Sunny, Moonie, Twily

by Jetto

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Moondancer, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 178147

Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer and Moondancer are best friends, living in a dorm together.

Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, and Moondancer are the top students in Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns. One is a dedicated bookworm with a love of learning, other is an outcast full of ambition, while the last one just wants to enjoy life... a lot.

Connected with unlikely friendship, together, they fight crime live their lives, one day at a time.

(Sometimes they fight crime, too)

While it is set in Stallionverse, knowledge of previous stories is not required (you'll miss a joke or two at worst).

Teen rating and sex tag for slightly edgier humor, innuendos and Moondancer.

Guest chapters provided by the ever talented Eyeswirl the Weirded. You can't hug him through internet (you can try), so give him love by checking his stuff- quality guaranteed.
My own chapters are edited by the ever kind and generous Docontra, whose patience knows no bounds.

Published 2015-03-13 03:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-29 16:57:47 UTC

1. Friend, Foe, Fan

Spike sighed deeply. On one hand (he was the only creature in the entire Canterlot allowed to use that term legally) the end of exam period in Celestia's Academy for Talented Unicorns was a calmer time. One where students allow themselves a little rest, go back home for a day or two, hang out, stay in their rooms and play tabletop games and in general be in every place other than library. That meant peace, quiet and not much work for at least one week. But it also meant something else.

Returns. All the books previously used for studying, all few hundred of them, were back since yesterday evening, after his shift was over. And no employee of the library ever dirtied their hooves (or horns, since they were all unicorns) with physical labor. That's what they had Spike for. The only tamed dragon in entire Equestria, the only one that didn't want to burn and destroy cities and menace the population, and they used him as a librarian. And no, being the only creature with opposable thumbs was not a strong enough argument when your boss was using magic all the time. He had nothing against Mrs. Bookmark (other than hushing him when he's humming at work), but that lady could cut him some slack and sort those books herself. He often wondered how this library operated before he was born.

Sighing, he fully knew that complaining in his own mind wouldn't solve the problem of a giant wall of books at least thrice his size and many more times as wide. He stretched his hands and walked toward the pile, grabbing the first book and heading over to the moving ladder to replace it on the top of the shelf. The existance of the ladder in itself was questionable, considering that, again, everypony here was using magic. And not just street level magic, but academic level magic, given what this place was. But at the same time he was grateful it was here; making his job easier, or even possible in some instances. Where (or why) they got a ladder older than himself was a mystery he was unable to solve.

His rant was stopped when something covered his eyes from behind.

"Guess who?"

Purple hoof, familiar voice, a friendly, big sisterly aura.

"Princess Celestia?"

"Close." Twilight Sparkle snorted, removing her hoof and giving her little friend a gentle nuzzle-hug. "How's my favourite junior librarian doing today?"

As the pair unhugged, Spike hummed, placing one finger at his chin.

"Oh, I don't know. I could ask him for you?"

"Spike, I meant you." She deadpanned, but he ignored her and turned to his side.

"Hey Spike, Twilight wants to know how you're doing." he stepped back and turned one eighty. "I'm good. Tell her I said hi and thanks." He went back to the original position and faced Twilight. "He's alright and thanks for asking." He announced with a playful smile.

Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head, as if stopping herself from saying "kids".

"So, another dozen books for your studies?" He asked, all too well aware that Twilight contributed to his pile of work more than any other student.

"Nah, I just wanted to see how you're doing." She answered, then muttered to herself. "And I was just informed, so that's done. But now that I'm here..." She hummed and looked around the bookshelves surrounding her. "I think I'll pick some light reading while I'm on it. Got the latest copy of Metaphysical Theories of Kharmatic Thaumaturgy vol III?" She asked with a happy grin.

Spike blinked and pointed at one of the shelves.

"Try under M."

"Sweet, thanks! Be right back!" She happily trotted, huming happily along the way. Until Mrs. Bookmark hushed her, after that she was just trotting happily if silently.

Spike shook his head as he watched her walk away. As the years passed she got taller and older, but deep inside this was still the exact same filly he met when he was born. As he went back to climbing the ladder to reshelf the books, he pondered on his surrogate sister's life. A lot of ponies said that she needed to get some friends, but he knew better. She needed DIFFERENT friends, and more of them if that could be done. It didn't help that he could count all her closest friends on his hand (and he only had four fingers). And that's counting himself and Shining Armor. But the other two were all problems. He still wondered how a sweet, nice, smart filly like Twilight was friends with the likes of...

"Yo!"

Spike yelped and jumped as he heard the mare's voice. And being on the ladder meant he had to sacrifice both his grabby hands to hold onto it and not fall to his death (or at least some bruises), which meant the books fell without him. There was no thud or crash as they all stopped midair, held by a light-red magical aura of the flame-maned unicorn. His eyes narrowed as he looked deep into her bemused eyes.

"Sunset Shimmer."

"Spike."

The two glared at each other in silence for a few more seconds. Slowly, Spike regained his hold at the ladder and carefully got down, while Sunset Shimmer gently put the floating books at the nearby table. Once down, he faced her with crossed arms.

"What do you want?"

"Geez, I wonder?" She rolled her eyes. "I'm a student, this is a library and you work here. What DO I want?"

Spike groaned and rubbed his temple.

"Which one?"

"Summoning Demons and Fairies: Differences and Warnings."

"Try under..."

"I tried under S. And D. And F. And under new releases. And yes, I asked Mrs. Bookmark and somepony just returned it recently. I had literally no other choice but ask you."

He had to give her credit- as much as they hated every fiber of each other (don't ask them for the reasons, there are none), she made a clear, conscious effort to stay away from him whenever possible. He respected that and tried to repay her with the same treatment, to the point where they had to learn to share Twilight's time between one another so there wouldn't be any overlap.

Just to get her over with, he went towards the pile and started sifting through all the books as quickly as possible, Sunset joining him in telekinetically sorting one by one. All in all, Sunset was the least of his worries when it came to Twilight's social life. She wasn't nearly as bad as...

...wait.

"Hold on," Spike stopped and looked at Sunset with terrified gaze "if you and Twilight are here... does that mean...?"

His scales went numb as shivers went down his spine. He swallowed and looked around himself, sensing a predators' gaze. He knew it was there. He knew it could smell his fear and would not hesitate to attack any second now. He looked everywhere for a cover, but not even a fort made of books would save him right now. He was desperate.

"S-sunset, hide me!" Very desperate, as he knelt down before the mare still occupied with sifting through the books.

"If I knew how, I would've done it myself long ago. You're on your own."

Tears appeared in Spike's eyes. "T-traitor!"

Sunset shrugged, not even looking in his direction.

"When was I ever on your side?"

The dragon stopped and raised a finger.

"W-well... shoot, that's a good point!"

The shivers went through him again. The terrifying presence was getting closer.

"SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEYYYY---"

He looked left. He looked right. Up. Down. Behind. Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run.

"---WIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYY!!"

He opened his mouth to try and scream in terror or to call for help, but it was too late.

SLAM!

The white blur slammed into the purple dragon, sending them both past Sunset Shimmer (who made a single step to avoid getting hit as well) and right into the giant pile of books, scattering them all around and destroying what little order there was. Sunset caught a book that flew at her face. She nodded as she noticed the title.

"Found it!" She happily announced.

She squinted as she heard cracking noises from under the pile. The little purple dragon's hand emerged from under the pile, struggling to get himself away from the embrace of two surprisingly mighty hooves of a red with purpled highlights maned unicorn mare. One of the reasons why Spike tolerated Sunset Shimmer was that at least the firey-maned one didn't try to snuggle him to death everytime they met. Moondancer however...

"There's my Spikey-Wikey-Dikey! Come and give me a hug, you little cutie-pie!" She said, as she proceed to (unintentionally?) crush his bones with a powerful embrace. Spike tried to waggle his hands out and kick around in hopes it would weaken her. He even tried to breath some fire to burn her hooves, but he barely had enough air to survive, let alone fight back.

"H-h-help!"

"Who's the cutest dwagon-wagon? You are!"

"C-can't... b-b-reathe..."

"You're so cute I could cuddle you all day, every day!"

"N-n-nooo!"

Sunset looked up from her book and shook her head. What she saw was pretty funny... the first twenty times. Now it was getting old, but she didn't feel like interrupting. It was either him or her. She symphatized with him, but she had her own safety to worry about. It was a pure survival instinct.

When all hope was lost and Spike had given up and accepted his cruel fate...

BLINK!

He fell down on the ground with a weak thud. As he took a long awaited breath, he looked up to see Moondancer, as surprised as he was, at a safe distance from him, floating in the air, surrounded by a bubble of an unmistakable, purple aura. His eyes teared as he noticed the familiar purple unicorn walking by, effortlessly using her magic to contain both Moondancer away from him and levitate a thick book.

"T-Twilight!" Spike cried as he ran towards his savior, embracing her in a hug. "I was so scared!"

Twilight delicately patted his head.

"There, there, it's alright now." She reassured him, then turned toward her trapped friend. "Moondancer, what did I tell you about cuddling Spike?"

Moondancer crossed her hooves and looked away, pouting.

"I can't help it! He's so soft and cuddly!"

"He has scales!" Said Sunset Shimmer.

"Eh, I'm not judging." She shrugged and went back to pouting.

"Ekhem!"

All four looked at a middle aged mare with glasses, staring flaming daggers at them.

"Umm..." Twilight smiled sheepish "...hello Mrs. Bookmark..."

The next few hours were spent by the trio (and Spike) sitting quietly on a bench labeled "I was loud in a library". And no, they were not given any books to pass the time, which drove Twilight to near madness, as she kept quietly muttering 'misbehaved' to herself. Moondancer was no more happy, since she sat rightmost, while Spike was on the opposite end.

"I didn't even do anything!" Sunset tried to protest, but was promptly hushed by the librarian instantly.

And Spike? Lying on the chair, legs on the table and hands supporting back of his head, he was okay with it.

Author's Note

Just in case people wonder, this is Moondancer, a.k.a. that pony who invited Twilight to a party in 1st episode, also invited Sunset Shimmer in the comic prequel to Equestria Girls and was brutally rejected.
EDIT: This was written way before "Amending Fences", so please treat Moondancer as 95% original character.

Also, hey, welcome to my new fic! As you might've noticed, it takes place in a world called Stallionverse, but that shouldn't discourage you from reading it anyway. All you need to know:
-Twilight has friends, so she wasn't sent to Ponyville to find them.
-It was Prince Blueblood, along with Shining Armor as his bodyguard who got there. Together with four more stallions they became Elements of Harmony and saved the day.
-The existance and identities of Elements of Harmony is a secret and girls don't know it.
-Shining and Blueblood live in Ponyville.
-...that's it

More will come. Have fun :pinkiehappy:

2. The Sock!

While walking on the hallway towards their dorm room, Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer passed by a clique of their classmates.

"Hey Twilight." They waved and greeted at the purple unicorn, then groaned and narrowed their eyes when looking at Sunset Shimmer. Twilight waved back at them, while Sunset just rolled their eyes.

"Geez, some ponies just don't know when to let go." She muttered.

"Look at it from their point of view," said Twilight "it's a little hard to let go when a... ekhem, miscast spell burns your eyebrows."

"I refuse to apologize for a simple mistake more than three times!" She pouted and accelerated her trot. "And they had it coming for ridiculing my essay! I didn't hear THEM apologize for hurting MY feelings! Unlike some stupid hair, those don't grown back with a simple spell!"

Twilight rolled her eyes and giggled. She turned to Sunset as they finally reached the door to their room.

"Since when do you care when somepony makes fun of your work?" She asked, reaching out for the doorknob.

"I don't." She shrugged, glancing at the door. "But in front of the class and teacher, that was just... just... NO!" She yelled, as her eyes shot open and she slapped the purple hoof of the doorknob. Twilight recoiled and massaged her hoof.

"Sunset! What's the big idea?" She asked and was about to complain a lot more, but she stopped once she saw the terrified, pale gaze of her usually laidback friend. "Sunset?"

The firey-maned unicorn swallowed, took a few steps back from the door and pointed at it, hoof trembling. Twilight raised an eyebrow and looked at the direction in question, wondering what sparked such a reaction. And when she saw it, her face went pale as well.

"GAH!" She jumped away from the door and joined Sunset Shimmer in trembling in fear. "Ohmygosh, I almost... almost... ugh!"

The two sighed with relief after the tragedy was averted in time. Sunset Shimmer's stomach was churning just remembering the last time she didn't notice...

...The Sock!

Last time!

"Hey Moondancer, did you see my yellow notebook anywhe...whe...whe...whe..." Sunset stopped on her tracks and her eyes shot wide, as she entered their room to encounter her friend, lying in her bed in the middle of the afternoon. Not alone.

"Oh, uh, hey Sunny!" Moondancer greeted her friend while blushing profoundly and trying to cover herself with bedsheets. "I uh... I think they're in the drawer..." She said, all the while her friend stood in the same spot, muttering the same, uniteligeble word over and over again. "Yeah, hehe... aaaawkwaaaard!"

Suddenly, the bedsheets started rustling, until a figure emerged from under it. The unicorn stallion took a deep breath.

"Woah, warn me before that kind of play... oh, hiya Sunset!" He waved toward the paralyzed mare.

Moondancer's sheepish smile grew.

"Oh, uh... haha, I... I can explain?" She couldn't, as her bedsheets started rustling again.

"Ugh, I could barely breathe in there... oh, hey Sunset!"

And again.

"Yo babe!"

And again.

"Hola, chica!"

And again.

"Ohayou, Sanusetto-chan!"

They stared at each other for a moment longer, until.

"Yo Moonie, yer friend gonna join us or what?"

She fainted.

Twilight patted her friend, who at that point was at the verge of crying.

"Hush now, sweetie, nopony will hurt you ever again."

"Ponies... don't... bend that... way..." She muttered for a while longer.

But with that crisis averted, another one appeared.

"Our homeworks are in there!" Twilight noted. "And class starts in ten minutes!"

"I'M NOT GOING IN THERE!" She cried, stepping back until she collided with the wall.

"Neither am I!"

The two backed away from the door, still glaring at the sock stuck at the door. It was barely noticeable, one could pass by and either ignore it completely, or shrug it as simple, accidental mess. But to those initiated, it was anything but.

Living in dorms had its good sides. Like being close to the academy, sharing rooms with ponies your age, having a great place for studying without your parents or siblings constantly disturbing you, not to mention having a very well maintained cafeteria and various other venues at hoofs' reach. The bad side was that you shared a room with different individuals and some of them happen to have... 'hobbies' that might clash with your lifestyle. One that involved members of opposite gender and certain activities. Both of which were prohibited on the campus. Also, icky, especially for those who were yet to indulge in them.

However, a true friend would find a way to reach a compromise. In the case of Three Maresketeers (as trio was called these parts) the rules were simple- no tresspasers when Sunset or Twilight were home. On the days they had extra classes however, Moondancer was permitted to have 'guests', but she had to mark the territory with a single white sock stuck in between the doors. They all agreed to this (reluctantly) and it has been a staple in their lives since. It was only on emergency occasions though- since the last fiasco, Moondancer made sure to spend as much of her 'quality' time outside the dorms (or at least outside her room) as possible.

"Oh, I know!" Twilight beamed as she had an idea. "I'll just use an an 'Object Teleportation' on our homeworks!"

Spellbook entry #363: Object Teleportation: Allows the caster to teleport small objects to him/herself from a limited distance. The caster must be familiar with both the object in question and their detailed location. The size and distance vary upon caster's ability.

Difficulty rating: 2/5

Twilight concentrated on the spell and her horn sparkled with purple energy... and then fizzled out.

"Huh? It didn't work?" She shook her head and tried again, with no positive results as well.

"Lemme try." Sunset tried to do the same, but failed as well. "Ugh, it's not working! Something's blocking me!"

"Wait a minute!" Twilight went closer to the door and scanned it with her magic. "She cast a Cloaking Sphere on the room!"

Spellbook entry #211: Cloaking Sphere: Caster surrounds a room with an invisible magical field and chooses specific targets. When contained within the area of the field, all targets of the spell are immune to magical detection. Also, spells cast from outside the field trying to influence objects within it will be prevented, unless a considerable amount of mana is applied. The area and duration of the field vary upon caster's ability.

Difficulty rating: 4/5

"Ugh, of all the spells she had to master!" Sunset facehooved, blaming Moondancer's libido for finding a way to stealthily copulate without getting detected by hall monitors or teachers when using magic. It was as impressive as it was disgusting. "Now what are we going to do?"

The two stared at the door for a longer while. Clock was ticking and class was about to start. Finally, Twilight stepped forward and swallowed.

"I'm going in!" She declared, looking at the door with a gaze full of determination.

"No, you fool! Don't do it!"

"No Sunset, I must! Our grades depend on it!"

She reached for the doorknob, her hoof closing in, one inch at a time. A few drops of sweat gone through her head. Her heart was beating fast. Sunset looked at her friend, on one hoof trying to stop her, but at the same time she was the only one who could do it. Twilight's hoof trembled as she grabbed the doorknob, as Sunset fanned herself to prevent herself from fainting. Moments turned to ages, each second dragged on forever, until...

"You know what?" Twilight said, backing away her hoof. "Maybe we could ask Princess Celestia for an extension?"

Sunset blinked.

"Good idea!" She smiled.

And then the two friends walked away towards the classrooms, hoping they wouldn't be late. Along the way, they thanked heavens for...

...The Sock!

Author's Note

This is the chapter that almost forced me to put a "Sex" tag on this story. Damnit, Moondancer!

Alternate cut:

Twilight used Object Teleportation.
"What is this?" She asked, oogling the long, flexible sticky rod.
"Twilight, put it down!" Sunset yelled and jumped away.
"What? Do you know what this weird... phallic... thing... EEWWWW!"

3. Prank of The (5th) Century

"I'm terribly sorry, girls," Princess Celestia apologized to her three students "but there's an important matter I must attend to. It shouldn't take long, so in the meantime please review the materials I left you." She said, as she levitated three files at her three precious students, leaving the room in a hurry. She turned back one more time to add. "Oh, and do partake in the tea and biscuits I left on the table. Make yourselves at home."

"Yes, M'am!" The trio replied, bowing as their ruler and teacher left her room.

It wasn't the first time Twilight Sparkle visited Celestia's private chambers, but for Moondancer and Sunset Shimmer this was a completely new territory. The two were not as important (much to Sunset's chagrin), so of course they had to experience their fair share of "ooh's" and "aah's" as they explored the small, yet fascinating room.

"Alright, let's get to studying, girls!" She opened her file, but was the only one. She looked up and almost got a heart attack as she saw the two snoop around the room, exploring every nook and cranny. "Girls!"

Moondancer walked by the dressers, curiously examining the odd little statuettes, commenting on the pictures spread everywhere (even recognizing a few faces), while Sunset Shimmer looked at first gleefully, but then dissapointedly as the row of bookshelves.

"You'd think a mare this old and wise wouldn't hold so much modern teen dramas in her collection." She pulled another book of the shelf and read the title. "Fifty Shades of Neigh? Seriously?"

Moondancer waved a hoof at her. "It's actually a pretty funny black comedy once you stop treating it seriously."

"You read this crap?"

"Only first few chapters. I hate overly long plot in porn."

Ignoring Moondancer (as they often do), Twilight rushed to Sunset and yanked the book with her magic, putting it back where it belonged.

"Don't touch anything!"

"What? She told us to get comfortable." She shrugged, biting on a biscuit to accentuate her point, leaving cookie crumbs on the floor on purpose, just because she enjoyed seeing Twilight panic.

"Sunset!" Twilight anwered, in between magically summoning a broom to clean the mess her friend made. "What if she gets mad at us and..."

"Send us to Magical Kindergarten?" Sunset finished her sentence with a smug smile adorning her face.

While the two rivals bickered, Moondancer used the commotion to get a better look at the big, golden birdcage with curtains on, that intrigued her since she first laid eyes on the room. She hummed and looked around, just to see if there was a reason not to take a peek. Finding nothing, she slowly lifted the curtain. And then, her eyes went wide.

"Oooh!" Her head tilted at the sight of the... she wasn't sure what she was looking at, but it was probably sentient. "Hello there!"

The birdlike creature coughed painfully, letting go of a set of feathers as it shuddered with cold, with its eyes blinking independently of each other and mostly staring blankly into the nothingness.

"Moondancer!" Twilight rushed towards her and pushed her away from the birdcage. "Don't touch Philomena!"

"Philomena?" Sunset asked and walked to them.

"What is wrong with her?" Moondancer asked, inspecting it for any clues to identify it.

"She looks like crap!" Sunset Shimmer commented and, despite all the warnings, she prodded the bird with her hoof. At the slightest touch, Philomena gawked loudly enough to make them jump, then fell on her back. "Yikes!"

"I told you not to touch her!"

Eventually, after a few moments of panic, they declared the need to finally do something and gently transported her out of the cage, placing her on the softest cushion they could find.

"Ohno, ohno, ohno, ohno..." Twilight repeated, walking circles around the cushion.

"Okay girls, don't panic," Sunset took the initiative "that's a completely natural thing for a, uh, bird to do... right?" She asked, getting only Twilight's panicked reaction and Moondancer's shrug.

"Ohno, and she was even getting better!" Twilight said, still trotting around. "Princess Celestia said she would heal in no time! How is this happening?"

"Twilight, calm down already!" Sunset stopped her with a hoof, then pushed her at the bird. "You got a perfect hundred on healing magic! Can't you cast something that could make her better?"

Twilight swallowed and looked at the now unmoving Philomena.

"O-okay, I'll try!"

Twilight Sparkle took a deep breath and donned her serious game face, concentrating all her magic in her horn, then transferring all that energy into a single spell.

Spellbook entry #46: Rejuvanation: Caster enhances vitality of the target of the spell, increasing speed and intensity of blood cells, metabolism and other effects that culminate in faster recovery. Does not eliminate the source of the sickness, please contact your local physician before performing on ponies. Not suitable to use on foals under age six, or animals.

Difficulty level: 3/5

At first, when contacted with the magical energy, Philomena rose from the cushion and started levitating above the trio, which now looked at the bird with eyes full of amazement and hope. Until...

POP!

She burst into a small flame and turned to ash, which slowly fell on the cushion in a small pile.

The girls stared at the ashes for a while. Sunset opened her mouth, but had nothing, and neither did Moondancer, scratching her head; both of them silently wondering if this was a weirder bird than they though, or if Twilight messed up a spell for the first time ever. She, however...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Her friends covered their ears, as Twilight stood in the place, wide eyed and screaming at the top of her lungs for Celestia knows how long. They remained as they were for a longer while, until Twilight finally ran out of breath and had to stop to take a much needed breather. Moondancer used that moment to try and say something, but...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

The two other unicorns facehooved at that.

"Oh for Pete's sake..." Moondancer shook her head and turned to the other. "Sunny?"

"I'm on it."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA---!!!"

SLAP!

The screaming stopped.

"T-thanks... I needed that." Twilight said to Sunset Shimmer, who nodded reassuringly.

The trio of somewhat less panicked students once again joined forces to think of a solution to their dire needs.

"Maybe we could buy her a new bird?" Sunset Shimmer suggested. "The same kind?"

"No way, the Princess will definitely find out!"

"Then... get her a prettier pet?"

"Sunset!"

"What? I can't be the only one who thought that was an ugly bird... thing... whatever it was!" She paused. "It's still a shame it died, though."

"Ugh, why is this always happening to me?" Twilight fell on her knees and started crying. "It's all my fault! I killed a living being... and I failed Princess Celestia!"

Her friends looked at each other, then walked to Twilight and each put a hoof on her back.

"No, it's my fault." Moondancer started. "I took the curtains away."

"No, it's MY fault!" Sunset interjected. "I shouldn't have touched her!"

"Girls..." Twilight looked at her friends, smiling beneath all her tears. "No, it's all MY fault! I made her... well, explode!"

Silence. Awkward one.

"Okay, it's mostly your fault," Sunset shrugged, earning a deadpan glare from Moondancer "but we all took part in it, so whatever, let's all get punished, like we usually do!"

Twilight nodded to Sunset and the two shook hooves. And while they pondered over their bond of friendship being stronger than any rivalry, Moondancer hummed to herself for a moment, until she faced them with the harsh truth.

"Girls, maybe we should just tell Princess about it?"

"NO!" The two yelled in perfect unison.

"But..."

"I am NOT going back to Magical Kindergarten!" Twilight yelled, tears in her eyes. "The foals there... they eat paste!"

"What the what now?" Moondancer raised an eyebrow.

"And I'm not going back home!" Sunset also cried. "It's cold, lonely and nopony likes me there!"

"Girls..."

"I got an idea!" Sunset announced, wiping the tears from her eyes, replacing the previous misery with newfound resolution. "I can bring it back! Be back in ten!" And then she rushed away from the chambers, not to be seen again until ten minutes later.

"THIS!" Sunset announced, as she entered the chamber again and slammed a thick, dark book on the floor. "...is our only chance!"

Twilight gasped. "B-but Sunset... this book... where did you get this?"

"No time for silly questions, we have a life to save!" She opened the book and rushed through a few pages, until she found the spell she was looking for. "You girls better stand back, this might get a little hot... wait, where's Moondancer?"

The two looked around the chamber, but failed to notice their nymphomaniac anywhere. They shrugged and decided there were more important things to do right now. Sunset concentrated on the incantation before her. Her eyes turned green and her horn lighted itself with black energy...

"A... a phoenix!" Moondancer gasped, mentally facehoofing herself, as all the parts of the puzzle combined in a logical sense.

"Indeed," Princess Celestia nodded, as the two marched back "I wanted to use Philomena's rebirth as an opportunity to turn this into a lesson on magical creatures. I wanted you to study her right before her eventual rebirth, then make a presentation for the entire class right before they witness it with their own eyes. I left you three some notes on that. You did read them, right?"

"Y-yes, notes..." Moondancer smiled sheepish, wanting to bang her head over the wall. "And her bursting into ashes...?"

"It's completely natural. It happens every five hundred years and next time is around this week. I'll speed the process with a Rejuvanation spell, so she'll be back to her old self again and regain her energy." Princess Celestia sighed. "It hurts looking at her like she's now... or rather, was, a few minutes ago."

"Ehehe... sorry?"

"No matter, what's done is done. Telling me was the right thing to do. Maybe this time we could avoid the..."

Their conversation was stopped, as they noticed two other unicorns on the other end of the corridor, galloping out in their direction, stopping with a long slide after they noticed the Princess. Before Princess Celestia could ask the two sweating, tired and terrified students what happened, they bowed lowly before her.

"We didn't mean it, we're sorry!" Twilight started.

"Sorry about wha--"

"I didn't know how it wold turn out!" Sunset took over. "I just found this book and it had a spell and I thought... I thought... but it didn't and now I can't stop it!"

"Stop what? What are you talki--"

"Princess please don't send Sunset away home, or banish her, or... or... it's all my fault! I made her pop!" She paused, then added. "Not Sunset, Philomena!"

"Twilight Sparkle, will you please ca--"

"I touched Philomena and she fell and Twilight just wanted to help! You don't need to send her to Magical Kindergarten, she'll graduate in two minutes anyway and she doesn't want to eat paste!"

"What paste? Will you two slow down and just expla--"

Once again she was interrupted, this time not by one of her students, but by a loud screeching sound, resembling nothing that lived or breathed. To anypony else, it would sound like a gust of wind flowing through several open windows. To Princess Celestia, it was a sound of wind flowing through a body made out of bones and the darkest of magics.

"Girls, stand back." She ordered her students and they obediently ran behind her back.

Princess Celestia stood tall as she noticed the flying skeletal abomination take flight, trying to screech at her, but managing to only make a few whistling sounds, since it had no vocal cords to speak of. It did have fangs and claws and, despite lacking any feathers on it, managed to fly on its wings with great speed, soaring in the direction of the Princess, aiming its sharp appendages at her throat. Even though it didn't need to anymore, the instinct to feed without end was still strong and made for a formidable weapon. It would have taken an entire squadron of trained Royal Guards to take one down and they probably would end up with severe injuries at least. One could wreck havoc in the city. A dozen could destroy it. Hundreds would take over Equestria.

Princess Celestia glared at it, channeled a small part of her magical energy into her horn, then shot a light beam at the creature, vaporizing it into ashes instantly.

Thousands couldn't land a single hit on the Sun Goddess.

Once danger was averted, Princess Celestia went a few steps forward and looked at the pile of ashes. The Three Maresketeers couldn't even begin to guess what her face was like, now that she was turned back from them.

"Philomena..."

Twilight and Sunset collapsed on the floor, lamenting over their grim futures, ones of banishment, little foals, loneliness and paste.

"...wake up! It's not funny anymore!"

"Huh?" Two distraught students raised their heads to look at the Princess over the ashes.

"And it was never funny to begin with! Now stop scaring my students already or there will be no cake!"

For a while longer, the pile of ashes was just that, a pile of inanimate remains of a undead abomination of a non-specified sickly bird that Twilight popped and Sunset raised. Then, it burst into fires once again and reformed, but this time not as a featherless chicken-like thing, but as an actual, large, magnificent bird made out of everburning flames.

"It's a phoenix." Moondancer quickly told her two flabberghasted friends.

"Oooooooooooooohh!" Sunset exclaimed, slapping herself for not figuring it out earlier.

"It... it was... a phoenix... a phoenix..." Twilight murmured, as her head started spinning. "Just... a... a... phoenix...I didn't... kill it... haha... hahaha..." then she fainted.

Once Princess Celestia stopped berating her pet, she turned to the three girls.

"I guess that's that for the presentation. Pity." She shook her head and turned to her conscious students. "Moondancer, please take Twilight Sparkle to the infirmary. As for you Miss Shimmer, there's a matter of a certain... illegal spell from a certain book that we need to discuss about. My office, right now."

Sunset groaned, but followed her teacher, muttering to herself.

"Sheesh, that's some gratitude I get for reviving a stupid bird..."

Author's Note

OP Princess Celestia takes no crap from nopony!

Yes, Sunset is a necromancer. Just in case you thought I was kidding with this whole "she's kinda evil".

4. Besties with Moon: A Secret

As the bell rang, the students in the social studies classroom all dispersed almost immediately, leaving the professor with a hoofful of ponies to dictate home assignment so they could relay the information to the other students. One of those messengers was a lonely, dark blue coated, glasses wearing mare with a braided, blue mane, known as Moon Sky.

She only transferred recently. Today being Friday, it marked her first week as a new student from the far away lands of Korgard, one of the last true Equestrian colonies on the Gryphon Kingdom's soil. But even though there were no magical academies or Equestrian schools of any description, she managed to gather a substantial knowledge of arcane arts, history, geography and Celestia knows what else; all through homeschooling and large amounts of books, which her parents could afford to ship straight from Canterlot. That's one of the perks of being the only daughter to a family of the most renowned ambassadors in the entire Gryphon Kingdom. Sadly, that meant that not only was she lonely growing up (griffin cubs being far from the friendliest to outsiders), but also lacked any sort of social skills or relevant cultural knowledge of anything modern Equestrian. Her parents, worried that her sheltered life would do more harm in the long run, decided to send their only daughter back to Canterlot to live with her relatives and attend Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns.

Shortly after transferring, it turned out that her knowledge and skills with magic far outshone any materials of ponies her age, therefore she was excused from any classes except ones that taught more modern knowledge. Social studies, modern history, culture studies, physical education and several others were the only ones she was forced to attend. As expected, she didn't get to make many friends, as her school life limited itself to going to school, attending her classes and going back home. In fact, she didn't make a single friend at all.

It's not like she didn't want to socialize. She entertained the idea from time to time, but all the time she had to pass on it. Not only because she was an awkward shut in. Or because she was detached from Equestrian culture for so long. It was because she had a secret. A secret that nopony could know.

In truth, Moon Sky is...

"Hey Moonie!"

"MEEEEEP!"

...very easy to startle. But that wasn't a secret.

"Ehehe, whoops!" The other mare smiled sheepishly at the hyperventilating one. "Didn't mean to scare you!"

"I-It's nothing, Moondancer. Just... don't do that anymore." She coughed and looked away from the white coated mare she shared part of the name. Moondancer helped clean the mess, even using a stain-removing spell to remove the ink spill she accidentaly caused.

"Roger dodger!" Moondancer saluted with a smile. "So, it's Friday, meaning there's no school tommorow, we barely got any homework and the weather is set to be amazing and I have nothing to do. We're running out of excuses not to hang out and rock the city."

"R-rock?"

"Metaphor. It means having a lot of fun with the nightlife. Clubs, bars, discos, you know!"

"I-I don't..."

"Don't tell me you never wondered what it's like to be free under the skies to do whatever you want?" She looked around to ensure they wouldn't be overheard, then leaned and whispered. "Maybe we could even hook you up with some nice stallion. I know a few nice ones. Dozens. Few dozens."

Moon Sky blushed and left her desk, muttering something. Moondancer sighed and rushed after her.

"Or mares, I'm not judging, a lot of my friends are..." She stopped as the pause was getting on the 'My friend's handsome brother' level of awkward. "...or you know, JUST the two of us, hanging out. We moonbutts gotta stick together! No context!" She made a small pause, allowing Moon Sky to blink and tilt her head. Moondancer thought she disbelieved her ability to abstain (like most do), but in truth it was the confusion over using combined words for moon and coloquial term for "rear end" as an affectionate nickname. "What? I can take a break from time to time, don't listen to what those jealous girls are saying. It's not my fault I'm more open minded. Okay, it's a bit of my fault, but not in that way..."

"I can't. Sorry."

"Oh." Moondancers ears drooped a bit. "Look, I was just joking about that stallion/mare thing, if it bothers you..."

"It's not that! I'm just..." Her head dropped a bit. She turned away and continued talking in a hushed tone. "I'm too busy tonight. And over the weekend. So could you just, please... stop..."

Moondancer stood where she was in silence for a moment.

"I see... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you." She smiled weakly and scratched her head "You should've told me I was being annoying earlier, haha, ugh, I know I can be unbearable sometimes. Once I start yammering, there's no stopping me, no sir! See, I'm doing it again!"

"I didn't mean..."

"So I'll just, uh, excuse myself out. See ya next Monday, I guess."

"Moondancer..." Moon Sky tried to call for her, but her voice wasn't strong enough to stop her from turning away and trotting out of her sight. She sighed deeply. She was supposed to learn how to socialize and the first chance she had to find a friend, she blew it. Not because she didn't like the mare. Moondancer was... quirky was the right word, but nice and friendly as well. Moon Sky wouldn't mind hanging out with a filly like that, but she couldn't.

After all, she had a secret. A secret that nopony could find out.

Moon Sky left the class with her head cast down, ignoring anypony she passed by. Not like anypony even recognized her as anything other than an obstacle that had to be carefully avoided. A metaphor she herself identified with far too often. Ever since she agreed to attend this academy she knew it would be an odd experience, diving into a society she was so unused to, but it proved to be way over her head. She was just supposed to learn to adapt, get in touch with current times, find a common language; yet she couldn't even handle a single friendly face.

As she passed the hallway to reach her destination, she finally allowed herself to ditch any and all pretenses she had to abide for an entire weekend. She took off her fake glasses and her magic made them disappear. The braids of her mane slowly unfolded and her mane grew a few sizes and changed color to a lighter shade of purple. Her coat also brightened, her body grew a few sizes and her cutie mark, a long crescent sun, was now surrounding itself with dark sky. But more importantly, a set of large wings appeared on her back, stretching themselves free from last few hours of stagnation, as she finally opened the door to the room and entered.

Moon Sky had a secret. A secret that nopony could find out.

She was...

"Luna, how was the school day?" Princess Celestia asked.

Luna sighed heavily and contemplated answering, but instead opted to just fall into her sister's bed, face first. As she learned after coming back, she would be excused from showing small signs of weakness, as long as nopony else was watching.

"I see." Celestia nodded and put the papers she was grading away. "I'm assuming the lessons went without a problem?"

"..."

"And you're slowly getting used to the current society?"

"..."

Celestia hummed. She walked a few steps closer and lowered her head to whisper something into her sister's ear.

"Moondancer again?" She guessed.

Luna groaned and turned to her back, now facing her leaning over sister.

"We don't understand that mare. She's..."

"I'm sorry, who?" Celestia interrupted, smiling innocently. "Would you mind repeating that sentence?"

Luna's eye twitched. She rolled her eyes and said it again.

"I don't understand that mare!" She paused to see her sister nodding. Their little excercise to break the habit of the "royal we" was slowly getting on her nerves. "Moon Sky is clearly not interested in, pardon the colloquialism, 'hanging out', yet she keeps on insisting."

"Did you, I mean, did Moon Sky tried saying no?"

"We, I mean I, I mean... yes."

"And how did she react?"

"She..." Luna's face soured, she turned her face away from Celestia. "...left."

"Oh? Isn't that great, then? She left you alone, just like you always wished." She turned around and went back to grading her students papers. Moments passed. "And yet she still occupies your mind."

"Aye. For a reason we cannot..."

"Ekhem!"

"...for a reason I cannot comprehend."

Celestia smiled and shook her head.

"Oh, I can think of a few reasons why Moondancer can't leave ponies minds but I don't think sharing them all is appropriate. Let's just say that she has a gift of... leaving a very strong first impression. She also has a gift of making friends with those who need them the most." A few more moments of silence passed again, interrupted only by a quill giving some poor pony a well deserved D. "By which I'm implying you need more..."

"I understood that part."

Celestia looked at her gloomy sister, still not moving from her bed. Some would take it as a testament of tardiness and lazy attitude, but she knew better. She once again put away her quill and turned to Luna.

"I will not force you to make friends against your will, I already learned that lesson the hard way. However, if you're planning to keep on using that disguise, maintain this elaborate lie and still push away ponies from yourself, then I believe you're missing the whole point of this entire excercise. If that's what you wish, then we should stop this masquarade right now, before somepony finds out and makes a big deal out of it."

Luna didn't say anything for a while, but Celestia could tell that her sister was thinking hard on it. She couldn't blame, nor rush her. She couldn't even begin to imagine what a thousand years alone on the moon were like, not to mention her transformation to Nightmare Moon- how much of that was a spell gone wrong, some alien interference, or was that all just her? It hurt her that she was helpless once again. Even though times had changed, lessons were learned and circumstances were different, she couldn't help but wonder: what could go wrong this time? Or even, what exactly went wrong the last time? And what she has to do to stop it from happening again.

"Tia," she interrupted her train of thought "is this the right thing to do?"

Celestia sighed. If there was a harder question in this universe, it had yet to be asked.

"Building a prospering society on Honesty, yet lying to those we hold dear? No, it isn't. But neither is telling the whole truth, nor is using your fortune helping others at the expense of your own self or only ever choosing the fun option over the boring ones. It's a fine line..."

"No, that's not what I meant." She interrupted her sister. "What I meant is... is it alright for us, and I mean the two of us and not royal we this time, to even make friends?"

Celestia blinked. It wasn't often she was asked this question, but the answer was always the same, going along the lines of "everypony deserves friendship, no exception, we need it more than anypony etc." she always used to tell her family and students. Alicorns were just another kind of ponies, despite the vast differences in power, position and lifespan. She let Luna continue out of sheer courtesy, with a rant/lesson ready to fire.

"I mean, as goddesses and rulers of this land, not to mention the only two alicorns alive, we stand above..."

"Wait, wait, wait," Celestia interrupted her sister "could you repeat that last part?"

"...uh, we stand above?"

"No, before that."

Luna tilted her head at the unusual expression of her older sister. Princess Celestia's face could be now described, if her memory was correct, as sheepish. "Tia?"

"Yeah, I... uh..." she scratched the back of her head, as her forehead suddenly got covered in large beads of sweat "...I seem to have neglected to mention a little... change, that occurred in recent years."

Luna blinked at her sister and left the bed, now standing in front of Celestia, wondering what could've turned a usually calm and collected sun goddess so much.

"It's about that 'only two alicorns' part..."

Author's Note

Enter Woona. This is not the last time you'll see her. There will be more of them, but not immediately- too much Moon at the same time can be dangerous.

Also, yes- existance of Cadance confirmed.

5. Tricks before Twilight

Being a top student at the Academy for Gifted Unicorns has its perks. Despite getting into trouble on average twice a week, usually by proxy of being friends with Moondancer and Sunset Shimmer (the two took turns providing each day's dose of hijinks), Twilight Sparkle's reputation was still so high that she was given free reign at the academy's library, long after it was closed for the public. And while having Spike usually made her job easier and more enjoyable, he was still a baby dragon and needed his night's sleep.

And no, he was banned from ever drinking coffee. Never again would she let a mistake like that happen again.

While she wished Sunset and Moondancer could have been here to keep her company, at least she was getting a lot of work done in solitude. And considering her latest essay required a lot of source material, it was just easier to stay overnight than check out twenty books and risk not having what she needed.

Before she announced herself ready for studying, she reached for her checklist and went through it one last time.

"Checklist for checking my preparations?" She glanced at the document from both sides, and then happily marked the first position. "Check!"

"Papers? Check!"

"Quill? Check. Replacements? Check!"

"Ink? Check!"

"Coffee maker, coffee beans, milk, sugar, tea spoons? Check, check, check, check, check."

"Mug with hot coffee already in it?" She glanced at one such thing, sniffing the aroma going from the boiling hot drink. "Mmhmm. Check."

"Joe's Donuts? Check."

"Key to the toilet? Check."

"No Mrs. Bookmark making snarky remarks and hushing me every two seconds?" She looked around, then giggled and nodded to herself. "Check!"

"Books?" She looked around the library. It wasn't flooded, burning, smelling, being robbed, teleported to another realm or cut into little pieces. "Chhhhhheeeccck!"

"Now that everything is in order, nothing can stop me from achieving knowledge!" She beamed proudly at herself for a moment, then rolled the checklist back into a scroll and went towards the table. "But first, get'em while they're hot!"

Her magical aura enveloped the cup of steaming hot coffee with liberal dose of milk and sugar. Unlike some other ponies she knew (Sunset), she wasn't afraid to enhance her drink with sugar and milk, which some (Sunset) thought was blasphemous and would rather spend all her allowance getting so called "proper coffee", which had all the taste, but no utility. She levitated it towards herself to first delect her nostrils with the sweet smell of third grade coffee (it's not the taste, but the staying power that made it her favorite), blew at it a few times so she wouldn't burn herself with the first sip, then gladly touched her lips to it and slowly lifted it higher, and higher and...

"Huh?"

She inspected the mug closely and couldn't help but raise her eyebrow. She turned it upside down only a single drop fell to the ground.

"What the...? Didn't I just...?" She put the mug back at the table, breathed in and out a few times and slowly calmed herself down. "I guess I must've drunk it before. Oh well, I'll just make another and waste five minutes of studying... Ugh, so much for the perfect plan... and I should stop talking to myself!"

Approximately one hour later, her coffee didn't disappear, so she finished it by the time she was done with her current batch. She proudly looked at all the notes she had produced, noting that those five wasted minutes didn't impede her progress... much. Done with that part, she grabbed all four tomes she was using and levitated them after her, going to their respective shelves. It was part of the deal- clean after yourself and reshelf all the books in their proper places. That was the least she could do to show respect to those great sources of knowledge and power. Also, it made Spike's job easier.

"Can I have that one?"

"Sure." Twilight passed her current one to her right without thinking.

"Thank you.

"No prob--- wait, who what?"

She quickly turned to her right, dropping the last tome from her grip, only to notice... nothing. Nopony was there with her, yet she could've sworn she heard a female voice just before. And that tome she hoofed over was gone. Coffee she could forget about, but books?

"Hello? Anypony here?" She asked around and walked between a few shelves, but saw nothing. No signs of any other living being, aside from some random bugs that probably crept somewhere out there, reminding her to not spoil Spike TOO much, it looked like he was getting tardy at his librarian duties.

Eventually, she shrugged it as just hallucinations born from hunger, so she took a small break to get more coffee and a donut. She went back and unsealed a six pack she brought with herself, helping herself to a caramel donut before going back to work.

Two tomes, another mug of caffeine poison delight, two more donuts and who knows many hours later, Twilight noticed some discrepancies in her notes. She inspected it over and over, but the error was there, as two sources couldn't agree on one principle. She blamed it being written by two rivaling scholars, roughly at the same time. She couldn't have an error and two versions would be unthinkable- there was only one truth, if two great magicians couldn't agree on it back then, then somepony else later had to settle on it. With that in mind, she left her workplace and went searching for a more modern publication.

As she went away, she glanced at the open donut box, where two more treats still waited for her.

"Wasn't there supposed to be three?" She looked at the box confused, but shrugged it away as simply not paying attention to low things like food while searching for enlightenment.

She yawned, as she slowly trotted over the bookshelves, scanning the labels for something she could use. She wasn't sure which one it was, but there had to be one that had some answers. As she walked, she heard faint noises at her back. She jumped and turned back, horn glowing with light, but she found nothing.

"Hehe, nothing... okay, I gotta give it to the girls, the library at night is a bit spookier than..."

Another faint noise made her jump and squeak, her horn brightening even more, ready to form a blast of energy to fire any second.

"H-hello?" She swallowed. "I-if somepony's around, could you please tell me?" Silence. "No? Okay, then it's probably just wind. Nopony's here with me, right?" Yet another noise could be heard, this one clearly of some hoofsteps. She jumped at that direction, her breath getting heavier. "Spike? Mrs. Bookmark? Guards? ...Princess Celestia? ...Princess Luna?" She waited for the response. "Moonie, Sunny, I swear, if this is some kind of prank, it's not funny, only distracting!" But still, there was nothing.

She swallowed. "There's no ghost in the library, it's just an urban legend..." She muttered to herself, as she walked by the giant hall, slowly peeking out of every corner just in case. "Then again, if there is no ghost, is it... a trespasser?" She gasped, shaking in place, continuously turning in any direction, blowing at her hair every time she accidentally got part of her mane at her face. "No no no, no way anypony could sneak in! There's a state of the art security system! Not even Discord could penetrate it, I'm sure of it... I hope..."

She jumped as she heard a few more steps in the distance. Somepony was here, she had no more doubts about that. The entire academy has many layers of magical wards and barriers of different kinds. Whoever got inside was good. Really, really good. Anypony not approved by headmistress would have to be a genius to get past it. Since only students and staff are ever approved, they couldn't learn how to do it in the first place, which left very few beings capable of such a feat, not necessarily ponies. She wouldn't be nearly as scared if Nightmare Moon hadn't roam free just a few weeks ago, thus turning out one legend to be true. Her first instinct was to run away, just go towards the exit, or window, whichever happened to be closer, leap away or teleport, whichever is faster, alert the guards and the Princess and get away safely. That was the safe thing to do. Smart thing to do.

However, she looked around her and noticed a lot of things. Knowledge. Power. All within hoof's reach. Whoever got inside now had access to all of it, there was no telling what they could find. Or how much danger that would produce later down the line. She remembered that one book Sunset once found and how it almost ended in a disaster, no telling what else could be hiding around here. On a side note, why do they keep something this dangerous in the public library*? And the only thing that stood on the way, was her, Twilight Sparkle. Top student of Princess Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns. The most promising magician of the century (not her words, but she couldn't disagree).

Whoever the trespasser was, he/she/it knew that, which is why he/she/it avoided her like plague.

Twilight smiled viciously. The tables had turned. The hunted became the hunter. Whatever was here with her was in deep trouble once a member of the Sparkle family caught up to them. With her newfound resolve and bravado, she turned towards the recent source of noises. A few more steps could be heard, confirming her hunch. She galloped in that very direction, charging her horn with the most powerful magic missile she could.

Spellbook entry #375: Magic Missile: Do I really have to explain?

She galloped forward, going west, closer to the walls. She smiled, knowing that despite this being a maze of a building, she knew it inside out and the direction the trespasser was coming from was a dead end, meaning that whoever was there had nowhere to escape, especially after she used her brother's copyrighted (performed under fair use laws) barrier spell. She jumped out of the corner and faced the intruder with her horn burning up and spirit high.

"Gotcha! Surrender now and... and..."

Like a balloon poked by a needle, all her bravado popped away from existence as Twilight Sparkle noticed the so called trespasser. It wasn't a pony, or any other creature with sentience. It did made the weird, irregular noises that resembled hoofsteps, even though they were anything but.

"A... a window?" Her eyebrow twitched as an single, open window moved along with the wind, occasionally colliding with the wall and frame, producing ominous noises that carried over the giant, echoing empty chamber. "...ha... haha..." She snorted, then emerged into a fit of laugher.

She closed the window shut, making sure that yes, none of the layers of the barrier were ever breached. Sighing with relief, she slowly went back to her table, still giggling over her little overreaction.

Girls were right, she though, this isn't healthy. She yawned, bringing another point. I'm getting tired and my mind is playing tricks. That would explain why I miscounted the donuts, or coffee. I mean, how in the world would somepony, or something, drink a whole cup of steaming hot drink in a few seconds? No way. It was all just my imagination. Oh well, there's still plenty of time to finish the essay, no need to stay all night. I'll get it done in the afternoon, after a solid six hours of sleep. That should be enough.

She walked by a few more bookshelves, halfway towards her destination, when another though occurred to her.

"Wait, where's that book I gave away? Did I accidentally place it in the wrong shelf?"

She was about to scoff at herself for thinking weird things, when the next turn over the corner placed her at the same place where she supposedly gave it away. She stopped mid-trot, when she saw...

...her. A mare, dressed in an elaborate purple cape adorned with golden stars, wearing a pointy wizard hat, just standing there, just a few yards away, reading a book. That book. A small, glowing orb levitated above her, providing the light she needed to read, while also casting an ominous shadow, obscuring her face.

"...uh..." Twilight raised her hoof, but with her previous bravado gone, she was unsure how to react.

The mare turned her head at her, pointing her purple eyes at Twilight. An awkward moment followed, in which the two sets of eyes blinked one after the other a few times. Then Twilight made a single step towards her, at which point the mare pulled something out of her cap and tossed it into the ground, exploding in a puff of smoke. Twilight coughed, fanning the smoke out of her eyes, only to realize that the mare was gone!

"Hey! Get back here!"

She immediately jumped past the smoke cloud, ending up at a crossroads of bookshelves. Turning left and right, she caught a glimpse of a cape vanishing in the corner to her left. Wasting no time, she galloped after, following her as she cut corner after corner, her cape being always just barely visible, until eventually Twilight lost her way and was torn between two turns. She had to give it to the trespasser- she was good at escaping on hooves, but Twilight wasn't about to let her go that easily. She had an ace up her sleeve. And eyes. Or rather, horn, as she cast another spell.

Spellbook Entry #285: Thermovision: Replaces regular sight of the caster with the ability to see changes in temperature in the surrounding area. Lasts for a few minutes, depending on the caster's magical power, or until canceled.

"You can't hide away from me!" She looked around the cold, unmoving library, except now her entire view was different. No longer was she able to see regular colors or details, only general shapes in the nearest vicinity; but instead was able to see changes in temperature, which obviously all living beings emitted and couldn't easily hide, unless the stranger knew a counterspell. And judging by the red/orange-ish shape she sensed nearby, contrasting with the dark blue of anything else, she couldn't. Twilight slowly walked towards that place, then jumped from behind a shelf in front of her.

"There's no escaping now! Surrender and explain yourself! How did you get here, who are you, what are you planning to do?" She got nothing in response. "Answer me!"

Nothing. Twilight looked at the mess of red and orange colors in front of her. She could feel radical temperature changes, but no movement similar to what she supposed would be breathing. And come to think of it, wasn't that a little too hot for a pony? She closed her eyes and safely removed the spell from her eyes, regaining her regular vision, only to notice... her coffee maker, boiling with fresh drink ready to consume.

"STUPID USELESS THERMOVISION!" She kicked the table out of frustration, instantly regretting it and massaging her pained hoof. How she managed to get back to her station was anypony's guess, but she wasn't done yet. She cast the thermovision again (making a mental note to learn a better vision spell) and looked around again. Finding another moving object of different (and regular) temperature in the distance, she gave chase again and eventually caught up to her.

The two once again stood face to face, though Twilight only saw the red heat, pretty sure that in the darkness she wouldn't be able to recognize her face anyway. That, and if she was about to get away again, she wasn't about to cast it again, her eyes hurt enough even without using magic on her eyeballs all the time.

"Stop! Right! There!" She ordered.

The mare once again pulled a smoke bomb from her cape and threw it at the ground, but this time Twilight was ready. No amount of smoke was going to mask her own temperature, this wasn't even going to buy her time. She once again gave chase, galloping into the smoke cloud as fast as possible.

"That trick won't work on me twi--!"

SMACK!

Her nose collided with something, making her fall down on her rear. She massaged her hurting snout, muttering some less than decent words.

"!@#$ stupid !@#$ thermovision!" She removed the spell to look at the bookshelf she collided with. It was wobbling dangerously, the content shaking and in danger of falling and creating a domino effect with every other shelf in its way. Twilight yelped, got up and surrounded the shelf with her entire magical might, trying to stabilize it in its place. Once it stood firmly in its spot again, Twilight wiped her sweat and sighed with relief.

"Phew, that was clo--"

SMACK!

She was too late to notice a lone, hardcover encyclopedia falling right at her forehead.

"Twilight? Twilight, please wake up! Twilight!"

"Ugh... wha?" She slowly, lazily opened her eyes, to see a familiar face right above her. "Spike?"

The little dragon shed a few tears, before hugging her tightly. "Oh Twilight, I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Uh, thanks, I guess!" She embraced him as well, trying to get up from the cold, hard ground, as a massive spike hit her head and prevented her from getting up any further. "Ugh, what happened? Spike, what are you doing here this late?"

"Late?" Spike unhugged her and gently helped her get on her four hooves. "It's almost seven in the morning, I was about to open the library."

"Seven?" Her eyes shot wide. She hummed, looking around her surroundings and trying to recollect as much of yesterday as possible. The chase, that caped unicorn, smoke bombs- it all sounded too surreal, almost like a dream she had once she passed out after too much studying. There was no way anypony, much less some strange unicorn in a silly cape, would be able to breach the library or outsmart her with silly tricks.

Girls were right- studying all night in an empty library was not a safe thing to do. She wasn't going to do it again, until she learnt a spell that would allow her to stay late or recover her fatigue faster (the one she knew currently was too tiresome to use on herself with any visible effect).

"Oh well, it's probably nothing," she shrugged, then looked at the still worried Spike "I'll get some breakfast and go to my room and..." She scratched her head in what was going to be a sheepish manner. However, her face noticeable soured, as her hoof touched something that wasn't supposed to be there. She immediately summoned a small mirror and looked at her head with it, her eyes shooting wide when she noticed a large bandage wrapped around her head, right over the place that hurt her the most.

"B-but... but... Spike, did you do this?"

"No, you were like that when I found you. Why? What's wrong?"

Spike didn't get an answer until a few minutes later, when Twilight's eye stopped twitching. As if she had seen a ghost.

Or did she?

Author's Note

Sheeeeee's baaaaaaaaack...

This mini arc will continue... eventually. Too much tricks at the same time could be dangerous.

* - Nopony said Sunset found that book in library, but Twilight doesn't know that.

6. Anti-Villain

Sunset Shimmer yawned. She was trying to find a comfortable sitting position on an uncomfortable chair next to a hard wooden desk in a small, dark, empty room, illuminated only by a small desk lamp in the middle and the glassy window of the door letting in some of the light from the outside. Hoofcuffs on her hooves didn't help. Neither did the magic-dampening ring on her horn.

"Hello? Anypony?" She groaned at the giant mirror at her right. "Don't you have better things to do than this?" Her questions went unanswered. She groaned and faceplanted the desk. "I swear, if someone walks in and starts threatening me because I'm a southerner, again, I'll give you a legitimate reason to keep me he--..."

She didn't get to finish her sentence, as the door opened, blinding her with sudden flash of light and another pony entered the room. Once her eyes recovered, she recognized the fiery red royal guard, even if he didn't put his helmet on the table to expose his long, orange mane with red highlights, not that different from hers. In fact, a lot of ponies mention the uncanny resemblence between them, but she didn't see it.

"Hi Fire Strike." She casually welcomed a familiar guard. "Hope you don't mind I won't shake hooves." She lifted her hoofcuffed hooves, shrugging.

"It's Officer Strike to you, miss Shimmer. And no, that won't be necessery." He sat at the chair next to her, levitating a file of some sort. "You've truly outdone yourself this time."

"You won't prove anything!" She protested, angry that she couldn't properly cross her hooves.

"We have at least two dozen eye witnesses. Including your... ehem, "victims", who are more than happy to testify against you in court."

"Testify? They had it coming!"

"What was that?"

"...nothing."

Fire Strike sighed and shook his head. "Either way, I would like you to describe the entire event."

"Oh? And whatever happened to your two dozen eye witnesses, huh?"

"I would like to hear your version before making a final judgement."

Sunset blinked. That was not something she heard too often, but it was a nice change. "It started this afternoon, after classes ended. I went for some shopping..."

Leaving the Coffee Shop with a few bags of new, aromatic beans, Sunset Shimmer gladly checked off "Something to keep me alive during all-nighters" from her checklist, along with "Don't let Twilight buy coffee" and "Like, ever!" checked as well. Whatever mud she was buying was strong and kept her on her hooves better than anything she had, but at the same time the aftertaste was making her insane and disturbed her concentration. She blamed her latest 98% test on those beans alone and decided to never again let a pony from a Sparkle family line meddle with her fate ever again.

With that out of her way, all that was left on the list was a "New set of pencils from 'Pencils and Beds"", which was probably the stupidest name for a shop she ever heard (along with the weirdest business plan in history of universe), but at least they had high quality products, so...

"Look, as fascinating as analyzing the psyche of a teenaged mare is," Fire Strike interrupted her overly long narration "could you get to the point already?"

Sunset snorted and rolled her eyes. "I was getting there, Officer Hasty! Sheesh, won't even let the girl finish! No wonder you can't keep a marefriend."

His eye twitched, as his face covered itself in blush. Sunset could swear she heard some muffled laughter coming from behind the giant mirror. He growled until the noises stopped entirely. Sunset Shimmer smiled innocently, high-fiving herself in her mind (if she was in trouble, this was as good a silver lining as she could hope for).

"Continue, Miss Shimmer... if you don't mind, that is."

"Not at all, Officer."

But as Sunset was about to enter the the shop, the door slammed right open, her face only narrowly avoiding collission. She didn't have time to blink, let alone say anything, as two big, burly stallions zipped passed her, then suddenly a third stallion, this one a gray earth pony, stopped by her and grabbed her saddlebags.

"Gimme that, babe!"

"So he robbed you?"

"Pfft, no!"

"How about," Sunset immediately enveloped her belongings with her aura and pulled it backwards, easily tripping the stallion her direction "nah!" As he struggled to keep his balance, she let go of her levitation and instead charged her horn with different kind of energy and poked his head with it. Not stabbed or impaled, mind you. She was no brute!

BZZZT!

She had style! The thief found out the hard way, falling unconscious on the ground loaded with Celestia knows how many gigawatts, twitching like a dying bug shortly before its demise. Except he wasn't dead.

"He's not dead, right?" She asked, just in case.

"No. Just a little twitchy."

"Oh. Good." She nodded to herself. Last thing she needed was lose control over her own power. That would be rather awkward.

As soon as the would-be criminal fell face flat at the concrete street (ouch!), she heard the owner of the shop yelling. "GUARDS, GUARDS! THIEVES ARE GETTING AWAY!"

One glance at the inside of the shop said it all- broken beds, pencils thrown around and the good store owner yelling from behind his counter, kneeling, with one hoof covering his black eye, other hoof waving at the escaping trio; one of which was already down for the count, while the others paused to wait for their friend, but just shrugged and rushed away without him.

Trying to rob her, then demolishing her favourite pencil store? (She had no comments about their beds, she lived in dorm) That was about all she could take, before her eyes narrowed and horn burned up...

"And then you shot about, lemme see..." he inspected his file "...around a dozen or so fireballs in their general direction."

"Only nine!" she pouted. "And they had it coming."

"So you assaulted them, on bright day, with eyewitnesses, with fireballs?"

"It's cold flame, actually."

"Called what?"

"Not 'called'," her eyes rolled "Cold, as in freezing, though it's more lukewarm then cold if you ask me. It's a rare type of magical fire that doesn't burn living organic matter, but instead applies a kinetic force upon contact."

"That would explain why only their clothes, bags and some fur was burned; but they were still beaten up, despite having no hoofmarks on their bodies."

"It's a specialty of my family," she waved her both hooves, again irritated by the hoofcuffs "they made one thing right, I guess."

He hummed and spared her a comment. "Also explains why only the buidings around caught on fire."

She hesitated, before smiling sheepishly and answering. "...collateral damage?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure that's the case." He rolled his eyes at her.

"Hey, Gustav's Outdoor Delights is my favourite cafe! I didn't burn its entrance on purpose! Besides, insurance should cover any fire incidents. Including the cold ones, I think."

Fire Strike blinked, then nodded and looked at the file once again. "Is that all of the story?"

"Pretty much. Once they were down, some guards appeared, I was arrested and voila, here I am! Some random losers rob a store, I stop them and suddenly I'm the one who's evil! Story of my entire freakin life!" She ended it with headslamming the desk with a loud thud.

"Miss Shimmer... Sunset," Fire Strike closed the file and put it on the table, now instead focusing on her, as she raised her head just to get an eye contact. "why do you think we brought you here in the first place?"

She hummed, then shrugged. "Because everypony does that? Because I'm the daughter of a head of an anti-Celestia party, so I must be up to no good? Because everytime something bad happens I'm around, even if I'm only half times guilty? Or because I actively study chaos magic and necromancy and it freaks ponies out, so they blame me for literally everything bad that ever happens?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "I'm officially allowed to study and research these topics, strictly under the Princess's direct supervision, but not allowed to use or spread the knowledge without her consent." She then quietly muttered. "Not anymore. I have a written permission from Princess Celestia herself in my saddlebags in case you don't believe me. "

"Uhh..."

"Cold flame is NOT chaos magic!"

"R-right. I see." He coughed and lit his horn with magic. Suddenly, Sunset felt her horn being free once again, with the magic dampening ring flying away, shortly after followed by both sets of hoofcuffs. "You're free to go, Miss Shimmer."

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what? That's it?"

"Yes, your testimony matches that of the other witnesses and nopony wants to press any charges for the damage you accidentally caused. We see no reason to hold you in any longer."

"...so I'm not in trouble?"

"Not quite as much as those three robbers you stopped. Your actions didn't bring them any lasting harm, physical or mental (except trauma from being beaten by a girl), you acted in self-defense, insurance will cover all the collateral damage and you didn't resist the arrest or cause any sort of problems once detained... though that last part would be stretching it, but I can safely say I've seen worse. We'll just leave you with a warning."

Sunset's eyes widened considerably. She only ever knew Fire Strike because they sometimes bumped into each other when Moondancer went hanging out with their gay best friend, Silver Sword. Hanging out as in, yes, just being friends and actually not banging or doing anything indecent, aside from assisting each other in finding new partners. They insisted on taking Fire Strike and Sunset along with them on some occassions, but they refused everytime. Having Moondancer be a matchmaker for her all the time was bad enough, but pairing her up with him was just too much for either of them. She had nothing but disdain towards him or any other law enforcer out there, but at the very least she had to admit, he was a lot more level headed than any other guard she knew. If anypony else had been here with her, things wouldn't have gone as smoothly..

"Before you go, Sunset," he interrupted her as she was about to leave the room "I don't know why everypony thinks ill of you, though I'm pretty sure you gave them reasons, but... you're not a foal anymore. Don't let others decide who you are and what you should be."

Sunset snorted. "Did you read that in a fortune cookie?" She asked, giggling, until he looked her in the eyes.

"I'm serious!" All laughing stopped. "You're too accepting of being treated like some evil witch. What you did today was something very few ponies ever gather the courage to do. And while it was reckless, dangerous and illegal, you still helped that poor shopkeeper. You had no personal gain in stopping them, but you took the risk. Do you know what that makes you?"

She swallowed, afraid to say the first thing that popped to her mind. "A... h-hero?"

"A little girl trying to be one and being lucky she didn't get herself or others hurt! And if you don't care about yourself, at least think about your friends next time. They're worried sick about you!"

It took a moment, but soon enough something clicked in her head. "You didn't call them here, did you?"

He nodded. "They're waiting for you in the hallway." Sunset's ears dropped. "We're also obligated to contact Princess Celestia, as a headmistress of your school." And dropped even lower. He sighed and put a hoof on her shoulder. "Word of advice- she'll be sent a letter by tommorow morning. I reccommend confronting her about it before she gets it."

After a brief moment of silence, she nodded and shook his hoof out of her shoulder. "Fine. Oh well then," she shrugged, a sly smile appearing on her face "I learned my lesson. Next time I wanna go vigilante on some punks, I'll get a costume."

"Sunset..."

"A dark one, black or purple, I guess? Full body of course."

"Sunset..."

"With a hat, to cover my horn! Oh, and a cape! They're stylish, plus nopony will know if I have wings or not!

"SUNSET!"

"Nah, just kidding! I'm no mare-do-well!" She blew a raspberry, before opening the door. She turned one last time. "I'm more of an anti-villain! Bye officer!"

"Ohmygosh Sunny!" As expected, first thing after recovering her belongings and entering the public hallwa, was being tackle-hugged by a white maned cuddle monster. "Are you alright? You're not hurt? Hungry? Tired? They didn't probe you too hard, did they?"

"Moondancer, they don't probe witnesses." Twilight explained.

"I'm fine, now let go!" She tried to pry away her friend, to no avail.

It took one minute to get Moondancer away from Sunset, another two to explain there was no probing in the station (despite what the latest hit sci-fi cop movie taught her) and she was free of any charges. She still had no pencils, but that was the least of her worries.

"I'm getting hungry," Twilight said, as they walked by the streets "wanna grab something at Gustav's?"

Sunset's eye twitched.

"Eeerm, better not, I mean... I heard they're... fixing the front!"

"Really?" Twilight hummed. "Weird. I swear this morning they were just fine."

"Yeah, some fire incident." She explained, trying to hide her sweating with a sheepish smile. "The insurance will cover it."

Her two friends looked at her, then shrugged, realizing it was probably nothing important.

"So, do we go to Joe's place, or..."

"Actually," Sunset interrupted them "I'll go back home. I need to talk to Princess Celestia..."

Author's Note

Whether Sunset's an anti-hero or anti-villain is up to debate. She chose who she is, but she's not always honest with everyone. Including herself.

I know little to nothing about police procedures, so feel free to complain about misrepresenting the works of fictional law enforcement in a colorful ponies kingdom from a kids show.

And I finally managed to insert Fire Strike into this story. I don't blame you if you don't remember him.

8. Maresketeers vs The Spider (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

The trio walked into one of the older study lounges of CSFGU, their usual spots being more crowded than usual. This room, however, was empty, save for old-fashioned down-to-the-floor desks and a musky smell of old wood.

Moondancer took notice, sniffing the air. "Ick. This place could use a good dusting."

"What," remarked Twilight, "and brush away the air of our predecessors?! Who knows how many great spellcasters practiced in here?"

"I was thinking more about brushing away spider webs."

"The spider webs of our predecessors!"

Sunset huffed. "Y'know, being old doesn't automatically make them great. For all we know, just about everyone who ever studied here went on to do nothing outstanding, faded into even greater obscurity, and died alone, having made no greater mark on the world than their own tombstones."

The others stared at her in silence for a moment before Moondancer smiled. "Do you write your own poetry?"

Sunset crossed her forelegs, raising her snout haughtily. "Not for free."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Can we get back on task here?"

"Actually," suggested Moondancer with a sense of urgency, "I'd like to get back to the topic of spiders."

Twilight deadpanned. "Why is that?" Moondancer pointed a hoof at her purple friend's shoulder, indicating a large, hairy spider that had decided to rest there.

Twilight turned to look at the arachnid, determined it was of the Salticidae family, screamed, and ran around the room, the spider falling off by the time she stopped. "Where did it go, wherediditgo?!"

Moondancer pointed to Sunset, as the spider was perched on her horn. Glaring at it, Sunset began charging up a spell, but the spider leapt away half a second before it could be consumed in a fiery blast. "Huh. Guess it's a jumper."

"Sunset!" scolded Twilight, "you can't go using destructive magic in here, you might damage an authentic, classical study room!"

As the apathetic combustionist rolled her eyes, Moondancer's own darted about the room. "W-we should probably find that thing. Y'know, in case it doesn't forget that somepony tried to kill it in the next few minutes?"

"You're both being stupid," remarked Sunset, turning to smirk at Twilight, "first, there's this new thing called repair spells, entry-level stuff? That one's not too hard for you, is it?"

Twilight stared daggers at her, talking through gritted teeth. "You. Take. That. Back."

Snickering, she waved a hoof. "Relax, I was just kidding. Secondly," she said while looking at Moondancer, "that thing's days are already numbered. It's in an old room with no windows, how many bugs do you think it was going to catch, anyway? If anything, I would have put it out of its misery, it's probably starving to death right now."

Moondancer held her forehooves to her cheeks in horror. "You mean it's hungry?!" She scrambled to climb on top of Sunset in a manner befitting a dainty housewife that heard there was a mouse in the room and sought refuge on a chair.

"Augh!" complained Sunset, too proud to let herself be toppled over by her friend's added weight, "why're you jumping all over me?!"

Moondancer, standing on her back, looked down at Sunset seriously. "Under ordinary circumstances, I could give you at least seventeen good reasons for that. Right now? It's a spider, and you're the one it's learned to fear."

"GET OFF ME!!"

Those not watching the mare-on-another-mare spectacle might have noticed Twilight looking a little rattled as well, but only to the untrained eye. She was, in fact, exercising the proper level of caution when faced with a hungry predator of uncertain, but remote location.

"It's okay, it's okay," she quietly repeated to herself, "predators are known to lurk where their targets would least suspect, and then pounce on the weakest prey, just maintain a strong, confident appearance, and they won't-"

"Uhm, Twilight?" Moondancer pointed a hoof towards her rump, "I think he's found the weakest member."

Twilight whipped her head around to catch sight of the spider at the base of her tail.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

As Twilight sprinted around the room, Sunset turned to look questioningly at the mare still on her back. "Weakest member? She's not the one hiding on top of somepony else."

Moondancer nodded once. "Strength in numbers is still strength, and I have total confidence in you!"

"Against a spider? Gee, thanks." She might not have said as much out loud, but Sunset knew a level-zero encounter like that wasn't even worth consulting a loot table for.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

"That's getting annoying."

"Don't worry," offered Moondancer, "I think I can get it." Telekinetically lifting a book from her bag, she prepared to bat the spider off Twilight's tail. "Hold still for sec!"

Twilight didn't stop running. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANo! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAre you crazy? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAThat's a quality textbook from the castle library! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"So? Inkwell's class is easy if you just take notes, I hardly use the darn thing anyway."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAThat's not the point! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYou can't just go mistreating books! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

"Oh, for goodness' sake," muttered Sunset, pointing to the doorway, "Calm down Twilight, your brother's here to deal with the spider and he brought you chocolate."

Twilight stopped dead. "Shiny?!"

"Moondancer, now!!"

The spider was smacked off Twilight's tail by the wrath of a telekinetic book, landing on a nearby desk.

"Ok," said Moondancer, "now we can-"

In the next instant, the desk was blown to pieces by a beam of purple light. Twilight's two colleagues stared at her in surprise, but not disapproval as Sunset smirked. "Oh no, our poor predecessors, lost forever to your belligerant ways!"

"Shut up," muttered Twilight, "this is what repair spells are for, now help me levitate the pieces into pl-" she stopped, spotting something in the pile of debris that was once a desk. (It was unlikely Sunset would be writing any poems about its passing.) As Sunset shook Moondancer off her back, Twilight levitated an old, worn, tattered book from the wooden wreckage, a tear drifting down her cheek. "Oh no... you poor thing..."

The other two approached, Moondancer raising an eyebrow. "Was that thing inside the desk? Or, under it?"

She turned to them, pouting. "This is why you can't go mistreating books! They fall apart!"

"Yea, yea," Sunset said with a roll of her eyes, "more importantly, where'd it come from? What's in it?"

"I don't know." Twilight flipped through a few pages, finding almost all of them to be illegible, and the few parts she could read utterly confusing. "This one's pretty dated, it must've been there for a long time." Then, Twilight beamed. "But wait, see? A relic of our predecessors! Who knows what amazing things it could show us?"

They only managed to cast one spell from the book, later that night.

It was two days before they could safely enter their dorm room again.

Author's Note

Jetto's comments: This is just an innocent beginning of a three part mini-arc.

9. Fancy Meeting you Here! (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Gustav's Outdoor Delights wasn't the most renowned cafe in Canterlot, probably because it wasn't actually owned by the titular chef. Still, the association of the name and some of his dishes on the menu did enough to keep it in business. That was where Twilight, Sunset, and Moondancer were gathered while their dormroom, and the library, were both being cleaned after the incident with The Spell That Must Not Be Named from the tattered book they found.

Finding at a table in the shade close to the building, Twilight scowled a little at her reckless friend. "Well, we're banned from the library for a week. Thanks a lot, Moondancer!"

She sat down as well. "Hey, it made perfect sense at the time!"

"Twice?!"

Moondancer nodded sagely. "You would have been at it all day trying to figure out the missing glyphs, I figured you'd appreciate some experimentation."

Twilight facehoofed. "Yes, you're right, you formed the spell in two different ways to get the exact same disastrous result. Well done, Moondancer, you're a genius."

"Thanks!"

As Twilight stared daggers at her beaming friend, Sunset took her seat by the two of them. Despite her shared annoyance with their predicament, her voice was calm. "Give her a break, Sparkle, the integration of smaller spells to fill in the blanks fit perfectly with what we'd seen. Both times."

Twilight raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "How can you be okay with this?!"

"I'm not," Sunset nearly snarled, "do you have any idea how embarrassing it was to finish explaining to Mrs. Bookmark, with three professors present, why we were there and how we'd definitely be careful enough not to do it again, only to immediately hear it happening again behind me?!"

Moondancer winced. "Ouch. Right in the reputation."

Twilight frowned, knowing the trouble Sunset already had in that department. "Sorry, Sunset."

Sunset shrugged. "Whatever, they should at least be done fumigating the dorm some time this afternoon. I was thinking that, sick as this might sound, what if that outcome was what the spell was supposed to do? What if it looked right because it was right?"

"That," Twilight deadpanned, "would indicate that the mind capable of coming up with a spell that complicated was one of a twisted freak, for whom no amount of therapy would ever make the world whole again."

Moondancer beamed. "But hey, if I got it right, I really am a genius!"

Twilight rolled her eyes, smiling a little. "I don't even want to think about what that implies."

"Hey!"

The others giggled.

Meanwhile, a stallion well-known in the city of Canterlot walked among the tables alone, seeking respite. And perhaps some tea. Did they serve danishes here? He'd soon find out, taking a seat somewhat removed from the rest near a balcony overlooking a small, but extravagant garden. Before the waiter came by, he heard voices from a table around the corner of the building.

"I'm just saying," Moondancer defended with a shrug, "maybe we could stand to do things differently every now and then."

Twilight quirked a brow. "More experimentation, you mean?"

Sunset would have associated that word and Moondancer with very different concepts under ordinary circumstances, but if she said as much out loud, her libido-addled friend would win.

The white mare nodded. "We didn't know what would happen with the spell, and now we do. It might not have been the best outcome, but would you rather just leave everything we don't know a mystery?"

"Well, no," Twilight conceded, "but there's got to be a safer way than just galloping in and winging it. Maybe small-scale procedures of gradually increasing extremity?"

"Pfft, yea, if you have that kind of time. Life is short, making mistakes is how you learn!"

"And how you get thrown out of libraries!"

Moondancer pouted. "I said I was sorry."

Twilight groaned. "What do you think, Sunset?"

Leaning back on her chair, Sunset looked upwards in concentration. "I think... As long as there's some practical benefit, some kind of goal to reach or something we can use, it doesn't really matter how we get to it."

Twilight and Moondancer both grinned brightly, turning to the other to say the same thing. "See? Told you."

They both blinked, Moondancer recovering first. "What are you talking about? She meant that diving in works fine in the end." There was a pause as she beamed. "In school and some other places!"

Twilight ignored that last part. "What she means is that slow and careful works just as well!"

"I'm right here," deadpanned Sunset, "you could just ask me."

They spoke in unison again. "Not now, Sunset."

She grumbled.

It was ungentlemanly to eavesdrop, but he could barely help himself, these fillies were having perhaps the most engaging discussion he'd heard in weeks! He listened in silence for the better part of fifteen minutes. The scientific method vs. the drive of discovery, meticulousness vs. expedience, the demand for reliable data vs. the reality of one's own ever-encroaching mortality. Well, he knew which one he would choose when it came to engaging these three, as hesitance might mean he'd never hear from them again!

He stood up.

Moondancer was beaming. "So it's settled! Twilight, you ask the guy who sits a few rows behind you in Inkwell's class to go out for a drink!"

"WHAT?! That is not even remotely related to careful analysis!"

"Sunny and I would be watching the whole time."

Sunset's brow furrowed. "Like hell I would!"

"I would be watching the whole time," amended Moondancer.

"That," deadpanned Twilight "really doesn't make it better. And, why?"

"Because seriously girl, you need to get laid, like, right now!"

Twilight flushed. "Moondancer!"

"No rush."

"Anyway," Sunset said with a roll of her eyes, "the point I was trying to make earlier was that so long as you get some kind of result, does it really matter one way or the other how you get it?"

"Depends," said Twilight with a raised eyebrow, "does it involve skeletal monsters?"

Sunset facehoofed. "I swear, you try to help some ponies and-"

"Pardon me," came a refined voice, "could I trouble you three for a moment of your time?"

The three turned to see a snappily-dressed stallion with a blue moustache and a monocle. He smiled at them. "Forgive my wandering ears, but I couldn't help overhearing your latest discussion. I've listened to many a scholarly discourse in my time and I dare say that the three of you would hold well in Canterlot's intellectual circles. As such, would the three of you accompany me to a demonstration this afternoon?"

Moondancer, Twilight, and Sunset all answered at the same time.

"Yes!"

"No."

"Maybe."

They shared a quick look, Twilight regarding the newcomer curiously. "I'm sorry Mister, uh..."

"Pants," he offered, bowing a little, "Fancival Ebenezer Pants at your service, Fancy to my friends and Fancy Pants to most everypony else."

"Right. Sorry Mister Pants, but what exactly does our intelligence have to do with this demonstration?"

"Well, would I be mistaken in thinking that the three of you are aware of and enrolled in, perhaps already graduated from, Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns?"

They shook their heads.

"Splendid. Forgive me if this is in the least bit condescending, but it follows that you would be aware that many ponies before you have finished their time in Her Highness's prestigious academy and have since found other activities with which to preoccupy themselves."

The trio nodded, Moondancer smiling a little too widely.

Fancy Pants smiled. "This afternoon's showing is an event orchestrated by such ponies, specifically those who directed their academic careers to the study of past works. They'll be presenting an eigth-century (following the banishment of Nightmare Moon) runic projection matrix for discussion."

"Okay," nodded Sunset, "so where do we come in?"

Fancy frowned a little. "Well, the real draw of these gatherings has been my personal crux of attending them of late; the discussion value, specifically with those in attendance. There are certainly a few with points to make and relevant matters to explore, but some others that merely wear the airs of the learned pony, reciting tired rhetoric and snorting when challenged. I won't mince word-oh!" He blinked a few times. "Forgive my manners, I've not so much as asked any of your names!"

"Moondancer!"

"Twilight Sparkle."

"Sunset Shimmer."

Fancy smiled. "Marvelous, pleased to meet all of you! Now, I won't mince words, conversation in some of these events can be akin to pulling teeth with wishful thinking, so I, and surely some others in attendance, would be grateful if the three of you could come along and share your thoughts this afternoon."

For once, Twilight and Moondancer had the same reaction as they shared uncertain looks, mulling it over. Sunset spoke up. "I have to ask, for purely comprehensive reasons, you understand," Fancy nodded, "how do we know you aren't one of the posers yourself, that you just want us to come with you so you can look good standing next to us."

Twilight furrowed her eyebrows. "Sunset!"

Before she could bring up their talk about not immediately distrusting ponies, Fancy smiled. "Well, in lieu of your own discussion, I would offer benefits to be had and the choices regarding them."

Sunset resisted the urge to grin with a weird kind of satisfaction. "Please do."

"By devoting a portion of your time in the company of my peers, the three of you stand to gain a chance to trade thoughts with some well-polished minds outside of Celestia's school, possibly make a few friends therein, and have a jolly good time while you're at it."

Twilight scratched her head. "It'd give us somewhere to be while the dorm's being cleaned, too." Moondancer and Sunset nodded.

"Possible benefits established," Fancy continued, "you have the options of taking a chance at reaching them by joining in, or asking me to be gone, whereupon I'll leave the three of you in peace."

Sunset nodded, mollified. She turned to her friends. "So, what do you guys think?"

Moondancer grinned, thinking up another possible benefit. "Shin-digs like these usually have a snack ta-I mean, an hor's devoure table too."

Twilight shrugged, smiling a little. "We've really got nothing better to do. Count us in, Mr. Pants!"

Author's Note

Jetto's comments: That was part two of the little mini arc. Part three is where it gets really interesting.

I also love the mental image of Sunset explaining herself while something blows up behind her.

10. Menacing Trio (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

The exterior of J.A.A. Hoofenburg's Center for Enlightenment was extravagant. Which is to say, it was like pretty much any other building in Canterlot. While the renowned scientist after which it was name had long passed away, the Center served as an auditorium for events of a different sort of sophistication to the rest of the city; that of scholarly focus. Presentations of advanced arcane developments, scientific breakthroughs, wonders of engineering, philosophical debates, and even the occasional showing of artistic masterpieces could all be found here at one point or another.

This was where the presentation of the arcane projector was being held, many well-dressed ponies already inside. Which is to say, they were pretty much like any other inhabitants of any other building in Canterlot, but with an air of scholarly professionalism about them. Fancy Pants led the trio he'd met at the cafe to the door, floating a silver pocket watch from his coat.

"Here we are, and a good hour and thirty minutes before the presentation is due to formally begin! After you." Like a proper (if somewhat anachronistic in Sunset's opinion) gentlecolt, he held the door for them as they entered.

Almost the instant they set hoof in the door, they were greeted by a small herd of ponies in some combination of suits, glasses, ties, and sweater-vests.

A dull-green unicorn wearing a sweater-vest adorned with several well-polished badges of uncertain meaning stepped forward, grinning, "Fancy Pants! I knew you'd make it to the big showing! Gold Star said you probably had more important things to do, but I calculated that the probability of that was only a thirty-two percent chance to his forty-ni-une!"

The last syllable was pronounced in a way that made Twilight's ear flick once. She detected Verbal Wrong.

Fancy nodded to the pony that just spoke. "Yes, pleased to be here. I'd like you all to meet-"

"I've been conducting research on vampiric animals," continued Shiny Badges, (which may have been his real name, given the prominence with which they were displayed) "I have a hypothesis that their parasitic qualities may not be inherent to any species that has them. You see, I figured out that-"

Another in the crowd cut him off. "Have you heard from Doctor Scratch and his auditory restoration research team?"

Then more, getting more insistent with each new voice.

"What do you make of the assertions that something has changed in the night sky since the attack by Nightmare Moon?"

"Ooh, that's a good point! Do you think we're still at risk of a sunless apocalypse?"

"I think Nightmare Moon may have had a plan that everypony might have liked, if we'd just reasoned with her."

"Nopony asked you."

"Are you still seeing Fluer De Lis?"

"I earned a ribbon in this year's city-wide science fair!"

The statements went on, in increasing order of inanity, as Fancy Pants sighed quietly, turning to the trio that came with him. "I do apologize, ladies, I'll be with you in just a moment." None of those vying for his attention even noticed he wasn't looking at them anymore. "Please, make yourselves comfortable, mingle a bit, and I'll be along as soon as possible."

They nodded, walking in.

The main room was a large, circular, bowl-like structure with rows of seats going around the perimeter in decreasing levels to the central presentation platform. The closest seats were those at the lowest elevation, as with most university classrooms. There were a few ponies seated and waiting for the curtains encircling the middle of the room to be lifted, but most were in the dining area until the presentation began. Despite the name, this room was used more for standing or sitting about and discussing things than formal meals, but a feature Moondancer had hoped for was still present.

"Snack table," she declared with a grin, "great place to meet ponies! You guys coming?"

Twilight and Sunset shook their heads, Twilight glancing in the direction they'd come from. "I think we should wait for Mr. Pants, he's bound to be here soon."

Moondancer shrugged. "Suit yourselves, later!" And off she went, wondering what they had to drink here.

The two could barely roll their eyes at eachother before they approached by a thin, well-kempt stallion in glasses and a light scarf. "Good day, ladies. What brings you to J.A.A. Hoofenburg's Center for Enlightenment?" He chuckled. "That's the building you're in right now, by the way."

They shared a glance, Twilight answering his question. "We're here with Mr. Pants to..." She looked around, not sure how to say that she and her friends were attending the presentation because their dorm room and the local library were ravaged by the magical equivalent of a fever dream. Poor Spike might be in therapy for weeks. "Just, kinda, be here, I guess?"

He smiled a little at them. It wasn't a friendly smile, but one that might be directed at a foal trying to wear a bucket as a hat. "I see. As it's clear the two of you are woefully out of your depth here, no offence, you simply must find somepony to enlighten you on the purposes of this center."

Twilight tilted her head. "Huh?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. She knew social grace wasn't Twilight's strong suit, but this was ridiculous. "Hey," she whispered to Twilight, "your idiot brother had too much of an influence on you. He's reading your Awkward as Stupid."

Twilight angrily pouted at her, only one particular part of that statement bothering her. "Shiny isn't an idiot!"

Witnessing this exchange did nothing to change the smugly-smiling stallion's mind about the pair. "As it happens, fortune smiles. I have little to attend to until the presentation begins, and even then my brilliance is better served, elsewhere. What say I be the one to help the two of you comprehend the world around you for a spell?"

Smirking, Sunset whispered to Twilight again. "Let me show you how it's done." Turning to the condescending stranger, she displayed a much more friendly grin and spoke in a much clearer, fashion. "What my friend here means to say is that neither of us are quite the ponies you assessed us to be upon first impressions, we do not require your aid."

He scoffed. "I rather doubt that. I-"

The socks were off. "Listen carefully," Sunset snarled while maintaining a perfectly friendly face, "there is a greater understanding of the world, of academics, of magic you have not and will not ever have the ability to perform in either of our tails than there will be in your entire body on your best day. That you assume you're smarter than us for being-" she shook her mane a little for emphasis, "-the prettiest mares you'll ever speak to, is disgusting. I don't even-"

"I never explicitly said I thought either of you were attractive," he interrupted, annoyed, "you're the one making assumptions here!"

Sunset smirked, stepping closer. "First, look me in the eye and say I'm not gorgeous."

He did neither. "I-I don't have to prove anything to-"

"Second, if it wasn't our looks, what was it? Do you just walk up to random ponies and act like they're newborn foals in adult bodies? Are you that conceited?" He opened his mouth, but she didn't slow down. "If you're thinking about calling me a hypocrite again, I can actually back up my claims." She gestured to her side. "Just ask her about the time I-"

Twilight was gone. Looking around, Sunset saw her a little ways across the room, talking to some older looking stallion who might have been hard of hearing, holding a hoof to his ear as she spoke.

Sunset sighed, not sure what it was that got Twilight's attention over the chance to hear her tear somepony to pieces. Not that Twilight ever seemed to stick around for those anyway. Turning to the pony she'd been talking to, she deadpanned. "You can go now."

"W-what?!"

"We're done talking, scram." It was not a suggestion, the thin stallion quickly trotting away. Sunset was about to go see what it was Twilight was talking about with the codger when, the moment she turned around, she was greeted by a small cloud of nerdy-looking ponies, all smiling widely.

"Greetings," one of them said, "we just wanted to say it's great to see smart fillies such as you and your friends expressing an interest in achievements in the field of magic. If you have the time, we'd love to hear your thoughts on infused gemstone projectors, the subject of today's presentation."

Glancing over at Twilight, Sunset saw she didn't notice that she was in a similar situation, Twilight's own little cloud of scholars waiting their turn to talk to her. Guessing these ponies didn't know who she was, Sunset smiled a little. "I could entertain some questions for a while..."

One thing Moondancer could say in favor of parties thrown by the wealthy? Good food, good wine. That was two things. Whatever. She filled a glass with red, sparkling wine. Smells like strawberry! Before she could take a sip, she sensed something at her side, turning to see the pony with the shiny badges from earlier.

Shiny Badges (real names could wait until later) smiled at her. "Why hello! Perhaps you would show the proper appreciation for the phenomena of vampiric animals."

Taking a quarter of a second to look him over, Moondancer smiled a little too. He wasn't outstanding, but she was fine with doing a little talking first. "Shoot."

"Wondrous!" He cleared his throat, as though giving an official presentation on the subject. "You see, there are all manner of fauna in the wide, wide world of Equestria, but a few of them have something in common; fangs, and the tendency to drain nourishment from other creatures! Vampire jackalopes, vampire fruit-bats, and more! But where do they come from? What could have made otherwise ordinary animals into bat-like oddities!" He chuckled. "Why, bat ponies themselves!"

Moondancer nodded a bit, taking a sip of wine. Strawberry, but with a hint of cinnamon!

"I believe, based on extensive research, that the cause of vampiric animals began with a transmission of magical energy from bat ponies, biting other creatures! If I could get a grant and money to delve further, I could uncover one of the greatest mysteries of pony-kind!"

The way he grinned suggested he was waiting for applause, but Moondancer just shrugged, keeping her small smile. "Actually, I don't think it works that way. The transmission of magical energy from one body to another is a kind of spell, not an infection. There might be creatures that can transmit magical diseases, but in order for a bat pony to imbue another life form with bat-like traits by biting, they'd have to be capable of casting spells with their teeth. I won't go into how many ways that would mess up your anatomy, most of all in your skull, but trust me when I say that the theory makes no sense. Besides," she continued with an eyebrow waggle, "I've thoroughly tested what happens when you get bitten by a bat pony. No cute little fangs yet!" She smiled widely to prove the point.

Badges stared back at her, his mouth hanging open.

"Also, the socially acceptable term is 'thestrals'. I wouldn't use the "b word" carelessly around them, it borders on offensive, unless used in a friendly, affectionate manner towards a close friend."

His silent expression of shock was the only retort.

"So, you doing anything later? I'd be happy to show you how I conducted my research." She took a sip of wine awaiting a reply. When there was only more stunned silence, she shrugged. "Guess not. Bye, then!" She turned and walked away, humming cheerfully in search of another partner.

Badges blinked a few times once she was gone. "...What."

Moondancer didn't know it, but she wasn't the only one in the room talking about how casting spells worked. Twilight had been tapped on the shoulder while Sunset was being Sunset with the guy that thought they were idiots. It was an older stallion with a thick, bushy moustache and thick, bushy brows that completely obscured his eyes, asking if she had seen Fancy Pants. Figuring Sunset could handle Captain Condescending on her own, Twilight offered to help look around for him. Mr. Pants must have been just about done talking to all those other ponies by now, right?

The old pony eventually left to take a seat and rest his old bones, needing to listen in carefully when Twilight wished him luck in getting a minute to talk to Mr. Pants some time soon. Not long after, Twilight overheard a conversation going on nearby that caught her attention.

This speaker sounded a little pompous too. "-my brilliant idea for the, uhum, less fortunate ponies, to be able to experience the wonders of performing magic; a synthetic horn!"

Synthetic horn? Her mind boggled. Would that be like, a fake horn capable of casting spells? That would be amazing! The very idea of such a thing could revolutionize Equestria! She stepped closer, not aware of how wide her smile was getting.

The sharply-dressed unicorn that proposed the idea glanced around at the ponies in suits that were listening to him. "Granted sufficient funding, I'm sure I could develop a prototype and be-"

Twilight couldn't help herself, grinning cheerfully. "Wow! You worked out how to integrate the system of bio-runes that form in every unicorn's cranial skeletal structure into an object small enough to attach to a pony's head, induce neural connections from it to the wearer's brain, and channel any pony's type of magic through the synthetic horn?"

The speaker, and all of those that had been thinking about getting in on the ground floor of his idea, turned to stare at the purple filly in silence for a moment. "Uhm," said the unicorn in the middle, "I'm sure it's all very simple."

Twilight chuckled. "Yea, I guess so. I mean, the information compacted into the average horn, not unlike a working brain, would easily fill several libraries if it were to be expressed in print, single-spaced, but if you've found a way to compile all of that into the space of the average ice-cream cone, great job!"

She meant it sincerely, but the businessponies were giving Synthetic Horn Guy some doubting looks. Before he could reassure them in the slightest, Twilight went on.

"The really tricky part would be linking it to the pony's brain, which normally happens as part of the natural biological processes, starting from birth. King Sombra is said to have experimented in his crystal death camps with cutting horns from dead unicorns and attaching them to earth ponies, but the most success he ever had was a bunch of insane, murderous husks of ponies driven mad by the shock of mis-conducted magical brain surgery, none of them even able to cast spells." She frowned, looking down at the ground. "Those poor ponies..." Shaking her head a little, she forced a smile. "But, well, I'm sure you already knew that."

The ponies in suits were staring in horror, both at the description and that they were almost involved with what were definitely company-destroying lawsuits at the very least. Some turned to angrily glare at the now-sweating pony that proposed the idea.

"Haha," he said, smiling nervously, "w-well, I'll admit there's some danger, but think of the benefits of anypony at all being able to cast any spell right away!"

Twilight's eyes widened. "Sweet Celestia, you even mean to integrate every spell in the book into each and every horn?! Wow, I don't think that'd even work, the sheer magnitude of information needed to cast even simple telekinesis, the reason ponies have to practice magic carefully, virtually ensures that such a thing is pretty much..." she started to frown, "impossible, actually." She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "How did you say you planned to do all this?"

If there was a single pony nearby that hadn't been glaring or staring questioningly at Synthetic Horn Guy, they must have gone to the snack table. "Well," he said very quickly, moving towards the door, "maybenotsuchagreatideathen, gotta go, bye!"

The crowd turned now to Twilight, a few speaking up.

"Not bad, young lady."

"Yes, showed that upstart things aren't so simple."

"About time somepony put one of his little get-rich-quick schemes to sleep!"

"Not a lot who remember the horror of the Crystal Empire's last days in this day and age."

"What was that about neural connections?"

Twilight smiled a little, always happy to share what she'd learned.

About an hour later, Moondancer sighed, partner-less and bored. There were no shortage of stallions here, but most of them nearly swallowed their tongues when she so much as talked to them, the rest going a little like Badges had.

This called for shenanigans.

Looking around, she opted to collect her friends and explore the place, seeing what they could stir up!

Sunset wasn't hard to find, sitting atop a lofty chair stacked on four other chairs while two academic-looking stallions fanned her with giant leaves, another telekinetically feeding her grapes as the rest sat in silence. From the looks of things, she was just wrapping up a poem.

...And the gleaming shards of ice that lie there broken on the floor,

will remain so, evermore.

Her listeners applauded quietly, some shedding less-than-manly tears. Approaching, Moondancer smirked. "I thought you didn't write poems for free."

Sunset gestured to her servants. "Does it look like I didn't charge anything?" Moondancer was a second from waggling her eyebrows and opening her mouth when Sunset held up a hoof. "Hey! No, bad Moondancer." She clapped two forehooves together. "Alright boys, that's all for today."

There was dejected group 'awww.' The one that had been feeding her grapes looked hopeful. "Will you perform for us again one day, Lady Sunset?"

Ignoring Moondancer's increasingly wide smile, she allowed herself a tiny smirk. "Maybe, if the mood hits me." Hopping off her cushion-throne, she walked alongside Moondancer.

"So..."

Sunset didn't turn her head. "So what?"

"Aren't you gonna ask what it is I wanted?"

"No, I'd just rather get you away from my fan-club before you sully my perfect image with your you-ness."

"That hurts."

"You love it."

Moondancer beamed. "You totally get me!"

Slightly worried if she was bringing unwanted Moonhugs on herself, Sunset glanced around quickly. "Seen Twilight?"

"Um..."

There was no obvious sign of their purple friend, but they did notice a row of sad-looking stallions drinking in silence.

A peppier one approached them before the two mares could. "Hey, what's got you guys so down in the dumps?"

One pointed a hoof at Twilight, talking to a pony in a lab-coat a ways across the room.

"Ooh, she's a cutie! Lemme guess, she rejected you all?"

Some nodded, one speaking without moving his deadened eyes from the floor. "We, we tried. Each of us, one at a time, tried to talk to her about our own fields of expertise." Dead eyes widened in a thousand-yard stare, like those of a jaded veteran still hearing the thunder and screams of battle. "But she knew, she always knew. More than we did. Every subject." His voice dropped to a whisper as he went very, very still. "Every time."

At the end of a long, awkward silence, the smiling colt ran a hoof through his mane. "Well then, challange accepted. Lemme show you how it's done!"

Sunset and Moondancer watched for a few minutes as he approached Twilight, got her attention, and said one sentence. They could see Twilight smile, talking for a little longer than he did. His expression went from a confident grin, to mild confusion, to utter dumbfoundedness, to remorse, to soul-crushing despair as he dragged himself back over to the group, joining them for a drink of failure.

Moondancer turned to Sunset. "Irony. Today, you're better at getting ponies to like you, Twilight is the one making them curl up into balls of self-loathing."

Sunset rolled her eyes, moving toward Twilight. "Shut up."

"Ooh, you're relapsing!"

