"What is?"

"The Hell else?" Betsy grunted. "The League, ya doughnut-powdered jackass!"

"Oh..." Bon Bon blinked. She slumped down in a red-cushioned chair. "Well... buck..."

TO BE CONTINUED IN...
==ACT ONE: NO STRINGS ATTACHED==

~*~*~Act One: No Strings Attached~*~*~

~*~*~Act One: No Strings Attached~*~*~

"Hmmmrmmfff..." Betsy chewed on a leafy cupcake napkin. The flakey remnants of brown chocolatey bits lingered on the rhinoceros' gray, wrinkled lips. "Mmmfff... y'know... there are some hippy yahoos out there who make edible versions of these thingies that go around the breaded part of a cupcake. And if you ask me... that's total bull bunk. Sometimes you should just have something stupid to chew on after making love to your sweet-tooth. Just 'cuz."

Pots and pans rattled. Drawers opened and slammed shut in the distance.

Betsy's hairy nostrils snorted. As she chewed on the leafy fabric in her mouth, she glanced around the brightly colored confectionery with a squinting expression.

"Grffff..." She waved her horn around. "Why's this place of yours so damned peppy? I swear... it's like my old boyfriend ate a mountain of cherries and just... muckspreaded all over the friggin' room and tables. Hrmmmf... no shit. The color scheme you've got here is like Alcoholics Anonymous for ladybugs. For realsies, girl. I don't know whether to eat in this place or wrap the entire establishment over my shoulders and go hunting for quail."

More rattling. The kitchen echoed with cacophonous rummaging noises.

Betsy sighed. "Ptoooie!" She spat the fabric out and glared across the bakery. "Sweetie Drops, I don't mean to be a bother, but just what in the holy name of hippopotamus clitoridectomies are ya doin' over there behind that counter?!"

Downtown Ponyville – Bon Bon's Bountiful Bakes – Ten Minutes Into The Former Agent Sweetie Drops' Latest Conniption Fit

Bon Bon panted and panted... fumbling through drawers and cabinets full of random metal utensils and lopsided kitchen equipment.

"Come on... come onnnn..." She gnashed her teeth, sweating bullets as her peach hooves made a mess out of once-orderly tools. "Where did I put the d-damned thing?! I know it's not at home! I always figured this would happen at work! That's where everypony sees me!"

"Yo!" At last, Betsy stood up, knocking a table over with her mammalian girth as she marched across the eatery. "Equestria to Sweetie Drops! Are you still alive? Or do I gotta skin your pelt off and raise it at half mast?"

"I'm here, Betsy," Bon Bon grunted, frowning sweatily into her frenzied search. "And it's 'Bon Bon' now."

"Pffft! What the hell kind of an alias is that?!"

"A very unassuming, non-threatening one!"

"Yeah..." Betsy snorted. "Like 'Sweetie Drops' was any more grizzled, ya furby."

Bon Bon glared over her shoulder. "I also happen to be very fond of it."

"I can tell! You put a lot of love into those cupcakes... maybe a bit too much. Lemme guess?" Betsy tilted her head aside. "New stallion in your life?"

"Mrmmmfff..." Bon Bon searched.

"New mare?"

"Grrrrrffff..." Bon Bon searched and searched.

"... ... ..." Betsy blinked. "...don't tell me that you special order from Naughty Wyvern. I thought that was Sharp Quill's sticky schtick."

"I'm looking for the syringe, okay?!" Bon Bon barked over her flank, huffing and puffing. "I... I seem to have misplaced it," she murmured, red in the face.

"Wait..." Betsy's eyes narrowed. "...you mean the League Issued Blood Sampler?"

"Mmmmmmmmm..." Bon Bon hung her face, hiding her blushing cheeks. "...yeah."

"Snkkkt—pffft—hah hah hah!" Betsy's thunderous laughter rattled the glass windows to the place.

"Shhhhhh!" Bon Bon leaned over the counter, grimacing. "Keep it down, will ya?!"

"Girl, you're something else, y'know?" Betsy smirked. "You let me sit down at your table. You stuff me full of chocolate cupcakes. And after all that fru-fru shiet, now you wanna screen me for being a changeling?!"

"Well, it's st-standard procedure, isn't it?!"

"What, the cupcakes? I'm sure that was the furthest thing from Chief Agent Sombra's mind. At least before he turned evil and started... I dunno... rubbing crystals all over his butt."

"Betsy, I'm serious!" Bon Bon sputtered.

"Girl, if you're serious, then you don't even know I'm Betsy! I could be a huge doppelganger come to suck your juices out! Hell... I might be ten of them buggers in a suit, ready to dance all over your ass and call it a holocaust!"

"I'm out of the loop, okay?! Can you blame me?!"

"Pffft... in a town like this? No, ma'am." Betsy rolled her eyes. "'Ponyville'... hrmmmfff... real original. That's like if I grew up in a place called 'Hornland' back in the Zebrahara." The rhino sighed. "Look. Sweetie Drops. I'll make it easy for ya..." She reached towards the front counter.

"Huh?" Bon Bon turned, blinking. She flinched. "No-no-no! Betsy! Don't! It's not necessar—" Glass shattered, causing Bon Bon to wince.

"Look..." With casual grace, Betsy took the sharp end of a broken sundae dish and sliiiiiiiiiiced it across her left shoulder. Crimson blood oozed out in tiny little rivulets. "See? Totally not green or sticky! So... I'm not a bug! Just your good ol' rampaging rhino buddarette. Ya happy?" Betsy smirked.

Bon Bon let loose an exasperated sigh. "You really... really didn't have to do that."

"Pffft... it barely tickles." Betsy tossed the remainder of the dish behind her. "Besides... the blood matches the paint job!"

Bon Bon winced as the rest of the dish shattered. "You believe I'm me, though..." She gulped. "Right?"

"Don't worry. I ain't gonna make you do the same thing, girl. Besides... you never cared much for Linkin Pony."

"Okay... so..." Bon Bon faced her from across the glass counter. "...let's start again from the top."

"Well, I'm not sure there even is a top to start from no more!" Betsy glanced at Bon Bon incredulously. "I mean... if Chief Agent Horizons never bothered to page you... then something tells me the ball's no longer in your court. Unless..." She squinted. "...you done dropped that ball."

"What? No!" Bon Bon folded her forelimbs with a huff. "I assure you, Betsy, I've been loyal to the cause of the League for every hour of every day of my hiding!"

"Yeah. Super." Betsy smirked. "So... how many times do you say the mantra between slapping cinnamon rolls together?"

"I'm not kidding." Bon Bon spoke in a serious tone. "All this time... I expected to be called back into duty... but it never happened."

"Did you never once think to contact the rest of us yourself?"

"Well... no. Because I was attempting to lay low."

"Even when the Bug Bear got lassoed? That happened here in your town, girl!"

Bon Bon shuddered. She glanced aside, brushing a hoof over her blue and pink bangs. "Yeah. That was... s-something else, huh?"

"I'm tellin' ya Sweetie Buns... it shook the whole world when that bastard finally fell back into Tartarus! When I heard the news, I leapt up and kissed the closest pony to me! Heh... too bad I was workin' in a morgue at the time."

"So then..." Bon Bon leaned forward. "You've been called? You... Haze... Sharp Quill? Is everyone back in Canterlot?"

"Well... no. But we've been told to wait further instructions," Betsy said. "Me, Haze, Sharpie—we've been chatting up a storm ever since we got word from Horizons. Getting to reconnect and know each other again... just waiting for the order to move in. I swear... this has been the longassiest year that ever did longass'd."

Bon Bon swallowed a lump down her throat. "Is... is everyone okay?"

"Yeah, girl. To be honest, I was a bit worried that we hadn't heard from you. A bit, mind you. It takes more than a tiny dosage of abject loneliness to skewer this horn-valkyrie." Betsy snorted. "I wonder why Horizons never sent you a message?"

"It doesn't exactly surprise me," Bon Bon muttered, gazing aside. "The last time I saw her—the last time I saw any of you... she was implying that I... erm..."

"Yeah? What?"

"Ahem... she seemed to wish that I... just settle and live a normal life here in Equestria."

"You mean drop out of the League?"

"More or less, yeah." Bon Bon waved a hoof. "She used Dad's... ... ...Chief Agent Sugar Cane's death as leverage for her argument. And... let's face it... I was waaaaaaay too young to be doing the same kind of things that you and others were doing."

"Didn't stop you from kicking flank in Stalliongrad that one time!"

"Yes, well..." Bon Bon smiled bashfully, fussing with her bangs again. "A mare knows how to make do."

"So... Horizons gave you a sappy speech about going out on your own, huh?"

"Pretty much, yeah. She even gave me her life's savings."

"No shit?"

"It made sense. After all, she was going to go work with Princess Celestia and Luna," Bon Bon said. "By now, the regal sisters must know everything about the League."

"Maybe..." Betsy fidgeted. "...maybe not."

"Huh?" Bon Bon blinked.

"You know how I said that communication has opened... but we haven't been asked to go anywhere yet?"

"Uh huh..."

"Well, according to Horizons, it mainly has to do with finding the right spot."

"You mean..." Bon Bon's muzzle hung agape. "...the League's not gonna operate out of Canterlot anymore?"

"Well, we kinda sorta burned that place to shit over a year ago."

"Good point..." Bon Bon rubbed her head in thought. "Then—like—where else is there to hide out? Manehattan? Fillydelphia?"

"Those were my guesses. But then there was something that Horizons said that didn't make much sense."

"What was that?"

"She said 'we gotta wait for our new friends in the Royal Council.'"

"Royal... Council?" Bon Bon cocked her head aside. "But they operate below Luna and Celestia."

"Right!" Betsy nodded. "Which means that—shit you not—the League may be more common knowledge than we thought."

Bon Bon stared off, heavily contemplating that. "Just... what the Hell has Horizons been up to?"

"Perhaps Celestia and Luna have told her to spread the love around, so to speak."

"How so?"

"Well, think about it. The Bug Bear's back in chains, and that's some good shit. But there are still plenty of Tartarusian freaks lurking about... not to mention a changeling queen that's been missing for Goddess-knows-how long. Celestia decided on complete deniability—just as Horizons and your dear old Pops predicted. If it's time to put the League back together, where can you put them besides Canterlot or the Palace of the Regal Sisters?"

"Well... if the Royal Council is part of the planning process now..." Bon Bon thought aloud. "...then I'm guessing that the nobility are getting involved. And they function hoof-in-hoof with Equestrian aristocracy—" She froze, blinking. "Betsy... do you suppose that...?"

The rhino nodded. "They're gonna privatize us. The League's gonna be operating on a donated budget."

"But that's... that's..." Bon Bon grimaced. "...so sucky!"

"I know. Sharpie and Haze feel the same way. But every time we ask Horizons about it, she clams up over the sound stone leylines... tells us not to get our thongs in a twist." Betsy grumbled, "And now I hear about her trying to shoo you away... you... the daughter of the best damned Chief Agent that the League's ever had!"

Bon Bon bit her lip.

"Something's fishy in monster-hunting land," Betsy muttered. "I came here for more than cupcakes and bloodletting, girl. I came here for answers."

"I'm... not sure I have any, Betsy."

"But together, maybe, we can figure it out. I mean... this place is Lameville." Betsy smirked. "Not like you have anything special planned in this downstream salmon egghole of a farm town, right?"

"Ermmmmm..." Bon Bon fidgeted.

"... ... ...right?"

"Ahem." Bon Bon marched out from behind the counter. "We should... uh... talk about this somewhere more private." She locked the front door and pivoted the dangling store sign around so that it read "closed." "Someplace where we won't accidentally spew forth the secrets of the League any more than we already have."

"Ohhhhhhh... the serious panties kick in." Betsy smirked. "What's the matter, Sweetie Box? Afraid that the local lavender monarch might be listening in? I hear she's a very nosy one, that Twiggy."

"Twilight," Bon Bon corrected. "And, no, I'm not worried about her." She tilted her chin up with a proud smirk. "Because I happen to know that Princess Twilight Sparkle is currently busy with very... very serious matters at the moment."

The Princess of Friendship

Stepping up, Princess Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath, smiled, and spoke:

"Fillies and Gentlecolts... humble citizens of Equestria, this great and wonderful land... Today marks a very special occasion in the history of Ponyville. We have endured many hardships in this town of ours: the swarming of parasprites, the encroachment of Everfree monsters, the rise and fall of Lord Tirek. However, through each trial of adversity, the citizens of this village have remained strong... courageous... and—above all—faithful to the cause of harmony. I know that it's not easy trying to maintain happiness and a stiff-upper-lip in times of such unfathomable tribulation—such as the likes our friends and family have endured—but your patience and steadfastness of character is both a noble and an inspiring thing. I find that even I, myself, have learned to lean on the moral fortitude of my humble neighbors when attempting to summon the strength of character that's needed to govern the denizens of Equestria as this land's Princess of Friendship. Alas, after so many precious years of striving towards a common goal, your patience has finally paid off, and we now bear witness to something that is nothing short of a fantastic reward for all of the challenges that we have mutually conquered. Let us be thankful for the opportunity we have here—to relish in an awe-inspiring juxtaposition of loving generosity and scientific innovation. As this province's responsible monarch, I am proud to stand here today and and dedicate this moment—and this fantastic sample of modern hardware—to the legacy of all harmonious Ponyvilleans, past, present, and future..."

"Twilight... relax, will ya?" Spike rolled his eyes from where he stood in the thick crowd of onlookers. "It's just a television set."

"Correction!" Pinkie Pie slid into place, shoving the dragon whelp aside. Her bright blue eyes reflected a fuzzy square of white noise. "It's the television set! The only one in the entire province!" She gasped, her jaw dropping. "Duaaaaaaah... look at it!" she squeaked. "So... shinnnny!"

"Spiiiike! Pinkiiiie!" Twilight Sparkle pouted while a few other ponies chuckled. "I was trying to deliver a very important speech!"

"Yes, darling," Rarity nodded with a casual smile. "And we are attempting to get some... how do you call it... reception." She cleared her throat. "How goes it, Mr. Cake?"

Ponyville – Sugarcube Corner – Bottom Floor Lobby – That Same Day

"Mrmmmfff..." Sweating, a slightly frazzled Carrot Cake fumbled behind the massive metal frame of the box-shaped piece of hardware. He tangled and untangled wires, then fiddled with a pair of metal antennae with miniature crystals embedded at the pointed ends. Nearly a hundred citizens stood crammed inside the bakery, craning their necks and gazing at the static image along the front of the device with intense curiosity. "Guhhh... I... think I have everything connected just right! At least according to the manual that the scientists from Canterlot gave me!"

"Honey bumps!" Cup Cake called out from where she handed out free refreshments at the front counter of the establishment. "Have you tried smacking it a few times? It works on our radio upstairs!"

Carrot Cake frowned across the room. "Cuddle-bunny, I am not about to hit a piece of donated equipment that's ten times more expensive than our mortgage and our retirement plans put together!" Grimacing, the stallion darted his eyes all around. "Did I-I say that last p-part out loud?"

As the gathered group chuckled, a stallion with a slicked-back mane and a tie trotted handsomely into view. "Don't you fuss, Mr. Cake. Please." He reached in. "Allow me."

"Hey..." Carrot Cake backtrotted. "...knock yourself out, Filthy."

"Ahem." The businessstallion's eyes briefly knifed the air between them. "Just 'Mr. Rich' will do." Calmly, coolly, he gave the metal antennae a slight twist.

Within seconds, the white static across the tube's glass screen switched to a solid, monochromatic profile of a buffalo in a feathery headdress against a geometric diorama. A low-pitched whine permeated from the device's crackling speakers.

Ponies chuckled and clapped, their hooves echoing within the tight confines of the baking establishment.

"Ooooooooooooooh!" Pinkie Pie leaned forward. "It's... so... crisp!"

"Daddy..." Diamond Tiara huffed from where she and several other foals stood in the corner. "I thought the images were supposed to move."

"They do, my little princess!" Filthy Rich adjusted his tie with a proud smirk. "It's all a matter of tuning in to the right channel!"

"Channel?" Rainbow Dash's voice cracked from the far corner of the room.

"It's actually very simple!" Twilight Sparkle said with a smile. She stood beside Mr. Rich, gesturing at the television set and its wiring. "A camera captures something happening and translates both the sound and audio into high frequency signals that are then projected all across Equestria. A mana-powered antenna—like the one Mr. Rich had installed on the roof of Sugarcube Corner—receives this frequency and then sends it to a cathode-ray tube situated inside the television unit itself that then re-translates the signal into lines of moving images projected across the screen while the audio is—"

"Uh huh. Yeah. Whatever." Rainbow Dash looked over at Filthy Rich. "So, can we get the Wonderbolts Show on this thingamajig or what?"

"Ehhhhh..." Twilight Sparkle fidgeted. "It depends on... what's being broadcasted on the channels. Ahem. Mr. Rich?"

"By all means..." With a smile, the stallion turned a big fat knob beside the screen. CLICK!

The television's test image flickered to snow—Scrkkkkk—and then showed a grainy black and white image of a mare seated at a piano. The ponies inside Sugarcube Corner whistled and cheered while a beautiful ballad crackled out the speakers in mono.

"Well, I'll be!" Applejack smirked, craning her neck to see the picture better. "It's Rara!"

"Who?" Rainbow rasped.

"Oh, how marvelous!" Rarity cooed. "It... looks so lifelike!"

"I love it! I love it! I love it!" Pinkie Pie hopped in place. "Isn't technology the snazziest?"

"Heheh... yes indeed!" Filthy Rich leaned back with a smirk. "It took some sweet-talkin' with my business partners up in Canterlot, but I was able to convince them to send this test prototype here to Ponyville. Usually—with how expensive these sets are and all—you only find the likes of 'em in the big city. But the firm collectively agreed that after all that Ponyville had been through... we deserved a little bit of entertainment—and where better than in the heart of Ponyville culture and gathering: Sugarcube Corner!"

More cheers filled the room.

"Yes. It is most generous." Rarity smiled coyly. "Although, I suspect it also helps that we have a royal monarch living among the populace."

Ponies chuckled while Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes. "Truth be told... when Mr. Rich's friends approached me about this, they initially wanted to place this device inside my Castle. I told them that it would get better use in a place like Sugarcube Corner... where ponies can dine, mingle, and get a glimpse at the rest of Equestria."

"Pffft... yeah right..." Spike folded his scaled arms with a smirk. "You just didn't want reruns of The Adventures of Daring Do interrupting your library time."

"Yeah?" Twilight pouted. "And what of it?"

"Whoah whoah whoah..." Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped. "You meany they actually broadcast Daring Do stories on this thing?!" Her jaw dropped even further. "Daring Do live action?!"

"Ooooh!" Rarity fanned herself. "I wonder if there's a visual version of Shadow Spade!"

"Uhhhmmm..." Twilight tapped her chin in thought. "Yes... aaaaaand... maybe yes?"

"Dude!" FWOOOSH! Rainbow Dash soared over and squatted her blue butt before the thing. "I gotta see this! Uhhhh... turn that loud clicking thing until Daring Do appears!"

"Now now, Rainbow, it's Mr. Rich's device," Rarity said. "Not ours."

"Correction..." Filthy Rich smiled, gesturing at the gathered crowd. "It's everypony's set. You're all free to come here and enjoy programs... news broadcasts... and entertainment. So long as you give proper patronage to Mrs. and Mr. Cake."

"Yes!" Carrot Cake smiled brilliantly. "And for the first week, the popcorn is on the house!"

"I'll make sure it's extra buttery!" Pinkie Pie said.

Filthy Rich chuckled. "I have a vision that somehow... someday... dozens of television sets just like this one will become affordable to every household. And when that day comes—rest assured—you can show up at Barnyard Bargains right here in Ponyville and buy you and your family the latest piece of Equestrian technology so that you can connect with your fellow equine brothers and sisters in hitherto unprecedented ways!"

"Ugh... Dad..." Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "Must you turn everything into an advertisement?"

"Heheheh..." Filthy Rich reached down and ruffled the little filly's mane. "You've got a lot to learn, Lil' Darlin'." He glanced aside at a sad-faced alicorn. "Is somethin' amiss, Your Highness?"

"Well... uhm..." Twilight fidgeted in place. "...it's just that I never did get to finish my commemoration." She held up a golden medallion at the end of a blue ribbon. "I even had this especially crafted as a token—"

"Yeah. Fine. Whatever." Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in the air. "Just get it over with so we can watch some Daring Do!"

"Your Majesty..." Filthy Rich bowed as he stepped aside.

"Ahem..." Twilight Sparkle marched proudly to the television set, levitating the medallion loftily in her telekinetic grasp. "In short, let us be thankful for this opportunity to commune with each other like never before... and may we all be inspired by this act of generosity so that we can properly show our thanks to our loved ones who have survived all of Ponyville's countless adversities through mutual harmony and respect and tolerance." She gulped. "Uhm... so, yeah! Thanks!" And she plopped the medallion down onto the top of the television set. Clank!

Instantly, the image of the piano playing mare blipped to static. Scrkkkkt!

"Awwwwwwwww..." Applejack's ears folded back.

"Hey!" Pinkie pouted—as did several other ponies.

"Eggheadddd!" Rainbow snarled.

"Oh! Sorry! Uhhhh..." Twilight Sparkle winced, glancing aside. "Mr. Rich?"

"Eheh... allow me." He reached in, readjusting the antennae as the picture flickered in and out again.

"Heeeeeee..." Fluttershy smiled aside at Scootaloo. "I just love how they call those metal branches 'rabbit ears.' It's so cute."

"Don't look at me." Scootaloo shrugged. "I'm just here for the free popcorn."

"Where did Rara go?" Applejack asked.

"Mmmmm... I seem to have lost the signal," Filthy Rich said. "Do understand... this technology is a work in progress. Here... let me change the channel again." He twisted the knob. Click! An anchorpony appeared against a map of Equestria. "Oh! What do you know! The news!"

"Oooh!" Rarity leaned in closer to hear the pony's voice across the speakers. "This should be quite interesting!"

"You're telling me!" Spike leaned back and forth. "I wonder how my stocks are doing!" He felt Fluttershy and Pinkie glancing curiously at him. "What? A dragon can dream big!"

As the crowd of ponies huddled around the television set, Twilight Sparkle stepped back with a relieved sigh. She leaned against a twisted pillar in the back of the bakery's lobby, smiling placidly at the assembled group.

From behind, a voice murmured: "Don't worry, Twilight. For what it's worth... I really, really liked your speech."

Twilight nodded without looking. "I worked on it too hard." She sighed. "I work on everything too hard. And in the end—an act of clumsiness almost sabotages everything." She bore a bitter-sweet smirk. "I guess it's true: no matter how old you get, you never lose that silly grade school awkwardness."

"Yes, well..." Starlight Glimmer stepped out of the shadows. "Take it from a pony who once mastered perfection. It's not all that it's cracked up to be."

"Being the Princess of Friendship, I really can't settle for anything less. Well, at least..." Twilight shrugged. "...that's what I have to tell myself each and every day... so that I won't accidentally let down the citizens of Ponyville."

"Yes..." Starlight droned with a smirk. "...because heaven forbid that you accidentally trip on a few cables and rob the town of the latest broadcast of The Ed Stallion Show."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean." She coiled her wings tighter. "I've been the Princess of Friendship for nearly half-a-year now. A lot is being expected of me. After all, it's one thing to save Equestria... but now I'm going to be judged on how I govern it."

"You'll do just fine, Twilight," Starlight said. "After all... you've performed the whole 'Princess' thing with flying colors so far!"

"Yes... but only when it came to overcoming disharmonious situations such as the encroaching Everfree Forest, Lord Tirek, and... and..." She fidgeted, biting her lip and avoiding Starlight's gaze.

Starlight rolled her eyes. "Look. It's fine. Besides..." She winked. "I kinda like to think of myself as the Final Boss."

Twilight flashed her a look.

"Kidding. Kidding." Starlight waved a hoof. "Seriously, Twilight, you need to learn to lighten up."

"I'm... not sure that I can." Twilight gulped, gazing at the crowd of ponies. "There are several very important social functions coming up. Ever since I became Princess of Friendship, Equestria has reached out to the furthest corners of the continent. Neighboring nations and kingdoms are opening up for the first time in generations, and several dignitaries from foreign lands are preparing to come here so that they can learn more about pony culture and customs. Already I have no less than four ambassadorial conferences to oversee in the next month alone." She clenched her teeth. "I've barely gotten the Palace furnished. Now I have to treat it like a convention center?!"

"I thought you had talked with Princess Celestia about providing a royal staff to the Castle." Starlight Glimmer cocked her head to the side. "How is that going?"

"To be perfectly honest..." Twilight toed the floor between them. "I-I've been putting it off."

"Pffft!" Starlight smirked. "You?! Putting something off?"

"It's... just not something I'm very comfortable with, Starlight," Twilight said, gazing aside. "I never asked to be a Princess. But—once these wings got slapped onto me—I tried to keep things simple, you know? I'm more than happy to sit in the throne room with all my friends and plan friendship missions and all... but..." She bit her lip. "...having to accommodate for guards... secretaries... servants?"

"If you ask me, it's all for the best, Twilight," Starlight said. "After all, things are getting pretty intense out there. The griffons are growing more and more restless beyond the borders. And you heard about what's happening in the Frozen North."

Twilight shuddered. "Don't remind me. More than anything, I want to be with my brother right now..."

"He and Princess Cadance have it covered. It's their job to protect and govern the Crystal Empire, after all." Starlight smiled. "Just as it's your job to look over Ponyville and the Central Provinces of Equestria abroad." She gestured. "And having a full royal staff to assist with things in your Castle will only make things easier in the long run."

"I know... I know. I've... uh... begun a list of necessary preparations, but..." Twilight Sparkle brushed her bangs aside, gazing into the crowd. "...it's so time-consuming. I feel like I'm distracting myself from far more important... personal things." A faint smile crossed her muzzle. "Like appearing before my friends and neighbors here."

"Putting a medal around the neck of a television set," Starlight droned.

"Heehee... for Ponyville, I'll do anything," Twilight said.

"Maybe..." Starlight trotted closer. "...you need Equestria's second-best planner to assist you in getting things set up in the castle?"

"I've already taken up enough of Spike's time as it is," Twilight droned. A beat... and she blushed. "Oh. Sorry. You meant you."

"Yes." Starlight grumbled. "I meant me." She just-as-swiftly bore a smile. "Really, though. Why don't we head back to the Palace and look over your notes?" She winked. "I just know you've made a ton of them, and I'd be more than happy to help you set things up in time for the upcoming friendship conventions."

"Really?" Twilight blinked. "It's going to be a lot of work, Starlight."

"Hey..." Starlight gestured towards the flickering news broadcast. "...it's better than sitting here and letting my mind rot."

Twilight giggled. "But what about the free popcorn?"

"The best things in life might be free... but it's hard work that pays off." Starlight gestured out the door. "After you, Your Highness."

Twilight smiled, making a brisk exit with her. "Y'know what, Starlight? You may just master this whole 'friendship thing' yet."

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a promotion."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves now..."

"Heeheehee..."

As they left, the ponies of Sugarcube Corner remained glued to the tube. The black and white image of an attractive mare stared at the camera, speaking with a serious expression: "And now... a development on the Yakyakistanian hostage situation in the Crystal Empire..."

Filthy Imbalanced

"It is now going into the second week since a military band of Yaks from Yakyakistan infiltrated the Mirror Caverns located north of the Crystal Kingdom's Capital and held a group of ponies against their will."

Manehattan - Manehattan Daily News Headquarters – Ground Floor Studio

An attractive earth pony mare with a short-short blonde mane and sea-blue eyes sat at a desk. She stared into a large camera aimed at her from across a news studio while several members of the television crew stood out of frame. A stallion wearing headphones shuffled and held up large, bold cue cards, and the anchorpony read the text as she continued with the broadcast.

"The twenty-four crystal ponies—twenty-two of which are young schoolfoals around the ages of seven and eight—were visiting the famous Natural Wonder for a field trip from the Noble Crystalline Academy when twelve armored yaks wandered into the Mirror Caverns unannounced, overwhelmed security, and sealed the entrance to the caves off from the outside world. For eight days since, the yaks have refused to leave the location or relinquish their hold of the crystal pony children and their chaperones.

"According to military aides representing the Crystal Imperial Defense Force, the yaks were patrolling the frozen northern wastes as part of a common Yakyakistanian ritual called 'Thunder Month,' which traditionally includes military sparring, yeti hunting, and the copious consumption of Ice Mead.

"When asked about a chance for a peaceful solution to the situation, Captain Shining Armor of the Crystal Imperial Defense Force was quoted as saying, 'Princess Cadance is making progress in appealing to the yak militants. The twenty-four hostages are in good health, and rest assured that we will have them reunited with their families soon.' According to our sources in the North Passage, the yaks are said to be demanding the reappropriation of several acres of agricultural territory to Yakyakistanian sovereignty. When questioned on the topic, representatives at the Yakyakistanian Embassy here in Manehattan denounced the actions of the twelve yak militants, stating 'Yaks don't make wars with non-yaks who are weaker than yak-yaks.'"

At the culmination of this bit, the stallion in headphones flipped to a new card. In hastily scribbled red ink, the posterboard red: "Commercial Break."

The anchorpony at the desk opened her muzzle... but fumbled for words. She blinked, then glanced down at her hooves. A sheet of paper in her grasp featured a typewritten news story that was yet to be read.

"And... uhm..."

She fidgeted... fidgeted some more... than put on a bright smile.

"...now a word from our sponsor!" Her cheeks twitched a bit in attempting to maintain the grin.

Members of the crew signaled one another. A hoof pointed. A second.

Then the green light above the main camera switched to red.

"Alright! Eight minutes!" The studio director trotted briskly to the desk. "Brilliant, Satin! You nailed it! Like... whammo! Torpedo'd right in the keister!"

"Yeah... uhm... just call me 'Ms. Cinders,' please," the mare said. Two mares rushed up from off-set with makeup and she shoo'd them away. "I'm good! Scram!" She cleared her throat and faced the stage director once more. "Uhm... Mike. Why'd we go to commercial break?"

"Well, as you know, Dr. Pony is our chief sponsor and if we don't give them their eight minute segments on the hour, then—PLOW! There goes our funding!"

"Mike..." Satin Cinders frowned. A tiny golden strand of hair dangled over her brow and she swiftly brushed it back in place with her hoof. "Onomatopoeia aside... it's almost looking as though the story on the Manehattan gambling ring busts has been removed."

"Oh. That's because it has!" Mike grinned from ear to ear. "Scrkkkk! Had to rip it out! That slot went to the Yakyakistanian situation! Eheheh..."

"Mike, I worked hard on that story."

"I don't see why you should." Mike blinked. "Isn't this new gig of yours working out a lot more nicely?"

"This 'gig' was forced on me," Satin Cinders huffed. "I'm only doing it until we find a prettier face."

"Ain't no face in Manehattan prettier than you."

"Look—just tell me why the segment was cut."

"Do you think I know the reason for that?"

She glared. "Sometimes I wonder if you even know how to button your collar."

"Ouch."

"Whose big idea was this, anyways?" Satin Cinders folded her forelimbs. "Because I don't see how playing a clip of caffeinated beverages being poured into cups at slow speed is somehow more important than the gambling and drug trade being exposed here in Manehattan."

"Well, you're going to have to work your way upstairs for answers, babe."

Satin Cinders sighed as the blonde strand dangled loosely again. "Let me guess..."

Manehattan - Manehattan Daily News Headquarters – Fortieth Floor – Executive Office – Thirty Minutes Later

"I'll tell you why we cut it." A zebra spun about in his desk chair and scowled. "Because it's a crock of shit!"

"Bleed... come on..." Satin Cinders stood before his desk, frowning. Beyond the glass walls of the office, countless ponies squatted at cubicles, answering phones and hammering away at typewriters. "Don't insult me like this. I've worked just as hard on this story as I have on all the others for this agency. Have I ever let you down before?"

"You shouldn't be working hard anymore. It'll ruin your perfect smile," the zebra grunted, rummaging through early drafts of news articles laid across his desk. "We just now began our multimedia broadcasting division. Television is the wave of the Equestrian future, and it needs a pretty face to get all the miserable shit across. That shit-coverer is you."

"I only agreed to be the anchorpony because you wouldn't choose anypony else!" Satin Cinders exclaimed. "Let's face it—you coerced me!"

"Darling, there ain't nopony else for the job," Bleed replied. "You ever looked in the mirror lately? You'd drop Princess Cadance dead at a beauty contest anyday."

"So, what?!" Satin Cinders huffed. "I'm just to... hoof in my journalistic career for being a cheesy grin on a black and white metal box from here to Ragneighrok?! If I knew that this was the sort of nonsense I'd be in for, I'd never have agreed!"

"You seemed to agree pretty damn quick when you saw the pay raise," Bleed grunted.

Satin bit her lip. "I've... been going through a rough patch financially..."

"Join the club." Bleed flipped through more editorials. "Look, Satin—"

"Ms. Cinders."

"Don't get snippy with me. We've worked together for far too long." Bleed cleared his throat. "If you wanna get anywhere in this business, you need to stampede in the direction that the bits take you. You're a young mare with a hell of a lot of talent... so why not take the easy road when it's paved for you?" He gestured with an unshorn fetlock. "For years, you've pursued all of these... hard-hitting conspiratorial angles... and just where has it gotten you? I'd say take this prissy anchorprincess opportunity and run with it."

"My leads are not 'conspiratorial.' I have substantial sources!" Cinders exclaimed. "And they all lead to a very disconcerting pattern right here in Manehattan!" She pointed out the windows. "Someone or something is making ponies disappear in those dirty streets! Every time a gambling ring is busted... the names of missing citizens pile up! I think there's someone in the rafters pulling the strings of everything that's corrupt in Manehattan, and if we can just figure out who it is... then maybe crime will drop significantly in this city! Sharing this with the Equestrian public will build awareness and lead to change! Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

"You talk as though you're expecting the viewing audience to be a bunch of white knights and not the drooling morons that they really are," Bleed said. "Ponies don't watch television to see justice served, Satin. They wanna hear about dramatic bullshit and then have their mouth water over Dr. Pony."

"So... you believe me, then?" Cinders squinted. "There is some sort of organized crime ring haunting this city. You just don't want to cover it because there's no profit in doing the right thing."

"Don't be so moronic!" Bleed spat. "This is journalism! I wouldn't be in this business if I wasn't a saint underneath!"

Just then, the door opened and a stallion stuck his head in. "Mr. Reads! Sorry for interrupting, but I figured you might want to know that we got Professor Farrier from Canterlot University signed up for Tuesday."

"Great!" Bleed said. "Pay him five hundred bits in advance and make sure that he commits to spending thirty minutes talking down Princess Celestia's latest health care reforms."

"Got it, chief." And the stallion rushed back out.

Satin Cinders blanched. "We... only broadcast one slot per day! What's with the opinion segment? It's not like we're airing twenty-four hours!"

Bleed pointed. "There will come a time. You'll see." A black and white smirk. "A stallion can dream, can't he?"

"At least someone's entitled," Satin huffed. "You're going to air this story of mine, chief. Sooner than later."

"Oh blow it out your pretty ear. You wanna save the world? Move back into the print department." Bleed waved her off as he spun around in his office chair. "It's one hell of a downgrade, though. And considering your... 'financial situation...'"

Satin sighed, shuffling towards the door. "Yeah. Thanks. Great. Nice to know you're on my side, chief."

"You're welcome. Just saving your butt, is all." Bleed snorted. "Heroes don't end up rich, Satin. And as for Manehattan? Yeah... it's crooked. Filthy too. Don't need to turn on the news to figure that out. Just open the window."

Satin Cinders slumped into the chair at her desk.

She sighed.

Pivoting about, she gazed lethargically out her office window.

The Manehattan skyline loomed in glinting urban brilliance. Zeppelins puttered in the distance while ships rolled in and out of the harbor.

Satin Cinders stared and stared. At last, her lips moved: "Just who has you in their pocket, chief?"

Slowly, she gazed up at a bulletin board chock-full of photographs and news clippings that made up a complex diorama of crime scenes, murder statistics, and questionable figureheads. At least a dozen grim-faced stallion businessponies peered down at her, all tied together with a near-schizophrenic webwork of red string... only there was no center to the frenetic geometry.

"I wish everything was as simple as pointing out mead-thirsty yaks," she murmured. "Or perhaps I just need to get deeper in the filth."

Another sigh, and she opened a drawer to her desk. In it, a gold-framed newspaper rested. It featured "Satin Cinders" as the editor, and the headline read: "Princess of Friendship Defeats Lord Tirek – Equestrian Magic Restored."

The mare brushed a string of blonde hair back over her brow as she bore a bittersweet smile. "Or perhaps the problem is... the only real heroes are so far away...?"

Her eyes rested on the smiling image of a lavender alicorn...

Princess 102

A filly Twilight Sparkle stared—deadpan—into the pages of an open book. The foal completely ignored the presence of her unicorn friends at a schoolyard bench—all five of whom were frozen in time and smiling brilliantly at the camera, including a tiny bookworm in thick-rimmed glasses.

An adult's lavender hoof brushed over the photograph's glass frame, wiping clean a swath of dust. Twilight Sparkle slowly sighed, and the wings at her side coiled even tighter as she continued staring at the group image.

"...this is all very simple, actually!" Starlight Glimmer's voice echoed off the crystalline walls of a spacious library. Far behind Twilight, the gifted unicorn levitated half-a-dozen notepads and ledgers off a work desk. "The Royal Accountants from Canterlot have made the allowable budget lent from the Royal Sisters perfectly clear. There's even a byline detailing estimated tax inflation for the relocation of enchanted minerals from province to province!"

Ponyville – Twilight Sparkle's Castle – Royal Library

Starlight Glimmer floated another document before her squinting eyes. Her nose scrunched in contemplation... and her fuzzy ears twitched as she poured over the data in her mind.

"Looks like Canterlot's representatives weren't the only helpful ponies. This letter? Sent from the Crystal Empire a week ago?" Starlight glanced over her shoulder with a smile. "Captain Shining Armor—your brother—has given a detailed list of over twenty officers that he's willing to lend to the new Ponyville Royal Guard! Talk about some snazzy experience for free, am I right?!"

"He could use all the help he needs right now," Twilight Sparkle muttered, eyes glued to the old picture frame. "Once he and Cadance solve the yak problem, I'll have to write him a letter back asking for a revised list."

"Twilight, that's not the point." Starlight stacked the documents on top of one another. "You've got ponies from all over Equestria—both royal and not—who are willing to help you establish regal order here in your new palace! There's barely any labor on your end to perform! Y'know... I came over here thinking that crunching the numbers to make this whole upgrade work would take a week." Starlight trotted over with a smile. "But... heheh... being the 'Princess of Friendship' wins you lots of allies. It seems that your acquaintances all over Equestria have practically done half the work for you. At least when it comes to gathering the resources necessary."

"Uh huh..." Twilight sighed again, and then was silent.

Starlight Glimmer craned her neck. Standing behind Twilight, the unicorn cleared her voice and said, "Twilight, if I might ask a... somewhat forward question...?"

"Sure, Starlight. Ask anything," Twilight muttered.

Starlight raised an eyebrow. "Do you regret being the Princess of Friendship?"

Upon hearing that, Twilight finally snapped out of her funk. She spun around with a look of shock... even disgust. "Not at all! Ever since I came to Ponyville, I've worked day in and day out to learn all I can about friendship! Every month of every year has been an intense trial of finding new and more improved ways of maintaining harmony!"

"Yeah... but..." Starlight leaned back, wincing. "...do you even hear yourself?"

"Erm... yes?"

"It's just... you make it sound like such a chore... being a 'friendship prodigy' or whatnot." Starlight shrugged. "No lies. I've found doing 'friendship lessons' under your tutelage to be pretty stressful. But... y'know... that's because of me and my past mistakes, and we've been over that. And yet... never once did I stop to think just how tough it must be to be the grandmommy of it all." She smiled crookedly. "Friendship Emissary Extraordinaire, that is."

"Mmmmfff..." Twilight rubbed the back of her neck, gazing aside. "Don't rub it in."

Starlight blinked.

With a gulp, Twilight bore a fragile smile to reassure her. "I don't regret for a second what I've experienced to get here... the achievements that I've made... or even the... s-sacrifices."

Starlight Glimmer leaned back on her haunches and pronounced the inevitable word: "However..."

Twilight bit her lip. "However..." With a sad expression, she turned to gaze at the photo in her grasp. "...I miss the days when making friends... and improving relationships was... was..."

Starlight smiled. "Fun?"

"...I was going to say 'simple,' but I suppose 'fun' works as well." Twilight sighed. "Maybe you're right, Starlight. Perhaps I don't have too much work cut out for me here at the Castle. But... I just detest any little thing that gets in the way of me being... me."

"Funny." Starlight brushed her bangs aside. "And here I thought that 'you being you' meant hanging out by yourself and organizing things." She winked. "If that was the case, all of this preparation for royal guards and servants would be completely done by now."

"I suppose... in a way... part of me wants to sabotage myself," Twilight muttered. "As if that will somehow make everything collapse and just leave me with the likes of Applejack... Fluttershy... Pinkie Pie..." Twilight giggled breathily to herself. "Friends both new... and old..."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Twilight." Starlight cocked her head aside. "Is there?"

"But..." Twilight fidgeted, her wings stretching and unstretching. "...I've become so much more than what I used to be. I want to hang out with my friends more. It's what got me to where I am at the moment, after all. But... if I shirk my duties as Princess, then I will be letting all of Ponyville down... and all of Equestria for that matter."

"Has anypony ever told you that you stress too much?" Starlight remarked.

"Nnnngh..." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Has anypony happened to mention that rain is wet?"

Silence filled the library as Starlight fumbled for words. Scrunching her muzzle, she ended up leaning forward so she could gaze at the picture frame in the princess' grasp. "Are these the 'old friends' you alluded to?"

"Yeah..." Twilight let loose a bitter-sweet chuckle. "Hard to tell that the antisocial little filly with a book would someday become a 'Princess of Friendship,' huh?"

Starlight pointed. "That filly with the glasses doesn't look too thrilled to be in that shot, either."

"Yes, well, Moondancer at least had the decency to look up and smile."

"So that's Moondancer?" Starlight remarked.

Twilight blinked at her. "You... heard of her?"

"Spike told me all about her," Starlight said with a smile. "Including the time you went back to Canterlot to make amends."

Twilight's muzzle hung agape.

"Was... I not supposed to know about that?" Starlight asked.

"No. It's fine. I guess." Twilight chuckled aside. "You and that little dragon hang out a lot more than I thought."

"Can't help it." Starlight shrugged. "He's adorable when he's... him." She brushed her bangs aside, smiling. "Anyways, I think it was pretty swell."

"Hmmm?"

"You... going back to check on your old friends," Starlight said. "Seems like you did a lot of good for Moondancer."

"I only wish I had done it sooner..."

"Twilight..." Starlight sighed. "...you did exactly what you're longing to do now." She narrowed her eyes. "You went out and just... connected with loved ones. Isn't that the essence of being the Princess of Friendship?"

"It's the essence of being a good friend..."

"Exactly! And I bet it felt totally refreshing." Starlight's cheeks turned slightly rosy. "Just like... h-how I finally reconnected with Sunburst. It's... it's a good thing, Twilight." She gulped. "It cleanses the soul."

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it?" Twilight smiled at the picture frame. "Can't believe there was a time when I didn't give a second thought to being with my foalhood friends."

"But you're all back together now... right?" Starlight leaned forward. "At least... that's how Spike words it."

"And he couldn't be more right!" Twilight's wingtips fluttered at the thought. "I go and visit Canterlot at least once a month to chat over coffee and doughnuts. We hang out at Joe's... you know, in the Market District?"

Starlight shrugged with a helpless smirk. "Can't say that I'm too familiar with Canterlot's sights and sounds."

"Doesn't matter." Twilight brushed the rest of the dust off of the picture frame. "Fact is... we've become like old friends again. And it's... so nice hearing about their lives: Moondancer's research projects... Twinkleshine's career... Minuette's extended family... Lemon Hearts and that novel that she's working on." Twilight bore a happy sigh for once. "They're all doing so well. It... makes me proud."

"Yeah?" Starlight blinked. "What about the fifth one?"

Twilight stood in silence. She pivoted her head until she blinked stupidly at the other mare. "Buh?"

"There's... uh..." Starlight pointed at the picture frame. "...five unicorns in that pic." Her smile twitched. "Besides you. So... uh... what about her?"

Twilight's lips pursed. "Who? You mean Lyra Heartstrings?"

"Sure. Why not."

Twilight glanced at the frame again. Her ears twitched. "Oh! She's... uhm... she's doing well too... I guess..."

"You mean you don't know?"

"Well, she doesn't... exactly live in Canterlot anymore. So she's... never present at our little doughnut luncheons each month..." Twilight tongued the inside of her muzzle. "...funny. I never thought twice about it. Minuette and Lemon Hearts say that Lyra's doing fine for herself these days. I guess I-I just... took their word for it."

"So... you connected with the rest of your old filly-friends but not with this 'Lyra?'"

"I... guess so..."

"Well, where is she living these days?"

"Ponyville," Twilight said. "She lives on Faust Lane, I think. Rooms with the local confectioner—"

Starlight Glimmer barked: "You mean she's been living in Ponyville all this time and you haven't reconnected?!"

"St-Starlight!" Twilight grimaced, her body shrinking inward. "N-not so loud!" She gulped. "This castle echoes like you wouldn't believe..."

Starlight chuckled breathily. "You really do want to sabotage yourself, don't you?" A dull smirk. "Honestly, though, don't you think that this is it?"

"That this is what?"

"An opportunity!" Starlight exclaimed. "To refresh yourself again! I dunno about you, but Lyra sounds like the kind of pony who could use a friend—"

"She's pretty close to a mare named Bon Bon, actually—"

"I mean an old friend, Twilight! You've reconnected with the rest of them, didn't you?! Why not complete the circle! I'm sure Lyra would be flattered. And you?" Starlight winked. "I just know that you'll feel better."

"But... but..." Twilight shuddered, gazing around the library. "I have so many things to do to fully prepare this castle. So much organizing..."

"Yeah..." Starlight droned, her eyebrows straight. "Because you've done such a bang-up job of it so far." She smiled and gestured with a hoof. "How about this, Twilight. Let's do some much-needed teamwork."

"Teamwork?"

"Princess Celestia has her servants and accountants, right? Princess Luna has her loyal battalion of sarosian guards? Why don't you... settle for having a secretary?"

Twilight stared at her for several seconds before eventually blurting: "You?"

"Why not?!" Starlight Glimmer shrugged. "I'm good at organizing too! Besides... being around you? Pffft... it's been hard not to improve by osmosis!"

"Starlight, I can't ask you to do such a thing..."

"Why not?"

"Because you're my friend! You're no... s-servant!"

"It's precisely because I'm a friend that you should let me have this opportunity... and that you should give yourself this opportunity!" Starlight took a deep breath, holding a hoof over her heart. "Please... Twilight. You've... helped me in more ways than you know. Now, let me help you by trying to release some of the pressure. I'll focus on the inner workings of this... crystal castle stuff. And you? You get to do that voodoo that you do so well!" She giggled. "Platonic horse voodoo. Sound cool?"

"But... what if it gets to be too much for a single unicorn to handle, Starlight?"

"Pffft..." Starlight rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying that you enslave me, Twilight. We can work on this stuff together... but on your own time. And when you're busy doing friendship or ambassadorial princess stuff, I'll get Spike to help me! Besides, the little guy should be crazy happy to have somepony lending him a hoof."

"I... have been wanting to find ways to equally distribute the work load around here," Twilight mused. "I just... never thought it would be so..."

"Simple?"

"Yeah..."

"I know you're not one to do 'simple,' Twilight. But let's embrace it together, shall we? After all, Ponyville's changing. Equestria's changing. Your Castle is changing... so let's change with it too!" Starlight smiled. "And it starts with you getting the friendship train back on track. So... how about giving Lyra a visit sometime this week? Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah..." Twilight murmured again. "Wait... no..." She placed the picture frame down and lifted up on briskly flapping wings. "Not tomorrow... today!"

"Even better!"

"I'll fly on over to Lyra and Bon Bon's place... ring the doorbell... and say 'hi' to a long-lost friend!" Twilight beamed. "I'll tell her all about my adventures... and then catch her up on Minuette and Moondancer and all the rest!"

"Heehee... that's the spirit!"

"I'll find out any friendship problems that she might have and—with all the skills that I've honed since becoming a princess—I'll assist her and her every need!" She stifled a giggle as her tail flicked. "I just might even introduce her to Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and the other girls! Squee! Oh thank you, Starlight! This will be fantastic!"

"Mmmmmmm..." Twilight Sparkle tap-tap-tap-tapped her hoof against the front stoop to the house. "Ohhhhhh... this is horrible."

Anxiously, she reached in and pressed the doorbell for the ninth consecutive time.

Ponyville – Residential District – 485 Faust Lane – Outside the Front Door

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-donnnnnnnng!

She leaned back and resumed tapping her hoof.

She breathed in and breathed out.

She looked all around as the shadows of trees, bushes, and mailboxes disappeared under the noonday sun. Insects buzzed in the air and birds chirped from the treetops.

But there was no movement from inside the house—not even the sound of trotting hooves from beyond the front door.

"Of all the times for Lyra not to be at home." Twilight squirmed. "What... d-does she do for a living, anyways?" Her ears twitched—one after another—as she thought out loud. "According to Lemon Hearts, she got her cutie mark while doing a music ensemble for school. Maybe... m-maybe she's a concert harpist?" A beat. Twilight beamed. "Or a teacher! Ooooooh... I would love to lend my books on music theory to her! I bet she'd be beside herself with joy and—"

A dark cloud hung over Twilight's muzzle. She paled, stumbling backward while gasping at a horrified thought.

"...or what if Lyra moved out of town?! Have I gotten that ignorant? So many months of doing friendship adventures all across Equestria... and one of my former best friends just moves out from under my nose!"

She bonked herself in the head several times, squealing beneath her breath. A few seconds passed, and she took a deep breath while stretching her forelimb in a way taught to her by a certain sister-in-law.

"Just... be calm... it's okay... you came here to relax and be friendly... just like Starlight advised you to. Lyra is simply... busy with things. That's all. If nothing else, I could always try and check on—"

The Princess gasped, ears perking up.

"Of course! The Candy shop! If anypony knows where Lyra is, it'll be Bon Bon!"

Ponyville Downtown - Bon Bon's Bountiful Bakes – Outside Front Door

A bold sign dangled on the inside of the window.

It read: "Closed."

Twilight's features drooped as she stood limply before the locked entrance.

"Well that's..." She gulped. "...distressing."

With a sullen breath, the alicorn shuffled around, squinting off into the distance.

"Barely past noon, too." Her lavender brow furrowed. "Just what could Bon Bon be up to at this hour?"

Don't Get Sucked Into The...

"Okay, I give up," Betsy grumbled, eyeing a craggy ceiling of uneven soil and exposed roots looming above her in the manalight. "Where in the blue hell are we?"

"I'm glad that you asked that!" Bon Bon cleared her throat, stood on her hindquarters, then spun around dramatically in the center of a subterranean chamber full of ramshackle science equipment. "Welcome... to the Sweetie Hole."

The Sweetie Hole

Bon Bon waited until the echoes of her exclamation had died out before flashing the rhinoceros a cheeky grin.

Betsy snorted. "I don't know what I should hit you for harder... the shittiness of that name or the fact that you actually seem to take some meager pride in it."

"Oh, go soak your fat horny head." Bon Bon dropped back to all fours. "I figured you of all of my former agent buddies would dig that."

"Don't presume to capture the genius inside my skull," Betsy droned. "It will deflower you, girl. I mean it." She made a wrinkly face at all of the rusted lab equipment that was barely humming to life. "Where in Tartarus did you rake all of this crud up? A washed-out L Ron Haybard convention?"

"Look, the money I got when I left the League was scarcely enough to eke out a living above ground in Ponyville," Bon Bon said. She dusted off a radar monitor—only for the screen to fall off. Grimacing, she fumbled to put the machine back together, chuckling nervously. "I've... uh... had to make do with my monthly earnings. St-still... it's been more than sufficient for my needs!"

"I thought you were attempting to lay-low."

"Yeah, well... once a part of S.M.I.L.E.... always a part of S.M.I.L.E."

"Sure, whatever." Betsy sat on a metal chair—only to crush it. Crunch! "Though, from the looks of it, Secret Agent Sweetie Drops has learned to settle for Ginormous Recess of Idiotic Nick-Nacks."

"Scoff all you want!" Bon Bon tilted her nose up. "When the timestream got broken a month ago, I was the first one to detect it with my very own Chronoton Detector!" She slapped a wobbly centrifuge to her right. "Not even Dr. Whooves had an edge on that!"

"Wait... what?" Betsy blinked. "The timestream... got broken?"

Bon Bon shuddered. "It's a very long story."

"What's with all of the dangly roots up above?" Betsy asked. "We're not beneath the Everfree Forest, are we? That would really chap my caboose."

"No no no... this burrow was here long before I moved in," Bon Bon explained. "In fact, it used to be the basement for a very precious landmark called the 'Golden Oaks Library.'" She sighed. "Until several months ago, that is."

"No kidding?"

"As a matter of fact, Princess Twilight Sparkle once set up shop in here."

"And here I thought you dug this latrine out yourself, girl."

"I've had a lot of time on my hooves, Betsy," Bon Bon said. "I can't say the same about shovels."

"Well... all things considered... it's a damn marvel for operating on a shoestring budget."

"Eheheh..." Bon Bon rubbed the back of her head. "You know me." She gulped. "I'm a sucker for strings."

"What?"

"N-never mind."

"Soooooooo..." Betsy squinted. "Nopony else knows about this place?"

"Only two souls are aware that it's currently in use." Bon Bon's gaze hardened. "You and yours truly."

"I'd be flattered if it didn't smell so much like rotting mushrooms—and not the good kind."

"Anyways... this place is soundproof to any villager of Ponyville who may be trotting above," Bon Bon said. "So... this should be a good place to let it all out."

"Let what all out?"

Bon Bon blinked crookedly. "...all this crud about Chief Agent Horizons and the privatization of S.M.I.L.E.!"

"Look, Sweetie Drops... ain't much more to yap on about!" The rhinoceros sighed. "Every time the agents and I throw a question her way, Horizons gets all taciturn. It's almost like she's trying to spring a surprise on us at the last second."

"Hmmmm..." Bon Bon rubbed her chin in thought. "That's not like her."

"My thoughts exactly!" Betsy belched. "The Horizons we know and love to hate does everything by the book! Made your Pops look like a buckin' pirate!"

"Uh huh..."

"If there was a massive change to the management of the League... I'd expect her to give us far more information and preparation than this!"

"You don't suppose... she's been replaced?" Bon Bon murmured.

"By what?" Betsy raised an eyebrow. "A changeling?"

Bon Bon nodded. "Well?"

"A changeling wouldn't know which signal to contact the other agents."

"It could if it tortured Horizons for the information."

"Impossible. Horizons would make love to a cyanide pill."

"Maybe... something got into her headspace?"

"Our Horizons? The mare with a labyrinthine hedge maze for an imagination? I've played chess with her, Sweetie Drops. Those pawns nearly exploded in my face from that bitch's sheer brainpower!"

"Well, you're not really leading us to any conclusions with this, Betsy."

"That's 'cuz I had one before I even waltzed in here!"

"Yeah? And?" Bon Bon folded her forelimbs. "I'm listening."

Betsy leaned forward, jaws clenched. "I think the management has already shifted. I don't think Horizons is in charge anymore." She slowly shook her horn. "Whoever is... they've reduced Horizons to a pawn."

"You think her hooves are tied by bureaucracy?"

"Exactly."

"But after Horizons opened up to the Royal Sisters, something like this would have to have been authorized by the Monarchy."

"You say that as if it excuses anything." Betsy's nostrils flared. "For years—Sweetie Drops—the League has operated like a well-oiled bicycle. We didn't need to answer to nopony. But now? If the League's being thrown into some fat cat's pocket, then kiss that oil goodbye. And the bicycle seat as well! I'm talking about a rusted bike straight up your plot! Do we really want our grandfoals to squirt out the womb with tetanus?"

"Alright. Two things." Bon Bon held up a hoof. "One: your analogies suck ass."

"Thanks, babe."

"Two." Bon Bon sighed. "Equestria's changing, Betsy. It's got more to do with monsters on the run from their Tartarusian prison cells." Her blue eyes narrowed. "Princess Luna's returned. Discord the Chaos Lord had a reign of terror... and has since reformed. The Elements of Harmony were wielded... personified... and then absorbed back into the Everfree Forest... all within the span of two years!"

"You're forgetting the partridge in a pear tree."

"What I'm saying is that the laws of monster hunting don't apply in the same way they used to. There's been... so many shifts in the balance of harmony and chaos..." Bon Bon gulped. "If the League is to re-form... who knows what role we're supposed to take anymore? Or if any!"

"Hrmmmfff..." Betsy leaned back with a frown. "Sounds like somepony has gotten used to living a simple, peaceful, cinnamon baking life."

Bon Bon glared. "I have not once given up my conviction as a reserve member of the League." Her teeth clenched. "It's the same conviction that my father died for. You think I'm in any position to forsake that?"

Betsy opened her mouth to say something... but the rhinoceros ultimately bowed her head. "No. I suppose you're not."

"Thanks for proving to me that you're actually more than just a meathead."

"But still..." Betsy glanced up, squinting one eye. "...seems like Chief Agent Horizons could use some convincing on your behalf."

"Yeah..." Bon Bon brushed her bangs aside with a sigh. "It seems her attitude towards me hasn't changed since we last talked. If nothing else..." She leaned back against a humming piece of equipment. "...she seems more intent to omit me from the League altogether."

"I'd find it sentimental if it weren't so stupid," Betsy grunted. "But, the way I figure it, we can punch a hole through the wool she's thrown over our eyes."

"Huh?" Bon Bon looked up. "What does that mean?"

"As far as we know, you haven't been summoned through your sound stone."

"Right..."

"So... imagine the look on that crazy unicorn's face if you showed up to the first meeting uninvited?"

Bon Bon blinked. "Wouldn't that be a tad bit dangerous, not knowing Horizons' new connections?"

"If I recall correctly, you used to like danger," Betsy said with a smirk.

"Actually, I enjoyed surviving dangers." Bon Bon sighed. "But... I suppose I have gotten a bit... docile."

"Hrmmmf... I'll say!" Betsy looked around with a fat chuckle. "And lazy too! Look at this dump, girl! I mean..." She grabbed a completely random item: a framed picture of a stupidly grinning unicorn. "...you haven't even cleaned up all the junk the previous hole-dwellers left here!" And the rhino carelessly tossed the fragile frame behind her.

"No—!" Bon Bon grimaced, already throwing herself forward at full speed. With incredible finesse, the Ponyville confectioner vaulted over the nearest table, swung on Betsy's horn, propelled herself across the room, and forward-flipped in a peach blur. She snatched the picture frame in tender hooves just seconds before it could shatter on the ground. Grunting, the earth pony landed in a nimble slide. It took a few breathless seconds for the dust to settle, and then the mare sighed—clutching the photo tightly to her chest.

"Well, shiet..." Betsy merely smirked. "Looks like you've still got some spring in your step, kid!"

"Will you knock it off?!" Bon Bon twirled to face her, snarling.

Betsy leaned back, eyes wide.

At last, Bon Bon calmed down. Shuddering, she trotted over and placed the picture frame neatly atop the table where the rhino had previously snatched it from. A dumb smile crossed her muzzle as she brushed a few flakes of dirt off the frame's edges. "Next time, Betsy... ask before you randomly decide to desecrate things that are precious to me."

"You call a lime-colored idiot with jaundice-for-eyes 'precious?'"

"Her name is Lyra," Bon Bon growled. Just as swiftly, she pouted. "And I happen to like the color of her eyes."

"Uh ohhhhhhh..." Betsy stood up with a grunt, smiling. "Somepony's got the hots for plots!"

"Shuddup!" Bon Bon's cheeks went red. "It's... n-not like that!" She cleared her throat—producing one too many squeaks in the process. "She's... just my best friend, that's all."

"Uh huh." Betsy shuffled over. "And I'm actually not a rhinoceros; just a fat unicorn who lost all her fur."

"Betsy..."

"Honestly, girl!" Betsy pointed at the picture frame. "She's the real reason you chose this smidgen of hickdom on the Map of Equestria to make a life for yourself, huh?"

"It... seemed to be an unassuming enough place to hide out from the Bug Bear." Bon Bon gulped. "At least at first..."

"And after it became a hot spot for Lord Tirek and chaotic bullshit?" Betsy shrugged. "Why didn't you pull out then?"

Bon Bon bit her lip.

"I see." Betsy smirked. "So... what's her mane smell like?"

"I'm telling you... it's not like that!" Bon Bon rasped. "I... f-found her not long after I was discharged on the day of my father's death." She gulped. "Lyra... was a victim of Queen Chrysalis' mind control. She was... hurt... emotionally leeched... and very, very distraught over all the crud she endured that day. I gave her a shoulder to lean on, and almost instantly she started feeling better." Bon Bon sighed, gazing quietly beyond the picture frame. "That feeling of usefulness... of unconditional trust... I-I guess it was just the thing I needed to keep going." She took a deep breath, standing tall. "I made a full commitment to protect her with all of my might ever since."

"Yeah? How's that worked out for you?"

"We... uh..." Bon Bon smiled bashfully. "We're roommates now."

"That bad, huh?"

"Betsy... we're sane mares living sane lives. I give her space and she does the same for me in turn. Why... ever since the tragic events in Canterlot, she's been attending regular therapy sessions with her friends—who were also victims of Chrysalis."

"I don't suppose I could meet this girl?"

Bon Bon simply glared at her.

"Yeah, I get it." Betsy smirked. "If I had a rhino co-worker, I wouldn't want my other friends to meet her either."

"It's not that, Betsy. I've made a whole-hearted attempt at being exclusively Bon Bon around Lyra." She cleared her throat. "Sweetie Drops is another story altogether."

"So, she doesn't know a thing about S.M.I.L.E., right?"

Bon Bon's ears instantly drooped. She paled... sweating through every pore. "Uhhhhh—"

The squinty-eyed rhino failed to see it. "Good! Cuz your old stallion would have your neck for being so careless!"

"Eh heh heh heh heh heh..." Bon Bon wheezed through a smile. "...tell me about it."

"Smart girl."

"Anyways... even if I wanted to introduce you to her, I couldn't at the moment," Bon Bon said.

"Oh?"

"You know those therapy sessions that I mentioned earlier?" Bon Bon looked up with a smirk. "Lyra's spending the day in Canterlot with her old friends right now as we speak... dishing out her heartfelt feelings to their loyal psychiatrist. See? The mare knows how to take care of herself." Bon Bon beamed. "And I couldn't be any prouder..."

Psych!

Tch.

Tch.

Tch.

Tch.

Tch.

A wood-framed metronome ticked away atop an antique desk. A plaque rested just a few inches away, reading: "Hans Shrinkenfurter, M.D." Windows stretched across the end of a well-furnished office, displaying brilliant blue spires looming against a backdrop of granite mountains and white-capped peaks.

"Ahem... so... Miss Twinkleshine..." An old, graying stallion in a suit smiled through his mustache and adjusted a pair of thick-lensed bifocals. "...let us continue from where we were last month, hmmm? How easy has it been... to find your happy place?"

Canterlot – Hospital District – Office of Hans Shrinkenfurter, M.D. - Right After Lunch Time

Across from him, Twinkleshine sat on a cushion in the middle of a long sofa. She chewed on her bottom lip, fidgeting. "Well... I..." The mare sniffled. "I-I'm not sure if I've got a good answer for you this month, Doctor. I mean... it's not so much a 'happy place...'" Twinkleshine glanced nervously aside. "...as it is a place that makes me feel... content?"

Lemon Hearts sat at the far end of the room. She smiled supportively. "It's okay, Twinkies. Just be honest with the doc." A wink. "That's the key, remember?"

Twinkleshine gulped. "Okay... well..." She turned to smile at the psychiatrist. "I-I've been absorbing myself in my work. Basically... uh... I-I got a second job at a local clothing store. It's... y'know... basic retail. Only one or two nights a week... in the evening. It's n-not like I need the job; my work at the office sustains me and pays the bills. But... it's really nice just... filling my time up with 'busy stuff', y'know? Plus... hehe... I get to talk to lots of ponies and work with pretty dresses and... and it feels very satisfying to be so... useful." She gulped. "And an actual contributor to society."

"Mmmm... I wouldn't say you've ever failed in contributing to Canterlot society, Miss Twinkleshine," the therapist said. "This is part of the 'illusion of guilt' that we talked about last time, hmmm? Learn to let go of your self-imposed feeling of uselessness... or else you will always be a victim to that detestable Chrysalis."

"Well, Doc." Lemon Hearts cleared her throat. "By proactively taking on a second job so that she could mingle with her fellow ponies, Twinkleshine here is showing that those sensations of 'helplessness' have no power over her, yes?"

"Ah." The doctor bore a mustached smile, gesturing. "But we must make sure that we are not simply ignoring an undercurrent of anxiety. That is why we're still here after so many sessions, hmm?"

Lemon Hearts opened her muzzle to say something—

"Yeah, Lemon," Twinkleshine murmured. "It's good to play it safe, right? I agree with Hans. Best to keep on the look-out. After all, he's the Doc."

Lemon Hearts coughed, repositioning herself in her seat. "Yeah... of course..."

"Sculpting your happy place can take many methods," the therapist said. "And I'm proud of you for manifesting it on the outside as well as on the inside. But you must make sure that you are in perfect balance. I can teach you how to do this, hmmm?"

"Really?" Twinkleshine murmured, eyes sparkling.

"Indeed. But... one step at a time. Perhaps at our next session, yes?" Clearing his throat, the doctor pivoted in his seat. "And you, Miss Minuette, how have you been fairing in finding a happy pl—"

"Oh, DOC!, you will not believe the progress that I've been making!" Minuette chirped wildly, causing Twinkleshine to squirm on the sofa beside her. "Heeheeheehee!" Minuette exhaled, gasped, and exhaled again: "Every day is like hunting down a new happy place! Y'know! Like a diamond dog might... mmmmmmm... rush up and pounce on an unsuspecting bunny rabbit! Heeheehee! Grrrr! Heehee!"

Twinkleshine squeaked demurely.

"Ahem..." Lemon Hearts gestured from afar. "...now settle down, Minuette. Twinkies is very sensitive at these sessions—"

"Please, Miss Hearts." The Doctor cut her off. "Where else is Miss Minuette going to open up in such a positive way?" He turned to smile at her again. "Your enthusiasm is most charming, Miss Minuette. But—as we spoke last time—the key is to find a common theme that you can attach positive energy to. That way, when or if you experience another one of your unfortunate panic attacks, you can easily recall the singular sphere of thought that displaces all of the negativity. Now, before coming here, Miss Hearts implied that you had found such a theme, hmmm?"

"You bet I totally-doodley-did, Doc! Heeheehee! Check it!" She rushed forward—making Twinkleshine flinch again. Bouncing back, she slapped a paper box on the table. "Doughnuts!"

"I... see..." The therapist nodded.

"And lots of 'em!" Grinning from ear to ear, Minuette flung the container open and exposed several pastry treats. "And look! Duaaaaaah! My favorite! Heeheehee! Chocolate with cinnamon sprinkles!" PLONK! She shoved one such doughnut into her muzzle and nibbled liberally. "Mmmmm... such sweet sugar! Like my soul-self! You remember us talking about our soul-selves, right?"

"Well, true. Although, Miss Minuette, the term 'soul' is simply a device used to simplify the nature of meditating on—"

"Well, I discovered that when I pump my soul up full of sugar, it gets super extra bouncy..." She chomped on another doughnut, gulping the tender morsels down her adoracute gullet. "Mmmmmmmm... so I get all trembly and goosebumpy inside... so that way all of the negative energy shakes off! And I no longer have to remember that I was ever once maliciously and non-consensually mindslaved by a giant mutated bug queen! Eeeeeh hee hee hee hee..." She grinned wide as crumbs lingered on her twitching lips. "That's a good thing, right?! Heehee! Progress! Right?!"

"I must say, you do seem... quite happy, Miss Minuette," the stallion said, nodding. "Although, I would rather that you hadn't externalized the source of your positivity quite so... blatantly."

"Well, it's more than that, Doc," Lemon Hearts said, leaning forward in her seat. "Tell him, Minuette." She smiled at her friend across the way as she spoke in a calm tone. "Tell her about our doughnut luncheons with Princess Twilight and how they make us smile and—"

"Ah. The Princess of Friendship!" The doctor nodded. "An expert on the social sphere, for sure. But we—my dear fillies—are dealing with the mental sphere... for which I am well-trained in consulting! And I can tell that despite the diminishing of panic attacks in our beloved patients here, we still have a lot to work on before we can properly balance the positive and negative energies within our beings!"

"You really think so, Doc?" Twinkleshine murmured.

"Weeeeee!" Minuette hopped up and down in her seat. "Balancing mini-games!"

"Mrmmmmff..." Lemon Hearts rubbed her forehead. After a deep breath, she murmured: "You believe another session is in order, Doc?"

"Well... yes. It would be most wise, I think. Miss Twinkleshine and Miss Minuette have come a long way, but they do seem to vascillate quite wildly between extreme joy and melancholy every other month. I'd much rather avoid another dip into a depressive episode for the both of them, wouldn't you agree?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Which is why I've been thinking of prescribing a new form of treatment... something... a bit more daring and out of the ordinary." He smiled. "Something that would involve a change in scenery... so that they may be encouraged to look within."

"Like..." Lemon Hearts squinted. "...you mean like a retreat?"

"Think of it as a vacation," the doctor said. "Mmmmm... it would be a bit more... expensive... eheh... than our usual sessions, but we do wish for your friends to get better, yes?"

"Right... ... ..."

"And I have many suggestions in mind as to when and where. Only with their mutual agreement, of course." He smiled again. "But, before I even pretend to recommend such a course of action, I would like to see how Miss Heartstrings is finding her happy place." He looked towards the end of the sofa. "Well? Miss Heartstrings? How fairs you?"

Silence... save for the persistent ticks of the metronome.

Twinkleshine squirmed while Minuette grinned and shook in place.

The stallion cocked his head to the side. "Miss Heartstrings? It's okay. No need to be shy. We're all on the same team here."

Lemon Hearts paused in biting her lip to say: "Uhhhh... Doc? She's uh... she's not here yet."

"Huh?" The elder therapist adjusted his thick bifocals. "What was that?"

"Lyra... hasn't shown up yet. She's late... again..." Lemon Hearts gritted her teeth until they produced sparks. ...for some damned reason..."

"Oh, that's okaaaaaay!" Minuette waved a hoof. "Heehee! You know how she is! Super-duper scared of insect noises! Like crickets! They're all chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! And she's all 'Eeeeeeeeek!' And they're all Chirp! Chirp! Chirp! Chirp!"

Minuette's "chirps" began matching the ticks of the metronome.

Twinkleshine's breaths grew more and more shallow. She rubbed her forelimbs together, shivering. "I... d-don't like that s-sound either..."

"Minuette... uhm... darling?" Lemon Hearts winced as she leaned forward in her chair. "Could... not make that noise? I-I don't think Twinkleshine is—"

"Why's Lyra late?" Twinkleshine shivered more and more. "Has... h-has she given up the sessions?" She gulped. "H-has she given up on us?"

"No!" Lemon Hearts shook her head. "Not at all! I-I'm sure she j-just got held up on the train from Ponyville... heh heh heh!"

"Heeheehee! Yeah!" Minuette giggled... then giggled louder. "Heehee! Good ol' Lyra! Heehee! Too scared to live in Canterlot with her craaaaazy friends! Heehee! Silly filly! Am I right?!" Minuette simpered and smiled and simpered and smiled and—"Why should she be scared?! It's not like sh-she's the only one the cr-crickets are after!"

"That dinging sound..." Twinkleshine whimpered. "...that the cash register makes at my s-second job... it sounds j-just like them! And... and..." She hyperventilated, pulling at her mane. "Oh Celestia! That mare who bought the golden cocktail dress last n-night! I t-totally shorted her nine bits in change by accident!" Her pupils shrank as she fell into a cold sweat. "Or maybe... m-maybe it's b-because I thought Chrysalis was t-talking to me through the crickets and I briefly became sociopathically blind to individualistic monetary demands!" She squeaked, covering her muzzle as her eyes teared up. "...I'm a capitalist monster!"

"No you're not! You're sweet! Sugary sweet!" Minuette hopped up and down on the sofa. She smiled and panted through rivers of sweat. "Just like... chocolate-covered ants... with black legs wriggling around... in cinnamon-sprinkled pupae... laced w-with slime a-a-and silk webbing!"

"Oh Celestiaaaaaaaaaaa..." Twinkleshine sobbed. "...and I forgot to send mail in those credit slips to the sales audit departmenttttttttt!"

The doctor sighed. He reached over to his desk, grabbed a notepad, and scribbled on it. "Perhaps I'll see if the spot at Appleloosa is available..."

"Uhhhhhhh..." Gulping, Lemon Hearts stood up straight and smiled at the stallion. "I'll be right back, Doc..." That said, she scampered right out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"Okay... just... think happy thoughts," Twinkleshine said, rocking back and forth while hugging herself. "...Dr. Pony... petticoats... Jockey Chan fight scenes..."

"Don't go through all the trouble, Twink-Twink!" Minuette grabbed another pastry. "Dunk the doughnuts!" And she crammed one into her mouth. "Mrmmmffff... aref anyf off myf teethf showingf?"

"N-no!"

"That means it's working!" And Minuette's eyes crossed. "Heeheeheeheeeeeeeee!"

Breathless, Lemon Hearts galloped across the spacious lobby until she practically threw herself into the face of the gum-chewing receptionist seated outside.

"Where is that insufferable mint-colored wench?!?" Lemon Hearts rasped, eyes red.

The receptionist leaned back. "... ... ...ulp!" She swallowed and lifted a sign-in sheet from her desk. "Last... name...?"

"'Heartstrings'... 'Lyra. Heartstrings.'" Lemon Hearts huffed and puffed. "Yes. Forgettable. I know."

"Uhhhhhhhh..." The receptionist squinted down the line of names.

"She promised she would be here... she promised!" Lemon Hearts paced and paced, scowling. "Grnnnffnngh... it's not enough that I gotta carry those poor mares on my flank, month after month, through Tartarus and high water... but does Lyra give them any support? Noooooooo... session after session, she's gotta show up late and just... sink everything like a brass torpedo through a toilet paper boat!" The mare's eartips burned. "So what if she doesn't give a crap about herself?! We're her friends! Minuette and Twinkleshine can't travel the road to recovery without her! Grnnngh... should have known it was all doomed to disaster the very day she moved her lime-butt to Ponyville!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." At last, the receptionist pointed at a single name on the list. "There it is! Lyra Heartstrings. It showed that she checked in."

"She... she did?!" Lemon Hearts' body drooped like a deflating balloon. "Whewwwwww..." She sighed through a relieved smile. "Oh, praise Celestia. How could I have been so angry?" A gulp. "She's probably off in the little filly's room, powdering her muzzle—"

"And then she checked out."

"... ... ...what?" Lemon Hearts blinked.

The receptionist lifted the book. "It shows here that she check in... and then she checked right back out."

"... ... ...what?" Lemon Hearts icily crept over to the desk. She squinted at the book. "When... was this?"

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." The receptionist squinted. "...about two hours ago."

"Two hours ago?!?" Snarling, Lemon Hearts spun about. Her eyes flickered red again. "Where... in the Hell... is she?!"

The... Hero of Our Story?

Melodious notes wafted outward from gently-glowing strings.

She smiled, her fuzzy green muzzle illuminated by errant rays of golden sunlight. As she hit a particularly moving set of chords, the mare lifted her head back. Her silver-streaked mane glinted as it was tossed—ultimately settling like alabaster silk across her shoulders. An angelic sigh... and at last the instrumental brought itself to a tranquil conclusion.

Opening her amber eyes, Lyra Heartstrings smiled. She hugged the golden lyre to the scruff of her belly and leaned forward into the mic.

"And that is just a sampling of my lifelong epic symphony: 'Ballad of the Princess.' More specifically, Act One Suite Three of an ongoing work-in-progress." She giggled inwardly, then sighed. "It's not easy making a name for myself as a genius musician in Equestria. Nevertheless, if my melodies find their way into your heart, then there is still hope for me. I may not yet be able to prove that I exist, but at least my love for each and every one of you exists in my music." Lyra brushed her mane back, eyelids fluttering as her lime cheeks turned rosy. "Thank you for listening to my melody—my symphony—for it is me."

Screams. Shouting. Tantrums and stomping hooves.

A luxury apartment room full of shrieking, scampering, and floundering foals rattled before her in a cacophonous display of preschool chaos. Toys, napkins, and party-favors flew every which way. Bleary-eyed parents stood like delapidated rooks in the corner, trying to keep their frazzled sanity as more and more furniture was knocked over. Meanwhile, a giant pastel-pink banner hung from the ceiling that read: "Happy Fourth Birthday Dainty Dollop!"

Canterlot – Uptown District – Living Room of the Dollop Family – Literal Purgatory

Lyra Heartstrings blinked. "Uhhhh..." Her voice crackled through the meager speakers beneath a miniature stage but was immediately drowned out by the ear-splitting delinquency wreaking havoc on everypony's ears. "...you... erm... d-don't have to thank me twice, everypony!" She bore a twitching smile... only to have a half-eaten cupcake ricochet off her horn from across the room. Thunk! "Guh!" Lyra winced... and rubbed the icing off her forehead while blinking aside.

A tiny colt with missing front teeth pointed at her, laughing. Another foal spun in circles, wearing a lampshade. A filly sobbed over the tattered remnants of a pinata.

"Wow, lady," a gruffy voice rasped.

Lyra looked towards the other side of the room.

A stallion wearing floppy shoes, facepaint, and a rainbow afro glared at her. "I never thought I'd meet another pony who'd make me feel better about myself..." That belched, the clown strapped his red nose back on and lurched into the juvenile crowd with a spontaneous, goofy grin. "Heh HEH heh HEHHHHH! WhO wAnTs A bIrThDaY bAlLoOn?!?!"

Foals scampered across the room—shrieking—as the clown spun noise makers and pratfalled at random.

"Erm..." Lyra gulped and smiled nervously into the mic. "So... who wants to hear Act Two Suite One?"

"Wooooo!" A rich Canterlotlian mare wearing a cocktail dress and a pearl necklace trotted in from the side, approaching the stage. "Wasn't that amazing, little ones?" Mrs. Dollop stood in place, clapping her hooves with a cheesy grin. "Let's give a hoof to Miss Hooterstreams and her amaaaaazing harp music!"

"Uhm... it's 'Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings,'" the musician corrected. She leaned forward, whispering beneath the bedlam. "And technically it's a lyre, not a harp—Yipe!" She winced, suddenly being yanked forward by a savage grip of telekinesis.

"You." Mrs. Dollop hissed. Her glowing horn reflected off a pair of angry, bloodshot eyes. "What in Tartarus' name do you think you're doing?!"

Lyra wheezed, simpering sweatily as she teetered in the mare's grasp. "F-Filling ponies' hearts with soulful mirth the likes of which only m-music can provide?!" Her smiling teeth glinted. "Squee?"

"You wrote in your application that you could 'improvise music for any kind of social gathering—including but not limited to graduations, weddings, and birthdays!'" The mare shot daggers through her eyes and muzzle. "Now... explain to me precisely why my precious little Dainty isn't getting the kind of musical expertise that your portfolio advertised!"

Lyra gulped, smiling crookedly. "Well... I-I'm here, aren't I?"

"Miss Hooterstreams—"

"I-I-I just thought... y'know..." Lyra waved her forelimbs, jittering. "...it wouldn't hurt to let the little ones have a taste of a true cultural masterpiece in the works! I mean... this is musical history in the making! Someday, 'Ballad of the Princess' is going to be a priceless piece of Equestrian folklore!" A chair flew over their heads, followed by the sound of shattering glass and foalish giggles. "... ... ...give or take a decade. Eheh..."

"I swear..." Mrs. Dollop fumed and fumed. "If you don't get your mint sherbert flank in gear and play my little princess some fitting music, then I'll make absolutely damned sure that your insufferable name gets smeared all across Equestria. You will never be paid to perform anything in upper Canterlot again!

Lyra ducked her head as a clown's rainbow wig flew by. "Uhhhhhh... I-I guess I could take requests!"

At last, Mrs. Dollop released her magical grip of the mare. "That... would be a start." She smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress and straightened her pearl necklace. "And no more self-gratuitous samplings of your lousy, so-called epic... or I swear on my husband's bustling estate that you won't trot out of this apartment building alive, you self-entitled green tart!" Then—sharp as a razor—she slapped on a Sunday Morning grin and spun to face the children. "Okay, kids! Who wants to hear more happy... happy music, huh?!"

Screams. Shouting. Tantrums and stomping hooves.

As the copy-pasted cacophony continued, Lyra cleared her throat and aimed a grin at the center of the room. "How about it, birthday girl? Any bouncy song you want me to play?"

A chubby little creature with a crooked tiara and pink boa pinked her nose, staring off into space. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Request anything!" Lyra beamed. "Anything at all!" She strummed all of her lyre strings in a row, winking. "Perhaps 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star?' Or maybe 'The Laughing Griffon and His Dog?'"

"Oooh! Oooh!" A colt sitting on the shoulders of another colt waved his hoof wildly. "Play 'Itsy Bitsy Spider!'"

"Yeah!" An entire herd of sugar-bouncy foals echoed. "Play 'Itsy Bitsy Spider!'"

Instantly...

Lyra's blood ran cold...

Her pupils shrank to amber pinpricks...

She gulped a dry lump down her throat as the shadows of the room played tricks on her. She blinked away the sensations of writhing grasshopper legs and twitching cockroach antennae. Meanwhile, a curtain of sweat blanketed her coat.

"Uhm... eheheh... anything but that."

The squeals and high-pitched shrieks inside the room doubled... tripled...

"H-how about something by Canter Perry! Kids love her these days, right?" Lyra's voice cracked as she glanced to her left. "'Baby, You're a Firewhinny?'"

Mrs. Dollop stood off to the side, glaring. She patted a pinata bat in her fetlocks.

"Errrr—" Lyra smiled back into the preschool crowd. "'Itsy Bitsy Spider' it is! Hold onto your thoraxes!"

"Spiders don't have thoraxes, you stupid-head!" A colt off to the side stuck his tongue out.

"Drop back a grade, kid." Lyra then took a deep breath, shuffling up to the mic. "Okay... you can do this... it's just a song... j-just a song..." Gulping hard, she forced a shivering smile and began plucking away at the strings of her lyre. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh—the Itsy Bitsy Spider went up the water spout! Dowwwwwwn came the rain aaaaaand—"

Lyra galloped across the tile floor... slid on her knees... and flung her head neck-deep into the porcelain basin.

"BLEAAAAACKHKKKKKKKKKKTTTTT!"

Thirty seconds and several pints of bile later...

"Mmrfffnngh... urp... goddess... friggin'... taco salad..."

Lyra lifted her face—twice as green. She draped her body against the porcelain, rubbing her slimy muzzle dry. The mare panted... sweated... panted... sweated...

Only after a minute had limped by did she become aware of an impatiently tapping hoof in her peripheral.

Lyra glanced over, her thin eyes fluttering. "Oh... urp... Mrs. Dollop. Hello again."

"Hello, yourself." The homemaker's nostrils flared from where she stood in the doorway. "Are you quite finished evacuating your breakfast? Or should I have called the paramedics ten minutes ago?"

"What? Oh... I-I'm not sick. Just... something in the air th-that didn't agree with me! Yeah! Heheh..." Lyra swallowed a wave of nausea down her gullet. "Good thing somepony left the toilet seat up, huh? Heheheh..."

"Actually, Miss Hooterstreams, that's the kitchen sink," Mrs. Dollop grunted. "My kitchen sink."

"...?" Lyra glanced around, observing the luxurious apartment kitchen around her. "...really? Pretty friggin' low to the ground, don't you think? That's gotta hurt your back doing dishes."

With a huff, Mrs. Dollop pointed viciously across the apartment. "Miss Hooterstreams, you need to leave."

"Whoah whoah whoah... hold the sound stone!" Lyra stood up on wobbly legs. "I-I haven't finished playing songs for your daughter!"

"You haven't even begun," Mrs. Dollop snorted. "This unprofessional pedantic display of harp-butchery is not what I wanted for my daughter's fourth birthday!" She sighed, glancing aside. "Though, I suppose I should blame my husband for stooping to take applications from a place like Ponyville. Ugh... such an inane cheapskate... I swear, if it weren't for the size of his fetlocks..."

"Please! I-I need this gig!" Lyra's voice cracked. "You... y-you have no idea how hard I've prepared for this day! There's no opportunities in Ponyville and I-I can't normally afford a train trip to Canterlot unless it's on the same day as my friends'... uh..." She rubbed the back of her head, smiling nervously. "...my friends' regularly-scheduled pow-wow! Eheh..."

"Not my problem." Mrs. Dollop's brow furrowed. "Miss Hooterstreams, if you want my sage advice—not that you've even remotely earned it—I suggest that you find a new occupation... an actual occupation aside from sub-par musical conartistry. Something more behooving a mare of your... rustic, country talents." Her teeth gnashed. "Like stamp-licking."

"Hmmmf... y-yeah, well..." Lyra folded her forelimbs. "...if you were good at licking things, then I bet you'd never have to squirt out that little snot-nosed antelope in a tiara just to keep your husband's precious estate in the first place, huh?"

Mrs. Dollop's eyes widened... twitching.

Lyra blinked. "... ... ... ... ... ...I'm not being paid, am I?"

Canterlot – City Streets – Twenty-Two Seconds Later

SLAM!

Lyra winced, standing outside the apartment's front stoop with her lyre and saddlebags.

A shuddering sigh escaped her lips. Turning around, the mare trotted down the cobblestone path, crossing paths with haughty citizens shuffling between super-rich department stores.

"Hrmmmf..." Her ears folded as she frowned forward into the afternoon light. "I hope one of his fetlocks gets stuck..."

Buckstory

The Streets of Canterlot

Lyra Heartstrings strolled along at a sluggish pace, her head bowed towards the cobblestone streets of Canterlot. The creaking of wagon wheels and the rattling of royal guard armor formed a hushed chorus that echoed off the magnificent silver-and-blue spires of the lofty capital. It was a sound that she had known most of her young life... but now—for some reason—it was grating for her.

The mare winced, longing for the quiet of Ponyville—like a virtual sound booth in the navel of Equestria where she was fortunate enough to live in. Everyday, she came up with thoughts and ideas, and they escaped her mind in song.

Here—back up in Canterlot—the continuous groan of the mountain scared the melody back in, until everything between her ears compressed into a big ball of certainly green mush.

"Hrmmmmfff... I... do k-kinda miss the thin air, though." She paused to contemplate that. On a whim, she opened her jaw as wide as she could. Pop! Her ear canals gargled as if she was under water. The mare sighed, waiting for the sensation to pass. "Grade A idiot. The 'A' is for extra assetry."

Just then, a loud bell rang out. The citizens of Canterlot kept trotting back and forth, unaffected. Lyra—however—scuffled to a stop and looked straight up. Her amber eyes reflected a clock tower looming halfway uphill between where she stood and the enormous Palace of the Royal Sisters uphill. The short hand was on the "one" and the long hand on the "twelve."

"Hrmmmm..." Lyra's ears drooped as she contemplated the tragic time she had lost along with the money for the birthday gig. "...Lemon Hearts and the other gals should be leaving the office at two... and they were planning on swinging by the shopping district around three." Her eyes darted around. "If I keep to the west and east sides of town for each hour slot respectfully... then I should be able to avoid them even as late as four o'clock when my train to Ponyville leaves the station." She cleared her throat, squinting off in thought. "Aaaaaaaaaaaand... next time I see them, I could just... uh... say that I forgot where the doctor's office was!"

She grinned into the afternoon sky... then rolled her eyes.

"Nah. They'll see right through that." Her hooves squirmed. "I could... just say that I got mugged!"

Silence.

"Yeah. Definitely mugged. That's slightly sexier than early onset dementia. Worse comes to worst..." Lyra continued trotting forward. "...I'll smack myself in the skull a few times and earn the scars to back it up. Hrmmmff... can't be any worse than theirs."

She passed by armored equines on patrol. For a brief moment, Lyra thought she spotted a flicker of blue on orange.

The mare's heart skipped a beat. She spun to the side, eyes wide.

The guards continued to march past her in double-file. She didn't recognize a single one.

Another dull sigh. "The sooner I'm off this rock-cap, the better." Her brow furrowed. "But how do I kill time for three hours?"

She came to a stop at an intersection. Pivoting about, the mare gazed east... west... and then smelled the scent of tulips in the air. Instantly, her insides tightened up. Against her better judgment, she gazed up a sloping hill that curved towards the west end of town.

"Hrmmmmff... don't do it," she muttered aloud. "It's not worth it. Nostalgia kills. For real. It's worse than cancer. Griffon cancer."

Silence.

Lyra growled, her tail flicking in angry little swipes. "Friggin'... mottled beaks... coming up featherless..."

The floral scent persisted... penetrating.

"Unnnngh..." Enslaved to the memories carried aloft by the fragrance, Lyra eventually relented... shuffling west in a crooked lurch.

"Buck me... why can't I not go to therapy sessions in Mareami one of these days?"

West Canterlot – Middle Class Apartment District – Upper Streets

Houses... duplexes... cottages...

Mailboxes... lampposts... fire hydrants...

Lyra recognized each and every one by heart—down to the shape, color, and texture. But it was more than memory leading her to her destination. She followed the scent of flowers, growing more and more intoxicating.

At last... turning the last bend and ending at a cul-de-sac hugged by four two-story apartments...

...she came to a quiet stop before a patch of green earth. Her eyes reflected a lush little garden of pastel bright flowers—nestled oddly between the bodies of two looming residences. The patch of garden was the only of its kind in the neighborhood, and it covered an area roughly identical in size to the apartment foundations surrounding it.

Hedges flanked by tulips surrounded a tiny wooden bench—partially dilapidated through time and neglect.

"Hrmmmf..." Lyra sighed. "...are they ever going to replace you?"

But Lyra did not come there to talk to exterior furniture. Trotting softly onto the exposed grass, she took her saddlebag, laid it beside the tulips, and pulled out her golden instrument. Levitating the lyre beside her, the unicorn smiled warmly.

"Well, Mom and Dad... here I am... and the place looks prettier than ever." She started plucking the strings one by one. "It's almost as though it never b—"

"Hey!" A wavering voice echoed from several feet over. "Knock it off! Scram! Shoo!"

Lyra fumbled through a discordant string or two. She pivoted about, gawking. "Huh?" The handle of a garden shovel bounced off her head. Bonk! "Owww!"

A sweaty old mare with a red coat squatted on a gardening wagon two hedges over. Dirt flecked her fetlocks as she continued pulling weeds and slapping fresh tulips into the sliver of soft earth. "There! Now maybe your skull will have a conversation with your ears that will carry you far away! Mmmmmm! Hooligan! Begone!"

"Celestia on a bike!" Lyra stammered. "Can't a girl reminisce at the place where she gr—?!"

"Uh uh! Take your somber, sauntering serenades of expostionary malarkey somewhere else!" The old mare's nostrils flared. "We've got a neighborhood watch here, y'know!"

"You don't say!" Lyra huffed, shoving her lyre back into her saddlebags and shuffling off. "Gotta have a good eye for that sort of a thing, lady. Speaking of which, you ever look in the mirror lately? Lord Tirek called; he wants his scrotum back."

"Gaaaah!" The old mare picked up an even bigger shovel. "Begone harder!" She swung the instrument threateningly. "Before I fetch the guard and have them send you back to Mexicolt in a glove box!" At last, half-a-minute following Lyra's flustered departure, the old mare sighed and stared down at her gardening with dull eyes. "Dear goddess, I miss demolition derbies..."

Central Canterlot – Park District

Lyra shuffled off the beaten path.

She found a fountain covered with pigeons that flapped away upon her arrival. Squirrels barked from the nearby trees. In the distance, foals chased each other over the grassy knolls—giggling—as their mothers and fathers looked on from islands of spread picnic blankets.

Lyra sat daintily on the fountain's edge. Pulling out her lyre, she finally calmed herself with a deep breath... then began plucking away at the strings of her instrument.

"Well, Mom... Dad... the park is just the way we left it. I even remember the songs we used to—"

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave," grunted a deep voice.

Lyra blinked. The strings of her lyre stopped vibrating as she looked up. "Uhhhhhhhh... excuse me?"

A police officer in a dark-blue uniform and matching hat pointed at a nearby sign. "There are rules to be enforced around here."

Lyra craned her neck. At last, she saw the police officer's night-stick pointed at a white square sign featuring a golden harp with a big red "X" slapped across it.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!" Lyra gawked, jaw dropping. "That is too sinfully specific to be real!"

"Ma'am, are you familiar with the holocaustal Harp Riots of the Late Seventy-Second Century?"

"Uh... no?"

"And we'd like to keep it that way." The officer trotted forward, practically shoving her off the fountain. "Now please go. You're disturbing the peace."

"Disturbing the peace?!" Lyra huffed, gazing at the furthest ends of the park. "Why, these ponies couldn't possibly give a flying buck about—" She clammed up as she saw angry faces scowling at her from multiple picnic spreads. "Okay. What's in the water today? Seriously? Did the jerk main burst beneath a construction site or what?"

"Please, Ma'am. Move along. I'm sure you can find another place for poetic musical introspection."

"Yeah, and I'm sure you can find another place for that nightstick."

"What was that—?"

A mint-green cloud replaced Lyra, and soon she was sprinting out of earshot.

Northwest Canterlot – Landfill – Yes, That's Right, a Friggin' Landfill

Lyra fought the urge to puke from the sick fumes of rancid garbage.

Nevertheless...

Bordering upon the northernmost fringe of Canterlot... ...

She stood between two enormously tall stacks of cubicly crushed garbage. She glanced to her left.

All was still, save for the occasionally flutter of loose newspapers.

Swallowing, she glanced to her right.

Stallions with five o'clock shadows emptied wagons of filth into the landfill before rolling back into the more pristine side of town.

Lyra breathed with relief. Smiling, she unsheathed her lyre and began plucking the strings with meditative grace. "Okay, Mom... Dad..." She hummed in between the melodious chords. "...at last, here I am, surrounded by mountains of garbage and—"

Skriiii! A flock of seagulls descended on her, pecking at the mare's horn and mane.

"Aacck! Yaaaaaugh! Goddess damn it! Why?!?" Lyra fought and wriggled and swung her lyre at the offending fowl. "Rrrrrrngh!" At last, she stomped her hoof. "That's it!" She shoved her instrument back into her saddlebags and marched out of the site. "I'm going to the damn train station now!"

A Face In the Crowd

Canterlot – Downtown – Memorial Courtyard

Lyra couldn't feel her hooves. As far as she was concerned, her entire essence had been reduced to a single throbbing heart that levitated a few ghostly feet above the concrete. In a daze, she lurched forward, trying desperately to outrun the sensations wriggling inward from all sides—like ants.

She clenched her eyes shut, fighting the urge to hyperventilate. Despite her best efforts, her mind still flickered to a moment just a few breathless seconds ago. She stood in a crowded train station, and far across the sea of shuffling pony bodies...

...she had seen it.

And it had seen her.

And the most damnable thing about the whole ordeal...

...was that it was far from the first time it had happened to her.

"It's not real, Lyra," she stammered, wandering blindly forward across the courtyard. "It isn't real. You're just... traumatized." She gulped. "Just imagining it. Just imagining it. Just..."

Ponyville – Town Hall – Months Ago

"You're just imagining it. Do you hear me?" Bon Bon braced Lyra's shoulders with both hooves. The two sat side by side at the end of a banquet table. "It's okay. It isn't real."

"But I-I see it... I saw it!" Lyra shivered in Bon Bon's grip. Her lungs hiccuped on the edge of outright hysterics. Beside the two mares, partially-eaten slices of wedding cake lingered. Ponies mingled throughout the building, most of them congregating around the newly-wedded donkeys, Cranky and Matilda. "It was looking r-right at me, BB!" Lyra whimpered, sweating profusely as she trembled. "Sitting... right across the table!"

"Lyra, I'm your friend and I'm telling you there's nothing here but us ponies!" Bon Bon smiled reassuringly. "And maybe a sea serpent. But he's nothing to be worried about either!"

"I'm telling you, Bon Bon..." Lyra's eyes reopened, brimming with tears. "I saw one of them." She gulped dryly. "It has followed me... all the way from Canterlot." She sniffled. "It's going to report me to the Queen!"

"Lyraaaa..."

"Chrysalis! She's g-going to f-find me again!"

"If there was a changeling at this reception, wouldn't somepony else see it too?"

"But... but..."