It didn't take more than the assertion that they hadn't really explored the place yet to coerce Twilight to join them, though every scholar present seemed sad to see her go. And so they wandered, past doors, small groups of chatting ponies, and scientific artifacts on pedestals. Sunset was tempted to thwap Twilight on the back of the head when she started identifying each and every one, but instead she struck up conversation. "So, you guys learn anything so far?"

Moondancer grinned. "That you might be queen of the nerds?"

Twilight blinked. "She might be what of the what now?"

As much as Sunset might have liked to boast of her new title, it was hollow as long as Twilight had admirers of the same sort, even unacknowledged. "How about you? Any interesting topics?"

"Well," Twilight mulled over for a few seconds, "I heard a little about Mr. Pants. An older lady told me that the reason he got swamped the moment we walked in is because 'everypony who's anypony,' whatever that means, wants to talk to Fancy Pants. Not just here, but all throughout Canterlot."

"Huh," Sunset said while repressing a smirk, "and he wanted to talk to us." Truth be told, she'd partly been wondering why they didn't get that kind of treatment already. Moondancer she could maybe understand, if they'd heard about or participated in her hobbies, but she and Twilight were Celestia's best students! And yet, the cheering crowds go to ponies like Sapphire Shores...

Eventually, they found their way to a slightly less illuminated area down some stairs.

Twilight looked around cautiously. "Are we allowed in here?"

"Of course we are," retorted Sunset, "the door wasn't locked." That was the rule, you want ponies out, you lock your doors or hang a convincing sign. It was just common sense and she didn't care what that officer said to the contrary.

The first room they ventured into was a relatively large, circular one, with a similar platform in the center. Atop the platform was a marble cylinder, the well-polished surface adorned with gemstones.

"Huh," Moondancer pondered aloud, "I've heard of these, but it looks way too big to fit comfortably."

Not daring let her mind piece together whatever her pervy friend was thinking, Twilight opted to inspect the object herself. "I... I think this is the projector they were talking about. See how the spell matrix is set up on the outer ring?"

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? Look how it's set up. The image'll be all grainy this way, nopony outside the first few rows will even know what's going on."

"If even that," remarked Twilight, "I see audio runes where the size amplification glyphs should be!"

"Who put this thing together, a diamond dog?"

"Diamond dogs would've probably just taken the central focusing gem -the hexagonal ruby over there on the left might work better for that, actually- and left."

Moondancer shrugged. "Well, these projectors did go out of style for a reason, more-so once earth pony engineers worked out projectors that didn't need complicated arcane circuitry to-"

Sunset nearly scoffed. "Complicated?"

Giggling, Moondancer waved a hoof. "For the laypony, Your Highness." She inspected the sides. "We could probably fix the discoloration this thing is gonna have if we rearranged these-oh! Or just..." Reaching out to tweak some gemstone alignments, she started making adjustments, the other two joining in.

Later, the trio smiled.

"There," said Twilight, "now the image, sound, and radial displays should be crystal clear!" The loss of the Crystal Empire really was a travesty for arcane engineering, but anything was worth stopping that monster.

"We should probably head back," Sunset said while moving toward the door, "they'll probably start the presentation soo-"

The three of them were instantly enclosed by a metal wall around the platform they'd been standing on, which started to rise as a long slant opened in the ceiling.

Looking at eachother, they shared a thought out loud. "Oh, crap!"

Fancy Pants sat in one of the rows of seat encircling the stage as crowed waited for the curtains to be lifted, trying to find the three he'd invited here today. Had they grown bored and wandered off? Sighing, he supposed he couldn't blame them.

The pony that organized the event began to speak, standing next to the ring of curtains blocking view through the center of the room. "Welcome, thank you all for coming. What we have for you today is a new and unpolished work, but it remains a very sophisticated piece of magical machinery. Without further adieu, I present for the first time; magical projection!

The curtains lifted, revealing three fillies that several members of the audience recognized, the white one casually leaning on the projector and winking at random ponies like she were hoping one of them would buy her a drink before the yellow one dope-slapped her.

The announcer looked considerably annoyed. "W-what the hay are the three of you doing?!"

Twilight lowered her head slightly with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, we were just looking around when we found the projector." She raised an eyebrow. "And, did I hear you say it was 'new, unpolished' technology? Because it really isn't."

Some in the crowd gasped. Fancy smiled.

Twilight couldn't tell if she'd done something wrong, so Sunset stepped forward. "The earliest-known arcane projection unit of this build was first identified around two centuries ago." She nodded to Moondancer, who triggered the projector with a light of her horn and a projection spell, amplified so the whole room could see the textbook page she was thinking detailing the first projector.

Next, Sunset nudged Twilight, who beamed and picked up where she'd left off. "As you can see, the projector takes the initial spell and magnifies the effects with-"

As the original announcer backed off, having maybe half a clue what these fillies were even saying, Fancy smiled to the doctors and professors around him. "These three," he said quietly, "these three are the ones I was telling you about! I did say they were most astute!"

He couldn't tell if they were nodding in agreement as charts and diagrams detailing the effectiveness of rubies versus diamonds for focusing gems were added, in perfect visual clarity, to the display, or if they were nodding because he'd said a thing again.

Later that day, in the meeting room for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns...

"They're a menace!"

"The library is polluted!"

"It'll take days to clean... that!"

Celestia repressed a sigh at the irate instructors and Mrs. Bookmark. She knew some of her students' hijinks (mainly just those of a particular three) got a little out of control, but the teachers had never complained like this before. "Please, I know you're all upset, but Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer," she paused for a second, waiting for a challenge to the assertion, "and Moondancer are some of the best, brightest minds this school has ever seen."

"They're also a menace!"

In the Day Court, ponies tended to agree with whatever she said. Why couldn't that ever work when she wanted it to? As she tried to remember some of their better moments, Raven walked in with a piece of paper. For once, she didn't wait to get Celestia's attention. "Princess? I think you should see this."

Levitating the paper to where she could read it, Celestia started to grin. "My, my." She turned to her aide, grateful for the timing. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Raven." Raven nodded, the rest of those gathered giving Celestia curious looks. The smile got wider, but she kept a gentle 'princess' tone.

"Would all of you mind looking over this letter from the Enrichment Center, please?" Resisting the urge to cackle, she placed the paper flat on the table.

Minutes later, everypony understood that the trio they'd gathered to complain about had pulled off a forty-six minute presentation on archiac arcane technology with little or no preparation beforehoof.

"Now," Celesta said, entirely too cheerful, "what's all this I'm hearing about them being a, what was it-oh! A menace...?"

Author's Note

Authors comments: I don't write one-off annoying/idiotic/jerkish character types very often, so here's hoping their bits weren't as painful to read as they were to write.

Also, my interpretation of Sombra: Monstrously Evil, hybrid of Lord Sauron, Pony Hitler, and that feeling you get when standing alone in a pitch-black basement.

Jetto's comments: And so the legend of "Sweet Lavender Flank Of Despair" was born. They need to call Soarin for help.

True irony: Sunset made friends with her personality, Twilight put a bunch of ponies into despair and Moondancer outsmarted a scientist.

11. Besties with Moon: Crossed the line

Some wounds hurt less as time goes by. Some events you get used to once exposed to multiple times. Even the most uncanny of moments become a norm over time.

"Hiya Moonbutt!"

"MEEP!"

Yet Moon Sky always, without fail, jumped from her seat and got a small heart attack. She wondered if it was only her hidden alicorn physique that kept her alive thus far, but considering that Moondancer seemed to be friendly with all ponies in the academy (and probably outside as well) and didn't get expelled for multiple attempted murders, it was probably just her reacting like this.

"Y-yes, Moondancer?" She turned toward the oblivious (or pretending) cheerful unicorn.

She smiled brightly, despite being rejected everytime she asked, yet coming back, her will never faltering. Luna wondered what kind of silly occasion she would find this time, because in all honesty, she was struggling to keep up with excuses to avoid her. Or reasons.

"You see, next month is kinda, well, special, because..." her horn lit up and before Moon Sky could raise her eyebrow and ask anything, a small explosion of conffetti and streamers exploded right at her desk, and a floating white card with flower patterns on its sides fell on the desk. Before Moon Sky could reach for it, Moondancer grabbed her hooves and looked her into eyes, smiling probably wider than ever before. "My birthday is in one month and you are officially invited! Don't worry, it won't be one of those giant, hundred pony parties, just a small get together with my closest friends. There'll be me, Twily, Sunny, Spikey-Wikey (you know, that adorable widdle dragon librarian) and two royal guards, but don't worry, one is totally gay and the other I'm trying to matchup with Sunset. I don't think it's working, but you know me, I never give up."

"...uhh."

"Anyway, I gotta go, I promised some ponies to met them and I'll probably be a bit late, so see ya later, bye Moonbutt!" And then she zipped away, leaving only dust and a confused alicorn disguised as unicorn alone, with a bunch of confetti at her desk and an invitation.

She blinked. "...what?"

As Moon Sky slowly recovered, other ponies in class were starting to talk.

"Did you see that? Moondancer invited her!"

"Who is this filly?"

"Man, I wish I was invited to her party!"

"Can you imagine what's happening there?"

"I could land on some moon, if you catch my drift!"

"...I don't get it."

"Gosh, you're such a virgin!"

In the midst of all the murmurs and whispers, Professor Silver Scroll walked to Moon Sky, still as wide-eyed as before. He looked at the mess that was left, then at the filly in question.

"Miss Moon Sky, need I remind you that this is a school ground and we do not tolerate litterring in--"

SLAM!

Silver Scroll immediately stopped and jumped away, when Moon Sky suddenly stood up, slamming her hooves at the desk.

"SHE TRICKED ME!" She shouted at nopony in particular, completely ignoring the professor and rushing out of the class... only to come back few seconds later to pick up the invitation, then went out again, leaving the dumbfounded ponies behind.

Luna was mad. Furious! It was such an old trick. Making a scene so that everypony would notice, be nice and friendly then escape before she could say or do anything. She remembered emmissaries from all around Equestria using that same exact tactic many times to gain her support. If one didn't act fast enough, it turned into a lose-lose situation. Either she confronted them later and get back their word (or lack thereof), suffering the humiliation of letting ponies know that "she changed her mind" (a common faux pax of inexperianced rulers), or let herself be manipuated into whatever they expected from her and possibly save face, but lose something else in the process. She knew that trick all too well, yet she fell for it again.

And she was about to give her a piece of her mind, along with less than kind words (but not too unkind- Moondancer was sinister, but not bad at all). She wanted to keep the matter as private as possible, which is why she followed her to the dorms. She was pretty sure her roommates were currently taking extra classes, which meant she was alone in the dorms, except...

When Moon Sky finally turned into a long corridor where her room was placed, she stopped and immediately jumped back the corner, hiding from the sight of the white unicorn she just followed. She got there in time for Moondancer to also reach her quarters, but she was not alone. She leaned back and looked at the small group of ponies that entered her room with her. Not just any ponies, though- stallions. In a dorm where they were not allowed. Moon Sky hummed and approached the door when it closed, a lone piece of fabric stuck in it. She shook her head at the tardiness of the unicorn and raised her hoof to knock... but didn't.

She wanted to talk to her alone, just knocking on the door and asking for privacy would stir up rumors. She recognized the boys from some classes she took and knew full well that none of them would be able to keep a secret for too long (and apparently brainwashing was banned nowadays). This meant that she had to wait until they were done with... whatever they were doing. That was a good question- what WERE they doing in there? Probably some group project from other classes, though why they met here, where colts were prohibited, was anypony's guess. This got her slightly curious, which gave her an idea. She concentrated on casting a spell.

Spellbook entry #575: X-Ray Vision: After casting, allows the user to see through solid objects. In case of materials of higher density or magical barriers, a substantial aount of magical power is required.

Difficulty: 4/5

She closed her eyes for a moment and when she next opened it, they glowed with blackness and suddenly, her entire perception has changed. While most of the world remained as it were, parts of it gained a new trait. If she so desired, any object, be it door or wall or anything else, became translucent, revealing whatever was behind. Except, for some inexplicable reason, the room she was most interested in appeared to be contained in a dark, red rectangular aura. She cast a Cloaking Sphere on the entire room... interesting. Now she was VERY curious what was going on inside. And while none of the students and even staff members could muster enough mana to bolster her spell to be able to pierce through a relatively powerful barrier, she wasn't just Moon Sky, transfer student. She was Luna, Goddess of the Moon. She was no to be denied and her curiosity was to be satisfied, at all cost.

"BY CELESTIAS PLOT!"

Very, very high cost.

Princess Celestia sighed deeply, but not until after she wiped her tears caused by a massive fit of laughter she couldn't help herself from having (mom and dad in heavens know she tried and failed, but she was only a mare... overpowered, sun moving mare, but mare nontheless) after hearing her sister's new adventure.

"This is the moment I should be sermonizing you about ponies' rights for privacy and why even we, the rulers, shouldn't breach it unless absolutely necessary for the safety of the kingdom. But..." she paused to look at her sister, sitting in the corner of the room in fetal position, looking dead into the emptiness, trembling "...I feel like you learned your lesson the hardest of ways."

"...ponies... don't... bend... like... that..."

Celestia rolled her eyes.

"Luna, remind me please, thousands of years ago, which princess built herself a giant, castle-sized harem and outfitted it with most beautiful stallions and mares from all around Equestria?" She asked, smiling smugly. "Because I remember mine was a bit more modest."

"T-that's not the point!" Luna finally shook her head and rejoined the world of living and relatively mentally sane. "T-that building was only ever built to stir up jealousy in you!" She paused. "Back when I still held a grudge, that is..."

Celestia blinke and cocked her head. "It was?"

"And as I see it now, it was a failure." She pouted and looked away. "That was a part of the kingdoms treasury not well spent."

"You did made quite a few ponies happy with it." Small pause. "I stopped counting at one hundred and twenty."

"Don't get too excited, sister. Most were there just for 'decoration'... which sounds awful now that I heard it said out loud and I hope nopony will ever take it out of context."

Celestia leaned in, smiling in her usual, smug way. "Most?"

Luna's face caught in blush at the implication. She coughed. "Anywhoo, let us not change the subject. I just caught Moondancer having.... with... yes..."

Celestia sighed once again. There would one day be a time where she wouldn't have to explain every little detail like in a fantasy book, where a mentor figure had to explain a naive stranger common knowledge. Though in Moondancers case, not all was considered ordinary. "While I surely can give her a punishment for inviting a bunch of stallions into a no-male zone... again, as well as lecture her on safe intercourse, I feel like she has more knowledge and experiance than both of us combined. I could be wrong."

Luna blinked, not believing on what she was hearing right now. "B-but... she was... in the middle of the day!"

"Moondancer is of age of consent, she is allowed to choose her partners, both who... or how many. I decided to trust her decisions and thus far I approve of all her partners, the ones I'm aware of at least. As a headmistress of this school my main goal is to teach and guide my students. Moondancer is among my best students despite her hobby. Or maybe because of it?" She hummed. "Not many of my students managed to master a spell as complicated as Cloaking Sphere at such young age and be able to use it on her entire room."

Few moments passed. Luna looked at her sister curiously, then asked. "Tia, how did you know...?"

A giant blush appeared on the sun goddess's cheeks.

"Let me put it that way," small pause "you were not the only pony curious what happened inside that barrier."

The two looked at each other for a while longer, their faces betraying no emotions. Aside from the giant blushes both produced.

One cold shower and few hours of solitude was just about enough to clear her mind. While the mental image of Moondancer engaged with four or five stallions (she wasn't sure) was still strong, she had to agree with her sister. Back in the day when she was as powerful, tall and regal as her sister currently is (maybe a tad shorter), she had her fair share of sexual encounters in many shapes and forms. The reason she was so flustered was, well, the fact that looking into the mirror she had yet to see herself. Or rather, her old self. Old paintings, stained glass windows around the castle floors and poems put an emphasis on her mane, seemingly made out of stars, nebulas and the midnight sky itself. Nothing like the plain, purple mane she was now sporting. And while the population of Equestria could be fooled, as old art tended to exagarate traits more often than not, she knew it meant she wasn't even close to her original level. And waiting wasn't making her grow thus far.

She shook her head, trying to get back on track to the original problem. Whichever decision she would take- whether she'd join the party or not, was less important than actually getting it already. She wasn't angry about the delivery method or rumor stirring now that she had time to think about it. Moondancers intentions were genuine and she didn't have any ulterior motives other than socializing... right?

A small light in her head lighted as she remembered one, small trick she still had. Reading minds, hypnosis or any other mind altering magic was strictly prohibited and Celestia warned her from using any.

She said nothing about dreamscaping.

As Moon Sky, she appeared in a large, bright corridor, with large amounts of marble columns placed in perfect symmetry. As she went along the red carpet, behind the columns she was able to spot many of fountains with various sculptures on them, all of them presenting some kind of big and handsome stallion in an either dynamic, or sultry pose, all dressed in togas. One of them looked suspiciously like her new nephew (who was still a popular eligible bachelor) and his new best friend, Shining Armor, the one who withstood her... no, Nightmare Moon's attacks for so long. He wasn't a bad looker himself, though Luna wondered if Moondancer knew them or was it just a coincidence.

She stopped and looked at her naked self.

"When in Romane..." she shrugged, immediately imagining herself in a toga and thus conjuring one. If she was going to infiltrate a dream, she had to look the part, otherwise the owner would be confused.

The corridor eventually led her to a big, rectangular room, filled with several baths, where dozens ponies of all different tribes (including a few thestrals, much to her surprise), genders and sizes were having innocent fun. They were splashing water at each other, playing tag, swimming and chatting happily; with absolutely not a single naughty act anywhere she could see, aside from occasional butt-slap, taken as a friendly tease more than anything. Luna couldn't help but smile at the whimsical nature of the scene in front of her. She honestly expected some no holds barren orgy that would somehow include her in it (thankfully she had a safe "eject" function built into her power and could escape any time she wanted). She couldn't help but be honestly surprised. Those were not the dreams of evil ponies, though she didn't let her guard down yet; aware that in dreams anything could happen.

"Oh hi Moonbutt!" She heard Moondancer's voice from the center of the room. "Didn't expect to see you here!"

Moon Sky turned toward the dream owner, who was laying on her side on a large throne made out of more cushions than was used in the latest Sun/Moon campaign. As expected, Moondancer was also dressed in a fancy toga, relaxing while two, tall stallions fanned her with giant leaves, and a third one waited for his cue to feed her with grapes. They all resembled their classmates.

"Well..." Moon Sky scratched her head, trying to act as natural as she could in the dream. The fact that Moondancer didn't expect to see her meant that she probably didn't see her as potential sexual encounter. She wasn't sure how she felt about it. On one hoof, she created Moon Sky to be as inconspicious as possible, but she she never wanted to make her ugly. Just less attractive, to not garner too much attention.

She shook her head, clearly overthinking things. None of her closest friends were here either. Neither was Celestia. Or Luna, for that matter.

She coughed, before continuing. "I like what you did to the place."

"I know, right?" Moondancer beamed. "And you're just in time, we're about to start the 'super fun time'!"

"Super... fun time?" She tilted her head and thought, then her eyes widened with realization. She looked at all the ponies gathered in the chamber. "Does that mean that you... with all those..."

"What? No, don't be silly!" Moondancer waved her hoof, relieving Moon Sky of the scariest mental image ever. "Today's Monday, and you know what that means? Yes, it's Monster Monday!"

"Monster Monday?" She asked, clearly knowing it was Thursday, but hey, dreams.

Moondancer took off her bed, and as if on cue, the building emptied; leaving only the two of them and a few guards, while a giant gate to her right which wasn't there before (again, dream) started opening. Moondancer was no longer in toga, this time wearing a plaid mini skirt along with a white shirt, a pink bowtie and twin pigtails. She took a deep breath to shout.

"RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"

Moon Sky's eyes widened, as she observed several long, slimy tentacles come out of the darkness. Her eye twitched.

"NOPE!"

EJECT!

Next day.

"Hiya Moonbutt!" Moondancer said cheerfully, looking forward to her usual, cute reaction she always got when she caught her off-guard in classroom.

Moon Sky, however, did not jump with a squeak, but stood up, packed her things and hastily left her seat.

"Can'ttalkgottagobye!" Then she zipped away faster than you could say...

"Wait, Moonbu--... huh, weird." Moondancer scratched her head. "Was it something I said?"

Moon Sky was absent the following week. Her relative, a pegasus called Sunny Skies, reported that she was ill and was not to be disturbed.

Author's Note

Aaaand I just crossed the line. Goddamnit, Moondcer!

12. Seven Apples, No Twilight (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Four... Five... Oh, come on... Six... There's no way that'll fi-DAMMIT!

Moondancer smiled, despite the seven apples stuffed in her mouth. "Suffen!"

Sunset scowled, not willing to degrade herself by insisting Moondancer couldn't fit an eigth in the hopes it would nullify the agreement. She let out a long-suffering sigh. "Fine, you freak of nature, you win."

Once she'd taken the apples out of her mouth (ew), Moondancer started eating them normally, one at a time, as she smiled smugly across the table at Sunset. "Well, Twilight's not around, it's Monday afternoon, and I just fit seven apples in my mouth, pay up!"

The agreement was that if Moondancer ever filled those conditions, Sunset would tell her how she got into Celestia's school for gifted unicorns. Sunset was doubly annoyed, because ridiculous conditions like those were supposed to be impossible, the apple thing for obvious reasons and because Twilight always studied here in the dorm on monday afternoons. Maybe I could riddle out how she got rid of Twilight for the day, but I'm not sure I want to know.

"Alright," she muttered, "but breathe a word of this to anypony and I'll make you wear a chastity belt and force-feed you the key."

Moondancer nonchalantly took another bite of apple, waiting for the story.

Little Sunset Shimmer was in Canterlot with her family, who brought her along from Southern Equestria. Officially speaking, they were distant nobility here to see the Summer Sun Celebration like the majority of the crowd. Unofficially, Sunset's parents wanted to see Celestia in person, to identify any exploitable weaknesses for later. However, what they saw in the Princess of the Sun that day paled in comparison to what they noticed from their little daughter, who smiled brightly as Celestia began to raise the sun.

"I wanna help raise the sun!" Her horn lit up, glowing brightly in the crowd.

Princess Celestia was about halfway finished with the main event of the anniversery celebrating her sister's banishment. Repressing certain feelings as she'd done hundreds of times, she felt something flutter. It was faint, so small she might not have even noticed it, but it was definitely there. Somehow, she was sure, raising the sun was just a hair easier this time.

She opened her eyes, looking out at her little ponies, and immediately noticed a little yellow filly in the crowd, quite a few others staring at her in shock as the brilliant blue light of her horn began to fade.

"Hello there," she called out, smiling at the filly, "what is your name, little one?"

Not noticing the contemplative looks her parents were giving each other, Sunset smiled. "I'm Sunset Shimmer, nice to meet'cha!"

"And," Sunset concluded, "not long after, I was living in Canterlot, here to utilize the potential Celestia picked up on that day."

As she feared, Moondancer's reaction was not awe or wonder, but a wide, beaming, I-see-my-widdle-Spikey-Wikey grin, her eyes twinkling. "D'aaaaaww!!"

Sunset blushed, facehoofing. "Just get it out of your system now."

Moondancer all but hugged herself with her forehooves, rocking back and forth as though cradling a newborn foal. "Widdle Sunny wants to help the princess raise the sun, and she does! That's gotta be the cutest thing I've ever heard!" She paused. "Well, about you anyway."

Rolling her eyes, Sunset groaned. This was pretty much how all the adults she'd dealt with since coming here had reacted when she told them how she got admitted, the information being treated strictly as need-to-know from then on. Moondancer didn't need to know, but she had an annoying habit of asking those kinds of questions, which led to the no-Twilight-seven-apples condition. She looked across the table at her nosy friend, who was still beaming at her. "What?"

Moondancer stood up.

Sunset's eyes narrowed. "No."

She took a step closer.

"I said no."

Another step.

"I'm warning you, I-"

That was all she could say before being hug-tackled.

Twilight opened the door, Spike sitting on her back. "Hi guys! I'm back from-huh?"

"Gah! Twilight! Help! There's a rabid idiot stuck to my face!"

Sunset was lying on the floor, Moondancer hugging and nuzzling her. "You're so cute when you're calling for help!"

Twilight shook her head. "Ordinarily I might have suggested hanging the sock first, but this seems pretty innocent for you."

Looking up, Moondancer noticed her other favorite teddy bear. "SPIKEY-WIKEY!!"

Spike's pupils shrunk, "Hi-ho, Twilight, away!" and he smacked the flat of a claw against her flank.

She turned to glare at him. "You know, I'm half-way tempted to let her get you."

He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

Twilight rolled her eyes, immediately turning to gallop out of the room, Moondancer giving chase.

Getting up and dusting herself off, Sunset huffed.

"Stupid Moondancer and her stupid Obsessive Cuddling disorder."

Still, as she glanced out the window at the mid-day sun, she smiled a little.

Author's Note

Jetto's comments: Behold the (partial) origins of our anti-villainess.

13. Sunset with Tricks

Baltimare, affectionally called Balmare by its inhabitants, despite being a big city of earth pony industry, managed to stay beautiful and tourist friendly. It was a rare instance, having both heavy machinery and factories being captured in the same frame as colorful, flowerful (pretty sure its not a word, but meh) parks. It was also a center of education, containing one of the biggest known public libraries in Equestria, second only to Canterlot itself, along with multiple colleges and universities. But whereas Canterlot specialized in magic, art and social studies, Baltimare was all about earth pony industry.

Sunset Shimmer had nothing against earth ponies. They were an important part of equestrian society and she doubted they would ever go obsolete (unless ponies find a way to survive on photosynthesis) and she appreciated them as fellow pony beings, not better or worse than other tribes. But even with her overwhelming respect and adoration of the working class, she couldn't deny that listening to the lectures on industrial machinery which effects she could replicate with her horn in her spare time between waking up and first cup of morning coffee, made her closer on the line from "behave, ponies are watching" to "I will gut the first pony that speaks to me", making the "Do it, filly-buttom" all that more appealing.

That's when Moondancer bumped into her, as they walked out of the sugar refinery. "Ugh, I thought the snoozefest would never end!" She yawned. "Remind me to not get excited over university funded field trips ever again. Sunny, why do you look like you want to cut me up with a dull sawblade?"

"...no reason." She muttered, pondering over how easy it would be to hide the body in those containers.

"Ohmygosh, that was so educational!" A purple beacon of happiness (Twilight Sparkle) caught up to them, magically trying to fit in her bags all the pamphlets and notes she kept taking during the tour. She was wearing a t-shirt and baseball cap both with 'I <3 Baltimare' on them. "It sure makes us appreciate how everything we take for granted works. I'll never look at sugar the same way ever again, not after seeing..."

"Twily, please!" Moondancer rolled her eyes. "The tour's over!"

Twilight pouted, but recovered her enthusiasm five seconds later. "So, next stop- Enoch Trott Free Library! Imagine, going into one of the oldest public libraries in Equestria! I just can't wait!"

Moondancer took a glance at her other best friend, then caught up to Twilight. "Actually, maybe we should relax for a bit first."

"Don't be silly Moondancer!" She slowly turned to her. "We only have three hours to spare, we can't waste even a preciouse seco--..." she stopped mid sentence, as her gaze wandered over where Moondancer was subtly pointing with her eyes, to a gray, clouded creature with murderous intent, walking inside the only foggy, raining segment in the entire, sunny city. When Sunset Shimmer was in a mood, she used illusions to prove a point. Also, death threats.

"...urge... to... kill... raising..."

Twilight swallowed. "Let's take a break first!"

"Aaaah, much better!" Sunset Shimmer sighed with relief, blissfully smacking her lips as she levitated the cup of black coffee back on the table of an outdoor cafe.

"You're not yourself without coffee for too long!" Twilight remarked, placing her half finished double moccha at the table.

"Or," Moondancer leaned closer to Twilight, putting a hoof over her shoulder, then announced dramatically "that's the real Sunset and caffeine is the only thing holding her back!"

The two friends gasped and looked varily at bemused Sunset. "Sure, why not?" She shrugged. The three waited for a moment, until one after the other snorted and launched into a fit of laughter.

Eventually, after finishing their drinks, Twilight stood up, placing a cap back on head.

"Okay, we're wasting time girls. We only have... two hours and thirty two minutes until the train leaves. Come on, the library won't visit itself!" She happily announced, oblivious to the other two groaning. Normally, Sunset Shimmer would be the first to answer her, usually with a snarky comment, but Moondancer beat her to it.

"Woah, hot stuff at seven o'clock!" She smiled, glaring at two bulky, muscled earth ponies that just passed by. Sunset peeked at the two and shrugged, giving them a six out of ten- passable, but she could do better. "And there's two of them, which means..."

"Oh no..."

"What? It's not often we get to socialize with... Balmareians? Balmarenians? Whatever, can't miss an occassion!"

"We are NOT chasing after stallions! And it's Balmarians!" Twilight protested. "Not when there's so much to see and read and see! Or ever, for that matter!"

"Oh please, like they don't have copies of all those books back home!"

"That's not the point, those books here have..."

"...the air, sweat and dust of our predecessors, I know!" Moondancer rolled her eyes.

The conversation went for a short moment longer, but Sunset Shimmer sat quietly and kept sipping her coffee, all too aware how this whole debacle will end.

"Sunset?" The purple one and white one turned to her, each smiling brightly, inviting her towards their cause.

She weighed her options. On one hoof, a library full of books about industrial history was the most boring thing that even her nerd side wouldn't be able to sit through without wanting to burn a wing or two (whether she meant pegasus or library wings was up to debate), but at the same time she never knew what else she could find in the "Misc" portion of the library, as she often did before.

Then there was Moondancer's double date, which she had absolutely no mood for right now, especially if her date happened to be a pushy, horny jerkface who required a zapping and/or pushing him to Moondancer (always open to... suggestions), but then again she could easily manipulate him into treating her to a nice, expensive dinner and THEN push him towards Moondancer.

Struck with two options just as viable, annoying and potentially dangerous, she picked the obvious one...

"I love the third option!" Sunset mused to herself again, enjoying a third cup of coffee today. Alone. Sending BOTH of her friends packing was quite possibly the best solution to most of her problems.

"No Twilight, no Moondancer, just me, my cup and beautiful landscape. Peace and quie--"

CRACK-OOM!

A sudden explosion in the distance made her jump and spill her coffee everywhere, including her coat. She groaned at the sight of a stain that would take at least five minutes to wash away (or a simple cleaning spell), then faced the direction where the explosion came from. It was followed by a few others, each one coming from a set of colorful, barely visible on bright daylight fireworks that shot from around the corner, where already a bunch of ponies started gathering.

She looked irritated at her now empty cup, stain and the spectacle, wishing she could ignore it just to spite whoever was there. She placed a few bits for her unfinished coffee as she left her seat.

"Dear universe..." she muttered, as she walked towards the commotion. "...@#$% you!"

"Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Grrreat and Powerful Trrrrixie!"

The pawn of the universe that was against Sunset's life this time was a light-blue mare in a purple, star-covered cloak and pointy hat, standing on a stage, her forehooves extended joyously to the skies as fireworks shot all around. Sunset rolled her eyes at the overacting mare in ridiculous clothing. She decided to stay and watch, having a lot of time to kill, now that her coffee was gone.

For the next five or so minutes Sunset Shimmer was a witness to a medium tier magic, that while looking pretty, was a far cry from being "Great" or "Powerful" (though there were tricks, for sure). Simple, colorful explosions, along with rapid growth of some flowers from seeds, but mostly illusions of different kinds and shapes. Almost as boring as a trip to that wretched factory, though the audience would beg to differ.

"T'mare there sure is sothing'else!" Said some random earth pony to Sunset. "I'neer seen magic scool in milife!"

Sunset snorted. "Yeah, she's something... amateurish. Though I don't blame any simpletons (no offense) for mistaking these parlor tricks for real magic."

The pony tilted his head. "What'cha mean, hon?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. Talking was a bother, so she looked around for something to bring her point a bit easier. She noticed a Flower Shop nearby, in particular a long sunflower that stood at the entrance. She levitated a single seed from it and placed it on her hoof. She concentrated some of her magic into it, which made the seed suddenly shake and open up, as a small sappling rose from it.

"They teach that on first year at Academy in Canterlot." Sunset shrugged, while her spectator gasped loudly at the miracle he was witnessing. "Though earth pony farming is far more efficient in the long run."

"Hot dangit, sneet stuff here!"

"Sneet?" Her eyebrow raised.

"What'cha doin?" Another pony noticed the two and entered into the conversation.

"That lass'ere's makin stuff grow wit magic too!"

"Really? Lem'see!"

"Oh, kinya do da firwoks too?" A third suddenly one asked and before Sunset knew it, she was surrounded by a crowd.

Normally she'd shun them away, but instead took her time to replicate the effects of the showmare around, except in a much less exagerated way. There was something very satisfying about taking the audience away from an attention whorse like that "whatsherface" was doing with magic that she was clearly taught in the same school. And speak of the devil, Sunset heard coughing coming from the stage.

"Excuse Trixie, but The Great And Powerful Trixie would appreciate other ponies NOT stealing her audience, thank you very much!"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, hon," Sunset aswered, smiling slyly "there's no off switch to my awesomeness!"

"Trixie can relate. However," she stepped closer to the edge and stared Sunset in her eyes "this city has place for only one Greatness and Trixie's has been here first!"

"Fine!" She shook her head and started turning back, slowly trotting away. "I know when I'm not wanted. I'll just take my Awesomness and waaalk aawaay..." as she passed through the crowds, she could clearly hear some dissapointed whining.

Exactly as planned.

"After all," Sunset stopped and turned back to have a glance at Trixie on her stage "The Great and Powerful Trampy" everypony gasped "does not wish to be overshadowed by a SUPERIOR magician," another gasp "no?"

As Sunset expected, she saw Trixie's jaw drop, only to then grit her teeth, as her face was getting redder and redder with anger, though to her credit, she did her best to compose herself, taking deep breath after another, until she was ready for a civil remark.

"First off all, Trixie is Trixie. And second, since there are no ponies Greater than Great and Powerful Trixie in the entire Equestria or beyond, she takes no offense in your meaningless boasting. Especially..." her eye narrowed, her smile growing more sinister "...coming from a pony that runs away, intimidated by Trixie's Amazingness!"

The crowd gasped again, now turning towards Sunset, who unlike the azure magician held her emotions in complete check. If you don't count the fire that could burn an entire Tartarus if it got passed her eyelids.

"Oh, is that a challenge?"

"Anypony comparing herself to Trixie has to put more than words into their arguments! Or they could run away. Trixie won't be compared to... chickens!"

The crowd gasped once again, now all eyes turned at Sunset Shimmer, who had yet to turn back towards the stage again. She couldn't just show them her face right now. After all, the big, evil grin she was wearing could ruin the entire effect she worked so hard for.

"Well, if you put it that way..." her horn started glowing bright, until it exploded with blinding light. Once everypony regained their sights and removed their hooves from their eyes, they witnessed the Great and Powerful Sunset Shimmer turned towards them, except now wearing an ensamble identical to Trixie's. A long cape and pointy wizard hat, except hers were of dark shade of crimson, with tiny explosion patterns instead of stars. "...I have an hour or two to kill."

The crowd around Sunset cooed and marveled at her new looks. Trixie raised an eyebrow, then hummed and smiled with realization.

"Ah, it appears Trixie's style is more inspiring than even she initially thought. But even though Trixie is impressed by your little trick, she won't be taken for a fool that easily!" She turned around to face the back of her stage, then magically pulled away one of the curtains, revealing... a surprised Sunset Shimmer, with her horn still glowing. She was not wearing her new clothes. The crowd gasped, then looked between two Sunset's- one at the stage, the other still standing between the crowds and looking fabulous. One pony tried to touch her, but his hoof passed right through the holographic image.

"Trixie is impressed a pony other than herself could combine multiple, complex spells in a seemless sequence. Trixie especially loves the way you used a blinding light and illusion with different clothing to confuse the audience. It takes practice to do that, teleport and contain the image without being seen or heard. Sadly for you, the opponent you face is The Great And Powerful Trixie. Not a third rate magician like you thought Trixie was!"

The crowd applauded the two, though nopony was sure if majority went towards Trixie's briliant deduction or Sunset's magical prowess. Sunset stood in place for a longer moment, only blinking. She then snorted. "Well, well, well, this dog can do more than just yap and bark!" She smiled widely and viciously. "Foals socks are off, then."

Trixie hummed and smiled as well. "Neither will Trixie hold herself back anymore."

Their gazes met and some ponies could swear they saw lightning buzzing between their eyes. The lightning was in fact real, as both unicorn magicians provided an illusion of their own, giving an even more dramatic feeling. After all, they were both ponies with style to maintain.

Sunset being a challenger, started with the big one. A spell that not even her teachers back in Canterlot could replicate and you had to be born to Shimmer family to ever be allowed to find out its secret's (at which point Sunset hoped to Celestia Trixie wasn't somehow related to her). After a minute of proper incantations, her horn exploded with flames and all of a sudden, her entire body bursted into flames. As the crowd gasped with terror, Sunset made no big deal out of her mane and coat being turned into fire, as she nonchallantly stood where she was.

"Now that an hot'mare!" Yelled some random Bawlemareian, with most in the crowd agreeing, applauding loudly.

Trixie was not as impressed, yawning.

"Really? You complain that Trixie uses mere illusions, yet you show no better? Trixie expected more."

Sunset only smiled, her horn glowing to levitate a random chair from nearby estabilishment (the owner didn't seem to mind).

"Illusion? Please, is a mere illusion able to do..." she touched the chair, burning it to ashes in a manner of seconds "...this?" Getting another set of gasps and applause (you'd think the audience would stop being so surprised after all this time).

Trixie's eyes narrowed as she looked closer at the flames and ashes. She walked closer and closer, trying to get a better look, noticing a strange trend as she walked. Sunset invited her to come even closer.

"Come on, I don't bite. You can touch it!" She cooed the showmare, also earning a few whistles from the crowd. "NOT LIKE THAT, YOU PERVS!" It didn't stop anypony from shipping the pair. At least Moondancer wasn't anywhere nearby.

Either way, Trixie swallowed, then reluctantly, slowly extended her hoof towards the literally firey one, at which point she also had an epiphany.

"Those flames... they're cold?" She said, retracting her hoof, only to notice it catching up in flames too.

"I'd say lukewarm, but hey, semantics." She shrugged, snorting as she saw Trixie trying to shake the flames away, only making them stronger in the process.

Eventually, Trixie gave up on shaking and summoned a bucket of water and submerged her hoof in it, taking them out, but exposing a naked batch of skin which was underneath the flames, which of course provoked a few naughty whistles from crowd. Trixie rolled her eyes at them and quickly used her magic to grow her coat back. She was not above giving her crowd some fanservice, but this was too lewd even for her.

"Your move, Avarage and Overrated One!"

Trixie groaned, but quickly composed herself and coughed, before coming up with a retort.

"Very clever. Trixie is impressed, she really is. She has heard rumors of a region in Equestria where this magic is taught, but she never managed to catch a glimpse of it, despite her best tries. Which is why Trixie is thankful for such an educational experiance. After all, the entire point of Trixie's journey is to be the Greatest And Most Powerful magician there ever was. And yes, Trixie is aware that the thought of Trixie becoming even greater than she already is is an intimidating thought in itself but fear not, Trixie will be a benelovent Princess once she marries into the royal family."

Sunset blinked. So did the audience.

"You sure love to hear your own voice, do you?"

"First step in becoming Equestria's most benelovent magician is to start appreciating one's own self, which Trixie mastered way, way before a filly like you ever started learning magic... not that Trixie is implying that Trixie is old, since she is not, but Trixie does apologize for dragging this monologue for so long. You see, it was imperative that you held your attention to Trixie's words and mouth and not the spell she was discreetly forming." She ended with an innocent smile. Sunset raised her eyebrow at that statement. Trixie pointed up, so Sunset looked up, at which point her eye widened with shock when she saw a giant, wooden tub levitating just above her. Her eye twitched.

"Let Trixie help you with that FIREY temper!"

"You gotta be fu--"

SPLASH!

And then at least ten gallons of cold (lukewarm) water splashed onto her. The flames were doused as expected, leaving only a dripping wet Sunset Shimmer. Trixie, along with the male and fillyfooler audience, were slightly dissapointed to note that her mane and coat were not burned like Trixie's, but the resulting view of wet-maned Sunset Shimmer was just as effective. It was especially commendable that Sunset managed to compose herself in time, giving a sultry smile towards the audience and posing seductively, earning herself a few dozen male (and some female) fans. If she was going to be humiliated, she might as well use it to her advantage. She still wanted to kill Trixie, though.

"You do realize this means war?"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

One hour, dozens of spells, mana in thousands later, the battle continued. The two mares stood opposite to each other, each at her wits end, panting heavily, their horns almost fizzling out of reserves, as the stage around them was slowly getting crowded from the multitude of props, such as countless balls, plates, chainsaws and even a kitchen sink, which the crowd would never forget. Neither were any of them ready to give up nor was the crowd getting bored of the spectacle. In fact they liked it more with every passing minute and the square they were placed on was running out of spectator space, few ponies sat on buildings, at the windows or lampposts, while pegasi stayed midair to marvel at the battle.

"Are you ready to stop fighting with the Great and Powerful Trixie?"

"What, you're giving up already?"

"Ha! As if!"

Trixie hummed and looked at the audience. With her mana going low, she had to think of something a bit less consuming, but equally as impressive. She smiled as an idea entered her mind.

"For this next feat, Trixie will require... a volounteer from the crowds, let's see..." she scanned through the crowd of ponies, each shouting and raising their hooves up, until she noticed exactly what she was looking for. "You!" She pointed at a scrawny, slim stallion, barely in his adulthood, much different than the other, tough looking Balmarans. "Yes, you! Don't be afraid, Trixie will take goooooood care of you."

Swallowing, the stallion reluctantly entered the stage and found himself before Trixie, who was already working on a spell.

"Now, watch in awe as Trixie transforms this plain looking, unattractive pony (no offense), into a stallion worthy of your dreams, using only a few simple moves!" She shot him with a beam and suddenly, facial hair started growing from him. That's where the levitating pair of scissors, comb, water spray and few cans of beautician products came in.

"Now, hold still!"

A minute of combing, cutting, spraying and male terror later, Trixie was finished.

"Presto!"

The crowd whistled as the scrawny looking, unattractive feeble stallion was gone. Now he was sporting a long, blonde well groomed mane, along with a scrawny, not quite grown, "five days not shaving worth" beard, not unlike a certain actor that played an alicorn of thunder in a certain, popular comic book adaptation. Few females of faint heart in the audience had to be hospitalized from seeing so much hotness. Even Sunset had troubles hiding a slight blush on her face.

"This..." She coughed, looking away from the stallion (now busy adoring himself with a small mirror) "is acceptable. Seven out of ten, but only because the movie was kinda meh."

"Trixie agrees, it was underwhelming. The crossover though..."

"Ohmygosh, that was the most epic thing I've ever seen!"

"Trixie knows, right? She bought two tickets so she could see the battle in Canterlot again!"

"I was squeeling like a fangirl when he beat that big snake with one buck!"

"Or when Iron Mare taunted the villains and offered them drinks? Trixie has shivers just remembering it!"

"Have you seen the posters for the sequel?"

"Trixie can't wait! She'll be there in Applewood when it premieres!"

"No way!"

"Yes way!"

"I'm so jealous right now!"

"EKHEM!" Two mares looked at the audience, coughing at them to get on with the show. They looked at each other and realized they were still enemies, so they narrowed their eyes and warily stepped away from each other.

Now it was Sunset's turn. She looked at the impersonation of Thunder God and smiled, as a new idea popped in her mind. "Alright then. Let's go a little further..." She cast another spell on the stallion, completely ruining the perfect image of thunder good with more hair, then followed up with her own makeover session.

This one however, was a little different.

The glorious alicorn of thunder was gone, so was the plain looking scrawny stallion. In their place appeared a beautiful, twin tailed mare (?), with thick, but masterfully applied eye shadows, slight blush, elongated eyelashes and a thin layer of crimson lipstick.

"Not bad, if I do say so myself." Sunset smiled nonchallantly, holding a mirror at her creation, letting it bask in its newfound glory.

"HOT DIGGITY!" A large portion of audience exclaimed at the same time. The male portion, to be exact. A gay portion, along with tons of sexually confused or bicurious stallions, startd blushing and lowered their heads from shame they shouldn't feel in the accepting society like Equestria.

Trixie couldn't hide her blush either. She blinked, then coughed, hiding her face behind the collar of her cloak.

"T-Trixie finds this... acceptable. But don't get cocky, Trixie is far from done, she still has more tri--"

"THERE SHE IS!"

Two magicians, along with the rest of the crowd, turned towards the newcommers, which was a group of stallions, each dressed in a nice suit and sunglasses. One of them, the one who shouted, was pointing at Trixie. The azure mare herself shrugged, then turned to Sunset.

"Trixie had fun, but she appears to be out of time."

"Wait, what? Who are they?"

"Trixie calls it a draw. We'll continue it next time." She reached inside her cloak and pulled out a small objet. "Now if you excuse Trixie..." She threw the thing at the wooden floor of her stage, exploding in a big smoke. Sunset Shimmer coughed a few times and fanned the smoke away, only to notice that Trixie was gone!

"What the, how did she...?" She looked around herself, then realized one more thing. She looked down, at the stone pavement of Baltimare's square. No stage anywhere nearby. "Where's the...? How...? ...what?"

"SHE'S GETTING AWAY! AFTER HER!" The stallion in suit shouted again, but then was smacked in the back of his head by one of his comrades.

"She wouldn't be getting away if, I don't know... somepony didn't SHOUT AT HER BEFORE WE MADE A TRAP!"

"Oh... oops?" He shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

"Why does this always keep happening..." His comrades rolled their eyes and groaned, then went after Trixie, wherever she was.

As the crowd started dispersing, Sunset Shimmer found herself alone, confused and angry, but mostly confused. Other than herself, she noticed the "whathisface" stallion she turned into a beautiful mare, still adoring him/herself in the mirror.

"I guess I should turn you back now?" She asked.

"Actually, I like this look. I think I'll keep it."

Sunset blinked. Then turned and walked away, no questions asked.

Some time later, in the train back to Canterlot, Twilight Sparkle and Moondancer sat nervously, as the third seat remained empty and the train was about to get off.

"Where is she?" Twilight lamented, nervously tapping her hooves. "We were supposed to meet fifteen minutes ago... do you think she's..." She didn't get to finish her sentence, as Moondancer waved at the entrance.

"Oh hey, she's back!"

The (figuratively) firey maned unicorn sat across them and looked outside the window, completely ignoring her friends. Moondancer and Twilight looked at each other, then back at Sunset.

"Sunny, you okay?"

"Just peachy..."

"Are you sure? Did something happen?"

Sunset took a while to answer. "Nothing. Not. A. Bucking. Thing!"

Her two friends swallowed. As the train finally took off, Twilight noticed a snack cart nearby.

"Excuse me, my friend would like to get some coffee!"

"Urge... to... kill..."

"Make it double!"

Author's Note

With apologies to all hon's from Baltimore. Those who have troubles reading through it I give you this cool dictionary which I also used.

Now I'm just waiting for season 5 to feature Baltimare and ruin my fic forever. It'll happen, I know it will.

Age of Ultron intensifies.

14. Besties with Moon: Princess Luna

Moon Sky was not a typical unicorn. She had a secret. A secret nopony was to find out. A secret she had to keep from others, for their own safety. A secret that was in grave danger.

"Hey, you heard about Moondancer?”

"What’s she up to this time?”

"She claims that, get this, Princess Luna is here in our school!”

SPLASH!

The two unicorns stopped their chatter to notice the new transfer student, Moon-something, choke on water she splashed herself full of from the fountain. They shrugged and ignored the dripping wet, awkward nerd, unaware that this little piece of news was among the worst things Moon Sky, better known as Princess Luna in disguise (that was her secret, but you probably already knew that), could’ve heard. It didn’t help that she overheard that little conversation while she was taking a drink in a hallway, thus shooting an epic level spit take at the innocent pony waiting for his turn. She smiled sheepish at the bemused and soaking colt, then zipped away. After drying herself with magic, she found the two gossiping mares from before and stalked them a bit longer, trying to overhear the rest of their conversation.

"Did she tell you who that is?”

"Nah. She said it's a secret.”

"Pfft, seriously! Why would Luna of all ponies go to a school? Isn’t she like, omnipotent and all knowing?”

"That’s, like, the same thing.”

"Whatevs.”

Having heard more than enough, Moon Sky stopped following the pair. All this time she spent around Moondancer taught her that this young mare was a lot smarter than anypony gave her credit for. She probably always knew the truth and kept bugging Moon Sky, a lone, bland and perfectly normal unicorn because of it. All of her doing was to garner attention and favor of Moon Princess, by acting oblivious, but friendly. Luna had to admit, it was working, as the more she knew about that little pony, the more inclined towards her she was becoming (the dreamscape journey notwithstanding).

Either way, there was only one thing left to do. She had to come clean, tell her the truth before she told everypony. She had to find her, and find her fa-

„Hiya, Moonbutt!”

„MEEP!”

Never ready. She accepted that long ago.

„Wow, Moonbutt," Moondancer whistled, seeing the filly cling to the ceiling "if I didn’t know any better, I would’ve suspected you had well hidden wings on your back!”

“Haha… yeah…” She smiled sheepishly, as she descended back on the ground. Once down, she took a deep breath and tried to open a conversation, but the other moon pony interrupted her.

“So, I assume you heard the rumors?” Moondancer asked. Moon Sky looked down, nodding reluctantly. “Good, saves us time.” Moondancer announced, then grabbed her hoof. “Come on, no time to lose!” And before she could voice a complaint, she was dragged around the hallway, unable to find strength or resolve to stop the cheerful mare any longer.

The outside courtyard of the Academy was hardly the most private place Luna could think of, but during afternoon lessons (which both were skipping, apparently) it was all empty. The two stopped at the bushes near the road towards the art wing. While Moondancer was looking around and making sure they were not spotted, Moon Sky sighed deeply, trying to decide what was the best course of action right now. She could deny it all she wanted, but it was only a matter of time before Moondancer exposed her to all Equestria. In the end, she decided to come clean right now and here and hope she can be trusted to keep the secret.

“Moondancer, there’s something I’ve been meaning to…-“ But she was quickly interrupted.

“Quick, hide!” With that said, she lowered her head below the bush level, grabbing the other unicorn along, covering her mouth so wouldn’t squeal like usual.

On the other side, a few sets of hoofsteps and conversations could be heard.

“Oh thank you thank you thank you! I will cherish it forever!”

“Think nothing of it. It’s always a pleasure.”

Moondancer put a hoof to her mouth to hush her friend, then opened a small hole towards the scene, where a group of ponies was just passing by. Most of them were students from different years, as well as Professor Paint Brush, their art teacher (or to be exact, Moon Sky’s, as art was one of her few subjects she had to attend), clearly getting late to his own class. Last but definitely not least from the group, was a mare whose sight alone made Moon Sky’s eyes widen.

“Alright students, back to your classes, chop, chop!” Paint Brush shooed the crowd of students. “Miss Fleur de Lis did not come here to socialize.”

Fleur de Lis. That was a name that even Princess Luna heard in passing here and there. A new, but astonishingly talented model and stage/movie actress, known for her silky, delicate pink mane, soft, angelic voice, and of course, those long, slender hooves, making her almost as tall and spectacular as a princess. It was Luna's first time seeing her, live or picture, and she lived up to all the hype she was surrounded by and then some.

“I don’t really mind.” She giggled, waving a hoof. With few words alone, she managed to melt anypony around her, inspiring jealousy and lust, as well as comfort and ease. But most of all, respect.

She was…

“Hello, Princess Luna!” Moondancer whispered, smiling sly.

Moon Sky, or Luna (she was getting confused as well) almost jumped out of her hiding spot, but the greeting turned out to be not directed at her. She was going to think “perfect”, but what Moondancer said fit as well. Even if she was wrong.

The conversation on the road continued, as Paint Brush coughed, then said while wiping sweat that the model often generated in stallions with ease.

“R-right, but the classes started already and we’re running out of time.”

“Oh well,” Fleur shrugged, then addressed her fan club “mister Brush is right, we all have more important things to do right now.” She was of course met with communal moans of disappointment. She giggled and added. “I’ll ask my manager to give me ten minutes after class.” She ended the sentence with a playful wink, earning a few hopeful smiles.

Once gone, Moondancer got out of her hideout and smiled.

“Ooh, she’s good! That’s definitely the princess I was looking for! Come on!”

She followed after them, Moon Sky close behind her. Both fillies stopped near the secluded building, more resembling a small cottage than an actual classroom (at least from outside) and peeked inside through the window. There, they saw professor and Fleur talking about something, while the model sat herself on a small couch, trying a few poses until finally settling in on a tamer version of what most ponies referred to “draw me as one of those prench mares”, making herself, professor and a bunch of students laugh in the process. Of the latter there were around a dozen, each standing eagerly before an easel, with a set of paints and brushes ready to go.

“So that’s why she’s here,” Moondancer nodded, smiling “I dunno what Paint Brush had to go through to get a top model for his lesson, but dangit, he just become one of my favorite teachers!”

Moon Sky sat quietly and watched as her classmates started painting the flawless beauty, lying patiently, not allowing herself any movement aside from occasional blinking.

“Moondancer,” she turned to the white unicorn “why exactly do you think that this mare is…”

“Oh Moonbutt,” she slowly shook her head “isn’t it obvious? Everything about Fleur de Lis stinks… well, smells, like a princess! The way she moves, the politeness, manners, charisma, not to mention the looks! I mean, come on, we have an entire category of spells dedicated to transforming your body, but nopony living less than hundred years has been able to have flanks like these! That is, nopony, except a princess!”

Moon Sky nodded. The logic behind her reasoning was again as sound as it was completely incorrect.

“Plus, there’s that thing that happened…”

“Thing?”

“It was on a huge party thrown by Princess Celestia to celebrate Luna’s return.” As she was speaking, Luna went back in her head to that party. She remembered it very well. “She invited most of the noble houses from around Equestria and even some allied nations. Anypony who was somepony was there to meet and mingle with Princess of the Night for the first time in thousand years!”

'Everypony' was not a stretch. Luna had to shake hooves, bow and receive ten times as many greetings from hundreds. She wasn’t ready for that kind of workout then, neither was she versed in the proper etiquette of the times, resulting in…

“And boy howdy, was she an awkward piece of mess!”

Moon Sky’s cheeks went red, just remembering several faux pax she made that time. She was of course forgiven easily, using the true and tried method of having Celestia nearby to explain her not being with the current times, which didn't help her confidence much.

“But here’s where it gets interesting!” Moondancer continued, leaning over Moon Sky. “Some time later, after I had some… 'interaction' with a certain young griffon ambassador,” she coughed and let Moon Sky overcome her mental image “as I went back to the party, on my way there, who do I see, talking face to face, on a balcony, away from the crowds?”

Moon Sky raised an eyebrow, unaware there were witnesses to this.

“Princess Luna with, who else, Fancy Pants! They were talking about something, but I couldn’t quite gather what. Of course, I didn’t know who he was back then, well, I knew who Fancy Pants was but I haven't met him personally and didn't know how he looked until recently and then all of a sudden, brain-wham! And everything started making sense!”

Luna fondly remembered her short, but very uplifting interaction with Fancy Pants. Their conversation was not exactly a thing of legends. They talked about the how different punch tasted than a millennium ago and about Wonderbolts, particularly about Captain Spitfire having an open slot in main team (which she was well aware of). She was glad to see her in good health after her encounter with Nightmare Moon’s signature petrification spell. Sadly, keeping the secret of her identity prevented her from offering any official apologies, so she reasoned that an anonymous, generous gift package from a “fan” would suffice for now.

Moon Sky shook her head and listened to the rest of the story.

“A week after that party, guess who made her exclusive, Equestria-wide debut? Exactly, Fleur de Lis! Hottest mare since Celestia, appearing out of nowhere? I know shenanigans when I see them! Not to mention, Luna was nowhere to be seen since then, only occasionally appearing, but never at the same place. Coincidence? I. Don’t. Think. So. Exclamation mark. There are no other models like Fleur, so it has to be Princess Luna in disguise. After the humiliation she received at the party, she had to rebuild her confidence somehow, and how else but by pretending to be somepony else? All she had to do was hide her wings, dye herself pink-ish, grow a size or two and nopony was the wiser!”

Once again Moon Sky had to nod at the flawless, still incorrect, logic.

“I’m not so sure about it,” Moon Sky finally said “I don’t think Princess Luna is a type that would enjoy being in a spotlight… you know, being a princess of the night?”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Moonbutt, Moonbutt...” Moondancer shook her head “I love you even if you can be a little dummy sometimes. See, this disguise is perfect BECAUSE it’s so different! I mean, think about it, if you wanted to be somepony else, wouldn’t you want to be somepony COMPLETELY opposite? Like, night and day different, no pun intended? I mean, she doesn’t want to leave too many hints, right? She’s not so naïve to think that she could take a form of a meek, demure, socially awkward, night themed unicorn and have nopony notice at all, right?” She paused for a while and took a better look at her new friend. Moon Sky started sweating, uncomfortable with the sudden attention.

“W-what?” She took a step backwards, swallowing. "W-why are you looking at me like that?"

“Now that I think about it," she inspected her blushing, sweating friend closely "you fit the image I just described pretty well. Is it possible…?”

“Umm… I-I…”

Moondancer gasped, dramatically pointing her hoof at Moon Sky “…YOU’VE been Princess Luna this entire time!”

"OH NO! SHE KNOWS! SHE KNOWS!" Yelled heart.

"Ok, calm down, I have a plan that should-..." Said Brain, shuffling a clipboard full of notes, before being brutally interrupted.

"NO TIME FOR LOGIC! PANIC! PAAAAANIIIIIC!"

"...eh, whatever, it was a lame plan anyway." Brain shrugged, threw his papers away and joined his companion.

“N-no, t-tha-tha-tha-tha-that’s… ummm…”

The panic attack of Moon Sky gradually weakened, just as Moondancer's smile grew with every passing second, until she couldn't help but release it in a fit of giggles, while Moon Sky covered herself in largest blush possible, pouting away.

"You...pfft, you... hehe..." Moondancer tried to form a sentence, but every attempt ended with another burst of laughter "you shou-... you should've seen the look on your fa--pffft, hahahaha!"

Moon Sky groaned and turned away.

"I'm leaving! Goodbye!" She couldn't make a single step before Moondancer grabbed her by a hoof.

"No, no, please wait, I'm sorry, okay? You were just too adorable and I couldn't help it!" She smiled brightly, blinding Moon Sky with her innocence and beady eyes. "Pleaaaaase?"

Moon Sky blushed and turned away, muttering something to herself. She couldn't fight that face, not now, nor ever.

"Fine. Just don't look at me like that."

After the two composed themselves, their attention went back to the classroom, now in full motion, as every student tried their best to capture the perfect beauty of a "princess" on their canvas, with mixed results. Moondancer rubbed her chin, trying to think of a plan.

"Okay, we need a plan. We can't just barge in and announce it to everypony. We have to be discreet! We need somepony inside and I'm not taking this class, so..."

Pause.

"...what?" Moon Sky looked around, as she noticed Moondancer staring at her. "What?" She blinked once, then again. "...oh!"

"Ah, miss Moon Sky, I'm glad you could've joined us after all!" Professor Paint Brush greeted his late student with a sarcastic smirk. Moon Sky blushed a little, scratching her head.

"Excuse me sir, I was, uh, stopped by a friend on the way." She said, not entirely lying. Paint Brush rolled his eyes.

"No time to explain. Go on, take your place and start working! Clock is ticking, and not backwards!"

Moon Sky nodded and took her place at the lone, empty easel. She grabbed a brush and palette, mixed some paints and started scribbling something on the canvas, more concentrated on the model in question than the "art" she was producing. She was finally able to observe the "princess" from up close, without the risk of getting detected or looked at with suspicion. Few moments of observations, yet Fleur didn't so much as flinch, as she lied on her couch, breathing slowly, barely blinking, with her gaze away from anypony or anything in particular. Luna reached into her memories to all those times she modelled for painters across generations. Back in her times photography didn't exist and even magic capable of capturing someponies visage on piece of paper or fabric was a rare special talent, enough to warrant somepony a lifelong job in the castle. Having a picture of your ruling princess was a privilege, not a norm, which is why many ponies lived their entire lives never once witnessing their majestic rulers. Some made pilgrimages to Everfree castle just to witness either The Summer Sun Celebration or The Winter Moon Celebration, and that journey was often the most prominent event in their lives, even if they only managed to catch a small glimpse of either ruler. And while she was at this train of thought, she remembered her last Celebration before, well, IT happened. The empty yards, dark and gloomy weather and reports of ponies being unable to travel due to harsh weather was only one of the triggers which led to her downfall. And it took her a thousand years to realize just how stupid and petty her jealousy was.

Nowadays, having a poster of your favorite princess was a matter of two bits at your nearest newspaper stand. Fifteen bits for an entire calendar, with each month having a different hat. And apparently Celestia has been doing it for years, each year with different sets of hats. Make of that as you will.

But before being able to have a monarch on your wall, most ponies had to use their imaginations to fill the gaps left by stories and rumors. The image of Fleur de Lis was probably how most ponies imagined her sister or herself. Except with wings. Giant, majestic, snow white wings, giving her an angelic visage. As her mane moved along with the brisk wind, the ponies on the ground tried to look upon her in awe, but seeing very little of her, as the bright sun blinded their eyes, but even then, they knew somepony was there, watching over them with caring, motherly eyes.

Nothing was blinding them at night, yet they couldn't see at all...

One day I might get over it.... maybe... I hope.

Moondancer was wrong all along. Fleur de Lis wasn't Princess Luna. She was Princess Celestia a lot more. At least, that's what she presented at a first glance. And second. And third. And...

"Miss Moon Sky?"

"MEEP!"

It didn’t take Moondancer to send poor Moon Sky flying with a heart attack. As she hung herself to a ceiling, waiting for her heart to calm down, she heard some voices from the ground. She expected jokes and ridicule at her expense, as she sometimes got whenever Moondancer decided to pay her a visit. But this time it was different. There was mostly silence, interrupted by gasping, as another pair of eyes was set on her easel.

Oh no, the painting! When did all this time passed?!

She landed on the floor, right next to a group of students, Paint Brush and Fleur de Lis, all watching the horror she must've produced half-awake.

"I-I-I c-c-can explain!" She couldn't, but it sounded like something you'd say at moments like these.

"This... this is..." Paint Brush was looking for right words, which somepony else found for him.

Fleur covered her mouth with her hooves, as tears appeared in her eyes.

"It's... beautiful!"

"...what?" Moon Sky blinked, then actually looked at the canvas filled with her absent minded painting to see what all the fuss is about. Her eyes grew wide, as they should.

She saw Princess Celestia. A tall, slender frame, with long legs, flowing mane, long, sharp horn and a pair of opened wings, as she flew through the clear, blue sky, gazing from above at the viewers with a warm, gentle smile. Except, upon further inspection, it wasn't Celestia. Her crown, necklace and other accessories were gone, she was soaring in the skies naked. The colors were a bit off as well. Her mane was not multi hued as per usual, but instead has a consistent, light magenta color, just as her coat was an even lighter shade of it. Probably because she didn't put too many colors on her palette to begin with, so even her apparent art genius had nothing to work with.

This wasn't the Fleur de Lis she saw next to her. This was a princess everypony imagined.

"By any chance," Fleur leaned over to Moon Sky "your special talent doesn't happen to be fortune telling, right?" Moon Sky raised an eyebrow at her, followed by every other pony in the room. Fleur shrugged. "What? I'm ambitious!"

Professor Paint Brush coughed.

"I must admit, I wasn't expecting this sort of talent from you, miss Moon Sky!"

"That makes two of us."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

Sometime later, after all the grades were given (she received the highest possible, despite not quite catching the objective of the exercise) and all the other paintings paled in comparison with hers, the class ended and Paint Brush had to almost force his students out, despite Fleur's constantly insisting that she didn't mind and in fact enjoyed interacting with youth. Moon Sky had to stay after class due to being late.

"Miss Moon Sky, regarding your late arrival to my class..." he started, making Moon Sky, Luna, lower her head in shame. But before he could continue, Fleur interjected, gently placing her hoof on his shoulder.

"Now, now, professor, there's no need to punish our little prodigy here." She smiled innocently, tilting her head slightly. "She seems like she's regretting it already."

"I..." Paint Brush stopped, then coughed, looking away. Or trying, at least. "...I believe that misbehavior should be properly disciplined, otherwise..."

"Preeettyyy pleeeaaaase?" The smile on Fleur grew wider, not to mention closer to his face. "For me?"

Paint Brush covered himself in blush and sweat. He looked left and right for an answer, but it was never there to begin with. He scratched his forehead before replying.

"Well... seeing as this is her first time, I'll leave miss Moon Sky with just a... verbal warning. Now, is it me, or is it getting hot in here?" He turned away and went to open a few windows. As he left, Moon Sky could swear she saw Fleur winking to her, making her blush as well.

Before the curse of awkwardness could develop any further, the door to the cottage opened and a few familiar faces entered the room.

"I'm not interrupting, am I?" Fancy Pants asked, as he slowly entered the room.

"No, we just finished." Fleur reassured him, letting him inside. He didn't enter alone.

"Moondancer?" Moon Sky raised an eyebrow, as her nymphomaniac friend entered the room with the stallion.

"Moondancer?" Fleur repeated after her, walking towards the happy, white filly. "Fancy told me all about you and your friends. I heard you made quite the first impression." She extended her hoof, which Moondancer gladly accepted.

"I get that a lot." She answered with a smile. "But it was nothing big. My friends did most of the work, I was just helping out." Moondancer was about to say something else, but the majestic painting caught her eyes. She couldn't help but walk away from Princess Luna (Fleur) to stare at the marvelous work of Princess Luna (Moon Sky).

"Woah! Did YOU do this?" She asked, getting a halfhearted nod from the mare herself and a much more lively one from Fleur. "Sweet Celestia's flank, I didn't know you were that good of an artist!"

"That makes three of us."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Fancy Pants approached the painting and gazed at it for a small while, before giving his opinion.

"I'd say, it's a fantastic piece in and of itself and I wouldn't mind if my gallery had it on display. However..." He hummed, trying to find a way to say his mind, while the pressure was killing the three mares present. "...if it was supposed to match the current vision of my lovely model, than I'm afraid it's a little... off."

Fleur blinked.

"What do you mean?"

Fancy Pants took a deep breath and looked Fleur deep in the eyes, as he confessed his feelings.

"This painting... makes you look older."

Beat.

"WHAT!?"

"You see, this," he pointed at the picture, wings in particular "is how I imagine you in few years." He ended with a smile.

Immediately, it was Fleur's turn to widen her eyes and cover herself in a deep red blush.

"Oh, sh-shush you!" She turned away, sweating like crazy. "Flattery won't get you anywhere!"

In the distance, Moon Sky and Moondancer couldn't help but daww at the pair, even if it wasn't specified if they were an item or was it just harmless flirting. Upper crust had mating and dating rules so convoluted it was difficult to tell sometimes. Moondancer leaned toward Moon Sky.

"He's good!" She whispered to her ear, earning a nod in response. "I bet that's how she'll look in few years. In negative. And I mean the "photography" kind of..."

"I understood that part."

"Okay." She coughed, then turned back to the lovebirds(?). "So, miss de Lis--..."

Fleur interrupted her. "Actually, I prefer Fleur. Miss de Lis is my mother." Pause. She blushed a little, then corrected herself. "Actually, she's not a miss. And that's not her name. B-but the point stays!"

Moondancer nodded, noting the awkwardness of that last statement. Fitting for a pony so detached from culture for more than a few centuries.

"So, 'Fleur', how does it feel to be, ehem, at the top of Equestria? As a mare whose beauty is from out of this world', if front pages are to be believed?" She didn't see Moon Sky rolling her eyes.

"I try not to let it go over my head."

"Believe me, she tries very hard." Fancy interjected.

"I said shush you!" She coughed and went back. "And to think that I owe it all to my gracious manager."

"Am I allowed to say 'you're most welcome', or am I still shushed?"

Fleur rolled her eyes and ignored him.

"Don't let the sweet appearance fool you, he's like that all the time when we're not in public. Either way, my life changed completely when he approached me and asked me to be a star of a morning parade during the Summer Sun Celebration. It's a shame it had to be postponed to two weeks after, due to... you know, the 'thing'."

Moon Sky lowered her head, noting yet another pony whose life she almost screwed up in her petty search for revenge. At least this one had a happy ending. She looked at Moondancer, smiling and humming to herself. She could almost hear the mental mathematics she performed and it all added up, in theory.

"Either way," Fleur continued "that day (the show, not the thing) marked my ascension, umm, no pun intended," she blushed, looking at the painting again "from small time, soulless commercials to a world of show business!"

Moondancer blinked.

"Commercials?"

Fancy answered instead.

"Truth is, I first found about Fleur from an ad in a newspaper I bought on my way. I couldn't believe how they let a beautiful pony like that waste her time and talent like that. So I sent my people to scout her and few weeks later, there she was!"

"Weeks?"

"I have a hard time imagining how our lives would go on, had I decided to take a carriage, instead of taking a casual walk."

"And I'm glad I never have to touch dog food in my life ever again!" Fleur added. "I'm a cat pony anyway. Not the crazy, cat obsessed one though, I just prefer them over dogs. I don't even have a cat. Yet."

Moon Sky nodded, but didn't pay them much attention, her eyes concentrated on Moondancer. The happy, confident smile was no longer there, this one she had right now was a bit too forced to fool her. She could tell that something inside her broke. She finally shook her head and spoke after a while.

"Well, it's been a pleasure to meet you two, but I think we need to go now. Come on, Moonb--Sky."

"Um, sure." She leaned over and whispered. "Where are we going?"

After saying their goodbyes to their new, influential friends, the two fillies left towards the one place where a definitive answer could be found, which was of course the library. As soon as they went there, Moondancer started sifting through some old newspapers, while Moon Sky stood around, not sure what to do or say. She noticed a baby dragon librarian (what was his name? Spines? Scales?) walk by and give the filly a surprised look, before tip-toeing away, putting a finger at his mouth to hush Moon Sky... for some reason. Few minutes later, Moondancer finally gave a reaction.

"Dangit!" She slammed her head at the desk, groaning from irritation and minor pain. Moon Sky leaned over to look at the papers spread out before her, noticing exactly what caused it. The things in question were several small advertisements for different products, ranging from home appliances, soap, cookies and dog food, all standing out thanks to a beautiful face attached to them. Moondancer got up and pointed at the ads. "It all made sense! The party, the disappearances, the figure! But, apparently, I was wrong all along! Stupid newspaper! Stupid perfect-flanked and beautiful, nice model that I can't even dislike! Argh!" Then she slammed her head again, no doubt earning another bump on her forehead.

Moon Sky watched the filly groan for a while. It felt wrong. She saw very few sides of the filly. Some very awkward, but most of the time one that was always glad to be alive. Seeing her in any other state was creeping her out and as surprised as she was to admit it, she preferred the old one better. She hummed for a moment wondering what to say.

"If it's any consolation..." she begun, earning at least some attention, as Moondancer rolled her head to look at her with one eye. Moon Sky swallowed, before continuing.

"...I believed you." She didn't quite lie with that one. She saw more of her old, true self in Fleur de Lis than she saw in mirrors, whether she was Moon Sky, or not.

It seemed to work at least a little, as the white filly chuckled and raised her head.

"Thanks. And, uh," she scratched her head "sorry for today."

Moon Sky tilted her head. "Sorry for what?"

"You know, for all this? Dragging you around, involving you in my crazy, little schemes? I know I can get carried away sometimes, especially when I'm excited about something. Twily and Sunny learned when to say no eventually, but, yeah... sorry for being a bother."

Moon Sky blinked, then chuckled.

"Moondancer, you're not a bother. Well, you kind were at first, but... I actually had fun today!" She announced, earning a surprised glare from the other pony. "I met interesting ponies, helped you solve a mystery and I even learned a.... few things about myself, that I didn't know before."

"Like the fact that you're another Vantrott?"

"Yes, that too." Even if she had no idea who that was. The two smiled, remembering the amazing painting (she let Fleur keep it).

As the two were cleaning the newspapers away, Moon Sky had one more question to ask.

"Why did you want to meet Luna so much? I mean, she's a princess and all, but still..."

Silence fell in the library. Moondancer stopped what she was doing to think for a while. She shrugged.

"It's just how I am, I guess?"

"What do you mean?"

She hummed, sitting at the table again.

"I just hate the idea of somepony being lonely."

Moon Sky was silent.

"Back when I was a filly, I had a very sheltered life. My parents didn't let me out of the house, it was just studying, studying and studying, to be their perfect little 'princess'. And I mean it quite literally, they raised me in hopes they could somehow marry me to Prince Blueblood!" That information made Moon Sky raise an eyebrow. As shocked as she was, she couldn't quite oppose seeing her new nephew with Moondancer. At least they could keep the family line alive. A lot. She shook her head from yet another terrible mental image and listened more.

"But then, one day, I met somepony. He was the most amazing colt I've ever seen, well, the first one outside the family at least. He was nice, handsome, charming, strong and dependable. A little less on the brain side, but eh, nopony's perfect."

Meanwhile in Golden Oak's Library in Ponyville, Shining Armor sneezed for no reason.

"So," Moon Sky started "he became your first friend?"

"Not really. But his little sister did. She was my age, so we got along just fine. We're besties to this very day."

Moon Sky, using her super senses which she often forgot about, could swear she heard somepony sneeze in the library. She decided to ignore it.

"So yeah," Moondancer shrugged "I just wanted to meet her, talk, not sure about what, but I'm sure we could get along. She's a Moonbutt too and we stick together. That way, none of us are ever alone again! Moonbutt, you okay?"

Moon Sky turned away and held a hoof at her eyes, trying to stop the tears that were flowing like a waterfall.

"I-I'm fine. It's just, uh, dust." She took a moment to compose herself, wipe her tears, before turning back, to a slightly less concerned filly.

"So, do you always go this far?" She asked. "To make friends with ponies?"

Moondancer giggled at the question.

"Nah, it's usually a lot easier. In fact, today was the third time I ever did it this way."

"Third?"

"Yep. First one was, well, troublesome, but it worked out in the end. She's mean to me sometimes, but I know that's how she shows affection."

Moon Sky heard another sneeze in the library. Was it dust? A virus? She ignored it again.

"What about the second one?"

Moondancer rolled her eyes and smiled sheepish.

"Weeeeeell, it's a work in progress. But we're getting there."

The two looked at each other for a while longer, until one after the other, they cracked a smile and started giggling, which later turned into laughing, which lasted until they were hushed by Mrs. Bookmark. Barely composing themselves, the two fillies sat at the table, still keeping the goofy smiles on their faces in silence, until Mrs. Bookmark finally left and they were able to breathe properly again.

The day turned out better than Moon Sky could ever figure out. But there was one more thing she needed to do. And she's been meaning to say it for the longest time, but never got the courage, until now.

"Moondancer, I decided that... I'll go to your birthday party."

Moondancer stared at her with blank stare, blinking, as her brain processed the information.

"It just happens, that I have nothing planned for that day, so... yeah, I'll come. I hope the offer's still on, I know a lot of time has passed since, but... Moondancer?" The other filly left the seat, gently pushed the chair back into the table and turned to Moon Sky, her smile getting wider.

"What are you doing?" She made a step forward. Moon Sky shuddered and she left her chair as well. Moondancer made a step forward, Moon Sky made one back. "M-Moondancer, w-what are you doing? This is starting to... to... MEEP!"

A trio of Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer and Spike the dragon was not even slightly surprised when they stumbled upon a scene which would otherwise confuse or terrify some ponies. Instead, they felt a lot of sympathy for the poor, dark unicorn, getting crushed at the floor by a walking, breathing glomp machine.

"H-help!" Moon Sky cried at the trio, trying to get out of the hugging nightmare.

Twilight Sparkle hummed, then looked at her friends.

"Umm, shouldn't we do something?"

"Yeah," Spike answered "get out before she see us!"

"For once, I agree with the reptile." Sunset nodded.

Only earning their sympathy, but no help, Moon Sky watched longingly at the three traitors as they ran away.

Even though they were never on her side to begin with.

Author's Note

"No, stop it! I am the night!"
"Sure you are, Moonbutt."

This is probably all the Besties with Moon I'll write in a while. Moonbutts had enough of development for a while.

Next time, somepony else will be too sexy to resist!

15. Stallionverse Agents of S.A.S.S.

Darkness. That was all that surrounded him right now. His hooves were tied back, as he sat on a chair. The bag that covered his head smelled of old sweat and Celestia knows what else, but all in all, it could've been worse. And that worse he was afraid of the most.

"Look, I don't know what's going on, but you got the wro--"

"SILENCE!" A screechy voice yelled at him. "I KILL YOU!"

"AAAH!" He yelled.

He heard something getting smacked, followed by a yelp of pain.

"No you won't!"

Red Hope swallowed. He tried keeping his calm, but as much as he always tried to act all macho, he was nothing more than a simple wimp. He was a student of magic, sure. Third best student his year, too. But none of that helped when you have a magical dampener on your horn.

"If it's money you want, I don't have any! My parents are just simple shopkeepers in Trotsaw..."

"WE DON'T NEED YOUR MONEY! WE NEED YOUR SOU--"

There was that smack again. He reckoned it was quite a funny good-cop, bad-cop show from afar. Except they weren't cops. At least he didn't think so. He wasn't a criminal. He didn't do anything wrong. He was nopony. Not quite ugly, but not handsome either. Few friends. No real life achievements yet. No dreams. No marefriend.

He sighed deeply. To think that today was going to be the day. The big day. The biggest day of his life.

This was the day he was going to ask out...

...Twilight Sparkle.

HOPE DIES LAST

Growing up, Red Hope was not like the others. While all the colts were playing hoofball, he was back home, reading books. Nopony, himself included, was surprised when his cutie mark, an open, blue book, appeared out of nowhere while he was reading. Some joked that his name and cutie mark couldn't be more different, but his parents begged to differ. They were poor shopkeepers, barely able to keep the ends meet, but they were loving parents who wanted nothing more than happiness for their only foal. He was their hope. A red coated, little ball of hope which later grew up and became the smartest colt in his school, and then some. Trotsaw was hardly a small city, but it paled in comparison to Canterlot in almost every respect (the food was better, though). His mind was set on only one thing- achieving as much knowledge as possible. What he would do with it, he would think of later. And what better place for this than Princess Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns?

First, he had to pass the entrance exams. He heard legends. That they made grown stallions cry, students to drop out at the first question and many lives getting scarred forever after the utter failure they brought. He smiled smugly and wrote one correct answer after another, once in a while taking a quick glance at the panicking students around him. If that wasn't an empowering experience, he had no idea what was.

One week later, the results were posted by the main entrance and ponies gathered early in the morning to see, hope and pray (not always in this order). He counted around ten or so students that walked away in tears before he just opted to ignore them completely.

Once the crowd thinned out to a reasonable degree, he moved in as well, just to see who else was there and how well they did, comparatively. He noticed one colt he recognized from his school back in Trotsaw. A white coated unicorn with messy, silver mane, with a constellation of stars as a cutie mark. What was his name again? Star Seer? Star Watcher? Whatever. He was also inspecting the board with a sour smile on his face.

"Hey, uh..." Long pause to try and remember the name. Star Gazer? Did he even have a Star in his name? "...how did it go?"

The unnamed colt sighed deeply.

"I passed. Just 67%, barely. I got lucky." Red Hope nodded, then looked at the middle of the list, looking for any pony with that score. He found exactly one, named Constellation Spectacle. One- no Stars after all. Two- who names their kid like that? "But I've seen your score. Pretty impressive."

"Nah, don't mention it." He waved a hoof, then an idea popped in his head "You know, we're gonna be living in dorms, wanna share a room? I'd rather live with somepony I know."

Constellation (no, seriously, WHO?) nodded. "Yeah, sounds good."

"I sure hope so. Sharing a room with the number one student is no small deal." He shrugged nonchalantly. Constellation (ugh) went silent, shifting his eyes around. Not in a sarcastic way as Red Hope expected (yes, he realized how much of a braggart he was at the moment). "What?"

The other pony didn't say anything, just pointed his hoof at the board. Red blinked, then finally turned towards it and suddenly, his eyes went wide.

Twilight Sparkle - 100%

"What..." His eyebrow twitched nervously. "...but... but, how? I'm sec--" but then he noticed something else.

Sunset Shimmer - 99%

"WHAT!"

"Well, you still got the third place." Constellation (who from now on he'll refer to as Con) patted his back. "That's pretty awesome."

Red Hope - 97%

"Oh come on!"

He was pretty sure it had to be a mistake of some kind. Maybe whoever graded it mistook his hoofwriting (unlikely, since he wrote with magic)? Or was this test rigged? And who exactly was this "Twilight Sparkle"? And what made him/her so great, anyway?

The train of thought was derailed by a very loud noise.

"YES! YES! YES! WOOOOOHOOOO!" A noise commonly known as 'teenage-filly-shouting-out-loud'. It was a white coated, red maned filly, that kept bouncing around uncontrollably. "Totally nailed it! Ha, who da best?" Her horn created a light construct of an arrow, pointing at herself. "This one!"

Red Hope was about to puke. THIS was the best student in the school? This was the one who beat him by three percent? This couldn't be!

"You're eight!" Another filly said, as she approached her. This one was slightly taller, light orange coated and a mane that he could best describe as "covered in flames".

"Whatev's, still top ten!" The mare beamed proudly.

"I meant your mental age."

"Love you too!"

Red Hope sighed with relief. Consulting the scoreboard, he deduced that this one was called Moondancer, ranked 8th with 89%. Not too shabby for a mare her type. Definitely leagues better than fillies back in his school, who were all fashion, looks and gossip, but no brains. But then there was the fiery maned one. Was she the one...?

"Why the long face, Sunny? It's just one percent, no biggie."

"I'll show you one percent if you don't shut up!"

"Ooh, that was cold! And not quite as clever as you think."

Deducing that he was looking at Sunset Shimmer, Red Hope made a mental note to watch out for her in the future. He didn't want to approach her right away. He couldn't quite place it, but something about her screamed "dangerous, stay away!". The way she chased Moondancer around and shot small fireballs at her was also a good sign to never step on her horseshoes. He snorted and shook his head, trying to remember what his old friends saw in mares. He could tell that if any of those filly-crazed guys went here, they'd rate them as 'smokin'hot' (no pun intended in Sunset Shimmer's case). While they were not exactly a pain to look at, especially when compared to some Trotsaw mares, he just didn't get it.

As time passed more ponies left, most depressed over having their dreams crushed, but some happy to know they did an acceptable job. Still no sign of the number one. He shrugged, slightly disappointed that he had to wait a full month to find out. As he turned around, however, he saw... her.

His heart stopped then started beating thrice as fast, as he noticed the sapphire blue mane, especially the rose streak which stood out, as it was dancing with the wind, instantly grabbing his full attention. Not for long though, as his eyes went over the rest of her purple, slim, just perfectly shaped fram; small, but cute, innocently smiling lips; to the violet, mesmerizing eyes looking straight forward, disappointingly not even sparing him a single glance.

Even though the entrance exams took place during the summer, for some reason the road to the message board was full of cherry trees in full bloom, so that even a slight gust of wind not only caressed her mane and tail, but sent flower petals flying all over. Or was it just his imagination? It probably was, but admittedly, that was a lot more dramatic and romantic and...

He shook his head, trying to get it away from his head. He stood still, sweating like crazy, hooves paralyzed and unable to move as she passed by him, leaving a trail of her smell behind.

Lavender. Of course.

"Twily!" He heard Moondancer behind him. "What took you so long? I almost burned to death!"

"Excuse me, what?" She answered with a voice that could be compared to a soothing, angelic song.

"It was just cold flame!" Sunset Shimmer joined the conversation. "The only thing I was trying to kill was time!"

"Hehe, sorry!" She answered with her sweet voice again. Still unable to turn back, he heard her once again. "Sweet, I'm first!"

That got his attention. He instantly turned to see her from the other side, happily chatting with the other two fillies. So she was the number one student. Not only the most beautiful mare he has ever laid his eyes upon, but also apparently the smartest pony in existence?

"Quite a view, eh?" Con walked toward him, smacking his hoof. "Dat flank, am I right?"

'Dat flank' was an accurate, if crude (and found only in a slang dictionary, probably), description of what Red Hope had before his eyes. He swallowed and turned away, still blushing.

"Y-yeah, whatever. I should go." He took a breather and slowly, reluctantly, but surely, walked away, trying his best not to look behind. Con was at his side.

"So, crushing on Twilight Sparkle, eh?"

"N-no! Of course not!" He turned his face away, blushing. "I mean, she's okay... well, kinda cute, but I don't have time for... you know. I'm here to learn."

Con hummed. "Suit yourself. Just a warning dude, don't get your hopes too high. Many before you tried and were burned in the process. It's best to forget about her."

And forget about her he did...

...not.

Since coming back home, Red Hope did everything he could to prepare himself for dorm life. He packed his things ahead of time, cleaned his room, tied all the loose ends and before he knew it, he ended up with nothing productive to do. And whenever his mind was unoccupied, it wandered off to the "Twilight Zone". When he closed his eyes, he could see her smile. When he ate breakfast, he wondered if she liked waffles too. A trip for groceries was no better, as a simple sight of a cherry stand reminded him of an imaginary rain of flower petals. He woke up almost every night to catch a cold shower before it was too late. Sometimes it was too late and he had to change his bed sheets before his parents noticed. He didn't have this much trouble sleeping since he watched that bootleg copy of "Foals Play".

It was a long summer.

One month later, the classes officially started. Red Hope had only Con as his roommate and they got along just fine. Classes were a welcome challenge, after the snooze fest he had back home. Teachers were mostly nice, competent and very helpful, especially Princess Celestia herself. She lived up to all the expectations, except she was more approachable than a ruler of a kingdom should normally be.

Life was good.

And Twilight Sparkle was there too. He had hopes that seeing her again would help him clear his head of the first impression, which was probably too exaggerated to be true. Burst the bubble of the perfect image that his heart created without his consent.

Nope.

She was just as perfect, beautiful, smart and overall perfect (it bears repeating) as he remembered. Sleeping was even harder, knowing that he would see her next day in class. It was even worse on weekends, when he wasn't sure if he would be able to meet her at all!

It was getting in the way of not only his sleeping habits and mental health, but also his grades, as he had a really hard time concentrating in class or doing his homework. Not when his mind keeps repeating the sweet melodies of the "Twilight Zone".

At first, he tried fighting it. He read many books on relationships, though very few of them had anything about getting rid of it. Eventually realizing it was futile to resist anymore, he decided to do the unspeakable and embrace his feelings.

Along with the previously mentioned guides, he also obtained a sizeable amount of romance fiction, just to get a better idea of how this works in practice. Almost all of them featured a protagonist fighting his urges (which he related to a lot), then tried some elaborate, overcomplicated plan which backfired badly, only to get the girl by simply by confessing his feelings.

Moral of those stories: keep it simple.

With that in mind, he made himself presentable: a sensible, nice cologne (but not too strong); mints; flowers (lilacs, after making sure she's not allergic) and two tickets to Starswirl The Bearded expo (considering how zealous her essay was, she was probably a fan).

The plan was simple- ask for a date and have a great time, which should evolve into something bigger.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, being foalnapped right as he was approaching her, for starters. To be fair, it's hard to expect a bunch of brutes assaulting you in broad daylight on school grounds, throwing a smelly bag on your head and dragging you to wherever he was now. And the only way to pass the time while his foalnappers took their sweet time to appear again, was to recollect his recent life history, which he could sum up in few sentences, but you know how it is. You start slow and small, but before you know it you already have three tomes of your autobiography which wouldn’t sell as a slice of life fiction because it's rated as "too wacky and weird".

With his imagination running out, he waited for a while longer, before he ran out of patience as well.

"Hello? Anypony here? Guys, I don't know why you foalnapped me, or what's going on, but can I at least get a less smelly bag? Pretty please?"

The next thing he heard was a door opening with a smack, along with some hoofsteps. An unknown voice said. "What the... oh, by Celestia's Sweet Plot, did somepony foalnap somepony, put him in the closet and forgot? Again?

"Uh... maybe?" A familiar voice answered.

"Ugh... release him, you moron. Why doesn't anypony ever tell me anything?"

Then, the bag on his head was removed. Even as his nostrils longed for a whiff of fresh air and eyes adjusted to the dim light, he was still able to recognize the blurry image of a white unicorn before him. "Con? D-did you foalnap me?"

"Look, it's a funny story, actually..."

"Wait, let me rephrase that, ehem- YOU FOALNAPPED ME!"

"I know, I know how it looks, but trust me, it's..."

"I thought we were friends!"

"We are, but..."

"I swear, once I get out of here I'll murder you!"

Con looked around at some of the other ponies gathered. "Can't we keep him like this a little longer?"

"NO!" The choir spoke, making Constellation Spectacle sigh and release the ropes and dampener of Red Hope.

The red unicorn stood up from the chair, loosened his hooves and looked at his so called friend with narrowed eyes. "You have one minute to explain yourself."

Con swallowed, but then another pony pulled him back and stepped into his view. This one was a slightly older beige pegasus, with some sort of engine as a cutie mark.

"Lemme handle it. Red, is it? I'm High Roller." He extended his hoof, but, unsurprisingly, Red Hope was not in mood to make friend. He coughed. "Well, initiation is always the most awkward part of our little club."

"Initiation? To what?"

"S.A.S.S."

"Sass?"

"S.A.S.S."

"...S.A.S.S.?"

"S.A.S.S. But let's not stand here like morons, come on!" He led the group towards the door, where Red Hope's eyes got bombarded with extra bright lights, forcing him to close his eyes and shield them with his hoof.

Once the blindness passed, he took a better look at the place. It was... a room. About as big as a typical classroom, except this one had literally no windows, all the illumination was supplied by a set of fluorescent lamps on the ceiling. Very fitting for a bland, white room with nothing on the walls except light switch and two sets of doors in opposite direction, one he just walked out of, the other presumably the exit. Around the walls he found several tables filled with soft drinks, sandwiches and snacks, but what really caught his eyes was a circle of chairs, along with a portable whiteboard in the middle, with a circular logo of "S.A.S.S."... whatever it was.

"What's S.A.S.S.? If this is some kind of AA group, than I'm not really into..."

"No, it's not like that." Some other pony interjected, before he got interrupted by High Roller.

"Actually, yes we are."

"We are?" He asked.

"We are." He nodded. "But not for alcohol, or drugs or anything like that."

"Then what?"

The room fell silent. All of a sudden Red Hope noticed no less than a dozen or so ponies of different tribes, colors, sizes, talents and conditions (when did they appear?) stop any conversations, snacking or drinking. Their heads fell down. High Roller sighed heavily and then answered.

"Twilight Sparkle."

Red Hope blinked. And once more. Actually, third time didn't sound bad right now, so he did that too. Four was an overkill.

"Twilight Sparkle?"

"Twilight Sparkle."

"...Twilight Sparkle?"

"Twilight Sparkle."

"...Twilight?"

"Sparkle."

"Twilight... Sparkle?"

"Twilight Sparkle."

"BY LUNA'S MIGHTY FLANKS, WILL YOU JUST GET TO THE POINT ALREADY?!" Shouted Frolicsome Meadowlark (as he would later be introduced), the lone thestral Night Guard. Other ponies agreed with him, which prompted High Roller to cough and continue his explanation.

"You see, Red, everypony in this room had a dream once. And not just any dream, mind you, but they dreamed of the sweet flanks of nopony else, but the beautiful, smartest pony in the Equestria, the..."

"I swear, if you don't stop this nonsense right now..." another stallion muttered, massaging his head.

"...ehem, the short version is that we all tried to woo her... and failed miserably. All for a different reason, of course. For example," he pointed at a group of unicorns sitting in a group "these stallions all tried to impress her with their knowledge on an expo or something, but she outsmarted them all, one by one."

"She knew, she always knew!" One of those ponies said. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Every! Time!"

Red Hope tilted his head, which sometimes helped process the information surge. This time it was especially difficult.

"So, lemme get this straight," he massaged his forehead "You all tried to seduce Twilight Sparkle," he paused as everypony else nodded "got shot down," another nod "...and you ended up making a support group out of it?"

"That's the gist of it, yes." Con nodded.

Red's eye twitched. "I come from Trotsaw, so what I'll say will sound unbelievable, but... this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my entire life! Besides, I wasn't rejected!" He glared at Con, who lowered his head.

"Dude, I told you, this is for your own good! You can't even comprehend the pain of rejection. Especially from... her." He swallowed, as a particular memory came back.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad!" As soon as Red Hope said that, one pony in the room exploded...

...in tears, of course. Another guy invited him into his embrace, which the former accepted, now crying himself over the shoulder of a friend. Then, out of nowhere, another door opened and a tall, pitch black... alicorn (?) stallion, with messy, bloody crimson long mane entered the room, smiling maniacally. Red Hope recognized the voice which earlier wanted to kill him and take his soul.

"Hey guys, you need any more chips? Got enough soda?" His googly eyes went towards the crying pony. "Can I use his dead body in my ritual after he shoots his own brains out?"

"Uh," High Roller scratched his head "No, yes and a definite NO!"

"Huh. Just asking." He shrugged, then turned away. Red Hope could see from this angle that the horn on his head was just a headband, mostly obscured by his hair. "If you change your mind, let me know."

"Daemon Bash, get out!"

Once the Daemon shrugged and walked away, High Roller let out a cough and continued as it nothing happened. "Hey Con, how about you tell him your story first? You two are friends."

Con waited for a moment, until he finally sighed deeply and nodded. "Well then, get ready for a story that destroyed a part of my soul..."

BITTERSWEET

Overcomplication is the mother of all failures. A cart doesn't need more than two wheels to work properly. Four works too, but any more and you start running into more problems than it's worth. Same applies to baking cakes. Some yeast will help the cake grow big and delicious, but add too much and boom! As in, literally, the batter goes boom and at best your oven is as good as dead. Don't even get me started on the worst case scenarios. Dating is the same. You can try any scheme, weird psychological tricks, magical charms or whatnot, but nothing beats the simplest methods. They worked for centuries, why should they stop working now?

"That's exactly what I thought." Red Hope remarked, nodding at the similarities between the two.

"Don't interrupt me!"

"Sorry."

The plan was so simple it was barely a plan. Get inside the dorms, knock on the door, ask Twilight on a date and that's that! 'But wait', you say, 'there are holes in your plan'! To which I say, 'chill out, I got this'!

First part, get inside the dorms. Aren't hall monitors always on patrol? Yes, that's true. Once you're caught trespassing, you're in a world of trouble. Which is why I used the simplest solution possible.

I appeared at the entrance, knocked on the window at the reception. The receptionist took her head away from the newspaper and looked at me with bored expression.

"Hello! I'm Constellation Spectacle, or just Con to my friends. I would like to talk to a friend who lives here. Could I get inside for a little while? Ten, fifteen minutes, tops. I promise I won't make any problems, just a simple chat and I'll be gone. Pretty please?" And I smiled widely, awaiting my answer. The receptionist looked at me for a while, then shrugged.

"You have twenty minutes." She opened the door and gave me a lanyard with 'Visitor' written on it. I gladly wore it, thanked the good lady and entered the dorm space.

Second problem, the knocking. That was kinda hard, since I had no idea where she lived and there wasn't a list anywhere to be seen. I could knock on every door and disturb a lot of innocent ponies, but why would I?

"Excuse me," I stopped a random filly walking by, making sure to have the lanyard visible at all times "do you know where Twilight Sparkle lives? There's something I want to ask her, in person."

Third problem was by far the hardest. You can prepare all you want, but asking out a filly you like isn't easy. After taking a few breaths and swallowing at least three mints, I finally knocked on the door, ready for everything.

The door opened and I was greeted by no one else, but the mare herself, just as beautiful as I remembered! At first, she was surprised to see a stallion in these parts, but once again, I remembered to have lanyard around, which put her at ease.

"Umm, hello. What can I do for you?"

This was the big moment. The moment of truth. Just get it over with and accept whatever's coming next. I admit, I must've been sweating like crazy, but my willpower was stronger.

"H-hi T-Twilight. I-I'm Conned, I mean, uh, I'm Con. And I, uh, I wanted to..."

"Oh, I recognize you from class!" Twilight interrupted me. The smile on her face put me at ease and, well, anypony who wants to seduce Twilight Sparkle in the future (I have no hopes for myself), heed my words- that smile is mesmerizing. Like a rattlesnake, once it gets your attention, you're done for and all you can do is hope for the best.

I wasn't that lucky...

"So, did you change your mind about the body?" Daemon Bash suddenly entered the room, smiling like a slasher killer.

"NO!" Everypony shouted in unison, making the fake alicorn groan and leave disappointed.

Red Hope hummed as the black one left. "Okay, I need to ask, what's his story?" He asked, pointing at the door where Daemon Bash disappeared.

"None." High Roller quickly responded. "He's not a member of S.A.S.S. He's a landlord of this building, he lets us use this room for free and brings snacks and drinks."

"That's... awfully generous of him."

"He lets us stay in hopes one of us commits suicide over grief and lets him experiment on the body."

Red Hope blinked, then swallowed, really hoping to change the subject as soon as possible. "By the way, what exactly does S.A.S.S. stands for?"

"It's 'Secret Association of Sparkle Suitors.'"

"Oh, ok." Red nodded. Some other pony chimed in.

"We added the "Secret" later. You know, to make the acronym sound better."

At that point, everypony who was drinking took a spit-take and almost choked, while everypony else snorted and barely held in their laughter.

Once everypony more or less composed themselves, Con coughed to catch their attention. "Can I continue?"

Right, so where was I... the moment when everything went bad. See, I was mesmerized by Twilight's smile, which is why I didn't react fast enough when she did the one thing I wasn't prepared for. She turned her head back to her room and shouted. "Moonie, it's one of your friends!"

It took me about, what? Two or three seconds to process and react, but it was too late. As I raised my hoof to stop her or say something, she already left. While I pondered if I should scream and risk alerting the hall monitor, Moondancer appeared in her usual, bubbly manner.

"Oh hey Con, what's up?" She asked cheerfully. Before I was able to set things straight, she continued. "Wait, we're not meeting today, are we? Hmm, nah, we just met two days ago... oh well," she shrugged, then left the room, put a hoof over my shoulder and gave me a small peck on the cheek "I have a few hours to kill. Your place?"

As she asked, the answer should've been simple. 'No, I'm here for Twilight'. We all know Moondancer would understand. She values her friends happiness just as much as her own. But as I was about to say it, as the door to her room was closing, I caught a glimpse of Twilight one last time. Our eyes met. And at that moment, I understood it all. It took me but a fraction of second to realize what she felt at that moment.

Disgust.

I was forever going to be labeled as a sleaze ball, looking for easy banging, doing it with her best friend. How was I supposed to face her after that? There is still a small "maybe". Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe thing could've worked out? Maybe, along with Moondancer, we could convince Twilight to have a heavenly threesome and it would be the most awesome day of my life? Maybe.

But I'm not the type of pony who will fool himself thinking I have even a shadow of a chance anymore. Not after she realized who I was. Not after I realized who I was. And who I was, was nopony. Not worthy of her attention. It sounds cowardly, but I decided that this was the way my story had to end.

And let's hope my next story will have a happier ending.

As he finished, the entire room full of stallions went into complete silence for a long time. Red Hope had all but forgotten the smelly bag, the foalnapping, the silliness of the place he was in and even the minor betrayal from his new friend. All he could do now was to pat his back, hoping it would make his pain slightly weaker.

"So, after all that," Red said, scratching back of his head "did you and Moondancer... did you two..."

A small smile appeared on Con's face. "Let's call this... a bittersweet ending."

Author's Note

This is the closest I got to self-insert fic you will ever see.

I apologize profoundly to donors of all the OC's. Your sacrifice won't be in vain.
Except Deamon Bash. I don't need to apologize to that one.

S.A.S.S. will return.

16. Tricks after Dance

"One extra big hayburger with additional cheese and mayo, no onions, no ketchup, on a dark bread; double large hayfries, no salt; and a diet pear cider. Will that be all, ma'am?"

"Yes, that is all Trixie requires."

"Would you like to get an additional chocolate crisp cookie for one bit?"

The showmare massaged her chin, humming. "Well, Trixie does need to watch out for her line."

The clerk rolled his eyes. "We have low calories, dark chocolate ones available."

Trixie beamed, having heard exactly what she needed to hear. "Then so be it!"

The cashier sighed, then punched the order on the register. "That'll be fourteen bits, ma'am."

Trixie gasped. "F-fourteen bits! For a burger with fries?"

"With cider and a cookie."

Trixie humpfed. "Well then, you should hope it's a delicious burger and fries, otherwise Trixie won't ever patronize this establishment again!" She went searching for her coin purse in her cloak, unaware of the amount of eye rolling that the clerk (and other costumers behind her) had committed. "Huh, let's see... where did Trixie put the..." she reached for her usual pocket, then another and another, until her eyes widened in panic. "N-no way, where is..." She double, then triple checked every nook and cranny of her attire, including looking under her wizard hat just in case, even taking of her cloak, cast a search spell or two, but... "Umm, it appears that the Great and Powerful Trixie, uh... didn't bring money with her?" She smiled sheepishly at the bemused cashier. A lot of growling could be heard from behind her.

"Sorry ma'am, no credit." The cashier said, taking the tray full of delicious, overpriced treats away. Trixie could only gasp and throw her hoof forward; unable to stop the inevitable as her stomach voiced his complaints in excruciating details. As she was about to do the unspeakable and reach for her universal solution (smoke bombs), a hoof slammed into the counter, making her and cashier jump.

"Here you go, fourteen bits." The smiling, white mare said, revealing some coins on the counter. "And three more for a medium caramel macchiato, please."

The cashier stopped to think, looking between the shocked showmare and a innocently smiling mare, whom he recognized as one of the usual clients. He shrugged and put the tray back on the counter, accepting the money. "Thank you for choosing Burger Princess, ma'am."

Trixie was at a loss of words, watching the cherry maned unicorn as she telekinetically grabbed her paper cup and levitated the tray before Trixie's eyes. "Here you go."

Trixie reluctantly grabbed the tray by her magic and stood silently in her place, looking at her food, smelling it's delightful aroma. She shook her head, pulling herself out of the trance to see the other mare, slowly walking away.

"T-Trixie will definitely pay you back!" That was the first thing she could mutter. She mentally berated herself for letting her pride take over again.

The white mare stopped and turned back, smiling brightly. "It's alright."

"Trixie is not a beggar!" She said, walking towards the now confused mare.

"I didn't..."

"Trixie just happened to leave her money in her other cloak, that's all!"

"It's okay, I believe you."

"Just... just wait a few moments and Trixie will go grab it, and..." she was stopped by a white hoof gently placed on her lips.

"Shush! We'll settle this later, but first," she made a small pause, just in time for Trixie's stomach to join the conversation again, making her blush "enjoy the meal." With that said, she pointed her hoof at the nearest table for two, already placing her coffee there. Trixie nodded, taking a seat opposite to her. The view and smell of her overpriced meal was driving her and her stomach mad, so she grabbed the burger in her hooves, unwrapped it halfway and was about to take a bite, before shaking her head. No! Behave! She swallowed, looking at the white unicorn, slowly sipping her coffee.

"Umm, excuse me, miss..."

The mare smiled ever so delightfully, letting out a charming, innocent giggle. "Moondancer." She said. "My name is Moondancer."

Trixie tried her best to hide her blush. She coughed. "R-right, Miss Moondancer. Trixie just wanted to say..." she swallowed again, sweat started pouring as she said the magical words.

"T-thank you."

Moondancer nodded. "You're welcome."

This was a good day. Saturdays were usually pleasant at the cafeteria in the academy's dorms. Since most students opted to eat outside, back home or not eat at all, it meant that all the best dishes were out for taking. Which usually meant trays full of hayfries, some fruits and more pudding than any sensible pony could eat. Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer sat next to each other at an otherwise empty table, ready to dig in in peace and quiet.

In fact, it was too peaceful and too quiet. Something was missing.

"Hiya girls!"

And then Moondancer appeared, taking a seat opposite to her friends. The two didn't even bother rolling eyes anymore.

"Girls, hear this! I found the third one!" She happily announced. Her audience couldn't care less if they tried.

"I thought we told you we don't want to listen about your stupid threesomes anymore." Sunset said, crossing her hooves.

"What? No, it's not that!" She giggled, but then paused to think. "Well, actually that too, but fine, I'll skip the saucy news. I found the third!"

Sunset and Twilight looked at each other, shrugging, then back at Moondancer. Twilight asked. "Third what?"

"Not what, but who! I found a third Moonbutt!" She announced, grinning maniacally, almost jumping out of her seat. Her friends once again exchanged looks, then smiled sheepishly and nodded.

"That's... amazing?" Said Twilight.

Sunset shook her head and sighed. "Moon Sky has yet to recover from your last glomp and you already found another?"

"I know, right? I met her just yesterday at Burger Princess. She's a little shy at first, but once you get to know her, she's really nice. She's a street performer, just passing by Canterlot."

Nopony noticed that Sunset's eye twitched. It was a good thing she learned to never drink anything whenever Moondancer had her mouth open. "Street performer?" She asked.

"Yep. Her name is Beatrix Lulamoon."

Sunset raised an eyebrow. Is she talking about... no, no way!.

Twilight hummed, placing a hoof at her chin. "Beatrix Lulamoon? Where did I heard that name before?"

"Actually, Trixie prefers to be called 'The Great and Powerful Trixie'. Just Trixie will do." Said Trixie, swiping a hay fry from Twilight's tray.

"Oh, sure. Still, that name sounds rather familWHEN DID YOU GET HERE!?" She jumped, turning over her chair on the ground and pointing a hoof at the azure mare in wizard's garb sitting across her, next to Moondancer. Sunset Shimmer was taking a sip of her drink at this very unfortunate moment, which ended with what she was trying to avoid all along: spit taking and choking on her own soda.

The mare in question didn't have much of a reaction, nonchalantly chewing one hay fry after another. "You don't have to scream at Trixie's face. She can hear you just fine."

Twilight's eyes started twitching, as her mane was getting messier by the second. "But, you, this, how? When did you... how did you...?"

Trixie waved a hoof, eating another fry. "Please, a real magician doesn't reveal her secrets. Mmm, these fries are just as good as Trixie remembers them. Not like that junk food from yesterday."

Moondancer beamed with happiness. "Isn't she just amazing?"

Trixie waved a hoof at her, smiling smugly. "No, no, flattery won't be necessary." Pause. "But do tell them what you think of Trixie's wardrobe, if that's not a problem."

"Certainly! For starters, that hat..."

Sunset was very close to slamming her head over the wall and walking away, especially once Moondancer started naming every single thing that was amazing about Trixie's looks, from her wardrobe to her coat, beautiful curves and magnificently shiny mane. While Sunset couldn't quite argue with any of those points (she considered getting a fire version of that cloak and hat since their magic duel), hearing it made her want to puke inside. She could easily imagine Moondancer at a typewriter, pushing the "+1" button over and over again, gaining more and more Trixie points.

She never does that to me anymore, she thought. And for some reason, it made her even more angry. She shook her head and repressed the jealousy she didn't want to have and instead looked at what Twilight was up to. She was awfully quiet, even for her. With eyes narrowed, she observed Trixie carefully, as if trying to remember something crucial. Eventually, her eyes shot open, as she gasped and stood from her chair.

"IT WAS YOU!" Twilight yelled, pointing at confused and startled Trixie. "You were the trespasser in the library that night!"

Trixie looked to her sides, then smiled sheepishly. "Umm, Trixie has a reasonable explanation to this."

"You almost scared me to death! I thought it was somepony dangerous! Or a library ghost!" She ignored Sunset and Moondancer snorting. "W-what kind of pony sneaks into a library at night?"

Trixie blinked. "Trixie... needed to find a book?"

"It's a PUBLIC library!"

She blinked again. "So Trixie wasn't trespassing?"

"Yes, she was!" She lashed out, gathering a bit too much attention from other ponies in the cafeteria. "I mean, yes you were! It's closed at night!

"...then why were you...?"

"Not to mention," Twilight brutally interrupted her "you almost broke my skull!"

It was that last sentence which turned the sheepish, innocent look on Trixie's face into serious one. She stood up and put her hooves down on the table with a thud, silencing Twilight and making her sit down, intimidated. "Trixie will admit that she could have done that better. However..." Her face got a little too close for comfort, terrifying Twilight. "You did this to yourself! All while blindly chasing Trixie like a maniac in your zealous pursuit of twisted justice!"

Twilight was sweating like an interrogated, innocent mare. "But... you can't walk in library at night..."

"Be silent!" She interrupted her. "Trixie did nothing to suffer such punishment! She didn't steal or break anything, she was just reading books from the PUBLIC wing!"

"But... you ran away..?"

"Because Trixie was being blindly chased by a maniac in her zealous pursuit of twisted justice! And as for your poor, hurting head, you should be thanking Trixie that she didn't leave you there, bleeding to death! Trixie took her time to disinfect and bandage your precious skull before leaving, without even asking for gratitude."

Twilight was dumbstruck, unable to think of anything to say to counteract Trixie's charisma and confidence. She blushed a little, scratching the back of her head, as she looked away. "Umm, sorry and, uh, thank you...?"

Trixie hummed, then went back to her seat, swiping a cup of pudding from Twilight's tray (she still had three more). "As Trixie mentioned, she didn't ask for gratitude, but if you insist, she'll take it. You are most welcome." She then proceed to eat the stolen pudding with Twilight's only (unused) spoon. The purple mare didn't object, still too busy being flabbergasted, wondering what had just happened?

Meanwhile, Moondancer couldn't be happier that her old and new friends were already bonding (and apparently had met before, who knew?). She coughed and turned to Trixie. "Well, I might as well introduce you properly. The purple, confused one here is my foalhood friend, Twilight Sparkle."

"Charmed." Trixie said, wondering if taking another pudding would be pushing it.

"And the silent, but occasionally (and literally) volatile, one next to her is..." she said, before being interrupted by Trixie.

"Wait a second, Trixie recognizes you!" She pointed at the fiery maned mare. "You're the one who challenged Trixie back in Baltimare! You're... uh... well... uh..."

"Sunset Shimmer."

"Yes, that! Trixie was about to say it."

"No, you weren't. Because I never told you my name." Pause. "Which in hindsight was very rude, even by my standards."

Trixie touched her chin. "Huh, that WAS rude!" She snickered. "You fought Trixie for over an hour and never even bothered to introduce yourself?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "You fought me for over an hour and you never bothered to ask?" She bent over the table to look Trixie in the eyes and the showmare did the same.

"It's not Trixie's fault she doesn't remember. If you don't feel the importance of your own name, why should Trixie?"

"And it's not MY fault the 'Small and Obnoxious Trixie' can't seem to grasp on how to speak in first person!"

"Hah! The Great and Powerful Trixie cares not for any limits, grammar included!"

"I can see your arrogance and pride knows no bounds either!"

A magical, illusory lightning started sparking in between the two growling mares.

"Thug!"

"Showoff!"

The two grit their teeth at each other for a moment, before turning away and getting back to their chairs, hooves crossed. Sunset smacked Trixie's hoof when she tried stealing her pudding from the plate. While Moondancer giggled at the pair, Twilight facehooved.

"Sweet Celestia, there's two of them!" As the two continued bickering (something about a rematch), she noticed Moondancer grinning at her. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." She turned her eyes away, only to come back. "You're jealous."

Twilight's face got covered in blush. "Wh-what? No, I'm not!"

"Sure you aren't. It's not like Sunset finally found somepony on her level, except just as competitive. Unlike somepony else I know."

"I told you, I'm not jealous!" She turned away, hooves crossed. "Just because they compete with each other, and have matching, egotistical personalities, and great ambitions, and great magical knowledge, and put a lot of emphasis on their looks, and brag a lot and... and... doesn't mean... I'm jealous! Cause I'm not!"

Moondancer decided not to tease poor little Twily anymore and went back to the two rivals, who at this point had officially ran out of insults.

Sunset turned to Moondancer. "Good luck with miss arrogance, Moondancer. I doubt she'll survive a single glomp with an ego as fragile as that!"

Trixie objected to that. "Hey, Trixie's ego isn't fragile!" Pause. "And what's a glomp?"

Moondancer snorted at the question. "She means tackle-hug-cuddle." Another pause, until a worried grimace entered her face. "You don't mind cuddling, do you?"

Surprisingly, Trixie waved a hoof. "Please, Trixie has numerous talents and she'll have you know that cuddling is among the first she ever mastered!"

Three pairs of eyes shot almost in unison. "Really?"

"Trixie has been practicing the fine art of, what you call it nowadays, 'glomping', since her early years on her darling."

"Darling?" The three asked in unison, two of which were in disbelief, but one voice practically squealed in delight.

"Indeed! Although Trixie had to swear an oath of restraint, at least until she finishes her glorious road towards becoming the most magical unicorn in Equestria. But considering that Trixie's progress has been steady recently, she's sure the time of their reunion will come upon shortly... though, to be perfectly honest, she has already visited him once and he is still the same, handsome and kind stallion she remembers him." Short pause. "Actually, Trixie takes that back- he's much more handsome!"

"Awwww!" Moondancer was about to melt at her place, just as Sunset was gagging and Twilight only blushed. She extended her hooves, ready to launch an assault on her new friend, but was stopped by her hoof.

"Nuh-uh, Trixie does not wish to be glomped..." she paused, while Moondancer could be seen deflating from emotion. But before her smile turned upside down, Trixie continued. "...in public. She has a reputation to uphold and she'd prefer not having anypony imagine Trixie being 'that kind' of mare." She explained. Moondancer (and the other two as well) raised an eyebrow, so Trixie quickly added. "Hugs later, only in private."

Moondancer's eyes and smile widened significantly. "R-really?"

She nodded. "Trixie prefers only to have the closest friends near her. And even though she met many kind souls on her journey, few opened Trixie's heart like you did yesterday, Moondancer."

"Awww!" Moondancer cooed again, then used all of her willpower to withhold the urge to jump at her, resulting in a simple, but heartwarming two hooves hoofshake between two unicorns. To think it costed her only 14 bits. Who said you can't buy friendship?

The other two mares watched the spectacle, eyes wide and twitching nervously, wondering what the heck were they looking at.

"Sweet Celestia, there's two of them!" Sunset muttered and Twilight nodded.

A few minutes of awkward silence and overblown friendship later, the twin doors to the cafeteria slammed open. A group of stallions, all dressed in matching black suits and shades, rushed inside. One of them pointed his hoof at Trixie and shouted.

"STOP RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, TRIXIE LULAMOON!"

Trixie rolled her eyes, annoyed. Sunset Shimmer recognized the group to be the same ones who interrupted their duel back in Baltimare. The one who shouted was the same pony that alerted them before. And just like last time, he was smacked in the back of the head.

"Will you stop doing that!"

"Every. Single. Time."

"Nice going, Beaten Bush!"

The gung-ho pony, apparently named Beaten Bush, smiled sheepishly and lowered his head, muttering something under his nose. Trixie in the meantime gently got up from her chair and reached inside her cloak for something.

"Well, Trixie had fun socializing with you, but this is her cue to leave!" As she pulled the small, round, black object out of her cloak, she still noticed Moondancer's disappointed face. "Don't cry over Trixie, fair Moondancer. We shall meet again!" And then, she threw the object at the floor.

CRACK!

Everything went silent for a moment. The crowd blinked, looking puzzled at the situation at hoof. But the one most confused out of the bunch, was the showmare herself. Still standing in the same place, she observed the floor, where her 'smoke bomb' cracked and left a few broken shells, mixed with white and yellow goo.

"Uh..." Trixie scratched her head. "Trixie meant to do that!" She reached for another smoke bomb and threw it at the ground, but the same thing happened.

"Need some help?" Sunset mockingly asked.

"Trixie got this..." She reached for another bomb, inspecting it instead. "...is what Trixie would like to say, but this isn't her stuff. Huh."

As Trixie looked over all her 'smoke bombs', the bounty hunters started laughing.

"Not so great without your old tricks, eh?" The leader of the pack asked.

Trixie's eyes narrowed. "What did you do?"

The bounty hunter shrugged. "Oh, not much. Somepony might have just sneaked into your cart and replaced all your smoke bombs with black dyed eggs! Try getting out now!" Then the group laughed maniacally, leaving a confused Trixie with a bunch of useless fake smoke bombs. Useless until dinner, that is, but she was already full of hayfries and pudding.

"Okay, Trixie will admit, this is actually pretty crafty, though why you didn't place a trap inside her cart is beyond her. Before Trixie escapes you, did anypony happened to find her lost Bright Star fireworks kit?" She asked the group, which at first only made them snort, but eventually they started talking between each other, mostly shrugging, but never quite taking their eyes off Trixie. "No? Drat! Trixie will have to assume they're lost."

Twilight coughed. "Shouldn't you be, I dunno, running away?"

"Trixie will do that, eventually. It didn't hurt to ask, especially now that she's out of her smoke bombs and Bright Star's powder happens to be a perfect quality for harmless, light and easy to assemble homemade smoke bombs."

"You're making your own smoke bombs?"

"They don't exactly sell them in shops. Not the quality Trixie desires, at least."

Twilight put a hoof to her chin and hummed. "If they're so important, how did you lose them?"

Trixie blushed. "Well, Trixie's cart isn't exactly the most spacious and roomy place. She has to travel light, so Trixie had to make a lot of compromises over the size and weight carried inside." Trixie hummed. "Now that Trixie thinks, she must've accidentally trashed it with the other junk she had lying around."

Twilight snorted. "The size or weight of your cart is not an excuse for the lack of proper management!"

"Hey! Trixie has amazing managing skills! Come and see her show to witness the awe and amazement that happens out there! Trixie will have you know that she spends hours before every single show to make sure everything is in its place!"

Twilight smiled slyly. "Oh really? And how long does it take you to prepare fireworks alone? I bet you go over your collection for hours straight, just trying to find that one little rocket you need for one stunt," she said, noticing Trixie sweat nervously "and I bet you run out of them more often than you admit?"

Trixie's eyes shifted. "Well, Trixie learned to improvise..."

"Unacceptable!" Twilight slammed her hoof on the table. "The mare that claims to be Great and Powerful needs to be better than that!" Twilight summoned a quill and scroll and started scribbling something. "It seems to me you have a desperate need for the most important tool of them all..."

Sunset and Moondancer slapped their faces. "Not again!"

"A checklist!" Twilight beamed proudly, levitating a scroll at Trixie, who inspected the list. "All you need to do is make a list of all the components you're using, assign a proper place for them at your cart and regularly check your inventory to make sure everything stays where it belongs. It's really easy once you get used to it."

Trixie hummed. "Trixie has to admit, this sounds like it would cut the preparation time significantly. What if Trixie made another list, sorted by manufacturers, shop lists and locations..."

"...so you could restock while on the road..."

"...and never run out at the worst possible moment!" Trixie beamed, as she started scribbling notes with her own quill. "That is brilliant! Trixie will use your idea, miss..." Pause.

"Twilight Sparkle."

"Trixie knew that!"

Meanwhile, Sunset Shimmer and Moondancer looked with disbelief at the two bonding over... checklists?

"Sweet Celestia, there's two of them!" Moondancer muttered, with Sunset nodding.

Then, they heard coughing again. The leader of the bounty hunters tapped the floor with increasing intensity. "Are you two DONE? Can we go back to the whole 'we're taking you in' part already?"

Trixie rolled the scroll and hid it in her cloak, trying to think of a better escape plan. Light spell? Illusion clones of herself? The good old 'look behind you' trick? She had a lot of options, but most she already used before on these guys. She wasn't used to not having a universal solution at hoof. Thankfully, she found something else to fill that little void.

"Now wait here just a minute!" Moondancer said, approaching the group. "You can't just barge into the mare dorms and catch some innocent mare!" She paused, then turned to Trixie. "You're not a criminal, are you?" She didn't get a verbal answer, but the deadpan glare she received spoke for itself.

The bounty hunters, however, had a secret weapon. "That's what you think, little filly!" The leader took out a lanyard from his pocket. The 'visitor' lanyard, to be precise. The same one her male friends used all the time. "And we're taking her back home, so move away."

Moondancer had very little information about Trixie. In fact, she knew next to nothing about the showmare, aside from her being vain, quite arrogant and self centered. But she could relate to anypony who didn't want to go home. "Look, maybe we can strike a deal," she licked her lips and glared seductively at the group. At least two of the stallions blushed and turned away. Sadly, the leader wasn't one of them (neither was Beaten Bush, for that matter). "I know a nice place where we could get... comfortable."

She was close. The seduced stallions were about to accept, maybe even try to convince others to join in, but a swift smack to their heads, courtesy of their leader, brought them back to Equestria. He glared at Moondancer with an irritated glare. "Move outta the way!"

"Umm... how about..."

"I said, BEAT IT!" And then he proceed to shove her with his hoof, sending her a good few hooves away, until she smashed into a chair and fell down, moaning from pain.

The crowd gasped in terror. Trixie's eyes shot wide open and she grit her teeth. Her face went red from rage she felt towards those who dared to lay a hoof on her newest friend. Time for running was over, as she was about to tell them everything in (excruciating) detail. With her magic. And hooves. She stopped before making a single step, as two chairs loudly fell at the exact same time and two unicorn mares stood in front of the group. Trixie wanted to join, but something about the two mares told her to stay back. Even though they were turned away from her, she could feel the rage she, herself, never had before.

The bounty hunter leader snorted as he looked at the two angry mares. "Oh come on, not again!" He walked towards them. "Don't make me do it--UGH!" He stopped, as his nose smacked into something. He jumped back, massaging his nose, just barely noticing a transparent, purple wall of energy, separating both sides of the cafeteria. He saw the energy coming from the purple, angry unicorn.

Sunset Shimmer, standing right next to Twilight, turned towards Moondancer. "Moondancer, you okay?"

Moondancer got up, massaging her hurting hoof. "I've been worse, thank you."

Nodding, Sunset turned right back at the group of the hunters. "You hurt Moondancer."

"Actually, I'm quite alright..."

"Now, we'll pay you back," as she said that, her horn glowed for a second, before her entire body burst into flames, scaring the group "a thousand fold!" That said, her horn glowed once again, this time with a different spell, just in time for Twilight's barrier to disappear, as the purple mare herself started concentrating on a different spell. None of their horns were cold, if you wonder.

Meanwhile, Trixie was torn. On one hoof, this was a perfect time to run. On the other, they did hurt her new friend.

"Run Trixie! Run!" She heard Moondancer yell toward her.

Trixie hesitated. She swallowed, deciding that it was for the best. "Thank you, friends! Trixie will never forget you, Moondancer! And Twilight Sparkle! And Sunset Glimmer!"

"SHIMMER!"

Trixie shrugged. "Close enough." Then she rushed towards the window and jumped out of the room.

Faced with two angry mares in battle modes, the bounty hunters had only one thing left to say.

"...mommy..."

Their cries were muffled by the sound of flames and explosions.

Few hours later, after cleaning up the burned mess, sending some ponies to hospitals and/or therapists, gathering witnesses for a fair assessment of situation (i.e.: no charges were pressed and everything was considered an act of self defense), the trio finally went to their room when the sun was already switching places with the moon. As they were getting closer to their door, Moondancer stopped in place. A few steps after that, Twilight and Sunset finally noticed and turned to her.

"What is it, Moonie? Are you still hurt?" Twilight asked. Moondancer shook her head and looked at her two friends.

"I just wanted to thank you for today."

"It's okay, that's what friends are for." Twilight replied, smiling.

"Eh, I wanted to burn them anyway." Sunset shrugged.

Moondancer swallowed before saying. "You two know, that you're my best friends in the universe, right?"

Twilight and Sunset looked at each other. "Uh, thanks, but why bring it up now?"

"Just because I met Trixie, and Moon Sky, that doesn't change anything. There's no reason to get jealous."

The two once again exchanged awkward glares. "We're not jealous."

"Not even a little."

Moondancer nodded. "And there's no reason to be. I have more love in my heart than I know what to do with it." They rolled their eyes, unable to argue with that. "No matter how many Moonbutts I find, there's always two spots reserved for my two best friends in the entire world. And I can prove it!"

That made them both blush, though they would deny it later. The three of them stood on the corridors for a moment longer.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what do you mean by pro--KYAA!"

"EEEP!"

Glomping ensued. Cuddles took place for a few minutes.

Few bones were broken.

They got better.

Author's Note

You may consider Trixie to act a little bit out of character when Moondancer is concerned, but I feel like she learned a lesson back in Ponyville when hanging out with Ditzy. In case you have no idea when Ditzy was involved, go and read the Enthusiastic Admirer already!

Trixie will return...

But before that, next three chapters will be written again by Eyeswirl the Weirded, with my seal of approval of course. Brace yourself, because...

Summer is coming!

17. Summer Is Coming (by Eyeswirl The Weirded)

Horror.

Not like the effects of the Spell That Must Not Be Named, that was horrifying, this was just the sense of impending doom and the accumulation of feelings of dread and suspicion. There was fear, there was uneasiness, there was Sunset's hoof waving in front of-

"TWILIGHT!!"

"Eh, huh?"

Sunset was giving her a particularly emphatic scowl. "Were you fantasizing about your stupid brother again?" She went on before Twilight could even do her angry-pout thing. "This is serious, we have to keep it together or you know what will happen! Now let's go over the failsafes again."

Moondancer, the only one in the dormroom not flipping her lid, casually flipped to the next page of the magazine she was reading on her bed. "You guys are making a way bigger deal of this than it is. Exams are over for the semester, it's summer time, we should be-"

"We should be prepared," Sunset said sternly, "and this time we will be."

Twilight nodded once, getting her thoughts together. "Sunset's right." She didn't let the little note of surprise that Sunset didn't have a comment for that slow her down. "Supplies are more or less taken care of via what we can store here in the dorm and the hidden stockpile accessible via a specific series of teleportations."

Sunset gave her a small smile. "Good thinking with that one, by the way."

Her rival returned it. "Thanks." She had only thought to keep a week's worth of food and such in the dorm last year, but it still sprung on them when the week was up.

"So," Sunset stated authoritatively, "the doors and windows are all sealed with the level six interference runes, the anchoring spells in the floor, ceiling, and walls will need daily reinforcement as well as the protective redirection matrix wrapped over the vicinity, nopony goes anywhere during the day, and at night we only go two at a time at most if we need to go somewhere so that when they get back, the third can invoke three out of that hour's eight alternating series of phrases and responses to determine that everypony is who they say they are. Failure to do means somepony gets set on fire. Any questions?"

"None here," answered Twilight with a serious face, doing her best to salute like Shining would have in this situation. After a moment, she frowned. "Though I do kind of wish holing up here didn't mean I couldn't go home to see my family for the summer."

Sunset scoffed. "Easy option for you two, maybe!"

Moondancer frowned. "I don't even wanna go home!"

"Nice to see at least one of you sticking with me."

Twilight looked hurt. "Sunset, you're being ridiculous, I don't want it to happen any more than you."

Keeping her eyes on the ground, Sunset still looked considerably agitated, and not because the anchoring spell in the floor didn't mesh with the redirection matrix as well as she would have liked, or because Moondancer's Cloaking Sphere wouldn't really do them much good here. Her mouth twitched. "S-sorry," she whispered, "I just-"

"I know," Twilight gently cut her off, smiling a little, "it's just the stress talking, it's okay. Don't you worry, we'll get through this together!"

As the two locked eyes, silently remembering why they valued one another's friendship, Moondancer nearly squee'd. "You two are so cute together!"

Moment ruined, they turned to her with deadpan stares, speaking in unison. "Ohh, shut up."

Giggling, Moodancer sat up. "So we're totes sure that the whole room is secure? No way anything gets in or out when we don't want it to, everything accounted for, from the windows to the bathroom?"

Sharing a split second of panic, Twilight and Sunset's heads both snapped to the little restroom adjoined to their dormroom. They got up, Moondancer following. Double-checking the constitution of the spells in place on the bathroom floor, Sunset looked up to see Twilight doing the same with the ceiling over the bathtub, likely worried about the effects of condensation interfering somehow. She saw Moondancer standing in the doorway, stretching out like a cat that just woke up.

She seemed to notice Sunset's raised eyebrow. "Yea, yea, I'm coming, I'm coming." She rolled her neck to the left and right. "Think I might'a been laying there too long."

"We should probably close the door," offered Twilight, "it's a little cramped with the three of us in here." Moving so as not to be standing on top of one another, (to Moondancer's slight disappointment) they closed the bathroom door and took stock of the protective enchantments in the smaller chamber.

"Of course," Sunset said under her breath, "the mirror!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Please tell me you're not still thinking about fourth-dimension dark spirits or whatever. They're not even a myth, they're complete fiction."

It didn't look like Sunset was joking. "Yea, that's what you say, until another reflective artifact nopony can explain is found. Is it that ponies, and whatever came before us, like enchanting mirrors, or that there's something inherently off about them? Maybe for a good reason?"

"The first one," deadpanned Twilight, "infinite times the first one. Besides, that wouldn't even have anything to do with-"

Not minding Twilight's usual close-mindedness with these things, Sunset rolled her eyes. "Well I'm not taking any chances." She integrated the mirror into the array of spellwork protecting their dormroom.

Stopping to admire her own teeth for a second, Moondancer raised an eyebrow. "So, what about the toilet?" Her two best friends were apparently thrown. "I mean, I don't know how likely it is, but couldn't something slip through the pipes? Immense 'ew' factor notwithstanding?"

They turned to look at it, Twilight smirking at Sunset. "Well? Are you worried about those evil toilet spirits too?"

Sunset blushed a little, then smirked back. "Sorry, I thought that was your area of expertise."

Twilight turned red, glaring at her. "YOU-"

Moondancer went ahead and did for the toilet and sink what Sunset did with the mirror. "Okay, I think that'll do, now let's get out of here before this gets weird."

More or less satisfied, the three walked out of the bathroom, the sand warm under their hooves as-

They collectively stopped, took a quick look around, and found themselves on a beach right next to three towels under umbrellas. Posted to the umbrella was a note.

My Faithful Students;

Congratulations on another successful year! Please, take some time off and enjoy yourselves for a while. There are a variety of places to eat for free at the nearby boardwalk, my treat!

-Princess Celestia

Looking back, the doorway to their dorm bathroom shut and vanished before their eyes, leaving them stranded on the beach as part of an enforced summer vacation. The train back to Canterlot wouldn't be here until much later. Again.

Sunset and Twilight shouted in unison. "EVERY FREAKIN' TIME!!"

Moondancer shrugged. "Well, might as well have some fun now that we're here, right?"

She would have felt bad about being the pony to give the signal to activate the portal in the bathroom door, but Celestia did ask nicely.

Author's Note

Jetto's comments: If this isn't the greatest trollestia moment in this universe (or any universe at all) than I don't know what is.

18. Summer is Here (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

When Sunset and Twilight were finished swearing under their breaths, the trio mosied on over to rest on the towels under the umbrellas, trying to decide how to spend their temporary banishment. Predictably, Moondancer was the least bothered about the situation.

"So," she said with a smile, "anypony want to... um..." She drew a hoof to her chin in thought. "Huh. I can't actually remember what we did last year."

"Yea," snorted Sunset as she flopped over on her side, "I'll bet."

"Huh?"

"Nothin'."

Twilight smiled sheepishly. "Eh, well, whatever it was, I'm sure you had fun."

Moondancer beamed. "I probably did! So what do you guys wanna do this time?"

Taking a minute to scan the beach, Twilight compared and contrasted the options that first sprung to mind. They could go swimming, but with that came a chance of not-necessarily-hostile, but no less hazardous oceanic life, such as jellyfish and stingrays. Along with that was a certainty of saltwater in their manes and coats, which carried that weird, sticky feeling until it was adequately washed away.

No part of it sounded enjoyable.

Then there was... sand. Much sand. And the aforementioned sea water. Used in unequal proportion by foals and bored adults that wished to test their ability in sculpting the two into small-scale constructions, to test the structural integrity of the mixture, often with additional components such as stones and wayward sea shells. There were a lot of foals and what may have been older siblings doing so in that very instant, actually.

Twilight felt a pang of nostalgia. "My brother and I used to build those all the time..." Then she got an idea.

The undertaking of an extensive effort at one such project may prove adequate to consume a considerable portion of time, and perhaps, through careful documentation, even provide insight into the architectural workings of the long-lost city of Coltlantis! Indeed, working to build a small city out of sand and water may even directly explain how the entire city thought to have been assembled in a similar way came to be destroyed.

Standing up, she beamed. "I know what I'm gonna do today! You guys wanna build a city?"

Sunset didn't even roll over to snark at her. "No."

"It doesn't have to be a city."

"No."

Twilight shrugged, trotting happily toward what would be the site of her miniature revival of Coltantis. "Suit yourself!"

Moondancer tilted her head, regarding her lazy friend curiously. "You don't wanna prove you can build a bigger, better sand castle than-"

"No," answered Sunset, "I don't care about making something that won't last more than a few days even if nopony kicks it over when I'm gone, I'm not gonna put in the effort for something with no real benefit, I'm just gonna be the odd mare out here and actually try to relax." There was just long enough a silence that she had to fill it herself. "Shouldn't you be, I don't know, rolling in the sand with some surfer?"

Moondancer beamed. "And leave a friend to be all sulky by herself? No, ma'am!" She all but skipped around Sunset's trying-to-sleep body as she laid on the towel. "Wanna go for a long walk on the beach?"

"No."

"Go fishing?"

"No."

"Find seashells and possibly try to make a quick bit selling them right around here?"

"I see what you tried to do there, but no."

And then it was quiet, no sound of Moondancer even skipping around her. Sunset sensed death. Rapidly sitting up, she barely got up in time to extend a hoof to stop the dreaded Public Moon-Glomp. "Alright, alright, I'll... do, something with you!"

Slightly disappointed she wouldn't be cuddling a snoozy Sunset after all, Moondancer shrugged a little and smiled. "Okie, dokie!"

The two settled on wandering around at random for a while.

So many little castles, thought Twilight as she paced through the sand, and so many siblings!

They were all around, foals and what looked like ponies a bit closer to her own age helping them along, digging little moats, compacting sand into buckets to be upended and made into a structure, relishing the simple joy of making something together, smiling and laughing, just like she and Shiny would.

She approached a little colt sitting by a plastic bucket containing two little plastic shovels, patting the sides of a recent creation for stability, and smiled. "Hello there young sir! Could I requisition use of one of your digging and construction implements?"

The colt, a light-beige, dark-brown-maned earth pony whose name she didn't know was Salty Spade, looked up at her, bewildered. "Recky-what?"

Remembering that few foals possessed extensive vocabularies, Twilight giggled with a hint of a blush. She didn't notice the effect this had on the colt's older brother, sitting nearby. "Sorry, I meant, may I borrow one of your shovels, please?"

The little one smiled, offering a miniature, green spade for her use. "Sure!"

Twilight smiled gratefully. "Thank you!" And then she set off to start drawing out the site of what would be Tiny Coltlantis.

Meanwhile, Salty's brother, a dull-blue earth pony, felt a sudden spike in affection for his sibling. Part of it was that he had just shown kindness to another pony for little more than its own sake, a much larger part of it was that he may have just given him a chance with a purple cutie with a very shapely flank. He hopped up. "I'mgonnagohelptheniceladyyoubegoodokay?okay!"

Pacing backwards while telekinetically dragging the tip of the shovel through the sand, Twilight felt somepony tapping her shoulder. Turning, she saw a smiling stallion.

"Hey, I'm Salty Spade's older brother. Need any help with your construction?"

Putting a hoof to her chin, Twilight thought about it. She could use a little help getting the project done before it was time to go. Not that they were strictly expected to go back to Canterlot soon, having been kinda-sorta banished for a day, but she figured the others (or at least Sunset) would want to go back as soon as possible. She kind of did too, sand city or no sand city.

"Okay," she replied, "do you think you can pile up sand along the outer perimeter of this line? It's fine if you end up making a moat in the displacement of terrain."

Nodding once, he got right to work, already dreaming of spending a cool evening on the beach nestled with the lovely architect in the center of their creation, not a sound but the gentle ebb and flow of ocean waves and each others' breathing…

He didn't even notice another stallion approach Twilight to make roughly the same offer. And another. And another…

They hadn't even been walking for fifteen seconds before Moondancer started eyeing up random beach-goers. That would have been fine, if not for her insistence on pointing out the 'finer specimens' to Sunset in the raciest terms she could find wording for. Clearly, if she wanted any peace today, she would have to get rid of her lusty friend. She knew just what to do, turning to Moondancer with a smile.

"You know, you're right, there are a lot of attractive ponies around here." Moondancer smiled at her like a cult leader with a brand new convert. "Why don't you go grab us some cool drinks, while I see who I can wrangle?"

Moondancer got as far as the 'O' in 'Okay' before she stopped and gave Sunset a scrutinizing look, an eyebrow raised. "Waaaait a minute, what's the catch?"

Sunset gave her a confident smirk. "That you get back before the whole beach only has eyes for me." The she struck a sultry pose, one hind leg bent as that hoof rested against the other, arching her back as she flipped her mane to leave it resting over one eye, and called out to anypony that might have been listening. "Ohh, this surfing stuff is so interesting, I really wish somepony could explain how a longboard backslide works..."

Beaming with hesitantly-cautious pride as about twenty different heads whipped Sunset's way, Moondancer trotted off to the nearest place to grab a drink.

Internally, Sunset grinned with evil delight. Which was weird, because she wasn't going to do anything that Moondancer wouldn't approve of, or be thankful for later.

Four and a half minutes later, Moondancer returned with two slushies in her magic to find Sunset surrounded by well-built stallions. And a few mares. Ohh, Sunny. Almost all of them had long manes and cutie marks with things like surfboards, waves, and life rafts, which likely answered 'Do you come here often?' all by itself. The way they were looking at Sunset, especially the ones standing behind her, they probably weren't much like her fan club back at the Enlightenment Center.

Giving a few of her admirers a coy grin, Sunset then ignored them to focus on the next phase of her plan. "Oh, Moondancer, welcome back. I was just talking to my new friends here, have you met Beefy Cake?"

She gestured to her right, a huge, dark-red wall of bulging muscle obscuring Moondancer's vision. Taking a step back, Moodancer could see the hulking stallion in greater detail; his ripped, massive legs leading up to a raw, sinewy body, his thick, veiny neck connecting to the strong, chiseled face at the top of it all.

How did I not notice this guy a second ago?

Moony liked. "Holy moly, he's a... wait a minute," she gave Sunset another suspicious look, "is this a ploy to get rid of me? You're gonna need to try better than that!"

"Did I mention-" grinning deviously, Sunset gestured to her left, indicating another, identical stallion, "-his twin brother, Buff Cake?"

"T-t-t-t-twins!" Moondancer's nose was bleeding, though she did wonder how she didn't notice two of these guys. "Well played, Sunny. Well played."

Sunset let Moondancer offer the slushies to her new playthings to break the ice, the feeling of triumph as they walked away sweeter than any flavor slushie Moondancer could have brought her!

That in mind, she turned to the first thrall she saw. "You, bring me a slushie."

He smiled. "Ch'ya, I'll get'cha a real mean tasty-slush, babe, back in a sec." Then he bumbled off in completely the wrong direction, unless he was hoping they had cool beverages in the depths of the sea.

Sunset shrugged, turning to the next one. "You, bring me a slushie."

"Huh, totally on it!" That one actually went in the direction of the boardwalk, possibly with the capacity to remember her simple order.

Either way, she glanced around to the fifteen-or-so others still nearby. "The rest of you, your usefulness has ended, bye." Casually cantering back to the towels and umbrella to lie in the shade, Sunset couldn't help but notice the sound just behind her didn't really resemble a crowd of ponies dividing and returning to their lives, but just a crowd. Still following her. She stopped, about-faced, and glared. "That means 'go away,' you idiots!"

"Nah, it's cool," one piped up, "we'll chillax with you for a while."

"Yur real hot," said another, followed by yet more.

"Sure ya don't need like, another slushie?"

"I could get ya like, TWO slushies, gorgeous!"

"NO," shouted Sunset as sternly as possible before the group could get too loud, "I don't need anything else, now stop following me!"

A few voices called out at once. "Okay!"

Giving a sharp nod, Sunset turned, started on her way back to the shade, and stopped again. "What did I just say?"

The swarm of stupid behind her muttered amongst itself in uncertainty.

"Okay, new order," she said loud enough to be heard by all of them, "stand right where you are, don't move a muscle." One step forward. Two. Three. She kept moving, a new wave of irritation rolling through her mind as she heard the rest still following. She whipped around to face them, livid. "What part of stand the buck still did you not understand?!"

"We are," one answered, "see? Not movin' at all!"

"Ch'ya, I'm great at standing! Wanna see me do it closer?"

"I can stand better than he can!"

"Nu-uh, dumbflank!"

"I can shred way gnarly waves! Standing on my board the whole time!"

"Can I touch yur flank?"

"No way, brah, she said she'd let me touch her-"

That last one had his head telekinetically buried in sand with considerable force, in a manner that looked like he tripped. Very hard and very suddenly. On nothing. Ordinarily it might have been 'set on fire' or 'beaten to a pulp', but there were far too many witnesses here. "I don't care what you walking mounds of failure do," announced Sunset, "just do it away from me."

She moved. They followed. She turned and shouted. "WHAT?!"

One chuckled in a laughing-at-their-own-joke kind of way. "It's cool, I totes get'cha babe, yer one'a them mean-nasty chicks that dig guys who stick around." There were several nods, murmurs and eyebrow waggles of assent.

"Nnno," growled Sunset, "I'm one of those easily-pissed-off unicorns that turns idiots into snails and throws them into salt piles."

"Wicked," commented an idiot. There was not a single ounce of comprehension in the lot.

She stood glaring at them, calculating the exact probability that she'd be able to avoid jail time...

Author's Note

Up next, the dramatic conclusion...

19. Summer is Hectic (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Tiny Coltantis was coming along nicely! There were so many foals that had come along to help her build it, too, quite a few older siblings joining in the effort. It warmed Twilight's heart, seeing so much love not unlike that between her and her own brother, not to mention the interest in the architecture of a neigh-forgotten civilization! She moved along one of the clear lanes that would later be part of the little city's market district when the residential area and public utility regions were finished. All over the area, foals with spades, buckets, and some genuinely impressive sand-sculpting skills worked to make sand models of Coltlantian housing, as outlined in Twilight's sand-sketched blueprints on the project's outer perimeter.

The exact specifications of the entire operation might be a little tough to remember by the time she found a notepad with which to write out the report, but she was reasonably confident in her memory.

Strangely, most of the older ponies were the ones that seemed to have trouble focusing, often glancing up at her whenever she came by. Twilight didn't want to come across as one of those cold, indifferent overseers, all these ponies were helping her out of the goodness of their hearts and the spirit of togetherness! So when they looked at her, she'd smile, nod, and say something encouraging, like "Keep up the good work!" or "Doing a great job!"

This did seem to result in more than a few those that established eye-contact involuntarily rerouting some amount of circulation to their heads, but maybe they were just too warm out in the sun? Idly considering the merits of having somepony bring refreshment to the famished, she paced over to inspect what would be the massive amphitheater easily a meter across. Four stallions were carving out the many arches such structures may have been best remembered for, one of them giving her a wave and a smile.

"Hey, I was thinking maybe after this we could grab a drink?"

She smiled back. "Great idea, you get beverages to everypony, I'll see if the compacting team needs anything." And off she went, humming merrily, oblivious to the dejected look on his face.

This was only exacerbated by the other three stallions being smartflanks.

"Ooh, tough break there, buddy."

"Maybe you can cool off by drinking your own tears?"

"I'll take a teardrop slushie!"

Moondancer was lukewarm. On one hoof, her time with Beefy and Buff Cake was great! On the other? Short. You'd think lifeguards would have more stamina, but she was sure they'd wake up before too long. It was while walking around looking for any sign that Sunset had actually done anything with the rest of her hunky harem that she heard somepony cry out.

"HELP! I'M DROWNING! NOT RIGHT THIS INSTANT, BUT SURELY IN SHORT ORDER!!"

"Damn," muttered a relatively short, green earth pony, lines of grey coloring his black mane and bushy moustache, "if only I weren't so old and feeble, I wouldn't have had to quit lifeguarding myself and hire those two other guys! Where could they be in this time of crisis?!"

OH, CRAP!!

Moondancer looked rapidly back and forth between the pony that wasn't quite drowning yet, but would be very soon, (if she was hearing him right) and the aged lifeguard, and she wasn't the only one. A crowd was gathering, foals and grown ponies alike standing by to watch.

"I SAY ALSO, I AM NOT YET SINKING, BUT LIKELY WILL AS SOON AS I CEASE TO FLAIL WILDLY IN THE WATER TO REMAIN AFLOAT! AND THEN I WILL BE IN A STATE OF DROWNING, AND THEN A STATE OF DEAD! AS SUCH, I ONCE MORE REQUEST HELP!!"

Other than commenting that he was pretty talkative for a dying pony, none of the onlookers moved to help him.

"I'm not a very strong swimmer..."

"I-I have a family to think about!"

"I kinda just hear what else he'll say before he goes under."

"Where are the lifeguards?!"

Helpless to do anything, the old lifeguard hung his head in shame.

Moondancer, however, grit her teeth. With the other two out of commission, there'd be nopony to help this guy, or anypony else that needed it! Making a snap decision, she charged out into the water, hoping she could remember how to do actual CPR and not that other kind.

She did remember, and after a valiant rescue, the formerly drowning pony, Quite Literal, was okay!

"I am okay," he announced just after coughing up the last of the sea water, "perhaps not in perfect health at this exact moment, but as I am only formerly drowning, I do believe I will make a full recovery! But now I must lose consciousness for a while." Then he flopped down, unconscious. Maybe it was because his cutie mark was a pony's hindquarters with the word 'symbol' on it. He had a cutie mark for a cutie mark.

Regardless, the crowd (barring the guy who wanted to hear what else Literal would have said) cheered, glad the near-drowned pony's narration a moment ago made it perfectly clear that that was what the situation called for. Moondancer blushed, unable to muster the courage to confess to her short, sweet sin and that this situation was technically her fault, accepting the praise with piercing shame.

The old lifeguard tapped her on the shoulder. "Great work there, lass but you could have been badly hurt or even killed. For your own safety, please leave this kind of thing to the professionals in the future. On that note, have you seen two huge meatheads lately?"

Moondancer felt something cold nestling her in stomach. "...Meatheads?"

He nodded. "Yes, two large, absurdly-muscled red guys. I'm the manager of this beach now and I hired those two to protect the swimmers. Seen anypony like that?"

She grinned nervously. "Uhm, maybe they got, uh, distracted by some cuties? You know how these beach guys can be, haha!"

"Nonsense, they're gay."

"...excuse me?"

"They're a gay couple. They're perfect for the job, unlike those sleazeballs before them, more interested in chasing flank than saving ponies." He shook his head ruefully, Moondancer sensing the disgust he felt for those that would prioritize carnal delight over the importance of safety! "I swear, those guys."

"B-but, aren't they...?"

"Twins?" He chuckled. "Nah, it's a common mistake ponies make. Imagine how creeped out I was when I caught them making out in the shower. There's a mental image I didn't need!"

Moondancer's eye twitched. After some thinking, she shrugged. "Eh, still a victory."

"What was that?"

"N-nothing!"

"Hm. Well, anyway, good job, lass, you did well." He raised a hoof over his eyes to scan the beach. "Now, where am I going to find a replacement lifeguard on such short notice...?"

Knowing the situation was mostly her fault, (Sunset may have introduced them, but nopony said she had to make them collapse from exhaustion like she did) Moondancer reluctantly raised a hoof. "Maybe I could help?" As the elder beach guardian turned to look at her, she couldn't help smiling sheepishly.

She found herself sitting in the tall lifeguard chair a minute later. And now I'm a lifeguard, she thought to herself. Wonder how Sunset is doing.

Lying on her back on one of the towels they'd started this forced beach vacation on, Sunset couldn't decide which was worse; that she couldn't get rid of her brainless fans, or that she had to hear them. All at once.

"-and I was all, 'nahh, bro, I got it' and then-"

"-totally ripped now, and chafing, but totally-"

"-I get all these feelings, y'know? Maybe I'd feel better if you'd-"

"-there were monkeys! Monkeys everywhere!"

Sunset grit her teeth, shouting through them loudly enough to be heard over the din of inanity. "SHUT. UP. YOU IDIOTS."

By some miracle, they actually stopped talking.

"Good, now all of you go away."

"Yes, ma'm," replied what might not have been a surfer, "I will PERSONALLY make sure nopony will bother you!"

"That means you too."

"You heard her," piped up another, "get lost already! Lady Sunset needs only one guardian and I was here first!"

"No way, I saw her first!"

Sunset groaned hard, hitting back of her head on the ground, which was sadly just soft sand. Maybe it was just dense enough anyway, because she remembered that she hadn't seen the two doofuses she'd sent to bring her slushies since giving the orders. That gave her an idea.

"OKAY," she cried out, sitting up to address the bickering crowd, "I know how to settle this; why don't all of you go get me a drink and the first one to bring it back to me wins. Deal?"

The crowd sped off, pushing and shoving and shouting in the direction of the boardwalk, leaving her temporarily alone. She said whoever got back with a slushie first won, she never said what they'd be winning. For the second time that day, Sunset found herself repressing an evil grin despite not being up to anything bad, but damned if deception didn't make her feel good! She didn't have a problem. Other than her least favorite admirers ever, which would likely be trickling back before long. She quickly trotted off, looking for anywhere on the beach to hide before they got back.

Progress was good in Tiny Coltlantis in the five hours since construction had started. A portion of the outer wall had to be rebuilt when somepony tripped into it, (maybe the moat just outside the wall wasn't a great idea after all) but other than that, things were going great! Little Salty Spade even earned his cutie mark in sculpting city hall, which made Twilight just feel all fuzzy! And then she went back to an air of professionalism, because miniature cities don't build themselves. It was while inspecting the arches of the amphitheater that something caught her eye.

She peeked over the rim to look into the center of the structure. "Sunset? What are you--"

"Be quiet!" She whispered. "Don't use my name here!"

"What are you doing in the amphitheater?"

Being so frank and blunt most of the time, Twilight very rarely saw anything out of Sunset that might be called a poker face. Until now. "Nothing. Just chilling. Oh crap!" She ducked down at the same time as a band of annoyed surfers stormed by not far from the sand city, many of them calling Sunset's name.

When they were gone, Twilight slowly turned to look at her with a smirk. "I never knew you were this shy, Sunny."

Scowly blushes were much more familiar expressions from her. "Shut up, Sparkle! And don't let them find me!"

Twilight giggled, leaving her friend and rival in whatever situation she'd gotten herself into.

Fact: being a lifeguard can actually be pretty boring. Moondancer had thought she'd be spending the day tearing through the water to reach ponies just before they went under, saving lives that she technically endangered by virtue of having incapacitated the real lifeguards. Shaking her head so as not to dwell on the specifics, she again scanned the beach for any sign of trouble, but all was peaceful in what was temporarily her sandy domain.

In addition to ponies sunbathing, playing volleyball, and general beach activity, she could see the construction site of Twilight's mini sand-city. It looked like quite a few foals and primarily older brothers working on it with her. The crowd she'd seen following Sunset earlier was now wandering about aimlessly, some of them carrying slushies. She couldn't hear them from where she was, but it looked like a lot of them were arguing as they combed the beach, some starting to shove the others.

Thinking that was probably something a lifeguard should break up, she hopped off the chair, the manager pony right next to her.

"Good news," he said with a smile, "found Buff and Beefy."

"That's great, but I should probably-"

"They said they got worn out by some unicorn filly, can ya believe that?"

Moondancer started to sweat, pointedly turning her head away to focus on the emerging brawl in the distance. "Haha, y-yea, that'd be something, Ishouldreallygetgoingokaybye!" She sprinted off, as much to escape the situation as to help defuse the other one.

Increasing amounts of beach-goer turned their heads at the sound of raised voices.

"This is all your fault, dumbweed!"

"Nuh-uh, I totally had her until you bozos showed up!"

"We all saw her at the same time!"

"Shut up, smart guy!"

"Shut up more, dumb guy!"

"She liked me best anyway!"

"Did not!"

"I'M HER FAVORITE!"

"SHE TOTALLY WANTS MY D!"

"LOUD NOISES!"

"I'M THE BEST AT STANDING!"

Somepony patting down sand on a guard tower of Tiny Coltlantis shouted in their direction. "Hey, keep it down, will ya?!"

One of the noisier crowd shouted back. "Ah, stuff it up your flank, sand-builder guy!"

At that point, about fifteen guys who were building with sand turned toward them, including one burly, grizzled dock worker named Lead Pipe that had come to help his adorable baby sister build sand houses with her friends. He glanced over at his tiny, pink, yellow-maned sister, her bright blue eyes tearing up at the sound of raised voices in her direction.

Lead Pipe leaned down to whisper to his sister. "Why don't you go ask the purple lady if she needs anything? I need to do some cleanin' over here."

Smiling up at him, she nodded a little, trotting off to see how she could help out.

Lead shifted the cigar from one side of his mouth to the other, his cold gaze fixed on the fool that made his Precious Pink Princess Friend Forever start to cry. "Boys," he gruffly announced to the rest of those working this area of the sand city, "looks like we got trouble-makers."

A few hours later, Twilight, Sunset, and Moondancer sat on the train headed to Canterlot, Twilight happily writing down everything she could recall about the sand city.

Finishing the slushie Moondancer had brought her, (it might have been the only time she smiled normally that day) Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Where'd you get that stationary?"

"At the station, of course!"

Moondancer giggled. "I kinda wish I had been there in time to stop the fight, but I did have some fun in the mix! Seriously, who'd have thought a billowing dustcloud would be a good place to get-"

"ANYWAY," cut off Sunset, "what happened with your sand thing, Twilight?"

The retired (for now) architect smiled almost sadly, not slowing her notation. "Well, the city was eventually destroyed, but not just by the brawling ponies. It turns out the foals had been working on compacted-sand-based artillary when I wasn't looking, and started using it on the invading forces when the outer walls were breached. In the end, the city was destroyed not by outside entities, but by its own overdeveloped military power." She shook her head a little, making additional notes on her paper. "War really is awful, huh?"

Moondancer smiled. "How'd the rest of your day at the beach go, Sunset?"

She folded her forearms. "Badly, they found me the minute the amphitheater crumbled. Still, I managed to get them to leave me alone a little after that, at least."

"But the fighting didn't stop."

"I know, I figured if they were going ballistic anyway, I might as well tell them that the last one standing would get to come back to my hotel room."

"What hotel room?"

Then Sunset's face began to shift. Not into a monstrous mask of wrath and (cold) flames, but an actual expression formed by an actual pony's face, expressing wrath and engulfed in (cold) flames. Sunset was smiling the most evil grin she'd ever made in her life, Twilight and Moondancer feeling shivers down their spines, only intensified by her maniacal giggles.

"Precisely."

Back at the beach, a dozen or so surfers were buried up to the neck in sand, sand-tombstones with words like 'Dummy,' 'Mean-Head,' 'Shouty-Face,' and other such monikers etched by victorious foals resting just behind them.

"Dudes," one said, "I think that sweet-flanked chick tricked us."

"Ch'ya, why does this keep on happening to us?"

"Okay gentlecolts, we need to promise each other, no more fighting over mares! This time for real!"

They called out in unison. "Deal!"

The next day, another pretty mare appeared on that beach. Seeing the nearby group of stallions admiring her tasteful sun-hat, Rarity smiled. She couldn't place it, but something about these fellows positively screamed Why yes, we'll gladly help you with your luggage!

Author's Note

Jetto's comments: Now all we need is a hot springs episode, pool episode and school festival episode to finish our anime quota for this season. One of those events is coming soon. No, really.

On another note, if you enjoyed this Summer Mini-Arc, be sure to read more fics of Eyeswirl the Weirded.

Q&A Part 0: Introduction

DUE TO HEAVY USAGE OF COLORED FONTS, IT IS ADVISED TO SET YOUR BROWSER FORMATTING TO DARK OR ULTRA DARK.

"Hello, our dear readers and welcome to the first exciting episode of..."

"Sunny!"

"Moonie!"

"Twily!"

"Q&A!"

Three Maresketeers were sitting at a small table in their dorm room, happily smiling at their lovely audience. And considering there was nopony else in the room, that meant that the audience was actually the readers themselves. Yes, you, the one reading those words. We do realize this is not a visual medium and there are no cameras or such, which is why we would appreciate it if you stretched your imagination and suspension of disbelief a little harder this time.

"You're probably wondering why there's an update this early, or what happened to the twentieth chapter..."

"...or fourth wall..."

"...then worry no longer, the story proper will continue... eventually. But in the meantime, we decided to give a little, ehem, 'service' to our dear, beloved fans and we're making a..."

"Q&A!"

"Why do we always have to yell that together?"

Moondancer shrugged. "Because it's fun?"

Twilight cleared her throat. "Anyway, the rules are simple. You ask us a question in the comment section of this chapter, prefixed with a hashtag #askmaresketeers..."

"This site doesn't support hashtags."

"...and we'll answer it in, uh, eventually. It shouldn't take too long, I think."

"Basically it's like a image-less version of a tumblr blog."

"What's a 'tumblr'?" The two asked. Moondancer rolled her eyes and ignored them.

Shaking that question away, Twilight conjured, you guessed it, a checklist. "Now, let's get a few things straight before we begin..." She donned a pair of reading glasses (which she doesn't need) and ignored Moondancer and Sunset Shimmer groaning. "...first of all, as you can probably tell, this and any other chapter of..."

"Q&A!"

Small, awkward pause later. "...yes, it's entirely non-canon. Nothing that happens here will ever be referenced or have any bearing on the actual plot of the series."

"Unless it's a really lame meta joke."

"There is a plot?"

"In layman’s terms: 'just roll with it'."

Moondancer hummed. "So, since nothing's canon here, does that mean that if I suddenly hug-tackle Sunset and start making out with her right here, right now, none of this will matter and nopony will remember it?"

"Uh, I guess."

"Which means somepony could, in theory, rip out someponies' hoof and bludgeon her with it till she collapses unconscious from agony in a pool of her own blood, and all of that will be retconned the next chapter?"

"Uhh..."

Moondancer smiled sheepishly. "Point taken!"

After a moment passed, Twilight shook her head and continued. "Let's get over some ground rules for asking questions. First of all, no questions about the future of any of the storylines!"

"You don't want spoilers, do you?"

"Second, this is a Sunny, Moonie, Twily..."

"Q&A!"

Pause. "...that, so we won't answer any questions about those six guys in Ponyville or what they're doing."

"And thank heavens for that! There's only so much I can listen about Shining Idiot before I need to barf!"

Twilight coughed. "That also means we won't be able to answer any stuff related to the writer."

"Writers!"

"Right, plural. Well, that about wraps it up! Remember to use the hashtag #askmaresketeers..."

"Again, this site has no hashtag function!"

"...and ask us anything you want. Well, anything as long as it's not too... inappropriate..."

"What she meant to say is, ask us ALL the inappropriate questions you want. We'll be happy to answer them all." She winked.

"SPEAK FOR YOURSELF!"

"Well anyway, bye everpo-, I mean, everybody! See ya next in the chapter of..."

"Q&A!"

The trio waved to the audience and the recording ended.

"Twily, why is our dialogue all colored?"

"Probably to save time and space that would be normally used for narration."

"Isn't tagging every sentence with different color taking a bunch of time, equal to narrating?"

Yes. It is. And now I know.

"...and knowing is half the battle."

Moondancer and Twilight looked at Sunset, confused. "What?"

"I dunno. I just felt... compelled to say that. Weird."

Author's Note

No, really, what they said. Be sure to send your questions in the comments, prefixed by a hashtag #askmaresketeers.

Q&A Part 1: Minds will be blown at the end

"Hello everybody, welcome back to..."

"Sunny!"

"Moony!"

"Twily!"

"Q&A!"

"As expected, you sent us a lot of great questions!"

And I mean a lot!" Sunset remarked, noting just how long Twilight's checklist is this time. "I don't think we can cover them all this episode."

"It's a good thing this chapter is called 'Part 1' then."

"Let's not wait any longer and dig in!"

ShadowLDrago asks: #askmaresketeers to all three of you, what would you say is the weirdest thing that's ever happened to you?

"Hearing my brother wanting to punch Princess Celestia probably takes the cake. Especially since he managed to find a reasonable reason. And Princess Celestia approved of it... seriously, what the hay?*"

"Hmm... that's a tough one. I think I'll go with that one blind date which happened to be with my step dad."

"...eww."

"I know, right? He's been cheating on my mom with a middle schooler! It's a good thing they're divorced now."

"There's so much wrong with that sentence I don't know where to begin."

"Moondancer."

"Yes?"

"No, nothing. That's my answer."

"..."

"...meanie!"

Masterweaver asks: #askmaresketeers screaming SCREAMING screaming in the dark, in the dark they have made the screams, they come, they feast, they THRIVE they are all around you, they are you and you are them and they feast and the screams ever continue, how did it come to this?

"Uhh...?"

askmaresketeers Between the three of you, which will most likely be the last one standing in a free for all fight to the the death?

"How about we find out right now? This episode is non-canon after all."

"S-sunny, w-why are you looking at m-me like that?"

"Don't worry Moonie, this will only hurt for a while, I'll be quiEEEK!"

BZZT!

Sunset fell unconscious on the ground. Another lightning struck and Moondancer soon joined her.

"I believe I won by default?"

"Ch-cheater!"

"Hey, nopony said it has to be a 'fair' fight?"

EyeswirltheWeirded asks: #askmaresketeers Twilight, does Shining Armor send you letters at all? The way he most certainly didn't in the main canon?

"Oh brother, here we go!"

"Of course he does! We're BSBFF (Best Siblings Best Friends Forever), of course we write to each other almost every week! He told me all sort of things about Ponyville, like his new friends and all that's happened to him. He keeps mentioning a lot of mares that he met. Like the aggressive, but nice overall pegasus that's very fast; an earth pony flower mare who’s very shy and a very adorable yellow pegasus mare that takes care of forest animals, and some more. The way he describes them, I get the feeling they're hitting on him, but I don't think he noticed." Pause. "What? Why are you two looking at me like that?"

"No reason."

RadicalDishonesty asks: #askmaresketeers Spike's a child, right? Who takes care of him?

"When Spike was born, nopony was sure what to do with it. Some wanted to keep him as a pet to use him for research, since nopony really knew much about dragons. But once it became clear that he's a sentient and intelligent creature just like anypony else, Princess Celestia took care of him personally for some time. Nowadays he lives with Mrs. Bookmark and her family. Don't let the harsh exterior fool you, they really love each other. As for me (the one who brought him to life) I get to visit him all the time and he sometimes spends time in my house. Shiny and my parents got really attached to him. He's like a younger sibling I always wanted."

"Am I the only one feeling there's a joke missing here?"

"They can't all be funny."

Gial Ackbar asks: #askmaresketeers Who was the second pony that said "Writers!"? It’s not Sunset’s orange, but a slightly different color. So, who infiltrated you? Also, what’s that creature holing the applause sign? Definitely not a pony, but what else?

"That WAS me, I just had a sore throat at that moment, hence why the color was different. Narrator was too lazy to mention that." I'm sorry.

The three looked at the picture which suddenly popped into existence.

"You know, I never really thought about it. It looks like... an ape?"

"No, there's not enough fur on it. Believe me, I know an ape's hand when I see it."

"Too much information."

The three hummed, then shrugged, realizing it wasn't worth thinking about.

Comickook asks: #askmaresketeers Twilight, do you know your big brother's "Opposite Gender Magnet" seems to work for YOU too?

Twilight giggled. "Where did you get that silly idea from?"

"Yes, they're siblings, alright."

"Totes blood related. Not like in that song.**"

Twilight raised an eyebrow and tried to say something, but another question popped in.

Red Ignis asks: #askmaresketeers So for the whole group: what are your thoughts on Fire strike and Silver sword?

"I hang out with Silvy all the time. He's a surprisingly nice guy for a ninja. We sometimes go window shopping and clubbing, act as wing ponies to each other and so on. You know, doing the 'besties' things that I never do because somepony I know is boring..." Annoyed glare at the other two. "As for Fire Strike, he's cool too. I don't see him too often and he seems gruff and tough at first, but he's really nice. Kinda like Sunny."

"Pfft, please, we're nothing alike." Pause. "Although, he was reasonable when I was arrested, so I guess he's not the worst. If you have to compare me to some stallion, I'll take him over anypony else... Moonie, stop grinning! And as for the Gay Ninja, he's alright."

"I trust them, they're good ponies. Shiny always knew how to pick his friends. I only wish they appeared more."

"Yeah, no kidding. Fire Strike's been in like, one chapter only (not that I complain). You'd think that for their status as supporting characters, they would make more appearances."

"I'm not going to spoil it, but they may or may not (by which I mean 'will definitely') make a huge appearance soon." Wink.

MustacheMerlin asks: #askmaresketeers On a scale from one to ten, how surprised would you be if Sunset turned into a raging she-demon?

"I don't know, where would she find a spell for that? I've heard about some powerful ones, but they're rare and Princess Celestia keeps them secure. I'll say eight."

"Nine. She seems evil and all, but she's not. She has a lot of insecurities, family issues, overblown ambition, but she's reasonable and not THAT desperate. Maybe if she was corrupted by a very strong chaos magic, but other than that, nah."

"Four." Long pause. She received two shocked glares, as expected. "Wait, was I even supposed to answer this question?"

Hopeful_Ink_Hoof asks: #askmaresketeers -- what is the most awkward thing [sexual (where applicable) and not] each of you have walked in on the others doing?

"Go read chapter 2 again."

"They never do anything pervy. Either they're a bunch of prudes, or they're very good at hiding it. I wish it was the latter. Twily, how about you?"

There was no answer. Twilight was burning hot with the biggest blush, her eyes twitching uncontrollably. Moondancer waved a hoof before her eyes.

"Yep, she broke."

"Does that answer your question?"

AyanamiRei asks: #askmaresketeers Do any of the girls play anything similar to Dungeons & Dragons?

"Of course! We used to play a bunch of Ponyfinder back in the day. Shiny was the GM..."

"A very, very bad one."

"Well, he didn't quite get all the rules right all the time and his plots were a bit cliche..."

"He never let me roll for the brothel! There are actual rules for it and he never let me!"

"Thank heavens for that."

"I even bought a special book for it..."

"NEXT!"

AyanamiRei asks: What event in Moondancer's life has made her so....pervy?

"I could tell you, but that would be spoilers!" Wink.

PiokDBLial asks: #askmareskeeters : To Sunset and Twilight : You seemed quite upset about being thrown out on a beach lately, how come?

"Did you even READ that chapter? Do you have any idea what I had to go through every single time that happens? And when I talked to Princess Celestia, she laughed and said she was glad we had a lot of fun! Can you believe that?"

"And she does that without our consent, too! I don't mind some fun once in a while..."

"HA!"

"...but I went to Academy to study. And vacations are the best time for it, because no subjects or projects interfere with my personal studies. On the beach I have to struggle just to find anything to do. If this happens next year, I wish at least Princess Celestia would let me bring a book."

Moondancer shook her head. "See what I have to deal with on a daily basis?"

PiokDBLial asks: To everypony : Who came up with the name "Mareskeeters" and how ?

"A commenter, whose name escapes me, used that once in the original story and it just kinda stuck."

000RaiserGundam asks: #askmaresketeers To all three of you, how exactly did the three of you first meet?

"SPOILERS!"

Dustmane asks: #askmareskeeters To Twibutt and Sunbutt: with Moondancer taking stallions to her bed by the dozens, aren't you afraid that soon there won't be a colt for you who hasn't been "with your friend"? You should act now and put some dibs on while you can.

"What kind of stupid questio--"

"Oh, oh! Let me answer that for them!"

"...eh, knock yourself out."

"I used to think it's weird too. I mean, I know they're more into studying than stallions, but they had to be at least a little curious, right girls?" She looked at her friends, scratching their heads and looking away, blushing. "But then, brain wham! What if they USE me to determine which stallions are right for THEM? Believe it or not, not every stallion I meet or lands in my bed. Or I land in their beds or hotel bed or sometimes not even a bed, you get the point. And not every one of them is gay. And that small percentage of stallions, the ones that have better standards than 'first pretty face that spreads her legs in their direction', are the ones that are better for a potential long term relationship built on trust, understanding and loyalty, which I presume 'Sunbutt' and 'Twibutt' are more into, rather than a series of random, physical encounters with strangers."

"O_o"

"o_O"

"Next question!"

"I keep forgetting she's actually smart.

"It's kinda scary."

Iamawesome asks: #askmaresketeers Sunset's and Moondancer's families?

"I mentioned an ex-step dad before (my mother has a very poor taste in stallions), but other than that I'm afraid that would be spoilers.

"...I don't wanna talk about it."

"So... spoilers?"

"Eh, sure. Knowing this this how this story works, we'll get there anyway. Not looking forward to it."

"Why hasn't anypony asked about my family?"

"Because they're awesome, and kind and very friendly... but they're kinda boring. Not that it's a bad thing."

DING DING DING!

"That weird sound means we're running out of time!"

"Or word count."

"So let's take one more. And I think I know exactly which ones!"

"Uh-oh!"

AyanamiRei asks: Has Sunset Shimmer had her first kiss yet?

darkvslight346 asks: Sunset Shimmer : are you a virgin?

"Don't you dare!"

"In that order..."

"Moondancer, I swear, if you..."

"...yes and nope!"

"..." Sunset said nothing, though her horn started glowing with fires of hell.

"Ummm... what?"

"And I'll blow all your minds even more- none of those was me!"

Twilight couldn't say anything, instead blushed furiously. Sunset on the other hoof turned into a raging, flaming she-demon, although it wasn't as surprising as they mentioned earlier. Moondancer smiled confidently, despite being glared at with burning fury.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't kill you!"

Moondancer giggled. "Because now everybody knows you're better than Twilight at something!"

Sunset blinked.

"Wh-what? That makes no se--..."

"I guess you're right!" Sunset turned off the flames and smiled brightly. "In your face, Sparkle!"

"I-I don't care about t-those things!"

"You clearly don't."

"Let's end this episode on that note. Sorry we couldn't answer all your questions, we'll be sure to go back to them when we can. Also be sure to send us even more and don't forget about the non-functional hashtag!"

"Don't worry 'Twily', I'm sure a book can explain THAT to a virgin like you."

"Again, I don't care about those things!"

"Keep trying to convince me with that blush on, Sparky."

"Bye bye!"

Author's Note

* - anybody who read Stallions of Harmony knows. It's hard to forget.
** - https://youtu.be/z88WWrnROEs

I hope you'll have at least half the fun reading as I had writing :trollestia:

21. Tricky Skies (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Princess Celestia had a strange job.

She was, of course, Princess Celestia of Equestria™, long-standing ruler of the equine nation and She Who Raises The Sun. She had many duties that usually kept her very busy, but she did not tackle everything that needed doing in the palace by her lonesome. Indeed, she'd gone temporarily insane centuries ago while trying to manage everything herself, and since learned to delegate. Every now and then, this left Celestia herself with nothing to actually do. Not just things that could be put off until a little later, but a flat nothing that needed her stamp or say-so.

At such times, Celestia usually opted to seek out entertainment among the common pony in disguise, not unlike what Luna was doing. Albeit for very different reasons. Some day she wanted to have a day out with 'Moon Sky' and her own alias; Sunny Skies. That day, however, would have to wait until Luna was comfortable enough for such a thing and both of them had the time.

'Sunny Skies,' a white pegasus with a long, pink mane and a smiley little sun for a cutie mark, wandered through the streets of Canterlot. Her thoughts of how long it had been since she and Luna could just carelessly have fun together were interrupted by a boisterous voice.

"Come one, come all, to see the mystifying magic of the Great, and Powerful Trrrrrrixie!!"

Even with what Celestia had heard about what went down in her school's cafeteria recently, indecision flickered in her mind as for whether or not to hope it was the first Trixie she might have guessed. She trotted at a brisk pace towards the voice, seeing a stage in the middle of the plaza. Already, dozens of ponies had gathered to see the source of the commotion; a blue mare in a purple, starry cloak and matching pointy hat.

Princess Celestia had lived a long time, seen many, many ponies over her many, many years. Some of them looked alike, some of them had similar names, some of them were both at the same time. It was nice that nopony ever really got on her case for mixing them up every now and then, as she could usually get away with them thinking it was because they were but humble ponies before the Princess of the Sun. Fittingly, the ego-inflating sentiment did more to preserve her image as not-a-pony-that-forgets-ponies-names'-so-often-that-it-looks-like-she-just-doesn't-care. She did, really, but come on! She was sure she'd heard of ponies with the exact same names through generations.

That in mind, she was certain this was Trixie Lulamoon, her runaway student from years ago. Sunny Skies stood back and watched, making the mental note to follow Trixie to talk to her when she was finished with this thing.

"Watch and be amazed," shouted Trixie, drawing a red cloth from within her cloak, "as Trixie performs feats of magic like none you've ever seen!" She whirled the cloth around experimentally, then smiled, swishing it vertically to reveal a metal cage large enough to hold a bear, becoming visible as if it had been obscured by a smudge that Trixie was wiping away.

Trixie took her hat off and flung it to the side, a coat rack sprouting from the bottom and planting firmly on the stage floor, the hat balanced neatly on top. Spinning quickly in place, she threw off her cloak (which came to rest on a hook of the coat rack) to reveal she was bound in an intricate series of chains and ropes tightly constricting her movements. Some whistled at the display, more-so as Trixie opened the door to the cage and shuffled in, the crowd getting an eyeful of her flank as she looked over her shoulder.

"Don't try this at home, fillies and gentlecolts," she said while stopping to wink at them, "you won't have near as lovely an audience!"

Many in the crowd whooped and cheered appreciatively as she continued with the trick. The cage door shut, the glow of Trixie's magic engulfing it along with a jug of unknown liquid that emptied itself over the cage, fluid evenly dripping down the bars as Trixie lit a match. Some in the crowd gasped, seeing where she was going with this.

"Oh, wait," she said with a smile, "Trixie almost forgot the most important thing!"

The prop she conjured next wasn't a fire extinguisher or any manner of flame protection, but to Sunny Skies's equal anticipation and horror, an inhibitor. Trixie donned the device that would render her unable to use magic while humming a cheery little tune, it's loud click signaling to the crowd that there was no spell she could cast to get out of what she was about to do. She dropped the match at the edge of the cage, igniting the liquid. Fire coated the bars, smoke and flames encircling the bound pony inside until she completely faded from sight, having made no effort to even move from where she was standing.

The crowd watched in silence as the fire crackled and burned, no sign of the showpony anywhere. Within minutes, a few proactive members of the audience were putting out the fire with extinguishers. When the smoke had mostly cleared, all they found was the blackened cage.

"Thanks for the helping hoof there, fellas!"

Everypony turned to see Trixie, wearing not chains, but her hat and cloak, leaning back in the chair of a nearby outdoor cafe. Her forehooves were leisurely behind her head, hindhooves up on the table, and a cup of tea levitated to her lips as she took a sip. "Ahh~!" She set the cup down on the table, next to the inhibitor that clearly hadn't stopped her from escaping. She smiled pleasantly. "Always nice to get a little help from friends, even for the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Seeing the street performer unharmed, the crowd roared with cheers, hooves that weren't stomped in applause waved wildly in the air. A few members of the audience, however, were less impressed, one proving more vocal than the rest.

"Ahh, that's not so great," said a stallion, earning a raised eyebrow from Trixie, "she just made it look like there was a fire and walked out."

Some ooh'd at the accusation, Trixie standing up with a smirk. "Really? You don't think Trixie could escape a blazing inferno?" Stepping closer to him, the crowd making room, she chuckled a little. "Well, seeing as how Trixie has already demonstrated her own affinity for doing just that," nopony could see Trixie's horn light up through her hat, but that didn't stop her from casting spells, "let's see how you handle it!"

The lone heckler was quickly surrounded by a ring of fire, not close enough to burn him, but enough that he could very easily feel the heat, panicking for a few seconds as he tried not to get his tail burnt off, to the crowd's amusement.

"Trixie thinks you'll find her fires are quite real," she said with a smug smile, "and not cold fires, either." Her face grew contemplative. "Or was it lukewarm? Cool?"

The pony in the ring of fire hopped a little on his hooves, visibly sweating. "I-I get it, can you put this out now?!"

"Hang on," Trixie said while dismissively waving a hoof that she then drew to her chin in thought, "Trixie thinks this was important. The name was cold fire, but she said lukewarm. Not usually much point in fire if it isn't hot, or you could just use something else to avoid the risk of flames getting stale to the audience, but at the time it was pretty-"

"PLEASE PUT OUT THE FLAMES, GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!!"

Some in the crowd laughed, though it wasn't clear if it was that or the desperate plea that got her attention as she returned her smile to the one that doubted her. "Very well, re-educated citizen," the fires were extinguished, "Trixie hopes you'll remember this the next time you have questions about whether or not hot fire is hot."

He immediately sprinted away. Sunny Skies noted that that wasn't a very nice way to make a point, but she supposed if nopony was hurt, there wasn't a problem. That, and Princess Celestia might have done something similar in Trixie's horseshoes.

Trixie casually sauntered back to the stage, clearing away the soot-stained cage with a spell before turning to the audience and smiling. She cleared her throat, then quickly stood on her hind hooves, using her forelegs to throw out her cloak in theatrical fashion as fireworks shot from the stage, the crowd cheering and throwing bits for the stellar performance.

Then she heard a voice. "YOU ARE SURROUNDED, TRIXIE LULAMOON!!"

Looking around, she saw ponies in nice suits and sunglasses all around the plaza. Trixie swore under her breath.

One such pony turned to the one that just shouted. "Beaten Bush, you idiot! If you hadn't called out that we were here, we could have just closed in on her before she noticed! Why do you always do that?!"

Another facehoofed. "Every. Single. Time."

Trixie was looking around rapidly, her expression nervous. "A-and that concludes Trixie's show for today, uh, you can all go home now!"

The ponies in suits only stepped closer, Sunny Skies gathering that this was something Trixie did not want to happen as she quickly levitated as many of the offered bits as she could into her hat. Celestia didn't know who these ponies were, but she knew they didn't work for her. If it was them, or one of her old students...? She looked up at the midday sky and narrowed her eyes.

Suddenly, half of Canterlot was shrouded in darkness, as though a massive cloud had simply blocked out the sun, the audible fright of many.

"Hey," shouted a random pony, "we aren't scheduled for a storm today!"

"I've never seen a storm make it this dark!"

"It's not a storm, it's an attack!"

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Quick, everypony scream and panic!"

Celestia felt only a hint of shame for teleporting herself away from the crowd. She'd been in her share of mosh-pits over the years and this one was probably going to leave bruises on anypony that didn't get out of the way fast enough. On that note, she activated a long-perfected detection array spell so she could see and hear every detail of what was going on in the area. Subtle use of telekinesis and minor barrier spells kept anypony from getting hurt in the rapidly-snowballing chaos.

"Somepony call Flashlight Patrol!!"

"Is that a real thing?"

"WOO, midday midnight rave party!"

Celestia was pretty sure the screams and stamping of hooves now had a side of wubs.

"Can anypony with wings get up there and clear those clouds?"

"Are you kidding? It'd take the Wonderbolts a week to get through that!"

"This has nothing to do with weather, she's back! It's Nightmare Moon!!"

If ponies weren't screaming and running before, they were now. Celestia facehoofed. Great, now I have to explain to the nobles that Equestria is not getting conquered... again!

The ponies in suits were shouting at each other as they scrambled about, most of them just trying not to get bowled over in the tumult.

"Find her!"

"Grab her!"

"Don't let her slip away!"

One of their number, her spell told her, was seconds from succeeding. The one that first yelled, Beaten Bush, if she remembered right, was standing behind Trixie in the darkness on stage as she frantically gathered the bits thrown earlier with help from a nightvision spell. Celestia was just about to magically root his hooves to the floor or something when he gently tapped Trixie on the shoulder and pointed in the direction of the exit with the fewest ponies in suits feeling around or trying detection spells.

The spell made out the details of Trixie's face, looking at Beaten Bush in confusion. It even made out what he whispered to her before smiling, walking off the stage, and joining the rest in 'searching' for Trixie.

Oh, thought Celestia.

A few minutes later, she determined that Trixie, the stage, and most of the bits that presumably made her living were gone. I'll have to find a chance to talk to her some other time. Its job done, Celestia returned the sunlight over the city to normal, as though nothing had ever happened.

With daylight restored, the crowd quickly calmed down, though she knew she'd be hearing about this for the next few days. She briefly tried asking the ponies in suits what it was they wanted with Trixie, as a few of them had hung around to keep looking.

"Classified information, ma'am," one answered stoically, "nothing to see here, move along."

She looked around for Beaten Bush in the hope he would be more talkative, but it looked like he had joined the departing search parties. It seemed none present were inclined to answer an everyday pony like Sunny Skies, but morphing into Celestia here would do her few favors in the long run. Sighing, she added Trixie and her pursuers to the list of mysteries to be unraveled later.

In the meantime, it occurred to Celestia that the ponies in suits were probably at least related to the ones she'd heard about raising a fuss in her school's cafeteria. Picking up a quill and her best Royal Decree Paper, she knew just what kind of changes needed to be made...

22. Trick of the Sunlight (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Trixie might not have believed it under ordinary circumstances, but CSFGU's library really was very peaceful. Even during the day! She had been here for an hour and a half now, and nopony was making the slightest effort to detain her or tell her she wasn't allowed to be there, nor even give her funny looks for longer than a few seconds. Trixie knew, of course, that they were simply struck dumb by the fabulosity of Trixie's Wondrous Hat and Magnificent Cape!

Yes, even the ones that smiled behind their hooves as they would at a little filly cosplaying as Starswirl the Bearded (those that recognized the costume, anyway) on Nightmare Night, which Trixie only did that one time, thank you very much!

The library was peaceful, just like Moondancer said it would be. It had been explained to Trixie that Princess Celestia was furious (not outwardly, but nopony in the Day Court was fooled. Or able to sleep that night.) that one of her students had been hurt on school grounds, where they're supposed to feel safest. As such, guards were posted accordingly and rules of the most horrific kind known to Canterlot ponies were put in place if anypony attempted injure, detain, or otherwise menace a student from CSFGU on school grounds; Very Heavy Fines. This extended to ponies operating by proxy, such as any who might hire bounty hunters to retrieve somepony in their stead.

Not that I'm sure that will be enough, Trixie thought bitterly, bits were the most they ever were willing to spend on me.

Well, now wasn't the time for that, Trixie had research to do. She was just sitting at a lone table, paging through Cover? Check. Paper? Check. Words? Check: Let's Make A Checklist! when a soft, almost angelic voice drifted down to her.

"I was told I might find you here."

Trixie didn't quite jump, but she did turn around faster than was strictly necessary, her eyes wide and worried. "Princess Celestia. Hello."

Celestia smiled warmly. "Hello, Trixie. It's been a long time, how have you been keeping up?"

Trixie scratched her just-slightly-worried head. "Keeping up? Like, with the news, with life in general, with my studies?" She glanced to the book on the desk. "Because I can answer at least one of those right now."

Giggling softly, the princess took it as a good sign that Trixie might have been a little nervous, but wasn't outright afraid of her. "It's good to see you. Do you have some time to talk?"

Trixie smiled a little. "I, y-yes, sure." She took her hat off and placed it on the table behind her, turning to face it as Celestia took a seat across from her. "T-Trixie would ask how Canterlot's been, but I-she's kinda visited a few times before today."

Trying to decide exactly how she felt about the third-pony routine, Celestia nodded once. "So I've heard." She conjured two cups and a tea kettle, the latter filled with a soothing mixture and used to fill both glasses. "It was a lovely city even centuries ago, and remains so today."

Trixie held her cup in both hooves, looking more at it than Celestia. "You want to know why Trixie left?"

Celestia blinked once, not quite having expected Trixie to be that direct. Smiling down at her, she levitated her cup close to her lips. "It was on my mind for a while after, yes. If it's not too personal a matter for you...?" She took a sip awaiting a reply.

Taking a calming drink of tea, Trixie began her tale…

Hearing about what Trixie had been up to all these years, Celestia smiled wider and wider as the story went on. When it was finished, it was all she could do not to swoop Trixie up in her forehooves and cuddle her like the cute, boisterous little teddy bear she was!

Cute, boisterous little teddy bear that knew some advanced magic, but still.

"So," Trixie continued, her face inquisitive, "My Dar-... P-Prince Blueblood left too. Trixie asked him about it the last time we spoke, but the answer, um…” she scratched her head lightly, “didn't really make much sense."

"My nephew made some new friends and decided on a new direction in his life, not unlike you, Trixie." As she'd partly hoped, Trixie's face colored with a bashful kind of delight. If Trixie was still going for Blueblood, Celestia was happy to push that forward with all the gentle nudges in the world. "Speaking of friends, have you met any interesting ponies recently?"

Trixie averted her eyes. "Maybe?"

"You're not in trouble."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Not even for-"

"No."

"Oh." Trixie smiled. "Yes, Trixie has met some interesting ponies! Time is a little short, so she will go by recent examples. One was a mailmare with a fondness for foals and bakeries, though perhaps a little too much of the second one. Another was a weather pony with some, eh," Trixie tinted red, though Celestia pretended not to notice, "extensive experience in the field of courtship. Then there was a seamstress, but-"

Giggling, Celestia opted to streamline things a little. "Anypony around here?"

"Oh, yes! Three, in fact! One was very knowledgeable in magic and almost a match for Trixie!"

She's met Twilight, good. "Do tell?"

"Well, Trixie hasn't known her for very long, but Trixie learned a little about cold flames from her!"

Wait, what?

Trixie moved on before Celestia could ask. "Trixie has read about elemental ponies before, a mythical tribe thought to wield forces of nature instead of special talents, dating back to before the first documented sightings of Windigos! Trixie doesn't know about that, but Sunset Swimmer reminds her of those stories, a pony that embodies fire!"

Oh. "It's Sunset Shimmer."

"Trixie knew that!" Shifty eyes. "A-and then there came the kind and giving maiden who shared Trixie's status as a bearer of the moon!" She shifted just enough in her seat that Celestia could see her cutie mark.

Celestia was rapidly learning the new language of Trixese. From the sound of things, she'd met Moondancer. And now there are three 'Moonbutts'. Good for you, Luna!

...Would Sunset agree to be Sunbutts with me if I asked, or does that sound dirty?

She really didn't want to risk another student falling for her, even if Sunset was perhaps the least likely candidate for that to happen again. "Kind and giving?"

Trixie nodded, reaching up to hide a little hint of a blush with her hat before remembering she'd set it on the table. "Yes. Trixie misplaced her wallet in a dining establishment once and out of nowhere comes fair Moondancer, who paid for the whole thing! Trixie caught up with her again later, actually..."

I don't do drugs. I don't do drugs. I don't do drugs.

It was true, Moondancer had never gotten into that stuff because she'd never needed it to have a good time. That, and a tiny fear that her mother would hear she'd touched a narcotic substance, demand to know where she got it, and then have that whole part of the city burned to the ground. Still, that didn't explain why a floor tile in a dorm hallway just spoke to her.

"Pssst! Moodancer! Down here!"

The voice sounded familiar, though. "Uh... hey there."

"Are you alone?"

She slowly peered around, not a soul in sight. "Looks like it. Why?"

The tile popped out of the ground, revealing Trixie's smiling head, wearing the tile like a flat hat. "Perfect!" Glancing around, she slipped out of... wherever she was that allowed her to hide under a floor tile and set it back where it had been. Before Moondancer could ask, she was cut off by a little bag of bits levitating in front of her face. "Fourteen bits, repaid in full!"

Connecting the dots, Moondancer smiled. "I told you you don't have to pay me back, my family is pretty rich." Though she knew she couldn't get away with, say, buying a whole bar of sailors a round and seeing where things went from there. Darnit.

Faced with this information, Trixie grit her teeth. Fourteen bits might not have meant anything to Moondancer that day, but they meant a lot to her, and pretending otherwise would mean living with the debt. That was not acceptable. Idea!

Trixie smiled. "If money will not sway you, fair Moondancer, Trixie recalls that you were promised hugs?"

As nopony was around, Trixie was glomped immediately.

"And that is how Trixie learned that there are definitely nuances to cuddling a mare as opposed to a stallion."

"She accepted payment for the fourteen bits in cuddles?"

"Pretty much!"

Celestia giggled. "I see." She chose to hold off on bringing up the extended rules regarding pegasi, as it would give her another thing to talk about with Moondancer. "Anypony else?"

"Well, one more, an odd pony that goes all crazy-twisted-justice for dubious reasons, and klutzy enough to hurt herself in the pursuit of it. Still," Trixie added with a grin, "she proved to be very organized, outside her reasons for chasing ponies around in the dark."

Blinking slowly, Celestia waited for more. "Aaaand...?"

Trixie shrugged. "That's kinda it, Trixie doesn't know her all that well." Grinning again, she levitated the book. "Still, thanks to her, Trixie will be that much more Great and Powerful for the day she returns for her beloved!"

So she's met all three of them, at least. It's a start! "Trixie, how would you like to join them? Here at the school?"

Trixie drew in a quick breath. She'd been waiting for this. "W-well..." Glancing worriedly at Celestia, she saw only a patient smile, indicating that she did have a choice in the matter. Something else her parents never really gave her. "T-Trixie is sorry, but, she can't stay in one place for very long. At least, not yet."

To Trixie's immediate relief, Celestia nodded. "I understand." Then she wore a small, concerned frown. "Though, I'm afraid I must ask, the ponies that have been seen attempting to bring you in..."

Trixie started to sweat. "I-I haven't done anything criminal, honest!" Apart from swiping a bag of bits the day she ran away, but she did eventually mail them a bag of the exact same make filled with exactly as many bits. The Great and Powerful Trixie did not like having debts, after all.

They probably gave the bag more love and appreciation, too.

"Can you tell me who they are? What they want with you?" A princess had her means of investigating, but it never hurt to hear it from the horse's mouth.

Seeing Trixie cast quick, nervous glances in several directions before casting what felt like a modified detection spell of some kind, though Celestia couldn't guess what exactly Trixie had done to it. Somehow, that alone made her proud.

"Well," Trixie began tentatively, "those ponies are, they, w-well, when you say 'ponies that have been attempting to bring Trixie in'...?"

Now Celestia was worried. "Is there more than one such group? Witnesses mention something about taking you home. Could you please explain the situation?"

Trixie sighed, lowering her head. "They're bounty-hunters. The ones in suits, the ones in armor, even the ones in wigs. Please don't ask, I didn't. They all work for the Lulamoon family, but I do not wish to return 'home.'"

The princess nodded once, her tone as gentle and sympathetic as possible. "Why do your parents send bounty-hunters and not, say, letters? Asking how their daughter is doing?" Once more, horse's mouth.

Trixie wore a few different expressions at once, like she was simultaneously sad, giving Celestia a tired 'oh, what the buck do you think?' kind of look, and trying to stop herself from from making such a face at the same time. "Some ponies, some wealthy ponies, don't think about much besides getting richer, more influential, more prestigious."

Celestia nodded, a little part of her wondering what Sunset Shimmer's family got up to these days.

"Some try to do it by marrying their offspring into richer families," her voice grew quiet, her tone bitter as she glared down at her tea-cup. "even to the point of neglecting the only one of the four they can't find a good match for, instead devoting their time, their energy, their precious money, and everything else to those they can."

She chuckled humorlessly. "Imagine how they'd react if they learned one of their foals, the one they never even bothered to ask why she spent so many nights out late, had actually been chasing none other than the princess's nephew? That if they gave her more than a sideways glance, maybe they'd have learned the reason she didn't even come home some days was everything they could have ever wanted in their stupid little quest for status, that maybe they'd have even tried to help her catch his eye? Even when it was too late, would it be any surprise if such ponies were to send others to bring their ticket to royalty back, by any means necessary?"

Trixie looked up, her face solemn. "I don't want their 'help', I don't want anything to do with them anymore." The expression softened considerably as she started to smile with a sort of wicked confidence. "Trixie will affirm her own love, titles and houses be damned."

Once more, Celestia felt the urge to pick up and cuddle Trixie. This time, though, it was less because she had said or done something adorable, more because she felt the young mare badly needed a hug. Would her pride allow it? There aren't too many ponies around right now, but the last thing I want to do is push her away by coming off as pitying, so-

"On that note," sighed Trixie, "you're wondering how Trixie is any different from them, how you know she doesn't just want to marry-" she barely stopped herself from reciting the list of titles she'd come up with for him, if only the most recent fifteen, "-Prince Blueblood in the hope of becoming 'Princess Blueblood'?"

Shaking her head, Celestia smiled. "I remember when we spoke in this very library all those years ago, Trixie, the way you looked at me when I mentioned him, the way you smiled when he looked at you after, and your eyes whenever you caught sight of him from then on. I have lived a long time, seen many that would use love as a facade to further another agenda, and I know that you are not one of them."

Not unlike the first time they spoke, Trixie looked away and shifted in her seat, unable to immediately articulate a reply amid giggly blushing. Then she stopped, looking at Celestia with a hint of worry. "Oh, Trixie actually has to get going, but, um," she quickly put her hat back on, "thank you for the tea!"

"You are welcome to stop by more often, if you like." In response to Trixie's slightly confused look, her old teacher smiled, conjuring an all-access pass not unlike Twilight's. "Take this, and you'll be allowed on school grounds day or night, without question."

Taking it, Trixie beamed. "Th-thank you, Princess Celestia!"

Celestia smiled beneficently. "You are welcome, and I hope we'll be able to talk more from now on."

Levitating her book back to its original shelf, Trixie nodded once, still smiling. "Sure thing, see you around, Princess!"

Watching her go, Celestia found herself already looking forward to their next talk. Trixie might not have been accepting her parents' help, but she was sure she could offer some tips! Then a thought occurred.

Wait, 'Princess Blueblood'? Does she not know that Prince is his name, not his title?

Oh, well, there'd be time for that later.

Author's Note

Authors Notes: For any who haven't read or don't remember An Enthusiastic Admirer, I feel I should note that Blueblood never actually returned her feelings, and has spent more time responding to thoughts of Trixie with (hopefully comical) fear and dread than he ever did applauding her magic. Is her love hopeless? Stay tuned!

On that note, I know it says in the description to this story that you don’t have to have read anything out of the Stallionverse for this to make sense, so I’m sorry to blur that line a little. :twilightsheepish:
However, this chapter should be all you need to know as far as Trixie’s origin goes!

Jetto's notes: Don't listen to Eyeswirl and go and read Enthusiastic Admirer like, right now! All of it! Because it's ~~canon, set in Stallionverse, approved by me~~ a damn good story! And then you might as well read his other work, because they're really good and need more love. Especially if you like Blueblood and Dazzlings then boy howdy, do we have a treat for you!