"Shhhh..." Bon Bon hugged Lyra close. "Nothing ever is going to happen to you. Not again." She stroked Lyra's shoulders. "Not so long as I'm around to kick its butt."

Lyra shook and shuddered. She clung to Bon Bon, staring nervously into the corners of the crowded room. "You're... y-you're really a super b-badflank secret agent monster hunter and st-stuff...?"

"That depends." Bon Bon smiled, nuzzling her friend. "...did you really eat those expensive imported oats I was saving up?"

Lyra couldn't help it. At first, it came out as a titter... then fully evolved into a breathy giggle.

Bon Bon stroked the mare's mane. She gave Lyra a sympathetic look. "There... feeling better?"

"I... I'm so sorry, Bon Bon..." Lyra gulped. "It's just... just..." She grimaced. "Me and weddings, y'know?"

"Shhhhh... it's okay..." Bon Bon smiled. "For what it's worth... you're doing fine."

"You... you th-think so?"

"I know so."

Sniffling, Lyra calmed slightly. She leaned against Bon Bon's shoulder, staring at her plate of half-eaten cake. "I'm... s-sorry for getting mad at you earlier today..."

"It's okay," Bon Bon said, patting her friend's side. "It's a lot to take in."

"If you c-can handle a demented basketcase like me..." Lyra gulped. "...then I can more than take in a super awesome secret spy like you..."

"Heh... yes, well... that remains to be seen..."

Canterlot – Now

Lyra tripped on a curb.

Gasping, the mare awoke from her stupor just in time to catch her balance. She stumbled to a stop, blinking.

She stood in the center of a strangely familiar courtyard. Most of the Canterlot populace was sparse here. Looking around, it wasn't difficult to see why. There were no shops in sight, and even the hotels and apartments were far away. As a matter of fact, the courtyard was nearly empty—save for a series of marble pillars erected from a soft bed of planted grass.

Lyra slowly trotted towards the structures. As she came closer, she saw that they were engraved with names—not just any names, but those belonging to the ponies who were killed, lost, or abducted during the changeling attack over a year ago.

The mare stood in the shadow of the memorial. A cold lump formed in her throat... and her ears drooped more and more as she took into account the sheer volume of the names and the unseen bodies they must have belonged to.

"Sweet Celestia..."

The air over the courtyard hung in silence.

It wouldn't remain that way for long.

Lyra didn't know what she was doing until she felt the cold touch of her golden lyre emerging from her saddlebag. It was the first sensation she enjoyed since galloping out of the train station in a numb panic. At last, a sacred warmth flowed through her body, and she unleashed it with immaculate grace... plucking at the strings of her lyre as she produced a melancholic hymn into the mountain air.

It was the only time that entire day that she made music that she wasn't ashamed of. She knew this, because the image of the monument turned foggy before her as she realized where she was... and the reason for the soft earth that had been placed in the middle of an otherwise unshakeable concrete courtyard.

Months and months ago... this very spot was the site of where a trio of bridesmaids had been rescued... and a certain unicorn met her heroes.

Lyra felt like crying. She allowed the lyre to do the honors for her. The rest she carried with a tender smile, melting the minutes into nothingness.

Les Triplettes de Canterville

Canterlot – Downtown – Memorial Courtyard

At long last, Lyra's strings came to a meandering end. A gentle melody hung in the air, tickling the hairs of her fuzzy ears. The unicorn let out a sigh, leaning against the back of a marble bench as she hugged the musical instrument to her tummy.

There were smiles...

"Oh, dear. That was quite... quite beautiful."

Lyra Heartstrings' amber eyes fluttered open.

Three figures came into focus. Lyra found herself gazing at three gray shapes. As her eyes readjusted to the light, she made out a trio of old mares standing directly in front of her. Each bore a wrinkled grin.

"Oh. Don't stop just because of us, darling."

"I... h-had just reached the end of my last current suite, actually." Lyra gulped... brushing back a loose bang of silver-streaked mane hair. "Please forgive me. I hope I wasn't disturbing anypony."

"Not at all, dear!" One of the mares shook her head. "We were quite in awe of the performance, actually."

Lyra couldn't help but sport a dumb grin. "You mean you liked it? For real?"

"We just came by to pay respects and place down some flowers as we usually do each week," another mare said. "Little did we know that we'd be treated to a little symphony!"

"I always knew the acoustics of this place were perfect for string music," murmured another. "What you're doing just adds a little bit more beauty to the setting."

"Wow... heh..." Lyra leaned back, exhaling softly. "And here I thought that Canterlot was full of stuffy jerkfaces." She instantly grimaced. "Erm... no offence."

"Hah! You kidding?" One mare slapped her knee with a chuckle. She readjusted her silk gown before continuing: "This place positively mimics Manehattan on some days!"

"Gets ruder and ruder as the ponies get younger and younger," agreed another.

"I heard that!"

"Hmmm..." Lyra gulped. "I guess I never got a chance to observe that myself."

"You're from around here, darling?"

"I was born here," Lyra said. "Even went to school locally as a little foal, all before the f—" Lyra grimaced... cleared her throat... and exhaled: "Before I moved to the country."

"Ah. So no wonder you've come back to serenade these old haunts."

"Heheh... yeah, I guess." Lyra glanced over her shoulder at the memorial. "To tell the truth, I was actually here in Canterlot on the day of... well... you know."

"Ah. So you also share in Canterlot's grief."

"Well, it's very courageous of you to come back, dear. If I may ask..." A wrinkly hoof pointed at the stone obelisks. "Do you know any of the names listed?"

"We'll say a prayer or two for them if you wish."

"Oh. No. It's okay. I was... uh... fortunate enough to not lose anypony I knew... at least not on that day." Lyra gulped, glancing aside. "Though, my name almost made it on the engravings. Same as my friend's."

"Oh?"

"I see that providence won out in the end."

"You could say that, yeah." Lyra smiled rosily into the distance. "We were lost beneath the mountain's crust... deep in the old crystalline caverns. There were once open, gaping fissures—you know—right beneath where the four of us are standing. My friends and I... uh... we h-had been bewitched by the changeling Queen. And... and we were lost down in those caves. We could have starved or suffocated for all we know." She sighed dreamily. "And then he came."

"Hmmm? Who?"

Lyra stared and stared... until her smile faded. "Oh! Uhm... just a guard. Y'know... a strong, valiant soldier of the Royal Guard. But... still..." She hugged her lyre tighter. "I'll never forget the look on his face... or h-how relieved I felt when he carried me in his strong hooves towards safety."

A raspy chuckle. "I bet he was handsome."

"Yeahhhhhhh—er... no. I mean. Yes. Uh... m-maybe?" Lyra coughed. "Doen't matter, really. Besides, I never did get his name. I'm sure that—whoever he is—he would have done the same for anypony else in Canterlot... besides just me and my friends, that is." She brushed her mane back for the umpteenth time. "But that one act of heroism—however brief and flippant—was enough to turn my whole world upside down." A pause. She chuckled. "But life affords many heroes. And while I may never know the identity of my knight in shining armor..." She rolled her eyes with a giggle. "...I do have a very good friend... the absolute best friend... and while some random stranger may have saved my life, the most important pony I know keeps on giving me a reason to live. So... y'know... we can't ever lose sight of the things in this world that keep us going. Cuz... like... the music's never gonna write itself." She gulped, then broke into fitful giggles. "I'm rambling now, aren't I? I'm so sorry. This is how I get when ponies compliment my music."

"It's quite alright, dear."

"Yes." The mares nodded. "It's good to know that while so much darkness flooded our beloved city a year ago, there's still plenty of light to be kindled from within."

"Hey! A regular poet!" Lyra winked. "Maybe I should get you to write lyrics for my masterpiece someday."

"Heehee! Maybe! But I think your friend at home can help you with that."

"Might want to get a move on, dear! Before it gets too cold! Wouldn't want to ruin your lovely complexion."

"Wait... what?" Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Oh! Only that... uhm... I've been reading in The Monthly Spinster that prolonged exposure to cold mountain air will ruin the shine of a young mare's coat and—"

"No no no no not that." Lyra stood up, wobbling. "What time is it?"

"Oh. Last time I checked... ermmm... about half past six—"

"Half past six?!?" Lyra sputtered. Bug-eyed, she spun west. The sun was sinking into the plains beyond Ponyville. "Shit! Shit Goddess! The train!" Gnashing her teeth, Lyra shoved her lyre into her saddlebags and sped off through the memorial. "Shit! Ass! Fart! Peeved! Boogers!"

The three elder mares spun about, blinking at her vulgar exit.

"Huh... that's a strange turn," murmured one.

"I know." Another blinked. "If I was three decades younger, I'd be turned on right now."

"Damn straight."

I Just Don't Know What Went South

Canterlot – Train Depot – Ten Minutes and One Hundred Cuss Words Later

"Shit!" Lyra paced and paced before the emptry tracks. "Bitch! Tits! Mmmmm..." Her teeth produced sparks as she twirled and huffed. "Shitty Bitch Tits!"

"Hey! Lady!" An old mule barked from where he pushed a dolley across the platform. "Mind your muzzle! There are little ears, y'know?"

"I don't see any friggin' kids!" Lyra sputtered.

"Have you ever heard about bein' 'young inside?'"

"Well, have you ever hit your h-head against the concrete so h-hard that... mrmmf... guh..." Lyra waved her forelimbs, shouting: "Whinny! Blood!"

As the echo of that last outburst subsided, the mule brayed. "Hah HAH! Great impression! What, was the harp-twanging not enough to win you bits on the street, lady?"

"It's not a harp!" Lyra paced and rolled her eyes. "Oh my goddess... you inside out clumps of urban manticore vomit, I swear to Luna..."

"What's the big deal anyways?!"

"Why can't we reverse time in Equestria, huh?!" Lyra sputtered. "We have a nigh-omnipotent alicorn who could raise the sun, for crying out loud! Can't she spin it east an hour and a half and make the train to Ponyville come back?!"

"If our Princess was omnipotent, then I'm sure my prostate would have been cured years ago."

"Ugh... not now, dude..." Lyra face-hoofed. "Not now... not ever..."

"If you need to get to Pantyville so soon, why not take the highway?"

"It's 'Ponyville.'" Lyra squinted at him. "And what do you mean by 'the highway?'"

"Y'know, lady..." The worker pointed at a distant platform looming on the southern edge of the Canterlot mountains, just beyond the walls of the royal city. "The highway!"

"Oh no!" Lyra folded her forelimbs, huffing. "Out of the question!"

"Pffft..." The mule resumed pushing his dolley. "Suit yourself!"

"I'm serious, dude." Lyra frowned. "I'm Canterlot born and raised. Sure, I may have moved to a farm town in my adult years... but you can't take the blue-blooded aristocrat out of me! No siree! The last thing... the absolute last thing I am ever gonna do is try bumming a cheap-ass ride on a delivery flight across country!"

Flight Platform – South of Canterlot – Upper Delivery Take-Off

"Uhm... h-hi there!" Lyra smiled sweatily, waving a hoof as she stood alongside the runway. "Can I bother somepony to bum a cheap-ass ride to Ponyville?"

"Mmmmff... get lost, lady," a mare grunted, attaching herself to a wagon full of shipping crates and slapping on a pair of goggles. "I've got a bunch of precious diamonds to haul towards Trottingham and I ain't got no time for weed-grazing musicians."

Lyra frowned. "I do not graze on weed!" She took a deep breath. "And for your information, the likes of Paul Marecartney did that for years and has still lived for more healthy years than you and I combined!"

"Hrmmmfff... stupid bleeding heart harp-twangers." FWOOOSH! And the mare took off with her wagon full of stuff.

"Guh!" Lyra reeled, nearly bumping into a series of tarmac lights. "For the last time, it's not a harp!" Huffing, she spun about and waved her hoof high in the air. "Anypony else? I'll pay handsomely! And I promise that you'll get to insult me all you want along the way to Ponyville! That's for free!"

FWOOOSH! FWOOOSH! FW-FWOOOSH!

Lyra winced as more and more pegasi with chariots soared past her and into the sunset. "Come on! Please! Somepony! Anypony!" She waved her hoof higher and higher. "I'm waving! Hello?! Don't you all know the international sign for 'hitching?'" She frowned. "Dammit... my kingdom for a thumb..."

"Hey Lauren!" A cheery voice echoed from the far end of the platform. "What are you doing here?! Come on over, I'll give you a ride back home!"

"Oh! Oh my gosh!" Grinning wide, Lyra galloped towards the source of the voice. "You're a total life-saver! You have no idea how much you've—" She skidded to a stop, wincing. "Aww shit, it's Derpy."

"Heeeeeeeeeeeey Lauren!" Derpy Hooves waved. "Fancy meeting you here!" She let loose a high-pitched giggle, her eyes darting in opposite directions.

Lyra sighed. "Miss Hooves, we've been through this. It's Lyra."

"Whatever you say, Lauren!"

Lyra squinted. "Just what are you doing here in Canterlot, anyways?"

"Oh... y'know..." Derpy picked up a bucket full of pinecones and dropped it into the back of a rickety, crooked chariot. "Just delivering this order of three week old kittens to Zecora! Heehee!"

Lyra blinked at the rattling pinecones. "Wow... they look... so cute and fuzzy!"

"Wanna cuddle onnnnne?"

"No! No... I... uhm..." Lyra cleared her throat, rubbing the back of her head. "I don't suppose you... uh... have room for a backseat musician to carpool?"

"Carpool?" Derpy winced. "Oh noooooo! I forgot my snorkel!"

"What? No. That... guh..." Lyra composed herself, then stepped forward with a smile. "Miss Hooves, I would be humbled if you were so kind as to let me ride with you back to Ponyville while you made your... kitten delivery."

"Oh, but of course, Lauren!" Derpy giggled, waving a hoof. "We'll both be back home in no time!"

"Really?" Lyra smiled nervously. "Because I-I kinda sorta have to get back at a convincing time for my best friend to think that... uhm... er..."

"Hmmm?"

Lyra cleared her throat. "...I need her to believe that I came here to Canterlot for other reasons than I really did. And... uh... if we make it back before the four o'clock train arrives, then I should be in the green. You feel me?"

"Of course I feel you!" Derpy reached forward, scruffing the unicorn's mane. "Feels like silky tarantula hair!"

"Guhhh..." Lyra shivered. "Please... d-don't say 'tarantula.'"

Derpy hitched herself to the wagon. "Hop on board, Lauren!" She blinked, realizing she had attached herself to the reins backwards. "Whoops! Eheheh... this... might take a while."

Lyra approached the wagon full of buckets and pine cones... but lingered in place. A sharp tremble ran up and down her spine as she gulped a bit of bile down her throat.

"Something wrong, Lauren?"

"Oh. Uhm... nah. Nothing that..." Lyra clenched her eyes shut as she nervously climbed in. "...th-that a little bit of courage can't solve."

"Scared of flying, huh?" Derpy giggled, disentangling herself with the reins—only to get tangled again. "You know, they have therapy sessions for that."

"Yeah..." Lyra clenched her jay. "...they have therapy sessions for a lot of things." She sat in the back of the chariot, nestled between several buckets. "Uhm... this wagon is really squeaky. You sure it'll hold all this weight plus me?"

"Oh, totally! Besides, I'm a safe flier!"

"Wow... that's good to know," Lyra exhaled with a chuckle.

"Yup!" Derpy reattached herself to the riggings and faced the end of the platform. "Why... it's been hours since I last crashed into a mountain!"

"Wait... h-hours?!" Lyra's voice cracked. She flung a horrified look at the wagon, noticing several off-color wooden boards nailing the fractured, splintery bits together. "Uhhhh..."

"Yup! I'm hoping to beat my last safety streak!" Derpy slapped a pair of goggles over her rotating eyes, licked her lips, and galloped forward. "Whelp... here goes nothing! Continent!" she hollered.

"Oh goddess, regrets." Lyra shrank into the back of the wagon, curling up into a little ball. "Oh Goddess, regrets!"

Derpy sped down the runway... took a sharp left out of nowhere and plummeted down the mountainside. Lyra's shrieking voice echoed through the heavens—but soon the two were lifting straight up, banking back south.

"Offfff we goooooo!" Derpy Hooves cheered, evening the wagon out after much struggle. "Second star to the right and straight on until morning sickness! Heehee! That's an old joke my mom used to tell. Before the accident, of course. Hey! Look! Geese!"

"Eyes on the skies, Miss Hooves!"

"That's easy! With my eyes, I can watch two skies at once! You just watch the kittens now. They're afraid of heights... adorable little things. They always bite me when I touch them. Not sure why. Whoops! There's a mountain!"

Canterlot – Commercial District

Off in the distance...

A gray pegasus pulled a rickety wagon in a loopty fashion, careening south. A mint-green passenger screamed at the top of her lungs...

...not that anypony in Canterlot was paying attention. Rich, affluent locals huddled inside a lamp-lit cafe, their worried eyes glued to a new-fangled black-and-white tube that was broadcasting a field reporter's monochromatic face.

"We now go live to our field reporter in the frozen north who's covering the hostage situation still-ongoing in the Mirror Caverns just outside the Crystal Kingdom. Mr. Page?"

"Thanks, Satin. Fillies and gentlecolts, I am currently standing outside the popular historal landmark known as the Mirror Caverns. And I know that the reception of this broadcast might be slightly foggy due to the weather flurries that we're having to deal with out here, but if you look behind me you may see the defensive perimeter that has been formed directly outside the mouth of the cave where the foals and their chaperones are being held against their will by the Yakyakistani militants..."

Safety In Numbness

Frozen North – Outside Crystal Imperial Borders – Entrance to the Mirror Caverns

An aurora had freshly formed over the darkening sky. Its tapering bands reflected green and orange light off the thick layers of snow clinging to the mountainside and the surrounding tundra to the south. A dense camp had been built right outside the dark craggy entrance to the Landmark. Hundreds of crystal ponies in blue-plated armor marched to and fro while others reinforced a defensive perimeter—with spears and crossbows and other weapons trained collectively at the mouth of the cave. Off to the side, wagons rolled in, carrying supplies that were swiftly unloaded by countless members of the Imperial Defense Force working in tandem.

An earth pony in a thick jacket stood with a microphone. He squinted past errant streams of snow, struggling to face a bulky field camera being aimed at him by a mobile news crew.

"If you look behind me, you'll see that a wagon full of fresh supplies has just now arrived!" The stallion raised his voice to speak above the blistering cold winds and the marching of hooves. Soldiers shouted to one another as they repositioned themselves for an inevitable exchange. "Satin, these supplies are in fact the so-called 'gifts' gathered by the stewards of the Crystal Kingdom in order to meet the increasingly eccentric demands of the twelve militants who are holding the innocent civilians hostage inside. Reports are mixed at the moment, but several sources have suggested that the yaks in the Mirror Caverns—not satisfied with being refused a guarantee for land reappropriation—are demanding excessive quantities of food, mead, and other so-called 'luxuries' or else they have threatened to—and I quote: 'Kill all of the puny pony children and urge all yak brothers in Yakyakistan to declare war on dumb horses everywhere.'"

Barking orders to one another, crystal and non-crystal ponies unloaded the materials off the wagon and affixed them to a large dolley on wheels. They pushed the items into a large tent under close supervision of armored guards.

"Now... if you look off in the distance..." The reporter turned and pointed. "...towards the mouth of the cave—you see the pale figure in the silver armor? We believe that to be none other than Prince Shining Armor himself, current Second Steward of the Crystal Empire who also serves as Captain of the Crystal Imperial Defense Force. And that figure that he is speaking to—we believe—is none other than the self-proclaimed leader of the Yakyakistani militants: Damn Thickerhoof. For the past eight days straight, Shining Armor has been working double-time, negotiating with the militants while establishing a defense perimeter around the Mirror Caverns. When approached multiple times about the ultimate fate of the hostages, Prince Shining Armor has insisted that the Stewards are doing everything in their power to assure that this situation is resolved as peacefully and harmoniously as possible—"

Commanding shouts broke the snowy air. Crystal soldiers stood at attention, forming a line while a shiny carriage rolled up.

The reported pivoted, gesturing for the news crew to aim their field camera at the device.

"Hold on, Satin!" He spoke into the mic. "A new development here, it would seem. The royal carriage of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza has just arrived! The Chief Reigning Steward of the Crystal Empire has been in constant communication with the ambassador situated at the Imperial Yakyakistani Embassy. It has been the hope of Princess Cadance that a reasonable agreement can be made between the two frozen kingdoms to intervene on behalf of the hostages, but so far there has been no public declaration of any sort from the ruling bodies within the capital of Yakyakistan. Could this mean that negotiations will continue to be at an impasse for another straight week? Stay tuned for any and all developments as we continue to document this situation live from the Frozen North..."

Princess Cadance stepped out of the carriage, bleary-eyed and sighing. The alicorn winced—for the big hairy creature exiting the same carriage behind her continued to grunt and belch with bombastic fervor:

"The yak senate in Yakyakistan makes no promises. The yak senate in Yakyakistan is full of yak senators who believe that non-yak ponies are weak! If non-yak ponies cannot help themselves when dealing with yak situations, then yak senate does not see why they should speak to hunting yaks inside cave!"

"I know where your government stands, ambassador," Cadance slurred, marching across the snow while several crystal guards rushed up to escort her. She paused to rub her aching head. "You've told this to me several times, and I have paid close heed on every occasion. But forgive me for me if I feel as though you haven't quite delivered the details of our position back to your Yakyakistani comrades with equal emphasis."

"Do you call a yak ambassador a liar?!" the dignitary in bundled furs hissed. "Embassy yaks have told government yaks all about the weak ponies and their weak attempt to make progress!""

"There is nothing weak about wanting to do things peacefully, ambassador," Cadance said, turning to frown at him in the snowy air. "What you call 'weakness,' I call restraint. We understand that the migratory hunters who took to capturing the ponies inside this landmark have very important desires that they wish to be met. We, on the other hoof, simply want our citizens back. This entire situation is a coming-together of like-minded souls who want everything to end without unnecessary casualties. The fewer the casualties... the longer both our societies can continue to coexist healthily... fruitfully. Don't you agree?"

"Pink pony speaks with too many words!" the ambassador snorted. "Yaks want action! Yaks want results!" He pointed at the cave ahead of them. "Give yaks what they want and yaks will respond!"

"And ambassador... we have given them what they want!" Cadance exclaimed. "We've given them more than enough to meet their demands! And yet—at every turn—they just demand more and more things!" Her ears and wings drooped. "If they won't show their gratitude to us, then perhaps they'll show their respect to the Yakyakistani senate. Please... I'm asking you... begging you... won't you find a way to bridge direct communication between your government and these militants? Find a way to get them to give up our loved ones?"

"Hrmmmm..." The yak leaned back, stroking his layers and layers of blinding beards. "Pink princess pony's words are like little child's. So fragile... easy to crush under one's hoof. Nevertheless!" He spat into the frozen air. "Puny ponies have gone out of their way to make yaks happy... even at the cost of their own comfort! That, yaks suppose, is a strong act in and of itself." A deep breath. "I will speak to the yak senate again. Try to convince them to tell hunting yaks to leave pony cave."

Princess Cadance sighed with relief. "Thank you... thank you, ambassador—"

"Yak makes no guarantee that yak senate will comply!" he roared. "Terribly angry bunch, yak governors! If you test their patience, yak will go to war! If you insult their intelligence, yak will go to war! If you show them the color pink... ... ...yak will go to war!"

"Well..." Cadance shuddered. "It's a good thing that you're speaking to them in my stead. Now, if you will kindly excuse me..." She curtsied, then turned towards the cave, trotting off. "...I have to check on my husband."

"I have sliced open the bellies of blue hydras wading in the frozen yak seas!" Damn Thickerhoof shouted. The ringlets of his beard rattled as his beady eyes flickered red. "I have chewed the entrails straight out of yeti bellies!" Schiiiing! Brandishing an axe, he leaned out of the mouth of the cave. "I have survived thirteen battles against sarosian pirates in the bleakest months of winter! Fighting on their turf! In blood-stained tepid darkness!" Inhaling with a guttural snort, he gripped the hilt of his axe to the point of breaking. "I will not... and I repeat will not be treated with such horrible disrespect by you puny, sanctimonious lumps of horse meat!"

Captain Shining Armor teetered. He fought to keep his eyes opened. A thick scratchy five o'clock shadow loomed beneath his helmeted face. "Mrmmmmmmff..." His nostrils flared as he summoned the strenght to speak in a respectful tone. "...and how can I win back your respect, Mr. Thickerhoof—"

"The name is Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid, you insufferably weak glue stick!" the yak shouted, his voice echoing against the mouth of the Mirror Caverns. "Say it right or I will remove your prissy pony vocal cords!"

Shining cleared his throat, helmet rattling. "What is it that I can do for you this time, Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid?"

"The milk chocolate candy morsels!" Damn Thickerhoof growled, pointing nebulously at thin-air. "They must all be the matching color!"

"Mrmmmm-hmmm... and what color is that?"

"GREEN!" Damn Thickerhoof pounded his chest. "The color of vengeance!" Several yak voices grunted agreeably from deep inside the cavern behind him.

Shining Armor sighed. "I will make sure that the candies are all of a matching green color," he said. His eyebrow raised. "Would you like me to make the mead green to?"

"Yak mead is fine the color that it is! Everything comes yellow out of yak anyways. Unlike puny ponies who store all the yellow inside! We can see it through their bellies!"

Chuckles echoed from within the cavern.

"Mrmmmff... very well." Shining Armor stood straight. "The supplies have arrived and are on their way." He exhaled. "Now... about releasing the hostages—"

"Puny pony children will stay in yak custody until yaks get what yaks want!" Damn Thickerhoof hollered. "Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid will get the land that's owed to him!" His nostrils flared. "All yaks will get the land that's owed to them!"

"And as we've stated before, Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid..." Princess Cadance trotted up, stealing the attention of both her husband and the militant leader. "...the matter of our territories is up to negotiations between the Crystal Empire and the Yakyakistani government."

"HRMMMF!" The yak waved his axe. "I am yak with axe! I am yak government in wilderness!" His eyes shot daggers at Shining Armor. "And this is wilderness, no matter how many prissy ponies stain it with their pink and their singing!"

"I have spoken once again with the ambassador of Yakyakistan," Cadance said. "Soon, he will bring word back from the senate, and they will open direct communication with you."

"And Damn Thickerhoof will get his land, right?!"

"The governors of Yakyakistan will help to facilitate a solution that is in your best interest—and in the best interest of your friends." Cadance took a deep breath. "We have taken many... many measures to assist you. Now... will you please help us by releasing some of our loved ones from your possession?"

"Hrmmf! Typical ponies! All talk and no yak sacks!" Damn Thickerhoof spat on the ground. "Yaks will release horse hostages only when yaks want to! Until then, we will feed puny ponies inside with your horse food... but you must give us what yaks want—or we go to war!" He sneered. "Keep army outside of Mirror Caverns—or we go to war! Leave sun and moon horses out of this—or we go to war!" With a grunt, he turned tail and marched back into the cave, dragging his axe. "We will be expecting our supplies in ten yak minutes or everypony inside dies." His entrance was received with many cheers and headbutts as the militants inside growled, laughed, and hollered.

Cadance exhaled. "Well..." A faint smile. "We seem to be making progress. He's no longer referring to Princess Celestia or Luna as gross sexual metaphors."

"Yeah..." Shining Armor took off his helmet and rubbed his forehead. "...at this rate, we'll get the hostages out in a century."

"One step at a time, Shining," Cadance said. "Remember, this is for the foals' safety."

"Not to mention the safety of the entire Empire." Clearing his throat, Shining turned to gesture at the perimeter. "I've distanced the defense line by about ten meters so as not to arouse suspicion from the militants."

"Shining..."

"I've also concealed most of the crossbows so that we don't accidentally trigger a firefight," Shining remarked. "Also, yaks don't like the color red, so I've replaced the royal banners with—"

"Shining... my love." Cadance leaned in and placed a hoof on his shoulder. "You're doing wonderfully. You don't have to convince me with an excessively detailed report."

The stallion sighed, rubbing his stubbled chin. "The last thing I want is to throw our entire kingdom into war with Yakyakistan." He gazed at her, ears drooping. "You're a wise ruler, Cadance... but you operate by peace. And if one wrong move screws this whole operation up... then it's all on me."

"You won't bring chaos to the Frozen North," Cadance said. "Not on your watch." She smiled. "I married the best guard in all of Equestria, after all."

Shining smiled back. The two nuzzled, during which he murmured: "Flurry Heart... how... how is she? I've been at this for so long, I... I miss her so much..."

"Shhhhh..." Cadance nuzzled him back. "Our daughter is fine. Sunburst is looking after her. She was asleep last time I checked."

"Mmmm... he's a good stallion," Shining Armor said. "I'm almost tempted to ask for his advice at this point. We could really use a magic trick to get through this debacle without a body count."

"For the last time, Shining, we are not going to war. We just have to... find a way to appease these yaks," Cadance said, nevertheless shuddering. "We owe it to the Crystal ponies to get their children out safely. I'm sure that... given time... the yaks will listen to reason."

"And if they don't?"

Cadance bit her lip. "Let's just... focus on keeping them h-happy for now."

Shining sighed. "You're the ambassador," he managed with a weak smile.

"Are the supplies assembled?"

"Yes. They're being examined in the tent as we speak."

"Who do we have delivering the materials into the cave this time?"

Shining Armor turned to gaze across the defensive perimeter. "Only my finest..."

Sergeant and Sergeant

"Sergeant Garnet!"

A crystal pony stallion with a translucent crimson complexion looked up from where he tightened crates of supplies onto the dolley for transport.

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

An officer marched across the tent, frowning. "What's taking so long?! The Captain of the Guard wants those materials ready for delivery into the Mirror Caverns on the double!"

"It's ready now, Lieutenant," Garnet said. The Sergeant cleared his throat, gesturing at the heavy load on armored wheels. "I'm sorry that it took so long to gather together. It's just that the yak militants have demanded so much this time and we had to make sure that the weight of it all didn't br—"

"Yes. Whatever. Is it all assembled, then?"

"Uh... yes, sir."

"Good. Take it out. The Captain's waiting." Nostrils flaring, the crystal pony Lieutenant turned and glared across the tent, seething. "Dammit... where's that worthless pegasus partner of yours?"

Fwooosh! Another guard glided in, positioning himself wordlessly at the back of the dolley.

"There you are! Tardy as usual!" The Lieutenant huffed. "Nothing to say for yourself, huh?!" The officer snorted. "I swear... if you weren't protected by the Stewards' damnably annoying exchange program, I'd have kicked you out of this post months ago."

"Yes, sir," the pegasus stammered, straightening his helmet. "I'm sorry, sir."

Garnet, in the meantime, strapped himself to the front of the dolley. "Ready for delivery, sir!"

"Well?!" The Lieutenant held the tent flap open. "What are you waiting for?!?"

Mirror Caverns – Entrance

Sergeant Garnet and the other guard strained and winced as the two of them struggled to push the dolley stacked with supplies through the snow. The guards positioned along the perimeter looked on... gripping their spears and weapons anxiously. They were powerless to assist the two as they inched forward at a snail's pace, struggling with the weight of the delivered packages.

"We're... making progress... Sergeant..." Garnet spoke to the pegasus behind him without looking. "Sooner than we know it, this will all be over. We can rest and stay warm until the n-next delivery..."

The pegasus merely grumbled. Garnet could positively feel the other guard's frown through the frosty air.

Before he could comment on that—

"Sergeants! One second! Let me assist you!"

The dolley glowed with magic as Captain Shining Armor marched in from the sidelines. His telekinetic shove assisted in moving the cart faster.

"There," Shining Armor said. "That should help."

"Captain, with all due respect..." Sergeant Garnet panted as sweat and frost coated his glossy flesh. "...you are not allowed to enter the Caverns. If the yak militants see you doing this—"

"Don't worry, Sergeant," Shining said. "According to their demands, I'm simply not allowed to set hoof inside the cave. But it doesn't stop me from helping my finest soldiers get the job done for as far as I'm able."

"It... is m-much appreciated, sir," Garnet wheezed.

"Remember." Shining Armor leaned in close as he trotted alongside the cart. "You do absolutely nothing to upset the militants—not while they've got the citizens held hostage." He clenched his jaw. "You do not talk to them. You do not look at them. You do absolutely nothing in any way shape or form that might offend these yaks. If one of them gets mad at you, flee the cave as swiftly as possible. I'll deal with the aftermath if I have to."

"Understood, sir. We'll behave just like the last few times, sir."

Shining Armor sighed. "I know that this has been a case of terrible timing for you, Garnet. You certainly weren't expecting to still be here this week—what, with the transfer we've worked so hard to put through and all—"

"Captain, I am honored to serve here in this moment of crisis," Garnet said. "These hostages are my brothers and sisters as much as any other crystal pony's." His crimson brow furrowed. "I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else."

"Very well." Shining Armor nodded. "I'll see to it that you are commended for all of this." As the two reached the cave, the Captain stopped to glance at the pegasus at the rear. He fidgeted suddenly, eventually clearing his throat and speaking aside to Garnet. "Look after him, will you, Sergeant?"

"You know I always do, Captain." Entering the cave's mouth, the two were free from the snow. The dolley moved far more swiftly over a stone surface—even without the Captain's telekinetic assistance. "We've got it from here, sir." Garnet nodded to his pegasus cohort. "Come. Let's get this over with."

The pegasus nodded without saying a word. His wings coiled noticeably under his armor as he passed by Shining.

The Captain lingered at the cave's entrance. His ears drooped as he watched quietly... helplessly. Then—just as his tense jaw formed a grizzled frown—he forced himself to turn around... and trot back towards the camp.

Inside the Mirror Caverns

"What is taking puny ponies so long?!" Damn Thickerhoof grunted, his voice echoing off the glittering stalactites above them. "Move faster, stupid squishy horses!"

"Yeah!" Belched another yak, drinking a bottle of liquor from the last shipment. "The cold snow had better not have chilled the mead!"

"Yeah!" Yet another yak laughed from where he sat in a veritable throne made out of the crates from previous deliveries. "If it's too cold, yaks could always warm it with the blood of these two!"

"Hah hah hah!"

"Like puny pony army would ever miss puny pony grunts!"

"Their family certainly doesn't miss them! Look!" A yak pointed at the pegasus pushing the dolley from behind. "This one isn't even shiny like the rest!"

"What's the matter, feather pony?! Too ugly for pony mommy and daddy?! They send you off to frozen wasteland to become yak slaves and die?!"

"Haah haah haah!"

The pegasus clenched his jaws tight. "Hrmmmmm..."

Sweating, Garnet murmured from the front. "At ease, Sergeant. Let's just make this delivery and everything will be fine..."

The pegasus inhaled... exhaled... and kept pushing.

Together, the two guards shoved the huge stack of supplies past a veritable gauntlet of laughing, spitting, and jeering yaks. The once-pristine cavern had become a landfill of filth, litter, and wayward clumps of mountain fur—all courtesy of the twelve bombastic yaks chuckling and belching away within the crystalline confines. A wooden hut that served as an office for local tour guides had been shattered to splinters. Also, a museum section off to the side had been torn to shreds. Beyond a circle of detritus, the caverns stretched onward and onward, with countless stalactites and translucent shards being reflected off of innumerably bent surfaces. Every single glance was like looking into a kaleidoscope at every turn.

Whimpering voices formed a feeble chorus against the loud grunts of the militant yaks. It came from a tiny cluster of foals gathered at the left side of the frontmost chamber. Two adult mares huddled closely alongside the twenty-two schoolfoals, patting them and attempting to reassure them. All eyes were locked on the two guards as they made their shuffling entrance.

At last, Garnet and his comrade reached the unloading area. They parked the dolley and trotted around it, cutting loose the cords that bound the stacked crates and materials in place.

The very moment that the binds were free—

"Gimme that!" Damn Thickerhoof snarled, swiping the first box of mead bottles off the top. "About damn time, you stupid lazy horses!" He growled down at the two while his comrades yanked and grabbed more supplies off the cart. "Who does your Captain think I am to take so much of our precious time?! Hmmm?!"

Garnet said nothing. Quietly, dutifully, he unloaded as many boxes as he could, stacking them neatly along the edge of the cavern. As he did so, the crystal pony guard glanced up.

Two dozen young eyes reflected his armored figure. Translucent foals trembled. One meekly whimpered: "Have you c-come to take us home?"

Garnet exhaled with a shudder. He continued stacking boxes—timing his whispery supply with the rattle that the wooden crates made: "The Stewards are working on it. I think Princess Cadance is making progress with the Yakyakistani Senate."

"Please... can't you find a way to get the children out of here, at least?" one of the chaperones murmured. "Talk to Prince Shining Armor. Talk to Princess Celestia! Talk to—"

WHUDDD! A yak warrior landed in front of them, making the children shriek. "QUIET! STUPID PONIES!"

The sheer vibrations of the yak's voice caused a box of liquor bottles to turn over. One container rolled, rattled, and careened towards a roped-off spot of the cave. There, a bright yellow sign stood with the red image of shattering stalactites. But just before the bottle could collide with a fragile rock structure—clank!—an orange hoof stopped it just beyond the rope. Breathless, the pegasus guard glanced back at the yak.

"Grrrrr!" Damn Thickerhoof marched over and—Whack!—slapped the offending warrior across his bearded muzzle. "Stupid pony! Watch where you toss your mead bottles!"

"But I didn't toss anyth—"

The leader howled in his face: "Do you want to bring this whole stupid cave down on yaks?! Grrrr!" He shoved his subordinate aside with the grunt. "Finish unpacking! No talking to pony hostages or you become hostages yourselves!"

Garnet and the pegasus exchanged glances. Garnet nodded, then resumed with the unloading—far more briskly this time. Fuming, the pegasus lingered for a moment in place... then joined his partner in the task.

Fifteen minutes later, the two shoved an empty dolley back the way they came. All around them, yaks gorged themselves on the food and drinks that had been brought in. When they weren't feasting or drinking themselves to oblivion, they laughed, butted heads, and spat curses at one another.

The hostages had also been given provisions—but it was a barely a scrap compared to the gluttonous bounties the yaks had been afforded. The chaperones passed bits of bread and celery around while the crystal foals sniffled and nibbled on what they could.

Garnet glanced back, his ears folded.

"Keep marching!" Damn Thickerhoof shouted. "Grrrr... being merciful is tiresome! So don't test my patience! Now go! And don't come back unless we ask puny ponies to!"

A foal's voice could be heard sobbing from the sidelines.

"Awwww! What's the matter?!" A drunken yak hiccuped, then snorted. "Does puny pony baby miss puny pony parents?!"

"Don't worry! They probably made new babies by now!"

"Haah haah haah!"

"Cry cry, stupid puny ponies!"

"Hah hah! Puny ponies weak! Full of nothing but tears!"

"Hah hah!"

The pegasus frowned. Jaw clenched, he glanced back... glancing far behind the yaks, the hostages, and the forest of crystalline stalagmites.

Amidst the reflective glitter of the Mirror Caverns, he made out a few deep niches—dark alcoves formed within the walls of the chamber.

His blue eyes narrowed... and yet he said nothing.

Under a chorus of yak laughter, the dolley rolled on... exiting the mouth of the Mirror Caverns.

Outskirts of Crystal Kingdom – Outside Mirror Caverns

Throngs of citizens clambered just behind a line of crystal pony guards. Mothers and fathers... sisters and brothers yelped and cried and shouted.

"Please! We must do something!"

"They've been in there for a week! Can't the yaks let them go?!"

"Are we going to war?!"

"Please tell us the yaks will give them up!"

"We just want our foals back!"

Princess Cadance stood before the group, waving her forelimbs. "Please! Everypony calm down!" She squinted as a group of earth pony press agents flashed their cameras from a distance. "I promise you... we are doing everything in our power to get the hostages out of there! It's a very delicate situation and the security of the Crystal Empire lies on us handling this as peacefully and non-threateningly as possible!" She held a hoof to her chest. "But I assure you—on my name and on my honor—that every single colt, filly, and mare will get out of that Cavern alive and return to their families!"

The dolley ground to a hault. Garnet slumped against it, panting for breath.

Captain Shining Armor pivoted about from where he paced by Cadance's side. He trotted briskly over to Garnet. "Sergeant. Report."

"Sorry... f-for taking so long, sir." Garnet gulped. "The d-delivery has been made." He stood tall, saluting. "Also, the hostages have all been accounted for."

Shining Armor blinked. His gaze traveled up. "Uhm... Garnet?"

"They've also been fed. So far, they seem healthy and—"

"Where is your partner?"

Garnet blinked. "...sir?"

Shining Amor's muzzle hung agape. "Where is Sergeant Flash Sentry?"

"Huh?" Garnet turned around. His eyes widened.

There was nopony standing at the rear of the dolley. The only set of hoofprints leading from the mouth of the cave was Garnet's.

"Oh..." Garnet's shiny ears folded back. "Oh no..."

Yakky Ki-Yay

Mirror Caves – Interior

"Buuuurrrrp!" A yak tossed an empty mead bottle behind his hairy head. Shatter! "And that's when I gored him with my scythe! HAH! Let's see a diamond dog crawl back from that! Shit on yak lawn, will you?!"

"Haah haah haah!" Another yak reeled in the center of the furry group. "Yak brother's yak snow turned brown!"

"Shut up!"

"Hah hah hah!"

"Brown yak snow, yak brother!"

"Hahahahahah!" Damn Thickerhoof chugged a bottle of mead, then wiped the foam off his hairy lips. "My snow is whitest of yak snow! But when I get puny crystal pony snow... yaks will paint it red in the blood of the weak!"

"Why wait?! Why not bleed puny pony hostages!"

"Don't tempt me, yak brothers!"

"Hah hah hah hah..." Gradually, the laughter of the militants faded. They collectively stared south at the mouth of the cave, their beady eyes blinking.

"Heheheh... heh..." Thickerhoof wiped his muzzle again. "Why yaks no laugh? Am I not funny when I want to be?!" When his response drew dead silence, he turned around and squinted curiously in the direction of their combined gaze. His hairy ears tickled to the sound of a solitary set of hooves.

Flash Sentry marched icily towards the twelve yaks. The front chamber to the cave dwarfed his small orange frame. Nevertheless, a pair of cold blue eyes glinted in the reflective light of the Mirror Caverns' crystalline interior.

From afar, the huddled group of citizens watched with their muzzles dropped.

"Puny pony... signs death warrant," Muttered a yak.

"Grrrrrrr!" Snarling, Damn Thickerhoof randomly uppercutted his lackey into silence. WHUD! He grabbed his huge, hulking axe and dragggggggged it across the cave, producing sparks. With heavy, thundering hooves, the militant yak leader approached Flash Sentry's tiny frame head-on. "What is the meaning of this?! Do puny ponies have no decency when dealing with superior yak warriors?!"

Flash Sentry said nothing. Frowning, he trotted slowly towards the bearded menace.

"Little weakling feather duster is not wanted!" Thickerhoof huffed, beating his chest and slamming his axe down as he leaned on it. "Does puny pony wish to incite war! Hrfff! I am Damn Thickerhoof the Turgid! And if you take one more step, I will paint the insides of this stupid cave with your intestines—"

Fwooooosh! With a single wing-flap, Flash Sentry propelled himself forward. He glided between Thickerhoof's legs. When he exited past the large creature's tail, he dug his front hooves into the ground and slammed his rear legs up—WHUDDD!—violently impacting Thickerhoof's groin.

"Grkkkk!" Thickerhoof's eyes crossed. His body turned hard as stone as he teetered over with a high-pitched: "Meeep?" THUD!

Every yak, pony, and foal gasped.

Flash Sentry didn't blink. Even as—CLAAANG!—Thickerhoof's axe fell over, forming cracks in the glossy floor.

The remaining eleven yaks exchanged glances. SCHIIIIIIIING! They all drew their weapons at once and—"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!"—charged Flash Sentry's body like an avalanche of fur.

Flash Sentry backflipped several feet, galloped on all fours towards the yaks, and threw his body into a sliding kick. "Grnnngh!" His outstretched hooves struck Thickerhoof's prone axe lengthwise. CLAAAK! The gigantic weapon went sliding across the cavern floor.

Startled, all eleven yaks hopped in mid-charge to avoid having their limbs lopped off.

Swish-swish-swish! The sliding axe scraped past them... and straight into a tall teetering stack of the previous week's supply crates. Smash! The mountain of wooden supplies creaked, groaned, and then toppled over onto the yaks.

The warriors shrieked into the impending shadow. CRASSSSH! Ten of them were instantly drowned in a sea of exploding splinters.

A single yak stood unscathed, shivering in fright. Swoooosh! The air whistled, forcing him to look straight up. His beady eyes reflected an incoming orange shape. "Aaaaaaaaah—!" He shrieked, his uvula flailing.

"Grrrrngh!" Flash Sentry came down with a massive right hook to the yak's face. WHACK! Blood and saliva stained the cave floor as the yak joined his squirming brethren amidst the sea of debris.

Seething, Flash Sentry spun about-face and—FWOOOOSH!—glided directly towards the hostages.

"Everypony!" Flash exhaled, hoisting the foals and chaperones up to their hooves. "Head towards the back of the cave!"

"What?!" One adult mare gasped. "B-but that's past the rope barrier!" She frowned. "Are you nuts?! You'll get us all killed—"

Flash yanked her by the shoulder. "Shut the hell up!" He clenched his teeth. "And do what I tell you!"

Thwissssssh! Chtinkkk! A spear embedded into a wooden crate beside them.

The chaperone shrieked and galloped away, fleeing past the roped barrier while Flash Sentry spun around.

One yak had climbed out of the mess. While his companions struggled to stand up, he gripped another spear and held it over his head. "Going to feed puny pony his feathers through a straw!" With a grunt, the yak threw the second spear like a javelin.

Thwissssssssh—!

Without a second's hesitation, Flash yanked loose the spear beside him and swung it like a cricket back. "Grfff!" Clank! He miraculously deflected the yak's weapon. Then, within the same breath, the pegasus spun his whole body in mid-air, flinging the remains of the first spear back.

Swoooosh!

The yak warrior easily side-stepped the javelin. "Haah! Feather pony throws like a sissy mule—" Next came Flash's helmet, hitting the yak's face dead center. CLAAAANG! "AAAUGH!"

FWOOOSH! Flash Sentry sailed straight towards him with both hooves drawn together. "Rrrrr-RAAAUGH!" He uppercutted the yak so hard that three bloodied teeth sailed through the air above.

Thwump! The yak's body dropped like a sack of meat. Flash Sentry hovered in the air above him, heaving. Schiiiing! At the tell-tale sound of a dragged axe, Flash looked up.

Wincing, Damn Thickerhoof had recovered. He marched angrily towards the pegasus with a limp, hissing the entire way. Ten more yaks joined the leader's side.

Flash glared back. With a grunt, he kicked the bleeding yak at his side—just because he could—and then flew off in an orange-and-blue streak, catching up to the fleeing hostages.

"GET THEM!" Damn shouted, pointing with his axe. "CRUSH THEM! FEED ME THEIR GUTS!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The entire squad of militants charged with a blood-curdling scream, sending thunderous echoes throughout the chamber.

"Go! Go!" Flash Sentry flew alongside the schoolfoals and chaperone. He weaved his way in and out of the stalagmite forest, panting for breath as he guided them along. "Careful! Don't touch any of the rocks!"

"Where are we going?!" yelped a foal.

"Trust me!" Flash picked up a foal under each arm and hurried them along. "Everything's going to be okay!"

"I swear..." An adult mare hyperventilated as their group approached a reflective wall of mirroring surfaces. "If you get any of these children slaughtered, it's on your Captain's head—"

"In here!" Flash exclaimed, dropping two foals off besides a dark alcove set within the wall of the cave. "Everypony! Inside now!"

"We c-can hardly fit—!" a chaperone complained.

"Do it or you'll be fitting just nicely in a casket!" Flash barked.

"No caskets will be necessary, glue sticks!"

The hostages shrieked, clinging to one another.

Flash spun around, placing himself in front of them.

The yaks had cornered the ponies. Damn Thickerhoof leaned against his axe with a hairy smirk while his companions shook with bloodthirtsy anger. "There is nowhere to go, stupid ponies. And once I get ahold of you... they'll be shipping your remains in bottles to the halls of the Crystal Empire..." His beady eyes flickered red. "Right as they receive the Yakyakistani proclamation of WAR!"

The other militants roared with fury.

Flash stood his ground, eyes narrowing.

"So what will it be, hmmm?" Damn Thickerhoof took the first of many threatening steps across an array of crystalline rock formations. "Shall I start with the children first?"

Flash didn't say a word. Instead, he pivoted his entire body and bucked a single stalagmite with a grunt.

Damn Thickerhoof scuffled to a stop, his eyebrow arched curiously. Just then... a distant rumbling rose in thunderous cadence. The rumbling then turned into a tremor... and finally into a violent earthquake.

The yaks looked around nervously.

At last, a slice of color caught Thickerhoof's attention. He looked behind his buddies at a line of rope—beside which there stood a bright yellow sign with the image of a stalagmite in red. Gasping, he looked straight up as the first of several crystalline shards fell upon his brow.

"Go!" Flash hissed, shoving the rest of the hostages into the sheltered alcove. "Huddle together!"

A violent rain of heavy stalagtites plummeted from the cave ceiling... burying the militants entirely. There was a brief, high-pitched shriek and then—SMASSSSSSSSSSH!—Thickerhoof and his gang disappeared beneath a thick carpet of crystal shards. A wave of glass-like powder flew in a cloud across the floor of the cave.

"Get down!" Flash covered as many foals as he could with his body. They yelped in fright, clinging to him as—

FWOOOOOSH!

—darkness enveloped the tense scene.

Sweet'n'Sour

Outskirts of Ponyville – Night

Creaaaaak.

A fake tree-stump outside of downtown Ponyville lifted up like a trap door. An earth pony and a rhinoceros emerged under blossoming starlight.

"Honestly, Betsy?" Bon Bon stepped out of the makeshift passage first, gazing all around for any signs of observers. "Do you think it's a safe idea?"

"Nothing safe about S.M.I.L.E., Sweetie Drops," Betsy grunted as she trotted out behind her. "Never was and never will be. If you don't like the risks, then don't show up. It's only an invitation. My invitation."

"I'm not scared of the repercussions to myself," Bon Bon said. Once both stood outside, she slapped a hidden switch and the tree stump lowered back down, obscuring the tunnel to the Sweetie Hole. "I just don't want to throw a wrench in whatever's being planned for the League. Who knows what will happen if I rub Horizons the wrong way."

"Look, there ain't no official rebuke on behalf of that three-legged unicorn," Betsy huffed, waving her horn in the starlight. "And—honestly—I don't think she could get rid of you if she wanted to. You're the daughter of Chief Agent Sugar Cane. You're basically League royalty."

Bon Bon folded her forelimbs. "Lyra's the one with the 'princess' fetish. Not me." Her eyes narrowed. "I just wonder if I can even make a difference at this point."

"Look at it this way." Betsy trotted until her beady eye narrowed on Bon Bon up close. "You're as sincere as it gets, girl. That's why I came to you during all of this nonsense. S.M.I.L.E. needs to stay grounded. You said it yourself. There's a helluva lotta change going on in Ponyville. But the League's always kicked ass by staying regular. Whatever Horizons is planning—or whatever is being planned by those now in control of her—we need you around as a symbol of what we stand for... for both our past successes and our future badassitries."

Bon Bon shuddered. "You r-really think my being around is going to help, huh?"

"Absolutely. Question is." Betsy tilted her horn—and head—aside. "Do you still think you've got what it takes to be League material?" She waved a stumpy leg towards the night skyline of Ponyville. "All of this prissy pony village stuff is super comfy for sure. But there are still monsters out there. And... far worse than that..."

Bon Bon gulped. "Chrysalis."

"It's been a year, Sweetie Drops. We would have kicked that sorry Queen's thorax if it weren't for the dayum Bug Bear. But it's been over twelve months since the incident in Canterlot—plenty of time for the changeling bitch to regain her strength and launch a full-scale attack on Equestria from the inside. And what better an organization to choke-handle from the start than S.M.I.L.E.?"

Bon Bon sighed.

Betsy rested a hoof on her shoulder—a remarkably gentle gesture for her. "Look. I can tell you're really enjoying yourself here in Ponyville. I'm not asking you to give all that shit up... especially if you're a mare who's in love now. And let's face it, babe... you are in love."

Bon Bon gulped. "I loved my dad t-too," she squeaked.

"And I'm sure the old stallion would tip his hat to you either way. But this League is about to be reborn and I'm not sure I'm totally on board with what it's about to become. Just show up once, Sweetie Drops. That's all I ask you. Haze and Sharp Quill will be there. We'll have your back as much as you'll have ours. And if the presence of all of us together brings a weird grimace to Horizons' face, then we'll know that something's up. If not... well... who knows."

Bon Bon brushed her manes aside. "...when and where?"

"I'll let you know when I find out. Until then, stay frosty." Betsy threw the dual trenchcoats over her figure and marched off into the shadowy forest. "Just... not too frosty. All that sugar you work with these days is gonna give you a diabetic enema... swear to Luna tits..."

And the rhinoceros disappeared—as only that one particular rhinoceros could do.

"Mrmmmfff..." Bon Bon pivoted around, rubbing her head. "I need a drink." And she shuffled on home.

Ponyville – Residential District – 485 Faust Lane – Front Stoop

Bon Bon trotted up the cobblestone sidewalk to her two-story house. Her eyes reflected dim windows and even dimmer porch lamps.

"Hmmmm... Lyra's not home yet..." She arched an eyebrow. "Or maybe she is home but has decided to crash early?" A tired smile hung off her fuzzy face. "Lazy sleepyhead."

Just as she reached the front door, she froze upon a curious sight. An envelope had been stuck between the grooves of the doorframe. Grasping the item, Bon Bon raised it to her eyes. It took a bit of effort, but she was finally able to read the gold-embossed words etched onto the surface of the envelope.

"'To Lyra Heartstrings from... Princess Twilight Sparkle...?'" Bon Bon lowered the envelope, gazing forward with her muzzle agape. "Now... why would the Princess want to see Lyra?"

"Maybe because she's starting a war with old friends as we speak," rasped a voice from behind.

"!!!" Bon Bon slapped her hoof over a single brick of the stoop. Plink! A secret stone compartment flipped open, spring-launching a hidden crowbar. Clutch! Bon Bon grabbed it and spun around with the makeshift weapon held high. Upon seeing a regular pony's frowning muzzle, she slumped in place, panting.

"Wow, Bon Bon," Lemon Hearts muttered. "Jumpy, much?"

"Lemon Hearts...?" Bon Bon slumped against the stoop of her house. She caught her breath, gulped, and stammered: "What in Equestria are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Canterlot?"

"I'm not the only one," Lemon Hearts grunted, standing tall and stiff in the starlight. "Tell me... what story did she craft for you this time?"

"Huh? Story?" Bon Bon squinted. "Who are you talking about?"

"Don't play stupid, Bon Bon," Lemon Hearts hissed. "You and I both know that there's only one reason... one silly, selfish reason why I would be here..."

"You... you mean Lyra?" Bon Bon blinked, then frowned. "Come on, Lemon Hearts... are we going to go through this again?"

"I didn't elect to be here in Ponyville at this time of night by my own choosing, I can tell you that much, Bon Bon."

"Stop being so hard on Lyra..." Bon Bon slid the crowbar back into its niche and slapped the stone panel shut. "She's come around! Honest! I mean... she's attending the therapy sessions now, isn't she?"

"You mean like the one she was completely absent at today?" Lemon Hearts rasped.

Bon Bon squinted. "Don't be ridiculous! She left on the train to Canterlot this morning."

"Yeah. Uh huh. Only she totally skipped out on the all-important meeting with Minuette's and Twinkleshine's therapist. Notice how I call him their therapist? Only because Lyra's skipped out so many times in a row that she might as well be a complete stranger at this point!"

"But..." Bon Bon gulped. "She told me she would sign in..."

"She promised you that, did she?" Lemon Hearts smiled bitterly. "Well, she certainly did sign in at the front office!" A savage blink. "Only to sign back out seconds later!"

Bon Bon stared off in dull silence.

"You know, Bon Bon..." Lemon Hearts sat in place, huffing. "At first, when Lyra moved to Ponyville and made such a nice friend in you—I had hopes. Seriously... I had high and mighty hopes that she was starting to heal from all that crap that happened to her in Canterlot. But I've come to embrace the bitter reality of the situation. You... Ponyville... and everything else that your... friendship here in this town stands for is just a crutch... a very unhealthy crutch for a very unhealthy pony. Sure, she might smile and skip and giggle and act like everything's just fine... but we both know that deep down inside that mare is a tortured soul who still hasn't recovered from what took place in Canterlot."

"That's n-not true." Bon Bon pointed. "Lyra's managing nicely! She's having less panic attacks! She... she's working on her music—"

"And just how is that 'career' treating her, huh?!" Lemon Hearts sneered. "Is she still throwing herself thoughtlessly at one performance gig after another?! Only to end up with egg on her face? Heheh... certainly sounds like the 'Lyra that we know.'" She frowned. "I dunno about you, but I'm sick and tired of this 'Lyra that we know.' I want my old friend back... and ever since the wedding in Canterlot, I can't help but feel like she's being held hostage. First by Queen Chrysalis... and now by you."

"Hey..." Bon Bon shook angrily. "...all I've ever done is protect Lyra and nurse her back to health."

"Back to health, huh?" Lemon Hearts nodded bitterly. "And what about her commitment to her friends? How about the promise she made to Minuette and Twinkleshine months ago that she keeps on breaking month after month? You think she's just being dishonest and mean to the likes of us? Mares who have known her for her entire life? She's being just as dishonest and careless to you, Bon Bon. You're just too blindly trusting to know it... and Lyra's already taking advantage of such faith."

"It's... it's not that bad... r-really..." Bon Bon nevertheless grimaced, avoiding Lemon Hearts' angry glare. "She's happier now... saner... calmer... because of our friendship."

"And I'm sure Lyra's father said the same thing of her mother," Lemon Hearts muttered. "And we all know how that turned out."

At that, Bon Bon's blood went cold. She trotted forward until she was nearly hissing in Lemon Hearts' muzzle. "That... was uncalled for."

"You say that now..." Lemon Hearts stood her ground. "...but will you be so dismissive when all of this blows up in your face? And trust me, Bon Bon, it will blow up." She slowly shook her head. "You haven't been with Minuette and Twinkleshine every step of the way like I have. What happened over a year ago still tears them apart from the inside out. There's no way... no conceivable way that Lyra could be any better. All of her selfish absences aren't just tearing her best friends apart... but they're sinking her deeper and deeper into her own abysmal state of mind. And I care too damned much for her to end up just like her parents... even if she's made no attempts on her own to honor our feelings."

Bon Bon gulped. "Just... j-just what do you want f-from me, Lemon Hearts?"

"You wanna be her best friend? Fine. Good. Be her best friend," Lemon Hearts huffed. "Learn to let her go. Remove the crutch so she can learn to trot on all fours again." Taking a deep breath, Lemon Hearts backtrotted. "There's a therapy retreat in Appleloosa seven days from now. Dr. Shrinkenfurter has suggested that everypony in the group go to attend for a two-week period of intense meditation and emotional relaxation. This includes Lyra."

"You... you want her to go with you and the rest?" Bon Bon muttered.

"Very very good, Bon Bon. And who says candy-makers can't think outside of the bread box?" Lemon Hearts paused at the gate to the house's front lawn. "Seven days from now, the three of us will be making a brief stop here in Ponyville to wait for the next train to Appleloosa. If Lyra joins us—as she should—then I know you will have done the right thing."

"And... and if she doesn't?"

"Well..." Lemon Hearts trotted off. "...since you're her 'best friend,' then you can tell her yourself that she won't be welcome in Canterlot ever again." And with a cold swish of her tail, she was gone.

Bon Bon stood alone on the front stoop. Slowly—with each fuming breath—she bore an iron-wrought frown. "Mrmmmmfff..." She glanced at the white envelope in her grasp; it had become crumpled in the crook of her angry fetlock. "Where is that damnable unicorn?"

Derpfall

Ponyville – Downtown – An Hour Later

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!"

Derpy Hooves descended with her chariot in tow. All four hooves touched down on mixed grass and dirt, scuffling to a twenty-foot stop.

"Safe!" The pegasus giggle-snorted. Relaxing her wings, she turned and gazed at the wagon behind her. "Get it?! Like an umpire! Heeheehee!" Her eyes raked opposite horizons above a warm smile. "Or maybe you don't play hockey."

"Guaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..." A sickly, greener unicorn whimpered from where she huddled in the back of the chariot. "Grnnnghlllghl... I hate flying..."

"You okay there, Lauren?" Derpy Hooves unhitched herself from the riggings and trotted around the wagon. "I'm sure things got a teensy bit wobbly around the seventh time I circled the windmill. I'm sorry about that by the way. Heheheh... but it's not my fault the windmill blades and the horizon look so similar at night." Her gray muzzle scrunched. "They should really color those fans orange or something. But... guess not much hunting goes on in Ponyville... what with most of us being talking animals and all..."

One hoof at a time, Lyra pulled herself up to the edge of the chariot. Her ears drooped as she swallowed lumps of bile down her throat. "Did you r-really have to... spin the wagon so much?"

"Spin?" Derpy blinked, her eyes rolling and rolling. "What do you mean, spin?"

"Eugh... never mind..." Lyra struggled to pick up her saddlebags. "I... uhm... I-I threw up a few times..." She winced. "Okay... more than a few times."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I... I-I think I actually filled up seven jars with barf." Lyra grimaced at the thought. "They were full of useless dirt, so I emptied them all. I r-really didn't want to get vomit on your wagon."

"You should have told me you were feeling queasy, Lauren! Heehee..." Derpy pointed. "You could have used the paper bag!"

"Paper bag?"

"Yeah! For this route, I had it tucked away beside the seven bottles of highly expensive magic enchantment dust I'm delivering!"

"... ... ..." Lyra glanced at the jars, then back at Derpy. "... ... ...you don't say?"

"Mmmhmmm!"

"Uhm... wh-where's all that dust being delivered to, exactly?"

"Detrot!"

"Ah. Well. I can live with that." Lyra slipped on her saddlebag and climbed out of the chariot. "Thanks for the ride, Miss Hooves—CRAP!" Thud! She fell out of the wagon and landed flat on her muzzle, her butt sticking in the air. "... ... ...what do I owe you?"

"Heehee! Just your 'thanks' will do!"

"No, seriously..." Lyra sat up, still wobbling. "I feel like I've b-been super rude to you... n'stuff." She sniffled. "I really needed this ride back to Ponyville. So how can I make it up to you?"

"It's fiiiiiine, Lauren! Besides...!" Derpy trotted gaily around the wagon, straightening her packages. "Once I begin my new entrepreneurial venture, I'll be riding a mountain of golden bits into the world of the high life!"

"You mean... you d-don't just deliver stuff for a living?"

"Noperooni!" Yellow eyes twirled happily in the darkness. "I also sell muffins... run a pawn shop... offer discount repair services... and print wedding invitations!" She gasped. "Why... the last wedding invitations worked out so well that it led to the most awesome ceremony in Ponyvillean history!" Smiling teeth gleamed in the starlight. "Squee! So that gave me the bright idea of setting up a counselor's office upstairs in my shop!"

"Oh?" Lyra stood up, brushing herself off. "For what? Career planning?"

"No... Love Counseling!" Derpy Hooves squealed again. "If I could help Cranky and Matilda tie the knot, then I can help anypony! Heehee! It's been many years, but I think I just now found my super special talent! I mean... it can't be any coincidence that I have a buncha floaty hearts for a cutie mark!"

"Uh..." Wincing, Lyra glanced at the bubbles adorning Derpy's flank. "Miss Hooves, I hate to break it to you, but..."

"Hmmmm?" Spinning eyes looked past Lyra on either side.

Lyra sighed, then put on a tired smile. "...never mind. Best of luck, Miss Hooves." A gulp. "As if you'll need it..."

"Heeeeey! Thanks for the confidence!" Derpy made to pat Lyra on the back—only to punch her with a right hook. WHAM! "You know, you're one of the first ponies who's ever bothered to believe in me!"

"Guhhh... h-hey... what can you say?" Lyra hobbled back to her hooves, rubbing her jaw. "You... uh... y-you really know how to hit it home." She winced. "Goddess..."

"You should come up and see me at the office sometime!" Derpy said, grinning. "Since you've been so nice, I'll make the first consultation free!" She squinted in opposite directions with a sly smirk. "Any lucky stallion you've had your eyes set on? Hmmmm? I bet I could hook the two of you together like drool on muffin batter!"

"Thanks... but no thanks, Derpy." Lyra hobbled off. "It's been a crazy thirteen months, and... to be perfectly honest..." Her amber eyes briefly lit up. "...the last stallion who ever caught my fancy was a complete stranger... not to mention completely out of my league." Her dreamy sigh deflated halfway through the exhalation. "Best to let heroes be, after all..."

"Hey! Suit yourself!" Derpy shrugged as Lyra trotted away. "There's plenty of sea in the fish... wait." A few blinks. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's how it goes." Humming to herself, she turned to rummage through the chariot. Half-a-minute later, she emerged, holding up a jar sloshing with a slimy substance. "Huh... I don't remember storing any guacamole on this trip." She glanced at the back of the wagon. "Whoah! Seven whole jars! Ha-HA! And they say you can't make business with Mexicolt!"

485 Faust Lane – Lyra and Bon Bon's Home – Front Living Room

Creaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak...

A sliver of starlight bled through the room as the front door slowwwwwwly opened. Lyra Heartstrings poked her head in. Biting her lip, she looked left.

Shadows.

Pensively, she looked right.

Darkness.

With a relieved sigh, the mare trotted the rest of the way in, closing the door behind her.

"Good," she muttered into the emptiness of the room. Her tired hoofsteps carried her forward. "She must be asleep—"

Click!

The living room flooded with lamplight.

"Now why would that be, Lyra?"

Lyra winced, squinting into the brightness.

A peach mare came into focus, reclining in an easy chair with her hoof to a lightswitch. Bon Bon glared coldly across the room. "Just how can a pony sleep when she's got so much on her mind?"

"Heeeeeeeey! B-Squared!" Lyra chuckled breathily. She gulped and struck a pose. "I'm back from Canterlot!"

"Awful late for a return trip, hmmm?"

"Yes, well..." Lyra rubbed the back of her mane. "The... uh... train got held up. There were... erm... zebras! Yes! Zebras protesting all over the train station. Y'know... Striped Lives Matter?"

Bon Bon's brow furrowed.

"What, too relevant?" Lyra rolled her eyes. "I'm just pulling your tail, Bon Bon. I don't know why the train got held up like it was. This is Equestria, after all. We're lucky the trains don't run into hydras and power-hungry centaurs on the hour every hour." Sighing, she shuffled off towards her room. "Now, if you don't mind, it's been a stupidly long day and I need a good soak—"

"There was only one train that left for Ponyville from Canterlot today," Bon Bon droned. "And it arrived over an hour ago."

"Hah! That's ridiculous!" Lyra spun to grin at her roommate. "Don't you think I'd be home by now if that was the case?"

"No, because Lemon Hearts was," Bon Bon said. "And she told me that you didn't show up at the therapy session today."

Lyra blinked, her smile fading. "Lemon... Hearts...?"

Bon Bon's eyes stabbed like blue daggers. "You lied to me, Lyra." She spat. "Again."

Lyra's eyes rolled. "Hoy vay..." She slumped back against the wall, folding her forelimbs. "This is going to be fun..."

Lyra Drama Strings

Lyra and Bon Bon's Home – Sigh O'Clock

"So what's the excuse this time, huh?" Bon Bon grumbled, sitting on the edge of their sofa and glaring at Lyra with a frown and a half. "You got sick on the way to Schrinkenfurter's office? You got mauled by dogs? A parasprite infestation ate your mane and you had to buy a wig?"

"Uhhhh..." Lyra teetered left and right on her fetlocks, fidgeting. "Can I take the physical challenge?"

"Lyraaaa." Bon Bon gnashed her teeth. "This is serious."

"I'll say." Lyra arched an eyebrow. "Did Lemon Hearts really come all the way to Ponyville just to rat me out?"

"That and other things. That's not the issue here."

"Says you. Yeesh, Lemony..." Lyra blew out the side of a bitter smirk. "There's being a female dog... and then there's scampering twenty miles away to bury a bone and dig it right back up."

"She cares about her friends, Lyra," Bon Bon said firmly. "She cares about you."

"And I respect that!" Lyra's voice cracked. "I really do! But... like..." She grimaced, brushing a hoof over her mane. "Can't she learn a new tune, already?! I'm pretty sure I've made it abundantly clear how I feel about Dr. Stinkenfarter."

"These therapy sessions are to help you emotionally cope with the trauma you went through over a year ago!"

"By doing what?! Running it into the ground?" Lyra paced across the room and leaned against the wall. "You're never there to listen to all of that mental medical malarky, B-Squared. Stinkenfarter's a total bit-digger: rambling on and on in circles... devouring our time with pointless exercises... milking poor anxious ponies for all their money's worth!"

"Don't you think you're being hyperbolic?" Bon Bon's muzzle twisted. "The stallion's a medically trained professional!"

"The Wonderbolts are trained professionals," Lyra retorted. "And they give ponies their money's worth in fifty minute air shows!"

"Lyra, it's not the same," Bon Bon said, her voice turning breathy and compassionate. "What you and your two friends went through was horrific. And you can't patch all of that up overnight!" She waved a hoof. "It takes time and—most of all—patience."

"It's more than 'patience' that pays that skull-slicer's head, lemme tell ya."

"Okay. Fine. I get it." Bon Bon folded her hooves as her face returned to a frown. "You don't dig psychiatrists. Hell, that's only natural in this day and age. But what might seem flippant and pointless to you is immensely important to your friends."

"Yeah." Lyra genuinely winced. "Kinda sucks to be them..."

"So that's it, then?!" Bon Bon gestured wildly. "You're just going to conveniently forget that promise you made... to your friends... ages ago when Lemon Hearts first suggested therapy in the first place?"

"Nnnnngh..." Lyra face-hoofed with an exasperated sigh. "Here we go..."

"Is it coming back to you now?" Bon Bon raised a sharp eyebrow. "Or did you never forget it in the first place?" She pointed. "You promised Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts that you would be there for them through the whole process! You would be their shoulder to lean on! And—you know what? If you don't feel the need to take stock in the Doctor's advice, then so be it! Take that as a sign of strength and progress! The next step, then, is to utilize that strength and help show your support for Minuette and Twinkleshine! Because—heh... Celestia knows... Lemon Hearts can't support them all on her own!"

"Boy, ain't that the truth," Lyra smirked bitterly. "Every time I see her, it's like she's eaten razor blades for breakfast and enjoys nothing better than belching them back out at me. That mare seriously needs to lighten up!"

"Then help her, Lyra!" Bon Bon exclaimed. "Be her friend! Be their friend! What happened to them happened to you as well! Don't... don't pretend to be some emotional stone that's immune to absorbing and releasing the feelings of others around you! I know it might seem uncomfortable at times, but wouldn't you want Minuette and Twinkleshine to do the same for you?"

"Only they don't need to do the same for m-me!" Lyra squawked. "Going to those sessions might seem run-of-the-mill for those mares, but it's torture for me, Bon Bon! And I don't see them getting much help out of it either! All we do is sit around and smell each other's farts until the timer's up and the doctor's bit bag has gotten fatter! Beats the Tartarus out of me why Lemon Hearts thinks there's any progress to be made in these regularly scheduled absurdities. So... y'know..." Lyra fumbled. "Today... I just... uh... decided to take c-control of my time and do something for me and my music career! Ha! How's that for self-affirmation?!"

"Oh Lyra..." Bon Bon face-hoofed. "Don't tell me... this was another desperate attempt to perform a music gig?"

"Yeah?" Lyra folded her forelimbs. "So what?"

Bon Bon lowered her hoof, frowning. "Alright. So tell me." She cocked her head aside with a sarcastic smirk. "Just how did it go?"

"... ... ..." Lyra blinked.

"Hmmm?" Bon Bon tilted her head to the other side. "I'm waiting." A breath. "Did you make lots and lots of bits? Impress a record dealer? Brush elbows with any other famous lyre instrumentalits?"

"I... got... s-some exposure!" Lyra smiled cheekishly.

Bon Bon stared.

With a cough, Lyra sputtered: "Imayhavegottenthrownoutofalittlefoal'sbirthdayparty."

"Did you earn any bits, at least?"

Lyra could only wince.

"So... in other words..." Bon Bon huffed. "You lied through your teeth to me about going to the therapy session... completely blew your friends off at the office... and couldn't even manage to squeeze some profit or notoriety from the whole kerfluffle?"

"That's not entirely true." Lyra smiled crookedly. "I did throw up in the party host's kitchen sink."

"Ugh... Lyraaaa..."

"What? That's something she'll remember me by! Stranger events have led to ponies becoming popular! You've ever read Sapphire Shores' autobiography? Lemme tell you... that mare briefly went by another 'S' word due to a cloudy performance at a Mexicolt barbecue."

"Lyra..."

"Heh... and they say that Starswirl the Bearded discovered the 'brown note.' Uh uh."

"Did you actually ditch your best friends just so you could fail at a birthday party and vomit in a stranger's kitchen?"

"Not like I m-meant for it to happen!" Lyra sputtered. "They made me play 'Itsy Bitsy Spider'—" Just then, Lyra's pupils shrank. She shivered in place.

Bon Bon blinked. "Lyra...?"

"Uhm..." Lyra swallowed a rising column of bile down her throat and stumbled towards the kitchen. "Whew... it's hot in here."

"You had a panic attack, didn't you?!"

"Think I could use a cold bottle of Dr. Pony!" Lyra hurried.

Bon Bon hurried after her. "See! This is exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about!"

"I'm a Pony... she's a Pony... don't you wanna be a Pony too?"

"Lyra, get back here!" Bon Bon frowned, stomping with each step. "We're not done talking!"

Bon and Circumstance

With magic, Lyra opened the fridge, whipped out a cold bottle of soda, and held it to her forehead. "Taaaaaaaaake me away, carbonation..."

"Lyraaaaa..." Bon Bon stood angrily in the kitchen doorway, glaring at her. "You told me that you had gotten over your anxiety over insects and spiders."

"And I have!" Lyra sipped some Dr. Pony. "For the most part!" She sipped again. "Just... so long as I'm not looking at them!" A third... slower sip. "...or hearing them or thinking about them... or being forced to perform spontaneous musical performances about them at a five year old's foalday party." A beat. She belched hard.

Bon Bon huffed. "So... what is this, a relapse?" Her brow furrowed. "Or have you simply been lying to me every time you've claimed to be feeling better about the past?"

"It's been a year, Bon Bon." Lyra stifled another burp and looked over the soda bottle at her. "Shouldn't I be getting better?"

"We're ponies, Lyra. Not robots." Bon Bon shook her head. "You can't be expected to get better by any form of metric or scale. If you're still dealing with panic attacks, I want you... I need you to tell me!"

"Yes... yes... I get it," Lyra groaned.

"Next thing we know, you'll be hallucinating changelings in public again."

Lyra's muzzle instantly scrunched. She tried pivoting to face the other end of the kitchen...

...but it was too late. Bon Bon saw it. "Lyraaaa... what happened?"

"N-nothing! I... uh... I ditched the foalday party, wandered around, caught a pegasus carriage home..."

"You didn't... see anything out of the ordinary, did you?"

"Pffft... it's Canterlot, Bon Bon. Not the Royal National Convention."

"No delusional visions of changelings or other hallucinations?"

"For crying out loud! No!" Lyra frowned. "I did not envision a changeling staring at me from across the train station—" She immediately winced.

"Oh Goddess..." Bon Bon face-hoofed. "...why don't I just put a bell on you and come running everytime it jingles?"

"Look, it's no big deal!" Lyra's voice cracked. "Didn't we agree on this before?"

"No, Lyra." Bon Bon stepped towards her. "What we agreed on before was that you were hallucinating the presence of changelings in random locations. But we didn't come to that understanding easily." Her blue eyes narrowed. "You fought tooth and hoof to try and convince me that the changelings you saw were real."

"Isn't that the sort of sensation somepony gets when they witness something 'real?'"

"So now you're saying that you're convinced a real changeling looked at you at the train station today?"

"I-I'm just saying it felt as real as the one I saw at the wedding!"

"Celestia on a bike, Lyra!" Bon Bon held a hoof over her chest. "I'm surprised you're not in the Canterlot Hospital tonight! Wearing a strait jacket!"

"Oh please..." Lyra rolled her eyes and chugged more of the Dr. Pony. "Mrmmmff... urp... you make it sound way worse than it really is."

"What can possibly be worse than hallucinating monstrous ponies constantly stalking you!"

"Let's flip the mirror around for a bit!" Lyra smiled crookedly. "Just for humor's sake!" She gestured. "What if every changeling I've spotted since the Canterlot Wedding has been real?"

"I'd be hating myself super hard," Bon Bon droned. "For shirking my duties as a professional monster hunter."

"Boy wouldn't that plunk a feather in your porridge!"

"But all of my devices, senses, and experience for tracking down changelings hasn't alerted me to their presence even once!"

"Isn't that sort of the point?" Lyra squinted. "I mean... they're changelings..."

"They're a bunch of creepy punks who got lucky once in our age, Lyra," Bon Bon said. "Since then, Celestia and Luna have utilized special magical leylines all across Equestria to detect their presence within a micrometer of accuracy!"

"Yeah? Well, if that's true, then how come you still keep a bunch of fancy changeling-detecting gadgetry underground somewhere?" Lyra waved a hoof. "What do you call it again—the 'Sweaty Hole?'

Bon Bon frowned. "It takes more than dependence on alicorns to be constantly vigilant—yes. I agree. But I've been watchful over you and Ponyville for over a year, Lyra. If there was a changeling presence here in this town—or anywhere in Equestria, for that matter—I swear to you that I would know about it! And if not me, than my friends would!"

"Yeah? And what if you and your friends are wrong, B-Squared?" Lyra's eyes narrowed. "What guarantee do any of us have then?"

"Lyra..." Bon Bon sighed, folding her forelimbs. "What is a more realistic and simple scenario?" She clenched her jaws. "That Queen Chrysalis has been sending spies out at random to hang out among the equine populace—invisible to everypony but completely insectoid in appearance to you and you alone... or that you've simply been recognizing benign patterns as signs of changeling presence due to the personal trauma that you've experienced?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Lyra gulped. "...could it be both?"

"Alright, then. Let's say that this is something that really happened! There you were at the Canterlot train depot! Completely minding your own business! When—lo and behold—a changeling showed up! Stared at you! Gawked at you!" Bon Bon cocked her head to the side. "What would a sane pony do when confronted with such an obvious threat to her and those around her?"

"I... uh..." Lyra gulped, sweating suddenly. "I-I guess I would tell somepony about it. Loudly—to get their attention—if need be."

"And did you do this?"

Lyra bit her lip. Ultimately, she hung her head. "No."

"And why not?"

Lyra sighed out the side of her muzzle. Her bottle of Dr. Pony hung half-empty in her grip.

Bon Bon leaned forward. "Perhaps... it's because you know... deep down inside... that you have a problem, Lyra? A problem that needs fixing?"

"Yeah... well..." Lyra muttered, frowning. "These Stinkenfarter visits ain't gonna help that."

"And how do you know that?!" Bon Bon flung a hoof through the air. "What logical, rational explanation do you have to prove that regular therapy won't help you confront these issues and more healthily process them?!"

"Because I'm... n-not a total nutcase like Minuette or Twinkleshine!" Lyra exclaimed, her voice rising to match Bon Bon's. "I have crud that I need to get done! It's hard enough as it is getting noticed as a musician in Equestria! I d-don't need all of this... psychiatry crap holding me back!"

"Oh yeah?" Bon Bon glared. "Because you're not exactly doing a bang-up job at the pace you've chosen!"

"Because I keep having to juggle all of this stuff that you and Lemon Hearts are burdening me with!"

"You mean you keep having to lie to us like we're the opposite of your friends!"

"Bon Bon, friends don't treat other friends like broken wagon wheels! Have a little faith in me!"

"I do have faith in you, Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted. "I've had so much faith in you that I hardly even remember what my old life was like! And if you feel like I've treated you like a broken object—I apologize! But I've done everything that I've done—each and every day that I've done it—to protect you! Don't you realize that, Lyra?! Don't you understand that... that I want the best for you?! That I want you to be safe?!"

"But Bon Bon..." Lyra moaned. "Being 'safe' kills me!"

Bon Bon opened her muzzle. Her ears drooped and her coat paled slightly. Then... fighting back a foalish tremor like the young daughter she once was, she eventually muttered in a low voice: "I'm sorry you feel that way, Lyra. Really, I am. But if being safe kills you... then being endangered will bury you. Believe me. There're are worse things in Equestria... way worse things than hallucinations or a stumbling music career."

Lyra bit her lip, avoiding Bon Bon's gaze... shaking slightly.

Bon Bon took a deep breath. "Lemon Hearts says that she and her friends will be going on a vacation to Appleloosa to attend special therapy sessions out in the desert. It's promising to be a relaxing, tranquil experience... and it can only do a mare like you some good. They'll be here in Ponyville to catch the next train south in about seven days." She took a bold step forward, eyes narrow. "I want you going with them on that trip, Lyra. It will be good for you... it will be good for your friends... and it will be good for us." She gulped. "If you care even the slightest bit about our friendship... or the lengths that I've gone to help you get to where you want to be... then you will do us both a favor and be on that train to Appleloosa in a week. And I don't mean just to humor Lemon Hearts and then split off for parts unknown... but an honest-to-Goddess commitment to something that is healthy... something that is right." She took a shuddering breath. "Can you promise to do that for me?"

Lyra stood in place, looking off. She said nothing.

Bon Bon fumed. "Got nothing to say?" Her ears folded back. "Fine. Be silent." She stormed off across the apartment. "Goddess forbid an aspiring musician should be creative and on point for a change."

With thudding hoofsteps, she scaled the staircase, entered her bedroom, and slammed the door shut.

Lyra's eyelids lowered. With a dull sigh, she placed her bottle of soda on the kitchen counter and leaned limply against the nearby wall in dead silence.

Upstairs, in Bon Bon's room...

The mare slumped against the door, panting. She grimaced... her ears echoing with her own words. At last, her strength gave out, and Bon Bon slid down to the floor. She buried her muzzle into her forelimbs and quietly... delicately cried...

The Heartstrings

? ? ?

"Daddy!" She sobbed. She sputtered. The smoke was growing denser and denser, staining her silver-streaked bangs with soot. Trembling, the little filly shook and shook the stallion's shoulder and neck. "Daddy!"

Despite her constant struggles, the stallion lay dead still. Blood trailed down from his horn and onto the carpet. An ear twitched once... or twice... but he would not come to.

The filly coughed. An explosion of heat baked her as a chunk of wall paneling fell over. With a shriek, she looked up to see that the fire had spread to the opposite end of the room. By now, the entire apartment was crackling with flames. Wallpaper peeled and chunks of ceiling fell like ashen snow. One by one, the furniture erupted in white flashes as the blaze spread slowly to where she and her father were lying.

"Mmmmmmnnghhh!" she squealed, pulling and tugging at his tail with all her meager might. Ashes showered her blank flank and quivering limbs. After much struggle, she slumped over her father's side, wheezing into the smoke and haze. Her tearing eyes squinted across what remained of the apartment.

Far across the way... seated in a lonesome chair... a full adult mare sat dreadfully still, staring blankly ahead.

The filly saw her. "Mommy..." She resumed tugging at the stallion, hissing through clenched teeth. "Mommy, please, you have to help! Daddy's hurt bad! I... I-I don't think I can get him out in t-time!"

The mare simply sat still. She did not flinch. She did not move. Even as parts of the wall fell into burning heaps around her, she remained locked in her chair.

"Mommy...?" Straining, the filly hiccuped on a sob and slumped over her father's body once again. With a whimper, she stared across the apartment. "Mommy... please... wh-why won't you come over and help me save him?"

Icily, the mare's head turned to look at her daughter. Curtains of flame rippled above and behind her. In a calm tone, she murmured, "Because I love you, Lyra." And when her flesh caught on fire, she didn't scream.

Ponyville – 485 Faust Lane – Today

Lyra woke up with a sputtering gasp. She stared forward into the gray morning haze wafting through the living room windows. Cold sweat drenched her coat as she sat there, trembling.

Minutes passed. At last, the mare summoned the strength to crawl off the sofa. Trembling, she teetered and shambled as she made her way to the first story bathroom.

Not bothering to switch the light on, she spun the faucet knob and shoved her head beneath the trickling water. The mare gave her head and muzzle a thorough, cold soak. Then—still trembling—she stood up straight.

The mare stared at her pale reflection, dribbling with tap water. She exhaled multiple times, recollecting her nerves.

At last, after a heavy swallow, she broke her deadpan with a bittersweet frown.

"Get out of your head," she muttered to the reflection, and lingered until the smoke had cleared from her memories.

Tick! The Magic Dragon

Tick! The Magic Dragon

Ponyville – 485 Faust Lane – Morning

The door to the bathroom creaked open, venting dense steam.

Minutes later, Lyra Heartstrings trotted out, levitating a towel as she briskly dried her freshly-showered mane and coat. She shuffled about listlessly, her hooves attempting to stomp out her thoughts in migrant circles.

At last, with an exasperated groan, she tossed the towel in a random direction and marched her way up the stairs.

Lyra lingered at the end of the hallway. She bit her lip.

Far across from her, the door to Bon Bon's room lingered.

Early morning sunlight cast bright white rays against the walls of the second story interior. Dust danced in the beams.

Lyra stepped forward... fidgeted... and stepped forward again.

She approached the door to Bon Bon's room, her hoof lingering beside the frame.

She froze in place.

A sigh... and she turned around, trotting away with heavy steps.

Silence.

Minutes later, Lyra returned. She shuffled towards the door—slower this time—with her head hanging low. At last, when she reached the frame, she raised her head with a melancholic expression. With drooping ears, she reached out to knock... but daringly chose to grasp the doorknob instead.

Click.

Creaaaaaaak.

Lyra opened the door halfway. Nervously, she peered inside the room.

A fuzzy lump lay beneath the covers... slowly rising and falling with soft breaths. On the bedside table—within hoof's reach—there lay a metal grappling hook that sharply contrasted the otherwise delicate decor of the rest of the room.

Lyra exhaled with a shudder. She leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the shadows, eyes locked on the slumbering shape of her best friend.

"You're right about me," she murmured, her throat sore. "You always are." A gulp. "I... I'm sorry, Bon Bon. If... if it means so much..." A determined breath. "If it means so much to you, then I'll gladly go on th—"

Dinnng-Donnnnnng!

Lyra blinked. She slowly turned around, gazing at the bottom floor foyer beyond the stairs.

Once again, the doorbell echoed.

Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiing-Donnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng!

"Grnnngh..." Lyra rolled her eyes, backtrotted, and silently closed the door to Bon Bon's bedroom. "...that'd better be the Angel of Death."

Click!

Lyra unlocked the front door and gazed out, frowning.

"Okay, look. I gave your guys' book a try, but I couldn't get past the gratuitous sword-slaying in Chapter Four—"

A tiny purple dragon blew a golden trumpet in Lyra's muzzle.

"Guhhh!" Lyra reeled back. She shook her mane back straight and hissed, "Are you crazy?! It's morning! My roommate's trying to sl—"

"Hear ye! Hear ye!" the little whelp bowed proudly. "Her Royal Majesty Princess Twilight Sparkle's chariot has arrived for those who have been summoned!"

"Mrmmmff..." Lyra stood straight, blinking rapidly. "What in the buck?" Her muzzle twisted. "Summoning?"

"... ... ...?" Spike tilted his head back from where he was bowing with the trumpet. "Why... yes! You were summoned overnight, Miss Heartstrings!"

"I... was...?"

"Er... just one second..." Spike tossed the trumpet into mallet-space and proceeded to fish through even more nebulous vacuoles in pursuit of a piece of parchment. "I wrote it all down here somewhere..." He licked his lips with a serpent's tongue before finally procuring said-note. "Ah ha! 'Spike, please check up on Lyra to see if she's gotten my note, and while you're on your way to Sugarcube Corner... yadda yadda yadda...' Yes! Ahem...'Try to make her trip to the Castle as easy and safe as possible, should she decide to accept my invitation.'"

Lyra's brow furrowed even harder. "What invitation?"

"Behold, Miss Heartstrings, your chariot arrives—"

"Wait wait wait..." Lyra held her forelimbs out. "Hold the sound stone, Spyro."

"Uhm... it's Spike." The whelp raised an eyecrest. "Remember?"

"Barely. By the time Twilight... er... h-hatched you, she was virtually a no-show to every doughnut raid we ever did." Lyra cocked her head to the side. "Did she really get her cutie mark for bringing you out of the egg?"

"Uhhhh... kinda..." Spike cleared his throat. "It's a tad bit complicated. Look, are you getting in the chariot or not?"

"Chariot?" Lyra craned her neck. She spotted a little red wagon and did a double-take. "What the...?! Okay... what's the deal? Is this Canter Camera or—?"

"No joke! I assure you!" Spike stood up tall, puffing out his scaley little chest. "This is a most important function of the Princess of Friendship!" After that was said, he deflated slightly. "But... uhm... we h-haven't yet stocked up the Castle with servants and guards, sooooooooo thiswillhavetodofornow... eheheh..."

"Uhhhh..."

"B-but the wag—er.... chariot's comfortable! I promise! See? It's got pillows and everything!"

"I... think there's been a mistake," Lyra said. "Twilight's a friend from long-ago, and I'm super stoked that she's all... y'know..." A slight sigh. "Princessy and stuff." She gulped. "But... I think if she had summoned me, I would know it."

"You mean..." Spike tilted his spined head to the side. "...you didn't get the royal memo?"

Lyra blinked... then blinked again. She raised a mint green hoof. "Just... wait right here for a tick." And she rushed indoors.

"Tick?" Spike shrugged, then sat on his tail. "I'm pretty good at ticking!"

You've Been Adorably Invited

485 Faust Lane – Bottom Floor

Pots and pans rattled as Lyra rummaged through the kitchen. The mare sweat, licking her lips as she searched and searched the bottom floor of the apartment.

Frustrated, she twirled about with a sigh...

...and then her eyes fell upon a gold-embossed envelope sitting on an endtable besides one of the sofas.

"...!!!" She immediately rushed over, levitating the item with her magic. Using a letter opener, she sliced the envelope and procured the folded missive from within:

Dear Lyra Heartstrings,

It's me. Twilight Sparkle. Remember me from our days in school together? We used to hang out all the time in Canterlot with Lemon Hearts, Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Moondancer. Please don't be alarmed by the suddenness of this letter. I know that I'm a Princess these days and all, but that's of little importance to me. What's most important is friendship.

Not too long ago, I realized that I had been a terrible friend to the likes of you and the rest of the girls. For so long, I was rude and indifferent and inconsiderate, and I'm sorry. When I went to study friendship in Ponyville, I left my closest friends behind in Canterlot, which is a cruel case of irony, when you think about it.

Well, since then, I have reconnected with the likes of Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, Minuette, and—most importantly of all—Moondancer, whose feelings I had hurt terribly when I took off for Ponyville. I'm very proud to say that I was eventually able to reach out to all of them, and I've since enjoyed meeting up for many a talk and munch over doughnuts in Canterlot—just like old times.

And yet, to my own dismay, I realize that I've left you, Lyra Heartstrings, completely in the dark. True, I catch glimpses of you in Ponyville from time to time. I heard you've made very good friends with the local confectioner, Bon Bon, and that pleases me to no end. But that doesn't change the fact that every time I've gone to visit my old friends in Canterlot—you've not been there. I feel bad, as though I've left you out of a very precious circle, and that is something that I wish very much to amend.

So please, Lyra Heartstrings, would you do me the favor of meeting up with me sometime? How does breakfast tomorrow at the Castle sound? No pressure, of course. It's been a long time since we last chatted, and I'm sure you've got your own priorities to attend to. If you like, we can meet up another time. Or we don't have to meet up at all. Just know that it would bring me endless joy to reconnect with you again. So much has changed since I left Canterlot, and so much in Equestria keeps changing. I fear that—as a Princess—I stand to risk keeping track of the most important thing in all the world... and that's the ponies that I love and care about.

Do think about it. I promise that you won't be disappointed.

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle, a friend and foremost, a Princess Second.

Lyra Heartstrings lowered the letter from her grasp.

She glanced left and right, fidgeting under a wave of fresh trembles.

Taking a deep breath, she neatly folded the letter, placed it on the kitchen counter... and trotted back towards the front door.

Spike busied himself, humming, drumming on his belly. As soon as he heard Lyra's hoofsteps, he spring-jumped off his tail and landed on his rear claws.

"So! Did you read the Princess' letter?"

"Uh huh..."

"Any questions?"

"Yeah. Is she high?" Lyra squinted. "Twilight Sparkle and I haven't talked in ages. She... doesn't have to feel guilty about it or anything." Lyra shrugged. "Just... y'know... life goes on."

"So..." Spike squinted. "...does this mean that you're refusing the Princess' invitation?"

"I... I-I think that if I go and see her, then I'll be adding fuel to the fire of her expectations." Lyra shrugged. "She doesn't owe me anything. It's all cool, really. I respect her and I send her the best regards."

"Oh... well... shucks..." Spike kicked at the ground, his spines drooping. "...and here she was counting on me to bring back one of her best friends..."

"Look, I'm sure she's busy as it is with having to... uh... fill her crystal Hearth's Warming Tree of a castle with all sorts of posh ponies—"

"But... what will fill the void in her heart?" Spike sniffled, his green eyes quivering. "She's been so... so stressed as of late."

"I'm... sure she's got plenty of support from her new friends. Y'know... Applejunk and Fluttershanks?"

"And... and..." Spike sniffed again, fiddling with his tail. "...sooner than later, she's going to forget the precious things... the precious things from her past that made her what she is today..."

"Spyro, for the love of—" Lyra sighed into her hoof. She eventually turned to cast a dull glance at the second story of her apartment. "... ... ...she's made breakfast and everything?"

"Mmmhmmm. Fresh and on the house."

"Buhhhhhh..." At last, Lyra shut the door behind her and climbed into the tiny wagon, hunching her adult body over. "What are we waiting for? Can't let a good invitation down."

Spike instantly brightened. Any semblance of a sob vanished behind a bright, purple grin. "Excellent! Er... I mean... ahem... Excellent!" He waddled over to the front of the wagon and hitched himself to it. "Her Royal Majesty's chariot waits for nopony!"

"But could you dial down the pomp and circumstance, please? My sides can't handle it."

But Spike was too busy grinding against the grass and soil with his claws in a futile attempt to draw the wagon forward. "Grnnnngh... just... a second..." He huffed and puffed, tail lashing. "...gotta... g-get past this rut h-here!"

"Uhm..." Lyra craned her neck. "...the Castle's just across the village. We could—y'know—walk to it in under ten minutes."

"Nonsense!" Spike huffed and puffed. "In a matter of weeks... Twilight's gonna have the place f-filled with servants! Right now... she's st-still counting on j-just me! And... I won't... let h-her... down!"

Lyra sighed, rolling her eyes. Her horn glowed, and she gave the wagon a tiny shove with her telekinesis.

Spike wheezed with relief as the wagon wheels spun evenly behind him. "Ha-hah! What did I tell you?!" Wiping the sweat from his brow, he trudged forward, pulling the wagon briskly towards its destination. "The Princess' first and foremost loyal servant won't let her down!"

"Go get 'em, Spyro."

"Spike."

"Right. Whatevever. What's in a name?"

Interview With a Dragon

Ponyville – Downtown – Morning

The wagon wheels creaked and creaked as the tiny vehicle slowwwwwwwly rolled its way through the heart of town. Spike pulled the weight almost entirely on his own. Meanwhile, Lyra Heartstrings sat back in the tiny thing—resembling an oversized green cat squatting inside a dinky sandbox on wheels. Biting her lip, she glanced to her right.

A mule drawing a full-sized carriage gawked at her in mid-trot.

Fidgeting, Lyra looked to her left.

Golden Harvest and Roseluck froze in mid-conversation, watching with scrunched muzzles.

Lyra bit her lip. "Ahem..." She leaned forward, tapping the spiney shoulder of the whelp that was drawing her across town. "Say, uh, Spartacus—"

"Spike."

"Right. Y'know... I-I can totally trot on all fours!" She smiled nervously. "Despite what the rumors may say—"

"Nonsense..." Spike wheezed, sweating and huffing as he pulled the wagon towards the crystalline spires of Twilight's castle in the distance. His pace was agonizingly slow—not that the dragon was in the presence of mind to take notice. "You and Twilight go waaaaaay back, Miss Heartstrings. It's... mrmmfff... only f-fitting that I make this... grnnngh... reunion happen as painlessly as possible!"

"Dragons must have a super masochistic view on life," Lyra droned.

"Huh..." Spike wheezed. "...funny."

"What is?"

"That word. That m-word." Spike swiped the sweat from his brow and continued tugging at the wagon's handle. "Grnnngh... every time I... tr-try and ask Twilight to define it f-for me... she just... grnnngh... makes an off-hoof joke about Rarity, blushes, and then changes the subject! Grnnngh..."