23. First Dance

At first glance, the unicorn known as Marble Magnanimity was a mare of great success. Despite being near to her thirties, she didn't look a day older than twenty, still retaining perfect supermodel curves on her light gray body. Her dark, brown mane was styled in a messy bun, leaving just enough carefully placed 'random' strands (one of which was red) in front of her face, creating a window for her purple eyes, permanently hidden behind a pair of small, rectangular glasses. All of that combined with her affinity for modest, simple business suits (instead of garish, fashion dictated dresses like most other nobles were wearing) and a face that rarely betrayed emotions gave her a look of a typical, if hot, secretary. That guess couldn't be more wrong, as Mrs Magnanimity worked for nopony other than herself as the CEO of her family's corporation.

It seemed like she had it all- looks, status, money and not a care in her life. Yet despite being seemingly untouchable and unfazed by the world around her, she lived under constant stress, mostly coming from her work. Some came from other jealous noble families that under all their smiles wished to see her go under (being better than most ponies was one of her few joys in life). And a little bit of it came from her lackluster love life, filled with disappointments, charlatans, divorces and the worst luck or taste in stallions. She managed to keep all those problems at bay and vent in more productive ways... most of the time.

But then, there was one problem which she never had any good solutions for.

"...but... but... you promised!"

Marble massaged her head. She hated it more than anything in the world. It was the right thing to do, so she was forced to keep a straight face. It wasn't easy when a tiny little replica of herself, except with red and purple mane (instead of the brown and red of hers), kept looking at her with those pleading, teary puppy eyes.

"Yes, I did. I promised I would take you to the carnival, IF you passed your exam with a perfect score." She levitated the test at her daughter's eyes, highlighting the red 89% with her aura. "And I always keep my promises."

The filly started tearing up even more. "...but... but... it's my birthday!"

The mare looked away, fixing her glasses. "The deal was a deal."

"It's not fair!"

"It is. Breaking my promise wouldn't be."

The filly held back her tears, then exploded with tears. "I HATE YOU!" Then she turned and ran away.

Her mother raised a hoof after her. "Moondancer, get back he--" she was stopped by an echoing door slam. She groaned, trying not to smack her head over the nearest wall. She noticed some of the maids watching the scene from a distance. "What are you looking at?" She yelled, making them roam around in panic. "I don't pay you for doing nothing! And if you don't want to get paid, then I can fire you right now!"

"Ma'am, don't you think your reaction was bit too harsh?" An elder stallion behind her asked. She turned to see Mr. Push, her family's old butler.

"My family business is none of theirs."

"I meant young lady Moondancer. She tried very hard and she was very much looking forward to the carnival."

She groaned and massaged her forehead. "This again..."

"Promise or not, she's just a filly. I know what you're trying to achieve, but this is her 'only' ninth birthday. I refuse to believe that this is what you wish her memories of this day to be like." Hearing no reply, he smiled, glad that she wasn't as deaf to criticism as she sometimes appeared. "There will be plenty of time for life lessons, I'm sure. But let today be an exception. As your daughter, she deserves that much, does she not?"

The mare thought for a moment, then let out an exasperated sigh. She turned towards her living room. "Bring me some tea, please. I need to... calm down first."

"Certainly, ma'am."

One cup of tea and a lot of contemplation later, she knocked on the door of her daughter's room.

"Moondancer? I was thinking about earlier today and I... I changed my mind. I will take you to the carnival, but you have to promise me you will catch up on your studies later. Does that sound fair?" There was no answer, so she knocked again. "Moondancer?" Hearing nothing in response, she opened the door.

Her daughter was nowhere in sight. As she entered the room, she almost stumbled on a gift wrapped object, with a card saying 'Happy Birthday Moondancer, from Mom', on the floor. Some of the wrappings were torn away, revealing part of a book cover: a picture of a dark olive pegasus and the title "...Sapphire Sto--". She levitated the present onto the table by the bookshelf, unwrapping it in the process, then went back to looking for her daughter. There were quite a few hiding places in her room: she could be under the bed, in the closet or in the bathroom. Her eyes widened and she gasped, as she saw an open window with a makeshift rope made out of bed sheets sticking out of it.

First step of her plan, getting outside, was easy. Everything that came afterward was supposed to come to her when she got there. Or so she hoped. Instead, there she was, in a big, open park, not too far away from home. She had never actually been here, but she passed by it a lot when walking from home to school. She was never allowed to go out and play, always hearing the same excuses. 'Too dangerous for a little filly' (then send one of our guards!). 'Only commoners go there' (at least they know how to have fun). 'Good fillies should stay home and study' (That's all I do!). And she was never allowed to talk back or argue, or else the punishment would be even more severe. But here she was, trying to enjoy what little freedom she still had. And she had no idea what to do with it.

She sat under a big tree, trying to shake off her tears and look at what the others were doing. It was a very nice, sunny day, there were a lot of fillies and colts running around, playing anything from some ball games, tag and whatever that thing with feathered balls with rackets game was called. Some ponies, a filly about her age and an older colt were trying to fly a kite, laughing and smiling all the way. She wanted to try, but she couldn't just walk to them and ask. What if they didn't want her? What if there were some rules about playing in a park? What if she made a fool out of herself? It wouldn't matter anyway since, after the stunt she just pulled off, her mother was sure to ground her in her room forever! Then she would be home schooled until she was fifty, losing what little outside world she had in her private school for rich and snobby foals.

She thought, and hoped, that maybe one of those foals would come by, say hi and let her join whatever they were doing. Tears started pouring from her once again. As if somepony would care...

"Hello!"

"MEEP!" She yelped, but didn't move from her place, too spooked to make any sudden movements.

"Sorry, I didn't meant to scare you," the white coated colt twice her size scratched his blue mane, smiling "but I saw you crying. Are you hurt?"

Moondancer swallowed. Her mouth opened and closed a few times without uttering a single word. Unable to answer properly, she shook her head.

"Are you sure? You're not lost? Did you lose your parents?"

That was too many questions. About three too many. With all the strength she could muster, she managed to make a single, relatively coherent response.

"I'm... fine."

The colt nodded. "Oh. Okay. Well then, I won't bother you anymore." He waved her goodbye and turned away to leave, walking away slowly.

Moondancer sighed with relief, glad he was gone... for about two seconds. She couldn't keep her eyes off of him, though she couldn't tell why. She noticed his cutie mark: a shield, with a big purple star inside and three smaller blues stars above it. Even though he was still young, he was already tall and muscular, especially for a unicorn. He looked like a knight, straight from an old fairy tale, except without any armor. Suddenly, he turned back and their eyes met for a split second, before she turned away, blushing. She tried not to stare back, but she couldn't help but take a peek every few seconds or so. Eventually, the stallion turned back to her and sat down before her.

"So hey, my sister and I were flying a kite. Would you like to join us?"

Moondancer's eyes couldn't have gotten wider if they tried. But even after the question she longed for all this time, she still had doubts.

I'm not supposed to talk to strangers! What if he foalnaps me? What if he's a bad pony? Mother warned me about big stallions that seem nice but want to hurt me. What if she was right? He's nice and handsome and kind and stuff. It's a trap! It must be a trap! Nopony would just care about somepony like me. I should run away! Apologize to mother and be a good filly!

She swallowed and looked at the smiling stallion before her. There's no way this could be true! There's no way.

But what if...?

Her breathing got harder than ever before, heart beating faster and louder, as the blue maned stallion waited patiently. If he put her on some sort of spell, she couldn't resist it anymore.

"O...okay." She answered weakly. The stallion nodded and extended his hoof, which she accepted as he helped her stand up.

"Awesome. My name's Shining Armor."

"M-Moondancer."

"That's a beautiful name."

Moondancer was pretty sure Princess Celestia did something to the sun today, because her face was burning.

The pair went back to where he was playing with the sister he mentioned before. Even though they were the same age, the purple filly already had her cutie mark. She looked at the colt with an irritated glare. "Shiny, where have you been? I finished all the calculations; with the right angle and steady acceleration, we should get this kite to... uh, who is that?"

Shining Armor gently pushed Moondancer towards his sister. The two fillies exchanged confused and/or scared looks.

"Twily, this is Moondancer. Moondancer, this is Twilight Sparkle, my Little Sister Best Friends Forever. I'm sure you two can become the best of friends." He smiled and went back to prepare his kite, while both fillies stood where they were, unsure how to react to the 'other' filly.

Meanwhile, back in Moondancer's home, a dozen or so hired muscles were assembled. They weren't the most skilled or qualified stallions she could get, but Mrs. Marble was desperate enough that she ended up hiring literally anypony she could on such short notice.

"You all know what to do. Find my daughter and bring her back, unharmed and safe. I don't care how many bones you have to break, yours or somepony else's. And even Celestia won't help you if something happens to my Moondancer! Is that clear?"

"YES, MA'AM!"

"Umm, excuse me," Moondancer tapped Twilight's shoulder, as the former was holding the kite in the air "can it be my turn?"

"You just had yours!"

"Twily!" Shining berated his little sister. "Don't be like that. Let Moondancer play too."

"But... but it's MY kite!"

"What did I tell you about sharing?"

Twilight muttered something, then levitated the handle to her new 'friend', who took it with a smile. Shining Armor was happy to see his little sister enjoying her time with somepony her age for once, when suddenly three stallions in suits approached them.

"There she is! That's the one!" One of them pointed at Moondancer. The filly in question dropped the kite, letting it fly away with the wind, instinctively hiding behind Shining Armor's legs. The colt noticed the scared filly and his eyes narrowed as he stood tall in between the fillies and the stallions.

"Beat it, kid! We're here for that filly!" Shining didn't respond to that, still glaring at the three. The stranger sighed and shook his head. "Look kid, she ran away from home and we're here to bring her back."

Shining looked at the scared little filly clinging to his hooves. "Moondancer, is that true?" The only response he got from Moondancer was her eyes closing and lowering her head. "Do you recognize these ponies? Do they work for your parents?" This time the answer was a clear head shaking. Knowing all he needed to know, he turned to the trio. "She doesn't want to go anywhere. Now leave us alone, or else."

The lead stallion, a tall, muscled earth pony, snorted. He walked towards Shining Armor and grabbed his shoulder with his giant hoof.

"Kid, don't think I'll hold back just because you're just a--"

SMASH!

The other two of the strangers had only split seconds to jump away, barely avoiding getting crushed by their colleague, flying like a giant boulder in their direction. They gasped with horror, seeing him lying on the ground, holding up his bleeding nose in pain and shock, cursing incoherently. They swallowed, then slowly turned towards the white unicorn colt, now wiping blood from his hooves on the grass.

"Twily, Moondancer, stand back." The two swallowed, walking a few steps away. Shining Armor's horn glowed and a small, purple dome surrounded the fillies. "Okay then..." he stretched his hooves and walked a few steps towards them "are you two getting away... or serious?"

From the magical, purple dome, Moondancer observed Shining Armor, as he stood firm in her defense. Like a true hero. Her own Knight in Shining Armor. Her face was getting hot again.

"This way, ma'am!" Mr. Push guided her employer. "I have reports that groups 1, 2, Alpha and Bravo found her."

"Then why aren't they bringing her back!?"

"There has been a... complication along the way."

"What complication?"

A few steps later, just behind the corner, she got her answer. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she saw... the battlefield. The green grass of Canterlot's park was filled with bodies, dozens of them. Some were lying on the ground unconscious, while the less lucky ones were still awake, moaning from the pain of their broken noses, joints, a few non-lethal stabs; at least one pony was hanging from a tree branch thirty feet away. Only a single pony was still standing and he was the only one she didn't recognize. This one was a lot younger, still a colt He had a messed up coat, all covered in bruises and cuts, bleeding from several of them, his face sporting a fresh, bulging pink eye. But what scared her the most, were the gritted teeth and those eyes, nervously shifting in all possible directions, as if shouting 'Anypony else wants some?', looking for more victims. She wanted nothing more than to run for her life and never look back. But then she noticed a small, purple dome behind him.

"Moondancer!" She yelled and was about to run at her, when the angry, feral unicorn got in her way. "Y-you..." She stepped back, but found enough courage to stand firm. "Give me back my daughter, you... you...!"

"Daughter?" Shining Armor muttered, then looked back to the dome he was protecting, where a certain, red maned filly wished she could bury herself in the ground.

She kicked the nearest unconscious pony, waking him and few others. "What the hell am I paying you lot for? It's just one colt!"

Her henchmen, however, had different things to say.

"H-he's a monster!"

"I don't wanna die!"

"One... punch..."

"M-mommy!"

"I'm not getting paid enough for this!" One said while running in the opposite direction, joined by some of the few others that still had enough strength in them to walk or crawl.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU BUNCH OF COWARDS! ARGH!" She kicked another unconscious pony, to both vent and maybe wake him up in hopes he had more guts than others. Before she could do it again, her butler stopped her and pointed at the dome.

"Ma'am, that other filly in the dome, I recognize her! It's Twilight Sparkle!"

"I don't care who that little twerp is!"

"Remember one year ago, when a little filly gave life to a dead dragon egg? On a test that wasn't supposed to be possible to pass?"

Few seconds after the mention, her anger weakened slightly. "Wait, she's the..." She took a better look at the filly she ignored up till now. She fit all the descriptions- purple, streak in her mane, cutie mark with stars. If so, then the berserking unicorn was...

"Leave my big brother alone! He didn't do anything bad!" As if on a cue, Twilight took this moment to yell.

Marble Magnanimity smiled. The little filly out there was Celestia's personal pupil. Which meant that Moondancer was never in any danger. And this meant there was a chance for something big. Since her mercenaries knew what they were getting into (and weren't even worth their price), she was going to brush it aside as collateral damage (they were insured anyway). This could turn to her advantage after all. But first, she had to take care of the wild card.

"Excuse me, mister big brother? My name is Marble Magnanimity and I am Moondancer's mother. It appears that there was a big misunderstanding. You see, she escaped from home after we had a... a fight over something minor. I sent these ponies to look for her, but it appears I chose poorly. Anyway, I came to apologize."

"Huh?" Moondancer raised an eyebrow, so did Shiny and Twilight.

"Moondancer, I'm sorry. I know I can be strict with you, but it's only for your own good. But even then, I went too far today. You're still my precious daughter and I should've shown you more kindness. So I promise, after all this is over, I will take you to the carnival." She smiled, then looked at the big brother. "And I know this won't be enough, but your two friends can come too. My treat. So, Moondancer, will you forgive your mother?"

Moondancer on her end was about to burst into tears. Everything that went wrong today, all of it could've been avoided if she was a nice, obedient filly. "I'm sorry, momma! I won't escape home again! I'll be a good filly, I promise!"

"And I won't keep you prisoner at home anymore, I promise!"

While still holding tears, Moondancer would've gone straight into her mother’s hooves, if Shining Armor didn't walk to the dome and blocked her view. Her eyes widened with terror, as she now had a close-up on Shining Armor's wounds. He looked at her with a blank, empty stare. His smile was long gone. All of this was her fault too, so even after he lifted the barrier, she didn't try to run. She deserved all of it.

"Is that... true?" He asked.

Moondancer lowered her face and closed her eyes. "Yes. I'm so--"

She stopped mid sentence, as she felt a hoof on her head. She expected a punishment of some sort. She wouldn't be mad if the nicest colt she ever met was angry at her and wanted to hurt her back. But she never expected a... gentle pat? She opened her eyes and slowly raised her head to look at him. The smile was back. It was very weak, but it was still shining brightly.

"Good. I'm glad... you're not... in... dan...ger..." Then he slowly collapsed on the ground, unconscious.

As she heard the two terrified fillies yelling in the distance, Marble Magnanimity fixed her glasses and turned to her trusted butler. "Call an ambulance for everypony. And if any Guards or Officials show up, tell them it was a big misunderstanding and send them to me for more explanations. Oh, and one more thing," she looked at the fillies, panicking over the older colt "call their parents, please. I would like to have a lengthy, 'friendly' conversation with them."

If I play this right, Moondancer will get the friend she always wanted AND get closer to Celestia. Win-win.

She allowed herself one more smug smile, before rushing to calm down the fillies.

Author's Note

The backstory will continue with next chapter.

Apologies to anybody who hopes this would be her cutie mark story or how she lost her virginity.

And for a throwaway character she was supposed to be, Moondancer's mother got a lot of characterization. That's what happens when you think too much of your world. I hope you enjoyed her involvement in the story so far.

EDIT: All props to Eyeswirl the Weirded for thinking of name for her.

24. First Spark

With all the commotion taken care of, Marble Magnanimity was able to get to the part of her plan she enjoyed the most. It involved tea, biscuits and some proper choice of words. Thankfully, Twilight Velvet and Night Light were a reasonable couple. Not only they didn't sue her for endangering the life of their firstborn, they thought it was appropriate to apologize for him beating up the hired help and offered compensation. She spent five minutes reassuring them that her 'bodyguards' knew the risk and that the insurance covered most of the bills. Those it did not, she made sure to take care of personally, without their knowledge.

Just a few hours ago, Shining Armor was beaten up, bleeding, unconscious and seriously injured; but here he was now, awake and functioning properly, other than being covered in bandages, band-aids and wearing a medical eye-patch. He didn't harbor any grudge towards anypony, just smiling and acting naturally as if nothing happened.

The same couldn't be said about the two fillies. Since this gathering started, both fillies sat quietly, looking away from each other. She made sure to put them close together, hoping they would reconcile on their own, which sadly wasn't happening. Moondancer's head was hanging low, she was avoiding eye contact with anypony. Once in a while her gaze went toward Shining Armor, but then went back to the table, and she covered herself in blush. Whether she had a crush on the colt, felt guilty, or both, was anypony's guess. Twilight Sparkle, however, was a different story. She spent the entire time crosshooved, adamantly glaring with contempt at anypony that wasn't a part of her family, her expression softening only when her eyes went for her brother. The few times she said anything, it was to chew on either Moondancer or Marble for hurting 'Shiny', but she stopped talking entirely after being shushed by her mother a few times.

She doubted she was able to calm little Twilight down by herself. Her bad mood wasn't doing her any favors.

"I'm sorry, girls must be getting really bored from all this 'adult talk'," she turned to her daughter "Moondancer, be a good filly and take Twilight Sparkle to your room."

"Yes, mothe--"

"I don't want to!" Twilight Sparkle yelled and turned away from everypony.

A loud 'thump' was heard, as a hoof smacked the table. Twilight Velvet raised her voice. "Twilight Sparkle!" This caught her daughter's attention, who looked at her with shock and fear. "I've had enough of this attitude of yours! We're guests at Mrs. Marble's house, show some manners!"

"B-but... Shiny..." She started, but her brother quickly interrupted her.

"I'm fine, Twily," he reassured her by flexing his front hooves, doing his best to ignore the sudden spike of pain that just hit him "it's just a flesh wound. You and Moondancer can go and play."

"B-but..." She stuttered, but looking deep into her brother's eyes was sapping all of her power to resist. She gave up and hung her shoulders. "Fine."

Marble nodded to her butler, and he took both fillies away from the room. As the door closed behind them, Twilight Velvet crossed her hooves and looked at her son with a pouty face.

"How come she always listens to him, but when I say something, she keeps on rebelling?" She asked nopony in general.

Her husband patted her on the back. "It's okay, honey. One day you'll have at least half as much authority." He said, earning himself an annoyed glare, as Marble and Shining Armor put their hooves to their mouths in a futile attempt to stifle their chuckles.

A normal walk from the dining room to Moondancer's room usually took less than a minute. But today, every step felt like forever. Mr Push kept looking back to the two fillies, but neither said a single word or even looked at the other, their heads turned as far in the opposite direction as possible without losing track of their lead. Both had their reasons to avoid the other and he could only sigh and hope for the best. Eventually they reached the room, which the butler opened for them and they reluctantly entered, Moondancer going straight towards her bed, while Twilight Sparkle stopped on her tracks, her eyes growing wide at the first sight that met her eyes.

"Wooooooooooow!" She exclaimed, amazed by the sight of a wall wide bookcase, filled to brim with hundreds, if not thousands, different hardcover tomes, bombarding her with titles and authors she only ever saw in the largest public libraries. She immediately rushed toward it and started checking one after the other, gasping and squealing all over, even trying to stand on her hind hooves just to have a better look at the higher shelves. She was just about to reach out to one of them, but a sudden thought hit her mind.

Wait, those books belong to...

She immediately retracted her hoof and looked behind her at the bed where Moondancer sat, turned away from her guest, ignoring her completely. Her eyes went back to the bookcase again. She hummed, wondering if it was okay to touch any of them. She was supposed to ask for permission to take somepony's belongings; but seeing as she'd rather die than talk to 'her', she sighed and walked away, facing the windows instead, trying not to think about the vast amounts of precious books at her hoof's reach.

She shook her head. I can get them in the library! Except the rare ones, like the first edition of 'The Prince and The Toad Queen', but I can live without it, even if I really want it! As she was trying her best to maintain her silent strike and not look at the treasure right next to her, she heard a silent, faint sound. She thought it was just her imagination, but it happened again, loud enough so she could identify it as... sobbing? She slowly turned to the only other pony in the room. Moondancer was still sitting the edge of her bed and Twilight could only see her back, as she was hunched over, her hooves at her face, trembling and trying to not make any of her sounds too loud.

Twilight's ears dropped.

The door to the dining room opened and a tall earth pony covered in bandages entered. Shining Armor's only healthy eye opened, as he recognized him. The bandage on his misshapen nose was a dead giveaway.

"Am I interruptin'?"

Marble muttered. "As a matter of fact, you are. Can this wait?"

"It'll only take a moment, ma'am. I'm just here to get our payment for today, then I'll be gone."

Marble was too tired to argue and just wanted to be over with it. "Fine. I'll go get my checkbook, don't go anywhere." She excused herself from the room, leaving the intimidating giant with the family. He waited a moment until he was sure Marble Magnanimity wasn't anywhere withing earshot, then walked toward Shining Armor. Their eyes met.

He cracked a smile "Don't worry kiddo, no ill feelings here." He laughed, as Shining and his parents sighed with relief. "I gotta give it to ya, that was some punch you threw there! I bet you can knock a princess out cold with one swing!"

Shining Armor scratched his head, smiling sheepishly. "N-no, it wasn’t anything special," he chuckled "And why would I punch the Princess?"

"Oh, my snout begs to differ," he pointed at the bandage around his face "many tried and failed. Yer a unicorn tough as earth pony, but with some sweet magic. Is there anything you're not good at?"

"Thinking!" Twilight Velvet and Night Light deadpanned simultaneously, making Shining Armor smile sheepishly.

The bodyguard laughed and waved a hoof. "Ha, not really useful in this line of work anyway. Speaking of which," he produced a small business card from his vest pocket "I'm always hiring. I could use a guy like you!"

"Huh?" Shining Armor raised his eyebrow, though not to an extent his parents did.

"You certainly have what it takes to keep a pony safe from danger... unlike few of my less than competent employees!" He paused to give him a time to process that information.

He was about to say something else, but stopped when he felt chills go down his spine, and cold sweat started pouring from his entire body. He swallowed and turned towards colt's parents, his mother in particular. If he was to describe her current expression, 'glaring daggers' would be an understatement. It was more like 'orbital sun cannon'.

"O-of course, when you're an adult, with your parents permission, a-according to legal terms of employment, with generous salary, paid vacations and insurance!" As Twilight Velvet's eyes went from 'apply slow and painful death' slowly towards 'kill him painlessly', he leaned to Shining Armor and muttered. "I'm starting to see where you got your tenacity from! Yeesh!" He turned towards the angry mother again, smiling more sheepishly than before. Night Light rolled his eyes, abstaining from making a 'week long couch' worth comment.

Shining Armor gave his answer after a while. "Thank you, but I'm afraid I can't take it. My dream is to become a Royal Guard, so..."

The big pony blinked, then burst into laughter again. "Haha, go figure, the best ones go and work for the big guys! Or mares. Oh well, Equestria can sleep easy with you patrolling the streets!" He laughed again, playfully smacking the colt in the back, making him squirm from pain. "Uh, sorry!"

Still gritting his teeth, Shining Armor waved his hoof. "N-no problem!"

"Just so you know, some of my men are academy dropouts, not that I imply you'll be one too, or ex-guards. Keep that in mind, kid. You never know."

"Umm... thanks, I guess?" He scratched his head, wondering what it would be to end up as a guard to a single pony. It sounded like the most boring job in the world. He took a note to keep doing his best, so it would never come to this.

It was at that time that Marble Magnanimity returned, levitating a signed piece of paper. "There you go. You know where the doors are?"

The pony rolled his eyes and bowed. "Love to make business with you too, ma'am," he turned one last time to Shining Armor "Well then, good luck, kiddo. Long and bumpy road ahead of ya." He extended his hoof to him, which the colt gladly accepted.

"Thanks, you too. And again, sorry for beating up your men."

"It's in the job description," he waved his hoof, then offered a courteous nod to his parents as he walked away "somepony had to teach us to never let our guard down."

After the pony (Shining forgot to ask his name) left, Shining Armor felt a shiver go down his spine. He turned to see his mother glaring at him. "What?"

Twilight Velvet groaned. "I swear, if you weren't wounded right now, I would’ve smacked you," She stopped, hummed, then shrugged "Oh, who am I kidding!" She smacked her son in the back of his head. "You can take it!"

"Owww! MOOOM!" Shining cried, massaging the back of his head, which pulsated with more pain than all of his other wounds combined. "What was that for?"

"You know EXACTLY what for!" She groaned at her son, but stopped when she felt her husband's hoof on her shoulder. He shook his head at her, as if saying 'He's had enough, honey'. She sighed deeply, responding with a 'Fine, geez!' expression.

Marble snickered at the trio. "Please don't be too harsh on him, Mrs Velvet. He only did what he thought was right. If, heavens forbid, anything were to happen to my daughter, I wish a pony like him was by her side." She sent a warm smile towards the colt. Shining covered himself in blush and turned away. "I wouldn't mind having somepony like you nearby, full time. I've been known to be quite generous to my staff."

While Shining Armor was getting redder by the second, Twilight Velvet coughed. "The only thing my son will be doing 'full time' for next few years, is finishing the school."

Marble rolled her eye. "I'm not saying right now."

Night Light put a hoof on his son's shoulder and smiled. "Not even in his senior year and you already have two job offers," a single tear ran on his cheek "you've done me proud, son!"

Twilight Sparkle was torn. Her brother was hurt badly, all because one filly decided to misbehave. It wasn't fair! She did something wrong, but he took all the beating! Joke's on them, nopony in Equestria (or even in the entire universe) was a match for Shining Armor! He was the strongest pony there was and he proved it many times. But even he had his limits, and despite just recently discovering her special talent in magic, she couldn't do anything to help him. All for a filly he didn't even know. A filly that lost their kite, no less!

She had all the reasons to hate Moondancer.

And yet she couldn't stop peeking at her, sitting on the edge of her bed, sobbing quietly. Whatever, it's not my fault! Twilight thought, concentrating on the view from the window, trying to find something to help her pass the time. If not for her, we would've been at home, reading, having fun and Shiny wouldn't be... She shook her head, trying to get that out of her head. Shiny will get better, like always! When our parents finish talking, we'll go back home and forget anything happened! Just a few minutes more...

Twilight waited. She glanced at Moondancer, but nothing changed. Then she looked at the door, wondering where the butler was. Wasn't that his job to take care of her? Should I go and look for him? She shifted nervously, as the faint noises did not stop. She looked at her once again, then sighed. She stood up and walked around the bed slowly, hoping she would stop before she got too close. Once there, her face paled. Moondancer quickly turned away, but not before Twilight noticed her face, full of both tears and snot, which she tried to quickly wipe and hide.

Twilight swallowed. "A-are you okay?" She asked, instantly wanting to slap herself for asking the stupidest question in the history of stupid questions.

Moondancer took her time with the answer. "Y-yeah..." she said, in the least convincing tone possible, stuttering over what was supposed to be a very simple sentence "... I-I-I'm f-f-fine, I'm, uh, I j-j-just, just... so-something g-g-got in m-my e-eye, t-tha... that..." She bit her lower lip, as more tears started gathering in her eyes. "N-no! No I'm not fine!"

The dam finally broke.

"I-I was mad at mother because she promised to take me to carnival if I got a perfect score but I didn't... so I yelled at her and I was so angry I ... so I ran away, b-but then I didn't know what to do and I was scared, because she would get mad at me and yell and then, then, then he talked to me and he was nice, and handsome and like a prince from fairy tales so I went with him and I had fun but... but... but then he got attacked because I didn't say anything! If I said something, he wouldn't be hurt and e-everything would be okay, but n-now... everypony hates me because I'm a bad filly!" She burst into a crying fit, before burying her face into a pillow.

Twilight looked at the crying filly and she couldn't help but tear up as well. She swallowed, then opened her mouth, then closed, unable to think of anything to say. She climbed up the bed, sat next to Moondancer and said the first thing that came to her head.

"Shiny doesn't hate you!"

The sobbing continued for a moment, but slowed down. Twilight coughed and continued.

"If he hated you, he would say so. And he wouldn't talk to you if he didn't like you!" She scratched her head, blushing a little. "And I don't hate you either," she paused, as Moondancer turned her head in her direction, lifting one eye from the tear soaked pillow "I'm still mad at you... but I don't hate you. I don't even know you." She swallowed again. "And I'm sure your mother doesn't hate you either. I-I mean, my mom sometimes yells at me when I do something bad, but... but she said that all mothers love their foals, no matter what. So, you know..."

For a moment, there was only silence. Moondancer returned to her pillow for a brief moment, before shaking her head and slowly sitting up. She turned toward Twilight, unaware that a single pillow, no matter how much expensive cashmere was woven into it, was not enough to clean her face of all the tears or snot, not to mention the messed up mane, with her ribbon gone and out of sight.

"Y-you don't?" She asked shyly. Twilight nodded. "But, Shining Armor..."

"He's been worse," she waved her hoof "today was not not even close to the worst."

After a sniff or two more, Moondancer found enough strength to smile. Twilight did so as well.

The conversation was going well. Her guests were enjoying themselves, happily sharing stories and anecdotes as if this was a reunion of some old friends. Marble had to admit, she was enjoying this little distraction more than she planned. Her viewpoint on ponies came mostly from interaction with her fellow nobles and she used to scoff at the idea of socializing with the middle class, if only because her own parents told her so. Then again, they were wrong way too often. She shook her head and fixed her glasses, remembering her original goal.

She waited for a moment when none of them were drinking anything, just in case. Then she struck. "I have a... confession to make," she said out of the blue "I did not invite you here just to apologize. I had a more... 'ulterior motive' in mind."

She withheld the desire to smile slyly, keeping a poker face on. The look on their faces was quite priceless. Their eyes widened in what was not quite terror yet, but a tense anticipation of one. She especially loved the reaction of Night Light, with a fork stuck in midair, afraid to take another bite of his cake. Step one, open with false sense of danger, check.

She feigned an exasperated sigh. "Ever since this whole mess started, I can't help but blame myself for it," she held her hoof up, stopping anypony from trying to interrupt her "Moondancer wouldn't try running away from home if I wasn't so strict and stubborn. I've been expecting nothing but perfection from her, even though she's only a little filly," she turned away and added with whisper like tone "I can't help but feel that I failed as a mother."

A longer moment of silence filled the room, as the uneasiness caused by terror has slowly turned into an uneasiness caused by pity. As much as she hated being pitied on, this one time she didn't mind. After all, that was her plan all along. Step two, gain their sympathy through self pity, check. She didn't even have to lie on this one, seeing as what she said wasn't far from the truth. Twilight Velvet and Night Light exchanged stares, before smiling warmly at Marble.

"Moondancer is your first foal, right?" Velvet asked, receiving a nod in response. "As a fellow mother believe me, saying such things proves that you are not quite as bad as you think you are. We all make mistakes..." she sent another glare to an already ashamed Shining Armor "...but no matter what, we love our children more than anything in the world. What's truly important, is that you're willing to learn from this incident. The fact that you invited us here to apologize is proof enough." She offered her another warm smile, which made even a stone cold mare like Marble Magnanimity blush. "We've met your daughter. I'd say you did your job pretty well."

If Marble was blushing before, now she was turning completely red. She anticipated them saying something like this and she was ready, but for some reason, she was still speechless.

Night Light nodded. "I agree. For all her faults, my wife is a very good judge of character and I trust her instincts."

"Faults?" Velvet shot him a glare. "Really? Do you have to ruin every moment with stupid remarks?"

"What do you mean ruin? I just complimented you!"

"By talking about all my faults?"

"I didn't talk about any of them... yet."

"Yet?"

"I could tell everypony about how you can find something wrong even when complimented."

"Go on then. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were enjoying our couch!"

"At least then I won't have to listen to your whining!"

"I'm not whining, I'm complaining! If you want whining..."

"Moooom! Daaaad!" Shining Armor jumped up from his seat, his face covered in deep red blush. "You're embarrassing me!"

"WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU!"

Marble Magnanimity. The stoicism personified. The cold blooded, no-nonsense businesswoman. Currently, covering her face, trying her hardest not to let the mad giggling out of her system.

Things were looking up regardless. Moondancer slowly composed herself, levitating a box of tissues to clean herself to the best of her abilities, while Twilight sat on her bed, scratching her head, looking around for anything to break the awkward silence in the air.

"So..." she started shyly "are those books yours?"

Moondancer took a second to answer. "Uh, yeah."

"Okay," she nodded, turning her head towards the shelf "I wish I had that many cool books. Then again, I wouldn't be able to put them in my room, it's too small."

Moondancer nodded, trying to imagine how small her house had to be, if even a small shelf like that wouldn't be able to fit in it. She wondered what Twilight's reaction would be if she saw their private library room, which was at least twice as big as her room, with nothing BUT tomes everywhere. She observed Twilight Sparkle, her eyes glued into the certain wall.

"Y-you can read them," she proposed shyly "if you want to."

As expected from anypony who knew her, the purple filly beamed at Moondancer, her eyes and smile growing in size at least twice fold, if not more. "R-really?" She asked, closing her face towards the now spooked and confused host.

"Uhm... yeah, sure. I don't even read them anymore, so, uh, you could take one home, I guess..." she stopped upon a sudden realization. Yes, ponies mouths CAN stretch that far when met with positive news. She certainly wasn't ready for the face full of happiness she was assaulted with right at that moment, as if she had just appointed somepony to become the Princess..

And then it happened. A moment she wasn't ready for. She could only squeak in shock as Twilight Sparkle lunged and hugged her.

"Ohthankyouthankyouthankyou!" With each word spoken, the embrace tightened, to the point Moondancer's limbs went numb and her bones felt like they would crack any second, not to mention the fact that with her crushed lungs she couldn't breathe. Thankfully, before she sustained any serious damage, the other filly let her go and rushed towards the bookcase, excitedly lifting a book after another with her magic, arranging them in neat, large stacks, using some kind of sorting method that only she knew how it worked.

Meanwhile, Moondancer gasped for air and massaged her aching limbs, as her head was recovering from dizziness. It was a horrible experience! Is this how dying feels like?, she thought. She reached her forehooves to embrace herself to massage her aching body, but...

It's so... warm?

She couldn't quite figure it out. It was an awful, yet familiar feeling. Painful, but gentle. Something she hadn't experienced in... well, she couldn't quite remember, but deep inside, she knew that sensation. And now that it was gone, she felt cold once again. The more she thought about it, she wanted more. She had always wanted it, she longed for it without ever realizing what that desire was. She glanced at Twilight, who at that point created a big wall of books that was still growing. She wondered if there was something special about that purple filly, but the more she thought about it, it wasn't about her. It was about what she did. And while she wasn't going to say it out loud, she wouldn't mind having a little more of that. Except maybe a little bit softer, if she was allowed.

Moondancer's face suddenly covered in blush, as she quickly turned around and grabbed her head. Stop it Moondancer! What are you even thinking!? Behave, or else... or else... Or else what? It's just a hug! It's not like those things they warned us on those pamphlets in school. But still...

Before she could argue with herself even more, she was interrupted by a loud gasp.

"OH. MY. GOSH!" Twilight almost exploded from happiness, barely holding another tome with her magic. A tome that Moondancer didn't recognize at all, yet it made Twilight Sparkle sequel in delight. "It's 'Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone'!" She then let out a sequel so high pitched, Moondancer had to cover her ears, while a flower pot nearby shattered. "I didn't even know it was out yet! It wasn't supposed to be in stores for two more months (my parents already pre-ordered it for me), so why do you...?" She opened the cover and found the answer to her question.

For Moondancer.
As I enjoyed writing it,
I hope you enjoy reading.

For my newest fan,
A.K. Yearling

"Wow, you have a signed pre-release copy! I heard those cost a fortune!" Twilight swallowed, gently putting the book on a stable stack of tomes, making sure to treat it with respect only reserved to first editions, ancient tomes and Princess Celestia (not necessarily in that order).

Moondancer thought for a moment, slowly recognizing this book as her birthday present. She found it wrapped on the table after the fight. She had only ripped out bits of it to confirm that it was yet another book, before tossing it on the floor in frustration and escaping in a fit of tears. Only thing she ever spends with me, is money. But still, I probably shouldn't throw it. Maybe if I give it to Twilight she'd...

"Is it as good as they say?"

"W-what?"

"Daring Do! Is it as awesome as the reviews claim? It's not overrated or anything?"

Moondancer shrugged. "I didn't read it yet."

"Y-you didn't?" Twilight blinked, trying to comprehend this sentence, before shaking her head and accepting that some ponies think different. "Do you want to read it?"

"N-now?" Nod. "T-together?" Another nod.

Moondancer swallowed, but then slowly nodded as well. This made Twilight happy, as she climbed up the bed again, carefully levitating the book along with her, placing it in front of them, opened on page one. She tapped the spot right next to her, inviting Moondancer to join in.

"Let's switch after each page. That's how I always used to read with Shiny..." her smile weakened slightly "before he started playing hoofball. With his new friends."

Moondancer looked at the empty stare from Twilight Sparkle. Gone was the happy, smiling filly that almost crushed her bones from sheer excitement less than few minutes ago. She finally shrugged and joined her next to the book. Noticing her, Twilight immediately perked up and began reading.

Marble Magnanimity liked to think her subtle manipulations worked like a charm, just like every time she made a business deal for her company. At least she wanted to believe that, because otherwise it would mean that asking two parents to let her daughter become a friend with hers would be simple. It shouldn't be this easy to make friends with Twilight Sparkle, a smart, powerful, pupil of Celestia, with no useless friends around. That was almost a perfect image she could have for a filly her age (and she doubted there were any foal princesses around). If Moondancer wanted company, she was getting the best one there was, not like those snobby foals from her current school (maternal mistake #36, but who's counting?). The kind that would help her grow; push her towards greatness; fill with more ambition. In theory.

"Don't get us wrong, Mrs Magnanimity..."

"Just Marble will do, Mrs Velvet."

"Velvet will do. We're not opposed to seeing Moondancer more in the future, but we can't exactly force them to become friends. It has to happen on its own."

Marble rolled her eyes. Yeah, right, and I'm still married. "I understand your concern, Velvet, but our daughters are just foals. And as most foals, they don't know what's best for them yet. It's our job as parents to guide them. Even if we have to shove them in the right direction, once or twice."

"Not that I disagree completely, Marble, but I'm not sure what your definition of 'shove' is."

Night Light joined the conversation. "I think Marble has a point," he said, earning himself another half-irritated 'wanna couch tonight' glare from his wife. "I'm happy that my daughter has a strong drive to learn and discover new things, but at the same time, I'm worried she'll waste her childhood with no friends. Especially since Shiny started playing hoofball recently."

Shining Armor looked around, then shrugged. "I'm... sorry?"

"And Cadance can't foalsit her everyday."

Marble raised an eyebrow and asked. "Cadance?"

"Her foalsitter," Velvet answered with a smile "she's a lovely young lady, really smart and great with foals. If you ever need a foalsitter, I highly recommend her."

"Thank you, but I don't think it'll be necessary." Not when I have a mansion full of servants. Some random teenager won't do me any good. Other than the one right over here, at least. Idea! "Back to the matter at hoof, why won't you ask them?" She turned towards ~~the unstoppable killing machine~~ Shining Armor. "They both respect you a lot."

Shining Armor took a moment to smile, then answer. "No. That won't be needed. I'm sure they will get along just fine without us."

"What makes you think that?"

"Just a gut feeling."

"Why don't you see for yourselves?" A male voice suddenly said something, spooking everypony in the room, mostly Shining Armor and Night Light. They turned to see a pony they recognized by a name...

"Mr Push, please don't scare my guests."

"My apologies."

Shiny and his father looked at the family butler, standing in the middle of the room, appearing out of literally nowhere. "How did you do this?" Night Light asked.

"I am but a humble servant to my lady. I'm only around when needed, away when not. It is a butler's way of life."

Shining Armor and Night Light beamed. "Cool!"

Velvet and Marble rolled their eyes. "Boys!" Noticing they said so in unison, the mares giggled at each other.

Going by the butler's advice, they soon reached Moondancer's room, witnessing two fillies lying on the bed, side by side, excitedly reading a book together, gasping, laughing and getting excited together.

Well, he was right again. I guess I need to start trusting his instinct.

Marble wasn't the only one happy to see that. Velvet and Night Light nuzzled each other, watching happily as her daughter was playing with her newest friend. Meanwhile, Shining Armor allowed himself to smile smugly, fully justified in his confidence. It took the fillies at least several pages before they noticed the adults staring at them, at which point they both panicked.

"Oh no, is it already time?" Twilight said in a panicky voice. "B-but we're only halfway through!"

"One more chapter, please?" Moondancer jumped up and looked at the gathered adults. "We need to know what happened to Daring Do!"

"She's stuck in the temple..." Twilight added, joining the Moondancer by the side.

"...and there's snakes!"

"She hates snakes!"

"All she has is her hat..."

"...but her wings are broken..."

"...but even if they weren't, she's tied to an altar..."

"...and there's sand falling everywhere!"

At this moment, all the adults knew exactly what was going to happen and what to do to avoid it. The fact that they didn't was all their fault.

"Pleeeeaaaaaaaaseeeeeeee?"

One set of large, beady puppy eyes was enough to make an adult cringe and fall back. Two of them, side by side, had enough cuteness factor to bring back Discord from his petrification, only to then give him a heart attack, reform him good for two seconds before he collapses and dies from diabetes.

"HNGHHHH!" They all grabbed their chests and collapsed on the ground.

Moondancer's eyes went wide and she was about to panic, if Twilight Sparkle did not distract her with a loud facehoof. "Ugh, not again!" Earning herself a confused look from the other filly.

Some time later, after the adults recovered from their heart trauma, the pleading continued, though this time without any dangerous techniques or casualties. Marble, not used to such trickery, took some time off in the distance, as the rest tried to explain that they weren't leaving yet, though it was hard enough to say anything to the pair of, apparently, two new best friends in the world. She smiled, as all her worries went away and her goal was pretty much accomplished. Now all she needed was something to cement that relationship. Something that would forever connect the two. Something simple and innocent.

"Milady..." Mr Push leaned toward her and whispered a few words of wisdom. Her ears perked at the idea. She smiled and turned to her butler.

"Mr Push, you just earned yourself a raise."

"Your kindness knows no bounds."

Marble once again fixed her glasses and used her new found secret weapon.

"Why not let her stay overnight?"

That bit of news was met with several gasps, though some louder and cheerier than others.

"Mom, dad! Can I stay? Can I? Can I?" Twilight Sparkle was beaming, jumping on her new friend's bed before her parents.

"Can she? Please Mrs Twily's mother and Mr Twily's father! Can she? Please?" Moondancer wasn't far behind.

"Uh, I don't know..." Velvet scratched her head, unable (and unwilling) to say no to two fillies that almost accidentally killed her a minute ago "...it's a little sudden!" She turned to her husband, but he could only shrug, feeling just as helpless. "Alright, fine, you can stay! I can't say no to that face."

The look of joy on both fillies faces was more than enough of a reward for all that both families had to go through to get there. The two fillies beamed with excitement, jumping on the bed, planning which books and toys they would play with this evening, once they were done with Daring Do. While Velvet and Night Light were busy trying to get them under control and try and enforce the usual 'be good' rules mothers were known for, Marble sighed with relief and smiled, happy to see her daughter's smile. She hasn't seen her this happy and bright since... she couldn't tell, but it was a long time ago.

You're welcome, Moonie.

She approached the fillies for one more news. "And don't think I forgot about today's promise. It's a little too late now, but tomorrow I am taking you to the carnival!" She turned towards Shining Armor. "Of course, you're welcome too."

Shining Armor blushed slightly and turned away. "N-no thank you. I'll just stay home and, uh, rest."

Marble eyed the colt for a moment, them shrugged. "Suit yourself." He's cute. If only he was twenty years older.

Now it was Moondancer's turn to make the biggest grin on her face. "REALLY? Oh my gosh! I got a book, a new friend AND carnival?" She squealed, much like Twilight Sparkle did before. "This is the best birthday ever!"

All of a sudden, a cold silence fell into the room. Moondancer's fit of joy was cut short, as she noticed all the members of Twilight's family suddenly turn pale as their jaws drop.

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?!"

Moondancer and Marble raised their eyebrows and exchanged the same exact 'you didn't tell them/her?' look on their faces, before shrugging and letting out a chuckle.

I knew I forgot about something! Both mother and daughter thought.

Author's Note

I bet you won't believe that I started writing this chapter WAY before Amending Fences aired. Like I said, it's just pefect coincidence.

If you ever wondered why Twilight almost never complains about Moondcer's huggabilities, it's because she caused them. :twilightsheepish:

Origins of Shimmering will be revealed some other time. Next week, Q&A!

Q&A Part 2: 4th Wall isn't THAT fragile, you know

"Hello everybody and welcome to another installment of..."

"Sunny!"

"Moony!"

"Twily!"

"Q&A!"

"I hope they're enjoying that intro, because it's starting to get old."

"It's the third time we did this."

"And it's already getting on my nerves."

"What's NOT getting on your nerves?"

Creepypasta Pinkamena asks: #askmaresketeers
Sunset, as a necromancer, you have some potential to being a excellent zombie horder. (granted I know a nercomancing sorcercer and the feeling is not mutual with that guy. never try to make deals with that guy or it'll backfire less then 10 seconds. sorry I can't say his name. another time for another place) I was wondering how come you didn't burn those annyoing stallions at the beach with some cold flames? Yea there were a lot of witnesses at the beach and could possibly have you having another 'talk' Princess Sunbutt but eh...some piece and quiet could be worth it. Awesome flames btw :pinkiehappy:

"Ugh, knowing some spells doesn't make you a necromancer! Also, why would you mention some other guy if you don't feel like elaborating on it? Even if I wanted to make a deal with him, I don't even know who 'he' is. What are you now, a prophecy which tells us NOTHING because it's vague for the sake of being 'mysterious'? What is so hard about words that humans don't seem to use them?"

"Sunny," Moondancer put a hoof on her shoulder and looked her in the eyes "take a deep breath. Then out. In. Out." Surprisingly enough, after rolling her eyes, Sunset Shimmer did exactly what she was asked, until she was finally calm. "okay, now proceed."

"Ehem, as for your second question, I didn't burn..."

"Cold flames doesn't burn living tissue."

"...those idiots because the only sin they committed is being complete morons. Which isn't illegal, sadly. I can get away with beating up thugs or criminals, but try explaining hurting innocent ponies to guards, or worse, to Princess Celestia. I'm stepping on thin enough ice as I am."

Moondancer. You and I could have hug time sometimes. %100 sure it would lead to something else because you're Moondancer :pinkiecrazy:

"Not a question, but sure, just call me. But I do take slight offense over the latter statement. Not every hug time ends with sex, you know. I hug Sunny and Twily all the time and nothing happened so far. Am I right, girls?"

"She's right. Twilight is still a virgin."

"Oh for the love of... this again? I refuse to continue this stupid conversation!"

"Sorry, can't hear ya. I'm too busy being better than you."

Twilight, If a stallion, nice or nerdy or buff or watever, comes up to you and asks if you want go on a date or go out for drinks, there is a 99% percent chance they've been with moondancer. Just sayin. Praise the Sock :twilightsmile:

"Once again, not a question. And yes, we are all aware of that. Praise the Sock!"

"PRAISE THE SOCK!"

D48 asks: #2cool4hashtags (what, someone had to do it :trollestia:)

"Haha, very funny. Next!"

"Sunny!"

"What, they can be smart-assses but I can't?"

To Moondancer: Have you ever managed to get either of the other two to go on a date? I feel like they could really use some help on that front because Twilight is completely oblivious and Sunset is homicidal insane unique.

"Nope. But you know how I am, I don't give up that easily! Or ever!"

"Joy..."

To Twilight: There is a colt in your class named Red Hope. Go ask him if he wants to go on a date with you.

"Not a question, and uhh... no thank you. I'm sure he has better things to do." Pause" "No snarky comments this time?"

"Nah, too easy."

To Moondancer: Have you ever tried hooking up with Celestia?

"Uhhh, not really. Don't get me wrong, she's great, and pretty and I'm sure she could teach me a thing or two (maybe three?), but... I dunno, she's a little too..."

"Intimidating?"

"Out of your league?"

"Too powerful?"

"Too old?"

"...motherly. She's like a family to us, it just wouldn't feel right. Though, I'd be lying if I said I never had a special dream or two..."

"NEXT!"

To Sunset: How many ponies have you killed, and what was the most ridiculous reason you had for killing somepony?

"None. I have standards."

To Moondancer: Have you ever heard of changelings, and if so have you ever given thought to what you could do if you ever ran into one?

"Hmmm, having my very own changeling buddy sounds like a dream come true!"

"NEXT!"

"At least let me finish!"

"I'd rather not--"

"See, changelings feed off of love, which is an infinitely renewable resource. The only thing that stops them, is prejudice, dishonesty and bad communication, mostly on the ponies behalf. I'm pretty sure we could come up with some compromise, to have them settled in pony cities, in exchange for some services, which I'm pretty sure they have plenty to offer. With shapeshifting alone they could be great actors, to name one thing. But alas, they're treated as simple villains, even though they're only goal in life is to survive. What if they're simply misunderstood, is what I'm getting at. At the very least, we should talk to them, if we could find any. They're kinda good at hiding."

"Huh, that was surprisingly uplifting."

"They're living beings, they deserve a chance for happiness. And that's not even mentioning what they could do in bed, if you know what I mean?"

"NEXT!"

"I could have him (or her? It?) turn into some celebrities! Or Princess Celestia, which wouldn't be creepy since it's just an image..."

"NEXT!"

"...or make him turn into Sunny or Twily! Ooh, can I have two? That would be awesome!"

"NEEEEXT!"

Whiteeyes asks: #askmareskateers So, Twilight, the first two questions are for you.

1) How do you feel about you brother being an EoH? Excitement, resentment, worry,you're not sure?

"What's EoH?"

"Emblem of Honor?"

"Ember of Hope?"

Group shrug.

2) If you had to pick, who would you prefer to become an alicorn: Sunset or Moondancer?

"Hmmmm..."

"Really? How is that even a choice?"

"Hey, what is that supposed to mean!?"

"What I mean is, we don't need an 'Alicorn of Fertility', thank you very much!"

"Hey, I can do more stuff than bang! Besides, I always use protection, so your analogy is far off."

"Well I certainly don't see a problem with fillies idolizing an 'Alicorn of Casual Sex'."

"Like 'Alicorn of Firey Death and Destruction' would be any better!"

"I don't kill ponies!"

"Fine, then 'Alicorn of JUST Firey Destruction!"

"Slut!"

"Brute!"

"Nymphomaniac airbrain!"

"Raging She-demon!"

"Pass."

Sunset Shimmer.
1) What are your thoughts and opinions on the current political situation in Equestria? What work and what near to change?

"We had about one thousand years of peace and prosperity, with our biggest problem being noble dimwits trying to outwit Princess Celestia and her taking none of that. I'd say Equestria is doing just fine."

"I think the reader was trying to ask a question about your origin or your parents."

"I already said I don't want to talk about it. And even if I did, who said I agree with them?"

2) If you had to kill either Twilight or Moondancer, which would you kill?

"Moondancer."

"Geez, color me shocked."

And finally for Moondancer.
1) Why so much banging? You don't even get to know them first (see the gay couple you thought were twins as reference), or after now that I think about it. So why?

Blink.

"...I don't understand the question."

2) If you had to choose one of your finds, either Twilight or Sunset, who would you bang IF on top of that whoever you chose is the only person, regardless of species, you could ever bang from then on? And the other one is doomed to be a virgin forever.

"Oh, that's a very mean question! I hate choosing from my best friends!"

"I think there's only one correct answer and it should be me."

"WHAT?!"

"After all, there's only one pony here that could remain a virgin forever. Two hints: it's not Moondancer, and..."

"We get it! You can stop rubbing it in my face every two seconds."

"But that's the funniest part of this whole..."

"Q&A!"

"Why does it have to happen every time we say it?"

"So, this is just a hypothetical situation then? You're not actually agreeing to this now, are you?"

"Of course I..." Pause. "...am dead serious."

"You are?"

"Yep. Come and take me, Moonie. Right here, right now! Twilight, cover your eyes, this is too much for you to bear."

Moondancer had the biggest grin on her face... for about three seconds, before something hit her.

"Wait, what's the catch?"

"The catch is, that you better learn to love my horn with all your heart, because it'll be the most phallic object you'll be seeing, feeling and tasting for the rest of your life. Come on, I'm waiting."

Moondancer opened her mouth, but said nothing, while Twilight covered herself in blush.

"Darn! Well played, Sunny."

"Another score for the Sunbutt! I'm on a roll today!"

meerkat8472 #askmaresketeers Twilight, have you ever been on a date? Cause there are probably a bunch of guys out there who would really like to. Just saying.

"You have two guesses on that."

"J-just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean I haven’t been on a date!"

"Your brother doesn't count."

"B-but..."

"Nnnnnnnext!"

Don Swordspony #askmaresketeers Who is the 4th new member of the Three Maresketeers and why is she the mane character?
Also am I right in thinking that Twilight is Athos, Sunset is Aramis, and Moondancers is Pathos. Wait I guess that awnsers my first question and Trixie is D'Artagnan.

"Trixie? Why would she, of all ponies, become a Fourth Maresketeer?"

"You have to admit, she's been making more and more appearances since her original story... which somebody in the audience still didn't read, which is a shame, because it's a damn good story and you're missing out! Go, have a link, right here:"

CLICK THIS!

"Okay, rant over."

"Moonie has a point. Up until today, she's been the only member of the supporting cast that had a chapter, two actually, all for herself, without any of us."

"I was in the flashback in the second one!"

"Well, yeah, but it barely counts."

"Wasn't Princess Celestia in both of those chapters?"

"True, but she's more of a mentor figure than a fourth member. Trixie is more on our level and it wouldn't be unreasonable if she joined the mane cast full time."

"But then we'd have to change the title of the story to Sunny, Moonie, Twily, Trixie, which doesn't quite have that good of a ring to it."

"The original story of 'Three Musketeers' also didn't mention the fourth one, even though he was the main character, so to speak."

"So, is she joining us full time, or what?"

"I think saying it right now would be considered spoilers, but..."

"But what?"

"... you girls do realize that dorm room is supposed to have four ponies, right? Just saying."

The Real McCoy asks: #askmaresketeers

Are any of you familiar with the multiverse theory? Or, is that not a theory in your world? And, if it is a theory in your universe, would any of you ever like to visit the other universes?

"Of course we're familiar with it. We even had a class on it."

"Oh, oh," Sunset raised her hoof, unaware that readers can't see it until I mention it "guess which of us three got the highest score? I'll give you two hints: she's not a virgin, and not a nymphomaniac!"

Twilight facehooved. "You'll never stop, will you?"

"Nope. So suck it up, loser."

"Well, back to the question, it's not that I don't want to believe in them, but it's all theory, with no real means of transporting or even spitting what it might look like and not even Princess Celestia has magic powerful enough to achieve it. I can't really support it."

"Sparkle, you do realize we're fictional characters, based on a children's cartoon in another world, written by some guy on a slow day at work, answering questions of some random viewers, right?"

"I mean in the context of the story! We're stretching this 4th wall thing enough as we are."

"Moondancer, why are you so uncharacteristically quiet?"

"I've been thinking..."

"Uh-oh..."

"See, I've been having some weird dreams lately."

"Dreams? What kind of?"

"Mostly about you two... no, they're not erotic, for once! I've seen Twilight, living with Spike in the library..."

"Sounds about right."

"... but not in Canterlot. Somewhere else, though I'm not sure where exactly. And she had a bunch of friends with her! But here's the weird part: I've also seen Sunny, but she was... different."

"Different how?"

"Well, for one, she was... well, a human."

"Human?"

"Yeah. And she was going to school with other humans and she had a few friends there, though I don't quite remember any of them. But you were in a band!"

"By a band, you mean...?"

"Musical. Soft rock, pop, something along those lines. You played a guitar."

"Me? With a guitar?"

"And you were a lead singer! A very good one!"

"What about you? Did you see yourself in those dreams?"

"Yeah, I did." Pause. "I think."

"What do you mean, 'you think'?"

"Well, 'I' was wearing a gray sweater and thick, reading glasses, taped in the middle!"

"The alternate you didn't wear contacts?"

"Nope. And my mane, it was... ugh, I can't even begin to describe how much that mane style bothered me! Who in their right mind ties their mane on top with a rubber band!? I wanted to go there and rip it off! Ugh, such a crime against fashion!"

"So, I'm assuming there were no colts to bang around you, then?"

"Not that I saw any."

"Well, at least now we know it's all just bullcrap fantasy world."

"I know, right! But I know there's no way any of this was real, in any possible reality. Do you know why?"

"Your abstinence is kind of a dead giveaway."

"That too. But what I really meant, was that the three of us weren't together. Which in my books is about the worst possible world to live in and I doubt any cosmic entities would allow for such crappy world to exist."

Twilight and Sunset looked at each other, then back to Moondancer, both shrugging, while trying to hide their small blushes.

"She's not entirely wrong, I guess."

"And seriously, me? A human? Moonie, you need to stop snacking before bedtime. You're weird enough as you are."

Also: Moondancer, what does it mean when ponies say that ponies bodies don't bend like that when they're talking about your 'extracurricular activities'?

"It means that you guys are lucky you only ever see the text. Me? I got the whole picture and believe me, it's not something you want to be your mental image every time you close your eyes, ugh! Though knowing some of you guys, you'd probably get off of it anyway."

"SUNSET!"

"What? This shows attract all the weirdoes, not that I'm implying every single one of them is like that, but still! Who in their right mind finds some crazy, cartoony physics porn attractive anyway?"

"Actually..."

"I know what words you're gonna say and I'll have none of them!"

"No, what I meant to say..."

"Moonie, I swear, one more lewd comment and I'll strangle your neck, right here, right..."

"I have rubber ribs."

"...now and I'll make sure this becomes canon some--... wait, what?"

"I have prosthetic, rubber ribs. That's why I bend that way. Well, they're not EXACTLY rubber per say, but close enough."

Long pause.

"Excuse me, WHAT?"

"Back when I was a filly, I was once hit by a runaway cart. I'm lucky I survived, but most of my bones were shattered and broken beyond repair. Which is a good thing my mother is super rich and influential. She must've pulled dozens of favors and millions of bits to afford the surgery, but hey, it worked! Good as new, more functional and practically indestructible!"

"...what."

"That's what I mean when I say my mother only ever spends money on me. She's REALLY good at it!"

"Twilight, did you know that?"

"I was there when it happen, I couldn't forget it if I tried! I almost lost my best and only friend before my eyes and I couldn't even do anything!"

"Don't beat yourself over it, you did plenty! She was there for me, in the hospital. Before, during and after the surgery."

"Oh shucks, you don't have to tell them that!"

"She stayed in my hospital room and read me books, even when I was still in coma. They tried to take her back home, but really, try saying no to that face!"

"Ehehe."

"And she was the first pony I saw when I woke up. Imagine my surprise, when I lazily opened my eyes and the first thing I saw, was my bestest friend in the world, sleeping over my bed, her head buried in an open book. I didn't have the soul to wake her up. Or strength to talk, for that matter. But she was sooo cute when sleeping! Or awake. She still is."

"Moonie, you're ruining the moment."

"I strongly disagree with that statement."

The two laughed heartily over near death experience of one of them.

"Sunny, why are you so quiet?"

"No reason."

"Okay then. How about we go for one more, then we wrap up?"

"I'm not in the mood anymore."

"Wha-? Oh come on, Sunny!"

"To be fair, this has been going for longer than we planned."

"Bummer. Oh well, there's always next time."

"If you have any more questions, be sure to send them in the comments section and don't forget the hashtag!"

"The non-existing hashtag."

"It still works!"

Another pause.

"Sunny, aren't you going to whine about hashtags?"

"Or at least complain?"

"No."

"Well, somepony's a buzzkill. We still love you. Bye, bye!"

25. Moonbutts Unite, Part 1: Tricks and the City (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

"You are certain all will be well, Sister?"

It was ever to Luna's envy, even to smaller, saner degrees than in centuries past, that Celestia bore such a calm and confident exterior. "I am certain."

"I know I've not made public appearances or done any of leadership's heavy lifting since my return, but to hoist all of my duties upon yourself-"

"I can handle it."

"But did you not once delegate such-"

"Yes, and if need be, I can do so again."

"I, that..." Luna sighed. "I suppose that will-WAIT, what about the night sky?"

Rolling her eyes, Celestia offered an amused smirk. "For the next three days? Mine."

Dark-blue lips formed an angry pout. "You never get the northern stars right, it was a complete mess when I returned, but I could easily manage it from-"

"No."

"But-"

"No, I don't want you thinking about work even a little bit. I know you, Luna, you'd spend all afternoon preparing the moon and stars if left to your own devices, and that's not what a vacation is about."

Luna crossed her forehooves in grumpy fashion. "A second exile, you mean!" Luna, Moon Sky, had technically agreed to leave Canterlot for a short time, but the terms of the arrangement had complicated considerably when Celestia caught wind of this.

Throwing her head back, Celestia loosed a short, maniacal cackle. "Yes, and with you out of the picture for a whole three days, my secret plan to usurp the moon once and for all shall finally be completed!"

Luna was not amused. "'Tis no laughing matter, Tia! I have worked to establish a very particular-"

Giggling, Celestia indicated a nearby window. "I know. Look."

"Huh?"

"Outside. Did you notice that in the time we've been talking, I switched the sun and moon? How did I do?"

Racing over to the window, Luna pushed it open, eyes peeled and tongue ready to tell her sister each and every way she'd made an error with the many constellations... only to find none. The night sky was in perfect alignment, as though she'd arranged it herself. She turned to look back at Celestia in confusion.

Celestia smiled warmly. "I've studied your method closely since your return, Luna."

Touched, but still wanting to be angry for the whole forced-vacation thing she was rapidly running out of arguments against, Luna scowled. "You've been planning this for months."

The smile stayed. "Yes. What of it?"

Jaw drop. "Y-you... you can't just, aren't you even going to...?" There was no yield in Celestia's eyes, only that I've-already-won stare she still had after all this time. Luna sighed. "The bags are already packed?"

"Yep!"

"The coordinates set?"

"A pleasant little hotel in Manehattan."

"Do I have escorts?"

"Just the pony that invited you, and the other I should probably tell you a little about..."

Moondancer sniffled. "S-so, I-I guess this is it. I... I-I'm, I'M GONNA MISS YOU GU-"

The dorm room door slammed in her face, Sunset's voice muffled through it. "Nice try, Moondancer."

Twilight offered her muffled sentiments as well. "Yea, you're only gonna be gone for three days, why dramatize it?"

She could almost hear Sunset rolling her eyes. "Freebie glomps, Sparkle."

Moondancer sniffled. "S-Sunny! Twily! I already miss your biting remarks accompanied by well-timed eyerolls and adorably hopeless naivete respectivelee-hee-hee!!"

The two replied in unison. "GET GOING!!"

Moondancer would have kept this going for a few more tearful minutes, but she really needed to be catching that train. Besides, she was sure she could at least hug the others on the ride over!

She couldn't believe Sunset and Twilight weren't even a little interested in going to see her distant cousin, Fan Dance the big Broadhay star, performing in Manehattan! But there was no fooling, they really didn't care! Still, that gave the two of them a kind of extra-huggable shut-in charm, so it was lucky good ol' Moon Sky was in the cafeteria when Moondancer proposed the idea!

That was a good day, because her shyest classmate's ears perking up at the sound of 'Broadhay' were all Moondancer needed to see to know that if she offered her one of the two tickets Fan Dance had sent her family, she'd say yes! And she did! It was an adorably shy, hesitant yes, but still a yes! At least, once it had been explained that Marble Magnanimity wasn't interested in the trip and never remarried, and thus accepting wouldn't mean Moon Sky was taking a ticket from anypony else.

Moonbutt's such a considerate pony. I should hug her for that!

And then, she was double lucky in that Trixie was there too! She popped up from somewhere, there was no time to figure it out, but she seemed even happier about a trip to Manehattan than Moon Sky did! Trixie accepted the instant a ticket for a free ride was halfway offered, just barely stopping herself from paying for it with huggles up front. They were still in public at the time.

Darnit.

Well, there'd be time for that later. Three days in Manehattan with her two fellow Moonbutts! It was gonna be a blast!

Back in the dormroom, Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer did a rare thing. It was a rare, secret thing that they'd never mention when the action was complete, something coveted by many stallions (and a few mares) far and near, a show of intimacy the likes of which they'd not likely admit to in public any time soon!

They smiled at each other. Warm, earnest, friendly smiles. No words were really necessary, but Twilight wanted to record it verbally regardless.

"Three days."

Sunset nodded. "Three days, Sparkle."

They locked eyes, Twilight's beginning to shine with passionate delight. "Three days!"

"Yes," said Sunset with a giggle, looking right back at her, "three days."

Twilight couldn't help herself, sweeping Sunset up in a hug. "Three days!!"

Ordinarily, the fiery-maned sometimes-necromancer would never have tolerated this, but she understood the value of this occasion. Not that it stopped a little blush from spreading across her cheeks as she grinned. "Yea, yea, I know!"

Letting Sunset go, Twilight skipped merrily around the room. "Three whole days, just the two of us!" She hopped up onto her bed, her face the very picture of barely-contained excitement and glee as she barely resisted the urge to jump up and down on it. "I love Moondancer and all, and I know you do too, but now, we can do what we haven't been able to since... forever!" Not literally, of course. Not even close. It surely said something that Twilight could let her excitement override her need to use correct terminology.

"Yea," Sunset uttered softly, approaching the bed as she smiled up at her purple rival, "at long last..."

"We can both..."

"Finally..."

.

.

.

.

.

.

They beamed together, shouting. "FOCUS ON OUR STUDIES IN PEACE!!"

Twilight zipped over to the pile of books she'd prepared in advance as Sunset moved in perfect demonstration of a magic-free haste spell to her desk, quills and pages moving in a blur for both, going about their work in near-silence.

This was the life!

Moondancer, Moon Sky, and Trixie Lulamoon all stepped off the train at Manehattan, the first giving the last a slightly worried look. "You okay, Trixie? You were quiet the whole ride over."

Trixie wasn't looking at them, her eyes hidden by her hat as the air filled with a sense of anticipation. Moondancer and Moon Sky could see her start to grin, taking a long look at the city skyline before turning toward them, standing on her hind hooves, dramatically throwing out her cape, and starting to sing.

[youtube=ZcsZmxEYl6Q]

Oh, Manehattan, there's so much to see!

Trixie's fav-or-ite community!

Trixie walks here, with impunity!

And it just makes her want to sing!

As the singing showpony led on, her two companions quietly let her do just that while the three of them got into a taxi.

Hop on a cab and, see the town!

From the markets to Downtown!

Even if life's, gotten you down,

they're the best riiiiides a-round!

Trixie winked at the cabbie as they got off and he smiled appreciatively back at her.

"Welcome back, Miss Trixie!"

"Thank you!" She touched a hoof to the rim of her hat. "Would Trixie's usual fee be acceptable?"

The cabbie grinned with delight, fishing a camera from his bag in the carriage's luggage compartment. "Ready!" He got a snapshot of Trixie holding her hat in the air, cape billowing in a gust as she stood in the center of a colorful swarm of dragonflies. Moondancer had acted just quickly enough to don a pair of sunglasses for the photo, smiling widely as Moon Sky facehoofed.

Here in the city, the law is finally on my side!

Here in the city, they don't care who you are,

Just that all the rules, you abide!

Trixie smiled and waved at a cop pony in thick sunglasses as they walked by him. "Good day, officer!"

Not turning his head, he gave a little nod. "Staying out of trouble?"

"But of course!"

"Good."

Some, they say, "the city,

it's just an apathetic cloud.

There is no room for you,

this town's too cramped, and lo-ou-oud!

But Trixie sees another side,

if you can work the crowd!

When you take the stage, you're all the rage!

Trixie stands tall and proud!

"Trixie is referring to room in the entertainment business, of course, so many ponies vying for the spotlight at the same time in a place like this."

Moondancer nodded. "Yea, makes sense. It's like-"

In Manehattan, there's all kinds'a folks!

Moon Sky hesitantly joined in. Ponies in pants, ponies in cloaks…

Bet I can make them take those off-

Please stop these indecent jokes!!

"Aww, Moonbutt, you're no fun sometimes!"

Seeing their hotel up ahead, Trixie retook the song.

Here in the city, Trixie is free to fly, spread her wings!

Here in the city, it works for me,

Manehattan, I love, everything!

Everythiiiing!

The hotel clerk, Grace Manewitz, coughed once. "So, will you ladies be checking in, or...?"

Author's Note

Apparently, Eyeswirl once again accidentally took all the inspiration in the world and made a giant x parter (even I dion't know how long it'll be... nor does he, I feel)... while I struggle to write anything at all.

Either way, enjoy the long awaited Moonnbutt Saga!

26. Moonbutts Unite, part 2: No sleep 'till Broadhay (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Some ponies did not sleep easily. At least, not during hours in which they were accustomed to being awake. Moon Sky, even (forcibly) excused from her duties as Princess of the Night, was one such pony.

Have to make sure Tia isn't slacking off. Also, I'm hungry.

Learning that her bags had not been packed with full, substantial meals, but many varieties of cookie, had made for an awkward, embarrassing situation when she sought sustenance earlier in the evening. Not that Moondancer was not pleased that the three of them had 'scored free cookies,' but the curious look Trixie had given Moon Sky made her want to crawl under a rock and curl up into a ball.

Still, she was saved from damage to her nutritional intake by the existence of the 24-hour all-you-can-eat dining area near the lobby of the hotel. Fan Dance had not spared expenses in her invitation, a fact for which Moon Sky was most grateful as she made her way to the dining area.

It was sparsely populated at this hour, but there were a few fellow night-ponies like herself up and about, though at varying levels of grogginess. It was as she was looking over her options that Moon Sky heard the voice of a middle-aged stallion.

"Ey, which production you in, little lady?"

She about-faced. "What?"

He was a light beige with black hair, thinning a little on the top, but made up for in a bushy moustache. He was fully dressed, which was a little odd for a pony, but Luna understood that these were different times. He wore black pants and a white shirt with red suspenders, what she could see of his smile through the moustache friendly and welcoming.

"Which show," he asked, "which gig you set to sing in?"

Sing? "I-I know not what you mean."

He blinked, taking another look at her and letting out a short laugh. "Oh, my bad! Thought you were one'a the back-up singers for this week's shows, ya definitely got the look for it."

She was still confused, and possibly a little bit flattered. "Shows?"

He nodded once. "Broadhay." He extended a hoof. "I'm the director'a the shows runnin' in this town, and thought you were one'a the performers. Sorry fer the mix-up."

Heart did a backflip. "Broadhay?!"

"Yes," replied Brain, "the big, musical productions that make you go all-"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

"Yes, the fifth letter of the alphabet to an unreasonable extent, now calm down. We'll likely be seeing one such performance soon enough, so-"

"He thinks I look like a Broadhay singer!!"

"Okay, I'm taking over now."

Moon Sky quickly regained her senses. "It is no trouble," she said with a normal smile, "I am quite familiar with the business, and have attended many performances in Canterlot."

The director smiled. "That so? You had a chance to see the newest hit to the stage? The Tragedy of Nightmare Moon?"

Ah, yes, the only-partly-true story of my own demise and absorption by Nightmare Moon, made into song and dance for the enjoyment of all. It was too personal a matter that she not take it a little personally, so she only saw that particular production around four times. She had mixed feelings on Nightmare Moon's empowering villain song, but the opening theme of the second act was damn catchy!

"Yes, I am familiar. The use of orchestra whenever the black monster appears is both emphatic, and memorable, though the rhyming drunkard and the wailing midwife are perhaps overexposed in their roles as comic relief. It only took to the third appearance before their time on stage grew grating instead of working to relieve the tension."

The director blinked once. "Sounds like ya know yer stuff!" He chuckled. "Ya sure you ain't part of the show?"

Smiling a little with pride, Moon Sky shook her head. "No, but I am familiar enough with the material, I think."

"Hm." The director gave her a cursory glance before a flicker of a smile was seen at the corners of his facial hair. "'And so from on high, I shall look down...'"

"'To gaze upon what is to be mine,'" Moon Sky continued with a giddy smile, this part having given her chills every time, "'to be mine alone to see in daylight for the last time, for from this day hence, this day shall be the last! And the night, will last, FOREV-'"

She stopped, noticing that the other five ponies getting food at this hour were all giving her confused, wide-eyed stares, making her shrink back and turn red, offering them a sheepish smile.

The director just chuckled. "Tell ya what, shame yer not part of the show, I think ya'd fit right in!" He didn't wait for her reply, turning to leave. "Name's Show Time, by the way. I gotta get to gettin', but you take care, alright, little lady?"

Moon sky immediately focused on the nearest table of food, both to escape the stares still trained on her, and because she was still hungry. To relieve some of the tension in her mind at that moment, Heart was released from captivity, bounding and jumping and singing about having been confused for a Broadhay pony herself.

When she returned to the hotel room, Moon Sky found Trixie with her purple cloak wrapped around her like a blanket, sitting in the near-complete darkness and staring out the window that dimly illuminated the room.

Quietly approaching her from behind, Moon Sky could see that she was looking upward, her eyes on the stars. Celestia had done a good job tonight, it looked no different than how she'd have it.

Trixie spoke. "Nice night."

"Thank you."

Trixie quickly turned to her, confused. "Hm?"

"A-ah, I mean..."

"YOU IDIOT," cried Brain, "WE TRAINED FOR THIS!!"

She adopted a completely neutral face. "Thank you for sharing this thought with me. Yes, a nice night, it certainly is." Nailed it!

Trixie hmm'd for a moment, then shrugged it off, returning her gaze to the twinkling heavens.

This left an awkward silence, one Moon Sky elected to fill. "Do you make a habit of staying up like this?"

"Not exactly. You know how the light of each star is visible no matter where you are in that part of the world? How such a tiny stream of individual illumination can be seen to the same degree from so many angles? Their arrangement forming the whole of a larger, more beautiful image? Trixie appreciates that, the way light can be directed so."

"Hug her," demanded Heart, "hug her now!"

"No," said Brain, "she likely finds us odd already, and we do not want Moondancer's friends to relay such findings to her!"

Instead, a normal question, one that licked at Luna's vanity a little, but fit the situation perfectly. "You are fond of the stars?"

Chuckling, Trixie held her cloak-blanket a little more into the light, making its nocturnal patterns more vibrant and noticeable. "You could say that. We should sleep, tomorrow brings further adventure and wonderment!"

While she may not have quite held the same view of each new day, she couldn't help a little smile at Trixie's spirit as the two of them went to bed for the night.

Meanwhile, in Canterlot, things were peaceful and productive in the dorm of the top three students of Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns!

[youtube=uGjGu5Zc9J8]

Page by page, writing out a thesis...

Twilight wrote, working on her paper, so perfect,

making sure her sources were correct,

had her student record to protect!

Always gotta keep the essay focused,

if the paper rambles, A's are hopeless,

in silence, Twilight wrote!

Stroke by stroke, fussing on the details...

Painting runes, making sure the stars line with the moons,

Making a glyph prism was required,

if this focused power she'd acquire,

had to mind the intimate details,

else the spell matrix would surely fail!

In quiet, Sunset worked!

Some say, 'forbidden,' but they're just scared of the dark.

Sunset wasn't so spineless,

limits must be pushed,

and how else do you make marks?

One more page, she was nearing fifteen!

Quill and ink, would just one more hurt, you think?

Shuffling the papers left and right,

got to find the spot with the best light,

tapping with her quill to concentrate,

who cared it had gotten late?

Quietly, Twilight wrote!

Tap, tap, tap, pages turn,

Sunset's eyes, start to burn,

in the room, paper sounds,

hard at work, all night-

"Hey!!"

Looking over her shoulder at Twilight, Sunset ground her teeth together. "Will you quit tapping your quill?!"

Twilight sounded similarly irritable. "I'm tapping my quill to drown out your noisy breathing!"

"What?!"

"Normal breath should only reach around ten decibels, and yours has easily been in the range of fifteen!"

"In case you need a refresher on anatomy, breathing is something you have to do to stay alive without outside help, unlike shifting in your seat every other minute!"

Scowling as she turned red, Twilight spent longer than she would have liked to admit debating with herself whether to address the shifty-seat comment or the notion that she needed a refresher in anything.

Sunset cut her off anyway, holding her forehooves to her temples. "Auuurgh, I can even hear the gears in your head clanking together too loudly!"

This one, she could address right away. "They do not 'clank' together, my gears are part of a well-oiled machine!"

"Too bad that machine is so noisy!"

Twilight frowned. "Wow."

Her mouth opening and closing a few times, Sunset sighed and shook her head. "I, look, s-sorry, I just-" she quickly glanced around the room, "I think maybe we've been in here without interruption for a little too long."

With a quick glance at the clock, Twilight couldn't help giggling in mild embarrassment. "We probably should have gone to sleep a while ago, too."

Sunset smiled a little. "Ahh, who could sleep with all this noise?"

This made Twilight snort before giggling a little louder than before, Sunset trying to hide her own quiet laughter behind a hoof. Both started laughing louder when they saw the looks on each others' faces. Any peace in the room was shattered as Sunset rolled around on the floor and Twilight beat a hoof on her desk, both laughing wildly. Catching their breaths, the two looked one another in the eye and smiled, Twilight in her chair, Sunset lying on her back on the floor. Then both went limp, softly snoring where they lay.

Twilight slowly opened one eye, getting out of her seat and telekinetically lifting Sunset to her bed to tuck her in. "You should really be more careful," she whispered with a smile, "sleeping on the floor is bad for your back." That Sunset didn't reply with more than nuzzling her pillow said Twilight could be quiet just fine, thank you very much! Tickled a little by her surliest friend's peaceful expression, Twilight stifled her giggles (still quiet!), moved to her own bed, and closed her eyes.

Then she quickly sat up, scowling as she whispered to Moondancer's bed. "And this doesn't mean I'm into mares, so don't even-... Oh." Realizing she really had been up too long, Twilight flopped over and went to sleep.

Rested and ready to go, our heroic, moon-flanked trio set out on day two of their Manehattan adventure. The previous day had been long, the walk exhaustive, and the musical number that accompanied running all around the city to see the sights, while catchy, proved similarly draining. They set out, no sign of spontaneous song and dance to lift their spirits thus far, but-

"Moondancer," urged Moon Sky in an irritable tone, "please stop narrating the day." It was a little funny during breakfast, but enough was enough.

"Indeed! Trixie finds such orations far more effective after the fact, both because the forging of the tale is undistracted by its undertaking and because there is more time to find the most effective word choice to ensnare an audience."

Moondancer giggled, dropping her imitation of a movie theater voice. "Yea, yea, okay. Fan said in the letter that she'd be in the theater downtown this morning." She turned to her performer friend. "Since you showed us around yesterday, do you know the way to get there?"

Trixie smiled confidently. "Right this way, fellow moon-bearers!"

Huh.

For some reason, Moon Sky was actually surprised that they found themselves at the theater not ten minutes later. It wasn't that she wanted to doubt Trixie, just that she was accustomed to things not going to plan when Moondancer was around. Perhaps a little too much so, if it made her so untrusting. She kept these treasonous thoughts to herself as they walked through the backstage doors, soon greeted by a white pegasus with a wild, fiery-styled indigo mane in her dressing room.

She greeted them in loud sing-song. "GOOOOOOOOD, morn-in, everypo-ny!"

Trixie approved, more-so because they weren't in front of an audience and she wasn't obligated to upstage the singer here and now.

Moondancer smiled. "Hiya, Fan!"

Chuckling, Fan Dance smiled back. "Well if it ain't my fav-orite cousin!" That might not have been a long list, but she still meant it! That in mind, she frowned a little. "Your momma ain't comin', Moon?"

Moon Sky blinked, snapped awake by the sound of her name. Or alias. It was a tiny point of pride that she'd learned to identify herself by the lie so fluidly. "I-I, what, my wha-who?!"

Giggling, Moondancer wrapped a forehoof around her stuttering friend's neck. "Sorry to mess up our first-syllable naming thing, Fan, but this is Moon Sky, whose mother probably won't be joining us today either."

The second Moon turned pink as the actual, in-person Broadhay star giggled. At her! Luckily, a princess had the willpower to reign in unwanted squees.

"Well, no helpin' it, I guess." She turned to the lighter-blue mare in the purple hat and cape, part of her wondering if she was involved in tomorrow's show. "And who might-"

Grinning, Trixie threw out her cape with a flourish before extending a hoof. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is pleased to make your acquaintance!"

Fan Dance shook her hoof without batting an eye. "Cool."

Roping Trixie into what was now a group hug, Moondancer beamed, turning the group so that Fan Dance could see most of their flanks from one side. "And together, we are the Moonbutts!" Moon Sky tinted red and facehoofed, Trixie just nodded affirmatively.

"Well," Fan Dance said with a giggle, "I'm pleased as punch for you three and your butt-based bonding!" She turned so they could see her own mark; a feather fan with each immaculate, white down slightly splayed, as though waving in the wind. "Though I don't think I'll be getting my own Fanbutt group any time soon."

Moondancer grinned cheekily. "You're a big-time Broadhay star. You can't tell me your butt doesn't have fans."

The four of them were silent for a long moment before Moon Sky, wiggling her way out of the hug, touched a hoof to her chin in confusion. "What are you talking abo-OH!" She went wide-eyed and smiled. "Fans of-! As in-! And her cutie mark is-! And her name-!" She pointed at the still-smiling Moondancer. "I see what you did there!"

There was another short silence before Trixie started giggling, followed by everypony else, building into mutually contagious laughter. Moon Sky was surprised to find herself laughing so earnestly at such racy humor, but the wording got to her.

"W-well," said Fan Dance, wiping away a tear as she caught her breath, "it may not be as big a butt fan-*snrk*-f-fanclub as Sapphire Shores', but I guess it'll do." She produced three tickets from a purse resting by the vanity mirror. "My next show's late in the day tomorrow, think you all can make it?"

Accepting the tickets, Moondancer smiled. "Totally! Any chance we can do something together before then?"

Fan Dance smiled apologetically. "Sorry, Sugarplum, but I've got a lot to prepare for. Maybe we can kick back after the show? You wouldn't believe how many kinds of wine they have backstage!"

Then came the suggestive eyebrow waggle. "And how many kinds of stallions?"

"This is Broadhay," said Fan Dance in complete deadpan, "most the bucks involved are gay."

"DARNIT!!"

Walking out of the theater, Moondancer sighed, which made Moon Sky just a little concerned. "You are truly so troubled that there were not..." she wouldn't have blushed, but that damn memory of the time with the cloaking sphere thwarted her, "st-stallions?"

Smiling ruefully at her, Moondancer gave a half-hearted little giggle. "Nah, just a little bummed that we won't actually be around Fan all that much. Don't have a whole lot of family, y'know?"

For just a second, Moon Sky was nearly stunned. The sincerity in Moondancer's eyes, the downcast expression, it was another rare instance of Moondancer not looking like Moondancer, a peek beneath the mask of-

And then she smiled, eyes twinkling. "Besides, it's a big city, I'm sure there are loads of ponies we can have a good time with!"

Well, so much for that, thought Moon Sky, though she did at least admire her recovery speed. Then the statement sunk in. "I beg your pardon, but, 'we'?"

Giggling in earnest, Moondancer nodded. "Yep, if you're down for it, the three of us can-"

"Trixie will have to pass on this opportunity." She straightened her hat in a poised, dignified manner. "While nopony doubts your prowess in finding mates, Fair Moondancer, Trixie's only loves are The Stage, and the Fellow with the Fabulous Fetlocks!" There was a long pause. "That one sounded considerably more magnificent in Trixie's head." It was probably for the best that he wasn't present to hear it, actually, but that was why she tested these things!

Moondancer tilted her head a little, her expression curious. "You've mentioned this guy before, I think, but I don't remember a name."

"And while Trixie would love to regale you with his splendor, she must be off, for Trixie has not had a show in Manehattan in some weeks and now are peak performance hours!" She wrapped her cape around herself like as though imitating Count Dragallop and- "Farewell!" -vanished in a puff of purple smoke.

Author's Note

Eyeswirl's Notes: Text wasn’t colored for the song this time because nobody was actually singing. It was musical narration. Or something. Unless you were singing it? Then it’s whatever color you like! :pinkiesmile:

I had to stop myself from describing Fan Dance or giving her extra lines a few times, didn't want another case of Marble Magnanimity. Can you believe Moondancer herself was once just that pervy comic relief character? And that even that was based on what was, at the time, a faceless throwaway character from Season 1? Something about this family, I bet. :rainbowhuh:

Jetto's Notes: For how small her family is, Moondancer's relatives are all surprisingly easy to work with. I shudder if/when her biological father appears.

27. Moonbutts Unite, part 3: Sunny Side Story (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Princess Celestia had a strange job. But then, she had a strange life, in that it was so very, very long that she was more intimately familiar with deja vu than with any lover she'd ever had. The thought did nothing to distract from her boredom. Just as she'd told Luna, everything was quite handled, she'd prepared everything in advance so well that she barely had to lift a hoof today. She had nothing to do, just like she'd every time she managed to sort things out before their number came up, so to speak.

Am I periodically outsmarting myself? Freeing up time I have no idea what to do with?

That sounded like the kind of thing Twilight might have done, though she was more likely than Celestia herself to have scheduled something for these moments anyway. Or even scheduled something for unscheduled breaks in the schedule if something unexpected happened. On that note, she wondered what Luna was up to right about now. She'd been left with Moondancer and Trixie, all signs indicating that both were extroverts that might help pull 'Moon Sky' out of her shell a little more, which made her realize something:

With Moondancer in another city and playing with one unsociable workaholic, her other two unsociable workaholic friends were deprived of their usual source of levity, and may have been at each other's throats at this very instant. Celestia smiled. I'll just pop in for a visit!

Teleporting just outside the door to Sunset, Moondancer, and Twilight's dorm room, she knocked twice. "Hello, my faithful students! May I come in?"

There was a sound very similar to Twilight jumping with sudden fright, quickly whispering something, Sunset sighing a little, the sound of a spell being cast, the sound of a second spell being cast, and Twilight loud-whispering 'No, wait!!' as the door opened. Quickly scanning the room, Celestia found roughly what she'd come to expect from her students; papers and books all over the place, beds unmade, top-notch sloppiness of living quarters. The state of the room and Twilight's worried, bullet-sweating expression were probably related, but what really caught her eye was the mess of cards in the middle of the floor.

"Hello, Princess," said Twilight through a forced, ear-to-ear smile, "we were just, uh, studying the effects of, er, unorganized, space, for, the, t-to, uh-"

Sunset, lying by the cards with a blanket on her back, delivered a much calmer explanation. "We focused on academics well into the night, went a little batty, got to sleep, woke up half an hour ago, and now we're doing something other than what we did yesterday because repeating a process and expecting different outcomes is crazy." Maintaining eye-contact with Celestia, she nodded to Twilight. "Like worrying that you'll force us to go through remedial tidiness training because the room isn't perfect."

Don't even make a joke, Celestia told herself, poor Twilight looks all 'magic kindergarten' as it is. "I see. Do you mind if I ask what you're up to today? I don't have anything important to attend to at the moment, so I thought I'd check in on the two of you."

Sunset shrugged, not getting up. "Playing cards."

Hesitantly calming down herself, Twilight glanced around the messy room, to Celestia, to the cards, to Celestia again. "Er, yes, that. Our first plan was board games, but the ones we have all need at least three players, and researching the right components with which to construct a golem capable of playing with us might have put us back where we were last night."

Sunset vaguely nodded in agreement. "That, and golems are kinda stupid to begin with, in function and concept." An animated mass of material typically didn't have much more cognitive power than 'kill everything in this room.' That might have been for the best, because going the extra mile to give such a creature real intelligence would only prove how little the caster must have had.

Celestia smiled. "Well, not that I'm particularly interested in board games," it technically wasn't lying, she just wanted something to do, "but perhaps I could be your third player?"

Sunset and Twilight shared a quick look, the latter frowning a little. "I don't know, these aren't exactly advanced, intellectually-involving processes, just board games we played more as foals. Do you really want to spend your time wi-"

"Please," said Sunset with a grin that bordered on smug as she glanced at Twilight, "don't mind her, come right in, cards were getting kind of dull anyway and it would be so rude of us to turn you away, Princess."

Twilight's eyes widened, looking like she'd just been accused of high treason. "I-I wasn't turning her away, I was just-"

"Thank you, girls," said Celestia in the most soothing tone she could manage, hoping it would defuse the worry Sunset's implication just injected Twilight with. She strode in, closed the door behind her, and took a seat on the floor near Sunset.

Twilight glanced rapidly between the three different chairs she was levitating before noticing that none were necessary, smiled sheepishly, gently set them all back down, retrieved a random board game from a nearby shelf, and trotted over to join them. "So, I should probably start by explaining the rules..."

Listening, Celestia wondered if she should have introduced herself to her top students as Sunny Skies before now. That way, she could be near them without any of the stress it always seemed to cause, mostly for Twilight, when she was around. Then again, she wasn't sure how it would go over if she really did manage to befriend them only to reveal her true identity later. Feeling just a hint of guilt for the realization that she was technically letting her sister be the guinea pig for exactly that, she wondered what Luna was up to.

One more thing Trixie loved about Manehattan? There were enough slightly elevated, mostly-flat areas she could use as a stage that putting on a show almost anywhere was simple. Her wagon was safely secured in the usual, secret spot just outside Canterlot, so she didn't have any props, but that was fine, she'd dazzled crowds with her raw magical talent before! The set of today's impromptu performance was a stone circle in the middle of a bigger circle of grass that was too small to be a park, but large enough for the nearby benches to be used to enjoy the peaceful flowers dotting the area, all of it encircled by roads that were never so busy that Trixie had to worry about spectators making their way to the central island.

There was the little problem of it being a circular stage and thus some ponies just staring at Trixie's cape from the back the whole time, but this was mitigated by conjuring a few poles and long, space-monopolizing ribbons to hang from them. Doing so usually painted a clear enough 'this is the back of the stage' picture in their minds that everypony gathered before what Trixie designated as the front of the stage, as they had now.

Smiling, she gave the crowd a friendly wave. "Good morning, citizens of Manehattan!"

That was all it took to draw a cheer.

Giggling, Trixie went on. "Yes, it has been too long since Trixie has graced your fair city with her presence, but before we begin, Trixie has a few things she'd like to say." She cleared her throat, meeting as many gazes as she could with a brief scan of the crowd. She spoke gently, but loudly enough to still be heard. The combination was one more of her Great and Powerful talents, of course.

"When I first visited Manehattan, some of you may recall that I was haughty and boastful to an unprofessional degree, that I simply took delight in proving I was better than other ponies. That was years ago, and I've come to understand much now that I didn't back then. I've come to enjoy performing not just for myself, but for those who would give me their time as I did so, for the kind of ponies that would offer something of themselves while expecting little or nothing in return." She winked. "Granted, it's hard to entirely honor that request..."

She waited for the chuckles to subside before going on.

"As such, I wanted to repay you all for what you've given me." Grinning with her showpony's smile, she stood on her hind hooves, performing a quick spin that threw her cape out with a flourish. "So hold your coins, fair citizens of Manehattan, for today, no payment but your screams of delight will be accepted! Watch and be amazed as for the sole sake of your viewing pleasure, you witness the magic of the Great, and Powerful Trrrrrrixie!"

And the crowd went wild.

Ha, short, heart-felt speeches; win the crowd and get something off your chest at the same time. Best form of fanservice!

However, Trixie still had to put on an actual show, so she concentrated on five points in the air in front of her, little orbs of magical energy forming accordingly. She connected the points with lines of light, forming a pentagon of colors that already had some of the crowd ooh-ing and ahh-ing. The pentagon levitated higher in the air where more of the audience could see, tripling in size as it did. Slowly, it floated backward, leaving a sort of duplicate after-effect where it had been, which resulted in a big, long, floating, glowing, colorful pentagon-tube.

The tube started to barrel-roll in the air, going faster and faster until it was just a whirlwind of vibrant color. Part of Trixie lamented that she wasn't doing this at night, when it would have shown better, but this was just the warm-up for the real trick. When the tube stopped spinning, it was twisted, mangled and bent into a mess of polygonal light and triangles. Some in the crowd started whispering, as though they thought something had gone wrong. Trixie just grinned and kept up the series of spells at play.

The mangled shapes of the twisted tube began to unfold, light refracting and reflecting in ways few pegasus rainbow teams could manage as the shapes stretched out, flipping and folding as though being rolled and turned over an an ever-changing table until they formed a sheet, blanketing more and more of the area over the stage in bright, light-warping prisms. Soon, the expanding sheet formed a dome, surrounding the stage, the grassy area around it, the benches, and the audience, all the way up to the roads surrounding the area.

Trixie took off her hat, both to show the magical brilliance her horn was giving off and because she was starting to sweat. "Behold! Witness your fair city as it appears to the Great and Powerful Trixie!" She stamped a hoof, more for effect than any relation to her magic, and in the same instant, a ring of light flashed around the rim of the dome, flickering through the lines connecting the structure like lightning as the final phase of the trick took form.

The various shapes of the dome light up, becoming nearly transparent like a massive, messy, curved, stain-glass window. Through it, everypony could see the surrounding area of Manehattan, all the tall buildings, little shops, cabs going by, and everything else they recognized barring ponies walking the street who stopped in their tracks to stare at the magical dome, but now, all of it was awash with rich color, like the entire city gave off an ethereal glow, energy and life seeming to bleed off everything like it were wreathed in small, slow-moving flames of the whole spectrum of the rainbow. It was like looking into a fantasy world, a bright, happy place where nothing ever went wrong, and Trixie's sentiment of a moment ago wasn't lost on most of her viewers.

The crowd went wild, both for the display, and for just what Trixie's demonstration meant for quite a few of them.

Well, thought Celestia, maybe she's not up to all that much right now. She shrugged, looking over the results of the fourth board game she'd won in a row. Not just won, dominated.

"I feel like I should warn you, Princess, Sunset and I are seasoned veterans at these games!"

It was possible they were also rusty veterans...

"I have a thirty-two hundred bit surplus, Sparkle, let's see how much longer your little line of houses holds up."

If only she hadn't used all of it undermining Twilight...

"This one is a little different, Princess, it's mostly just rolling die."

Nopony was using telekinesis, but Celestia really did just get lucky a lot on this one. That, or her students were somehow willing each others' dice to land unfavorably. That seemed to be the pattern, the two of them repeatedly working to sabotage or advance ahead of each other, never her, even given what she was sure were ample opportunities to do so. It was almost like playing with castle staff again, but at least she had a little bit of fun rolling die and moving brightly-colored plastic pieces across painted cardboard. Regardless, she felt it was time to move on, as it didn't look like either of her students were having fun losing.

Smiling, Celestia stood up. "Are either of you girls hungry? I was thinking we could try preparing our own meals, don't the university chefs have today off?"

"Sure," replied Sunset with a defeated groan while getting to her hooves, "think we're about out of-" She winced as a loud CRICK sounded from her back. "Ahhahouch..."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "I told you you should have gotten up and stretched an hour ago."

Despite doing roughly that now, Sunset scowled a little at her. "You were just trying to break my concentration!"

"I was trying to break your bad posture!"

"This coming from the filly who dances like a-"

"NOTHING IS WRONG WITH MY DANCING!!"

The two of them stopped, blinked, and looked around the room, leveling vaguely expectant stares at Celestia, who looked back at them in confusion. "...What?"

"Eh, n-nothing," muttered Sunset, who wasn't even sure what she'd been waiting for as she walked out to the hall, "let's head to the kitchen, I guess."

Trotting out the door, Twilight raised her snout somewhat haughtily. "I will procure a confectionery instruction manual when we get there."

Following them, Celestia smiled. This should be exciting, I haven't had a chance to cook for myself in years!

A few of her flashier tricks later, Trixie paused for a moment. "And now, Trixie requires a volunteer!" She scanned the crowd for ponies that looked like they could stand still for a minute when she spotted her fellow moon-bearers in the audience, which, for some reason, surprised her. Keeping her stage face, however, she smiled, pointing at Moondancer. "You there, join Trixie on stage, if you'd please!" Moondancer blinked twice, glancing around before giving Trixie that 'who, me?' face she'd seen in so many prospective stage partners, which made her giggle. "Yes, the unicorn with the red mane!" Trixie added a wink. "And her friend, if she is so inclined!"

Moon Sky fiercely shook her head, which Trixie interpreted as 'I get stage fright,' though Moondancer complied and stood next to Trixie on the stone platform.

"Hiya," she whispered, with a smile, "is this the usual thing?"

"Yes," Trixie whispered back, "what are you doing he-actually, time for that later." Taking a second to be sure she had the crowd's full attention, she cleared her throat. "Change of plans, fine citizens of Manehattan! Instead of one of her own spells, Trixie would like to introduce you to somepony that demonstrated a different kind of magic for her in a time of need!" She hadn't come up with a sufficiently ear-grabbing name for it yet, 'Magic of Ponies Giving You Stuff And While They Probably Don't Expect Anything In Return You Really Should Try To Repay Them Somehow, If Only To Show The Feeling's Mutual' was a few syllables too long. Maybe Moondancer and Ditzy Doo had something worked out already.

"So please give it up for Trixie's friend, Moondancer!"

That was apparently all the crowd needed to go wild with cheers, Moondancer surprising Trixie again by smiling sheepishly and turning red, even nervously shuffling her hooves as all eyes were on her, but she at least managed to coyly wink at the crowd.

In her head, however, Moondancer was touched. A little self-conscious, but touched! She knew that this, what the happy ponies of the crowd were giving her right now, was everything Trixie wanted from them for herself, and that she would share that with Moondancer just made her feel all warm and tingly!

Not in that way, but still very nice!

Smiling, she actually gestured for Moon Sky to come up and join them, but it looked like now was a bad time to ask her to put aside her shyness as she ducked her head down and tried to back out of the crowd.

Trixie, however, wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. "Alright," she said with a mischievous smile, "Maybe one more out of Trixie!" Taking off her hat to emit a dazzling flash from her horn, she waved her cape in a wide arc, Moon Sky finding herself now backing away on the stone circle, her flank facing the crowd.

Realizing this, she meep'd, about-faced, and stood perfectly still next to Moondancer, at least managing to keep her legs from shaking.

"And this," continued Trixie, "is Trixie's new friend, Moon Sky! And together we're-"

No, thought Moon Sky, pleasedon'tsaywe're-

Moondancer beamed, flicking Trixie's cape to hang off one side, grabbing her and Moon Sky in a group hug, and turning the three of them with flanks facing the crowd as she shouted. "TEAM MOONBUTT!!"

The crowd was dead quiet for a few seconds, then exploded with whoops, cheers, and whistles.

Now Moon Sky blushed, Heart having a panic attack. A Heart-attack, if you will.

"They're looking at us! Eyes! Staring! Judging! Boring into my soul!!"

Brain was less bothered. "They're just ordinary ponies and you're visible as your alias. Nothing is out of place here."

"STAAAAAAARIIIIIING!!"

Brain sighed, going back to its newspaper.

"Huh," began Twilight as she, Sunset, and the Princess of the Sun™ stood alone among sinks, stoves, ovens, and so many cupboards, "I don't think I've ever actually been in this part of the school."

Sunset shrugged. "I think they had a Home-Ec program a while back, but almost everypony who can afford to go here can also afford a maid, or at least get take-out whenever the building is closed."

Twilight giggled. "Redundancy. If only it had been a safety class, huh Princess?" No response. "Princess Celestia?"

The two of them saw their alicorn mentor looking over various cooking implements with a big smile. "That's nice, girls. Say," she said while turning to them with an even wider grin, "why don't I whip something up for the two of you? Not everypony can say they've eaten something personally prepared by a princess."

Twilight got that adorable I-don't-know-all-of-the-details-here-and-that-worries-me face. "Uh, well, I... Are you sure you want to do everything yourse-"

Sunset was much more immediately obliging, wearing a kind of coaxing smile. "Now, now, Twilight," she said while pushing her toward some nearby chairs, "it would be so rude of us to deny her offer, why don't we just wait and enjoy what the ruler of our nation takes the time out of her day to prepare us?"

Digging her hooves into the floor, Twilight resisted. "But, I-I haven't even located a cook-book yet, and she might need our help, and-..." she turned to see Celestia giving her what could only be called puppy eyes, melting her will then and there. Despite being quite proficient in the use of 'Puppy eyes' technique herself, Twilight always thought that the recipient had to be taller and older than the user for this to work. How wrong was she! Moving to take a seat on her own now, she smiled. "I mean, we'd be happy to sample your cooking, Princess."

And like that, Celestia lit up like her charge, levitating a bowl, a spatula, an egg beater, and a knife all at once. "Thank you, girls! I'll make something so delicious, they'll let me cook for this year's Gala for sure! Eleventh time's the charm!" Not minding the quick exchange of raised eyebrows her students were giving each other, Celestia got to work...

[youtube=aCm1VntSii8]

Not making toast or coffee, or some fries of hay,

Now I've got the kitchen, got the kitchen, got the kitchen today!

This is a golden chance, one I won't throw away,

now I've got the kitchen, got the kitchen, got the kitchen, hurray!

I just love the pouring things, and pouring things in bowls!

Mix it around, mix it around, who needs cooking scrolls?

Pour it on the table, hit it with a pin, yeah!

Free to work the kitchen, work the kitchen, work the kitchen, hurray!

See how I'm careful that the eggs do not break?

Surely, mine will be a masterful cake!

Sugar and choc-o-late sauce, surely can't go astray...

Now I work the kitchen, work the kitchen my way!

Take six bags of flour pour them in a pot,

and for flavoring, add some grape-juice and stir a lot!

At six hundred degrees, I bet it cooks extra fast, yeah!

I can use the kitchen, use the kitchen, use the kitchen at last!

Admiring her creation on the counter-top, Celestia could only ponder in silence why none of the cakes she'd ever been served looked like this, all blackish and lopsided and shifting back and forth of its own accord. The castle cooks must have known some special trick for making their work look the way it did. Regardless, it was time to serve her hungry students! She slapped the thing onto a platter (it only bounced a little bit) and brought it out to the cafeteria, where they'd moved so as to be able to hold discussion without distracting her.

Despite Sunset slumping over the table with both forehooves massaging her temples and repeatedly mouthing the words 'I don't care,' Twilight was talking with a smile. "And then I told him 'That's not a snowball, Shiny, that's a snow ellipsoid!' Isn't that funny?"

Sunset stopped what she was doing, slowly sat up, and despite a little smirk, looked at Twilight with cold, dead eyes. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"

Twilight just glared at her. "I know you heard every word, you can't not hear it when there's a quill tapping in an otherwise quiet room."

Sunset's eye twitched. "Yea, fine, I heard all about how your idiot brother can't tell shapes apart. What did you want me to take away from that story, that it runs in the family?"

"No, I-"

Celestia set the platter on the table. "It's done!"

Whatever annoyance Twilight had at Sunset vanished, along with most of the blood in her face. "P...P-Princess Celestia? What is that?"

The Princess of Baking smiled. "It's a cake! Made to custom specifications. Don't worry about the lack of icing, that's all on the inside!"

"Um... Well, i-it looks very-"

"Looks great, Princess!" To Twilight's horror, Sunset was smiling widely, as though she plain didn't recognize that the thing before them was not meant for pony mouths. She levitated a fork. "I'll go first!"

As much as Twilight would have liked to blast the cake into particles, particles that would never hurt anypony again, there was nothing she could do with Celestia standing right there. Still, some part of her took a tiny modicum of satisfaction in knowing Sunset would go first. Guess these are your 'just desserts,' Sunset.

Sunset stabbed the fork into the monstrosity, tore off a chunk, popped it into her mouth without hesitation, and chewed. To Twilight's immediate shock, she only detected faint little signs of discomfort, such as some irregular jaw movement and the occasional eye twitch before Sunset swallowed the mouthful, turning to look at Twilight with what she just knew wasn't a real smile. "Your turn!"

"Eh, th-that's okay, I'm-"

Sunset gasped, holding a hoof to her heart. "Twilight! You're not about to tell us you don't want any of the cake Celestia herself slaved over for our sakes?"

Celestia would have said that she actually had a lot of fun baking that, but she wanted as much feedback as possible and they didn't let her into the castle kitchen all that much anymore. Honestly, make a few mistakes and ponies these days were all stomach pumps and quarantines, but she was sure she'd learned a lot since then!

Seeing the hopeful, expectant look in Celestia's eyes, again, Twilight could only do what every sensible fiber of her being was screaming at her not to do. She forced a smile, "I'd... love to, Princess!" picked up a fork, I haven't even written a will yet!! and took a bite.

Her tongue immediately called for her brain's swift and immediate execution, slowing the workings of her jaw muscles and endangering the economic prosperity of her stomach, but she persevered, face twisting in what hopefully looked like delight as she forced herself to keep chewing. Then brilliance struck and it occurred to her that all she had to do was swallow the forsaken matter, though she'd likely be hearing complaints from the department of her own intestines later. Regardless, she managed to get it down, turning to see the look on Sunset's face when she saw her little scheme to make her disappoint Celestia hadn't-SHE'S ALREADY EATING MORE?!

Still managing a smile, Sunset spoke around another mouthful. "Ish prehhe gooh, Purnciss." She gave Twilight an expectant look, along with Celestia, who, for all her power and age, looked not unlike a filly who had just baked her first plate of extra-crispy cookies and was waiting for the verdict.

Twilight tried to ignore the tears in the corners of her own eyes as she maintained a false grin. "It's... greeaaaat, Princess. Haha."

Once more, Celestia lit up with glee. "That's good to hear! I'll go see what else I can make, you two wait here, and enjoy!" And off she trotted to the kitchen, humming a cheery tune.

Twilight waited until Celestia was out of sight, then immediately leaned down to vigorously lick the underside of the table.

"Oh, suck it up, Sparkle."

Sitting up straight again, she gave Sunset an incredulous look, more-so because she was still eating that abomination. "How, HOWWW, can you be doing any part of this?! Does that actually taste good to you?!"

Grimacing a little as she swallowed another mouthful, Sunset shook her head. "Of course not, did you even taste this stuff? It's awful." She ate another bite of her own free will, Twilight's stare of utter bafflement, while hilarious, saying she needed to elaborate a little more. "You don't want the princess to cry because you didn't like her cooking, do you?"

"I don't," Twilight answered warily, "but I know you wouldn't mind that at all, or if you did, you wouldn't let it stop you." Now it was Sunset's turn to look confused. Twilight was calm, trying to riddle out the situation even as she spoke. "I know you, Sunset Shimmer, you never settle for less than your highest effort, never stop just because something is 'good enough,' you always strive to be your best and push everypony around you to reach the same mark. Why would that change now?"

Putting down the fork, Sunset glanced at the kitchen doors. "It's, I don't..." There was the tiniest hint of a blush as she avoided eye-contact. "Look, it's nothing you need to worry about, if you want to get out of this, make an excuse and go, but I intend to eat whatever she brings out."

Not satisfied at all with that answer, Twilight tilted her head a little. Moondancer probably wouldn't settle for this either... Wait, that's it, Moondancer! Twilight smiled, she knew what to do. "C'moooon, you can tell your old buddy Twily!"

Sunset gave Twilight her blankest stare. "What."

The smile stayed. In fact, it got wider! "Why are you okay eating this stuff alone? Is it a secret?"

Sunset crossed her forehooves. "It's personal."

"That's cool! You know who you can tell personal matters? Another person!"

"Twilight, I'm-"

"I'm another person!"

"I know what you're doing."

Twilight winked. "You mean who I'm doing!" Sunset's jaw dropped, Twilight's own face immediately burning red, but she didn't let up the offensive! "Haha, well, that's to say, nopony, but still! Can you tell me now?"

"N... No!"

"How about now?"

"No!"

Twilight slumped, frowning. "Oh, okay..." She waited six seconds, then beamed brightly. "How about now?"

"I said no!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Pretty please?"

"No!"

"Pretty please with a burnt cherry on top?"

"I. Said. No."

They locked eyes for a long moment, Sunset's face set in an angry pout, Twilight doing her best impression of Moondancer's big, happy smile.

"Please?"

"AAAARRGH!!" Sunset rested her head in her forehooves propped up on the table, her face down as Twilight sloooowly leaned over to whisper into her ear.

"Please?"

Sunset groaned. "...Alright. Alright, fine, just..." She sat up straight, sighing. "Okay, you really wanna know that badly?" Smiling normally now, Twilight nodded. "I, it's like..." She glanced at the kitchen doors again. "I've always wanted the princess to cook me something." When Twilight just stared at her in perplexed silence, she shrugged, smiling a little. "I mean, can you think of something more amazing than that that doesn't involve magic? A princess, the ruler of the nation and the pony who raises the sun, making a meal for you? That doesn't sound like something you want to be able to say happened to you?"

Despite her growing embarrassment, Sunset giggled. "There was only one when I first thought this up, but it still stands: 'Princess Celestia herself baked me a cake, where are you in life?'" Shaking her head, she looked down at the floor. "I know it's stupid, but that's why they call them dreams, right?"

For just a moment, Twilight was overcome. The spoken sentiment left her as varied in feelings as the awful cake had left foul tastes in her mouth, and that Sunset could push herself to embrace her dream even when it turned out like this just made Twilight want to hug her. To glomp, even! But she wasn't Moondancer, so she just smiled, tears of a different kind in the corners of her eyes now. "You're a sweet pony, Sunset."

If Sunset hadn't been red before, she was now. "What?"

Twilight nodded, trying to ignore the lump in her throat. "You've grown to love Celestia so much, the thought of her cooking for you is almost as if it were your own mother making you something to-"

"No," Sunset said while waving her forehooves in an 'X' pattern, "no, no, no, no, that isn't even close to the reason, it's pure, megalomaniacal, highest-power-in-the-land-serving-me fantasizing, and nothing mor-"

"Call it whatever you have to, Sunset, I'm not judging you."

"It's true!!"

Twilight was still smiling warmly, amazed at just how tender her surliest friend could really be. "It's okay, really, I know you didn't really like your hometown all that much, it's perfectly natural to get attached to-"

Hiding her face in her forehooves, Sunset groaned. "You could not be misunderstanding this any harder."

"Then why didn't you say anything?" Sunset peeked an inquisitive eye through her hooves to see Twilight tilting her head. "When she asked how it was? I may not understand this fantasy as well as you do, but I think if you really wanted to embrace the 'megalomaniac' spirit here, you'd have taken the chance to criticize her, to berate her for doing a less than perfect job for you. Right?"

Sunset's mouth opened and closed a few times. "I, I was going to-I am! I was just, going to wait until..." Her face rapidly reddened again. After about a minute of fumbling for excuses in her own head, she abruptly stood up. "C'mon, you wanted to tell her too, right?"

Twilight looked down at the floor in shame. "I do feel bad about being less than honest."

"Good."

The pair headed through the kitchen doors, finding the area to be much, much messier than they remembered as Celestia danced about on her hind legs, her forehooves occupied with whacking a strainer full of fruit with a hammer. It sounded like she was in the middle of another tune when she spotted them.

"It, doesn't mat-ter, if it's boiled or fried, just-Oh, hello girls! Have you ever tasted eight kinds of fruit in a cookie before?"

"Princess Celestia," began Sunset with a solemn face, "...Twilight has something she's dying to tell you."

Twilight's head immediately whipped to look at the back-stabber, who only gave her a smirk that all but said. 'What? You thought I'd do it all for you?' As she supposed she had lied too, Twilight gulped, looking back at the patient, understanding, hopelessly inept cook of a princess that now waited on her.

"Yes? What is it, Twilight?"

"W-well..." Celestia could take a little criticism, right? If they asked her to eat a little bit of her cake herself (not more than a few milligrams, or however much was needed to register taste, Twilight wasn't a monster), she'd know just how bad it was! She wouldn't have anypony banished for that, right? "It's about the cake. I know you put a lot of effort into it, a-and it was, very unique in-ow!" Sunset had sharply elbowed her, reminding her that she was supposed to be saying that the cake sucked. "What I mean to say is that, uh..." She took a deep breath. "The cake wasn't actually very good, it was bad, horrendous, I can only imagine that your cake could take lessons from a bog hydra's underbelly in terms of flavor, because it was probably the worst pain I have ever had on my tongue!"

Dead silence weighed down on the room, Twilight finding breathing to be very, very difficult until Sunset opened her mouth. "Wow. Harsh. Can you believe this filly? So rude."

Twilight glared daggers at her, whispering what may have been her last words under her breath. "You are a demon, Sunset Shimmer."

Celestia sighed a little. "I can believe it, yes." Putting down the strainer and the colorful mush that would not be baked into cookies after all, she managed a tiny smile. "This one wasn't any good either?"

Taking over, Sunset answered calmly. "I'm afraid not, Princess. I don't know about bog hydras and their miscellaneous body parts, I'll leave that to my friend here," Twilight's glare just made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside, "but it really wasn't good, and I'm sorry for not telling you that right away."

She glanced back and forth between Twilight and the princess, feeling one of those odd little bouts of guilt for a thing she hadn't not done yet. "The truth is, I've actually always wanted to eat something you prepared personally, and this seemed like the best opportunity I was ever going to get." She knew she was blushing, but damned if she was going to back out now. "I don't know if you have any plans to ever try this again, but if you do, I..." She gulped, willing to face quite a few more awful cakes if it meant one day living her little fantasy exactly as she'd envisioned it. "I'd be willing to taste-test the result, if you'd let me."

Twilight immediately stepped forward. "And I so would I!" As she noticed Sunset looking at her in surprise, she smiled. "you'd need a second opinion anyway, right?"

Celestia smiled too. "Right. Thank you both for volunteering." She only smirked a little bit. "And I promise not to make anything so rancid that you feel the need to compare it to a monster's crotch ever again." Twilight and Sunset stared at her in wide-eyed, mouth-agape silence, her grin becoming increasingly forced. "Haha, because, I could, uh, taste-test it a little bit myself first? So I'll at least have some inkling as to whether or not it's edible? Then we'd have three opinions!"

She'd have taken a cricket noise spell right now, even as a joke at her expense, but the awkward silence persisted.

"Say," she offered with a relaxed smile, "do you two know that the mares Moondancer went to Manehattan with all have moons in their cutie marks? Is it true that she refers to such ponies as her fellow 'moonbutts'?"

Sharing a slow, uncertain look, the two nodded.

"Right, well," Celestia turned so they could see her cutie mark, "I have a sun, so does Sunset, and Twilight's is a magical star, but a star is just a sun too, so, I was thinking the three of us could be sunbutts!"

Sunset paled. Twilight turned red. Neither said a word.

"B-because, you know," she said with a sheepish smile, starting to sweat, "we all have... suns?" Nothing. She couldn't remember seeing a more uncomfortable pair of ponies in her life. At least not within the last few decades. "I mean, if Moondancer has her trio of moonbutts, I was thinking we could have something similar."

Sunset blanched even further. "You... you want to be butt buddies with us?"

"What?! No!!"

Twilight looked like she was about to faint. "I, I... I don't even..."

Blushing furiously, Celestia facehoofed. "I, it, n-nevermind, I was just kidding. Unless you wanted to...?" The looks she got said that just made it worse. She forced a wide smile. "Well, look at the time, nation to run, ta-ta now!" And then she teleported back to her room in the castle, glancing around.

Well, that was a disaster. Is Lulu home yet?

Back in the kitchen, however, Twilight and Sunset gradually recovered from the searing awkward of... whatever just happened, Sunset being the first to speak. "You're really willing to weather her cooking again?"

Twilight smiled a little. "You think I'd let you torture yourself like that all alone? What are friends for?"

Sunset tinted red and looked away, but she was unmistakably smiling. "Let's head back, eating meals from her is fine, but I'd rather not have to clean up after a princess."

Giggling, Twilight followed. After about a minute of walking, she had a question. "Hey, Sunset?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"How did you tolerate that much of something so horrible, anyway?"

"Nostalgia."

"What?"

"Nothin'. Just, if you're ever going to Southern Equestria? Bring your own food."

They walked for another minute. "Hey, Sunset?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

She hesitated to actually verbalize this one, deeply grateful Moondancer wasn't in ear-shot. "Am I a sunbutt?"

Sunset hesitated to actually answer, unconsciously forming a snarky comment for a joke that wasn't coming. "Only if you want to be, Twilight. Only if you want to be."

Author's Note

Author's Notes: Writing song parodies; very time-consuming, but as I've spent hours writing and only made a few paragraphs of progress more than a few times, I'm not worried that it really makes a difference in terms of productivity.

28. Moonbutts Unite, part 4: Walk on the Moonie Side (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

A little later that day, Moondancer, Moon Sky, and The Great and Powerful Trixie wandered Manehattan aimlessly, the latter getting and giving friendly smiles and waving hooves as they went.

"Wow," remarked Moondancer, "they really like magic shows around here!"

Trixie chuckled. "It's for much more than today's act that they love Trixie so, fair Moondancer."

Being called 'fair' always made Moondancer feel like she should have been wearing one of those pointy, fairytale princess dunce-caps with the little translucent cloth hanging off of it, even if the actual princesses never wore the things. "I'm kinda surprised you're okay with just walking around here. What happened to all that bounty hunter stuff?"

"The law is on Trixie's side here, remember?"

"I remember those lyrics, but you never really explained what you meant by that."

"Oh. Well," the trio stopped at a little rest area overlooking the bay, complete with binocular towers, "the first time Trixie performed here, there was a misunderstanding with the local police force regarding what Trixie's apparent foalnappers were intending to do with her. Trixie fanned the flames of said misunderstanding until everypony within earshot of her distressed, please-don't-take-my-chastity wails (only a block or so) was ready to put the hunters' heads on pikes, but nopony was quite so cross with them as the line of officers that had shown up to remedy the situation."

There was a short pause as the two Moons pieced together her story. "So," guessed Moondancer, "it looked like they were going to chain you up in a basement and have their way with you, you hammed it up in front of the cops, they assumed it was true and took care of the goons for you?"

"In the sense that said goons were no longer Trixie's problem that week, yes."

"Wait," urged Moon Sky, actually a little concerned, "you let ponies be convicted for a truly heinous crime to save yourself?"

Waving a hoof, Trixie smiled. "Ohh, no, not quite. Trixie reacted as any frightened, chaste young mare might have in her situation, the police asked some questions, and Trixie's pursuers hastily tried to explain that they, a band of grown stallions, had only the purest intentions for the lone teenage filly that looked convincingly terrified to see them. Then they backpedaled a few times and left without further incident, with everypony around glaring at them the entire time! It was great!"

Moon Sky would have asked why Trixie had bounty hunters after her to begin with, but Celestia had already informed her of Trixie's difficult family situation. Although that did raise another question. "Such mercenaries surely work under the order of those wealthy enough to afford them, have those names or the bits they control never swayed the police force out of your favor?"

Shaking her head, Trixie giggled. "Nope! I know things are different back in Canterlot, but out here? Who you are doesn't mean as much as what you do, and the Manehattan Police Department take their jobs very seriously. It doesn't matter if Lord Such and Such Esquire the Third of Has-Its-Own-Zip-Code Estate wants something in this town, it matters if he followed the rules to get it. If you want a donut, you wait in line for a donut, if you need a taxi, you find one yourself, if you want somepony brought to you, you'd better have the legal authority to detain. For anypony short of a princess, just waving your hoof and making demands doesn't fly here."

She shrugged a little, looking out over the tall buildings across the bay. "Heck, sometimes Trixie even wonders about that." She smiled with a kind of sparkle to her eyes. "It's part of what Trixie loves about this city!"

Deep down, Luna noted this new information with a hint of humility, having learned all too well what happens when one assumes they are simply entitled to whatever they so desire. Moon Sky smiled a little, part of her appreciating the lesson already.

Moondancer smiled too. "So, after being confused for gang-bangers a few times, all your hunters gave up?"

"Trixie didn't use the same method every time, but she did make an art of getting her would-be abductors in trouble with the local law enforcement. And now," she smirked, sing-songing a little, "Trixie walks here, with impunity~!"

Her worries about a repeat of that day in the cafeteria essentially neutralized, Moondancer smiled even wider. "Cool! So, what do they do for fun around here?"

Trixie beamed. "We'll start on Leisure Street!"

Elsewhere in the city, a trio of stallions in red robes rode in a cab. Their leader, bearing a wide-brimmed red hat, eyed a picture taped to the cab wall. He nodded to his companions. "That there, the photograph containing many dragonflies. Do either of you rrrrecognize the central figure upon that image?"

"No," replied a stallion in red robes who was also wearing an aviator's hat with goggles. The wide-brimmed hat wearer gave him a flat stare. "I mean, yes, yes, most assuredly!"

"Most excellent," the leader continued, "for I believe it is once again time to enact the duties thrust upon us by the holiest of duty thrusters..." He shouted to the cabbie. "TAXI MAN! WE MUST... inquire something of you..."

First, Trixie had taken them to the nearest indoor ice-skating rink.

"Remember, just relax and-"

"I'mslippingI'mslippingI'msli-oh, wait, I'm alright."

"Good. Now like Trixie said, just-"

"NoI'mnotsomeonehelp!!"

"I'LL SAVE YOU, MOONBUTT!"

The three of them broke the ice with the other skaters, if nothing else.

A few uses of Drying and Warming spells later, they arrived at a comedy club.

"Am I to understand that you perform here, as well?"

"Trixie isn't allowed on stage anymore, due to reasons, but we're still free to spectate."

"WOO, TAKE IT OFF!!"

"We haven't even ordered drinks, how can she be drunk already?"

"She isn't."

Next, they tried an arcade.

"This building appears dated, but it seems to have aged well."

"Yes, Trixie came here once or twice the first time she visited the city, and it still smells of pizza!"

"Hey, anypony else seeing 'GPT' near the top of a lot of high score tables?"

"...T-Trixie doesn't see the correlation to anythi-"

"A lot of high score tables?"

"Young Trixie had to do something in her downtime, okay?!"

Trixie figured it wouldn't hurt to pop into a hobby shop. This notion was challenged when they got into a card game Moondancer said her two roommates played sometimes.

"So, Demagify nullifies the graveyard?"

"Nah, just spells."

"How does one know how many mana points they currently possess?"

"Depends how many star cards you have, the biome on the field, and whether or not it's raining outside."

"Agh, there's life points, mana points, gold coins, spirit points, brass coins, morale, and fatigue to keep track of?"

"In the basic edition, yes."

"Nuts to all these numbers, Trixie uses Blood Sacrifice to convert all of her points to one Great and Powerful omni-number!"

"There are surely rules against that."

"Actually, as long as she keeps talking in the third pony, it's allowed."

"WHAT?!"

"Hurray for Trixie!"

Moondancer nabbed Sunset and Twilight the latest rulebook before they headed to an interpretive dance hall.

"WOO, TAKE IT OFF!"

"The dress is likely integral to the symbolism of her performance, Moondancer."

"Oh. WOO, SHAKE DAT PLOT!"

"Haha, Trixie never really came in here much anyway."

And then they went to a bowling alley.

"Why would we not simply levitate the ball in such a way as to make sufficient contact with the pins as to topple them over?"

"I think it's an Earth pony game, Moonbutt. It's more about rolling the ball than knocking down pins, just look at Trixie over there."

"Trixie is the ball. Trixie is the pins. The pins are Trixie's enemy. Trixie is Trixie's enemy. Trixie must roll herself down the center of the lane and destroy her enemy, thus, destroying herself! But in destroying herself, finding peace..."

She rolled.

"Another gutter ball."

"Darnit!!"

And then they went to indoor rock-climbing wall.

"WOO, TAKE IT OFF!"

"That harness is preventing him from falling, Moondancer!"

"It's okay, I'll lie on my back beneath him and-"

"BEHOLD, MERE MORTALS, TRIXIE IS QUEEN OF THE SYNTHETIC MOUNTAIN!"

"How'd she get up there so quick?"

"I do not know, but as she lacks the regulation climbing equipment, I suspect she did not do so through honest means."

"So she doesn't have a harness? Sweet!"

"Moondancer, please stop lying on the ground in that position!"

...

"That's not helping!!"

Eventually, the group began to tire, opting to return to their hotel room.

That evening, Moondancer, Moon Sky, and Trixie all sat on their beds while enjoying some of the massive cookie stockpile Sunny Skies was 'kind' enough to pack her sibling. The three of them had gotten to sharing stories, Moon Sky wrapping up one of the relative that packed her about four kilos of sugar instead of substantial meals.

"And so she goes to the weather ponies and says 'You'll never guess what I found stuck to the carpet!'"

Moondancer laughed, guffawing a little cloud of cookie crumbs as Trixie just chuckled. "Speaking of good timing, what were the two of you doing at Trixie's performance? Trixie is by no means complaining, but were you not going in search of, er," her cheeks tinted pink, "consorts at the time?"

Still smiling, Moondancer let out a short giggle. "Well, that was the first plan, but it went like this..."

Following a short, post-vanishing awkward silence, Moondancer turned to Moon Sky. "Hey, wanna go watch her show?"

"Would that not negate the purpose of her leaving us behind?"

"Maybe, so?"

"Fair enough."

"And then we went looking for you! I'm all recharged on cookies now, so," Moondancer smirked, waggling her eyebrows, "why don't we pick up with that first idea?"

Trixie held up a hoof. "Trixie remains spoken for."

So did Moon Sky, who only turned a little red. "I remain uninterested in that venture."

Moondancer deflated. "Ahh, shoot." And then, she perked right up again, getting to her hooves. "Oh, well, more for me!" She trotted merrily toward the door, "I'll be back later, hopefully with new friends!"

The door was closed before either of them could object. This left the two sitting together in awkward silence, but luckily, Moon Sky had a means of breaking it at the ready.

"Impressive show of arcane prowess, earlier today. The formation of the hemisphere alone must have been a considerable effort."

Trixie blinked once, then grinned proudly. "All in a day's work for the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Moon Sky couldn't help a little smile. She of all ponies had a cautious approach to hubris by now, but Trixie being Trixie was... endearing? She was like a big, boisterous, pony-shaped teddy bear! Maybe it was the patterns on Trixie's cloak and hat that reminded Luna of her own teddy Ursa Major (which she'd been waiting until the others fell asleep before taking out of her bag to cuddle), or the slightly silly hat that gave her such an aura, but she recalled Starswirl the Bearded himself wearing one of the ridiculous things. "The teleportation was impressive, but I would request some measure of warning before being directly involved with it."

The showpony gave her a confused look. "Teleportation? When did I-oh!" She smiled sheepishly, which bolstered that 'teddy bear' feel just a smidge. "That was not actually teleportation, Trixie doesn't know that spell."

Moon Sky's eyes widened in shock. "What? How could you have altered the locations of two grown ponies in such a short span without it?!"

Trixie winked. "A magician never reveals their secrets!"

Teleportation magic without teleportation?! Sister must know of this when I return!!

"R-right, well..." She cleared her throat. "Regardless, please do not draft ponies into such tricks without their permission. Or warning." Moon Sky glanced away, mumbling through a mouthful of sugar cookie #36 between the three of them. "I was very self-conscious."

Giggling, Trixie offered an apologetic grin. "Sorry, I know it's embarrassing the first few times, but once you're in the groove, there's no feeling like it in the world!"

The door opened a little, Moondancer's beaming face popping through the crack. "THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!!" Trixie blinked. Moon Sky facehoofed. Moondancer snickered. "Get it?"

"No," replied Trixie, "who is 'he?' What is-" she flushed crimson, "oh, Trixie just got it!"

Moon Sky pressed her hoof a little harder into her own face. And yet, this pony is smart enough to circumvent teleportation itself when teleporting things. Perhaps it could be taken as a good sign that young Trixie's mind was comparatively clean. Luna would surely find no 'Monster Mondays' in her dreams!

Still giggling impishly, Moondancer edged her way back out the door. "Okay, really goin' now, see you guys later!"

Use of an X-Ray Vision spell on the door would likely signal a lack of trust for a friend, if only to herself, so Moon Sky did no such thing. She looked over at Trixie to find her still beet red, but with a far-off look on her face, as though her thoughts were elsewhere. Was her apparent innocence corrupted already? Moon Sky cleared her throat, receiving no response. She did so again, a little louder. Was this not the polite means by which to request somepony's attention? She repeated the ac-

"Those cookies might be making you congested, Moon Sky."

Trixie had said it without so much as turning her head or changing her dreamy little expression, which startled Moon Sky a little. As Trixie didn't lose the appearance of a pony staring off into space, and not in a way Luna would particularly appreciate, she tried just talking to her. "What arrests your thoughts, Miss Lulamoon?"

"Just Trixie is fine." She seemed to shake off the daze, however much of it was actually impairing her ability to hold conversation. "Trixie was thinking about 'He,' her 'He,' The Pony with the Shiniest Teeth in the Manliest Jaw, Heir of Studliness, Hair of Cuddliness, Every Filly's Dream, Master of Teleportation and Trixie's Future Husband, Prince Blueblood!"

A number of things clicked in Luna's mind at once. Celestia had told her a little about Moondancer's stage magician friend, she had told her a little about their nephew having had a foalhood fillyfriend that, due to some slightly convoluted and partially imaginary reasons, ended up leaving the city, but the similarities hadn't occurred to her until now. "You are, er, romantically involved with this stallion?"

Trixie grinned, a demure little blush on her cheeks. "Well, i-it's a little complicated, but the answer to that question is basically-" all shyness vanished as she beamed, "that we are both DEFINITELY, deeply, passionately, madly in love, and that our union will send waves of hope and light across Equestria!"

Moon Sky blinked. By the look in Trixie's eyes, this wasn't a joke. A few weeks back, Nephew had a nightmare in which he was pursued by a giant, pointy, starry, purple hat with inverted hearts for teeth lining the rim that formed the hat's mouth. Now I understand.

"And," she managed with a fairly calm expression, "you are certain he reciprocates this?"

Trixie smiled reassuringly. "Trixie understands your concern, but please don't worry, she has nothing but the best, most respectful, most safe, sane, and consensual, most perfectly healthy intentions for your nephew."

"That is good, I-"

Brain nearly blew a gasket. "WHAT THE BUCKING BUCK DID SHE SAY?!"

"C-calm down," said Heart, "maybe she just thinks we're family for no readily apparent reason?"

As Moon Sky only offered white-faced, slack-jawed silence, Trixie tilted her head a little. "I mean, you are Princess Luna. Right?"

"Okay, no," amended Heart, "she totally knows who we are, but stay calm and-"

"THIS IS NO TIME FOR CALM! FREAK THE BUCK OUT! FLAIL ALL THE LIMBS! TWITCH ALL THE EYES! PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS! EMPTY ALL THE BLADDERS!"

"Ew, no, you know what? I'll handle this."

Luna managed to whisper. "H-how... how did you know?"

Sensing that now was not a great time to boast of her superb powers of deduction, Trixie opted to lay out her findings quickly and efficiently. "For starters, the cookies." She levitated one of the boxes for emphasis. "Surely, one must keep their energy up to raise the moon, and what better way to do that than with much sugar?"

Luna facehoofed, once again faced with technically-sound logic that was entirely false, even if Celestia said something to that effect regarding cakes.

"Second," continued Trixie, "the way you responded to some of fair Moondancer's wordplay since we got here suggested familiarity, but not a complete mastery of the modern vernacular, particularly while we were talking to Fan Dance. Next, your stage fright was nothing unusual, but it'd be a little extra justified if somepony particularly wished to avoid drawing attention to themselves, as somepony in disguise might, which brings us to yours..."

She took a deep breath, her face akin to a doctor that was about to tell somepony that their loved one did not survive. "Blue mane, dark blue fur. Much like Princess Luna. Moon-based cutie mark. Named Moon Sky." She tilted her head a little. "Really?"

Luna shifted where she sat, a tinge of red to her cheeks as she grumbled. "Nopony else has said anything."

"Also, Trixie awoke to see you cuddling that Ursa Major plushie this morning." Not a comparatively cute Ursa Minor, but the bigger, gnarlier, snaggle-fanged Ursa Major. Made into a squeezable plushie. The thing gave Trixie the willies, but she couldn't quite place why. Luckily, Luna seemed too busy turning red to notice. "Trixie is familiar with the purposes of teddy bears, but one need not look at one of those for long to draw thoughts of the night sky. An unusual choice for most foa-err, I-I mean, grown mares, b-but perfectly fitting for the Princess of the Night!"

Trixie smiled sheepishly, honestly not having meant to insult Luna, but it looked like she was more embarrassed than annoyed. "I do not prefer to sleep at night, but the bear helps me to adapt. Please do not speak of it? To anypony?"

Nodding, Trixie was happy to move on to the next point. "And then there was that reaction to Trixie's 'nice night' comment."

"I-it slipped!"

"It wasn't just your words, but your tone that signaled a sense of kinship, an appreciation for the night, not necessarily suggesting a fondness by themselves, but added to everything else, the only bigger hint was the story of Sunny Skies. It would not have been telling, if not for Trixie having heard precisely that story from 'Sunny Skies' herself." The way Luna's eyes widened said she didn't know that Celestia occasionally joined her in the CSFGU library for tea, nor that they often exchanged tales of interest since the time Trixie first left the city.

"Wait," said Luna as Brain started to come to its senses, "Celestia trusts you with the secret of her alter ego?"

Smiling, Trixie nodded. "Yes! And you are most certainly in luck," she winked, "'Moon Sky,' because not only can Trixie keep a secret, but she has some advice!"

Luna was cautiously optimistic. "Such as?"

"For one, while there are a few glaring flaws in your performance," Luna's irritable eye-twitch was assumed to be part of the act, "Trixie wouldn't change what you've been doing very much. It is possible that somepony almost as keenly observant as Trixie may connect the dots, but nothing will stand out quite so much as inconsistency." Trixie tilted her head a little, giving Luna a ponderous look. "This alias of yours, you use it to... What, exactly? Trixie's first guess would have been infiltration, but there are few things a princess could not gain access to if she so wished. The second guess is for simple entertainment, a la Sunny Skies, but you do not seem to greatly enjoy your role."

Luna frowned a little. "I... It is not that I do not enjoy the time I spend in this form, simply that my mission is often a troubling one. I have been gone a thousand years, so I am unacquainted with what manner of behavior is anticipated in the modern pony." Her cheeks flushed again as she glanced away. "Perhaps you have heard of my one public appearance since my return?"

"In which you were, the papers say, an awkward, bumbling, faux-pas-prone mess on four legs?"

"Yes," the world's least sociable princess grumbled through a facehoof, "and I have since worked in disguise to learn the proper behavior." Trixie gave her a long, disbelieving look. "What?"

"It's okay, you can tell Trixie the real reason."

Blink. "Th-that is the real reason!"

Trixie only looked confused now. "...Seriously? Trixie can appreciate not just having private instructors provide all of the necessary lessons on proper etiquette, not even the best of such services can really emulate casual, unscripted social interaction, no matter what Canterlot nobles pay them to teach their foals, but you couldn't just use a spell?"

"I do not believe there exists magic that allows for transmission of information from one mind to another."

"Memory spell."

Luna's jaw dropped. "...What?"

Trixie nodded, her face passive, as though explaining the simplest, most obvious thing in the world. "Memory spell. I know it works much easier when the recipient already has the information dormant in their brains, hence it typically being called the memory spell, but you can't tell me that the Princess of the Sun, one of the oldest practitioners of magic in the entire world, couldn't possibly figure out the psychic equivalent to a Copy and Paste spell and integrate it into the Memory spell to directly transmit information, be it for relaying important intel in secret or to save time. Or in this case? To nullify the need to spend weeks, months, or years in an imperfect disguise."

Brain had grown very, very quiet, which worried Heart a little. "Are... Are you alright?"

"..."

"I-it's okay, you know, so what if we've been making a fool of ourselves pretty much for no reason this whole time? There are plenty of fun parts, right?"

"It's not that," sighed Brain, "pride is more your thing than mine anyway."

"It is? Yay me!" But then Heart remembered it was supposed to be finding out what was wrong. "Then, what is it?"

"In failing to realize this simple solution myself, I have failed my master, and must commit seppuku."

"NO, DON'T," cried Heart, "I'LL BE SO LONELY IN HERE BY MYSE-HEH-HELF!!"

"I must, it is the only-"

Trixie's voice snapped Luna awake. "-en? Because Trixie has a theory."

Luna blinked twice, certain Heart and Brain could work out their melodrama later. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Trixie asked, 'Are you going to try that method, then?' Because if that is the new plan, Trixie thinks you should wait before attempting its implementation."

For lack of any idea what she should be doing right now, Luna just listened.

"While Trixie of all ponies can understand the will to be a greater and more powerful pony as quickly as possible, there is something you couldn't have gained through the quick and easy methods." Trixie smiled, gesturing to Moondancer's bed. "Friends!"

Luna smiled too. "You submit that had I not undertaken this venture, I would never have become acquainted with Moondancer and yourself?"

There was the faintest little hint of color to Trixie's cheeks. "Yes! Whether it was intended or not, you could never have made such connections through a spell. Trixie guesses there is the possibility of paying ponies to stand close to you, but she is sure that isn't the same thing."

Celestia had informed Luna of her original plan to see that Prince Blueblood made friends without specifically informing him of that phase of the operation. The situations felt similar as she smiled at what felt like her second friend. "Perhaps Moon Sky need not be retired just yet. After all," she said with a grin, "she agreed to attend Moondancer's upcoming birthday party."

Trixie tilted her head. "Are you referring to your own alter ego, or does Moon Sky speak in the third pony now?"

There came silence, followed by giggles, followed by laughter, followed by the two of them catching their breath, followed by more restrained giggles, followed by even louder laughter.

Meanwhile, Moondancer sighed as yet another reasonably attractive stallion ignored her wiggling flank in favor of admiring one of the modern art paintings on the bar's walls. She was having no luck tonight, the closest she'd gotten to a banging buddy being somepony that asked her to pick something up for them, thanking her, and walking away. She'd even done it while facing away from them, bent low and giving her tail a subtle flick!

Come to think of it, that never worked on Shining Studmuffin, either.

That led to thoughts of Twilight and Sunset, what they'd do if they were here.

The day she finally got Twilight out to a bar, while possibly signaling the end of the universe, she'd probably get to see whether alcohol made her dancing better or worse. Truly a question for the ages, so far.

Sunset would most likely bat her eyes at any given pair of colts (Maybe twins? Sunset seemed to have a knack for finding those!) and throw them at Moondancer to make her leave her alone for an hour or so, an obvious trap Moondancer had willingly fallen for maybe a few too many times.

She was snapped out of her thoughts by a hoof slapping her flank, to her equal pain and excitement. She whipped around, smiling, but rather than a buff, confident stallion, she saw a light tan mare with bright green hair that looked like she was just regaining her balance.

"Oh, golly, I-I'm sorry, I had a little trip there! Hope I didn't hurt'cha any?"

Eh, I'll take it. "Don't worry about it," Moondancer said with half-lidded eyes, wiggling her hindquarters where the stranger could see, "my flank's pretty sturdy, it can take all kinds of punishment."

The mare with a rooster for a cutie mark tilted her head. "That right?"

Moondancer couldn't help smirking a little. "Yup! Wanna test it for yourself?"

"Naw," she answered with a friendly smile, "I'll take your word for it."

Blink.

"I gotta get to gettin' now, but you take care!"

A second later, Moondancer was alone again, her accidental flank-smacker already vanished into the crowd. She sighed. Wonder what Sunny and Twily are up to?

Author's Note

The return of Trixie's title list! And now it's going away for a while again. Probably.

When I first saw the episode, I was like, "Seriously, Fedora Guy? An alicorn freaking princess asks to take a cab in front of you and you do THAT?!"
This is my guess of why it went that way and nopony batted an eye.

29. Moonbutts Unite, part 5: Some Ponies Like To Get Away (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

A little while after abandoning the mess in the kitchen, Sunset found herself standing outside the bathroom and being serenaded with the sounds of Twilight losing her lunch.

"HUUURRK!!"

She rolled her eyes. "C'mon, you lightweight, you only had one bite."

"H-ho-hack!! ...How can you tolerate that kind of poison in your body?!"

"Well, for starters, I didn't make the rookie mistake of eating four cinnamon rolls in an attempt to wash out the taste."

There was a short series of retching noises before the next reply. "...You said you couldn't back home, right? Wash out the taste, I mean? B-because everything-"

"Was pretty much more of the same, yes." After a moment's silence, Sunset glared at the door. "Don't give me that pitying look!!"

"Wha-how-wha-"

"Urgh, just, wrap up in there and let's head back, I think we've taken more than enough of a break now."

Once again, the two spent the better part of the evening hard at work, but this time they set an alarm clock to enforce a cut-off point. About three hours later, they remembered that it had meant that they were supposed to stop.

When morning came, neither really felt like cards or board games, so both meandered out of their room, neither having even brushed their manes yet.

Sunset blinked somewhat groggily. "Coffee?"

With a little yawn, Twilight nodded. "Yes. To coffee."

And off they went. Unbeknownst to both, a lone stallion had seen them exit their room together that morning. He stood at a distance, his hooves all but rooted in place as he witnessed the two mares, their hair messy and fatigue clear in their expressions and body language. He didn't quite know what to make of what he saw, but he was dumbly following a ways behind them as they went for...

HOT COFFEE

Red Hope had thought he'd finally worked up the courage to ask Twilight out, but his heart, stomach, spleen, and a few other major organs froze solid when he saw her with... the other her. He didn't have to be a student in CSFGU to know who Sunset Shimmer was, nor that she was not someone you wanted to mess with.

I don't think I've ever understood that phrase. Is there anypony in the world you DO want to mess with? Like, someone that, once you've ticked them off, they'll smile and say "Oh, thank you, kind aggravator, allow me to shower you with cake and money!"?

He shook his head and took a sip of the cup of coffee he'd ordered while sitting at a table at Gustav's Outdoor Delights, reasonably distant from that of Twilight and Sunset. He watched them eating a light breakfast, Twilight taking hold of her cup in both hooves as she lifted it to her muzzle, which left just a little puff of foam on the tip of her nose when she set it down again. Sunset seemed to notice this, saying something Red couldn't hear from where he was as she dabbed the foam off. The action looked so caring, so tender, that he could only imagine what they were saying to each other at that very moment.

"You've got something right here."

"Huh? Oh. Thanks, Sunset."

"Mhm. You gonna finish that scone?"

"Eh, you take it."

Red Hope watched Sunset lift something from Twilight's plate, and eat it herself! They even shared their meals!

Twilight smiled a little. "How is it?"

Sunset shrugged. "It's... a scone? Buttery and stuff." Twilight looked just a little too happy. "What? Did you spit on it or something?"

"Wha-no!! I was just thinking that you probably needed something tasty after-" Twilight got a strawberry muffin telekinetically jammed into her mouth.

Sunset was only frowning a little as the light of her horn flickered out. "I told you to quit pitying me, dammit."

Gasp!

They were feeding each other! Sunset just popped a muffin into Twilight's mouth like a flirty dinner date!

Gulping down the last of the muffin, Twilight scowled a bit. "Geez, sorry if I care that you suffered through a long, miserable foalhood of stomachaches and deadened taste-buds!"

Propping her head up with a foreleg on the table, Sunset rolled her eyes. "It's not like every meal was as bad as that cake."

Twilight brightened a little. "Oh?"

"Yup."

As the realization that Sunset wasn't telling anything further sunk in, Twilight's ears slowly lowered on her head. She made a sad face. "That's all?"

Sunset's eyes narrowed. "That's all."

Red Hope could only watch in astonishment. They even have lover's quarrels!

Her scientific curiosity unsated, Twilight got an idea that made her smile. Widely.

Sunset got a bad feeling. "No." Twilight just kept staring at her with that wide, expectant grin. "Oh, come on," she muttered, "it's too early for this."

Twilight kept smiling. "...Please?"

With a pained grimace, Sunset gave in. "Urgh... Fine, as a rich girl back home, I could afford something edible on its own once in a while, and when I couldn't, I experimented. Most of what grows in Southern Equestria isn't the most appealing stuff to begin with, so the cooks make due with whatever they've got. I managed to work around the inherent nastiness of what they called bread over there to make stuff that was just decent.

Twilight made the mental note not to abuse Moondancer's method too often. There was a limit before cajoling information out of someone stopped being curiosity or concern for a friend and started being prying. "I've read up a little on the economics of the region, do they really prohibit importing food from other parts of Equestria?"

"Pretty much." It got to the point that about a fifth of those arrested in Southern Equestria were sentenced for inclusion with the Underground Food Market, but Twilight didn't ask about that. Luckily, such ponies were never held for longer than a few months.

Twilight blinked slowly, then started to smile. "So... I'm friends with one of the greatest cooks in Southern Equestria?"

Despite clenching her jaw, Sunset couldn't keep the corners of her mouth from rising half an inch. "Don't make it sound like I had much real competition, it's not much of an accomplishment if hardly anypony else even put up a fight." Though now that she thought about it, starting a food fight back home was considered a full-scale declaration of war in the right circumstances.

It was hard to keep just a little amusement out of Twilight's voice, along with the hint of a teasing smile on her face. "Do you think you could make something for Moondancer and me some time?"

Crossing her forelegs, Sunset scowled. "No, I-" She stopped, mouth hanging open as she trailed off for a few seconds. And then she grinned, widely and wickedly. "Actually, yes, I'd be happy to prepare you both some authentic Southern Equestria cuisine."

Twilight blanched, already getting flashbacks. "Ah, uh, th-that's, um, that's okay, I wasn't really-"

"I could prepare you a full-course meal so that the juices stick in your guts for days, lingering on your teeth, and the sheer smell of it-"

Twilight conjured up a white flag to wave in the air. "Okay, okay, uncle, enough, I'm sorry I pried, can we please forget this whole conversation?!"

Taking another sip of coffee, Sunset smirked. "Deal." She couldn't help giggling a little, which Twilight joined in despite herself.

They even tease each other and laugh it off like it's nothing.

Red Hope sighed, finished his coffee, stood up, and walked away, forgoing his plan to ask Twilight out entirely. Remembering his friends(?) in S.A.S.S., he figured he should at least break the news to them. Who knew, maybe some of them would relieved to hear it?

"ALL IS PAIN AND DESPAIR!!"

All around him, Red Hope watched as grown stallions openly wept like fillies, those that weren't were instead facehoofing, banging their heads against a wall, swearing under their breaths, or curling into balls and gibbering to themselves. All with the exception of Daemon Bash, who pronked in place with an ear-to-ear grin, giggling like... well, like a filly. But a happy one.

Red Hope, for lack of a better idea, hesitantly decided to engage Bash in conversation. "Why are you so happy about this?"

"Heeheeheeheehee! Bodies," he replied, "gonna be so many bodies to experiment on soon!"

"Ah, of course..."

Amid the wailing and heartbreak, one member of S.A.S.S. collected himself. Taking a deep breath, High Roller spoke up. "Maybe, this is a good thing." In short order, he had the attention of everyone gathered, most of them quieting down to hear his elaboration. "I mean, with this, we finally know the reason all of our efforts were in vain; it wasn't just that we weren't good enough, it's that we never had a chance with her to begin with. For different reasons than we've been thinking."

There were a few chuckles from those listening, even if at their own expense.

"Maybe he's right," offered Con, "all this time we've bemoaned our awful luck with that purple cutie with the nice flank, and for what? Pain, despair, loneliness, the occasional cold shower, and..." Looking around, he started to smile. "Actually, maybe we've gotten a little more out of all this. We've all tried to get her attention, except Red over there, but let's be honest, that was never going to work out anyway,"

"HEY!!" That there were several sage nods only irritated Red Hope further.

"but in trying," Con went on, "all of us share a bond, a common experience in being shot down one way or another by the most oblivious filly in Canterlot, and I think, together, we're all closer for it." He smiled widely, serenely, as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders, many of those around him hesitantly doing the same. "Yes, I dare say that the lot of us don't need Twilight Sparkle, because the friendship we share now is more meaningful than a one-night stand or a few dates, or even a lasting relationship with her! With this, the legend of the Sweet Lavender Flank of Despair can finally come to a clo-"

The door opened and Red Velvet, S.A.S.S.'s only female member, cheerfully trotted in. "Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late, did I miss anything?" She was quickly filled in, but when the explanation concluded, she giggled as though they'd told her a really silly joke. "Nah."

Red Hope tilted his head. "...'Nah'?"

Velvet nodded. "Yea, I'm guessing whatever you saw wasn't what it looked like, because Twilight's not gay, and neither is Sunset Shimmer. I've checked. That's the reason I'm in this group, y'know?" The many looks of disbelief said it was story time. "Well, basically..."

GIRLS KISS NO TWILIGHT

There was a road between Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns and Donut Joe's that was lined with a particular kind of tree. For most of the year, they were nothing special, but for a few weeks in the spring, their leaves turned pink and dropped off. Yes, they were cherry blossoms! The slow fall of those leaves provided an amazing romantic effect, so much so that Red Velvet, dressed in a white shirt with a red necktie and blue, pleated skirt, was sure this would be the day! She was even dressed to look like a student from CSFGU! At least according to the clerk at that costume shop she went to.

Twilight Sparkle approached, indicating she'd gotten the letter. Velvet wasted no time, stepping forward. "Twilight Sparkle, I love you, please go out with me!"

Blinking twice, she was afraid to ask what the schoolgirl outfit (Moondancer had a similar one) was about. "Umm, I'm sorry, I can't..."

Velvet's heart sank. "Oh no, please don't tell me..."

Twilight smiled apologetically. "I'm afraid I'm..."

"You're already dating Sunset Shimmer?"

"WHAT?!"

Sighing, Velvet shook her head. "I saw how two you acted together, but I thought, I hoped, that you were just very good friends. I guess I was kidding myself."

Twilight turned pinker than the cherry blossoms. "N-no, we're not dating! I'm just not into mares, I swear! And neither is she!"

"Oh." There was a pause as the situation sunk in. "Well, this is awkward."

"...Yes. Yes, it is."

Cherry leaves fell in silence.

Velvet glanced away. "I'd better go now."

Twilight was all too happy to flee the scene. "Yeah, me too, bye!"

Her tale complete, Red Velvet looked around the room full of slack-jawed, twitchy-eyed stallions and shrugged. She looked at Daemon Bash. "You got any soda?"

"Snack table, usual spot. Also, can I have your sou-"

She cut him off. "Groovy, thanks!"

As she enjoyed a fizzy drink, the room burst into swears, tears, and head-banging, for rather different reasons than before. Looking around, Bash shrugged and got back to pronking in place as he sing-songed. "Bodies, bodies, gonna be some bodies~!"

Breakfast was odd for the moon-flanked trio, primarily when Trixie was startled by the sudden appearance of a couple of stallions in suits.

"Hello," was as far as one of them got before Trixie dove behind ~~Princess Luna~~ Moon Sky for cover. "Oh," he said, "and there she is."

Moondancer paced over, concerned. "Uh, hey, what's goin' on here?"

One of the strangers turned to her. "We were sent to find a mare thought to reside here in the hopes that she could fill in for somepony in tonight's performance."

Moon Sky, whom Trixie was still worriedly standing behind like a filly hiding behind her mother in the face of scary strangers, raised an eyebrow. "Performance?"

Suit Pony #1 nodded. "One of the stars, Broken Leg, has cancelled at the last minute, something about a lucky break in another city. As such, Show Time, the director of Manehattan's Broadhay division-"

Heart did a backflip. "BROADH-"

"Not now," snapped Brain.

"-sent us here to look for a blue mare he met the other night, one he felt would be a perfect fit for the vacant role in The Tragedy of Nightmare Moon. Does any of this sound familiar?"

Moon Sky stood rooted in place, wide-eyed and very quiet. She almost jumped out of her skin when Moondancer spoke up.

"Wow. Isn't that the show Fan's putting on later? You'd have the frontiest front-row seats, Moonbutt!"

"Trixie concurs," she said from Moon Sky's other side, now that it was clear these colts weren't the first bounty hunters to sneak up on her in a while. In hindsight, maybe she owed Beaten Bush a tiny 'thank you.' "It's a rare opportunity that anypony should be cast for a role they've not auditioned for. What do you think?"

It was twenty-three minutes, two cups of decaf, and a plate of donuts (the Broadhay ponies were happy to grab a bite) before Moon Sky could articulate properly, her face very passive. "I... Yes."

Suit Pony #2 smiled. "You'll do it?" There was a slow nod. "That's great! We should set off right away, much to go over before the show tonight." And away they went, Moon Sky in tow.

Trixie smiled. "And thus does Trixie know another Broadhay star."

Moondancer giggled. "Keeping count?"

"Not exactly, but having famous friends will only help Trixie if she is to impress her prince."

"Yea, I gue-waihuh?!"

With a haughty chuckle, Trixie bobbed her mane twice. "Surprised? Yes, the apple of Trixie's eye is none other than Ponyville's Most Handsome Marathon Runner, The Pony with the Shiniest Teeth in the Manliest Jaw, Heir of Studliness, Hair of Cuddliness, Every Filly's Dream, Master of Telepor-"

"Prince Blueblood?"

Darn it all! "Yes, him." She noticed that Moondancer looked exceptionally nervous about something. She was even starting to sweat! Her Great and Powerful mind quickly worked out the reason. "Worry not, Fair Moondancer, Trixie knows some ponies cannot help themselves when imagining Trixie's Beloved in all his-"

"We've met."

"Huh?"

Moondancer smiled sheepishly. "Blueblood and me? I've, eh... run into him at a few parties." Trixie stared back her, eyes wide, but otherwise expressionless. "We've, uh, I-I mean, I haven't seen him in a long while now, but, yea. You okay, Trixie?"

There was a long silence. "When you say... run into...?"

Moondancer gulped. "Eh... Yep."

"I see." There was another silence. Moondancer felt a deathly chill as time seemed to slow down, the ambient noise of the room and the city as a whole grew quieter, roaring monsters in Tartarus may have unanimously gone silent, and the very planet lost speed in its spin. And then Trixie smiled, her face and tone nothing but confident. "That's fine!"

"Uh... R-really?"

"Yes," Trixie said with an affable giggle, "Trixie fully understands that Her Darling is a stallion with needs, and it bothers her not if he should choose to fill them with other mares until the day she is ready to make him hers. Just another demonstration of his irresistible masculinity!" Then she raised an eyebrow, looking curious. "That said, Trixie is a little surprised you've been acquainted."

"I first saw him at one of those champagne-and-tiny-cheese-sticks get-togethers. Don't remember what the party was about, but he looked all bored and lonely, I didn't need to be anywhere in the next hour, so, uh..." This was perhaps the first time Trixie had seen Moondancer even remotely uncomfortable when admitting to deeds of seedy nature, but she turned red just the same. "Well, let's just say I'd heard of Blueblood before and indulged a bit of scientific curiosity."

Ooh, brain-wham! Twilight might not like to admit it, but she can't stand not knowing things. If I worded it right, would she do some research too?

Trixie looked a little surprised, holding a hoof to her chin in thought. "You were drawn to him too, huh?"

Moondancer shrugged. "I'm a colt-obsessed filly that grew up in Canterlot, why wouldn't I have fantasies about him?"

"...Trixie accepts that logic. However, she has questions!"

"Eh, sure."

Trixie got a little closer than Moondancer was comfortable with, delivering her questions in rapid-fire fashion. "When did you first meet him? What time of day was it? Was he with anypony else at the time? Who were they and how many? How many times have you 'met,' and in what circumstances? Was there ever a relationship or were these strictly multiple one-time flings? What did he smell like when last you-"

"Woah, woah!" cried Moondancer, holding up a hoof in weak defense, "please, calm down!"

Trixie took a breath. "My apologies, Fair Moondancer, but information is a valuable commodity when it comes to Trixie's Beloved."

"Yea, I got that." She scratched the back of her head. "Still, yeesh! I wasn't expecting the Horspanish Inquisition."

There was a flare of dramatic music. "NOPONY EXPECTS THE HORSPANISH INQUISITION!"

Trixie and Moondancer turned in unison to see a trio of stallions in red robes. One bore a wide-brimmed hat, one an aviator's cap, and the last just wearing a plain, red cloth that might have been a stand-in for a hood.

Trixie facehoofed. "Oh for the love of Celestia's plot."

Moondancer quirked an eyebrow. "You know these guys?"

"Trixie doesn't want to talk about this."

"We have caught you with our greatest weapon,” announced the leader, “and that weapon is surprise! Surprise and devotion to our cause, which is two things, we have caught you with our two greatest weapons; surprise and devotion to our cause, and-"

Aviator Cap spoke up. "Oh, they've buggered off!"

Taking quick stock of the area, the lead inquisitor couldn't help agreeing. "Quick, after them!"

Outside the motel, Moondancer's tone betrayed a hint of nervousness. "I know you said you didn't want to talk about this, but I thought the bounty hunters didn't come after you here?"

"Most of them are smart enough not to," Trixie grumbled. She quickly looked around, smirking when she spotted a police officer. "This bunch will just have to figure out why..."

When her pursuers caught up, Trixie pointed at them, making teary, pitiful expression. "There they are, officer, those are the colts that want to 'initiate Trixie into their faith'!"

"Bah," protested Wide-Brim, "rrrrubbish she speaks! There is no place for the likes of her in the Horspanish Inquisition!"

The cop took one long look at the stallions in red robes (and an aviator hat), opened his mouth, closed it again, turned away, said "Nope." with finality, and walked off.

Quickly looking back and forth between him and the bounty hunters, Trixie sputtered. "Um, h-hello?! Aren't you going to arrest them or something?!"

He kept walking. "Nope."

Trixie trotted after, feeling just a smidge indignant. "And why not?!"

He stopped. "Ma'am, I'd love to help, but after the Tartarus that the Paladins of the Sun dragged through this city borne of an unprecedented political situation that arose as a result of one of their members getting arrested after making a scene, I and everypony in this city am content to ignore religious loons like those guys. You're a resourceful pony, Miss Lulamoon, so I'm sure you'll be okay. As for me? NOPE!!" And then he bolted, gone in seconds.

Standing still for a moment, Trixie turned back toward Moondancer and the waiting bounty hunters. "Moondancer? A word?"

Quickly glancing at the ponies in red, Moondancer caught them giving her an impatient look, as if to say 'Well? She's waiting on you.' It seemed polite of them, at least. She trotted over to Trixie. "Yea?" Trixie motioned for her to come a little closer. Closer. Closer still. Trixie leaned over to whisper into her ear.

"Run!"

And then they bolted, the inquisitors right on their tails. As per the usual tactic when all else failed, Trixie opted to run like a timberwolf on fire, darting through an alley with Moondancer right beside her.

"No offense is meant regarding your athletic ability, Fair Moondancer, but Trixie is faintly surprised you can keep up with her so easily!"

Moondancer smirked. "I do cardio! You think I keep a body like this sitting around reading books all day?"

"Makes sense. Wait, isn't that what Sunset Shimmer and the other one do? How is it they they maintain healthy figures?"

"Well," began Moondancer as they rounded a corner, "it's funny you should ask. You see, they-"

The two stopped dead, finding themselves in the middle of a four-way intersection of alleyways and surrounded by a small army of bounty hunters. To their left was a band of goons in purple and grey armor not interesting enough to dwell on, to their right were many ordinary-looking ponies in a wide variety of silly hats, and in front of them-

"YOU ARE SURROUNDED, TRIXIE LULAMOON!"

-were the ponies in suits.

Trixie smiled. "Thank you for always announcing your presence, it is most helpful!"

"YOU ARE QUITE WELCOME!" Beaten Bush was swiftly dope-slapped by his fellow bounty hunters.

Turning around, Trixie and and Moondancer found themselves boxed in when the inquisitors caught up. Making careful note of this, Moondancer raised an eyebrow while looking at the stallion in the wide-brimmed hat. "What, did you round up everypony that's ever come after her for some kind of hunter legion of doom?"

Wide-Brim shrugged lightly. "Everypony within the postcode, yes. With all of them sworn in as honorary members of the covenant, the authorities shall not dissuade us all in our holiest of missions!"

As Trixie looked increasingly nervous while mentally running down her list of options in this situation, Moondancer did what she was best at for times like these; stall for time. "Holiest of missions?"

"Yes, to apprehend the hated witch for her cardinal sin among our order!"

He stepped forward to make good on that claim, but stopped the second Moondancer opened her mouth again. "Cardinal sin?"

"Yes! For trilling her r's without them being the first letter in the spoken word! Do not ask why," he added quickly, "for why is a closely-guarded secret, and our order is an order of one thing; an order of secrets!"

"And words," added Aviator Cap.

"Yes, right, thank you, ours is an order of two things; an order of secrets and words and diligence, and that's three things, our order, is an order of-"

"Oh, for goodness sake," cried one of the suit ponies, "will you get on with it?!"

"Hush thy tongue, initiate!" Wide-Brim straightened his hat, perhaps meaningfully. "So long as you wish to remain unmolested by the local police, you will adhere to the rules of the Inquisitors!"

Trixie narrowed her eyes. "And what do 'the Inquisitors' want with Trixie this time?"

The three of them spoke in unison. "We're glad you asked!" Arranging themselves into a circle, the four teams of bounty hunters, at the request/demand of at least one faction, and began to sing. Trixie appeared only slightly surprised.

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We're sent by the Lulamoons!

We'll have you home really soon!

You've been away, you've gone astray,

so we'll send you to your room!

We'll take you back to Canterlot,

because your parents, they rant'r lot!

Some of them were now standing on their hind legs, locking forehooves around the shoulders of those next to them to perform a group can-can.

We're sent by the Lulamoons!

We don't, have time, for cartoons!

We sing this song, so come along,

or we'll feed you to baboons!

We're taking you to Canterlot,

because we're getting paid'r-lot!

Only about thirty seconds into their routine, Aviator Cap stopped and called out to the rest. "Oh, they've buggered off again!"

One of the suits complained again. "I told you they'd just run if we did the musical number!"

"Quiet," retorted Wide-Brim, "or we'll give you... the rrrrrack!"

The third inquisitor spoke up. "We didn't bring it, sir."

"Oh, bollocks to it, then, let us chase them!"

"Yes," declared an earth pony wearing a miner's helmet, complete with a little light, "without the local authorities in our way, we will be free to apprehend her and claim that sizeable reward at last!"

A pegasus wearing a traffic cone on her head gave him an unsure look. "Who's that guy? I don't remember him in the group before."

"New recruit," answered a unicorn stallion wearing a top hat, "picked him up yesterday, name's Red Capsule, but we've been calling him Re-Cap."

"Oh," said the yet-unnamed pegasus, "thanks for the explanation, Easy Answer!"

"Any time, Miss-"

"ENOUGH OF YOUR POINTLESS EXPOSITION," cried a suit pony who could probably due with some identification himself, "let's chase them already!"

And so they did.

Author's Note

And now I hope to add another timeless-until-it's-answered Stallionverse question; "How do Sunset and Twilight keep fit?" Maybe Doctor knows.

Moondancer is a master of the Metal Gear method of dragging things out. Not that it takes much practice.

Jetto says: I still can't believe I allowed Monthy Python into this story.

30. Moonbutts Unite, part 6: Sing Us A Song Tonight (by Eyeswirl The Weirded)

Sunset and Twilight were well awake now. That was unfortunate, because they were both bored out of their skulls. They sat slumped against each other on a bench overlooking an empty stretch of street.

"Hey Sunset?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"Theory."

"Hit me."

"The nobles of Canterlot like things ordered, structured, well-organized and efficient most of the time."

"One of the things you said you liked about this city."

"Yes. But. Like. Sometimes?"

"It gets boring."

"Yes."

They shared another silence. Whether it was one long, continuous silence or if the first extended into a second, neither cared enough to deduce.

Twilight glanced upward at the sky, as if hoping something to do would fall from it. "Moondancer didn't really glomp us that often."

Sunset only shrugged.

Another pause. Wind blew. Clouds drifted.

"Wanna talk about my BBBF-"

"No."

Birds chirped. Leaves rustled. The three-day period without Moondancer was truly proving to be the time of their lives.

"Well," Sunset thought aloud, "I'll be seeing you." She didn't move.

Neither did Twilight. "Yep. Seeing."

Both remained on the bench in silence for another minute before sluggishly getting up and dragging themselves in opposite directions.

Irony was a concept that occasionally weighed heavily on Princess Luna's thoughts. They day she found herself standing in the dressing room of the building housing a Broadhay performance in which she would be an active member was one such time. Not for the fact that she, a considerable fan of the art herself, was now cast in it, for the telling of her own tale; The Tragedy of Nightmare Moon, but for her specific role in the specific production. Somehow, she had just assumed she would be cast as Nightmare Moon, as would only be cosmically fitting.

This was not so.

"So," asked a pinkish earth pony with a curly, dark-purple mane, "how're ya feeling about the costume, 'Princess Celestia'?"

She was cast as her sister. Her coat was sprayed with a temporary, easily-washed dye to look white, she was fitted with stage wings that, while not truly functional, would move and flap like the genuine article when it was called for, her mane and tail were coated with long, beautiful synthetic materials to resemble Celestia's ethereal mane, and she found herself wearing a near-perfect replica of her sister's golden regalia. "It, fits well, I believe."

The costume pony smiled. "Super, you just let 'em know that old Suri did a great job on the outfits, heh-heh, okay?" Suri noticed her assistant standing just behind 'Celestia,' pouting and looking at the floor. She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Coco, you did okay too."

Some ponies might have considered carrying out more than 75% of the labor to be more than 'okay,' but hearing even that much startled Coco Pommel into a wide, grateful smile. "Th-thank you, Miss Polomare!"

Suri rolled her eyes, still grinning. "Yea, I'm a peach. C'mon, let's see that backstage wine I've been hearing about, okay?"

The two left, Luna as Moon Sky as Princess Celestia vaguely certain she heard an inquiry about the assistant being old enough to drink, but she disregarded it, instead eyeing her synthetic wings. Further irony: I shouldn't even need the invisible wires they'll have me lifted with. At least her disguise would make her less self-conscious before an audience, more-so if she thought of herself as Celestia and not herself. She would take her mental crutches where she could get them.

Perhaps another tid-bit? Her co-star, the one who would actually be playing the part of herself as well as Nightmare Moon, was none other than Moondancer's cousin Fan Dance, the actual Broadhay star. Who would now be acting out Luna herself. On stage. In a real, booked-out-theater show.

Heart was bouncing off the walls, twisting itself into knots, weeping tears of joy, screaming at the sky, curling up into a ball to rock back and forth, and having a snow-cone all at once. The combined effort, strangely, left Luna's mind very calm and controllable, so she was likely still in shock.

Soon it would be time, and Luna as Moon Sky as Celestia already knew all her lines...

Not because she had actually lived through the events this show intended to depict, but because she had seen the show a good few times before. To assume she knew what to say just because that was what was actually said a thousand years ago, as if she could even remember everything, would have clashed with the script and left the other actors confused. This went double for the instances in which the show and the reality differed entirely, for there was no pie fight between servants that Luna could recall.

Anyway, she was not about to see a perfectly good production ruined by such presumption, so she would say the lines properly! Soon it would be time.

Running, but getting cut off nearly everywhere they went by another little band of bounty hunters, Trixie and Moondancer could only keep running.

"Got... an... idea," panted Moondancer, "next alley, we'll..." She shared the plan as quietly as possible, Trixie nodding sharply seconds before the two ducked out of sight.

The hunters kept hunting, but to no avail. Trixie and Moondancer could hear them shouting to continue the search, but for now, they were sitting in a little gap between buildings, safe behind a combination of Trixie's cloak made to look like a brick wall and Moondancer's Cloaking Sphere. They couldn't very well stay here forever, but they could certainly rest for a while.

"So," Trixie whispered with an eager grin when she'd caught her breath, "Trixie believes we were discussing Her Beloved?"

Moondancer smiled too.

Sunset was stretched out on a couch, lying on her back with her forelegs folded over her chest. She stared straight up at the ceiling as she spoke.

"It's not that I miss her, or, anypony, really. I've been away from home for years now, and I've never even felt like entertaining the idea of going back to visit. I don't miss my mother, or my father, or my old classmates, or the local guards, or the random townsponies, or the crazy alligator lady. That's strange, isn't it? That I don't miss anypony at all? I know the score, how you're supposed to say you do miss those you may have gotten to know in youth, how it's only natural to grow attached to familiar faces, but I don't feel it. 'Evil,' right?"

She nickered. "Not that I care what anypony thinks about that anymore. I won't adhere to arbitrary standards just because it's expected, just because it unsettles ponies if you think or do otherwise. That alone is one reason I don't miss anypony back home, you know? I never pretended, never acted like somepony else wanted me to for no better reason than because that was just what was anticipated. Some ponies didn't like that. You're supposed to lie, supposed to pretend you care about the the thoughts and feelings of each and every soul you meet, or whatever the social convention is in that region. That's why I never bothered to make an effort at fitting in, it's all so fake and shallow that it barely makes sense to try."

Closing her eyes for a moment, Sunset sighed. "That's not what I'm here to talk about, per se. I don't miss anypony back home, not because I'm an unfeeling sociopath, but because there just wasn't much to miss. I snuck out of the castle sometimes, got a good look at those who led more modest lives. Did I mention being rich back home? I was. I don't miss it. What was the point, really? I don't think I ever saw anypony in Southern Equestria that was considerably more prone to smiling for reasons directly relating to their share of wealth. Ponies who counted bits for a living generally looked about as happy as those that shoveled snow out of walkways every day, the richest jerk was no happier than the poorest jerk. That's why I don't go around posing and flipping my mane like a lot of mares you see around Canterlot, I know that my standing doesn't make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. When I pose and flip my mane, it's because I want to."

"You were expecting me to talk about Moondancer, right? Well, I kind of am, because I don't miss her either. If I don't miss my own family, why would I miss the pony that periodically puts me in weird, embarrassing, frustrating situations? The one that apparently makes a game of it, I mean. Come to think of it, I guess Celestia kind of counts too, but don't ask me if I'd miss her at all. I don't miss Moondancer. She's crazy, and annoying, and without her around, things are nice and quiet. It'd be stupid to miss someone like that, more-so when you don't miss those that are supposed to be closer to you than anyone; your family. I don't exactly make a point of writing to them every week, you know. Because I don't miss them. I don't miss Moondancer either, because by the end of today or tomorrow morning, she'll be back in all her noisy, irritating glory. And then I'll continue to not miss her."

Her listener, sitting nearby, finally spoke up. "Yes, that's very fascinating, but I have one question," Spike's eye twitched, "why are you telling ME this?"

"You're a kindred spirit in facing the dreaded Moon-glomps. And besides, shut up. That you're able to sit here in the library, out in the open and unprotected, means you don't miss her either."

Spike scratched his scaly little head. "I... guess...?"

Sunset was still staring at the ceiling. "Good. Now you talk for a while."

"Wha-huh?!"

Sunset's eyes narrowed, though the effect was more surreal than threatening when she was still in the exact same pose as when she'd started that monologue. "Words, dragon, or did you want me to say 'speak'?"

Spike scowled. "I'm not a pet!!"

"Good," retorted Sunset, "then I don't need to go get you a biscuit. Now come on, out with it. Anything."

Fumbling for topics, Spike gulped. I can't believe I'm thinking this, but for the love of Celestia; Moondancer, please get home soon!

Once they'd caught their breath, Trixie and Moondancer attempted to make their way back to the hotel room without being spotted. No such luck.

"Don't let them get away!"

The two ran, Ponies With Hats in hot pursuit. As they fled toward a crowded sidewalk, Trixie's horn lit up under her hat. "Quick," she loud-whispered to Moondancer, "follow my lead!" Ducking low, she slid under the legs of the crowd, the top of her hat tickling more than a few bellies. She cast her spell, and suddenly, several ponies were wearing illusory replicas of Trixie's hat.

The actual hat-bearers spread out while trying to apprehend every pointy hat they saw.

"That's her over there!"

"No, that one!"

"That's a stallion!"

"Yes, Easy Answer, thank you for pointing that out."

Moondancer was no master of illusion, but she knew there weren't enough fake hats to fool the hunters long enough for the real one to slip away. Her horn lit up. A second later, many more hats magically seemed to appear on confused heads.

Trixie, ducking next to Moondancer, raised an eyebrow. "Trixie appreciates the effort, but she doesn't think sombreros, top hats, pith helmets, and Buffalo feather-headdresses are quite what we need right now."

Moondancer smiled sheepishly. "I may have missed something when integrating the Hat spell with the Scattershot spell, and I wasn't sure exactly how to form your star patt-."

"Sweet Celestia," cried a Hat-Hunter, which may have been their actual group name, "is that a Buffalo headdress?!"

"Ooh, let me touch it!"

"We very much like these hats."

"That much was obvious, Re-Cap, thank you."

Despite the increasing confusion and discomfort of those randomly granted headwear, Trixie smiled. "Trixie rescinds her earlier comment, now let's go while they're distracted!"

Moondancer smiled too, and not just because she had a... good view of many healthy ponies here. "Right behind you." Everypony but Trixie. Darn that cape...

All alone, Twilight Sparkle wandered into Donut Joe's, taking a seat at the counter. "The usual, please."

"Joe nodded, bringing her her order a minute later. He gave her a little smile. "So, where's your coltfriend?"

Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor were not a couple, they were brother and sister. However, there were ponies that knew this, and those that did not. Donut Joe was strictly in the latter category.

Twilight turned red and scowled. "He, is, NOT my coltfriend!! Our relationship is completely normal, I might say I love him a lot, because I do, and there's nothing wrong with loving your siblings!" She blinked. "Platonically, loving them platonically! Which I do, but that doesn't make him my coltfriend and I've never even thought about it! Not once, not now, not ever!"

As that technically wasn't 100.00% true, Twilight automatically corrected herself. "Well, I mean, unless it turned out that we weren't actually related, which we are, but I mean, if I weren't his sister, which I am, it would be perfectly understandable if I wanted to- which I don't, but any mare would be lucky to have him, so it would completely reasonable to think about it under those circumstances. Which I have not, because we are brother and sister, which means he is not my coltfriend!!

She didn't need to turn around to know everypony in the shop was looking at her now. A heavy silence weighing down on her, Twilight silently wondered what her brother would say when faced with this kind of awkward moment before teleporting away.

Donut Joe blinked, looking down at the counter. "...She forgot her donuts again."

The band of ponies in purple and grey armor quickly marched after Trixie as she turned a corner, leapt over a stack of boxes, and dove into an open sewer. Crushing the boxes underhoof, they followed without hesitation, all of them jumping down the hole as well.

A manhole cover enveloped in a pinkish glow slowly came to rest over the opening, Trixie and Moondancer stepping out from behind a dumpster a second later. Their trick successful, they high-hoofed.

"Suckers!"

The pair giggled like fillies before fleeing the area.

The debut performance of Luna as Moon Sky as Princess Celestia was going remarkably well. Playing the part of her sister had initially felt almost bewildering, but she had already learned to resist responding to her own name while undercover. The show was definitely dramatizing things a little, with several scenes and events that plain did not happen in reality. Among them was a much more sympathetic depiction of herself than was painted by the truth. They were now at the climax, and the scene Luna most dreaded.

"Darkness reigned over the land," spoke the narrator, "the moon high in the sky long after its time. The royal sisters stood alone in the throne room of their castle, years of tension that could no longer be contained bubbling under Princess Luna's skin as she, and the Nightmare within, at last spoke their mind to the object of their resentment."

Fan Dance, as Luna, had proven to be an almost worryingly convincing duplicate, her inflection alone often making the real Luna's heart ache. She, wearing a disguise not unlike the 'Celestia' costume, but with a false horn instead of false wings, stepped forward.

"You come at last, Celestia. Finally found time for for your dearest sister after all?"

Luna had occasionally wondered what exactly must have been going through Celestia's head the night she was banished, and now she was getting an idea. Despite the growing lump in her throat, 'Celestia' kept to her role. "Luna, don't do this."

Well-placed synthetic stone fragments flew from the ground where 'Luna' stomped. "Even now you would treat me as a foal?! I have received your message of condescension, Sister, what more will you do to show your contemptuous indifference for me?!"

The words hurt, not for the tone being directed at her, but for just how well they mirrored the sentiment that had come from her. Luna's eyes misted, the pain bleeding into her voice. "That is not how I feel, Luna. I love you, I've always loved you, even if I have not done all that I could to show it. I am sorry that these last few weeks have hurt you so, but-"

The other Luna all but roared, face contorting with hatred and her eyes full of rage. "LAST FEW WEEKS?! Think you that I should be pressed so easily that only recent events so distress me?! No, my grievances hold foundation in years, Celestia, not unlike your hubris!" Snorting, she shook her head with contempt. "I suppose that is to be expected, so highly do you think of yourself that you believe nopony could possibly hold your great composure, that we must all be blithering infants before your power."

Celestia was supposed to look angrier here, but Luna couldn't help enacting a slightly more tearful portrayal. "Luna, please, I know that you are upset, but you must stop this. Ponies cannot live in eternal darkness, what you are doing is madness! The two of us live to serve our subjects, not demand their approval. Their love for us should stem from what we earn of it," the words were like salt applied directly to her tongue, remembering how she reacted to a similar sentiment, "not what we can coerce. We should be appreciative of all that they offer us, even when it is not all that we may wish it to be."

'Luna' snarled. "A log in thy eye, Celestia! Small task for you to accept the given circumstance, as it is you alone who holds 'our' nation's favor!"

And then it was time for the final song of the performance. The music began quietly as the lighting changed on stage, highlighting the two alicorns as they faced each other.

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How dare you call me ungrateful,

for taking that which I've earned?

For all I offer 'our dear subjects,'

all the beauty that they have spurned!

I know just what I am doing now,

what I'm truly meant to be!

There's room for just one princess,

and that princess, it shall be me!

'Celestia' had composed herself as best she could for a solid delivery.

We have our parts, we wear these crowns,

We're princesses, that is right.

Our responsibilities,

mean that we two must not fight!

You and I have a purpose,

We must do all that we can.

Yours is a valued contribution,

to keeping harmony in this land.

'Luna' all but snarled.

I used to be so certain,

about this path we both take...

But now I am only certain,

that your lead is a mistake!

Please sister, listen to me,

I understand you want more...

but I know you would never hurt,

the ponies we both adore.

'Luna' stomped, sending another little spray of false granite placed in advance.

I will hear no excuses!

I'm gifted and I am strong!

I will take what's been denied to me

for so long!

With the use of her very real wings, Fan Dance lifted up into the air in fittingly dramatic fashion as red lights were focused on her.

Know that your time is ending soon!

At last the sun makes way for the moon!

Soon all our subjects are destined to see,

there is one princess; it shall be me!

"The corruption of Princess Luna's heart complete, her body was taken over entirely as it shifted to become the monster; Nightmare Moon!"

'Celestia,' her eyes brimming with tears, took a step forward as six little circles of light were shone around her hooves.

Eternal night, I can't allow,

please don't make me do this now...

It isn't too late to talk things out!

The vision of Nightmare Moon paid no attention.

My reign of dark is coming soon!

As the sun dies, praise only the moon!

At last my slaves are destined to see,

there is one princess; it shall be me!

In a blinding flash, a stage version of the Elements of Harmony were used against Nightmare Moon, casting the spell to seal her in the moon in bright, spectacular, and, for Luna, agonizing fashion. The stage was quiet until the narrator spoke.

"Alone, Princess Celestia gazed up at the new face of the moon; now her responsibility as well. She stared at what would be a reminder of this night for the next thousand years."

Finally understanding exactly what her sister must have felt so long ago, tears streamed down Luna’s face as she delivered the final line of the song in a weak, mournful echo.

"There is one princess... it shall... be... me..."

Luna couldn't contain herself any longer, falling to the floor and weeping into her forehooves as the curtains closed. I'm sorry, sister, for everything I put you through.

The curtain wasn't that thick, in truth, but she barely even heard the thunderous applause from the other side.

"Quick," called Trixie, "across the gap!"

The two leapt from one rooftop to the next. The alley between the buildings wasn't that wide, but they hoped it would be wide enough that the inquisitors couldn't jump it too in those baggy robes. They turned to find out, but strangely, saw no sign of the trio that had chased them up here.

"Huh," pondered Moondancer aloud, "think we lost 'em?"

"Trixie is not certain, there weren't exactly a lot of branching paths up that fire escape. We should keep moving." She turned around and immediately bumped into the lead inquisitor, flanked by his two followers. "How did-?!"

"NOPONY EXPECTS THE-"

"Yea, yea, alright," muttered Trixie, "heard it all before."

"I haven't," said Moondancer, an eyebrow raised, "what are you guys really doing here? I've been thinking about what you guys said earlier, but what does bringing her back to her parents have to do with the, eh, 'cardinal sin' you mentioned?"

Wide-Brim chuckled fiendishly. "It was but a clever ruse to sway the others to our side, we never had any intention of returning her to her home!"

Aviator Cap nodded. "Just gonna burn her, we are."

"Yep," complied the third inquisitor, "burn her."

Trixie glanced at Moondancer, then put on a scandalized face. "You, lied to those ponies?!"

"That is correct," confirmed Wide-Brim, "and now, we-"

"Well," Trixie said while haughtily raising her snout and pacing away, "Trixie shall not stand to be in the company of such charlatans a moment longer. Come along, Fair Moondancer, let us leave these dishonest sorts post-haste."

Moondancer, playing right along as they walked toward the roof, made the same motions and spoke with a long-practiced, seldom-employed posh tone of voice. "Quite, quite." As they pretended to ignore the inquisitors going on about how lies were one more weapon in their ever-expanding list, she whispered to Trixie. “Plan?”

“Yes. Trixie will hop on your back, wh-”

“I like this plan!”

“Not like that! When I do it, cast a feather-weight spell and jump off the roof.”

“I like this plan slightly less.”

“We’re only ten stories up, just trust Trixie!”

“Aaaand, that,” spat the lead inquisitor, “is our full, terrifying arsenal of weapons! And with those weapons, we shall take the two steps of seizing you, tying you to a large stick, and setting you alight with holy fire, which is three things, the three steps shall be seizing, tying, and setting alight with holy fire!”

Aviator Hat had a question. “Wouldn’t we ‘ave to cover her in pitch first or something?”

“Hm, so we would. The four steps shall be seizing, ty-”

“Oh, they’ve buggered straight off the roof now!”

For a few terrifying seconds, Moondancer fell like a rock with Trixie on her back. Then, with a spell Trixie used pretty much any time she jumped off of high places, the corners of her cape splayed out flat in the air, extending like wings as the two started to glide to freedom!

She craned her neck to look at the stage magician clinging to her barrel. “Are you like a superhero in your down time?”

“Trixie is like a superhero all the time!”

Catching sight of something floating behind them, Moondancer’s eyes widened. “I guess that makes those guys the supervillains?”

The three inquisitors were gliding too, their robes stretched out like Trixie’s cape as they gained speed.

Turning to look for herself, Trixie’s eyes widened. “Wait, are they even unicorns?!”

“If not, I don’t know what they are!”

“Copycats!!”

Unfortunately, shifting her weight even enough to turn her head left Trixie tilted, throwing off their aerodynamic balance and sending the two hurdling toward a second-story window. Luckily, it was open, and crashing through the costume department of the theater building broke their fall a bit. In the next instant, they found themselves rocketing through a hallway atop a treasure chest prop on wheels, both of them wearing viking helmets. Trixie’s was worn atop her magician hat. Before either could cast a spell to slow the roaring disaster atop which they both rode, they noticed the inquisitors riding a giant, plastic, flower-prop on wheels right behind them.

The group ripped through the surprisingly long, straight, and thankfully empty hallway. Moondancer pulled a pirate’s spyglass from the treasure chest. “Up ahead, I think that says ‘Stage’!”

~A few minutes before…~

Luna, still disguised as Moon Sky dressed as Celestia, had a good, long cry following her final part in the play. She was simultaneously thankful and a little embarrassed for the brief intermission that was called so she could be safely carted backstage before they wrapped up with the epilogue, but it felt like she had a little extra closure now.

She had been summoned when the director, Show Time, burst into the room with a wide, beaming smile, saying everypony, the critics especially (apparently the name ‘Harshwhinny’ carries some kind of weight in Broadhay productions, which was news to Luna), enjoyed the show so much that the standing ovation was still going and he wanted Moon Sky to join the other actors on stage.

And now she stood before a happy crowd, not sure what to feel. What did it say that the events that had caused so much pain, that had nearly destroyed her relationship with her sister entirely, that made her into a monster, got her banished for a thousand years, and had her break down like a filly before her nephew could bring such joy to so many?

’Long way to go’, he said. Does this count? Does this help to make up for attacking ponies in their nightmares, or turning them to stone?

Luna couldn’t say, but for perhaps the first time while thinking about Nightmare Moon, she felt a little better.

And then came a loud, crazy, flailing ruckus, Stage Left as Trixie, Moondancer, and three stallions in red robes came sailing onto the stage on large, mobile props. Apparently into the spirit of the building, the stallions were singing.

We'll always find you somehow!

Trixie grabbed a tether meant to control the curtains, using her momentum to swing high into the air like some kind of wizard-viking-trapeze artist.

You will burn at the stake now!

Moondancer shot to the other side of the stage on her prop, reached out, hooked both forelegs around a post just offstage, and held onto the treasure chest prop with her hind legs long enough to swing it around in the opposite direction to slam into the flower one, sending all three robe-bearers flying up into the air.

Burning the witch is our sales pitch,

so give up, you silly cow!

Circus Raider Witch Trixie swung the full arc away from them, shifting her weight to yank on the tether in mid-air while seizing two corners of a far curtain in her magic.

Mail your ashes to Canterlot-

They were swiftly wrapped up in the massive curtain, Trixie landing on one far side of the stage, Moondancer standing on the other. Both stood on their hind legs, took off their viking helmets to make a sweeping gesture with them, and bowed to the audience, eliciting cheers and hoof-stomping.

Trixie grinned. Totally what I meant to do the whole time! That’s what I’ll tell Blueblood.

There was a bit of a fuss raised for the spontaneous destruction of theater assets, but before Moondancer could assure Show Time that she could pay for everything, Fan Dance had stepped in to offer exactly the same thing. When they untangled the large curtains the inquisitors had been wrapped up in, the three zealots were nowhere to be found, gone without a trace. This was fine with everypony involved, Trixie nodding her head once in professional courtesy.

Fan Dance and Moondancer were a little bummed out to have missed each other’s exciting events, the play and the city-wide chase scene respectively, but just the same, they were happy to have some time together as everypony headed backstage for some of that promised wine. What followed was a scene in which a cute, blue-haired filly stumbled around drunkenly offering to make out with random ponnequins while her purple-haired employer laughed her plot off.

After an hour or so of such shenanigans, it was time for the moon-flanked trio to return home. Out at the train station, the group accounted for the last of their bags and got ready to set off, the two cousins wrapping one another in a hug.

“Hope to see you soon, Moon.”

“Catch you when I can, Fan.”

Moon Sky, who felt no compulsion to respond even to her alias this time, smiled at the loving display, Trixie just nodding approvingly.

Returning to her friends by the train door, Moondancer beamed, sing-songing in a deep voice.

"Now let's get back to Canterlooooot!"

She held the smile, but it was only greeted with confusion and one deadpan stare.

Show Time, sitting up in his bed with a nightcap a few hours later, realized that he’d never actually asked the name of the mare that did an incredibly believable job playing the part of Princess Celestia.

“D’oh!”

The next morning, Princess Celestia found herself pacing Luna’s room.

Bored. SO bored.

She checked the window. Then another window. No sign of her.

What did I do before I had Lulu to talk to?! Ugh, can’t believe I sent her away! Again!!

It was in a much less heart-wrenching fashion this time, but still.

She heard music in the sound of the doorknob turning, immediately zipping over and seizing her sister in a royal hug-tackle the second she set hoof in the room.

“Lunaaaaa,” she all but cried, "I missed you so much, little sister! I'm sorry I forced you to go away and I don't ever want to lose you agai-heh-heeeen!"

Tears welling in her eyes, Luna smiled. “I missed you too.” And then she blinked. “Oh, and, Sister?”

The hug was not loosened. “Yes, Luna?”

“How does one teleport without casting teleportation?”

“Huh?”

In the dorm shared by CSFGU’s top three students, Sunset and Twilight were pacing the floor, mutually shocked at what the other had shouted in their face when they awoke.

Twilight was staring at the ceiling. “I miss her.”

Sunset was trying not to. “I know.”

“YOU miss her.”

“I know.”

Twilight pouted. “I kind of want a moon-hug.”

Sunset nearly screamed. “I know. Hell, I’d be happy if she tackled us both into the ground the moment she got back! I can't believe I'm looking forward to a glomp! How is this my life?!”

Twilight managed a grin. “The important thing is that when she gets back, everything will go back to how it was.”

Shuddering, Sunset felt a weird taste in her mouth. And not because of Celestia’s cake, that had worn off yesterday afternoon. “She's like a bad drug and we're suffering from withdrawal! Isn't there a therapy session for that?”

Twilight giggled. “Yes, I'm sure they have support groups for cuddle deprivation.”

The door creaked open, both heads immediately whipping to see a tired, baggy-eyed Moondancer shuffling in and slinging her bag against a wall. The ride back to Canterlot had been very uncomfortable, and even when using Trixie as a big, soft, willing bed/pillow/warmth-sponge, she’d gotten no sleep. On top of that exhausting hunter business, she was bushed. “Hey, guys,” she muttered through a yawn, “sorry, talk later, I need to catch some Z's now.” She paced over to her bed, flopped over on it, and immediately started snoring.

Twilight and Sunset stared at her in shocked silence before the latter threw her hooves up.

“OH COME ON!! The one time I actually WANT it she... she…” Lowering her head, Sunset started tearing up.

Twilight rushed over to gently pat her back. “There, there, there's always tomorrow.”

“It's not fair!” She leaned on Twilight, openly weeping now.

Glancing at Moondancer to still find her asleep at the worst possible time, Twilight kept her voice calm and comforting. “It’s okay, Sunset, it’s okay… I’m still here for you, you know?”

Sunset sniffled, her pride and this horrific new affliction-addiction for cuddles waging a silent war in her heart. Certain the ache would stop after today, she gave in, squeezing Twilight like a big, awkward, dorky, plushie. Smiling a little, Twilight hugged back.

After about a minute of that, a disturbance was felt in the force and Moondancer woke up long enough to look at the pair and ask a question; “Still no kiss?”

Sunset and Twilight, showing no sign of their tender feelings from just seconds ago, broke apart to shout at her in unison. “GO BACK TO SLEEP!!”

Author's Note

Jetto says: I was about to say something, but I made a blog post about it, so go and read it.

Q&A Part 3: Psychos and a little bit of humanity

"It's that time once again, everybody! Time for..."

"Sunny!"

"Moonie!"

"Twily!"

"Q&A!"

"So, was this supposed to be a regular thing?"

"Yeah, but the last chapter turned out to be so long, it had to be split it into two parts. So much for a..."

"Q&A!"

"... every five chapters."

"Did you HAVE to say it?"

"Say what? You mean..."

"NO!"

"But..."

"Not another word or I'll smack you with this weeks 'Magicians Weekly'!"

"Wasn't this weeks supposed to be a special, hardcover edition?"

"Yes, so tread lightly."

"Yeesh, sensitive much?"

"Lets just begin already."

askmaresketeers Sunset and Twilight, What are your opinions of your rivaling fanclubs (S.A.S.S) and that that many colts are interested in you?

"What's sass?"

"It's that thing that Sunset has more than anypony else in the world."

"Ha, ha."

Moony, what would you say if someone you knew- hypothetically Moon Sky- turned out to be princess Luna and had been hiding this fact from you?

"Moonbutt#2? Nah, we've been over this, there's no way Princess Luna would ever take such an obvious disguise. If she did though, then... oh god!"

"What?"

"If it was her then... I glomped the Princess of the night! GASP!"

"Did she just said 'gasp'?"

"There's no way a real Princess would let herself be assaulted that way."

"Cadance would!"

"Cadance is... different than the other princesses."

"Yeah, yeah, great job, spoiling a character before her grand entrance!"

"Sorry!"

askmaresketeers

Twilight : I'm asking you a question from Monty Python - What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

"Well then, if you put the question that way, I guess under most convenient circumstances the answer would be... no. I saw that movie and I refuse to indulge in that question! We had more than enough Monthy Python recently, I don't want to hear a single british joke for a while!"

"Twilight?"

"What?"

"What... is your favourite color?"

"...ugh."

Moon Dancer : My house 10 minutes, I can regenerate so you don't have to worry about hurting me just sit back relax and let out all your deepest, darkest sexual fantasies ( http://darkvslight346.deviantart.com/art/My-OC-for-reviews-533148997?q=gallery%3Adarkvslight346&qo=0 my appereace for her benefit)

"With pleasure, except I can't really leave Canterlot since, you know, classes and stuff. I appreciate the offer though. I'm not sure I'm a fan of the hair though, but eh, half the positions I don't even see it."

Askmaresketeer

Twilight & Moonie & Sunny: Heard of this yet?

It's a mad world you fillies are living in.

"Well, now we did. Thanks for that."

How do you live on day by day? Don't answer with friendship and sex...Those don't count.

"Umm... I got nothing. You girls?"

"He overruled everything we cherish."

"That's what you get for ill defined questions."

Also, when will you have any interest in stallions? (Please note: Stallions, not immature little colts)
I've been dying to have a chance to ship.

"Oh please, it's not the age that makes the stallion. It's his..."

"I swear, if you say another word..." she said, magically lifting "Magicians Weekly".

"I was going to say mental maturity."

"Oh. Nevermind then."

Pause.

"Also the size of his pe--"

SMACK!

"Bad Moonie, bad!"

"Ow, worth it! Ow!"

To Twilight:

Why the hay would you read in a library at night? Haven't you heard the stories?! Or did you finally find a book you decided to skip over? The end is near! ... Well, that didn't take long. Uh, Digit? What are you doing here? Got bored. You know me and adventures. Thanks for setting me up with Lavender, but she isn't really my type. But you should already know that. Not the point! Just... behave. Fine, fine. Yeesh. Hehe, sorry 'bout that.

"Umm... I don't even."

Leaning in and whispering. "I think he's a loony!"

Also leaning and whispering. "Just ignore what he said and nod."

Whispering. "Okay."

She nodded.

How can you be hanging around Moondancer and not take certain hints?

"What hints?"

"Exactly!"

"I don't get it."

"AAACHOOVIRGIN!"

I never knew you could even swear, Miss Perfect. What happened back there in the library, hmm?:duck:

"I-It slipped, okay? It really hurt!"