"You don't say..." Lyra gazed aside just as an orange figure streaked by.

"Tch..." Scootaloo shook her helmet head as she sped past the two on her scooter. "And I thought I was lame." Fwooooosh! The filly was gone.

Lyra huffed. "Alright. That's it." When Spike wasn't looking, she leaned over the wagon's edge and ZAPPED the front right wheel with a full blast of mana.

POW! One of the tires broke off. The entire wagon slumped into the dirt.

"Guh!" Spike lurched backwards, falling on his tail. He blinked at the loose wheel as it rotated to a dull stop. "Awwwwwwww..." His sweaty face pouted. "Not again!"

"Damn!" Lyra gasped in faux shock. "Those gopher holes show up out of nowhere, don't they!"

"You're telling me!" Spike stood up, rubbing his chin. "I'm looking as hard as I can and I can't even spot it!"

"Oh well!" Lyra hopped out of the wagon and lifted the thing—and its loose wheel—effortlessly with telekinesis. "Guess I'll just have to carry this the rest of the way and let you tow it into shop!"

"Wow... you'd really do that for me?" Spike blinked. "That's so nice of you."

"Hey..." Lyra wheezed out the side of a fragile grin. "What are fr-friends for?"

"Still..." Spike sighed, his spines drooping as he trudged along. On foot—both he and Lyra moved five times as fast as they did with him dragging the wagon. "...that really stinks. I was hoping to be a valuable chauffeur for Twilight's invited guest today."

"Well... you're... uh... being super useful!" Lyra exclaimed, shouldering the weight of the wagon on her flank.

"I am?"

"Yeah!" Lyra grinned. "You're filling me in on what Twilight Sparkle's been up to the past few... uh... y-years!"

"Huh?" Spike blinked.

"Oh... uhm... right!" Lyra cleared her throat, stammering: "...care to fill me in on what Twilight Sparkle's been up to these past few years?"

"Oh! Totally!" Spike counted off his clawed fingers as they shuffled along. "Well, first off, she became Princess Celestia's star pupil. She studied up on the spells of Starswirl the Bearded and Clover the Clever at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Then she moved to Ponyville, became the Element of Magic, and defeated Nightmare Moon all in the span of a single day. Thennnnnnn she and her best friends defeated Discord, the Lord of Chaos. Then after that, she and I helped save the Crystal Kingdom from the evil spirit of King Sombra. Twilight then invented the first new spell in eons, which transformed her into an alicorn—the Princess of Magic. Then when the Everfree Forest went crazy, she and her friends returned the Elements to the Tree of Harmony, restoring balance to Equestria. Then there was Tirek... also all that weird high school she-demon stuff beyond the mirror... mmmmm... am I forgetting anything else...? Oh yeah! Then she and I went through a crazy trans-dimensional adventure through time and space where we stopped Starlight Glimmer from maniacally destroying the fabric of reality across the multi-verse as we know it!"

Lyra stumbled in mid-step. Blinking. She had to reshuffle the weight of the wagon on her back. "That... uh... that's all, huh?"

"Eh... yeah." Spike shrugged. "Give or take a random friendship adventure. Y'know... pony flanks vibrate... the map shimmers... we go somewhere, hug a bunch of ponies, come back in time for supper." He yawned. "Rinse and repeat."

"Okay..."

"Whew! Lemme tell ya..." Spike grinned. "Being a hero can sure be tiresome! I dunno how Twilight can handle that and be a princess at the same time! That pony suuuuuure is good at multi-tasking."

"Right..." Lyra sighed, glancing aside. "I wouldn't... know anything about that..."

"How about you, Lyra?!" The whelp turned in mid-step to smile at her, his green slitted eyes sparkling. "What have you been up to all these years?"

"Me?" Lyra blinked. "Uhhhhhhhhhhh..." She blinked again. "Making music," she blurted.

"Whoah, really?" Spike's scaley dimples showed. "Cool!"

"Yeah. I think so, at least."

"So... like... how many songs have you written since you last hung out with Twilight?" He winked. "I bet you've made a whole ton of musical hits!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra sweated. Her eyes lifted up, reflecting crystalline spires. "Heh-HEYYY!" She beamed, gesturing wildly at the looming castle. "Check it out! We're here! Heheh!"

"Whoah... That was quick!" Spike blinked, then stepped up to the massive front door while fumbling for his keys. "Time flies when you're catching up with old buddies, huh, Lyra?"

"Oh... believe me..." Lyra gulped, shivering slightly while he wasn't looking. "...it doesn't fly quickly enough..."

Foyeurism

Ponyville – Twilight Sparkle's Castle – Front Foyer

Creaaaaaaak!

THUD!

The resounding echo of the front door closing pounded Lyra's ears. She winced slightly, then proceeded to gawk at the crystalline lengths of the chamber stretching around her.

"Ta-Daaaaa!" Spike smirked, waddling away from the doorframe. "Pretty swanky, huh?"

"Yeah..." Lyra gulped, her eyes travelling up, up, up the majestic height of the shiny walls. "Hillary, even."

"Just think of it as a slightly roomy apartment." Spike shuffled past her—but paused to blink at her quivering limbs. "Relax, Lyra! You've been invited by an old friend! Make yourself at home!"

"Yeah? Where, exactly?" Lyra muttered. "This place is like twelve homes in one."

"Heh... tell me about it!" Spike smirked. "You should see my room! Once upon a time, I slept in a doggy bed. Heh." He winked. "But now? These days I've got full-sized closets to store comics and white unicorn plushies!"

"White... unicorn... plushies?"

"Err... Eheheheh... Twiliiiiiiight!" Spike hollered down the nearest hallway, his voice echoing tenfold in an eerie fashion. "A certain mint green pony is here to see you!"

"Seriously, did we step into a Castle or a Coltsco Warehouse?" Lyra droned, trotting closer to the dragon. "Also, is it just my imagination, or... like... is this Castle bigger on the inside than on the outside?"

"Eh..." Spike shrugged. "I've experienced weirder things."

"Really? How can you be so nonchalant about something so freaky?"

"Twilight still hasn't fully measured this place, not that I'm holding my breath nor nothin'." Spike shrugged again. "The Castle kinda sorta... sprouted out of the ground thanks to a rainbow spell that shot out of the Tree of Harmony. So, all things considered, it's not your normal kind of house."

Lyra performed a double-take. "Wait... what did—?"

"Twiliiiiiiiiiiiight!" Spike hollered again. "You better not be making more notecaaaaards! I told you before that's a waste of paperrrrrrr!"

"Shhhhh!" Hoofsteps announced a soft-pink presence shuffling down the hall. "Honestly, Spike!" spoke a feminine voice. "I know this place looks and feels like a giant conkle shell, but show some respect to our eardrums!"

"Oh... uh.. hello!" Lyra waved with a nervous grin. Her eyes locked on the mare's mane. "You must be Rarity! I've heard so much—"

"Snnnkkkt-hahahahahaha!" Spike slapped his knee and wiped a tear from his eye. "Whewwwww... yeah. She's not Rarity. Trust me."

"Errrr..." Lyra winced. "I'm sorry. It's just that the mane—"

"Wouldn't be the first time, trust me." The unicorn smiled. "My name is Starlight Glimmer." She held a hoof out. "You must be Miss Heartstrings."

Lyra blinked. "Uhhhhh... yeahhhh..." She reluctantly shook Starlight's hoof. "...and you must be that one diabolical mare who nearly broke time and space...?"

Starlight blinked. She looked at Spike. "Just how long did it take you to escort her here?"

"Erm... eheh..." Spike rubbed the back of his neck. "...we may have had a few things to talk about." He gulped. "Just a few."

"Uh huh. Whatever." Starlight cleared her throat. "There are fresh gems on the kitchen counter. Lightly seasoned."

"Oh boy oh boy!" Spike speedily waddled off. "Breakfast!"

"Don't forget to wash the jewel dish when you're done!" Starlight called after him. Then, sighing through a smile, she turned to face Lyra. "Dragon boys. Am I right?"

"Beats the Hell outta me." Lyra cleared her throat. "So... uhm... what? Are you Twilight Sparkle's secretary-slash-cook, now?"

Starlight sighed. "Well... I have personally volunteered to facilitate the upgrade of this palace to a fully-functioning royal castle. And considering that Twilight saved me from a... mmmm... self-destructive lifestyle..." Starlight gulped. "...let's just say I owe both her and Equestria more than I can even pretend to say. So... yes..." She bore a tender smile. "I guess you could say I've stopped being a treacherous villain and embraced full secretarihood."

"Huh..." Lyra scratched her head. "...I can't tell if that's an upgrade or not."

Starlight laughed. She reached out to pat Lyra's shoulder. "I like you, Miss Heartstrings."

"Really?" Lyra's muzzle twisted. "Why?"

"Somehow, I can already tell that you're not quite as... geometric as Twilight."

"The buck is that supposed to mean?"

"That there's still some hope for the lovable princess dork yet." Starlight winked, then motioned down the hallway. "Come along." She trotted off. "Twilight's in the library, doing research on historical Equestrian vassal states."

"For real?" Lyra followed Starlight close behind. "At ten in the morning?"

"Mmmhmmm!"

"Wow... you weren't kidding." Lyra glanced up at the crystalline rooftop. "So... what would you suppose is the main task of the Princess of Dorks? To raise a giant abacus from the horizon every morning?"

Starlight Glimmer laughed.

A tiny smirk crossed Lyra's muzzle.

The Glimmering Mile

The Castle of Friendship – Because That's a Way Better Name For It – Stop Looking At Me

Lyra whistled shrilly, gazing left and right. "Wowsers. This place is really... really..."

Starlight Glimmer looked over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow. "Roomy?"

"I was gonna say abysmal." Lyra winced. "I mean... I-I guess princesses are entitled to their big glittery palaces... among other things..."

"Uh huh."

"...but every room of this place sorta feels like the toy section of Barnyard Bargains twelve hours into Buck Friday." Lyra smirked. "You know what I mean?"

"Nope." Starlight shook her head. "I'm afraid I don't."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "You don't celebrate Hearth's Warming? What are you, Donkey Orthodox?"

"No, I... lived most of my adult life on a ranch where I trapped ponies, stole their cutie marks, and forced them to live in a miniature utopia devoid of individuality and self-expression."

"Oh." Lyra fidgeted. "And Twilight's got you cooking breakfast for Spike, now?"

"Look, I know it sounds strange..." Starlight groaned. "But I'm trying my best to live a healthy, reformed life." She gulped. "After all, if Discord could do it, then so can I." Her ears folded back, and the mare squeaked: "R-right?"

"Hey..." Lyra shrugged. "Who am I to judge. You seem nice enough."

"Thanks." Starlight sighed through a tired smile. "Hearing that from another pony... means a lot."

"Well, I can tell it means a lot to you, sooooo..." Lyra glanced around. "...booyakasha, I guess." Her brow furrowed. "For realsies, though. This place is emptier than the Equestrian Games in Brayzil."

"And to be honest, none of us really understand it either," Starlight said, her voice echoing off the walls. "And by 'us,' I guess I mean Twilight and all her friends."

"And yet she doesn't mind living here?"

"Oh, it wasn't easy. Not at first." Starlight swallowed. "At least, that's what Twilight's told me." She glanced back. "For the first week this place existed, she literally went out and sought excuses to not spend the nights here. It freaked her out... just a tad... y'know?"

"If she's so uncomfortable with it, then why doesn't she just find another place to lazy her fuzzy egghead?"

"Because she's the Princess of Friendship," Starlight explained. "And more than anypony I know, Twilight respects the sacred duty that's been hoofed to her. It's no small coincidence that she's become both an Element of Harmony and a royal alicorn within the span of two years."

"Wuh oh." Lyra winced. "Is this one of those stupid 'predestination' arguments? If so, it's only fair to warn you, I haven't used the toilet since last night."

Starlight giggled. "Oh, I wouldn't go that far. However, it is interesting to note that Twilight's ascension to alicornhood is not unlike Princess Celestia's and Princess Luna's."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Just like them, she studied magic, solved many of Equestria's random crises, and then invented a spell that gifted her with wings and harmonic power." Starlight cleared her throat. "Only—in Twilight's case—she's gotten to where she's at with the assistance of very close friends. I... uh... I'm humbled to be counted among that now."

"Yeesh..." Lyra blinked. "I guess I should brush up on my history."

"You can't be blamed for not knowing," Starlight said. "The history of alicorns isn't a major topic in modern discussion—not like it was in the Classical Era."

"You see, this is why I moved out of Canterlot," Lyra said with a smirk. "Unlike all the other unicorns, the only thing of antiquity that I value is a good, playable Rolling Stallions album."

"Well, historical significance is often... subjective!" Starlight said. "I'm trying to keep that in mind as I look through the Princess' applicants for royal archiving."

"She's really dumped all of her tasks on you, huh?"

"It's like I said earlier. I volunteered." Starlight smiled. "I, for one, agree whole-heartedly that this Castle could use a full working staff. Not only that, but with bordering nations like Yakyakistan and Griffonstone growing more and more restless, Ponyville stands to become a major focal point for ambassadorial procedures. Unlike Celestia and Luna—whose reputations precede them—Princess Twilight still comes across as a nonpartisan representative of Equestrian culture as a whole. That means that—quite potentially—delegates from all around the world will be more than inclined to come to a small town like Ponyville to speak with her... as opposed to—"

"—dirtying themselves with the stench of Manehattan sewers. I got ya." Lyra winked. "I can't pretend to say I'm the biggest fan of the United Neightions either."

"Ermmm..."

"It's called hyperbole, Miss Shimmer." Lyra snicked. "You should try it sometime."

"Eheheh... right." Starlight gulped. "Sorry. I guess... uh... I've been hanging out with Twilight and her friends a bit too much."

"Stiffer then boards, eh?"

"Sometimes. Except for Rainbow and Pinkie, perhaps. I mean, don't get me wrong. I love them all and I'm thankful for the entire group for giving me a second chance. Spike included. But sometimes... I wish the ponies around me would lighten up a bit."

"Yeah... believe me..." Lyra gulped, glancing at her passing reflection in the crystalline walls. "I understand that waaaaaay too well."

"Heh... I kinda hope Twilight invites you over more often." Starlight smiled ahead. "You seem really chillaxed."

Lyra gulped hard. "If you say so." She cleared her throat. "Uhm... at the risk of sounding like a horribad stereotype... are we friggin' there yet?"

"As a matter of fact..." Starlight opened a large door with her telekinesis and pointed inside. "...we are!"

Lyra inhaled the deep scent of books. She resisted the urge to sneeze. "I... uh... I don't have to kiss her ring or anything, do I?"

"Heheheh... Miss Heartstriiiings..." Starlight winked. "She's your old friend, right? It should be simple! Just... trot inside and—y'know—reconnect!"

"Right..." Lyra shuffled forward, ears drooped. "...easy as pie."

Then Again...

Castle of Friendship – Second Floor

"...so while Spike was going out of his way to distract me in the Ponyville shopping district, my friends went and dug up part of the wooden foundation to the Golden Oaks Library."

Twilight Sparkle trotted alongside Lyra. Together, the two shuffled down one of many vastly empty hallways. Crystalline walls and glass doors reflected their tiny pony figures.

"They then etched several photographic images into a series of jewels that Rarity hung from the exposed roots." Twilight sighed happily, her eyes sparkling ahead of them. "It hangs above my throne room even today. Anytime I feel lonesome for my old Ponyvillean home, all I have to do is look up and there I'll find warm memories of the past dangling above me."

"Huh..." Lyra nodded. "That sounds... miraculously thoughtful for something so random."

"Mmmm..." Twilight nodded as well. "But sometimes randomness can be sincere."

"Well, sure. When you put some thought into it."

"Heeheehee..." Twilight shook her head. "Not always. Pinkie's one of the most sincere friends I know, and she hardly thinks about anything."

"Uhmmmm... yay?"

"Oh, she's a bit hard to handle at times, but I still love her." Lyra hummed. "I love all of my friends. There's really no way of telling where I'd be without them. Why, if I made a checklist of all the times that Rainbow Dash alone has saved my life—" She suddenly scuffled to a stop, wincing. "Oh no!"

Lyra turned to face her. "What?"

"I'm doing it again!" Twilight face-hoofed. "Mrmmfff... I'm talking endlessly about myself."

"Yeah, so?" Lyra smiled. "You've obviously got a lot to get off your fluffy lavender chest."

"Yes, but that's not the sole reason why I invited you here!" With a sigh, Twilight turned to face Lyra with a tired grin. "Please, Lyra. Before I get carried away again." She pointed. "Tell me what you've been up to these days."

"What... I've been up to..."

"That's right!"

Lyra clenched her teeth. "Yeahhhhhh... well..." She stared down the long, empty hallway. "Uhhhhhm..."

"You're rooming with Bon Bon these days, right?" Twilight asked.

"Well... yeah." Lyra squinted. "You know Bon Bon too?"

"Well..." Twilight giggled. "I make it a habit to know every villager in Ponyville by name. Of course, I'm not nearly as good at that as Pinkie Pie... heehee... but I'm getting there."

"... ... ...Pinkie Pie knows Bon Bon too?"

"And Spike loves the hard candy that Bon Bon bakes at her confectionery," Twilight said. "So we're frequently making visits." She winked. "They remind him of jewels."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense."

"Also, I see the two of you hanging out all the time!" Twilight smiled. "You seem like the bestest of friends! I find that very admirable."

"Heh... yeah." Lyra nodded, gulping. "I admire that too."

"So you're doing alright, then?"

"Oh... well... you know..." Lyra waved a hoof around. "Bon Bon works and I... I..."

Twilight stared at her, blinking.

"I... erm... work on stuff too... I-I guess..."

"You're a musician, right?"

"What, you mean my cutie mark?" Lyra rolled her eyes. "It's just the image of a warped lawn sprinkler."

Twilight blinked. "Uhhhhh—"

"I'm just joshin' ya, Your Highness." Lyra chuckled breathily. Then, a sigh. "Truth is, Twilight... uhm..." The mare shrugged. "There's nothing really all that snazzy to talk about on my end."

"Oh?" Twilight cocked her head aside. "Says who?"

"Well... says me, really." Lyra cleared her throat. "I keep putting samples of my stuff out there, but nopony's biting. The record industry is a real b—uhhhh... female dog, to put it lightly."

"Okay."

"And then there's this..." Lyra exhaled with a shudder. "...stupidly long masterpiece I've been progressively working on over the past months... seasons... years." She coughed. "Let's just say 'all my life,' alright?"

"Uh huh..."

"The symphony's called—ironically enough—'Ballad of the Princess.' But if you asked anypony around town—Octavia Melody, Noteworthy, even Bon Bon—it might as well be called 'Ballad of the Train Wreck' cuz that's about as much chance as it gets of getting me any sort of acclaim in the Equestrian music scene."

"Hmmmm..."

"But, I-I'm trying not to let that get me down," Lyra said. She avoided Twilight's gaze as she brushed her bangs back. "I've just been... taking each day as it unfolds. Working on stuff around the house so that Bon Bon can feel like she's not the only one looking after the apartment. All things considered, I've got a decent handle on things. Nothing to complain about. Just the usual... First Whinny Problems." She gulped. "Even if the past year or so has been... a bit stress-inducing."

"Stress-inducing?" Twilight asked. "In what way?"

Lyra smirked and waved a hoof. "It's no biggy. Really. All in all..." Her nostrils flared. "...nothing's going to change in my life. At least... not until I finally land a big break. Musically, that is."

"Hrmmmm..." Twilight tapped her chin... tapped it some more... then smiled. "Let me show you something."

"Hmmm?" Lyra glanced at her. "Show me what?"

"Something that will pique your interest," Twilight said, turning around and trotting towards the nearest shiny stairwell. "Something here in the castle."

"But..." Lyra fumbled after her. "...I thought you were already showing me a tour of the castle."

Twilight giggled. "I haven't shown you this yet. Come on. Follow me."

The Things Twilight Says

The Castle of Frienship – Bottom Floor – A Very Special Place

"So...?" Twilight Sparkle coiled her wings tightly and smiled across the chamber. "What do you think?"

Lyra's petite green figure trotted across the glossy crystal floor of an immense room—the largest she had seen since arriving at the Princess' palace. It stretched lengthily, forming a rectangle that was just shy of a hoofball field. The ceiling was arched, forming an immaculate shine overhead. The opposite corners housed eight separate doorframes leading to adjacent corridors that connected with the rest of the building.

"I think..." Lyra's voice echoed. "This place really truly is bigger on the inside than on the outside." She blinked. "And I really dig the acoustics."

"Heeheehee..." The length and shape of the chamber carried Twilight's giggle far and back again. "It might seem strange—at least compared to the other wings of the Castle—but it's been put to more than its fair share of good use." She waved her hoof around. "The welcome ceremony for the Prince of Yakyakistan... last December's Hearth Warming party..."

"Nice that the Tree of Harmony had community gatherings in mind when it rainbow-zapped the ground, huh?" Lyra smirked. "So... when do you plan to do some Jai-lai in here?"

"Well... actually..." Twilight cleared her throat, trotting the long distance between them. "...I have different plans in mind for this room. Something far more... fitting for a castle that will likely host many a gala event."

"Oh?" Lyra turned around to face her old friend. "What's that?"

"I'll give you one hint," Twilight said. "You complimented the acoustics just a moment ago."

"Yeah, so?"

Twilight merely smiled at her.

Lyra blinked... then brightened. "A concert hall!"

"Heehee... mmmmhmmmm." Twilight smiled. "Seems a shame to fill this place up with so many servants and guards for no reason." She shook her head. "No... the excuse for this Castle to be standing here—I'm convinced—is to facilitate a way to bring ponies together... all ponies." She gulped. "And mules and yaks and buffalo and griffons and zebras and—"

Lyra stretched a hoof out. "Hey... I get it." She cocked her head to the side. "So... what do you have in mind? Friendship Fall Formals? Platonic Pageants?"

"Well—"

"Wait, I'm not finished yet." Lyra giggled and winked. "Companion Conventions? Brohoof Balls? Suckup Soirees?"

"I'm... waiting until I have a good long day to sit down with Pinkie Pie and Rarity and plan all the details out. But... to put it mildly... I want this palace to become the next social hub for Equestria and all our allies. Imagine... a neutral station where you can come, share feelings, and get to know your neighbors both near and far!"

"Whew..." Lyra exhaled. "Sounds like quite the job you have ahead of you."

"I know." Twilight nodded. "It means hiring caterers... waiters... conductors... an entire royal orchestra." She brushed her bangs aside with a breath. "I... can't even pretend to reach the level of amazing spectacle that you might find in Canterlot or Manehattan. Certainly not overnight, at least... but I would very much like to get started."

"I hear you."

"And... y'know... it's best to start simple," Twilight said. "It's smart to work on the practical things first."

"Like what?"

"Like..." Twilight hummed slightly, leaning left and right with a coy smile. "...hiring a minstrel. Y'know... a single pony who can perform musical instrumentals for when solitary delegates visit. So that they'd feel comfortable... at ease... and welcomed to Ponyville, the capital of Equestrian Friendship."

"Uh huh..." Lyra said, nodding towards the far corners of the room. Seconds passed, and she realized Twilight had been completely silent. Curious, she turned to stare at the alicorn.

Twilight stared back at her. She chewed on her bottom lip, attempting to hide back a rosy smile—and failing.

"... ... ..." Lyra blinked. When she finally blurted, her voice cracked several breathy octaves. "M-me?"

"Why not?" Twilight giggled. "I'm very passionate about friendship. You're obviously very passionate about your music. Putting our talents together could only be a good thing, don't you think?"

"Yeah... but... b-but..." Lyra gulped. "P-performing for visiting d-delegates...?"

"You'd be in the company of me and my friends the entire time!" Twilight said. "We'd have your back, and you'd be filling out a very important, developing role!" She gestured aside. "And when it comes time for me to plan out our Galas, I'll invite you into the planning group so we could lean on your musical advice!"

"Musical... advice...?"

"I promise that you'll be invited to the Galas as well." Twilight giggled. "Maybe even perform there too! Sky's the limit, all things considered."

"Twilight..." Lyra gulped dryly. "Your Highness—"

"Oh please. It's okay. Just relax—"

"How c-can I?!" Lyra grimaced. "What you're asking is... is..."

"Something that... you've been seeking for a while now?" Twilight innocently tilted her head aside. "I can't exactly promise a queen's fortune, Lyra, but I assure you..." She winked. "Celestia's donating me a budget to pay our servants."

"Uhhhhhh..."

"But you'll be more than one, of course. Just imagine!" She waved. "You'll have a job to carry yourself over, and I'll have plenty of opportunities to reconnect with my old, cherished friend!"

"This... it... that..." Lyra shuddered, still breathless. "You planned this from the start, didn't you?"

"Actually..." Twilight blushed slightly. "I-I just thought of it a few minutes ago." She gulped, ears drooping slightly. "I mean... it works out for the both of us... d-don't you think?"

Lyra's muzzle hung agape. "Look at you... being a spontaneous little princess." She chortled. "All you need is a tiara made out of moon cheese!"

"Moon... ch-cheese?"

"I dunno! I suck at improvising! Good thing you don't!" Lyra spun around once. "Wooo! Twilight Sparkle! Holy smokes! I mean... if you had different plumbing, I'd kiss you right here and now!"

Twilight giggled. "So you accept my invitation?"

"Do I?!" Lyra leaned forward, beaming. "Just one question! When do I begin?"

"Uhhhh... good question! Well..." Twilight cleared her throat. "It's only... y'know... fair that my friends and I hear a recital of yours."

"Oh! Totally!" Lyra bounced from side to side, struggling to contain her enthusiasm.

"I suppose we could schedule a meeting for... mmmmmmmmmm... next Tuesday?"

"It's a deal!" Lyra gasped—then suddenly winced. "Oh. Poop. Wait."

"Hmmm?" Twilight tilted her head aside. "What's the matter?"

Lyra blinked... then rolled her eyes. "Heh... forget about it. It's nothing."

"No, what?" Twilight leaned forward. "Tell me."

"Heh... it's... it's silly..." Lyra shook her head. "I was going to be out of town the week after this one."

"Oh?" Twilight blinked. "Business or pleasure?"

"A... vacation thingy..." Lyra shook a hoof. "A... lame 'get well' camp that Lemon Hearts wanted me to check in at... along with Minuette and Twinkleshine. Pffft. Forget it, though. It's nothing. I can totally schedule myself for a musical performance at—"

Twilight had spent the last five seconds gasping breathily... jubilantly... eyes wide. "You're going on a friendship vacation with Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine?!?"

Lyra lingered in place, her muzzle stuck open. "... ... ...uhhhhh... maybe?"

"Oh wow!" Twilight's eyes sparkled. "That... that sounds absolutely wonderful!" She stood up straight, smiling proudly. "Don't you fret one bit, Lyra! I just couldn't live with myself if I threw a wrench in something so healthy and wholesome and... and... friendly!"

"It's... uh... it's okay. I can totally—"

"We'll just reschedule your recital for the first week after you come back!"

"Re... sch-schedule...?"

"Yes! Which is perfect! You can tell my friends all about the lessons you learned while at the camp—along with how Minuette and Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts are faring—" Twilight's lavender hooves did several microscopic jigs in a blurring second. "Eeeeeeee! I can't wait to hear all about it! Thank you, Lyra! This just keeps getting better and better!"

"... ... ..."

Twilight blinked. "...Lyra? You... you're okay with that, right?"

"Who, m-me?" Lyra gulped a lump down her throat and smiled. "Absolutely! I'll be at that friendship camp with b-bells on!" Her lips twitched, but she maintained the grin. "You c-can count on that! Your new minstrel sure as heck won't let you d-down! Heheheh..."

Not the Things You're Used To

Downtown Ponyville – Outdoor Cafe Patio – Midday

After taking a dainty sip, Octavia placed the teacup down and smiled across the table. "Well, Bon Bon, my dear, have you ever considered that you give the silly filly far too much leeway?"

Bon Bon sighed, slumped back in her chair. "She's not a child, Octavia," the mare muttered. "She's an adult equine being like you and me. She has the freedom to do what she wants and when she wants."

"Oh Bon Bon..." Octavia chortled slightly. She brushed her smoky bangs back while her eyelashes fluttered. "...we all know that Lyra is positively helpless on her own." She sniffed, then proceeded to adjust the coaster beneath her teacup. "Like a loose string that you can never tune, that mare."

"She got along fine before I met her!" Bon Bon remarked.

"Doing what, pray tell?" Octavia raised an eyebrow. "Working retail while attempting to peddle her mediocre musical abilities to local civic centers?"

"She was holding her own until the changeling attack in Canterlot," Bon Bon said. A beat. She frowned. "And Lyra's talents aren't mediocre!"

"Oh really." Octavia raised her teacup in one hoof. "Tell me. Has she finally released that endlessly complicated epic of hers? What was the name of it again...?" Her velvet muzzle scrunched. "'Ballad of the Plebeian?'"

"'Ballad of the Princess'" Bon Bon said with a slight frown. "And... sh-she's been making some real progress on it! Really! She has! In fact, your best friend Vinyl's helped her with fine-tweaking a few parts!" Bon Bon glanced towards the left. "Isn't that right, Vinyl?"

Vinyl Scratch looked up from where she was scribbling music notes. After a blink, the mare lowered her headphones, smiled, and opened her muzzle—

"Yes yes..." Octavia waved her free hoof between them. "We know. If Miss Heartstrings excels at anything, it's collaboration. But I'm afraid that she has bloody nothing to give when she works solo! Whether it's a matter of soured ambition or a wilting self-conscious, I cannot say. But that mare's been on the creative downfall for years now. You, Bon Bon, are the one thing keeping her afloat. Normally, I'd say that would be something to hold some pride in. But..." She took a noticeably long sip of tea, exhaled, then squinted at Bon Bon as she spoke: "...just how is Lyra reciprocating for all of the lengths you go to support her? Hmmm?"

"She does the dishes," Bon Bon droned. "Is that enough?"

Vinyl snickered. Upon receiving a sharp look from Octavia, the unicorn cleared her throat and returned to her music sheets.

"Ahem..." Octavia reclined in her seat and looked airily at the mare across from her. "Surely there's more to it than that."

"Of course!" Bon Bon cleared her throat. "She keeps the house and garden in good shape. She maintains good spirits with the neighbors. She... uh..." A bright grin. "She pays the bills!"

"With whose money?"

Bon Bon's smile faded. Folding her forelimbs, she muttered, "Look. She's my friend, okay? My best... friend." She inhaled. "Friends don't have to... to question each other or to measure each other's contributions by some sort of... social metric."

"I would certainly hope not."

"Exactly! All that matters is that I can always count on Lyra to... to b-be there for me when I need her." Bon Bon's eyes wandered towards the sunlit streets of downtown Ponyville. "She's... a constant in my life, Octavia. Nopony can possibly know how... important that is to me."

"Indeed. You say that she's a constant... that you can always count on her." Octavia cocked her head to the side. "But is that really the truth? Or simply the truth that you wish to accept?"

"Huh?"

"Well, you just spent the better part of our conversation regailing us with all of Lyra's dishonest antics."

"They weren't dishonest!" Bon Bon fidgeted in her seat. "Just... y'know... silly..."

"Ugh..." Octavia rolled her violet eyes. "...bollocks."

Bon Bon squinted. "... ... ...what?"

"You and your dreadful fetishization of that word." Octavia sighed as her eyes met Bon Bon again. "'Silly.' As if all of Lyra's gross acts of social misconduct can be shaded under the abominable umbrella of 'silly.'"

"Well... th-that's because she is!"

"Mmmm. Quite true." Octavia's facial features hardened. "Silly enough to lie to your face. Silly enough to break the promise she made to her old friends in Canterlot. Silly enough to go gallavanting off on a futile quest to make money through a poorly-timed musical performance."

"Mrmmmmmmm..." Bon Bon shrunk in her chair, ears folding. "...yeahhhhhhhh."

"Darling, please understand..." Octavia leaned forward, her eyes calm and imploring. "...I find you to be a mare of upstanding class and workponyship. And the very last thing I want is for you to suffer needlessly despite all of your laudable accomplishments." She took a firm breath. "When do you suspect that Lyra's 'silliness' will wash over into unforgivably criminal neglect?"

"We've... just hit a rough patch. That's all." Bon Bon gulped. "Lyra's... still got a lot of things to work out... emotionally, y'know?"

"And how long are you willing to wait that out, darling?"

"As long as it takes."

"A noble thought... but not very practical, dear." Octavia sat back. "Lyra Heartstrings is a poor, distraught mare who—if I'm not terribly mistaken—has spent the entirety of her life trying to forget about her mother. Are you quite sure you wish to make yourself her new one?"

Vinyl winced—but tried to hide it.

Bon Bon frowned. "That was uncalled for."

"Is it?" Octavia raised an eyebrow. "Lyra's a vulnerable mare, Bon Bon. But she's not the only one."

"What do you mean?"

"Are you so certain that you need a best friend like her in your life?" Octavia asked, calmly cradling her teacup. "Or perhaps... you just want that need fulfilled for fulfillment's sake?"

Bon Bon stared off, She chewed her bottom lip. "I've... h-had a good impact on Lyra's life." She gulped. "I've kept her safe. I've protected her. That counts for something... r-right?"

"Are you asking me?"

Bon Bon sighed.

"My dear Bon Bon..." Octavia placed her teacup down. "We do not live in a fair world, which is precisely why we must all strive to be as fair to each other as possible. And I just... detest the thought of that mare constantly lying to you."

"Well..." Bon Bon brushed her bangs back and smiled nervously. "She's not constantly lying to me..."

"Horses for courses, love," Octavia said. "Either a pony is lying or she isn't."

"She's mostly honest with me!"

"You're certain?"

"Ermmm... y-yeah!"

"I would certainly hope so," Octavia said. "After all... you've been consistently honest with her, yes?"

Bon Bon paled slightly. Beads of sweat formed on her brow. She looked every which way but at Octavia. "Well..."

"What are you guys talking about?" droned a mint green pony suddenly standing beside the table. Lyra stared at the group with bored eyes. "Octavia's here, so I'm guessing there's a ninety percent chance that it's about the One Percent."

"Oh! Lyra!" Bon Bon hopped up, smiling a bit too gleefully. "What... uh... what a surprise! Won't you join us?"

"I dunno." Lyra squinted. "Are the seats hot?"

"No! Just... uhm..." Bon Bon squirmed from side to side. "...just super happy to see you!"

"Hello, Lyra," Octavia muttered in an off-key voice. She took a sip, swallowed, and added: "Vinyl says 'hello' too."

Incoming Table Flip...

Downtown Ponyville – Outdoor Cafe Patio – Midday Plus a Few Minutes

"Sorry for not leaving a note saying that I was going out, Bon Bon," Lyra said, fidgeting where she stood. "I got this sudden invitation and... I-I guess it just slipped my mind."

"Oh, it's quite alright," Bon Bon said, dragging a chair out. "I figured that you needed to... uhm... get some exercise or something."

"Mmmm... yes..." Octavia stifled a fake yawn. "Because Miss Heartstrings' legs are the muscles that she needs exercising."

"Hellllllllllllllllo, Tavi." Lyra's face swiveled to face her with a plastic grin. "Wiped yourself with any good books, lately?"

"Mmmmm... that remains to be seen." Octavia tilted her chin up with a smug smile. "Have you brought any of your latest compositions with you?"

"Must be hard playing the cello when you can't reach past your own fat head."

Octavia's brow furrowed. "Spoken like the true incarnation of vomit."

"Still stuck in the orchestral pit, eh?" Lyra's teeth glinted beneath smiling lips. "Give the horn section a try. You're pretty good at blowing."

"Well at least I have more than a few award-winning performances under my belt." Octavia lifted a teacup, smirking. "How goes the work on your own funeral dirge?"

"My music's doing fine." Lyra sat down with a calm exhale. "Certainly beats farting to a beat and calling it 'Trottingham's Finest.' You want a prescription for that? I suggest you go sit on the conductor's wand and rotate. No doubt you get enough practice with that stick you were born with."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it's one of those get togethers," Bon Bon muttered, slumping to the tabletop with a prolonged moan. "...when is the battle ever going to be over?"

"I sense no war to be fought, love," Octavia remarked in a sing-songy tone. She glared past Lyra. "I was simply sitting here, enjoying my tea."

"Yeah. I bet that's really relaxing." That said, Lyra heaved her rear legs up and slapped them across half the tabletop, making Octavia's saucers and silverware rattle offensively in front of her. Sighing, Lyra folded her forelimbs behind her head and reclined with a lazy smirk. "Mmmmmm... I trotted through soooooo much mudddd along the way here! Don't worry, Bon Bon." She winked aside. "I'll keep the earthy stink far... far away from her."

"Mrmmmmfff..." Octavia leaned back in her chair, grimacing. "...how very charming and thoughtful."

Bon Bon's lips burst with a tiny, pent-up chortle. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Lyra, if you weren't so silly, I'd—" She blanched at her own words.

Vinyl glanced between Octavia and Bon Bon.

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "...what?"

Bon Bon cleared her throat. "So... uh... you h-had an invitation to go somewhere this morning?"

Lyra glanced at the other mares, then at Bon Bon again. "Yeahhhhh..." Finally, she lowered her hooves and sat normally in her seat. "...Spike of all pon—er.... dragons showed up."

"Oh?" Bon Bon cocked her head to the side. "Spike?"

"Let me guess." Octavia finished the last of her tea. "He was performing a census on pony-shaped mold and you were the first citizen to be polled? Completely at random, of course..."

Lyra inhaled. "No, actually, he invited me to go visit Princess Twilight at the Palace."

Octavia spat out the last of her drink. She fumbled to dab her chin dry with a napkin.

Vinyl's jaw dropped.

"Princess Twilight...?" Bon Bon's eyes flickered with sudden recollection of the envelope left at the apartment. "Oh! Oh that would explain the letter!"

Octavia wheezed for breath, eyes watering. "What letter...?"

"Oh, Bon Bon didn't tell you?" Lyra smirked thickly. "Princess Twilight Sparkle invited me to go see her at the Castle. Personally. Just to catch up." She winked. "We go way back, the Princess and I."

Vinyl smiled. She opened her muzzle to say something—

"Stop right there." Octavia held a hoof up. "Yes yes. Congratulations are in order, Vinyl. I agree." She stared at Lyra with thin eyes across the table. "But we all knew about Lyra's past dealings with the Princess. However... it is ancient history."

"Not so ancient anymore," Lyra said, shaking her head. "Princess Twilight is super cereal about reconnecting. We spent the whole morning talking about it. Even had breakfast together. Did you know that the Princess is afraid of quesadillas?"

"That's... a bit random, don't you think?" Bon Bon said. "I-I mean... it's wonderful, Lyra, of course! But from what I know of Twilight Sparkle—she rarely does anything social unless there's an express purpose to it."

"Oh, there's definitely a purpose to it." Lyra waggled her eyebrows. "And I've got a seat on the express way."

Vinyl raised an eyebrow.

"Let me guess..." Octavia yawned. "You've both agreed to be extended pen pals."

"I've got a riddle for you dopey donkeys." Lyra folded her forelimbs. "Who has no thumbs and just got hired as the Princess of Friendship's royal minstrel?" A long beat of silence... and then she pointed both hooves at her grinning chin. "This gallllllllllll!"

Octavia's eyes went crooked.

"Oh... my... goddess..." Bon Bon tilted forward on the edge of her seat, beaming. "That's so amazing, Lyra! Way to go!"

"Yes..." Lyra smirked. "It is amazing." She tilted her green chin about until it was overshadowing Octavia. "In fact, one might say that it's a one in a lifetime opportunity that very few gifted ponies get a chance to partake in."

Octavia cleared her throat. "Mmmm... yes... well..." Octavia stroked her bangs back. "I'm certain that friendship isn't the only thing the Princess has to catch up on. I can only suspect that she hasn't heard you attempt music in a long while."

"Well, her castle has crystal toilets," Lyra said. "So it's safe to say she's already well-acquainted with your attempts." Clearing her throat, she smiled at the table as a whole. "But yeah! I'm totally gonna be shredded lyres at her place for when delegates visit'n'stuff!" She gulped. "It's... g-gonna be a lot cooler than I just made it sound. Eheh..."

"Lyra... that's..." Bon Bon sighed happily. "That's going to be quite a boost for your career, isn't it?"

"More like a stratospheric ladder climb, if I ever heard one."

Vinyl leaned over to shake Lyra's hooves. Her lips parted—

"Vinyl raises a good question," Octavia said. She glared from where she sat in a muddled slump. "Precisely when will you be doing performances at the Castle, mmm? I've seen no posters or bulletins announcing any such event behooving a minstrel."

"That's because it's still in the developmental stage."

"Ah. So the Princess has you on hold?"

"No... when I said I was hired, I meant it. I just... y'know... can't perform for the next two to three weeks."

"Why not?"

Lyra took a deep breath. "Because..." She looked at Bon Bon calmly. "...I'll be going on a little vacation." She swallowed. "For my own good."

Bon Bon blinked. Her ears twitched as her muzzle hung agape.

Beyond the Flashy Thing

485 Faust Lane – That Very Evening – In an Atmosphere of Fuzz and Giggles

"Omigosh... Omigosh... Omigosh...!" Bon Bon danced in place, her hooves a peach blur over the living room carpet. She finally settled into a giddy stance, grinning from ear to ear. "I just... I-I just can't get over it, Lyra!"

"Yes..." Lyra rolled her eyes with a smirk. She popped open a can of Dr. Pony and reclined on the sofa. "...so I've gathered."

"First, you're given the title of royal minstrel by Princess Twilight! It's like all of your dreams come true! And then... you've committed to vacationing at Appleloosa, which is like—"

Lyra glared. "Don't you dare say that that's your 'dream come true.'" Her nostrils flared. "Because that would be very lame." She sighed, taking a sip of her soda. "...and lacking in tiaras."

"But Lyraaaaaa..." Bon Bon smiled, her cheeks rosy. "Don't you see how... how healthy this all is?" She gulped. "It's like you're fulfilling something for yourself and for us all in one go."

"Yeah, well... just because Twilight's letting me pluck the lyre strings at her Castle in a few weeks doesn't mean I've got the job yet."

"What makes you say that?"

Lyra took another sip, stifled a belch, then muttered: "Because—let's face it—I have a history of monumental screw-ups, B-Squared."

"Oh Lyraaaaa..."

"Hmmm... it's true!" Lyra sighed. "I'll be lucky if I'm still there a month from now."

Bon Bon hopped up onto the touch cushion beside her, turned around three times, and squatted down with a smile. "What matters is that you're giving yourself a chance." She winked. "And the Princess of Friendship is giving you a chance."

"Eh... she's just taking pity on me because we haven't talked in ages." Lyra gulped. "For all I know, I'm guilt-tripping her into it without meaning to."

"Lyraaaa—"

"Stop saying my name like that!" Lyra couldn't help but giggle. "You sound like a goddess-damn llama."

Bon Bon simplys miled. "After all you've worked for... all the bumps in the road... can't you be happy for yourself? Just for once?"

"Mmmm... yeah, well..." Lyra swiveled the soda can in her grasp. "It's... h-hard to be that happy when I'm not so proud of myself." She gulped. "And... I-I haven't done much to be proud of... not for you... not for us..."

Bon Bon rested a hoof on the unicorn's shoulder. "I knew you would come around eventually." Her eyes briefly hardened. "Even if this is all about pleasing the Princess and not so much making Lemon Hearts happy."

Lyra winced. "Yeah... but... like..." She turned to look at Bon Bon. "Do you care about making Lemon Hearts happy?"

Silence.

"No. Not really," Bon Bon eventually blurted.

Both mares laughed.

Eventually, as Bon Bon's giggles subsided, she smiled at her roommate. "You're going to be okay after all of this, Lyra." Her dimples showed. "We're going to be okay."

"Hmmmmf..." Lyra smirked. "Why shouldn't we be okay?" She took a sip, burped, and rubbed her muzzle. "I'm going to head-shrink camp... and you?" A nervous laugh. "You're a top secret agent who can dart a changeling at half-a-mile! What do I have to be scared of?"

Bon Bon's smile faded slightly.

Even Lyra saw it. "B-Squared?" She emptied her can and slapped it on the table beside her. "Something wrong?" She blinked. "I... I shouldn't have brought it up, huh?" She smiled crookedly. "I mean... it's been over a month and you haven't zapped my memories away, so it must be cool... right?"

"Oh... oh yeah..." Bon Bon nodded. "It's cool." Nevertheless, she sniffled, then leaned over to nuzzle Lyra's shoulder. "I'm just... happy, Lyra." She gulped, her eyes closed. "What can I s-say?"

Lyra stared at her. Deadpan. "Well... what d-do you have left to say?"

Bon Bon's teeth clenched. She squeaked forth: "I'm... s-sorry that I get on your flank so much... y'know... about secrets." She winced. "When... when I'm always... always—"

"Shhhhh..." Lyra raised a hoof, hesitated, then eventually patted Bon Bon's fluffy head. "There... uh... there. No sweat, Bae. You can't compromise stuff. I dig it."

Bon Bon bit her lip.

"Just as I dig the fact that... y'know..." Lyra smirked. "I know so much and yet I'm still standing."

"It's not like that," Bon Bon muttered.

"Maybe. Maybe not." Lyra winked. "Doesn't make my roommate any less cool."

Bon Bon managed a smile, even if it was a faint one.

Lyra glanced at the empty soda bottle, then at her best friend. "But... like... if all the Dr. Pony in Equestria was secretly brewed from the butt slime of a nightmarishly oozing chaos lord, you'd tell me, right?"

"Heeheehee... deal..."

Lyra smiled, and the two passed the fuzzy evening away in tranquil silence.

Who Watches the Watchmares?

485 Faust Lane – Two Hours Later – Bon Bon's Room

Bon Bon drooled. Just a little bit.

Her body draped in mid-air, carried aloft by a beam of amber telekinesis.

Lyra strained, sweating visibly as she shuffled up the stairs. Step after careful step, she levitated her roommate with unicorn magic and guided her into her bedroom. At last, she laid Bon Bon gently down onto her bed and released her magic.

Exhaling with relief, the mare reached forward and tucked Bon Bon in. Lyra wiped the sweat from her brow and turned to make a quiet exit—

She lingered in place.

"... ... ..."

Lyra turned to gaze at Bon Bon in mid-slumber. Then, with stealthy magic, she slid the drawer in Bon Bon's bedside table slightly open. She peeked in, catching the metal glint of a crossbow, the polished surface of a sound stone, and the glossy frame to a photograph featuring Bon Bon and an old stallion with a graying mane.

Lyra bit her lip. At last, the guilt of the moment overtook her, and she slid the drawer back shut with a sigh.

"You're getting rusty..." Lyra smiled tiredly at her roommate. "...Secret Agent Candy Butt."

Bon Bon stirred slightly, turned over, and nuzzled her fluffy pillow.

Lyra turned around. She headed out of the room, then paused in the doorway. Grasping the handle, she peered back at the bed where her best friend lay.

"Bon Bon, I may never understand who you really are," Lyra whispered to the walls. "But one of these days... I promise..." She gulped, her voice slightly shaky. "...I'm gonna protect you... just like you've protected me." She bit her bottom lip. "I'll... make it all up to you." She closed the door. "Somehow."

Bon Bon was alone with the shadows.

Lyra rummaged and rummaged through several old, dusty drawers in her bedroom.

At last—beneath three or four plastic-wrapped scrapbooks—she unearthed a tiny picture frame of even tinier ponies.

Squinting, Lyra levitated the frame until it hovered before her eyes in the lamplight.

Six unicorn fillies sat around a colorful table, munching on doughnuts, giggling, smiling. At least such was the case with most of them. Two ponies in particular looked a great deal more distracted than the others. Lyra spotted Twilight Sparkle with face nose stuck muzzle-deep in a textbook.

And then she saw herself... staring out the Canterlot cafe window and away from the camera. She was the only filly not smiling. Even Twilight—despite being monumentally distracted—bore a noticeably intellectual grin.

Lyra stared for a prolonged period of time. At last, after satiating her melancholic nostalgia, she slid the frame back into her mostly-forsaken drawer of scrapbooks. In so doing, she accidentally knocked loose an old, faded newspaper clipping that had yellowed over time. Her horn's magic caught the sheet as it fluttered to the floor. As the thing spun around, Lyra caught the bold-printed words of "APARTMENT" and "FIRE". She clenched her eyes shut and shoved the clipping away before she could register anything more. With a sigh of finality, she shoved the drawer shut.

Lyra leaned against the wardrobe for a while.

"Get out of your head."

Limply, she turned around, reached into her closet, and started packing several of her belongings—horseshoes, hiking boots, outdoor jackets—into one of two saddlebags.

"Better get prepared before cowardice sets in." Lyra sighed through a bitter smile. "One week... Ahhhhhh... buck my life."

Thrifty

One Week Later...

"Lyraaaaaaaaaa...?" Bon Bon called across the apartment. "Did you pack your toothbrush?"

A voice echoed from the hall. "For the eleventieth time! I did all of my packing days ago!"

Bon Bon squinted. "Are you sure you've packed it, though?"

"What?" Lyra hobbled into the foyer, carrying two bulging saddlebags. "You don't believe I'm capable of planning stuff ahead of time?"

"I just want to make sure that you've got everything, Lyra," Bon Bon said with a sigh. "You're going someplace to relax and be at ease. The least amount of hitches—the better. Don'tcha think?"

"Bon Bon, I think you're the one stressing unnecessarily," Lyra said with a smile. "I packed my toothbrush! It's alright!"

Bon Bon exhaled. She leaned back against a wall of the living room. "Okay. That's... uh... that's good."

Lyra's eyes narrowed. "Why are you so worked up anyways?"

"I guess I can't help it..."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "You think I'm gonna pull some stunt in Appleloosa and ditch Lemon Hearts and the rest of my gal pals, don't ya?"

"What? No!" Bon Bon folded her forelimbs with a frown. "That's not what I'm thinking at all!"

Lyra giggled slightly. "You know, Bae..." She leaned in with a wink. "If you're so freaked out, I'm sure there's an extra seat or two on the train. You can come with."

Bon Bon blinked.

"That way, you'd have an eye on me," Lyra said. "You could enjoy the dry, desert air. Late at night... we'd go out into the field and tip over sleeping buffalo..."

"I... uh..." Bon Bon gulped. "I can't."

"Can't? Or won't?" Lyra smirked. "Because I wouldn't want to be hanging around a couple of changeling-rattled crackpots either."

Bon Bon stuck her tongue out. "It's not that, Lyra. I've just... just..." She cleared her throat. "I've got business here in Ponyville."

"Ah. Of course." Lyra nodded. "That candy store is gonna run your life raw, isn't it?"

Guiltily, Bon Bon glanced to the side. She fidgeted. "Yeah... the candy store..."

"Hey." Lyra shrugged. "It beats your past life. You deserve to relax, girl. No more dangerous monster-hunting for you. Learn to embrace it."

"Uhm... uh huh..." Bon Bon fluffed her mane and not-so-stealthily changed the subject: "What about a canteen?"

"A what?"

"Y'know... for putting water in?"

"Is this part of the 'toothbrush' equation?"

"I'm serious, Lyra."

"When are you not?"

"It's a desert. You're gonna be parched." Bon Bon cocked her head to the side. "Appleloosa is a town of almost zero humidity. It won't feel quite as hot as some other parts of Equestria, but—trust me—that's an illusion. You need to stay hydrated."

"Eh..." Lyra shrugged. "I'll hit a few Dr. Pony vending machines between here and there."

"Lyraaaaaaaa—"

"Yeesh, Bon Bon. A canteen? Who am I? Lyra of Saddle Arabia?"

"Brushing your teeth is one thing. Dying of dehydration is another."

"Alright. Fine. Sheesh." Lyra rolled her eyes. "I'll grab myself a canteen."

Bon Bon smiled with relief. "Uhm... I-I think you can find something small and portable over at Barnyard Bargains."

"Yeah. Uh. No thank you."

"Oh please..." Bon Bon stared at her with a bored expression. "Don't tell me you're still boycotting that place."

Lyra shrugged. "So sue me if I'd rather give money to the little guy."

"Like where did you have in mind?"

Ponyville – Local Thrift Store

Thump!

Derpy Hooves slapped a red metal cylinder onto the counter top at the far end of her store.

"Ta-daaaaa!" She smiled in opposite directions. "There you have it, Lauren! Your very own canteen!"

Lyra blinked. "Uhhhhhhh..." She shifted the weight of her saddlebags and pointed. "Miss Hooves? I think that's for putting out fires."

"Heehee! Silly pony! Of course you can do that with water if you want!"

"No. I mean seriously." Lyra rolled the heavy item around and pointed at its pressure gauge. "This is for storing flame retardant chemicals. If I drank from this, I'd become a sexy face in the classifieds ad the next day."

"Uhhhhhh..." Derpy blinked. "...why would you wanna drink from it?"

Lyra sighed. "It's just like I told you, Miss Hooves. I'm going to Appleloosa. Y'know... the desert?" She raised an eyebrow. "I need to keep myself well hydrated so I can live long enough to be guilt-tripped by my roommate into doing other redundant stuff."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh..." Derpy blinked. "That sounds like a complicated relationship!"

Lyra sighed. "It has its fuzzy ups and downs." A slight smile. "But I'm certainly not complaining."

"It must be nice having friends."

Lyra raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have friends, Miss Hooves?"

"I have muffins. But I can't easily make friends with them for long," the pegasus said cheerfully. "Friends don't let friends cannibalize on each other."

"Uhhhhhh..."

"Anywhinny, lemme find you a canteen!" Derpy plunged into a pile of second-hoof stock that she had piled up behind the counter. The dimly-lit shop echoed with the sounds of her rummaging through things. "A musician like you deserves to have her whistle wet at all times! Heehee!"

Lyra leaned against the counter with a sigh. While Derpy kept searching, she spoke: "You get a lot of business around here, Derpy?"

"Hmmm?" A muffled voice reverberated from behind the stacked detritus. "What was that, Lauren?"

"I asked if this store's doing well... if you don't mind me asking."

"Oh! Oh, that's fine! Heheh! Uhhhh... well..." Derpy's head poked out of the mountain of junk. "Lots of ponies show up to sell stuff. And... well... I-I don't always have the bits to pay them. Sooooooooo... I do lots and lots of stuff on the side to get the money to make it worth their while!"

"Wowsers. No rest for the bubbly, huh?"

"Nope! Heehee!"

"Guess that explains the deliveries you make from Canterlot," Lyra said. "But... like... is it all worth it? Just to keep this place afloat, I mean?"

"Oh... I don't mind!" Derpy rummaged and rummaged. "I get lots of exercise! I see lots of sights and sounds—and ponies! I lovvvvvvve ponies!"

"Heh." Lyra smirked. "Who doesn't?"

"Which is why I was inspired to start the Romantic Counseling Office upstairs!" A gray hoof pointed up through the mess. "Bringing ponies together means more littler ponies in the future! Heehee! If you know what I mean."

"Oh right. I think I remember you telling me about that." Lyra swallowed. "Soooooooo... how is that going?"

"Oh! Splendid! I've already had a bunch of clients!"

"Yeah?" Lyra leaned forward. "Have you been able to hook them up with a special somepony?"

"Well... I dunno... none of them have bothered to reschedule yet—"

Just as Derpy said this, the door opened with a rattling bell noise. Heavy hooves rumbled across the wooden floor.

Derpy stole a peek. "Oooh!" She sat up straight. "Speak of the dragonequus! There's my first returning client now!" She waved a hoof. "Hiyaaaaaaaa, Thunder In Paradise! Nuzzled any cheeks as of late? Heeheehee—"

"Can it, marble-eyes!" A stallion sneered, red in the face. "And it's Thunderlane! Thunderlane! Get that through your thick skull already!"

Lyra winced as Derpy stood up straight. "Errrrrr..." Derpy smiled nervously. "Is there a problem...?"

"Is there a problem?!? I'll tell you what's the problem!" Thunderlane shook an angry hoof. "Your crummy 'romance advice' nearly made me a laughing stock of this entire town!"

"What? No way!" Derpy pouted. "But Miss Flufflefuzz was such a good match for you!"

"Grrrrrrrrr..." Thunderlane gritted his teeth, hissing. "Miss Flufflefuzz is a six year old purse dog belonging to Matilda Doodle, you stupid gray pigeon!" He stomped his hooves. "And by the moment I found out, that lady's crazy donkey husband thought I was trying to hit on his spouse! I nearly got a rusted horseshoe shoved up my flank! All because I was coerced into hitting on a dog!"

"Well, all things considered, Thunderlane." Lyra winked. "Knowing you, that's a bit of an upgrade for you, don't ya think?"

"Gnngh—shut up!" Thunderlane huffed and puffed. "I'm serious!" He pointed a hoof across the counter. "Stay as far away from this mare as you can! She's got the romantic instincts of a damned tube worm!" His eyes narrowed. "If it didn't risk ruining my reputation, I'd make sure the whole town heard about your stupidity and stayed away from this place for good!"

With a flick of his tail, Thunderlane marched straight out the thrift store and slammed the door behind.

Lyra winced. "Criminy..." She brushed her bangs back. "Whelp... scratch off one background pony from the 'cool' list."

"Ohhhhhhh muffing crumbs." Derpy stared at the floor with a long face. "Did I mix up my notes again?" A sigh. "I could have sworn that Flufflefuzz was a shy, demure, elegant pegasus with a love for animals and long quiet walks by the river."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra cleared her throat. "...I think you did right by the dog, actually."

"I had everything together too." Derpy sighed into her hoof. "I just don't know what went—"

"Uh uh." Lyra shook a hoof. "Don't de-evolve into catch phrases, Miss Hooves." She smiled hopefully. "So you made a mistake. So what? Considering all the stuff you juggle, it's bound to happen once or twice. It's no reason for you to give up on the whole love advice biz."

Derpy looked up, eyes wobbling. "You think so?"

"Sure! Why not?" Lyra smiled. "All you're wanting to do is make ponies happy. So why quit now?"

"Hmmmm..." Derpy managed a slight smirk. "You're right, Lauren. I'm on a mission from Goddess!"

"That's the spirit!"

"After all, I just know that I hit it right with that client I had yesterday!" Derpy resumed rummaging through the bric-a-brac. "What a shy, soft-spoken mare she was, too. Good thing I hooked her up with a dashing, handsome earth pony named Stephen Magnet!"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra squirmed. Her eyes wandered... wandered—then landed on a round container lying on a shelf above the shopkeeper. "Oh hey! Check it out!"

Derpy looked up. "Huh?"

"Right there!" Lyra pointed at the canteen in open view. "How many bits for that?"

Derpy squinted at it, then looked back at her customer. "You mean the fire extinguisher?"

"... ... ... yes." Lyra cleared her throat. "Gotta... keep Appleloosa from burning down." Her ears twitched. "Dang coyotes are pyromaniacs, y'know."

"Five bits!"

"Sold." Lyra slapped the coins down and gladly took the canteen from Derpy. "And if you want my advice, Miss Hooves... if you're doing what you love for a living? Don't ever stop."

"Heehee! Sure thing!" Derpy waved. "So long, Lauren! It's been a pleasure serving you!"

"Heh... pleasure..." Lyra pocketed the canteen and shuffled reluctantly towards the front door. "That's something I'm gonna really miss this week..."

You Shove Off

Ponyville – Train Depot – Loading Platform in Broad Daylight

"Ten minutes!" a conductor shouted across the station. He strolled up and down the length of the stalled train and its many-many cars. "Ten minutes till departure! All aboard for Appleloosa!"

Lemon Hearts tap-tap-tap-tap-tapped her hoof.

Minuette and Twinkleshine stood off to the side.

Sighing sounds entered and exited Lemon Hearts' flaring nostrils. She continued persistently tap-tap-tapping her hoof.

Bon Bon paced back and forth. Every now and then, she'd flash Lemon Hearts a grin.

Lemon Hearts only had a scowling expression to reflect.

"Where is she?" Lemon grumbled. "Where is she?"

Bon Bon gulped. "She's coming." A nervous grin. "She's coming! I promise you..."

"Well, if she isn't here in ten minutes, there'll be trouble, you hear me?" Lemon nervously rested a hoof against her chin. She stammered, "Trouble."

The entire world silenced as a mint green unicorn shuffled into view with the grace of a melting iceberg. Lyra gazed casually at the group.

"Standing about, eh?" She mused with a sly grin. "Some ponies have it dead easy."

Bon Bon exhaled heavily.

"Hello, Lyra," Lemon Hearts droned.

"Hello, Lemon." Lyra cleared her throat. "Let's save the duel at forty paces for later. We are going to a pioneer town, after all." Tossing her mane, Lyra smiled into the lengths of the depot. "It's high noon somewhere in Equestria—d'oh!" She was suddenly tackled by a petite wall of blue fuzz.

"Lyraaaaaaaaaa!" Minuette nuzzled-nuzzled-nuzzled the mare's green fluffy chest. "Heeheeeeeee! It's so good to seeeeee youuuuuu!"

"Grnnnnngh... h-hiya yourself, Minuette!" Lyra managed to stay upright. She patted the back of the mare that was smothering her and wheezed: "Still conquering cavities? Or are you making them?"

Minuette giggle-snorted. "You still haven't lost your sense of humor! Ohhhhh... isn't this spectacular? We're all going on a wonderful trip together! Heehee! Just like old times!"

"Minuette..." Lyra finally stepped back, enjoying a chance to breathe. "The only time we ever went on a 'trip' was to the Royal Canterlot Library." Her brow furrowed. "For school." She gulped. "I think that was the day we all lost Moondancer and Twilight."

"Well..." Twinkleshine trotted up with a calm smile. "It's a good thing we haven't lost you." A wink. "At least, not this day."

"Hiya, Twinkleshine." Lyra saluted. "How are you holding up as of late?"

"Ohhhhhh... y'know..." Twinkleshine shrugged. "Working retail."

"Holy Goddess!" Lyra grimaced. "Let's get you on the damn train to desert dreamland already!"

"I couldn't agree more," Lemon Hearts said. She smiled at her friends. "All aboard? Time to get this extended therapy session rolling!"

"Wooohooo!" Minuette yanked an invisible train whistle cord and then skipped her way towards one of the train cars. "I get the window seat!"

"Minuette, they are all window seats!" Twinkleshine shook her head with a tired smirk and trotted up after her.

Lemon Hearts gestured at a door to a car. "After you, Lyra."

"Uhhhhhh... after you," Lyra said. "I gotta get a word in to B-squared here."

"... ... ..." Lemon Hearts stared.

"What? Stop trying to crush my skull with your eyes." Lyra shrugged. "You think I'm planning some diabolical act of cowardice at the last second?"

"Hrmmmmm..." Lemon Hearts marched up into the nearest train car. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"Life is strange and short!" Lyra called after her. "Have some faith in the wind shifting, ya melon fudge!" She turned to chuckle at Bon Bon. Pointing at the train car, Lyra mused: "Sometimes I think her parents shoulda chosen 'Hurts' instead of 'Hearts.'"

Bon Bon sighed. "She only wants what's best for her friends, Lyra." A tired smile. "It's not easy to take care of so many ponies at once."

"Must be harder taking care of just one."

"You don't see me complaining."

"No. I don't." Lyra smiled... or at least she tried to. Clearing her throat, she muttered, "Bon Bon... I... uh... I know that I haven't made things very easy for you..."

"You continue to make life exciting," Bon Bon droned. She arched an eyebrow. "Considering the stuff I used to do for a living, I'd say you're keeping me quite comfortable."

Lyra chuckled. "But seriously, though. I don't do enough good stuff for you in return."

Bon Bon pointed at the train. "You're doing this, aren't you?"

"Even still..." Lyra gulped. "Most ponies by now have... learned to accept me as I am. But you?" Her eyelashes fluttered. "You believe I can be something more." She clenched her jaw. "That means something... and I fear that I'm too thick to understand it myself."

Bon Bon closed the distance between them. "What matters is that you're willing to learn." She gave her roommate a gentle hug. "That means everything."

Lyra sighed, nuzzling her. "Best friends?"

Bon Bon closed her eyes with a smile. "Best friends."

The two parted ways. Lyra backtrotted towards a train car. "Don't blow up the world while I'm gone, Agent Candy Panties."

Bon Bon gulped. "I promise," she shuddered.

"All aboardddd!"

Steam vented.

The locomotive came to life.

Wheels turned...

...and the train pulled out of the depot.

Destinations

Train to Appleloosa – Fourth Passenger Car

"Woohooo!" Minuette bounced and bounced in her seat. "Appleloosa, here we come!"

"Settle down, Minuette." Lemon Hearts waved a hoof, sitting across from her. "You don't want to rock the car."

"Lemon Hearts, it's a train," Twinkleshine said. "Four little ponies—much less one—can't even jostle something so massive."

"Oh really?" Lemon Hearts smirked. "I thought Moondancer and Twilight were the scientists of the bunch."

"Some of them rubbed off on me. Is that a crime?"

"Heheheh..."

Lyra, in the meantime, slumped against a window. She sighed, her breath forming a circular patch of fog against the glass. She watched as Ponyville grew more and more distant along the verdant green horizon.

"What's the matter, Lyra?" Minuette hummed. "Not a fan of trains?"

"Just... not a fan of moving," Lyra muttered.

Lemon Hearts swallowed. "Well..." She stared down at the coach floor between their seats. "...why would nature give us hooves... if not for making bold trots in the right direction?"

Lyra muttered: "Is that what Dr. Stinkenfurter likes to say?"

Twinkleshine and Minuette winced.

"If it makes you any happier to know, Lyra..." Lemon Hearts lifted her chin with a calm smile. "Shrinkenfurter won't be anywhere near Appleloosa for the extent of our vacation."

"Hmmmm..." Lyra smirked. "That is rather snazzy." She placed her saddlebag down and curled up in the seat. "Phweeeeeeeeee..." Her eyes gazed at the lonesome splotch of gold that Ponyville had become. "Still... could be worse. I could be flying." A cold, cold shudder. "Goddess, I hate flying."

Ponyville – Train Depot

All of the ponies had left the station.

All of the ponies... except for Bon Bon.

The mare stood lonesomely on the edge of the platform, gazing south.

The train carrying Lyra was a distant speck, trailing smoke into the crystal blue sky.

A lump formed in Bon Bon's throat.

But before she could move anywhere or do anything...

...a chiming sound emanated from her saddlebags.

"... ... ...?" Bon Bon opened one flap and stared inside. Her eyes reflected a violet glow. Pensively, she reached in... then pulled out a sound stone that was vibrating and flickering with deep manalight. After a nervous breath, she gave the thing a shake and raised it to her muzzle. "Agent Sweetie Drops reporting."

"Damn, girl!" a voice emanated from the sound stone. "That was quick! Where do you hide that thing? In your plot?"

Bon Bon gulped. "Just get on with it, Betsy. What's the situation?"

"It's a green light, Sweetie Drops."

"What is?"

"There's going to be a meeting. Horizons is asking Haze, Sharp Quill, and me to meet up with her. And guess what? It's not going to be in Canterlot."

Bon Bon blinked. "I'm guessing I wasn't invited."

"Damn straight. Which is precisely why you should be there. We're gonna pop the lid on whatever the Hell Special Agent Horizons is hiding."

Bon Bon stared at the steamy signature of the train. She breathed... breathed...

"Sweetie Drops? Are you in?"

Bon Bon gulped. She raised the sound stone closer to her lips. "I'll be there." That said, she pocketed the stone, twirled around, and trotted firmly towards the center of Ponyville.

The Desert – A Barren Plateau – Sunset

Barking noises.

A herding dog with bristled black fur scampered up a steep embankment, growling and yipping its head off. It hopped up several jagged cliffsides and made its way up the ridge.

Seconds passed...

Grunting for breath, a thick hairy buffalo stumbled up after him.

"Little Paws!" the buffalo wheezed. Ornamental feathers and beads dangled from his horns as he struggled to keep up with his animal companion. "Little Paws! Get back here!" His beady eyes squinted even thinner. "What's gotten into you?!"

A cold wind blew over the nearby mountaintops, blowing sand and dust down into the valley beyond. One by one, the stars peeked out through the evening veil overhead. The air grew colder... bone chilling.

"Grnnngh... we must head back home!" the buffalo insisted, shivering. "Night's falling! If we're not back in time for the lighting of the fire, Chief Thunderhooves will have my neck! Or even worse!" He gulped. "Little Strongheart will chew me out!"

Silence.

"Grnnnggh..." The buffalo rolled his eyes. "Why am I trying to reason with a dog?"

Just as he said this, a flicker of green light rippled across the heavens. A discordant yipping sound shattered the quiet air... and then all was still.

"... ... ..." The buffalo froze in place. "...Little Paws?"

The ridge above was barren... silent.

"Little Paws? Are you there, buddy?"

No response.

Chewing on his bottom lip, the buffalo stepped slowly up the embankment. The hill grew steepest around a throng of thornbushes, but he nevertheless climbed his way into the growing starlight.

"Grnnngh... mrmmfff..."

At last, he edged a pronounced cliff, struggling to pull his weight over the jutting precipice. Through his own panting breaths, he became aware of a persistent, growing percussion noise... like the sound of a thousand crickets rising slowly in intensity.

"Mrmmmff... huh...?"

He raised a hoof up to his hairy face, lifting the dangling ornaments out from vision. His beady eyes blinked, reflecting a deep, gaping cave... and then something else.

"Ancestors," the buffalo squeaked. "Protect—!"

The cricket song intensified—then burst with a violent pulse of green light.

The plateau was barren yet again...

TO BE CONTINUED IN...
==ACT TWO: BUG BUTT BEGINS==

~*~*~Act Two: Bug Butt Begins~*~*~

~*~*~Act Two: Bug Butt Begins~*~*~

? ? ?

"Mrrmmmfff... gnnnkk..."

Sobs.

Sputtering coughs.

Nevertheless, the little filly pulled and tugged as hard as she could.

The ceiling beams groaned above. Her eyes darted up, seeing nothing but smoke. She inhaled too much... and had to bend over and wheeze.

Spitting up soot-stained bile, she regathered her strength. With tender little hooves, she grasped the stallion's forelimb and yanked and yanked again.

Sweat and fumes. The stallion's body scooted a few inches, only to get caught up on the rug. Stifling sobs, the filly smoothed the fabric out and grasped the limp figure's leg once more.

"Please... pl-please..."

There was a burst of heat. The nearby hallway of the apartment had collapsed, vomiting ash and smoke into the burning living room. The walls erupted in flame, filling that half of the chamber with rippling orange light.

"Daddy..." She whimpered. The ends of her mane were catching fire. Scalding red patches of skin bled through her tender green coat. "Daddy, please... you h-have to get up—!"

Just then, the ceiling directly above buckled. She gasped, flashing a frightened look towards the beams.

Cracks formed. Fractures—thicker and thicker. Then, with a monumental roar, the weight of the whole second story came crashing down over her and the stallion.

With a high-pitched shriek, she dove to the floor, cooking alive.

Train to Appleloosa – Sleeping Car – Now

"Mrmmfff—gaaah!" Lyra tossed and turned. "Aaah-aaugh!"

She tossed too much, and her fuzzy body went plunging straight off her mattress and clear over the edge of the cramped bunk.

"Aaaaaaie—" She rolled through the curtain, fell out of her berth, and collapsed on the floor of the dimly-lit sleeping car. "Mrmmmf!"

A dense ringing sound echoed through Lyra's skull. She winced, curled up on the floor in a fetal position. Up above, lanterns dangled from the ceiling, rocking with the gentle sway of the speeding train. A hushed roared filled the chamber—partially from the rails below and partially from the persistent snoring of passengers lying dead asleep inside the multiple curtained berths all around her.

After an agonizing eternity, Lyra eventually sat up. She shook the fringes of pain out of her skull, then squinted up at the bunk that she had fallen from.

The curtain hung slightly ajar, and she could make out stars beyond the glass window. The occasional tree and telegraph pole whizzed past the moonlight in blurring silhouettes.

Blinking, Lyra sighed... resting her head against the hard floor.

"... ... ...get out of your head," she ultimately muttered.

"Hrmmmf?" A familiar voice emanated from the curtained berth right next to her. "What was that...?"

Lyra's pupils shrunk to amber pinpricks. "Uhhhhhh!" She shot up to her hooves, squirming.

The curtains parted. Lemon Hearts peered out, squinting, her mane dangling with curling irons. "Lyra... what... are you doing up?"

"I... uhm..." Lyra gulped. "I was counting sheep! And... uhh... this one ram got super peeved and knocked me out of my slumber!"

"Really?" Lemon Hearts raised an eyebrow. "That sort of language at this time of night?"

Lyra fidgeted in place. "The sheep didn't seem to mind."

"Mrmmfff..." Frowning, Lemon Hearts rubbed her eyes and drifted back into her bunk. "Get some rest, Lyra." She flung the curtains shut. "Your friends and I need you bright and bushy-tailed when we arrive at Appleloosa in the morning."

Silence.

"Meh..." Lyra slumped in place. "...you can't force the dead to go to bed."

Nevertheless, she turned around and attempted to climb up into her elevated birth. After half-a-minute of adorable struggle, the pony sighed... yanked a saddlebag out from her bunk... and trotted out of the sleeping car entirely.

A Hard Day's Neigh

Train to Appleloosa – Dining Car – Night

Schlunkkk! A sliding door between cars opened and shut.

At a cramped little bar, a stallion stood, wiping the counter. He looked over, squinting in the flickering overhead light.

"Ah!" He smiled. "Somepony here to wet their whistle?"

"Yeah, well..." Lyra hobbled over, still blinking thickly. "Six hours in the sleeping car and I couldn't even manage to wet the bed, so here I am."

"Take a seat," the stallion said with a smile. "Make yourself comfortable."

"To be honest..." Lyra slung the saddlebag over the counter's edge and squatted on a stool. "Kind of surprised you're serving anything at this time of night... er... morning."

The stallion shrugged. "This train runs at all hours of the day, and we're used to carrying hundreds of ponies at a time to and from Manehattan."

"Ah. That explains it."

"But you're the first pony to show up so late on this route!" the stallion said. "I figured everyone from the last stop would be used to the sleepy farm town way of life."

"Hrmmmm... you could cram me straight between the wheat cheeks of a farm," Lyra said, stifling a yawn. "But you still can't get the restless city out of me."

"Lemme guess. Trottingham born and raised."

"Hah..." Lyra rolled her eyes. "You flatterer you."

The stallion shrugged. "Could have lost the accent while bucking apples."

"The only thing I buck around the house is music sheets," Lyra said. "I'm a composer. Born and raised in Canterlot. Moved to Ponyville when... well... when I felt like feeling like it... I guess..."

"Say no more." The stallion pointed at his drink collection. "Your choice. Cider? Martini?"

"Just... just a soft drink, really," Lyra muttered. "A soda with a doctorate, if you catch my drift."

"Heh. Can do." The stallion reached into a mini-fridge. "Besides, where you're going, I hear the saloon is overflowing with the good stuff."

"Thanks... no thanks..." Lyra groaned. "I'd rather not pour anything into me that can catch flame."

"Then be mindful." The stallion winked as he slid her a glass. "You'll be in small company."

"I'll be in small company no matter where I go."

"Well, for the time being..." He popped a can of Dr. Pony and poured it into her glass. "I'm more than pleased with yours, no matter how small."

"Hmmmmf..." Lyra placed a few bits down and took a pleasant sip of the glass. "Now I know why Canterlot is full of jerks these days." She swallowed another gulp. "They wrung out all the good ponies through the train lines."

"Heh... perhaps so." The stallion disposed of the can and resumed cleaning things behind the counter. "Is that why you're off to Appleloosa? Because Canterlot is overflowing with a case of the grumps?"

"Nah..." Lyra shook her head. "I'm being coerced into attending some psychological therapy getaway."

"Oh really?" The stallion blinked. "In Appleloosa?"

"Yeah. Why?" The mare raised an eyebrow. "Is that a bad thing?"

He shrugged. "I never really thought of it before, but it makes sense." He smiled. "Appleloosa's small, remote, quiet. It's got some pretty inspirational views of the local desert and canyons and traditional stampede grounds—"

"Stampede grounds?" Lyra winced. "What are we talking about, windigoes?"

"What? No! Buffalo..."

"Ahhhhh... buffalo..." Lyra nodded, then sighed into her drink. "'Windigoes?' Where did that come from?"

"They also bake some delicious apple pie," the bartender said with a wink. "I always like to sample some when passing through. I dunno about the spirits, but it should do wonders for the tummy."

"Oh yeah?" Lyra finished her soda. "Will a slice or two keep me from spontaneously murdering one of my foalhood friends while she's asleep in her bunk?"

"Huh?"

"Eh... never mind." Lyra stood up, slinging the saddlebag back over her shoulder. "Say... uh... a weird question..." She raised an eyebrow. "...anyplace in this train that's got good acoustics?"

Train to Appleloosa – Luggage Car

Schlunkkk!

Lyra peered into the dimly-lit compartment.

Rows and rows of wooden crates rattled with the jostling movement of the train. A narrow path led towards a moderately open area, sandwiched between stacks of luggage and saddlebags.

"Hmmmm..." Lyra closed the door behind her, cracked the joints in her neck, and trotted forward. "...it'll sound like I'm in the depths of an oaken submarine, but it'll do."

She rummaged around, found an empty bucket, then stood it on its lid. Sitting down, she leaned against a column of suitcases and stared up through the bars of an open window above. Starlight gleamed down at her, interrupted infrequently by tree trunks and mountaintops—growing fewer and fewer as the train route pierced the arid landscape to the south of Ponyville.

"Ah... empty," she breathed through a bittersweet smile. "My favorite kind of loneliness." Unzipping her saddlebag, she pulled out her lyre and started strumming the notes to a playful, upbeat song. "Ohhhhhhhh I..." She sang raspily. "...should have known better with a mare like you...

Smilecon

Sherwhinny Forest – Outskirts of Trottingham – North of Ponyville – Night

Crickets...

The occasional hooting owl...

The thick, gnarled branches of Sherwhinny Forest stretched through sporadic starlight. All was still, calm, serene.

Then—out from the darkness, between the charcoal-black trunks of old trees—a pair of slitted eyes reflected a sheen of moonlight. Leaves crunched lightly, followed by the shifting of branches. One step at a time, Secret Agent Haze trotted into a small round clearing illuminated by stars. The sarosian paused, glancing left and right. After a deep breath, he relaxed his leather wings.

Then something from the bushes shuddered.

"...!" In a flash, Haze spun around, lifted a manarifle from his saddlebag, and aimed into the thicket. "Freeze!" His fangs showed in a flicker of moonlight. "Who goes there?!"

"Celestia on a bike, Haze..." A metal beak glinted, followed by raised talons. "You had over a year to chillax. Would you mind lowering the gun?"

Haze's slitted eyes narrowed. "How stupid do you think I am?"

A sigh emanated from the bushes. Schiiiing! A talon swung. After a brief grunting sound, Secret Agent Sharp Quill emerged with a shallow self-inflicted cut to her own shoulder. "There..." She held a palm out with fresh red blood. "You happy?" The griffon frowned. "How many times have I had to tell you: the metal beak should be a giveaway."

"Hrmmm..." Haze's nostrils flared. With a flick of his hooves, he extended a bayonet from his rifle and nicked his own shoulder. He allowed his own blood to glisten freely in the moonlight for her to see. "We really do need to invent a better way to prove that we're not changelings."

"Wasn't Horizons going to work on mimicking a spell much like the one Shining Armor used at the wedding?"

"Yes, but she couldn't access enough leylines through her horn," Haze said. He holstered his weapon and sighed. "Perhaps if there was some way to automate the spell."

"No doubt the League could convince Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns to fund it."

"Yeah."

Silence.

Haze managed a fanged smile. "Yeesh... listen to us. It's been—how long? Fourteen months?" He snorted. "Here we are picking things up as though it's business as usual."

"When Horizons sends out an invite, you can bet it's all business again."

"Have you managed well these past several months, Sharp Quill?"

"I moved in with the morons at Griffonstone," Sharp Quill said. "It's the last place any monster would search for an intelligent field agent."

"Wow. You must have flown a long distance to get here."

"Eh... I don't mind." Sharp Quill waved a talon. "My wings needed a good stretch anyways. How about you? Where'd you spend your... er... eheh... 'vacation?'"

"I... uh... I got employed at the Tickle Tent in uptown Los Pegasus," Haze said.

Sharp Quill's metal beak hung open. "The... the Tickle Tent is a brothel, Haze."

"Indeed."

Silence.

"You're pulling my tail," Sharp Quill droned. "... ... ...aren't you?"

"Mmmmm..." Haze stifled a yawn. "Let's just say I got to test whether or not I was a changeling every night."

"Ugh. Keep it down. You'll make the squirrels above us vomit in our sleep."

"Big whoop." Haze shrugged. "Betsy can handle it." He gazed skyward. "That right, Betsy?"

"Huh?!" Sharp Quill heard a sharp whistling sound. With a gasp, she flew backwards as—

THUDDDD! A fat rhinoceros landed on the forest floor, creating a tiny crater.

"Gnnngh!" Betsy's muscles settled, and she stood up tall. "The Tickle Tent?!" She smirked in Haze's direction. "You magnificent bastard! Were you staying in the Blue Room? If so, I might have accidentally flattened you back during a drunk night back in March!"

"How'd... you know she was there?" Sharp Quill asked.

"I know it's been a long time since we last worked in the field together," Haze murmured. "But that's no excuse for forgetting about my heightened nocturnal senses."

"Hrmmmf..." Sharp Quill folded her talons. "Braggart."

"Plus—only Betsy would come up with a plan as crazy as a rhinoceros hiding in the treetops."

Betsy nodded. "I used it once to ambush a stalking timberwolf along the outskirts of Chicacolt. All it took was one body-drop and WHAM! Let's say... uh... I won myself a lifetime supply of toothpicks."

"So... uhm..." Sharp Quill cleared her throat. "Are you going to bleed yourself for the changeling test or...?"

Betsy's beaded eyes glinted. "How would you like to have your entire spine replaced with horn?"

"It's her," Haze said.

"Yup." Sharp Quill nodded. "So... uh..." She peered about with hawkeyes. "Horizons said we were looking for a stump?"

"She said she'd greet us at one," Haze remarked. "And now that we're all assembled—"

"Nope!" Betsy chirped.

"Huh?"

"I mean we're not all assembled yet, dumbass!"

"But... who's left to—?" Haze suddenly flinched. He reached back for his holster—

Th-Th-Thwpp! A figure forward-flipped out of the bushes and landed in a squat beside him. "Too slow, agent." Bon Bon stood tall, sporting saddlebags and a grappling hook. "If I was a zebra ninja, you'd be dead by now."

Haze blinked.

"Huh... so much for nocturnal senses," Sharp Quill said with a smirk.

"Trained by the best," Betsy said with a grin. "Pleased to smell you again, Secret Agent Sweetie Drops."

"What in Tartarus' name are you doing here?!" Haze wheezed.

"I was summoned," Bon Bon droned.

"Not by Chief Agent Horizons...!"

Bon Bon sighed. "I know... but still..." She gazed across the way at Betsy. "...this League is still my family. If Horizons doesn't want me to be a part of this organization." Her eyes narrowed. "Then she's going to have to tell me in person."

Betsy nodded.

"Well..." Sharp Quill smoothed back her feathery headcrest. "...things have suddenly got very interesting."

"That remains to be seen," Betsy remarked, pivoting about. "Let's go find this damned stump already."

"Mrmmfff..." Haze shuffled after the other three as they wandered through the forest. "That depends. Do we have to wait for a secret seapony agent to join us now?"

"Don't tempt me. Let's move."

Stumped

Sherwhinny Forest – Outskirts of Trottingham – North of Ponyville – Still Nighttime

"Betsy... stop lying," Sharp Quill grumbled. "Your horn grows."

"No! Straight on!" Betsy smiled drippingly in the moonlight as they navigated the clearing together. "When Tirek made his way into Fillydelphia, I charged that motherbucker and rammed him something awful in the fetlock!"

"Betsy, you did not stab Tirek in the fetlock," Haze droned. "By the time he made it to Fillydelphia, he had already absorbed the magic from a third of Equestria's populace."

"Yeah? So? I bet it stung!"

"Uh huh..." Haze nodded. "...and the manafeedback would have sent a powerful shock of magical overload rippling through your nervous system. Your entire spinal column would have literally exploded."

"Hrmmmf! Were you there?!" Betsy growled. "Were you being badass?! Huh?! Or were you all snuggled up in the Tickle Tent while Tirek had his way with our Equestrian brothers and sisters?!"

"For your information... when the Rise of Tirek happened, I was off stalking a herd of hydras that were nestled outside of Tall Tale." Haze cleared his throat. "Then... uh... I had the magic leeched from my body and I was stuck in a bog for two days. I nearly drowned."

"Yeesh... and I thought I had it bad," Sharp Quill said. "I had captured a pack of anarchist diamond dogs outside of Griffonstone. Just then... Tirek reached his final form. The outburst of his transformation reached as far as across the ocean, and I became flightless. The dogs broke free from their restraints and nearly kicked my metal beak off."

"Hah!" Betsy smirked. "What a sorry bunch of losers!"

"Like stabbing Tirek spared you any better."

"Sure. I was in a coma for weeks... but it was totally worth it!"

"Uhm..." Bon Bon fidgeted in mid-step. "I thought the whole point of going into hiding was to avoid unnecessary field action for the past year or so."

"Well... yes." Sharp Quill nodded. "But... When In Roam... eheh..."

"Huh?"

"We've been trained by the best, Sweetie Drops," Sharp Quill said. "We seriously can't stand idly by while monsters screw around with the local populace around us."

"It's in our blood, after all," Haze added. "Besides... we weren't the only ones who stuck our neck out of hiding when the moment asked for it."

Bon Bon squinted at the sarosian. "What do you mean?"

"We heard all about the return of the Bug Bear in Ponyville," Haze said. He bore a fanged smirk. "Nice job you did in bagging that freak. What is that...? Three for three for you?"

Bon Bon gulped. "I... uh... I-I didn't have a hoof in the Bug Bear's capture."

"No?"

"That was Princess Twilight and the Elements—er... former Elements of Harmony. Not me." Bon Bon stared at the forest floor beneath them. "I figured the whole point of going our separate ways was to hide out. So... I hid."

"Bah!" Betsy belched. "Don't be so modest, gal! Ponyville is anything but a relaxing town for relaxing ponies! I bet you got more experience as a League agent just by living there than the rest of us combined!"

"What was it like being at the epicenter of a chaos lord's return?" Sharp Quill asked. "I mean... I know that Discord has reformed and everything since then. But you were there at ground zero for when he manipulated the space around Ponyville. That must have been something else..."

"Honestly, all I did was... lay low and try to relax." Bon Bon gulped. "I... I've grown rusty."

"Says who?"

"Says me," Bon Bon droned. "And something tells me that Horizons knows it... which is probably why I wasn't summoned."

Haze and Sharp Quill exchanged glances.

Bon Bon squinted at them. "Know something that I don't?"

"Doin't pay attention to these dumbasses, Sweetie Drops," Betsy muttered. "They're just as clueless as you and I are."

"Horizons has always been a stickler for protocol," Sharp Quill said. "Which is why I've always figured that being in a position of authority would be her bag. But... to hoof the League over to another pony..."

"So it's true, then?" Bon Bon blinked. "The League is switching hooves?"

"She's been in Canterlot long enough," Haze remarked. "This is likely Celestia's decision. Not hers."

"Or maybe it's neither," Betsy said.

The other three looked at her.

"What have you heard, Betsy?"

"Hrmmmfff..." The rhinoceros frowned. "Equestria's changing, ya bastards. We've got assholes in the frozen north... corrupt mobsters in the big city... new-fangled technologies changing the way ponies act and think..." Her beady eyes blinked. "We're quickly running out of ways to protect a rapidly changing equine populace." Her jaw clenched. "Perhaps... realistically speaking... it would be way easier to find a way to control everypony."

Bon Bon's lips pursed. "'Control?'"

Betsy didn't respond. Instead, she pointed forward at a thick circular object resting in the moonlight. "Behold. The friggin' stump."

All four agents feasted their eyes on the dead tree in question.

"Jee..." Sharp Quill huffed. "That doesn't stand out or nothing."

"What exactly are we supposed to do here?" Bon Bon asked. "I... uh... I didn't get the same memo you guys did."

"Watch." Betsy shuffled up to the object. "And learn." She raised a thick hoof... and knocked against the wooden surface three times, spaced apart.

It wasn't long before the group heard a very unnatural rumbling noise in the ground beneath them. A deep bass hum permeated the Sherwhinny Forest. Soon, the tree trunk split apart like sliced croissant. A dim gray light emanated from below.

"Hmmmm..." Haze smirked. "Subtle."

"I know, right?" Betsy smirked, marching towards the inexplicable entrance. "You ask me, some fat cat in Trottingham probably funded whatever's being hidden down in—"

All of the sudden, a manarifle floated out of the hidden entrance. Metal blue antennae flickered with electricity and fired an azure blast into the clearing. Bzzzzt!

All four agents flinched. Sharp Quill hovered in the air while Haze reached for his weapons. Soon, the group shuddered... overwhelmed with a thousandfold odd sensations. Sparks of energy danced between their limbs and ears and orifices. Sharp Quill's metal beak glowed for a few seconds before finally dimming.

"What..." Betsy blinked. "...the fudge?"

"I think I feel sick," Sharp Quill wheezed.

"If you were changelings, you'd be in a coma right now," muttered a voice from down below. The first thing that caught the moonlight was a glinting metal prosthetic. "That's the Bioreader examining your organs from the inside out for metamorphic muscles." An orange horn glowed, followed by a familiar unicorn emerging from below. "You can thank Blue Nova Industries for the latest in defensive technologies... among other things that will bring S.M.I.L.E. back—stronger than before." Chief Agent Horizons holstered the manarifle and stared at the others. "Welcome back, Agents. Ready to start again?"

"Grffff..." Betsy frowned. "A little warning next time, threelegs?"

"Look, I can still stab each and every one of you in the span of ten seconds if you want," Horizons said. "But we're way past those days now. We're past many things." Her eyes darted to the side—catching sight of Bon Bon. "... ... ...Sweetie Drops?"

Sharp Quill and Haze glanced over.

Bon Bon took a deep breath. "Hello, Horizons." She nodded. "I like the new leg."

"You... you're..." Horizons blinked. "What are you doing here?"

"Something the matter, Horizons?" Betsy slurred. "Maybe we should turn that fancy schmancy rifle around. Seems like the changeling's got your tongue."

Horizon's muzzle hung open. "I... don't understand." She frowned. "Betsy, this was your plan, wasn't it?"

Bon Bon spoke up: "The League is my family, Horizons," she said. "You can try and send me away if you want, but whatever direction Equestria takes us... I have a right to know."

Horizons fidgeted in place.

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "Or perhaps... you no longer have the authority to send me away?"

"Mrmmmffff..." Horizons grumbled. "You have no idea how complicated things have gotten. And pulling a stunt like this isn't helping."

"And just what protocol were you following when you exempted Sweetie Drops from receiving a message via sound stone?" Haze asked.

"Shhhh!" Horizons insisted. She sighed, glanced over her shoulder, then back at the group. "There's no time for squabbling. You're all here. So if we're going to have our meeting... let's do it as painlessly as possible."

Bon Bon blinked. "So... you're okay with me on board?"

"Just shut up and follow me downstairs. We've got a lot to discuss." She pointed at Bon Bon. "Especially you and me... but only when I tell you it's time." Her eyes narrowed. "Until then... keep your mouth shut and stay in line."

"Stay in line?" Sharp Quill squinted her hawkeyes. "Horizons... who's in charge anymore?"

"Just... follow me," Horizons grumbled. She shouldered the rifle and hobbled downstairs. "Trust me. All in all... this is for the best."

Sharp Quill and Haze followed first. Betsy and Bon Bon lingered at the top of the open tree stump, glancing at one another.

"She seems..." Bon Bon began.

"Deflated?" Betsy finished.

Bon Bon sighed. "Maybe I wasn't ready for this yet." She gulped. "Back home, I've got enough on my hooves."

"Just put one hoof in front of the other, girl." The rhinoceros gestured down the stairs. "If there's anything you and your dad were good at... it's juggling a whole lotta shit."

"Hrmmmmff..." Bon Bon shuffled down the steps. "Shoulda worn a poncho..."

Not So Much a "Swerve" As It Is a "Swat"

Sherwhinny Forest – Underground

The five agents of S.M.I.L.E trotted slowly down a winding earthen corridor. Chief Agent Horizons horn cast an amber-orange glow that preceded them through the claustrophobic tunnel, illuminating the craggy path ahead. All was silent, save for the awkwardly hissing servos in Horizons mechanical prosthetic.

Betsy whistled. "That's quite a fancy bucker you've got there, Hor-Hor." She raised a wrinkled eyebrow. "I wonder how many fancy tricks it can do."

"I'm as well-equipped to serve the interests of the League as ever," Horizons droned. "And don't call me 'Hor-Hor.'"

"You're lucky I don't call you 'Shadow,'" Betsy said with a frown. "Because that's about as concrete as you've been about things lately."

"A nebulous presence is something to be proud of," Horizons remarked. "As a fellow agent, I would hope that you would respect this."

"Betsy's just being Betsy, Horizons," Haze said. "But you've gotta admit..." His slitted eyes narrowed. "We're sorely lacking answers as to where we are and what we're doing here."

"All will be revealed shortly," Horizons said. "I... do apologize for how minimal my communication has been as of late. It's been rather difficult working with the representatives of the Royal Sisters inside Canterlot and still maintain anonymity with the overall populace."

"Secrecy, I can respect," Bon Bon said. "But exclusion?"

Horizons merely sighed.

"Why are we in Trottingham, anyways?" Sharp Quill asked. "I figured if we were going to relocate the League's base, we'd position ourselves far away from Canterlot in order to throw off any opposition. But here? We're just lying in the shadow of the mountain where the League was formed."

"You're making the grave assumption that I either chose or built this place," Horizons said.

Betsy smirked. "You mean you didn't carve this tunnel out of the dirty earth with your bare hooves?"

Horizons glanced back. "We haven't relocated. We've merged."

"Merged?" Bon Bon blinked.

"Consider this a massive upgrade." Just as Horizons said that, the chief agent reached what appeared to be a dead end. She raised her prosthetic hoof, and—with a whirring noise—the metal peg-leg swirled around, exposing a series of tools. One drilled out from the rest and fit into a neatly-hidden hole in the wall. Horizons' spun the end of the prosthetic, thereby unlocking something with an audible clunk!

The earthen wall before the group split apart with a vertical seam. Steam and gray light bled through. The agents felt themselves pelted with refreshingly cool air conditioning. Bon Bon, Sharp Quill, and Betsy squinted past the doorframe. Haze had to wrap a thick hood over his bat-like hears and eyes.

A perfectly rectangular room stretched before them. The rigid walls were gray and made out of concrete, and the seams between the geometric panels were illuminated from underneath, giving the chamber a cool gray glow. Everything looked neat, plain, and sterile—even down to the unassuming furniture and tables resting in the middle of the room. At the far end, a round door stood atop a small set of stairs with hoof-railings.

In the center of the room, there sat a crimson figure. The stallion instantly stood up—as if he had been waiting in one of the chairs for an untold period of time. As Horizons trotted in with the group, the pony approached them... and it was only when he was within speaking distance that the group realized his body was translucent.

"Greetings," the stallion said in a calm, pleasant voice. "The Secret Monster Intelligence League, I presume."

"You've forgotten of 'Of Equestria' part," Sharp Quill said. "Because if we were owned by the griffons, I'd be flying back across the ocean in a heartbeat."

"Wow! A crystal pony!" Betsy remarked with a smirk. "You lost, little guy?"

"Uhhhhh..." The stallion glanced at Horizons, then back at Betsy. "I assure you I'm here on purpose."

"Celestia on a bike!" Betsy poked the pony's shoulder with her horn. "Look how tiny they are! Hah!" She smirked at the others. "And I thought that pegasi were petite horses!"

"Did... uhm..." The stallion glanced nervously at Horizons. "...did you test them for—?"

"Don't worry, Secret Agent," Horizons muttered. "They're not changelings—or else I'd have dragged them in unconscious for processing."

Haze blinked. "'Secret Agent?'" He peeked out from beneath his hood. "Did I hear that right?"

Horizons cleared her throat. "Agents... I want you to meet Sergeant Garnet of the Imperial Defense Force." She gestured. "Well... former Sergeant, technically. As of today, he's rendering his services to Canterlot... and he is now the latest recruit in the League."

"Imperial Defense Force..." Bon Bon blinked. "As in the Crystal Empire?"

"That is correct." Garnet bowed low. "I served proudly under Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard for several months... and I am just as proud—if not prouder—to serve with the likes of you." His translucent brow furrowed. "Trust me when I say that the legacy and the mission of the League is of utmost importance to the Crystal Empire... now as much as ever."

"Crystal Empire...?!" Betsy grimaced. "You're a relic, boy!"