Why don't you introduce Moony to Pinkie? I'm sure they'll get along. And out of your mane.

"Who's Pinkie?"

To Sunset: Why do you feel the need to always fight someone? (Please don't hit me!) Don't get me wrong, I know how you feel from Chapter 6. Me too. Believe me, I have my fair share of unwanted and undeserved blame. Come to think of it, does it help in getting rid of your pent-up anger?

"I have a better question- how come everypony around me always tries to pick a fight, huh? I didn't want to hurt anypony, but for some reason I seem to be surrounded by enemies, or worse- fans! Those I can't even beat up without somepony saying that it's wrong, that they didn't do anything to deserve it, that just because their two crowning achievements are finding me to be perfect, which I'm not opposed to, and making my life miserable by pestering me all. The. Friggin. TIME!"

Pause.

"I'm sorry."

"I wasn't talking about you."

"Oh. Phew, and here I thought you were getting annoyed by my antics."

"I am. You're just not nearly as bad as some others."

"Not exactly the compliment I was looking for, but I'll take what I can get."

To Moondancer:

Why are you so... what's the word? Quirky? Pervy? Horny? Yes, horny, that's it.

"Because I'm a unicorn, silly!" Pause. "What, why are you looking at me like that? Why are you raising your hooves up, what's the... girls, stop hitting yourselves! Why does this keep on happening?"

How many stallions have you been with? Before you ask, I mean both in total, and at a time (though I'll probably regret asking).

"Hmm... lemme think..."

"Oh boy, this is gonna be good."

"A well asked question. She has to give a straight answer and can't dance around it!"

"Define 'stallion'."

"...what?"

"Because I'm pretty sure calling 'thestrals' ponies is kinda a no-brainer, I mean, they call them 'bat ponies' for Celestia's sake, but at the same time, most documents only ever mention the three original tribes, so I'm not sure what the reader is asking about."

"Moonie, that's..."

"Racist, I know. Okay, that was a stupid question, nopony should omit their existance, no matter how rare they are in modern pony society. That said, do donkeys count?"

"...what?"

"Or mules? Goats? Yaks? Hmm, okay, then. I'll give two answer. Eight and thirteen for at the same time, depending on how you define stallions. Ten and fifteen if you want me to include mares as well, I know you guys want to know that."

"Ugh, I'm getting sick!"

"As for the overall number... I'll be honest, I lost count. I stopped counting about, uh... two years ago? Sorry, my memory's a bit hazy at the moment. I hope that answers your question."

"I swear, you have the lowest standards I've seen."

"More like everypony else has too big standards, am I right?"

Why don't you just get your own room instead of making it uncomfortable for Sunny and Twily?

"B-but... but then I won't be with my best friends! I mean, I'm not THAT bad, am I?"

"Yeah, umm..."

"You're kinda annoying."

"Oh... sh-should I move out?"

"Moonie, no! Of course not!"

"W-well, only if you really want to. I mean, I put up with your stuff so far. And I'd rather not risk getting a new roommate, who could be worse, not showering and stuff, so... yeah."

Why don't you try to hook them up? I mean, Twilight's socially awkward (no offence Twily) and Sunset's... well... Evil? Homicidal? A raging she-demon? Okay, you're taking that hit on your own Digit because I didn't say that out loud. I was gonna say... special. Yeah, that's it (again, no offense... for what it's worth). Are you just trying to make life difficult for them, or is it just the way you are?

"Oh, don't worry nothing. I'm not known for giving up especially when it comes to my friends. It might take time and more effort than I thought, but I'm getting there!"

"No she's not!"

"Hush, girls, nopony asked you!"

To Sunset and Twilight: Why don't you get a new roommate... or a new room? (Current one must be contaminated beyond rectification)

"There's nothing wrong with Moondancer, I'll have you know."

"Sure, she can be... odd sometimes, but so what? She's fine as she is."

"Girls, you really like me!"

"No glomping!"

"Awww..."

And take some hints from her. Seriously, she's seen more action in the past week than you two'll see in the next ten years. I mean, even Celestia is just barely competition. ... Wow Digit... just... wow.:facehoof:

"I say we pretend we didn't see that."

"Couldn't agree more."

"One of those days you girls will have to stop dodging those questions and embrace your inner selves. Your biological clocks are ticking."

"We're not even twenty."

"Tick, tock, tick, tock..."

askmaresketeers

Do you three know of pokemon and whould you like to meet some??

"While the actual games (or consoles) are not released here in Equestria, for obvious reasons, thanks to the dimensional portal created by this..."

"Q&A!"

"Did you do this on purpose?!"

"...we managed to obtain several copies of the consoles and games and we're really enjoying it!"

"It's a good thing this inter-dimensional warp-thingy stops the time, because we are sooooo hooked!"

"They're way too repetative, battle system could be improved, some pokemon, especially the newer generations, are just plain stupid (not that the original gen is perfect- what the heck is a Porygon anyway?) and I still think splitting the game into two and making some pokemon exclusive to one version is downright idiotic!"

"I thought you liked it?"

"I do! Which is why those things stand out so much and tarnish what would otherwise be a great game! It's like putting salt on an otherwise perfectly made cake."

"Fair enough, nothing's perfect."

"And it won't be, with that kind of design philosophy."

"Girls, I have a feeling that if we don't do it now, people will swarm us with questions about our favourite pokemon. I think we should answer it now, for future's sake."

"Alright, I'll go first. My favourite is of course Blaziken. Just look at it! Look how cool he (or she, mine's a male) is! He can shoot fire, kick and throw fire kicks! How awesome is that?"

"Yeah, he's okay, I guess."

"If by okay you mean 'the most amazing thing ever', then I agree. What's your favourite pokemon, then?"

"For a while it was Alakazam, but then it turned out he wasn't using magic, but just psychic energy, which is a bit of a letdown."

"You're downgrading a pokemon just because he doesn't have magic? Here in Equestria we call it racism, Sparkle."

"That's not what I meant! I don't mind psychic powers. What I do mind, is that he keeps getting beaten by Ghosts and Bugs. BUGS!"

"Yeah, I hate when that happens too."

"So I'll go with Gardevoir. She has a great mix of psychic AND fairy type attacks, and a lot more utility. It helps that she's rather adorable."

"Pfft, stupid plant person, of course it's your favourite."

"Is somepony still salty over having her flank hoofed to her?"

"I'm not salty!"

"You're an example of serenity."

"Okay, that's it! You, me and our game boys, right here, right now!"

"You're on!"

"While those two lovebirds duke it out with their digital friends, I'll just say that I'm a lover, not a fighter. I know, big shocker. Which is why my favourite pokemon is Skitty. I have no reasons, other than that she's so ridiculously adorable!"

If you can be any animal Whcih one whould you be??

"Easy. I would be a phoenix. It's hot, can fly, is super powerful and basically lives forever. A god among animals."

"Also, a personal pet and the best friend of Princess Celestia."

T-that has nothing to do with it!"

"Suuuuure it doesn't."

"Pfft, you're just jealous over my choice being better than yours. Tell them about yours!"

"W-well... I dunno if I should..."

"Come on, you know the rules, answer the question you were asked."

"..a human."

"What's that? We can't hear you!"

"A human, okay?! I would be a human!"

"Twily, humans aren't animals..."

"Yes, they are! They are mammals, homo sapiens, distant relatives of apes, just because they're more sophisticated and cultured doesn't mean thye're not animals!"

"By that logic, everything living is an animal. Except plants. And insects. And fungi. And..."

"Seriously, Sparkle? A human, of all species?"

"Well, they're very well cultured..."

"You must be new to internet."

"...their technology leaves Equestria in the dust, despite them not having any magic. They're fasctinating, is all I'm saying."

Nopony was sure where the irony came from, but they had to pause because of it.

"In case anypony is wondering, I want to be a kitty."

askmaresketeers (to all of you)

Do you think you'll become princesses one day?

"No."

"Yes!"

"Maybe?"

askmaresketeers Why do we need to use hashtags? anyway

"Good question Twilight, WHY do we even need them?"

"Because... uhm... next!"

Sunset Shimmer and Twilight- Do you guys secretly have a crush on each other?

"No!"

"YES!"

"No."

Moondancer- Are you crazier then Pinkie Pie?

"No."

"Yes."

"Who's Pinkie Pie?"

"No idea, but I doubt there's a pony like me anywhere in the world."

"I doubt there's a more perverted one, that's for sure."

"Thanks!"

"That wasn't a compliment."

"That name has been appearing quite often recently. Maybe we should look into it and see who that is?"

"Suit yourself, Sparkle. I have all the craziness I'll ever need in my life."

"Thanks!"

Now can we get to another question instead of drawing this one out?"

"Actually, that's all of them!"

"What do you mean 'all of them'?"

"All of the ones from the first batch at least. There are more in later chapters, but I think that should be enough for now."

"No point in opening another page."

"Girls, what will happen to this segment now that we don't have anything to answer?"

"There's still more."

"But it'll run out soon!"

"Not anymore. Now that you said everything out loud, I bet people will give us a ton more to answer for. Especially now that more time has passed."

"Oh yeah. Some ponies are wondering about our origin chapters, or Trixie, or Moonbutt and stuff."

"Heck, knowing them they'll ask for a guest star to answer questions with us."

"We need a bit more than three episodes to invite guests over. At least, that's what most shows do."

"We're not like any other show around, so I don't think we should worry about that."

"Either way, can we wrap this up already? I'm getting hungry."

"If you insist. Bye bye, everybody! Be sure to tune in next time, same Pony Time, same Pony Channel!"

"Was that a reference to something?"

"I dunno. I just felt like saying it. It has a nice ring to it."

"Not really."

Author's Note

You know the rules.

31. No Friendship, but there's still Hope!

True friendship is hard to break, no matter how dire the situation is. Not even the prospect of the world ending right before their eyes could damage the bond that is shared between true companions, such as the trio known as The Three Maresketeers. Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer and Moondancer had been through many personal tragedies and even the literal brink of destruction, but their friendship survived and grew even stronger. Nothing could possibly set them apart.

Nothing, except one thing...

"I don't need to remind you to sign up for group projects in pairs." Said Professor Silver Scroll, while wrapping up his last class on friday. "Which is two ponies, no more, no less."

... the trivial thing!

Those who know Moondancer knew that there were few times when she wanted to be away from her roommates. Unsurprisingly, during intercourse with another pony wasn't one of them (they had different opinions). She sighed deeply, knowing full well what was coming up next.

"Moonie, do you--?/Moondancer, let's--!"

Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle stopped and turned to each other, glaring with their utmost contempt in silence just long enough for Moondancer to curse having an even number of besties, slam her forehead on the desk and groan without anypony noticing.

"I asked her first!" Both mares announced at the exact same time, with the exact same tone. Their eyes twitched in the same manner. "No you didn't! Yes I did! Stop copying me! I'm not copying you, you're copying me! Stop that! No, you stop that! Think of something original to say! Wha-- how? GRRR!

Every. Single. Time.

This is why she wished they had a fourth member. It all started when Sunset Shimmer joined them, so obviously she teamed up with her, since she was a new, not yet fully cherished part of her life. It was supposed to be just a friendly cooperation, not operation 'Destroy Sparkle To Prove We Are Superior'. Back then she realized just how much of a grudge Twilight can hold, when she just stopped talking to her at all for a week straight! She was silent, but deadly. Poor choice of words, I know.

Sunset wasn't any better. With her it wasn't the silent treatment, though she wished it was. For a self-proclaimed 'Ice Cold Bitch' (again, SELF-proclaimed), Sunset was surprisingly pouty and unbearably guilt trippy. Not a word. Shut up, brain! Constantly accusing her of choosing her old friend instead of her; which she deemed not good enough; leaving her alone, in a class where everypony hated her. Moondancer wasn't stupid, she knew it was all an act and a large over dramatization. But it was still very effective. Like seducing a happily married stallion. Sure, he won't fall for it, but watch those sweat beads fall.

Not that I would ever do that!

Sadly, the only ponies that could fill that place were unavailable. Moon Sky took very few classes and this wasn't one of them, while Trixie, despite being offered a chance to resume her studies, politely refused for her own reasons. That left a bunch of mares that despised either Sunset or herself for prejudice and jealousy, respectively. Then there were stallions that Moondancer already had contact with or the ones that avoided her for some reason. They probably hated fun or something.

Except for one. Moondancer's eyes narrowed on the lone, red coated stallion whose name escaped her. She remembered him being near the top of most of their classes, just below Twily and Sunny. One quick glance at her two besties was enough to tell that nothing had changed. The two were still at each other’s throats, growling, possibly waiting for Moondancer to take a side.

Never again!

Faced with two equally awful choices, she made herself a third one, hoping it wouldn't backfire too badly.

This was his chance. He knew it was a long shot, but if he wasn't going to try now, then when? There were very few windows of opportunity when dealing with the fairest of all the mares. And the most common one, at least according to his fellow members, was the two pony group project, when the trio had to go their separate ways. He just had to somehow tip the balance in his favor. And he was in luck! According to his inside sources, it was Twilight's turn last time to team up with Moondancer, which meant that the odds of her pairing up with Sunset Shimmer were high. If there was a time to act, it was most definitely...

"Hiya!"

"GAH!"

CRASH!

Pain. But more than that, trauma from remembering old times, the so called innocent pranks that his peers subjected him to, definitely not over jealousy for his grades or contempt to anypony that stood out from the stereotype of a typical Trotsawian drunken brute. A feeling he almost forgot while attending the most prestigious school in Equestria.

"Uh, whoops?" The red maned mare smiled sheepishly at him, shrugging her hooves. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. You okay?"

Red groaned and managed to roll his eyes, while lying on his back, with his hind hooves on an overturned chair. His neck ached and the mild concussion made his vision blurry. "I've been worse."

Trotsawian youth was THE worst.

"Sorry. No hard feelings?" She offered him an innocent smile and a helping hoof. Red groaned, but few seconds of eye contact made him realize that he couldn't stay mad at her, so he grabbed the offered hoof and had a little easier time getting back up.

"So, now that the ice, and hopefully nothing else, is broken," Moondancer continued "do you have a partner for the project?"

His eyebrow raised. "No, but why--"

"Perfect!" She beamed. "That means you won't reject me immediately when I ask you to join me, eh Red?” Pause. “Can I call you Red?"

"Uhh, sure."

"Awesome! Look, I know what you're thinking right now."

Blink. "You do?" He deadpanned.

"Yep. You look at me like 'oh great, another cute face with no brain' and stuff to which I say you're only half right," she winked at him seductively, but since his heart knew its place, he ended up with only a small blush, instead of the usual heart melting that happened when she approached young stallions. "I'll let you know that every other group that had me always placed first." Mostly because she was with either Twilight or Sunset, but she wasn't going to let that little detail stop her. "I promise I'll work hard and I won't fool around. That is, until we finish the work, if you catch my drift?"

Red's face turned red, as he was fighting the urge to do something inappropriate, like gently shoving her away. Nothing else. He was a Trotsawian, but he was no brute. The brief pause was slowly rotting into awkwardness. Moondancer's smile was slowly wilting away.

He cleared his throat and looked slightly away. Breaking eye contact made communication slightly easier. "L-look, it's not that I doubt you..."

Her smile soured. "But?"

"A-aren't you supposed to, I don't know... team up with Sunset Shimmer?" Small pause. Realization that he might've spilled the beans by being too precise with his question hit him. "Or, T-twilight Sparkle? Like you always do?" Nice dodge!

At the sound of her friends' names, Moondancer smiled wider and started laughing slowly and quietly, until she stopped entirely. She glanced to her back, as if to confirm she wasn't being watched or listened to, then turned back to Red and looked at him with pleading, desperate eyes.

"Please don't make me do it!"

Red was taken aback and couldn't say or do anything other than raise an eyebrow.

"Please don't make me choose between them! I-I don't want to go through this all over again, I know how it'll go. It'll either be silent and awkward, or pouty and pissy!" She swallowed as her head lowered. "'How DARE you go with the other'? 'What about the years of our friendship'? 'You're ditching me cause I'm the new girl'(it's been years)? 'Don't you want to get the best grade'? 'Everypony else hates me, why do you leave me too'? GAAAH!" She slammed her head over Red's desk. "I can't take this anymore!"

Red stepped back, but couldn't quite turn away. He wasn't sure if Moondancer was crying over his desk, but it definitely looked like it from the distance. He scratched his head, not sure how to react with this situation. He moved forward to her and tried to pat her head, maybe calm her down a little, when she suddenly grabbed his hoof.

"You're the only pony left," she pleaded with him, tightly hugging his hoof "I'll do anything! Any page of Ponysutra, just name your price! Toys, friends, ropes, jello, pineapples, whips, I don't care, anything is better than that!"

"Pi-pineapples?" He wasn't sure what she was talking about, but he had every right to blush.

"Pleeaaaaaaaase!" Some ponies say, that the older you get, the less effective your puppy eyes become. Some ponies are just plain wrong. "You're my only Hope!"

His viable options were:

a. Run away as fast as possible.

b. Hug her.

c. Join her.

d. Bang her.

e. Call for reinforcements.

Before he could determine the winning move...

"MOONDANCER!"

"Meep!"

Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle walked toward the pair, both glares aimed at their red maned friend, who did not dare turn toward them. Red couldn't blame her. He wouldn't want to be seen wide eyed, eyebrow twitching and covered by sweat either.

Sunset Shimmer started. "This is no time to flirt with some random buck," she turned to Red "no offense."

Red rolled his eyes and waved a hoof. "None taken."

"Moondancer, could you tell Sunset that you will join my group? Because she can't take a hint."

"Wha-- No! She's with me this time!"

"No she's not!"

"Yes she is!"

"On what basis?"

"Because it's my turn!" She (delicately) shoved Twilight away, glaring her deep in the eyes. "You were with her last time!"

Twilight's eyebrow twitched and she made an irritated grimace. Red made a fascinating discovery today. Contrary to popular belief, Twilight Sparkle was cute even when she was angry (here's proof).

"Moondancer is not an object! You don't take 'turns' with her!"

The sheer fact that Moondancer didn't follow up on that should've clued them that something wasn't right..

"Uh, puh-lease..." Sunset rolled her eyes so violently, it was a miracle they remained in her eye sockets.

"And she'd rather team up with a pony that accepts her for who she is!"

Sunset gasped. "On no you didn't! I accept her! Why do you think I let her sleep in my room?"

"Uh-huh. Then what about that 'strangling her with a rope, if she didn't find it kinky' thing you told me just yesterday?"

"It's called 'sarcasm', Sparkle. Look it up!"

"Ugh, you just want her because nopony else will team up with you! Unless you threaten them or something!"

"I don't 'threaten' ponies anymore, it's not my fault I have a bad reputation around!"

"Yeah, sure, summoning demons from Tartarus was totally not your doing."

"That only happened once and we agreed to never talk about it again! Besides, look who's talking?"

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, Miss-Never-Talks-To-Other-Students, what AM I talking about?"

"I-I have plenty of friends... I just hang around you so often that... you know..."

"Name one." As Twilight was about to open her mouth, Sunset quickly added. "Spike doesn't count!" Pause. "Neither does your brother. Or Cadance."

"Oh sure, namedrop the rest of the Canterlot while you're at it! See what I did there? Sarcasm, I don't have to look it up!"

"Nah-uh, don't change the subject! Name one friend."

"Oh, that's simple! It's uh... uhm..." She swallowed, covering herself in sweat, while Sunset and Red observed her nervous breakdown. Which, in case anypony's interested, was still pretty darn cute. "Uh... L-Lime Heart?"

"Lemon Hearts."

"I knew that!"

"Pfft, yeah, you two are besties, alright."

"W-what does it matter! Moondancer is better off with me!"

"How about we let her choose? So she can make a 'proper' choice?"

"For once, I agree!"

While Red could stand there and listen to their bickering all day, he couldn't help but notice the distressed look on Moondancer's face. She still hadn't turned away and neither did sweat stopped pouring all over her. As their eyes met, Moondancer opened her mouth, but no sound came in. She repeated it a few more times, until he finally deduced that she was trying to secretly say something to him without alerting the others.

Save me!

This was his chance. He wished for it for who knows how long. The perfect opportunity to separate The Three Maresketeers and have an excuse to hang out with Twilight Sparkle. It would surely be awkward at first, neither saying a word other than things related to their project, which he would let her choose, to let her know that he accepts her as an intellectual equal and was willing to share the glory. Of course, awkward only to him, because she was blissfully unaware of his feelings, which was good, because two awkward people in a group could spell disaster. But over time he would start breaking the ice, try out a few topics during their breaks, order some seemingly random food which happens to be her favorite (thank you, S.A.S.S. databanks!) and before they know it, they would be friendly and open to each other. Then, after the project ends, he'll be sure to borrow a book from her, just so they have a reason to meet up again. Then ask her for ice-cream, as totally platonic friends of course, so they could talk about it. Rinse and repeat a few times, the relationship would blossom over time and eventually they would hook up for good, after which he didn't make plans. Yet. All of this half-year plan (give or take a month or two) would start right now.

Help. Me!

All he had to do is become a middle-stallion for this debate, use some convincing arguments to note that it was indeed Sunset's turn and that this sort thing wouldn't break their friendship in the long run.

Save. Me!

Then, after they part ways, he can come to the rescue and join with Twilight Sparkle, seeing as they are the only ponies left without a pair. She'd be a little salty for a while, but she was bound to go back to her old self once they reach the library.

Save. Me!

Only a fool would pass up on this perfect opportunity.

"If I may..." He raised his hoof and got their attention. He swallowed, opening his mouth to enact his plan. "... uhm, you see..." He glanced at Moondancer.

Save. Me!

"...actually, I... I already asked Moondancer to be my partner!"

STUUUUUUUUPIIID! YOU ARE SOOOOO STUUUUUUUUUUPIIIIID! I know Brain, I know. STUPID!

Sunset's eye twitched. "W-what the... are you bucking serious?"

"Moondancer, is that true?" Twilight asked.

A golden opportunity, lost. Forever. Gone. Thrown away like a golden apple into a shredder, never to be seen or enjoyed ever again. Moondancer's emotional rebound, from a crying, wallowing mess back to her old, cheerful self, made him feel a little better. But only a bit.

"Yep, he did!" Moondancer turned back to her friends, making sure her tears were gone by then. "And you know me, I can't say no to a handsome face. Especially when he asks nicely." She turned to him and gave him a grateful wink.

Jaws were dropped, feelings were (seemingly) hurt, as Twilight opened her mouth for a moment, but decided against saying a single word. Sunset Shimmer wasn't this merciful.

"Seriously? I can't believe you, Moondancer! You promised me last time!"

"Actually, I said 'maybe next time', soooo..."

"And all for some stallion in our class? Well," she turned away, Twilight doing the same. "I hope this week's buck is worth breaking a heart of your best friend!" She humphed, while Twilight gave her an 'I'm still here!' glare. "No offense."

"None taken."

"Come on, Sparkle! We'll show her what happens when she passes a chance to team up with a genius! Good luck with your new play thing!" Pause. "Uh, no offe--"

"None! Taken!"

The two mares walked away, holding their heads up high. While Twilight Sparkle remained silent all the way to the door, Sunset Shimmer mumbled something barely intelligible, which Red had no desire of finding out. Once the two (and apparently the rest of the class) were gone, Red allowed himself for one, deep, regretful sigh. He looked at Moondancer, as she looked at him. Her smile intensified and she started shaking. He had a bad feeling about this.

“Why are you loo—“

GLOMP! CRASH!

His head, and rest of his body for that matter, got hurt again, as she tackle-hugged him. In hindsight, he should've seen it coming.

"Ohthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" Her embrace strengthened with every syllable, to the point that Red couldn't move or voice a complaint. Not that she'd listen in this state. "You're my hero! Forget one page, I'm so hot for you right now I'm all for the whole thing!" Her embrace weakened slightly, so she could move her mouth to his ear to whisper. "And some pages are very... rereadable."

Red wasn't sure what was hotter right now, the mare above him; his cheeks; or the notion of exploring parts of Ponysutra some stallions only dream of, while others get in exchange rate of a diamond per page. More legends and myths about Moondancer were confirmed with every second.

"Oh, but where are my manners?" She unhugged him, raising herself a bit higher, creating a much safer distance between their faces. "I don't even know your name yet. Which happens way too often lately, actually..."

Red's first words turned out to be different than he imagined. "Y-you don't?"

"Yeah, sorry about that. Let's start over. I'm Moondancer."

He blinked. "Red Hope. Uh, pleasure to meet you, I guess?"

At this point, Moondancer froze her jaw dropping almost to the ground (or his chest, to be precise). "W-wait, are you...?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Your name's really...?"

"Yes."

"NO WAY!"

"Yes. Way."

Moondancer giggled. "Well then, Red, I have a feeling," she lowered her face "this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship," and lower "a really, really hot one."

He couldn't help but swallow, trying very hard to look away. Curse you double standards, if roles were reversed she'd already be gone with a restraining order!

"M-moondancer..."

"Yeeees?"

"C-could you..."

"Hmmm?"

"...could you... get off of me? Please?"

Moondancer blinked. She covered herself with blush. "Huh, I don't hear that too often," she shrugged, but at least did what she was asked to "so, your room in two hours? I don't think I'll be welcome back in my room for a few more hours."

"Yeah, sure. I live in..."

"I know where you live." One creepy, awkward pause later. "I-I mean, you're Con's roommate, right? I've been there a few times."

"Oh... kay." Note to self- get new bedsheets. Just in case.

They waved to each other goodbye and Moondancer took her cue to leave first, giggling along the way, happy for her little victory even if she was going to hear a lot of complaints and silence back in her room. Can't be that bad, right?

"Moondancer!" She turned back to Red, who caught up to her just as she left the class. "There's something I need to ask you. I can't stop thinking about a thing you said..."

Her ears perked. This was bound to be interesting. "What's bugging you?"

His cheeks burned bright red, as he looked around to confirm nopony was listening. “… Pineapple?"

Silence. Now it was Moondancer's turn to burn red. "I-I... I'd rather not talk about... it..." Sweat drops the size of acorns started dropping from her head.

"Okay, then I wo--"

“I-I got curious and I lost the bet, and... uh, they made it look more... pleasant..."

"Okay, I get it--"

"I'm not perfect, okay? I make mistakes! And that book is overrated anyway!"

"Moondancer..."

"It's over two hundred years old anyway! Time to move on!"

"You're not listening anymore."

"And technology progressed, we have better things to stuff in..."

Red covered his ears. "Nope, can't hear you, nuh-uh!"

"...and where did they even get pineapples two centuries ago?"

Red took his hooves of his ears a minute later, once she stopped to take a breath.

"You're done?" He asked.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"No pineapples, got it."

"Cool. Triple cool." She nodded.

A moment passed.

"U-unless," she covered herself in another shade of blush, looking away, scratching her head "y-you really insist--"

"No."

Author's Note

"Hey Brain, we've been writing almost exclusively about Moondancer all this time. How about some stories about Twily or Sunny for change?"
"Yeah, about that..."
"Brain?"
"I, uh, have an idea..."
"Yes?"
"For a story about... Moonie and Red!"
"Goddamnit brain!"
"I'm sorry, I can't help it! :fluttercry: "
"Ugh :facehoof: "

32. Famous Last Words

Something's not right.

Con gulped before the doors to his dorm room. He was about to open it, but something made him stop. A gut feeling, for which he couldn't quite find a reason. Some unknown forces held him back, as if protecting him from unleashing the secrets behind it. He shook his head. There was nothing unusual about his room. Even his roommate was as bland as it gets, there was no way he was up to no good. Unless... he's in danger? What if he needs my help? He swallowed the bad feeling and finally opened it to see...

...his room, mostly as he left it. It was one of the smaller ones, just enough for two beds, two desks, a small bookshelf and barely any space to move, especially now that a bunch of books, notebooks and scrolls were lying on the ground. And among the mess was his trusty friend, fellow, if unofficial, S.A.S.S. comrade Red Hope, looking back from his research at him, terrified to see him. Two hooves away sat the reason why.

"Hiya Con!"

Con couldn't help but tilt his head at a happy Moondancer, lying around in the mess of books, waving a hoof at him. It's not Tuesday, so why is she...? He turned towards Red, who at that point grew a few shades redder, looking at him with a pleading, ashamed look on his face, rapidly shaking his head and making an X sign with his hooves. Con smiled. Oh, I see.

"I-I-I can explain!" Red's face looked like it would catch on fire any second.

"Not cool, dude," he shook his head in disaproval "not cool."

"W-we're not... the... w-we were j-just... I-I mean, we didn't..."

"It's alright, we haven't started yet." Moondancer added with a smile.

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"

"And I thought you were the smart one," Con continued "how could you forget about 'The Sock'?"

"We were just doing the pro--... wh-what?"

"'The sock', dude! I know you've not started yet, but I know how things go. One thing leads to another, your mind is in another place, sometimes literally, and you forget about the most important detail."

"I-I d-don't, I mean we... I don't need no stupid sock! We're just..."

"HEY!" They both jumped when they heard the usually calm and happy Moondancer lash out on them with a frown. "Don't insult 'The Sock'! A properly used one is THE difference between breaking and saving a friendship!" The mixture of anger, sadness and urgency on Moondancer's face, all very uncommon for her, made them skip a beat and look at her surprised. She coughed and looked away a short while after. "Y-you know, better safe than... I'll stop talking now."

Con opened his mouth, but it took him a moment longer to utter some words. "Yeah, what she said. I'll leave you two love birds alone, but seriously, I bought a pair for a reason. And they're clearly not my size." That said, he slowly, gently closed the door. He was so slow in fact, that Red was able to jump up and follow him.

"Con, wait!" As he crossed the door, he turned to Moondancer. "Excuse us for a minute." Getting an approving nod from her, he closed the door and faced his roommate. "Con, it's not what it looks like! We were just..."

"Working on a group project for Silver Scroll, yes, I know." Red was, justifiably, taken aback. "I ran into some of your more gossiping classmates," he quickly added "I'm glad I wasn't the one who bumped into Sunset Shimmer on the hallway."

"Oh, I see." Pause. "Wait, did she..."

"No, she didn't hurt anypony. Their scars were more... metaphysical."

Red's eyes narrowed. "So, all of this was just teasing?"

"It was so easy!" He ended with laughter, which earned him a smack on the shoulder. "Ow, sorry mister sensitive, geez." He chuckled once more, before his face turned serious. "But really Red, sock or our friendship is over."

Red was surprised it took him this long to slap his own face. "Oh, for the love of Celestia's plot!"

"Not Celestia's, but soon you'll be loving a certain plot!" Con laughed in a perverted manner, before he slowed down and grinned sheepishly. "Okay, that was terrible and I'm ashamed of it."

The facehoof intensified. So did Red's voice, as he yelled his next word.

"I'M NOT HAVING SEX WITH MOONDANCER!"

The satisfaction from seeing Con's shocked face was undermined by a realization that came a little too late, by about ten seconds. That's how long it took Red to realize that one, screaming at the top of his lungs might not have been necessary to get his point across; and more importantly two, the door to his room lead to a hallway, which doubled as a lounge area for the stallions dormitory, full of tables, chairs, some couches and, on friday evenings, after all classes were over, it was also full of other students, just chilling around, playing cards and socializing. All of those activities grinded to a halt and suddenly dozens of pairs of eyes landed on an even redder Red.

"What, she ain't good enough fer ya?"

"You don't know what you're missing!"

"She's the best!" Said not a member of S.A.S.S., clearly.

"I'm meeting her tommorow evening!"

"Me too!" Bro-hoof ensued, making Red shudder.

"I don't get it, why is everyone so excited about her?"

"We'll tell you when you're older."

"If you don't want to, can I?"

"HEY!" Con finally snapped at the crowd. "Private conversation here!"

"We're sorry." Everypony lowered their heads in shame then dispersed and went silent.

"So, back to our conversation..."

Red took a moment to recover from the latest crowd debate, if it could be called that, then repeated himself, but in a much milder manner.

"I said I won't be having sex with Moondancer. I haven't yet, I'm not having now and I never will!"

Con nodded. "Ah, famous last words."

"I'm not kidding!"

"I know that," the expression on Con's face changed to what Red could only interpret as 'caring, but a little patronizing' "and I believe that you believe what you're saying. But take if from somepony who's been in your horseshoes before, Heart and Brain often don't agree on things. And while Brain has rational thinking, Heart uses a bit more underhoofed methods. Like hitting you with a blunt lead pipe made out of hormones."

Brain gulped. "Y-you wouldn't...?"

Heart smiled and laughed quietly. "My dear friend, how long have we known each other?" Brain opened his mouth, but Heart didn't let him speak. "Rhetoric question. You know EXACTLY what I can do for feels."

"B-but..."

"Lemme put it in your own language- you control the head, I control the rest. I was pumping blood and crying over full diapers before you uttered your first sentence. I let you take charge only when it's beneficial. But our agendas... they don't always overlap."

Brain was on the verge of tears. "...I'm scared!"

"I'm using logic and you're feeling emotions. See what a simple desire does to a pony?"

Red paused for a while, before shaking his head to put brain into his position. "T-that's absurd! I don't know, or even want to know, what the two or more of you do when you do what you do, but count me out. I don't even like Moondancer!" Small pause. "I mean, I don't hate her, I never did, but even after all this time we spent together I still don't 'like' like her. Sure, she's not quite as annoying as I initialy thought, she's a lot smarter than ponies give her credit for and she's actually doing her part in our project and she's actually nice and non-invasive if you ask her politely..."

"You wanna mention how nice her mane smells while you're at it?" Con asked, making Red more, well, red. "Raspberries. Gets me every time." He sighed happily. "Either way, Red, it's not you that's the problem, but your body. Many ponies used to think like you. That whole 'I'm saving myself for the right one' thing is cute and cool on paper, but reality is a lot more complicated." He moved close enough to wrap his hoof around his friend's shoulder. "I know it's scary, but trust me, we've all been through this, thinking we knew what's the best, shunning other mares for being different than the one of our dreams, but alas!" He extend his hoof into the sky, despite residing indoors. "We didn't fall into her trap. She was never evil to begin with. In fact, she did us all a service. I came out a different pony than I went in. More outgoing, more confident and overall richer in life experience. Moondancer might've been my first and most frequent, but she definitely won't be the last."

"But... what about Twilight Sparkle?"

Con waved his hoof. "I got over her."

Red deadpanned. "You're still in S.A.S.S."

"To help other ponies who suffer as I used to."

"You wept the loudest when we thought she was with Sunset Shimmer."

"I wasn't the one who brought the news, but I'm not pointing hooves around, so zip it!" He coughed, allowing Red to smile sheepishly, before continuing. "Back to the topic. Do what you feel is right for you. If you want to keep your purity for a while longer, who am I to deny you that (poor) choice?"

Red was going to deny everything up until now, but that last statement changed his mind completely. He couldn't help but smile at Con. For all his faults (he could make a list if he felt malicious), he was still looking out for him, both as a member of S.A.S.S. (which Red technically still wasn't) and as a friend.

"And if your libido gets the better of you," Con continued "help yourself to a raincoat. I'm sure you didn't bring yours." He said, slowly walking away from his room. "I keep them in the box next to spare quills. You're welcome."

Red opened his mouth, but couldn't really find anything else to say. He tilted his head. Raincoat? He thought about it for a moment, but decided it wasn't worth making Moondancer wait any longer, so he shrugged and went back to his room.

Author's Note

It took 30 chapters, but we finally have a return of SMT's most important tool- THE SOCK! It's good to have it back.

Big thanks to Solarkness for giving me a name for Con. For someone who was supposed to be a tertiary character, he gets quite a lot of development.

33. Red Moon

Despite Con's warning and approval, Red Hope was not a pony who gave up on his dreams easily. And his dreams were simple: enroll CSfGU, graduate with the highest possible grades, find the love of his life, and spend the rest of his days with her. He wasn't old enough to drink but he was already halfway there! He was attending classes and he knew who his heart yearned for. Sure, he wasn't sure if he could be at the top of his year (considering who he was up against), but he kept trying. As for getting a chance with Twilight Sparkle... well, that was a long-term goal, no use rushing it.

One thing he knew for a fact- succumbing to Moondancer's charm would forever squander his chances. He knew at least five ponies, Con included, who joined S.A.S.S. after a single night with 'The Seductress', as she was sometimes called there. He didn't want to believe that dating or having sex with another mare, Moondancer or other, would jeopardize their chances with 'The Desired One' (S.A.S.S. has a lot of redundant synonyms), but the pattern was so far unbroken and he had no intentions of testing it. Not that he was interested in it to begin with. The sight of Moondancer shaking behind as she inspected his bookshelf wouldn't dissuade him.

Argh, where are you looking at? STAHP! NOW!"

"Yes, give in! Follow dat flank!" Heart cheered for his best friend libido, which oddly enough wasn't represented by a ponified cartoon.

"N-no! Don't give up! I believe in you!" Brain also chimed in, taking his place as the Angel to Heart's Devil.

Red shook his head. No, I can't! There's only one flank I want to follow and it's not that one! He turned away and blushed heavily. Ok, maybe try again, but less creepy?

"Oh hey, you're back!" She turned her whole body while greeting him with a smile, removing the undersired part of her body from his view, much to his relief. Her smiling face wasn't exactly the cold shower he needed, but it had to do. "You sure took your time. Is everything ok?"

Red looked around, trying to find a good excuse. "Yeah, it's okay. We were just..." Think, think, think. "...uh, stallion stuff. You know?"

Moondancer blinked, then rolled her eyes. "Eh, boys." She giggled, signifying her obliviousness.

Success! Mind five! *CLAP* It seemed as if the Cloaking Sphere spell she used blocked sound both inside and from outside. Otherwise it would've been really awkward. Like it already isn't? "Sorry it took this long."

"No problem. I was just admiring your 'Ponyfinder' collection." She levitated one thick book form the shelf. "I didn't even know they had five Monster Manuals!"

Red rose an eyebrow. W-wait, she knows what Ponyfinder is? "Thanks, but actually there are six. I stopped collecting them a long time ago."

She nodded. "I see." She returned the book back on its shelf. "But still, there's Armory 1 and 2, Class Companion, Advanced Magic Manual, Ultimate Combat Guide and... uh, that book has no cover? What exactly is it?"

"Anthropomorphic Guide To Advanced Races," Red answered, with a bit of shame in his voice "it let's you play 'humanoid' races." He lowered his head, then added just as Moondancer opened her mouth. "Don't ask."

Reluctantly, she decided to honor his request. "These sure take me back. I haven't played this in ages!"

Blink. "You played Ponyfinder?"

"Yep! We all did. By all I mean Sunny, Twily, Spike the dragon librarian (but you know that) and myself. Shining Armor, Twilight's big brother, was our GM. He wasn't very good at it, but we had fun anyway. At least, me and Twily did. Sunny kept complaining about rules balance, obvious plot twists, cliche storylines and Shiny constantly fumbling some rules. In hindsight, Spike would've made a better GM, but we insisted too hard." She sighed happily. "Good times."

Red was still trying to wrap his head around the news. So mares play Ponyfinder, I know three of them and one is Twilight Sparkle. Life is awesome! Also, I lost a bet. Still worth it! "Sounds like a lot of fun."

"It sure was! I wouldn't mind playing with the guys sometimes, but..." she blushed "...my male friends have a different definition for 'role-play'." She winked.

Nope. Not even gonna react to that. Nuh-uh! I'm better than that! "Well, I wouldn't know," the thought that he should be more specific about which part he knew came to him long after he finished the sentence "I haven't played this yet." He was too embarassed to look her in the face, so he didn't notice Moondancer's jaw dropping. "I didn't have any friends back in Trotsaw and since I enrolled here, I've been busy with school and..." S.A.S.S. "...stuff."

It was only now that he noticed her shocked expression. "Oh my gosh, you poor little thing!" With the wall behind him, he didn't have room to manouver when she went toward him and... patted him on the head Huh? "All these books and you didn't even get to enjoy it."

He blushed furiously and looked away. "R-reading them was fun..."

"Yeah, but it's a game and they're supposed to be played! Otherwise you just get some studying material for no exam!" Se paused, then raised a hoof to her chin. "Is that why Twilight enjoyed them so much?" On that mention, Red's ears perked, no matter how much he tried to hide it. Another common topic to discuss! Not even S.A.S.S. databanks knew that!

His train of thought was interrupted by a loud gasp. "Oh my gosh, I just had the most awesome idea ever!" He thought he was done being spooked by Moondancer's personality. He thought wrong. "You could be our new GM!"

Blink.

Another blink.

"WHAT?"

"Come on, Red!" She walked forward to him a bit more and he still had wall behind him. "You know this stuff inside out!"

"W-well, I do, but..."

"You're smart, so the rules won't be a problem, right?"

"No, not really..."

"And I bet you always wondered what it would be like, so you have plenty of great story ideas!"

"W-well, I did create a campaign out of boredom, with maps and stuff, but it's not very go--"

"And including myself, I know at least two other ponies that would love to go back to it!" She smiled brightly, about a few inches from his face.

Red's face got hotter than ever before, which was quite a feat. Too close! Too close! Danger! Hormone danger!

"Hahaha, yes, stop fighting it!" Heart cheered on the lewd thoughts. "Let the dark side guide you! Now, jump at her! Change the rating to 'M'! Add all the tags! MUAHAHAHA!"

Meanwhile, Brain was in a pinch. Any moment now Purity would be lost. And he liked having it around, even if it also wasn't a sentient cartoon character.

And then, an idea struck him. "No, wait, you can't do it!"

"It's too late! The era of debauchery begins now!"

"No, you don't understand!" Brain grabbed Heart by the shoulders and looked him deep in the eyes. "Don't you see what's about to happen?"

"Bah, of course I know! It starts with a 'B' and ends with an 'ANG'!"

"No, not that! He was just invited to play Ponyfinder!"

"Bro," Heart rolled his eyes "I love Ponyfinder for adventure and excitment as you love it for stats and formulas, but we have priorities here!"

"Ugh, I swear, you can be so dense sometimes," he sighed, cleared his throat and spelled it as clearly as possible "he was invited to GM a game for TWILIGHT SPARKLE! And her friends."

The smile on Heart's face faded away. His eye twitched. "How did I miss that?"

Brain shrugged. "Simple desire does that to a pony sometimes." And so were the two enemies bonded by a common cause again.

Upon understanding the situation he was in, Red delicately raised his hooves and placed them on Moondancer's shoulder, cautiously avoiding touching her in any place that could be deemed too inapropriate for any reason in any cultures, then gently pushed her away.

"Okay, fine."

Moondancer was either oblivious or ignorant to the push, but she was happy nontheless. "Yay!" She cheered quietly (and adorably) and finally let go of the stallion, letting him breathe some fresh air, the one that didn't smell like a mare in heat.

Or is it just too hot in here? Should I open the window? Yup. Sounds like a plan! And so he did, meanwhile Moondancer went back to the books on the floor.

"First things first, we gotta finish here," she hummed a cheerful tune, as she grabbed a few notes and a quill "the sooner we get this done, the more time later for... fooling around." She winked at him, all while licking her lips seductively.

His face was almost melting. The more time he spent with her, the more he started to like her (not 'like' like though) and part of him was looking forward for the near future. No, bad Red! Calm down!

"We need to do something, or else he's toast!" Said Brain. "Or rather, laid! Sweet Celestia, this situation is so backwards!"

"I know, right? It would've been easier if the genders were swapped. Then we could just kick him in the nuts and sue him for a zillion bits."

"If only." Brain sighed, seeing no other way to resolve this crisis. "Okay, I got this. I have a foalproof plan!"

Okay, calm down and breathe. In. Out. In. Out. You can do this! Just take it easy, explain everything calmly, while it's still not too la--

"Red, could you pass me the--"

"I DON'T WANNA HAVE SEX WITH YOU!" He yelled, then immediately covered his mouth with both hooves.

Heart was not amused. "Smooth."

"I panicked!"

Heart facehooved. "And I'M supposed to be the reckless one?"

There were a lot of better ways (he counted two at that exact moment) to express his feelings for Moondancer, who at that point froze, sitting on the floor motionless, her mouth opened wide, but not quite low enough to hit the floor. Red couldn't move either, and even if he could, he didn't know if talking to her right now was a good idea for various reasons, one of them being that he was unsure if her brain actually registered anything at the moment. They were rooted on the same spots for what felt like an hour, later turned out to be around 40 seconds, before Moondancer's mouth started moving again. It wasn't until a few jaw excercises later when she spelled an actual sentence.

"Uh... oookaaay?" She lowered her head, though her shocked expression didn't change. "Sure. Gotcha. No fooling around."

Red swallowed. He had a really bad feeling. "Moondancer?"

"Strictly proffessional, I get it. No hanky panky." As soon as she finished her sentence, she stood up. "I need to freshen up a little! Be back in... be right back!" She quickly went towards the door and left with a loud smack before Red could raise a hoof and stop her. Once gone, he stood where he was for a while, his head hung down, with tons of regrets. Feeling weak in his legs, he sat on his bed, which so happened to be right next to the pile of books on the floor, his eyes looking at the exact spot where she was sitting just a while ago. Among the fleeting emotions in his head, none of them felt particularly glad that she was gone and even more pushed him in a different direction than he originally wanted. For once, Heart and Brain agreed to one thing. I gotta follow her!

He rushed out of his room about to call Moondancer's name, but she was nowhere to be found, at least not in the hallway. He asked some ponies in the lobby and each one who knew and saw her pointed him in the direction she went in, noting that she felt different than they remember her. That she was in rush, ignored most of her usual friends, sparing them at best a nod or a simple 'hi, gotta go'. Her trail got harder to follow once he left the dorms, so he had to change his description from 'the one mare everypony knows' to actual descriptions of her appearence. His already heavy conscience was looking forward to it less and less when among common answers he kept hearing 'distraught' or 'depressed'.

His journey ended further than he initially thought, in a large, open park. He noticed her sitting on a bench, looking at the open space where foals played. Slowly, reluctantly, he walked towards her, never being this afraid in his life. Please don't cry, please don't cry, please don't cry... She noticed him and he was able to at least partially sigh with relief, when he saw no tears, no ruined make-up or any other signs of crying. She was still rather distraught, but far from what he feared. She looked at him for a moment, before shifting her eyes back to the playing field. At least she wasn't running away. That had to be a good sign, right?

"Hey, Moondancer, I, uh..." he paused, not sure what to say. What DO you say in moments like these? "...are you okay?" He asked. Moondancer shrugged. Waiting for an answer was probably futile, so he kept on going. "Do you mind if I sit here?" After getting another shrug for an answer, he sat right next to her, expecting, welcoming even, some kind of angry outburst. The silence proved to be a lot worse.

"Moondancer, I... I'm sorry," he wasn't sure why he was apologizing, but it seemed like a good way to start a conversation "I didn't mean to make you mad. I was just--"

She quickly interrupted him. "I'm not mad at you."

He swallowed. "Y-you're not?"

"No." Pause. "Mostly dissapointed."

He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. "Dissapointed?"

"Yeah. I was really looking forward to some action. I mean, you even changed your bedsheets! That's usually a big give-away!"

He scratched his head. "Well, now that you mention it..." This conversation is getting weirder and weirder... eh, nothing good ever came from being normal anyway. "So, do you always come here when you're... 'dissapointed'?"

Something in the way he said it must've worked, because he could swear he saw her crack a weak smile. "Something like that. It's my... happy place. I always feel at ease here."

He nodded. "A lot of good memories here?"

She shook her head. "Nah, just one. The one I really cherish." She turned to him and there was no denying it, she was smiling. "I met the kindest stallion here. The one who was there for me when I really, really needed a friend." She sighed happily, not hearing a single word of a reply. She sighed once again, this time from exasperation. "Before you ask, no, I didn't have sex with him that day. Or ever."

"I wasn't going to ask!" I was totally going to ask.

"Not that I never tried, mind you. It's just that he's kinda..." she stopped and looked into the sky, trying to find a proper sentence "...slow on the uptake." Pause. "And oblivious." Pause. "And kinda dumb. But, even with all of that, he's the kindest, nicest stallion I've ever met." She giggled and turned to meet Red eye to eye. "I didn't tell that to anypony, but that's kinda my type. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for handsome hunks, but half the time I don't even see their faces, so I don't care that much."

Red raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean don't see their faces half the ti--" he stopped, as Brain did all the calculations for him. Heart found it appropriate to smack his face with his own hoof, which he did not object to.

Moondancer giggled once again. "Yeah, exactly! Bad colts are cool and all, but show me a stallion who helps granny cross the street and my face's getting hot like an oven! Stallions like him. Or you."

Dear Princess Celestia, please tone down the sun a little, or I'll get a sunstroke! Yours truly, Red Hope. "M-me?"

"Yep! You were there when I needed you, sorry about the nagging by the way, I was really desperate, and you agreed to my crazy plan while asking for nothing in return, but I didn't want you leave empty-hooved, so, you know, I wanted to reward you with something... special. I wasn't kidding about 'the whole book' by the way."

Dear Princess Luna, your sister didn't get my message. Could you please tell her to check her spam folder? With highest regards, Red Hope.

"I mean, that's what I'm best at and from what I gather, that's the only thing I can do that no other mare will do, so I might as well capitalize on that, have some fun in the process, win-win for all parties." She hung her head, the smile weakening slightly. "I-I mean, I have nothing else to offer, so when you said you didn't want it, I..." She raised a hoof to her head and scratched it.

After a while, she finally confessed. "...I panicked."

She laughed weakly. "I didn't know what else to do, I was afraid I would say or do something stupid, so I ran away and didn't stop till I got here and..." She stopped when she got a glance at her conversation partner, who for once displayed a different emotion than sheer panic and nervousness. Far from it. At first he tried to hide it, but he couldn't any longer hold the it inside him and burst out with a laughter. "Red?"

Even when asked, Red Hope didn't stop laughing out loud, almost falling from the bench he was sitting on. Moondancer raised her eyebrow and at first tried to stop him, but she didn't feel like trying to yell through his outburst. Once he finally lost his breath enough to slow down and stop, he took a while to take a breather and reply to her shocked face.

"Y-you? Panicked? Filly, do you realize what I've been through those last few hours?" She was about to open her mouth, but he already had an answer. "I wasn't this scared in my life since..." S.A.S.S. first foalnapped me back in the day "...never really! I mean, the closer you got, the more scared I was!"

She gulped. "Y-you thought I was going to... to do something to you?"

"No. I was afraid I was going to lose control and jump AT YOU!"

Moondancer blinked. The blush on her face didn't go unnoticed. "Y-you did?"

"Yes! And I would have absolutely done it, but..." I'm in love with your best friend? Maybe don't mention it right now. "...there's already somepony else I like, so... sorry."

After a short break, it was Moondancer's time to laugh, though not nearly as loud as Red did. "Oh, so that's why! For a moment I was worried you were... uh..."

"I was what?"

"Uh... you were..." she turned away and hesitated with the answer "...w-well, you're not, so that's that."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing! Forget about it! There's no way I could have had two anyway." Learning from his previous experiences, Red decided to not delve into it any deeper. Moondancer sighed with relief and continued. "You know, when a mare is trying to seduce you, the 'I have a marefriend' line works pretty well."

"Yeah, about that," he smiled sheepishly "she's not my marefriend, yet. In fact, I'm not sure she realizes I exist. I mean, she knows I'm there, but I don't know if she knows me, or recognizes me as me and not as just another guy who's there..."

Moondancer rolled her eyes. "Oh, it's one of those," she giggled, then patted Red on the back "then go an tell her how you feel. If she's anywhere near worthy of having you, she'll be yours in no time. And if not, you know where I live. I'm pretty good at mending broken hearts."

And now it was Red's time to blush, though for the first time, he wasn't feeling guilty, ashamed or scared about it. And he was absolutely okay with that. They sat on the bench in silence for a few minutes more, before Moondancer left it first and stretched her limbs.

"Okay, break's over, we got a project to finish!"

But before they left, Red stopped her. "Moondancer?"

"Hm?"

He scratched his head. He never said the following words to anypony before, much less to a mare. "While I was away back in the dorms, I... I heard a lot of my dorm-mates talk about you and they all adore you for who you are. They all think you're cool and like spending time with you." As expected, this little tidbit left her speechless and blushing. "And for all it's worth, I think you're pretty cool too."

Moondancer didn't say anything in response, but a loud gasp and wide smile hinted at some levels of gratefulness. Her face could be now described as 'Too many hugs inside, must share immediately!'. And he was the only pony available. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Okay, get on with it."

"B-but, what if I lose control and--"

"It's okay, I'll tell you when you go too fa--UGH!"

He was unable to say anything before getting glomped by the oversexualized mare who, for once, wasn't going to drag her target to her bed. The hug was still pretty pleasant.

"That was one of the sweetest things a stallion ever said to me!"

"C-cool, but the project...?"

"Just one more minute? Please?"

Still in hug, Red rolled his eyes and didn't say a word, hoping she wouldn't say the exact same thing once an actual minute passes.

"Moondancer?"

"Yes?"

"Too far."

As expected, the duo of Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer got the perfect, 100% grade, thus winning a no-prize, since it wasn't a contest. Red Hope and Moondancer were close seconds at 98%, much to Red's chagrin. He lamented over this in the corner, while Moondancer patted his back.

After a round of applause from an imaginary crowd (because nopony in class really cared about other projects that much) and a healthy dose of hoof-shaking between each other, Twilight and Sunset finally walked to their third, estranged partner, who spent all weekend outside of her room, which wasn't that uncommon once in a while and they didn't even want to ask where she was or what she was doing. Twilight was the first one to grab her attention.

"Hey, Moonie?"

Moondancer looked away from her depressed partner and nodded. "Twilight. Sunset." She welcomed them, getting a nod from Sunset as well. "So, congratulations. You two make quite a team."

"Yeah, guess we do." Twilight laughed awkwardly. "If only we weren't so blinded by competition."

"Can't beat'em, join'em." Sunset Shimmer shrugged. "I must admit, I never expected we could actually get along for something." Sunset hated every moment where she had to admit that somepony else was right. Doubly so if it was Twilight Sparkle. Triple if it was Moondancer. That made this moment six times as bad as admitting that she was in the wrong.

"Science is a language with few swear words." Twilight added, and everypony nodded. "Also, we've been talking about something when you were gone, and we came to a conclusion that... we..."

"We were really crappy friends." Sunset finished her partner's sentence, much to everypony's shock. "With all this rivalry and petty grudges, we didn't stop to think how it affected you."

Twilight's ears flopped a bit. "We're sorry for making you go through all this, Moondancer. Can you forgive us?"

Moondancer hummed. "Weeeeeell, you've been kinda horrible about it before, not just this weekend, buuuut..." she shot one quick glance at Red Hope, who was still lamenting over his grade (he wasn't- he was just too shy to look at Twilight Sparkle; also too intimidated to look at Sunset Shimmer). "...eh, something good came out of it, so I'll forgive you. It's not like I can stay mad at you two!" She smiled widely, then extended her hooves in their direction. "Now c'mere and give me a 'Reunion Hug' or I'll take it by myself!"

Faced with a poor choice and an awful choice, Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer looked at each other, nodded and sighed, knowing full well that they got what they deserved and were going to take the punishment cuddles now, before it escalated any further. Red Hope tried not to listen to their conversation after that, but he was grateful that Moondancer denied any rumors of what the two of them did for the last weekend, which saved him in the eyes and mind of Twilight Sparkle. Sure, he was still a long way, but at least his chances were still way above anypony in S.A.S.S. Unlike anypony else in that group, he survived the close encounter with Moondancer with his purity unscathed. Also, three days of studying, shared meals and card games weren't exactly the worst thing that could happen to a young, still growing stallion.

"Hey, Red?"

His train of thought was interrupted and he turned back to see Moondancer alone. There was no sign of her roommates, neither were any other students or teachers around. How long was I sitting here? "Y-yes?"

"Just wanted to say that I really enjoyed last three days and I, well, I wouldn't mind doing it again some day."

He smiled and stood up to face her. "The feeling's mutual."

She smiled and nodded. "Cool. Just for the record, girls are really looking forward to that Ponyfinder game you promised me."

"This feeling's mutual as well."

"And now that they have discovered how much power they have together, Sunny and Twily decided to partner up more often. Which means..." She made a small pause, her eyes looking away. "...I'm kinda on my own again once next group project comes by."

"Oh, is that so?" He smiled slyly. "You're in luck, cause there's a lonely stallion in our class that could use a smart partner."

"Do you think he'll have me? Knowing who I am and what I do?"

"I think he'll make a good decision." They went silent for a moment, before bursting into laughter. Red raised one hoof up. "Partner?"

Moondancer nodded, raised her own hoof and bumped it into his. "Partner!"

Author's Note

Slghtly later than I would want. I guess finding time to write chapter a week isn't as easy as I imagined.

I would normally ask you if you want to see cast of SMT play an RPG, but I suspect I know the answer. And no amount of sarcastic comments will change my mind.

I can't be the only one who finds the concept of "Mind Five" funny, right?

34. Tricks in the Desert! (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Few ponies could claim to have seen as much of the world as Trixie, she was certain. Yes, the Great and Powerful Trixie could not be contained to any one location in the prime of her life, she knew she must wander, she knew she must explore!

Also, bounty hunters had a way of keeping her moving. Outsmarting and outmaneuvering them was one thing, but sticking around when they were present probably wouldn't end well for her. As such, today she found herself in Saddle Arabia! The ponies here looked a little different than in most parts of Equestria, but that only made Trixie herself appear all the more exotic, her magic all the more astounding! She might not have been crazy about the hot climate of the region, but payday was always good here.

Following another successful show, Trixie reclined in the shade behind her wagon. She reflected on a relatively recent change in her career as she counted up the bits earned today; that fewer ponies seemed to step up to challenge her now than when she began years ago. Today, there hadn't been a single member of the audience that so much as heckled her, which was pretty rare! Granted, Saddle Arabia had always felt like kind of a humble place compared to some others, but there were no challengers, no neigh-sayers, nothing. It might have had something to do with ponies remembering her through repeat visits, more pointedly remembering those that failed to upstage Trixie the last time she was in town.

Just as she finished counting up the total of bits she’d gathered, somepony approached Trixie with a bottle of chilled grape juice. She looked to be just on the edge between adolescence and adulthood, a brown, black-maned Saddle Arabian offering the bottle with a smile.

"My family enjoyed your performance today, Great and Powerful Trixie. Would you accept this gift from me?"

Always tickled when her title was heard from other mouths than her own, Trixie grinned beneficently. "Why of course, humble citizen, and thank you!" She levitated the bottle to her lips and took a long drink, but the offerer remained where she stood, which told Trixie she wanted something. Her smile stayed. "No need to be shy, speak your request and the Great and Powerful Trixie will see what she can do."

The mare blushed, her eyes widening with a hint of contrition for just a moment. "Oh, my apologies, I-... Well..." It felt rude to ask, but as she was just given permission...? "I, and a few others who've witnessed it in your previous visits, have wondered; when stallions in foreign garments arrive while you are present, why do you always depart in haste? If they mean you harm, can your magic not dissuade them?"

Ahh, this old chestnut. Surprisingly few ponies voiced the question, but it was one Trixie had long ago prepared an answer for. She gave the asker an amicable smile. "There are better ways to solve problems than through violence, and Trixie is far and away better than a common barbarian." She winked, lowering her voice to a loud whisper. "Between you and Trixie, Trixie may have more than enough power to demolish any who would come for her, but what message does that send to the foals? You wouldn't want Trixie to go around being a bad role-model, would you?"

The mare giggled behind a hoof, nodding once. "No, I would hope not." She turned to leave. "As-salaamu 'alaykum, Great and Powerful Trixie."

Waving, Trixie nodded. "Wa 'alaykum as-salaam!" That there were no giggles told her she'd finally pronounced that right.

Part of her felt guilty, as her answer hadn't been entirely honest. Sure, she probably could deal with most of her pursuers much more directly, and maybe even get away with it almost every time, but doing so would most likely just lead to more and more, possibly better-armed hunters as time went on, and sooner or later, she may have been completely overwhelmed, if only through fatigue. That, and there was the near-certainty that Her Prince would one day catch wind of what she'd been doing.

What would he think of me then? Knowing I had spent years going around hurting ponies when I didn't strictly have to?

Prince Blueblood was a scholar and a gentlecolt (she knew that first part from what Celestia had told her over tea about his reason for living in Ponyville), not some brute that encouraged punching pon-

Oh, wait...

Did it count if they mainly punched him? She probably could have stuck around long enough to get all the details on that during her visit to Ponyville, but as there was nothing friendly between Trixie and her hunters (barring maybe Beaten Bush, who still went after her just as fervently as the rest), Trixie figured Blueblood still wouldn't approve if he heard about her getting violent when comparatively-peaceful avoidance was an option. She could do it, certainly, but he might get the wrong picture of her in his head. He might even see her as somepony to be feared! Imagine!

Quietly enjoying the last of her drink, part of Trixie couldn't help thinking that she was getting tired of running away so often after all these years, that it felt like her hunters were getting more aggressive in recent months, if only by a little bit. Maybe the bounty had increased again?

I wouldn't mind settling down somewhere with My Beloved, they couldn't claim they were 'taking me home' if I lived with him, but it just isn't time yet.

Before she could dwell on whether or not just popping into Ponyville for a visit might be a bad idea, her thoughts were arrested by the tell-tale sound of a net falling, a blanket of ropes meeting little wind resistance. It was a sound she had much time to savor in her foalhood. She telekinetically seized the net, balled it up, and chucked it back at the pegasus sitting on top of her wagon, sending her and her traffic-cone hat toppling backwards and onto the sand.

"Trixie will thank you not to litter."

"The plan did not work," announced Re-Cap, wearing a fez and standing nearby.

"Indeed," concurred Easy Answer, who had donned a Keffieyeh in place of his usual top hat, "I too had thought that using the fact that she was already sitting in the shade would hide the shadow of the falling net, but it seems this was not enough."

Not caring for another line of babble, Trixie got up, chuckled, and shook her head at her hunters as they regrouped. "You might as well go home, guys and gals."

"Gal," retorted the pegasus as she straightened her cone-hat, "singular!"

Trixie shrugged. "It matters not, for none of you will ever catch the Great and Powerful Trixie."

The cone-wearer’s eyes narrowed. "Oh, yea? Why's that?"

Trixie grinned.

[youtube=fcTC7RkmHac]

Because she's...

One step, ahead of her hunters!

She side-stepped Re-Cap as he haphazardly tried to grab her,

Two steps, ahead of the goons!

a swish of her cape slapped Easy Answer in the face as he tried the same thing, Trixie dancing away.

You can, go back to the Lulamoons!

(With empty hooves!)

The trio scrambled to chase after her.

One step, ahead of pursuers,

I'm free, and free I'll stay!

These clowns will watch Trixie get away~!

Trixie accentuated her leap onto a fence with a quick, taunting flank-shake, the hunters immediately climbing after.

We won't, let you! We will, get you!

Batting her eyes, Trixie smirked and pityingly shook her head at them.

You're out of your league, guys.

They immediately roared back.

Wear her down through sheer fatigue, guys!

Well if you insist, Trixie will oblige... Just don't say that you weren't warned!

Trixie cast a short series of simple spells in that instant to make leaping at and kick-flipping off of the nearest hunter easier, swinging around a clothesline and into the window of a nearby building, which landed her between three harem dancers. This was not the first time that had happened.

Hey! Lookie here, young Trixie's back to see us!

We could be such good friends for a price!

One closed in, making eyes and gently tracing a hoof under Trixie's chin.

She shouldn't keep coming here just to tease us...

Bright red, Trixie smiled sheepishly and darted back toward the window

Like she said before, Trixie's spoken for,

but she's sure that all of you are really nice!

She barrel-rolled out of the building and bounced off a hanging awning as the hat ponies gave chase.

One leap, ahead of the crazies,

one step, ahead of the loons!

Yet more workers for the Lulamoons...

She made her way up to the roof of a one-story house, climbing higher as the hunters climbed after.

One skip, ahead of the greedy,

one slide, ahead of the mob!

You'd think by now they'd find another job...

Trixie dove across gaps and swung on clotheslines (careful not to disturb the drying fabrics if she could help it), but they kept up surprisingly well. Most of all the pegasus, who flew alongside them while pretending to run and jump, to her partners' slight annoyance.

Check it! Parkour!

Really?!

Spoilsport.

Starting to get a solid lead, Trixie sing-songed over her shoulder,

You dolts can't catch Trixie~!

Then she smacked into a yak. What a yak was doing on that roof, nopony knew, but he swept Trixie up and coddled her in his forelegs like a teddy bear.

I CAN CATCH YOU, LITTLE PIXIE!

She quickly wriggled out of his grip, nodding to the hunters.

Yes, very well done, now I got to run, but feel free to play with them!

YAY!

The yak seized two of the hunters in a bear-hug the moment they caught up, giving Trixie a few seconds to glide down to the street to try to ditch them in the alleys, but as those alleys were narrow, it only took one of them closing in to cut her off and make her flee down a different path. Within a minute, she could see that she was heading for a dead end.

Trixie grinned.

One jump, ahead of the hoofbeats!

She's here!

One skip, ahead of the rest!

Okay!

One spell, ahead of the casters,

Get her!

They're good, but I'm the master!

That way!

She stopped at a wall, turning to face them and grinning madly.

That's right! You all better believe,

I got tricks up my sleeve,

and now this is where I leave!

Activating her spell, the alley was flooded with purple smoke. The hat-hunters scrambled and grabbed at the empty air where Trixie had stood, but only succeeded in seizing each other by the time it cleared. Trixie was gone without a trace.

"Quick," announced Easy Answer, "she must have gone back to her wagon!"

They ran out to where they'd first seen Trixie only to find the wagon gone as well, not so much as wheel tracks in the sand to indicate which way she'd fled.

"She is gone," droned Re-Cap.

"Yes," sighed the pegasus, irritably flapping one wing. Then she managed a smile. "But hey, we're bound to get her eventually, right? She's bound to make a mistake sooner or later."

"Right you are, Safe Bet," concurred Easy Answer, "right you are."

That night, Trixie rode her wagon through the peaceful sands, naught but the moon and stars to light her way. Proud of herself though she was for another good show and another clean escape, she couldn't help sighing.

One more escape, one more payday, yes, Trixie is amazing.

Just like she was before,

years ago...

Where to now?

Where else is there to go...?

Author's Note

I don't know if Saddle Arabia is a city, a country, or just a little town like Appaloosa. They had important seats at the Equestria Games, but so did Cherry Freaking Jubilee.

Equestrian government. The mind boggles.

Jetto says: Sorry for the filler this time. Next week, something you've been wanting to see, even if you didn't know it yet.

Q&A Part 4: The bad side of gaming

"Hello everybody, welcome back to..."

"Sunny!"

"Moony!"

"Twily!"

"Q&A!"

"I'm Sunset Shimmer, I pretend to hate everything, but I love my friends, enjoy hugs and I have a mother complex with Princess Celestia!"

"I'm Twilight Sparkle, I'm the sexiest nerd alive, I have a hundred of fans, but I still think nopony wants me!"

"I'm Moondancer, I will have sex with anything that has a pulse and anything that won't, I'll hug to death!"

"...pffft, BWAAHAHAHAAHA!"

"How's THAT for an introductory dialogue!"

"That was fun!"

"Let's get to work."

askmaresketeers

Do any of you play video games? I'm rather fond of the Zelda* series myself.

"We already talked about our newfound appreciation for Pokemon and our new portable consoles..."

"That only unicorns and very skilled pegasi can even 'handle'."

"...but we haven't really had many opportunities to try too many of them. We haven't tried Zelda franchise yet, it's on our long "To-Do Checklist. And it's a long one."

"It's three hooves big!"

"That's what she sai--" SMACK! "OWW, worth it!"

"We can talk about some we tried already, right girls?"

"Sunny, I've seen you playing something last night. What was that exactly?"

"Oh, that. Well, it's a piece of garbage, is what it is."

"Really?"

"The graphics are crap, you don't have any objectives, no characters, just you, a guy. With nothing on him, punching stuff."

"Sounds cool!"

"I mean punching stuff like trees, ground, stone, straw. Punch this, punch that, punch everything!"

"I don't see anything wrong with that."

"I thought you like punching stuff?"

"But it takes forever, and you get blocks from punching! I got so many blocks that I made a house out of it! Then I learned you can build stuff, so I built a shovel, sword, pickaxe, armor and then I got bored and started digging a hole..."

"Diggy, diggy hole?"

"Were you a dwarf?"

"Yes and no. I kept digging, getting blocks, sometimes coal or ores or diamonds, but monsters kept appearing so I slashed them with a sword. But then it broke, so I made another, I dug more, broke more swords, made more and on and on and on..."

"Couldn't you just stop playing?"

"I can't! I'm trying, but I keep. On. Digging! WHY IS THIS SO ADDICTIVE!"

"There, there." Moony gently hugged Sunny, who for once, didn't push her away. Oh hey, it's me, narrator! I haven't written anything in a while, how are you guys... good? Cool. Me? I'm fine, thank you for aski--

"Ehem" Oh, right, not my story. Sorry, carry on, girls. "Right, my experience with gaming was a bit less traumatizing. A bit. The game I played recently is called XCOM. It's about an organization that protects humanity from alien attacks and it's rather difficult, tactical but somewhat random, so even with best laid plans you can't be sure what happens. I made a terrible mistake of naming all my soldiers after my family and friends. And seeing Moondancer die in an explosion wasn't exactly the highlight of my playthrough."

"Sounds fun to me!"

"Sure it does."

"I stopped playing when Shining Armor lost his head after a nasty critical hit."

"Ouch!"

"The game's still fun, but I don't feel like going back."

"That's what you get when you play Ironman mode."

"Stupid RNG bullcrap..."

"You think that's bad? Wait till you hear what I’ve been through!”

“Moondancer, you’ve been only playing dating sims!”

“I got more than I expected. I thought it was just about getting the girl, or the guy in some cases, with some nice, sexy artwork as a reward for all the hard work…”

“You’re literally choosing a speech bubble every ten minutes! That’s not a challenge!”

“…but it turns out they’re a lot more than that! I came for drawn boobs and stuff, but most of the time I got a really engaging, interesting story that kept me glued to the screen in anticipation of events to follow! At some point I was so into the story that I clicked through the sex scene just to find out what happens next!”

“Those are some rare words.”

“You girls should try them. It’s like reading a good book with pretty pictures, occasionally some voice acting and once in a while you’re given a choice where the story will go next! And as for the porn bits, most of them are pretty tame. Some games give you an option to turn them off completely!”

“Huh, interesting.”

“Not that I ever used it.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem came when I grabbed one particular game…”

“Oh?”

“And I started playing like I normally would, trying to get everybody, like I would in real life, but it… b-backf-fired…”

“Moonie, you okay?”

“It w-went… ho-ho-horribly wrong!”

“Woah, are you crying?”

“H-how w-was I su-supposed to know? I-I di-didn’t expect somethi-thing like THAT from a title like “School Days”! It-it sounded so inno-innoc-innoce--WAAAAAH!"

"Damnit, it made Moondancer cry!"

“Woah, Moonie, it's okay, it's alright!”

"WAAAAAH!"

“Oh brother. Umm, let’s take a short break!”

On it!

"You feeling better now?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Next question, please."

Silver Nightshade #askmaresketeers ...Well this is awkward, Um, what is, and this is for all three of you, your favorite type of Muffin?

"I think blueberry."

"Chocolate chips."

"I don't have a preference, so let's say, uh, white chocolate?"

askmaresketeers (Opens a box with aforementioned muffins for each mare before dashing out of the audience hall, leaving the box with them.) Why am I lame?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

"Huh... that guy is definitely a loony!"

"He's not that bad. Free muffins! NOM!"

"NOM!"

"NOM!"

Eyeswirl the Weirded asks #askmareskateers Sunny, how the did anypony convince you to wear a maid outfit and call other ponies master? At the same time?

"Yeah, Sunny, how WERE you convinced?"

"Sh-shut up! Not talking about it!"

"Moonie, how did you convince her to do it?"

"I didn't have anything to do with it."

"W-wait, what?"

"I was going to, but she was already on board when I got to her."

"Curious. Care to elaborate, Sunset?"

"T-there's nothing to talk about. I... I just felt like it. I was sleepy and tired and I didn't know what I signed and SHUT UP!"

"Hmm... nope, not buying it."

"Me neither."

"Sunset Shimmer we all know would never JUST agree to something like that. There's a catch."

"No, there isn't, next question!"

"Yes, there is! Now fess up!"

"No!"

"Come on, Sunset Shimmer!"

"Come on, Sunny!"

"Ugh, fine! I did it... because Princess Celestia asked me! I was going to work in the kitchen, but Princess Celestia specifically asked me to wear the maid outfit! She said it would attract crowds, help me with fixing my reputation and that... that I looked good in it. And when your mentor, idol and ruler asks you something, puppy eyes and all, you don't just say no."

"...oh."

"That makes all the sense."

"Can we stop talking about it?"

"She was right thought. You looked amazing in that costume."

"Sooooo cute!"

"One of these days, I'll do it, I swear..."

Solarkness asks Hashtag AskMareSketeers This question goes to all of you:
You were able to send us pictures of you facepalming, so you could in theory send us your mental picture you see each day before going to bed.

"Sure thing! Here's what we see every day before we go to sleep!"

"What, were you expecting something else?"

"Pervert!"

Oh, and have you ever heard of something called a Tantabus? I remember reading about it, but not which book it was... I'd like to read a bit about it.

"Hmm... I've heard the name, but I can't really put my hoof on where it was. I'll get back to you when I fi--"

"Tantabus- an amorphous creature of blue starry smoke that infests and feeds on ponies' dreams, turning them into nightmares; it hasn't been seen in many centuries, some scholars treat it as a myth. Not much else is known about it."

"...well, there you go. Thank you, miss Exposition."

"My pleasure."

How do Timberwolves work? How are they animated, could I in theory make my own Timberwolf-monster friend?

"We could try explaining it to you, but they're hard to grasp by talented unicorns, let alone magic-less beings."

"It's magic. It's hard to explain."

Iamawesome asks #askmaresketeers: Do you have any idea why about half the questions you get are about either Moondancers sexuality, or the question why Twilight isn't as sexually active as Moondancer? With you two it's not like one couldn't guess the answers without asking you.

"I'd say that most of you are perverted creeps is the reason."

"Not that there's anything wrong with that! I'm a perverted creep and Sunny loves me anyway."

"...sure, whatever."

"I find it strange that you guys have such a hard time grasping that just because we're complete opposites in one aspect, that we can't be friends."

"Yeah, just beause I'm slutty and Twily isn't, doesn't mean I think of her any less. I wish she was a bit more outgoing, though."

"I wish you put more attention into your studies and magic."

"I wish you were a bit less uptight and embraced your inner party girl."

"I wish you stopped embarrasing us all the time."

"If only."

"That doesn't answer the original question! But I wish for those things, too."

Mustache Merlin #askmaresketeers To all three of you: In a hypothetical situation where the world Moondancer saw in her dreams was actually real and you had the opportunity to meet your alternate selves, what would you do? What would you tell them?

"I think I would start with asking who her new friends are? Maybe Shiny met some of them in Ponyville, who knows, maybe we could become friends too!"

"My human self... huh, I never really thought about it. I guess I would ask some basic questions, like what's the food like there, do they always wear clothes, what do they learn in school. You know, human knowledge from the perspective of somepony who knew both worlds."

"I would say A LOT of things to my other self, but before any of that, I want to RIP that hairband out of her hair, get her out of that sweater and make herself presentable, is what I would do! Look, I get that different me is more into studies than mating, but that doesn't mean she has to look like a troll! I mean, Sunny and Twily here are at the top of the class and they look stunning!"

"Damn straight!"

"Ehehe, I'm not that pretty..."

"Damn straight!"

"SUNSET!"

DING DING DING!

"It's that sound again! We ran out of time."

"And words."

"Well, this one was pretty uneventful, other than relieving our game-induced traumas."

"Moondancer, please don't tell me you're going to cry again."

"No, I'm fine. As long as I won't think about it, I should be ay-okay... crap, I'm thinking about it!"

"Moonie, no!"

"I... I can't... unthink... the... WAAAAAH!"

"Oh for the love of Celestia's plot!"

"Okay, thanks for reading another episode of..."

"One more word and you'll join her!"

"WAAAAAH!"

"...of you know what, send more questions with a hashtag askmaresketeers, now if you excuse us, we have a friend to hug."

"Great, just fantastic!"

"WAAAAAH!"

"Bye, bye!"

Author's Note

I will spare you the pain of watching ending to School Days and not link it. I won't stop you from googling, but trust me, don't.

"Sure I'll play XCOM on Classic with Ironman mode, I can do it!"
"No Jetto, don't! That's a really bad idea!"
"Shut up Brain!"
Three hours later.
"Dear Brain, I'm sorry..."

35. Full Twilight Panic

Sunset Shimmer was once again on the crossroads of destiny, as she sometimes found herself since getting two roommates. On one hoof, she was lying perfectly comfortably on her bed, with a book of the bloody history of the Gryphon Kingdom Revolution from the 5th century after Lunar Banishment, where then king, Balthazar the XIII, was on the verge of getting cut by his own children. This was one of the juiciest parts of gryphons history, only possible due to their overzelous mentality. On the other hoof, there was an opportunity that presented itself very rarely, no more once a month, if she was lucky. She struggled to keep her eyes glued to the pages of history, intrigued by exactly which of the king's estranged sons would finally stab his back. Sure, she knew who was the following monarch, but the details were vague and movie adaptations took a few too many liberties with the source material.

But as much as she wanted to read more about bloody murders and betrayals, the book wouldn't be going anywhere and Twilight would eventually leave the room. 'Eventually' being the keyword here, since for the last twenty or so minutes she was busy with taking a better care of herself. She took a shower (for the second time today!), groomed her mane at least three times, polished her hooves and took at least last five minutes debating over which perfumes were right for the occasion, using the reflective surface of one of the bottles to check if she had left any lettuce in her teeth, which she then proceed to floss. For the third time.

The temptation was too strong. "You know, I don't think Moondancer will mind if you borrow a few raincoats for your date."

There was a loud crash, as two bottles of (cheap) perfumes shattered on the floor, filling it with a bunch of pleasantly smelling sharp hazards. Twilight Sparkle wasn't at all bothered by the danger around her, as she was too busy blushing furiously. While not the most adept at innuendoes and naughty language, she was a very good student while her friends, mostly Moondancer, were good teachers.

"I DON'T NEED CONDOMS FOR MY BROTHER!" She lashed out.

Sunset shrugged. "Fine." Okay, she's had enough, I should stop teasing her.

Two seconds later.

Oh, who am I kidding? "Moondancer would be proud of you. Even she's too afraid to take it ra--"

SMACK!

One, next time when you tease Twilight, make sure there isn't a wet towel she could throw at your face. Two, ouch! Three, it was so worth it!

"I'M NOT GOING TO... TO... WITH MY BROTHER! EWW!" She shuddered at the thought.

Sunset shrugged, getting the wet cloth out of her face. "With all the prep work you've done thus far, you could've fooled me."

Twilight gagged. "Ugh, you're disgusting!"

"And you're denying your big brother complex."

"I DON'T HAVE A BIG BRO--" She stopped herself, put a hoof near her chest, then slowly pulled it away, exhaling the frustration on the way "no, I refuse to continue this conversation! You hear me, Sunset?"

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you. You're being boring again."

Twilight's eyebrow twitched. "Refusing to indulge in incestuous fantasies doesn't make anypony bori--" She stopped herself again, pulling the stress relieving exercise from before once more. "Nice try, Sunny, but there's no way you can ruin the one day in the month when my BBBFF comes for a visit!"

Now it was Sunset's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh darn, foiled again!" She deadpanned like she never did before.

"Speaking of which, maybe you can join us for dinner? I'm sure Shiny, Mom and Dad would love to see you again!"

Sunset snorted. "Yeah, I'm sure Spike would be delighted to see me."

Twilight blinked. "That's still 80% approval! That's more than most of the nobles!"

"As much as I'd love to gorge myself on your mother's cooking, I have a hooficure to make."

"Since when do you do your own hooficure?"

"Since you asked me to see your stupid brother ten seconds ago, duh!" Sunset shook her head, as if asked the most obvious question there ever was to a little kid.

Twilight hummed, then realized there was still a lot of spilled perfumes on the ground, which started to mix together, thus creating a new, much more dangerous aroma than the sum of both its parts, not to mention there were glass shards all over the place. Having no desire to hear Sunset ranting about cleaning somepony's mess, she took a few paper towels and a broom and started cleaning the floor the old fashioned way. Sure, she had a few good cleaning spells, but there was a risk she could misfire one of them and create a spark which could ignite the flammable liquid and create a disaster. The chances were minuscule, about 0,0034% of her making a mistake on a basic spell, but she wasn't about to test the probability theories on a day this important to her.

"Sunset, why do you hate Shining Armor so much?"

Sunset shrugged, still holding the book in front of her. "I don't hate him. I just don't feel like seeing him."

"I don't get it, he's been nothing but kind to you!"

"Yeah, but that's the thing," she laid the book on the bed "he's been so kind it's a bit... uncanny! He's always smiling, asking me if I need anything, how I feel, how's the school and all that wishy-washy stuff!"

Twilight feigned shock "Oh, the nerve!"

"I know, right? At least when other stallions are nice to me, they do it in hopes they could score me. I get free drinks, sometimes even a dinner. And I have the satisfaction of shooting them down and publicly humiliating them, or in case of the less jerky ones, throw them at Moondancer and everypony's happy. It's a win-win scenario. With your brother, I just don't know how to react."

Twilight raised a hoof and was about to say something, but her mind was blanking, so she hoofwaved it and turned away. "You're a twisted mare, Sunset Shimmer."

"I get that a lot. Look, as much as I enjoy our banter, weren't you going on a date with your brother?"

"IT'S NOT A DATE! But yeah, you're right, it's getting a bit late. His train will be here at 2pm, I need to hurry and get Spike!"

"It's only noon."

The lavender mare didn't listen to either Sunset or common sense. "Time's running out, gotta go, bye!" And she was gone, door slamming right behind her.

Sunset Shimmer looked at the door where her friend had just disappeared. That mare just won't learn. She shook her head and went back to her book. Now back to backstabbing the king...

TWILIGHT'S LOG

12:31am. Picked up Spike from his home. He was confused that I got there this early. Typical Spike, absolutely no sense of urgency. He asked for five more minutes to prepare himself. I obliged.

12:36am. Spike still isn't ready. I made a note to thank Cadance for teaching me this unstressing excercise. It has proven to be very useful today.

12:37am. Spike is ready, so we go. He wanted to sit on my back, but I declined, as most books on raising foals discourage rewarding kids for being lazy.

12:39am. Spike made a good point: he is not a foal, but a baby dragon. The books said nothing on how to raise your dragon, so I allowed it. It's already proven a great success, as whining stopped, thus our morale was raised by around 14%.

12:55am. We arrived at the station, still 65 minutes before the train is due. I'm having second thoughts about leaving this early, but it helped minimize the potential accidents we could have faced along the way. The downside is that Spike is getting impatient again so we try to kill time by playing 'Eye Spy'.

13:08am. 'Eye Spy' is a stupid, pointless game with no right to exist and should be labeled as non-entertainment. Spike disagrees. He knows nothing, he's a baby dragon. He replied that he is a winning baby dragon. I can find no valid counter-arguments.

1:30pm. We went for Ice Cream. Morale boosted by an additional 11%.

1:41pm. We found today's newspaper and we went straight for the crossword puzzle, like we used to do back in the days with Shiny. There is a 13% chance we won't be able to finish it by the time his train arrives, which then would have 98% chances of him joining, but only around 6% of him contributing to it's completion.

1:49pm. Seven words, starts with G, third letter N: 'a famous gryphon king that stabbed his father'. I wish Sunset was here.

2:00pm. What do ponies usually say when something isn't where it should be at the designated time? "Give it a few minutes." One or two is perhaps too little, and up to ten is more than 'a few', and thus a violation of terminology, so I will go with five minutes.

2:05pm. Still no train. Giving it 5 more minutes, but no more. Morale drops by 9%.

2:06pm. GUNTHER! Silly me, how could I forget? Morale increased by 2%.

2:10pm. Still no train, nor my BBBFF. Morale drops by 40%.

2:11pm. WHEN IS THAT TRAIN GETTING HERE!?

2:12pm. Oh, there it is!

"Ugh, finally!" Spike exclaimed, as he happily jumped from the bench and ran towards the arriving train from Ponyville, Twilight happily following her surrogate brother. Her enthusiasm rose significantly when the doors opened and even through the small window she could see the white coat and horn, thus confirming that it was indeed...

"BBBFF!" She shouted loudly, glomping the first pony in the cart, before the one in question could react. Or before she could confirm whether that was who she thought it was. "I missed you so much! Oh, we have so much to... to..."

She squeezed tighter, but much to her surprise, her hooves touched each other a lot sooner than usual. On that note, the white coat she was touching wasn't of the same texture as she remembered, but it was much smoother and softer, like a silk pillow, like the ones Princess Celestia had in her private room. And not to mention, he was a lot smaller than Shiny used to be.

"BBBFF?" She asked shyly.

"I'm afraid not, darling." The soft, female voice answered.

Twilight's eyes shot open. From the perspective of herself as the 'glomper', she had a clear view which she didn't have when her eyes were closed due to overflow of positive emotions. Now she could, as Moondancer would phrase it, 'enjoy the rear view' of a pony that had a white coat similar to BBBFF... and that's where similarities ended. Instead of the firm, muscular form of her brother, she saw the smooth, slim figure, with beautifully curled, long, purple tail. Also a cutie mark of three diamonds which couldn't be missed, no matter how much she wanted to avoid glaring at some unknown mare's flank, which was quite something even from her angle. Wait, this is not the time to enjoy the view! I'M NOT ENJOYING THIS VIEW! I mean, it's nice and if I was into mares I would love to see it more often, I mean, not in a creepy stalkery way, but in a more innocent... STOP OVERHINKING IT!

The mare in question coughed. "I don't want to be rude, darling, but..."

"MEEEEP!" Twilight squeeked and jumped away, making a few nervous steps backwards before bowing so low and fast she hit her forehead over the stone floor, ignoring the pain and blood to be apologetic.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SOR--" she stopped when a hoof was gently placed on her shoulder. She shook a bit, but still slowly raised her head, her teary eyes witnessing the view of an angel! Or rather, a very pretty, white coated unicorn with mane as fabulous as her tail, standing right below the sun, making her look as if she had an aurora around her head. And she was smiling at her.

"It's alright darling," she said again, once more sounding like a choir of angels.

"B-but..."

"No buts, darling" a tissue levitated itself over Twilight's forehead, wiping the blood and dirt she inflicted upon herself "there's no need to be afraid, you've done me no harm. Though I won't lie, I was scared for a second."

"I-I..."

The mare gently touched Twilight's lips with her hoof. "Hush! This has been a lovely day so far, let's not ruin it with a simple misunderstanding. Right, darling?" She asked. Twilight swallowed, but nodded obediently, making the mare smile even brighter. A small band-aid floated at Twilight's wound, though she didn't notice it until much later. "See? No reason to be flustered." She extended her hoof to help Twilight stand up. "Now, as much as I'd love to stay and chat, I'm in kind of a hurry. Maybe if you visit Ponyville someday we could find some time for small talk. But until then, ta-ta, darling!" She waved to her and left, swinging her flank left and right, left and right, left and...

STOP LOOKING AT HER ARSE! Twilight shook her head violently, then applied some more anti-stress excercises, which still worked wonders, even after all this time. I sure am glad Sunny and Moonie weren't here to see this. I would NEVER live this down! She looked to her left, where Spike was standing still, looking at the same direction she was just a moment ago, his eyes half-closed, having the goofiest grin on his face.

"Sooooo beautiful!" He whispered, sighing with delight. Twilight nodded, blushing profoundly.

Meanwhile, back in the dorms, Sunset Shimmer stopped her reading when something came to her mind.

I feel like I'm forgetting about something important... nah, probably nothing.

She shrugged and kept reading about Gunther's reign.

Few minutes passed since Twilight and Spike recovered from their infatuation and realized that even after all this time passed, Shining Armor was nowhere to be found. He wasn't at the station or inside the train.

"SHIIIIIIIIINYYYYY!" Twilight yelled in the wagon, then blinked herself out into the station. "SHIIIIINIIIING!" Another blink, she was in front of the entrance. "BE-BE-BE-EF-EF!" One more blink, she was at the top of a building. "WHEEEEREEEE AAAAREEEE YOUUUUUU!?" Another blink made her disapear from Spike's view.

He sighed, then crossed his arms and started counting down. "Five, four, three, two, one..."

BLINK! "He's not in the sewers, or the donut shop, or the colts' bathroom!"

"W-wait, what?"

"HE'S GONE, SPIKE! SHINY IS GONE!" She grabbed him with her hooves and started shaking with every word. "He could be anywhere! What if... what if something bad happened to him! What if he found a portal to another dimension and got sucked in and now has to live in a world full of bipedal creatures!?"

Spike, after recovering from his vertigo, managed a deadpan expression. "A what now?"

"Or what if somepony foalnapped him?"

"Then I pity that pony."

"What if he got lost? What if he got on a wrong train and he ended up in the Gryphon kingdom and has to fight his way out in gladiatorial matches for the rest of his life?"

Spike shrugged. "Or what if he just forgot he was supposed to be here today?"

"Or what if he forgot he was... supossed to... huh, that actually makes sense!" Twilight put a hoof to her chin and started thinking. While Shiny had an impeccable memory when it came to his family, friends or important holidays, he was often forgetful when it came to small stuff. Granted, an once a month visit home wasn't a minor thing, but knowing Shiny, he probably took it as granted. And she knew exactly how to find out! She conjured up a scroll, along with one quill and some ink and made a note.

Greetings,

is Shining Armor still home?

Yours truly,

Twilight Sparkle

"There, now I just need to send it over to Ponyville!" She smiled to herself, although Spike was still a little confused.

"Can you send it with your magic?"

"Nope!" She smiled widely. "But I know someone who can send it to somepony who can send it to somepony that can answer, then send it back to the pony who sent it so it can be sent back to us!"

Moments passed. Spike scratched his head. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Meanwhile, in Princess Celestia's office, two scrolls appeared in the thin air. She raised an eyebrow and grabbed them. One had a note that said "For Princess Celestia", which is the one she opened.

Dear Princess Celestia,

I would like you to send the other message to your nephew, Prince Blueblood, if that won't be a problem. I would also like you to send his message back to Spike, if at all possible. It's very urgent, I promise I will explain it later.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle

Celestia shrugged and sent the letter as politely asked.

Few minutes of walking in circles in panic later, Twilight finally received the answer she was looking for when Spike, the dragon librarian, burped the scroll from Princess Celestia. Spike was able to send messages to Princess by burning the scrolls... for some reason. And she could send messages back to him via normal, though advanced magic, hence the awkward burping that manifested scrolls in mid-air. Whether it was something he was born with, or Princess Celestia enchanted him to do so, was a mystery that Twilight was afraid to ask. It has proven to be quite useful in case of emergencies, though, as exemplified today.

The message was short:

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

your brother left about two hours ago.

Sincerily, Prince Blueblood

Twilight's eye twitched once again as she reread those few words over and over again. "B-b-but, th-th-that m-means..."

Spike sighed deeply. "Oh boy, here we go again!"

"SHIIIINIIIIIIING!" That was all that Spike heard, before his surrogate sister started her irrational fit of panic, complimented by a lot of shouting, teleporting, running and using any possible name, nickname or synonym she could find. To anypony else this might've seemed like a random fit of uncontrollable emotions, but Spike wasn't just any pony, in fact, he wasn't a pony at all, but more than that, he knew better. After living almost his entire life by Twilight's side, he learned how this filly's mind worked, and using a specific algorithm, created by Sunset Shimmer and Moondancer, he was able to predict the exact time and place where she would end, after spending an amount of magical energy that would force her to take a ten seconds breather. That place happened to be only about a hundred hooves away, several streets away, in a less populated residential district. His predictions were, as always, accurate, and he found her catching her breath just around the corner.

"Twilight!" He shouted as he approached her. "Calm down, you know there must be a reasonable explanation! What if he got late to a train and decided to go by hoo--"

"OVER THERE!" Twilight interrupted Spike, pointing her hoof somewhere. Spike raised an eyebrow, but then his jaw dropped as he noticed the scene.

It was a fairly deserted area of residential blocks, and in between one of them was a small alley, where they saw two muscled, grey earth ponies along with a smaller brown unicorn in a bowler hat. But what really took them by surprise, was that one of the big ones carried another pony on his back. They couldn't tell all the details, but they were sure it was a white coated stallion, though that was all they could've tell since he had a paper bag on his head and his hooves tied up, while he was dragged into the alleyway.

"Holy guacamole!" Spike yelled, though not loud enough for the trio to notice them yet. "Is that... was that...?"

"Spike," Twilight said, not moving a muscle, as her eyes were focused on the alley, "go get help!" And then she rushed after them, leaving her little assistant in the dust.

"Twilight, wait!" In between coughing, Spike extended his hand towards her, but didn't follow her, mainly because she was way too fast for his tiny little legs. And as much as he didn't want to leave his big sister alone, there was a task he was given and he wasn't going to fail it.

"Stop movin', will'ya!" The tiny gangster in a bowler hat (which was also his cutie mark) kicked his impatient hostage, trying close the trunk of their cart. "Sheesh, why'd they always struggle so much? Ya'd think they'd 'ave learned by now to be quiet, or else!"

One of the thugs, the one with an AA battery for a cutie mark, scratched his head. "Maybe it's his first foalnapping?"

The other thug, one with a machine gun* cutie mark nodded. "Prolly'. By da third time they usually learn ta behave."

After finally closing the trunk, the bowler hat wearing gangster shrugged. "Whatever, we got'im. Now let's git a move on before we--"

"LET HIM GO, YOU CRIMINAL SCUM!"

"What the--?" The gangster trio jumped and turned back, at first afraid that they were caught, only for the newcomer to appear to be just a single, if a little angry, lavender mare. "Sheesh, almost got a heart attack!"

The filly in question lighted her horn and made a step forward. "I said, let him go now, or else!"

"Boss, what'we do?"

"What'ya think we do? We ain't leaving no witnesses! Assault, Battery, GIT'ER!"

The two thugs nodded and charged at her who, despite having two stallions twice her size (which is four times the trouble) against her, didn't even budge. Her eyes narrowed with a glow, the same one that her horn had all this time.

"I guess you chose 'else'..."

"Quick, it's right over there!"

After finding a pair of patrolling guards, Spike quickly led them to where he last found Twilight. Riding on the back of one of them, there was nothing that could stop hi--

"SPIKEY-WIKEY!"

Drat, not now! Spike facepalmed, as two guards stopped before the white coated filly that has proven to be Spike's worst nightmare since the day they met. Just as she was calculating the proper trajectory for a glomp that wouldn't hurt the guard he was posted on, the dragon librarian put his hoof up. "Not now, Moondancer, Twilight's in danger!"

There were few words that ever stopped Moondancer from being herself. Her eyes widened. "W-what? How? Where?"

"No time, I'll explain on the way! GIDDIYUP!" He knocked the sides of his steed with his legs, but only earned himself an annoyed glare from the royal guard. Spike smiled sheepishly. "Uhm, sorry!"

The guard shook his head and groaned, but resumed the chase, now joined by Moondancer, who got the abridged explanation from Spike on their way. She was about to say something, when they reached the alleyway that Spike had mentioned, where a tiny stallion with a tattered vest and bowler hat was crawling out of.

"Oh, thank Celestia, guards!" He sighed with relief, as the three ponies and Spike stopped by him. Before anypony could ask him about anything, he crawled up to one of the guards legs and hugged it, crying. "I surrender! I confess to multiple charges of assault, battery, foalnapping, smuggling and stealing cookies from fillyscouts! I'll go to jail, just please, PLEASE, DON'T LET THAT CRAZY FILLY NEAR ME!"

While the two guards scratched their heads and wondered between each other what to do with this, Moondancer and Spike swallowed, worried about what they would find there.

"There we go!" Twilight smiled to herself, as she ended the double ashley stopper knot on the two incapacitated thugs, sitting back to back, their eyes still going in circles. It was a lot harder than it looked in the book. The knot, not taking out two oversized stallions, that was quite easy. I gotta thank Sunset for showing me that move, it's super effective! Too bad the third one escaped, but I can't leave those two just lying here, or Shiny. She sighed with relief, glad that, for once, she was the one who did the saving. After all those years of being the small, weak filly, she was now strong enough to protect her brother by herself and that was all that mattered. She went to the cart and forcefully opened the trunk with her magic, wincing her eye at her brother's figure, huddled in such tight space, tied up, with his entire head covered by a paper bag with just a few small holes for breathing. Judging by the muffled sounds he was making, he was gagged as well. And seeing as the cart and gangsters were still intact when she found them, they must've used a combination of magic nullifying rings and a liberal dose of sedatives to keep him down.

"You poor little soul, it's okay, I'm here," she cooed the stallion, who stopped struggling, which meant that at least he could hear her "it's me, Twilight! I came to save you from those thugs. Here, let me help you!" She levitated the body back to the ground, cutting the ties before gently putting him back. "Before you say anything, yes, I know it was dangerous and yes, I could've gotten hurt. But I couldn't just leave you! I don't know what those guys wanted to do with you, but you're safe here, with me! I promise I won't ever leave your side and I'll be there when you need me."

Even through the paper bag she could see how he tilted his head and cooed, despite the gag. She wanted to get out her speech without interruption, but maybe keeping the bag on the entire time was a bit too much, so she finally took it off along with the gag and stared at his face. And stared. And stared. And stared...

"You're not BBBFF!"