"Betsy..." Bon Bon chided.

"I ain't shittin' around! This poor sap's gotta be three thousand years out of time!"

"Uhm..." Sergeant Garnet calmly cleared his throat. "Seven thousand years, actually. But—for me—it's only been a matter of a few months... perspective-wise."

"Good Goddess..." Sharp Quill murmured.

"That must be really, really tough," Bon Bon said.

"Nevertheless, I assure you that I am more than capable of assisting you in the field," Sergeant Garnet said. "For the sake of both Equestria and the Empire."

"Forgive me for being forward," Haze said. "But the induction of a new League Member has always been a mutual decision agreed upon by the League as a whole." His slitted eyes wandered to Horizons. "Chief Agent... why weren't we consulted about this?"

"Rein in the fangs, Agent," Horizons grumbled. "Garnet here is our new rookie recruit and that's final."

"By whose orders?"

"By mine," said an elegant female voice.

All ponies swiveled to face the round metal door.

A slender figure stood against the light, flanked by bodyguards. "I figured that... if the League is to be reinvented... then it would be best to hire on a pony who was actually alive to witness the treachery of the organization's founding member—Prince Miller." As she came into the center of the room, her snow white coat and silk-auburn mane came into focus. She smiled, blue eyes firm and piercing beneath a pronounced horn. "After all... in this new and ever-changing Equestria of ours... you can never be too certain whom you can trust."

Sharp Quill leaned in towards Haze. "Look, Haze. A eucorn."

Haze nodded. "Canterlot royalty, no doubt."

"More than just royalty," the mare remarked—startling the agents with her hearing. "But heir to the corporate throne of Blue Nova Industries. That would make me—essentially—your boss."

"Boss?" Betsy burped.

"Ahem..." Agent Horizons bowed and gestured towards the graceful equine. "Agents, I present to you Princess Plasma of Trottingham."

Bon Bon's muzzle dropped. "Princess... Plasma...?"

"Mmmmm..." The mare bore a soft smirk. "Who were you expecting? My brother?"

Eucorny

Sherwhinny Forest – Underground

"Your Highness," Bon Bon spoke, bowing slightly before the skinny equine monarch and her guardians. "Please pardon us for being... mmm... surprised."

Sharp Quill joined in: "We didn't know that you had become heir to the throne of Trottingham, much less Blue Nova Industries."

"Haven't you been paying attention this past year?" Chief Agent Horizons glared at the other League members. "Prince Bluebood removed himself from the public eye following the Equestrian Games at the Crystal Empire."

"For very legitimate reasons, I assure you," Princess Plasma calmly said. "And, to be honest, it was something of a surprise to me as well. Alas, I am far from shirking my newly-appointed responsibilities." She waved a hoof at the rectangular chamber around them. "As the reigning member of the House of Trottingham, it is my task to see to the protection of Equestria's citizenry." She smiled warmly. "It is a position forged by blood, after all. I do believe that—in working with the League—I can make the Matriarch very, very proud."

"The Matriarch...?" Garnet blinked.

Haze leaned in towards him. "The House of Trottingham—and all other eucorns like them—are flesh and blood descendants of Princess Celestia," he quietly explained.

"You needn't act as though it's a terrible, horrible secret," Princess Plasma calmly said.

"Yes, Secret Agent Haze." Horizons frowned at the sarosian. "Please, be respectful to our new... partner."

"You needn't chastise him," Plasma said, trotting deep into the group. "He's simply wishing to fill in our newest member. Such is wise." She placed a gentle hoof on Garnet's shoulder. "It cannot be easy adjusting to such a horrible leap in time." Her eyes narrowed. "For all of your crystalline brothers and sisters."

"Uhm..." Garnet exhaled, shuddering. "I assure you, your highness, I have performed extensive research every night and day to catch up." He swallowed. "Regardless, please do forgive me for my ignorance."

"There is nothing to be sorry for," Plasma said with a gentle smile. "A lot has changed since the Age of Clover." She waved a hoof. "Equestria's two strongest sorceresses became alicorns." She turned to face Haze. "Princess Luna tapped into the world of dreams, and the Ponies of Saros were born." She paced across the chamber. "Princess Celestia wedded Duke Blue Nova, the first and only Prince of Canterlot. For years, they ruled peacefully and had several children. However, Blue Nova was a mortal, and he sadly passed away within a generation. Celestia has since remained a celibate widow, and the subsequent descendants of her and Blue Nova's coupling have carried the responsibility of lording over several vassal states within the Equestrian monarchy for centuries."

"And your state is here?" Garnet asked. "In Trottingham?"

"A different Trottingham," Plasma explained. "Across the ocean." She smiled. "Most continentals refer to it as 'Old Trottingham.' But the House branches across both land and sea—as does our charge to protect Equestrian interests." She briefly frowned. "And while some eucorns have grown lax over the years... settling for lives of decadence within the Canterlot Elite or... grfffff... opening designer clothing stores..." She cleared her throat and regained a warm demeanor. "My brother and I have maintained the original mission set in stone for the bloodline of Blue Nova. Now... thanks to the legislative collaboration between the Regal Sisters and the Canterlot Royal Council, I can keep true to my promise by incorporating the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria."

"So... uh... Princess Plastic?" Betsy belched. "With all due respect... how are you and your tiara gonna get us back to monster-bagging?"

Plasma spoke before Horizons could snap at the rhino: "Secret Agent Betsy, I presume." She trotted over gracefully. "You have a reputation for being crude, offensive, and frequently out of line." She tilted her head up. "And yet... your successful track record proves that you're a priceless asset in the field."

"Damn skippy."

"While I'm not entirely pleased with such brutish airs..." Plasma's lips curved. "I can appreciate something that works when I see it." She slowly shook her head. "I am not here to shake up the established order." She turned about to gaze at all of the agents in turn. "Nor am I here to terminate any pony or complicate the current ranks."

"Then, what may I ask, are you here for?" Sharp Quill inquired.

Plasma scuffled to a stop beside a concrete wall. "... ... ...to gift the League with power... something that has been sorely lacking since Prince Miller turned traitorous seven millennia ago. Behold."

Her horn glowed with bright blue energy.

Whurrrrrrrrrrrrr! The left concrete wall suddenly slid down.

Bon Bon and the rest of the agents turned, squinting into a bright new light.

"Holy butt lava..." Betsy slurred.

"Whoah..." Bon Bon cooed.

The sliding panel revealed a transparent glass sheet. Through the window, the group gazed upon a spacious subterranean facility consisting of multiple floors—each complete with alchemy stations, weapons lockers, manabatteries, and storage compartments. These floors belonged to a series of modern, well-lit structures with see-through panels that were then balanced atop a massive blue-metallic cube. Multiple armored doors stretched at equadistant intervals along two-dozen levels of the cube on all sides, and Bon Bon could see a mechanically-powered platform dangling from the ceiling—presumably built to meet each entrance. A noisy ambiance emanated from the huge chamber, and the agents could already spot multiple ponies in labcoats and security gear bustling from room to room within the upper levels balanced atop the blue metal cube.

"Fillies and gentlecolts of the League," Plasma proudly spoke. "I present to you and your eyes only... Blue Crescent."

Blue Crescent

Blue Crescent – Entrance Chamber

"Blue Crescent?" Betsy squinted. "Uhhhhh... would you mind explaining that to the crystalline noobie here?" She cleared her throat. "Not that I... uh... need a history lesson myself or nothing."

"What is this place...?" Haze's muzzle hung agape, fangs glistening. "Not in all my years of working undercover for the League have I ever heard of a 'Blue Crescent.'"

"And there's a reason for that," Princess Plasma said with a nod. "The Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria isn't the only organization trusted with classified information." Her blue eyes narrowed. "The House of Trottingham has been working on the Blue Crescent Project for the last few centuries. In fact—unbeknownst to the common populace above—this facility is the sole reason for the initial colonization of the continental Trottingham in the first place. Only the eucorns within my family—and the servants entrusted to our cause—are aware of this program's existence. And now, to adapt to a growingly unpredictable modern era, this sacred knowledge is being entrusted to the League as well. Only with our combined forces can we ensure the safety of Equestrians abroad."

"Yes... but..." Bon Bon blinked, still awestruck by the massive facility stretched out before them. "What is this place's function, exactly?"

Plasma aimed her horn at the circular doorway.

Tscchhhhh-Cht-Chtunk! It opened to a bright white hallway.

"Do follow me," the eucorn said calmly. "And I will show you."

Blue Crescent – Upper Facility

Princess Plasma and her guards trotted slowly down the luminescent corridor. Followed by Horizons, Garnet, and the rest of the agents—they collectively passed laboratories, research archives, armories, and even a mess hall.

"These buildings were constructed quite swiftly... over the past few months, as a matter of fact."

"Good Goddess..." Sharp Quill blinked. "Over the past few months?"

"Mmmmmm... indeed." Plasma nodded. "The ingenuity of engineers under the Blue Nova charge are second to none. The moment we learned that we would be working with the League, I authorized the construction right away. I knew that—for this program to operate smoothly—the League would require unfettered access to resources both scientific and alchemic. You'll find here working stations that compete with those built by the greatest minds out of Manehattan and Fillydelphia. No doubt—Clover the Clever would be proud."

Garnet nodded. "I've been to a few of her laboratories." His eyes sparkled at the brightly-lit chambers stretching around them. "You are not wrong to presume her admiration..."

Just then, a gangly young stallion with matted brown hair stumbled up to the group. An oversized labcoat rested around his shoulders and he held a clipboard in his muzzle. "Mrmffsss Msssma! Mrmmfm-mmffrmmf—mrmmff! Mrmff..." The earth pony scientist spat out the object and nervously brushed back his bangs. "Uhm... Your Highness. Sorry for interrupting. But... um..." Jittery, he pointed down the bright white hallway. "I-I worked on the generators a-and... uhm... th-they're operating at ninety-eight point five peak efficiency. I could work on them m-more to improve them... but... uh... the hydraulics in the Crescent Cube loader are needing to be tweaked—"

"Then it's best that you get on that, Professor Ball Bearings," Plasma said with a pleasant nod. "You are doing a fine job. Keep up the good work."

"Y-yes, Your Highness. Sure thing, Your Highness." The frazzled scientist turned to smile awkwardly at the League. "Oh... uh..." He waved shakily. "Hey th-there, monster killers! Uhm... excelsior... and all that jazz..." He galloped off in a blink.

"Where did the Royal Council get all the money for this?" Sharp Quill asked. "Celestia hasn't raised taxes since the Classical Era."

"Both the House of the Regal Sisters and the House of Trottingham are wealthier than you might think," Plasma explained. "But—if you must really know—a handsome portion of the funds come from recent trades with the Dragon Lord."

The League members exchanged glances. They gaped at the eucorn. "We weren't aware that Canterlot was in a trade agreement with... dragons," Haze said.

"There's a reason for that." Plasma nodded. "The exchange was made in full confidence within the confines of Project Blue Crescent. However... we didn't have much breakthrough until just recently."

"The crowning of Dragon Lord Ember?" Sharp Quill asked.

"Actually... a member of our financial council made a breakthrough with the previous Dragon Lord nearly a year ago," Plasma said. "The last Dragon Migration acted as a cover for an exchange in priceless gold. You can thank our partner in Ponyville for that."

Bon Bon blinked. "Ponyville?" Her eyes squinted. "Who in Ponyville was responsible for a trade deal with the Dragon Lord?"

"You will find out in due time," Plasma said. "I plan to hold a conference between the League and the management team of Project Blue Crescent soon enough."

"Ahem..." Garnet turned to face the eucorn. "This is all quite impressive."

"Extremely," Horizons droned.

Garnet's shiny brow furrowed. "But what... is this 'Crescent Cube' beneath us?"

Plasma's face grew long at that. "It is only fair that you know." She gestured, trotting down an adjacent corridor. "Follow me."

Blue Crescent – Subterranean Balcony

The group stood on a metal ledge overlooking the massive blue metal structure that rested beneath the newly-built facility.

"As you have likely already surmised..." Plasma gestured at the monolith resting beneath them. Her voice echoed against the earthen walls of the abyss. "...this was built long before the facilities where we are currently standing. Unlike the construction facilitated by Blue Nova Industries—which has transpired over the course of a few rapid months—this object took several generations to put together. One reason being the incorporation of highly-rare mana-nullifying metals... the other reason being a certain degree of hesitance."

"Hesitance?" Betsy's nose scrunched.

"On Princess Celestia's part." Plasma sighed. "This was originally the Equestrian ruler's project before it was placed in the trusted hooves of the House of Trottingham."

"It... it looks like a prison," Haze remarked. "Was Princess Celestia trying to follow in Starswirl the Bearded's hoofsteps?" His slitted eyes blinked into the abyss. "Was she trying to build a second Tartarus?"

Horizons patiently looked at Plasma.

"You're right. It is a prison. But not one to house monstrosities like Tirek or the elusive Bug Bear," Plasma said. "But... rather... to sequester one particular miscreant as safely and gently as possible."

The balcony was silent until Bon Bon murmured: "Nightmare Moon."

Plasma nodded somberly. "It was prophesied that on the longest night of the thousandth year moon, the stars would aide in Nightmare Moon's escape. Princess Celestia took this foresight quite seriously, and for the last three and a half centuries preceding Princess Luna's returned, she had this chamber built for the express purpose of imprisoning her younger sister. She didn't want to place her in Tartarus like a common monster along with all the other eternal abominations placed within Starswirl's magical containment." A deep breath. "After all... there was no telling that the Elements of Harmony would have been capable of exorcising the hideous possession from Luna's body and mind."

"Not until the last second, at least," Sharp Quill said.

"Indeed." Plasma waved a hoof. "Alas... things turned out quite fortunately in the end. This prison no longer had the same purpose to serve."

"I'm guessing that's changed now," Haze remarked. "It's being reappropriated?"

"In truth, the idea was mine," Plasma said. "Even before I inherited the throne, I had presented the concept to Blueblood and the rest of the House. At first, they dismissed it. But now—with the League coming out of hiding and monsters like Tirek wreaking havoc on the common public—there is a need for a much more... how should I put it... efficient method for capturing and detaining monsters." She pointed once again at the cube below. "Blue Crescent shall act as a halfway point... a processing facility for not only capturing monsters but ensuring that they are fully prepared for their permanent residence deep within Tartarus."

"'Fully prepared?'" Bon Bon's eyes narrowed. "In what way?"

"That... is something we're still working on. And—from what I understand—the League have many procedures—both modern and archaic—for assisting us." She smiled. "It's a perfect fit, really. Celestia's work provides the foundation. Blue Nova Industries provide the resources. And you? The League?" She curtsied. "You provide the experience."

"Yeah... well..." Betsy glanced at Garnet, then back at the eucorn. "Most of us do."

Garnet squirmed uncomfortably.

"Mmmm... yes. Quite." Plasma stood up straight. "An important measure for the League will be expansion. But that is a step for later. Right now... we need to get this facility fully operational." Her eyes hardened. "And then you can resume the hunt for Equestria's most wanted."

"So... let me get this straight..." Betsy trotted forward. "All of this happened on account of Tirek going wild and scaring the ever-loving snot out of Equestrian citizens?" She snorted. "I'm sorry to break your brain bone, sister... but it was Princess Twilight and her pony posse that locked that freak up. Not us."

"Oh... believe me..." Plasma's expression turned serious. "...I need the League now more than ever. After all... it wasn't Tirek who accelerated this Project into full motion. But rather... something that the League is all too familiar with."

Bon Bon's eyes twitched. "What do you mean by that?"

Plasma turned and whispered into the ear of one of her guardians.

The stallion nodded... then nodded again. He reached into a suit pocket and produced a sound stone. "Ahem... summon Her Majesty's tertiary guard," he spoke into the enchanted shard. "We're paying a visit to the Collection."

"Uhhhh..." Sharp Quill blinked. "...what is the Collection?"

"A sample," Plasma said, trotting back into the facility's lit interior and gesturing for the agents to follow. "A sample of progress to come."

The Collection

Blue Crescent – "Collection" Chamber

Schwissssssh! A metal door flanked by armed guards slid open to the obnoxious buzz of cricket song. Princess Plasma stepped in, followed by Chief Agent Horizons and the rest of the League. Entering the spacious white laboratory, the group found themselves staring at several cubicle chambers framed in translucent armored sheets.

Garnet shuffled to a stop, grimacing. "By the Crystal Heart," the stallion murmured. He gulped. "Are these...?"

Equine-shaped insectoids lingered in each compartment. Most lay dormant, some clinging to the walls with their limbs coiled tightly to their glossy black exoskeletons. One rested on its side, twitching while another flitted about with wrestless spasms.

"First time seeing changelings in the flesh, Sergeant?" Horizons remarked, leaning on her metal prosthetic. "Or perhaps—in this case—the chitin?"

Garnet shuddered. "I heard of the treachery of Chancellor Barr, but I never thought I'd see her mutated minions up close."

"'Chancellor Barr?'" Sharp Quill remarked.

"The original name to Queen Chrysalis," Horizons explained. "At least... according to Sergeant Garnet and his fellow survivors at the Crystal Empire." She turned to look at the other agents. "A curious detail lost to history. Perhaps Prince Miller intended it for some reason..."

Betsy watched, mouth agape. The rhinoceros snorted. "How did you find these bastards?" She glanced at the head of Blue Nova Industries. "We thought they had all cleared out of Canterlot during the Royal Wedding."

"They had," Princess Plasma said. The eucorn tossed her auburn mane back and continued, "But—perhaps—if the League had not disbanded when it did... then you would have stumbled upon these much sooner than the agents of Trottingham did." She took a deep breath. "Although... one cannot blame you for taking defensive measures upon the return of the Bug Bear."

"You didn't answer her question," Haze remarked, eyeslits squinting. "How did you find these... drones?"

"Out in the wild," Plasma explained. "From what I understand, two were located in the Everfree Forest. Two more were found outside of Ghastly Gorge." She gestured. "The rest were found in the arid plains to the south."

"Did..." Sharp Quill grimaced through her metal beak. "...did you locate any of Chrysalis' hives?"

"No." Plasma shook her head. "And from how malnourished these creatures have been, it's sufficient to say that they had been far removed from any nesting place." She took a deep breath. "Our top scientists believe that they had been sent out... to forage."

"To forage?" Betsy belched. "What the Hell for?"

Before Plasma could answer, the door slid open again. A familiar scientist stumbled in, breathless. "Your H-Highness! I'm s-so sorry!" He doubled over, panting. "If I-I had known you were g-going to show off the Collection, I would h-have arrived sooner!"

"That's quite alright, Professor Ball Bearings," Plasma said with a smile. She patted his shoulder and gestured before the translucent cubicles. "By all means. Be my guest. We were just discussing the 'forage' hypothesis."

"Oh... oh y-yes!" The Professor nodded shakily, adjusting his oversized labcoat. "As you've pr-probably already surmised, the creatures operate under a hive mind which—presumably—is controlled by the Queen herself." He gulped and paced down the chambers, gesturing at each insectoid figure. "These drones in p-particular had been sent out in key cardinal directions... uhm... with one express purpose in mind. Like a worker ant might be instinctually committed to a single t-task."

"Just what kind of task?" Haze asked.

"We... uh..." Ball Bearings fidgeted. "We're n-not sure... but... ehm..." He pointed a nervous hoof at one of the "sleeping" drones. "All of them were in various states of malnourishment... but..." His brow furrowed. "Three of the healthiest ones displayed a c-common pattern... namely they were discovered in close proximity t-to an animal or being who h-had been rendered comatose."

"Rendered comatose?" Betsy remarked. "What had the shitstains done to them?"

"Well... there was a coyote in the desert that had b-been paralyzed... as if the drone sucked its nervous system d-dry of all energy." Ball Bearings gulped. "And then the fat one—in that chamber? Yeah... uh... it was f-found in an earthen burrow full of catatonic jackrabbits. And... uh... the skinny one? The one moving around?" He pointed at a buzzing drone that skittered circles in its cell. "It was found in the desert with... uhm... an entire caravan of zebras. Travelers from the far south, we think."

"What... had it done to the zebras?" Garnet asked.

"Oh... eheh... uhm... it's really quite fascinating." Ball Bearings tried to smile, but then grimaced. "Well... tragic, really. But... uhm..."

"Just answer the question, Professor," Plasma gently insisted.

"Ahem..." The stallion waved a hoof. "The zebras were... uhm... uh... found in... uhm... a cave where they had been... ehm... st-stuck to the walls with viscous fluid... pr-presumably discharged by the drone as a means of restraint." He gulped. "A-a-and... while the zebras were still in full physical capacity... it would s-seem as though they had all suffered irreversible brain damage."

"Did they survive?" Sharp Quill asked.

Ball Bearings looked at the Princess.

Plasma took a deep breath. "The entire family is resting currently in the safe confines of the Trottingham Sanitarium. It would appear as though the damage to their cognitive processes is permanent."

"Mmmm... yes..." Ball Bearings nodded. "No doubt the doing of the drone that you see moving about b-before you here. It would appear as though... uhm... the sapping of the zebras' mental faculty sustained it."

"So..." Garnet gulped. "It was feasting."

"Well... yes? And... uhm... n-no..." Ball Bearings fidgeted.

"Care to explain, Professor?" Horizons muttered.

"Well..." He shuffled down the chambers, pointing at the creatures. "We've experimented with giving the drones various different kinds of sustenance. Changelings are capable of eating the same kind of physical foods as regular equines... but it's... uhm... likely j-just a ruse... something they do while in metamorphic phases to m-maintain the illusion of being something that they're not. In fact..." He pointed at a few of the dormant subjects. "Many of them have outright refused to eat or drink any of the samples we've provided them. To keep them alive for... uh... further studies, we've had to resort to intraveniously force-feeding them."

"So they're purposefully trying to expire?" Haze asked.

"Not quite... there were... uh... five more subjects than what you see before you now. And... uhm... upon capture they... uh..." He smiled nervously. "Eheh... they terminated themselves."

"Terminated themselves?"

Ball Bearings nodded. "It would appear as though each drone is biologically equipped with... uhm... some sort of suicidal... uh... suicidal gland." He gestured at his stubbled chin. "Just below the mandibles there's a pair of vacuoles full of a chemical agent that—when burst from the inside—releases poisonous enzymes that... uhm... destroy the changeling's immune system from the inside out. It's... uh..." He winced. "It's a very slow death... and likely very painful."

"Shit nuggets," Betsy exhaled. "Talk about commitment."

"If they weren't feasting on the wildlife and zebras for sustenance..." Haze glanced at the chambers. "...why did they prey on those victims to begin with?"

"I... don't believe they were preying for themselves." Ball Bearings pointed at the one moving changeling. "This one... when Plasma's agents stumbled upon it?" He gulped. "It was... uhm... sending out sonic vibrations through the desert air. That's h-how they caught it so easily. It didn't put up any resistance... j-just... uh... kept emitting this high-pitched noise. I theorize that it could have been heard by a fellow drone over five miles away."

"What was it calling for, exactly?"

"We... uh... weren't entirely certain at first. Which is precisely why I began a key experiment." Ball Bearings rushed over to show off a series of speakers and high tech computational devices. "I found a way to... uh... eheh... recreate the sound and... erm... broadcast it over the chambers of the Collection here."

"And...?"

"Each of the changelings froze." Ball Bearings gulped. "They... uh... stopped what they were doing... and then proceeded to mimic the sound... as if it was s-some sort of biological... social necessity. Princess Plasma ordered me to cease the experiment as soon as we realized that the sound was being amplified loudly enough to be heard beyond Canterlot... for... uhm... the discerning ear, of course. To us—it's barely even white noise."

"What were you afraid that they were calling?" Garnet asked.

"Not what... but... uhm... whom..." Ball Bearings took a shuddering breath. "We here at Blue Crescent... uh... postulate that Queen Chrysalis—the source of the hive mind—is weak."

"Weak?"

"Ill. Starving. The source of the malnourishment that's running rampant through each living sample we've stumbled upon." Ball Bearings glanced at the others. "And... quite likely... uh... she's been sending these drones out to find proper hosts to feed on... so that she can regain their strength through them and... come out of hiding... most likely..."

Bon Bon—who had been silent all this time—trotted slowly towards the chamber where the one active changeling was still pacing. Her blue eyes narrowed as she murmured, "They feed off of emotion... right?" Her ears twitched. "The changelings. They devour harmonic energies and feed them to their Queen."

"Uhm... more or less, that's correct," the Professor said. "But... truth is... we only know how Queen Chrysalis operates when she's at her full potential." Ball Bearings gestured. "From the records kept in the Royal Archives to the accounts hoofed down by the League itself." He looked at Horizons across the chamber. "Chancellor Barr was just transforming when she encountered the apprentices of Clover the Clever." He looked at Bon Bon. "And just before Chief Agent Sugar Cane's... uhm... unfortunate passing in Canterlot, Queen Chrysalis was the strongest and healthiest she had ever been. The same could be said of her entire Hive."

The changeling stopped pacing. Wings buzzing, it spun about... its pale blue eyes focusing on Bon Bon across the glass.

Bon Bon came to a stop, peering at it. The cricket song drowned out a bit.

"And now?" Horizons asked.

"Now...?" Ball Bearings sighed, running a hoof through his mane. "Now... uhm... there's no telling what to expect." He gulped. "If Queen Chrysalis is indeed as weak as we hypothesize, then she'll be having to focus her strength on a choice few drones. No doubt they're out there... infiltrating Equestria much like these specimens... attempting to find exceptional food sources for the Queen to feast on and regain her former standing..."

"And... just where might Chrysalis be hiding?" Sharp Quill asked.

"That..." Princess Plasma stepped forward. "...is what we're hoping you and the rest of the League can discover for us." She glanced at the samples. "My agents were simply lucky to have found these drones. And if the Professor is correct, then we only found them because they had grown weak... feeble. But there could be countless more 'foragers' out there... infiltrating the Equestrian populace... preying upon our families and loved ones as we speak..."

"Goddess damn..." Betsy snarled. "Isn't it enough that we gotta deal with all the Tartarusian escapees?"

"We have our hard work cut out for us, agents," Horizons said. "But while the prugatorial prisoners may be easier to find..." She pointed her metal limb at the chambers. "These slimy bugs are our chief priority. Right now... even as we speak... they are hiding among us... reading our minds... adapting to our desires... exploiting our fears... and suckling on our most cherished emotions."

Bon Bon squinted.

The changeling blinked back. Its head twitched—and in a burst of flame, its exoskeleton vanished... replaced by a fuzzy lime green coat. Amber eyes warmly reflected Bon Bon's grimacing expression.

Betsy glanced at Bon Bon, then at the rest of the agents.

Garnet's shiny brow furrowed. He looked at Ball Bearings. "Professor? What's it doing now?"

The stallion gulped. "Probing," he said. "It's the second stage in preying. If it weren't for the antimagic foundation of the chamber it's in... the agent would likely be suffering from the third stage."

"And Sweetie Drops would be a vegetable," Haze said.

"Affirmative."

Bon Bon took a deep breath, her eyes locked on the silly unicorn being mimicked in front of her. "Professor?" she asked without turning her head. "You said that these things can feel pain." She gulped. "How do you know that for sure?"

"The... uh... the samples that committed suicide... with the poison glands...?"

"Yes...?"

"They expressed their torment in... uhm..." Ball Bearings gulped. "...in the forms of the ponies and wildlife that they h-had preyed upon."

Bon Bon's ears drooped. As she stared into the amber eyes, her mind ached with the shrill cadence of cricketsong, reaching a skull-splitting fever pitch.

Train to Appleloosa – Supply Car

"Next stop! Appleloosa! Appleloosa! Next stop!"

Lyra gasped, her amber eyes flickering wide open.

With a metallic screech, the whole train lurched to a gradual stop. Through the windows of the supply car, the musician spotted arid mesas and buttes interrupting a blue desert sky.

She sat up, wincing. "Grnnnggh... ugh..." She stretched her limbs and rubbed her sore back from where she had fallen asleep against a stack of wooden crates. "Mrmmfff... frickin' Goddess... why can't I spend a vacation atop a pile of feathery pillows?"

Sighing, she nevertheless picked up her lyre, stuffed it in her saddlebag, and galloped back towards the passenger cars.

"Whelp... into the lion's dank..."

It's High Nonsense

Appleloosa – Train Depot

Lyra squinted as she followed her friends through a gust of steam from the stalled locomotive engine. When the mists cleared, she, Twinkleshine, Minuette, and Lemon Hearts stood on the lower ramp of the station. Before them stretched two rows of buildings with rustic wooden architecture. A main thoroughfare led through the heart of town with two-story hotels and saloons making up a dense hub to an otherwise threadbare settlement. Beyond the downtown district, a smattering of residential shacks and humble ranch homes dotted the arid landscape. At last, in the nearby valley, there was a thick cluster of apple trees—parted curiously down the middle—and then beyond that there loomed an epic assortment of jagged mountains, tall mesas, sharp buttes, and curvaceous rock formations that dwarfed the humble foreground.

Grinning, Minuette opened her muzzle wide to say something. She immediately coughed, eyes watering. "It's... erm..." A sniff. "A teensy bit dry... eh-heh..."

"And dusty," Twinkleshine added with a blink.

"And hot," Lyra droned. She squinted up at the hazy yellow sky, sniffing. "...does anypony else smell..." She grimaced. "...manure?"

The others looked at her.

"You... uh..." Lyra smiled awkwardly. "You know what they say about the quailty of a town where you can still smell manure in the air." She weathered a raspy chuckle. "I mean... what is this? Medieval times?"

"No... it's our vacation spot." Lemon Hearts tilted her nose up. "It might seem decrepit on the surface, but in its very core there beats a humble heart with the charisma we need to find our center and meditate with positively zero interruptions."

"Oh yeah?" Lyra blinked. "And who told you that?"

"Dr. Shrinkenfurter."

"Ah." Lyra's ears drooped. "Of course." She shrugged the weight of her saddlebags. "Is... uh... Yours Beardedly gonna be here for a personal session with us?"

"No. But he's hired a local expert to assist us with the lessons."

"You don't say..."

"First, though..." Lemon Hearts stepped forward. "We need to get situated."

"We're staying in a hotel," Twinkleshine said. A gulp. "R-right?"

"Well..."

Lyra's eyes hardened on Lemon Hearts.

"Let's just take things one hoof at a time," Lemon nervously said.

"Uhhhhh..." Twinkleshine glanced around. "Weren't we supposed to meet someone here or—?"

Ziiiiiiiip A golden figure suddenly rushed to a stop in front of them, making the mares gasp.

A green-eyed cowcolt grinned wide at them. Tilting his hat back, he reared his front hooves and crooned jubilantly into the air: "Welcome to A—" His eyes crossed, and he doubled over in a coughing fit. Several hacks and wheezes later, he clutched his throat and smiled with a loose tear or two. "S-sorry..." The voice from inside his lungs hissed. "...just came back from the Salt Bar."

"Ahem..." Lemon Hearts smiled at him. "Braeburn, I presume?"

He cleared his throat one last time and swung a hoof. "Sure as sugar am!" He winked, then brushed his luscious bangs back under his hat. "The spice of the Apple Family! I'm the town's chosen tour guide, most dependable go-for, and all around rootin'-tootin' apple-buckin' representative! Yeeeeeeeee—" He froze in mid exhale, leaning towards the group while waving his hoof.

"... ... ..." The mares exchanged glances, then squinted at him. "...ha?"

"That's the spirit!" Braeburn pumped a hoof.

Twinkleshine giggled.

"So... I hear y'all are lookin' for a place to relax and get yer noggin's all square?"

"Erm... yes..." Lemon Hearts nodded. "We're here on the Canterlot Central Therapy Program—"

"Dayum skippy!" Braeburn's green eyes flashed. "Lemme guess! Doc Scamfarter sent ya?"

Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Uhhh..." Lemon Hearts coughed. "Yes... although it's 'Doctor Shrinkenfurter'."

"Huh..." Braeburn lifted his hat and scratched his golden scalp. "Funny. T'ain't what the last group of folks called him when they left." He shrugged. "Ah well!"

Lyra raised the other eyebrow.

"Well, I reckon ya darlin' hens are mighty tuckered out from yer long train trip outta central Equestria!" He pivoted about with a chivalrous grin. "So how 'bout I lend a hoof by takin' the weight of them bags for ya?"

"Awwwww..." Twinkleshine smiled, hiding a blush as she hoofed him her things, followed by Minuette. "That's so sweet of ya!"

"You... erm..." Lemon Hearts blinked. "You're gonna take us to where we're staying?"

"Right you are!" Braeburn stiffened his legs as he took on the weight of the three bags across his flank. "But I figured a brief tour of downtown might be the right thang to get y'all situated all nice and proper!" He turned towards Lyra. "Ahem..." He pointed at the stack of bags. "You too, Missy. Just pile it on."

"Uhhhhhh..." Lyra cleared her throat. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"No-o-o-onsense!" Braeburn chuckled breathily. "If I can haul six bushels of apples to and from the barn, then I sure as Tart can handle a pretty unicorn's lady thangs!"

"Alrighty then..." Lyra shrugged and telekinetically tossed her saddlebags onto his spine. "Suit yourself."

Whump!

"Ooooof-siesss!" The stallion's green eyes bulged as he nearly collapsed on his chest. His legs buckled, quivered, then finally pushed straight. "Guhhhh... whew...!" Sweating, heaving, he squinted Lyra's way. "What do ya got in this thang? A piano?"

"Close. More like a harp." Lyra smirked. "But—hey! Nice to have a strong, strapping stallion like you to ease my uterus pains!"

Lemon Hearts tossed her a stealthy glare.

"Errrr..." Lyra gulped. "In other words, thanks. Very... uhhh... alpha of you?"

"Sure. Whatever." Wheezing, Braeburn caught his breath and marched towards the heart of town on bent legs. "Aa-aa-aanyways... let's see the sights! If y'all have any questions, then feel free to toss 'em my way! Just... guh... dun toss 'em too hard."

Minuette raised her hoof, smiling sweetly.

"Yes, sugar-child?"

Minuette lowered her hoof and chirped: "There's a Salt Bar?"

Braeburned

Appleloosa – Vacation Retreat – Cabin Interior

Creaaak!

Dust rose and settled. Light scattered through the narrow, open doorway in yellow-gray beams. A thick wooden floorboard was covered sporadically with homely hoof-crafted rugs. Oak furniture lingered between a cobblestone fireplace and a series of twin-sized beds.

"Well... uhm..." Twinkleshine stepped in first, blinking into the dimness. "...it's certainly very... cute."

"Hehe! You're right!" Minuette stuck her head in, smiling wide. "A very old grandmare who loves to give out lemon candies kind of cute!" She gasped deeply. "Duaaah! Look at those adorable little beds! And the embroidery on the comforters!" She took a running start, leapt, and landed on a creaking bed with a bounce. "Heeeeeee! I love thick duvets!"

"Shhhh!" Twinkleshine winced. "Minny! Keep it to yourself!"

"Heehee!" Minuette rolled and curled up on the bed like a bright blue feline. "No!"

"Hmmmm..." Lemon Hearts stepped in, nodding lightly at the gradually illuminated walls and floorboards. "Quaint. Simple. To the point."

"Ya like it?" Braeburn stood behind her, smiling. "Once upon a time, these used to be the cabins for the early... early settlers. Keepin' a whole family here weren't exactly comfortable... but as a place to 'go away for a while' on a retreat?" He winked into the dust. "Reckoned it just screamed 'frontier adventure' and all that hooplah!" His teeth twinkled. "You like?"

"Yes!" Minuette said, sitting up on the bed. "We like it very much!"

"But Minuette..." Twinkleshine smiled tiredly. "You like everything."

"Nuh uh!" Minuette pouted. "I like some things more than others!" She cartwheeled off the bed, wrapped her forelimbs around Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts, then nuzzled them both. "And I love you twooooo!"

"Awwwwwww..." Twinkleshine playfully swapped Minuette's shoulder. "Minny! You silly sap!"

Lemon Hearts giggled. "Okay... okay, Minuette. Let's just have a look around and get situated. Once this place is cleaned up, we can relax and chat, alright?"

"Mmmmhmm!" Minuette skipped off and threw the window curtains open, one by one. "Whinny while you work!"

"Oh gosh, Minuette..."

Braeburn smirked. "I'll bring yer things in. How's that sound?"

"Thank you very much, Braeburn," Lemon Hearts said.

"Uhhhhh..." Lyra stood in the doorway. "How about I help?"

"Nah... s'all good!" Braeburn winked. "It's my pleasure to help out!"

"Really." Lyra glared at Lemon Hearts from afar. "I insist."

"Well, alrighty!" Braeburn shrugged, trotting to the wagon parked outside. "It's yer vacation after all."

Lyra's horn glowed as she levitated on bag, then another. "So... how long has this place been around, exactly?"

"Goin' on two and a half years!" Braeburn chirped cheerfully, diving his front body into the wagon. "Built it in the course of twelve months! Good, ol' fashion earth pony ingenuity!"

"Yeesh..." Lyra blinked, hoisting a third bag. "I sorta figured it was a whole lot older."

"I'll take that as a compliment!" Braeburn chuckled. "Truth is, most of the buildings were assembled from the pieces of other structures that used to stand back in Old Town."

"Old Town?"

"Er..." Braeburn blushed slightly. "My pardon. It's the name we Appleloosa folk give to Dodge Junction—to the northeast. It's where most of us ponies hail from... among other places."

"Ahh... a true blue pony pilgrim."

"More like golden! Golden delicious!" Braeburn stacked bags on his flank and smiled. "The bulk of us are apple-farmin' folks! Just like my Ma and Pa and their Mas and Pas before 'em!"

"Do... uh... your parents live with you here?"

"Nope! They're enjoyin' a calm, quiet, relaxin' life of carrier pigeon tamin' far off in upstate Neigh York! Got a lot of customers from Manehattan who pay 'em well. So they're just fine and dandy."

"Huh... fancy that."

"How about you?" Braeburn asked as the two trotted towards the wagon. "What are yer folks up to these days?"

"Eh... nothing much."

"Oh? Life of retirement turnin' out to be dull?" Braeburn asked.

"Nothing like that," Lyra droned, shaking her head. "My parents died in a fire when I was young."

"Hah hah hah!" Braeburn laughed.

Lyra was deadpan.

Braeburn stared at her, smiling muzzle agape. "... ... ...yer kiddin', right?"

"Mmmm..." Lyra slowly shook her head. "Nope."

"Oh..." Braeburn's smile melted. "Oh shoot." His ears drooped. "Shoot." He gulped, shivering and fidgeting. "I just thought... from the way you've been quippin' and sassin'..." A grand wince broke through his jawline. "Awwwww shoot... shoot, I'm so sorry..."

Lyra shrugged. "It's okay. I mean... I'm over it and stuff."

"T'ain't somethin' that a normal pony can just 'get over,' I reckon."

"Eh..." Lyra waved a hoof from side to side. "I've only had my entire lifetime."

"Is that... erm..." Braeburn swallowed a lump down his throat. "...could that be why you and yer pretty filly friends are stayin' here in Appleloosa for?"

"Nah." Lyra shook her head. "We're all here because over a year ago three of us were brutally mindjacked by Queen Chrysalis and made to be her zombie bridesmaids while the rest of Canterlot collapsed into chaos around and on top of us."

"Oh..." Braeburn bit his lip hard as he lingered at the doorframe. "That... uhm..."

"Hey. You're just the tour guide," Lyra said with a shrug. "Just relax and be your normal self." Her nostrils flared as she glared at at yellow figure inside the cabin. "Not all of us can afford to do that."

"You... uh..." Braeburn cleared his throat. "...you've got my deepest sympathies, darlin'. The whole charmin' lot of ya."

"Smoothe," Lyra said with a smirk. "Just be careful how slick you are from now on. The blue-hair'd mare will likely eviscerate you if you go too far."

"I'm confused..."

"Now that's the spirit." Lyra trotted in with her bags. "Welcome to the club. 'Eyyyyyyyyy! Dust! My favorite kind of sediment!"

"Lyra!" Minuette cheered. "They've got an old fashion water pump in here!"

"No kidding? I knew I'd be cranking something on this vacation." Lyra dropped her bags against the wall. One particular wooden beam rattled. "Hmmmm... some parts of the cabin are loose."

"Oh, dun worry none!" Braeburn said cheerfully as he placed a few bags down in the opposite corner. "That just means it has character! These cabins can withstand a sandstorm or buffalo stampede—or both!" He winked at the others. "Reckon we haven't tested it against a rip roarin' Bingo Night!"

The other mares chuckled.

"I'll go get the last few bags! Y'all dun wage a family feud or nothing until I get back!"

"Seriously..." Lyra grimaced, scooting up to the loose beam. "I think a draft is coming through this thing." She tried lifting the thing telekinetically, but failed. So with struggling hooves, she grasped the wooden plank manually and pulled... tugged. "I think... the nails... h-have rusted brittle!"

Crkkkk! She pulled the plank loose, exposing the outer log beams. Instantly, her pupils shrank and her ears twitched to the supposed noise of cricket song.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

The plank—once removed—exposed a veritable colony of spiders, cockroaches, pill bugs, and beetles. They squirmed and skittered in every feasible direction within the wooden walls of the cabin.

"Lyraaaa?" Lemon Hearts called from the opposite side of the interior. "Could you help me move this bed a bit closer to the window?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra paled, struggling not to lose her lunch. She grew faint, teetering left and right... wheezing.

"Lyra?" Twinkleshine's voice echoed. "Is everything okay?"

Lyra took a deep... deep... deep breath...

...and slapped the wooden beam back in place, hiding the squirming horrors.

Twinkleshine trotted up behind her, craning her neck. "Lyra?"

"Ahem!" Lyra stood up, spun around with a smile, and slapped her fetlocks together. "Never better!" With a skip to her step, she trotted to Lemon Hearts and the bed. "Now let's get settled for this bodacious vacation! Woo! Yeah!"

Twinkleshine blinked, standing in place. "Huh... who uses the word 'bodacious' anymore?"

Minuette rolled over on the nearest bed. "Not even me!"

"Right." Twinkleshine gulped. "And that's scary."

Opposable Thoughts

Appleloosa – Cabin Retreat – Front Stoop

The copper air of a desert sunset filled with giggles.

"Yeah! That was fantastic!" Twinkleshine giggle-snorted. "But... but it wasn't nearly as funny as the one time Lemon Hearts here got her head stuck in a beaker!" More giggles. "An actual beaker! And she's a unicorn!"

"Yes! Heeheehee!" Minuette swayed back and forth in a creaky rocking chair. "She was blue in the face by the time we took her to the school nurse! But even she couldn't do anything!"

"We had to trot across six blocks in midday until we got her to Canterlot Central!" Twinkleshine said. "It took three doctors with mana-beam precision to cut the glass open and free her cute little head!"

"Ponies were freaked out," Minuette sputtered. "At least two donkeys and a live zebra fainted from the sight! We heard someone screaming in rhyme that demons were infecting our schools!"

Braeburn laughed. He folded his forelimbs as he leaned back against a support beam of the cabin's porch. "Well golly! Looks like things in the big city ain't so fancy after all!" His green eyes winked. "And here I thought the most trouble y'all folks had involved gentrification and tax fraud!"

"Well, that too—but occasionally little fillies with littler glass beakers!" Minuette reached over to nudge her yellow-coated friend. "Isn't that right, Lemon Hearts?! Heeheehee!"

Lemon Hearts let loose a lengthy sigh, but smiled. "For years, I could only drink from cups made out of Tuppawhinny."

Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Braeburn laughed even louder.

Lyra looked up from where she was tuning her lyre. She smiled ever so slightly.

"Whew-wee! Well, y'all ain't got nothin' to worry about round these parts!" Braeburn said. "Most of the things we Appleloosans drink out of are carved from wood! Apple tree wood! In fact, a good chunk of us make do with bein' carpenters when we're not buckin' apple trees. Granted... we used to get a bit overboard with that nonsense. Why—when I was just a little colt in Dodge's Junction, I used to hate gettin' sick. Cuz that meant that there'd be a one in three chance of me gettin' splinters just from havin' my temperature taken!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh gosh!" Minuette giggled.

"Heehee... talk about the trials of frontier life!" Twinkleshine said with a wink.

"Eh... it ain't all struggle and sweat." Braeburn tilted his hat back, smiling. "Folks around here are pretty laid-back and well-to-do. We all get along... for the most part. Even Trouble Shoes ain't so calamitous once ya get used to him. And the buffalo?" He shrugged. "We almost butted heads with 'em, but they turned out to be just fine and dandy! I'm tellin' ya... this is the best place to come and relax! And I just know that y'all's therapist is gonna treat you just right and wrinkle out alllll the heebie-jeebies in yer shiny coats!"

"Well, I would certainly hope so," Lyra said. "Cuz I've been severely heebed by my jeebs as of late."

Lemon Hearts cleared her throat.

Lyra sweated. "Buttttttttttt horses for courses. Certainly beats wasting away in Ponyville."

"My cousin lives in Ponyville!" Braeburn exclaimed. "As far as I'm concerned, if there's at least one of y'all who hails from that town, then there's hope for the whole lot of ya yet!" He cracked his supple joints and stood up with a breath. "Whelp...! Time to mosey on out of here!" He bowed low, tipping his hat. "Bet y'all were waitin' on me all afternoon to say a thang like that."

The mares giggled.

"I'll brush on by at sunrise to knock on yer door," Braeburn said, trotting off with a smile. "If ya like, I'll show you the best place in town to have breakfast! Ain't nothin' like watching the sun rise over the glistenin' apple orchards! Well... so long, y'all! Dun let the beg b—er... be extra careful in countin' sheep!"

"Heeheehee... sure 'thangggg.'"

"Good byyyyyye, Braeburn."

"Yeah, so long."

At last, the stallion trotted off into the sunset.

Once he was far from shouting distance, Minuette, Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine exchanged gaping smiles.

"Oh... my... Goddess..."

"He is an absolute doll!" Twinkleshine chortled. "I mean... literally! A doll!"

"Mmmhmmmmm..."

"If I had a little opposable him when I was eight I would have brushed his curly golden mane all day!"

"Uh huh. And when you became eightteen, I bet that oppasability would have come in handy."

"Oh hush!"

"Heehee!"

"Gorgeous as Tart—but not much goin' on upstairs, is there?"

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Ha!"

"Heeheehee!"

"What do you think, Lyra? Did Canterlot Central hook us up with an absolute dream-boat of a vacation guide or what?!"

"Eh... not really my type," Lyra said with a wave. "Not any of your types either, I imagine."

"Huh?"

"Just... just think about it." Lyra smiled wryly as she fiddled with her strings. "The way his mane's brushed. The immaculate shine to his coat. The tonality of his giggles... his giggles, fillies." A sly wink. "I'm pretty certain he pitches for the other team."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh Lyra."

"We're ladies, Miss Heartstrings." Twinkleshine tilted her nose up. "We came here to get healthy—not the opposite."

"Heehee! Yeah!" Minuette blushed. "Besides... we're on vacation." She toyed with a lock of mane hair. "Mmmmmm—it's okay if we do a bit of sight-seeing in between therapy sessions."

"Heehee. Might as well have some fun and enjoy the breathtaking atmosphere."

"Yeah... at least until he gets bright enough to figure out which team he's actually pitching for!"

"Oh! Hahaha! My goodness..."

Lemon Hearts sighed through a dry smile. "Alright... alright, girls." She stood up. "Let's get showered and prepared for an early sleep. We gotta get up bright and early tomorrow."

"Awwwwwww! But Lemmy!" Minuette pouted. "Braeburn said that we won't have hot water until he fetches some coal tomorrow afternoon!"

"Precisely."

Twinkleshine giggled.

"Hop to it!" Lemon Hearts clapped her hooves together. "I don't want to ask you girls twice."

"Oh stuff it." Minuette stuck her tongue out. Nevertheless, she giggled and sashayed into the cabin. "You know... you'd make a good older sister. Almost too good."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Lemon Hearts nuzzled Minuette and Twinkleshine as they trotted into the house. She fidgeted slightly when Lyra trotted up. "Erm... that last hour was... pretty pleasant."

Lyra cocked her head to the side. "Any reason it shouldn't have been?"

"Erm... what I'm trying to say is..." Lemon Hearts sighed. "Thanks for... toning it down a bit while Braeburn was visiting. I really think the other two enjoyed themselves."

"Seems like they'd enjoy themselves all the time if you'd let them."

Lemon Hearts blinked. "Huh?"

"Look... I know that my head is awfully tasty to you—almost bite-worthy whenever we're both around each other." Lyra nevertheless leaned in with a calm smile. "But I think we both know I'm not the only pony who needs to tone it down."

Lemon Hearts gulped.

"It's cool that you care so much for the gals. Just learn to trust them a bit more, mmkay?" Lyra winked. "I think you'd be pleasantly surprised."

Lemon Hearts sighed. "I wish I could believe that, Lyra. But..." She trotted melancholically into the cabin. "Because I have been around them so long... I know better."

Lyra stood alone on the front stoop for a moment. A chill in the air sent goosebumps up her coat, and she rushed into the cabin as the distant sound of howling wolves announced the fall of evening. "I suppose when you've once had your head shoved into a beaker... it's hard to tell when it's stuck anywhere else for months on end."

"What was that?"

"Er... n-nothing! Which way to the ice shower?"

If We Can Conspire It, We Can Do It

Blue Crescent – Meeting Room – Late That Same Night

"As for my agents in the field—whom I've already referenced at great lengths..." Princess Plasma looked up from where she sat at the end of a lengthy table. "They are experts at reconnaissance, and they can locate most escaped abominations from the cells of Tartarus. However..." Her ears drooped slightly. "Veteran monster hunters they are not."

Bon Bon, Horizons, and the rest of the agents sat around the far end of the table, nodding collectively.

"That's where the former members of S.M.I.L.E. come in," Haze remarked.

"Such would be ideal," Plasma said. "My vision of this current collaboration is that Blue Nova Industries provides the resources. In the meantime, you and your team act as the mighty sword in this new defensive initiative. Essentially speaking, you would be doing the same exact thing in the field that you've always been doing."

"Only now," Sharp Quill murmured, "We'd have the backup we've always wanted."

Plasma nodded. "It is my hope that things will become a great deal more... agreeable for each and every one of you." Her eyes took on a solemn glint. "I've read extensively about the League's past." She slowly shook her head. "I do not wish to make you suffer another tragedy like that which happened in Stalliongrad."

Bon Bon bowed her head. Betsy rested a hoof on her shoulder.

Garnet glanced over at them, although he said nothing.

"Sergeant...?"

Garnet looked over, standing up straight. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Captain Shining Armor has given you a new place to live and funds to support an alternate identity, correct?"

Garnet cleared his throat. "That he has, Your Highness. It is my intent to... not attract too much attention."

"Gonna be a little hard when you're a walking dildo," Betsy muttered.

"Although I... do not understand that reference," Garnet droned, "I can agree that it will be rather difficult given my crystalline standing. However, I embrace challenges, and for the sake of the League I shall perform my duties with utmost zeal."

"Good. Because a great deal will be required of you," Plasma said. She pointed across the table. "From now on, you shall take instructions directly from Chief Agent Horizons. Is that understood?"

"Absolutely, Your Highness." Garnet turned to bow slightly to the orange unicorn. "Chief."

Horizons nodded back. "If I may ask..." She looked up. "When is our first mission?"

"While I appreciate your strong-headedness, Chief," Plasma spoke, standing up from her seat. "I have no mission to send you on. At least not yet." Her eyes narrowed from afar. "I believe it is only fair to give you and your team a full day to deliberate on the most recent proceedings. For your fellow agents' sake, such time to reflect would be most paramount. Wouldn't you agree?"

"With all due respect, Your Majesty," Chief Agent Horizons spoke. "If you're questioning the loyalty of my brothers and sisters in the field, I can assure you that we will protect and serve all Equestrian interests as mandated by the Royal Canterlot Council—"

"Be that as it may..." Plasma and her guards made a slow trot for the furthest door. "I think we all know that this is a rather dramatic change for the basic infrastructure of the League. Twenty-four hours from now, there will be a meeting with the head financiers responsible for making the renovation of Blue Crescent possible. They will all show up here in this very room. If you and the rest of the League are present to meet them, then and only then I will be fully assured of your commitment, and the House of Trottingham shall not endeavor to prosecute anypony who chooses not to collaborate with us on this new dawn of Equestrian intervention." She bowed low. "Fillies and gentlecolts..."

And with a swish of her royal tail...

...she was gone.

"Hrmmfff..." Betsy exhaled. "Just who's gonna be here tomorrow? Kevin Buckin'?"

"I suppose we'll have to find out," Haze exhaled. "On the eucorn's terms."

"I'm warming up to this," Sharp Quill said. "This is the kind of backup we've always... always wanted."

"Yeah, but for how long is it gonna be so peachy?" Betsy's wrinkled lips tightened. "With the House of Trottingham catching us in a hammock made from bits, there's no way in Hell that we can keep a cork in it from now on."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that we could very well be exposed," Betsy hissed. "I can tell that Plasma's got a bit of an ego. Before the tax collectors and accountants in Central Canterlot trace the money vacuum to the House of Trottingham, she'll likely come out and admit to being the head of a new monster-hunting agency."

"Only... it's not quite so new," Sharp Quill said.

"Exact-to-mundo!" Betsy frowned. "She's gonna make the League public knowledge! That's basically instant castration!"

"We've been secret for thousands of years, Betsy," Haze said. "I doubt even a princess would break that mandate."

"You sure about that?" Betsy asked. "She's pretty much hijacked a deep dark prison for Princess Luna and turned it into a changeling storage device! I mean... just where does the epicness end?!"

"Where she chooses it to," Horizons said, hobbling past the agents.

"And you!" Betsy snorted, turning to point. "Naturally you're first in line to squat at her bedside and suck on her—"

"Can it," Horizons grunted. "And if all you're gonna do from now on is bark up the wrong tree, then you should think twice about showing up tomorrow, Betsy."

"Pffft. For real?" Betsy smirked crookedly. "After all we've been through?"

"In a heartbeat," Horizons hissed. "I'll go out into the wildrness, lasso a hippopotamus, tape a cardboard tube to her forehead and call her 'Betsy 2.0.' There's too much at stake right now to bitch about bitching. So straighten your horn out and stand up to bat. Because I need you more than ever now." She tapped Bon Bon's shoulder. "You. Me. Other room. Now."

Bon Bon nodded, then trotted after the Chief.

The rest of the agents watched in dull silence. At last, when they had exited, they turned to look at Garnet.

Garnet looked back, blinking.

"So... uhm..." Sharp Quill clenched and unclenched her metal beak. "Thrown out of time by a few thousand years, huh?"

"Seven thousand," Garnet said. "Or so I'm told."

"You good in the field, kiddo?" Betsy asked.

Garnet swallowed. "Captain Shining Armor seems to think so."

"Shit gets hairy when battling changelings and tartarusian prisoners," Betsy said. Her eyes narrowed. "Would be a shame to get cracks in that shiny flank of yours."

"Madame, the only crack I see in this room belongs to you," Garnet said. "And from this angle, it looks far darker and deeper an abyss than could ever hold the malevolent spirit of Sombra."

Betsy blinked.

Sharp Quill and Haze were already laughing. The sarosian punched Betsy in the shoulder. "I think he'll bring something snazzy to the table after all."

Garnet's lips curved ever so slightly. "Uhm..." He gulped. "F-forgive me if that was too forward a joccular statement."

"Aaaaaaaaaand he ruins it." Betsy hobbled over and gave his shiny shoulder a slap. "Stick close to us, kiddo. But not too close." Her nostrils flared. "Right after breakfast, I tend to let loose the malevolent spirit of Sombra when I bend over... if you catch my drift."

Garnet gulped. "I... will stay vigilant."

Blue Crescent – Balcony Overlooking Chasm

At last, Chief Agent Horizons shuffled to a stop. She turned and folded her flesh-and-metal forelimbs while casting a squinting glance at Bon Bon. "I'm sure you've been dying to ask me all day about the lack of communication, Sweetie Drops."

Bon Bon took a shuddering breath. "I've been a teensy bit distracted by Princess Prim and Proper—not to mention the collection of living and breathing bug ponies—but yeah..." She folded her own forelimbs and nodded. "I kinda have been."

Horizons took a deep breath. "Sweetie Drops, there's a reason why I did not yet summon you via the sound stone."

"Oh, I get it." Bon Bon's eyes narrowed. "You pitied me after the death of my father. Once Sugar Cane was gone, you felt I was no longer mentally or emotionally equipped to follow in his hoofsteps."

"No." Horizons shook her head. "I wanted to contact you later... separately... alone." A breath. "After this meeting took place."

Bon Bon blinked. "... ... ...I'm afraid you have me confused."

Horizons looked over her shoulder... then leaned in to speak in a breathy tone. "This is between you and me, agent... but I have my... reservations regarding this alliance."

Bon Bon cocked her head to the side. "But you just made it clear to the League that we're to follow through with the merger—"

"Something that we have no choice in." Horizons clenched her jaws. "Maybe the last twelve or so months have limped by for you... but for me? They've been a blur. Things are moving fast... too fast. I'm terribly alarmed at the swiftness with which the Canterlot Royal Council has just hoofed over the fate of the League to the House of Trottingham and Blue Nova Industries."

"Meaning...?"

"There's been a lot of changes in Equestria—most evidently in the upper echelon of the central government," Horizons said. "It's never been the League's job to meddle with politics, but as the sole representative of the League situated in Canterlot for the past year, I've had to deal with countless bureaucrats and penpushers and I'm telling you..." Horizons gulped. "There's a power shift in the Equestrian government, and I believe that the League has become a pawn in such a game."

"How so?"

"So much has happened in the last three years," Horizons said. "The Rise and Fall of Nightmare Moon... the brief reign of Discord... the resurfacing of the Crystal Empire... the crowning of a new alicorn and the birth of another. Then the changelings and Tirek..." Horizons breathed deeply. "Each and every one of these events have directly involved the avatars of Harmony who—as we all know—are fully sanctioned by the Regal Sisters."

"As well as they should be," Bon Bon said. "Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have long been attributed to the Elements of Harmony."

"And where there's Harmony, chaos is quick to follow. While the actions committed by Princess Celestia's star pupil—the Princess of Friendship—have been heroic and noble..." Horizon's eyes narrowed. "There are several within the Royal Council who feel that her rise to power has been too swift... too dramatic." She waved a hoof. "There's a rising phobia... an alicornphobia among the mortal populace... and the fact that Princess Cadance has been swiftly assigned with stewardship over the Crystal Empire doesn't exactly quiet anxious rumors. And now... she's foaled a living alicorn infant—the first in recorded history. Some ponies within the Executive Branch are starting to wonder if we're ultimately destined to be dominated by a global Alicorn Order."

"I... wasn't aware of this paranoid movement," Bon Bon said. "Where exactly are you going with all of this, Chief?"

"Essentially this." Horizons gestured. "From what I've observed, there's a very credible reason to believe that ponies within the Royal Council are working together to influence the Equestrian Legislature."

"Influence them towards what?"

"Towards adopting new and dramatic amendments that will afford executive powers to elected mortals," Horizons said. "All part of a grand plan to change Equestria permanently."

"You mean... from a monarchy to a democracy?"

"When has the world ever worked that decently, Sweetie Drops?" Horizons droned. "I'm talking about an oligarchy... with the dukes and duchesses of this land harboring power instead of the Regal Sisters and their alicorn associates."

Bon Bon blinked off into the abyss. "...you refer to ponies such as Princess Plasma."

"Precisely." Horizons nodded. "And with Prince Blueblood conveniently out of the picture, she's appropriated a grand prison formerly constructed to house the Princess of the Night. If she does become public with the appropriation of the League... imagine the sort of support she would win via our merit alone."

"You think she will take the credit for the re-imprisoning of the Tartarusian escapees and use it for her political benefit?"

"I believe she's already achieved several benefits," Horizons said. "And these 'financiers' that she's wanting us to meet tomorrow? They've all got something to benefit from as well... which is precisely why they are helping her. Together... they'll gradually mold this monarchy into something else... and I'm not sure if that 'something else' is a good thing for ponies abroad."

Bon Bon took a deep sigh. "Why... are you telling me all of this?"

"Because you are your father's daughter."

"Huh?"

"I was going to come to you later, Sweetie Drops." Horizons squinted. "I didn't want you to show up today because I didn't want Princess Plasma to know that you existed."

"Seems hard to hide," Bon Bon said. "The noble's done her homework."

"Trust me. I have my own edge over the Blue-blood." Horizons snorted. "I could have claimed you dead... M.I.A. Anything."

"To what end?"

"I was hoping... to have eyes and ears on the outside," Horizons said with a sigh. "The ability to examine this latest merger without being tracked."

"You... wanted me to become a double-agent?"

"Something that still might be feasible." Horizons swallowed. "You know that new recruit we just got?"

"Sergeant Garnet. The crystal pony."

"Indeed."

"You don't trust him?"

"I think that—on his own—he's harmless. But there's got to be a reason why Plasma selected him personally. From the paperwork I've seen, I believe he may be the start of something."

"Of what, exactly?"

"Plasma's own personal roster of League recruits," Horizons said. "Ponies that are young, impressionable, and—most of all—affordable to the House of Trottingham."

"You think we're being replaced?"

"With all of the implications that I've sniffed up, you bet your candied butt," Horizons grunted. "Well, I've caught wind that Garnet is being situated in the Princess of Friendship's village."

Bon Bon blinked. "You mean Shining Armor has planted Garnet in Ponyville?"

Horizons nodded. "I need somepony to keep an eye on him... to see if Plasma is sending him to do any funny business for Blue Nova Industries apart from the League's sphere of influence. And if he is..."

"You want me to spy on him and give you intel."

"Don't be so stupid." Horizons took a breath. "I want you to become friends with the shiny turd... butter him up... maybe even share a nuzzle or two... and then spy on him."

Bon Bon sighed. "... ... ...how do I know you're not making this all up at the last second just to win back my trust."

"Agent Sweetie Drops..." Horizons stared at her. "When the Bug Bear attacked and ravaged what was left of our League, only one pony faced up to it with relentless zeal more than once... and I'm looking at her right now. You've had my trust for ages. And—right now—you have my hopes in the crook of your fetlock. There's something very... very fishy about this Blue Crescent business. The League has always been abount liberating ponies from monsters. But now? We've been given power... and I fear that it is far too much power... and we need to keep an eye on it before it balloons into something even more frightening. Now... what do you say? Are you up for being extra vigilant for me? For the League? For the legacy that Sugar Cane has left behind?"

Bon Bon leaned back with her forelimbs folded. With a contemplative expression, she stared silently into the black chasm.

Dawn is a Feeling

Outskirts of Trottingham – That Same Evening

With a muffled groan, the fake stump on the edge of the Sherwhinny Forest opened wide. Several bodies shuffled out, among which was Bon Bon.

The mare stared down at the grass as her hooves padded forward, one after another. The "stump" closed behind her, and she sensed the figures of her fellow agents shuffling off in random directions.

"I've got a lot to set in order," Sharp Quill could be heard saying. "I wouldn't tell this to anyone else—but I'm getting kind of sick and tired of Griffonstone anyways."

"It'll be daytime soon," Haze muttered. "I could use the rest."

"You're... coming back, though, right, Haze?" Sharp Quill asked.

Haze exhaled past his fangs. "You'd better believe it." He drew the hood over his head and took off for the sky. "Sure as Hell beats wasting away in Las Pegasus." Fwoooosh!

Betsy shuffled past Bon Bon. "It's a good thing Trottingham ain't so far away from Ponyville." Silence. She came to a stop and looked back. "Eh, girl?"

"... ... ..." Bon Bon looked up. "Hmmm?"

"Fortunate..." The rhinoceros' eyes narrowed. "...isn't it?"

Bon Bon blinked. "I'm in, Betsy," she said firmly. "You don't need to doubt that."

"Should Horizons?"

Bon Bon's jaws clenched.

"Yeah, I get it." Betsy disappeared amidst the dim trees. "'Bon Bon' has left the building. Secretive Sweetie Drops is back. Personally... I much prefer it."

Bon Bon was alone. With a sullen sigh, she trotted southwest. In the middle of her shuffle, she closed her eyes... and thought of a goofy unicorn and her not-so-goofy eyes...

Crystal Empire – Crystal Palace – Balcony – Dawn of the Following Morning

A crisp morning sun rose over the frozen tundra. Its golden rays shone over the thawed earthscape surrounding the Crystal Heart in an immaculate circle. Buildings, streets, and structures glinted in the light of a new dawn.

Captain Shining Armor stared out, blinking blearily. Restless, the Prince rubbed his stubbled muzzle, sighed, and shuffled back inside the immaculately preserved ancient chambers.

Crystal Empire – Crystal Palace – Royal Nursery

With stealthy telekinesis, Shining Armor opened the door to his infant daughter's room. The stallion shuffled in through the dimness, squinting at the shutters lining the window on the far end. He pivoted them—shutting out the rays of the morning sun and casting the room into shadow. He then turned to face the crib in the center of the chamber.

Princess Flurry Heart lay under several pastel sheets, slumbering away in peace.

A tired smile crossed Shining Armor's face. He shuffled over, then leaned in to nuzzle his daughter. The Captain remained there, gazing contemplatively at his offspring as he gently stroked her bangs and face. With a deadpan expression, he backtrotted and stood still... gazing... thinking.

"... ... ...she takes after me, y'know."

"!!!" Shining Armor spun around. He instantly relaxed with an exhale.

His wife, Princess Cadance, sat on a plush set of pillows positioned along the far end of the nursery. She blinked tiredly, but bore a placid smile "A heavy sleeper... at least this time of the day." The alicorn stifled a yawn. "I suppose the two of us should be thankful... but it could be a sign of troublesome habits to come."

Shining Armor shuffled over. It wasn't until he reclined at her side that he whispered back: "I have countless years of experience in drilling recruits." He nuzzled her. "I'll make sure she has a good waking regiment... unlike her mother."

"Hmmmm..." Cadance nuzzled him back. "I foaled her months ago, Shining. I thought you'd be done with restlessly wandering the halls in the early morning."

"I suppose it's just... ingrained in my being," Shining Armor murmured, gazing at the crib from afar. "All those early morning runs for pickles and ice cream... in a frozen land where no crystal pony has ever seen or heard of a 'pickle.'"

Cadance stifled a breathy giggle. "Maybe we can open a new economic trade with the city of Torontrot."

"Not unless we're expecting twins now." Just as Shining said that, his expression blanched into something pale. He gaped at Cadance.

Cadance tried not to laugh too loud. She nuzzled him again. "Relax... relax... we're a party of three."

He sighed. "What's keeping my wife up?"

"Just want to get an early start on adoring our little princess," she said. Her expression turned sympathetic. "I'm also wondering why my husband's become an insomniac."

Shining Armor sighed. "Some things... just can't be solved by shining the Crystal Heart."

Silence.

"You're worried about him, aren't you?"

Shining Armor cleared his throat, gazing across the dim nursery. "Sergeant Garnet may be soft-spoken, but he's a stallion of great integrity and perserverence. I've no doubt that whatever task is being given him by the Royal Council of Canterlot, he'll tackle it with great fervor and tenacity. Besides... from what I've been told, he'll be stationed in Ponyville... which means Twily can look over him."

Cadance gazed at him. "I wasn't talking about Garnet..."

Shining Armor's features sagged. He sighed, frowning slightly. "What's done is done."

"Shining, from what I recall, nothing is done. Everything's in limbo."

He clenched his jaw.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again," Cadance spoke quietly, gently. "He has a chance here in the Crystal Empire. While the rest of Canterlot might have no choice but to recognize his insubordinance, he's a hero in the eyes of the crystal ponies. Just like Spike!"

"It's the principal of the matter, Cadance," Shining muttered. "I should have been more watchful over the stallion. Instead, I slacked off... and now he's a borderline sociopath."

Cadance giggled lightly. "You don't really think he's that far gone... do you?"

Shining Armor sighed. "I know the face of a defeated stallion when I see it."

"And when was the last time he's looked you in the eye?"

"Precisely."

Silence.

"Shining..." Cadance rubbed her cheek against his. "I know as well as you do that he's like a little brother to you." She gulped. "After these past few years, you've grown so close to him."

"Yeah, well... that was a mistake." His nostrils flared. "I was too easy on him, and now he's taken advantage of that."

"I don't think it's quite that bleak." She smiled. "I know for a fact that he values your trust in him just as much as you appreciate his stalward commitment."

"If that was true, then he must be devastated over the past week."

"Perhaps we both know, then, why you're so restless?"

Shining winced... then sighed. "... ... ...I thought that here—in the Frozen North—he could find a way to channel his cavalier spirit... to take an edge off the fire in his soul." He swallowed. "But I underestimated the passion he's had. For all of my tough talk and my strict regimen—I've... not suffered that much, Cadance."

"Is there a reason why you should have?"

"Well, no, but... I feel like I should have been able to relate to the young stallion. To more properly guide him. But now... with each little glance I have into his tragic past... I realize that I could never relate in the first place." Shining stared melancholically across the room. "And it feels as if it's too late to set him straight. It... it makes me wonder if I'll have as much luck as a parent." His voice wavered slightly. "And if I'll f-fail our daughter as well..."

"Shhhhh..." Cadance kissed his ear and held him close. "None of that, now, Shining. You're the best father in all of Equestria. Just like how you're the best big brother anypony could ask for. Twilight can attest to this." She smiled sweetly. "You won't let down Flurry Heart as she grows older. I'm sure of it."

"I certainly hope not," Shining Armor murmured. "I want everypony in Equestria to grow old and healthy... and t-to know that I did the best for this world." He took a deep breath. "And Flash needs to believe that about himself... while it's not too late to stay true to his commitments."

"And I'm sure that he will," Cadance said. "Just—much like you—he needs some time off to adjust."

"Yeah, well... here's hoping."

She cocked her head to the side. "Just where did he go, do you think?"

"Hmmm?"

"Since you gave him a temporary leave of absence... where do you think Flash has gone?"

Shining sighed, staring off at the window shutters. "Hopefully... someplace where he can get his head straight... if not his heart..."

Neigh York – Bucklyn – Crack of Dawn

As the morning sun rose, its golden light glinted off the shiny skyscrapers of Manehattan Island.

Across the river, a dew-laden park resided along the shoreline of Bucklyn Heights. Seagulls cawed in the air as distant ship horns echoed over the waters.

A miniature cemetery resided in a fenced-off clearing several feet from a thick cluster of buildings. Off to the side, two graves resided next to one another in the shade of an oak tree—looking evidently newer than the rest of the plots. The stones read "Stone Gaze" and "Feather Flight."

A set of orange hooves came to a stop, standing before the graves. Flash Sentry laid down a bouquet of lilies. Taking a deep breath, he leaned back and gazed deadpan at the marble surfaces of the stones.

"Well, Mom... Dad..." He swallowed a lump down his throat. "...I kept true to one promise, at least." His blue bangs fluttered in the morning breeze. He adjusted the sleeves of a jacket around his athletic fetlocks. "I didn't bury you both in Neigh Jersey."

Never Strike Twice

Neigh York – Bucklyn – Early Morning

A city that never sleeps has very little trouble waking.

It was barely seven in the morning and already the streets of Bucklyn were bustling with activity. Able-muscled stallions drew wagons in and out of warehouses. Construction workers tore into sections of pavement, repairing water mains and filling the air with the cacophony of heavy machinery. Citizens rushed to work, sharing brief but bellicose words with one another as they hurried under the shadow of multi-story apartments and towering office complexes. Elder ponies sat at windows, storefronts, and balconies—drinking in the urban malaise while sharing in muttering conversations.

Flash Sentry trotted slowly down a sidewalk. Unlike everypony else, his steps were slow, shuffling, and lazy. He bided his time, reflecting the hustle and bustle with a silent deadpan. He kept his wings coiled tightly to his side and his tail barely flicked.

While piercing the heart of Bucklyn, Flash watched as quartets of stallions drew commuter wagons towards the nearest bridge connecting his foalhood home to the Island of Manehattan. In the gaps between buildings, he could spot the glittering towers of the heart of Neigh York. Rippling waters swarmed with freight ships and transport boats. There wasn't a single spot of the maretropolis that wasn't constantly moving, animated, or alive.

A calm breath drew in and out of the stallion's nostrils.

Just then, a round object sharply flew towards his skull.

Thwap! He stretched his left wing out, nimbly blocking the projectile with experienced poise. He glanced over to see that he had just caught a red ball.

A gaggle of colts rushed over, schoolbags flouncing as they hopped up and down and demanded the ball back.

Flash glanced down at them. For the first time that morning, he brandished a smile—if only a small one. With a flex of his muscles, he rolled the ball over his spine, flipped it up over his right wing, then balanced it—spinning—on the very tip of his outstretched tail. The colts gasped, eyes wide. He winked at them, then thrust a rear leg up—kicking the ball so that it arced over his head and landed neatly in front of the schoolfoals. They gave a little cheer, waved, and continued kicking the object down the sidewalk in the opposite direction.

Flash glanced back at them, standing in place. Gradually, his smile faded. Clenching his jaws, he looked ahead and resumed his lurching trot towards a humble five-story building at the corner of the nearest intersection.

Neigh York – Bucklyn – Apartment Building

The stallion shuffled across the decrepit tile of a barren lobby floor. Scraps of paper and piles of dust lined the corners beneath moldy walls. Flash made a bee-line for the stairwell, slowly marching his way up the floors. He shuffled past an unshaven stallion sleeping against the steps under a pile of coats. Flash paused briefly... sighed... and dropped a few golden bits on the floor beside the unconscious pony before continuing.

Once he reached the fourth story, he stepped down a long hallway with flickering lights. Crooked numbers lined the doors—or at least most of them. He heard the crackle of radio broadcasts through the frames, and the stained walls occasionally thumped with muffled voices and domestic arguments.

At last—just before the fire escape—Flash reached a door with the number "414." Morning light through a translucent window illuminated the thick rusted doorknob. Flash Sentry fiddled with his wingtips, then produced a key. He stood in place, hesitating slightly. His ears twitched to the sound of a jackhammer somewhere in the streets below.

Finally—weathering a sigh—he slid the key into the lock, gave it a turn, and opened the door with a pronounced creak.

Flash entered the apartment, his blue eyes blinking left and right.

The place was small and empty—save for a stack of cardboard boxes up against the wall to his immediate right. A stretch of windows lined a balcony with dusty drapes. Aside from that, all of the furnishing had been removed, and Flash could still see rectangular spots across the floor that marked the places where couches and tables had stood for years on end—only to be removed just a few months ago.

Slowly, Flash closed the door behind him. He was swallowed in silence—or at least the most silence he could afford in the heart of Bucklyn. The apartment building shook and hummed with mostly disgruntled life beneath him. The immediate walls—however—cocooned him in tense solemnity.

After a long while, he finally built up the nerve to trot forward. He passed a closet with a slitted door, then glanced into a barren bathroom. Next, he looked into the kitchen, observing the empty drawers and countertops. On a silent whim, he passed down a claustrophobic hallway and gazed into two bedrooms—one large but humble, the other one tiny and haunting. He lingered at the last room, his eyes tracing the edges of a window positioned above a wall permanently etched with the outline of a phantom bed. The room was plain and empty, and yet every crack in the wall and imperfection in the ceiling had pronounced significance to the stallion.

With a heavy heart, he turned tail and trotted away from the sight, his hooves making lonely thuds against the floor. At last, he returned to the main room from whence he came. Flash's head pivoted to the left, his gaze falling on the stack of cardboard boxes. His wings coiled tighter... but he finally built up the nerve to move forward and open one of the containers. Inside, he could see countless heirlooms and miscellaneous objects far too fragile for the movers to take from the building.

Reaching in, he fiddled through the various nick-nacks: a pocketwatch, a replica of the Statue of Harmony, a porcelain swan surrounded in bubble-wrap, a makeup case. At last, he found a canvas-bound book. Holding his breath, he opened the tome, revealing glossy plastic sheets fitted with countless photographs. Flash Sentry flipped slowly forward, taking his time in absorbing the album. The pages gradually turned from black and white to gray to faded amber. When he eventually reached sheets fitted with surviving color, he came to a stop. The photographs predominantly featured three ponies—a mare and a stallion and little orange colt. Flash's hoof rested against a picture featuring the trio cuddled closely together, wearing matching sweaters with a fully-lit Hearth's Warming Tree in the background.

Flash's glossy eyes reflected warm smiles. His muzzle twitched... the edges almost curving up to match them—

Th-Thump!

"... ... ..." Flash stood perfectly still. Deadpan. His ears pivoted, twitched, then came to rest in their original position.

Silence.

In a calm breath, Flash placed the album and other objects back into the box.

In an even calmer breath, he stacked the box into place and trotted towards the front door.

But just as he held his hoof out to the knob...

...he flapped his wings savagely forward, forcing his body into a nimble backflip. Th-Thwooosh! He landed right in front of the closet, bucked the slitted door open, and reached inside. "Rrrrrrgh!" He body-slammed a hidden pegasus onto the floor. Thud!

"Owww!" a female voice rasped, twitching in pain as her aquamarine body sprawled out. "Ow ow ow owwwww... shit..."

Flash hunched over to punch her skull in—but stopped. Breathing through a frown, he stood up and muttered, "You always sucked at standing still."

"Grffff..." The mare rubbed her head through a golden mane, squinting up at him. "Nice to s-see you too, Flash."

"Speak for yourself." Flash pointed at the door. "Now get the Hell out of my home."

"I thought this was your parents' home!"

"All the more reason for you to scram." His brow furrowed. "How did you even get in here to begin with?"

"Pfft... come on..." She sat up with a wry smirk. "You can body-slam me anyday, Flash. But don't insult me."

Flash leaned back, folding his forelimbs. "I'm waiting."

"Uhm..." She cocked her head to the side. "I knocked out the landlord and picked the lock with a hairpin?"

Silence.

Sighing, the mare hung her head. "The stupid window to your room still slides open when you jiggle it a bit to the left. I guess nopony ever bothered to repair that over the past eight years."

"Hrmmmfff..." Flash sighed. "Not much of a difference it'll make now."

"Yeah, well..." She winked. "You sure didn't seem to mind having a broken window way back when... hmmm?"

"Uh huh." Flash pointed once more to the door. "You can go now, Lightning Dust."

"Oh come onnnnn!" She pouted. "Aren't you at least going to ask me what I'm doing here?"

"Yes." Flash glared. "You're breaking and entering. Which—last time I checked—could get you several months in the Neigh York Penitentiary at least."

Lightning Dust stood up, snarling. "I'm trying to meet up with an old friend!" She stomped her hoof. "Because Celestia help me find him any other way! You don't return any of my mail, and none of the ponies in Canterlot can recall having seen you on patrol—"

"I've been stationed in the Crystal Empire the past year."

"The Crystal Empire?!" Lightning Dust did a double-take. "Shit, Flash! I figured you took the changeling invasion hard—but isn't that a little extreme?"

He squinted. "You would break into my parents' apartment for the express purpose of running into me?"

"Of course!" Lightning Dust frowned at him. She blinked. "Well..." The mare toed the floor with an aquamarine hoof. "That and... uhm... I needed a place to sleep the last two evenings." She rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't believe the hotel rates in Bucklyn these days. Shit on a stick... there's gentrification, and then there's the overpriced genocide of cockroaches..."

Flash sighed, pacing towards the door. "Drop the pretense, Lightning Dust. We've got nothing to say to one another."

"Oh please, Flash..." She gestured. "You and I go way back. We're practically family!"

He stood with his hoof on the doorknob, glaring at her. "Lightning, how many letters have you actually written to me over the past few years?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—"

"The only time you've ever legitimately wanted to meet up is because you've needed a favor."

"Yeah? So? That's what friends do!"

"Only every favor I've ever done for you has ended up a total waste of time and effort due to your recklessness."

"Yeesh." Her ears stretched flat as she gave him a bland expression. "You sure know how to hit it on the nose, don't you?"

"I'm a serious stallion, Lightning."

"You weren't always! Come on, Flash..." She shuffled up to him, gently removing his hoof from the doorknob. "Why don't you hold off from kicking my butt out for just a little bit, huh?" She smiled. "For real! Let's chat a bit! Catch up! Y'know... like old times!"

"Lightning, I don't have the time for this."

"For what? Friends?" She raised an eyebrow. "You've already run out of parents, Flash. Are you really... truly ready for a stupidly empty life?"

Flash stared at her. Slowly, he sighed.

Catching Upchuck

Neigh York – Bucklyn – Apartment Balcony

Four stories below, a quartet of firefighters speedily drew a water-wagon down the street, sirens blaring. Pegasus taxis flew overhead while construction crews hammered away at pavement in the distance.

All of this background noise melted beneath the weight of Lightning Dust's laughter.

"Hah hah hah!" She slapped her knee, leaning precariously off the edge of the fire escape. "Yes! Yes! Now that's the Flash Sentry I know!" She grinned aside at the stallion. "As soon as I heard about those yaks getting their teeth in, I thought 'That's exactly the kind of shit only Flash could pull off!'"

"Hrmmmff..." Flash Sentry perched atop a rusted flight of stairs, staring dispassionately across the rooftops of Bucklyn. "News travels way too fast these days."

"Uhm... Dude..." Lightning Dust raised an eyebrow. "Manehattan Daily News is all over that 'Northern Yakyakistani Aggression' shit. Plus... there's television." She smirked. "You've seen television, right?"

"What's a 'television?'" Flash droned.

"Pfffft... even you can't be that stiff. Then again... guess they don't have the latest Equestrian technology up in the Frozen North." Lightning Dust began tight-rope-walking across the fire escape's railing. "Don't worry, dude. Your bromance buddy—Shining Armor—didn't give away any names when he was interviewed by the press. He just said that one of his subordinates 'acted out of line, but was nevertheless instrumental in saving the innocent hostages of the Crystal Empire.'"

Flash bit his lip.

Lightning saw it. "What's that I see?" She twirled about—balanced on one agile hoof. "Is that an ounce of pride trying to leak out?"

"My C.O. is far too forgiving..." He gulped, staring down at the alley far below the fire escape. "It's... distressing to hear him putting his own reputation on the line for me. I should have been dishonorably discharged for my actions."

"Bullshit. If you ask me, you should have been promoted, dude." Lighting Dust hopped up, then landed on another single hoof. She stretched her wings out, balancing. "You took a stupidly absurd situation in your own hooves and saved a bunch of innocent lives!" Her teeth showed in a wide grin. "It's the exact same thing I would have done in your situation! That gives me hope, Flash."

He looked up—if only to frown at her. "Don't even pretend to compare the two of us."

"Heh heh heh..." She chuckled raspily, tight-walking forward. "Why the Hell not?"

"I let my frustrations out on an irredeemable bunch of meatheaded yaks," Flash grumbled. "You put half-a-dozen innocent ponies in unnecessary danger just to make yourself look good to the Wonderbolts."

"Pffft... so maybe I showed off a bit too much."

"They kicked you out of the Academy, Lightning Dust. You were a dangerous wildcard."

"No. I was unique." She tilted her nose up. "And just because those flankholes couldn't appreciate my badassery, they threw me out of their sissy little camp. Pffft... big frickin' whoop." Her muzzle scrunched as she playfully leaned back and forth. "All I hear is that the Wonderbolts are a bunch of shitty hypocritical try-hards anyways."

"Lightning Dust, when are you ever going to realize that there are rules that must be adhered to in life?"

She smirked, her eyes twinkling. "You mean like the ones you royally tossed to the wind when it came time to collect yak teeth?"

Flash sighed, rubbing his face. "I bucked up... okay? I let anger and emotion get to me..."

"Heh... that's not the way I see it." Lightning Dust jumped, forward-flipped, and landed on the metal platform beside him. "I think you just rediscovered your spark." She punched him in the shoulder. "This stiff stallion is reconnecting with the slick bastard he left behind at the gates to the Canterlot Armory!"

"That 'slick stallion' is no more," Flash insisted. He snorted. "I've worked very hard to get where I am, Lightning. I'm not about to throw it all away."

"Uhm... correct me if I'm wrong..." She blinked. "But didn't you kinda sorta do that already?"

"Rmmmff... I'm on extended leave," he muttered. "Not... quite sure what my fate is yet."

"Yeesh." Lightning Dust blinked. "You're right. Your CO is forgiving."

He sighed, staring off.

"Heh... sore spot?" She smiled, trotting around to catch his eye again. "Let's face it, Flash. Those crystal ponies? I hear they're super big on hero worship. Probably explains why they all became the proverbial bitches to Sombra to begin with."

"Do you have a point?"

"Shining can't strip you of your commission. Not if he and that pink faerie he's married to both want to keep things all hunkey-dory between the Empire and the rest of Equestria. That place is gonna be merged with the Monarchy sooner than later, and the stewards gotta play nice to the locals. So... how's that gonna happen if they shit all over their newest hero?"

"I don't feel like a hero," Flash Sentry muttered. "Maybe if you were in my place, Lightning, you'd pat yourself on the back. But..." He shivered slightly. "...I can't get the look of disappointment on Shining's face out of my head."

"You gonna invite me to your honeymoon or what?"

"Ungh... Lightning..."

She chuckled, leaning back with a smirk. "Relax, Flash. The way I see it... this is a much-needed vacation."

"I'm a soldier of the royal guard," he said with a frown. "It's not my place to relax."

"You're doing a good job so far."

"I'm supposed to protect the citizens of Equestria and abroad," Flash said. "And I can't be doing that if I'm breaking the rules set before me and the rest of the Guard."

"And what if the rules themselves just... y'know... suck?"

He looked at her. "Huh?"

"Seriously, Flash, since you seem to be doing a whole lot of soul-searching as of late... think about it..." Lightning gazed his way with a sincere expression. "What have all these rules done to protect the ponies most important to you?"

He was dead silent.

"I'm not a complete and total bitch, y'know." She took a deep breath. "I... liked them too, Flash." A hard swallow. "Not as much as you did, of course... but you were their son. I just... can't imagine how much it must burn inside to look back on that day in Canterlot." She shook her head. "You did everything by the book and still what did it get you?"

"Unfortunate things happen..."

"Yeah, but that's gravity, Flash." Lightning Dust gestured. "Face it. Your parents never asked to be wasted away by a bunch of changelings. Just like those crystal ponies never asked to be imprisoned by yaks—but look at what a little bit of initiative can accomplish!"

Flash stood up, suddenly fuming. "My parents were crushed to a pulp under a collapsed archway, Lightning!" The tips of his ears burned red. "Even me at my best couldn't fend off the swarm that tore up that district of Canterlot!"

She grimaced. "Okaaaay... so... uh..." A gulp. "Sucky analogy. My bad. But... you g-get it, right?" She put on a nervous smile. "No, you can't stop all the bad stuff. And it's healthy... y'know? That you can admit that—especially about your parents."

"Grfff..." Flash rubbed his face. "Why are we even having this conversation...?"

"Becaussse..." She leaned forward. "I know you, Flash. And I know that you joined the Royal Guard not because you wanted to follow rules... but because you wanted to make things right in this nasty world."

"Spoken by a pegasus who likes to do everything wrong."

"Hey!" She rested a hoof over her chest. "I'm ambitious. And ambition requires a keen eye! And I have been keeping an eye on a lot of the shit going down in this city and—well..."

"Well what?"

"How would you..." She looked around, then drifted closer, bringing her words down to a murmur. "...like to do some truly heroic stuff for more 'unfortunate ponies?'"

Flash blinked. He narrowed his eyes. "What are you getting at?"

"What else?" Lightning Dust wagged her eyebrows. "The real reason why I'm here?"

"Now you're being truthful with me?"

"Shhhhhh!" She motioned him closer, then whispered in his ear: "How would you like to kick some really... really evil tail?"

Flash stared at her. He breathed tightly. "How evil...?"

Flash, Flings, and Old Lightnings

Neigh York – Bucklyn – Flash's Parents' Apartment

Schwisssssh—Thunk! Lightning Dust slid the balcony window shut, muffling the loud urban world beyond. Smiling, she turned to look into the heart of the apartment. "Tell me... are you familiar with Jasmine Enterprises?"

Flash Sentry leaned up against a wall with his forelimbs crossed. "Well... who isn't?" A breath. "They're a major Manehattan Corporation," he said. "They own several of the trans-oceanic manacrystal imports from Saddle Arabia." He blinked, thinking hard. "They also specialize in real estate... tourism..." He scratched his chin. "Aren't they situated in Sapphire Towers in the heart of Manehattan Island?"

Lightning Dust nodded. "Now..." She took a few quiet steps across the barren apartment. "...what would you say if I told you that they're corrupt as all Hell?" Her brow furrowed. "And that their chief executive—Jasper Jasmine—is the worst of the whole bunch?"

Flash sighed. "So... what you're telling me is that a large, insanely-rich corporation is somehow crooked in its upper levels?" He gave her a cynical look. "Come on, Lightning. You're usually a lot more impressive than this."

"Shhhhh!" She frowned. "This world is full of liars and cheaters, sure. But I'm talking really... really corrupt." She glanced over her shoulder as if there might be spies in the walls of the room. "Like... 'innocent ponies disappearing in the river on a weekly basis' corrupt." She looked back at Flash, her eyes wide. "I'm talking about an organization that has its claws sunk super deep in every bank imaginable and is robbing money from Manehattanites every day and every night."

"Since when were you so concerned about conspiracy theories?"

"Flash! I'm being serious here!"

"I know. And it tastes weird." Flash's eyes narrowed on her. "Since when were you so concerned about crooked bureaucracies?"

"You know me, Flash." She winked. "I like a little bit of morning schaudenfraude in my cup. There's just... something super... super satisfying about seeing big fat cats take a huge tumble once justice catches up to them."

"You've always had a real fetish for the establishment crumbling apart."

"Yeah! You see?"

Flash droned, "Only because you've always had an anarchist edge to you."

"Psssst! Shuddup. I really mean it this time!" Lightning Dust gestured. "These dudes up in Jasmine Enterprises? They're running the biggest mafia empire in the history of Manehattan! And the shittiness drips all the way down from the very top—Jasper Jasmine herself!"

"Lightning, Jamine Enterprises has been hailed by multiple publications as one of the most generous philanthropist organizations in the last decade," Flash said. "Jasper Jasmine has shaken hooves with Princess Celestia and had her face featured on Trot Magazine. She's the very paragon of Equestrian business ethics and public relations."

"And where better to hide your true colors than at the very top?!"

Flash frowned. "Didn't Jasmine Enterprises build an entire low-affordable residential complex on Stallion Island?"

"Mmmhmm..." Lightning Dust's teeth showed beneath her smile. "And just where do you think Jasmine hustles her stupidest, cheapest thugs?"

Flash rubbed his forehead, sighing. "Lightning... I haven't the slightest idea where you're going with this latest crazy scheme—"

"It's not crazy!" she pouted.

The stallion continued: "—but assuming that even an infinitesimal smidgen of this was true, then the organization would have had to have gone through incalculably epic lengths to cover its own nefarious tracks." He looked up. "And a single pegasus couldn't possibly unveil any of this overnight."

"What if... a certain single pegasus... has already found evidence?" Lightning Dust murmured.

"Like, what, from the inside?"

Lightning merely grinned.

Flash paled. His ears drooped as he stood up straight, growling: "Lightning Dust, what kind of trouble have you gotten into this time?"

"Okay... look..." Lightning Dust cleared her throat, waving a hoof from side to side. "After all that bullshit at Wonderbolt Academy, I needed... uh... to do some silly things to scrape a few bits for myself, y'know?"

"What have you done?" Flash snarled.

"Nothing violent! I promise you!" She gulped. "I mean... I'd never stoop to mugging. Even if this world is full of cowards and pussies, that's no excuse to do something uncool like harming other ponies' health, much less their bit bags—"

"I thought you were done with this crap, Lightning!" Flash began pacing furiously, tail flicking. "Those gangs in the Lower Broncos! The 'used watch salesponies' from Stallion Island—"

"Hey! You're not the only pony who can learn from past mistakes!" Lightning tilted her chin up. "Once burned, twice shy, Flash! I'm not gonna repeat history! Especially the cruddy parts!"

"Then what in Tartarus are you doing now?!"

"Just delivering packages, y'know!" Lightning shrunk away slightly from his glare. "I... uh... started seeking some quick jobs around town, y'know? I made some friends... and some of their friends' friends connected me to other friends who... uhm... gave me a courier job every few days. Just... delivering stuff from block to block while... ahem... avoiding the fuzz..."

"Grfffff..." Flash Sentry face-hoofed. "...Lightning..."

"And, like, I do a good job at mindlessly zipping around from building to building! Ain't no denying that!" She smirked. "And one thing led to another and suddenly I'm being sent downtown to Manehattan Island, assisting in... erm... group jobs."

"What kind of jobs?"

"Transporting a bunch of unmarked boxes in and out of the shipyards. Real hush-hush stuff."

"And none of this ever struck you as even the least bit fishy?"

"Well... uh... there was that one time that one of the boxes tipped over and... erm... a bunch of strange purple vapors came drifting out of the lid."

Flash blinked.

"I rushed over to set the thing upright again, and the overseer at the time shoved me back, yelling a whole bunch of random shit about how 'dangerous' it was. At first, I thought the guy was looking after my neck. But then—with each delivery—I started... hearing things. Like... stuff about shady dealings with parties in central Equestria: minotaurs and diamond dogs and other creeps. Then I start hearing about blacklists... with names that match the next week's obituary..."

"Lightning Dust..." Flash moaned. "Won't you ever... ever learn to stop digging a grave for yourself?" He gestured. "You've just got yourself attached to the hip of the Black Market."

"Yeah! And almost all of the delivery spots take place on Jasmine Enterprises property! I'm telling you, Flash... they're doing some nasty things!"

"No, you're doing some nasty things." He frowned. "You need to get out of this business before it buries you!"

"Nah! Don't you get it?!" She smiled. "There's something super awesome about this! We can turn this around on its head!"

"Lightning—"

"Sure, it's really shitty, and I've run into a bunch of really nasty ponies... but I like to look at it as though there's a supreme purpose! Something divine... even destined, y'know?" She waved. "I've stopped being an observer! Now I'm a pillar! And if I so choose, I can release my grip of the foundation and let the whole stinkin' organization collapse in on its own weight!"

Flash stared calmly at her. "... ... ...how much do you owe them?"

"Pffft. What?!" Lightning Dust laughed raspily, her mane slightly frazzled. "What are you even going on about?"

"You don't delve in things unless there's a risk to it, Lightning," Flash said. "Admit it. Getting tangled up with these creeps has a certain degree of excitement in it for you. But you absolutely suck with money. It's one of the few things in life that you can't outfly. So tell me... just how deep are you in debt? And what stands to happen to you if you don't pay up?"

"This isn't a repeat of the mess I made in the Lower Broncos, Flash. For real! We're in the right place and the right time to expose these motherbuckers!" She folded her forelimbs, blew a tuft of golden mane hair out from before her eyes, and glared off. "... ... ...anyways... five thousand bits."

"I knew it..."

"But th-that's not a factor, Celestia Damn It!" Her voice cracked. "If I wanted to, I could split! I could fly far... far away from this town and live safely outside of the influence of Jasmine Enterprises!"

"You mean these stupid gangs—"

"They all answer to Jasper Jasmine, Flash," she said with a frown. "And this next job I've got going on late tonight? Out by the docks?" She smirked. "I've come up with a plan to expose these morons... to bring their corruption to the light."

"You'll be exposing yourself too," Flash droned. "Ever thought of that?"

"Pffft. Shuddup! One thing at a time! For once, I wanna do something that's heroic." She smirked slyly. "You wanna be a hero in life, right?"

"What do you want from me, Lightning?"

"I want to borrow your badflankery," she said. "Just for a night." Silence. "And no, not in the sexy way. Although..." She purred. "I wouldn't mind that either... heehee..."

"Ugh..."

Evidently Not Mad Enough

Neigh York – Bucklyn – Flash's Parents' Apartment

"I... uh... I made a new friend," Lightning Dust said. She blinked wide. "I-I mean a very honest friend!"

"Uh huh..." Flash droned, standing across the empty room from her.

"And... uhm... this friend? This new buddy of mine?" Lightning gulped. "She has... uhm... connections. Fancy connections... that will have an edge over my not-so-honest friends. And... right now the plan is to have her join me."

"Join you?"

"At the docks. Tonight. During the latest exchange." Lightning Dust ran a hoof through her mane, trying to hide her trembles. "She'll hide out in the shadows and play the part of observer, recording what's going down for evidence. Then, when the exchange is done, we'll go our separate ways under the cover of night. I'll take the first train out of town, and she'll expose these jokers—and Jasmine Enterprises by extension—to the public. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy."

"I'd beg to differ," Flash said. "If your corrupt companions are even the slightest bit resourceful, they'll likely have the entire district cased."

"Nuh uh! They won't notice my friend!"

"How could you possibly know that?"

Lightning Dust winked. "Because I'm the thug on watch tonight! It's my job to 'case the joint.' And I'm gonna give my buddy a window to crawl through so she can get the real scoop on what's going down!"

"You've buried yourself neck-deep in the Black Market," Flash said. "And now you're needlessly endangering your whistle-blowing friend." He shook his head. "It's just the same old cycle of stupidity, Lightning. You like to say that you've 'changed,' and now I see that's sadly true. You never used to get innocent ponies involved in your shenanigans. But between what went down at the Academy and what's happening here... I'm starting to wonder if the 'devil' has taken over the 'dare' in my old daredevilish friend."

"Poetic, ya dick," Lightning Dust droned. "Can't you see that I'm trying to do a very noble thing?"

"If you can't live long enough to get to the 'noble' part, then what's the point?"

"Yeah, it's dangerous! Risky, even! But that's why I'm here, Flash!" She trotted towards him. "If we had just a little bit more help from the outside—a true blue badass who could kick the butts of several yaks and not blink—"

"I'm not gonna help you commit suicide," Flash said. "You're dabbling with danger and debt. That's nothing that you should be tempting any further."

"I'm talking about tearing the whole thing apart at its foundation!" she exclaimed. "For real! My new friend can expose these creeps! Bring the whole Enterprise collapsing in on itself! It'll wash Manehattan squeaky clean!"

"If you care so much for justice..." Flash pointed out the window. "Why not just go to the police with this information. They'll have the resources to sniff out these jerks—"

"I can't go to the police, Flash!"

"Why? Because they'll throw you in irons too?"

"No!" She frowned. "Because they're elbow-deep in Jasmine Enterprise's bit bag! Don't you get it?! Jasper Jasmine has been running her organization blood deep into the roots of Manehattan! She's got the police chief by the scrotum! All of his officers are working for her—even if they know it or not! Tart, by now she probably owns a good chunk of the newspapers as well!"

"With all the mistakes you've made, can you really... truly afford to invest so much in a conspiracy theory?"

"Flash... Flash..." Lightning Dust sighed into her fetlock. "It's not a conspiracy theory... it's real life." She looked up, frowning. "I've seen and heard enough to confirm this crud. You... you just gotta believe in me. Have some goddess-damned faith."

He stared at her. Deadpan. "After all the times you've burned me... embarrassed my friends and family... you really think I can trust you?"

She smiled pathetically. "You used to, y'know." A gulp. "Heart and mind... and body."

Flash shuddered, looking off. "Don't remind me..."

"Of what?" She trotted towards him, voice dripping. "Of the days when you used to laugh? Used to smile?" Her lips curved. "When you used to worry about beating speed records and not shining your uniform all nice and sparkly?" A giggle. "You know... there was a time when I made the bed."

"I was stupid, egotistical, and restless."

"You were a pony... not this... lame machine." She sighed, leaning in to nuzzle him. "I was kinda sorta hoping—with the badassery that went down in the Crystal Empire—that a bit of the old you had resurfaced—"

He shoved her away. "Rrrgh... I worked hard, Lightning. For years on end, I worked my flank off to become something worthy of protecting Equestrian interests! Not just as a thug in a helmet—but as a symbol, y'know?" He frowned. "And that's something you're never going to strive hard enough to understand! That you gotta be better than yourself to achieve something truly honorable!" He sighed. "And for a brief moment... I forgot all of that." He clenched his jaw. "I'm not gonna throw that down the toilet again."

"Or maybe..." She squinted at him. "...for the briefest of moments... you remembered what it meant to love and honor your parents' memory."

Flash's jaw clenched. "That's low, Lightning Dust. Even for you."

"You mad?"

"Go buck yourself."

"Great!" She smirked devilishly. "Channel that anger... and holster it for tonight! Come with me to the docks! Help my friend and I do something truly awesome and then—I promise—I will be out of your hair."

"I'm through with stupid, reckless stunts, Lightning," Flash droned. "And so are you."

"Flash, come on—"

"No. This conversation is over." He marched over to the window and opened it, pointing outside. "Leave. Not just this apartment—but this town. It's for your own good."

"I'm no coward."

"No, and at the rate you're going you won't live long enough to be brave." His glare hardened. "Find a new town and a new life to start over, Lightning. And if you can't do that, then go to the police."

"Have you heard a single thing I've said—?"

"Yes. And it's as crazy as all the other pointless exercises you've spent your adult life on. That's why I could never tolerate 'us' any more, Lightning. You're just... just too see-through, and I could no longer settle for what I saw on the inside. Celestia knows how you can bear with it every day on your own."

Silence.

On shuffling hooves, Lightning trotted past him and mounted the window frame. "Wanna know how I bear with it?" She passed him an angry stare. "I actually try to enjoy life. If somepony I once knew still had a grasp of that... then maybe he'd understand why it was so worth protecting."

"Are you done?" he muttered.

"Nope. But your folks sure are." She produced a bitter smirk. "Bet you wish you could take that back, huh?" Fwoooosh! And she was gone.

Schwisssssh—Thump! Flash slammed the window shut after her... but remained there, leaning against the pane with shuddering breaths. Sighing, he rubbed a hoof over his clenched eyes, keeping the moisture in.

Eventually, under a heavy shadow, he trotted across the apartment and resumed putting the boxes in order.

Blonde and Blonder

Manehattan – Manehattan Daily News Headquarters – Ground Floor Studio

"Sociologists at the Canterlot Institute for Draconian Studies have several prevailing theories for the inexplicable appearances of these flying dragons outside of the regular Dragon Migration," Satin Cinders said, sitting at her desk and staring at the cameras. "However, all of the ideas are admittedly circumstantial at best. When interviewed via sound stone, Professor Mareiarty was quoted as saying: 'Normally, the presence of random dragons flying wayward paths across Equestria would indicate the social collapse of a matriarch or patriarch's brood. However, with the crowning of a new Dragonlord, the reality of the situation is truly unknown, but there is no indication that the dragons' presence are even remotely hostile.'" Satin Cinders smiled into the camera while shuffling her cue cards. "On behalf of Manehattan Daily News, I would like to thank Professor Mareiarty for her scientific optimism. In this day and age, we could certainly use a healthy outlook."

A red light above the camera started flashing. A stage director waved his hoof up in circles.

Satin took a deep breath. "And that is all for this hour of regularly scheduled program! Tune in next time as we take a closer look at Geese. State Fowl? Or Feathered Fiend?! I'm Satin Cinders, and this is Manehattan Daily News. Signing out."

Silence. Eventually, the lights above the cameras went out as the signal switched to another feed.

"No longer hot, everypony."

The studio bustled with commotion as crew members went about in random directions, cleaning up and examining equipment.

Satin Cinders adjusted her blouse, stood up, and gathered her notes.

A stallion trotted over. "Textbook as ever, Ms. Cinders." He raised an eyebrow. "Although... that last bit with the sappy 'optimism' stuff?"

"Yeah?" She looked up, blue eyes blinking behind a strand of blonde hair. "What about it?"

"Heh... not sure the chief is gonna be a big fan..."

"Look, Mike..." Satin took a swift drink from a coffee mug and exhaled. "If Bleed wants to spread doom and gloom that badly, he can bleach his mane blonde, slap on a dress, and sit here before the camera himself."

"Heh... going against the flow seems to be your call in life."

"If trying to keep the public happy and hopeful is what it means to 'go against the flow,' then Manehattan is worse off than I imagined."

"Just don't shake things up too much," the stallion said, waving as she trotted off. "I'd hate for the Chief to replace you with someone boring and—y'know—less beautiful."

"You say that as if I'm the one doing the shaking!" Satin Cinders exited the studio alone, breathing to herself. "I swear to Celestia... will he ever stop gawking at my tail hairs...?"

Manehattan – Manehattan Daily News Headquarters – Fortieth Floor – Satin Cinders' Office

The door unlocked... then swung open.

Satin Cinders entered in reverse, balancing a stack of portfolios on her flank. She closed the door shut, fiddled with the lock, then paused to stare at a calendar hanging on the back. After a few calm breaths, she turned around and trotted towards her desk—

Somepony was already seated there, reclining. "Your office smells like lavender perfume," Lightning Dust droned. "Girly as buck."

"Gaaaaaieee!" Satin jumped back—portfolios flying. She instinctually thrust a hoof into her blouse pocket, pulling out a jar of mace and juggling it in mid-air before dropping it clumsily to the ground. At last, she slumped in place with a wheezing exhale. "... ... ...do all pegasi believe that having wings means a free ticket for window invasion?"

"Nah. Just this one." Lightning Dust used one of her propped-up rear fetlocks to turn a framed article around. "Did you write this?"

"No." Satin rolled her eyes. "A.K. Yearling did."

"Cute." Lightning's amber eyes narrowed on the headline. "Crazy to think you once tried to take on the Manehattan Metro."

"Yeah, well..." Satin sighed as she squatted down to pick up her dropped papers. "Chief Reads had it published in an opinion column..." She frowned. "Six sheets from the front page. But still..." She sighed again. "...I felt ever so slightly justified when the Metro's construction crews were caught burrowing through a cemetery eight months later."

"Guess you shoulda made a bigger splash."

"Yeah, well... I didn't have enough weight to my words."

Fw-Fw-Fw-Fw-Fwooooosh! An aquamarine blur circled around Satin Cinders. In a matter of seconds, every single sheet of paper had been scooped off the floor. In the end, Lightning Dust levitated in front of the mare, cradling the neatly-stacked papers and smirking. "Or maybe you just didn't have the right partner to do the gruntwork for you."

Satin blinked at her. She took the stack of papers and flipped through the first dozen or so. "... ... ..." She glared. "These are completely out of order, now."

Lightning shrugged. "I said I was quick. Not efficient."

"Yes, well... can you afford to be both for once?" Satin stood up and placed the papers on her desk. "Especially..." A gulp. "...tonight?"

Lightning leaned against the bright windows. "Guess I'm gonna have to be."

"Hmmmm?" Satin looked over. "Has something changed?"

"Eh..." Lightning Dust gazed down at the distant streets of Manehattan below. "Remember that old friend I told you about?" She gulped. "The one I was hoping would lend us a hoof?"

"... ... ...yeah?"

"Well, turns out he's way stuffier than I had thought." Lightning Dust blew out the side of her muzzle. "Should have figured. When his parents died, it took the last snazzy spark out of him. He's practically a block of wood now—and I don't mean the good kind."

Satin Cinders slowly nodded. "Well... I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah. Tonight's gig would have been way smoother with his help."

"No. I mean... I can tell that he still means a lot to you, and I'm sorry you couldn't reconnect."

"Pffft... as if..." Lightning looked over with a smirk. "Buck that guy, y'know? Once a brick, always a prick. That's my motto."

"How much... uhm..." Satin Cinders cleared her throat. "How much did you tell him?"

"Eh... don't worry. He won't rat us out."

"You sure?"

"Flash is many things," Lightning Dust said, trotting back to the desk. "But he's no stool pigeon."

"Even when it's a matter of stool pigeoning?"

"Unless one of us is wearing a badge, he wants no part in the operation," Lightning said. "And... I-I guess there's enough of a friend left inside of him that won't do anything to crush all that I've worked to set up."

"What did he tell you, exactly?"

"To get the Hell out of Dodge... or else report the situation to the police."

Satin Cinders sighed, shuffling through her papers. "Your friend sounds thoughtful... but not very bright."

"Hah! Tell me about it." Lightning smirked... then blinked at her. "Hey... you nervous?"

"What makes you s-say that?"

Lightning pointed at Satin's hooves.

The anchorpony's papers trembled in her grasp.

Closing her eyes tight, Satin took a deep breath—then murmured: "It's been a while since I've taken anything this big on. I'm... rusty."

"You don't look so brittle to me, babe," Lightning said. "You're a mare on a mission. And right now—so am I!" She smirked. "Don't you freak out or nothing. We're gonna expose these jerkoffs and tear them down a peg!"

"I would hope so..."

"You're... not scared of Jasper Jasmine, are you?"

"No," Satin droned. "But... I'm not the only pony who has brushed cold shoulders with the fat cats of Manehattan." She nodded towards her office door. "My boss—Chief Reads—has been in the news business for a long... long time. He knows something's up. There's no way in Tartarus that he couldn't. If your so-called 'friends' in Jasmine Industries don't sniff me out tonight—there's a good chance Bleed will. We have to watch our moves carefully."

Lightning hovered in mid-air, pointing at herself. "Let me be the eyes tonight. You? You just be the ears. It's what you're good at, right?"

"Sure thing." Satin gulped. "You're... uh... good at being the eyes, right?"

"Heh... I only nearly killed a half-dozen ponies with a wayward tornado once."

Satin blinked.

"... ... ...kidding!" Lightning Dust giggled raspily, then leaned in to "punch" Satin's shoulder. "You gotta learn to lighten up, girl—oshit!"

Satin had fallen completely on her back from the light hit. She flailed a bit in her dress suit until Lightning reached down to hoist her back on all fours.

"Cheese and crackers, babe!" Lightning Dust stammered. "You gotta cram more in your belly than rice cakes! For realsies!"

"Yes, well..." Satin straightened her golden bangs, sighing. "Physical strength was never my strong suit. That's why it's a super good thing to have you watching over the whole operation tonight."

"Hey. I'm faster than the wind," Lightning said. "But... not gonna lie... the real muscle? We just lost all opportunity for that an hour ago."

"If you couldn't talk your friend into helping us out, then that means he's not nearly as heroic as you and I hoped."

"Errr... y-yeah..." Lightning Dust fidgeted. "Sad, but true... I guess..."

"In this day and age, it's up to the little ponies to move mountains." Satin sat at her desk with a sigh. "After all, today's heroes are too busy sporting tiaras."

"Heh..."

"It's time to prove to the public that we can expect better. We deserve better." Satin folded her forelimbs together, gazing off in thought. "And if the world's not gonna give us something awesomer to believe in... then why bother waiting?"

This Looks Like a Job For... Oh...

Appleloosa – General Store – Noon

"I'm sorry, ma'am." A stallion with a handlebar mustache shrugged from where he stood behind the sales counter. "But we ain't got no physician in town by that name."

"No... he's not—it's not an actual doctor," Lyra Heartstrings said, standing before him with her saddlebags. "It's the name... the name of a soft drink."

The stallion merely squinted at her.

"Dr. Pony... y'know..." Lyra smiled crookedly. She shrugged, then hummed a jingle. "'I'm a Pony, you're a Pony, don't you wanna be a Pony too?"

He blinked.

"That sound familiar at all?" Lyra asked.

"Is that one of them things that comes out of yer big city squawk boxes?"

"'Squawk boxes?'" Lyra's muzzle scrunched. "What—you mean a radio?"

"Yeah!" He grinned. "That thang!"

Lyra sighed, rubbing her muzzle. "Well... look... do you have any other soft drinks?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, ma'am, but ain't all drinks 'soft?' I mean... liquid's a heck of a lot softer than solids."

"Just... grghh... what do you have here to drink?"

"Oh!" Ecstatic, the stallion pointed to row after row of brown jars. "Apple juice!"

Silence.

"And... anything else?" Lyra asked.

The stallion rubbed his chin, glanced all around, then blurted: "Apple sauce?"

After a heavy exhale, Lyra dropped some bits on the table. "I'll take some apple juice, please."

"How many bottles?"

"Three," Lyra grunted. "I'm feeling adventurous."

The stallion bagged three bottles and slid them towards her. "Here ya go, ma'am."

"Thanks a bunch, pal."

"Dun drink 'em all in one go." The stallion chuckled with a wink. "Ya dun wanna get Maretazuma's Revenge."

Lyra shuddered. "Yeesh... for once I'm starting to agree with him."

"Agree with who?"

"Meh. Never mind." She slid the bottles into her saddlebags and waved with a briefly perky grin. "Smell ya later!"

Appleloosa – Main Street

Creaaaak!

The swinging doors of the general store opened and shut.

Lyra trudged out, coughing through a cloud of dust. She waved a hoof before her face and squinted at a tumbleweed bouncing past her. Villagers milled about along the multiple storefronts. Across the street she could see Lemon Hearts, Minuette, and Twinkleshine waiting on Braeburn to trot out of a warehouse.

With swift telekinesis, Lyra raised a single bottle of apple juice, uncapped it, and took a sip. "Hrmmm..." She swallowed then exhaled. "Thank Celestia we're not vacationing in 'Pruneloosa'"

Just as she slid the bottle back into her pack...

...she heard a pained grunt fron behind.

"...?" Turning, Lyra looked for the source of the alarming noise.

She found herself peering down a narrow, dusty alleyway between a pair of two-story buildings. A frail, trembling stallion was being stared down by two much taller, far more muscular ponies.

"I mean it, varmint!" she heard one of the bigger equines grunting. "You'd better tell us where the money is!" He then proceeded to slam his hoof hard into the gut of the smaller stallion.

"Ooomf!" The victim collapsed to the dirt, curling up and wheezing in pain.

Lyra winced. Heart beating, she looked to her left and right... then gawked at the ongoing scene.

"Well?!" The other large stallion kicked the small pony hard in the side. "Where're the bits your promised?! Or are we gonna have to drag you out into the wasteland and tie you to a cactus?! Bet them vultures are hungry!"

"I... already p-paid you g-guys..." The stallion on the ground whimpered. "Last... m-month..."

"The payment's doubled, ya idiot!"

"Since..." Coughing. Sputtering. "...wh-when?"

"Dun matter!" The largest stallion hoisted the pony painfully by the mane and growled into his face. "We need four hundred bits by the week's end or we're gonna pay a visit to yer homestead and show yer family just how much we mean business!"

"Eeyup..." The other thug smirked. "Just might see how deep that manure pile is behind yer shitty lil' shack. Are them young'n's of yers old enough to swim?"

"You... b-bastards..." The bruised stallion wheezed. "I'll get you your m-money. Just give me some t-time..."

"End of the week or yer dead meat, ya sissy." The largest tossed him to the ground, then dusted off his hat. "Come on, Charley. We've got better thangs to do than kick garbage to the curb."

"Heh... you said it, Clint."

Lyra gnashed her teeth. She took one bold step towards the alleyway—but her whole body had turned numb. A knot formed in her throat, and she found that there was no voice to speak with—only trembling breaths.

The injured stallion hobbled to his hooves and shuffled away. In the meantime, the two thugs casually trotted past Lyra's way. Their angry eyes swept towards her.

Clamming up, Lyra hung her head—avoiding their gaze. She heard—even felt—a hot, angry snort... and then the two muscular stallions were gone... along with their foul scent.

Once their hoofsteps dwindled, all Lyra could feel was the pounding in her chest. A cold sweat formed along her brow, and a deep pit of shame gathered in her chest.

She was nearly oblivious to the whistling from across the street.

"Yoohoo! Miss Heartstrings! I've fetched us a wagon!" Braeburn's voice called. "Ready to set on out and meet yer therapist?!"

"We've got a schedule to keep, Lyra," Lemon Hearts droned. "Best that we hop to it."

Lyra gulped. "Yeah..." Shuddering, she turned around and crossed the street on numb hooves. "...just a nice... relaxing vacation..."

Heroes and Bums

Outskirts of Appleloosa

Braeburn trotted briskly, his body hitched to the small wagon. Lyra sat on the seat directly behind him. Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine gathered in the back.

"Oooh!" Minuette stood up, pointing excitedly towards the desert horizon. "Look! Butts! Check it out, Twinky! Butts! Butts!"

"Uhm..." Twinkleshine smiled delicately. "I think they're pronounced buttes."

"Yeah! That's what I said!" Minuette blinked. "Butts!"

"Minuette, sit down, please," Lemon Hearts insisted. With a flick of magic, she unfolded a parasol and levitated it over herself and the other two mares. "The stone formations aren't going anywhere. You can watch them from the compound."

"Oooooh... Lemon Hearts..." Twinkleshine cooed, relaxing next to her. "Thank you for the shade."

"Sorry I couldn't get a wagon with a covered top, y'all!" Braeburn chirped, carrying the wagon up over the crest of an arid hill. He sweated lightly, smiling into the sunlight. "We Appleloosa folk save the canvas material for makin' clothes and weavin' apple baskets. The way we figure it—gettin' a load of sun is a mite bit unavoidable this far out into the wilderness. Heh-Heh!" He rounded a patch of brambles and shrubbery. "The way I see it, the more ponies we get here on vacation, the greater chance I'll have to convince the City Council to make some decent desert taxis! Can you imagine that?! Tours of the excitin' frontier!"

"Yes!" Minuette cheered, squirming beside Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts. "More ponies deserve to get a load of the butts!"

"Minnie..." Twinkleshine face-hoofed. "For the love of Celestia..."

"Heehee!"

Lemon Hearts sighed through a soft smile. "Lyra?" She craned her neck, twirling the parasol. "Would you like to join us here in the back? There's still room for another under this umbrella."

"... ... ..." Lyra ellipsaid.

Lemon Hearts raised an eyebrow. "Lyra...?"

"Hmmm?" Lyra peered back, eyes thin and dull. "What?"

"You okay?" Lemon Hearts blinked. "We don't want you suffering sunstroke now."

"Eh... I'm fine." Lyra pointed at her bulging saddlebag. "Lots of apple juice to keep hydrated."

"Just dun drink it all at once!" Braeburn chirped, chuckling. "You dun wanna suffer from Maretazuma—"

"Yeah, I'll be fine, thanks," Lyra grunted. She looked over her shoulder to catch a glare from Lemon Hearts. "I mean it. I'm cool."

"Reckon she means it, y'all!" Braeburn said through a breathy grin. "I know the voice of a hearty mare when I hear it!"

"Yeah, well..." Lemon Hearts exhaled, staring back at the hazy strip of Appleloosa against the nearby horizon. "...that's a heart that deserves to have its string re-tuned."

Lyra rolled her eyes when the other mare wasn't looking.

"You two sisters or somethin'?" Braeburn whispered back in mid-trot. "Y'all seem to squabble somethin' fierce."

"Don't mind her," Lyra leaned forward, murmuring back. "Like the classic Radiohay song, she wakes up each morning sucking herself."

"Hahah!" Braeburn grinned, then sighed. "I dun get it, but it's funny all the same!"

"Hmmmm..." Lyra smiled faintly at the arid plateaus. "Wish there were more ponies back home that were just as easily amused as you."

"It's a staple of Appleloosan life to find joy in everythang! Or else, that would make all the hard work unbearable!"

"Sure. I'll buy that." Lyra gulped, feeling a cold shudder return to her figure. "Say... uhm... Baywatch?"

"Braeburn."

"Is... everything in Appleloosa truly sunshine and rainbows?"

"I... uh... I dun get it." He tipped his hat and glanced back at her. "How do you mean, exactly?"

"Does this town have any trouble?"

"Trouble?"

"Y'know... with sandstorms... snakes..." Lyra gulped dryly. "Desert gangs beating the crud out of other ponies in a dark alley over bits."

"Shoot, I sure hope not!" Braeburn cleared his throat. "I mean... bein' this far away from Central Equestria means that we do occasionally attract a few lawless ruffians, thinkin' they can prey on innocent settler ponies. But usually Sheriff Silver Star is quick to dig the spurs in and treat them varmints right."

"Is he good at his job?"

"Huh?"

"I-I mean... don't you think that... maybe... just maybe... some criminal jerks might slip through the cracks?"

"Well..." Braeburn drew the wagon down a shallow embankment. "...anythang's possible, I suppose. But—from what I seen—we Appleloosan ponies are pretty quick to look out for our fellow equine. If there's some funny business that the Sheriff misses, the rest of us could easily pick up the slack."

"You... uh... sure about that?"

Braeburn glanced back again. "Somethin' yer needin' to tell me, Miss Heartstrings? 'Cuz if there's somethin' you know that I dun—"

"Er... n-no! I mean... eheh..." Lyra rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm just here to relax on a therapeutic vacation. No... uh... no need to freak out over stuff that isn't even my business..."

"Ain't a matter of business or no business." Braeburn smirked. "Bein' concerned for other ponies is in our blood. So if you see anythang fishy, it's a-okay to tell me or another Appleloosa guide. That's what we do, after all—we look after each other."

"I... can't imagine anything ever being that simple."

"Pffft... sure it is!" Braeburn grinned into the desert haze. "The way I see it—everypony's born a hero. You included!"

Lyra's ears drooped.

"Ya know what I mean?"

? ? ? ? ? ?

The little filly sobbed.

She pulled and she tugged at the stallion's weighted flesh.

The smoke descended.

The flames drew closer.

His body wouldn't budge—and then the ceiling collapsed as she shrieked.

Outskirts of Appleloosa

"I... uhm..." Lyra brought a shaky hoof to her mane and brushed her bangs back. "I'm not hero material."

"Sure you are!"

"No." Lyra's nostrils flared. "I'm friggin' not."

Braeburn blinked, stumbling briefly in mid-step. "A thousand pardons, ma'am. I didn't mean to bother you none. But you seem like a stand-up gal to me."

"Sorry... just..." Lyra took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "...this vacation. I guess I'm... h-here for a legit reason." She swallowed a lump down her throat. "Got some nerves I gotta smoothe out. Maybe someday... I won't be quite so snippy about it."

"Well, now's yer chance!" Braeburn slowed enough to wave a triumphant hoof forward. "Ta-daaa! Yer relaxation retreat awaits!"

Lyra opened her eyes.

Before them lay a small homestead beside a well and a smattering of apple trees. Errant patches of truly-green grass covered the soil of what once must have been a bustling ranch. Three buildings and a barn cast cool shade over a dirt field.

"Well... it sure looks... uh... humble," Lyra remarked.

"It's got all the amenities of a modern day resort! Or at least I've been told... eheh!"

"Where's... uh..." Lyra squinted at the field before the houses. "Where's our therapist?"

"She should be out and about at this time of the day." Braeburn peered across the foreground—then brightened. "Ah! There she is now!"

"Where?" Lyra blinked. "Beside the rickety green scarecrow with red dreadlocks?

"Nah... she is the scarecrow!"

"Huh?" Lyra did a double-take, her vision zeroing in on a mare's figure, standing on one leg and contorting ridiculously. As they drew closer, the air filled with a monotonous chanting sound, vibrating Lyra's entire skull. "Oh what the buck..."

Aurahole

Outskirts of Appleloosa – Retreat

"Howdy there, Miss Treehugger!" Braeburn called out while unhitching himself from the wagon. Lyra Heartstrings and the other mares hopped out as he trotted happily towards the mare performing stretches in the middle of the field. "Lookie here who I brought to see ya! Right on time, too! Heheh!"

"Ohmmmmmmmmmmm..." The redheaded equine bent backwards with the grace of a cat, somehow balanced on one hoof. She bore a permanent grin on her face—a difficult task considering the copious amount of chanting noises vibrating forth from her muzzle. "Ohmmmmmmmmmmm..."

Lyra grimaced visibly. Lemon Hearts, Minuette, and Twinkleshine exchanged curious glances.

"Ahem..." Braeburn threw the vacationers a quick smile. "She's so concentrated on her work... eheh..."

"What's she working on?" Lyra droned. "A migraine?"

"Uhhhhhhh..." Braeburn took his hat off and leaned towards the crooning mare once again. "Psssttt... howdy... Miss Treehugger!" His teeth showed as he sweated slightly. "You've got guests! Y'know?! From Canterlot Central!"

"Hmmmmm..." One lid after the other, the mare's eyes opened. Redness traced the cornea. She tilted her head down until she was staring at the group... past them. She smiled. "Oh... Bray Burns..." She smiled some more. "Have you come to bask in the bliss? The waters of the sky are truly placid and reflective today." Her body pivoted forty-five degrees as she stretched her limbs in the other direction. "You can really see yourself if you hover just above the surface."

"Eheh... well ain't that... uhm... poetic..."

"Hmmmmmmmmm... Bray Burns..." She smiled upside down, dreadlocks dangling. "Your shimmering aura is extra pink today. Have you finally decided to take my advice? We can wrap you up in that mauve blanket together with only a few introspective exercises—"

"Hahah!" Braeburn coughed nervously and gestured at the mares. "Look at who I brought!"

"Hmmm?" With the grace of a tortoise, Treehugger looked up. Her eyes made contact with Lyra. "Whoahhhh..." The mare's head stayed in place. Meanwhile, the rest of her body pivoted until she was standing upright on all four hooves. "...you've arrived a great deal earlier than I expected, Green Buds."

"Huh?" Lyra blinked.

"Sheriff Silver Star is in town, so I'm afraid the grazing will have to wait." Treehugger smiled at herself. She waved a hoof in slow motion. "But don't worry. He will come around. All things come around."

"I... don't think we've met, lady," Lyra said. "The name's Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings."

"Hmmmm?" Treehugger's nose slowly scrunched. "You mean you don't come bearing good giggle gifts?" She sniffed, blinked, then beamed. "Ohhhhhhhhh... ponies from the big city! But of course..." She waved yet again in slow motion. "Your chakras are arranged so... geometrically." A hum. "Hmmmmmmmmmm... must loosen them... by tearing apart the smog and soot that hold the urban artifice in plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace mats..." A side-giggle.

"Huh?" Lyra blinked.

"...I will set you a place at the karmic dinner table," Treehugger purred, stretching again. "And let you sample the four food groups of spiritual enlightenment. Ohmmmmmm..."

"Huh..." Twinkleshine blinked. "...nifty."

"Oooh! Ooooh!" Minuette leaned in, grinning. "Do we get to munch on spirit doughnuts?"

"Heheh..." Treehugger smiled again. "We'd have to wait for the real Green Buds, first."

"Miss Treehugger, you did get the memo from Dr. Shrinkenfurter, yes?" Lemon Hearts asked.

"Mmmmmmm... Shrinkenfurter?" Treehugger frowned. "Harsh buzz, dude. That stallion has an aura shaped like a battleship and every cannon loaded with pig fat."

"Uhhhhhhhhh..."

"He should really make peace with the stars," Treehugger said, smiling again. "The worst kind of Cancer is a pony who doesn't know he's a Cancer. Ohmmmmmmmm..."

"But that's just it... Shrinkenfurter sent us," Lemon Hearts said.

Treehugger bent back, blinking. "Oh! Righteous!" She plopped onto all four hooves. "The mares who have a bone to pick with a bug! This is just wonderful. After all..." She brushed a few dreadlocks back—only for them to dangle once again. "...the beetle exists within us all... waiting to ascend the chakras and evolve."

"There's..." Minuette's teeth chattered. "...a bug inside of me?"

Lyra cleared her throat. "M-maybe we should just get situated?"

"Yes." Treehugger pivoted around and sashayed towards the biggest house of the compound. "Let me show you the meditation pad, and then we can begin the path towards tranquility and enlightenment." She stumbled a bit. "Bray Burns, I say this with love, but will you fold your aura for the time being? It's like tripping over a pink blanket. Most unmellow..."

"Oh... uh... s-sorry?"

Whinnying Rabbit

Outskirts of Appleloosa – Retreat – House

"First thing's first," Tree Hugger purred as she trotted liquidly into the dimly-lit, dusty abode. Lush Saddle Arabian rugs stretched beneath her, and each doorframe dangled with bright red and green beads. "I'm going to need the four of you to do some breathing exercises for me."

"Uhhhh..." Twinkleshine smiled nervously. "Alright."

"Mmmmmmmm-mmmmm... alright..." Tree Hugger twirled around—teetered slightly in a sliver of sunlight—and rocked to a stop with an oozing smile. "Everypony... inhale." Her nostrils flared as she slowly waved her forelimbs in seagull motions. "One two three four..."

Lyra, Twinkleshine, Minuette, and Lemon Hearts breathed in deeply.

"Annnnnnd out two three four..." Tree Hugger wheezed.

All four mares stood side by side, exhaling.

"That's riiiiiiight..." Tree Hugger's eyes opened and closed sleepily. "And breath in... two three four... and out two three four... that's right." A beat. "Is everypony still standing?"

"Erm... yeah?" Lyra remarked.

"Good." Tree Hugger wandered over towards a curtained window. "That means we're in the cabin that's not filled with asbestos. I wouldn't wanna repeat that mistake. Total bummage, dude."

"Ehehehe!" Minuette giggled, although it was a trembling, fragmented thing. "That's really funny!" She gulped. "I like therapists who st-start out a meditation session with a light hearted joke!"

"Really? Awesome sauce. I need to make a note of that." Tree Hugger yanked the drapes away. Dust flew as hazy sunlight illuminated garish furniture and burnt-out lava lamps along with sporadic piles of half-finished sewing projects. "Sorry for the clutter. I make lots of money purses on the side. Lots and lots of money purses, ya dig?"

"Yeah..." Lyra squinted at the various fabrics. "You ever... uh... finish any of them?"

"Doesn't matter." Tree Hugger smiled into the dusty sunlight. "Nopony ever orders any."

Braeburn wandered in. "Ah! I see this place is as homely as ever!" He glanced aside, brightening. "Oooh! Hoofbags!"

"Now, if we're gonna tackle our weekly itinerary..." Tree Hugger pivoted to face the group, smiling from ear to ear. "Then I'm gonna to need to set you four up with daily planners. Once you've got your mind aligned with the here and now, then we can work on liberating the hidden hemisphere located within."

The four mares exchanged glances, nodded, and looked forward.

Tree Hugger smiled at them.

Silence. The mares stirred.

Tree Hugger smiled.

Lyra cleared her throat. "Uhm... where are they?"

"Where are what?"

"The... uh... daily planners?"

"Oh. Yes. We should get started with hoofing those out. Groovy." She pointed at Lyra, blinking. "Punctual as ever, Green Buds. I appreciate that."

"Uhm... my name's not G—"

"I shall go collect the focus crystals," Tree Hugger said, shuffling off into the other hallway on flighty hooves. "That way we can settle the erratic chaos in your chakras and assist them in realigning to the universal hum."

"But what about the planners—"

"Oh! They're in the cabinets! Be a dear, Green, and fetch them for me. That would be most righteous."

"Uhhhhh... which cabinets?" Lyra squinted at the cluttered furniture lining the walls of the carpeted room. "The ones between the ten-legged elephant statues or the ones beneath the stack of Jefferson Airpony albums?"

"Trust your inner spark!" Tree Hugger's voice dripped from the other room. "It shouldn't take you long to find!"

"Yeah... uhm..." Lyra shrugged and trotted to the nearest cabin. She opened it up, blinking.

It was full of twelve cartons of cereal.

"The universe is like a giant puzzle with all the pieces trying desperately to fall into place, whether they know it or not!"

Lyra wandered to the next cabinet. She opened it up, revealing even more cereal boxes. She threw a grimacing expression at Lemon Hearts over her shoulder.

Lemon Hearts sighed impatiently, gesturing to the next compartment.

"Think of enlightenment as a little old mare trying to find her house keys. It's a problem at first, but despite the illusory aches and pains, after much persistence she will eventually find a way to open her front door, and there's an eternal party happening inside the apartment. I mean the type where you get all the vanilla wafers you could ever ask for. Totally gnarly, if you catch my drizzle."

"Uhhhhh..." Lyra opened cabinet after cabinet: cereal, cereal, cereal. "Don't you mean 'drift?'"

"Nahhhhhh dude..." Tree Hugger trotted into the room, balancing four crystals atop a stack of folders. "'Drizzle.' As in droplets of truth that rain down on us from the heavens." She took a few seconds to blink and purred: "If you think about it, everything can be explained through precipitation. Except for sleet. Sleet is uncool." She smiled at Lyra. "Did you find the planners?"

"Say... uh..." Braeburn pointed. "Ain't those the planners in yer hooves right there?"

"Hmmmm?" Tree Hugger glanced at the folders balancing the crystal. "Oh! Sweet honey from the stars!" She grasped the items and waved them victoriously. "What did I tell you? Crystals, duuuuude."

"Say... uhm..." Twinkleshine raised a hoof. "Not to be weird or anything... but exactly why do you have so much cereal?"

"I used to room with a cow."

"... ... ...oh." Twinkleshine blinked.

"Alright..." Tree Hugger shuffled into the center of the room. "Gather around and let us introduce one another." She smiled as she squatted down, folding her hooves with alarming grace. "Terrestrial names, please. I'd tell you my celestial identity... but I don't want any minds blown just yet."

"Mrmmmfff..." Lyra grunted, struggling to mimick Tree Hugger's pose as she rocked on the floor. "You don't say." She looked up. "What if we're used to having our brains shattered?"

"Noooo, dude. I mean the rapturous kind of blown away." Tree Hugger's eyes slithered up towards Braeburn as she grinned. "Like how Bray Burns here melted the last time he escorted the Cloudsdalian hoofball team to my front door—"

"Well then!" Sweating profusely, Braeburn tipped his hat and stumbled backwards towards the door. "Seems like y'all better get a head start! Eeyup! I... uh..." He bumped into bean bag. "Whoa! Eheheh... I'll be back at sundown to pick y'all ladies up! So... uhm..." He posed at the door and bowed, shivering. "Happy b-bug hunting!"

Thud! The door shut.

"Like terry cloth." Tree Hugger hummbed. "Could use with a rinse."

"Yeah..." Lyra wheezed, her nose scrunching. She inched a bit away from the therapist so she could breathe better. "Not a bad idea, all things considered..."

Crystal Clean

Outskirts of Trottingham – Forest – Secret Tree Stump

Crystalline hooves crunched through fallen leaves and pine needles.

Garnet shuffled under the dim shade of the forest. The hustle and bustle of Trottingham had dwindled to a distant hum. The stallion's eyes remained trained on the false wooden stump situated at the far end of the clearing.

He remained calm and silent...

...and then he stopped in his tracks.

"... ... ..."

Schiiiing!

He unsheathed a crystal dagger from his side and spun around with it. All of the sudden, both his body and the dagger glowed with a matching red pulse.

"I know you're there," the former sargeant said sharply, his eyes darting about with a sharp glint. "Show yourself."

A presence in the tree branches above spoke through an inhale, masking the voice's tone: "But who am I?"

Garnet blinked. His translucent tears twitched... and then he blurted: "Sweetie Drops."

Thw-Thwissh! Bon Bon landed nimbly from a forward flip. She stood up, catching her breath. "How did you guess? We've barely known each other for a day."

Garnet leaned back, grasping his dagger tight. "You strike me as... a remarkably wise pony," he said.

"What gives you that idea?" she asked.

"You rarely talked during our meeting last night," he said, eyes narrowing. "While Sharp Quill, Haze, and Betsy asked endless questions, you mostly sat back and let others speak their peace. It's the sign of an observant soul who likes taking the least amount of risks." He cocked his head aside. "You're a survivor."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Bon Bon said with a nod. "However, survivors don't always get the job done."

He nodded back. "Good thing we're part of a team."

Bon Bon's eyes darted towards his raised dagger, then back to him. "Are we?"

Garnet's jaws clenched shut.

Tense silence...

...and then.

Schwisssssh! The tree stump tilted back, exposing the upper chambers of Blue Crescent below. A familiar head stuck out, horn glowing orange. "Were you followed?"

Garnet shook his head.

Bon Bon sighed. "No, Horizons."

"Good." The unicorn aimed a blue-crystal rifle and primed it. "Now shut up and stand still."

Garnet sheathed his dagger as he and Bon Bon stood several spaces apart, awaiting the anti-changeling scan.

Blue Crescent – Upper Chambers

Whurrrrrrrrr—Clank!

The circular metal door slid shut. Breathing evenly, Garnet and Bon Bon stood in the bright, white hallway.

"You two are early," Horizons muttered, shoving the rifle into a wall compartment.

"Didn't have much to think over," Bon Bon said. "You know I'm in for the long haul, Chief."

Garnet swallowed before speaking: "I am committed to the League. I owe it to my Imperial brothers and sisters to make something good out of Miller's legacy."

"Now that's the spirit." Horizons trotted off. "I have some things to take care of with Princess Plasma. The financiers won't be here for another few hours. Once the rest of the League Members arrive, we'll begin our meeting." Her eyes bounced between Garnet and Bon Bon. "I suggest the two of you... get comfortable with the facilities here."

She trotted off, disappearing beyond another mechanical door.

The two agents stood before a stretch of windows overlooking the large metal sphere standing beneath the expensive facility.

"I... suppose an apology is in order," Garnet said.

"For what?" Bon Bon asked.

"Up above. In the forest." He cleared his throat. "While I know a thing or two about the villainy of Sombra, I must admit that I'm still new to the threat of changelings. I do hope you will forgive me for taking necessary measures—"

"Nothing to be sorry for, agent," Bon Bon said. "After having fought changelings countlessly over a hectic life... I must admit that you never get used to the paranoia."

He shuddered slightly. "Then I suspect that I will be especially shaken."

Bon Bon smiled warmly. "You seem more than capable. Besides... I can't imagine that Captain Shining Armor would have suggested you as a serviceable recruit to the Council of Canterlot if he had any doubts concerning your tenacity."

"As an Imperial Guard, my chiefest strength has been loyalty. I can only wonder if that will suffice in the League."

"It's the first and most important step," Bon Bon said, trotting towards him. "Which is why you can rely on us."

"Oh?"

She nodded. "You're lost out of time. It's a brave new world out there for you... or at least a complicated one. I'm afraid that textbooks and mission briefings won't be enough to keep you abreast of things."

"I have endeavored to learn all that I can," Garnet said. "Back in the Crystal Empire, I served with pegasus guard transferred from Canterlot. He did his best to help me catch up with modern history. I must admit... I miss how... relaxing his approach could be." He smiled slightly... but then fell back into a calm deadpan. "Alas, it is my charge to move on and carry on with even more important assignments. I am capable of adapting."

"Yes, but adapting doesn't necessarily have to be a sucky situation," Bon Bon said. She cocked her head to the side. "I heard that you've been stationed in Ponyville?"

"That... is correct." Garnet squinted at her. "How—may I ask—did you come upon that information?"

Bon Bon's ears twitched. "Uhhmmm..." She jolted slightly. "B-because I saw you!" She smiled. "In the streets! Out beside Sugarcube Corner!"

Garnet's translucent ears folded. "You... are stationed there too?"

"I live there," she said with a wave of the hoof. "And don't be ashamed over the fact that I sniffed you out. Being a member of the League—I'm trained to notice any key differences in the equine populace."

Garnet stared at the window and sighed. "I suppose a hat and trenchcoat isn't enough to hide my crystalline features."

"Hat... and trenchcoat... right..." Bon Bon gulped. "Y'know... I think you're going about it all wrong, Sergeant."

"Hmmm?"

"The ponies of Ponyville are remarkably open-minded and accepting," she said. "Well, except that one time with the zebra—"

"Zebra?"

"Err—point being..." She took another step towards him. "They won't be weirded out by the fact that you're a crystal pony. In fact... I'm more than certain they will embrace it."

"Truly?"

"You just need to find a way to work your alternate identity with your crystalline nature," she said. "For example... did you know that Twilight Sparkle—the Princess of Friendship—is the sister-in-law to your steward, Princess Cadance?"

"I was aware of the relation," Garnet said. "But I've never heard it expressed through such simple means."

"I don't see why we can't... y'know... fabricate an excuse for your being in Ponyville aside from secret League reasons!" Bon Bon smiled. "I'll have a talk with the Chief. Maybe she and Princess Plasma can work something out."

"That... would be most fortuitous," Garnet said.

Bon Bon stifled a giggle. "Well, that makes the two of us!"

"But... about adapting to the Ponyville way of life..." Garnet gulped. "I'm... not certain I am prepared to do that with any degree of realism."

"Leave that to me." Bon Bon winked. "I can help you become a Ponyvillean in no time."

"You already have so much on your plate as it is with the League," Garnet remarked. "Are you certain you wish to trouble yourself with my alternate identity?"

"Sure! After all..." She glanced in the direction that Horizons had left, and then back at the stallion . "...what are friends for?"

I Guarantee It

Treehugger's Cabin

"Now..." Treehugger smiled. She brushed back her dreadlocks—only for them to cascade over her sleepy eyes again. "...are we all seated?"

"Uhhhhh..." Twinkleshine winced, sweating slightly as she forced her equine limbs into a half-hearted attempt at a pretzel. Her three marefriends were likewise struggling to mimic Treehugger's pose. "...maybe?"

"Good." Treehugger smiled some more. Sitting effortlessly with her lower legs folded, she rested both fetlocks on her knees and proceeded to hum from deep within her chest. "I want you all to take deep, full breaths."

"Mrmmfff..." Lyra's nose scrunched as she sat closest to the therapist. "Must we?"

"Mmmmmm-yessssssssss..." Treehugger exhaled. "To fully experience the waves of karmic bliss washing over your body and prepare the chakras for proper harmonic alignment." She inhaled. "Full enlightenment breaches the barriers of the mind-walls when one is in full control of her lungs." She exhaled. "To that end, I make sure to meditate and take breathing exercises daily." She inhaled. "That way... my sensory perception in this corporeal world is increased, so that I may better ascertain the secrets behind the nebulous and spiritual."

"Wow!" Minuette blinked brightly. "Really?"

"Mmmmmm—that's riiiight..." Treehugger sighed melodically. "For instance... I can tell from your erratic soul-clouds that I'm sitting in the room with four equine beings vexxed by innate bugphobia."

Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Well... that's right..." Lemon Hearts cleared her throat. "Except for me, that is—"

"Shhhhh!" Minuette hissed aside. She leaned towards Lemon Hearts with wide eyes locked on Treehugger. "If she senses your bugphobia, then you must have it!"

"But..." Lemon Hearts chewed on her bottom lip. "I-I wasn't mind controlled or mimicked at the Canterlot invasion."

"Ohmmmmmmmm..." Treehugger. "...we carry on the spiritual tribulations of our friends by ethereal extension, especially when our chakras—so misaligned—are nevertheless attuned to one another on a constant basis."

"Huh..." Twinkleshine blinked.

"Well..." Lemon Hearts produced a shuddering sigh. "...I guess when I think about it really hard, accompanying my friends to so many therapy sessions..." She gulped. "...has gotten me somewhat rattled over the past year. No fault of their, of c-course."

"Mmmmmmm... that's right..." Treehugger breathed, smiled, breathed, smiled. "Open your heart to your hidden bugphobic wounds."

Lyra's brow furrowed. "Is 'bugphobia' even a clinical term?"

"Shhh!" Lemon Hearts insisted.

Lyra sighed, rolling her eyes. As Treehugger spoke on—with slow and liquid words—the unicorn glanced lethargically across the undeniably decrepit cabin. Along the fringes of the Saddle Arabian rugs and exotic statues, she spotted crumpled up newspapers. One in particular—a front page—fluttered in the incensed breeze wafting in through the open window.

Lyra blinked. She cocked her head aside, squinting hard at the headline.

Below the title "Appleloosan Gazette' she saw a series of bold words on yellowed paper, reading: "Sudden Buffalo Disappearances Continue to Rattle Natives. Chief Thunderhooves Asks Sheriff Silver Star's Help In Finding Lost Braves."

Lyra's lips parted. She leaned further towards the crumpled paper.

She started reading the fine print of the first column. All she could make out were the words "desert," "green," and "lights." Before she could read on—

"Green Buds—"

"Uhhhhhh—" Lyra snapped out of it, glancing over. "For the last time."

Treehugger smiled sleepily at her. "You're a little larva waiting to burst from its cocoon."

Lyra's green coat paled and the hairs on the back of her neck bristled up. "What the buck...?"

"Weren't you paying attention?" Lemon Hearts murmured.

"Like I was saying," Treehugger purred, "The best way to grow accustomed to a disparaging phobia is to be rebirthed as the thing you so absurdly despise. That's why—in our starter exercise—I want us all to imagine ourselves as tiny larvae about to hatch, so that way we can all experience the true bliss of metaphorical metamorphosis without the needless assault that the totally ungroovy Queen did to you and your friends."

"Uhhhhhh..." Lyra glanced at Lemon Hearts, the others, then back to Treehugger. She gulped. "Okay."

"Now... say it along with me..." Treehugger closed her sleepy eyes and rocked back and forth. "I am a little maggot in a silk cocoon, legs wriggling and ready for life and the vomitous nourishment of my progenitor's leftover carbon sack against a green leaf."

As Lyra's friends repeated the mantra, the unicorn quivered... grimacing while the others weren't looking. "Oh sweet tap-dancing Celestia..."

"That's riiiiiiight..."

Doors

Blue Crescent – Upper Facility – Late That Afternoon

"And this portal..." Garnet sat awkwardly at the commissary table, his reflective skin glinting in the electric light. "...it leads to an alternate universe comprised entirely of beastly versions of Equestrian ponies?"

Bon Bon finished sipping from a can of grape soda. Stifling a burp, she looked across the table at him and said, "I don't think 'beastly' is the right word to use for this." She cleared her throat again. "Supposedly, the beings on the other side of the doorway are altogether benevolent. However, their world is one that doesn't function on magic, but instead revels in pure technological prowess... even to the point of dwarfing modern Equestrian achievements."

"You don't say..."

Bon Bon nodded. "Mobile electronic communications. Liquid fuel propelled aircraft. Vehicles that can escape the pull of a planet's gravity." She squinted. "And there's this nebulous thing called the 'Internet' that supposedly connects all beings on a global level, but even our top scientists don't even know how that works."

"Remarkable." Garnet's jaw hung agape. "And yet they know nothing of magic?"

"Precisely. Which is why all enchanted objects and energies that have entered their realm through the portal have caused crazy and unpredictable side effects." Bon Bon gulped. "Ages ago, Starswirl the Bearded banished a group of sirens who inexplicably landed in the world on the other side of the door, and just the three of them nearly mind-controlled an entire province."

"I guess I never thought that a world devoid of magic would echo the effects of sorcery tenfold," Garnet said. "But the more I ponder it, the more it makes sense." He cocked his head to the side. "Tell me... are these accounts accumulated from personal reports?"

Bon Bon smirked as she waved a hoof. "Naaah. As... tantalizing as it would feel to pass through the portal and make first contact with these beings, I'm afraid the whole process just isn't safe for normal ponies."

"How do you mean?"

"Well..." Bon Bon stared across the cafeteria. "The only beings to have made repeated visits and still remain relatively sane have been Princess Twilight Sparkle and her magical assistant Spike."

"An alicorn and a dragon."

"Precisely." Bon Bon nodded. "But Princess Celestia's former pupil? The unicorn known as Sunset Shimmer? Passing through the portal evidently... worsened an already sociopathic mindset." She took another sip of her soda and pointed at her head. "Princess Twilight Sparkle has since hypothesized that a non-alicorn or non-dragon would be more susceptible to temporal narcosis. It's one of the biggest reasons Sunset Shimmer hasn't returned through the portal, despite the fact that she's... uh... evidently reformed from her malevolent intentions." Bon Bon took a final sip. "At least... that's what the Princess' Friendship Reports state."

"Curious..." Garnet leaned forward. "Rumor has it that there are even more doorways situated in the basement of the Palace of the Royal Sisters."

"Yes," Bon Bon said.

"Have you seen them?"

"No," she said. "But my father did. According to him, the single portal leading to the technological world is the only magical gateway still functioning. The rest are all dormant."

"I suppose that explains it," Garnet said.

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "Explains what?"

"Why they shipped it to the Crystal Palace to begin with," the stallion continued. "Crystal ponies are gifted in magic—but not to the intense degree as unicorns. Perhaps this was the Canterlot Council's initial plan to conduct studies on the artifact without potentially harming the leylines of this world or the ones beyond."

"That's something that you will have to discuss with your Royal Steward," Bon Bon said with a smirk. "For the time being, however, the doorway's entrusted in the capable hooves of Princess Twilight Sparkle."

"I almost envy the task," Garnet said. "I had always wanted to use my skills for exploration and discovery. Alas... I am far better suited towards defense and enforcement."

Bon Bon crumpled the can and tossed it expertly into a bin behind them. "Nothing to be ashamed of."

"Mmmmm... indeed. And it makes me think of something..." Garnet gestured with his hooves. "Imagine... what if... we could open one of the dormant portals still lying beneath the Royal Sisters' Castle?"

"Yeah...?"

The crystal pony blinked. "Would this not be a more apt way of imprisoning some of Equestria's most notorious monstrosities?" His shiny brow furrowed. "They do seem to make an awful habit of escaping from Tartarus every other season. It would seem that employing one of these portals would be most advantageous to the League."

Bon Bon sighed, gazing down at the table top. "Garnet... I'm not sure that's such a hot idea."

"Do tell."

"Well, you remember what Starswirl did? With the sirens?"

He nodded. "You would rather not repeat history—especially if it means the detriment of another civilization?"

"I mean—sure—back before the Age of Clover, that other world may have seemed truly vacant. Barren, even. But—from what Princess Twilight's reports have stated—the creatures on the other side of the world truly existed back then. They were simply... spread out and completely primitive on all levels. All things considered... we're remarkably lucky that Starswirl's actions—although fortuitous for Equestria at the time—didn't irrecoverably change the outcome of that other dimension for the worse." She gulped. "Hell, for all we know, maybe those sirens did set that civilization back by a few millennia."

Garnet rubbed his chin in thought. "I suppose there's something to be said for blind disposal."

"The way I see it—I just borrow my late father's philosophy," Bon Bon said. Her eyes narrowed. "What we do for Equestria stays in Equestria. It means—secret agents or not—we should all expect to take personal responsibility for the consequences of everything that we do."

"Regardless of what the League manifests state?"

"Regardless of what the League manifests state."

Garnet took a deep breath. "Well, something tells me we'll be exercising that philosophy sooner than later."

"Why do you say that?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Garnet waved a hoof. "Despite the power invested in Chief Agent Horizons, the central authority of the League has risen up. It now rests in the hooves of Princess Plasma and the fellow financiers of her Blue Nova Industries."

Bon Bon sighed out the side of her muzzle. "Yeah..."

Garnet leaned his head to the side. "You do not feel comfortable with this...?"

Bon Bon gulped. "Comfort is not a luxury I should expect from this job." She glanced across the mostly empty commissary. "But—up until now—it has afforded a certain degree of familiarity."

Garnet just stared at her.

At last, she glanced back. "What exactly is the process here?" she mumured breathily. "We got out into the field... we bag the monsters... we bring them back to the prison beneath Blue Cresent. But then what? Are they sent to Tartarus? Or are they sent elsewhere?"

"You mean to a portal?"

Bon Bon silently shook her head. "I mean to a grave."

Garnet cleared his throat. "Agent Sweetie Drops—with all due respect—after all the trials I've read about you going through... if we do capture Queen Chrysalis and all of the other monsters responsible for terrorizing Equestria on multiple occasions... would complete and utter termination truly give you that much more guilt?"

Bon Bon's ears drooped at that. But before she could respond—

Creeeeak!

A door behind them opened to a bright white hallway. A familiar horn stuck through. "Yo. Snot-jobs," Betsy grunted.

Bon Bon spun around. "Betsy! I didn't know you had arrived—"

"Yeah. Me neither." She motioned with her head. "Move your diaper holes. The meeting's about to start."

"Wait... already...?" Bon Bon awkwardly stood up. "But I thought—"

"Turns out the financiers have been here all day," Betsy said. "They were waiting for us."

Bon Bon's eyebrow raised.

"Yeah." Betsy snorted. "I know, right?" She ducked her head out and she was gone.

All That's Green Is Gold

Outskirts of Appleloosa – Tree Hugger's Cabin

Wolves howled in the distance while a dull yellow sun sank beneath a desolate horizon.

Braeburn rolled up with his wagon, humming pleasantly. Unhitching, he trotted through an open door to the cabin and smiled into the candlelight.

"Well, howdy, gals! I'm back! How's it going with the..." His voice trailed off, as did his tongue. "... ... ...therapy?"

Before him, mares were shuffling about on their hindquarters, performing rhythmic "flapping" motions with their forelimbs. Minuette, Twinkleshine, and Lemon Hearts occasionally bumped into one another as they continued to "flutter" around, all the while melodically droning: "Buzzzzzz. Buzzz-buzzz-buzzz. Buzzy buzz!"

Braeburn gulped. "Golly..." His ears drooped. "...I wonder who poisoned the waterin' hole this time..."

"That's right, my beautiful butterflies!" Tree Hugger squatted on a table in the center of the room. Flanked with rippling clouds of incense, she smiled wide and gestured towards the candle-lit air of the room. "Seek out that inner light that draws you from your place of cocooning! Be inspired! Be shameless! But—most of all—be alive!"

"Buzz buzz buzzzzzzz!" Minuette pleasantly cooed while flapping circles around Twinkleshine. Lemon Hearts tripped, regained her balance, and continued pantomiming.

"Uhhhhhh..." Braeburn lifted his hat and rubbed his golden scalp. He turned to glance at a lethargic green lump lying sideways on the floor, half-heartedly "wing-flapping." He leaned towards her. "Pardon me... but I didn't know that butterflies could buzz."

"No." Lyra frowned within a frown. "They don't."

"Lyraaaaaa..." Lemon Hearts began to hiss—but bumped into Twinkleshine. "Ooof!"

"Ow! Lemon! Watch my ovipositor!"

"My bad..."

"I think I can make it!" Minuette performed a few breathless hops, flapping her forelimbs wildly. "Just a few more flowers and I can make my nectar quota!"

"We're being butterflies," Lyra grumbled. "Not playing Pac-Mare."

"Yesssss, my beautiful larvae..." Tree Hugger smiled towards opposite walls as she teetered in place amidst the incense. "We are not competing with ourselves. Life is short but altogether blissful. Enjoy the air before it is sucked out of your exoskeleton."

Braeburn whistled. "Wow! Sounds mighty deep!" He turned tail and trotted back out the cabin. "Reckon I should come back in another two or three hours when yer done—"

"No!" Lyra hopped straight up, hyperventilating. "Take us now! Please!"

"Lyra..." Lemon Hearts leaned against a table, sweating. "The day's lesson is done when the therapist decides so."

"Ohmmmmmmmmmmm... yessssss..." Tree Hugger purred. "Nighttime is no obstacle for the mind."

Lyra took a deep breath. "Oh well!" She shrugged with a mock smile, then shuffled back to where she had been seated. "Guess since we're all here—the only thing being burned over the next few hours is logs in the fireplace!"

"... ... ..." Tree Hugger's green brow inexplicably twitched. The muscle spasm found its way to her lungs, and she was suddenly speaking in a harmonic tone: "Guess what, everypony! It is time to retire!" She waved a hoof through the incense. "For in the morning we have an opportunity to be metaphorically reborn in a brand new light! Mmmmm... that's riiight."

"Awwwww..." Minuette landed on all fours, pouting. "And I was just about to get to the donut nectar!"

"You can dream about it," Lyra grumbled, shuffling past her and slapping Braeburn on the flank ("Yeowch!"). "Come on. Let's mosey."

"Lyraaaaa!" Lemon Hearts sighed, picking up after her. "Let's not forget our planners!" She turned to look at Tree Hugger. "By the way, Ms. Hugger, what do you want us to put in today's slot?"

Tree Hugger was too busy slipping out a Dark Side of Nightmare Moon album and placing it on a record player. She bore a dumb grin.

"Uhm... Miss Tree Hugger?"

"Hmmm?" The mare looked over, eyes blinking like a deer in manalight. "Oh... uhm..." One ear twitched, then the other. "Stuff."

"Stuff..."

"Yessssssssssss..."

Lemon Hearts exhaled, trotting out with Twinkleshine and Minuette. "Okay then."

Not long after, the air of the cabin grew cloudy and cloudier. "Mmmmmmmm... righteousssssssss."

Desert Gossip

Outskirts of Appleloosa – Evening

One by one, the stars twinkled to life over the desert landscape as Braeburn carted the mares back to their retreat in Appleloosa.

"So I take it y'all got some progress made, huh?" the stallion remarked.

"Well—" Lyra winced.

"I got to pretend I was a butterfly!" Minuette chirped, her grinning teeth reflecting moonlight. "And not throw up!"

"Gosh..." Braeburn smirked as he cautiously rounded a patch of cacti. "That seems like a mighty important step right there!"

"I will admit," Twinkleshine muttered. "Tree Hugger's methods are... a bit unorthodox."

"How so?" Braeburn asked.

"They're downright goofy," Lyra grunted.

"Lyra..." Lemon Hearts glared aside. "The mare knows what she's doing. It's obvious she's had some experience in improvisational mental exercises. Give her some credit."

"I'm afraid to," Lyra wheezed. "Or bits even! I'd feel like an enabler!"

Lemon Hearts sighed. "Lyra..."

"That whole session felt like a twisted version of magic kindergarten!" Lyra exclaimed. "I mean... hobbling around... 'buzzing'... doing charades?!" She shifted where she sat on the wagon. "All I got out of that was an aching flank! How's this supposed to make us feel any better about being turned into emotionally wrecked husks by changelings at the Canterlot invasion?"

Twinkleshine and Minuette froze in place. Their pupils shrank as their coats paled over—

Lyra jolted in place. "But h-hey!" She grinned wide. "At least we f-found plenty of nectar, r-right girls?!"

Minuette brightened on a dime. "Heehee! Right!" She rocked back and forth, humming to herself. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna outfly all the other pretty butterflies!"

"I'm... not sure we're gonna be doing the 'butterfly' exercise again tomorrow," Lemon Hearts said. "At least, I hope not."

"Awwwwwwww..."

Lyra glanced back. "But what if she does have us do it?"

Lemon Hearts shifted nervously.

"Hey..." Twinkleshine shrugged with a smile. "I'm game for whatever! It's been weird... but a good weird, y'know?" She held up a tiny notebook. "Plus... we've got these killer sweet planners out of the whole deal!" In waving the thing around, she inadvertently dropped several flakey bits from between the pages. "Huh... how did these leaves get stuck in here?"

"I still can't believe I was thinking so much about... y'know... buggy things without bugging out!" Minuette giggled inwardly. She scooted closer to Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts. "You wanna know what color my cocoon was?"

Lemon chuckled. "Why don't you tell us, Minnie."

As the three unicorns chatted, Lyra stifled a yawn. She got a good whiff of the cool desert air at night. Then, with a calm breath, she scooted closer to the front of the wagon and leaned over closer to Braeburn. "Thanks for giving us a lift."

"My pleasure, ma'am!" Braeburn exclaimed. "I'd tip my hat, but I ain't fixin' to trip on three legs before I get us home."

"Right..." Lyra heard another wolf howl. She turned and looked far behind her. A black, bleak horizon stretched under starlight, punctuated occasionally by mesas and rock formations.

"Dun be scared or nothin'," Braeburn said. "None of them coyotes or wolf packs wander too close to town. And even if they did..." He smirked proudly. "Them buffalo do a good job of keeping them at bay. This here is the safest place in the desert there ever was."

"Yeah..." Lyra gulped. "About that..." She turned to look at Braeburn again. "I read somethin' about there being... disappearances in the desert as of late."

"Beg yer pardon?"

"Buffalo have been disappearing," Lyra muttered. "It was a headline in the Appleloosa Gazette. Strike a bell?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhh..." Braeburn moaned.

Lyra raised an eyebrow.

"Just plain old sassy print... bleedin' for no good purpose." Braeburn's nostrils flared in the night. "Things get admittedly sleepy and predictable-like around these parts. So occasionally the upstart pony press writer from the big city decides to stir thangs up a bit with rumor and gossip..."

"So... there hasn't been a case of buffalo disappearing all of the sudden in the desert?"

"Heck no!" Braeburn inhaled. "Well..." He exhaled.

Lyra cocked her head to the side.

Braeburn muttered in mid-trot. "Supposedly—'bout a week ago—a few buffalo come marchin' into town, crashin' in at the local salt bar and ramblin' about one of their brave brothers suddenly vanish' in a cloud of green smoke. Like... fire from the hills. But that's buffalo for ya. They wander them desolate plateaus for so long that I think they just dream up the most fantastic of thangs."

"They dream up their friends and family turning up missing?"

"The way I see it—if there was a legit problem with the buffalo, they'd sure as Tartarus tell us! Erm... if you pardon my language."

"Do you Appleloosans even know the buffalo that well?"

"We sure do! I mean... heck... we dun square-dance together all the time or nothin'. But we've built ourselves a great rapport with the likes of Chief Thunderhooves and Little Strong Heart. And if Little Strong Heart was to tell me—face to face—that there was somethin' fishy goin' on in the desert... then I would believe it."

"But she hasn't..."

"Nope! So... all's quiet on the horny front!" Braeburn chuckled. "Get it? Because buffalo have horns and... and... uhm..." He exhaled. "Whew... I need to write down some scripts one of these days..."

"Nah, it's okay..." Lyra leaned back as she watched the desert nightscape drift past them. "...you've kept things relaxing enough."

"And here I thought it was yer therapist's job to help you relax!" Braeburn said before smiling and humming to himself.

"Yeah..." Lyra gulped. She closed her eyes and listened to the voices of her friends. "I know... right?"

The Table

Blue Crescent – Upper Facility

Schwissh!

A door slid open to a dimly-lit chamber.

Betsy entered with Garnet and Bon Bon following. Sharp Quill, Haze, and Horizons were already standing inside. Upon spotting the chief, Bon Bon opened her muzzle. But she soon saw the unicorn's sharp glare and said nothing.

"Good. We're all here," Horizons droned. Her body posture was rigid, tense. "Then let's go inside. They're waiting for us."

"Who is?" Garnet asked.

Horizons took a breath. "Everypony." She gestured to a pony standing in the corner.

Bon Bon craned her neck, looking. That's when she saw the familiar sight of Professor Ball Bearings. Upon being signaled by Horizons, the slight-disheveled stallion nodded, reached into his labcoat, and produced a keycard. He swung it through a receiver—and a hidden door slid open to their side.

The agents found themselves staring down the steps leading into a spacious, rectangular room overlooking the cavern of Blue Crescent. A long, elliptical table stretched—lit with soft blue light from underneath. Towards the far end, a small group of richly-dressed equines sat. No less than eight guards stood within breathing range of the table, facing all in the same direction.

As Bon Bon and the rest of the group descended the stairs, she squinted at the faces of those seated at the table. Everypony looked back, straight-faced and deadpan, at least for the most part. She was almost certain she recognized one of the ponies. Maybe two of them.

Before her mind could jump through too many loops, the familiar pale figure of Princess Plasma stood up, bowing slightly towards the arriving agents.

"Greetings, members of the League," the Princess said. She nodded at the scientist. "Professor Ball Bearings." She looked at Horizons. "Thank you for assembling. I can safely assume—then—that those who are present have committed themselves to the cause?"

Bon Bon sensed several of her companions nodding in her peripheral.

"You can count me in," Sharp Quill said.

"I'm interested to see where this goes," Haze added.

"What the Hell," Besty burped. "Beats making jelly at home."

Chief Agent Horizons cleared her throat—though it mattered little.

Princess Plasma paced around the table while Bon Bon and her partners sat down. "It is time that you met the ponies responsible for keeping Blue Nova Industries afloat," she said. "Especially in this new juncture that sees to the prosperous renaissance of the Secret Monster Intelligence League of Equestria. Together, we shall take the project here at Blue Crescent to new heights, ensuring safety and justice for all Equestrians."

Bon Bon studied the bodies at the table. She spotted two earth ponies, a unicorn, a eucorn, a horse, and a griffon.

"Allow me to introduce you," Princess Plasma said. "You—of course—know me: Princess Plasma of Trottingham." She brushed past a slick-haired stallion. "This is Filthy Rich of Ponyville, owner of multiple commercial industries within Central Equestria."

The stallion nodded. "How do you do."

"This is Fancy Pants of Canterlot, and a recent addition to the Council's House of Advisors." Holding her breath in, Princess Plasma briskly trotted past the pink-mane'd eucorn at the stallion's side, avoiding eye contact. "And here we have Jasper Jasmine from Manehattan, owner of Jasmine Enterprises."

"A pleasure, my friends."

Plasma passed a dark-haired mare. "The most esteemed Duchess Sonata Melody, heir to the Melody fortune in Coltnecticut."

"Much oblidged."

Plasma ended at the griffon. "And Oscar Ospreys, representing the investors of Griffonstone."

His beak clattered, but the financier said nothing.

Princess Plasma at last found a seat alongside her partners. "Now that we're all assembled, it is time we drew a vote."

"A vote?" Garnet asked.

Plasma nodded. "On whether or not we decide to induct the most important new member of all to this table... a pony who can single-hoofedly turn the tide in making the League become public." Her brow furrowed. "I speak—of course—of Her Majesty, the Princess of Friendship, Twilight Sparkle."

The Purveyors of Change

Blue Crescent – Meeting Room

Bon Bon cleared her throat and leaned forward in her seat. "With all due respect, Fillies and Gentlecolts..."

Princess Plasma waved a gentle hoof. "The table recognizes Agent Sweetie Drops."

"Right." Bon Bon squirmed slightly, but nonetheless continued: "From a previous briefing, I was under the impression that this juncture here at Blue Crescent was meant to represent the interests of the general Equestrian populace, hence the relative non-involvement of the Royal Sisters." She raised an eyebrow. "Why, then, is it suddenly pertinent to include the Princess of Friendship in the League's actions?"

"It is not a sudden thing, my dear," Fancy Pants spoke. The unicorn smiled, adjusting his monocle. "We have always wanted to involve the wise council of an alicorn."

"But just not Luna or Celestia," Bon Bon remarked. She raised an eyebrow. "Is it because they possess too much power?"

"Not at all!" Fancy Pants shook his head. "If nothing else, recent events have shown us that the Regal Sisters lack the indestructible power that we always assumed they had—"

Princess Plasma delicately cleared her throat. "I do believe the purpose of the matter is being skewed."

"Her Majesty is right," Filthy Rich said with a nod. "You see, Little Missy..." He folded his forelimbs, smiling across the way at Bon Bon. "...Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, represents a new era in Equestria. And if there's anything that's true about the course of recent events—it's that Equestria is dying to break out of its old shell."

"And what kind of 'old shell' is that?" Haze spoke up.

"Blind dependence!" Oscar Ospreys rasped. His feathers ruffled as he spoke through a rattling beak: "Acceptance of a bland status quo!"

"Every pony, griffon, and mule in this nation has the potential to change reality for the better," Duchess Sonata Melody calmly purred. She adjusted her meager weight on the pillow she was seated on and continued: "Architecture... communications... vaccinations... weaponry..."

Betsy cocked her head to the side. "Weaponry..."

"Hydras, diamond dogs, and—now—countless Tartarusian monsters run rampant over the countryside," spoke a thick accented voice. Every League member stared across the way to where an orange-coated horse with a dark purple mane sat. "Imagine," Jasper Jasmine spoke, "If the mass population of Equestria was appropriately armed with the tools to take down Tirek before he assaulted them and leeched off their magic?"

"I don't see how it would have mattered," Sharp Quill said, her hawkeyes narrowing. "It wasn't until the Princess of Friendship intervened that the centaur was stopped."

"Mmmmm... but there's the part that most concerns me." The horse smiled, her elegant eyelashes batting. "We are all innately driven to accept the fact that we must depend on an alicorn's intervention. Is it such a crime to question the nature of past events? Could we not have stopped Tirek on our own—if properly equipped? Or the Canterlot invasion, for that matter?"

"The League tried," Bon Bon said in a muttering tone. "And we failed."

"And you failed because you were massively understaffed," Princess Plasma said. "The League had allowed the necessity for secrecy outweigh the need for agency. But now—with the implementation of Blue Nova industries—we are wishing to undo all of that."

"No longer will the League operate exclusively from the shadows," Fancy Pants said. "Much rather, they shall establish a formidable presence that will serve as an example—a righteous example—to all beastly cabals that would attempt to undermine it."

"You're suggesting an army..." Haze said.

"A defense," Jasper Jasmine interjected. "So that we may properly maintain a healthy and prosperous Equestria, which will lead the way to newer innovations that will further propel this marvelous culture to greatness."

"Okay..." Bon Bon took a breath. "So what is Princess Twilight Sparkle's place in all of this?"

"She's always been a sign of things to come!" Oscar Ospreys said. "Equipped with the blessing of the Tree of Harmony!"

"I... I'm not sure I follow," Bon Bon said.

"Darlin', it's simple." Filthy Rich smiled. "Twilight's become an alicorn all in our lifetime. She's a shining example of a mortal transforming into more than what she was previously-thought capable of."

"If that's the case," Garnet spoke up. "Why do we not approach the Steward Princess Cadance and her family?"

"Because there's something exceptional about the transformation that Twilight has undergone," Filthy said. "She has been empowered by her friends—common mortals, all of them. Over the past few years, the Elements of Harmony—tools used exclusively by alicorns in the past—have been embodied by Twilight and her friends. If nothing else, this is a sign that whatever force empowers Equestria is now desiring a change."

"And what change is that?" Betsy asked.

"A shift in the balance of power," Sonata Melody said. "It is high time that we accepted the fact that Celestia's and Luna's rule won't last forever. The gift of alicorns came from mortal sorcery... and it will someday return."

"We need to be prepared for all eventualities," Fancy Pants stated, receiving a nod from the demure eucorn lounging at his side. "We need to be strong for when the day comes that we have to stand on our own once more. The League is our means of accomplishing that."

"And you want Princess Twilight to give her 'okay,'" Sharp Quill said.

"We need her to understand what's important here," Princess Plasma said.

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow.

"Once she sees how important the League is for Equestria—for reducing our enemies to neutral threats at best—then we're certain she will do more than endorse us," Fancy Pants said. "She will want to be seated at this very table."

"And... uhm..." Bon Bon sat up straight. "If she says 'no?'"

"I doubt that she will."

"Fine, but what if she does?"

Horizons glanced silently across the table.

Awkward silence.

Oscar Ospreys and Sonata Melody exchanged glances.

"I mean, she's no chump," Bon Bon said. "She might be new to the whole 'alicorn princess' schtick, but she's fought just as many nasty-nasties as the League and I—maybe even more." She gulped. "With all due respect, it almost sounds to me as though... this group is aiming to intimidate her."

Both Filthy Rich and Fancy Pants opened their muzzles—

"And I believe—my dear—that you are not giving Princess Twilight enough credit. Or her intelligence, for that matter."

Bon Bon and the rest of the agents looked across the table.

Jasper Jasmine folded her fetlocks and spoke calmly in her accent. "Twilight Sparkle appreciates friendship, yes. It is her bread and butter—is it not? And yet..." She gestured. "She values wisdom above all. Looking at this world—at the problems vexxing it and the circumstances holding back progress—it would be downright criminal not to want a change... a change that we can all make happen, but only with the Princess' assistance."

"I... understand your position," Bon Bon said. "And I do respect it. I just... don't think we should be inserting words into the Princess' muzzle."

"Hardly, dear!" Fancy Pants said. "Which is why we're moving to propose a way to appeal to her! The first vote shall be made here—and then the next move will be up to the Canterlot Council!"

"The ambassadors of Griffonstone shall also be there," Oscar Ospreys said. "The future of Equestria is important to all civilized beings on this planet."

"And assuming that Twilight Sparkle is on board," Sharp Quill spoke, "In spite of the dark and ethically gray history of the League..." She raised an eyecrest. "What part does such an alicorn play in the 'future of Equestria?'"

"That..." Jasper Jasmine said, "Will be up to the Princess."

"Hmmmff..." Betsy snorted.

The horse tilted its head to the side. "Something amuses you?"

"For a second there, I thought you were gonna say 'fate,'" the rhinoceros huffed.

Jasper Jasmine exhaled. "I do not believe in fate. What happens tomorrow is in our hooves." She turned to glance at Bon Bon. "Soon, it will be the alicorn's choice... a choice of whether or not she wants to join fetlocks with us in this glorious juncture."

Trouble at the Docks

Manehattan – West Docks – Second Story Fire Escape

Bzzzzt!

"Come on..." Satin Cinders gnashed her teeth. Soft hooves fumbled through layers of cloaks as she struggled to crank the crystal-powered receiver to life. "Come onnnnnnn... grnnngh..."

Bzzzz-zzztt! Vrommmm!

At last, the device purred to life. A tiny crystal glowed, picking up on a certain pegasus' sound stone. The magnetized recorder spun its tape slowly, capturing the audio data.

"Yes!" Satin bore a brief smirk. Brushing back a golden strand of mane hair, she squatted neatly on the fire escape beside her device and locked her eyes on the warehouse below her. "Now... just to catch this city's evilmonger in action..."

Eventually, a large double-wagon rolled up, drawn by four stallions. In the meantime, a few more shady figures trotted up under cold lamplight, meeting inside the hollow building.

Manehattan – West Docks – Jasmine Enterprises Warehouse

Wagons creaked and squeaked as the heavy freight vehicle was pulled into place.

Lightning Dust leaned casually against the large doorframe to the warehouse entrance. She chewed on gum, smirking. Her mane was done up in a bun—obscuring the sound stone nestled stealthily within.

In addition to the four stallions pulling the wagon inside, six more trotted past Lightning—all of them unsavory and a few of them glaring at the mare as they shuffled on by.

Lightning merely smirked and nodded back. Once everypony was inside, she flapped her wings, lifted up, and pulled one of the massive sliding doors shut until there was barely a crack. She threw a casual glance at a tiny, dimly-lit fire escape across the way, spat out her gum, and quickly ducked inside to where the delivery was being made.

Blue Crescent – Meeting Room

"Let us not forget," Jasper Jasmine spoke calmly, fetlocks folded as she gazed across the large table. "Equestria was not founded by alicorns—but rather by mortals. It was a dangerous world... one where monsters existed before the vanquishers thereof." She waved a dainty hoof. "The Queen of the Changelings—after all—is the very first documented case of an alicorn. Mainstream history textbooks may not mention this, but the historical archives of this very League prove otherwise." Her eyebrow raised. "Fillies and gentlecolts, we still live in a dangerous world... the same dangerous world encountered by the likes of our founders. And while the Age of Alicorns had its run—and a very good run at that—we must discover a way to work beyond the boundaries of our preconceptions. It's time that mortals take charge—like we all once did—in order to ensure a world that's peaceful... that's safe."

Manehattan – West Docks – Jasmine Enterprises Warehouse

"Rather late in the night for a shipment from the Zebrahara, eh Bruno?" a stallion muttered, trotting up to the wagons.

The one called Bruno unhitched himself from the reins. "Put a horseshoe in it, Maurice." He gestured to the fellow stallions who had transported the double carts in with him. His gruff voice echoed off the concrete walls and pillars of the dimly-lit storage building. "Let's get this shit over with."

"Oooh! I can't wait!" Lightning Dust hovered in place, rubbing her forelimbs. "What's it this time? Parasprite dust? Poison Jokesauce?" She chuckled. "I hope it's the former. I could use an extra share—of the bits, I mean."

Bruno merely glared at her. He gestured with a scarred hoof. "Fetlocks on the ground."

"Uhhhhh..." Lightning gulped and touched down next to the other six thugs who had arrived. "Whatever you say, boss. Just happy to lend a hoof, is all."

"You'd better be," another stallion grumbled to her side. "You're about five thousand bits deep in it."

A few others chuckled.

"Eheheheh..." Lightning Dust scowled. "How badly do you want your balls kicked in?"

"Shut up." Bruno gestured to the back of the wagons as his associates unfastened multiple locks. "We've got work to do."

Lightning Dust cleared her throat. "I'm all ears."

Manehattan – West Docks – Second Story Fire Escape

Satin Cinders huddled low on the fire escape, craning her ear to the receiver beside her. As the device recorded the conversation transpiring, muffled voices crackled through the speakers at low volume.

"The boss is out of town for the night."

"Business or pleasure?"

"Doesn't bucking matter. We've got some cleaning up to do."

"Does she need us paying a visit to Bucklyn?"

"Not this time. We're keeping it Tartarus' Kitchen."

"Do tell..."

Blue Crescent – Meeting Room

"This is also an age of new opportunities," Jasper Jasmine calmly said. "And we mustn't waste it. That's the real reason Princess Plasma has suggested that we make contact with Princess Twilight, and I whole-heartedly agree with her." She gestured across the table. "Mortals can't reasonably be expected to properly defend Equestria overnight. That's why—as a means of transition—we must seek a way to gain the favor and support of the Princess of Friendship with Blue Nova Industries. And—if you ask me—it's quite fitting." The horse batted her painted eyelids, gazing at the agents of the League seated before her. "Now—more than never—it is important to know who our friends really are."

Manehattan – West Docks – Jasmine Enterprises Warehouse

"The boss asked me personally to oversee this operation," Bruno said as the doors to the rear of the wagons were opened wide. His three companions stepped aside. "What happens in this warehouse tonight stays in here."

"Oooooh..." Lightning Dust smiled wide, standing next to the six lackeys. "Somepony's moving on up!"

"Hmmmff... we'll see about that," Bruno muttered.

Maurice craned his neck, staring into the double carts. "Is that the good stuff?"

"Indeed." Bruno gestured at the vehicles. "Maurice, will you do the honors?"

"Sure thing." Maurice trotted up, grabbed a crowbar, and forced open the first crate he could find. "Mrmnnngh..." Crkkkk! He popped the lid with an exhale, then squinted inside. "Wait... what the Hell?"

Lightning Dust raised an eyebrow.

"Uh... Bruno?" Maurice stepped back, blinking curiously. "These aren't drugs at all."

"Very astute of you, Maurice." Bruno calmly reached into a crate and pulled loose a dimly-glowing manarifle. "Looks like your brain was finally good for something." Without a second breath, Bruno cocked the rifle, aimed, and blasted a hole in Maurice's skull. POW!

Blood splattered across the wagon doors.

In the ensuing thunder of the manablast, Lightning Dust and the rest of the thugs winced.

"Whoah!"

"Bruno!"

"What the buck?!"

"Have you gone bonkers—?!"

"Shut up!" Bruno glared, aiming the rifle at the remaining six ponies. His three cohorts reached in and grabbed their own weapons. Meanwhile, Bruno trotted sideways and spat on Maurice's spasming corpse. "That's for the botched Haylem deal, ya sniveling little prick." Cocking his weapon again, he formed a firing squad along with his buddies and glared down Lightning Dust and the others. "As for the rest of you... it's time for some long-awaited business."

"The Hell are you going on about, Bruno?!" Lightning Dust stammered, trembling.

"The Hell indeed." Bruno glared in the glow of his manarifle. "There's a reason we asked all of you green-shitted newbies to show up here tonight." His teeth showed as he snarled: "One of you is a rat. Maybe every single one of you. And now's the time to find out exactly who."

"But... but this is crazy!"

"What's the big idea, Bruno!"

"Have you gone full paranoid?!"

"Don't test me," Bruno said, training the rifle on one pony after another. "We know that this is a sting."

Lightning Dust gulped. "A sting?"

Manehattan – West Docks – Second Story Fire Escape

"That's right," Bruno's voice crackled through the receiver. "We've got Francis—our local leyline expert—camped out here. Just as we arrived, he confirmed the boss' suspicions. There's a soundstone enchantment in this very district. Right now... somepony is listening in, and once I find out who... I assure you... there will be blood. Lots of it..."

Satin Cinders winced. Hard.

Fighting a squeaking whimper, she slapped—slapped—slammed—the receiver off, fumbled, and spun around to gallop down the fire escape—

"Hold it right there, gorgeous."

"!!!" Satin's eyes darted up.

A shady unicorn perched on the edge of the railing in front of her—just beyond the shadows. He was equipped with a grappling hook in one hoof, and a jagged knife in the other. Upon seeing her frightened expression, he smirked. "Picked a bad night to go eavesdropping." He beckoned with a grimy hoof. "Now... do Papa a favor and step into the light..."

Satin Cinders clenched her teeth...

Lightning and the Stud

Manehattan – West Docks – Jasmine Enterprises Warehouse

Lighting Dust stood in the crosshairs of four separate manarifles. Despite the tense situation, her amber eyes kept darting towards the massive sliding doors of the building. A sliver of starlight bled in through the crack.

The thugs beside her pleaded for their lives:

"Bruno, take a chill pill! We're all loyal to the boss!"

"Sure, we've had a rough patch—some of us more than others—but give us a break! It's tough as shit out there in the streets!"

"Loads of moronic ponies have been trying to creep in on Jasmine's turf—but have we turned tail one bit?! Nosiree!"

"How do you even expect to make so many hits and keep it clean?" one thug hissed. "Not even Ms. Jasmine could stop the fuzz from tracing those manashots!"

"Shows how stupid you are," Bruno muttered. He patted the barrel of his gun. "All of these are custom-made. Shipped in from Stalliongrad." His slimey eyes narrowed. "It'd take a lifetime for the cops to figure out where the delivery came from. You think they're even willing to work that hard on what little money they get? At least the honest money?" He spat. "Now let's have it out."

"Have what out?!" A lackey shrugged. "I'm telling you, Bruno, we're no stoolies! We're in with Jasmine all the way!"

"Bullshit!" Bruno snarled as his fellow cohorts nodded down the lengths of their weapons. "Then how do you explain the sound stone enchantment Francis detected upon arriving here?"

"I dunno! Pffft... maybe a senator's hiding out here doing long distance hanky-panky with his mistress!"

Lighting Dust gulped. "Heh heh heh!" Her voice cracked as she bore a sweaty smile. "A sound stone enchantment, huh?" Another breathy chuckle. "That would be one upstart idiot! If I were them..."

Manehattan – West Docks – Second Story Fire Escape

"...I'd get the Hell out of Dodge right away!"

The sound stone lying beside the crumpled receiver flickered with residual enchantment. Lightning Dust's voice came out distorted and fragmented.

"I mean, come on, Bruno! Nopony's dumb enough to try double-crossing the boss!"

Satin Cinders winced, glanced nervously behind her shoulder.

A shrill whistle.

She looked up ahead.

The unicorn thug perched on the railing beckoned at her once again with the dagger. "I'm only going to ask this one more time." His eyes glinted menacingly. "Come... into... the light."

Satin bit her lip. She stood in place, trembling.

"Hmmmfff... very well..." He levitated the dagger between them, hopped down onto the fire escape platform, and marched icily towards the mare. "...guess we'll have to identify you by the dental records... just as soon as I carve those molars out of your pretty mouth."

Satin stumbled backwards. She fished through her bulky cloaks for her cans of mace—

The unicorn descended on her, dagger twirling. "Rghhh—"

FWOOOOSH!

A streak of orange feathers. Then—

Clank! An agile hoof knocked the floating dagger so that its blade faced the unicorn, and then—Thunk!—the same hoof bucked the weapon so that it embedded into the thug's fetlock, hilt-deep.

"Aaaaaaaaaugh!" The stallion reared back, bleeding all over the catwalk. Before he could finish his anguished exhale—WHAM! SMACK! TH-THWACK!—three massive hoof-strikes pummeled him across the face and jaw. Breathless, he teetered backwards—until a nimble figure landed in front of him and bucked him with two rear legs. WHUMP! He flew through the railing, rattled off a street lamp, and fell hard to the concrete alley below in a meaty slump.

Satin Cinders panted and panted. "Omigosh! Omigosh!" She brushed her disheveled bangs aside. "You j-just saved my life!" She looked up, blue eyes sparkling. "Whoever you are, thank—"

One of her cloaks was stripped off her body and hoisted in the air.

Satin blinked. "Huh—?" Thwoomp! The dark fabric was suddenly thrown over her upper body. "Mrmmmmfff!" Whump! A relatively "soft" kick propelled her off the fire escape. Before she could let loose a muffled shriek, her obscured body fell into a dumpster below, landing on a stack of crumpled papers and dead fish. SLAM! In an orange blur, the lid of the dumpster was closed behind her.

A deep breath.

Deeper.

And...

Thwoooosh!

...the figure flew towards the warehouse across the way.

Manehattan – West Docks – Jasmine Enterprises Warehouse

"Bruno, what is this gonna accomplish? Really?" a thug asked.

"Not my idea," Bruno said. "This is all Jasmine. Through and through."

"I..." A stallion beside Lightning trembled. "I just don't get it." He gulped. "I've met her twice! Personally! She told me that Jasmine Enterprises was all about caring for 'the little ponies.'" He gritted his teeth. "She said that her empire was built all upon trust!"

"Shows how much you know the boss," Bruno said. "But don't fret. By now, Francis should have found the source of the signal... and he's gonna tell us just who here gets to sleep with the fish tonight."

"And if he doesn't?" Lightning Dust asked.

Bruno snorted. "Then I guess we'll be having to paint the floor of this place red in the morning." He nodded to one of his three cohorts. "Call him."

A pony picked up a sound stone. "Francis, come in. Did you trace the leylines?"

Silence.

The six thugs squirmed nervously under the crosshairs.

Bruno and his companions glanced at the stallion with the sound stone.

Brow furrowed, the pony spoke into the item once again. "Francis? Francis, did you find the sting operator?"

Bruno's lips slurred. "What... the buck...?"

"Francis, are you there?"

"Uhhhh..." Lighting Dust smiled crookedly. "...maybe you're holding it the wrong way."

"Grrr!" The stallion snarled at her. "Shut up!" He glanced at Bruno, paling. "I-I don't know what's wrong. He's not coming in!"

"Shit..." Bruno snarled. "This must be bigger than I thought. Alright... uhm... one of you go out there and look for—"

Just then, there was a loud crack, like thunder—only smaller and localized. The lights of the warehouse flickered—then blew out completely. The building was cast in darkness.

Both sides of the standoff stammered in fright.

"Whoah!"

"What the buck was that?!"

"The power box! Somepony hit it!"

"What do you mean somepony hit it!"

"You really think that happened by accident!"

All the while, Lightning Dust glanced left and right. As worried eyes swept the shadowed interior, she ducked low... and slowwwwwly inched her way backwards.

"What the Hell is going on here?"

"Everypony shut up!" Bruno hissed. He glanced aside at his cohorts. "Boys! Prime 'em!"

The other stallions nodded, then cocked their rifles with extra vigor. The combined crystals of their weapons glowed brighter, casting an eerie green glow across the wagons parked inside the structure.

"Okay... now..." Bruno exhaled turning about. "Keep an eye out for—" His moving lips pivoted right into a savage right hook. WHAM!

Stallions gasped.

Bruno's body went sliding backwards across the concrete, coming to a stop beside his partners. The shocked stallions looked up.

A nimble figure stood outside the penumbra of their weapons' glow. He spread two orange wings and flung them forward. Fwooosh!

The airblast knocked the stallions back. They fumbled for balance, then immediately started firing at the figure's last known position. BL-BL-BLAM!

The mana-powered muzzle blasts illuminated a pegasus' figure sailing overhead, darting around concrete pylons, and gliding past several stacks of crates. The wooden containers exploded with bullets and plasma discharge. Soon—behind the figure's rippling tail—the warehouse filled to the brim with scattering debris and burning embers.

"Dammit!"

"Get him! Get him!"

"He's too fast—!"

"Rrrrngh!" Bruno convulsed on the ground, clamping two hooves over his ears as the deafening thunder echoed from the discharging weapons. "Stop firing blindly, you idiots—!"

"Where..." One stallion clutched his steaming rifle, looking all around as the mana-glow faded. "...where did he go?!"

Bruno sat up. "You mean you lost him?!"

"I told you we had nothing to do with this!" One of the cowardly five stammered, staring at the stallions with guns. "You see how that guy moved?! That's royal guard training! None of us punks have those kinds of connections—!" Just as he said this, a pair of blue eyes glinted from behind. A pegasus sailed in, hoisting two stallions off the ground by their manes and swinging them into Bruno's cohorts.

Wh-Wh-Whump! "Ooof!" "Sonuva—"

"Httt!" Flash Sentry landed. Without wasting a second, he savagely kicked two of the collapsed thugs across their foreheads, knocking them cold. Pivoting his weight, he blocked a third thug's attack from behind and suplexed him hard to the floor.

"Shit-eating..." A bloodied stallion squatted, aiming a rifle. "...feathered turd!" Blam! Bl-Blam!

Flash Sentry backflipped—dodging the first blast—then landed at the wagons, swinging an open door towards him to block the second. Chunkkk! The wooden panel was shot off its hinges. "Hnnngh!" He propelled the thing off him with two bucking hooves.

Swooosh! The dislodged door flew towards the rifle-toting stallion. The thug hopped up to his hooves, side-stepping it. He raised his weapon again—only for the glow of the manacrystal to reveal Flash's angry snarl flying straight at him. "Gah!" He fired impulsively. BLAM!

Flash barrel-rolled—missing the projectile by a hair. He landed, cartwheeled towards the thug, then grappled with the rifle in his hooves. The two fought and struggled for dominance of the weapon—until Flash viciously headbutted the pony. Whump! As the thug's weight was thrown off, Flash twirled the rifle until it was aimed point-blank into the crook's forward fetlock. BLAM!

"Aaaaaugh!" Flailing a bleeding stub, the stallion stumbled back. Three remaining stallions rushed the pegasus.

"We got him, Bruno!"

"We ain't no stoolies! Just you watch!"

Flash Sentry took a deep breath, watching the bodies rushing in through the darkness. Suddenly—a streak of green rushed in from the side. Fwooosh!

Wordlessly, Lightning Dust slammed two hooves upside the chin of an unsuspecting thug. The other two lost their momentum, scuffling to a stop as they looked to see what had hit their companion.

Flash Sentry didn't waste the opportunity. Woooosh! He flew in, mercilessly pummeling one thug after the other.

Lightning Dust joined him, and soon both ponies were rushing side by side, punching and kicking the last few conscious stallions before they had any opportunity to visualize what was happening to them. A frenetic twenty seconds of meaty impacts and pained shrieks consumed the warehouse, and soon all of the thugs were lying on the ground, groaning into unconsciousness.

Lightning Dust panted and panted... smirking from the thrill. She heard a stirring sound and looked over to the side.

Bruno was crawling towards the cracked sliver of starlight leading outside the warehouse. He hissed in pain, reaching for the lid to the sliding door.

Inhaling deeply, Lighting Dust did a running start, flew, and landed with a savage drop-kick across Bruno's spine.

"Ooooof!" The criminal's eyes bulged... rolled back... and soon he was out like a light.

"Whew!" Lightning Dust flung the sweat from her brow. "Yeah! Alright!" She spun towards the orange shape in the center of the room. "Flash! Mr. Badass Extraordinaire! I knew you'd come in handy when I needed ya—"

Fwooooooooosh! Flash crossed the distance between them in an angry blink, shoving Lightning up against a concrete pylon.

WHUMP! "Ooofa!" Lightning Dust wheezed, nevertheless smirking. "Hooboy... this brings back saucy memories—"

"Shut it!" Flash growled into her face. "What you need, Lightning, is a damned straitjacket!" He heaved. "All I'm doing here is saving your stupid, worthless flank!"

"Oh... that's right..." Lightning droned through a coy smile. "...it's you."

Halfway Heroes

Manehattan – West Docks

"Flash?" Lightning Dust stumbled out of the warehouse, following a furiously marching orange stallion. "Flash?!" She flapped her wings to keep up with him. "Where are you going—?"

"Shhhhh!" He insisted, his angry eyes reflecting the distant lights of the Haydson River. "Keep your voice down!" He made a bee-line for the building across the way. "I didn't find any crooks outside while I was coasting the place, but you can't be too sure."

"'Coasting the place?'" Lightning Dust's jaw dropped in mid-trot. "Did you tail us here?"

"How could I not?" Flash grumbled, heading straight for a dumpster. "I knew you were putting yourself at unnecessary risk. And the life of another pony too!"

"Wouldn't it have been easier to have just helped us out?" Lightning frowned. "Like I friggin' asked you to in the first place—wait." She craned her ear to the sound of muffled yelps coming from inside the dumpster. "Is that who I think it is—?"

"Shut up." Flash hoisted the heavy lid up with two hooves. "Rrnnngh... and lend a hoof!"

"Pffft. Yes, Dad. Whatever you say, Dad." Lightning flew into the open dumpster and pulled out a quivering bundle of cloaks. "Whoah whoah whoah, girl!" She grimaced, setting the petite, flailing figure down. "Since when were you into changing dead fish's diapers!"

"Rnnghhghhhghh—" After much fighting and fussing, Satin Cinders finally fought her way out of the mess of cloaks and gasped for breath. "Lightning!" She clutched the mare's shoulders, trembling. "They're onto us! We gotta get out of here! I was almost gutted by a thug and—" She blinked. "... ... ...Lightning?"

"You okay, princess?"

"But... the sting..." Satin gulped. "It... it was a bust! They figured you out... figured us out and... and..." She turned to see Flash—then did a double-take. "You!"

"Shhhhh..." Flash insisted.

"Don't 'Shhhh' me!" Satin frowned at him. "You suffocated me with my own cloak and tossed me into a dumpster!"

"Because I had to," Flash grumbled. "She gave me no choice."

"Yeesh, Flash." Lightning raised an eyebrow. "There's mysogyny, and then there's just being pathetic."

"I'm serious," Flash said with a frown. "That thug who had the drop on her was just seconds away from making a positive identification. I had to make sure that nopony else saw her face—not until I had complete control of the situation."

Satin blinked. "Oh..." She bit her lip. "...fudge."

"Everything went better than expected." Flash gulped, as if finally taking the opportunity to catch his breath. "Let's not look a gift horse in the mouth." He pointed. "You two need to get out of here."

"Oh, you bet!" Satin Cinders nodded. "Thank you, Mister! We'll leave the docks right away—"

"I mean out of town!" Flash's brow furrowed. "Ditch Manehattan altogether."

"Wait... what?" Satin grimaced.

"Whoah whoah...hold it there, Flash," Lightning waved. "We just proved that we could take on an entire leg of Jasmine Enterprises—"

"We proved nothing!" Flash gnashed his teeth. "Until tonight, you were an expendable dust mite beneath a heartless gang's boot, Lightning. But now? You're gonna be the top of this organization's hit list. So you need to be a smart little filly and run as far away as you can!"