"For you, my lovely guardian angel, I will be anything you want!" The stranger said back to her, smiling like a lovestruck colt, even though he was clearly a lot older than her BBBFF. One quick glance at his rear (which after recent events she was adamantly avoiding looking at) revealed that his cutie mark, while similar, was shaped like a different triangle, though the colors matched that of her brothers.

The stranger picked up her hoof and kissed it, though she was too confused to notice. "I accept your feelings, Twilight! Even though we have just met, it wasn't an accident that connected us, but destiny! For ours is blah blah blah..."

B-but, it can't be! If he's not here, than where is he? What happened? Is he still out there? Is there a second foalnapping somewhere in the city?

"...blah blah blah..."

I... I don't know what to do... where do I go... what is... why... but...

"TWILIGHT!"

As called, Twilight slowly turned her head backwards, ignoring the stranger who kept on talking, which she tuned out long ago, and saw Spike, along with Moondancer and a city guard. The guard stopped on his tracks when he noticed the two tied up thugs.

"Hey, I recognize those two! They are Assault and Battery, they're enforcers of Al Capony! We've been trying to track those two for months!"

Moondancer raised an eyebrow, but ignored that matter in favor of the more important one. She went closer to Twilight, eyeing the not-Shining Armor guy that kept pestering Twilight, even if she didn't notice him. "Twilight, you do realize there's some guy over there, right?"

Twilight didn't react to that, but pulled her hoof away from stranger's embrace and walked a few steps closer to Moondancer. "M-Moonie..." A few tears appeared in her eyes.

Moondancer sighed and raised her hoof, inviting her into her embrace. "C'mere, let it all out."

And so she did, landing in the welcoming shoulder of her best friend, crying herself out while recapping the last few hours of her life. "We went to the station and Spike wanted to ride on my back but I told him no because it's bad to reward foals for bad behavior but he's not a foal and he wasn't acting bad at all so I let him and I don't know if it's right but we got there and we did a crosswords and I almost forgot who murdered his father in the Gryphon kingdoms and when the train got here I glomped at some mare with nice rear even though I didn't want to look at it but it was pretty and Spike agreed with me but BBBFF wasn't there so I looked and found three thugs and I got two but one escaped but I didn't look for him because Shiny was in the cart but he wasn't Shiny and I don't even know who he is or where my big... brother... is... I... I don't know... I just... I just..."

Moondancer patted her friend's head gently. "There, there, sweetie, it's alright, I'm here. Shining Armor is alright."

Twilight's ears perked. "Y-you mean, you found him?"

Moondancer shook her head. "No. Twily, don't you remember? Shining Armor is..."

Meanwhile, back in the academy dormitories, Sunset Shimmer had an epiphany. Wait a minute, wasn't Shining Armor supposed to come tommorow? She hummed, then shrugged. Eh, she's a smart filly, she'll figure it out.

"T-twilight?" Moondancer asked, waving a hoof before her friend's eyes. "Hello, anypony home?"

CRITICAL ERROR

An unexpected error has occurred while running Sparkle.exe. You done goofed! System will now reboot.

Retry / Ignore / Abort / Whatever

"Twilight? Twilight!" Moondancer groaned and turned to the dragon librarian. "Spike, call Princess Celestia. Your mother broke again."

Meanwhile, in Golden Oaks Library, Ponyville.

"I'm back!" Shining Armor happily announced as he crossed the doors with bags of groceries.

Prince Blueblood looked at his roommate, annoyed and slightly hungry. "You're late. Where were you?"

"Funny story," he waved his hoof as he unpacked the bags "I was going around the market when Daisy, the flower mare, asked for help with some loose hinges on the door, so I couldn't just ignore her!" He paused and completely missed the eye rolling that ensued "They wanted to pay me for mz troubles, but I couldn't accept it. In the end one of her friends, the tiny one, uh... what was her name again?" He hummed, touching his chin with his hoof as he tried to remember. "There's Daisy; the red maned one that doesn't like me is Rose and... uh, I always forget her name..."

"Lily?"

"Yes! She gave me bouquet of lillies as a token of gratitude. Guess what's for dinner today?"

"Surprise me. I pity that mare." He coughed and quickly changed the topic. "Anyway, your sister sent you a message, she was asking if you were home."

"Huh, Twily did? What did she want?"

"No idea. I was expecting a reply, but nothing came. Should I call her back and ask for details?"

Shining Armor thought for a moment, then waved his hoof. "Nah, if it was important she would've called back. It's probably nothing that can't wait until tomorrow."

Author's Note

Rarity can make any~~body~~pony bi-curious. Admit it, you know it's true :raritywink:

* -Yes, I introduced MACHINE GUNS to this universe JUST to make a pun. I have a lot of regrets, but this ain't one of them!

36. More SASS Than You Need!

"... and that's when she stopped paying any attention to me, lamenting over the lack of her, ehem, 'BBBFF'... whatever that means."

"It stands for 'Big Brother Best Friends Forever'," High Roller explained.

"Ah, that makes sense then. Am I correct in assuming that the one called 'Shining Armor' is the one she was referring to?"

"You are correct. Praise the Sun!"

"Uh, Praise the Sun, I guess," Regular Polygon, the newest recruit of S.A.S.S., noble by birth, mathematician by trade (and cutie mark) and romantic by heart, nodded, confused as to what a Paladin of the Sun was doing in a place like this. "So, her and her big brother, are they...?"

There was an awkward silence throughout the room, until High Roller coughed and gave them the most diplomatic answer he could think of. "Th-that's to be determined. We lack the proper data."

"Though it wouldn't be all that surprising!"

"It would explain why so many of us failed."

"Disgusting!"

After another moment of awkward silence, it was Red Velvet's turn to break the tension. She coughed and turned to the new member. "So, why would Al Capony try to foalnap you anyway?"

Polygon shrugged. "Even though I am but a simple teacher, I was born to a wealthy family. My family would pay a rather large sum to get me back."

"That must've been horrible! I can't even begin to imagine how you must've felt!"

"I can!" Red Hope interrupted them, crossing his hooves, glaring at one particular pony.

Con slumped in his chair, looking away, blushing. "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry before you stop blaming me?"

"I'll let you know when I've had enough." I will NEVER let you live it down.

"Speaking of which, Red," Con turned back to his friend "when are you going to confess again? I promise I won't foalnap you this time!"

Some cooing ensued, as now all the glares were aimed at Red Hope. He coughed. "T-that's none of your business!"

Regular Polygon tilted his head. "Wasn't this club only for those who gave up?"

"Red here's a special case," explained High Roller "he wasn't actually rejected by Twilight Sparkle...yet. Because SOMEPONY," he glared at the sheepishly smiling Con "thought it was a good idea to stop him!"

"I said I'm sorry."

"But since he's a jolly good fella, we made him our honorary member!"

"Why thank you for the honor!" He deadpanned.

Con smiled and nudged his friend. "I keep telling you, Red, you don't actually have to come to every meeting, you know? You do it all on your own free will."

"Yes, you do bring up a good point. Which is why," he stood up from his chair "I will leave you of my own free will! Unless somepony wants to foalnap me again!"

"Hey, I learned my lesson." With that said Red Hope truly left, which he sometimes did, usually when they teased him a little too much. He would usually come back anyway, of his own free will, so nopony felt bad about it. Once Red was gone, Con looked at the others and smiled slyly. "Though I can't speak for everypony else..."

Silence. Everypony glared in the same direction. The pony in question looked around and raised an eyebrow. "What? Why is everypony looking at me like that?"

"No reason, Ice Cold. No reason at all."

I need to find more friends. Preferably a few that have NOTHING to do with Twilight Sparkle, for a change.

Red Hope sighed. He walked home alone through the deserted streets of Canterlot. S.A.S.S. meetings were starting later and later because most fellows were productive members of the society and had real, 9/5 jobs, some even having families to take care of. He knew at least two members who, after getting their hearts broken by 'The Purple Flank' (I swear, these nicknames are getting sillier each day) found actual love, got married and were in the process of adopting a foal. It's cute that they found each other because of S.A.S.S. And kinda surprising how both left the closet at the same time! They remained active members and appeared at every meeting, serving as a rare example of 'cured' specimens. They were in the minority, literally!

"Dude, lend me a hoof, will ya?"

Red stopped when he saw a deep blue pegasus stallion waving at him. He looked around to see if there was anypony he could be mistaken for, but he was alone. Alone, in front of a rundown, five stories tall apartment building ready to be demolished to give place for a more modern apartment complex, if the sign next to it was to be believed. Red swallowed, staying on alert in case this was a trap. After hearing Regular Polygon's story he opted on being more careful, in case more Al Capony's cronies were around. Or S.A.S.S. pranksters. Either way, it was dangerous to go alone, but he couldn't just ignore the guy.

"What's the problem?" He asked, eyeing the stranger for signs of anything suspicious. He wasn't wearing any clothes, so there wasn't anywhere he could be hiding a weapon. His cutie mark was a grey cloud with two lightning bolts coming out of it. With a cutie mark as generic as that he has to be a member of the Weather Patrol, he thought.

"I need to get this anvil up there," he pointed first at a big, heavy looking object that was lying by the ruined doorway, then at the top floor "but I kinda overestimated my own strength. What'ya say we carry it together? With the two of us it should be no problem at all."

Red hummed. There could've been an ambush waiting for him inside, but...

"I'll pay ya one hundred bits!"

Curse my kind heart! "No, it's okay, I don't need money." He concentrated his magic on the anvil and few seconds later, it was levitating in the air with no problem.

"Woah! Isn't this too heavy for magic users?"

Red allowed himself a smirk. "I'm casting a 'Feather Weight' spell on it. It weights about as much as a pillow."

The stranger nodded, his eyes wide. "Awesome!"

"Where do you need it?"

"On the roof. I'll meet you there." And then he flied away, leaving Red with his no longer heavy load. He braced himself and went inside, ready to throw the weightless anvil at the first pony he saw, whether it was a gangster, or a S.A.S.S. member. Especially a S.A.S.S. member!

On the way there... nothing happened. Well, that was anticlimactic! He eventually ended up on the roof, where the generic pegasus was already waiting. Red noticed a few more objects nearby: a long rope; a coin purse; and a sealed envelope, among other things. The stranger was more than happy to see him and his anvil.

"Sweet, thanks a lot! Here, you can have this!" He tossed the coin purse to Red, who caught it with his hooves for a change.

"I told you, I don't have to get paid for this!" Red opened the bag and looked inside. His eyes went wide open. "Woah, there's a lot more than a hundred bits here! More like... almost a thousand!? I can't take this!"

"It's cool, I won't need it where I'm going."

"What do you mea--W-WOAH!" The purse landed on the ground, sending stray coins everywhere, as Red noticed that the pegasus just put the anvil on the edge of the roof and tied the rope neatly over it, with its other end tied to his neck! "What in Celestia's Sweet Flank are you doing!?"

The stranger blinked. "What does it look like I'm doing?"

Red opened his mouth for a moment, but it took him a few seconds to form a sentence. "A-are you trying to kill yourself?"

The stranger sighed with relief. "Oh, thank Celestia, I thought you were thinking I was doing something stupid."

"There's nothing smart about killing yourself!" He shook his head and made a step towards the stallion. "Look, just leave the anvil alone and come here, we'll work it out!"

"I already made up my mind."

"Then change it!"

"Not an option, really."

"Yes, it is an option! Ugh, just, just don't move anywhere!"

"To be fair, I won't be moving by myself once this baby's off..."

"NOT HELPING!" Think fast, think fast, think fast... Okay, idea! "Uh, what if somepony finds you down there? You don't want to scar some innocent ponies, do you?"

"It's okay," he waved his hoof, looking past the edge "the coast is clear and nopony lives here anymore, I checked."

"It's not okay! What about me?"

"As long as you stay where you are and don't look down..."

"And how about you don't jump and don't make me look like a murderer?"

"We've been over this, I'm not changing my mind. If the police asks, just give them that envelope over there. It's a farewell letter, it should disperse all the confusion."

Red facehooved. "Ugh, this is the stupidest conversation I've had in my entire life!" Which is saying something!

"Nah, don't be so hard on yourself. In fact, I'm glad my last conversation was with a nice guy like you. I was worried you'd be a jerk, but you're actually pretty considerate. I appreciate that."

"How about you thank me more over a drink? Which you can buy me with this money you tried to give me?"

"My barn door doesn't swing that way, though I'm flattered. If that helps, get your friends a round for me with my money. It'll make me feel better."

"You know what'll make you feel better? LIVING!"

"Look, time's running out and I'm sure you have plenty of stuff to do this evening, so don't mind me. I'll just do this..." with one last wave goodbye, he pushed the anvil out of the roof. "ByestrangersorryIforgotaboutaskingyourname!"

Red extended his hoof and yelled. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

CRASH!

The sound of the anvil hitting the ground resounded for miles away, sending a big shockwave around it's impact zone. Once the dust settled, a pony on the roof blinked, looking at the mess on the ground level.

"Huh... something went wrong."

"You think?"

The pegasus, still standing on the roof, scratched his head, as he looked at the anvil, with rope attached to it, but not to a dead body, his or otherwise. He touched the rope on his neck and inspected its entire length, until he noticed a cut mark on it's end. "Dude, not cool!"

Red shrugged nonchalantly. "Deal with it!"

"When did you even do this?"

"Around the time I mentioned 'scarring innocent ponies'. I'm good with magic, but I don't trust my diplomatic skills."

"Huh, crafty!" He looked over at the ground again. "Darn, now we have to get that thing here all over again! Can you help me get it back here? With your magic it should be a breeze!"

"No."

"Oh come on, don't be like that! It's your fault we have to do it again!"

"No."

"I'll pay you 200 bits?"

"No!"

"...300?"

"No!"

"Hard bargain, huh? Okay, how about you take all my savings, they're all in the purse!"

"NO!"

"Cut me some slack, I'm only a regular weather pony! I'm working minimum wages!"

"NO! Besides, you were already giving me that entire bag earlier."

"Okay, fine, I'll find a way to get it back here by myself then, thank you very much!" He huffed and was about to fly down, but an invisible force glued his hooves to the roof. He groaned and turned his head to Red. "Do you mind?"

"Yes, I do mind! Why in the world were you trying to kill yourself, with an anvil tied to your neck, at that?"

"Because if I jumped without it, survival instinct would take over and I would just land safely, duh!" Eye rolling ensued. "That's 'Pegasi 101'!"

"I meant, why kill yourself at all? What's so wrong with your life that you want to end it?"

The stallion went silent. He pouted and turned his head away from Red. "I don't wanna talk about it." He sat down, slumped his shoulders and made a deep sigh.

Red released his spell and walked to the pegasus, sitting next to him. "You'll feel better if you tell somepony about it, you know?" The stranger said nothing, lowering his head even more. "Problems with work?" He asked, getting only a lazy head shaking in response. "Death in family?" Another shake ensued. "You're terminally ill?" Shake. "Your favourite line of books concluded and the hero ended up with your least favourite love interest?" Here, instead of a headshake, he earned a raised eyebrow and suspicious glare. "I'll take that as a no." He waited a while, then asked the question that was going on his mind for this entire time. "Stallion of your dreams won't return your feelings?"

The pegasus instantly stood up and lashed at Red. "It wasn't a stallion, but a mare! I told you I don't swing that wa--... oh crap!" He shut his mouth with his hooves, but it was too late.

Red allowed himself an arrogant smirk. Prooooo-greeeeeessss! "Of course, it always has to be a mare," he yawned, rolling his eyes. "Sheesh, I wish some ponies would find a better reason to kill themselves these days!" Come on, out with it! Take the bait!

He took the bait. "It's not JUST a mare! She was the... the one! She was perfect! Well, not 'perfect' perfect, she had flaws, quite a few of them actually, but they only made her good side stand out more! I've had marefriends before, but all of them turned out awful, except fot her... just... oh, why do I even bother?" He sat down in a fetal position, facing away from Red. "You wouldn't understand!"

"I had an interesting last few months. Try me."

After a short pause, the pegasus finally relented, sighed and started his story. "It began a week ago. I was just finishing my job, all that was left were a few small clouds and my shift was over! Nothing was getting between me, my friends and a marathon of "Iron Mare" movies... don't laugh, it's a masterpiece!"

"I have a MK VI figurine in my room, I'm not judging!"

The stallion blushed. "Oh... okay then. Anyway, I was so excited that I flew full speed ahead without any care when suddenly, sweet, purple flanks on the ground! One moment of distraction was all it took for me to slam into the chimney! DON'T JUDGE!"

"I'm not judging. I've seen worse."

"So, as I was falling to my death, suddenly!"

Dramatic pause!

"I landed not on the stone street, but in something soft and bouncy. When I regained my senses, I was on some sort of purple energy bubble! And that's when I saw her face, as she leaned to look at me, asking in her beautiful, angelic voice: 'Are you alright?' I was speechless! Though to be fair, it was mostly because of the concussion, but the point stays!"

Red blinked. There's no way... It can't be... "What happened then?"

"I couldn't say anything coherent at that time, when an ambulance picked me up and drove me to the nearest hospital. I couldn't get her name, but I did remember that she had two friends with her. One mentioned how cute I was, she wasn't ugly by any means, but not even close to 'the one'!"

Red's eye twitched. It's impossible! "Yeah, and...?"

"Once I got out of the hospital, I started looking her up, asking questions about her and her friends and eventually I found her on the same road I almost died on. I waited for a few hours before she finally showed up! So I talked to her, asked her out and she quickly rejected me. But I decided to never give up! I showed up there every day, offering her flowers, gifts, poetry and stuff, but she rejected me every single time. It finally concluded yesterday, when she wasn't alone, but with a large, menacing unicorn stallion, easily twice her size. He told me to lay off of her, that she didn't want to see me and if I din't stop, he would do something 'else' about it... which, now that I think about it, was competely justified since I looked like a creepy stalker. No wonder she was so afraid of me!"

Red hummed for a while, before shrugging. "Eh, I've still seen worse."

"I couldn't stop thinking about it all day yesterday and this morning I made a final decision. You know the rest."

Red nodded. "So all of this because you couldn't date Twilight Sparkle?"

"Yeah, it's kinda silly now that I think abou-- wait a minute, I never told you her name! How did you...?"

"A hunch." My life is on a goddamn loop!

The stranger blinked. "O-kay," a few moments passed "do you think I still have a chance with her friend? The one that called me cute? Just this time I'll try to be more natural, no more creepy stuff. Yeah... yeah..." He smiled brightly, his gaze shifted into the now starry sky. "I can already feel my motivation coming back to me! You were right, talking about it made me feel a lot better! Thank you!"

"No problem." Red said, standing up and walking towards the roof exit.

"Where are you going?"

"To get the anvil back."

"It's okay, I don't need it anymore, I'm fine now!"

"Not for you."

The pegasus blinked twice, before rushing after his new comrade. "Woah, don't make any rash decisions! Let's talk this one out..."

Few minutes later, the pair of new near-suicidal friends was walking through the dark streets.

"So, I didn't catch your name before."

"Red Hope. And you?"

"Thunder Snow. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. I think."

Moments passed.

"You know, you got the Thunder part down perfectly, but..."

Thunder Snow sighed. "I'm not much of a 'Snow'?"

Red blushed and turned away. "Sorry, didn't mean to insult you, it just..."

"Stands out, yeah," he sighed "that was my father's idea. His special talent was managing snow storms and he really wanted a proper heir. They reached a compromise in the middle. My mother wanted to name me Thunder Boom."

Red smiled. "Genetics failed him, huh?"

"You could say that. But it was mostly my mom," he said, shrugging with his wings "I won't go over the details, but let's just say that 'uncle Bomber' wasn't my actual uncle, if you get what I mean." He smiled and winked slyly. Moments later, his smile soured. "Too much information?"

Red nodded. "Too much information."

"Well, this is awkward..." Thunder Snow turned his head away for a moment. They walked like this for a few more seconds, before he coughed and tried to change the topic. "So, tell me more about this little club of yours?"

"For one, it's not awkward at all!"

"Really?"

"No."

Author's Note

Talky chapter is talky :pinkiesick:

Fun fact: The beginning of this chapter was originaly supposed to be an epilogue to the previous, but since it ties so well with content of this one, I decided it's better of here.

37. Even more SASS... wait, what?

"Is this place always this... empty?" Asked Thunder Snow, looking over the wide, deserted room. Red Hope, the one who guided him here after a near suicide incident (explained in the previous episode), scratched his head.

"Weird. This time of the day it's usually rather crowded. Where is everypony?"

Thunder shrugged. "Maybe they went to the toilet?" He proposed, earning a tired look from Red.

"All three dozen of them? I highly doubt it!"

As soon as he ended his sentence, a sound came from behind a door.

FLUSH!

The door happened to have a picture of silhouettes of a little filly crossed by a little colt, which was a universal symbol for a 'little foal's room'. Red's eye twitched at the mental image he just developed, while Thunder Snow shrugged, grinning in an 'I told you so' way. The door opened, but only a single stallion came out of it. Red recognized the navy blue unicorn with a fiery red short mane as Lightpost Fixer, who was, as his name and cutie mark (a lantern) implied, a light-post maintenance pony, taking care of all the lanterns in Canterlot.

Everypony in S.A.S.S. filled some role, to some extent. High Roller was the leader, Ice Cold was the token evil teammate, Red Velvet was the token chick, Sun Praiser was a reformed jerk, and the list went on. Does that make me the snarky outsider? He wasn't sure which role Lighthouse Fixer filled as of yet.

"Oh, hey Red! I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Destiny is a mysterious mistress," Red shrugged, earning a good old 'been there, done that' nod from Fixer. Remembering why he came here in the first place, Red pointed at his newest find. "This is Thunder Snow. I found him at the last possible moment."

"What do you mean 'last possible moment'?"

"He means," Thunder Snow interjected "that if he had been a few minutes too late, I would've killed myself because I was rejected by a mare I loved, but barely knew anything about... Yes, I realize how stupid that sounds, after the fact."

There was a short bit of silence. Lightpost Fixer swallowed. "Huh, that's... heavy!"

Thunder Snow waved his hoof. "Nah, I got over it. You know what was heavy, though? The anvil I had tied to my neck when I tried to jump from an abandoned building to my death."

Fixer blinked. "Why did you jump with an anvil?"

"Because if I jumped without it, survival instinct would've taken over and I would've landed safely on the ground, duh!" He rolled his eyes and groaned. "What is it about you unicorns not knowing anything about pegasi common knowledge? Sheesh!"

Another moment of silence ensued. Red was the first one to break it with a cough. "Can we change the topic?"

"Certainly!"

"Absolutely!"

"So..." Red looked around the eerily empty room. "Where is everypony?"

"They went to get the banners."

Red blinked. "What banners?"

"The ones we ordered a week ago. There's a ton of them, so they all had to go there to help carry it. I stayed behind to hold the fort in case more ponies appeared. Like you two!"

Red thought more about it. "I don't remember anything about any banners."

"We established them on another, members only, meeting."

Okay, that explains it! "Sure. When are they coming back?"

"Any minute now."

Another moment passed in silence, until...

"AH, FRESH MEAT!"

"GAAAAAAH!" Thunder Snow jumped away from the... pitch black alicorn (?) that came out of nowhere.

"A new body parts donor, yess, I can feel your misery in my bones. Want to give me your soul? Or body? Or both? I promise, I will take good, good care of it, or them!"

After an obligatory facehoof, both Red and Fixer protected their newest comrade. "Bash, get out!" They said simultaneously.

"B-but..."

Red started. "GET!"

"OUT!" Fixer ended.

If it was one pony, Daemon Bash would've kept on going. Opposition of two? That was too much, so he gave up and left, with his head hung down, cursing under his nose.

"Wh-what was that about?!" Asked Thunder Snow, terrifed, his heart still kept on beating faster than ever.

"That's Daemon Bash," Red explained, waving his hoof "he's kinda like a Flu Shot around here."

Thunder blinked. "A what the what now?"

"You don't like him and you want him to go away," Fixer explained "but he's necessary, healthy in right doses and you get used to him after a while."

Thunder Snow blinked. "I see..." he nodded, only now noticing that the horn of the so called alicorn was fake.

No other distractions lent themselves to any other awkward topics, as they heard voices coming from the hallway. The door opened and one after the other, more and more stallions entered the room. There were stallions of all kinds, tribes, sizes, colors, cutie marks, genders, and even a single yak (they were 90% sure he was a he). Each carried at least one, if not two or more, rolled up banners on their backs or in bags. As they entered, they all welcomed the ones inside, especially the new Thunder Snow, who quickly overcame his anxiety and was instantly accepted as a part of the club.

Standing back in the shadows, Red Hope nodded with approval, grateful that a pony who just an hour ago tried to kill himself over nothing found a place to belong. But there was one problem with this situation. One tiny, teeny little thing that was somehow off. One thing that couldn't stop bothering Red, as he observed them from the distance.

Who are all these ponies? And yak?

He couldn't recognize a single pony (or yak) present in this room, except Thunder Snow and Lighthouse Fixer, who acted perfectly normal.

Is this a prank? He thought to himself, scanning for any more familiar faces. He couldn't find High Roller, or Con, or Ice Cold, or anypony else. Red Velvet was nowhere to be seen, but he counted not one or two, but three different mares, shuffling around and socializing. Okay, this IS a prank! Anytime now they'll jump out and scare the living Celestia out of me. He waited a while, looking around suspiciously. Anytime now...

This was when another pony approached him.

"Duuude!" It was a cream coated earth pony with long, black dreadlocks. His cutie mark was a certain kind of 'not quite illegal, but...' leaf, which explained his accent and behavior before Red could think of a question. "Don'cha worry none, we don't, like, bite! Like, we do bite, but only food. And we don't eat ponies, ya know? An' you don't look like an oat, I think. Dude, your eyes are big!"

"Uhm... thanks?" Red scratched his head at the stoner pony before him. Okay, they went very far with this prank. Kudos! "So, um... what's up?"

The dreadlock pony rolled his eyes. "Duh, the ceiling!" He looked up. "I mean, it's a ceiling for us, man... but for ponies, livin' up there? It's the floor!" His eyes went wider from the revelation. "Woah, this is so deep!"

"Okay, I'll go and stand over there, bye!" And he moved away, leaving the stoner to contemplate the meaning of life by himself. As if I wasn't surrounded by enough weirdoes already! Besides, this is the last floor! He didn't go three more steps before somepony else approached him.

"Greetings, I'm Pen Pusher, the chairpony of this gathering!" The short, overweight grey unicorn with glasses greeted him, extending his hoof forward. "It's always nice to meet new ponies here, in S.A.S.S!"

"Uh, yeah, sure," he shook the hoof, keeping his eyes sharp for any pranks, like hoof buzzers or whatnot "so, how long have you guys been doing... this?"

The short pony hummed, before shrugging. "I'm not sure how long this club existed. I've been here for seven months, and two months ago I was appointed to be the chairpony. Nopony is really sure when it all started, but we don't let the small details like that get in the way."

"Seven months? Here, in this room?"

"Yes. Sometimes we meet up in a bar or a cafe when this place is unavailable."

Red nodded. So far so convincing. "What do you guys do here usually?"

"Most of the times we share our stories. And even though nopony, or yak, is like the other and our origins couldn't be any more different, we find a great sense of community between us, ponies and yaks, uh, 'beings' with broken hearts."

"That sounds noble," He knows way too much for it to be a prank! Last I checked this place isn't called A.S.S.! At that thought Red snorted, almost letting out a laugh. The other pony tilted his head at him.

"What? Was it something I said?"

"N-no, it's just... I remembered something funny."

"Really? I like jokes!"

"Uh, this one's a... private joke. You had to be there."

"Well, that's a shame; we could all use a morale boost after... you know..."

Okay, this is getting really suspicious! None of Con's previous pranks had THAT much thought put into it. What is going on? He looked around for anypony that looked even remotely familiar. Sure, some he recognized from his classes, one was probably a royal guard he saw in passing once or twice and he could've swore he saw the owner of 'Pencils and Beds', his favorite store with the best pencil selection in entire Equestria and beyond, which was a weird business plan, but somehow worked. The only one he knew was Lightpost Fixer, who seemed awfully familiar with everypony inside, which indicated that if this was an elaborate prank, he was in on this. That left one more pony he could rely on.

I can't believe I'm actually going to do that! "Excuse me, I need to be somewhere else right now!" He left the little overweight pony and did the last thing he ever expected himself to be doing with his life.

"Daemon Bash, can we talk?" He said to the faux-alicorn, who at this point was busy gathering empty bottles and replacing them with ones full of multicolored beverages.

"Yesss? Want to donate a body? Offer your soul? Do you prefer blue or green soda?"

"No, I'll keep my body and soul, thank you very much, green and who are these ponies?"

Bash shrugged, putting a bottle of green soda at the table. "They're your S.A.S.S. buddies."

"No, they're not my buddies!" He replied, but quickly corrected him. "I mean, sure, S.A.S.S. is full of odd jobs and weirdoes and they're rather friendly most of the time and I consider them my friends, but... but those ponies here," he pointed at the gathering of ponies and a yak "are not S.A.S.S.! I've been on every meeting since the last few months and I don't recognize anyone! Except Lighthouse Fixer."

Bash blinked, looked at the other ponies and a yak, then back at Red. "Nah, they're the same guys I see all the time. For example," he pointed at one earth pony "that's Jingle Jangle, born with an extra kidney and he still won't let me have it! And there," he pointed at a pegasus mare "is Morning Rain, who came here so depressed she almost, ALMOST took up my offer but others were all 'no, Bash, you don't get to kill that poor mare and use her for your experiments' crap, and she’s since gotten better and now rejects me on her own! And don't even get me started on Blunt Roller over there!" He pointed at the stoner that Red had the opportunity to meet just a few minutes ago.

Red blinked. "Blunt Roller?"

"I know, right? I see those ponies all the time. And none of them gave me any organs to work with, what a bunch of cheapskates..." He paused, then his ears perked as he grinned. "Speaking of, do you..."

"No."

"Tsk, worth a shot."

"So this isn't a prank... You sure this is S.A.S.S.?"

"Yep."

"100% sure?"

"Positive."

"As in 'Secret Association of Sparkle Suitors'?

Daemon Bash opened his mouth and was about to answer, but he stopped himself, closed his mouth and nodded. "Ooooooh, I see..."

"See what?" He received no answer, so he asked again. "Bash?"

Instead of telling him outright, Daemon Bash pointed his hoof behind Red. The red maned unicorn swallowed and slowly turned his head around, afraid of what he was going to see there. He expected literally everything: a raid of Al Capony's gangsters; every single one of S.A.S.S. members shouting 'surprise prank!' in unison; a unicorn twin brother of Daemon Bash, with fake wings, holding a chainsaw and about to brutally kill him and everypony gathered in this place; heck, he even expected Twilight Sparkle finding this place and suing everypony involved for stalking; or worse, he expected to see Shining Armor and his royal guard friends about to make a mess of this place or even messier.

He expected every morbid possibility he could think of. But it went in a completely different direction.

"Ah, it's perfect!" The little overweight pony praised a pair of pegasi that floated in the air with hammers and nails in their hooves. "But that one on the left needs to go a tiny bit higher! No, not that high, lower! A bit to the right... left... my left, not... okay, perfect!"

"Anypony has spare nails?"

"Ah, this one's colors are more washed out than others. Should we demand a refund?"

"Nah, just wash it with lukewarm water, that should do the trick."

"Any unicorn knows a spell for this?"

"I do!"

Red hissed, covering his eyes as the walls of the room exploded with flames. Not normal flames, but a living, magical fire, dancing on the banners spread around the walls. Not all were captured by imaginary flames, but those that were shined so bright, even Celestia would wear sunglasses and tell them they overdid it.

"So worth the extra 50 bits per piece!"

"Totally!"

Everything started making sense. All the puzzle pieces lined up perfectly together. There were signs. Not the most obvious ones, but they were there nonetheless and Red wanted to smack his face over the nearest table if he wasn't paralyzed with fear. And from the looks of it, he was the only one, as everypony and a yak burst into cheers.

This... this is...

A stream of sweat ran from his head to hooves, which trembled, disabling his motor functions, which meant he couldn't turn away his head, let alone run or cast an unfinished, undeveloped and dangerous teleportation spell that could save him or turn his body inside out, which might've been worth the risk. He finally swallowed, as his pupils scanned the room from left to right then left again and so on. And everywhere he looked, he saw the same thing. The same pony.

Sunset Shimmer.

There was a picture of Sunset Shimmer reading a book.

Sunset Shimmer eating hayfries.

Sunset Shimmer in a 'wet mane' pose (where did they get that?).

Sunset Shimmer in a 'draw me as one of those prench ponies' pose (HOW did they get that?).

Sunset Shimmer in a Maid Uniform (that one I know where they got from).

Filly Sunset Shimmer (WHEN did they get that?).

Sunset Shimmer in a 'Great and Powerful' cape and hat (I don't even...).

Sunset Shimmer in a fancy, gala dress.

Sunset Shimmer in a swimming suit.

Sunset Shimmer with a magically burning mane.

Sunset Shimmer with a glowing horn.

Sunset Shimmer casting a fireball spell.

Sunset Shimmer here!

Sunset Shimmer there!

Sunset Shimmer everywhere!

The one thing that wasn't Sunset Shimmer on the banners was a sign.

S.A.S.S.

Secret Admirers of Sunset Shimmer

"...what... the... buck..."

Meanwhile, in her own room, Sunset Shimmer suddenly growled, ripped a page from her notebook, made a ball out of it and violently threw it at the door. If it was something with more mass it might've made a dent, but a paper ball? Not a chance.

"Sunset, what's wrong? Why are you so angry?" Asked Twilight Sparkle, pulling her head away from the books.

"I don't know."

Moondancer jumped away from her bed and went to see her face up close. "Sunny, why are you smiling?"

Sunset Shimmer, having the biggest grin on her face, shrugged. "I don't know!"

"No..." Red whispered to himself, shaking his head. "No! No! Just... no!"

A few ponies noticed him and went to him with concerned looks. "You okay there?"

"No!"

"Oh my, are you hurt? Do you need--"

"NO!"

"Maybe we could..."

"NO!" He yelled, finally getting the attention of everyone in the room. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!"

"What's going on here?" The chairpony, along with everypony else, joined in on the commotion. "Is there some kind of problem?"

Red's eye twitched. Where do I even begin? He extended his hoof to point at the walls around him. "For starters, what the buck is all this?" He asked. Everypony looked around the room, blinked and shrugged, unaware of what he was referring to. "You just decorated the room with the brightest, eye destroying pieces of restraining order I've ever seen in my life!"

Everypony gasped in terror, but the chairpony quickly hushed them. "Now, now, I know what it might look like to the newcomers. Don't worry, all the photographs you see here have been taken and used with permission of her Greatness, Sunset Shimmer herself!"

Red's jaw dropped almost to the ground. He looked at everypony (and that gosh darn yak!) to confirm that, yes, he wasn't lying. "W-what... how...?"

"Why, it was easy! All we had to do, was ask politely..."

'Can we take a photograph of you so we could worship you properly', was easily in the Top 5 of weirdest things said to Sunset Shimmer. She blinked at the four stallions that asked this question, bowing their heads so low, she could swear she heard a nose being cracked on the stone pavement. She looked around at other, sane, ponies looking at the scene and gave them the 'move along, nothing to see here' glare, which they understood perfectly as they scurried along. She then moved her eyes towards the four groveling ones.

"Uh... why?"

The pony with the camera raised his head and answered. "Because we wish to have your likeness shining through our lives always with us, even though we're not worthy of looking at your magnificence!"

Sunset moved a step backwards, blushing. I'm not sure if I'm creeped out, or flattered. Creettered? Flatted? I'm not good at short names. "What are you going to do with my pic--" she grinded to a halt, as realization hit her "no, actually don't tell me, I don't want to know!" She shook her head, removing the unwanted mental image from her head.

The four raised their heads slightly and looked at each other, puzzled. "So, is this a no?" One of them asked, their ears dropping.

Sunset Shimmer was torn on this, but eventually gave in. "This is creepy beyond belief, but... since you know what's good in life, sure, why not?"

All four ponies perked up and jumped and hoof bumped.

"That'll be 20 bits per piece!"

The cheer ceased. "B-but..."

"But since I'm feeling generous today, I'll let you take six pictures for 100 bits. That's a 20% discount you won't be getting anytime soon."

The quartet hummed. "Please excuse us for a minute!" Then they huddled in a circle, whispering between each other. Sensing the doubt in their voices, Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes and used her secret weapon.

"I'll pose any way you want, within reason, no extra charge!" She said, as her magic conjured an electric fan, which made her hair flow in the air gracefully as she gazed wistfully into the distance. "Hurry up, before I change my mind!"

The quartet nodded to each other and produced a bag full of coins. "We'll take two six packs, mistress!"

Sunset grinned, gladly accepting the bag of easily earned bits. "Clever boys... Suckers!"

Pen Pusher nodded, grinning widely. "Worth every bit!"

Red looked around the room. "There's a lot more than twelve pictures."

"That wasn't the only time we asked her. But it was the only time she gave us a discount."

Red decided NOT to ask about the filly picture. One thing's for sure, this S.A.S.S. has a way closer relationship with their idol! Kinda. Sorta. "Well, that's cute and all, but I gotta go now!" He hastily made his way towards the exit door, but a large, hairy figure blocked his way.

"WHY YOU NO STAY?" The yak asked with a deep, baritone voice. "YOU NOT LIKE MISTRESS SUNSET SHIMMER?"

Red swallowed, creeped out by the giant. "Umm, it's not that I hate her or anything, but..."

"Hey, wait a minute!" One of the ponies from the crowd yelled. "I know him! He's one of the... OTHER S.A.S.S. guys!"

A mass gasp ensued. Red started sweating again, especially now that a bunch of deadly glares were aimed at him. "Umm, I can explai--"

"GET HIM!"

"AAAAAH!"

Outmanned, outmatched and overpowered in every other way, Red ended up tied to a chair, with an inhibitor placed on his horn. I have a strange feeling of deja vu right now. "Umm, guys, can't we talk this one out?"

The answer wasn't quite clear, but he assumed it was a no. At least that's what he guessed when a bunch of ponies started making circles around him, interrogating him as if he was some kind of a spy. I wouldn't be surprised if S.A.S.S.'s spy on each other like that.

"Who sent you?"

"What's your agenda?"

"How did you find this place?"

"What do you know?"

"Anypony wants tea?"

"Loud noises!"

"This ceiling is not a floor, but a roof!"

"Guys, he's not..."

"When you're done, can I get his body?"

"BASH, GET OUT!"

"Tsk..."

"There is no spoon!"

"GUYS!"

All of a sudden the noises stopped. Now everyone was looking at the Lightpost Fixer, who coughed and explained. "He's not a member of the other S.A.S.S."

Everypony blinked, tilting their head in confusion. "Really?"

"But I saw him with those losers!"

Fixer rolled his eyes. "He's not an official member. He was never technically rejected by Twilight Sparkle, so he's not qualified. He's more of, I dunno, an honorary member? A snarky outsider, if you will."

Pen Pusher, along with everypony else, scratched his head and shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "Well, this kinda awkwa--"

Red deadpanned. "Just untie me already!"

And so they did, within a few seconds Red was free from his bindings. The yak still blocked the only way out and he was afraid to ask him to step away. Not much is known about the yak culture, but from what he heard, they enjoyed destroying things for little to no reason. But before he even started hatching his plan, he approached his savior in private.

"Hey, thanks for the save, but aren't you... you know?"

Fixer sighed deeply and nodded. "Yes, I suppose an explanation is in order. It's a long story."

After having one more glance at the yak bouncer, Red turned back to Fixer. "Apparently, I have time."

Lightpost Sparkle

It was a day like every other. Lightpost Fixer was doing his namesake job, which was keeping all the lanterns in peak condition by the day so they wouldn't go out by night. It was a tiring, not very well paid job, but it was rather satisfying for him and he was really good at it. Usually, he didn't leave the ladder until he needed a different tool than his saddlebag had, or when his job was finished. But when he noticed something, no, somepony on the ground level passing by him, he stopped everything, dropped all his tools and rushed after the lavender beauty he was smitten by.

"Excuse me, miss!" He called to the mare in question and she, along with her firey maned friend, turned toward him. "I couldn't ignore the way you walked by and I would like to tell you something very important, if that's okay with you?"

Twilight Sparkle scratched her head, turning to her friend who offered only a shrug. "Umm, okay? What is it?"

"Please go out with me!"

The mare blinked once, before recoiling backward. "WHAT?"

"You are the most beautiful mare I've ever seen in my entire life, I promise I'll take good care of you!"

"N-no, thanks, but no thanks!" Twilight turned her head away, blushing furiously.

His ears dropped a bit, his smile soured. "B-but... are you sure? Can't you... give me a chance?"

"I-I'm sorry, but I'm not interested... I mean, I don't even know you and... well... sorry..."

"Oh," Lightpost Fixer lowered his head and sighed deeply "that's okay... I tried."

Red waited for a moment, expecting the story to take another turn. "So... is that it?"

"That's only the beginning..."

Lightpost Shimmer

Just few seconds after getting rejected for the first time, Fixer took a deep breath and turned towards the other mare. "How about you, miss?" He looked her in the eyes. The mare was, justifiably so, taken aback. "You are the most beautiful mare I've ever seen in my entire life, will you go out with me?"

"WHAT?" Both mares yelled at the same time.

"Y-you just said the exact same thing to her!" Sunset said, pointing a hoof at Twilight, who was every bit as confused, if not more.

"I changed my mind."

"That wasn't even ten seconds ago!"

Fixer shrugged. "I learned to adapt. So, will you..."

"NO!"

His ears dropped again. "A-are you sure?"

"YES! Now get out before I combust you!" She hissed, as her horn started charging with magical energy.

Fixer shrugged. "Oh well, I tried." He turned back and left uncombusted.

"...and that's the whole story. Red, why are you banging you head on the wall?"

BANG! BANG BANG! BANG!

"N-no r-, ra-... raisin!" Red babbled in between rolling for balance and contemplating over the ceiling dilemma. Lightpost Fixer just shrugged and decided to leave him be for a while. The moment when Red recovered and shook his head to work out an escape plan from this hellish place, Pen Pusher made a speech.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, before we begin the meeting proper, I have a very special announcement to make! We have a new member here with us!"

Red's eyes shot open. By that time he was sweating so much, he was getting thirsty, but he was worried that he'd end up spitting the first sip of any drink over outlandish announcements. Like this one. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I didn't agree to anything! I don't want to have anything to do with this crazy place! Let me out of here alrea--"

"Actually," Pen Pusher interrupted him "I wasn't talking about you."

Red froze. Then blinked. "Y-you didn't? Then who..."

"WHOOOOHOOOO! Let's get this party started!" Thunder Snow flew into the center of the gathering. He was wearing a white shirt with a face of, who else, Sunset Shimmer on it. Red smacked his head over the wall once again. "This place is awesome! I can't tell you how happy I am to be here! Just an hour ago, I wanted to end my life for the tiniest, stupidest reason, but now? Now I have a new purpose. A new goal in life! A new place to belong! PRAISE THE SUN!"

The crowd started stomping with cheers. "Preach on brother! PRAISE THE SUN!"

PRAISE THE SUN!

PRAISE THE SUN!

PRAISE THE SUN!

PRAISE THE SUN!

Dear Princess Celestia, I now know what purgatory feels like. Yours for the last time ever, Red Hope.

"Ugh, it's that feeling again!" Sun Praiser stood up from his seat, almost knocking over his mug, along with the ones of his comrades. "Our chant is being misused for nefarious purposes! Praise the Sun!"

All the member of the S.A.S.S. (Twilight Edition) After party looked at their Paladin of the Sun member, then shrugged, going back to their drinks.

"Are you sure this isn't one of your Paladin friends this time?" Asked Con.

"Positive! This one has a very malicious feeling about it. Praise the Sun!"

There was a silence in the room. Or at least, as much silence as there could be in a bar filled to the brim with patrons drinking alcohol.

"So," Red Velvet broke the silence "are you going to do anything about it?"

Sun Praiser thought for a moment, then shrugged. "No. It's probably best to stay away from it. It doesn't seem to be a threat to anypony, at least for the time being. Praise the Sun!"

Red Velvet shrugged too. "If you say so."

Author's Note

I credit Don Swordspony for giving me an idea for this chapter waaaaay back when.

One of those days, Karma will repay Red for all the abuse he had to go through all this time. I'm starting to feel really bad for putting him in those weird, crappy situations, surrounded by idiots.

38. Once a Year (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Sigh

Red Hope was sure he was going to hate himself for this, but there was no other choice.

Something was happening today, and even though he knew the exact time and place, he wasn’t going to be there for it. Moondancer would be there, and so would Twilight Sparkle, but he wouldn’t be joining them. There was a chance, he knew, that things would have gone well, that today could have very well been the day in which he caught Twilight’s eye, if only for just a few minutes, talked to her one-on-one for a few short, wonderful moments in which to cement him in her mind as a pony that exists.

It wasn’t to be, however, because today was an important day, both for Twilight and Moondancer, and he knew that if he made any kind of move on Twilight on such a day, there was no way he wouldn’t come off as a total creep for it.

Well, okay, maybe there was a little way, but-

“NO,” growled Brain, “you get one chance with Twilight Sparkle, and you will not ruin it by looking like you only showed up to get behind her tail!”

The thought drew a blush, but the combination of his coat color and a hoofful of cards did a lot to hide it.

That brought him to the reason he was going to hate himself.

A stallion sitting across the table from him smiled. “Anypony got any threes?”

“For pity’s sake,” grumbled Frolicsome Meadowlark, also seated around the circle of ponies playing cards, “that wasn’t funny the first time, it’s not funny now.”

To be sure he wouldn’t be tempted to go drop in on Twilight and Moondancer, Red had agreed to spend the day with the S.A.S.S. (Twilight Version)

Daemon Bash beamed his usual, psychotic grin. “Anypony got any s-”

“No,” deadpanned High Roller, "nopony here has a soul. We do not have them, so we will not bet them, there is no means by which to win a soul this day.”

The statement didn’t have to be true to make their insane host deflate, shutting him up for another twenty-two minutes.

I could have studied or something, thought Red, somewhat dejectedly, but then I might have been tempted to take a break and see how things were going for Moondancer.

It was just as well, really, because Sunset Shimmer was bound to be there too, and he was always happy not to be within her glaring range. On that note, he absent-mindedly wondered who else was going to show up today.

There was a considerable difference between power and prestige.

One could wield societal favor and lack the means to change anything, just as they could shake the earth and sky without much acknowledgement. This was the difference between the average Canterlot noble and a prisoner of Tartarus, or the likes of Discord. Prestige was the show, power the tell.

In the sense that power was the one that held enough sway to tell ponies what was and was not about to happen in the next few minutes, that is.

These were Moon Sky's thoughts as she approached J.A.A. Hoofenburg's Center for Enlightenment, a box wrapped in shiny paper and adorned with a bow balanced on her back. Hoofenburg, Celestia had told her, was an eccentric genius rumored to have plain made up his title acronym, but he had gained the respect of his peers through sheer ability.

Tia said it stood for "Just Ask Already," in lieu of learning by questioning. I would question why he felt a title for such a thing was in order, or how it made any sense as such.

This led to the construction of the Enlightenment Center after his passing, used for all manner of scholarly showings, demonstrations, conventions and get-togethers.

Usually.

Today, there was no such thing planned for the building, a flat nopony interested in using the space save for the ones who had invited her to the birthday party to take place inside. All she had to do was go in, leave the box on a table somewhere, and get through the event with her secret, and her sanity, intact. There were no more excuses. Or reasons. She would attend this event, because she gave her word.

She was going to Moondancer's birthday party.

The moment she stepped through the door to the dining area, she was startled by an explosion of shouts.

"SURPRISE!"

The group of ponies collectively blinked, though Spike The Dragon looked relieved.

"Phew, false alarm!"

Sunset Shimmer sighed. "Dammit, wrong one again." But damned if I'm gonna let her go all puppy-eyes at me for not joining the shout this year.

A guard, Silver Sword, smiled a little. "So this is what it's like on this side of shouting 'happy birthday' at the wrong time."

His partner, Fire Strike chuckled. "By the look on her face, this filly's as lost as we were when we got here."

A light-blue unicorn Moon Sky recognized, the one that had agreed to keep her secret, was sipping punch on a table nearby. "Trixie told you it wasn't her coming."

Twilight looked a little tired. "Well, it's gotta be her sooner or la-" her head whipped toward Trixie, "WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!"

Trixie raised a single confused eyebrow. "Eight minutes ago? How did you not notice whom you were talking to about the finer points of candle use?"

The newcomer, for her part, appeared quietly confused. Twilight offered her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Moon Sky, right? I remember seeing you a few times, but I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Twilight Sparkle, this is Sunset Shimmer," the indicated pony nodded once, "Spike,"

He waved. "Hiya!"

"Fire Strike and Silver Sword,"

Luna recognized these guards, but wasn't about to say as much.

"and Trixie!"

Trixie smiled. "Hello again, Moon Sky!"

Aaaand Trixie already knows her, thought Twilight, of course she does. "Well, anyway... welcome to the party!"

"These are Moondancer's friends," said Heart, "you have to make a good first impression!"

Moon Sky nodded a little. "I, yes, welc-I mean-"

"No," said Brain, "you don't say 'welcome' back! You say the opposite!"

"Um... Get out?"

The other party guests stared back at her in confusion. Brain could only facehoof.

Apparently on her own in this trying time, Moon Sky opted for the standard response for a kind gesture. "I mean, thank you," she said with a little bow, hastily changing the topic, "you were discussing candles before?"

Sunset nodded, giving Twilight and Trixie a tired glance. "I made the mistake of asking a simple question around these two..."

Earlier that day, Sunset and Spike walked into the Enlightenment Center dining room at the same time, Twilight popping out from behind a table to shout-

"SURPRISE!!"

Spike looked around fearfully. "W-wait, is she here already?!"

A small, cylindrical tube held in her magic, Sunset rolled her eyes. "Relax, Fire Hazard, your mother's just being weird again." It was with a hint of a satisfied smirk that she got two replies at the same time.

"I am not a fire hazard!"

"I am not being weird!"

Still smiling a little at the part neither of them denied, Sunset only addressed the second comment. "Explains why you're shouting 'surprise' for the wrong party."

All present listened for a quarter of a second before remembering that the most likely person to get 'party' -company of beings- confused with 'party' -celebration- wasn't actually in the room to make the joke.

"I was practicing," Twilight picked up, "I reviewed Pony Party Planning by Pleasant Surprise, and chapter one says it's best to practice the shout a few times to get it just right. Not too loud, but not too gentle, or it sounds like you're just saying it kinda weirdly." She smiled a little, glancing at a rectangular box waiting on a nearby table before whispering to the only other entities in the room. "Three guesses what I got Moondancer!"

Sunset wasn't even surprised anymore. "You got her a book."

"Hey," Twilight shot back a little defensively, "with all the parties she's been involved with, I couldn't believe this one wasn't in her bookshelf." She gave a sharp, slightly haughty nod. "She'll thank me for it."

There came rare moments where Spike and Sunset agreed on things. This time it was containing themselves to sharing a look, not saying a word, and letting the moment pass.

However, Twilight seemed to sense that she was being judged and eyed the cardboard tube Sunset was holding. "Okay, Miss Spirit of Hearths Warming, what'd you get her?"

Sunset responded with a shrug, telekinetically setting her gift on the table. "Gift certificate." She got two disapproving looks. "Oh, what did you expect? It's just Moondancer."

The truth, of course, would stay between Sunset and the birthday girl when she opened the tube to find a scroll of original poems by Sunset herself. She had actually kind of enjoyed putting 'Ode to The Sock,' 'This Time's a Freebie,' (full of double-entendre Moondancer could appreciate) and 'The Ways I Didn't Miss You' to paper, but she figured even Moondancer would enjoy the first poem, which asked that she not tell anypony about the scroll in the form of a vaguely threatening limerick.

Spike, looking up at the fiery unicorn, was a little surprised. Given the way she'd approached him earlier, he'd thought his presence at Moondancer's party was her gift today...

"Spike The Dragon," began Sunset authoritatively, "you are going to Moondancer's birthday party."

Naturally, Spike looked at her like she was crazy, but with more reason than usual this time. "And why would I wanna do that? I remember how we all haggled her down to a-" he shuddered a little, "-specified free-cuddle hour last year, but if I don't show up at all, I won't even have to be there for that much!" He smirked up at her. "Have fun with that, by the way."

Ordinarily, Sunset would have just scowled or turned red knowing she was due to suffer an unpleasant or embarrassing fate when someone else wasn't, but this time, she just stared back at him, her face solemn. "You are going to attend Moondancer's birthday party, and I'll tell you why."

Spike crossed his little arms. "You can't hurt me, Twilight would never-"

"It's not about her." The scaly twerp's wide-eyed confusion said she had his attention. Good. "There are two ways this can go. One: You go to the party, have some cake, socialize, whatever you want to do, so long as you're there for the hour of affectionate, Moony wrath. Two: You don't go to the party, you stay here, or go somewhere else, do whatever you want for the day." As Spike gave her an unfazed 'Oh, I'm sooo scared' look, she leaned in closer, her voice a deadly whisper. "If you do that, you won't be part of the party, and thus not subject to its rules. If you're not there for the hour, it doesn't apply to you. You'd be free of the specified cuddling time and everything that goes with it, and so would Moondancer."

Spike was clearly sweating (a bizarre feat of dragon biology), but Sunset wasn't done. Standing up straight, she turned away in an aloof fashion. "Me? I'll take my huggy medicine with the peace of mind that when time is up, she'll leave me alone. You, though, she'll come after. She'll know you chose not to let her hug you on her birthday." Then she looked back at him, her face full of dark conviction.

"She will look for you."

"She will find you."

"And she will glomp you. Without mercy. For as long as she wants."

Shrugging, Sunset turned to walk away. "But, if that's how you want it, hope you don't mind sleeping with an eye ope-"

"WAIT," Spike cried out as he jumped to hang from her back leg, nearly in tears with building panic, "PLEASE, TAKE ME WITH YOU!!"

Sunset smirked. "Good boy."

Twilight was still giving Sunset a disapproving look when the door opened again, Twilight, Spike, and Sunset all turning to shout at the same time.

"SURPRISE!!"

Silver Sword and Fire Strike blinked, the latter speaking first. "So we've got the right place, at least?" They walked in, Silver Sword levitating three little boxes, one of which was from Shining Armor. It never ceased to amaze Silver how Shining could be the kind of colt to still mail gifts to his sisters' friends every year, and yet remain completely oblivious as to when a filly fancied him, or any possible reason for it. 'Too stupid to die when killed,' indeed.

Twilight tilted her head for a better look. "What're those?” Sudden memory. “No, wait, don't tell me!" She glanced at the book -which totally was a good present!- wrapped on the table nearby, silently wishing she could double-check the chapter she was about to quote. "An element of the unknown is a constant, important presence in a birthday party, at least until all of the gifts are unwrapped. They should remain a mystery until the guest of honor has had ample opportunity to unravel the gift at their own pace, which is often frantic and destructive." She’d forgotten that rule before asking Sunset, but it was too late to undo the mistake now.

There was a group stare before Sunset turned to the two guards. "Moondancer invited you guys?"

They walked in and set the boxes on the table by the book, Silver nodding to Sunset. "Yes, and don't worry, I think she'll appreciate the gifts."

Fire Strike nodded assent before looking over at a separate table to see a modest cake. It was a large rectangle evenly covered in white frosting (almost meticulously so, in fact) and thin lines of red icing to spell out HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOONDANCER!

"Huh," remarked the guard, "her name is 'Moondancer,' not 'Moon Dancer'? Just one word?"

Spike nodded. "Pony names can be a little weird. No offense."

"None taken," replied Silver Sword with a smile. He nodded to Twilight. "Your brother actually sent us a letter along with the gift with a comment along those lines."

Fire Strike chuckled. "He didn't even know his boss's name until, what, a few days of working for him?"

"That was kind of his point," answered Silver, "what can you do when a title is just part of a pony's name? 'Prince Blue Blood' sounds halfway reasonable when you think about it." He looked at Twilight again. "Come to think of it, we generally refer to you guys as the 'Sparkle' family, even though that's only part of your name."

Fire Strike nodded. "I think an argument could be made for the 'Twilight' family, but that only covers the female members. Even then, even if we assume Equestria is dominated by an all-controlling matriarchy, not everypony's name is even loosely based on those of one or both parents."

"However," continued Silver Sword, "there are some cases of fairly consistent family themes, as with the Apple Family down in Ponyville, or the Pie family not too far away."

"And then there are the ponies that only have one na-"

"YAWN!"

Startled, everypony turned to look at Sunset, who had a very aggravated look on her face. "Next. Topic."

After a moment's awkward silence, Twilight turned toward the cake. "So, how's it look? Sunset and I spent a while-"

"-picking that one out from a shop," Sunset interrupted with a forceful tone, "right, Twilight?"

Blinking once, Twilight nodded. "Right, spent a while at the nearest bakery to find a cake and settled for that one." That was close, she thought, I almost told them we baked and decorated it ourselves! I told Sunset the cake-baking chapter would yield quality information!

Following their first encounter with Celestia's cooking, the two easily agreed that finding a cook book was the way to go. Twilight wasn't initially in favor of hiding the truth, but Sunset had convinced her that:

1. The designated hugging time would be anywhere from thirty-five to sixty percent more fiercely emphatic if Moondancer knew they worked together to personally bake a cake for her.

2. The experimental value of the cake's proficiency toward honest taste-testing would be compromised if those ingesting it were aware the bakers were in the room, as ponies are less inclined to be forthcoming with their full opinions when aware that feelings may be hurt in the process. This transpired with Celestia's frosting-on-the-inside abomination, as well. Moondancer was a shameless philanderer, but she'd likely eat a fried saddle and call it delicious if it was served by her smiling friends.

The secret would be kept.

Silver showed only the tiniest smirk. "Really? It took you a while to pick out a plain, white cake with nothing more elaborate than 'Happy birthday, Blank' on it?"

"Yep," Sunset quickly confirmed, "we were a little torn between a fancy, flowery thing with all the bells and whistles or just a cake she could eat without feeling the slightest bit guilty. Practicality was cheaper, too."

Twilight grinned brightly. "And more efficient! I even accounted for the unevenness of-I mean, I made sure the bakery ponies accounted for the difference in icing layers for sectors on which Happy Birthday was written by carving out the words and filling them in with the red icing! Now everyone gets the exact same amount of frosting!"

Spike didn't quite have the heart to tell Twilight that that didn't account for corner pieces and that she probably should have just baked a circular cake if that was the plan. Still, from this day onward, he would remember that beautiful food was a little harder to eat.

Smiling pleasantly, Silver nodded once. "Well, it looks good anyway."

Sunset eyed the cake with uncertainty. "Actually, I'm not sure it's 'done' yet. Moondancer is a grown mare, but shouldn't we be using candles?"

"Depends on the mood," answered Trixie, sitting at a table near Twilight, "and the type of candle!"

"Type of candle?" Twilight really wished she could get her hooves on Pony Party Planning without messing up the paper now, looking at the treasonous wrapping over on the gift table. "I don't remember that in the supplies chapter."

Trixie nodded. "There are thin, cheap candles that burn away fairly quickly, usually only lit for a few minutes and thrown away, thicker, slow-burning scented candles for, eh," she blushed a little, briefly distracted by thoughts of exactly how she'd put such candles to use the day her beloved accepted her, "things fair Moondancer is likely quite familiar with, and even exploding candles spouting colored bursts of flame within certain time-spans!"

Pause.

"You'd probably just go with that first category."

Trying to assess the potential frosting displacement candles would cause so as to be able to arrange them in just such a way that the effect was counteracted for each potential piece of cake, Twilight rubbed her chin. "Do they have spatially-considerate candles?"

"They went back and forth for a bit," Sunset wrapped up, "and then you came in."

Moon Sky blinked once. The double-flashback had been a little surreal, but Brain worked it out without too much trouble.

Trixie huffed. "You skipped the part where Trixie deduced that the incoming pony wasn't Moondancer based on differences in gait determined from the sounds of hoofbeats and-"

Sunset ignored her, still addressing Moon Sky. "You can leave your gift on the table, Moondancer should be here soon."

"On that note," inquired the princess in disguise as she surveyed the area, "where is Moondancer?"

Birthdays, Hearths Warming, and when she wanted something from her. Those were the times Marble Magnanimity would give her daughter a gift without her having 'earned it' first. Not that Moondancer was broken up about it, her mother had about as much understanding of gift-giving as she did of finding coltfriends. No wonder she gave up years ago.

Magnanimity didn't even look up from her paper-covered desk as she levitated three pens at once. "Here's a dress from the current most popular designer," she said while telekinetically offering the folded, unwrapped dress, "straight from Manehattan. I paid a lot of money for it, so I hope you like it."

"Thanks mother." Moondancer did her best to smile, not that it mattered. "It's... alright, I guess. Now sorry, gotta go."

Magnanimity almost seemed grateful to be able to fully focus on her work as her only child turned to leave, neither saying another word.

Sighing, Moondancer shook off the gloom as best she could, smiling for real when she walked out the front door to her 'home.' The nice ponies of Canterlot deserved better than a moody Moondancer, and the not-so-nice ponies would get a cheerful attitude too, whether they wanted it or not! Speaking of things not wanted, she trotted down the street with the fancy dress on her back, still folded. She might not have been a fashion-forward pony, but part of her was sure she'd someday find greater meaning in the token bare-bones of parenting her mother still threw her w-

Moody. If you show up to the party thinking like that, it'll show on your face and Sunny-Bunny will call you Mood-dancer.

The impromptu nickname gave her pause for thought. It was kinda hard to dance when you were moody, the closest she could think of was some kind of emotion-based interpretive dance. Swing-dancing when happy! Death-metal stomps and headbanging when mad or you just saw a spider! Grinding up against other ponies when amorous!

Giggling, she felt the last wisps of the gloom drift away as she made her way to the Enlightenment Center, unaware of two pairs of eyes watching her. For different reasons than she might have hoped.

"Hey," said one dark-orange pegasus stallion as he brushed his mildly unkempt, dirty-blonde moustache, his mane not in much better condition, "you recognize that filly?"

"Aye, Oi do," the huge, gruff earth pony beside him said through a thick trottingham accent, his dark-brown coat and messy, black mane that hung down over his eyes not in much better condition than his friend's, "she'z'at goil wot's Magnanimity's dought'a, eh?"

"Yes," replied the first, starting to smile, "she's the only heir of a rather rich family. One that would, surely, just go to pieces if that poor, sweet filly were to vanish."

The second nodded. "Aye, Aye, it'd be a real tragedy, that."

There was a pause as the pegasus turned to look at his partner with a deadpan stare. "And they'd probably be willing to pay a lot of money to have her back, were such a thing to happen."

"Oi 'spoze so. Wassat got'ta do wif the two ov us?"

There was never any sense in mincing words with some ponies. "Kidnapping, Charlie," he said in a loud whisper, “I'm saying we should kidnap and ransom that unicorn!"

"Oh." Charlie stared after Moondancer for a few seconds. "Wot’s th'a plan, Cook?"

Cook smiled deviously.

Taking a shortcut through a slightly dark, vacant alleyway, Moondancer hummed a merry tune until she was tapped on the shoulder. Turning, she smiled. "Oh, hi! What can I do for you gentlecolts?"

Author's Note

I apologize in advance if I fail to keep Charlie’s accent consistent.

Jetto says: This is what you always wanted, even if you didn't realize it yet. Stay tuned, shenanigans incoming.

39. Twice a Month (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

"It really is taking her a while to get here."

"Observant as ever, Sparkle."

Twilight opted to ignore Miss Snarky-Socks this time, instead opting to clarify the situation to the others. "She visits her mother on her birthday, maybe they actually found something to talk about this time?"

"Ah," said a smiling Moon Sky, "family gathering? We should not wish to disturb her, then, I am certain that they are delighted to spend time together."

"Yea, right," Trixie and Sunset snorted in unison, turning to each other wide-eyed a second later. When their mutual thought sunk in, both smirked somewhat knowingly.

"Trixie assumes your home life was completely unnoteworthy, Sunset Shimmer?"

"Of course. Same with you, Trixie?"

"Absolutely."

While those two began the silent formation of their own little indifference-to-families club, Moon Sky couldn't help frowning a little. So Trixie does not share her circumstances openly. Unfortunate that blood-relatives should find themselves parted for past... disagreements.

Luna wondered if anything could be done to mend the bridge between Trixie and her family, and perhaps the one between Sunset and her parents as well, but she knew it wasn't her place to meddle.

"So," began Silver Sword, "seeing a few faces I don't recognize, and I'm sure I'm not alone there. Why don't we get to know each other a bit until the Birthday Girl shows up?"

There were a few nods as those gathered moved around a little.

Trixie approached Spike, who sat on a table nearby. "You are a dragon," she stated, her face almost worryingly serious.

He looked back at her with a hint of confusion. "Well... last I checked, yea."

"Trixie has encountered few dragons in her travels, and fewer still that were not hostile. Please, regale Trixie with your story, little drake."

Feeling strangely optimistic, Spike smiled a little. "Uhh, okay!"

Pleased to see her ~~surrogate son~~ little-brother-figure apparently making a new friend already, Twilight smiled too as she moved to engage Moon Sky. "Thank you for coming to the party, Moon Sky."

The secret princess nodded as Brain brought up the file containing everything Moondancer had mentioned about Twilight Sparkle. "Yes, the circumstances to my invitation were… somewhat unusual." Twilight’s eyes widened in curiosity, her face the very picture of ‘Tell me more!’

I think I see what you meant about this one, Sister…

In as clear a manner as she could manage without mentioning her initial thoughts about Moondancer having tricked her into attending, Moon Sky began the tale.

Across the room, Sunset's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, but widened again when she heard a familiar, disapproving throat-clearing. "You know," she deadpanned without turning her head, "you don't have to sound like I've done something wrong every time we meet."

Fire Strike rolled his eyes. "I was just clearing my throat that time."

Standing beside him, Silver Sword chuckled. "It's okay to say you just wanted her attention, you know, you definitely wouldn't be the first."

Sunset and Fire Strike ignored that comment in unison as the former turned to face them. "So, how's work been for you two? Apprehended anyone that was just defending themselves lately? Punched anypony out in broad daylight? A princess, maybe?"

Silver Sword sighed. "He's in another town now, but letters indicate he's getting in trouble just about as often."

"On that note," added Fire Strike with a raised eyebrow, "what about you? Set anything on fire lately? Gone anywhere you weren't authori-"

Sunset scowled. "Unlocked doors are fair game, or they'd be locked, it's just common sense!"

"So's this; breaking and entering is against the law!"

"If the door is unlocked, it's not breaking!"

There was a short silence, broken by Silver Sword. "She's kinda got a point."

Fire Strike quickly turned his head. "Whose side are you on?!"

Meanwhile, across town, Moondancer awoke with a splitting headache. While by no means a new experience for her, it was every bit as unpleasant as the first time. Groggily taking stock of her surroundings, she found herself in what appeared to be a somewhat worn-down apartment. And tied to a chair.

Things are looking up already!

Glancing about, she found herself alone, which made the situation less fun than she'd first thought. The place was old, and either falling apart, or home to some truly inept interior designers. Shrugging, she began to power up a spell in her horn and was immediately stabbed in the brain by a hundred tiny imps made of hatred and spite. She quickly deduced that this was due to the headache she awoke with and that casting spells wouldn't be a factor in the near future. She chanced the same thing happening again by calling out.

"Hello? Anypony home? Besides the one tied to a chair?"

There was no response, which left a dingy apartment full of silence, shabby wood, and one increasingly worried Moondancer. Trying to wriggle out of the ropes or even just rock back and forth on the chair to pass the time only made her headache worse, so she sat in silence. Mostly.

"La, teedeedee, ladeedee, dadeedum..."

There were definitely better ways to be tied up. About twenty minutes after she awoke, Moondancer was startled by the sound of a door crashing open nearby, followed by the voices of two stallions.

"Sigh. Charlie, what have I said about going easy on the door?"

"Ehh, them hinges are foine."

Encroaching hoofsteps made Moondancer nervous. And a little excited, but now was probably a bad time for those thoughts. There was a short, internal war about whether she should be leaning one way or the other until they came into view. One was a dark-orange pegasus with dirty-blonde hair and a moustache, the other a huge, black-haired, dark-brown earth pony. She was a little ashamed of herself for leaning toward 'excited' now, but both of them were wearing (somewhat ratty) coats that obscured their cutie marks, so she couldn't identify them by flank.

Both stallions were carrying what appeared to be grocery bags, the pegasus setting his on a nearby counter to address Moondancer. "Ah, our captive is awake, and perhaps not permanently brain-damaged."

Resting his own bags on the counter, the big one nodded. "Was just a lit'l tap, that."

Moustache Pony rolled his eyes. He'd been worried about the sense in going shopping when they had a hostage in the house, but Charlie's second 'tap' on their already-unconscious victim (the slap had been meant to prove she simply wasn't awake at the time) had left him solidly sure that she wouldn't be waking up for a while.

"Right, anyway," he put on a vaguely threatening face, looking at Moondancer, "you're our hostage now, so don't scream or cast any spells or we'll be forced to do something... unpleasant."

Moondancer stared back in silence for a moment. "'Kay."

"You may think you ca-wait, what?"

She smiled. "Name's Moondancer, nice to meet you guys!" You took a class on this somewhere; keep your cool and everything’ll turn out alright.

Before the pegasus could get his thoughts together, the earth pony gave a quick nod. "Horse, Charlie Horse. Mates call me Charlie."

"Nice to meet you, Charlie!"

The two of them looked at the pegasus, who still seemed to be processing the situation. Charlie poked his shoulder a few times. "Oi, don' be rude, say 'ello."

Snapping awake, he nodded. "Eh, r-right, right, name's Cook. And we'll be your captors for today." He internally facehoofed. If Moondancer thought that sounded the least bit stupid, she didn't show it, her friendly grin unchanged.

"Just Cook? No other names?"

"No."

"Can I call you 'Cookie'?"

He scowled. "No!"

She giggled. "Fine, fine.” I can at least see his face, that might help anyway. So what's up, guys?"

Cook was increasingly confused. He hadn't pulled off a lot of kidnappings in his time (this was the first), but he was pretty sure something was out of place here. "W-we're, you're-" he cleared his throat, "You are the daughter of Marble Magnanimity, aren't you?" She nodded. At least they had the right filly, else this would have been awkward. "Right, we're going to ransom you back to her for a great sum of bits. Any questions?"

"One; do you guys have any aspirin? My head's killing me."

"Sorry 'bout that, Miss," said Charlie, "don' know me own strength sometoimes."

There was only a tiny bolt of pain as Moondancer tried to remember what had happened before she awoke here, but seeing these two was all she could conjure up. It might have showed on her face.

"Well," Cook said with a light shrug, "the plan was to convince you to come back here with us. then tie you to the chair, but Charlie here has always preferred the direct method."

"Quick an' simple," confirmed Charlie, "that's me way."

"For better or worse," muttered Cook. "Anyway, how are you feeling? No disfiguring bumps? No concussion? No noteworthy brain damage?"

"Just a big ol' headache.” She smiled almost pleadingly, which she couldn’t decide whether or not would be a bad move for a hostage. “So about that aspiri-"

Cook happily cut her off. "Good, then we can still offer you back for full price!" He nodded to his partner in crime. "C'mon, Charlie, let's get started on that ransom note."

The pair of foalnappers headed elsewhere in the apartment, leaving Moondancer to the sounds of shuffling paper. And her big ol' headache, not helped by the sense of panic still bubbling beneath her smile. Still? Not the worst birthday she'd ever had so far.

Princess Luna had been to few modern-day festivities since her return, but she felt that something was distinctly off with this one. She didn't voice this concern, partly because doing so would likely have poked a hole in her disguise, but she couldn't shake the bad feeling. Perhaps it was fear, fear that she was coming off as odd or boring to Moondancer's friends. She had begun to accrue that suspicion in Twilight Sparkle, even though her sister's best student said nothing of the sort, verbally or in body language. Was it not abnormal to just quietly listen when spoken to at length, not making a sound?

"-and Shiny said I should share, and he was right. That's when the guys in suits came along. Everything after that was kind of a mess until Moondancer's mother showed up, but that was how we first met." Twilight blinked, sheepishly brushing the back of her head with a hoof. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to ramble on and on like that, sometimes I just get caught up in trying to recount events exactly as they happened and when you do that, you might end up saying more than you strictly have to to get the poi-..." She tinted pink. "Haha, sorry, again. How did you first meet Moondancer?"

Deploying alibi! "She startled me in class one day."

There was silence, from which Twilight inferred that that was the whole story.

"...Neat!" She glanced briefly about the room, not looking away from her conversation partner for longer than was socially acceptable, but felt the tiniest tug from within her own head when she caught sight of Sunset still talking to Trixie...

"So, yes, as Trixie doesn't have extensive experience in the finer points of brutish magic use, she is perhaps less than masterful in the field of non-lethal self-defense."

Sunset nodded once. In ordinary circumstances, she'd have happily poked the presented weak spot in Trixie's knowledge, but if Trixie walked off in a huff, she might have to talk to the guards again. "I find a simple shock spell dissuades most attackers. Or, anypony that makes the mistake of getting too close."

"Melee range? Trixie doesn't mean to belittle your methods, Sunset Shimmer, but any defense mechanism that required Trixie be up close and personal is... undesirable, for Trixie's purposes."

Teasing her a little bit was fine. "Oh? The Great and Powerful Trixie can't cast multiple arcs at once?" She shook her head woefully. "So much for your legac-"

Trixie made a face worthy of Twilight at her most annoyed, her cheeks puffing out a little as they tinged red. "Trixie knows that you know full-well that such a spell requires considerable power concentrated at a small intensity and that performing it at the distance to stun even a few ponies at once is wildly dangerous." She managed a little smirk. "Or did you forget that very basic fact of a spell you're supposedly skilled with?"

Her eyes widening for a split second, Sunset returned a little scowl. "I was just joking, Miss Magical Filly Cosplayer."

Note to self: Do not mention maid outfits. Anypony who does must immediately be silenced.

Smirking triumphantly, Trixie gave her cape a haughty toss. "Jealous?" She giggled as Sunset rolled her eyes before losing the look of superiority entirely. "So, yes, might you know anything helpful in dissuading groups of attackers?"

"Well, when you say 'dissuading,' does that-"

"Still talking non-lethal here, Shimmer."

"Just making sure." And then Sunset got one of those moments. Moondancer wasn't around, and she was usually the cause, so Sunset chalked this one up to some kind of weird, cosmic rays affecting her brain, but right now, she wanted to say something genuine to someone she didn't hate. Her face grew serious, but not unfriendly. "There's no shame in not being a battle-mage, you know. Magic isn't just raw power for throwing your weight around, it's a means to an end. Sure, sometimes that end is turning things into smouldering piles of ash, but there's no need to have an earth-splitting super-spell in your arsenal just because you can."

Trixie smiled brightly. "Right you are, Sunset Shimmer! Many of my hecklers are quite vocal in their thoughts that great magic must equate to great destructive power, despite my performances being demonstrations of exactly the opposite!"

Sunset caught Trixie's slip in the 3rd Pony routine, but didn't say a word as the indignant stage magician went on.

"Really," she said with an almost comical eye-roll, "you'd think that with a myriad of dazzling colors wrapped around shifting shapes dancing and twirling radiantly over their heads, more ponies could appreciate more than the simple, instant-gratification kind of show that comes with senseless demolition!"

Such ponies often failed to take the cost of property damage into account as well, something Trixie learned about at a fairly young age, but now was not the time. Shaking off the memories, she returned her eyes to Sunset. "However, Trixie could still use something to keep certain parties at bay, so...?"

Sympathetic (kinda) as Sunset was to Trixie's plight, she wasn't entirely sold on divulging the secrets of Cold Flame to somepony that might use it to wow a crowd like some cheap parlor trick. Even if she did it herself that one time. Regardless, she had other ideas. "Have you tried raising the dead?"

"WHAT?!"

Sunset smiled. "As a scare-tactic, I mean! Nopony'll pursue you if they're terrified of the hulking, skeletal abomination shambling their way, and making them run away and live to see another day is about as non-lethal as it gets!"

Trixie facehoofed.

Across the room, the young magician's frustration was caught by Fire Strike, whose eyes narrowed on Sunset. "What's she talking about over there...?"

"How much she wants to kiss you."

Fire Strike felt his whole face go warm. Head whipping to the smiling speaker, his backstabbing partner, who did a hoof/claw bump the library dragon and chuckled at his expense.

"I really wouldn't worry about that," reported Spike, "kissing anyone is probably the last thing on her mind."

Raising an eyebrow, Fire Strike regarded the little drake curiously. "And how would you know that?"

"Because despite sharing a room with Moondancer, I've never heard of her-" Spike started counting off on his claws. "-having a coltfriend, having a marefriend, spending more than an absolutely-required amount of time with much of anypony but her roommates, making eyes at anypony, or even talking about doing any of the above. Well, at least not in the last few years, but other than that? Filly's a total cold fish."

Silver chuckled. "And here I thought you were about to tell us you knew all about the hearts of mares."

Spike tilted his little head. "Why would I wanna know about any of that?"

"The day you find yourself with a special someone, you'll see."

This only seemed to confuse Spike further, so Fire Strike opted to try the simplest explanation he knew. "It's a manly thing, knowing what ladies want?"

Spike pointed at him. "Hey, I'm totally manly! I do manly stuff all the time!"

Silver smiled. "Such as?"

"Uhh..." Keeping a library organized, he knew, would not credit him with points of manliness. But he had something else! "I... bake?" They stared at him. He put as much dramatic inflection into the statement as he could manage. "Without, an apron!!"

Sharing a quick look, the two guards smiled in recollection of a friend of theirs that once made the same boast, back in his cadet days. He had since upgraded his manliness to 'Princess Punching' status.

Fire Strike couldn't entirely keep the grin off his face. "I rescind my doubts about your masculinity, Sir Dragon."

Spike put his claws on his hips, puffing out his chest. "Darn straight!"

As Twilight wrapped up another of her brother's escapades in Ponyville (not that Luna wasn't interested to hear how he had been doing), Moon Sky looked around, unable to contain the question any longer. "Where is Moondancer?"

The entire room heard the question, stopping what they were doing to glance about as well, as if hoping to catch sight of her. That they didn't was kind of a relief, because nopony had even whispered 'Surprise!'

Trixie tried not to blush. "Perhaps she is... preoccupied?"

Twilight shook her head. "No, she'd never- well, I mean, yes, she does that all the time, but she'd never do that when she knew we were waiting on her, especially not today." The day they met changed Twilight's life a little bit, and she knew it meant a lot to Moondancer too. There were even a few times she was glomped specifically in memory of that day!

"So," Sunset pondered aloud, "knowing her, she's gotten mixed up in some horrific mound of bodies and can't get out, took a nap and went overboard with it, or she's in trouble somewhere."

Twilight was the most visibly worried by the thought. "Should we call the guards?"

"No time," answered Silver Sword "besides, we're already here."

"This is your day off," said Sunset, "aren't you off-duty?"

Silver Sword and Fire Strike shared a look, then turned to Sunset and answered together as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Nope." That they had showed up in their armor, in hindsight, felt like a hint.

"Yep, they're Shiny's friends alright," remarked Spike.

Despite not saying a word, Moon Sky's mind was going a mile a minute.

"Moondancer," said Brain, "hurt or in trouble? We should-"

Heart cried out. "WE MUST SAVE HER!!"

"I agree."

"Don't try to tell me to calm down, that's our first friend out there and-waihuh?!"

"Moondancer, while the source of much discomfort in our lives, has been a benefit to us on the whole. Besides, if she does not attend her own annual celebration, we cannot technically say we have kept our promise."

"Oh, I'd feel terrible about that! In fact, I already kind of do. Hold me?"

"Later, I have a plan."

Moon Sky spoke up. "We should search for her. I am neither athletic nor skilled in combat magic, so I would only slow you down should things prove dangerous, but I will wait here on the chance she returns."

Spike raised a claw to object that hanging back was usually his thing, but before he knew it, he was telekinetically lifted onto Trixie's back, coming to rest on her soft cape.

She turned to look at him with a wide, confident grin. "Today, you hunt with Trixie, little drake!"

His first thought was to object, but he glanced at the pair of guards. A man would not back down from a challenge. He would accept this quest! Quest to find the pony he really didn't want to see, but a quest just the same!

Fire Strike paced over to Sunset. "I'll make sure this one stays out of trouble."

He got a withering look for that, but Sunset didn't verbally object. Possibly because she knew doing so would only make it sound like she was planning to pop into the nearest graveyard, raise an army of skeletons, and have them search the city for Moondancer while she sat back on a lawn chair. Or something. And she wasn't!

Silver Sword looked to Twilight. "I guess that leaves the two of us." She nodded once, so he turned to address Moon Sky. "Will you be alright here on your own?"

Luna felt an odd tangle of pride and shame for her practiced smile. "Yes, thank you, good luck in your search."

When the others set off, she waited a full thirty seconds before focusing her power, teleporting high above the city, and invisibly shifting back to her true form to project the array of detection spells to find Moondancer. It would take some time, but if she found that Moondancer had come to harm, due process of law would be the least of her concerns.

Author's Note

I had surprisingly little in mind for Moon Sky and Twilight. Which rare character interaction was your favorite, reader? :pinkiehappy:

The day they met changed Twilight's life more than 'a little bit,' but outside perhaps the Q&A! sessions, she doesn't know that.

Jetto says: I'm still not sure if I ship Sunset Shimmer with Fire Strike. They seem perfect for each other, but .

On that note, what about MoonLight or MoonSet shippers? Are there any around here?

40. Three Times a Week (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

In addition to still being tied to a chair, Moondancer was confused. That didn't help her headache, but at least she was feeling that one less if she didn't move her head.

"You guys seriously went shopping with a pony tied up in your house?"

Her only company at the moment, the Trottingham earth pony named Charlie Horse, nodded his big old head. "That we did, Miss, that we did."

Charlie hadn't taken a chair, just sat on the floor in front of her, which still would have left him at eye-level if she could see past that messy mass of mane blocking his eyes. Not that it seemed to impede him in the slightest, but that wasn't what really made her brain itch. She’d been doing her best to keep it together since figuring out her situation, but actually talking to one of her captors? She was starting to worry less about herself, more about them when her friends found her. The only question was how long it would take for them to realize she was late and come looking for her. Well, that and one other:

"A young, pretty, vulnerable mare is sitting helpless at your place, probably in a neighborhood where uh... where there probably aren't tons of guards patrolling, no offense-"

"S'alroight."

"-and your top priority is grocery shopping?!"

Another nod. "A pony's got'ta eat, Miss."

Moondancer stared back at him (she assumed he was looking at her) in silence. The logic was sound. She sighed. "Where's the other guy, anyway?"

"Out meetin' some othah folks what met wit' luck not unloike our own; roight lousy."

She would have worried about being culturally insensitive for not being entirely sure what he was saying. Instead, she was pretty sure she was already guilty for finding that accent kind of sexy. Big, strong, Trottingham boy. Moonie likes! There were bigger things to worry about anyway, like being tied to a chair and held for ransom, but maybe there was an easy way out of this?

"Well," she said while batting her eyes, whether he could see it or not, "I guess that just leaves the two of us..."

"That it does."

There was a silence. The worrying kind. The one that said the message wasn't quite received. Moondancer tried again. "Just you and me," she said with an increasingly husky tone, certain that at least his ears worked fine, "a mare and a stallion, alone."

"Aye."

Realizing that messy hair eye-blocking made for a formidable poker face, Moondancer shifted gears a little and coyly looked away, the motion painfully reminding her not to do that. Maybe wincing was a turn-on for Charlie? "A-all alone, in this empty room, where who knows what could happen?"

"Seems loike it."

He was either younger than he looked, or playing hard-to-get. Which would be extremely weird in this situation. As thinking hard right now was difficult, she opted for a more direct approach. "It reminds me of all those dirty stories where the big, strong abductor takes the helpless filly back to his lair and has his way with her."

Charlie tilted his head. "An' wot stories moight those be?"

Blinking twice, Moondancer slowly looked back at him, dropping her mare-in-heat routine entirely. "Huh?"

"Stories, ya said. Only ones loike that Oi know are about them dragin's what foalnap damsels."

"...Um..."

There was a note of disapproval under all that Trottingham. "Aren't there stories? Ya weren't goin' an' makin' things up, were ya now, Miss?"

"What? No, there really are stories like that!"

"Name a few."

"What?!"

"Names," he urged with a waving hoof, "titles, them big, gleamin' letters wot get stuck to the front'a the books. Go on, then."

Even if she felt that getting scolded for telling fibs by her foalnapper was kind of twisted, Moondancer still didn't want to look like a liar. "Uh... One's, one's called 'The Backdoor Bandit: Breaking and Entering.'" More quiet as Charlie stared at her, as if waiting for details. "It's... about a guy who... breaks into rich, pretty, young fillies' houses. And uh... breaks their back doors."

He seemed confused again. "Why'd 'e go an' break the door aftah he done broke in already?"

She smelled opportunity and re-heated the bedroom eyes! "Maybe I can show you."

"Tellin's usually quicker, Miss, an' Oi can't let you outta that chair."

Resistance was strong, but Moondancer held fast! "Are you sure? I could really make it worth your while..."

"You got t'ree hundred, seven'ee-two bits?"

Facade cracked. "Huh?"

"s'wot we're plannin' ta ransom ya for, y'see, payin' rent, boiyin' meals an' all that. We're a lil' short this last payday, is all, wot wit' gettin' laid off an' everything."

Moondancer frowned. "You guys lost your jobs? And you've resorted to criminal behavior to make ends meet?"

"Nail on the head, Miss, Magnanimity wasn’t too discriminatin’ in layin’ ponies off.”

Feeling a little stab in her heart this time, Moondancer frowned. “You guys worked for Mom? And she fired you?”

“Aye.”

“I’m sorry.”

Charlie let out a snort, though it was difficult to gauge whether it had been one of amusement or derision. “Not as much as she’ll be when she’s shellin’ out that ransom.”

“All three-hundred and seventy-two bits worth of sorry?”

“Aye. Now 'bout them back door breakin's?"

Internally scared to have to explain 'back door breaking' to such an apparently innocent soul (well, give or take), Moondancer was greatly relieved by the sound of the front door (of the house!!) opening, Cook stepping into view a moment later.

"The others should be here soon, any problems with the hostage?"

"Nah. Any clue when them lot moight be 'ere?"

"Some time in the next hour, Switch had a job interview and Mitts said something about getting ready."

Charlie nodded. "Roighto. Oi'll put a kettle on."

And off he went to the kitchen, leaving Moondancer alone with her moustachio'd captor. Hoping her escape plan was still plausible, she smiled at him. "So, you bring mares here often?"

"Well, no, this is-" He blinked twice as realization crept in, whipping his head to give her an incredulous look. "Are... are you...? What?"

She'd have beamed, but smiling too widely sent little stabs of Ouch into her brain. "I'm just wondering what you had in mind for me over the next... hour or so?"

His mouth slowly falling open, Cook's orange face turned red. "Y-you, wha-?!" He shook his head. "No! No, no, no, whatever you're thinking, n-"

"Aww, c'mon," she said sweetly while batting her eyes, "I won't tell anypony, we can just-"

He glared at her. "No! You think I'd fall for such an obvious trick?! You'd hit me over the back of the head the second I untied you!"

"You don't have to untie me."

"And that's exactly why I-..." The menace slowly drained out of his tone. "That... That's... What?"

Moondancer nodded, though she immediately regretted it. "You don't have to untie me, I know plenty of ways to spend quality time in ropes!" She dialed up the bedroom eyes, her tone husky. "C'mon, let me pay my ransom in full..."

Apart from his steadily-rising wings, Cook stood perfectly still, sweat dripping down his beet-red face as he looked his captive over. And over. And ov- He slapped himself. "No!" Clenching his eyes shut, he turned away. "I'm not falling for that, so quit it or I'll gag you with something!"

It stung a little, but now she beamed. "Deal!"

"GAH!!"

As a baby dragon, Spike could only look up at the skies with restrained envy, as he didn't yet (if ever) have wings with which to soar through it. Buildings in Canterlot towered over pretty much everything, most of all the towers, but Spike couldn't help feeling especially small. That would change one day, he knew, but until then, being able to look down at the city for once had seemed like it would always be a distant dream.

Until now.

"Um, M-Miss Trixie?"

"Yes, Little Drake?"

"Are you sure we should be up here?" The response was only giggles. "What, what'd I say?"

"Nothing, it's just that you sound a little bit like Trixie's beloved." He didn't like being brought to rooftops of the tallest buildings all that much either, but how else could young Trixie show off some of her aerial tricks? Practice of years ago would be her strength on this day! "Are you ready?"

Considering that they were steadily ascending a very high building with help from some kind of wall-walking spell, he dreaded asking. "Ready for what?"

Trixie set hoof on the top of the tower in daring fashion, returning the two of them to a regular orientation with the ground. She beamed. "Trixie's Fabulous, High-Flying Super Spectacular Searching Subroutine!"

"What?"

"We're gonna jump off this building!"

"WHAT?!"

"Readysetgo!!"

Trixie leapt, Spike shut his eyes, clinging to her cloak with all his trembling might. To his surprise, there wasn't just not a percussive splat, but not even the feeling of wind rushing by at chilling speeds. He (bravely) opened one eye to see the Trixie's cloak splayed out in the air like the wings of a bat (or a starry dragon?), the world beyond it moving so slowly, Spike wasn't entirely sure they were falling at all.

"Uh... Are we... gliding?"

"Most astute observation, Little Drake, Trixie sees why you are trusted with the library!"

"Ha, thanks..." He was still coming down from having his (rather short so far!) life flash before his eyes, but he still managed a simple question. "So, do you see Moondancer?"

"Not yet," she replied, a combination of spells at work as she and her passenger drifted daintily through the sky, "but if she is within approximately 200 meters of Trixie, we shall soon know!"

"200 meters?"

"Technically, Trixie's adjustments to the aural identification, leyline sonar, and familiarity resonance spells leave it something closer to 206.35 meters, but Trixie rounds down to be on the safe side. This may take a few sweeps, but we are certain to find Fair Moondancer in no time!"

Nodding once, Spike opted to try to do his part in searching... only to realize that looking down was not the best idea right now.

Hope Twilight's having better luck...

Twilight wasn't having much luck.

She and Silver Sword had tried asking Moondancer's mother if she had seen her recently, but they were stopped at the door by the butler, Mr. Push. He informed them that while Moondancer had stopped by within the last hour and a half, she was not here now, and the lady of the house had most pressing business to attend to at this time. Not helping at all was, astoundingly, Silver talking about what her brother would do in this situation.

"...after that, he would go to the Castle, smack Celestia and Luna, and then-"

Twilight gave him a bemused, irritated look.

He sighed. "Yeah, I admit, it's getting a little old."

Walking down the street, Twilight shook her head. "Miss Magnanimity wouldn't even talk to us, her whereabouts-unknown daughter's friends, about where she might be. What has to happen to somepony to make them so cold, even when it comes to their own family?"

"I'm sure I could only guess," answered Silver.

"I mean, I never really saw her all that much even when I first met Moondancer, but I could have sworn she wasn't always so, so..."

"Callous?"

"Yea, that." She momentarily stopped, Silver turning to look at her as she made a slightly annoyed scowl. "That word was already in my vocabulary, by the way, I was just going over the list of words I know to describe Marble Magnanimity to determine the one most suitable for the pony she is today." To Twilight's slight surprise, there was no mockery or sarcasm whatsoever, nor even any eye-rolling, just a little nod before they kept walking.

Oh, right, I'm not talking to somepony that gets a kick out of riling me up... I can see why Moondancer values his company!

Twilight smiled. "You hang out with Moondancer sometimes, right?"

Silver grinned a little too. "That is correct. Not for the reasons she usually might want to be near a stallion, but-"

She only blushed a little. "Y-yes, I remember. So, what do you two usually do together?"

"Well, there's this somewhat prestigious social club she gets into for free (Magnanimity's daughter), frequented by a few ponies she might have forgotten to invite earlier. Maybe she popped in to ask them and got held up?"

Twilight shrugged. "Worth a try. Where to?"

Two fiery-looking ponies marched through Canterlot.

"I told you she wouldn't be at Gustav's."

"When searching for missing ponies, starting with places they're known to frequent is a valid method!"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "And since when is anything that makes sense 'valid' with Moondancer? I'm still thinking we'll find her in a twitching pile of ponies, all covered in marinara sauce." Fire Strike stopped, giving Sunset a perplexed look. She rolled her eyes again. "Yes, twice."

"You've joined her messy pony piles twice?"

Cyan eyes shot open. "Wha-?! NO!! I was saying I've seen her doing that twice!"

For reasons that weren't her own fault, Sunset had grown to recognize a certain kind of facial expression to mean 'You really are Moondancer's friend.' That was the face she was getting from Fire Strike now.

"Then, you just like to watch?" She was starting to get that Zappy look in her eyes, so he opted to shift gears. "Alright, if you know her so well, where would you recommend looking?"

Snorting with annoyance, Sunset suppressed the urge to kill. Or at least electrocute. "Nowhere. She has 'friends' all over the city, which means she could effectively be anywhere right now, for any reason, even if it doesn't involve toppings." She huffed as they continued walking. "Fittingly for her, this is going to be a pain, but if we just wander around at random, our chances of finding her will be exactly the same."

And yet, thought Fire Strike, you're still helping to look for her...

"So," he said about a block's worth of meandering later, "the new entrance to Gustav's looks pretty good."

"Yep," replied Sunset without missing a beat, "good thing somepony happened along to help dispose of the old one, stopping dangerous criminals in the process." She took up a falsely innocent tone. "Where were the guards at such a time, one wonders?"

Shaking his head, Fire Strike opted to just keep quiet, which Sunset happily reciprocated.

Canterlot was a large city. A city was a large thing by default, and Canterlot was big even for one of those. This Luna realized now that she was searching the entire thing while flying through the air with an array of spells active, the way only alicorns could... or so she'd first thought. It was only about four minutes after she'd started that she caught sight of Trixie doing something similar, albeit with less power and no actual wings.

She seems to be magnifying the range of her spells with a third-tier arcane helix... composed of weaker versions of the same spells?

Unorthodox, but it still meant Luna had to keep flying out of her range if she didn't want to dedicate magic to more than her simple invisibility spell. Trixie may have been aware of Moon Sky's secret, but the young dragon, clinging for dear life on her back, likely did not, so stopping to compare findings would have complicated matters exponentially. She would just have to hope Trixie's spells held while they searched in separation to cover more ground.

On that note, Twilight Sparkle and Silver Sword seemed to have something in mind, judging by their propensity to go straight to particular buildings, but Luna detected no Moondancer anywhere near their targets. She was equally confused by the last pair, who seemed to wander aimlessly while periodically asking ponies (ponies that began to sweat when they saw either Sunset Shimmer or a royal guard with serious looks on their faces) if they had seen Moondancer of late. Perhaps they knew something Luna did not? Once more, she could not ask directly.

It was after searching four square miles of the city that Luna began to grow discouraged, but she remembered a statement from none other than her target.

"I don't think it's working, but you know me, I never give up."

This was being used in the context of pairing her fiery friend with another fiery friend against the will and interest of both, but regardless, the sentiment spurred her on! With an unseen light of her horn, she prioritized flight speed over detection range to cover more ground faster rather than slowly looking through wider areas.

Remain where you are, Moondancer, you will yet blow out candles and be serenaded with the song of annual age accruement!

At least, those were the things she remembered looking over in her copy of Pony Party Planning before setting out today.

"Shut up!"

"C'mooon, I promise not to press charges or anything if-"

"No, shut up!!"

"You guys just want, what, three-hundred and seventy-two bits, right?"

"I won't-" Cook blinked. "Wait, how did you know that?"

Sensing progress, Moondancer smiled, even more pleased that this didn't agitate her headache too much. "Charlie told me!"

"Why?"

"I said I would make untying me worth his while, that was the number he spat out." She offered a sympathetic frown. “Sorry about mom firing you, by the way.”

Cook rolled his eyes. “Yea, yea, don’t need your pity, just your family’s money.”

An eyebrow was raised. “So you only ask for three-hundred and seventy-two bits? As opposed to, like, a few thousand?”

“Well,” Cook scratched the back of his head, “that’s all we really need for the next month or so, just until we can find work again.”

She nodded. “Okay, so you just want the three-seventy-two...” eyebrows were waggled again, “then what's say you let me go, and I'll count that high while you're plowing my-"

Cook turned red again. "No!"

"I'll count slowly!"

"...No!"

"You hesitated."

"SHUT UP!!"

There was a knock at the door, a break Cook eagerly took as he went to answer it. Before him stood a grey unicorn mare and a spring-green earth pony stallion, their faces concealed by ski-masks and most of their bodies covered in rubber sneaking suits. At least, that was what Cook guessed they were for.

"Uh, hey guys. What's with the-"

"Disguises, you dolt," said the unicorn, Switch, as she pushed past him, followed by her companion, "where's yours?" Her long, silvery mane poked out of her ski-mask, she knew, but there was little to be done about it, as a haircut might signal that she wanted to look different when the news of this incident inevitably hit the press.

Closing the door, Cook looked confused. "Disguises?"

Mitts, the earth pony and Switch's coltfriend, and may have opened his mouth, but Switch was faster. "For the hostage situation you told us about! We got suited up in the alley just by your house. You don't plan on just letting her see our faces, do you?"

Cook appeared carefully neutral. "Err..."

Switch scrutinized him carefully. This was easy because he wasn't wearing a ski-mask. "...Cook? You haven't let your captive see your face. Right?"