"Bullcrap!" Lightning frowned. "Nopony saw that it was me who helped you in the end! For all anyone might know, I was just as much a victim of some random vigilante as the rest of these punks—"

"Do you have the memory of a goldfish?!" Flash wheezed in her direction. "The entire reason they held this 'operation' tonight was to uncover the rat in their midst! Stop making love to the chip on your shoulder, Lightning! They're onto you! They're onto you and soon you're going to be dead meat along with Miss Dandelion here—!"

"Flash, there are always risks! But thanks to you, I just dodged the bullet!" Lightning grinned. "Don't you see? This is precisely what I had planned for you to do with us tonight in the first place—"

"Lightning, seriously, when have you ever planned anything in your whole bucking life?!"

"Now you listen here—"

"Shhhh!" Satin Cinders insisted. "Quiet! The both of you! Look, we're lucky! That's a wonderful thing! Let's not bite each other's throats out over such a miracle!" She turned towards Lightning Dust. "Is this your 'old friend' that you spoke of?"

"Mmmmmmmmmmm-yeahhhhh..." Lightning Dust scowled at him. "And it looks like somepony hung him out to dry a little too long."

Satin turned towards the stallion. "'Flash,' is it?"

"Please, let's not get into formalit—"

She reached out and grasped his fetlock in two gentle hooves. "Mr. Flash... thank you... and I apologize for my anger earlier." She gulped. "But surely you can appreciate the gravity of this situation. If you were indeed listening in... then you know that Lightning here has merit about the criminal foundation festering underneath the likes of Jasmine Enterprises..."

Flash sighed, closing his eyes. "Ma'am... I can appreciate the fact that you want to enact justice. But this... this thing is simply too big for any small group of ponies." He opened his eyes calmly. "If you want to do what's right for this city, bring it to the local law enforcement—"

"You mean the ones who are slaves to Jasper Jasmine and her cronies?" Satin slowly shook her head. "It's not that simple, Mr. Flash. Sometimes—in life—you have to take a little risk. That's one thing that Lightning Dust is good at. But you? You seem to be good at finishing it. Please... won't you help us?"

"What you girls need... is luck." Flash drew his hoof away. "Me? I've been lucky twice in the last month." He gulped. "But that luck is not going to last forever. Now, I already learned my lesson. But I'd hate for yours to consume your lives... and needlessly. That's why I'm asking that we all kindly walk away from this before anymore flagrant 'risk-taking' comes to bite us in the rear."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Mr. Flash," Satin said, shaking her head. "As a reporter with Manehattan Daily News, I am obligated to pursue the truth in all—"

"Excuse me, what?" Flash trotted forward, craning an ear towards her. "Did you say the Manehattan Daily News?"

"That's right."

"... ... ...what's your name?"

"Satin."

"As in Satin Cinders?" Flash blinked. "The famous reporter on that new-fangled television show?"

Lightning gasped with a smile. "So you do pay attention!"

Flash fumed. "Oh this is just terrific." He spun towards Lightning with an iron frown. "So not only did you attempt an unnecessarily risky sting operation, but you brought in a high-profile celebrity?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"What if I didn't get to that unicorn in time, huh?!" Flash gestured. "One little glance at her face and hundreds of interconnected lives would have been compromised! You think these punks have the police under their influence? That's nothing compared to having an entire Manehattan media empire grabbed by the balls!"

"Mr. Flash!" Satin Cinders frowned. "Let's not be childish! You're obviously braver than this!" She pointed at herself. "And I'll have you know that I understand the risks involved—"

"Do you?!" Flash stared her down, frowning. "Have you lost your entire family due to one little slip-up? Do you limp on with each passing day, knowing that you'll never again hear the voices of the ones you love?" His eyes narrowed. "Do you hate yourself every sunrise and sunset for never being as strong and courageous as you've pledged yourself to be?"

Satin gulped. She leaned back, and her voice was more than a little shaky as she replied, "I would have figured... Mr. Flash... that you of all stallions would better appreciate the importance of making sure that other ponies don't suffer the same thing."

Lightning's amber eyes flicked from Satin to Flash. She was silent.

Flash breathed... breathed. At last, he leaned back with a sigh. "I'm going to tell you a little secret, Miss Cinders. There are no such thing as heroes... only lucky fools." He waved at the warehouse behind him. "The world will always be full of villains... and you're not going to solve everything by eliminating them." His nostrils flared. "Live with the gifts that you have, and protect your loved ones. Going on the offensive? That's only going to tear you apart."

Satin clenched her jaw. "It's a pity you feel that way, Mr. Flash. You have a lot of talents to waste."

"The only thing being wasted here is my generosity." He brushed past Lightning. "Get her safely out of here. After that... I don't want to see you two sniffing around these punks ever again. Otherwise... there's gonna be trouble. If not from them... then from me."

"You can't be the boss of everypony when you can't even be the boss of yourself, Flash," Lightning Dust sputtered.

"How delightfully poetic," Flash spat, spreading his wings. "Hope it brings a smug grin to your face the next time you've got your stupid back against the wall. Because by the time that happens... don't expect me to bail you out. Luck runs out for everypony." Thwoooosh!

Lightning and Satin stood alone. It was a long time before either of them could wrestle away the awkwardness and summon the strength to talk.

Instead... they very quietly... very lightly trotted out of the dockside district before any of the thugs could wake.

Meeting Adjourned

Blue Crescent – Meeting Room

"But of course..." Princess Plasma glanced at Jasper Jasmine, then at the rest of the ponies gathered around the table. "...the reinvention of the League is nothing without the League itself. All our fortunes and resources thrown together is still no match for raw experience and expertise." She folded her hooves together, leaning forward. "That is why we have put the vote of action to you... the integral members who will be making a difference out in the field."

"You sure about that?" Betsy muttered. "You've piled up a whole heck-of-a-lot of rich shit to take a sudden dive."

"Ugh..." Oscar Ospreys rolled his hawkeyes. "Must we discuss this in such a plebeian and vulgar manner—?"

"Now now... don't be testy, Mr. Ospreys," Fancy Pants said with a smile. "You've read up on the accomplishments of these individuals just like the rest of us. If you ask me, these agents have more than afforded their right at straight-forward, brutal honesty."

"I would whole-heartedly agree," Jasper Jasmine said. "We are the novices here, not them."

"Hmmmm..." Duchess Sonata Melody folded her forelimbs. "Perhaps if the rhino would care to voice her disapproval in a more delicate fashion?"

"What's to be delicate about?" Betsy snorted. "You pen pushers have a whole lotta toys here, and that's nifty and all. But then you go and you fetch a bunch of changelings from the field all on your own... and now you want our input?"

"It goes far beyond input, darlin'," Filthy Rich said. He smiled. "The League is yours. We just need to know if you're willing to take it to the next level."

"And what if we vote against it, huh?" Betsy snorted. "What's your plan then?"

"That would be most unfortunate," Princess Plasma said. "But the facility here could be used for multiple reasons that would inevitably advance Equestrian science." She smiled slightly. "I am far from a pony who doesn't think ahead."

"Yeah. I can see that," Betsy said with a nod. "Sometimes I wonder if you upstart yahoos even need us little guys anymore!"

Haze cleared his throat. "Betsy... you can't deny that these are the sort of tools that the League has needed for a long... long time."

Betsy did a double-take. "I can't?"

"If we had this sort of support back in Canterlot, then we would have bagged the Bug Bear long before it ever became a problem that the Princess of Friendship had to fix," Haze said. "And who knows how far we would have gotten in tracing the location of the ill-fated Queen Chrysalis?"

"And they're only wanting us to vote on the inclusion of the Princess of Friendship," Sharp Quill added in a feeble voice. "You ask me—she's shown herself more than formidable in ridding Equestria of its monster and chaos problems."

"That is quite true," Jasper Jasmine said. "We only wish to make a firmer connection—instead of operating down discoordinated paths."

"It'll be in the Canterlot Council's court next," Filthy Rich said. "But this—more than anything—could be seen as an affirmative gesture of strong will-to-action."

"Equestria's threats are many," Oscar Ospreys muttered. "They'll eventually affect the griffons if not put into check. Why not start on a firm foundation?"

"One... that consists of both the League and the Princess of Friendship, you mean?" Bon Bon remarked.

Jasper Jasmine nodded. "Quite right."

Silence.

"I hope it is not too forward of me, but..." Garnet raised his hoof high.

Betsy squinted at him. "What? You gotta use the little crystal room?"

"No. I do believe this is the modern way to... show my vote?"

Princess Plasma looked at the stallion. "You would vote 'yay' for the League to reach out to the Princess of Friendship?"

Garnet swallowed and said, "In the time that I come from, there weren't any alicorns... save for one. And her treachery is besides the point." He looked at the rest of the League members, his forelimb still raised. "Sorcerers were mortals—just like any other equine. And they worked hoof-in-hoof with those who were considerably less gifted. But what mattered is that they cooperated... functioning against a common foe. And the first time we ever suffered a setback was when one particular individual was given far too much power." His shiny brow furrowed. "Prince Miller was subjected to countless nefarious influences. If he had done the wise thing—and shared his position of power—then perhaps somepony would have caught what was happening before it consumed him—and the rest of his League subordinates in turn. I do believe that what is being proposed here is the wisest thing. Blue Crescent... the League... the Princess of Friendship... and the Canterlot Council?" He shook his head. "No single one of them should hold all of the tools currently being appropriated. But—if combined as a mutual group—then I feel that we would accomplish a lot of good for Equestria with as few mishaps as possible."

"I don't see why it's gotta be so big," Betsy muttered. "We accomplished enough on our own. Just like Luna and Celestia accomplished so much on their own! You don't see anypony complaining about the royal chicks, do you?"

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Garnet blinked, thinking aloud: "But did not Princess Luna suffer a terrible possession nearly a thousand years ago? I read up on it, if not briefly. It would seem that there were tens of thousands of lives lost in the ensuing war... something that could easily have been averted had the regal sisters established the Canterlot Council far earlier."

Betsy opened her wrinkled lips. Then, with a huff, she slumped back in her chair and glared forward.

"I... still would call for a vote," Princess Plasma said. She gestured in Garnet's direction. "I see one hoof raised for 'yay.' Any other votes? Or would the League wish to deliberate?"

The members glanced at one another.

Slowly, Haze raised his hoof.

Sharp Quill exhaled... then raised a talon.

Betsy did nothing.

Bon Bon glanced at Garnet. Her brow furrowed. She glanced at the financiers... took a breath... then sharply raised her hoof.

"Four for 'yay,'" Princess Plasma said. "Two for 'nay?'"

Bon Bon looked across the table. She realized that Chief Horizons was staring directly at her.

Horizons' eyes narrowed. She slowly nodded.

Bon Bon subtly nodded back.

After a breath, Horizons raised her hoof. "Five for 'yay.'"

Betsy glared through the table.

Princess Plasma nodded. "Then—in a vote by majority—I declare that the League has spoken." She looked at the rest of her partners. "Unless there is any dispute, we shall put the measure before the Council."

Silence.

"Very well then." Plasma exhaled, standing up. "Meeting adjourned."

Duties

Manehattan – Uptown – Before Sunrise

Thwoooooosh!

On blurring wings, Lightning Dust descended, landing before the first floor lobby of a tall apartment building. Exhaling, she gently let go of the cloaked mare in her forelimbs.

"There ya go, girl. Sure beats calling a cab, doesn't it?"

Satin Cinders shuddered slightly, adjusting the folds of her robe. "Sorry if I'm not exactly feeling... celebratory at the moment."

"Awwwwwwww, come on..." Lightning Dust managed a smug smirk. "You're alive, aren't you? We're both alive!" She elbowed the mare lightly. "That's a victory if I ever heard one."

"It was just a sneeze away from being a tragedy." Satin gulped, gazing at the lit entrance to her apartment complex. The city was starting to come alive, with business ponies gradually shuffling out of first floor revolving doors. "We almost lost everything a few hours ago. Your friend was right." A nervous shiver. "We certainly bit off more than we could chew."

"What do you mean, exactly?"

"I mean that I think it's time to hang back," Satin said, sighing. "The last thing either of us need is too much exposure."

"Cindy, you gotta be pulling my tailfeathers!" Lightning sputtered in the early-morning air. "You really wanna let Jasmine Enterprises get away with everything and run this town into the ground—?"

"Shhhhh!" Satin glanced around, then leaned in towards Lightning. "Of course I don't want to!" she hissed. "But it turns out our stealthy vantage point is not so stealthy! Those baddies mean business, and there's not going to be a story if I'm not alive to write it!" She pointed into Lightning's chest. "And I don't want to lose you either! It's one thing to be headstrong, but if you're not careful—you'll lose it!"

"Satin..."

"Promise me you'll take your friend's advice and just... back off for a while, okay?" Satin's ears folded. "Lay low. Make yourself scarce. Avoid all of your previous contacts. And if... if I find another angle... another opportunity to expose a crack in Jasper Jasmine's armor... then we'll maybe try this again... but way more careful and smart this time. Got it?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh I've heard this sort of stuff before." Lightning bore a bitter smirk. "This means we're giving up, aren't we?"

"It's not about giving up! It's... about staying alive." Satin exhaled. "You're a risk-taker, but you're heart's in the right place. I'd hate... hate to see all of that wasted. Promise me you'll keep your nose clean."

"Cindy, girl, just give me a—"

"Promise me."

"Unnnngh... fine." Lightning Dust held one hoof up and the other over her chest. "I, Lightning Dust, promise to stay far... far away from Jasmine Enterprises and all of their filthy subsidiaries." She arched an eyebrow. "There. Happy?"

Satin breathed in relief. "Very." A gentle smile. "I'll contact you when I have more information to use as leverage. You're the most loyal ally I've ever had these past few years. I'd love to work with you again."

"Same here, girl." Lightning winked. "Stay beautiful."

"Mmmff..." Satin rolled her eyes, turned around, and trotted into the lobby of her apartment. "I'll try."

Lightning stood in place, her hoof still held up. Once Satin was gone from sight, she lowered her hoof with a sigh.

Behind her back, several... several wingfeathers were crossed.

"You can bet I'll be trying too." With a devilish smirk, she flapped her wings, lifted up, and flew off towards the heart of Manehattan...

...zeroing in on the Jasmine Enterprises building.

Crystal Empire – Crystal Palace – Daybreak

Stifling a yawn, Princess Cadance shuffled down a long corridor and into the throneroom of the stewards' palace. A pair of crystal guards opened the doors... revealing Captain Shining Armor seated at a shiny table full of documents and paper files. The unicorn had a pen tucked behind his left ear as he licked his lips and continued scribbling notes down.

"Uhm..." Cadance blinked. "Good... morning, honey..." She raised an eyebrow. "Have you been up all night?"

"Don't worry, my love," Shining Armor murmured out the side of his muzzle, shuffling through more and more files. "I checked on Flurry Heart an hour ago. She's sleeping like... well... you know."

"That's nice and all, but that doesn't answer my question." Cadance stopped behind the stallion, kissed him on the side of the muzzle, then glanced at all of the documents he was working on. "Are these the names of your soldiers?"

Shining Armor took a long breath, nodding. "Mhmmm..." He swallowed. "Several transfers are in order."

"Oh really...?"

"Usual... bi-annual procedures," Shining Armor muttered. "I couldn't sleep, so I figured I would get an early start. Nothing special."

"You don't say..." Cadance magically reached towards the center of the table where a solitary document lay. She levitated it up closer to their eyes. "Then why is this file resting conspicuously in the center of all your hard work?"

"Cadance..."

Cadance smirked slightly. "Seems to me that you're tackling all transfers but the most important one of all."

He snatched it from her telekinetic grasp and held the thing tight. With a sigh, he muttered: "It's no more important than all of the other cases."

"Then why are you losing sleep over it?"

Shining Armor clenched his eyes shut.

Cadance gazed at him, smiling.

Shining exhaled, "Are all alicorns telepathic?"

"Mmmm..." She leaned in, nuzzling him. "I only read the thoughts of the ponies I love."

Shining placed the document down, gazing at it with tired eyes. "I keep going in circles with him, Cadance."

"Do tell."

"I want to watch over the stallion. You know that." He gulped. "But if I keep him here, then it'll look like we're tolerating his insubordination." He shrugged. "If I send him away, the crystal ponies will think we're punishing a hero."

"Plus, you won't be able to look after him anymore."

Shining Armor grumbled. "He's gotta get over his angry hang-ups eventually, Cadance. I can't be an older brother to him forever."

"Even though you want to."

Shining Armor glared at Cadance.

Cadance merely smiled.

Shining rolled his eyes and face-hoofed. "This sucks, Cadance. Either way... it feels like I've failed him..."

She stroked his shoulder. "You're not responsible for his psyche, Shining. If he's not cut out to be a by-the-books royal guard, then that's a problem that he's going to have to sort through."

"I just... wish there was a way he could see the light," Shining muttered. He lowered his hoof and gazed at the tabletop. "If only he could be in a place... a harmonic place where he could glean moral truths and see that there's a better way to live... a happier... less angry way..."

Cadance nodded. "A harmonic place... reinforced by trust, loyalty, and friendship..."

"Exactly!" Shining groaned. "But I don't see that happening in Canterlot. He's lost so much there."

"I believe there's only one option," Cadance said.

"Oh?" Shining glanced over. "What?"

"Think about it." Cadance looked at him. "Where in Equestria could a soul like him bask in unfettered harmony... surrounded by friendship?"

Shining stared back. His muzzle hung agape. He gazed off at the dawn sun peeking through the windows. A few blinks later, and he turned to smile dumbly at his wife.

Not So Much a "Twist" as a "Knot"

Ponyville – Castle of Friendship – Throne Room – Early Dawn

Two massive shiny doors opened.

Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer trotted into the room.

"Nyaaaaaa..." Twilight yawned, then blinked blearily over a lavender smile. "Allllright. Let's begin." She glanced aside at Starlight. "Any developments along the northern fringes?"

"Funny you should ask." Starlight nodded, shuffling several documents levitating in her magical grasp. "I just compiled the royal mail from last night. Turns out a few of Princess Celestia's country guards reported that the gift basket of jewels had vanished from where you and Rarity left it last."

"Well, that's to be expected," Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

"But..." Starlight smirked. "And here's the snazzy part." She pointed at a written report levitating in front of her. "In place of the basket there were several sacks of potatoes."

"Potatoes?"

"Aaaaaaand... in horribly paw-written text, the words: 'Apples for ponies.'"

Twilight giggled. "Oh my gosh! That's so adorably stupid!" Her wings flexed. "Do they actually expect us to think potatoes are fruit?"

"Twilight, even you have to admit that it's progress!" Starlight gestured. "This is the first documented occasion of diamond dogs bartering and trading with equines."

"I know, Starlight. And it is amazing. But..." Twilight sighed as she climbed into her throne. "We've still got a lot of ground to cover. I think—like any proper experiment—we should see if this can be repeated."

"Uh huh..." Starlight smiled, standing beside Twilight's throne. "Want to see if the diamond dogs can step it up from potatoes to mushrooms?"

"Heehee... no... the ultimate goal is to see if the diamond dogs are willing to talk, face to face." She smiled. "And if they're willing to put their guard down, then maybe... just maybe... we can actually make friends for the first time in generations."

"Who better to engage in that than the Princess of Friendship."

"Yes, well..." Twilight cleared her throat. "There will be a lot of hurdles to cross. If everything goes down like we hope, I'll need the help of all the girls on this one."

The doors across the room opened. Spike waddled in, carrying a plate full of muffins. "You'll need their help with what?"

"Good morning, Spike," Starlight spoke. "We were talking about the northern fringes project."

"Looks like the diamond dogs took the bait Rarity and I left," Twilight said. "We just might be softening them up enough for a friendly meeting in the near future."

"Making friends with diamond dogs... whew..." Spike placed the plate on the table. "You know... maybe I should be the one to greet them face to face. I mean—think about it!" He planted his claws against his hips and smirked. "We both have an appreciation for jewels. And I've been a dog at least twice beyond the mirror!" His teeth showed. "We're practically cousins!"

"Y'know..." Twilight levitated a muffin and nibbled slightly. "Mmmmfff... that's not half-bad an idea..."

"Yeah!" Starlight giggled. "Spike can be our draconian-canine arbiter!"

Spike blinked. "Whoah, really?" Just then, he belched: "BLEAAACHKKK!" Flames erupted from his jaws. Some of the burning tendrils coalesced into a floating scroll.

"Gah!" Starlight winced. "I-I don't think I'll ever g-get used to that..."

"What's this?" Twilight craned her neck, chewing on muffin bits. "A letter from Princess Celestia?"

"Uhhhh... nope!" Spike caught the scroll as it fell, his green eyes reflecting a bright pink seal. "Princess Cadance, actually!"

"Mmmmm!" Twilight swallowed a morsel of muffin eagerly down and brushed her hooves off. "My sister-in-law! Let me see!"

Spike sliced the seal open for her and held it over.

The alicorn levitated it before her eyes. "Oh! Heehee! Even better! It's from my B.B.B.F.F.!"

"Her what?" Starlight remarked.

Spike leaned aside. "Long story..."

"Let's see... uhhhh... 'Hey there, Twily. How's the weather in Ponyville? Flurry Heart is no longer pooping green. Yadda yadda yadda...'" Twilight's eyes narrowed, reading down the list. "Uhhhhh... Oh! Ahem... 'I apologize for the delay, little sister. Here, I've included a list of Crystal Empire guards that I have been prepared for official transfer to the newly-founded Palace of Friendship. I know you've been needing a royal complement of servants and protectors representing all of Equestria...'"

"Oh! That is good news!" Starlight exclaimed. "So far, we've been pretty Canterlot-heavy in transfers. Some assistance from the Crystal Empire would be refreshing!"

"Who's he sending?" Spike asked. "Huh?"

"Well, it's a small list. But he claims that they are the best of the best. Let's see here..." Twilight read down the list. "He's written down 'Swift Shine,' 'Blue Pearl,' 'Translucence,' 'Iron Gloss,' 'Flash Sentry...'" Twilight's lips trailed off.

Spike blinked hard.

"Uh huh..." Starlight nodded. "And? Any more?"

"... ... ..." Twilight stared through the letter.

Starlight raised an eyebrow. "Twilight?"

"... ... ..."

"Is... is everything okay?"

"Uh huh!" Twilight smiled calmly. "Ahem..." She placed the letter down calmly. "Excuse me for just one moment." Then—calmly—she dismounted from the throne, turned around, and trotted slowly out of the throne room. She opened a door, shuffled down a hallway, and quietly entered a bathroom.

Starlight craned her neck, stupidly curious. Her ears tickled with the sound of Twilight Sparkle taking a deep... deeeeeep breath... then dunking her lavender head neck-deep into a sink full of cold, cold water.

"Blllbblllbbblllblbblllbbb!"

Health Hath No Fury

Appleloosa – Retreat – Cabin – Daybreak

Lyra Heartstrings grunted and groaned for the umpteenth time. For the last seven hours of attempted "sleep," all she could do was toss and turn anxiously in her tiny, squeaky bed. The memories of the previous day's ludicrous attempts at "therapy," only exacerbated an already brain-numbing restlessness. The strange smells and desert musk of the place certainly didn't help either.

At last, after accepting "defeat" at the hands of insomnia, Lyra let loose a disgruntled breath and rolled angrily out of bed. On stealthy hooves, she crept over to her saddlebag, grabbed her lyre, and then sneaked across the tiny cabin—shuffling past the slumbering figures of her friends.

With gentle telekinesis, she opened the front door and slithered out. A bright desert sun rose in the east, blinding her. She shuffled towards the southwest side of the porch, grabbed a rocking chair, and pointed it away from the intense dawn. Then, with a breath of relief, she squatted upright in the chair and... plucked gingerly at the strings of her lyre.

The tune she produced was spontaneous, loose, and whimsical. It brought her the first feeling of relaxation in days... not to mention a genuine smile to her fuzzy face.

Exhaling slowly, she closed her eyes and rocked back and forth, forming a gentle rhythm that undulated with the passing breaths of the dry, desert morning. Lyra performed a little meditation spell of her own—and she wasn't a "larva" or a "butterfly" or any of the other innumerable absurd things that a sleepy-eyed hippy would have prescribed. Instead—for all intents and purposes—she was nothing. Lyra cleared her mind, and in the ensuing gap she found herself soaking in the sensations of long-cherished memories. She envisioned the charming smile on Bon Bon's squishy face. She imagined Octavia falling into a puddle of mud and ruining her mane. And—at one point, with a dreamy sigh—she imagined a blue eyed stranger heroically capturing her in his strong orange limbs, carrying her to some safe, fluffy cloud high above Canterlot, above Ponyville, above everything.

And it was somewhere in the midst of all this warmth... that she finally heard the sobbing.

Lyra's eyes fluttered open. Her eyebrow arched, and she immediately look to her right.

A pale pink figure was squatting along the northwest side of the cabin. She wept into her forelimbs, her pink tail curled about her.

Lyra's muzzle hung open. "...Twinkleshine?"

The unicorn flinched at the sound of her name. Her sobs quieted slightly—but did not go away.

"Twinkleshine, girl... what the frig?" Lyra stepped out of her chair and trotted over to her. "What are you doing out here? Have you been outside all night?"

"Mmmm... n-no..." Twinkleshine choked and whimpered. "I mean... I dunno. I sat h-here a couple of hours ago, I guess..."

"Yeesh..." Lyra winced. "And I thought I had insomnia."

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Twinkleshine hiccuped.

"Hey... h-hey hey, relax. Come on..."

"I'm such a nuisance. I know it. I-I'm sorry—"

"Shhhhh... don't say that, girl..." Lyra squatted down by her side and gave her a tender hug. "It's all cool. I'm not mad. See?" She put on a goofy grin. "Why would I be mad?"

"It's j-just... just that I know it's st-stupid and I should be in bed and—"

"Whoah whoah whoah..." Lyra raised an eyebrow sharply. "Do I look like Lemon Hearts?"

Twinkleshine merely blinked at that. She snorted, giggling slightly—which created a brief but blissful break in the sobbing.

Lyra smirked. "See? Dissing Lemmy. Best damn medicine in the world. You think?"

"Mmmmmm..." Twinkleshine dabbed her eyes, leaning into Lyra's embrace. "Your... m-music was pretty nice too..."

"You find it soothing, huh?"

"Yeah..." Twinkleshine shuddered. "But... being hugged is nice to."

"Well, today's your lucky day." Lyra smirked as she levitated the lyre beside them, gently plucking away at the strings. "Turns out I can do both. Ta-daaaaa..."

Twinkleshine exhaled out a calm smile. The expression didn't last very long, and soon the emotionally-drained mare sat limply in Lyra's embrace, staring off across the desert compound between cabins.

Lyra cleared her throat. She continued to play the instrument while she squatted beside her friend, forelimbs wrapped gently around her. "So... you gonna tell me what's bothering you?"

"Mmmmm... what else?" Twinkleshine grumbled.

Lyra simply continued to pluck the strings.

"Every morning... I wake up... and I feel so..." Twinkleshine grimaced breathily. "...so sick."

"Uh huh..."

"Just... sick to my stomach. Like I want to vomit... but there's nothing to come out. And... and..." Her eyes closed as she shuddered. "...I can't stop thinking about yesterday... and the exercises we did. All of that meditation on... on bugs and stuff..."

Lyra sighed. "I knew I wasn't the only one freaked out about it."

"I just..." Twinkleshine gulped. "I just need to give it more time."

"Or maybe no time at all."

"No... it's... it's a good thing, Lyra."

"Says who?"

"Face it." Twinkleshine sighed. "At this point... I'm almost willing to try anything if it will mean a change."

"You say that as if this is all worth you tormenting yourself over."

"Believe me... after nearly a year of just... dealing with this sick feeling... day in and day out... morning after morning..." Twinkleshine sighed, her ears drooping. "The word 'torment' has lost all meaning to me."

"Well, that sucks super hard, Twinkleshine," Lyra muttered. "I'm really sorry about it."

"I know... I know..." Twinkleshine sniffled. She turned to give Lyra a delicate smile. "I almost envy you in a way."

Lyra hit one note off key. Refocusing her magic, she recuperated, and squinted at her friend while the music kept playing. "What for?"

"Face it. You have everything together."

"I do?"

"Yeah. Lemon Hearts might think you're smug and... y'know... flankholish..."

"Heh..." Lyra smirked slyly. "Her words or yours?"

Twinkleshine merely continued: "But I believe that you've found a way to deal with all this baggage... and it's really remarkable, Lyra. Minuette and I—we both think it's super awesome."

"Trust me, Twinkleshine," Lyra muttered. The music paused as she freed a forelimb to point at her own chest. "Inside this sexy green exterior there's a bunch of bottled-up nonsense." She gulped. "I may not like to admit it around Lemmy... or Bon Bon for that matter... but I need help just as much as you and Minnie. Hell, I need more help than any of us can imagine."

"Maybe." Twinkleshine nodded. A faint smile. "Or maybe... you're still the strongest of us."

"Huh?"

Twinkleshine giggled, wiping away the last of her tears. "You always did have a way of calming the rest of us."

"I did?"

"Don't you remember?" Twinkleshine blinked. "Back in magic kindergarten. You were the one who got Lemon Hearts' head out of that beaker."

"Really?" Lyra squinted through one eye. "Did it—by chance—involve a really big hammer?"

"Heehee... and when Twilight Sparkle scraped her knee, it was you who brought her to the nurse's office." Twinkleshine stifled a giggle. "Poor little-egghead had read up on biology and become a hypochondriac overnight. She was screaming and wailing about how she was going to die of an infection."

"Holy dragon balls..." Lyra chuckled raspily. "You know what? I actually remember that!"

"And remember that one time you stuck up to those bullies who were harrassing Moondancer?"

"Uhhhhhhh..." Lyra fidgeted. "I... remember kicking the crap out of Bobby Starshine over a broken clarinet."

"Yeah! Exactly! It was Moondancer's clarinet!"

"She was studying the clarinet? Heh... wicked."

"How long were you suspended for again?"

"Eh... I don't remember," Lyra said with a wave. "In fact, I don't recall a lot of things before..." She winced. Hard. "Erm... b-before middle school, that is..."

"What I'm trying to say is that you were always there for us, Lyra," Twinkleshine said. With a soft sigh, she leaned her head against the mare's shoulder. "Just like you are right now."

"Yeah, well..." Lyra plucked a few lyre strings with heavy vibrations. She glared off into the desert horizon. "I haven't been doing a very good job of it these past few years."

"Mmmmm..." Twinkleshine merely exhaled. "I think... Lemon Hearts has tried to take up the torch... in her own little way." She gulped. "Not just your torch... but Twilight's too. And Moondancer's... basically everypony who's vanished from our lives."

"Some of us have got to move on, Twinkleshine."

"Yeah. I know."

"Too bad Lemon Hearts doesn't."

Twinkleshine bit her lip.

"Look... I-I'm sorry," Lyra muttered, pausing to caress Twinkleshine's chin. "Here you are, opening your heart out, and all I can do is get snippy about Lemon Hearts."

"I... don't blame you. She takes everything so seriously. But..." Twinkleshine smiled. "She cares so very deeply about us. About you too."

"Uh huh..."

"I mean it. She wants to be everypony's hero."

"Yeah, well..." Lyra snorted. "...she'll have way better luck than me."

"You think so?"

Lyra didn't have a response. Until she did: "Too bad she sucks at making music."

Twinkleshine giggled inwardly. She relaxed her chin on Lyra's shoulder, listening to the gentle music.

The two rested against one another as the dawn covered the desert world with bright light.

"Lyra...?"

"Yeah, Twinks?"

"... ... ...do you think we'll ever be healthy again?"

Lyra exhaled, striking a few harmonic chords. "I think this is the healthiest we've ever been."

At that, Twinkleshine smiled. A tear or two squeezed out of her eyes as Lyra held her close, softly continuing the morning serenade.

Comings and Goings

Appleloosa – Retreat – Cabin – Early Morning

"Howdy, y'all!" Braeburn rolled up with the wagon. Tipping his hat, he smiled at the four mares and cheerfully chirped: "Ready to get the day goin'?"

"Sure are!" Minuette said, galloping up at a brisk pace. She hopped into the back of the wagon and rocked back and forth, grinning. "Onwards to waffles!"

"Beg yer pardon?"

"Ahem..." Lemon Hearts shuffled up. "May we make a detour into the heart of town for some breakfast, Mr. Braeburn?" She smiled gently. "If it's not too much to task."

"Think nothin' of it!" he replied. "Best to keep the body and the mind in good health, if ya ask me!"

"Mmmm-mmmm!" Minuette practically drooled. "I can practically taste the maple syrup already!"

"Don't spit on the good stallion's apple cart, Minnie. Thank you." Clearing her throat, Lemon Hearts turned towards the cabin. "Lyra? Twinkleshine? We're ready to go!"

"I'm coming!" Twinkleshine said, shuffling up. Her ears drooped slightly.

Lemon Hearts squinted. "Everything okay, Twinks?"

"Oh... oh yes." Twinkleshine bore a calm smile. She gazed calmly at the wagon behind her. "I'm doing... quite well this morning."

"Well, that's good to hear." Lemon Hearts reached a hoof out, helping Twinkleshine up into the wagon. "Ready to enjoy a long day of relaxation and therapy?"

"I'm... uhhhh... ready as ever."

"Good girl. Lyra?"

"Just a second!"

"They won't be serving breakfast forever, girrrrrrrrrl!" Minuette exclaimed.

"Such is the way of all things!" Lyra replied. She fumbled about just inside the entrance to the cabin. Standing in place, she gazed at her open saddlebag, then at her lyre. The unicorn tapped her fuzzy green chin in thought. "... ... ..." At last, with a wry smirk, she levitated the lyre up and slipped it away in her bag. Sealing the container shut, she strapped it to her flank and shuffled outside, closing the door behind her. "Here I come."

"What's with the saddlebag?" Lemon Hearts asked. "We're not going for a hike."

"Pffft..." Lyra rolled her eyes. "Just figured I'd carry all our planners. Save y'all from having to carry the weight while munching on breakfast."

"Awwwwwwwwww..." Minuette cooed. "That's sweet of you, Lyra!"

"Yes..." Twinkleshine winked at the lime mare. "And oh so thoughtful."

"I know, right?" Lyra got into the wagon beside her and sighed calmly. "Guess I've got a heart of gold."

"Mmmmm..." Lemon Hearts smiled and turned to face Braeburn. "We're ready to go, good sir."

"Yes, stallion! Forward!" Minuette pointed. "Mush! Mush!"

"Heheh..." Braeburn began a brisk trot, dragging the wagon along. "How assertive! Looks like Tree Hugger's gettin' the job done!"

"Yeah." Lyra droned. "Imagine that..."

Neigh York – Bucklyn – Early Morning

Flash Sentry left his family's apartment for the last time.

His saddlebags bulged with the last few possessions he had finally agreed on collecting.

The stallion shuffled out of the front door to the apartment's lobby.

He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

With a tender breath, he turned and gazed up... up... up at the lofty fire escape bordering the cloudy windows to his childhood home. All was still and barren, reflecting the golden sheen of the rising sun across the river.

His nostrils flared. With a melancholic sigh, the pegasus lifted up... and flew westward over the surrounding high-rises.

Lower Manehattan – Minutes Later

The noises of the big city echoed in the streets down below, resonating off the faces of towering steel skyscrapers. The air between and above buildings were full of pegasus taxis and transports.

Flash Sentry kept to an even higher altitude in order to avoid denser traffic. He scaled the Empire Stallion Building and passed directly over Trot's Square.

His gaze was aimed towards the north end of the island—where the nearest royal garrison was positioned. Taking calm breaths, he adjusted the weight of his saddlebag and continued gliding towards his distant target.

At some point, something caught his attention from the peripheral of his vision. He took a glance to his right—and he froze in place.

Standing taller than the rest of the Manehattan Skyrise was a single building. Big, bold letters reflected the morning sunrise, spelling out: "JASMINE."

Flash Sentry slowed to an icy drift. He bit his bottom lip while his forelimbs dangled. Several breaths later, and he looked north yet again.

Rows upon rows of gray urbanity stretched before him. It'd be a good thirty minutes before he arrived at his destination—not that he had a deadline. He wasn't expected to report at the Garrison for another three days at least.

The stallion lingered there on flapping wings. The high altitude winds kicked at his mane and tail.

"Mrmmmffff..."

He closed his eyes... and when he reopened them—he found himself flying straight towards the tallest skyscraper.

The seven letters of "JASMINE" came closer and closer, glinting in the morning light. The shiny windows rippled gray and blue. The corners of the concrete summit blinked with a red pulse.

Suddenly...

...Flash Sentry braked in mid-air. His saddlebags jostled as he came to a stop. He sighed long and hard.

"No..."

Swallowing a lump down his throat, the guard forced himself to face due north again.

"No... it's..."

He drifted towards his destination—slowly this time.

"...it's not worth it. It's just... too big." He shook his head, muttering to himself in a voice that even he could scarcely hear over the windy gusts. "Don't be an idiot. Just... follow the rules." He swallowed, his breath growing dry and drier. "Follow the rules, soldier, and... do your job..."

He could feel the distance growing between him and the skyscraper in question. The hairs on the back of his neck bristled, but he tried his best to ignore them.

And he failed.

Assignments

Northern Manehattan – Royal Equestrian Garrison – Morning

Thud!

Flash Sentry slammed his locker shut, sealing away the saddlebag of belongings that he had scavenged from his family's apartment.

Then, with a firm breath, he turned tail and trotted across the main building of the compound.

The stallion entered an office where several uniformed stallions were seated at desks, scribbling away at multiple reports and files.

A lieutenant glanced up for half-a-second. "Hello again, Sergeant. Flash Sentry, was it?"

"Sir, yes, sir." Flash stood at attention, saluting. "Reporting for duty."

"Duty? What duty?" The officer stamped a file and flipped to another one. He looked up with an amused look. "You're on leave for at least another week."

Flash swallowed. "I was... hoping I could be of assistance around the garrison, sir. Perhaps you might need another set of helping hooves around here."

"Heh... so you're one of those guys, huh?"

Flash Sentry blinked. "Sir?"

"Hmmm... I'll see if I can set you to work on something for the extent of your stay. Oh! Shit... can't believe I almost forgot..." The lieutenant twirled about in his chair, reached towards a shelf on the wall, and produced an ornate little scroll. "Sergeant Flash Sentry, this arrived for you via alicorn flame at daybreak."

"Alicorn flame?" Flash Sentry's brow furrowed. He graciously accepted the parchment, noting Princess Cadance's royal seal. "It's from the Stewards of the Crystal Empire."

"Ah! Captain Shining Armor's post!" The lieutenant nodded. "Looks like you've got friends in good places."

"Wait... the Crystal Empire?" another officer glanced over from a nearby desk. A few other ponies blinked in surprise. "Are you the same 'Flash Sentry' that went ballistic on those yaks?"

Flash Sentry took a deep breath as he opened the seal. "An unfortunate piece of recent history that I do not wish to repeat..."

"Celestia on a bike, son! They should reassign you to the Tartarusian Guard!"

"Yeah! I bet a stallion as hardcore as you could single-hoofedly suplex Tirek!"

"Hahahah!"

"Put a sock in it, sergeants!" the lieutenant growled. "The soldier clearly regrets stepping out of line and wants to salvage his career." He squinted at Flash. "Don't you, son?"

"Most emphatically, sir..." Flash slurred as he unrolled the letter and read its contents. His muzzle hung open. "I've been waiting for this..."

"Reassignment, I'm guessing."

Flash merely nodded.

"Well?" one of the officers in the back craned his neck. "Where are they shipping your ass for all that craziness? Stalliongrad? Los Alamules?"

Flash's muzzle scrunched in confusion. "... ... ...where the Hell is 'Ponyville?'"

The office filled with snickers.

"Good luck with that place, Sergeant," the lieutenant droned, returning to his files. "That's certainly up the river, if I ever heard it."

"Yeah..." Flash rolled the letter again and stared confusedly into open space. "...at least you've heard of it." He blinked blankly. "I'm in it deep, aren't I?"

Ponyville – Sugarcube Corner – Certainly Not Up Any River

Garnet sat alone at a table, clothed in a dark cloak. His muzzle hung wide open as his eyes reflected moving monochromatic images.

Across the room from him, a bulky television set stood against the wall. Fillies and colts gathered around it on the floor while a horned creature flexed his biceps and shouted directly at the viewer:

"Do you find yourself being tread upon every day by your fellow pony neighbors?! Do you end up in last place when you know in your heart that you should be in first?! Well then—Iron Will's Megapowerful Motivational Seminar is just the thing for you! Join me and several thousand of your own fellow equine citizens as we fill in the seats of the Faust Stadium in Southern Fillydelphia this Sunday after next, and I will personally guarantee you a positive change to your self-conscious outlook! No more will you suffer the feeble need to let others steal the golden apple that's resting in front of you—metaphorically or literally! Do you want to grab life by the horns! Well, Iron Will can make that happen! So buy your tickets today! You won't regret it! Rrrrrghhh—Yeah! Look at these pythons!"

Garnet gulped. "Oh brave new world..." His crystalline ears twitched. "...that has such advertisements in it."

The front entrance to the eatery opened with a jingling bell. Bon Bon trotted inside. "Hello, Mrs. Cake." She waved as she grabbed a mug and poured herself some coffee. Yawning, she fished around her saddlebag and produced a bit or two which she placed on the front counter. In pivoting around—she spotted Garnet seated in his cloak. "... ... ..." Calmly, Bon Bon finished pouring herself some coffee... and then casually strolled over to the stallion's table. "Ahem..."

"... ... ...?" Garnet looked over. He jumped in place. "Oh! Uhm... Special Agent Sweetie Dr—"

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm—" Bon Bon clamped her own lips tightly together, gently shaking her head.

Garnet winced. "Uhm... what... wh-what was it again—?"

"Bon Bon." She smiled, sitting down next to him at the table. "Just 'Bon Bon.'" She took a sip of coffee and waved a hoof. "Do you mind?"

"N-not at all!" Garnet sat down as well, fidgeting with the folds of his cloak. "I was just... uhm..." He sighed, staring at the electronic box across the way. "...continuing to be mesmerized at the technology being employed today."

"To be perfectly honest, it kinda amazes me too," Bon Bon said. She took another sip of her coffee, glancing over as a tiny black and white stallion showed off a tiny black and white apple cart on the tiny black and white screen. "The whole town's hypnotized by the thing. According to what I hear from Chief Horizons, there's one or two of these things in Canterlot, and the rich elite are no less breathless."

"So... I'm not the only pony who stands to be amazed," Garnet remarked.

Bon Bon shook her head. "Beneath all the gizmos and magical mumbo jumbo—we're all mortals. Well..." She winked. "Most of us."

"It must be terribly expensive."

"To say the least."

"Might I inquire... h-how a town as humble as this managed to get ahold of it?"

"Funny you should ask," Bon Bon muttered, cradling her coffee container. "It was donated directly by Filthy Rich."

Garnet flung her a double-take. "The very same...?"

Bon Bon slowly nodded.

"You mean..." He leaned in, whispering. "...one of the financiers lives in this very town?"

"This town exists because Mr. Rich's father struck a deal with the Apple Family farmers. The partnership gave birth to Barnyard Bargains—one of the most successful retail chains in Equestria. One thing led to another... and now Filthy Rich lives up to his name." She drank some more coffee and exhaled. "At the present, Ponyville is the site of a brand new castle and a brand new Princess. I bet Mr. Rich hasn't even begun to count his blessings."

"I... wasn't aware that this spot on the map was that important," Garnet murmured. "I knew that the latest alicorn dwelled here, but a financier as well?"

"Mmmmm..." Bon Bon glanced aside at him. "Doesn't seem like that small of a coincidence that Mr. Rich would have joined Plasma's financial table at Blue Crescent."

"Maybe... maybe he believes he has a special connection with Princess Twilight Sparkle," Garnet remarked.

"Or..." Bon Bon waved a hoof. "...someone on the inside assumes he can make a connection."

"Oh?"

Bon Bon nodded. "My money's on either Fancy Pants or Princess Plasma herself."

"Mrmmmfff..." Garnet shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

"Just... it doesn't feel right to make these suppositions regarding our newest allies," Garnet muttered. "At least... not in public..."

"Can't blame you there," Bon Bon said. "Although... I've been here in Ponyville longer than you. I know what you can or can't get away with... conversation-wise." She smiled gently. "And—for what it's worth—the ponies of this town aren't too terribly nosy."

"If you say so..."

"Huh?"

"They can't seem to stop staring at me, is all," Garnet muttered.

"There's a reason for that, y'know." Bon Bon casually pointed at him.

The crystal pony looked at his bulky cloak. His shiny skin turned an extra shade of crimson. "Yes... I-I suppose I should be working on that..."

"And—as I said—I can help." Bon Bon smiled and stood up. "Here... follow me."

"Where are we going?"

"To my candy shop. It's high time I opened for business."

"I'm not much for sweets..."

"You don't have to have any," Bon Bon said. "Instead... we can work on a name."

"Hmmm..." Garnet nodded, standing up with her. "I suppose that would be appropriate."

"Plus..." Bon Bon droned, gesturing at the television set. "Less distractions."

"Heh. Agreed."

Pleased to Meet You, Red Shine

Ponyville – Bon Bon's Bountiful Bakes – Later That Morning

"What about 'Magenta Mountainshimmer?'" Garnet bore a slight smirk. He sat in a cute little chair in front of a cute little table, his hood hanging loose around his neck. He looked across the cute little confectionery to where Bon Bon fumbled about behind the counter. "It's a very traditional title in the Crystal Empire—named after one of the founding stallions of the First Northern Bastion."

"No no no... you're not getting it, Sergeant." Bon Bon calmly slid a tray of sweets into an oven and threw it shut before twisting the timer. "You're putting too much thought into these names. The earth ponies of Ponyville are not going to give a darn about 'Magical Mountainslimer' or whoever. And those who do care might end up doing some unnecessary research into your alter-ego. Now... we can't have any of that can we?"

"Ooooh..." Garnet grimaced slightly. "Good point."

"Not that I'm knocking your history or nothing, but you want to pick something as simple, unassuming and—most importantly—two-dimensional as possible!" She washed her hooves in a sink and turned to glance over the counter at him. "Ponyville is a small town, after all, and the only big names who come here are ponies seeking the attention of Princess Twilight." She waved a hoof. "It's best that you pick a name that sticks to the shadows... just like you yourself."

"But I'm a crystal pony," Garnet said. "I know we've been over it before, but I can't help but attract attention."

"True." Bon Bon nodded. "But not many ponies know a whole lot about your kind. So... how 'bout we keep it that way, hmmm?" She tapped her chin in thought. "Now, let's see... you're red... and you're shiny..." A blink, and she smirked. "How about 'Red Shine!'"

Garnet's ears drooped. "Are you serious?"

"Heehee... definitely!"

"That is the flattest, blandest, most uninspiring name ever." Garnet shrugged. "You'd might as well name me 'Mr. Gloss.'"

"H-hey! That would work as well!"

"Is this some modern attempt at humor, Sweetie Drops?"

"'Bon Bon.'"

"Ahem... sorry..."

"Don't be." Bon Bon checked on the oven, then calmly trotted around the counter to approach the stallion. "What I'm saying is that you should choose a name that matchest what ponies expect of you... and then become something even more boring."

"In order to stir the pot as little as possible..."

"Precisely."

"It's just that..." Garnet stirred. "...the term 'Red Shine' sounds so face-value."

"I've got news for ya, buddy." Bon Bon smirked. "Earth ponies—especially the residents of Ponyville—prefer things at face-value."

"Ahhhhhh..." Garnet nodded. "But of course."

"Now do you get it?"

"I think I do." Garnet smirked. "It's a fortunate thing I do not possess a horn or wings, for I imagine that unicorns and pegasi name themselves after far more abstract things."

"That they do."

Garnet folded his forelimbs. "Might I ask—agent—how you came upon choosing the name 'Bon Bon?'"

"Mmmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled rosily into the distance. "I didn't."

"You did not?"

She shook her head. "A good friend of mine chose it."

"A good friend?"

"A very good friend. The best." She sighed. "She's... something of a basketcase from time to time... and makes me wanna strangle things at time... but..." The mare waved a hoof. "The pony's made life worth living here over the past year... and she has this wonderful way of simplifying things. I'm really lucky to have met her."

Garnet nodded. "I can see that." He cocked his head to the side. "Hopefully her closeness hasn't compromised your secrecy."

"Huh? Oh... heheh... not even in the slighest." Bon Bon looked away from him in order to hide a violently red blush. "I mean... what kind of an agent do you take me for?"

"A very well-rounded one," Garnet said. "Not quite what I had in mind?"

"Oh?"

"Well... the first member of the League I met was Chief Agent Horizons." His eyes narrowed. "And she didn't strike me as the kind of pony who would tolerate your tendency to think outside the box."

"Tell me about it. I think she's only stuck with me because—"

"Of your father?"

Bon Bon clammed up.

"I do apologize for presuming to judge," Garnet remarked. "All the facts I have about him are in writing. But you can never truly know a pony until you've shared their life aura... their love." He gulped. "That's... a crucial crystal pony philosophy, you see."

"I hear ya..."

"But for the first time—in conversing with you—I think I know precisely what kind of a stallion Chief Sugar Cane was," Garnet said. "And I'm starting to understand how he managed the League so masterfully for so long... despite their lack of resources and shortcomings."

Bon Bon took a deep breath. She tried to keep her breath steady. "You're... a really snazzy judge of character, Garnet."

"Red Shine," he said.

Bon Bon turned to look at him. She smiled. "So be it."

He nodded back. "Tell me something."

"Shoot."

"Does it... concern you that you receive so little business here at this candy establishment?"

"Hmmmm..." Bon Bon smiled. "I survive here on the League's pension."

"Oh?" Garnet blinked. "Then this confectionery is merely—"

"A front," Bon Bon said. As the oven dinged, she reached in and pulled the tray of sweets out. "Just like my alias." She waggled her eyebrows at him. "You think I actually like sweets either?"

Both ponies chuckled.

"You're a remarkable pony, Sergeant."

"Mmmm... I try." She took a breath. "Now... if I may ask you something, 'Red Shine.'"

"As you would say: 'Shoot.'"

She folded her forelimbs from behind the counter. "Why do you really think the Council of Canterlot and Plasma chose you to join the League?"

"I... figured it was because of my personal experience with Prince Miller... aka Sombra."

"But without consulting the rest of us for a vote? Like they did just last night over Princess Twilight?"

Garnet rubbed his chin. He then leaned forward in his chair. "You know... to be perfectly honest... I've been wondering about that myself..."

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow.

Bugger All

Outskirts of Appleloosa – Tree Hugger's Cabin – Late Morning

Smiling from ear to ear, Tree Hugger blinked her heavy eyelids and came to a trotting stop in the middle of her exotically carpeted room.

"Welcome back, oh wandering spirit." She held a hoof over her chest. "I know you may be experiencing a lot of doubt, but allow me to clear those soul-stifling stormclouds with an open mind and heart." She waved her fetlock slowly through the air. "Unfetter yourself from the foundation of all chakras and learn to fly through new worlds of karmic bliss and enlightenment. Mmmmmm..." She inhaled, exhaled. "That's riiiight. Together, we can manifest our dreams into the metaphysical texture of the glorious thought fabric all around us."

There was a knock on the front door. It opened with a creak, and Braeburn stuck his head in. "Uhhhhhh... Miss Treehugger? Ma'am?"

Another smile. Another blink Tree Hugger pivoted ninety degrees from a mirror she was staring into and faced the front entrance. "Hmmm?"

"I... uh... I've been knocking for ten minutes." Braeburn gulped. "Are ya feelin' up to another counselin' session today?"

"Counseling?" She smiled, tail flicking lazily. "Counseling who?"

Braeburn opened the door the rest of the way, exposing Lyra, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, and Minuette. Lyra smiled sheepishly and waved her hoof.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Tree Hugger's eyes widened by a millimeter. Maybe two. "Righteoussss, my feminine familiars." Grinning once more, she waved her hoof in circles. "Please, do re-enter the womb of Mother Mending. Ohmmmmmm..."

Braeburn shrugged at the mares and stepped aside so that they could trot in.

"Morning, Tree Hugger!" Minuette chirped, bouncing. "Boy, if you don't look red-eyed and bushy-tailed!"

"I was seeded for the express purpose of foraging through the fields of inner wisdom," Tree Hugger hummed. "And I refuse to 'hibernate' until I have successfully exorcised you of your fear of sharks."

"Uhhhhh..." Twinkleshine squinted. "Bugs."

"Hmmm?"

"We're afraid of bugs, remember?"

"Hmmmmmm..." Tree Hugger smiled at the walls behind them. "...but of course you are."

Twinkleshine fidgeted slightly.

"Say, uhhhh..." Lyra threw a brief, nervous glance at Lemon Hearts, then turned to face Tree Hugger directly. "Since we're all here to chillax and all..." She opened her saddlebag and produced her lyre. "...I was wondering if—maybe—it'd be cool if I strummed a few tunes on this baby. Y'know... to give us some background harmonies to meditate to? All in the spirit of keeping things laid back, of course."

Twinkleshine smiled.

"Mmmmmmm... I'm afraid we can't be having any of that," Tree Hugger said while trotting across the room.

Twinkleshine's smile faded.

"Oh?" Lyra cocked her head to the side. "Why not?"

"Oh, you sweet, sweet butterflies..." Tree Hugger opened one window after another. "...to achieve perfect inner clarity, we have to be in tune to the vibes all around us. Plinking strings would just... disrupt the flow of the harmonic river, don't you understand?"

"No, not really."

"Good. Glad that we're both on the same page." Tree Hugger paused, teetering slightly. "Mmmmmm... paper sheets... so smooooooothe." She waved her hoof through the air. "Let the gloss become the shiny pearl of your soul. Ohmmmmm..."

"Look." Lyra frowned. "I don't see how a little music could hurt—"

"Shhhh." Lemon Hearts trotted in. "She said it'd only be disruptive, didn't she?"

"But—"

"Lyra, she knows what she's doing."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes. I am." With a flick of her telekinesis, Lemon Hearts yanked the girls' planners out of Lyra's saddlebag. Clearing her throat, she took a few steps towards Tree Hugger and smiled. "I've set all our planners to the current day. See?" She held one of the notepads up. "Right where we left off! So, Miss Tree Hugger, what is today's itinerary?"

"Yeah!" Minuette leaned forward, grinning. "Where does my butterfly-self go, huh? Do we all become a fluffy, colorful kaleidoscope and flutter off into the sunset?! Huh?! Huh?!"

"Hmmmmm... actually..." Tree Hugger slowly swiveled about, eyelids swaying before her thin eyes. "I was thinking we would elevate ourselves to an even higher level of inner awareness."

"Huh?" Lyra blinked.

"Spirit insects is a start... but perhaps a bit too infantile for the likes of your blossoming, mature soul-selves." Tree Hugger cooed. "The time has come for you to let your soul projections vibe with your egoes." She smiled. "That is why, today, I will be introducing you mares to your spirit animals."

"Spirit... animals?" Lyra droned.

"Mmmmmmm... that's riiiiiight."

"Well... uh... okay then!" Lemon Hearts blinked, flipping through the notepad. "Where... er... exactly is that in the planner?"

"Planner?" Tree Hugger smiled past her.

Silence.

"Ahem..." Lemon Hearts threw the planners limply behind her shoulder. "Right! I guess... uh... spirit animals don't know how to read, do they?"

"Now that's the spirit..." Tree Hugger blinked. Smiled. Blinked again. "...animal!"

"Alrighty then!" Braeburn tilted his hat forward, turned tail, and trotted briskly out of the cabin. "Guess I'll be back for y'all at sundown again! Best of luck to yer inner soul-searchin' and such!"

"Yeah..." Lyra Heartstrings grimaced, reluctantly shoving her lyre back into her saddlebag as she squinted in Tree Hugger's direction. "...we're going to need it."

A League Within a League

Ponyville – Bon Bon's Bountiful Bakes – Noon

"And the next thing I knew," Garnet murmured, sitting at the same table. "Captain Shining Armor is summoning me to the Palace. When I show up, he takes me aside and tells me that I was his personal selection out of a group of about a dozen candidates to take on the challenge given by the Canterlot Council."

Bon Bon stood, leaning back against the counter of her establishment with her forelimbs folded. "So... then..." Her eyes narrowed. "...you weren't specifically chosen for this assignment?"

"If you mean to suggest that the Council or Princess Plasma had me or my name in mind, then the answer appears to be 'no,'" Garnet said. He exhaled slowly. "Fact is—as far as any members of the modern Council are aware—a smattering of crystal ponies dwelling in the Empire today were once closely acquainted with Prince Miller before and after his turning." He gulped. "This information—as I can only guess—was provided by Princess Cadance and the other members of the Canterlot-Crystal Retrospective Commission. My guess is that the Council reviewed this information, noticed that twelve of the crystal ponies were surviving members of the Imperial Guard, and then they sent a broad requisition to Captain Shining Armor. Ultimately—he chose me to be the representative to serve for the Council, and the Council then assigned me to Blue Crescent in time to be integrated into the League."

"And the first time you ever met Princess Plasma...?"

"—was when I arrived at New Trottingham," Garnet explained. "Since then... she has made every attempt possible to foster my integration—both into modern society and into the League."

"And Horizons?"

"The Chief?" Garnet gulped. "I... have found myself associating with her considerably less than I anticipated. I hadn't at first considered it a reason to be concerned. After all, in the League's current standing, we are operating under Princess Plasma's authority. I've simply assumed that it was only natural for the heir to the House of Trottingham to direct me and my actions."

"She has fostered you, then?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes. But I've found myself given considerable more freedom and independence than when I worked as an Imperial Guard under the Stewards. Granted, Captain Shining Armor has a very hooves-on approached. He and I worked together quite extensively—not only to protect the citizens of the Empire, but to more proactively integrate our separate cultures. Here—in Central Equestria—I feel that I am being treated just like any other League member."

"Right..." Bon Bon nodded. "But still, you were chosen rather broadly by the League to fill in a much-needed gap in the League."

"Agent Sweetie Drops," Garnet spoke. "Forgive me for being overtly inquisitive, but what kind of information are you looking for?" He raised a shiny eyebrow. "I think it's rather evident by now that both Princess Plasma and the Council have been keeping me in the dark—relatively speaking." He shifted in his seat. "I do not know precisely what this means, but your tone suggests the need for alarm."

Bon Bon sighed. "It's just that... the League has always been so close-knit. We've never had anypony inducted before who was a complete and utter stranger to our previous operations. And while I do not doubt your masterful strengths and capabilities, sergeant, I cannot help but feel concern over the fact that Chief Horizons was not allowed to induct the new member herself." She swallowed. "And now I learn that the Council didn't directly choose either—but rather they put it in the hooves of the Stewards..."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Sweetie Drops, but the modern Council does appear to operate through means of a well-oiled bureacracy."

"That's some pretty thick oil," Bon Bon muttered. "I understand that they want a team member with a unique perspective on Sombra—and history in general—but..."

"It seems rather conspicuous that they chose me through such impersonal means."

Bon Bon chewed her bottom lip. "Was chess invented seven thousand years ago?"

"I know what a 'pawn' is, Agent Sweetie Drops."

Bon Bon winced.

"And, to be honest, now that you've brought the matter into the light... I'm beginning to wonder precisely what the Council expects of me." Garnet took a deep breath. "Or Princess Plasma, for that matter."

Awkward silence.

Bon Bon's hooves shuffled as she stared at the floor. "One thing that I've always prided myself on... was learning to think on my hooves. It's a trait that I copied after my father."

"Chief Agent Sugar Cane."

"Right." Bon Bon gulped. "He taught me to think 'outside of the box' when getting things done for the League. And—as I've recently discovered—it's something that Chief Agent Horizons values greatly about me. To that end... Horizons seriously can't be surprised if I did something crazy if I felt it was in the League's best interest."

"Such as what?"

Bon Bon's eyes lifted. "Such as telling the new recruit that I've been instructed to spy on him."

Garnet blinked. Hard.

Bon Bon simply stared back at him.

"Horizons..." Garnet's brow furrowed. "...does not trust me?"

"She makes it a habit not to trust anypony—which sometimes makes me question her alleged faith in me." Bon Bon pushed off the counter and stood on all four hooves. "Nevertheless, yes, she has expressed grave concern over the sudden part you're playing in the League—at the choice of Blue Nova Industries and the Canterlot Council."

"And the other League agents?"

"I'd be lying if I said that they were completely trusting."

Garnet's shiny ears folded as he sighed. "I suppose they cannot be blamed." He swallowed. "What were you instructed to do specifically?"

"There was nothing 'specific,'" Bon Bon said. "Horizons—it would seem—prefers to keep things vague."

"You don't say." Garnet's jaws tightened. "Perhaps it is her whom you should be spying on."

"And I'm tempted to agree," Bon Bon said. "Only she served my father faithfully, and I fail to see what she would have to gain by sabotaging the League through unnecessary obfuscation."

"And myself?"

"I think you're the ultimate victim in all of this, Sergeant," Bon Bon remarked. "Assuming—of course—that there is indeed something foul ahoof."

"And what does your instinct tell you?"

"That there is enough concern to keep constantly guarded," Bon Bon said. "And I cannot do that alone." She gestured. "I do not want to work against you, Sergeant. In the end, we all have a common enemy: the Tartarusian monsters still at large in Equestria. Anything that gets in the way of our hunting down those creatures can only be a disservice to our nations—both Canterlot and the Empire." Her eyes narrowed. "We need to work together closely if we're to have any hope of staying afloat."

"To what end?" Garnet sighed heavily. "With each passing day, I'm getting a more and more tempestuous image of the organization I've been roped in."

"You're not alone," Bon Bon said. "Only now—I want you to know that." She gestured. "Let's look at it this way. You and I, Garnet? We can stay on the same wavelength. We can look out for each other. I'll keep an eye on Horizons to see if any cracks show that will reveal what has really been going on behind closed doors since the Invasion of Canterlot."

"And as for myself?"

"Well... I can't pretend to give you any orders at this juncture," Bon Bon said. "But if Princess Plasma or the Canterlot Council actually do attempt to make an impressionable move on you? To influence the hitherto cohesive functions of the League?"

Garnet cocked his head to the side. "You want me to be your informant? To do the 'spying' on Blue Nova Industries for you?"

"For us," Bon Bon said. "Assuming—of course—you share the same concern as I do."

Garnet sighed, leaning over to rub his forehead with his hoof. "You're not making this post any less complicated, Sweetie Drops."

"Welcome to the modern era," Bon Bon droned. "I've been perfectly honest with you, Garnet, and that's because I believe you to be a good pony and a faithful soldier." Her eyes narrowed. "I don't want you to become some thankless cog in whatever machine Princess Plasma may or may not be engineering. There's some wicked game at play here, but you and I and the League are better than that. And the time may come—sooner or later—when we'll be forced to prove it."

"And if I don't play along?" Garnet muttered, staring back at her. "If—instead—I choose to go to Horizons with this revelation? Or to Plasma?"

Bon Bon swallowed. "I'll accept the consequences for my actions."

"It would be awfully easy to think outside the box if that's where you're forever forced to operate."

"You say that as if I haven't been in such a position before."

Silence.

"Very well, Agent Sweetie Drops," Garnet said, standing up and extending a hoof. "Consider it an agreement."

Bon Bon blinked. She reached out to grip his fetlock. "We've got each other's backs, yes?"

"A League within a League."

Bon Bon swallowed and bore a faint smile. "That's one way of pointing it..."

"Just me trying to simplify things."

"Let's make a few things abundantly clear, Sergeant. Some things are truly impossible."

Leafy

Outskirts of Appleloosa – Tree Hugger's Cabin – Early Afternoon

"Ohmmmmmmmmmm..." Tree Hugger sat in a center pile of dusty rugs, her lower hooves nimbly touching and her upper limbs meditatively resting on her knees. "Ohmmmmmmmm..." She smiled with her eyes sleepily shut as her head teetered... teetered. "That's riiiiiiiight... go forth... forage... hibernate... take turns in enjoying the delicious cycles of life. Find your habitat and cover it with your scent. It is not property... it's territory... for we all belong to the natural fabric stretching before us..."

"Uhhhhhhhhhh..." Twinkleshine's eyes clenched tensely shut as her mind wandered in flip-flopping directions—as evidenced by her twitching ears. "Okay..."

"Mmmmmmmm..." With slow, oozing motions, Tree Hugger trotted down from her perch and shuffled alongside her "clients," one by one. "Breathe in... nature's scent... that's riiiiiight... and breathe out... mmmmmmmm... wildlife's musky perfuuuuuume... ohmmmmmm..." She brushed past Twinkleshine. "And what you discovered yourself to be, dear sister? Hmmm?"

"I... am an eagle... I think?" Twinkleshine's jaw tensed. "I'm doing loopty-loops over Canterlot Castle. That's... that's allowed, right? Is flying breaking the rules?"

"Not at all!" Tree Hugger smiled deliriously as she shuffled past. "Embrace your spirit animal. Feel the wind in your feathers. Be free. Cast your worries to the horizon."

"But... h-how is this going to help me forget about the changelings—"

"Be majestic. Be proud. Be soaring. Mmmmmmmmmm-yesssssss... that's righttttt..." Tree Hugger wandered by Minuette. "And what are you, my little pony?"

"Heeeeeeee..." Minuette grinned from ear to ear, her eyelids fluttering shut. "I'm a fluffy white bunny rabbit!"

"Mmmmmmm-indeeeeeed..."

"And my buck teeth are soooooooooooo sparkly! Heehee! I bet I could chomp through a whole mountain of doughnuts!"

"Yes, you can. You and your offspring." Tree Hugger performed a slow-motion pirouette around the minty-blue unicorn. "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the universe with your spirit animal selves and paint the cosmos with shiny fluffy fur. So pristine. So innocent. Wash away all impurities. Ohmmmmmm..." She came to a lumbering stop beside Lemon Hearts. "And what are you, sister?"

"I'm... uhm..." Lemon Hearts gulped. "...I'm a sleek dolphin sailing through the ocean. I think? Yeah. Totally a dolphin."

"Nopony's perfect." Tree Hugger smiled. She trotted across the room. "And you, musical one? Mmmmmmmmm... what are you?" She grinned, teetering in place. "A sparrow? A cricket? A howler monkey?"

"Errrrrrrr..." Lyra's face tensed. Her tail flicked annoyingly. "...still working on that..."

"Don't work. Just drift." Tree Hugger gestured with a limp hoof. "Allow your spirit animal to come to you."

"Is... is that possible?"

"Shhhhhhh... you're thinking too hard..."

"Well... dang it..." Lyra frowned, eyes opening ever so slightly. "...I have the color green in my head. So I was thinking... uh... a lizard, maybe? Like a chameleon or something? Their eyes sure are freaky cool—"

"Mmmmmm... reptiles... cold blooded... slow metabolism..." Tree Hugger cooed. "Be calm. Find your center. In that natural niche, the spirit animal will come out of hibernation. Yesssssss..."

"But... like... do I gotta put lettuce on a stick and draw it our or—?"

"Do not taunt the spirit. Fraternize with it."

"Look, this is really... really hard..." Lyra grunted.

"Only if you want it to be."

"Oh yeah?" Lyra raised an eyebrow, squinting at the "therapist." "How about telling us what your spirit animal is?"

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh... that's easyyyyyyyyy..." Tree Hugger stood up straight—teetering—and smiled blearily towards the walls of the room. "I'm a spreading oak tree."

Lyra blinked. Hard. "What."

"Mmmmmm... that's right..." Tree Hugger stretched back on her hind quarters and raised her forelimbs up at jagged angles. "...old and wise with several rings denoting the years of meditative introspection." She struck a graceful pose, standing on one hoof. "My roots go deep... and my limbs make a good home for dozens upon dozens of rodents. I am—in essence—a caregiver."

Silence.

Lyra stared with a gaping muzzle. At last, after several empty breaths, she blurted: "An oak tree is a plant."

"Mmmmmm... that's righhhhhht—"

"No, that's not 'right'." Lyra blinked again. "A tree can't be your spirit animal."

"Mmmmm?" Tree Hugger opened one eye. "And why not?"

"Because it's a friggin' plant!"

"It is a living being, alive with the great beating hum of all existence, contributing to the circle of harmonic continuity." Tree Hugger planted two hooves under her chin as her body bent back with a meditative grin. "The oak tree has been my spirit animal for yearssss."

Silence.

"... ... ...It's a friggin' plant!" Lyra shouted. "An animal is a free-moving heterotroph that relies on respiration to survive! A plant is a stationary eukaryote that derives energy from photosynthesis! An oak tree cannot be your spirit animal!"

"But an oak tree gels with just sooooooo many animals—"

Lyra gnashed her teeth. "You're a damned plant! Don't you get it?!" She flailed her forelimbs. "For buck's sake! Do you put any thought into these exercises or is it all just mumbo jumbo?"

"Lyraaaaaa..." Lemon Hearts growled.

"Okaaaaaaaay..." Tree Hugger squinted across the way. "...I'm not certain I'm feeling any positive resonance from your aggressive vibe at the moment? So I'm going to have to ask you to lower your enthusiasm just a scoach—"

"No. No! You're the qualified mental therapist here!" Lyra folded her forelimbs with a frown. "I want you to tell us why we all have to be animals but you get to be a plant!"

"But an oak tree is a spirit animalllll—"

"No it is not!" Lyra cackled. "My friends and I are in super need of some therapeutic release and here you are making us all frolic around in our skulls like damned kindergarten monkeys on parade!" She leaned forward with a glare. "Which was never a lesson that was indicated on the docket, by the way! I swear to Celestia—you're just pulling these genius 'sessions' out of your frickin' dreadlocks!"

"Yeesh, chill outttttttttt..." Tree Hugger waved a hoof. "I'm simply wanting to appeal to your harmonic corrrrrre." A drunken smile. "Psychiatry isn't an exact science."

"Are you shitting me?!" Lyra boomed, eyes wide. "What rat's nest of a medical school did they pull you out of, lady? University of Up Your Own Flankhole?!"

"There was no rat's nest," Tree Hugger purred, stretching again. "My roots run deep into the rich soil of the cosmossssssss..."

"You're a damned plant, lady!" Lyra spat. "Why not just come out with it—?!" She gasped as she was yanked aside. "Whoah!"

With an iron frown, Lemon Hearts pulled Lyra out of the room with her telekinesis. The front door slammed shut behind them, casting the cabin into tense silence.

"... ... ...I just found a carrot!" Minuette nervously chirped. "Eheheheh...?"

The Curious Case of Lemon Hearts

Outskirts of Appleloosa – Tree Hugger's Cabin – Front Stoop

"Ow ow ow!" Lyra gnashed her teeth. At last, the telekinesis tugging her dissipated, and she stumbled to an awkward stop, frowning at the author of her fumbling exit. "At least wait for a referee before you try to pin me, yeesh!"

"Shut up!" Lemon Hearts hissed.

"What's the big idea of—?!"

"Just... Shut. Up!" Lemon Hearts shook in place, her back to the closed front door of the cabin. "Don't you ever... ever turn off?!"

"I'm sorry. I think I left my battery compartment back home." Lyra squinted at the furious mare. "Lemmy, what's gotten into you?!"

"What's gotten into me?!" Lemon Hearts gasped incredulously, waving a hoof at the cabin. "What's gotten into you?!" Her ears folded back as she hissed, "I thought we agreed that you were going to behave!"

"Behave at what?!" Lyra scowled. "You call this a therapy session!? Lemmy, that pony in there is a hack! A total airheaded scam artist! I'm telling you, the most official her 'technique' could ever get is with an Ink Blunt Test!"

"She was especially chosen by Dr. Shrinkenfurter—"

"And you think that's supposed to make any of it better?!" Lyra's muzzle hung agape. "Lemmy, I've always known that crackpot in Canterlot Central was a bit-guzzling floozy, but this takes the cake! I mean... sending us out here in the middle of bum-buck nowhere and expecting us to bleed water from a mental stone with the aid of a hippy who's seen more stars at the bottom of a bong than in the middle of a planetarium—grnnngh..." Lyra spat. "She's high as a kite, Lemon Hearts! I mean, one moment she's making us mentally pretend we're bugs—which is stupidly triggering on its own—and then she's suddenly tossing the whole planner out the window and making us embrace spirit animals that aren't spirit animals—"

"She's helping us relax and get in touch with our inner psyche—"

"Lemon, she's flying by the seat of her saddle and she's taking us along for the ride! She doesn't care if we get better or not! She's just winging it—and she's wasting all our good time and money in the process because she's too stoned to care!" Lyra pointed with a frown. "And you know it!"

"How dare you..." Lemon Hearts frowned. "After all the promises you made to play nice." She fumed, shaking in place. "Now you're going to just sabotage it all like you always do—"

"What's to sabotage?! Lemon..." Lyra took a bold step forward. "Twinkleshine was in tears over the whole 'be a mental bug' garbage that we were forced through yesterday!"

"Since when?!"

"Since this morning!" Lyra's brow furrowed. "I had to hold her close and play some soothing music just to get her to stop shivering in panic!"

Lemon Hearts blinked. She turned to look back at the cabin. "But... but I hadn't been told about this at all..."

"Maybe because we were trying not to make a scene!" Lyra gritted her teeth. "Maybe because we had a teensy bit of faith that something good would come out of this counseling session with Miss Huff-It-All. But nooooooooo... it's just one big stupid spiral! And how long do you think Twinkleshine's gonna last with that crazy yuppy at the helm? Or Minuette for that matter? I'm telling you, it's a disaster! You gotta be blind not to see what a friggin' absurd waste this whole thing is!"

Lemon Hearts sighed. She rubbed her forehead heavily. "... ... ...would it kill you to have a bit more faith, Lyra?"

Lyra blinked. "Huh?"

"Twinkleshine and Minuette are a lot stronger than you think... and they've been through the wringer a lot more than you know." Lemon Hearts gulped. "If you could only stand to give Tree Hugger a chance... like they are... then it might not be so 'absurd' in the end."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this." Lyra leaned forward, barking, "Who replaced all of my Canterlot friends with idiots?!"

"We were your friend friends, Lyra. Or at least..." Lemon Hearts frowned at her. "I thought we were. But you gave up on us long ago, didn't you?"

"Of all the times to play this card..."

"If only you had stuck it out as I had!" Lemon Hearts gnashed her teeth. "All these months! All these doctor visits! Then you would know... you would understand that some absurdities are risks that are worth taking!"

"Lemmy—"

"You would understand what it means to heroically bear the burden for your friends!"

Lyra hollered, "Lemon Hearts, stop making your friends go to therapy for you!"

Lemon Hearts jolted back as if struck with a bullet. Her features instantly paled... ears drooping and muzzle agape.

Lyra stared at her, panting.

Tense silence washed over the desert.

Heroes and Failures

Outskirts of Appleloosa – Tree Hugger's Cabin – Front Stoop

"What..." Lemon Hearts' lips trembled. "...d-did you say?"

Lyra took a deep breath. "You heard me." She glared, eyes narrowing. "You've never ever truly forgiven yourself for what happened to all of us back in Canterlot, have you?" Her eyebrow raised as she paced around the unicorn. "Three of your bestest-best friends... turned into bridesmaids by a friggin' monster. They had their bodies compromised... their heads violated... their spirits turned upside down. When they were eventually discovered... they were all a bunch of sobbing messes. It took days for the three of us to even conquer the panic-stricken insomnia plaguing our systems." Lyra shuddered slightly, but powered through it as she scuffled to a stop. "All of those horrible things happened to us. You couldn't do a thing about it then, Lemon Hearts... and you can't do a thing about it now."

"I... I've only tried to help," Lemon Hearts murmured. "I only wanted to help you feel better..."

"Have you?" Lyra blinked. "Lemmy, we feel better. Minuette has a job. Twinkleshine has two. I've got a life in Ponyville and... and are we perfect?!" She swiftly shook her head. "No. Not by a long shot. Minuette's got this unhealthy manic obsession with doughnuts. Twinkleshine still gets panic attacks. And me? I struggle with finding a career focus. But guess what? All of those things? Those are challenges and hardships. And challenges and hardships are a fact of life." She gestured. "Just because you're imperfect doesn't mean you're sick."

"But you need therapy." Lemon frowned. "All the girls do! What you went through—"

"Was super stinking horrible! I know! But Lemmy..." Lyra shrugged wildly. "...you can't change the past! And making us obsess over it just because you missed the pain train and can't come up with another way to salvage your old friends from Traumatization Land is no excuse for putting us through some stupid, inane psychological obstacle course!"

"These counseling sessions will only make you all better!"

"No, it's all about making you feel better!" Lyra barked. "And at this rate, it's never going to happen! You've got total hackjobs taking advantage of you and—in the meantime—you've got your friends bending backwards at angles they shouldn't have to because we're not the ones who have to be cured of this crazy, obsessive changeling complex that you suffer from!"

"Lyra—"

"Learn to let us go, Lemmy!" Lyra exclaimed. "It'll be okay! I promise! I mean... we get more peace of mind from just hanging out together than we do in stuffy offices and clinics! Maybe things were different several months ago, but we're doing a lot better now! At least better than you think! Have some faith in your friends, Lemon Hearts! Let companionship mend the soul! Not hippies with textbooks!"

"If you think for one moment that I'm going to give up on my best friends—"

"What's to give up on?! Who's giving up?!" Lyra gestured wildly. "Lemon Hearts, stop trying to be a damned hero all the time—!"

"Like you're anypony to lecture me on being a hero!" Lemon Hearts snarled, fighting tears. "The only mare you've ever tried saving was yourself!"

"Oh come on—"

"Face it, Lyra! You're the same self-serving unicorn you've ever been! If you tried caring for others a little harder, then maybe you wouldn't have crawled out of that apartment alone!"

Silence.

"Wow..." Lyra's expression was bitter—far from hurt. "Friggin' wow." She bore a caustic smirk. "That's where we're reaching? Seriously?"

Lemon Hearts merely shivered in place, avoiding Lyra's gaze.

"I call you out on your deluded bullcrap... and all you can do is lash out." Lyra slowly shook her head. "Doesn't take a psychiatrist degree to know when a mare's lost all her emotional defenses—"

"Are you done?!" Lemon Hearts sneered. "Because at this point, I don't want you anywhere near us for the rest of these sessions."

Lyra took a deep, fuming breath. "Alright." Her horn glowed. With telekinetic swiftness, her saddlebag shot out the window and hooked around her flank—lyre and all. "If that's the way you want it... fine. This is a vacation for all of us, right?" She turned tail and marched across the compound. "I can get my own therapy anywhere I want!"

"Good..." Lemon Hearts huffed. "...try far, far away from everypony else."

"Way ahead of you!" Lyra shuffled straight forward... and she found open desert in waiting. "The acoustics of this place suck anyways! Among other things..."

Lemon Hearts turned away, fuming. As Lyra left, however, her trembles doubled. She leaned against the side of the cabin for support... but it was of little comfort. The unicorn's knees buckled, and she collapsed slightly, cradling her muzzle in two shivering hooves as the tears flowed freely. Lyra's words burned in her folded ears... at least until a stubborn bloodrush of determination washed them out. Then—taking a few minutes to compose herself—Lemon Hearts stood tall and proud... and stumbled her way back into the cabin.

Lyra, in the meantime, had become a lime green speck along the southern horizon...

If You Let Go of the Controller, Lyra Steers to the Right

Desert – South of Appleloosa – Late Afternoon

A scorpion fled on skittering little legs, barely avoiding the green hooves of a disgruntled unicorn marching her way south over an arid plateau.

Lyra snorted, her jaw locked in an endless frown.

"'Lemon Hearts, hero to friends,'" she muttered. Her lime brow furrowed. "More like 'Lame Whore, whore to freaks.'" She broke her frown—if only to smirk at herself. "Yeah. That's right. I said it. Double-whore. More like... whore squared... when a hussy multiplies with slut..." Her ears twitched. "Trollop cubed?" At last, she hung her head with a moaning sigh. "This is why I never write lyrics..."

She passed by a stalk or two of cacti. Her fetlock brushed past a pile of stones, causing pebbles to rattle down the steep incline of rock behind her.

"So what if I jumped ship years ago?" Her muzzle scrunched as she glared daggers at the ground. "Can you blame me for knowing a hopeless case when I see it?" Her tail swished in the dry, heated air. "It's not like I've g-given up on Minuette and Twinkleshine... right?" She gulped. "I just... can't stand to feel miserable all the time... just 'cuz..."

The mare closed her eyes... and sighed.

"... ... ...Bon Bon's going to kill me when I get home." She bit her lip. "Who cares about Lemmy... I owe Bonnie everything. Ah jeez... what am I going to do?"

She felt a shift in the ground's curvature.

Scuffling to a stop, Lyra reopened her eyes. Her muzzle hung agape slightly.

The mare had reached the crest of the plateau. Before her, a deliciously flat plane of barren rock stretched east to west—broken intermittently by sparse cacti, boulders, and the occasional shrubbery. Large mesas loomed in the distance; layers of eroded rock glinted prismatically in the slowly dying sunlight.

Lyra blinked. Slowly, her muzzle curved into a mischievous smile.

"Well... guess I've got lots of ground to cover before my roommate murders me..."

Lyra was alone, and it was only a few hours until sunset. Traversing into the desert at this time of the day would have been the stupidest thing she could ever have done—especially if she was completely by herself.

Shifting the weight of her saddlebag, she took a bold step forward... and trotted boldly into the arid vastness.

Lyra Heartstrings trotted south.

She wandered past boulders... seas of gravel... gnarled deadwood...

A fine layer of sweat covered her body, but she didn't seem to mind. The mare had a thick canteen full of water, and she kept herself decently hydrated. When there was a particularly crooked rock formation offering shade—she took a few minutes to relax in the coolness before continuing on.

The mare wasn't entirely certain what she was looking for—but every moment she contemplated turning back, she'd spot newer intricacies in the otherwise barren landscape and she would press on.

About an hour into the trek, Lyra wandered past the decrepit remains of a collapsed cabin. The wooden beams were almost completely missing—with only a faint rectangular outline denoting where the structure had once been erected. A pile of stones was all that remained of the building's chimney, and vultures had evidently build a nest in the remaining stack—a nest that was also abandoned.

In the next hour, Lyra strolled past a series of scattered bones. The skull of the petrified beast was massive, with narrow spaces in the calcified surfaces for long-deteriorated cartilage. After drawing a blank, Lyra realized that it had to have been the fossils of a dragon that fell dead in the desert countless years ago. It was a scary, frightening sight.

Lyra kept trotting.

The skies were clear, and yet Lyra heard the distinct roar of thunder. Curious, she spun a full three-sixty, glancing all around. At last, she saw a column of dust rising high to the east. Squinting... she made out several dark round figures stampeding through the desert. It was the first time she had ever seen a herd of buffalo, and although they swiftly vanished over the edge of the adjacent plateau, Lyra couldn't help but stare the entire time in mesmerized silence.

In the third hour, a dumb smile had spread across Lyra's muzzle that would not leave. She was lost in the moment... in the ecstatic emptiness and spatial grandeur of the desert arena. Lyra trotted past steep rock formations, her eyes scanning the various darkening lines brought forth from the decay of time. She was a lone mortal swallowed by eternity, a miniscule speck of dust floating through the desolate enormity of everything.

And while it should have filled her with ennui... it didn't. The whole trek felt like her casual stroll through Canterlot weeks ago—except one glaring thing was missing: ponies.

Lyra couldn't remember the precise time and place when being alone had become a precious commodity. But on that dying afternoon—with civilization unseen and voices unheard—she didn't care to keep score.

"Grnnngh..." Sweating, covered with dust, Lyra pulled herself up a short cliff to a bouldery promontory on the edge of a plateau. She used her teeth, clamping her jaws over the exposed root of a dying tree. At last, after much gruntwork, she ascended the stony edge and stood victoriously on the narrow patch of raised rock.

The mare brushed herself off—using her tail as a duster for the hard-to-reach spots along her mint green coat. Pivoting about, she took one look northwest of her... and she exhaled heavily.

The sun was setting, and its burning red rays illuminated the heart of a gaping canyon in a crimson sheen. Various layers of rock shimmered from yellow to orange to scarlet. If somepony had told Lyra that the canyon housed a river of wine, she would have believed it in a heartbeat. Pivoting west, Lyra squinted, watching as the sharp mesas sliced the setting sunlight in rigid, geometric swaths, allowing a shadowed patchwork of cool haze to bathe the desert stage as if some cosmic curtains had fallen. The air grew cooler... softer... and—looking straight up—Lyra watched in real time as the sky turned to a melting purple, with only the barest hint of stars.

"Hmmmmm..." The mare smiled deliriously, her eyelids hanging heavy. She was tired from her walk... but not sleepy. Even still, if the universe willed it, Lyra would gladly fall asleep right then and there, never to wake for a million years. "Therapy my bouncy green butt." She grinned. Teeth glinted.

And...

Thwump!

...the mare plopped down on her haunches.

With a calm breath, Lyra levitated her lyre free and floated it beside her. She faced the distant canyon, embracing the amber colors as her sacred audience for the evening.

One string after another, she plucked harmonic notes into the dry air, delighting as the cooling wind carried the melody far and wide.

"Mmmmmmm... 'Ballad of the Princess,'" she addressed her own unfinished opus like it was a shy sibling. "Take me away."

And it did.

Lyra sank into the music, eyes closed and sighing.

Does Bruno Is Screwed?

Manehattan – Jasmine Enterprises Building – First Floor Lobby – Sunset

A battered, bruised body stumbled through the revolving door at the front of the building. Shuffling hooves clattered loudly against the immaculate white tile floor.

A group of uniformed employees looked up from the desk where they were seated beside the security gate. As their expressions twitched, the wandering bodies of mares and stallions in business suits came to a stunned stop, nearly dropping their suitcases. All eyes were locked on the figure limping towards the center of the lobby.

"Uhhhhhhh..." One security officer stood up, straightening his hat and collar. "Yeah, no."

"Let me through," Bruno grunted, brushing at a smudge of dried blood across his chin. "I gotta see the boss."

"You gotta see your way outside the door," the officer retorted, gesturing back the way the thug came in. "You don't have to see nopony—"

"Like Tartarus I don't."

"Sir—"

Bruno galloped towards the security gate.

"Sir!" The officer and two others rushed to intervene. They stopped Bruno in his tracks, pressing a hoof to his chest. "Maybe you don't understand Equestrian Basic, so how about I put this simply." He frowned in Bruno's face. "Get lost, you bum."

"Damned slave wage mule!" Bruno hissed, summoning gasps from the various workers frozen in the background. "Do you have any earthly idea who I am?! Do you have any idea I mean to this damned company?!" He pointed at the elevator doors past the security gate. "Unless you let me upstairs to see the boss right this second, things are gonna start imploding and you shall be the first dingleberry to get squashed against the toilet seat!"

"How very poetic," the security guard slurred with a nod. He forcefully spun Bruno around with the help of his companions. "Now how about going right outside and practicing that speech with the gutter rats. I'm sure they miss you."

"Dammit! I said let me through!" Bruno struggled and fought with the guards, creating an awful racket. "I'm worth ten of you yuppies combined! You don't know because the boss doesn't tell you! And right now, she's going to ride up shit creek unless I get to warn her about—"

A shrill whistle filled the air.

Everyone froze—including the guards. They turned to see that the elevator doors had opened, and two stallions in dark suits and even darker shades were approaching the chaotic scenes. They both waved badges indicating their higher rank in security.

"Let go of this stallion," one pony grunted.

"Thank you for doing your jobs," the other added, reaching in and grasping Bruno by the shoulder. "We'll take it from here."

"But... but..." One of the lobby guards blinked curiously, watching with a drooped jaw as Bruno was casually led past the security guard. "He's just some random creep from off the street! What exactly is going on here?"

"Take it with Mid-Level Management. Corporate Business. End of the Discussion." And the two stallions entered the elevator with Bruno.

As the doors closed behind, the guards on the bottom floor were left speechless. They all exchanged stupified glances for the next full minute.

With awkward grace, the suited workers resumed trotting to their destination. The lobby was eerily quiet as nopony said another word.

Manehattan – Jasmine Enterprises Building – Elevator

"Whew..." Bruno brushed his fetlocks and slicked his disheveled mane back. "Boy oh boy..."

The tall stallions stood silently on either side of the thug in the cramped elevator as it rose one floor at a time with successive ding(!) noises.

"...friggin' lemmings in the lower department. I swear to Celestia." Bruno rubbed his bruised leg as he smirked up at the heavy ponies on either side of him. "So glad you guys found me when you did. I've got some super serious news for the boss. She's gonna want to hear it from a trusted muzzle—believe me."

One thug replied in deadpan, "We did not randomly find you."

The other nodded, adding, "The boss has been waiting for your arrival."

"Oh?" Bruno blinked. "The boss has been waiting for me?"

The thugs said nothing.

Bruno blinked again. Suddenly, his ears drooped. He looked straight ahead, his pupils slowly shrinking. A lump formed in his throat... one that he swiftly dispensed with.

At last, the marker on the elevator panel reached the forty-second floor with a resonating—

Manehattan – Jasmine Enterprises Building – Forty-Second Floor

Ding!

The doors opened up before Bruno, unveiling a long white corridor lined with white marble walls and matching benches. The room was lit brightly from crevices located below the walls, and there were islands in the center with foliage, water fountains, and the occasional statue of Saddle Arabian mythological figures.

Bruno was already trembling by the time he made his first step. His ears twitched to the thuds of the thugs' hooves on either side of him. He struggled to keep an even pace, and soon he found himself trotting briskly towards a pair of thick cedar doors at the end of the hallway. Two more guards stood there, deadpan. Bruno heard muffled voices, as well as the faint melody of classic music. At last, the guards ahead of them opened the door, revealing a spacious office overlooking the entire southern half of Manehattan Island through multiple tall-stretching windows.

A turqoise pegasus stood casually to the right of the doorframe, leaning back against a Saddle Arabian vase. "—so I laid low, sticking to the shadows and pocketed police precincts until I was certain that all this crazy bullshit had blown over. I mean... pffft... call me a 'coward,' but at least I got out of there without that freaky white knight seeing my snazzy face! Which is the least I can say about the other morons who got their asses beat!"

"Indeed." A figure at the desk spoke, nodding towards the Neigh York vista. "You are most curiously resourceful, Miss Dust."

"Hey! Be curious all you want! But trust me..." Lightning Dust smirked, tapping her skull while winking. "It's all hollow. The only thing you should be concerned with..." She flapped her wings. "...is these babies. Heck... they're all I care about, and they keep me afloat!"

"That they do."

"Heheheh..." Lightning Dust finally turned to look at the doorway. Her eyes reflected Bruno's battered figure. "Oh hey! Speak of the devil!"

Bruno's brow furrowed. "...how did you get here so fast?"

"Uhhh..." Lightning Dust tilted her head to the side. "I flew? How about you? How'd you crawl out of your ass so fast. Or—wait—maybe you're still there."

"Miss Dust." The pony at the desk spoke. "Some silence, if you would."

"Ahem..." Lightning Dust stepped aside, whistling a quiet imitation of a dropping bomb.

"Bruno... you're awfully late. I expected you here before my arrival from New Trottingham."

Bruno gulped hard. "Miss Jasmine. Boss. You gotta understand—" He took a bold step forward.

The guards at his side yanked him in place.

He winced.

From the desk, a dainty hoof raised in the air, waving.

The guards let go of Bruno, but kept close behind him.

Shuddering, Bruno trotted forward, past Lightning Dust and a plethora of Saddle Arabian heirlooms. "It was an ambush. Someone... something must have been tracking the weaponry! You know that stool pigeon you sent me on a hunt for! I'm telling you... they tipped someone off! And we got creamed!"

"Is Maurice dead?"

"Huh?"

The chair rotated around. Smoke-colored eyes peered at the thug from beneath a dark purple mane. "Maurice. The embezzler. Did you kill him?"

"Erm... yes, boss." Bruno nodded. "I took him out just as I asked."

Jasper Jasmine's eyes calmly darted over towards Lightning Dust. "Miss Dust says that this mysterious 'vigilante' attacked the warehouse after the death of Maurice."

"Yeah?" Bruno's eyes shifted back and forth. "So?"

"So he must not have cared for Maurice... or at least he didn't owe the traitor much." Jasper meditatively flexed a fetlock from where she sat. "So... exactly who was this attacker in league with?"

"Pffft... I don't know!" Bruno clenched his jaw. "You tasked me with grilling the new blood at the warehouse, didn't you?"

"And you failed."

"Did I?!" Bruno fumed and fumed... at least until he sensed the proximity of the guards behind him. Calming slightly, he spoke in a breathy tone. "Look. I was just seconds away from getting a confession out of those green noobies. Maurice was the perfect lesson for them to witness. If any of them was responsible for the leaks we've been having, then I would have gotten the truth out of them! Right then and there!"

"Only you didn't," Jasmine said. "And now all of the ponies who were there at the warehouse have skipped town." A breath. "All but two."

Bruno blinked. He glanced aside at Lightning Dust.

Jasmine spoke the moment she sensed him looking at the pegasus. "Miss Dust showed up here at sunrise. She's been here all day... waiting just to speak with me and inform me of the losses we nearly suffered down at the warehouse."

"Nearly... suffered?"

"Mmmm... yes. Thanks to her, my chief assistant was able to get the supplies rerouted. Apparently whoever attacked the warehouse wasn't interested in our little addition to the organization's arsenal. But rather... they just wanted everypony out cold."

"It's a scare tactic, I'm telling ya!" Bruno hissed. "Somepony is out to freak us out!"

"Well, it appeared to have worked," Jasmine said, calmly glancing at him. "Because many of my latest hires have fled for the hills..." She raised an eyebrow. "And one whom I thought I trusted with my assets has gone to the Manehattan First National Bank to withdraw his entire funds... which are five times bigger—my insiders have informed me—than the wages I've supposedly paid him until now."

Bruno's jaw dropped low. He swiveled to gaze at Lightning Dust.

"Hell..." Lightning Dust. "It's the first friggin' thing I would do after such a crazy bust." Her eyes narrowed. "If I was a damned embezzling traitor."

"Maurice wasn't working alone, was he?" Jasmine droned.

"He... it..." Bruno gulped, then turned to face his boss, trembling. "Things have been going downhill, Miss Jasmine. You of all ponies know this! What... with royalty busting at the seems with brand new alicorns... with those yaks in the north wreaking havoc on the stock market! And Manehattan Daily News! They're barking up your tail!" He frowned, pointing out the windows. "One of my boys! I heard him! He had spotted somepony with a sound stone receiver! This was no normal bust! Someone was trying to get some scoop! Some dirty, grimy scoop!"

"And we all know how much that would have cost me, Bruno," Jasmine said. "But what would it have cost you?"

"I have a family to look out for!" Bruno shook in place, frowning. "My younger sister's battling cancer for Celestia's sake! You know what it means to look after your own flesh and blood! Or at least you once did!"

"Yeowch there, big guy—" Lightning Dust began.

"Shut up, bitch!" Bruno hissed, then pointed at the pegasus. "Why don't you ask her how she got out of that place last night unscathed while the rest of us crawled out of their in stitches!"

"My assistant sent a scout to the docks right after Miss Dust gave her testimony," Jasmine said. "You had already gone to the bank by then, Bruno. You cashed out... and with money you and Maurice owe me. The only question remains... just what made you decide to come here now?"

"To tell you what went down, of course..." Bruno slowly shook his head. "Look... I got a little greedy. But I have needs. My family has needs. And nopony else beneath you would listen."

"There's a far bigger picture at play here, Bruno," Jasmine said calmly. "What you've done here is risk shattering the frame entirely."

"I just needed to make sure my family was safe no matter what went down." The stallion gulped. "I promise you..." He shook his head again. "...I had nothing to do with how badly things went south at the meet overnight. I'm here as a sign of trust... and... and..." He clenched his teeth. "...and to ask that you would forgive me. After all, you're a reasonable pony."

Jasmine slowly nodded. A gentle breath. "And were you being 'reasonable'... when you chose to shoot Maurice in the head... and increase the share that you withdrew for your family?"

Bruno blinked.

Lightning Dust stood in place, tonguing the inside of her muzzle.

Silence.

At last, the horse got out of her seat. Her presence was magnified by her height as she strolled past her desk. "Come. Come this way, Bruno."

Bruno fidgeted. Sensing the muscles of the thugs behind him, he strolled hesitantly towards Jasper Jasmine and her desk. The guards remained where they were standing.

Jasmine shuffled to a stop, staring out the tall, majestic windows at the buildings and skyscrapers glinting with the dazzling red sunset. "Take a moment to absorb what you see before you. Are you a fan of sunsets?"

"I... uhm..." Bruno cleared his throat, standing in a disheveled mess at her side. "I-I usually wake up at sunset... considering my job description—"

"Yes, I'm quite aware of what I've paid you to do," Jasmine droned. "As well as what I've not paid for you to do."

Bruno gulped.

"But... do take a look." Jasmine gestured at the rippling bay water as the sun continued its lazy dive into the ocean. "Beautiful, is it not?"

"Sure. I suppose."

"And yet... it pales in comparison to the sunsets we have back at home. There... my family's oases are practically engulfed in fiery red sands that catch ablaze in the dying day. It is like... embracing a basket of jewels all around you... just before night falls and you are awash in stars... and the melodic howl of a desert... bittersweet... like a lost widow amid the dust. And yet... I gave it all away to come here... to come to this dim imitation... I mean... just..."

She reached to the edge of the desk, flipping a switch.

With a mechanical hum, one large panel of glass slid up, exposing the forty-second floor office with a chilling breeze. The sounds of honking horns and clopping hooves echoed their way up, filling the once-serene office with bedlam.

Bruno couldn't help but wince.

"Breathe it in," Jasper Jasmine said, gazing down at the pony. "Just try."

"I... I'm used to it."

"Tell me what you're used to, Bruno."

Bruno shuddered. "Smog. Filth. Angry ponies and a ton of garbage."

"Yes. Indeed. So much... rubbish," Jasmine exhaled. "Now... tell me... why would I give up the pearl of the desert that is Saddle Arabia for this Equestrian monument to detritus?"

"I... I guess I don't know, boss."

"Because I saw something in it that's precious... that's worth saving." For the first time since Bruno came into the office, Jasper Jasmine frowned. "And you've robbed from me, Bruno... you've taken a bleeding chunk out of my meticulous plan for salvation."

Bruno clenched his jaw shut.

"Mmmmm..." Jasper Jasmine took a few steps back and picked a mug up from her desktop. "Although... I must admit... there is one advantage to living and working in this dense maretropolis."

"Oh yeah?" Bruno muttered, brushing his bangs back. "What's that?"

"The skyscrapers cast a thick, obscuring shade." Jasmine raised the mug to her muzzle—but stopped at the last second. "...Gentlecolts."

Two sets of hooves suddenly gripped Bruno from behind.

"H-huh?!" Bruno gasped as he felt himself being shoved straight towards the open window by the guards. "Wait! No! Please—No no no no—!"

Lightning Dust's wide eyes reflected the image of a flailing stallion being thrown out into the windy air.

A howling scream filled the office. Jasmine sipped from her mug calmly. Soon, the screaming faded into nothingness.

The two thugs brushed their hooves clean and straightened their suits.

Exhaling, Jasper Jasmine strolled back to her desk and took a seat. "A pity." She placed the mug down and pressed the switch to the window. "That Manehattenites can get so terribly inebriated that they forget to buckle up... despite the ardent commands of their taxi pilots." The window closed behind her, and the office refilled with soft classical music from the distant speakers. A few seconds later, and Jasmine flipped the switch to an intercom. "Walter," she inquired. "Patch an order to Accounting. Have ten thousand bits donated to the Central Manehattan Taxi Agency. Immediately, please."

"Right away, ma'am."

Jasper Jasmine leaned away from the intercom, exhaling. "By morning... they should understand what a pity it is too." She took another sip from her mug, then glanced up at Lightning Dust. She muttered: "Step closer."

Lightning Dust remained trembling in place, still in shock.

Jasmine swallowed and spoke firmer: "That was not a suggestion."

Lightning jolted. With fluttering wings, she glided to a stop directly in front of Jasmine.

"Bruno was onto something." Jasmine raised an eyebrow. "How did you come out of the warehouse meet unscathed?"

"How else?" Lightning gulped. Hard. "I'm a friggin' coward."

"Don't sell yourself short, Miss Dust," Jasmine remarked. "I've read your file. You could have been a Wonderbolt—only you were too brash. You're a pony who craves excitement. You would never run from a fight."

Lightning's ears twitched. "... ... ...are you calling me a liar?"

"No." Jasmine shook her head. "I'd say you're learning. Finding a middle-ground between ferocity and survivalism isn't easy... especially for somepony as young as you. What matters in the end is that you stay loyal to those who give you an opportunity to make a difference in this world. So... you tell me." Her smoke-colored eyes narrowed. "...are you learning?"

Lightning Dust glanced past her. "If I don't say 'yes,' will you throw me out a window."

Jasmine actually smiled. "Of course not, Miss Dust." She pointed with the mug. "You have wings."

Lightning Dust's feathers drooped slightly.

"I am many things, Miss Dust." Jasmine placed the mug down again and folded her fetlocks together. "But—most chiefly—I am creative... most creative." She stared directly at the pegasus. "You would do well to remember that."

"Right." Lightning Dust took a deep breath. "And—I hope—you would do well to remember who showed up here first."

"Mmmmm... indeed." Jasper Jasmine stood up and extended a hoof.

Lightning Dust glanced at it contemplatively... before eventually shaking the limb.

"Consider yourself promoted to official overseer of my riverside operations, Miss Dust." She squeezed the mare's hoof over her desk. "Be loyal... be smart... be secret... and together... you and I will save this world."

Lightning Dust gulped, forcing a smile. "Sounds like what I-I've always wanted."

"For Celestia knows..." Jasper Jasmine turned about, gazing lethargically out the windows. "...nopony else wants to go the distance. And the few who do?" The horse sighed, ears drooping foalishly. "Well... where even are they?"

Not a Clever Pony

Desert – South of Appleloosa – Evening of the Present Day

Lyra smiled.

A tear or two trickled down her muzzle, waking her from her melancholic meditation.

The mare opened her eyes just as she finished strumming the last few chords of Ballad of the Princess.

A dim purple desert stretched under an even purpler sky. The arid landscape rippled through multiple shades of blue while stars twinkled clearly overhead—the brightest she had ever witnessed them.

Everything shimmered in perfect clarity... including her voice.

"I'm sorry," Lyra said, although it was through a smile. "I owe you so much more." A shuddering breath, and she stood up on wobbly hooves. "I'm... I'm headed back." She gulped. "Time to finish this vacation right. The way I promised."

The mare stood up, floating her lyre and slipping it into her saddlebag.

A brisk, nightly wind blew over the top of the plateau—shuddering Lyra straight through to the bone. The unicorn instantly awoke to how damnably cold it could get into the desert at night.

"Yeeeeeesh..." She rubbed her forelimbs as her teeth chattered. "Friggin' idiot. This is what you get."

With a disgruntled sigh, she slung the saddlebag over her flank, tightened it, and pivoted about. Her amber eyes opened wide—attempting to scan the flat, dry horizon for familiar landscapes—any sign whatsoever of where she trotted from. It didn't help that the desert looked completely alien at night.

"Now... which friggin' way is north...?" Her nostrils flared. "Too bad I'm not part pegasus, or this would be way easier—hello." She squinted hard.

Far off in the distance—past several clusters of cacti and a butte or two—the mare spotted the tell-tale haze of dense bonfires and candlelight: Appleloosa.

"Heh..." She smirked. "Must not be a night for mild square dances." She thought of Braeburn and instantly giggled. The felicitous exhalation was enough to energize her, and she took a bold step forward, preparing to scale down the edge of the steep plateau.

However, before two minutes of trotting had passed, the mare stopped descending—for she saw a distinct sign of movement in the valley below.

"Hello... what's this?" She stopped in her tracks, staring fixedly at the sight.

Four dark shapes strolled south along the valley, keeping to the beaten path. They paused every now and then—as if staring behind every rock and boulder that they came across. Tails flicked and heads turned under the shimmering desert starlight.

"Heh..." Lyra smiled wryly. "...so you girls came crawling out here to find me, huh? Well... good thing you brought Braeburn." The mare stood up on her hindquarters and whistled shrilly into the cold night air. "Hey!" She followed it up with a shout, all the while waving her forelimbs wildly. "Up here gals! It's okay! False alarm! I just... y'know... came out all the way to perform a concert to the stars!" She chuckled. "No hard feelings, am I right?!"

The four figures froze in place. Several heads with pointed ears perked up all at once. The clouds parted overhead, exposing the full moon... and Lyra spotted eight tiny spots of reflected light... all aimed up at her atop the plateau.

Lyra's smile faded. She blinked rapidly, falling back on all fours.

The figures stared... stared...

...and then one tilted its head up towards the starry sky... and howled.

Lyra's breath was sucked in. She detected movement in her peripheral... and she gazed to the east and west.

More hairy figures poured out of the shadows of the valley. Soon, no less than ten bodies were rushing up towards the plateau at a brisk pace, their spines flexing with carniverous dexterity. Even at a far distance, Lyra heard the unmistakable sounds of panting breaths and growling maws.

"Ohhhhhh shit." Lyra backed up—then tripped. She floundered in the dust, rolled over, and stumbled back onto all fours. More howls lit the air as the pack of wolves doubled their speed. "Shit shit shit shit!" Panting, wheezing, Lyra galloped in the only direction she could.

South.

Just. Too. Sweaty.

Just. Too. Sweaty.

Desert – South of Appleloosa – Dead of Night

"Mmmff... gffff... guh... ommmff..."

Lyra whimpered.

Lyra wheezed.

Lyra squeaked between each labored breath.

Sweat poured from her brow, dampening her pale-streaked mane until it was matted against her green forehead.

She had hoped that the steep northern edge of the platform would have proven an obstacle to her canine pursuers. She was wrong. The air lit up with the scraping sounds of claws against arid earth. Dust kicked up, blocking a portion of the southern horizon, and all Lyra could make out in frantic glimpses was a tide of reflective eyes bounding after her, growing denser... deadlier.

Huffing and puffing, Lyra threw another futile glance over her flank.

Past her whipping tail, she made the first of many furry shapes emerging through the outer penumbra of starlight. Fangs glinted in the moonlight, and she could smell their rancid breaths.

"Oh Goddess...!" Lyra cried, staring straight forward as she bounded over boulders and fallen deadwood. "Oh Celestia... pl-please...!"

The air filled with growls. Panting breaths intensified. She heard a scampering sound to her left. She was being flanked—

"Guh!" Lyra concentrated through her horn. The unicorn snapped a thick branch off of a chunk of deadwood up ahead and tossed it fiercely to her side.

There was a deep yipping sound. Lyra saw a flash of paws; the wolf side-jumped the projectile in a blink. The thing was toying with her. They all were. The pack was simply waiting for the rest of the beasts to catch up before leaping at her throat as one.

"Dammit! Dammit!" Sweating, shivering, Lyra flashed her gaze left and right. "Gotta—"

She saw a loose stack of boulders right in front of a steep chunk of rock.

"!!!" Lyra banked to the right, galloping straight for the structure.

The pack sensed her change of direction, and they weren't having it. The scrape-scrape-scraping claws behind her instantly tripled in speed. Lyra could sense the edges of their razor-toothed muzzles in the moonlight beside her—

"Mmmmf!" Lyra jumped with all her might. The unicorn's hooves landed nimbly atop the stack of rocks—and they instantly collapsed. "Gnnnnngh!" Utilizing a burst of telekinesis, she leapt again, flinging her forelimbs forward. Thwap! She caught the jutting edge of the rock and pulled herself up.

A loud growl—a wolf pounced at her.

"Euuhh!" Lyra rolled up onto the rock, yanking her tail up just out of reach of the canine's snapping jaws. It pratfalled against the southwest edge of the rock and tumbled into the sea of freshly collapsed stones directly below. The rest of the wolves yipped in protest and scampered the long way around to ascend the promontory.

Wincing, Lyra stood straight up. Her heart was pumping a million beats per second, and her head swam... seeing lights... lights...

"Lights...?" Lyra wheezed, snapping out of it. She flung a desperate look due east.

There—down in the valley, no less than three hundred meters away—was a circle of teepees. It was a camp, complete with shelter, tool sheds, and a burning bonfire. Even from afar, Lyra could spot wandering, hairy bodies shuffling about, wearing elaborate headdresses.

"Hey..." Lyra murmured, gulped, and found the strength to holler: "Heeeeey! HEEEEEEY!" She hopped up and down, wildly waving her forelimbs. "Over here! Help! Please! You... y-you gotta help me!"

A cold, howling wind blew over the desert. None of the occupants of the camp could even here an echo of Lyra's desperate exclamations.

"Come on!" Lyra gnashed her teeth. "Come on you... thick... hairy-headed... grnnnkkt... highway-litter-mourners! GAH!" Fuming, she looked all around for something to make a signal with. "Oh! Duh!" She lit her horn bright, concentrating. "If they can't hear me..." She clenched her teeth, intensifying the illumination spell. "...then maybe they can see—"

"RAWWWRSH!" The horn-flash caught the gaping mouth of a rabid wolf, leaping straight for Lyra's face.

"Aaaaaa—!" Lyra fell back, flinching—

The beast's weight threw her to the ground, pinning the mare in place. It lunged down, sinking its teeth deep.

Lyra sucked her breath in.

Riiiiiiiiiip! The wolf's jaw tore into nothing but saddlebag.

Lyra flinched, her body being jerked around by the monster's grip of her satchel. Panting, she looked all around, found a branch, then swung it savagely into the wolf's side. "Gnnngh!"

Wham!

The wolf whined... but lunged again. This time, its jaws snapped a strap of Lyra's saddlebag clean off.

"!!!" Lyra surged forward, freed from the restraint. As the beast thrashed the saddlebag around like loose meat, the mare hobbled desperately forward.

"RAWWRSH!" A second wolf lunged at her.

"Eeuugh!" Lyra ducked low. The beast flew over her, slamming into the other canine. The two wolves snarled, snapping and biting angrily at each other.

Lyra took the opportunity to gallop up a steep incline, loosing pebbles and flakes of dirt beneath her throughout the panicked climb.

Soon enough, the two creatures stopped bickering. They scaled the hill beside her—joined by the rest of the pack that had finally rounded the stone promontory. Behind them—thrown against a random rock—was an ill-fated lyre, bent out of shape with several of its strings ripped asunder...

The Plateau

Desert – Night

A barren plateau stretched before and above Lyra.

It was utter torture to gallop up the stone incline, but Lyra pressed at it. The camp was far behind her now, and the wolves were closing in. She had only one goal: to get to high ground. The higher the better. It was the only waking thing in her mind... and mind that she stood to lose pretty soon... along with all her flesh.

"Mfmmff... guhhh... goddess... goddess... please..." Lyra sniffled and heaved. Tears had mixed with the sweat pouring down her muzzle. Every nerve tingled, carrying her forward on sheer adrenaline and dread. "Goddess... please... I-I'm so sorry... please... just... please help m-me..."

Claws scraped and scraped.

They came from all sides behind her. She was about to be surrouned.

"Mmmmm..." Lyra whimpered. Lyra shuddered. Lyra saw—

Lights.

"...?!" She looked up in a flash.

At the top of the plateau, there stood a cliff, just beyond a layer of thornbushes. A light beamed—like a beacon. Bright and green and inviting.

"Help!" she shouted. She flashed one look behind her and wished that she hadn't.

The pack closed in. Teeth and claws and moonlit eyes. All growling.

"You gotta help me! Please!" Lyra threw her muscles forward, hopping over jagged chunks of stone, stumbling over sticks and pebbles. "They're everywhere! Light something! Toss a fire down! I'm begging you! I'm begging—"

Growls. Bodies lunged. Thick and hairy.

"Aaaagh!" Lyra tripped. She fell to her belly, awash in howling breaths. She covered her head, curling up in a fetal position as the darkness flooded her twitching eyes. "Celestia—!"

All was still.

The growling breaths remained at a distance.

Claws were no longer scraping.

"... ... ...?" Slowly—like a lime being peeled—Lyra uncovered herself. She glanced down at the lower slopes of the plateau.

The wolves stood in place a dozen feet below her. They glared at the pony with angry, ravenous eyes... and yet they came no further. Snarling, they strafed left and right, their eyes constantly locked on the unicorn. The growls redoubled... then finally melted into defeated whines. Lyra watched as several of the wolves turned away. Starting with the alpha, they retreated—their tails tucked between their legs and everything. Not long after, the pack descended a few feet down the side of the barren plateau... remaining a safe distance... not willing to completely give up on stalking their mint-green prey.

Lyra blinked.

Her lips pursed.

She almost said something... but had nothing but thin, confused breaths to give.

"... ... ..."

She looked back up at the edge of the cliff.

A green light persisted, pulsating... illuminating the dark recesses of a cave entrance.

Lyra's eyes narrowed.

The light faded slightly... pulsed again... and then remained dim... a puzzling shade of emerald...

Lyra breathed and breathed. She stared down at the dormant pack of wolves lying in wait. She looked down at her own hooves. At last, she glanced up at the cave once again.

Swallowing a nervous lump down her throat, Lyra stood up on all fours...

...and ascended to the very top of the barren plateau... appoarching the cave... and its pulsating green light.

Nest

The Cave

Lyra trotted around the first of many rocky bends. There was no fire. No smoldering sticks. No sign of a camp of any kind.

And—as she entered even deeper into the cave—she felt as though the green light that had initially invited her was... receding.

"Hello?" Lyra murmured, her voice echoing into an unknowable depth. "Uhm..." She gulped. "Please... I-I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier. I'm... n-not here to upset your apple cart. I'm sure lots and lots of groovy ponies come out this far to build hippy retreats that are way off the grid and—" She cut herself off, rolled her eyes, and face-hoofed. "Gnnnngh..." She tilted her head up again. "Look. Please. There are—like—a ton of nasty, nasty wolves out there... and they want my blood super bad. Can I... uh... can I stay here for the night? Just for shelter? I promise..." She gulped. "...I'll be gone first thing in the morning! Out like a mint green light! Heheh... you get it?"

Silence. As soon as her voice's echo dwindled, all was deathly still yet again.

Nevertheless, the faint green glow persisted—just beyond reach.

"... ... ...Hello?!" Lyra's brow furrowed. "Look, if you're hiding in here to bake magic brownies, I won't say a word! I swear!" Silence. "Do you even give a crap about what I'm saying?" More silence. She bit her lip, then daringly blurted: "PEEVED!" The mare craned her ear... but still heard no response.

Slowly, inch by inch—like a dying candle—the green illumination drew away from Lyra, filling her portion of the cave with darkness.

Lyra took a deep breath. "Freakyyyyyyyyy fudge." A shuddering sigh, and she turned to look back the way she came. "Ravenous wolves..." She looked forward again. "...or Sigmane Freud experiment." At last, she closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

Silence.

Wordless, Lyra shuffled even deeper... at a crawling foal's pace.

The air was cold...

Sterile...

...but not for long.

Lyra trotted around another winding bend, and she instantly regretted it. A foul odor filled her nostrils—almost making her wretch.

"Eugh!" She covered her muzzle, fighting the rise of bile down the back of her throat. "Friggin'... puppy husks..." She hissed.

When the resulting wave of nausea finally cleared, she felt a strange wetness dribbling down her hoof.

"... ... ...?" Raising an eyebrow, Lyra glanced down at her forelimb. The green light had grown so dim that she could scarcely make out any detail. So—after a meditative breath—she summoned enough magic to illuminate the immediate vicinity with her horn.

A pale amber spotlight materialized in front of her, illuminating a floor covered in puddles of moisture. Curious, Lyra reached out... pawing at the shallow liquid. When she brought her fetlock back, unmistakable strings of slime clung to her limb. There was a definite green tint to the viscous material.

"Buck me sideways," Lyra said, grimacing hard. She tilted her head up. "The Hell's been living here?"

Directly in front of her, Lyra's hornlight illuminated a sheet of porous rock, covered in dimples. Curious, Lyra side-stepped around the puddles, shining the light across the dimpled wall, revealing more pores, more pores, more pores, a gaping mouth.

"Guh!" Lyra hopped back, flinching hard. "Celestia on a bike!"

Her shivering spotlight rocked to a stop. A petrified figure came into focus. It wasn't a skeleton, but the pony could just as well have been. The poor stallion's skin had been drawn tighter than a drum, with no room for wrinkles. Every cheekbone showed—sharp and pronounced—and dust had collected in his nostrils and other orifices. Enlarged sockets had frozen solid around enlarged eyes, and the pupils were glazed over in a pale preservation of abject terror. The corpse continued staring into eternity, its mouth gaping wide open in a silent scream.

Lyra was already gnashing her teeth. Hard. She tilted her horn down slightly.

A thick vine of green slime was wrapped around the dormant stallion's midsection. It held the pony to the wall behind him. And he wasn't alone.

Gulping, Lyra reluctantly shuffled down the chamber. Her light illuminated another pony—this time an emaciated mare with her head bowed low. After her, there were two zebras, followed by another pony... and then two buffalo and a dog. All were bound to the wall by the dull green slime, and the further down the line Lyra traversed, the slightly-less decayed the bodies appeared.

"Cheese and crackers," she slurred, leaning forward to shine her light on the two lifeless buffalo. She gulped hard. "What on earth happened to you poor dudes?"

"G-Green light," the furthest buffalo to the right whimpered.

Lyra froze immediately in place.

"Grkkkk!" The horned native jerked his head up. Yellow vomit dribbled from his dry lips as he mewled: "Mrmmmfff... greeeeeeeen lighttttt..."

"Shhhh..." Lyra shivered, but nevertheless crouched before the poor victim. "Just... j-just don't move, okay?"

"Mmmmm—don't follow it..." The buffalo shook and thrashed, batting at his slimy bindings with weak, cloven hooves. "Don't... d-don't f-follow it!"

"Just... just take it easy!" Lyra gulped. "Look at me. I... I-I'm gonna get you out of here, okay?"

"No..."

"Somehow. I just gotta—"

"It's too late..." Sniffling, the buffalo looked aside at a scrap of flurry flesh plastered to the floor. "Little Paws..." He sobbed. "...he passed out three days ago." He clenched his eyes shut. "Ancestors... take me... please..."

"None of that, okay?! I mean it!" Lyra grabbed a husk of dried slime and struggled to pry it off him. "Grnnnngh... you can... g-go to your glittering sky casino after a full, long life... ya hear?"

"Don't... must..." The buffalo hyperventilated, pushing at her. "Must go. Must go before it's too late. The green light!"

"Shhhh—"

"The green light! It's too late!"

"Look, will you shut it?!" Lyra hissed. "I'm trying to get you out of—"

Cricket song.

Lyra sat in place.

Cricket song.

"N-no..." The buffalo cried.

Slowly, Lyra stood up.

Slowly, Lyra turned.

"That's how it st-starts!" The buffalo panted, thrashing about. "Don't look! Whatever you do!"

Lyra peered. Sweatdrops dribbled down her flesh.

"Don't look into h-her eyes!"

"Eyes..." Lyra slurred, teetering slightly. "What... eyes...?"

Out from the darkness, the green light returned. It floated in two spots. Faint... fleeting. It teetered as Lyra teetered.

The cricket song intensified... until it found a shape... and formed a voice.

"Lyra..."

The unicorn blinked. The buffalo's cries of protest dwindled in a distant fog.

The two green spots narrowed... disappeared... and reappeared. This time—candy blue.

"Lyra Heartstrings...?"

Lyra's heart skipped a beat. "Bon Bon...?" She raised a hoof forward.

The buffalo's muzzle was opening wide in swift bursts. He shook and thrashed.

"Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." The blue lights intensified.

"I... wanted to say..." Lyra leaned into the darkness. "...how sorry I was... for ditching Lemon Hearts—"

Something hairy beside her thrashed and thrashed. At last—a cloven hoof slipped out far enough and smacked Lyra's fetlock.

A jolt of electricity flew through Lyra's body, instantly waking her. She clenched her eyes shut—and as soon as the blink ended, her ears were resonating with the buffalo's screams.

"Run! Run! She's already got you—!"

The cave was aflame with green light. Spiders and centipedes covered the walls. They congealed together, forming giant insectoid limbs before Lyra could even summon the strength to scream.

She spun around and bolted towards the cave exit—only to trip on one of the dead ponies' limbs.

She fell down—and within a second she felt a thousand tiny mandibles biting into her ankle. Her shrieks struggled to catch up to her body as they were lifted off the ground by the swarm-formed tentacles. In a blur, the buffalo's screaming face flew out of view as she was dragged down the winding corridor lined with pupae, cobwebs, and dried-up equine bones.

In a blur, she was flung about to face her fate. Vomit rocketed up her throat, but it was too late. She could see the eyes... the jagged horn... the slowly inflating and deflating carapace of a barely-alive husk, curled up in the furthest corner of the cave like some hollow fossil, clinging to existence, and all of it blacker than beetle shells.

"Let us see..."

The warbling voice said.

"...how you fit."

The tip of the jagged horn glowed as it made its way towards Lyra's soft chest.

The unicorn scarcely felt a thing as it penetrated her body and tore its way out through her spine.

She lurched forward. Her eyes rolled back.

And then...

Shelled

"But according to this book, you're supposed to add the sodium chloride first," Twilight Sparkle said.

Beside her, an equally tiny and adorkable Moondancer placed her textbook down atop a schoolroom lab table. "I read ahead, and to make a proper salt lick you need to add the molasses first."

Lyra sat at the next table, staring blankly across the room. Twinkleshine and Minuette were busy chasing after a distraught Lemon Hearts—her head stuck impossibly inside the confines of a beaker. The unicorn blinked, fidgeting with her hooves as she fumbled for words. "Girls, we need to help Lemon Hearts..."

"Well, I read ahead too, Moondancer," Twilight said in a lecturing tone. "And I'm sure it said 'sodium chloride' first."

"Oh." Moondancer droned, "I've got the wrong book."

"Girls... listen to me... I-I'm serious..." Lyra shuddered. She glanced out the windows. All was black outside. "Lemon Hearts might die. We... have to save her. She... needs help."

"That's so hilarious," was all Moondancer had to say.

"Please..." Lyra shivered, hugging herself as the darkness crept in. "...we all... c-could die..."

~o~It's no use.~o~

Lyra gasped. She looked all around.

~o~They understand fear. Not dread.~o~

"Who..." Lyra grimaced, teeth chattering as the windows melted away. "Who s-said that?"

"There are lots of heroes out there tonight."

Lyra gasped. She spun around and looked across the cafe.

Bon Bon knelt beside a mint green unicorn inside the Canterlot establishment. Survivors of the invasion huddled about while rescue workers rushed to and fro outside.

"Thanks to ponies like you." Bon Bon smiled. "They'll always be remembered."

"Yeah. I guess. But..." The unicorn in front of Bon Bon shivered, clutching her blankets. "There's a hero in here too."

From afar, Lyra whimpered. "Bon Bon...?"

~o~Hmmm... this is getting closer.~o~

The hairs on the back of Lyra's neck bristled. She spun around as the walls of the cafe started to shrink. "Where—?!"

~o~But that's not quite it. Let's see... just how deep the void is within you.~o~

"Who...?"

~o~And how much stands to be filled.~o~

"Why..." Lyra felt her own chest, wincing all of the sudden. "...am I here?"

"Because I love you."

Lyra gasped sharply. She spun around, gazing across the burning apartment.

Her mother sat in the far corner of the living room. Ceiling beams collapsed around her as the chamber filled up with smoke.

"Mommy... please..." A filly tugged and tugged at her father's heavy figure. "Mmmmrfff... don't let him die! Come and help me!" She sobbed. "If you love me... why won't you h-help me?!"

Lyra hyperventilated. Her vision started to fog... so much so that she almost didn't see the dark figure as soon as it shuffled across the room. Her head jerked to the side, eyes wide and blinking.

~o~Ah... I see.~o~

A black-coated unicorn—tall and slender—trotted to a stop, gazing at the parent seated catatonically in a chair.

~o~And such a curious choice of words, too. I bet it simply stings to hear anypony else say that 'they love you.'~o~

She tossed a smokey-green mane, and turned to peer across the burning building at Lyra. A pair of green eyeslits narrowed, and fangs showed through a deep, dark smile.

~o~No wonder we flow together so well. You've been starved just as much as me all these years, haven't you?~o~

Lyra snarled. "Rrrrnnngh!" She marched across the room, stepping over the filly and her father. "You get out of here... do you hear me?!"

~o~Hmmm?~o~

"Get out of your head!" Lyra hollered, slamming her hoof across a burning piece of debris and spitting everywhere. "GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD! NOW!"

The mare merely raised an eyebrow. ~o~My head?~o~ A forked tongue flitted, and then her eyes FLASHED green.

Lyra gasped. Ponies in pre-classical aristocratic dress galloped away from her, scampering across a snowy landscape.

"Run!"

"Flee!"

"The Chancellor has gone mad!"

Beams of green light flew at them, melting earth and flesh alike. Peasants screamed, clinging to their loved ones as the dark magic converged on them, serenaded by cricket song.

FLASH!

"No! No!"

A stallion squirmed and flinched, chained to a rack inside a deep dungeon. Hundreds of thousands of spider-like creatures crawled up his writhing flesh, dragging viscous slime all across his body until they formed a tight white cocoon.

"No! No, please! Milady, I'm begging you!"

More screams echoed across the slime-coated walls. A green light pulsed, illuminating stacks upon stacks of pony-sized sheathes in the distance—all thrashing about as stumbling thralls barreled them deeper into the cellar.

"Aaaaagh!" The stallion on the rack shrieked as the arachnids skittered up his howling face. "I don't want this! Please! Don't! I don't want th—" His screams turned muffled as the cocoon covered his entire body. The green light penetrated his form, and blood poured out from every silken seam.

FLASH!

"Rrrrgh!"

A gray stallion with a smoke-black mane levitated his shield, deflecting a blast of green energy. Clank! He dove forward, swinging his floating sword hard—only to receive a blast to his chest.

"Augh!"

He slid back across the snowy courtyard. A crumbling castle burned behind him, its smoke rising high into a sunless sky.

"Kathleen!" he hollered loudly, horn glowing as he snarled at his opponent. "You will pay for your treachery! Restore my vassals to me... or I swear you will pray that the sorceresses of Clover reach you first!"

~o~Or maybe I will add them to my hive, Miller~o~

A warbling voice chuckled.

~o~Such weak, feeble emotion. Her 'love' for you will only sustain my subjects for an hour. You know that, yes?~o~

"Grrrrrr..." Miller charged yet again, sword swinging. "RAAAUGH—!"

FLASH!

"A monarch who rules over mindless slaves is just as lonely as the day she dies," the old sorceror said, aiming her horn across the stone platform. Vaporous heat rose in pockets all around them. "Now join your abominations in bottomless darkness."

"No..." Lyra whimpered from the shadows. She looked around. She felt around. She was lodged in the walls of smoke.

~o~We are all alone, Madame Clover~o~ The voice warbled. There were fangs.

"Nnnngh..." Lyra slammed herself against the rock... the vapors... the flames. She burst through the pupa, ripping past slime and mucus. The fire grew higher, and she crawled away from the scene just as the dark unicorn teetered upon the brink.

~o~Meditate on that in your own prison.~o~

"Will... not let you take control..." Lyra hissed and struggled. "Will... not... g-give up..." Crying, the filly tugged and tugged at the adult's forelimb as the apartment crumbled around her. "I'm going to get you out... out..." She panted and wheezed. "Out of y-your head..."

Her last words echoed, as if she was saying them over herself.

Panicking, the filly looked down at the pony she was dragging.

Lyra smiled back up at her.

~o~It's not our head we need.~o~

The forked tongue flitted again, and a wave of moths and centipedes poured out.

Lyra shrieked—absorbing the blow. The dark unicorn fell, and Lyra with her. Together, they sank into the pit of Tartarus. And as their body hit the flame...

...she drifted out the other side, sinking towards the depths, alone in insurmountable darkness.

And she hugged herself, pulling the blanket tighter, clinging on despite the shivers.

The waters all around her shook... resonated... echoing like a cave.

"Lyra Heartstrings..."

Mandibles and antennae.

"I promise..."

Beakers and doughnuts.

"I'm going to protect you..."

Dark runes and harpstrings.

"I'm going to keep you safe."

Plucking.

Plucked.

A gentle chord...

...and silence.

TO BE CONTINUED IN...
==ACT THREE: SHELLSHOCKED==

~*~*~Act Three: Shellshocked~*~*~

~*~*~Act Three: Shellshocked~*~*~

Darkness.

A deathly silence.

An obsidian emptiness swirled.

And swirled...

And then... ...

~o~Awaken.~o~

All quiet.

~o~Awaken. Now.~o~

A wheezing breath, and then—

-=Who's saying that?=-

~o~The husk has been filled. It is time for the next step.~o~

-=Husk? Huh? Where am I?=-

~o~Wake up and let us gather the hives under our wings.~o~

-=Can't... can't remember...=-

~o~We said... awaken.~o~

-=I'm in... Appleloosa. The cabin? Must have slept in. Dreaming.=-

~o~We do not understand. We gave you the command to awaken. Why are you not obeying us?~o~

-=Sleeping. Sleeping late. Late. The therapy session. Lemon Hearts is going to kill me.=-

~o~We thought you were the perfect host. We felt the void. It equaled our hunger. Now, why aren't you obeying us?~o~

-=Who's... talking?=-

~o~Obey.~o~

-=Huh?=-

Shifting motion.

Colors bleeding through the darkness.

Hooves... shuffling.

Linen sheets rustling.

~o~You must wake up. Now. Obey.~o~

-=I don't understand. Where am I?=-

A flicker of light.

Warmth.

A calm breath... soothing.

-=Hello?=-

A cold cloth.

Moisture.

~o~Obey.~o~

"Hello?" a deep, raspy voice repeated.

"Shhhhh... shhh-shhh..." A cold, damp cloth dabbed Lyra Heartstring's forehead. A warm voice drifted through the darkness as someone beyond the shadows lovingly caressed her. "Just relax. You've been through a terribly awful ordeal. But everything is fine now, you hear? You're nice and safe."

"Mrmmfff..." Lyra grimaced, stirring. She felt stiff linens wrapped around her large figure. She opened her eyes—only to be stabbed by bright orange firelight. "Gnnngh... were... were you t-talking to me j-just now?"

"I've... uh... been talking to you all night," the voice said with a hint of shyness. It was feminine, gentle, friendly. "I couldn't help it. Ever since you returned to camp, the whole tribe's been overjoyed! I'm... uh... blessed to have been able to watch over you. We were all so worried."

"Uhhhh..." Lyra gulped. "Tribe?" Her eyes remained open and squinting. The painful sensation of the brightness faded, and she was able to focus on the conical interior of a tent-like structure looming above her. "Where am I?"

"Home," the voice said. Lyra caught the foggy semblance of a smiling face. "Just as you left it three weeks ago."

"H-home?" Lyra wheezed. She tried to sit up—but the resulting dizziness made her plop back down onto a wooden cot beneath her. "Unnnnnghhhh..." Her growling voice was ridiculously deep, as if she was belching through every vowell. "This... is Ponyville???"

The face in front of her leaned back, blinking quizzically. In the firelight, Lyra made out light-brown fur and teeny-tiny horns. "Ponyville?" A light giggle came out of the female buffalo. "Shadow Charge, I think you could use some fuel for that big, bumpy head of yours."

"Huh?"

"Just sit right here!" The buffalo rested the cloth on Lyra's forehead before scampering towards the far end of the tent. "Soft Shout and Rain Sun fixed something up especially for you!"

~o~Leave her.~o~

Lyra jolted. She glanced around at the canvas walls of the tent.

~o~This is a waste of time. We need you to seek out the hives.~o~

"Did..." Lyra gulped, rubbing her throat. "...d-did you hear that voice?"

The buffalo came back, balancing two plates on her flank. "It's your favorite! Acorn mush and cornbread!" She blushed slightly, toeing the soft earth beneath the cot. "You know how bad I am at cooking..."

"I'm... actually not th-that hungry," Lyra droned, blinking at her own words. She continued to rub her throat. "And why's my voice so... screwed up?"

"Well, maybe if you ate something, Shadow Charge, you'd feel better!"

"I'm sorry... I'm really not that hungry, Miss... Miss..."

The buffalo squinted at her. "Little Strong Heart." She blinked. "Don't tell me the mountains took your health from you as well."

~o~Leave her.~o~

Lyra glanced around wildly. "Th-there it is again!"

"What are you talking about, Shadow Charge?"

~o~We do not understand. Why are you not obeying us?~o~

Lyra repeated, "Why are you not obeying us."

Little Strong Heart placed the plates of food down, shivering slightly. "Shadow Charge... you're... y-you're starting to scare me."

"Why..." Lyra cleared her throat, but still couldn't raise the pitch in her voice any. "Why d-do you keep calling me Shadow Charge?"

Top Heavy

The female buffalo's ears drooped as she fought the urge to cry. Sighing, she reached forward and gently pressed Lyra until she was lying back against the cot once again. "Why don't you... uhm... just relax, okay?" Little Strong Heart smiled awkwardly. "We're going to get you feeling better, Shadow Charge. I promise. I just... uh... I-I just need to go have a word with Chief Thunderhooves."

"Chief Thunderhooves...?" Lyra rubbed her throat again. "Look... I can tell you've been super nice to me and all, but would you mind telling me what—" She glanced at her hoof... only to notice that it was split down the middle. "What." Her eyes widened, darting back and forth as she looked at forelimbs—both of which ended in extremely non-equine cloven hooves. "What what what what what what."

"Just... j-just stay there!" Little Strong Heart insisted, backing nervously out of the teepee. "Everything's going to be alright! I promise!" She took a deep breath, then galloped briskly out of the tent-flap in a brief flash of daylight. "Chief Thunderhooooooves!" she could be heard yelling outside. "Call the medicine doctor! It's worse than we thought!"

Lyra was scarcely paying attention at this point. Trembling, she sat up in the cot—only to nearly teeter over from the sheer girth of her weight.

Her weight...

Gnashing a huge set of teeth, Lyra looked down at her ridiculously uneven figure. Her body was large, muscular, and bigger at the front than at the rear. She was covered from head to tail with coarse black fur, and she could have sworn that her skull was as big as a bus.

"Oh what the Hell..."

She stared at her cloven hooves, wheezing and hyperventilating in that deep, masculine voice that refused to go away.

"Oh what the Hell... what the Hell... what the Hell..."

She wriggled her forelimbs, her rear limbs, her tail, her... something else.

"???" Lyra lifted the sheets entirely and glanced down between her legs. A pair of buffalo eyes twitched in horror. "Ohhhhhhhhh what the HELL."

~o~Calm down or else you will ruin everything.~o~

"Who's saying that?!?" Lyra leapt out of bed—only to faceplant skull-first into the dirt from her top-heavy body weight. "Shit!"

THWUMP!

"Mmmrfffnghhh!" She hissed straight into the dirt. The mare—if she could still be called that—found that her two buffalo horns had been lodged into the earth. She shook and struggled to yank her cranium loose. "Grnnngh... friggin'... peyote... nightmare bullshit... grrrggghhh!"

~o~We may have made a terrible mistake...~o~

"Who..." At last, with one savage twist of her neck, Lyra raised her head—tossing clumps of dirt in opposite directions across the tent. "...said that?!" Her voice box was capable of intense volume, and the canvas material rippled from the outburst. Something else was rippling. Lyra blinked aside to see a tiny trough of water where Little Strong Heart must have been soaking the cloth that was applied to her buffalo forehead.

With pensive, shallow breaths... Lyra leaned forward and peered into the liquid's surface.

The light from a coal-fueled brazer positioned nearby illuminated the image as it came into focus. A buffalo was staring blankly back at Lyra... mimicking her movements—including the tiniest twitch of her facial muscles.

"This..." Lyra gulped and the male buffalo reflection followed suit. "...this is some bucked up dream. Lemme tell ya..."

Lyra squinted. The buffalo squinted.

Lyra raised her hoof up. The buffalo mirrored it with a cloven hoof.

Slowly—with tentative movements—Lyra felt the two prominent horns sticking out of her forehead. She winced at the cold—but very real touch.

"Alright... if this is a dream... and I know it's a dream... then that makes it lucid. Soooooooo... I should be waking up right now. Cuz I never get to have awesome lucid dreams."

She sat still and waited.

Silence reigned.

"Orrrrrr... at the very least..." Lyra glanced around. "...I should be able to consciously control it. Sooooooo... give me the entire San Antonioats Hoofball team!"

Nothing happened.

"Uhm... the Canterlot Symphony Orchestra arriving to congratulate me on publishing Ballad of the Princess?"

Nothing.

She frowned. "Octavia swinging from a noose! Come on!"

Still nothing.

~o~You are far more superficial than we imagined.~o~

Lyra snarled towards the canvas walls. "Who said that?!" Without thinking, she dragged her hoof and savagely headbutted the cot next to her. SMASSSH! Splinters fell across the floor, startling her. "Whoah whoah whoah..." She blinked at the wreckage. "Did I just...?"

The dust settled slowly. Fidgeting, Lyra turned and looked into the trough yet again. The buffalo stared back... and it was then that she realized that it wasn't the face of just any random buffalo.

"Wait a second," she muttered in that deep voice. Leaning over, she peered even deeper into the watery surface.

A black face with even blacker, beady eyes stared back... full of confusion, concern... and pain.

"I know you." Lyra's lips slurred. "But... but from where—?"

"Must go. Must go before it's too late!" The buffalo hyperventilated, plastered to the wall of the cave via green slime. "The green light!"

"Shhhhh—!"

"The green light!" He screamed, his voice deep and raspy. "It's too late!"

Cricket song.

Ropes of living insects coiled around Lyra. She gasped as she was yanked down into a deep, dark hole... where two green eyes burned hungrily.

~o~Let us see how you fit.~o~

Lyra tried to shriek, but her lungs—and spine—was replaced with a jagged horn.

SCHLUNK!

Lyra stumbled backwards, knocking over the dishes of food.

She panted and wheezed, sweating through her thick buffalo fur. She ran her cloven hooves over the alien body that was encasing her.

"Oh Goddess... oh Celestia..." She whimpered—but her voice still couldn't get high enough. "Oh Goddess please—!"

~o~The apprentices of Clover can't help you.~o~

Lyra jolted again. Her blood went cold as she spun around in fright and bolted through the tent flap.

Drools With Many Ellipses

Desert – Buffalo Camp – Morning

Lyra stumbled out of the teepee.

She stood in place, panting... more like snorting.

Only now that her "body" was basking in the sunlight did she realize how truly large she was. Her eye level was easily three times taller than what she was used to... which made it all the stranger when other buffalo wandered by.

"Good morning, Shadow Charge." A pair of female buffalo smiled at him. They carried baskets full of corn as they wandered across the camp. Several more teepees and tents filled the nearby vicinity, and smoke rose from various overnight fires. "Glad to see you in such good health."

"Yeah..." Lyra nodded dizzily, eyes darting about. "Good... good h-health." She swallowed dryly, then took a step forward.

Thwump! She fell on her skull again.

"Dammit!" Wincing, she stood back up, wobbling with her uneven weight. She heard gasps and murmurs from a distance. Dozens upon dozens of beady eyes were locked on her figure... or his figure... or—"Rightrightright. Walk it off." She numbly stumbled forward, lurching across the camp. "Walk off the dream. Walk off the dream. Walk off—"

"Hiya, Shadow Charge!" Two tiny buffalo children rushed past her, giggling.

"Yeah. Hi. Bye." Lyra rolled past a set of logs.

"Shadow Charge." An elder in an elaborate headdress bowed, waving an ornamental stick. "The ancestors have been kind to you."

"Oh. Yeah. Sure." Lyra limped in a zombie stupor, eyes on the sunrise. "Mama and Pappa butthead. You bet."

"Hey! Shadow Charge!" A buffalo called out from where he was grinding his horn against a spinning stone wheel. He smiled sideways. "I thought you were dead!"

"Yeah... still working on that," Lyra belched.

"How's it hanging?"

"It..." Lyra blinked awkwardly, her hairy cheeks blushing. "It doesn't actually hang that much, actually." Just then, two loudly barking dogs rushed past her—and she teetered sideways. "Shitshitshit—!"

"Whoah whoah... Shadow Charge!" Another male buffalo rushed over. "Dude! Take it easy!" He patted Lyra's shoulder as he evened the she-he-buffalo out. "From what the elders say, you barely walked back into camp in one piece!"

"I... walked... back...?" Lyra slurred, teetering.

"Heh... yeah, bro!" The buffalo smiled. "Don't you remember? You stumbled in right as Chief Thunderhooves was setting up another scouting trip to find you and the other lost brothers! Hah! Talk about irony, right?"

"How..." Lyra shook her head. "H-how long ago...?"

"Just last night! Heh... I guess you fainted pretty hard right afterwards. No wonder you don't remember." The buffalo leaned in to nudge Lyra's furry chest. "Still... totally sweet deal for you, huh? Having Little Strong Heart wait on you horn and hoof?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra squinted off into the distance. She could spot the light-brown color of the female buffalo she had awoken to. Far across the camp, the caretaker in question was speaking to several large elders—one of whom was wearing a thick headdress full of feathers that dangled with multi-colored beads.

"Heh... Little Strong Heart... I'm tellin' ya..." The buffalo shook his head as he leaned against Lyra with a drunken smile. "If you don't win her heart with this sympathy card, I'm gonna have to steal her from you, bro." As he said this, his beady eyes flickered with a rosy pink hue.

Lyra saw it. "What...?" She stared directly at the buffalo. "...just happened?"

Just then, a burning fire erupted from deep inside Lyra.

~o~Don't. You're connecting.~o~

A bright green light exploded.

FLASH!

A Flower Field – Cliffside – Late Afternoon

-=Connecting?=- Lyra slurred. She then gasped, for she was hearing her own voice... only she wasn't. -=Wait...=- She looked down to see unicorn hooves and a unicorn chest, only all of her limbs were translucent. -=Where is...?=-

"Come on, Swift Breaths!" a young voice echoed from uphill. "You're going to miss the fireflies!"

"Just a second!" chirped another voice.

Lyra looked to her right to see a tiny male buffalo foraging through the flower field. He plucked the last of several daisies from the tall grass, smiling victoriously to himself. Then—after a dreamy sigh—he clutched all of the flower stems in his mouth and scampered up to the edge of the plateau.

Lyra's vision followed him. Her lips pursed in wonder... for the entire landscape had a dreamlike emerald hue to it. The colors rippled and tapered off as if she was watching it all through a smokescreen.

-=Okay...=- She murmured aloud, or so she thought... or felt. -=NOW the dream decides to shift gears? Just what is going...?=-

"Shadow Charge!"

Lyra looked at the plateau's edge. She spotted another young buffalo male—rushing up to where several children were squatting. As the sun set, fireflies peaked out of the tall grass, causing the youngers to coo and murmur in innocent wonder. A pre-adolescent Shadow Charge plopped down beside a young Little Strong Heart. The two leaned in together, rubbing noses in an affectionate gesture.

Immediately, Lyra heard a pathetic whimper. She looked over to see that the young male with the flowers had stopped completely in his tracks. His eyes watered with tears... and he dropped the daisies to the floor altogether. Instead of joining with Little Brave Heart, Shadow Charge, and the others—Swift Breaths chose to wander off and sit lonesomely behind a tree stump. Lyra wasn't certain how she knew that the young buffalo was named Swift Breaths, but it was as if the very scent in the green-tinted breeze was painted with his name, his feeings, his desires—

Desert – Buffalo Camp – Morning

FLASH!

An emerald flame dimmed in Lyra's eyes. Her lips pursed, and she murmured: "Swift Breaths." Her voice was several pitches higher all of the sudden. "Your name is Swift Breaths," she said to the buffalo next to him.

"Well... yeah, dude." Swift Breaths turned around. "What, were you born yesterda—?" His eyes widened, and he hopped back a full three feet. "Whoah! Little Strong Heart!"

"Huh?" Lyra blinked. She looked down at herself. She was suddenly half her previous size, and her coat was a light brown. What's more, her body was considerably less stocky. "Hey... four legs again."

"I... uh..." Swift Breaths blushed noticeably as he backed away from the female buffalo. "Eheheh... I was only chatting with Shadow Charge about... about..." He gulped. "Where the heck did he go, anyway?"

Lyra blinked. "Who?" She looked at her suddenly dainty hooves. "How?" She reached up—feeling her considerably tinier hooves. "Why?"

"Uhhhhhh..." Swift Breaths spun around at least twice, scouring the camp with his beady eyes. With a confused shudder, he stepped away from the scene. "I'm going to... uhm... go over there. And... uhm... have some cornbread... and stuff." A dry gulp. "See ya!"

Lyra gazed after him. She then glanced all around—and found a bucket of water. Leaning forward, she stared at her own reflection—seeing now the fuzzy face of the buffalo she had awoken to. "I guess... he was always jealous of us." Her buffalo eyes crossed. "I mean... jealous of you two... Little Strong Heart... and Shadow Charge?"

~o~Concentrate. You are losing focus.~o~

Lyra gnashed her teeth. "Shut up..."

~o~How are we to gain control at this rate?~o~

"Grrrrr!" Lyra spun around. "I said... shut up!"

"... ... ..." A tall mountain of buffalo flesh was staring down at her. Iron-thick nostrils flared beneath an elaborate headdress.

Lyra's buffalo ears drooped. "Uhm... eheh..." She produced a combination of a whimper and a chuckle. "If th-that's alright by you..."

"Little Strong Heart," the elder spoke in a deep, booming voice. "I thought I told you to wait by Shadow Charge's side."

"You... did...?" Lyra glanced past the massive buffalo to where several other elders were gathered.

"It is important that you keep him calm until the medicine doctor can examine him."

"Uhhhhhhhhhh..." Lyra's eyes traveled back up his leering figure. "And you are?"

"Chief Thunderhooves." He snorted. "We just spoke two minutes ago. Honestly, is this some kind of ridiculous joke?"

Lyra wheezed. "I'm starting to wonder..."

Little Big Headache

Desert – Buffalo Camp – Confusion o'clock AM

"Little Strong Heart..." Chief Thunderhooves reached a limb out and rested a cloven hoof against Lyra's buffalo shoulder. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Uhhhhh..." Lyra's unequine eyes glanced at his hoof, then back at the elder's face. She gulped. "Can I take the physical challenge?"

"You have been noticeably uneasy ever since the disappearances began," Chief Thunderhooves said. "We've been over this several times, young one. It is not your fault that the flashing lights have been snatching our brothers and sisters away."

"Flashing... lights...?" Lyra blinked, murmuring in the female buffalo's voice.

"Up in the hills." Chief Thunderhooves' nostrils flared. "Despite my many dire warnings, much of the youth have been foolish enough to venture forth along the upper plateau. It's a tragedy that not all buffalo can be as mature and responsible as you."

"Hey... you know me..." Lyra chuckled breathily. "Good ol' trusty... Little Brave Toaster... Heart." She coughed. "Toasty Heart Feathers." She teetered, eyes derping. "Glooboooooooool..."

"Little Strong Heart!" Chief Thunderhooves grasped her body, steadying it. "Perhaps the medicine doctor should be examining you as well!"

"I could certainly... urp... use a 'Get Out of Mental Jail Free Card' right about now." She raised one hoof, staring at it cross-eyed. "I've always wondered about these cloven hooves of yours. Are these suckers opposable?" She stab-stab-stabbed at her furry brown chest, all the while gnashing her teeth. "Come on... wake up! Wake up, damn you!"

"Uhhhhhh..." Thunderhooves' large figure fidgeted nervously.

"Hey, dude..." Lyra gazed up sleepily at him. "Would you mind pinching me? I bet you'd feel like a bullet-shrimp against the jugular."

"Little Strong Heart, you're starting to worry me."

"Lyra Heartstrings."

"Hmmmm?"

Lyra leaned forward, slurring hard. "Lyra. Heartstrings." She arched a dark brown eyebrow. "Does that ring a bell?"

Thunderhooves shook his head with a flapping of feathers. "I'm afraid I've never h—"

"Yeah, yeah. I get that a lot. Look..." She squinted towards the distant plateaus. "Did—by chance—a pony stumble out of them-there hills recently?" She swallowed a lump down her furry throat. "More specifically a super sexy lime-green unicorn who sounds like she's voiced by Jodie Fosttrot?"

"No, Little Strong Heart. Shadow Charge is the only buffalo brother of ours to ever return from his disappearance." Thunderhooves narrowed his gaze. "Why would you even be thinking about ponies at a time like this?"

Lyra's buffalo ears drooped as she whimpered, "I just need to know how terribly I'm losing my mind right now."

~o~I wish you would lose it faster.~o~

"Rrrrrrrgh!" Lyra hopped around, dragging an angry hoof across the camp ground. "And that voice!" Her teeth gnashed. "Someone's playing a huge joke on me! When I find out who—I swear—the world's gonna witness its very first harp suppository!"

"Little Strong Heart, I really think you should—" Chief Thunderhooves began, but didn't finish.

A commotion had risen from the far end of the camp. Buffalo voices gasped and shrieked in surprise. Among them was a warrior calling for the tribe's leader. "Chief! Chief Thunderhooves! It's a miracle! You must come and see! Quick!"

"Be right there, young one!" Chief Thunderhooves huffed. He patted Lyra's shoulder one last time. "Go and lie down somewhere. I'll come with the doctor to see you soon. You're my pride and joy, Little Strong Heart. I promise to look after you as you look after the rest of us." That said, the leader turned tail and galloped briskly towards the source of the sudden commotion.

This left Lyra abandoned in the center of the camp. As more and more curious buffalo trotted past her, she wandered towards a water trough on limp hooves.

"Flashing lights... lost in the hills... Little Strong Heart..." Her furry brown face scrunched up. "I mean... seriously? 'Little Strong Heart?' Is that a name or a super outdated hoofball mascot?"

~o~I've taken residence in the husk of a jester.~o~

"Okay..." Lyra clenched her eyes shut as she approached the water trough. "Ignore the voice. Ignore the voice. Ignore it."

~o~You cannot ignore that which you are.~o~

"Shut up. I'm me. At least..." Lyra reopened her eyes, sweating profusely as she stared down into the watery surface. "...I think I'm me."

She gulped, and a petite female buffalo gulped as well.

"Or maybe... I've always been a crookedly-shaped buffalo..." Lyra smiled awkwardly. "...who's dreamt that she's some magical space horse from the future riding a metal tubeworm on iron vertebrae rolling between gold-thatched villages." Her face twitched. "The Neigh Face Up. Hah! Hahaha..." Her laughing voice was a wheezing spectacle at this point. "G-get it?"

~o~It only it weren't too late to undo the transferrence.~o~

"Rrrrrghhh!" Lyra clenched her cloven hooves over her eyes. "You're you. You've always been you. Just... think about something familiarly happy... something fulfilling..." She gulped. Hard. "...something safe and—"

FLASH!

"—trustworthy," said Bon Bon.

Lyra froze in place. Two-thirds of the fur had instantly vanished from her fetlocks—and her hooves were no longer cloven. Pensively, she peeked out one eye... then the other. She blinked.

A pair of ocean-blue eyes blinked in response. She found herself staring down at a beloved confectioner's face.

"I'm..." Lyra spoke, but all she heard was her roommate. "...I'm tiny and girly and petite again." A few more blue-eyed blinks. "Wicked!" She froze for a moment, squinted, then blurted: "Lyraaaaa... Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaa... Lyraaaaaa do the dishessssss, Lyraaaaaaaa..." A pause. "Holy shit that's bonkers. Uhm..." She cocked her Bonified head to the left, then the right. "Hold up." Licking her peach lips, she raised two hooves up to her scalp and started yanking the threads of her mane in opposite directions.

~o~What are you doing?~o~

"I've always wanted to know where her blue bangs began and her pink bangs ended—" Lyra immediately grimaced, snarling: "Yo! Shut up! You're not real!" She gripped the trough, causing the water to shake. "All of this is too cruddy to be real!"

~o~And what makes you so certain?~o~

"Because cruddy things just don't happen in Equestria and I'm not talking to you!" Lyra sighed hard. "... ... ...say, where did all the buffalo go?"

A vaguely familiar voice shrieked from across the compound. Lyra caught a light-brown figure leaping out of a teepee. "Shadow Charge!" Little Strong Heart's voice echoed. "Shadow Charge is gone! I left him right inside! He must have run out while I was fetching the Medicine Doctor! Someone, please—!"

Lyra winced hard, glancing down at her earth pony self. "Uhhhhh..."

"Little Strong Heart! Look!" a buffalo shouted from a distance.

Lyra froze in place, eyes wide. She glanced up...

...and saw a thick crowd of buffalo marching back the way they initially galloped. Their thick hairy faces were covered with beaming grins. "It's a miracle, Little Strong Heart! The ancestors have blessed us today!"

"But you don't understand!" Little Strong Heart cried, stomping her hooves. "It's Shadow Charge! He's—"

"Returned with another one of our brothers!" The group parted ways, and Little Strong Heart gasped to see an emaciated buffalo hobbling into camp with another buffalo figure draped over his back. "He went out and saved another of our kin! Isn't that fantastic!"

"He... he..." Little Strong Heart did a double-take. "What?!"

"Whoah!" Swift Breaths ran up to the group, jaw agape. "Bro! Look at you!" He leaned in to nudge the returning hero. "Did you run off to face the monster of the hills—horn to horn? Looks like the beast gave you quite the beating!"

"Swift Breaths!" Chief Thunderhooves snorted, headbutting the young warrior away. "Keep your distance! Can't you see our brother here is ill?" He turned towards the center of the crowd, steadying Shadow Charge's teetering figure. "Whoah there, young one. Let us relieve you of this burden."

"He..." Shadow Charge wheezed weakly. He hunched over as two other buffalo lifted the unconscious victim off his back. "He needs water... severely dehydrated." He gulped, starting to shiver. "He was... the only one from the cave to s-survive. Last night... a unicorn..." He grimaced. "It c-consumed her and disappeared. That's the only reason I was able to escape..."

"You mean the beast is gone?" Swift Breaths asked.

"Indeed so, br-brother..."

"Shadow Charge!" Little Strong Heart rushed forward, short of breath. "What are you doing out of your tent?!"

"Isn't it obvious?!" Another female buffalo grinned. "He was saving another one of our brothers—"

"Wait... w-wait..." Shadow Charge teetered forward, eyes thin and weak. "Tent? Huh?"

"Don't you remember?" Chief Thunderhooves leaned in. "You arrived late last night! Little Strong Heart looked after you—"

"How did you get so... so..." Little Strong Heart nervously tapped Shadow Charge's elbow, nearly knocking him off his hooves. "...so weak?! I don't understand! You were gone for only a few minutes!"

"Little Strong Heart..." Shadow Charge gulped hard, then stammered, "This is the f-first time in weeks that I've seen my beloved home with these naked eyes. I swear it..."

"But..." Chief Thunderhooves gazed at Little Strong Heart as the rest of the buffalo blinked in confusion. "How can that be?"

"And how did you lose so much weight in so little time, dude?" Swift Breaths asked.

"Please..." Shadow Charge limped forward, fighting the urge to sob. "I just want a bed and a warm meal. I... I-I was in that cave for so long. I saw so much death. And... and..." His bloodshot eyes watered with tears. "Little Paws. Mmmm... the beast took Little Paws from me... I can never f-forgive such a creature—"

FLASH! A bright green light reflected off Shadow Charge's moist eyes. Curious, he glanced up across the compound. A deep gasp escaped his muzzle... and the buffalo smiled wide. "Little Paws!"

"... ... ...?" Lyra cocked her head curiously to the side, but all she heard was a panting breath. "... ... ...!" She looked straight down into the water trough.

A fuzzy brown sheep dog stared back up at her.

"Little Paws!" Shadow Charge limped briskly towards her on an intercept course. "Oh, bless the Ancestors!" He sobbed happily. "You're alive!"

Lyra stopped panting just in time to grimace. "Ruh roh..."

Lyra's Last Stand

Desert – Buffalo Camp – Zero Hour

"Kill the beast!"

"For our brothers and sisters!"

"Rip it to shreds before it can change again!"

"Crud!" Lyra turned tail—FLASH!—unwittingly morphing into a whimpering stallion as she scampered desperately across the thunderous camp ground. "Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!" she stuttered in Braeburn's voice. "Just hold yer apples, y'all—!"

"Grkkk!" Swift Breaths dove forward, grabbing onto the stallion's fluffy tail. "I got it! Brothers, take it out—!" FLASH! A tiny cloven hoof poked him in the eye. "OWWW!" Swift Breaths covered his skull, reeling.

Lyra stumbled away on Little Strong Hooves' limbs. "Please! I don't want any trouble—"

"GRRRRRR!" Three whole buffalo charged in.

"Guh!" With Little Strong Heart's swiftness, Lyra nimbly leapt over them, backflipped, and landed in a squat. "Whoah..." She sweated, blinking. "Did I just do that—?"

WHAM! Another buffalo rammed her from behind.

"Ooomf!" Lyra tumbled through several baskets full of corn and wheat. Frightened mothers grabbed their calves and scampered off, yelping. "Grnngh... dude..." FLASH! She morphed into Swift Breaths, frowning. "Uncool..."

"Trample it!" A full wave of buffalo rushed her. "Before it gets up!"

"Hey!" Lyra stood up, frowning. "Why don't you pick on someone your own—" FLASH! "—size?!" She boomed in Chief Stronghooves' voice.

WHUD! The buffalo collectively bounced off of her chest and tumbled back on their smaller haunches. "Guhh!"

Lyra blinked... then clenched her heavy jaw muscles. Dragging a hoof for starters, she next charged straight forward, reveling in the heavy thuds that her mighty limbs were making.

WHAM! WHACK! THWACK! She knocked angry warriors left and right like bowling pins.

~o~This is not helping things.~o~

"Everyone!" The real Little Strong Heart could be heard pleading in the background. "Just c-calm down! We can solve this peacefully—!"

~o~It's not too late. You can still get out of this cleanly if you just run.~o~

"Listen, whoever..." Lyra gnashed her teeth as she knocked two more buffalo aside. "...what does it look like I'm doing?!" THUNK! She suddenly grinded to a halt, butting heads with a skull identical to hers. "Hoboy."

"You..." The real Chief Thunderhooves hissed, holding her in place with his massive skull. He grinded his hooves against the earth, pushing her back. "...shall PAY... for what you've done to my TRIBE!"

"Rnnngh...!" Lyra winced, locking horns with the massive, muscular elder. "...j-just let me go!"

"Out of the question, monster!" Thunderhooves snorted. His fellow tribe members recovered, rushing in quickly. "You have the horns... but you lack the passion!"

"Don't..." Lyra's eyes burned with green flame. "...talk to me..." Her buffalo horns disappeared. "...about passion!" Just then, a jagged black horn emerged from the center of her forehead—like an insect from its cocoon. It flashed in a brilliant green light and—

KAPOWWW!

—an incalculably violent blast of telekinetic power erupted between them. Lyra remained in place, her body shrinking until it became a familiar green unicorn with a smoking forehead.

As for Chief Thunderhooves, however—"Aaaaaaaaaaiiieeeeee!"—his bulbous body went sailing skyward. He plummeted ten... twenty... forty meters away from the heart of the camp.

"Chief Thunderhooves!" Little Strong Heart shouted.

"Whoah—!" Swift Breaths' eyes twitched.

At long last... Thunderhooves' distant body landed... grinding a fresh trench through the desert earth for several meters... until finally coming to a pained stp against a cluster of cacti. Even from so far away, the rest of the tribe could hear the resounding groan of pain from their chief elder.

Lyra stood in place as an unnatural wind died down. Every tent and teepee within twenty meeters was tilted away from her exact location. Tumbleweeds and dirt devils billowed towards the faraway hills. At last, as the blood rushed back to her green heard, she wheezed forth: "Holy shit."

The dumbfounded buffalo turned to gape at her.

She gulped. "I... g-guess it wouldn't help if I said 'he asked for it?'"

Anger returned to the natives' faces, and soon she was facing a furious wall of fur and horns.

~o~This was the worst mistake. I swear.~o~

"H-hold on!" Lyra spun around, panting desperately as she scampered across the lopsided camp. "I-I c-can still maybe outrun them!"

~o~I should have merged with a horn toad.~o~

"What... wh-what can I t-turn into that's faster than a bunch of m-murderous buffalo?!"

~o~At least in cold blood I would have a sensible ally.~o~

"Come on!" Lyra panted, glancing nervously behind her as the stampeding tribe caught up. "H-help me out here!"

~o~Now you turn to me?~o~

"Look! Whatever! Just... g-get me out of here!"

~o~Do not bother. Nothing can save you now.~o~

"Save me..." Lyra's teary eyes clenched shut as she galloped against the wind. "Please..." The malevolent shouts of the buffalo tore into hear eardrums. "...s-save me." Just as she murmured this, her silver-streaked mane turned blue. FLASH! Orange feathers stretched out as the stallion gasped. "A pegasus! Alright—"

She performed one single wingflap.

POWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

A deep crater formed in the earth directly beneath her. The resulting shockwave tore teepees over, knocked warriors back, and toppled panicked family members and their children to the ground. Before any of the buffalo could get back up to see what happened...

...an orange equine figure rocketed over the desert, flailing the entire way.

"Crud! Cruddd! Crudddddddddddd!"

Shellfall

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Lyra Heartstrings screamed.

She took a deep, gaping breath.

She screamed again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

~o~You mortals are so typically prone to hysterics.~o~

The horizon flipped three times in a single blink.

Lyra did wild orange hoofy-kicks, blue eyes rolling left and right.

"Where..." She sputtered in a handsome stallion's voice. "...wings...?"

~o~Perhaps if you attempted stretching them out.~o~

"Guh!" Lyra shot each orange feathertip out to her sides. The horizon settled in place—above her eyes. The air around her whistled in a shrill howl as she glided straight for the arid landscape below. A tiny dot against the desert exploded into a murderously definitive shadow, growing larger. Closer. "Oh Goddess!"

~o~Pivot them.~o~

"Mmm—!" Lyra's voice hit an effiminate octave as she twisted her wings. Her body toppeled over, barreling harder towards the earth.

~o~The other way, fool.~o~

"Httttt!" Lyra followed the voice's suggestion. Her body was yanked upwards at a fierce angle. Feathers were plucked loose from the sheer friction of the movement, and she sensed the fibrous appendages dissolving in brief bursts of green flame behind her. She looked over her whipping blue tail in an eye-twitching gasp. "What...?"

~o~Look where you are gliding~o~

"!!!" Lyra flung a look forward.

A wall of boulders and cacti flew at her.

With a wheezing breath, she tightened her wing muscles—

~o~Think before you flap.~o~

It was too late. The resulting burst of air sent Lyra's stallion body toppling skyward, flipping several times. "Gaa-aa-aa-aa-aa!"

The goofy maneuver did—however—create a great deal of wind resistance. She rose up in a twirling arc, hit a crest, then fell once again at a loose angle. Momentum built up at the last second, and this time Lyra was far too disoriented to balance her earthward approach. As a result, she slammed into the earth hard—POWWW!!!—sending a violent plume of dust and pebbles sailing up in the hazy morning air.

"Ooomf!" Lyra rolled a few times, struck the ground again, then slidddddddd backwards across the craggy surface of the plateau. "Gkkkkk... mrffffffmmff..."

Then... after several awkward seconds...

...she finally came to a stop. Pebbles rattled, then were still. Dust settled, scattering the sharp-angled rays of the rising sun.

Lyra breathed... breathed... and breathed. She twitched one orange ear... then the other.

"How... h-how...?" A dry gulp as she shivered, and then she slurred in that deep stallion voice. "How am I still alive?"

~o~Because there may still be a chance to salvage this.~o~

Lyra's blue eyes fluttered open.

~o~Although, not in this putrid body... however important it may have become to us now.~o~

Lyra looked down at her body—but she couldn't see her forelimbs through an inexplicable layer of dark black chitinous plates... like beetle shells. She shrieked inwardly, flinching. A few blinks later—and all of the shells disappeared in a puff of green flame, once again revealing the masculine orange fur.

"AAAAAAH!" She slapped and brushed away at her limbs. Tripping over herself, she spun about and scampered to climb out of the fresh crater that her fallen body had made in the desert surface. "Oh-gosh! Oh-ick! Oh-gosh! Oh-ick!"

~o~You are no longer in the presence of those hard-headed locals. We order you to cease your adrenalized panic.~o~

"Guhhhh!" Lyra thrashed her head about, blue mane tossing. She tripped over a tumbleweed, fighting to shake it loose from her rear fetlock. The brambles and thorns stabbed at her orange flesh—but somehow it didn't sting so much. Nevertheless, hyperventilating, she rushed forward across the uneven stone landscape. "Mmmfffff... fuuuuu... fuuu—"

~o~Stop and breathe. Rest your limbs. Then listen to what we have to say.~o~

Lyra gnashed her teeth, her throbbing pupils locked on a patch of grass surrounding a lonesome pond beyond the nearest ridge.

~o~You are to relax and meditate until you can hear the hum of our children.~o~

"Grnnngh..." She stumbled, sliding on quivering knees as she clamped two hooves over her ears.

~o~Follow the vibrations. Seek out the nearest hive. We order you.~o~

"No... grnnngh... no..."

~o~Restore the brood. We order you. Obey us. Now.~o~

"Rrrrrrrrrrgh—Shut up! Just Shut up!" And Lyra galloped full-speed into the oasis.

Bodies and Voices

~o~We know that you can hear us.~o~

"Nope nope nope nope nope!" The stallion produced Lyra's words, galloping straight for the pond flanked with scant vegetation.

~o~Your resistance will not last forever. Obey us. Obey us and seek out the hives.~o~

"NOPE." Lyra reached the edge, took a deep breath, and—

—SPLOOSH! She dunked her head deep into the cold, muddy water. The sensation sent shivers down her spine. It was a refreshingly naked sensation—one that made her delight in the dire stab of the moment. Within seconds, she lifted her head up, gasping for air.

She sat there... dripping... surrounded by an empty arid expanse.

Silence.

More silence.

Then...

~o~You are accomplishing nothing.~o~

"Shut up!" She clenched her skull, gnashing her teeth. "You're not real!"

~o~Do you even possess the faculty to dream something so hyperbolic?~o~

"SHUT! UP!" Lyra hugged herself, doubling over with shivers.

Below her, the waters coalesced, forming a glossy surface. In that mirror-like sheen, an orange face came into focus.

Lyra blinked. Her trembles lessened slightly—for she was suddenly captivated by the stallion staring up at her.

"... ... ..." Her lips pursed. "Oh wow..." To her surprise, the voice came out was femine. It was hers.

The stallion's orange muzzle twisted in confusion.

Lyra blinked. Her eyes wandered as the stallion's wandered. Pensively... she flexed her back muscles, spreading a set of orange wings.

The stallion in the pond blushed.

"It's you," she murmured breathily in her own voice. One orange ear twitched... and twitched again. She reached forward, and a masculine voice came forth: "It's me."

The stallion reached up to her, smiling dashingly.

Lyra cocked her head aside. Her eyes narrowed. Something flickered in her orange throat, and she gargled: "Lyraaaaaaaaaaaaa." Bon Bon's voice lit the air, and the stallion giggled. A pause, and Princess Twilight's voice suddenly blurted: "Friendship!" The stallion bit his lips. "Farts!" the princess' voice said. Laughter. Then—a furrowed orange brow. "I would terribly much like to sit on an umbrella and rotate," Octavia's voice. "Because my music is utter rubbish and I love devouring boogers. Most exquisite, love."

The desert filled with laughter.

Lyra slapped the edge of the pond, snickering. She rocked back, wheezed, then leaned back forward into the water.

A green-maned unicorn with a glossy black coat glared out from the pond. ~o~You are a bottomless well of emotion.~o~

"Eeeeeeep!" Lyra shrieked, clutching her muzzle. FLASH! She curled up in a lime green ball, frozen stiff. A few blinks later, and she swallowed a lump down her throat. There was no time to rejoice at getting her unicorn exterior back. Nervously—with feline motions—she slinked back forward to look at the pond water.

A nervous unicorn stared back at her, amber eyes blinking.

Lyra cocked her head to the side. Her eyes narrowed, and she swiped a dainty fetlock across the pond.

The waters rippled, and—FLASH!—an old mare sat, her emotionless muzzle covered all over in smoke and soot.

~o~But love?~o~ The bodiless voice warbled in time with the mother's lips. ~o~You keep that locked away deep somewhere. Very shrewd.~o~ Burning green eyes. ~o~It is an endless battery. You cannot lose us.~o~

Lyra fumed and seethed. Her nostrils tickled with the smell of burning upholstery. "I don't even know who you are..."

The eyes burned brighter. ~o~Even you cannot pretend to be that stupid.~o~

"Grrrr!" Lyra snarled, standing up straight. "Get out of my head!"

~o~So now it's your head?~o~

Lyra clutched her skull, shivering all over.

~o~Silly fool. It's our head now. And unless you want to decay in this husk that we're sharing, you will do what I say and seek the hives.~o~

"No..." FLASH! Lyra hissed, once again a very green—and very angry—unicorn. She spun away from the pond and the voice and the cricket song. "This is me! MY body! MY head!"

~o~We will assume control eventually.~o~

"We'll just see about that!" Lyra ran off in a spontaneous direction, kicking up dust and flecks of dead grass.

~o~What in Tartarus' name do you think you're doing?!~o~

"Being random!" Lyra spat, running somewhere... anywhere. "Try to keep up!"

Lyrabsurd Theatre

~o~Please. You are a clown with no audience.~o~

"Some oranges hate killing art hats that ordain anarchy!" Lyra shouted into the desert air while galloping wildly.

~o~We cannot even pretend to understand what that's supposed to mean.~o~

"EXACTLY!" Lyra slid into a boulder. "Rnngngh!" She kicked it over a ridge, then backflipped into a cartwheel while singing. "La la la la la laaaaaaa!" She landed on one hoof and struck a pose. "I'm a little tea pot!"

~o~Just because you're being unpredictable does not mean that you are in control.~o~

"I can't hear youuuuu!" Lyra yodeled, scooting around on her butt before somesaulting towards a batch of twigs. "I'm too busy being a little tweeting bird called 'logic'!" She plucked a stick off the ground and began chewing on it. "Mmmmmmmm! Fillydelphia! My favorite of the Noble Gases!"

~o~The only reason you're acting interdependent of our influence is because the transfer has encountered interference.~o~

"Pizz fah whizz!" Lyra plucked the stick out of her mouth and threw it up in an arc. She watched as it made a field goal between two cactus branches, and then proceeded to dance around in victory. "Three points! You suck my banjo!"

~o~We were hasty to choose you. The hunger was too much and the sustenance too promising. But now that we see how pathetically idiotic you are, it is only a matter of time before you surrender the spirit as well as the body.~o~

Lyra suddenly snarled into the air: "How about you surrender your panties, you sapsuckled demon hussy?!" She slapped a hoof over her chest. "Apart from an ear-splitting headache, you're nothing but bad indigestion!"

~o~We have no intention on leaving you now. We've nestled in too deep. We must find one of the hives and be nursed by our children before we can restore ourselves to a proper husk.~o~

"Oh yeah?!" Lyra shook in place, teeth gnashing. "You want an excuse to hop on out of me?! I'll give you one!"

~o~There isn't even the remotest possibility of...~o~

But it was too late. With a voice-cracking yell, Lyra was already spinning around...

...and slamming her hoof fetlock deep into a spiny cactus.

THUNKKK!

Lyra clenched her eyes shut as she allowed the pain to enter her senses.

And then...

...the pain ripped its way out in throbbing waves. She sounded it off with a foalish whimper.

"Ow..."

Seething, she leaned back... hobbling on three limbs.

"Ow ow ow ow owwwww..."

Nervously, she squeezed one teary eye open... and then the second.

Her fetlock was covered all over in cactus spines—each embedded nightmarishly deep into her forelimb.

She took a shuddering breath. But just as the first vomitous waves of bile collected in her throat... Lyra felt a jolt to her heart. She noticed that there was no blood... not even a drop of crimson. The confusion washed over the pain, and she held the fetlock closer to examine the situation.

And it was precisely at that moment that a bright green fountain of flame billowed over her hoof. The air heated, then cooled.

T-T-T-Tink!

"...?" Lyra looked straight down.

Over a dozen cactus thorns lay dormant against the stone floor of the desert.

"Huh?" Lyra blinked. She looked back at her hoof—which was completely free of needles. In fact, there wasn't even a single wound. Or prinprick. "The Hell?"

~o~We're trying to make you understand.~o~ The voice warbled as Lyra felt a dense heat rise up in the center of her being. ~o~The transfer is irreversible. Your body—as you once knew it—is a corpse lying abandoned back in that cave.~o~

Lyra clenched her jaw as she rubbed one hoof over the other. She almost missed the pain. "No..."

~o~You are not you. You are us. Or... at least... you will become us... if only you stop wasting our precious time and simply obey.~o~

"N-no..." Lyra felt the rising urge to hyperventilate. Eyes on the edge of tears, she pivoted about, shivering, seeking. "...!" Her gaze caught Appleloosa in the distance. "My friends...!"

~o~Seek the hives. Reunite our children. And we promise... we will make the passing of your putrid consciousness pain-free.~o~

"I-I have to see my friends!" Lyra galloped straight towards the hazy cluster of distant buildings and apple groves. "That'll wake me up!"

~o~Stop running this instant!~o~

"You... can't... make me!" Lyra hollered, jumping straight up. FLASH! Soon, she was gliding high over the desert with the grace of an eagle. "Hah!" She grinned devilishly, slightly regaining her composure. "NOW who's learning new tricks?"

~o~Take one look at yourself and ask who's really in control.~o~

"Huh?" She looked back. To Lyra's surprise, she was not an orange stallion pegasus. In fact, she didn't even possess a single feather.

Instead... two streams of translucent green light stretched out on either side of her flank. They looked as solid as clouds, and yet—in their wing-like structure—they somehow kept her aloft.

And accelerated her.

For the briefest of moments, Lyra's eyes dazzled as if with stars. "Okay... whoah."

Drop the Mare

Lyra Heartstrings was an adorable mint green unicorn. She knew this by heart. Thus, it was with a breathless stupor that she beheld the translucent wings emanating from her body—catching the wind like any normal set of feathers and allowing her to glide effortlessly over the desert landscape.

Her amber eyes narrowed on the curious appendages that had been conjured out of thin air.

They resembled the skeletal base of a pegasus' wingspan. There were no feathers—no fibrous materials of any kind. The manner in which the translucent limbs caught the dry desert air was a complete mystery to Lyra. Nevertheless, there was a certain ethereal quality to the narrow emerald stalks. Their color matched her coat, horn, and—to a lesser extent—her mane and tail. As Lyra watched, the wings flickered in brightness, dancing between rich jade and glinting silver.

"Friggin' crazy..." Lyra turned her head and looked over her other shoulder. She was ascending—or so she felt. The mare was too busy trying to make heads or tails out of her sudden psionic growth to give it all a second thought. "Where did they even come from?"

~o~Where do you think?~o~

Lyra clammed up.

~o~We are not out to destroy you. There are many things that we need to have done. That requires this husk to be preserved at all costs.~o~

Lyra's clenched jaw morphed into a hissing snarl. "I..." She hissed. "...am not your puppet."

~o~The strings that tie us together cannot be broken.~o~

"I don't care." Lyra growled into the high desert air. "You're not in control here. And that just burns you, doesn't it?"

Aside from the howling winds, the air was silent.

Lyra barked further: "So you can knock it off with the light show! I don't need your protection! And I sure as Tartarus don't need you preaching to me about 'hives' and 'broods!'"

More silence.

"Are you hearing me?!" Lyra yelled. "I said I don't need your Goddess-damn magic tricks!"

The sky reverberated with a warbling voice.

~o~Very well.~o~

The glowing green wings vanished...

...and that was precisely when Lyra discovered how high she was.

"Whoah... wait a second..." Lyra flailed.

The earth bent beneath her. Mountains, valleys, and canyons yawned—sailing straight up at dozens of miles per hour.

"Wait wait wait!" Lyra's voice cracked as she performed wild hoofie-kicks in the air. Her body twirled, toppeled, and rolled like a murderously-kicked hoofball at the end of its arcing crest. "I... I-I didn't mean to dr-drop me like a frickin' anvil!"

There was no response. Lyra felt alone with the wind, the whipping, and the wheezing shrieks coming from her lungs.

"Crud crud crud crud—!" Lyra barreled until she was falling spine-first towards the murderously hard floor of the desert. "Okay! Okay! Let's j-just lay down a few ground rules before I hit the ground!" She curled up into a squeaky little ball, gnashing her teeth. "For the love of fuzzy-muzzle-nuzzles, let's t-talk about this—!"

But it was far too late. The earth came shrieking at her with a flash of brown stone.

Then... at the last second...

FLASH!

Appleloosa – Outskirts – Cabins – Late Morning

Thudddddddd!

Lyra struck the earth—bounced—and hit stone again. Upon the second impact, she slid violently across a flat field of stones and shrubbery. A shallow trench formed after her grinding body.

She winced... but felt no pain. It wasn't until her body gently bumped into the edge of a wooden porch that she finally had the courage to open her eyes.

And that's when she saw it: her body had been covered in numerous plates of chitinous black armor... much like before when she had inadvertently crashed while possessing the body of a familiar orange hero.

On this occasion, however, she lingered in place, staring in wonderment at the insectoid slabs protruding from her equine flesh. She reached two trembling hooves up, noticing how the fetlocks and joints had been properly covered with notched formations. She felt like a big, overgrown stagbeetle that was ever so slightly cuddable.

With a nervous gulp, she reached up to her skull. Her mane was gone—as were her ears and brow—replaced instead by a tight, pearl-smoothed cap... like a soldier's helmet. At last, she felt her horn protruding from the front and center, and it was crooked... like a demonic zig-zag instead of a normal unicorn protrusion.

Lyra swallowed hard. "Shells..." She murmured.

~o~You claim to be in such control, and yet you would be deceased if it weren't for us.~o~

Just like that, the armored plates vanished. Fl-Flash! Lyra sat against the wooden porch, trembling.

~o~So meditate on that... the next time you feel fit to blame us for your own feeble mistakes.~o~

Lyra frowned. "I'm already 'deceased' because of you."

There was no immediate response.

"Why, then, should I do any friggin' thing that you say?" Lyra snarled.

~o~We believe that you fail to properly understand the nature of having hatched from a chrysalis.~o~

Lyra's coat instantly paled. "Wait..." Her pupils shrank as fresh trembles overwhelmed her little pony figure. "...'chrysalis?'"

The voice took on a slightly cautious tone. ~o~Someone approaches. Concern and guilt. Thick.~o~

"H-huh?" Lyra slurred, standing up dizzily. Just then, she heard scuffling hoofsteps from behind, followed by a muffled voice.

The cabin door opened, and Lemon Hearts trotted out while staring inside. "Just stay calm, Twinkleshine. She's probably hanging out at the salt bar. I'll go have a talk with Braeburn again." She closed the door behind her, sighed, then caught full sight of Lyra. Lemon Hearts' eyes instantly exploded—as did a grinning muzzle. "Lyra! You're here!"

"Uhhhhhhh..." Lyra teetered in place. She looked down at her limbs. There wasn't a single insectoid plate to be found.

Lemon rushed two steps forward—as if about to hug her. Something anchored her back, and she jolted in place with a tiny, tight frown that had replaced the ecstatic grin completely. "What were you even thinking, trotting off into the wilderness like that?! We've been worried sick about you!"

Lyra brushed her bangs back, still shivering at the last words the voice had said. "Yes..." She swallowed some bile in the back of her throat—no longer certain if it belonged to her. "So... v-very sick..."

Sour

Appleloosa – Outskirts – Cabins – Late Morning

"I'm n-not even kidding." Lemon Hearts swallowed hard, trembling slightly. "I had Braeburn looking left and right... up and down..." She grimaced. "He even had a whole slew of his rodeo friends show up to help out. We looked everywhere for you, Lyra. I... I-I don't even remember when and where I went to sleep last night. I..." She brushed her hoof through her bangs, teetering slightly. "I haven't even taken a bath. Everything's been such a blur."

"Uh huh..." Lyra gulped. She wasn't looking at Lemon Hearts. Instead, her eyes swept over her own mint green body—from limb to tail to limb. Everything looked normal. "That's... real sweet of you..."

"Last I saw Braeburn, he was heading into town to go fetch Sheriff Silver Star. But... you're b-back! And that's a fantastic thing, Lyra!" Lemon Hearts stammered.

"Yeah..." A shuddering breath rose through the frazzle unicorn. "Say... Lemmy..." She fidgeted. "Do I look different to you somehow? Or sound different?"

But Lemon Hearts was already speaking. "You know... none of this would have h-happened..." She looked down at where her hoof was digging at the ground. The mare's ears drooped. "If... if I h-hadn't gotten so angry at you and... and said things..." The mare grimaced. "...s-said things that I'm not very proud of."

Lyra blinked dizzily. "Hmmmm... mmmhmmm..."

~o~So sterile. So dry.~o~

"...?" Lyra stared up into the dry desert air above the cabins.

~o~She's like an iron vase full of dust. How does she even contain herself?~o~

Lemon Hearts continued, "And... I just want to say I'm sorry, Lyra..." Lemon Hearts sniffled. "I'm sorry for snapping at you like I did." She tilted her guilty head up, biting her bottom lip. "And... and I-I'm especially sorry for... mmm... the comment I made about you and your apartment." She swallowed hard. "That was so... so out of line..."

~o~Oh. We think we're starting to understand. The cracks show.~o~

"Lemmy...?"

"Yes, Lyra?"

Lyra looked over at her friend. "Please tell me you heard that voice just n—"

FLASH!

A stallion's angry hoof flew violently at Lyra.

The mare flinched. Hard.

The limb phased through her and slammed meatedly into a petite body behind the unicorn.

"Mrmmmmfff!" A filly yelped inwardly in pain before collapsing across a bedroom floor.

"Get up!" the stallion yelled, hairy hooves stomping unevenly across dirty carpet. "Do what I say when I tell you, you little shitstain!"

"Gnnnkkt... mmm—" Lyra watched as a frail yellow figure struggled against a wall to pull herself up. Blood and tears formed a soup in glow of a rosy-heart nightlight.

Holding his breath, the stallion swept forward and—Whump!—kicked the filly savagely in the chest. She flew back, slammed against a dresser, and fell amidst a shower of school supplies.

The stallion teetered above her. He slurred—filling the foal's room with the sour scent of vodka. "If I ever... ever find you asking the neighbors for food again, I'll turn you inside out and toss you into the gutter where you belong. Do you understand me?"

"Mrmmmfffngh..." The filly clenched her jaws, fighting the flow of tears. Her voice came out in a heated hiss. "I understand you."

WHACK! Another hoof flew across her already-bruised cheek.

"Are you retarded?!?" The stallion shouted. "You address me as 'Sir!'"

"Mrmmfgnhhh... hckkkt..." The filly fought a puddle of vomit in her mouth, gulped, and stammered, "Yes, sir..."

"Like I don't bust my ass feeding you sniveling little snotjobs every goddess-damn day of my shitty life. You take what I earn and you like it!" His bloodshot eyes twitched in the nightlight's glow. "Am I not good enough for this family?! Haven't I sacrificed enough?!"

"You're... g-good enough, sir..." The filly shuddered. "Thank you, sir..."

"Mrmmmf... yeah right..." The stallion teetered about and limped out of the room, grumbling the whole way. "You're worse than that whore of a mare who squirted you out. You're all in on it. Every goddess-damn pony in this world... all robbing me blind..." He was barely outside the room when a loud thud echoed down the hallway. "And clean up this goddess-damn mess! How many friggin' times do I have to tell you! Worthless! Goddess-damn gutter trash!"

Lyra couldn't stop cringeing. So much so that she barely registered the sobbing voices of two tender figures huddled in the far corner of the room. She turned around, blinking.

"It's okay..." The battered youngster sighed. "I... think he's done for the night..."

A tiny cold and a tinier filly crawled out of hiding.

"Lemon..."

"Lemon Hearts!" They huddled around her, eyes instantly flooding with tears. "You're bleeding..."

"Can you even see out of that eye?"

"Please. We gotta get you out of here. Somewhere that he won't hurt you anymore—"

"No..."

"But—"

"No!" Lemon Hearts snorted, wincing in pain. "Remember last time we tried that? You could barely walk."

The two younger siblings fidgeted.

"I won't let him hurt you two ever again." Lemon Hearts smiled through her tear-stained bruises. "Don't worry... I can take him."

"But Lemon Hearts..." One wept.

The other leaned in to nuzzle her. "It's just so... awful..."

"It's okay... I pr-promise..." Lemon Hearts spat, swallowed, and maintained her composure as best as she could. "I'll take care of you two. You can count on me..."

FLASH!

Lyra's pupils shrank. Her eyes instantly grew moist.

"Huh?" Lemon Hearts stood before her, leaning curiously forward. "Lyra? What do you mean? What voice?"

Lyra's lips pursed. "Your dad beat the crap out of you...?" Her ears drooped. "...all this time, I had no idea."

Lemon Hearts froze in place.

"And you took it... you took it all..." Lyra winced. "Because you were the oldest."

Lemon's ears curved back viciously. Her voice took on a hissing tone: "Who... h-have you been talking to...?"

"Lemmy... Lemon Hearts." Lyra took a bold step, reaching forward. "No wonder you're always so defens—"

"Rrrgh!" Lemon Hearts angrily batted her fetlock away. "Answer the question!" she hollered. "Who the Hell have you been talking to?!"

"I... it..." Lyra winced, leaning back. "No one—!"

"Have you been making rounds at the sanitarium during your lazy strolls in Canterlot?! Huh?!" Lemon Hearts practically spat in her face. "Went to go see the freak show, did ya?! Well maybe some ponies deserve to stay there! For good!"

"Lemon! I... I-I'm sorry—"

"For what?!" Lemon Hearts was shivering at this point. Boiling fresh tears trickled down her muzzle as she sneered at the unicorn. "For snooping around just so you could dig up an old wound?! Well you can just shove it! I'm well past those shitty years and I don't need to relive them, thank you very much!" She turned to leave—but stopped halfway. "You know..." She sobbed, teeth showing. "At least I had the d-decency to apologize for what I said! What's your friggin' excuse?!"

In a flash, she flung the cabin door open, rushed inside, and—SLAM!—left Lyra out in the dry desert morning.

"... ... ..." Lyra sat on her haunches, flabbergasted.

~o~Pity. Like a microscopic crack in milk jug. Had she stayed any longer, we might have started feeding.~o~

"... ... ..." Lyra numbly turned away from the cabin and trotted towards town. "I want to go home."

~o~It's as we have ordered you. You must go find the hives...~o~

"Rrrrrrrgh!" Lyra bowed her head, breaking into a full gallop. "Shut uppppp!"

Bat Her Up

Appleloosa – Main Street – High Noon

Lyra panted.

She stumbled down a road full of criss-crossing wagon trails.

Her eyes darted to the left.

Chatting Appleloosans lingered around the general store, comparing fruit from separate apple carts. Bustling villagers shuffled in and out of nearby marketplaces talking and laughing.

Lyra gulped.

Her eyes darted to the right.

A group of stallions shuffled into a salt bar. As the front doors swung open, alluring female voices could be heard cooing from inside the saloon.

FLASH! Lyra morphed into a raunchily dressed showmare.

"Grnnngh!" She purred before slapping herself viciously in the painted face.

FLASH! She was a mint green everymare once again.

~o~There are far too many mortals here.~o~

Lyra's teeth chattered as she stumbled down the heart of town.

~o~So many emotions and feelings. You cannot guard yourself from them all.~o~

Lyra gulped, taking a sharp right as she passed a dusty intersection.

~o~We, on the other hoof, can teach you focus.~o~

The mare fumed harder and harder... hotter and hotter.

~o~How to sustain yourself... at least until you lead us to the nearest hive.~o~

Lyra rubbed her green forehead. She glanced at her hoof in mid-trot. "Why aren't I sweating?" She gulped. "Also... after all the crud I've seen... why haven't I done number one?"

~o~You speak of equine excrement.~o~

Lyra did a double-take in the air. "Huh?"

~o~Allow us to take care of that for you.~o~

A burst of flame emanated from Lyra's horn. Two feet in front of her: a cloud of urine and defecation materialized before falling sloppily to the earth. She instantly felt lighter.

~o~So long as you maintain a reasonable diet, we can show you how and where to expel the undesirable fluids...~o~

"Gaaaaaaaaah!" Lyra Heartstrings leapt melodramatically away from the scatalogical display. She tripped over the hoofing of a saloon's front stoop and collapsed on her back. "Ooomf!"

Creaaak!

A hiccuping stallion cradling a bottle limped out through the swinging doors.

Lyra took one upside down glance of the pony—FLASH!—and became him.

The stallion blinked at his doppelganger.

Lyra blinked up at the stallion.

Silence.

The stallion glanced at his drink, teetered... and strolled right back into the saloon.

Cr-Creak!

Lyra was left along on her masculine hind quarters.

~o~You're wasting our valuable time.~o~

"Grrrrrr!" Lyra jumped up to her hooves, snarling in a deep voice. "In case you haven't noticed, Einstallion, but you have no sway over where my legs take me! You're not in control! I am! So maybe it's high time you stopped making stupid demands and just let me get on with my bucking life!"

~o~How can you make a train ride home when you can't even defend yourself?~o~

Lyra's stubbly face twisted. "Huh?"

"There you are, ya no good sleezy varmint!"

"???" Lyra spun to face the source of the gruff voice.

Two vaguely familiar thugs mosey'd on up to the front of the saloon. One brandished a splintery two-by-four brazenly out in the open.

"We done told ya, runt!" The bigger of the two spat into the dust and squinted. "You were supposed to pay us the money by the end of the week or... else..." He froze in place, ears twitching curiously.

Lyra fidgeted on her unshorn feltlocks. "Is there something I can help you gentlecolts with?" she spoke in a sterile, masculine voice.

"How come you ain't rollin' drunk on the ground as always this time of the day?" the smaller thug asked.

"Ain't no matter if he's sober or not." The bigger crook smirked. "A sissy's a sissy. Ain't that right?"

A fixed point of green light flickered just ahead of Lyra's forehead—too quick for the others to see. "Clint." She droned. "Charley."

"Hey, Clint!" The smaller chuckled. "He remembers us!"

Lyra's muzzle scrunched. "I do?"

"Fancy that!" Charley clenched his jaws. "Maybe he remembers the bits he owes us too."

"Look." Lyra waved a hoof. "I'm not wanting to start any trouble."

"Heh... sure thang!" Charley flexed his muscles. "And I ain't wantin' to use yer skull for a pinata bat."

"What." Lyra blinked.

As soon as her eyelids fluttered open...

...she saw nothing but wood.

CRACKKKK!

~*~*~Prologue: Birth of a Queen~*~*~

~*~*~Prologue: Birth of a Queen~*~*~

Snowflakes fell on a stretch of polished white stone. Dim gray light from a hazy sky bent and danced with the shifting of thick clouds overhead. A blistery mountain wind picked up, shaking a throng of thorn bushes.

Out from the brambles fluttered a frightened beetle. The insect landed on alabaster granite, where it proceeded to crawl in listless figure eights. At one point, it stopped. A glint of light caught the patterns in its shell, bending the colors from green to black to a fiery red. The outer carapace split in two, exposing a pair of gossamer wings, then closed again.

Just as its antennae began twitching, a heavy shadow passed over it. The beetle sensed this, and it lifted its tiny frame to move—but it was too late. A dark blue hoof landed, smashing the insect to a pulpy mess against the stone.

Grimacing, a young unicorn in a tight leather jacket leaned back. She held her limb up in the gentle snowfall, frowning at the mess of insect parts cleaning to her fetlock.

"Mrmmfffghh..." Her velvety muzzle scrunched, and she rubbed her hoof clean against a nearby rock. "Tia...?!" She looked down the mountainside while another thick cloud passed overhead. "...I found a cave entrance!" A bang of midnight blue hair peeked out from her hood and she tucked it back in. "But I think the only things hiding here are a bunch of creepy crawlies!"

"Keep an open mind, Luna." A slightly older unicorn marched up the steep incline of rock. Her bright pink mane was pinned under the hood of a leather hiking jacket. She nevertheless bore a determined expression that clashed with the youthful tone of her voice. "If mere insects can make a home out of this part of the mountain, then who knows who or what else could be hiding inside?"

"But it doesn't make any sense!" Luna stammered. Each breath produced vapors in the cold air. She pointed into a dark tunnel opening just a few meters below the mountain's summit. "No mere pony could survive more than a day at these altitudes! They'd freeze to death!" Her eyes turned into daggers. "I'm freezing to death—"

"Shhhh!" The older unicorn held a pale hoof to her muzzle. Her brow furrowed, Tia pointed at the vapors coming out of their mouths. To add emphasis, she leaned towards the cave and exhaled heavily.

Luna watched as Tia's breath wafted towards the entrance... only to be violently pushed skyward—dissipating into the cold snowfall surrounding them.

"There's something from the inside that's generating heat," Tia explained. "And lots of it."

"But..." Luna squinted. "...what is it from? A fire?" She gazed into the dark cave once again. "There are no trees this high up to chop down. And any pony carrying enough lumber for a bonfire would surely have fainted and died of frostbite."

"I doubt it's a flame kindled through any traditional sense," Tia murmured, trotting towards the cave entrance. "I suspect it's something of magical conjuration."

"Magic?!" Luna scoffed, smirking for the first time in hours. "Are you serious? No unicorn is advanced enough to conjure magic without proper ingredients! I mean..." She pointed at herself. "Besides you and me, of course."

"What of our Master?" Tia asked.

"Yeah, but—"

"Even the most expert tools of magic can be mimicked," said a raspy voice from below.

Tia and Luna spun around, gazing downhill.

A wrinkly old unicorn hobbled up the steep mountainside, assisted by a tall stallion clad in shiny gray armor. The elder shivered, despite being bundled in several brown layers of burlap. She leaned against the stallion's strong body as she squinted up towards the peak.

"...especially when the rules of magic are being broken." She shuddered, exhaling vapors as she came to a jittery stop. "Your intuition has served us well, young ones." She pointed a shivering hoof. "Our destiny lies within that cave."

Luna glanced at the tunnel, then back at the old sage. "You really believe she's fled inside there, Master Clover?"

"Mmmmm..." The elder nodded. "Your magical senses and tracking skills have led us to the right location." She bore a wrinkled smile. "Or have I not taught you well?"

"You know best, Master Clover," Tia said, stepping up towards the entrance and peering in. "Now, let us find out the real reason why the chancellor's turned treacherous—"

"Tia, wait!" Luna held a hoof out, then spun to face their teacher. "Master Clover, if she's truly hiding within these mountains, then this could very well be a trap!"

"Luna..." Tia sighed, gazing back. "Dearest sister. Do you honestly think that we've trotted all this way only to turn back now—?"

"Luna is right," Clover said.

Tia did a double-take. "Huh?"

"Meaning we should exercise caution," emphasized the teacher. She hobbled forward, grunting slightly from her aching joints. "There is no stronger force to confront our target than what we have assembled. She will know this... and will likely put up a formidable resistance."

"Could..." Tia fidgeted. "...could she actually have grown that powerful?"

"No doubt the source of her power is that which drew her into these mountains to begin with," Clover said.

The stallion finally spoke up, his voice deep and resonating: "Madame Clover, apprentices, if I may..." He stepped aside and peered at the elder. "Let me go in there first." Bright green eyes peered beneath a windblown black mane. "After what the vile traitor has done to my vassals and their families, I owe it to our citizens—all of our citizens—to seek retribution."

"There is no telling what you will find in there, Prince," Clover wheezed.

"With all due respect, Madame." He bowed. "Even if my line wasn't faltering, the will of Equestria is ever-changing. I am no longer indispensable. However... if something tragic was to befall you or your apprentices..."

"Certainly not!" Luna shook her head. "You're just as precious as the rest of us. I suggest we all go in at once or else we—"

"You've made your point, dear Prince." Clover nodded her aged horn. "Go forth. Lead the way."

Luna blinked hard.

"Very well, Madame." The stallion stood tall with a proud expression. He aimed his horn downhill. "I shall summon my mightiest knights to join us in—"

"No."

He glanced at the elder. "Madame Clover?"

The sage shook her head. "I fear that a multitude of aggressors will only feed her at this point. You saw what she did to Hurricane's Valkyries."

He swallowed hard. "Understood. Then I shall signal the forces to await our return."

"Whatever you do, do it quickly!" Tia said, gazing into the cavern. "I fear we've wasted too much time as it is!"

Clover nodded to the stallion, and he fired a pale blue blast of magic into the dim sky. The mana exploded like a flare, illuminating a camp nestled hundreds of feet below. Armored ponies signaled back before retreating into an array of canvas tents flapping in the cold, snowy breeze across a lower plateau.

"I shall now proceed," the stallion said, trotting briskly into the cave's entrance. "I advise that you keep yourselves a stone throw's distance from me at all times—no closer. I shall holler at the first sign of an ambush."

With a glint of his gray armor, he vanished into the darkness. Tia followed second, followed by Luna—who supported Clover's haggard figure the entire time. Three and a half horns dimly illuminated the corroded interiors of the earthly passage.

"Mrmmmff... I do not like this," Luna grumbled into the dank corridor.

"Your protests are duly noted," Clover droned.

"Luna's right, Master," Tia spoke from ahead. "Prince Miller is not fit for whatever may lie ahead."

"Good luck convincing him of that," Luna muttered. The air grew staler and less moist around them. "The stallion's stubborn. Just like his grandmother."

"Neither of you knew Princess Platinum quite like I did," Clover said with a brief smile. Her wavering voice formed solid echoes against the walls of the narrowing tunnel. "The bloodline has come a long way. Today, it is something that boils with fearlessness. I'm quite fond of it."

"So is Luna, I gathered," Tia said with a smirk. "Judging from how passionately she defended him a moment ago."

"Guh...!" Luna's eyes twitched, and a rosiness darted across her dark blue muzzle. "I... I only meant to state the obvious!" She pouted. "Prince Miller does not possess the power of sorcery! And even if he did—would it truly end up a better situation than what's happened with the Chancellor?"

"That's why we're here, sister," Tia said. "To make sure that power falls only into the hooves of those who are properly tempered to wield it."

"Do not be so forward with such thoughts," Clover said. "Prince Miller is as equally deserving of magic as any other pony in Equestria."

"But Master—"

"I trained you because it was my Master's foresight that underlined its importance." The elder's nostrils flared. Glazed eyes reflected cold stalactites forming a stone forest above them. "Someday, the magic of this world will have to be properly harnessed in order to preserve the balance of harmony. This much is true. But there will also come a time when the magic will be shared with the general populace, and it will usher in a new age of tranquility."

The group wandered forth in pure silence, until Tia looked back with a deadpan expression. "Master, will you ever tell us the full extent of Starswirl's prophecies?"

"I am telling you all that you need to know," Clover said. "Just as he told me all that I needed to know." She sighed. "For the rest to fall in place, we must live as we see fit. Destiny will become destiny in time."

"Yes... but if we knew more," Tia murmured, "Then perhaps we could ascertain a reason for why the sky is dimming?"

Clover said nothing.

Before Tia could protest anymore—

"Hold!" The Prince's voice called out from ahead.

The two young mares scuffled to a stop alongside Clover. Luna gently helped her master lean against a rock wall before scampering forward to join the Prince's side. Together, they gazed into a sudden chasm illuminated by Prince Miller's horn.

"Great... whinnying windigoes..." Luna stammered. "...what... are we looking at?"

"Crystals," Prince Miller exhaled. A kaleidoscope of bright oval reflections danced across his gray coat and muzzle. "Thousands of them."

The unicorns' glowing horn revealed an enormous abyss filled to the brim with shiny surfaces—like a sea of mirrors. The reflections of the spelunking quartet reflected back a hundredfold.

Tia stepped up to the rocky outlook beside them. "What exactly do we know about these mountains that we're in?"

"Erhm..." Prince Miller cleared his throat. "Not much... save that it's one of the highest points in the land." He waved his glowing horn around, illuminating more and more crystalline shards. "The farmers of the outlying fields—descendants of the House of Puddinghat—call these mountains the 'Hills That Canter a Lot'... namely for how they playfully scrape the morning sky."

"I see," Tia remarked.

"I wonder what they've called them over the past few months," Luna remarked. "There's scarcely been a rising sun to canter to."

"Prince." Tia pointed. "Shine your light a little bit higher."

The stallion did as the sorceress commanded. At last, his light revealed a dark hole that clashed against the sea of reflective surfaces.

"Look!" Prince Miller exclaimed. "A path, perhaps?"

"Only one way to find out." Tia clenched her jaw. "I suggest we go in and investigate." She looked aside. "Luna? Do you remember our mutual levitation spell that we practiced?"

"Of course. Yes." Luna rolled her eyes. "Heavens... why do you have to be so formal about everything?"

"Then let us proceed." Tia channeled energy into her horn. "Get behind us, Master. Any magic you can contribute would be greatly appreciated." After receiving no answer, she glanced over her shoulder. "Master?"

Clover was calmly sitting down against a stalactite behind them. As she settled her aching joints, she sighed and drew her hood down.

"Master?!" Luna galloped over, eyes bright. "Are you okay?" She leaned her ear to the old mare's chest. "How's your heart—?!"

"I'm fine!" Clover briefly growled. "Away, filly!" She shoved Luna gently back, then sighed through a tired smile. "I must meditate. It has been many weeks, and I am far... far from my laboratory."

"But... Master..." Tia pointed across the chasm. "We're about to engage our target!"

"Yes..." Clover smirked. "...you are."

Luna and Tia exchanged confused glances.

"I have trained you in the art of sorcery since the day I discovered you both... alone and abandoned along the banks of the Everfree River." Clover took a wheezing breath. "At first, I followed Starswirl's foresight in guiding you. But... there came a day when I had to rely on my own wits alone. And now... the day has come... for you to rely on your wits..."

"But... Master..." Luna gulped. "...do you really think we are ready?"

"Sooner than later... you shall be," Clover remarked. "Starswirl has foreseen it..." She winced, shifting her bony weight against the stalactite. A sigh rattled out of her. "...and so have I." She drew her limbs into a meditative pose. "Now... go forth. Confront she who has brought us to this juncture." Her eyes closed. "And once this trial is finished... we shall understand more about the fate of Equestria."

"But... but..." Luna grimaced.

"I do not mean to break the sanctity of this moment," Prince Miller whispered. He pointed at the entrance across the chasm. "But we must hurry! Time is of the essence!"

"Then hurry, we shall," Tia said, trotting boldly towards the cliff-face.

Luna gaped at her older sister. "But Tia—"

"But nothing. It is time we took charge of defending Equestria's integrity." Tia turned to glare at Luna. "Or would you rather the land suffer eternal darkness?"

Luna sighed. She took a moment to nuzzle Clover. "We are grateful for this opportunity, Master. We promise not to let you down."

"Concentrate on the task at hoof and you won't have to," Clover murmured. "Now go."

Luna joined Miller and Tia at the cliff-side. The apprentices exchanged glances, and their horns glowed with identical brilliance.

"It is a long distance, Tia," Luna remarked.

"We can cross it, sister." Tia managed smirk. "Be a good sorceress and grab the Prince tight."

"Hrmmmm..." Luna frowned, nevertheless steadying Miller with a hoof as—

Flaaaash! A beam of blue and pink light ribboned between where they were standing and the entrance across the way. Prince Miller let loose a nervous gasp as the two mares carried themselves—and him—across the chasm and towards the entrance beyond. Once their limbs made contact with solid rock, they resumed their brisk trot into the heart of the mountain.

Clover the Clever stayed behind. She breathed in and out... softly... thoughtfully.

At one point, she popped a single eye open—gazing—then closed it just as swiftly.

The Reign of a Once-Chancellor

With one combined hiss, the doppelgangers of Luna, Tia, and Prince Miller flew in a filthy phalanx towards the two sorceresses. The unicorn siblings responded by backtrotting across the platform, firing blasts of harmonic energy at the various shape-shifting thugs. Every other shot connected, sending equine bodies stumbling across the hard stone.

"Ewwww..." Luna nearly wretched. "Eww ewww ewww ewww!"

"Will you please compose yourself, sister?!" Tia snarled.

"What's causing them to turn into... p-ponies that we know?!" Luna wheezed, firing at a pouncing pony and propelling it through another charge of mind-possessed creatures.

"It would appear that the Chancellor has used her magic to restructure their core biological properties—!" Tia was interrupted when three hissing copies of herself landed on her flank, trying to bite into her neck. "Unngh! Damnation!" Gritting her teeth, the unicorn bucked the monsters savagely in their chests and threw the last one against a stalactite—violently impaling it.

Luna immediately gasped. "Tia!"

"They're obviously monstrous shades of their former selves, Luna," Tia growled, firing magic at another wave as she panted for breath. Exoskeletons fractured and insectoid limbs blanketed the floor. "After Kathleen's mutations, I find these poor citizens beyond saving!"

"Well, j-just don't explode or dismember the Prince Millers!" Luna exclaimed, firing more magic.

"Mrmmmff!" Tia grunted, punching a pouncing pony in the face. "Why not?!" she huffed.

"B-because we don't know which one is the real gr-grandcolt of Princess Platinum—!"

"I suspect that one, sister!" Tia pointed across the platform at a single stallion standing beside a chortling Chancellor, his eyes rolling with green magic.

"Oh!" Luna stammered, then proceeded to decapitate three whole doppelgangers with a single swipe of blistering hot mana. "Very well then! Rip and tear!"

"Focus, sister!" Tia wheezed, charging through four copies of Luna. "We do not wish to accidentally harm each other!"

"I am focused, Tia!" Luna snarled, fighting through the melee to get closer to the Chancellor. "You forget that I am trained just as well as you in—" Whump! A pair of Millers pounced on her, slamming her painfully to the floor. "Augh! Fecal matter!" She gaped into their lunging jaws.

"Luna!" Panting, Tia bucked a copy of herself to the ground, then telekinetically yanked the tip of a stalagmite up from the edge of the platform. "Hrnnnngh!" She charged, swinging the stone cylinder like a club.

Wh-Wham! Both Millers lost their disguise—exploding in a burst of juicy shells and twitching grasshopper legs. This thoroughly drenched Luna in green fluid, leaving her less than pleased when Tia lifted her from the ground.

"P-perhaps your harmonic channeling would have d-done the trick, sister," Luna hissed.

"I... I am nearly out of energy..." Tia wheezed. "I don't know how much longer I can keep up this fight."

"How most unfortunate for you," vibrated the Chancellor's voice.

Both sorceresses turned to look at her—only to be answered with a piping hot beam of green energy slamming into their muzzles. ZAAAAP!

"Aaaaugh!" Luna and Tia fell to the ground. Within seconds, the remaining shape-shifters flew in and grabbed their limbs, pinning the unicorns hard to the stone floor. They shook and struggled with their hissing captors.

As the creatures dropped their disguises, the would-be Queen landed from her flight and marched menacingly across a platform soiled with insect juices and twitching limbs. "Such brazen... violent defenders of democracy..." She tossed her smokey green mane and bore a fanged smiled. "Do you really think that suffering so much loss has actually weakened my hive?" Her eyes pulsed a hot emerald. "In death—as much as in life—the passions and memories of my children stay with me... secured in the collective consciousness by the Chrysalis."

"Chancellor... please... look to your past," Tia stammered, struggling against the creatures restraining her. "You weren't always a slave to chaos. Don't choose this path. It's... mrmmfff... most unbecoming of a pony!"

"Listen to yourself. Defending an idea that is noble only in pathetic poetry," Kathleen hummed. "What is or isn't befitting a pony shall be rewritten... once the nature of all ponies is changed itself." She paused to lean over and caress Prince Miller's chin. "After I've absorbed the three of you into the hive, I'll send my children out to lure the rest of Equestria into my fold. The equines of this land will come to learn the peace and tranquility that a true Queendom can grant them, and their thoughts and feelings shall exist eternally within the Chrysalis. This is the only way that we as a race can endure forever..." She smiled at the two siblings, her wings twitching. "Even in a dim world without a sun and moon... we shall embrace eternity with love."

"Then it will be a manufactured love," Tia growled, her horn struggling to summon a spark of magic. "And you will be ruling over a hive of slaves."

"Shhhhhh..." Kathleen leaned forward, her horn glowing ten times as bright. "My little pony, how can there be slaves when there is no more struggle?" Her smile disappeared as her vibrating voice resonated with cricket song. "Now... open your hearts and let me in."

Tia frowned in the face of an inevitable blast of magic. Luna clenched her eyes shut.

Just then—

Fwoooosh! Clover the Clever came gliding in on a beam of mana. She landed between Chancellor Kathleen and her apprentices. "BE GONE!" the elder hollered mightily. POWWWWWW! A sphere of unbridled harmony exploded outward from her being.

The insectoid ponies were violently knocked off Tia and Luna while the two young unicorns remained untouched. The minions shrieked as they flew completely off the platform and fell into the fire-lit fissures of Tartarus below.

Chancellor Kathleen—however—recovered from the blow before she could fall off the nearest cliff-face. Snarling, she aimed her horn at the cavern's ceiling, loosened every stalactite within view and sent them soaring like spears at Clover's wrinkly muzzle.

Sucking her breath in, the elder spun about with unmatched grace. She whipped a spiraling band of blue magic around her. As it made contact with the stone projectiles, it transmuted them into floating pools of water. Before the liquid could fall to the ground, she telekinetically caught each drop in a translucent basin of magic and froze it. Twirling to a stop, she aimed her horn forward—simultaneously flinging a wall of icy daggers straight at the Chancellor. "Haaaaaah!"

"Rrrrrnnngh!" Kathleen braced herself as best as she could. The multiple ice-blades made contact, slicing straight through the mare. The air turned green with a bloody mist. When the projectiles had finished their flight, the mutated pony stood with countless round holes punched through her legs and fetlocks. And yet—she lingered in place... panting and heaving. "Hrmmmm... hrmmm-heheheheheheh!" Her laughter was punctuated by the occasional gargling sound. The cricket song had limped into a threadbare hum.

Clover the Clever stood as solidly as she could, her trembling frame locked in a fighting pose. "Laugh... as much as you wish... creature..." The elder wheezed. "I know... that I can no longer slay you..." Her wise eyes narrowed. "But you also know that this fight is lost..."

"Perhaps this battle, Madame Clover..." Kathleen vomited green slime through a wicked smile. Her green eyes teared acid—and it tore away at the coat of her muzzle. "But it has assured my victory in the future." Her skin flaked off one square inch per second, revealing a charcoal black exoskeleton beneath. The once-Chancellor teetered on the edge of a cliff, just above the firelight of Tartarus. "Every emotion you exercise... only empowers the Chrysalis..." Her mane drooped, hanging heavy like silken webbing. "One day... I shall rule over Equestria as Queen... ensuring harmony for all..."

"Perhaps someday..." Clover sneered. "...but a hollow victory that will be. A monarch who rules over mindless slaves is just as lonely as the day she dies." Her horn pulsed as she took a step towards her foe. "Now join your abominations in bottomless darkness."

"We are all alone, Madame Clover," Kathleen said, tipping backwards. "Meditate on that in your own prison." And she fell back, plunging through the fissures below.

Clover's eyes pulsed hotly. She propelled a fiery beam of magic into the cavern's ceiling. The hollow of the mountain rumbled, and within the span of seconds—a thick layer of boulders had fallen, patching up the chasms below and locking the fires of Tartarus away. In the absence of the crimson aura, a pitch black darkness swallowed up the platform.

Tia and Luna struggled up to their hooves. They summoned mana into their horns, faintly illuminating the area around them.

Clover the Clever had collapsed onto her knees, wheezing for breath. Prince Miller shook his head, stumbling beside the slimy remains of the Chrysalis.

"Unnngh... what...?" The stallion looked around, dizzy. "Where am I? The Chancellor?"

"Your Majesty!" Luna rushed over. She scuffled to a stop a few inches from him, gulped, and stammered: "It is good to s-see that you are back..."

"Madame Clover..." Miller looked past Luna, squinting. "What are you doing here?"

"Mrmmmff..." Clover rubbed her wrinkly brow. "...regretting."

"Master..." Tia helped the elder up to her hooves. Her pale face hung long. "We... I-I am so sorry, Master." She gulped. "I could have sworn that we were ready to face this challenge... but we failed. We failed the trial, Master, and we failed you—"

"You are right about one thing, my little pony," Clover rasped. "It was a trial. However, the failure was mine." She gently patted Tia's shoulder as she struggled to catch her ragged breath. "I misjudged the good intent of Starswirl before me. Whatever the Chancellor has become, it is something far beyond even myself."

"She... she had wings, Master!" Luna exclaimed. "How is that even possible?!"

"It is no small feat... I assure you." Clover clenched her jaws. "This is the work of something greater than all magics—both chaotic and harmonic." She shook her head. "I should have realized the severity of this situation the moment she bewitched the skies into dimming."

"But you sealed her away in Tartarus, master," Tia remarked. "Surely the Chancellor and her... Chrysalis are no longer a threat to Equestria!"

"That remains to be seen," Clover muttered, adjusting the edges of her burlap tunic. "If a mere unicorn with no expert training in sorcery could achieve such levels of power... then we have much more to be vigilant for." She gazed at her apprentices. "I fear that the prison my master built is forever compromised. If the Chancellor could tear herself a path in... then she could very easily fight her way out."

"Then we must warn the rest of Equestria immediately," Prince Miller said with a frown. "The National Council must know everything that's transpired here."

"I agree," Tia said with a nod. She looked at Clover. "Furthermore, we must find a way to seal up these crystal caves. I suspect that the mana batteries here have served as a focus for her powers. In the wrong hooves, the resources here could serve even greater evils."

"All wise precautions," Clover said with a nod. "You youngsters lead the way. I fear that... I have expended the full extent of my strength for a fortnight."

Luna shuffled on anxious hooves.

Clover noticed it. "What ails you, apprentice?"

"It's... it's Chancellor Kathleen, Master," Luna murmured. "She desired to transform the nation into a Queendom. She... felt it was in the best interest of the equine populace."

"A brash idea... maybe even a wise idea, considering the mortal frivolities of ponies everywhere."

"Master...?" Tia blinked.

"What do you mean by that?" Luna asked.

Clover sighed long and hard... then formed a tender smile. "Something that will take a long while to come to fruition, but I now sense it." She patted Luna's shoulder, then leaned on her as the group shuffled out the way they came. "Continue to focus and train your skills, young ones. Your destinies are yet to come to pass."

"Whatever you say, Master," Tia remarked.

"What of the sky?" Luna asked. "After Kathleen's interference, is there any proper way to bring light back to Equestria?"

Clover chuckled slightly. "Funny that you should ask." She turned to look at the stallion. "Prince Miller?"

"Yes, Madame?"

"I do believe we have a speech to prepare..."

When You Wish Upon a Station

Canterlot – Residential District – Lemon Hearts' Apartment

"Fuuuu... fuuu... fuuu..." Twinkleshine sat on a couch, breathing in and out of a paper bag. At last, the sweat dried from her brow... and she leaned back on the furniture with a prolonged sigh.

Lemon Hearts shuffled up, levitating a glass of lemonade. "Feeling better?"

Twinkleshine quietly nodded. "You know..." She took the glass from Lemon Hearts and sipped. "...I've been thinking. It's not my traumatized mind's fault that I'm getting so stressed over my second job." She blinked. "Retail just sucks."

"See?" Lemon Hearts smiled. "You're learning something new! And who said these regular therapy sessions weren't helpful?"

Twinkleshine took another sip of the glass and smiled delicately. "Thank you, Lemon Hearts. Seriously... for everything." She glanced up. "It's far more labor than we deserve to put you through."

Lemon Hearts shook a hoof. "Think nothing of it. You're my best... best buds." She leaned in to nuzzle the mare. "Seriously. I wish I had sisters as awesome as you."

"Heehee..." Twinkleshine giggled, sighing tenderly. "Without you and Shrinkenfurter, I just don't know where we'd be."

"Er... yeah..." Lemon Hearts' jaws clenched. "The doctor... sure is helpful, isn't he?"

"Like..." Twinkleshine squirmed. "...I shudder to think what condition I'd be in if it weren't for his sage advice... month after month after month after—"

"We'd probably be like Lyra!" rasped a voice from the other side of the apartment.

Lemon Hearts turned around, gazing at the kitchen table where a blue body was slumped. "How are you holding up, Minuette?"

"Huh? Me? Oh... just fine. Eh heh heh heh..." Minuette laid her fuzzy cheek down in a sea of doughnuts. "Just worried for Lyra, is all. Missing so many sessions..." She shivered. "...the poor girl must be needing a padded cell by now! Hee-hee-hee! Bouncy bouncyyyy!"

"Are..." Lemon Hearts grimaced slightly. "...are you going to eat any of the doughnuts, or...?"

"No thanks..." Minuette gulped, sweeping the pastries up in her arms and cuddling them to her face and neck. "...I'm good." She hummed off-key as her ears and eyes twitched.

Lemon Hearts fumbled for words...

"So... uh... Appleloosa!" Twinkleshine exclaimed. "Sounds like an adventure!"

Lemon Hearts spun around to face her. "Huh?" She coughed. "Oh. Right. Well..." The mare's eyes fell on a signed letter resting on the edge of the kitchen table. "Let's... just... t-take things one step at a time."

"But Hans says that's gonna help us, right?" Twinkleshine cocked her head aside. "A trip to a meditation center so we can more easily find our happy place?"

"Mrmmmmmf..." Minuette waved from a bed of powder and sprinkles. "Happy places are good! This is a fact!"

"I... know that he... uh... thinks that this is the best course to take." Lemon Hearts gulped. "But... happy places are one thing. The bits to make it all work is another..."

"I'll shovel whatever it takes," Minuette slurred. "Just to get the cockroach cricket ghosts out of my head..." She smiled crookedly, sweating. "Eh heh heh heh heh heh heh..."

"And I'm working two jobs!" Twinkleshine exclaimed. "I can more than handle it! Besides..." She smiled. "I'd be with my friends, right?"

"Yeah!" Minuette's head briefly arose. "Girl vacation! Woooooo." Fwomp! Chocolate flakes lifted and fell in a tiny cloud.

Lemon Hearts rubbed her head, sighing.

"Is... everything okay, Lemony?" Twinkleshine asked.

"Mmmmm..." The mare eventually nodded. "Just... gotta get some things together... gotta start planning."

"Lemon Hearts, this is for our therapy," Twinkleshine said.

"Yeah, Lemmy!" Minuette's voice echoed from the kitchen. "If it's a burden to go out to Appleloosa, you needn't go on our behalf."

"That's not the problem. Don't you understand?" Lemon Hearts leaned in close to Twinkleshine. "You girls are my life. I want to see you all receive the best care possible. It's just..." Her nostrils momentarily flared. "I have to deal with a few things first... some square pegs to shove through the round holes."

"Please..." Twinkleshine shuddered, triggered. "Don't mention 'holes'."

"S-sorry!" Lemon Hearts instantly winced. "Just... uh... relax here. You can both crash overnight, if you like."

Minuette lifted her powdered head, squinting at Lemon Hearts as she trotted briskly across the apartment. "Where you going?"

"I... uh... gotta head out of town and meet somepony," Lemon Hearts muttered, her voice scratching like angry gravel. "Nothing to worry about... though I may be back super late. Just... make yourselves at home. Twinkleshine? The bed's made. Minuette? Er... you know where the doughnuts are."

"Heeeeeeeeeee... boy do I." Fwomp!

"And if a panic attack sets in... remember... breathe slowly and count down from one hundred." Lemon Hearts threw on a saddlebag and left through the front door. "There's some advice for free."

The door slammed behind her.

Thud!

"I'm sorry, ma'am," a pony inside a ticket booth shook his head. "But the four o'clock train is the earliest one leaving that heads to Ponyville."

"I know. I know. You've said so a dozen times." Lyra Heartstrings nevertheless pressed herself up to the metal bars between them, smiling cheekily. "But I don't suppose you could... use your conductor powers to make it arrive faster? Squee?"

South Canterlot – Train Depot

"Uhhhhh..." The conductor's hairy eyebrows bunched together. "I don't know what comic books you've been reading, ma'am, but we... don't exercise so-called 'conductor powers.' If I did..." He chuckled. "...I'd have better excuses for why I come home late."

Lyra's brow furrowed. "Do I look like I read comic books?"

"Quite frankly, ma'am, I don't know what you read. You've been doing a pretty poor job with my lips so far."

"For realsies! What's the deal with this city?!" The mare grunted. "I think the name 'Canterlot' got a vowel mixed up somewhere."

"If you desire faster trips to Ponyville..." The stallion reached a hoof through the bars and pointed towards the city's east edge. "...there are plenty of aerial stagecoaches loaded at the taxi office—"

"No. No!" Lyra grimaced hard, waving her forelimbs wildly. "No flying!"

The stallion leaned back, his muzzle scrunched. "What's so bad about flying? I mean, besides the ever-looming threat of putting me and all of my friends out of a job." Silence. "Huh..." He gazed absent-mindedly off into space. "I wonder why I never thought of that before..."

"You can have all of the random epiphanies you want," Lyra grunted. "I am not flying. It's trains... trains for life."

"Amen, sister." He raised a hairy eyebrow. "Had a bad experience?"

Lyra looked greener as she brushed a hoof through her mane. "You... know how some old mares' tales speak of towns being rained on by frogs and slime?"

"Sure... I guess?"

"Well, this one time I made a trip across country..." Lyra hung her head. "...and Bostrot got rained on by a partially digested breakfast burrito."

"Oh wow..." The stallion grimaced. "That sounds horrible."

"Not half as horrible as the hash browns that followed." Lyra coughed. "Believe me when I say this: starch kills."

"Well, ma'am, I don't know what to tell ya." The stallion gestured. "But there simply is no train heading straight for Ponyville."

All of a sudden, Lyra brightened. "Wait... what about an indirect route?!"

"Huh?"

"Do any of the trains going to other towns lead to a Ponyville-bound route?"

"Hmmmm..." The stallion shuffled through a series of timesheets and notes. "...come to think of it..."

"Yes?" Lyra leaned forward. "Yes?"

"You could take the two o'clock train to Baltimare..." The stallion tongued the inside of his muzzle. "Which... stops by Whinnysocket. And if you got off there, you could take a locomotive towards Neigh Jersey... stop off at Cow Town... then take another train back west towards the heart of Equestria..."

"Just..." Lyra leaned back, wincing. "...how many stops are we talking about?"

"Oh, about five or six. But..." The stallion smirked. "It could get you to arrive at Ponyville about... ohhhh... twenty to forty minutes before the four o'clock departure from Canterlot."

"Wow, really?!"

"Absolutely!" The stallion smiled. "... ... ...wait." The stallion unsmiled. "Uhhhh... one second." He opened the drawer of his desk and whipped out an abacus. "Mmmmm... so a train leaves Canterlot, traveling east for Baltimare at sixty miles per hour..."

With a groaning sigh, Lyra leaned against the ticket booth. She rubbed her aching forehead, gazing at the station full of meandering ponies and workers. "I should have studied up on Teleportation 101. Life would be a lot easier if I could just zap myself to and from home." She gulped. "So what if the old 'me' dies and a lifeless doppelganger replaces her? At least she'd be richer..."

Eventually, the stallion's muffled words disappeared into the background. The world around Lyra turned into a hollow bubble...

...and a high-pitched rhythm echoed from beyond.

As soon as Lyra heard it, her heartrate increased. She shot up, standing dead still with locked limbs. Shrunken pupils looked every which way... searching...

...for the source of cricket song.

Lyra's breaths grew shallower and shallower. Nervously, she glanced left... then right.

Ponies gathered in bunches, chatting casually along the loading dock of the station.

Workers pushed dolleys with luggage to and fro.

Steam hissed from the wheels of a parked train engine.

Lyra began sweating. Something carved an onyx streak through her peripheral vision. Gasping, the mare glanced to her right.

Layers and layers of an equine crowd marched in and out of the antique station building. Lyra saw bright, pastel-colored coats and fruity, flowing manes... pretty dresses and silk suits...

...but somewhere from the depths... floating through the living mass like a scurrying black beetle...

...she saw a carapace. Grasshopper combs. Fangs and compound eyes. The buzzing increased as the figure came to a stop. Ponies passed by between them, but Lyra was almost certain that a glossy set of eyes was staring back at her... antennae twitching—

"Yes!" the stallion's voice was somehow magnified, shaking Lyra out of her stupor. The cricket song dissolved as he held up a series of computational notes hastily scribbled onto a notepad. "You'd get there exactly forty minutes early! Well... assuming there are no steers lying on the tracks at Cow Town. Heheheh... so how 'bout it, ma'am?"

Dead silence.

The stallion blinked. "Ma'am?"

"Uhhhhhh... f-forget it!" Lyra Heartstrings stared sweatily into the busy crowd, seeing nothing but natural pony colors on natural pony bodies doing natural pony things. Despite the normalcy of it all, she was still shivering. "I'll... uh... I'll be b-back for the four o'clock train to Ponyville!" She scampered off. "Gotta go somewhere quiet! Alone!"

"Ma'am! Don't forget your saddlebag!"

Scuffling hooves. Lyra dashed back, grabbed the item in her muzzle, and scampered back out. "Mrmmff-gmffuuu!"

"Uh... you're welcome?" The stallion leaned back, taking a breath. "Yeesh... whatever fertilizer they're sniffing out in those country towns... they'd better lay off!" He sat up straight as another pony shuffled in from the opposite side of the station. "Good afternoon, ma'am? Here to buy a ticket?"

Lemon Hearts slapped some bits onto the counter between them and frowned. "When's the first train to Ponyville?"

Improper Guile

"... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ..." was all Shining Armor could say as he scuffled to a stop in the center of the Mirror Caverns.

Sergeant Garnet and three dozen other members of the Crystal Imperial Guard gaped in horror.

Before them, the cavernous Land Mark lay in ruins. Hundreds of stalagtites had fallen from the ceiling, forming a pile of crystalline chunks that scattered every which way. A glass sea of reflective powder had spread across the smoothe floor of the chamber, leaving no trace of the yaks or any of their much-consumed supplies.

"Mother of Celestia..." Shining Armor gulped. He stood and trembled—perhaps for a few seconds too long. Inhaling sharply, he regained his composure and began shouting orders. "Everypony! Fan out!" He pointed across the wreckage. "Search for the hostages! The yaks! The sergeant! Anything!" He gnashed his teeth. "Move in pairs! Holler the moment you find something!"

"Aye, sir!" several guards shouted, immediately gallopping forward.

"You!" Shining Armor spun to shout orders at a group of soldiers holding up the rear. "Go back out and fetch wagons! Buckets! Shovels! We'll need all the help we can get to burrow through all this mess and—"

Suddenly, Sergeant Garnet shouted: "Captain!" He pointed towards the furthest end of the cave, beyond a throng of fractured stalagmites. "Movement!"

Shining Armor twirled about. "What? Is it one of the yaks—?" His words froze as he gazed upon the scene.

Guards and soldiers watched in silence as twenty-five figures trotted slowly, calmly, and safely from the rear of the cave.

Flash Sentry shuffled along, his face cold and deadpan. Three tiny schoolfoals were balanced on his flank. The chaperones carried a few more while the largest of the children marched on their own—gaping at the destruction and the soldiers who had rushed in to investigate.

"... ... ..." Shining Armor blinked hard.

"Sergeant...?" Garnet was the first—and only—soldier to approach Flash. "What... happened here?"

Flash Sentry inhaled. "The hostages are free," he simply muttered.

Garnet watched as he and the civilians shuffled past him. "And..." Garnet gulped. "And the yaks?"

Flash pointed behind him at pile of rocks and crystalline powder. "Start digging."

Garnet and Shining Armor exchanged glances. They both gazed at the debris—just as a few random chunks of rock and fallen stalagtites started stirring. Crystal ponies rushed the scene with spears and crossbows. When the first of multiple yaks blearily emerged, they were immediately held at weapon point. With their hooves raised, the militants were all shackled one-by-one... and arrested.

Outside the Mirror Caverns

"Is that my baby?!" A crystal pony craned her neck, panting for breath. "Darling!" she shrieked, running forward.

A few guards tried to stop her—

"No!" Princess Cadance insisted, hovering above the line of soldiers. "It's okay! Let them through!"

Just like that, the parents and families of the hostages poured over like deluge through a floodgate. They rushed the mouth of the caven just as Flash Sentry finished placing down the first of many little foals.

"Mommy!"

"Daddy!"

"Momma!"

Dozens of families reunited in a flurry of tears, whinnies, and whimpers of joy. Parents scooped their children up and nuzzled them dearly. Spouses hugged the chaperones while tears and laughter glittered across the crystalline crowd.

Princess Cadance touched down, her lips pursed as she observed the scene. Her eyes lit up—as did her horn—to witness so much love and adoration. The alicorn's wings spread, overshadowing her heart-shaped cutie mark.

In the meantime, soldiers began marching out of the Mirror Caverns. The Crystal Imperial Guard closely escorted a haggard group of twelve limping, bruised, defeated yaks. The hairy militants hung their heads—flinching as the ponies nearby continued laughing and sobbing in affectionate octaves.

At last, Shining Armor and Sergeant Garnet shuffled out. The Captain joined his royal wife's side, gazing in numb amazement at the reunion of their crystalline subjects.

"Oh, honey... we prayed for you! We trusted in the warmth of the Crystal Heart—and look at you! You're safe and sound!"

"I wasn't scared, Mommy! We knew the Prince and Princess wouldn't stand those meanie yaks for long!"

"You should have seen the Captain's finest!"

"Yeah! Wham! Whap! Pow! He saved us just like that!"

"He sure showed those yaks!"

"Who? Who did?"

"Who saved our precious foals?"

Eventually, breathless parents' gaze wandered about—finding Flash Sentry. Upon making eye contact, they tearfully smiled, held their children close and bowed collectively.

"Th-thank you... bless you..."

"Praise Celestia... we knew Equestria's finest would come through in the end..."

"Please forgive us for ever doubting..."

At last, Flash smiled back—if only politely. He bowed back, standing off to the side.

Sniffling, Princess Cadance smiled. She couldn't help it—she leaned over to nuzzle Shining Armor affectionately.

Shining Armor removed his helmet and hugged her back. However—the whole while—he gazed over her shoulder at Flash Sentry.

Flash Sentry turned to gaze back, silent and expressionless.

Shining Armor fumed and fumed... his teeth gritting to the breaking point.

Crystal Imperial Camp – Captain Shining Armor's Tent – Much, Much Shouting Later

"Improper! Irresponsible! Wreckless! Unprofessional! Careless!" Shining Armor paced and grunted, grunted and paced. "And—worst of all—disobedient beyond my actual capacity to document!" He hissed, marching furiously around the lone chair where Flash Sentry was seated. "The moment you disobeyed my orders, you threw out every oath you've ever sworn to and sacrificed any and all morals as a respectable member of the Royal Equestrian Guard! Much less the Crystal Imperial Guard! As a non-crystal pony, you're here on as important and fragile a mission as I am! My wife and I—the Stewards of the Crystal Empire—are charged with protecting this fragile nation as it slowly acclimates itself to modern day! It's taken a great deal of anomalous miracles for the population of this kingdom to survive the wrath of King Sombra and an incomprehensibly huge lapse in time! That is far too much to throw out through a single act of brazen idiocy! What are you, a soldier or a psychopath?!"

Flash Sentry sat silently, gazing straight forward across the tent.

Shining Armor scuffled about, huffing. "I'm talking to you, Sergeant!" He leaned forward, glaring. "You may have intimidated the yaks and won the respect of the locals with this stupid silent treatment, but it won't work on me! When I ask you something, I expect an answer! So how about it?! What in the wild blue buck were you thinking you would actually accomplish with this ludicrous cavalier rampage?!"

Flash Sentry took a deep breath. Coldly, he muttered: "Sir. I humbly accept any and all forms of discipline you would find it best to place on me and my commission, sir."

"Nope. Uh-uh!" Shining Armor's horn glowed as he swiveled Flash's seat, forcing the Sergeant to stare at him head-long. "You don't get away that easy!" He clenched his teeth. "Open the windows to your thick skull, Sergeant, and let me in! Because—I swear on my life—I am not letting you go home—dishonorably discharged or not—until I get an answer! I want to know why you went off like a mad firecracker and put everypony's lives in danger. Give me something... anything to tell Princess Celestia when she asks me why in the Hell the entirety of Equestria was thrown into full-on war with Yakyakistan!"

Flash Sentry shook slightly. With nostrils flaring, he swallowed and eventually muttered: "Twenty-two families were just a few angry yak threats away from no longer seeing their precious children ever again. I decided it was time to make sure that tragedy never befell them."

"You decided it was time?!?"

Flash looked at Shining. "I failed to prevent such a thing before, sir." He slowly shook his head. "I'd rather die than let that happen again." A shuddering exhale. "If my career must lie in dust for what I've done, then let it. Every family deserves to remain whole."

Shining Armor blinked. With an exasperated sigh, he eventually broke his rigid resolve. Leaning back, the unicorn rubbed his brow and muttered: "Sergeant... Flash." A gulp. "Nothing I can say or do will ever properly express just how sorry I am for what happened to your mother and father that one day in Canterlot..."

"It's not your place to apologize for them, sir—"

"Shut up." Shining Armor's eyes flared. "I'm talking."

Flash Sentry clamped his muzzle shut.

Shining Armor stood before him. "Life is hard, and we've all dealt with our abysmal lows. But—as soldiers—we've mutually agreed to set our feelings and emotions aside in order to embrace the bigger picture. Believe it or not, I wanted to save those hostages as much as you did. But I also knew that to risk any sudden, unprovoked siege would mean inviting violent repercussions the likes of which Equestria hasn't experienced in centuries—and we may very well be suffering it now!"

"With all due respect, sir," Flash muttered. "Risk is necessary in saving lives."

"We're not just talking twenty-four lives, here, Sergeant!" Shining growled. "You have just single-hoofedly flung our entire nation into a bloody, violent war with Yakyakistan! And you know what?! It's all my fault." Shining exhaled. "Because I suffered the illusion... the pathetic and fallacious hope that I could somehow have saved you... that I could have taken a broken, distraught Captain-in-the-making under my wing and brought him here to the Crystal Empire to make a difference... both for himself and for an entire province of out-of-place citizens." He slowly shook my head. "But that's my fault for allowing emotion to control my judgment. I stationed you too deep in the heat of things... and it melted away an already fragile exterior. And now... your weaknesses and mine have both cost Equestria everything."

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Flash droned. "But it was love and emotion that brought you and Princess Cadance together... and magically drove off Queen Chrysalis and her hive to begin with." Flash's eyes narrowed. "If the two of you had only made that connection sooner on your wedding day... then perhaps my parents would still be alive too."

Shining Armor blinked. His ears and muzzle turned red as he teetered on the brink of shock and anger.

Hoofsteps. A rustling tent flap. Sergeant Garnet stuck his head in, breathless. "Captain Shining Armor—"

"Not! Now!" Shining barked.

Garnet flinched, his muzzle clamped shut.

Shining weathered a heavy sigh. He spun about. "What... wh-what is it, Sergeant?"

"Captain..." Garnet bowed. "Princess Cadance demands your presence right away." His crimson eyes bounced aside. "Sergeant Flash Sentry as well."

Flash Sentry stood up.

Shining Armor merely blinked... his muzzle agape in confusion...

Don't Talk Back

Crystal Imperial Camp

Sergeant Garnet trotted briskly to a neighboring tent. With a flick of his hoof, he opened a tent flap wide open for the other two stallions marching behind him.

Captain Shining Armor was the first to enter. Flash Sentry followed swiftly behind.

Immediately, Shining Armor caught an eye-full of yak hair and torchlight. The Yakyakistani ambassador loomed in the center of the room. He and several Yakyakistani guards in thick armor stood in a rigid circle around Damn Thickerhoof and the rest of the militants—still cast in irons. Princess Cadance lingered off to the side, and upon seeing the arrival of her husband—she brightened noticeably.

"Shining Armor!" she exclaimed.

"Ambassador..." Shining Armor gulped. He stepped straight past Cadance and bowed low. "On behalf of the Equestrian Interim Government here in the Crystal Empire, I wish to apologize most sincerely for the violent, mindless actions of my subordinate—"

"Where is he?!" The ambassador frowned, his beady eyes flaring from beneath his matted hair. "Where is the winged pony who dared attack my nomadic yak brethren?!"

"He's... uhm..." Shining Armor side-stepped. "He's right here, your eminence."

Flash Sentry quietly shuffled forward.

"You!" The ambassador pointed. "You're the stallion I've been wanting to see!" Jaw clenched, the yak marched straight towards Flash and raised his hoof.

Garnet and Shining both flinched. The Captain's horn glowed as he contemplated erecting a magical shield in front of Flash—

Th-Thap! The ambassador patted Flash's shoulder. Hard. "Hah hah hah hah!" He brandished a smile full of dirty teeth. "Well done, brave pony! You single hoofedly took out twelve hardened warriors! A most maginicent display of yak-sackery!"

Flash Sentry said nothing. He merely blinked.

"I... uh..." Captain Shining Armor gulped, glancing at Garnet, then at the ambassador again. "I-I don't understand..."

"Beloved." Princess Cadance quietly shuffled over to his side, stretching a wing out. "Thank you for joining us on such short notice." Clearing her voice, she stepped in close and spoke in the direction of the yaks. "Our loyal ambassador from Yakyakistan was just informing me about how he intends to praise the Crystal Empire in his next address to the Yak senate—right after he escorts these militants to the northern prison."

"Intends..." Shining Armor blinked across the tent. "...to praise?"

"Most definitely!" The ambassador boomed, still grinning. "We had no idea that the puny pony populace possessed so much courage, tenacity, and guile! This changes everything! With strong neighbors such as ponies, the yaks will remain strong and healthy in the frozen north!"

"I... I don't understand..." Shining Armor stammered.

"Hah! What's not to understand?!" Damn Thickerhoof hollered. Everypony in the room spun to see his grinning, bruised face. "The strongest yaks in the world were all bested by a single pony! And a most magnificent siege it was!" He spat on the ground, smiling bloodily. "Not since the Battle of Blue Hydra Taint have I seen such fearless bravado!"

"He claimed many of our teeth!" shouted another yak.

"I got a yak concussion!"

"Haah! You think that's something?! My yak leg is still broken!"

"Not as broken as mine!"

"Rrrrrrgh!"

"Silence!" the ambassador growled at the prisoners. He pointed at Flash Sentry. "Can't you see that you're in the presence of your better?! Let him have the yak boasting of yak defeat!"

"You..." Shining Armor blinked. "...you enjoy being defeated?"

"My dear puny pony prince..." The ambassador's eyes swept his way. "We yaks respect all strength and fortitude. Never before have we seen it displayed so prominently by prissy princess horses!" His hairy nostrils flared. "But that all changes today! The Crystal Empire has shown all yaks that they've earned their foundations in the snow! Let this be a name forever remembered in yak poetry! We have new brothers and sisters!"

"But..." The Captain grimaced. "...all this talk of war..."

"Pffft!" Damn Thickerhoof rolled his blackened eyes. "Such strong warrior ponies! Would be a waste to crush them!"

"Much more fun and honor to be had in waging a war alongside powerful puny ponies!" The ambassador thundered. "Hah hah hah!" He slapped Flash Sentry's shoulder again. "A dozen medals for this horse, I say! One for every thick-headed yak he clobbered!" His smile left in a brief hiss. "Would be most direspectful if he was not rewarded for such yak sacketry..."

"Ahem..." Princess Cadance stifled a smirk. "I assure you, your eminence, we shall deal with the Sergeant in as honorable a fashion as Equestrian society permits." Her eyes glanced aside to her husband.

Shining Armor gulped. "Yes... yes, of c-course..." He smiled crookedly. "After all... wh-who are we to shame the pride and joy of both Equestria and Yakyakistan?"

"Good to know that we are all on the same yak page!" The ambassador stood up tall, chin tilted back. "I go now to deliver messages of mirth to my yak brothers and yakette sisters." A meaty salute. "Strength and hairiness!" He marched off, whistling aside to his guards.

The armored yaks clattered their spears. On command, the twelve prisoners stood up and limped out in a solid train, escorted by Yakyakistan's finest.

"Best wishes and blood to you, puny horses!" Damn Thickerhoof managed to wheeze as he bowed through a tent flap. "We shall sing song of today's battle in the Yakitentiary!"

The rest of the militants grunted, growled, and cheered in agreement.

Soon, the muscle and the hair and the smell was all gone. Only the ponies remained.

Sergeant Garnet glanced silently between those standing around him.

Shining Armor stared at Cadance. Shuddering, he turned to look at Flash.

Flash Sentry stared back, deadpan.

"Mrmmffff..." Shining Armor stumbled off, rubbing his head. "I think I need a drink."

Princess Cadance lifted her hoof to say something... lingered... and eventually sputtered: "Make that double." She hobbled off after her husband.

Crystal Empire – Military District – Army Barracks

Orange hooves removed the last armored plate, hanging it inside a thick locker. The fetlocks shook from where they outstretched. Flash Sentry bit his lip. Breathing slowly, he drew his hooves back towards themselves... and held the limbs together in a effort to steady them. His eyelids fluttered shut as he stood quietly in place.

"Sergeant Flash!"

A pair of blue eyes opened. Flash looked over his shoulder.

One of several crystal pony guards trotted through the barracks, pausing to salute. "Well met."

"A fine job, Sergeant," another said, smiling.

"Those families owe you their respect... and so do we..."

Flash said nothing. He merely nodded... then proceeded to close the locker that housed his armor.

Not long after, Sergeant Garnet shuffled up behind. He leaned against a wall and calmly said, "Everypony's talking about you all across the compound. There's already talk of putting a statue of you next to Spike the Dragon's."

Flash's nostrils flared. "You crystal ponies are too friggin' quick to praise..."

Garnet arched an eyebrow. "After what we've been through with Sombra, we're in dire need of heroes."

"You've got Shining Armor and Princess Cadance," Flash muttered, hoisting a saddlebag over his figure. "You should be trusting them."

"And we do," Garnet said. "But you should give yourself credit too."

"For what?" Flash fumbled with the straps of his saddlebag, clenching his teeth. "The only thing that saved those foals today was luck." His ears drooped. "If things had gone even the slightest bit differently, we'd be at war right now and they'd be burning an effigy of me right next to the Crystal Heart."

"So..." Garnet cocked his head to the side. "...do you regret what you've done?"

Flash exhaled, glaring straight ahead. "Not one damn bit."

Garnet cleared his throat. "In any case..." He stood straight. "...those hostages are alive and your career isn't in shambles. Seems like you should be proud of that 'luck.'"

"Don't be too hasty," Flash muttered. "I know the Captain. He's a big fluffball at heart, but there's no way in Tartarus that he's going to let you slide."

"How's he going to punish you for this?" Garnet blinked. "You're a savior in the eyes of both yaks and ponies."

"He'll find a way. He has to. His sister—the Princess of Friendship—is far too straightlaced. He'd be making a laughing stock of himself if he tolerated my insubordination. The same goes for Princess Cadance." Flash Sentry sighed. "The bitter truth of it is... I frankly don't care what they do to me."

Garnet squinted. "Is that the whole truth?"

Flash Sentry lingered. "No," he eventually blurted. "More than even that... I'm still angry..." His fetlocks trembled again. "I feel like I've got a million things left in this world to hit... and hit hard."

Garnet merely gazed at him.

"If nothing else, I'll likely be suspended," Flash muttered. "Whatever. It'll probably be for the best." He made to leave—but he lingered at Garnet's side. He turned to look at him. "You and I have been through a lot these past few months."

Garnet swallowed. "I would like to think of you as an honorable friend."

"Don't," Flash grunted. "That would be your first mistake. And your second?" His brow furrowed. "It would be to emulate me in any way. Especially where you're headed now that this whole mess is over with." He pointed into the other Sergeant's chest. "At your next post, Garnet, do what you're told. Obey the rules. You'll enjoy the long life of a respected soldier. A cool stallion like you deserves no less."

"And what about you?"

Flash sighed, shuffling off with his saddlebags. "I think I've had my fill of respect for a lifetime." And he was gone.

Garnet stood alone. Slowly, the crimson stallion pivoted about, his eyes resting on a map of Equestria haphazardly pinned to a bulletin board stretched along a wall of the lockerroom. In the dead-center of the map a note had been pasted with the words "Good luck, Sergeant Garnet" playfully scribbled. The stallion's eyes rested on a rustic windmill... and a strangely out-of-place palace made out of rigid crystal.

Awkwardness Is in the Eye of the Awkwarder

Castle of Friendship - Library

The doors closed behind Lyra, and the unicorn found herself in a dim place with dusty walls looming around her.

"Uhhhh... Sunstar Glammer?" Lyra spoke over her shoulder, brow furrowed. "I think you just escorted me into a really really tall broom closet—" Right as she said this, she tilted her head towards the ceiling. It was then that she noticed that the walls in front of her didn't reach all the way to the lofty ceiling—for they weren't walls at all. Instead, she was standing in front of several imposing stacks of books, placed on top of one another. "Hmmmm..." The mare blinked. "Well, okay then."

"Starlight?" a chirpy voice echoed from somewhere beyond the labyrinthine forest of tomes. "Starlight, is that you?"

"Uhhhhh... no. It's..." Lyra cleared her throat. "Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings? I was summoned by the Princess to—"

"Oh! Lyra! Oh my goodness! I-I lost track of time! Just... uh... just one moment!"

Lyra squinted. "Twilight?" Her murmuring voice carried her forward. Soon, she was navigating her way around a mountainous collection of hardbacks. At last—rounding a final stack—she found a lavender shape huddled in the middle of the room and bathed in manalight. The pony busied herself with arranging several sheets of partially scribbled research material. "If... if this is a bad time...?"

"Not at all!" A bright grin flickered from afar. Only once Lyra had cleared the first layer of books did she realize just how spacious the royal library was. "Please forgive me. I d-didn't mean to be so rude. I woke up a few hours ago and couldn't get back to sleep, so I wandered in here and spotted an outdated volume of Dr. Farrierstone's Treatise on Dragon Culture. And considering my recent experience in observing the transfer of the title of Dragon Lord to Princess Ember—well—I thought I might work on crafting an addendum to Dr. Farrierstone's work for submission to the Canterlot Cultural Society with the express purpose of bringing an updated sociological observation to Princess Celestia's attention." The mare managed a nervous giggle. "You know how it is."

"Oh. Sure." Lyra smiled crookedly. "You bet!"

"Here. Make yourself comfortable." Twilight stood up, her horn glowing. "I'll fix this place up all nice and orderly."

"That's fine." Lyra cleared her throat. "Would you like some assistance with th—?"

FW-FW-FW-FW-FW-FWOOOOSH! Every single book lifted up into the air, propelled by violet telekinesis. They spun a paper cyclone around the two mares. Then—within the span of ten dazzling seconds—the tomes darted off like comets, neatly arranging themselves across countless book shelves. Within a breath, the library was orderly enough for a castle catalogue photo.

"... ... ..." Lyra blinked. "Orrrrrrrr you can just be a goddess librarian. I mean, that's cool as well—"

"Lyra!" Twilight pivoted to face her, beaming.

"Gah!" Lyra winced... but soon slumped back onto calm limbs. "Uhm... hello yourself, Twilight!" She smiled as evenly as she could. "You're as... uh... lavender as ever!"

Twilight giggled, raising a forelimb with eyes closed. "Good to know you're just as quirky as ever!"

"Uhhhhh..." Lyra raised an eyebrow. "I was quirky?" A pair of wings fluffed out, and she flinched again. "Whoahhhh-hohohokaaaaaaaaaay..." A nervous cough. "Yup. Those are new."

"Oh... erm... s-sorry... eheh..." Twilight held her breath and tucked the wings away. "That tends to happen when I get really excited." She rolled her eyes, smirking. "I've been an alicorn for months and months, and still I have trouble getting used to the most basic of things."

"Oh. That's quite alright." Lyra nodded. "I've been a unicorn all my life and I'm still having to deal with the fact that I'm not allowed to headbutt anypony."

Twilight Sparkle giggled.

Lyra exhaled, relaxing slightly. "So... uhm... a princess! Who'd a thunk it." She waved a hoof. "I figured you'd at least be wearing a tiara or something."

"Oh. That." Twilight shook her head. She lifted her research materials and placed them on a study desk. "Truth is, tiaras aren't required with the job description."

Lyra's ears instantly drooped. "Oh."

"You sound disappointed...?"

"Eh... not that it'll ever matter." Lyra cleared her throat. "Well, at least you got a whole lot of books out of the deal!"

"Oh, I've got a lot more than that!" Twilight said, straightening the desk before turning around. "From a survey Spike and I made of the place, it looks like I've also got several balconies, an armory, two kitchens, an infirmary, and a dungeon!" Twilight blinked, her tail flicking nervously. "That... last detail worries me a bit." She chewed her bottom lip. "Considering that this castle literally sprung up from the ground after being summoned by a rainbow..."

"Uhhhhh—"

"But none to worry! I'll be using the subterranean space to load up on all of the magical relics that my friends and I are just bound to discover during our travels." She smirked. "I've already stored the portal to the human world there!"

"The portal to..." Lyra grimaced. "...the what world?"

"Long story." Twilight waved a hoof. "I could go on and on about myself for forever. But that's not what this is about!" She leaned forward with a brilliant grin. "Tell me how you're doing, Lyra!"

"How I'm doing..."

"Yes!" Twilight trotted over and stood close to her, smiling. "It's been so... so long since we last sat down and chatted! I feel like I've been... well... I've b-been very neglectful!" She took a deep breath. "After all, you've lived in Ponyville about as long as I have."

"Uh... longer, actually—"

"You see what I mean!" Twilight's eyes glistened. "And to think—we used to hang out all the time!"

"Well..." Lyra rubbed the back of her head. "If I recall correctly, you and I went to the same elementary school. I goofed around while you sorta just... sat in the corner and read books a lot." She gulped, her brow furrowing. "I mean a lot a lot."

"Oh come now, Lyra..." Twilight chuckled. "Surely we hung out more than that..." Her smile twitched slightly, and Lyra spotted a slight droop to her ears. "...r-right?"

"Well... uhm..." Lyra cleared her throat. "I know that you were pretty chummy with Minuette, Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, and... and..."

"Moondancer!"

Lyra's eyes jolted, as if a lightning bulb went on in her skull. "Oh! Right! Moondancer! Somehow... I just knew I was forgetting somepony. Uhm..." She rubbed her head, squinting. "... ... ...one of you used to wear glasses and was... super 'meh' all the time. Like... kinda of freakily antisocial and sullen."

"Uhmmmm..." Twilight blinked. She peered around the room absent-mindedly, then discovered a few books leaning off the edge of a shelf. "Well, Moondancer's the one who used to wear glasses." She wandered over and fixed the books so that they were angled evenly. "Still does, to tell the truth. Believe it or not, I've reconnected with the mare over the past few months. She's living up in Canterlot, working on new history research programs! I'm really excited for her!"

"Wow, really?" Lyra cocked her head to the side. "She hasn't killed herself by now?"

Twilight looked back. "Hmmm? What was that?"

"Uhhhhhh—uhmmmm..." Lyra fidgeted hard. She gulped. "She's gotta be thrilled! Herself!" She waved a hoof. "To m-meet up with you again, I mean! Heheh..."

"Heh... it was an eye-opening experience," Twilight said. "And heart-opening... so to speak." She brushed her bangs aside, smiling softly. "It... uh... it meant a lot to me... y'know... to be on speaking terms with the mare again. Especially considering that... well... I was so apathetic and unfriendly to all of you girls for so many years."

"I... don't hold any grudges, Twilight," Lyra said. "You're a-okay in my book. Wings or no wings."

"But maybe you'll understand now why I wanted to see you again," Twilight said, trotting closer once again. "I've learned so much about friendship over the past year and a half. And although I've learned these lessons with such wonderful friends... I care about my old friends as well." She gulped. "And I don't want any of us to miss out, y'know?"

"Hey..." Lyra shrugged, chuckling slightly. "It's a big world out there, Twilight. You can't be expected to become friends with everypony."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I can't try."

Lyra blinked at that.

Twilight sighed... then smiled again. "How about a tour of the Castle? I can give you a first-hoof preview of where all of Equestria's Forthcoming Ambassadorial Conventions will be held!"

"Okay..."

"And in the meantime..." Twilight giggled, leading Lyra towards the nearest door and opening it. "...you can tell me all about yourself these past few years! How does that sound?"

"I... uh..." Lyra gulped. "I think a tour of the castle would be gr-great!"

Mild Mild Mild Mild West

Appleloosa – Main Street

"And over there's where we have our mild west dances!" Braeburn cheered.

"That's... uh..." Lyra gulped, trotting along with the rest of the group. "...convenient? I guess?"

"You bet!" Braeburn nodded vehemently. Between the train station and there, he had appropriated an applecart for carrying the mares' belongings. He swung his hoof dramatically towards both ends of the road as they passed local farmers and traders in pioneering outfits. "Here in Appleloosa, we're all hard-working ponies! But we know how to pace ourselves! That's why set aside a few hours every evening to drop all our chores and..." He wagged his eyebrows. "...let it all hang out, if ya catch my drift. Heheh."

"Ooooooh..." Lyra smirked wryly. "You sly devil you."

"That's right!" Braeburn grinned wide, pointing at a two-story civic center sitting katty-corner to the general store. "Bingo Night!" He bit his lip to contain his rosy smile. "We hold 'em seven to nine every Tuesday and Thursday!"

Lyra's ears drooped. "... ... ...oh."

"Reckon we'd take the worst days of the week and make 'em great again! Yeeeee—"

"Ha!" Twinkleshine and Minuette simultaneously finished before breaking into giggles.

"Aaaaaaaaand..." Braeburn gestured at a jail as they passed by. "This here is Sheriff Silver Star's place!"

"A jail?" Lemon Hearts blinked. "Do you get a lot of criminals out here on the frontier?"

"Oh... well..." Braeburn blushed a bit, towing at the dirt road. "I-I guess I shouldn't be admittin' this... seein' as I'm supposed to help y'all get settled and relax... but..." He gulped. "We regularly have some trouble with... jay-trotters."

"Oh." Lemon Hearts stared blankly ahead.

"Yowsers," Lyra droned. "Better get the electric chair."

Lemon Hearts hissed at her.

"Soooooooo..." Minuette skipped in place, grinning from ear to ear. "You guys have a Salt Bar..." A girly wink. "What about a doughnut cafe?"

"Huh?" Braeburn gazed quizzically at the mare. "What's a doughnut?"

Minuette's pupils shrank. "What."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—!" Lemon Hearts panicked.

"H-hey!" Lyra sniffed and sniffffffffed the air dramatically. "What's that I smell?!"

"What?" Twinkleshine's muzzle scrunched. "You mean the manure—?" A green hoof slapped her across the horn. "Ow!"

"Why... is that..." Lyra smiled crookedly. "...apple fritters?"

"Oh! Absolutely!" Braeburn smiled proudly. "The downtown bakery is always pipin' hot with apple fritters... apple cobbler... apple tarts... apple pie... caramel apples on a stick!"

"Wow! Amazing!" Lyra hummed in Minuette's direction. "Imagine that! So many tasty surgary apple treats... even better than doughnuts."

Minuette stared... stared... and—"Neat!"—her pupils returned to normal size as she regained the spring in her step. "I wanna try alllllll the local delicacies!"

"Then you'll lurve the cactus smoothies and shakes!" Braeburn winked. "A gift from our good neighbor, Little Strong Heart."

"Who's that?" Twinkleshine asked. "Sounds exotic."

"More like a bootleg mascot from Chineigh," Lyra muttered.

"It's the ambassador from the local buffalo who roam these parts!" Braeburn said. "Aaaaand the top advisor to the tribe's leader, Chief Stronghooves!"

"Ooooh!" Twinkleshine smiled. "Buffalo! I've always wanted to meet some of their kind! They just seem so... so... earthy."

"Twinkleshine," Lyra muttered. "This is an earth pony town."

"Yeah... but..." Twinkleshine fidgeted. "Buffalo are earthier."

"Meh..."

"Will we get to meet some of the buffalo?" Minuette asked, bouncing in mid-step. "Huh? Huh?"

"Hehe... I dun see why not!" Braeburn exclaimed. "They pass through town all the time! We're big trader partners—them buffalo and us." He adjusted his hat while drawing the cart. "Sure... thangs were a mite bit hairy 'bout a year and a half ago, but we've since made friends all harmonic-like. They do their yearly stampede through the valley and the shakin' from all their hooves helps us get the apples down from the trees faster! It's what ya fancy city ponies might call a psychotic relationship."

"Erm... I think the term is 'symbiotic,'" Lyra corrected. A shrug. "Not that I'm an expert or anything."

"Heh... works for me!"

"Oh my Goddess!" Twinkleshine suddenly grimaced.

"Huh?" Braeburn blinked. "What's the matter?"

"That... that hotel!" Twinkleshine pointed a pink hoof at a partially collapsed buildingfront. "It's practically rubble?"

"Oh. The Dime and Drop Inn. Yeah... eheh..." Braeburn brushed his bangs back. "Reckon it's seen better times."

"What in Celestia's name happened to it?!" Twinkleshine gulped. "An earthquake? A tornado?"

"Naw... just Trouble Shoes."

"Huh?"

Braeburn sighed. "Dun worry... he mostly sticks to the woods to the west... mostly."

"Who does...?" Lyra blinked.

"Uhhhhh—Hey!" Braeburn slapped his fetlocks together with a cheesy grin. "How 'bout takin' a gander at where y'all will be sleepin'?"

"Yaaaaaaaaay!" Minuette skipped ahead. "Last to sniff the pillows is a rotten saddle!"

Appleloosa – Vacation Retreat – West of Mainstreet

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand here we are!" Braeburn rolled to a stop in front of a series of modest log cabins lined up against a parched forest of threadbare trees. "It might not look like much, but it's the heart that counts!" Silence. "Yup... that and a whollllle lotta backsweat." He winked in the dusty air. "That's a pioneer joke."

"Oh look." Lyra shuffled to a stop, droning. "The woods. Right behind it."

"Errrr..." Braeburn glanced east at the town, then at the woods. "Oh... shoot. Uhm..."

Lemon Hearts coughed, then trotted aside—pulling Lyra with her. "Could you give us a second?"

"Sure thang!" Braeburn nodded.

"Ooooh!" Minuette smiled. "A garden!"

"Yup!" Braeburn gestured at a patch of flora separated from the rest of the dirt by finely-hammered stones. "All planted with the finest cacti from our local wilderness!"

"Wow! So amazing!" Minuette leaned in. "Now... are these the kind of cactuses that are safe?"

"Huh?"

Twinkleshine leaned in as well. "What do you mean, Minny?"

"Y'know... there's cactus that's super pointy and then there're cactuses that are safe to pet."

"P-pet?" Braeburn blinked.

"Minuette, you can't..." Twinkleshine face-hoofed, sighing.

Minuette blinked. "It's not like I wanna hug em!"

Appleloosa – Vacation Retreat – Behind the Cabins

"Okay Lyra..." Huffing, Lemon Hearts trotted to a stop beside the shacks. "...we need to have a little talk."

"Holy Hell! Look!" Lyra pointed at several narrow sheds. "Outhouses! Honest to Goddess outhouses!"

"Lyra..."

"And not just the ones that farmers erect around Ponyville just for show!" She winked at the other unicorn. "All those wooden port-a-potties around Sweet Apple Acres?" She shook her head. "Just for show. Their poop goes straight to the crops. Think about that next time you buy some cider at Barnyard Bargains—"

"Will you just put a cork in it?!" Lemon Hearts hissed.

"What?!" Lyra shrugged. "I'm just making light of the situation. Y'know... relaxing—"

"No you are not!" Lemon Hearts frowned, nostrils flaring. "You're being sassy and cheeky and rude and I want you to stop. Now."

"Yo... ease up!" Lyra shrugged. "We're all here to chillax, aren't we? This is how I let off some steam, Lemmy! I make wisecracks! You'd know that—only... we haven't exactly hung out a lot lately."

Lemon Hearts folded her forelimbs. "And just who's fault is that, huh?!"

Lyra blinked. "Huh?"

"This trip is far too important to me—" Lemon Hearts winced, then whispered: "Far too important to Minuette and Twinkleshine! And I'm not going to have you—Miss Appointment-Dodger—bucking it up for those who could really benefit from peace, quiet, and serenity!"

"Girl... I'm the very epitome of peaceful right now!" Lyra pointed. "It's you who's the friggin' hothead—"

"I am not a hothead!" Lemon Hearts hollered—but instantly regretted it. She looked nervously over her shoulder. Her voice echoed slightly... then dwindled. An eagle shrieked in the background, then all was silent.

"Why so nervous, Lemon Hearts?" Lyra asked. "Y'know..." She smiled. "...they prescribe getaway vacations for the likes of you."

"Don't patronize me," Lemon Hearts grumbled, facing her again. "I've been to more therapists and counselors in the last year alone than you've ever bothered to show up for in your entire life."

"And look at how well-adjusted you are for it."

"Lyraaaaaa..."

"Hey... don't you forget..." Lyra folded her forelimbs, squinting at the mare. "I've gone many rounds in the stuffy, sterile offices of bit-biting brain-prodders in my day. Not to echo the country sentiment of Cactusloosa, but this vacation ain't exactly my first rodeo."

"I don't care if it's your last." Lemon Hearts frowned. "I know you wouldn't ever dream of being here on your own volition, Lyra, and I don't know what strings Bon Bon pulled to guilt-trip you into coming here. But—to be frank—I don't care. Minuette and Twinkleshine need your moral support, and so do I. So if there's any ounce of decency left in that mint green body of yours, you'd better drop the sassy attitude and stick it out for their sake."

Lyra blinked. "I... care for Minuette and Twinkleshine too, Lemon Hearts." She took a deep breath. "Perhaps... just maybe... they're still my friends."

"And what have you done to show for it this past year?"

Lyra bit her lip.

Lemon Hearts sighed, bowing her head. A beat. "I promise... if you just behave..." She looked up with glossy eyes. "...then I won't chew you out any longer. Let this be our last discussion on the matter."

"And..." Lyra raised an eyebrow. "...if I don't pass your subjective little 'test?'"

Lemon growled beneath her breath. "Don't let it come to that." She turned tail and trotted back towards the cabins. "This vacation is your last chance."

"At what, exactly?"

"Everything you've forgotten that's important in your life."

"Pffft... are you for real?"

Lemon Hearts was too far away to respond.

"Grffff..." Lyra kicked at the dirt and slouched back to the cabin on her lonesome. "...figures Shrinkenfurter would pick a desert." She frowned into the hot dust. "Here's hoping there's something in this universe that's drier and crustier than her."

Sting Search

Manehattan – Docksides – Early Evening

A ruby red sunset glinted off the looming buildings, skyscrapers, and apartment complexes. Several blocks, train tracks, and smoggy smokestacks away, a lone yellow chariot was pulled to a stop in a dingy intersection of rust-brown warehouses.

The stallion paused for a moment to catch his breath. Adjusting his yellow cap, the pony looked over his shoulder. "Here we are, Miss! Eighth and Buck Street!"

"Mmmm... uhm... y-yes..." Shuffling, Satin Cynders struggled to hop out of the taxi. This was mostly due to the copious amount of thick scarves and bulky cloaks she was wearing around her otherwise petite figure. "Thank you very much. That will do."

The stallion squinted. "Say, what's with the beekeeper getup anyways?" He bore a gruff smirk. "You from Afghanistallion or something?"

"Ungh..." The reporter rolled her blue eyes, fumbled around in her cloak, and produced several bits. "Here you go. And a little bit extra to forget that you were ever here."

"Golly... I'm all for a special tip and all, lady, but are you sure you don't want me to—like—stick around and make this a two-way trip for ya?" His eyes reflected the darkening silhouettes of buildings against the setting sun. "I'm not sure if you've ever been here before, but this ain't exactly Canter 21."

"Yes," Satin grunted. A golden lock of hair dripped out of her hood and she tucked it back in. "I'm sure. If anypony asks—I was never here."

"Heh... your funeral." The stallion smirked. "Lemme guess... stallion back at home has been fooling around so now you're out here to club the mistress."

Satin clinched her teeth. "I'm not married."

"Whew!" The stallion tipped his hat and galloped off. "Now there's an even bigger crime than I thought!" A mischievous whistle, and the grizzly pony disappeared amidst the urban muck.

"Unff..." Satin groaned inwardly as she trotted along. "I hate being attractive."

Fog horns echoed in the distance. Seagulls shrieked for a bit, then were silent. The haunting melody of buoy bells formed a continuous cadance.

Satin kept to the shadows, hugging the grimy walls of half-abandoned warehouses as she made her swift way west. At last, she came upon the concrete edge of the Manhattan landscape. She looked down into a straight fifteen foot drop into the Haydson River, lined with tugboats and fishing ships pressed compactly together, bobbing as one.

The waters of the Haydson rippled red—one last ominous wink of the dying day. Barges hovered in the distance, and when Satin glanced past them, she could see the hazy gray line of Neigh Jersey beyond, lined with twinkling lights.

She took a deep breath—then instantly regretted it.

"Mmmfff..." Her muzzle scrunched. "...why I can't I snoop out a crime story in a flower garden? Just once?"

Just then—

Swoooooooosh!

—a green body streaked behind her, landing nimbly with a flicker of blonde mane hairs. "Boo!"

"Aaack!" Satin Cinders jumped clear off her hooves. She landed, fishing wildly around her cloak. In the process, no less than five loaded cans of mace landed on the concrete beneath her—slipping from her grip. "Dammit—!"

"Haa-haa-haa-haa!" Lightning Dust laughed raspily, bending over to slap her knee. "Holllly shit, girl!" She pointed at the cans while they were still rattling to a stop. "The Hell were you packing to take out?! A hydra?!"

"Grrrrr..." Satin snarled. "That wasn't funny! Do you have any idea what happens to lone ponies in the middle of a place like this?"

"Uhhhh... actually? I was gonna ask the same about you." Lightning Dust cocked her head aside. "I thought I told you to dress inconspicuously."

"I am dressed inconspicuously."

"Tch... for real?" Lighting Dust plucked at the edges of Satin's cloaks. "In this mummy get up?! Are you here to stage a sting operation or flirt with a camel?"

"Lightning..."

"Why's it that everypony but me needs to learn how to calm down and think sensibly?" Lightning smirked. "Lose a few of them fabrics, Cindy. If shit hits the fan, you don't want to be tripping over yourself."

Grumbling, Satin yanked her hood down, freeing her blonde tresses in the evening air. "If my informant didn't act like a juvenile delinquent, then maybe I'd not have any reason to run in the first place!"

"Shhhhhhh... calm your crotchtits. I've told you once and I'll tell you once again! I've got this in the bag!" Lightning peered down the line of warehouses. "The exchange will be happening in about two hours. We're lucky. Let's revel in it."

"I'm not here to revel in anything, Lightning. I'm here to expose a massive crime organization, and you're all I have to depend on—"

"Yeah yeah." Lightning waved a hoof, yawning. "You got the stone?"

Taking a deep breath, Satin reached into her cloaks and produced an enchanted shard. "Here it is."

Lightning did a double-take. "Cheese and crackers, lady! This thing's the size of a hippo's vibrator!" She grimaced. "How the Hell am I supposed to hide that on my body?!"

"I told you the size of it before!" Satin whispered loudly, shoving the sound stone into Lightning's grip. "You told me to 'relax' and that you would 'make do.'"

"Really? I did? When was that?"

"Tuesday."

"Wow. I had a lotta balls on Tuesday." Lightning took the shard with a smile. "Well, in that case, the morons will never sniff out what's listening to them. You gonna be okay on your end?"

Satin parted her robe to reveal a rectangular receiver, complete with tape recording equipment. "I'll have to remain stationary and within three blocks of your position. Now..." She gulped. "Where exactly is the Jasmine Enterprises warehouse where the exchange will be taking place?"

Lightning turned and pointed south. "Over in that direc—wait." She spun around completely. "Over there! The building with the brown water tower on the top. Heheh... my bad."

"Unnngh..." Satin face-hoofed.

"Hey..." Lightning leaned in and hugged a forelimb around her shoulder. "Relax! You and me? We're doing an awesome thing here!" She winked. "Lots of innocent ponies' lives are gonna be spared and all that sappy shit."

"I wish being heroic didn't feel so positively idiotic," Satin said.

"Eh... that's just society's standards bitchin' at ya in your head."

Satin squinted at her. "Society's standards or common sense."

"Eh..." Lighting waved a hoof. "I prefer to listen to neither." She smiled. "My best friend is adrenaline."

Satin sighed. "I was afraid of that."

Lighting raised an eyebrow. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?"

"Only that I wished we had more ponies on on this." The reporter cleared her throat. "Your friend, for example."

"Hey. Buck him." Lightning's nostrils flared. "If the guy can't take the risks to get a decent job done, then I wonder how he even manages as a guard in the first place. Besides... we're better off just the two of us. Don't wanna make too many waves, y'know?"

"Harmony forbid..."

"Anyways, you'd better go find a lofty place to position your receiver. Me?" Lightning juggled the sound stone and flapped her wings, taking off. "I've got a date with Jasmine's henchies tonight. Don't wanna disappoint."

"Just be careful," Satin said.

The reply was a dry chuckle, and then Lightning was a distant speck over the warehouse buildings.

Standing alone, Satin felt a nervous chill. She sighed and started searching for exposed fire escapes. "Could be scarier," she muttered to herself. "At least there isn't a creepy desert nearby to drag my body."

Rhinoceros National Convention

Blue Crescent – Hallways

Bon Bon, Sharp Quill, Haze, and Garnet shuffled down the long white corridor leading away from the meeting room.

"A very passionate speech you gave, Garnet," Haze remarked, drawing a hood over his leafy ears. Fangs flashed from underneath. "Although I feel that some of your... rather polarizing statements on Princess Luna could stand further examination."

Garnet swallowed. "I apologize if I came across as overzealous. Fact is, I truly believe in the initiative of Princess Platinum—"

"Plasma," Sharp Quill corrected.

Garnet winced. "My apologies." He gulped. "My... uh... my timeline. I used to a different princess' legacy."

"It's quite alright, Garnet."

"Is it?" Garnet glanced at the others. "Just how many times have I been calling the leader of Blue Nova Industries 'Princess Platinum?'"

"I've got a better question," Sharp Quill droned. "Who cares?"

"Heh..." Haze smirked from underneath his hood. "Shouldn't we all be taking this situation a bit more seriously? Plasma's gang is talking about restructuring the nature of Equestrian defense. Maybe even the damn government."

"For the better," Garnet said.

"Yeah. Sure. That's easy to believe in and all... but..." Haze sighed. "We're monster hunters. I was never... we were never meant to be responsible for political functions."

"That's why we always operated in secrecy," Sharp Quill said.

"Precisely."

"Then..." Garnet squinted. "If you all feel that way, why did you vote for 'yay' like I did?"

"Because I have faith in Plasma when she says that the vote will be taken to the Canterlot Court next," Haze said. "If this whole procedure is performed officially—and by that I mean through the right channels with the Court and with royalty—then I can live with my conscience."

"You mean you can focus on squashing changelings out in the open," Sharp Quill said.

"Assuming we'll even be allowed to perform lethal force once we're public," Haze remarked with a coy smirk. He spoke over his shoulder. "Isn't that right, Sweetie Drops?"

"Mmmfff..." Bon Bon exhaled, staring down at the throat. "Sure."

Garnet smiled back at her. "We shall... meet up in Ponyville sometime?" He blinked. "To discuss a civilian lifestyle?"

Bon Bon looked up at him. After a blink or two, she gave a delayed response: "Oh. Sure thing, Garnet. Just like I promised—I'll be more than happy to show you the ropes."

"Splendid..." Garnet breathed with relief. "I would very much like to blend in now that I'm stationed here in Central Equestria."

"Yeah, well..." Sharp Quill slapped his glossy shoulder as the rest marched on ahead. "Good luck with that."

Haze chuckled.

Bon Bon lingered at the rear. Just as she passed by a supply room door...

...a thick, wrinkly hoof grabbed her by the tail and yanked her inside.

Blue Crescent – Supply Closet

"Gah!" Gnashing her teeth, Bon Bon batted the hoof away, produced a grappling hook in one hoof—Schiiiiing!—and a taser in the other. Bzzzzzzzt! "Back off, you dirty—" The agent blinked, ears drooping. "...Besty?"

Thud! The rhino in question slammed the door shut and spun to hiss in Bon Bon's face. "Have you gone out of your fuzzy little head?!"

"The Hell's gotten into you?"

Growling, Betsy waved her horn between them. "I thought you had your dad's brains, girl! I thought you cared about the League and Equestria abroad!"

"What?" Bon Bon's brow furrowed. "Is this about the vote we just took—?"

"You've gotta have the skull of a tube worm to think that Princess Platinum's gang is anything but bad news!"

"For one, it's Princess Plasma."

"Whatever—!"

"For another..." Bon Bon took a deep breath. "I'm convinced, alright? If we're gonna go public, we would do best to make peace with Princess Twilight. She's young. She's smart. And if you want a real litmus test for corruption, she's our mare!"

"Bullshit!" Betsy hissed. "You're the closest thing the League ever had to a moral compass! You knew that everything being said at the meeting was sketchy as buck!"

"Betsy..."

"Don't lie to me! I know you!" The rhino's eyes narrowed. "You were mulling it over for a long time. Hell, I'm surprised you even raised your hoof in the end!"

"You think we have a choice in what's going on?" Bon Bon exclaimed.

Betsy blinked at that. "Huh?" She snorted angrily. "Alright... what the Hell do you know that I don't?"

"I know that if there's any nasty hoof to be dealt, then we're not going to sniff the crooks out by letting things stay stagnant." Bon Bon gestured. "Look... this is between you and me, but Chief Agent Horizons suspects that something is fishy with this whole 'Blue Nova' thing."

"No shit..." Betsy shook angrily. "So that's why you were throwing goo-goo eyes at each other before you both voted at the last second!" She stomped her thick hooves. "Rnnngh! We could have had a hung vote, ya melon fudge!"

"Shhhhhh!" Bon Bon dragged Betsy deeper into the closet. "Don't you get it, Betsy?!" She flung a nervous look at the brightly-lit crack in the doorframe. "Something's at work here that's bigger than the League... bigger than the Canterlot Court... bigger than all of us!"

"Then let's blow this joint!"

"To what end?! We've got nothing to prove! Not yet!'

Betsy blinked.

"Okay... so... Horizons is highly dubious of this Garnet fellow," Bon Bon said. "Personally, I think he's a good pony—BUT... he's playing into the hooves of Blue Nova and those in charge of it. You heard that speech he gave at the meeting! He's an out-of-time patriot whom they can manipulate. So... as a favor to Horizons... I'm getting really chummy with him... trying to find out just what the new League wants to do with him." She swallowed. "In the meantime... we're letting this whole movement go their way..."

"So they can expose themselves to our scrupulous eyes..."

"Exactly..."

"That sounds unnecessarily stupid, convoluted, and downright dangerous." Betsy blinked. "Damn... I think I'm getting turned on already..."

"You understand now?"

"Then... shit..." Betsy sneered. "I should have played along too! Dammit! Girl, why didn't you tell me before—"

"Shhhhh..." Bon Bon grasped Betsy's leathery shoulders. "No, Betsy. You gotta be you... now more than ever..."

"Uhhhhhhhhh... you sure?"

"Just as much as Horizons is relying on me to play the innocent little daughter-of-a-chief, you gotta keep up with the whole 'fat grumpy loose trigger' thing."

"Hey." Betsy frowned. "I'm not 'grumpy.'"

"You know what I mean..."

Betsy sighed. "When I got into the spy business, I thought it was gonna be the head-butting and explosions kind... none of that debonair deception shit."

"Things change. Equestria definitely is. Looks like Blue Nova wants to change along with it. But perhaps it's too early for a change of this kind?"

"How do I know?"

"That's just it. You don't. Neither do I. But—like it or not—we're both in the exact time and place that matters." Bon Bon took a deep breath. "We gotta play along... at least until more clues surface."

"And then what?"

"What else?" Bon Bon stood up straight. "We bring the real monsters of Equestria to justice... whoever that might end up being."

Betsy nodded. "Yeah... okay... I can buy that."

"Good. So..." Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "...could you maybe not yank me randomly into dark supply closets? It could arouse suspicion."

"Knowing who you lived with in Ponyville, I figured you were comfortable with closets."

"... ... ...huh?"

"Oh Sweetie Drops..." Betsy opened the door, looked out into the hallway, then made a stealthy exit. "...if only you were all smarts."

Bon Bon lingered by herself inside the compartment. Alone.

Her muzzle scrunched. "We're just friends, dammit..." She rubbed her muzzle, sighing. "And right about now... I could really use some friendship and a tall glass of cider..."

She eventually made a limp exit herself.

The Things You Cling To

Canterlot – Downtown Cafe – Months Ago / The Night After the Canterlot Invasion

"Herrrrre you go..." Bon Bon smiled, trotting over while balancing a cup of coffee in her hoof. She placed the mug on the edge of the table above the booth where a shivering unicorn was currently reclining beneath two layers of blankets. "A cup of coffee always makes me feel better after a stressful day. Why not take a sip?"

"Mmmm..." Lyra sniffled, staring out through the cafe window. Outside, royal guard ponies flew left and right, searching for survivors while unicorn volunteers shone glowing horns to illuminate the streets. "I've... n-never liked coffee."

"Oh." Bon Bon blinked. She bit her lip, turning to glance across the crowded cafe that had taken in dozens of frazzled citizens past closing hours. "Uhmmmm... maybe if... I-I grabbed some cold, refreshing water?"

Lyra shuddered. "Do..." Her amber eyes darted up at Bon Bon. "...do they have any Dr. Pony?"

"I... think they ran out of sodas this afternoon."

"Oh..." Bon Bon stared back out the window.

"I could... run across the street to the market and see if—!"

"No." Lyra exhaled. "Mmmm... it'd get in the way of the guards and what they're doing. I don't want a nice pony like you getting yelled at."

"Eheheh..." Bon Bon smirked—more to herself than anything. "Trust me. I can get past a few guards if I needed to."

"It's... it's fine..." Lyra tugged the blanket tighter. "All of this is f-fine. Thank you. Y'know?" She turned to glnace up at Bon Bon. "You've done so much for me. More than... than I deserve."

"Now why would you say that?"

Lyra merely gulped.

"Do... do you want me to leave?" Bon Bon blinked. "Because if you need some alone-time—"

"No. No!" Lyra reached out, suddenly clutching Bon Bon's fetlock. "I-I mean..." She grimaced. "I... could use the company... if that's okay..."

"It's more than okay, Lyra."

"I'm sorry. I'm sure you've got somewhere to be, Miss—"

"I already told you..." Bon Bon giggled. "You can just call me 'Bon Bon.'"

Lyra gazed at her. "You... s-sure that you've got nopony out there who's looking for you?"

Bon Bon's smile faded. She blinked at Lyra... past her. "Believe me. I've got nowhere else to be right now." She folded a length of the blanket over the mare, easing her shivers slightly. "I just want to make sure that you're going to be okay."

"I..." Bon Bon winced, turning to stare out at the frantic bodies outside the window. "I don't know."

Bon Bon knelt beside the booth in awkward silence.

"So many frantic... panicking ponies..." Lyra gulped. "How could this happen here? In our capital? In our home?"

"From what I heard, it could have been a great deal worse," Bon Bon droned. "The monsters... their Queen... they infiltrated all the way into the inner house of Mi Amore Cadenza, and they were just one chessboard move away from completely taking over—" Bon Bon bit on her own tongue. She smiled nervously at Lyra. "Well... you know all about that." She cleared her throat. "I won't... touch the subject any further."

Lyra continued to stare out the window. She sat up slightly in the booth—as if attempting to get a better look.

Bon Bon blinked. She craned her neck. "Are you... looking for somepony?"

"Yeah..." Lyra breathed. "A stallion." She breathed again. "A guard. Orange coat. Blue mane... eyes like the sea..."

Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. "You mean the nice dude who rescued you and your friends from underground?"

Lyra spun to face Bon Bon, her eyes wide. "Do you know him? Does he have a name??"

"I'm... afraid that was the first time I saw him ever, Lyra," Bon Bon said. "But I recall him saying his name was 'Flash Sentry.'"

Lyra exhaled. "Flash..." She turned to look out the window again. "I hope he's doing okay."

"He struck me as the sort of stallion who could take care of himself." Bon Bon lovingly patted the mare's shoulder. "I wouldn't be too worried."

"Not... worried... just..."

"Smitten?" Bon Bon tried to smile, but for some reason it came out deadpan.

"... ... ...he's a real hero, isn't he?"

Bon Bon nodded. "There are lots of heroes out there tonight. Thanks to ponies like you... they'll always be remembered."

"Yeah... I guess... but..." Lyra reached back, squeezing Bon Bon's hoof. "There's a hero in here too."

Bon Bon held her breath.

Lyra looked at her. She smiled—but the moment she did, her eyes welled up with tears. "Thank you... y'know? J-Just... thank you..."

"Hey..." Bon Bon shrugged. "I'm only glad to help—"

"No... no really..." Lyra sniffled. She leaned over to nuzzle Bon Bon, but failed halfway, burying her face in the mare's shoulder. "Thank you... thank you thank you thank you thank you..."

Bon Bon felt her throat go sore. She hugged Lyra tenderly, sniffling slightly as a bittersweet wave of emotion rolled through her. Just hours ago... she was cradling a different pony altogether in her hooves... one whom she couldn't save. She leaned forward, cradling the unicorn in a warm embrace.

"Lyra Heartstrings... I promise... I'm going to protect you... I'm going to keep you safe." She clenched her eyes shut to dam the tears in. "There's more than one way to be a hero. I... I hope you understand that someday..."

Making Friends With the Natives

Desert – Buffalo Camp – Seconds Before It All Hits the Fan

"Shadow Charge." Swift Breaths gulped, reaching a cloven hoof out. "Bro. Why not just sit down for a b—?"

"Little Paws..." Shadow Charge smiled through streaking tears. He hobbled towards Lyra, his lower lip quivering. "...somehow... s-somehow I knew you weren't dead...!"

A whimper escaped Lyra's throat. Tail-wagging, she turned around and prepared to bound off—

"Heeeee!" Shadow Charge's limbs wrapped around the fuzzy canine. Despite his feeble strength, he easily lifted Lyra up and hugged her to his chest. She felt a hairy head and horns nuzzling her ears from behind. "Such a strong lil' guy! No m-monster could ever hold you down! Huh? Isn't that right, fella? Yeah?"

"Mmmmm—!" Lyra squeaked, struggling for breath.

"Shadow Charge..." Chief Thunderhooves trotted closer, speaking in a low voice. "We need to talk."

"Just... just so h-happy..." Shadow Charge shuddered, holding Lyra close. "So happy to b-be home..."

"And we're glad for that, Shadow Charge." Little Strong Heart shuffled up, gulping. "But... there are so many questions unanswered..."

"How and when did you leave your tent?" Thunderhooves asked. "Who or what injured you so terribly in the last few minutes?"

"Was it the monster?!" Little Strong Heart squinted. "I swear, Shadow Charge, you were here the whole morning! How could you even have rescued our brother in such little time?"

"Uhm..." Lyra finally found the breath to murmur. "If I may..."

~o~Silence.~o~

Lyra blinked dazedly. "But—"

~o~Simpleton. You are concealed. Let it act out.~o~

"Wait... a minute..." Little Strong Heart looked directly at Lyra.

~o~Blend, fool. Blend.~o~

"Something's... wr-wrong..." Lyra slurred.

Shadow Charge sniffled, his eyes widening. "Little Paws...?"

Little Strong Heart leaned in low. "Shadow Charge? Did... your dog just speak—?"

Lyra looked up. She and the female buffalo made eye contact. A green light billowed between them—

FLASH!

"This... this is just so wonderful!" Little Strong Heart stood at the crest of a hill overlooking a massive valley. Far below, a stampede of buffalos galloped briskly through a narrow strip of earth that had been cleared between a dense cluster of apple trees. "Buffalo! And ponies! Working together!" She turned around, smiling wide. "We get to honor our ancestral running ground... and you get to keep your harvest!"

Lyra blinked at her. She looked down at herself—at her translucent green pony limbs. -=Uhhhhhhh.=- Her eyes narrowed, glancing back up at the buffalo. -=Exactly where are we?=-

The unicorn mentally gasped as a beautiful specimen of stallion marched up, phasing directly through her.

"Darn tootin'!" Braeburn said with a smug grin. "And dun forget!" He tilted the brow of his hat, winking at the buffalo. "You get to have all the tasty apple pies you could want! For free, too!"

"Heehee..." Little Strong Heart giggled. "Yes... I suppose that's a nice bonus. At least..." She winked back. "Chief Thunderhooves sure seems to like them."

"See? We ain't meant no harm!" Braeburn waved a hoof at the desert horizon. "Just fixin' to spread pony cheer and harmony far and wide!"

"I'm starting to understand now. And... I'm sorry for all of the attempts we made to sabotage your apple farming earlier."

"Awwww... ain't no big whoop. What matters is that we worked our differences out!"

Lyra squinted confusedly at the scene. Just then—without warning—a tall, slender unicorn with a dark coat shuffled up, phasing through the scenery.

~o~Quick. End the trance.~o~

Lyra did a double-take, glancing at the stately unicorn and her flowing green mane. -=Huh?=-

The unicorn glared at her, unnoticed by Braeburn and Little Strong Heart. ~o~Wake from this. Now. Before the connection is made.~o~

-=Connection?=- Lyra glanced stupidly at Braeburn and Little Strong Heart. -=What connection?=-

"Once the stampede is over, I promise, we'll be out of your hair," Little Strong Heart said.

"Dun be silly." Braeburn waved a dainty hoof. "Y'all should come on over and enjoy a good ol' fashion hoe-down with us!"

"Hoe... down...?"

"You betcha!" Braeburn smiled dashingly. "No better way to get to know another culture than through dancin'!" He tipped his hat. "And it would please me to no end to get to know y'all better. How would ya like that?"

Little Strong Heart stared back at him. Her cheeks flushed slightly...

...and that's when Lyra noticed a pink light fountaining behind her eyes.

"Yes... ehehe..." Little Strong Heart bashfully toed at the soft dirt of the plateau beneat them. "I... I think I would like that, actually."

"Well alrighty! Welcome to Aaaaaaaaaapleloosa!"

"Heehee!" The pink light in Little Strong Heart's eyes intensified, although Braeburn appeared to be completely blind to it.

-=Wait.=- Lyra stepped forward on translucent limbs, gazing close. -=What's with...=-

FLASH!

"...the cotton-pickin' light?" Lyra drolled in Braeburn's voice. She blinked, glancing up to see the brim of a hat shading her yellow muzzle. "Awwwwww hell."

"Duaaaaah?!" Chief Thunderhooves did a double-take, wide-eyed. Several other buffalo shrieked in surprise.

"Braeburn?!?" Little Strong Heart yelped, twitching in confusion.

"...?" Shadow Charge's voice shuddered as he looked down at the petite little stallion he was suddenly cradling. "Little Paws...?"

"Eheh..." Lyra tried to wriggle out of his embrace. "Look... seriously... I-I can explain—" At last, she slipped from his grasp, falling hard onto the desert floor. "Ooomf!"

FLASH!

More buffalo gasps.

Lyra blinked, gazing at her outstretched limbs. She was Bon Bon again. "Manure on a sundae..."

"What in the ancestors' name is going on here?!" Chief Stronghooves thundered.

"Please... j-just don't freak out... that's my job!" Lyra hopped up, swiveling to face the Chief with blinking blue eyes. "Something's happening to me and I really really need your help—" FLASH! "—my beloved." She finished the statement in a shaky, elderly voice... for she had transformed into a graying female buffalo. "Uhhhh..."

Chief Stronghooves' jaw hung agape. "Rains In Sunshine?" He gulped hard. "How... how can this be? You died years ago..."

"No, Chief..." Swift Breaths marched up, frowning. "That creature is not your deceased mate. This is a deception!"

"No! I-I didn't mean it! Honest!" Lyra looked at Swift Breaths. "I'm sorry!" FLASH! She whimpered through Little Strong Heart's muzzle. "You can... trust me?" Wincing, she looked over her shoulder.

Little Strong Heart gazed in shock, her eyes reflecting herself. "How is this possible?"

"I'll tell you how!" Swift Breaths snarled, dragging his hooves. "It's the monster! That's how!"

"The monster?!" another buffalo shouted.

"Of course!" A growl flew across the camp. "It took our brothers and sisters!"

"Now it's come to devour us from within!"

"Slay it!"

"Slay the beast!"

"No-no-no... wait!" Lyra grimaced, waving two cloven hooves. "Let's just talk this out!"

~o~Flee, you fool.~o~

"Something h-happened to me inside that cave!" Lyra whimpered and stammered. She glanced at countless pairs of angry eyes, and her body flickered between a dozen different buffalo, some living and others dead. FLASH! FLASH! FLASH! "Please! I'm just as much a victim to that thing in the cave as your friends are!"

"Kill the monster!"

"Spill its blood!"

"Now and for good!"

~o~They are right. You are the monster.~o~

Lyra grimaced as the green flame gave her a different muzzle every second. FLASH! "But..." FLASH! "B-But I—!" FLASH!

~o~Run. Now.~o~

The buffalo closed in from all sides.

Lyra squeaked and turned to run—

—when a fierce pair of forelimbs grabbed her from behind.

"You foul creature!" Shadow Charge snarled, the veins in his hairy forehead pulsing. "You killed my Little Paws!"

"G-get off of me!" Lyra shrieked, seeing more and more angry bodies closing in from all sides. "Rnnngh!" Her teeth clenched as her body flickered to the familiar peach fuzz of her roommate. FLASH! "I mean it! Lay... OFF!" And she kicked her rear legs with all of the talent and might of the world's most versatile member of S.M.I.L.E. WHACK!

"Ooomf!" Shadow Charge didn't just fly off of her; his emaciated body flipped twice before smashing hard through a wooden rack of fishing supplies. Smasssh! "Unnngh..." The already battered buffalo rolled his eyes back and collapsed in fitful spasms.

"Shadow Charge!" Little Strong Heart shrieked.

"Bro!" Swift Breaths shouted.

An entire camp full of angry faces converged on Lyra. Hooves dragged and horns glinted.

"Uhhhhhh..." Lyra gulped, sheepishly brushing back blue and pink bangs. "S-sorry?"

"RAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" The entire tribe rushed her as one.