"Well, there was no time to find disguises or something before we'd have lost her, we just saw her on the street and it was kind of a now-or-never sort of thing, so-"

Stepping forward, Switch touched her horn to Cook's forehead and snarled. "I should turn you into a-"

"Now, now," said Mitts in gentle tones, putting a hoof on his marefriend's back, "Cook and Charlie may have to lay low for a while, but she still hasn't seen the two of us. I'm sure everything will work out."

"I don't even know if that's the part I'm mad about! They could have snuck up and hit her from behind, carried her back like she was a drunk friend they were helping to get home, and disguised themselves when they were safely back here! Next he's probably gonna tell us she knows their names!"

Cook's expression could only be called a sweaty poker face.

Switch's glare intensified. "YOU STUPID SACK OF-" Cut off by a gentle hoof massaging her withers, she turned to see Mitts smiling (she could see it in his eyes) at her.

"Deep breaths, dear, we'll get through this."

She tried to scowl, but her will to hurt things was fading by the second. "I... n-not now, dammit... trying to be angry."

"Shh..." One hoof still delicately moving along her back, the other pulled her in for a hug. There was no resistance, Switch lightly nuzzling his neck, which felt a tad strange with a ski-mask on.

No longer in danger, Cook breathed a sigh of relief, but kept his voice down. "Will never know how you function with her, man."

Mitts continued to smile with his eyes. "She's just been under a lot of stress lately, I think we all have."

Nodding a quick 'amen to that,' Cook led the others to Moondancer, who greeted them with a little smile despite still being tied to a chair.

"Hi."

Most of her rage not yet returned from the cool-down cuddle, Switch just gave Cook a tired look. "You didn't even put an inhibitor on her?"

Cook shrugged. "Not everypony owns an inhibitor, okay? What do you want from me?"

"A basic idea of how to keep a unicorn captive might be ni-err," what little of her face was visible tinted red as she looked away, "actually, nevermind."

Moondancer giggled.

"What?" Now it was Cook giving the scrutinizing looks. "Do you have an inhibitor for someth-"

Switch quickly cut him off. "HEYWHERE'SCHARLIEANYWAY?!"

"Roight 'ere." Charlie approached with a tray bearing glasses and a pitcher of fresh tea on his back and a paper covered in letters haphazardly glued on in his mouth. "By the way, 'ow do you spell 'foinances'?"

Taking the paper, Cook was the first to say it this time. "Charlie, is that the ransom note? That thing is an unreadable mess!"

Setting the tray on a nearby counter, Charlie briefly appraised the note before nodding sagely. "Calligraphy nevah was moi specialty."

Before Switch could groan, Mitts produced another document from his saddlebag. "Not to worry, ladies and gentlecolts, I managed to put this together from some old magazines before we came!"

Switch's eyes widened in surprise. "Is that what you were doing while you were waiting on me?"

"I also finished the laundry and watered the plants!"

Cook examined the new note closely. "...Have daughter... return unharmed... sum of bits... and 'thank you for your time'?"

Mitts nodded. "Miss Magnanimity is a very busy mare, and it never hurts to be polite."

Shrugging, Cook rolled up the note. "Fair enough, I guess. Charlie, can you drop off the note at Magnanimity's place? Discreetly, please?"

Nodding, Charlie accepted the note and moved toward the door. "On moi way."

Switch nuzzled Mitts' face again, starting to get a taste for ski-mask cuddles. "My man's always prepared."

"Ohh, not always," he replied, "I had no idea what to do for disguises when you asked, remember?"

She chuckled. "Well, almost always."

Cook tilted his head. "Why do you have rubber suits, anyway?"

Tinges of red visible through the eyeholes of her mask, Switch glared. "MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!" It was then that she noticed the look their hostage was giving them. "...Why is she smiling like that?"

"Trust me," deadpanned Cook, "You don't want to know."

Giggling again, Moondancer used the moment in which they were focused on her to try another plan. “Listen,” she said in as firm and friendly a manner as she could manage in her situation, “I know you guys are going through a tough time right now, and I’m sorry about that, but you should really let me go.”

Switch’s eyes narrowed. “Try anything. I dare you.”

There was an unpleasant throbbing as Moondancer shook her head, but she did her best to ignore it. “No, no, it’s not a threat, I’m saying that because my friends are probably gonna find this place and, well, you guys mostly seem like okay ponies, and I don’t wanna say you’re wimpy or anything, but any one of them could probably mop the floor with you by themselves.” She blinked. “Dunno about the big guy, but I figure they’ll be coming together anyway.”

Cook looked particularly unamused. “It’s a bluff, she tried the same thing earlier.”

“I’m serious, two of them are royal guards!”

Switch rolled her eyes. “Honey, when your mama pays armored stallions to follow you around, they aren’t your friends, they’re security. Lucky for us, she must’a laid them off, too.”

Being called ‘Honey’ in condescending tones by a mare in a rubber suit did weird things for Moondancer. She tried to stay focused. “I mean I really am good friends with two guards, but I also know three above-average-power unicorns, all of whom have experience in-” she flashed them a sheepish smile, “-and I mean this in the nicest possible way, dealing with goons singlehoofedly.”

“Likely story.”

“No, really, I’m one of Celestia’s best students! My friends are- okay, how about this; let me go and I’ll talk to them, let them know not to worry, then I’ll come back to be your hostage later, okay? Heck, maybe I can even bring the money myself!”

“No,” deadpanned Cook.

“...I’ll… bring you some cake? Birthday cake?”

Switch’s eyes widened for a split-second. “...W-what kind of-”

Cook cut her off. “NO.”

Flying was nice. It had taken Spike a little longer than he might have liked to get used to the whole could-fall-to-your-death-at-any-moment thing... In fact, he still wasn't used to it, and floating high above the city was starting to make him a little queasy, but other than that it was nice!

Yep. Could definitely get used to this. I hope.

Growing wings one day would be very awkward if he didn't. To take his mind off that far-off day, he looked to the mare on whose back he rode. The back of her head. The back of her big, pointy hat, the tip of which waved in the wind to make him feel like he was conversing with a purple, starry worm of some kind.

"Uh, so, how's it comin' along?"

"The search bodes well, Little Drake, Trixie sees not a hair of Fair Moondancer!"

"And that bodes well?"

"It most certainly does, for we currently glide over the less reputable districts of Canterlot, those in which few well-minded ponies would wish to find themselves. That our dear friend does not seem to be among such hovels indicates that she does not lie chained in a filthy basement beneath them, does it not?"

"I... guess not?"

Even through the wind, Trixie's chuckle was audible. "Guess not, Little Drake! Speak with certainty, with COURAGE and FORTITUDE! Not simply as a bold knight, but as a proud member of the Dragon race!"

The words touched something in Spike's draconic little heart. They sounded big! They sounded powerful! They sounded...

Manly!

Puffing out his chest, Spike stood tall and proud on Trixie's back! "Yea, let's go find Moondancer!" The silent shock of those words from his own mouth did nothing to impede his spirit! "We'll bring her home and give her the best damn birthday she's ever had!"

Trixie loosed a loud laugh. "But of course!"

...

About ten seconds later, it sunk in that Spike could do nothing more than quietly observe the scenery from Trixie's back. Perhaps he would be asked to dispatch Moondancer's abductors in a flashy spectacle of green fire, but that'd probably just send them all to Celestia.

"So, uh... Why do you know how to do this stuff, anyway? Do you put on a lot of shows in the clouds?"

"Not a terrible idea, Little Drake, but Trixie's wagon would be ill-suited to the likes of Cloudsdale." Perhaps if she installed a balloon? Something to consider. "Trixie knows how to find a pony because Trixie knows how to stay off the grid herself!" She answered before he could ask. "Sometimes one takes center stage, and sometimes one has to wait behind the curtain for a while, watching and waiting for the moment of maximum audience anticipation!"

"But what does that have to do with finding anypony?"

Spike couldn't see it from her back, but Trixie grinned. "Well, part of it is that Trixie acquired a wealth of experience in the field from her youth, all thanks to her Dear Prince!"

He read between the lines of the statement. "...Your coltfriend hid from you?"

"Trixie's beloved never hid from her, he merely sought to test her abilities." She grinned even wider. "And he was never disappointed!"

Ooookay, thought Spike, this filly is nuts. What is it about Moondancer that attracts The Crazy?

Thinking about that while riding on Trixie's back made him scared, so he looked out over the city again, which made him a little nauseous. He tried looking straight up at the clear, blue sky, but that just gave him this weird, spaceless feeling, like he was floating through some eternal, empty, blue void. His head started to spin as he pondered the infinity of the thing, so he looked down at the back of Trixie's hat again and was reminded that his life was in the hooves of what might have been a madmare.

All things considered? This was one of the better Moondancer Birthdays so far.

The process of decay was a merciless thing. Nothing lasted forever, that was the theory; the entire universe eternally moved toward entropy. Stars exploded, planets crumbled to dust, the energy of both inevitably scattered further and further across the black, empty void of space until the heat was spread so thin that everything would inevitably reach a state in which no life could be sustained; the heat death of the universe.

That was what the building before them made Twilight think of in all its dilapidated glory as she raised a doubting eyebrow. "Prestigious social club, huh?"

Silver chuckled. "Don't let it fool you, for ordinary ponies, this place is harder to get into than the backstage of a Sapphire Shores show. I know it doesn't look great, but certain parties really like a place to feel old and weathered, or even outright rural. 'Charmingly rustic,' they call it."

For a 'hard to get into' place, Twilight found it a little strange that nopony was around to stop them from walking right up the front door and going in, but a little ways down a fairly extravagant (if worn) hallway stood a relatively gruff-looking pony in a suit, eying the two with that 'You got business here?' expression favored by guards.

Silver approached him, gesturing to Twilight with a smile. "Have you met Twilight Sparkle, one of Princess Celestia's top three students?"

Without a word, the pony Twilight wasn't sure whether or not to categorize as a bouncer stepped aside, letting them through the door to a fairly large room.

The first word that came to mind was 'cluttered.' Shelves and wall-mounted plaques adorned with all manner of antiquity all around the walls, fluffy carpets from a variety of cultures strewn about the floor to the point that some were lying over the others, all lit with simple, but elegant lighting fixtures hanging from the ceiling by polished, brass chains. There were at least two dozen big, soft chairs arranged around aged, mahogany tables around the room, primarily seating older ponies the duo didn't recognize, no sign of Moondancer to be found.

Twilight sighed, just turning to leave when she heard a familiar voice.

"I say, is that Miss Twilight?"

She turned around. "Mr. Pants?"

Approaching her and Silver was indeed Fancy Pants, accompanied by another stallion both recognized. He was a very tall grey coated pegasus with short black hair and a scary patch over his left eye; Guard Captain Blitz Shield.

The latter chuckled. "So it is the same filly."

Fancy raised an eyebrow. "You're acquainted?"

"Not exactly, but I and everypony else that's been in Shining Armor's company for more than an hour has heard plenty about his Perfect Little Sister."

Twilight smiled with a demure blush, but she could play the somepony-I-know-knows-you game too! "Shiny has mentioned you quite a few times too... Usually for reasons that involved shouting."

Blitz Shield nodded sagely. "I shouted at him often, it's true." He then nodded to Fancy. "Once for apprehending him unduly."

"No, no," Fancy said with a frown, "strictly speaking I was breaking the law in ignoring that red light. Really should be more mindful of my surroundings at my age."

Blitz rolled his eye. "So," he said to Twilight, "I haven't heard much out of him since his reassignment, has he punched any princesses lately?

Silver snorted with amusement, to Twilight's immediate annoyance. Feeling defensive, Twilight turned her glare on Blitz Shield himself, to whom she'd really wanted to say something for quite a while now. "You know, he actually had a good reason for what he said he'd do."

The difficulty with wearing an eyepatch (besides the lack of depth-perception and the looking like a pirate) was a diminished ability to meaningfully raise one eyebrow in a way that didn't just look really surprised, but it was a challenge Captain Blitz Shield would tackle this day. "Uh-huh. Well, that's nice, but like I told Princess Celestia, whether or not he had a good reason was irrelevant. Flouting the rules and not being punished for it sends a bad message to the rest of the troops, I couldn't just-"

"Just let them think and analyze the situation a bit instead of fallaciously taking one note of the entire situation out of context? Just let them use their brains a little more than a pre-K foal?"

Blitz's one eye momentarily closing was likely a blink of surprise, not a wink.

Twilight went on, her expression curious, but severe. "I mean, I could understand if they were a pack of dogs that couldn't be expected to grasp subtle nuance instead of just a blunt, overall message, but the guards you've trained are thinking ponies, aren't they?"

"Only the best and brightest can be full-fledged royal guards," the captain answered with a hint of pride, "but that doesn't change the fact that letting any of them off with implications of borderline treasonous behavior sets a bad precedent."

"Because your troops aren't smart enough to discern the difference between a set of circumstances that may or may not justify acting in a manner not specifically outlined by their orders, and an outright defiance of them. Is that it?"

Silence. Few dared to challenge royal guards on their operations, fewer still would question their intelligence with two standing right next to them.

Silver didn't seem to be taking offense, however, smiling as he leaned over to whisper to Fancy Pants. "My money's on the prodigy."

Fancy lightly shook his head, but didn't look away from Twilight and Blitz Shield as he watched in quiet anticipation. "I'm not a gambling stallion, good sir."

For his part, Guard Captain Blitz Shield was doing a good job of concealing his annoyance, in that he only gave Twilight a one-eyed glare that had frozen hydras when he was younger. "I lead my men in the manner best-suited to keeping the princesses, the city, and its citizens safe. There is no room for crackshot cowboys recklessly throwing the rules aside and endangering lives in the process."

Twilight didn't budge, no sign of intimidation in her face. Instead, she appeared only calmly analytical. "Nopony said anything about completely disregarding the law, just being able to weigh orders with the right thing to do. If somepony with a convincing illusion spell were to disguise themselves as a princess, demand a platoon of guards help them ransack the market district, and go around kicking foals just for the heck of it, would they follow those orders to the letter?"

"The details are classified, but there are ways of making sure it really is a princess."

"And what if it is?"

"What?!"

Twilight nodded. "Let's say, in a PURELY hypothetical scenario, mind you, that Princess Luna, not knowing all the rules of modern Equestria, were to demand the execution of somepony that threw a rock in her general direction, by accident or otherwise, as was once considered high treason worthy of life in prison, at least. The law has softened since then, but what would your men do? Make an effort to analyze the situation, or shrug their shoulders, say 'orders are orders', and do what they were told without a second thought?"

Again, things were quiet for a moment as Blitz got his thoughts together. "We, the orders of the princesses are-"

"More important than doing the right thing?"

"No!"

"Then why did you suspend Shining Armor?" Rare was the day she would use his full name, but for once, she wasn't just talking about her BBBFF.

Blitz scowled. "He assaulted Celestia's nephew in broad daylight!"

Twilight nodded. "And that wasn't right either, at least not right off the bat, but should he have disregarded the situation completely? You and I both know that most of what you talked to him about that week was nonsense, nobles exploiting their power to live outside the rules for purely selfish reasons. If your guards not only learn to ignore ponies bending the law, but are actively discouraged from doing the right thing and have no understanding of extenuating circumstances,” she nodded to Silver, who hadn't locked her and her friends up despite their antics that night, “like what to do with a trio of crazy fillies in the middle of an Equestria-wide crisis, then who are they really protecting?"

Blitz Shield was speechless this time. After a long moment, he sighed. "What do you want from me?"

Twilight kept a nearly blank, innocent expression. "Just the knowledge that the mares and stallions sworn to protect the city have a higher capability for reading situations than the average Diamond Dog, if you'd please."

Chuckling, Blitz offered a light salute. "I'll do my best, Ma'am."

Twilight smiled brightly. "Thank you!" She then turned to leave, trotted a few steps, stopped, and whirled around. "Oh, and, have you guys seen Moondancer?"

"I'm afraid not," answered Fancy, "and I do apologize again for not making the event today, but there is a spot of..." he gave Blitz Shield an uncertain glance, getting one right back, "business to discuss on my end. Fluer is held up today as well, but Miss Moondancer should be receiving our gifts at her mailing address by the end of the day."

Catching that little exchange, Twilight opted not to mention that Moondancer was missing. She remembered that Fancy Pants was said to be an incredibly important pony in Canterlot, so anything the Captain of the Guard (also an important pony!) had to say to him probably didn't need any further interrupting.

"Right, well," she said with a sheepish smile, "sorry to disturb you guys, we'll just, uh, head out now, I guess!" She again turned to leave, stopped, turned around, and made a quick, shaky salute before turning to gallop out of the building, Silver following.

Things were quiet again before Blitz Shield looked at Fancy Pants. "That was one of the three you mentioned? The one that caught two of Al Capony's men?"

Fancy nodded. "I did tell you they were most astute."

Blitz snorted in amusement. "Runs in the family, I guess."

Hoofsteps.

...

More hoofsteps.

Silence. And hoofsteps.

These were the only sounds between Sunset and Fire Strike as they walked down the street, neither looking in the other's direction and neither saying a single word beyond periodically asking passersby if they'd seen Moondancer. Regrettably, finding Moondancer took higher priority for Sunset than her stubbornness, and she knew communication would eventually be needed again.

"I bet you wear a helmet all the time because your mane's an ugly mess."

He turned to her with a scowl. "Is a penchant for hair-care the reason you always lose to Twilight?"

She scowled right back. "I don't." Always lose, that is, but she moved things along before he could force her to admit to anything specific. "What's your excuse for losing to her idiot brother?"

The guard seemed confused. "What? Since when do I lose to him at all?"

Noting that she was technically about to say something nice about Shining Armor of all ponies, Sunset's smirk was restrained. "He was assigned to guard a royal, moving up in the world. What about you? Same old patrols as always?" To her slight enjoyment, this won a sour expression.

"Not always, sometimes I track down one of CSFGU's best students, as we're supposed to be doing now. You live with her, any bright ideas to speed this along?"

The wording of the question brought a particular thought to mind. "It's possible she's using her cloaking sphere somewhere, but I don't think she'd be using it today."

He raised a doubting eyebrow, but only in a professional, information-scouting kind of way. "You're certain? Regardless of her possible reasons to want to hide today, that spell is her best bet with which to do it."

Sunset shook her head. "Maybe, but, she's got to know what day it is, and how much it means to Twilight, and... I know what I said earlier, but I don't think she'd just blow it off for even the wildest party."

"Really," inquired Fire Strike in similar tones, but with a tiny crack in the professional stoicism, "just to Twilight?"

She gave a flippant shrug. "It's their big, stupid bonding day, why should I care if they celebrate the day they met?"

Fire Strike didn't need any detective training to hear the implications of the statement, nor to offer a different take on the situation. "I'm not sure that's the whole story." For once, Sunset looked at him without any outward signs of annoyance or hostility. "You say Moondancer and Twilight use the former's birthday to celebrate their first meeting, and that might be true. However, if everyone else were invited just as a formality, wouldn't there have been more ponies there? You and I both know she has other friends outside the seven who arrived, or at least acquaintances, so why wouldn't more show up?"

The answer was a tired deadpan. "Because she only invited a few, Sherclop."

In an I-know-something-you-don't kind of way, he just smiled. "Correct, all of whom we can easily confirm hold particular meaning to her above casual encounters and ordinary colleagues. It's possible Moondancer's birthday is a celebration of the day she met Twilight Sparkle, but knowing her, I think it's just as much to celebrate meeting the rest of us. She values her friends, old and new, and with that in mind, it's unlikely she'd be using the cloaking sphere to hide from them."

His smile grew as he looked away from Sunset's wide-eyed expression to scan the streets. "But what do I know, right? You're one of her closest friends, after all."

There was again only the sound of hoofsteps between them, but this time Sunset dearly hoped to keep it that way. At least until she could wipe this stupid, stubborn smile off her face.

Author's Note

"Teen rating for slightly edgier humor, occasional innuendos and Moondancer."
Think this chapter hit all three notes. :pinkiehappy:

I figure the reason Sunset and Twilight weren't employing scanner spells was because of the four using magic in their searches, only two had access to OP alicorn magic or tons of stalker experience, respectively.

Jetto says: Sorry for the delay. The chapter was ready for weeks, but I couldn't find the time for edits and spellcheck all this time. And here I thought Holiday clusterbuck was over... silly me.

41. Four Times a Day! (by Eyeswirl the Weirded)

Meanwhile, at the residence of Marble Magnanimity, the Lady of the house sat in her study/office/seldom-used boudoir, unmoved from where she'd been when her daughter left.

"Postage for you, Madame," came the voice of Mr. Push, "it seems to be urgent."

Peeling her eyes from her desk, Magnanimity took hold of the letter in her magic. "And why was this not delivered with the rest of the day's mail a few hours ago?"

"I believe it was only placed recently, likely in coordination with a series of emphatic knocks on the front door in which it was wedged."

Taking a moment to look over the letter in question, Magnanimity sighed. “Another of these, is it? Honestly, I grew tired of ‘ransom notes’ promising the safe return of my daughter years ago, but this has to be the most pitiful yet.”

She held it in the light so that Mr. Push could see every flaw in the thing. “First, it’s made of words cut from various magazines and amateurishly glued onto construction paper, like something a foal would make. More insulting is the given sum; less than four hundred bits, barely fit to be called chump change for what I would surrender to see my daughter returned to me unharmed. Finally, even if I wanted to entertain the idea that this may have been a genuine article, there’s no sort of address on the paper, not even ours, so nothing could come of this anyway.”

Mr. Push nodded. “Do you think it was a prank of the Timber family again? Or another of those brothers’ exploitative schemes?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She let him take hold of it. “Dispose of this, please.”

“At once, Milady.”

“Please,” Moondancer pleaded to the captors that were collectively trying to ignore her while playing cards at a nearby table, “for your own sakes, just let me go! Crime does not pay, nopony escapes justice forever, and Sunny’ll probably make it look like an accident!”

"Maybe we really should gag her."

Switch's head snapped in Cook's direction. "That doesn't sound a little exploitative to you?"

"Said the mare in tight rubber."

Her eyes narrowed. "What the Hay are you implying?"

He looked back at her. "You've gotta admit, the shiny catsuit is a little-"

"It is NOT a sex thing, okay?! Besides," she indicated Mitts, similarly garbed and standing right next to her, "he's wearing the same thing!"

"And that makes it normal?"

"Maybe, for ponies who don't keep their head in the gutter!"

"Now, now," pleaded Mitts, in his usual gentle tones, "it's something of an open secret that Miss Moondancer here is no stranger to such scenes, why don't we defer to her experience? While she's not gagged, I mean."

The trio of criminals turned to look at their hostage, who was emitting little sparks from her horn at the ropes while wincing and repeatedly mouthing ‘ow’. Realizing she was being stared at, Moondancer slowly turned her head. "Well," she said with a sheepish little smile, "since you're asking, I-"

Switch's eye twitched. "NOW SHE'S USING MAGIC!!"

The bulk of the her headache had mercifully subsided, but Moondancer was still having trouble casting actual spells.

Cook made a sour face. "I don't own an inhibitor, okay?! Not everypony has freaky unicorn marefriends!"

Switch was blushing under her ski-mask again, but before she could express her rage, Moondancer spoke up.

"Actually, despite certain depictions in modern media, even the comedic ones, the use of restraints in the bedroom is not at all uncommon, and while dangerous if handled carelessly, bondage usually has more to do with a show of trust between participants than anything like, well... our current situation. No offense."

There was a short silence. Her honor had been vaguely defended, but Switch still didn't sound happy. "She's booksmart on this now?"

Sensing some kind of opportunity, Moondancer beamed. "Better than booksmart, I'm first-hoof-experience-smart!" Eyebrows were waggled. "Ask me anything!"

There came a series of emphatic knocks at the door, which Cook sprung to answer. "I'LL GET IT." Despite being indoors, he fled the coming talk on wings. At the door was Charlie, as expected. "Welcome back. How'd it go?"

"Lettah's in 'er drop box. Wot 'appens now?"

"Uh..." Truth be told, Cook had no idea. "Maybe, we just wait now? Like, they'll drop off the money in a little while?"

"Oi didn't see our address on that note."

"..."

"...?"

"..."

Well, Mitts was probably new to this whole foalnapping thing too, so Cook could hardly begrudge him for forgetting details on the ransom note. They could always make another one, right? He and Charlie headed back to the others to share the news, catching what Cook hoped was the end of their conversation, with Switch sounding particularly interested.

"Y'see, that's part of the reason we're together, Mitts here actually knows how to treat a mare!"

He lightly ski-mask-nuzzled her, to her quiet appreciation. "Only you, my dear."

She started tearing up. "Aww! See what I mean?!"

Moondancer smiled too. "I'm happy for both of you."

Cook cleared his throat. "Hate to interrupt, but-"

He was interrupted by a thunderous crash, making all present jump with a start. They turned (bar Moondancer, who luckily was already facing the right way) in the direction of the front door, which had come sailing from around the corner, smoking and splintered. The sound of encroaching hoofsteps kept them in suspense until Princess Luna stepped into view.

She fixed the group with a cold stare. "You will release that filly immediately and submit to arrest."

Momentarily silent, the four foalnappers shared a quick look before Switch held up a hoof. "One sec, please?" She turned to her partners in crime. "Huddle!"

They huddled together and started whispering, to Luna's immediate confusion. She could have sworn the response to royalty breaking down a door and making very final demands was immediate compliance, but a thousand years clearly changed things around! Looking at Moondancer, she found her tied to a chair... and staring back at her. The focused gaze, while common in the presence of a princess, gave her a strange, naked feeling, so she focused on the huddled felons as they presumably hatched a new plan.

"So," whispered Cook, "you're thinking that while no sane pony attacks a princess, we're pretty much screwed anyway if we go quietly, whereas if we jump her and by some miracle pull it off, we'll be ransoming a princess?"

"Pretty much," confirmed Switch, "like, I know this is nuts, but aren't we sorta desperate anyway?"

"These are tough times," noted Mitts, "shall we send Charlie first?"

Charlie nodded his big old head. "On moi way."

The huddle broke up, Charlie casually approaching the princess. He came to a stop while respecting personal space limits, but still towered over her.

Despite the niggling suspicion that this was a minotaur in a pony suit, Luna didn't let his sheer size intimidate her. Much. "You have decided to surrender immediately, I assume?"

"'Fraid not, Princess." He swung at her not unlike he had for Moondancer, but Luna caught it with one hoof, even if the impact hurt a little.

Luna's eyes widened in surprise. What do they FEED them these days?! Deciding it best to end this quickly, she fired a ray of pure force for the hulking brute's head, but apart from blowing his messy mane around, he didn't flinch.

"Ow."

The other foalnappers charged her from all sides, brandishing chairs and a broken coffee-maker, the earth pony in a rubber suit (?) shouting "We're truly sorry about this, Princess!" as they descended on her.

All three were sent flying with a simple repulsion spell, crashing into walls and the ceiling before losing consciousness, but the big one still stood before her. He reached out a hoof, but Luna quickly stood on her hind legs to touch her horn to his forehead and activate another spell.

"Sleep!"

He fell over without a word, though the impact sent tremors through the floor. Victorious, Luna allowed herself a little smile before looking to the captive she'd come to rescue. "Are you alright, Moondancer?"

Moondancer was still staring at her in exactly the same manner as before; eyes wide with surprise. "How... do you know my name?"

"I-" Luna shaped the lie in a fraction of a second. "-was told. Your name, that is, your mother expressed her dismay when the ransom note, delivered by this one-" she indicated the sleeping brute at her hooves, "-detailed this building to the be the site of the exchange."

It was feasible, for while Luna hadn't detected Moondancer in her scanning, she did notice the big one leaving an odd piece of paper lodged in her mother's front door and made a note of where he was going. When she detected Moondancer tied to a chair in the worn building he approached, she quickly connected the dots.

Strangely, Moondancer was still giving her that look. "Really? Because it seems weird that they'd arrange for a hostage exchange in their own house."

"What?!" Luna glanced around, now taking note of emptied food containers on counters, cracked family portraits, tasteful knick-knacks on shelves, and other such signs that ponies lived there. Things that one would not likely find in an abandoned building that was only being used as a rendezvous point.

"Well, I mean," offered Moondancer, "two of 'em already told me their names and didn't even try to disguise themselves at all, so I'm guessing they're kinda new at this whole cut-throat crook thing, but-"

"Yes," affirmed Luna as authoritatively as she could manage, "sloppy work on the part of these criminals, but all the better for the good citizens of Canterlot, for now you are safe and can be returned to your birthday celebrations."

"How did you know about that?"

Luna’s mouth opened, but Brain had stumbled, offering no immediate cover-up falsehoods. It was only a second’s hesitation, but the increasingly piercing stare she was getting said the damage had been done. “S-Sister informed me, she retains a level of awareness of the activities of her most prized students.”

“Then why did she send you instead? In the middle of the day?”

Lying was hard, lying on the spot under pressure was much worse. “I, s-she, she, I-I am here to, because-”

“Moon Sky?”

Luna’s mouth hung open, her insides momentarily going cold. If there had been any doubt up to now, she was certain the look on her face alone had thoroughly doused it as Moondancer’s eyes widened.

Brain-wham.

“Wait... That… Moon Sky? Is that you?”

Now Princess ‘Moon Sky’ Luna was truly lost, confusion the only thing she could voice at the moment. “Did… did you not come to that conclusion already?”

Moondancer casually shook her head. “Nah, I was asking if she was the one who told you. I mean, I’ve been here for a while now and the others are probably looking for me, but I figured my timid friend would hang back at the party to keep away from the action, she doesn’t even use her magic in class! Always had doctors’ notes or something, so I figured you’d just talked to her for the details.”

There was a long silence.

The perfect lie may well have been in her hooves, and it slipped away, further out of her grasp by the nanosecond. Brain and Heart were both having conniption fits, but both were snapped to attention when Moondancer spoke again, starting to smile.

“So, it really is you? And you came to rescue me? Wow. Moonbutts gotta stick together, huh?”

Caught at last, Luna, Moon Sky, whoever she was right now was conflicted. Her first thought so long ago was that should this event ever transpire, she'd simply erase the necessary memories of the witness and be done with it, but she couldn't even entertain the thought now. Was she glad? No, for the ache in her heart said she was much too sorry for having maintained the falsehood for so much time, even if it was with a pony she'd never intended to know for long. Her mind raced with the possible apologies she'd composed over the last few weeks, but right now, the only sentiment she could outwardly express was a sigh.

"Moondancer? I have been wanting to say this for a long time: Please do not define me by the attributes of my posterior."

Looking her in the eye, still visibly processing what she'd learned, Moondancer blinked once. "Big, soft, and shapely?"

"Moondancer!!"

"I mean it in a good way!"

"That is not the issue here!"

"It kind of is, I mean, you're THE Moonbutt! Moonbutt Prime!"

Luna was distantly surprised at herself for finding any measure of pride in the title. "B-be that as it may, I would still rather you refer to me by name!"

"Which one?"

The princess's mouth hung open, some part of her hurt by the question. Looking back at Moondancer, however, she saw not accusation, but earnest curiosity, and even sadness.

"I mean, you're a princess, so you've probably got important stuff to do, I figure that's why you always turned down my invitations, but, like...?"

There was an apologetic little smile from the alicorn. "You wonder if, after today, we'll not meet again?"

Moondancer nodded, frowning.

"Well..." For a moment, she studied the worn, partly-splintered floor. "None of this, not since the first day, has really gone as I planned, but even so?" Looking Moondancer in the eye again, she smiled. "I regret none of the time spent, only that I have deceived you for so long. If you wonder whether or not we will continue to be classmates; am I still welcome in the annual festivities?"

And with that, Moondancer beamed. "Of course! Let's-" she tried to take a step closer, but only leaned forward enough to make the chair wobble, Luna catching her telekinetically before she toppled over.

"Forgive me," she said while unbinding the ropes, "it slipped my mind that you were still tied to a chair."

Looking away as her cheeks tinted pink in fond recollection, Moondancer smiled. "Haha, yea, that's how it starts."

"What?"

"Nothin'!" A moment later, Moondancer was free to stretch her legs a bit as she looked to her savior with a big, happy grin.

Luna stared back at her, a nervous smile of her own tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Is there, s-something wrong, Moondancer?”

“I just realized that in addition to cute, easily-startled Moon Sky, I’m best buddies with Luna!”

Heart leapt. “She said our name! Not just ‘Princess Luna’ but-”

“Yes, yes,” Brain interrupted, “we all get the undertones, keep it down.”

“I most certainly will not! Now, here and now, is my time to shine! STEP ASIDE, BRAIN!!”

“No, you fool, don’t touch tha-”

Luna all but sprang forward, wrapping Moondancer in a tight, immediately-returned hug. They remained that way for a long moment before Luna could manage her voice again. “I’m sorry, this must seem strange of me to-”

“Nah.”

“Oh. Well, I felt I should explain-”

“That you’d rather ponies just call you by your own name, divorced from your title and everything that came with it?”

Pulling back enough to look Moondancer in the eye, Luna raised an eyebrow. “How did-”

Moondancer smiled. “I heard somepony mention you saying that (kinda muttering it under your breath, actually) back at that first party Celestia threw for you and made the mental note to call you ‘Luna’ if I ever talked to you in person.”

Luna blinked once.

Quite used to her friends being perplexed at her, Moondancer waited it out by casually looking down at the ponies that had intended to sell her to her own mother for a quick bit. A quick, desperate bit.

"Worry not," said Luna with something of a scowl when she caught sight of them, "these rapscallions will not plague you further when they are behind bars."

Moondancer frowned. "Actually, do you think we could hold off on the Law and Order bit? I wanna talk to them."

"...What?"

"...What?"

Switch and Mitts silently shared Cook's sentiment, though Charlie continued to be an enigma as the four of them stood before their smiling former captive, Luna right behind her as she giggled.

"I said I think I can find you guys new jobs, so you won't be stuck with a life of crime just to get by! I know tons of ponies all over town, and somepony's bound to have something all of you can do, I won't even press charges for today. What do you think?"

The four of them stared back at her in silence before Switch asked. "I really, really hate to look a gifthorse in the mouth, but... why? I mean, you do know that your mother's the one that laid us off, right?"

Moondancer frowned. “I know, and that’s part of why I wanna help. You guys only did this because Mom fired you, and even if I don’t think she’d do that if it weren’t necessary from a business standpoint, it sucks that you felt like you had to resort to being criminals to keep fed, and for that-” she lowered her head in a formal bow, “-I’m sorry.”

Cook, Switch, Mitts, and Charlie looked at Moondancer with quiet, reverent awe, as though she were a holy figure descended to Equestria to answer their employment-based prayers. Which was weird, because they’d spent the last few weeks thinking exactly the opposite of her mother, but today, a divine and forgiving creature the daughter of decadence was. There was a ray of light shining on her and everything! Part of it may have been due to the hole in their roof from Luna’s force-beam-thing, but still!

Luna cleared her throat. "I do hope all of you will learn from this experience and behave, it is doubtful you will reap such lenience a second time."

Charlie nodded, raising a massive hoof in salute. "Aye-aye, Princess." He held the pose as the others hesitantly followed his example, drawing a little smile from Luna.

After establishing a time and place to meet up and discuss the situation later, the four former (being generous) crooks headed out, Cook and Charlie having been invited to live with Switch and Mitts (and thus not in a rat-infested hole) until all of them were financially secure again. This left Luna and Moondancer alone when a familiar voice rapidly rose in volume.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaatch innnnnnnnnnn aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawe!!"

Luna's eyes widened. "I should go, but I'll see you at the party!" She didn't wait for more than a nod from Moondancer before teleporting away.

Not a second later, a smokey, lilac-scented comet crashed through the ceiling, Trixie leaping out of the haze with a purple, starry bandana wrapped around her head in place of her usual hat. "Alrrrright, hoodlums, you have reached your final day, for today you face The Great, and POWERFUL Trrrrixie! And her new assistant-stroke-combat buddy, Spike The Dragon!!"

Spike toppled off her back, landing in a heap of scales and motion sickness.

Moondancer smiled, but kept her distance. I'll glomp him later.

Trixie glanced around, seeing only the untied, unharmed Moondancer. "Where are the dastardly felons?"

The former captive shrugged. "It's all taken care of."

"Wha-?" Trixie pouted. "You mean I missed it?"

Offering a sympathetic smile, Moondancer stepped forward to pat her shoulder. "Don't worry, Moonbutt Three, you'll save me next time."

The magician more or less accepted this, nodding as her bandana morphed back into her Wondrous Hat.

Dizzily getting to his little feet even as his stomach continued to churn, Spike spoke in Trixie's general direction. "Thought you said she wasn't in this part of town?"

"Trixie hadn't scanned this neighborhood yet!"

Before they could go into the amount of time gained vs. lost scanning the city by needing to climb the nearest tower after every sweep, Sunset Shimmer poked her head in through the front door, the door to which was still blown off its hinges.

"They're in here!"

Moondancer smiled. "Heya, Sunny!"

Before Sunset could get annoyed at her for apparently not being in danger of any kind, Twilight shot into the room, immediately seizing Moondancer in what could only be called a worry-glomp.

"Ohh, we were so worried about you! Are you okay?! Did they hurt you?! Will you be needing another rubber rib?!"

She was really grateful for that rib right about now.

Silver Sword and Fire Strike, having run here in their armor, took a little longer to reach the door. "We followed Trixie's signal flare-" announced Fire Strike,

"-comet, signal comet," interrupted Silver,

Fire Strike shook his head. "-whatever! We all saw it and came as fast as we could, is everything alright here?"

“Yeah,” Moondancer answered while picking up the dress from her mother, which had been neatly folded on a nearby counter, “I’ll explain everything on the way.”

Everypony (and dragon, who'd needed a moment to purge his upset stomach in boiling, floor-melting fashion) stood in the Enrichment Center, where the gifts, party decorations, and cake all patiently waited. All present were now up-to-speed on the events of the birthday girl's abduction up to the point that Luna arrived, which Moondancer explained as the princess having just been passing through on her way to Very Important Things, to Moon Sky's silent appreciation.

"And," asked Fire Strike, "you're sure that all four of them are going straight from here on out?"

Moondancer smiled. "Absolutely! And if not, I'll do time with them myself!"

Fire Strike's mouth opened and closed a few times. "Well, alright then."

Twilight was smiling too.

"So," suggested Silver while forming an ethereal butter-knife and serving trowel with a light of his horn, "who wants cake?"

Everyone moved over to the table on which the perfectly-proportioned, if plain cake waited, Moondancer grinning wider when she saw it.

"Omigosh, it's perfect! It looks tasty enough, but not too fabulous that I'll feel guilty over destroying it! And look, even the icing is spread out evenly, so all my guests get the equal portions, without anypony (or dragon) feeling left out! And hey, the bakers wrote my name correctly, for once!"

While odd looks and amused grins went around, Twilight and Sunset discreetly bumped hooves.

When all had enjoyed a tasty, mostly-equal cake, they moved on to gifts, starting with the one from Shining Armor. Removing the wrapping, Moondancer found the gift to be a kite assembly kit. It was practically vintage now, but fitting for the time in which she was a foal. She and Twilight shared a look.

"Aww, remember when-"

"Yea, it was-"

"But then it got-"

"Haha, yea! It still got replaced, but-"

"Now we have another one, so-"

"Well, you've gotta put it together first, like-"

"Oh, yea!"

Moondancer telekinetically opened the box, took out the pieces, briefly looked over them, and put together the kite in four seconds. "Done!" She looked over her gathered guests to see what they thought of the kite, all but one smiling.

It was hard to remember now what exactly it had been that first drew Moondancer to go over and ‘pester’ Sunset Shimmer for the first time, but she was sure at least part of it had been a face she’d seen the fiery-maned filly making, always while looking away from everypony else as best she could. That was the kind of face she was making now, even if she did her best to hide it. Trotting over to her, Moondancer offered her brightest grin.

"Hey Sunset, wanna come fly a kite with us later?"

Snapping to attention, Sunset blinked twice. "Huh? Eh, I, uh..." She started to smile, a tiny blush warming her face before she quickly switched it to her usual nonchalant one. "S-sure, I guess."

Moondancer kept smiling. Ohh, Sunbutt Two, never change. And then she smiled wider while looking over her guests again. "Sooo..."

Twilight, Sunset, and most of all Spike all gulped, but none made a move to save themselves even as Trixie, Silver Sword, Fire Strike, and Moon Sky all looked at Moondancer in confusion. Then, the first two shared a thought, or both had an idea at the same time, or one had the idea and the other immediately caught it by looking them in the eyes. It didn't really matter as Sunset and Twilight grinned, leaping for Moondancer as they shouted "SURPRISE!!" and group-glomped her with all their might.

Moondancer was indeed surprised, but still giggled happily as she conjured an ethereal alarm clock to start ticking down from sixty minutes. “The free-cuddle hour staaaaarrrts, now!”

Spike hadn’t fled the scene, but for more than the memory of Sunset’s warning as he sat on the floor with a claw over his stomach. Eating that much cake so soon had not been a great idea.

Silver Sword took note, chuckling. “I don’t think he’ll be up to anything especially straining if you don’t want most of your coat burned off.”

Looking at her widdle Spikey-Wikey, Moondancer offered a sympathetic smile. “Ahh, that’s okay, I’m willing to offer him amnesty this time.”

Sunset made a particularly sour face, but before she could complain about the unfairness, Spike spoke up.

“No, wait,” he said while getting to his feet, “I… I-I can do it!” He puffed out his little chest. “A man… does not back down from danger!” Boldly, he stepped forward, extended his arms outward, and latched onto Moondancer’s nearest leg.

She was not the only one to offer a tearful smile for this as the two guards raised a hoof each in salute.

“Now there’s a brave little drake,” whispered Silver.

Fire Strike nodded. “He will be remembered.”

Trixie mournfully held her hat over her heart. “Trixie will cherish the time we spent together!”

Moon Sky, despite her deadpan tone, wore a little smile. “Please stop acting as though he is dying.”

There was a group giggle at the moment, but when it ended, Moondancer was smiling just a little wider. Her horn began to glow as she grinned, giving the four not hugging her a look that said ‘You’re next!’

Guard training kicking in, Fire Strike raised a cautious brow. “Should we, run, or…?”

Smiling with a hint of resignation, Moon Sky shook her head. “We could, but will not.”

One quick, but powerful (if slightly brain-stabby) use of telekinesis later, everypony (and dragon) was clumped together in a big ol’ huggy pony pile, an exceedingly happy birthday girl at the center. Twilight knew it would be plain silly to shout ‘surprise’ now, but there was one thing she and the others could say.

"Happy birthday, Moondancer!"

Cozily cuddling into her band of friends (the ones that could be here, anyway), Moondancer let out a contented sigh. She knew you were supposed to blow out candles or look at stars or something for this, but there'd been no candles on the cake and it was still sun-up, so Moondancer instead looked at ‘Moon Sky’ (whom she knew to secretly be in possession of a starry mane, so she was sure it still counted) while making her silent birthday wish.

And many more, just like this.

...

Give or take the foalnapping, I mean!

Author's Note

Their full names were Sugar Cookie, Charlie Horse, Swift Switch, and Oven Mitts. I don't know if we'll be seeing any of them again any time soon.

Soooo wanted to make a Starlight Glimmer reference with that cake, but the corner pieces kinda mess that up. Also; I have no idea where (if anywhere at all) she stands in this universe.

Jetto says: I'm not sure where Starlight Glimmer is either. Who knows what secret agendas she has these days.

Also, Charlie Horse vs Big Macintosh. Who would win?

Q&A Part 5: This one got darker than usual...

"Hello everybody, welcome back to..."

"Sunny!"

"Moony!"

"Twily!"

"Q&A!"

"So... anypony has an idea for a clever, funny intro?"

"Not really."

"Nope. That's your job. You always think of a good topic to discuss."

"Okay then. How about... uh... oh, maybe..."

"Your sex life is not a good topic."

"Then I got nothing."

"That means more time for the questions!"

Alexander_Krozz asks #askmaresketeers have the three of you, or a combination of any two of you, ever had a falling out, or had a fight so bad that you were afraid that you're friendships with one another was ruined?

"No."

Moondancer, were you afraid when Twilight and Sunset found out about your litte bedroom activities? Like maybe they would not accept you for it?
How did it make you feel when they accepted that you had that hobby?
Would you call that a hobby?

"Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind. Should I be worried?"

"I've known Moondancer since before she became... herself. I was gradually experiencing the change and honestly, I can't think of Moondancer as anypony other than she is now."

"As for me, I knew full well about her reputation before we became friends. I won't lie, I wasn't very keen on her because of that, but... you know, if I say more than that it would be spoilers, so I'll stop."

"And yes, it's a hobby."

Sunset I know you can't teach anyone the things you may learn, but are you able to at least talk to anyone other than Celestia about you studies?
I figure that she would let you talk to Twilight about your studies, I find it easier to learn things when I can talk about it with a friend.

"If Princess Celestia wanted Twilight to know about it, she would've told her already. We can joke about it all we want, but chaos magic is a very dangerous topic. Even the slightest bit of knowledge could prove catastrophic when handled by ones with weak will. Which I'm not, as proven by..."

"Spoilers!"

"...right, I almost said too much. Either way, the point stays, I was deemed worthy of learning it, Twilight wasn't. In your face, Sparkle!"

"Pfft, whatever!"

What's your favorite things you have learned about chaos magic?

"That's classified... though animating the corpses is always a little amusing."

"And disgusting."

"Also sacriligious."

"And yet I smile everytime I make them dance."

Twilight do you know a Princess Cadance?

Is she in a relationship with anyone? (No I'm not looking for one with her, sorry)

"Of course we know Cadance! She was our, Moondancer's and mine at least, foalsitter while we were growing up!"

"Caddy's awesome! She's, like, the second best Princess! Well, tied with Celestia, that is."

"She's rarely in Canterlot, though. She's traveling the world and acts as an ambassador for Equestria in foreign countries."

"Everytime she visits she keeps bragging about all the studs she's met and dated. Not as much as myself, she's more into quality than quantity."

"She's like a refined version fo Moondancer. Three guesses on WHO taught Moondancer most of her tricks. Hint: it wasn't Virgin Sparkle."

"Sunny, don't tell me you hate her too?"

"I don't hate her. She's alright. Not perfect, just... okay. Definitely more bearable than Moondancer, that's for sure."

"Sunny has a cru-ush on Ca-ddy! Not that I blame her."

"The only crush I'll have, is your skull when I catch you!"

Have you had much time to talk to Princess Luna?

"Unfortunately, we didn't. Princess Luna is too busy with getting accustomed to the society, and learning about the current times. She doesn't really have time to meet with mere students. Even the most promising ones... Moonie, what's so funny?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all!"

Do you know the Muffin mare?

"No."

"Nope."

"Never heard of her."

darkvslight346 asks #askmaresketeers

Moondancer - Do you have a favorite sex position.

"I'm more of a 'flavor of the month' kind of mare, I go with whatever I feel like at the moment. Though if you want me to narrow it down, I'll take those that don't make me walk funny, or leave scars, or break bones, or shave my coat. You know, THOSE kinds."

"Moondancer, if you start a story, I'll break your neck, right here, right now, canon be damned!"

"No worries. For once, I'd rather forget it myself."

Sunset Shimmer - Can I boop you on the head.

"No."

.

.

.

.

Screw it I'm doing it any way (Pokes her horn) Boop.

"WH-WHAT THE--!! GET BACK HERE!"

"No Sunny, no!"

"That's not a good way to lose a fan!"

Hey Twilight what do you think of the new hashtag i made for you? Here it is #virginforlife

"Moonie, let Sunny go."

"What? NO! We need our fans alive!"

"LEMME AT HIM!"

"He knew what he was getting into."

ShadowLDrago

@askmaresketeers

Do you know the muffin mare?

"We already answered it, no, we don't know any muffin mare. Should we?"

"She seems popular."

Brandon Sky asks #askmaresketeers

With Sunset Shimmer's name so closely resembling Twilight Sparkle, would either of you feel like you're just a carbon copy of each other? ...Minus Twi's lack of a sex life and Sunset having a short fuse?

"Oh come on, just because..."

"...there are a few similarities between..."

"...us doesn't mean we're carbon..."

"...copies of each other. We're completely..."

"...different from each other and you should..."

"...know that from reading this far."

Moondancer blinked. "D-did you rehearse this?"

"What do..."

"...you mean, Moon--"

"--dancer?"

Blink. "You're trolling me, right? This is for all those lewd questions I keep bringing up, right?"

"Oh please, do..."

"...you think we're so..."

"petty to do that? We're rivals and..."

"...enemies, there's no way..."

"...we could cooperate in..."

"...such coordinated manner, especially..."

"...in a segment where we don't know all..."

"...the questions beforehoof."

Moondancer opened her mouth a few times, but decided against saying anything in particular. "Just... next question please!"

While she was busy coming to her senses and massaging her forehead, Twilight and Sunset discreetly bumped hooves.

I'm curious if Moondancer has ever walked up to anypony and just blurted out "We'll bang, okay?" Not that there's a problem with that, I'm sure some ponies appreciate a little up-front honesty!

"I tried it a few times, but... yeah, you'd think it would work like a charm, but not everypony is as eager to jump at first filly that offers herself on the street."

"They probably take you..."

"...for an underage prostitute, at least..."

"that's what I would think."

Blink. "You're still doing this?"

"Doing..."

"...what?"

"Nothing. I shouldn't even say anything."

"Thats what..."

"...she said!"

"UGH!"

Also, PRAISE THE SUN AND PRAISE THE SOCK.

"PRAISE THE SOCK!"

Nightdancer Moonblossom asks #askmaresketeers

Has anypony besides Sunny and Twily ever walked in while the sock is up?

PRAISE THE SOCK.

"Yes. More than once."

"Was it Princess..."

"...Celestia or maybe..."

"Ok, can you two stop? This is getting really creepy!"

"Stop..."

"...what?"

"Finishing each other sentences? Doing that horror twin cliche thing? It's so out of character for both of you it's not even funny!"

"Okay, fine, miss sensitive, sheesh."

"Someponies just can't take a joke."

"I know, right? Oh, and praise the sock!"

"PRAISE THE SOCK!"

"...praise the sock, I guess."

Kaijutsu asks #askmaresketeers If you three had never met each other, who do you think would be your best friends instead?

"I... can't even begin to think about it. If I never met Twilight and Shiny on my birthday, I would probably still be all alone. With books as my only company."

"Hey, books aren't that bad of a company!"

"Pfft, yeah, they're THE best."

"I didn't say THEY are the best."

"They aren't?"

"No. You are!"

"Awwww, that's soooo sweeet! Hugs?"

"Sure, hugs!"

They hugged. And it was adorable. So adorable that Sunset was getting gag reflex.

"Get a room you two!"

"We're already in our room."

"Get a different room!"

"You know, you could join if you asked?"

"Maybe later."

"Anywhoo, back to the question, what about you, Sunny? Who would be your friends?"

"Nopony. I'd die alone or live a secluded life in search of ultimate power so I could take over Equestria and rule it with iron hoof."

Pause.

"I'm not sure if she's joking or not."

"What about you, Twily? Who would be your friends? Again, Shiny doesn't count."

"I... I dunno. I think I could find some classmates to hang out with... or not.

"Wow. We're all miserable."

"Yeah, we kinda are."

"But we're together."

"We're miserable together."

"Fine by me!"

Mustache Merlin asks #askmaresketeers If you had to pick a favorite wizard in all the great annals of history, who would it be? Yen Sid, Gandalf, Dumbledore, Starswirl, Merlin, or maybe someone completely different?

"There were many great wizards in Equestrian history and I could probably make a top ten for each category, but if I had to choose only one, it would be Starswirl the Bearded. You can't go wrong with classics."

"Since we're not restricted by Equestrian wizards, my vote goes to Elminster. Dude has a style!"

"You're only voting for him because he's the lover of Goddess of Magic, did you?"

"Like I said, he has a style!"

"Sure, he's not bad. But you know who has more style than all of them put together?"

"Tell us."

"Doctor Strange."

"Ooooooooh!"

"Nice!"

Masterweaver asks #askpsychoshutinandnympho

No wait, sorry, that's the wrong hash tag.

"I don't know, sounds more descriptive than what we usually use."

"Do I smell an alternate universe spin-off?"

"We already ARE an alternate universe spin-off."

"That would make it alternate-alternate universe! Or alternate universe spin-off of spin-off!"

"Too meta."

askmaresketeers Okay, first of all the Ralts line is neither a grass-type or in the grass egg group; it is in fact in the amorphous egg group, and the lore implies that Gardevoir is more of an old-school avenging guardian angel than anything from the mortal realm. Just a little pet peeve, people really don't get that.

"...thank you for that."

"Just admit you're wrong already, Sparkle. We're all waiting for it!"

"Grumble grumble..."

Secondly, waffles. Waffles everywhere.

"HUZZAH!"

Thirdly, how much research have you put into the willing obliviousness of the pony psyche? It seems like such a fascinating topic from a sociological perspective.

"That doesn't really sound too useful. What practical use would that kind of knowledge have?"

"You could, for example, make a filly realize that she's super sexy and she already has a fanclub that's comprised of ponies that she rejected, whether she knows about them or not."

"Okay, two things. One, a single pony, unless a celebrity or deity, doesn't get a fanclub like this. Two, what use would it be to make her realize that she's longed for by a large group. Wouldn't that only make her more flustered and self-conscious, knowing there are dozens of ponies that want to get intimate with her? I can't even begin to imagine how I would feel if there was ONE pony that had romantic intentions towards me!"

"Never change, Sparkle."

"Thanks, I guess, but why?"

"You're the best the way you are."

"What? Why are you two looking at me like that?"

Neon156 asks #askmareskateers How would each of you engineered the most ideal situation for your eventual SOLO takeover of Equestria and what would you do to the other mareskateers in the event of your complete and utter domination?

"I have an easy solution for my plan and I could sum it up with two words."

"Free condoms?"

"National orgy?"

"No, but I like the way you think. My battle plan is..." she raised her hoof in front of her "LOVE AND PEACE!"

Pause.

"Why did you raise your hoof?"

"This would've looked better if I had fingers."

"Not even going to ask. Anyway, my turn. And my plan can also be described in two words."

"Sun Cannon?"

"Unlimited Fireballs? Technically, it's three words, but..."

"Nope and nope. Skeleton army!"

"That was my second guess!"

"Skeletons? Really?"

"I was going to say zombie plague, but they die way too easily, are too stupid to control and only ones they can take out are those dumber then they are, which is missing the point. How am I going to rule over the weak if they're all dead? Skeletons on the other hoof? They can be controled easily, bullets and arrows go through their bones and their body mass is so low, enchanting them with magical protection spells would be a lot easier, so there you go. First get all the unicorns that won't cooperate, then the rest is easy. And the two of you could join me... or you could JOIN me!"

"You thought this through."

"I suffer from insomnia. I have to occupy my mind somehow!"

"Ever heard of books?"

"Where do you think I learned all those spells from? Anyway, your turn. How would Twilight Virgin Bookworm Sparkle conquer Equestria, eh?"

"My plan could be summed up with two words as well. Would you like to guess?"

"..."

"...uh..."

"Come on, it's not that hard!"

"I dunno, nothing really comes to mind other than... book fortress?"

"Sounds amazing in theory, but it's highly impractical. Keep guessing."

"Oh, maybe book cannon? Educates your enemies into not fighting and cuts those who refuse to submit?"

"I.... I don't even... NO! This has nothing to do with books!"

"Then I got nothing."

"The only other thing that comes to my mind is your brother complex, but even I don't think you'd go THAT far!"

"First of all, I DON'T HAVE A BROTHER COMPLEX! And second... actually, you guessed right."

"I DID?!"

"SHE DID?!"

"My plan is 'Shining Armor'. I'll get Shiny on my side as a military advisor, since I have no idea how to guide an army and even if I read hundreds of books on the topic, I would only have a tiny comprehension of something that requires experience that I lack, which my BBBFF excells at, but he lacks the knowledge, economic skills, magic and various other things that make a good leader. His strength, barriers and charisma combined with my intelligence, magical power and variety of spells would make us unstoppable!"

Pause.

"This is the part where I should be snarking my plot out... but this is the most sensible plan so far. Good job, Sparkle."

"And since they are both pretty much immune to seduction, along with their respective complexes going off the charts, means they would never turn their backs at each other."

"And Twilight has nothing to worry from royalty, because they'll be punched into oblivion the instant they appear in his line of sight!"

"And she's smart enough to nitpick the heck out of inconsistencies of any democratic state. They have all their bases covered!"

"They praise me... but I somehow feel insulted."

Sakuralovelight asks 1) To all 3 of you how would you feel if your life has been a lie and Celestia or Luna was really your mom???

"Hmmm... interesting theory, but before we answer it, can we all agree that due to being imprisoned for ten centuries, Princess Luna doesn't qualify?"

"I wouldn't mind if either was my mother. At least then I'd know that my mother is doing something important while she's ignoring me."

"This got dark."

"And she would at least smile at me whenever we meet."

"A-anywho, I don't think there is a way Princess Celestia would be my mother. Genetics gave me attributes from both of my actual parents and I don't resemble Princess Celestia as much. And I really, REALLY doubt my father has enough courage to cheat on my mother, with a Princess, or anypony."

"Unless Princess Celestia is your father."

Pause.

"Thank you for that mental image. It's been a while since SOMEPONY made me want to vomit over an imagine of Princess Celestia doing... with my family."

"It was just a joke, I said I was sorry already and it's been three years, get over it already!"

"Oooohkay, not a story I want to hear anytime ever. As for me, I am unfortunately also a spitting image of my parents. Not only I have my family's talent in magic, but also hot blood of my father (and his ancestors) and cold heart of my mother (and her ancestors)."

"Huh, I think this is the first time we heard you talk about your mother."

"Yes, because spoilers."

"Oh come on, our fans are dying to know, what's she like?"

"Ugh, fine. I'll just say this: if I attended art classes and I was tasked with painting 'motherhood', I would use a a lot of shades of blue and gray. Nothing else."

"Yikes. That bad?"

"N-no, she's not that bad. She's not evil per say..."

"Per say?"

"Okay, now we're getting into the spoilers territory."

2) just for Twilight kind of the same as qesting 1 but a little differnt but instead of Celestia or Luna your real parents were Shining armor and Cadence???

"Shiny is only six years older than me, so no. And Cadance is his age. I think."

"You don't know, she could be thousand years old."

"She told me she's not."

"She told you many things."

"Then let's assume she wasn't hiding anything else from us."

"Even more spoilers."

DING DING DING

"Well, there's our time running out once again. This one went a lot longer then we anticipated."

"It sure..."

"...did. Though most of..."

"...it was just filler and..."

"...elaboration of unimp--"

"STOP IT!"

There were chuckles.

"Fine, fine. Thank you for reading another segment of..."

"Q&A!"

"...keep sending us more questions and remember to always stay true to yourself!"

"Stay what to who?"

"I had to end this in some way!"

"Think more about it next time."

"BYE! BYE!"

Author's Note

Yikes, I got carried away with all the spoilers this time! Let's call it 'foreshadowing' and get on with our lives, shall we?

42. What you expect the least

Author's Note

WARNING! Dangerously high randomness and weird comedy ahead, even for our standards. Proceed at your own discretion.
You have been warned.
Like, for realzies.
I'm exagerating a bit here.

Try to guess who appears in this story. Tell us in the comments if you were correct.

42. What you expect the least

Some days, the Everlasting Night is upon the skies. Sometimes, an army from another dimension wants to take over Equestria. Sometimes, a new flavor of donuts is invented.

And sometimes something important happens.

The door to the cinema burst open, letting a few dozen excited ponies back to the lit evening streets of Canterlot. Among them was a group of five extraordinary fillies.

"That... was... AWESOME!" Moondancer loudly proclaimed with hooves up in the air, grabbing the attention of everypony around.

Twilight nodded, her enthusiasm being a bit more subdued. "I must admit, Trixie wasn't exaggerating!"

The mare in question grinned. "As if there was ever any doubt!" Trixie allowed herself her own (trademark pending) pose. "The taste in movies of The Grrrreat and Powerrrful Trrrrrixie is impeccable and should never be questioned!"

Moon Sky nodded. "Thanks for inviting us, Trixie!"

"Trixie only finds it appropriate to treat her friends with same kindness and generosity she receives from them!" Also, the free tickets expired in two days and wasting a piece of culture is a big no-no!

"But still, I can't believe they pulled it off!" Said Moondancer, collapsing back on her four hooves upon losing her balance (how does Trixie do it for so long?) "They hyped this movie beyond belief and I was still shocked when Patrician betrayed Scarcity!"

"I agree," Twilight nodded "they had such good chemistry together that I really wished he was a triple agent of sorts."

"To be fair," Moonbutt Two (also Prime) joined in "the idea of taking revenge for destroying his clan's reputation was something one could get behind. Probably not to the point of blowing up an entire castle full of innocent ponies, but..."

"Honestly, after his flashback? Trixie wouldn't feel too bad if all those ponies died in an explosion. None were shown to be anything but a bunch of unredeemable snobs that Equestria could live without."

While Moon Sky and Twilight were busy gasping at the implied horror (not that much though, it was still just a movie), Moondancer grinned and leaned over Trixie. "You only say that because Patrician's actor looks a lot like..." she made a short pause to close herself to Trixie's ear "...your beloved!"

"P-preposterous! Patrician, despite having great looks, masterfully applied make-up, fabulously styled mane of the same color and deep blue eyes one could drown if stared at for too long, is nothing like Trixie's beloved! Though if Trixie had to rank the best looking and most attractive stallions, Trixie guesses he would be a close second, but still..." She shook her head. "Trixie demands a change of topic!" As much as they enjoyed seeing the usually the Calm and Composed Trixie turn into the Blushing and Flustered one, the trio limited themselves to just quiet giggling with no more brutal teasing.

"Sunny, why so glum?" Moondancer turned towards her fiery-maned friend, who offered only a neutral shrug in response. "Don't tell me you didn't like it?"

"No, the movie's pretty good, I enjoyed it."

"You're annoyed that we're talking about stallions and our love life instead of the important stuff?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "After so many years with you I got used to weirder topics. No, it's the movie. I like it and I know I will go watch the next one when it inevitably comes out..."

"But?"

"But even though it's the first movie in a franchise, I get the feeling that I already know how everything will play out." Twilight, Trixie and Moondancer facehooved instead of answering, unlike Moon Sky, who wasn't aware of where this conversation was taking them. "For one, Patrician died falling from a fying airship into an giant explosion. There's no way I can buy that he didn't survive it."

Moon Sky, still not as genre savvy as the others, objected. "Wouldn't that absolutely kill anypony? Much less a single unicorn, who didn't even know any shield or teleportation spells? They even explicitly stated that in the prologue."

"Except they didn't find the body, which automatically means he somehow miraculously survived it. And lo and behold, which actor was the first one to sign the contract for two more movies? I rest my case."

"Sweet!" Moondancer beamed. "That means we'll see him two more times!"

"Yeah, but I can feel how it'll go from miles away. Episode two, suddenly everypony's shocked, he's back! Oh, the drama! And they will defeat him again, but this time he'll escape, setting up plotlines for the third one, except there will be a twist! Another bad guy appears, the one who was foreshadowed all this time and he's many times worse than Patrician, so Scarcity is forced to team up with him, there will be a lot of sexual tension blahblahblah, and Celestia forbids, he'll go back to being a good guy, except we can't have that, so he'll sacrifice himself for maximum drama. And everypony will love it and it'll earn a billion bits."

There was a moment of silence, before Twilight shook her head. "There's just no pleasing you."

"Many tried." Sunset shrugged, while Moondancer braced herself and managed to resist the urge for a 'that's what she said' comment. "Here's hoping I'm wrong about at least SOME of the stuff I just said. And really, I can't be the only one who rolled her eyes at the 'throw a bomb at a bunch of aristocrats' plot?" Pause. "Anypony?"

"It wasn't that bad..."

"Trixie enjoyed the special effects too much to think about the details!"

"In the age of breaking the conventions and deconstructing every trope, it was pretty refreshing to see a classic played straight!"

Sunset smacked her face. "And this is why I wasn't talking!"

Moondancer shook her head. "Oh Sunny, you should just relax and enjoy the show."

"I WAS enjoying it," she lashed out, then turned her head away "I said so twice already!"

"And who cares if it's the same old cliche again? It's not like anypony was expecting a Horspanish Inquisition..."

There was a flare of dramatic music. "NOPONY EXPECTS THE HORSPANISH INQUISITION!"

"AAAAAAAHHH!" Twilight yelled.

"AAAAAAAHHH!" Moondancer yelled even louder.

"MEEP!" Moon Sky yelped, mostly because others yelled.

"Huh?" Sunset Shimmer raised an eyebrow.

"Ugh!" Trixie facehooved at the trio of stallions in red robes. First one was wearing a wide-brimmed hat, the other one an aviators cap, and the last one was just wearing a plain, red cloth that might have been a stand-in for a hood. "Not you three clowns again!"

"We have caught you with our greatest weapon once again,” announced the leader, “and that weapon is surprise! Surprise and devotion to our cause, which is two things, we have caught you with our two greatest weapons; surprise and devotion to our cause, and rrruthlessnes with which we proceed, which makes three weapons... amongst our weaponry are--"

"Yes, yes, we heard that one before," Moondancer waved a hoof at them "I have a question, WHY ARE YOU NOT ROTTING IN THE MANEHATTAN JAIL?"

The leader laughed. "Hah, as if the law could restrain our order from accomplishing our goal! And no, we shall not reveal what our goal is, for if it is one thing, it is a secret! A secret goal of justice, which is two things; a goal of secrets and justice..."

Moondancer leaned over Trixie to whisper. "When will they stop?"

"Trixie never stuck long enough to find out."

"Just to be clear," Twilight asked quietly "those are the ones that chased you all over Manehattan, right?"

"Why aren't they still in jail?" Moon Sky also joined in what now turned into a circle.

"Because Manehattan is a city of lawyers."

"Ooooh!"

"Thwarted by capitalism!" Moondancer lamented, while Moon Sky nodded, as Luna made a mental note to look into the Equestrian law for some corrections.

"...and these are the thirteen values that our order stands for!" The brim-hat leader finally finished his explanation, and sighed with with relief while wiping the sweat from his forehead. "We hereby came to you, Trixie Lulamoon, to carry your punishment for committing the cardinal sin of trilling your r's without them being the first letter of the word!"

"They're trying to bugger off!" Aviator hat noted, pointing at the slowly moving group.

Leading the group, Trixie explained in a hushed tone. "Quietly, just ignore them, maybe they'll leave us alone."

"Has this ever worked?"

"There's a first for everything." The group nodded, as Moondancer once again restrained herself from making a 'that's what she said' comment.

There was another flair of dramatic music, as the trio of red robed stallions dashed in front of the fillies. "Nopony escapes The Horspanish Inquisition!"

"Tsk, worth a shot!"

"I have a feeling we're forgetting about somepony..." Moondancer shrugged. Probably nothing important.

"Our chief weapon is surprise; surprise and--"

"We already did that one!" The aviator hat wearing inquisitor said.

"Rrrrright then, let's get on with it! Cardinal! Bring out... the rrrrrrack!"

The Cloth Hat wearing inquisitor stepped forward and produced an object from under his robes. And as expected, everypony was confused and a little let down, even the brim hat leader seemed embarrassed and smiled sheepishly at the Cardinal, who excitedly flailed the wooden triangle for a moment.

"So..." Brain scratched his head "...now what?"

Heart shrugged. "Don't look at me, I got nothing!"

"Spontaneous reactions is your job."

"Well I failed, so it's up to you."

"..."

"..."

"We do nothing?"

"We do nothing."

Moon Sky did nothing.

After a moment, Twilight tried to break the awkward silence. "So... how come you only appear when somepony says your name?"

"Ah, that is the one secret of our covenant that nopony is allowed to know. That and our baptism rituals. These are two things which are to be kept secret in our covenant!"

"And the cardinal sin." Said aviator hat.

"Yes, our covenant has three secrets: our baptism, the cardinal sin and our unexpected entrance!"

Aviator Hat nodded. "We've been following miss Lulamoon for two weeks, waiting for the right moment!"

Trixie gasped. "Wait a minute... If it was you, then that means... it wasn't the wind!" She beamed. "Trixie isn't going crazy!"

Moon Sky deadpanned. "Good for you."

"Two weeks?" Twilight raised an eyebrow at the news. "I would be impressed by your devotion, if I wasn't so creeped out."

"Indeed!" The leader nodded proudly. "Devotion to our cause is one of our greatest weapons, amongst which are--"

BOOOM!

All four yelped at the same time, when a small, but extremely loud explosion hit the three stallions, sending them flying into the skies, until they disappeared in a blink of light. They could swear they heard them screaming something, but none could tell what it was. With all four sets of jaws dropped, they turned towards the grinning, fiery maned unicorn, whose horn was still smoking from the recently cast spell.

"Aaaaaand problem solved!" Sunset nodded to herself.

Moondancer gasped at the sudden brain-wham. "THAT'S who we were forgetting!"

"You're welcome." Sunset Shimmer said as she wiped the sweat from her forehead, satisfied from a job well done. This wasn't the strongest spell she had ever cast, but it included a lot of mental arythmetics and careful planning, which was as taxing as gathering the mana required to pull such a feat while making sure that nopony she cared about was caught as collateral damage. She expected at least some gratitude, but all she got were terrified and scrutinizing looks. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"SUNSET, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" Twilight yelled. "You can't just blow all your problems up!"

Sunset waved a hoof at her. "Relax, Sparkle. I made sure this spell wouldn't do any harm to them, except launch them into the air, with all their bone tissue intact. It hurt about as much as a giant pillow. And I don't blow up ALL my problems, just the most nagging ones."

While Twilight tried to wrap her head around what was just implied, Moon Sky noted. "I'm less worried about the spell and more about the fall."

Sunset waved her hoof again. "I got this covered too. I took a lot of time to calculate the proper angles and power required, taking into account the differences in atmosphere, air moisture and wind, and I am 99,9% certain that they will land in the shallow part of the ocean filled to brim with life-saving dolphins. They'll be fine, but the flight, fall and cold water should teach them not to harass us anymore. See, I got this all covered."

While the explanations and logic were sound, her four friends seemed unconvinced and looked at each other for a while, before the fatal flaw of this entire plan was revealed.

"The ocean's that way." Moon Sky said, pointing in the opposite direction.

Sunset blinked. While her face remained neutral, sweat started pouring from her forehead. She blinked again. "Well, fffffffffffffffffforget about them, who wants Ice-Cream? My treat!"

"Trixie always enjoys a double cream special surprise!"

Moondancer perked up and immediately replied. "That's what she said... DAMNIT!" She facehooved.

Sunset grinned evilly. "And by 'my treat' I mean 'Moondancer will pay for everything'. Am I right?"

Moondancer slumped her head and sighed. "I was so close..."

Moon Sky and Trixie both blinked, exchanging the confused looks.

Few hours ago, Dorm Room 616A (aka Maresketeers HQ)

"Sunny, since Trixie invited us, all of us, for a movie, I need you to be nice to her."

"Sure."

"And by 'be nice' I don't mean 'don't shoot fireballs at her or smack her face for no good reason', although that too. I mean, be nice!"

"I will be nice."

"That means no taunting her, no questioning her taste in wardrobe, movies and stallions; not pointing out any of her quirks and just generally, do nothing to irritate her."

"Ugh, I get it! I'll be as silent as a mouse! Sheesh, it's a free country, I'm allowed to say and think what I want and it's not like I care much about her opinion of me anyway, so..."

"You're doing it again! And she's not even here!"

"Not my fault she gets on my nerves so easily."

Moondancer sighed, then grinned and used her special weapon. The one that always works. "Twenty bits says you won't be able to resist it."

Sunset's ears perked, her eyes narrowed and matched Moondancer's. "Oh, you wanna bet?"

"You bet I wanna bet!"

"...alright then. But it has to go both ways!"

"That's what she said!"

Sunset rolled her eyes and ignored the comment. "I bet twenty bits you won't be able to resist bucking some random dude (or dudette) in the next twelve hours."

Moondancer blinked. "Why won't you just bet I won't resist the urge to BREATHE while we're at it?" She said in the most sassy way Moondancer could possibly muster. "Give me something more reasonable, will ya?"

Sunset scratched her head and smiled sheepishly, realizing just how far she went with this one. "Okay, fine. How about this- twenty bits says you won't be able to resist a 'that's what she said' comment until midnight?"

"Deal!" Hooves were bumped, while in the distance, Twilight shook her head, all too aware how this kind of thing always ended.

"And I was so close!" Moondancer lamented, having only Moon Sky's pat on the head to cheer her up.

"Uhm, hello?" Twilight spoke up. "Aren't we forgetting about three ponies that are FALLING TO THEIR DEATHS right now?"

"Trixie wouldn't worry about them," the showmare waved a hoof "she's witnessed them falling from cliffs, into explosions, inside of an active volcano -- don't ask; flushed into the sewers of Las Pegasus and dropped from a blimp into the rocky mountains during 'Dragon Convention'. They'll be back in two weeks, a month tops."

Twilight opened her mouth, but a moment passed before she said anything. "D-did you...?"

"Trixie didn't have to do any of those things herself. Though she was considering them on more than one occasion..."

Many miles away.

"We'll get you one day, Trixie Lulamoon! Amongst our other weaponry is devotion; devotion and--"

"Ewww, my robe's all sticky!"

"Is it too late to become a baker?"

The brown coated, overalls wearing farmer scratched his head, while chewing on his stalk and observing three stallions in robes (he couldn't tell the colors at the moment) that just fell into his pool of compost. He sighed and shook his head.

"Dangit, Ah knew tis woulda keep happenin'," he lamented to himself "An' Ah've been tellin' pa, we shoulda put a sign saying 'Ain't no pool; ain't no swimmin' allowed'. But is he evah listenin' ta me?"

43. Together Alone

Throughout the world's history, kingdoms have flourished; heroes had risen; civilization progressed despite all adversity, despite the plagues, wars and feuds. Ponykind was quite an amazing specimen; able to achieve impossible through sheer willpower. Many a great things we accomplished by those who--

"EHEM!"

Red jumped and turned towards one of his classmates, the rose coated filly, who eyed him with growing irritation, delicately shaking her head to the left, forcibly stopping herself from yelling 'move your arse already'. Red smiled sheepishly, nodded obediently and took two steps to his right. The filly sighed and rolled her eyes, before proceeding towards the small, pink box standing in the hallway and put the flowery scented letter inside, then walked away, stifling a giggle to herself, while ignoring the lone red stallion.

Red stared at the box in question. It was this close and he was that close to finally doing it. All he had to do was imitate the filly, and many before her, and put the heart shaped envelope inside. Anypony could do it and if his observations were correct, almost everypony in the school managed to do just that in past few hours. Not all of them went on with it as carefree as the others, but they managed. Unlike him.

He sighed. I hate Hearts and Hooves Day.

Back in Trotsaw, Red Hope had absolutely no reason to appreciate a day whose entire purpose was celebrating the one thing he didn't understand nor cared about. This is how he imagined old people felt about Hearth's Warming Eve, when the joy of receiving presents for no reason suddenly turned into an awkward family meeting, where he would at best get another bottle of stallions cologne, so he could add it to his ever growing 'things I'll never use but I can't throw it away' collection, while the presents he gave were met by lukewarm 'you tried' expression. But this year was different. Now he knew what falling in love meant and all of a sudden he had a strange, indescribable compulsion to write a love letter and send it to the filly he was crushing on since he first laid his eyes on her.

The worst part was that he didn't even SIGN the darn thing! Sending an anonymous note that couldn't be traced back to him (he did his research on tracking spells), just so she'll know there is somepony out there who likes her is one thing. Admitting to it and THEN having to face her the next day in the class? Not ~~in a million years~~ anytime soon. He wasn't sure what he was so afraid of. Even if somepony did see him put something in the box, so what? Anypony who cares already knows he has a crush on Twilight Sparkle, and those who don't won't care enough to do something about it, like telling her from who that little, haphazardly written poem came from.

All ponies, except maybe...

"Sup Red!"

"MEEEP!"

Moondancer tilted her head and blinked at the ceiling, where one of her few precious platonic male friends clung into, like a character from a certain silly foals cartoon. She snorted. "I have a weirdest feeling of deja vu right now." She admitted with a tiny giggle, but then something lying on the floor caught her eyes. A small, heart shaped envelope. The same envelope that gave the recovering, ceiling occupying, Red another heart attack.

His pupils shrunk, but even though her hoof was slowly reaching for the object, a tiny glint of hope appeared in Red's heart. Wait, the envelope... the name's on the other side! He didn't think twice when writing the name of the recipient on just one side, but now it proved to be an advantage he wasn't going to pass by. He dropped from the ceiling, landing with a big thud, stomping the envelope with one of his hooves a moment before Moondancer's managed to even touch it, the ensuing shockwave sending the filly a few steps away.

But even though it was sudden and dangerous enough to scare or dissuade any other pony, Moondancer wasn't just other pony. With a big grin on her face, she accepted the challenge.

"Oh ReeEeed!" She cooed, slowly walking toward him, donning the most innocent smile she could muster.

"No!" He shook his head, hugging the letter tightly to his chest (making sure the name was on the right side), while stepping back a few.

"Oh come on, you can show me!" She batted her eyes right dangerously close to his face.

"No!" He shook his head again, his backside bumping into the wall. And now I have a weird feeling of deja vu!

"I'm not gonna tell anypony," she tilted her head and looked at his soul with the beadiest of eyes. "pweddy pwease?"

Red's face become even redder (an occurrence that often happened near Moondancer). Argh, not the puppy eyes! Can't... resist!

Seeing no other viable or sane choice, he did the only thing that he could possibly think of that could spare him and his secret. With a big gulp, he scrambled the piece of paper before him (Bye bye, my masterpiece!), put it in his mouth, chewed thoroughly and finally swallowed it with great distaste.

Moondancer was taken aback by the sight and took a few seconds to react, her mouth agape. "Wow... I knew you were shy about your little crush, but this is something else!"

Suppressing the urge to vomit out the paper, ink and oatmeal breakfast abomination in his stomach, he looked away. "S-sorry..."

"Don't be. If I knew you'd go this far, I wouldn't be pushing THIS hard."

"Much appreciated... ugh..."

Five minutes and a bottle of fresh water later, the duo found themselves on a bench in a nearby park. While Moondancer seemed to be either in denial, oblivious to or just nonchalant about it, Red couldn't help but notice that the balance of foals to adult pairs of (mostly) mares with stallions was heavily disrupted. He tried not to think about them too much.

"So," Moondancer started "I take it there's no progress on the whole 'my crush will notice me' front, eh?"

Red rolled his eyes at her. "Whatever gave that away?"

She shrugged. "Just a hunch. Look, you don't have to tell me who it is and knowing you you probably didn't even sign that last letter, yes I know because I'm awesome, but do send her another card. We mares love to feel appreciated."

Red nodded. "I guess..." He sighed and really wanted to change the topic, but the overall Hearth's and Hooves Day atmosphere couldn't leave his mind, so the topic he could choose from were severely limited.

"So, how many cards do you usually get?" He asked, seeing Moondancers smile falter for a moment, before coming back, as forced as it felt. All of a sudden he felt like he made a mistake he wasn't aware of.

She sighed and quickly answered. "None."

Pause. "Wait, what?"

"I didn't get any this year, or the last one for that matter. I got a few two years ago, but yeah..."

Mind. Blown. "H-how...?"

"How does a mare like me not get any cards on a day like this? Well, for one, I used to send them to all my bang buddies back in the days, but it got a little... overwhelming. So I stopped." She leaned over the bench and started staring at the sun. "This is a day for love. Not sex love, but love love, you know? And as much as I like all my friends with benefits, I don't like like them. Not like that."

Red blinked. "I see. But really, not even one?"

She nodded. "Not even one. Though to be honest, I explicitly forbade anypony from sending me stuff today because... because. Twily and Sunny on the other hoof?" She smiled a bit. "They get bucketloads! And I mean literally, we once had to carry them in a bucket because we didn't have any other container!" Red snorted with her. "Sunset revels in having a horde of angry fanboys, even if she's not doing anything with them, while Twily is a grade A oblivious geeky filly, who STILL thinks all those cards are just out of courtesy, like the ones she sends to her big brother every year. I mean, sheesh girl, get a hint! You could fill a giant classroom with her admirers!"

Red fought very hard not to roll his eyes multiple times. He succeeded, though barely.

"And me? I'm pretty sure you figured this one out by now, but I don't have any secret admirers. Not for long, as least, if you catch my drift." She winked at him, though he could feel that this one had a little less enthusiasm than usual.

Red nodded at her, then the two of them went silent. While Moondancer was busy with observing the skies and contemplating, Red slowly rummaged through his saddlebags. "So, you don't get any letters from guys?"

"Nope."

"And you told all your bang-buddies you don't want anything from them, right?"

"Yep."

"Huh, bummer," he took out something from his saddlebags "what am I supposed to do with this now?"

Moondancer's eyes opened wide, her gaze locked on the small, bright yellow envelope that Red held in his hooves. It had her name on it. She leaned over him, eyes still on the object. "I-is that...?"

"It's a good thing you warned me or I might've made a terrible mistake!" His magic levitated the note in mid-air, swaying it like a leaf on a wind.

"B-but, that..." She muttered, her eyes following the object like a kitten's would follow a piece of yarn, if it didn't have the courage or energy to lunge at it.

"But I guess I should just throooooow it awaaaaaay!" The note flew towards the nearest thrash bin, Moondancer's hoof extending in a futile attempt to grab it... then turned back and went straight into Moondancers lap. "Just kidding!"

With her mouth agape, the white filly inspected the letter. After a while her mouth closed and soured, earning Red a gaze that he could interpret as an internal conflict over whether she should be mad and smack him for teasing her in such a cruel, yet innocent, way, or if she should just make out with him on the spot for the sheer fact that he made the effort at all. She seemed to put this dilemma on hold and finally opened and read the contents of the little, foldable card.

There was no poem, no declaration of love and no usual Hearth's and Hooves Day nonsense.

I don't need any benefits

to be your friend.

Moondancer kept staring at the sentence for a longer while, her reaction completely blank. Red swallowed and turned away, blushing. "S-sorry, I'm not the poetic type of guy. I spent so much time on the other letter, the one I ended up eating anyway, that I stood up too late to think of anything more substantial, but I hope you'll--"

He was interrupted by Moondancer giving him a small peck to his cheek. It lasted for a second, maybe two and then it was over and she got back to staring at her card, though this time he could clearly see her smiling brightly, with a tint of blush added. Two characteristics that they both shared at this very moment.

"...like it." He finished, then sighed with relief and leaned over the bench, observing the moving clouds on what just happened to be a very bright, sunny day.

Author's Note

FRIENDSHIPPING!

First and foremost, I apologize for the spelling and grammar errors in this one. I had a sudden idea yesterday to write this for Valentine's day and I was so commited to finishing it, despite busy work and a ton of distraction, and I did, but at the cost of not having time to send it to my editor. Hopefully you won't mind. I promise next chapter will be better constructed and more substantial than this.

I will not blame anyone for jumping onto the RedDancer or MoonHope ship. I gave you the ammo after all.

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

44. First Sunset: Just be patient

"CANTERLOT!"

No amount of stares could stop Sunset 'Finally Left Home' Shimmer from loudly announcing the name of the city that she had just reached. She felt fully justified in her outburst. She held herself back long enough, not wanting her parents to suspect how much she was looking forward to it, nor did she do or say anything on the train in fear of the other passengers, some of which could've been spies sent by her parents, which would make them a spy spying a spy, which was too crazy if she explained that to authorities, and her parents knew that. Wit ran in the family. It was harder to contain herself the closer she got there, her excitement was reaching its critical stage once the royal castle appeared in the distance. Three cups of coffee on the way didn't help, but she couldn't say no to the overpriced, but unbelievably delicious caffeine filled hot beverages they served on the train. I could get used to that... oh wait, I ALREADY DID!

Once out of the train, she was met by a taxi cab in front of the station. "Miss, do you need help with your luggage?" Asked a scrawny, earth pony taxi colt.

She turned to her tower of boxes and suitcases, easily twice her size and many times as heavy, full of books she either hadn't read yet; read but wanted to keep for reference; or would just rather keep nearby in case the library wasn't as well equipped as she was told. One had some clothes and personal things, but that was it. Okay, so maybe I overdid it a little.

"No thank you, I got this." That said, she levitated all the luggage at the same time onto the cab, then used another spell to conjure up a thin, but sturdy rope and tied them carefully, ending it with a cute ribbon knot. The cab driver, along with a few ponies that noticed it, cooed in awe. Even though Canterlot was populated primarily by unicorns, most of them used very little of their magical potential. If she was going to make her grand entrance in the new city, she might as well make it as flashy as possible. From the murmurs of the onlookers, they figured she was a student at the academy, which was absolutely correct.

As soon as her baggage was secured on the cab, she sat inside and pointed forward. "To Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns!"

Once the cab reached the place, she made sure to give the driver a generous tip. Considering his scrawny physique, distance and her luggage, he earned it, big time. He seemed like he could use better meals. Speaking of, I should probably scout the area for good eatery! Once I find my new room. My new... home! Few minutes of maze running in the corridors later she finally found it. Room A616. Weird, this isn't sixth floor and I'm pretty sure this place doesn't have even one hundred rooms. She shrugged and opened it for the first time.

And she wasn't at all impressed. This is it, huh? This is smaller than my closet back home. Two desks, some empty bookshelves, this won't fit even half of what I brought, she thought, a window with the street view, two beds, chairs, a large dresser--

Woah, hold the phone: TWO BEDS! That means... Her grin increased exponentially. I'M GONNA HAVE A ROOMMATE!

Since nopony was in the room, no death threats had to be made in order to cover for what she did that day.

"SQUEEEEE!"

She took a deep breath and started walking in circles, from one bed to the other. Okay Sunset, this is your big chance! Nopony knows you, your parents are hundreds of miles away and plenty of ponies here are new. This is YOUR, I mean, MY chance to find...

...friends.

A few droplets of sweat appeared on her head. She might've been excited, but this was still new territory for her.

I can't screw this up! First things first- don't talk to yourself, it creeps ponies out! She waited a moment, then smiled. Perfect! She will be here any moment now and I don't even know her name... or his? No, what am I thinking, this is a girl's dorm. Focus, Sunset! You--I need to prepare for anything!

She looked back at her luggage, which filled the corridor and blocked the door. One quick spell arranged the boxes near one of the beds... but then she put them next the other, but she thought about it more and decided to put them in the middle of the room instead. I'll let her choose the bed. I don't want her to feel pressured. I'll just chill out, sit down and wait and... no, this is Celestia's Academy, a place for higher learning... well, a middle school either way, she's probably the more studious type. Okay, let's take out one of the more advanced book, pretend a bit, go for the 'I was in the middle of a fascinating article' kind of situation... unless she's a party type? I don't want to be labeled as nerd on my first day! So more outgoing, more cheerful, maybe put on some music or stuff? Yeah! She reached out for a record player in one of her boxes, but stopped in the middle. But what if she's a wallflower? What if she easily gets scared of loud noises and runs away? Then I'll be 'The One who made a filly cry' forever! Why is this so hard? Curse my life in solitude, my overbearing, vilified parents, not having siblings, living in the middle of nowhe--"

"Good morning, my little po--"

"EEEEP!" Sunset Shimmer jumped and quickly turned back. Good news: it's most definitely not my new roommate. Bad news... "P-P-Princess Celestia!" She bowed to the monarch of her kingdom and principal of this school. "W-what are you doing he-- I, I mean, hello, uh, I was just..."

Princess Celestia giggled and waved a hoof. "At ease, Sunset Shimmer, you're not in trouble."

SHE REMEMBERS ME! "Oh, okay," she swallowed, then asked "h-how much did you hear?"

Princess Celestia raised an eyebrow. "Were you saying something?"

"Uh... no," So all of this was ONLY in my head. Good, very good. "so, Princess, what brings you here?" She quickly scanned the room, noting especially the giant pile of boxes in the middle of the room. "I'm sorry for the mess, I didn't have time to unpack and..."

"It's alright, I understand. You only got here a few minutes ago, I don't expect anypony to be ready for inspection that early." She paused and noted the panic in Sunset's eyes. "No, this is not an inspection. I just wanted to see how you're holding up. What do you think of Canterlot, after all these years?"

Sunset Shimmer immediately perked up. "It's wonderful! The weather is nice and warm, ponies are well behaved, the food looks and smells delicious..."

Princess Celestia giggled. "Yes, and it tastes even better." She couldn't help but smile at the salivating lips of her newest student. As somepony who had visited Winter Gardens a few times, either as herself or Sunny Skies, she was well aware of their terrible cuisine. "I came to check if you were having any problems, but I'm glad to see I was worried over nothing."

Sunset beamed. THE Princess of Equestria is caring about me! Well, she cares about everypony... but does she take the time to visit everypony? I highly doubt it. "Thank you Princess, but ever since I left home, this day just kept getting better and better! I can't wait for classes to start!"

Princess Celestia nodded. "That's not something I hear too often, but I'm happy to hear that. As much as I'd love to stay and chat, I have some business to attend to."

"It's been an honor, Princess!" Sunset bowed slightly, but not too much, and the Princess nodded to her as she left. But not before uttering a few parting words.

"Oh, and Sunset Shimmer? A word of advice: be yourself. When your roommate comes, don't pretend to be anypony you are not. True friends will accept the real you." And then the door magically closed behind her, leaving the confused filly alone with a room full of boxed books.

How did she-- no, nevermind! I'll keep that in mind... now, back to the best first impressions strategy...

"Hi!"

"MEEP!"

Bad news: Princess Celestia wasn't back. Good news: ...

The stranger was a yellow coated unicorn filly with a short, golden mane. Her cutie mark was a calendar with a small sun shining over it. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you." She giggled and extended her hoof forward. "I'm Yellow Year, I guess we'll be sharing this room."

Sunset smiled brightly and shook her hoof excitedly. "H-hey, I'm Sunset Roommate, I'll be your Shimmer from now o--" she immediately shut her mouth with her hooves and blushed profoundly, as Yellow Year had trouble containing the laughter.

"Okay, maybe try that again, but slower?"

Sunset took a deep breath. "I'm Sunset Shimmer. I'll be your roommate from now on." Pause. "Did I get it right?"

Yellow Year giggled. "You nailed it! Still, it's pretty exciting, right? Away from home, in Canterlot?"

"You have no idea how glad I am to be away!"

"Where you from?"

"Winter Gardens."

"That's... south Equestria?"

"Yup. And you?"

"Manehattan. It's a crazy place, full of weird ponies."

"I'll keep that in mind." Another pause ensued, so Sunset initiated another conversation before things got too awkward. "I was going to go explore Canterlot for a while, wanna come with?" Hanging out with ponies my age! Just like in the movies!

Yellow Year looked away and scratched her head. "Uh, sorry, no can do." She said, making Sunset's ears drop. "My folks are staying in the city for the day and they insist, no, FORCE me to spend time with me, before going back home. I only came here to get my keys and say hi. Which I did, in that order."

Sunset couldn't help but sigh. Shouldn't get my hopes too high. Oh well. "So, tomorow maybe?"

"Sure thing! Tomorow we can go explore, unpack and decide what goes where..." she eyed the boxes behind her new roommate, raising an eyebrow.

Sunset couldn't help but smile sheepishly. "I might've overpacked."

"You think?"

The two stood there for a moment, before bursting into giggles. As soon as Yellow Year left, Sunset sighed heavily, somewhat satisfied about the outcome. Could've been much worse, but she seems cool. I'll find out tomorow. But now, let's get my mouth and stomach stuffed with EDIBLE food! As soon as she reached for her wallet, a realization hit her, followed by her own hoof. Shoot, I forgot to ask which bed she wants! What if she doesn't come back until late evening? She thought for a moment, looking between both beds. She shrugged and put her saddlebags on one of the beds. Whatever, her loss!

She spent the rest of that day exploring, finding a few interesting shops, landmarks and more importantly, her new favourite place to eat, owned by a rather flamboyant gryphon, of all things. When she was back home (she was still getting shivers whenever she thought about it), Yellow Year was nowhere to be seen, but she guessed she was just kept by her parents for too long. She read a few chapters of one of the books she brought with her, before officially ending the "The Best Day Ever".

"I'm going to Canterlot, I'm going to Canterlot!"

"I already knew that and even if I didn't, I still wouldn't be interested in finding out."

"I wasn't talking to you, Sugarcoat."

"Judging by the volume you were speaking to yourself and the fact that we're the only two ponies in the toilet at the moment, I feel no shame in confusing your monologue with a failed excuse for small talk."

"Always a ray of sunshine, eh?" She stopped for a while, as the two fillies washed their hooves at the adjacent sinks. "Weren't you applying for Celestia's school too?"

Sugarcoat waited a moment before answering. "I was, but I changed my mind after I found a different school."

Sunset snickered. "Works for me! I won't have to worry about anypony talking behind my back!"

"For the record, Sunset Shimmer, I wouldn't speak to or about you if I went to Canterlot, because I couldn't care less what happens to you."

Sunset's eye twitched. "Why do I even talk to you?"

Sugarcoat shrugged. "Probably because unlike every other pony in the school I didn't give you a hint strong enough or outright told you to not talk to me." Pause. "Don't talk to me." That said, she went towards the door.

Sunset Shimmer smacked her face. "I know who I won't be missing when I'm gone! Just two more days, I can do it!"

"Sunset Shimmer?" Sugarcoat turned one last time, her face unchanged from the start of this conversation (not that she ever had a different emotion showing). "If you want to make friends, I advise you to stop talking to yourself. It creeps ponies out."

"JUST GET OUT ALREADY!"

She woke up the next day, groggily rubbing her eyes after what was possibly one of the best night's sleep she had in her life. Being woken up by Celestia's sun was new to her. She didn't see the sun often back home, courtesy of the thick snow clouds and smog that was almost always on the sky. I will gladly get used to that as well! She smiled to herself as she slowly got to her senses.

"Up yours, Sugarcoat!" She said to herself, grinning madly.

She glanced to the other side of the room, behind her tower of boxes, to an empty bed. Did she wake up already? She hummed, then went to the other bed. It was exactly as she left it yesterday, not a single sign of being tampered with. She didn't come for the night? Did she spend the night at the hotel? Must've been some family party!

A few minutes of preparing herself later, she was already out in the cafeteria for breakfast. She heard epic stories about the food here and was about to find out what the deal with daffodil sandwiches was all about, when she saw a familiar face in the distance.

"Hey, Yellow Year! Over here!" She happily waved to her new roommate (still getting shivers about that!) and then walked with her tray toward her. Yellow Year looked at her wide-eyed and turned to the two other mares she was sitting with at a small, round table. Sweet, even more potential friends! "Hey, you weren't back for the night."

Yellow Year took a moment to answer, as she shuffled nervously on her seat. "Y-yeah, about that..."

"Nah, it's cool," Sunset waved a hoof, sitting at the empty chair, putting her tray in front of her "parents and stuff, I know all about it." At least hers aren't planning a revolution. At least I hope. She turned to the other two fillies, whom she hoped she hadn't offended by sitting without asking for permission. "Hey, I'm Sunset Shimmer, Yellow Year's new roommate, but I guess you already figured that one out..."

"Sunset Shimmer," Yellow Year suddenly spoke up "I, uh... I won't be moving with you."

Something in Sunset's mind cracked. Her ears dropped along with her jaw as she processed those words. "B-but..."

"I'm sorry."

Sunset refused to believe it. She shook her head in disbelief. "I-I... I'm sorry, if it's about the bed, or, or, the boxes, I'll get rid of some of them, I didn't mean to--"

"Woah, calm down, girl, it's not you. It's my parents," at the sound of that last word, Sunset's body became covered in cold sweat, as she knew where this conversation was going "when I told them about you, they started acting weird. They said that your folks are bad news and they forbid me from seeing you, let alone living in the same room," Sunset's eye twitched, her gaze locked on her deliciously looking sandwich, even though stomach didn't seem interested in any food. I was supposed to be AWAY from them! "I tried reasoning with them, you know? I said you were fine, but they threatened me, saying they'll take me back home if I don't listen, so... yeah..." There was a small pause, with neither knowing what to say. "Sunset Shimmer, I was working too hard to get here, I can't go back home! It's not worth it, you see?" Sunset couldn't help but nod. Yellow Year coughed and forced a smile. "But hey, we can still hang out and stuff! And really, now you have all the room for your books! That's not something many dorm-fillies can say. Right, girls?" She turned to her new friends.

"If I wanted a room for myself, I would've stayed home!" She snapped, then immediately covered her mouth. "I-I mean, no, it's okay! No harm done, heh..." She sighed deeply, trying to focus on some positive thinking. Okay, no need to panic yet! It's just one spineless teen with paranoid parents. It's not like everypony here is prejudiced against southerners, or my clan or...

"Not to be rude or anything," one of the other fillies said "but this seat's taken."

Sunset's eyes opened wide as she nervously stood up. "Oh, uh, sorry, didn't know that. So, uh, see you later?" The other girls nodded, though even she couldn't miss the hint that they wanted her away. The fact that nopony sat on that chair while she was looking was a dead giveaway. She tried to scout out a good place to sit and eat. She wasn't in the mood for any more food, especially now that everypony was already preoccupied with eating and talking with their friends, old or new ones, and there didn't seem to be anypony left alone. Except her. Resigned, she sat down somewhere away from everypony and tried to enjoy her breakfast. At least the legends were true and she was gorging herself on another delicious meal.

I can't be angry with that in my stomach! It'll be all alright! It's not like Yellow Year and her cronies are the only ones available. I can find friends just fine. Where should I start? She looked around herself to the nearest pair of mares seated close to her. Rude or not, she tried to eavesdrop on their conversation. Or rather a monologue in this case.

"... I kinda mixed up the days and set a date with two at the same time, but I didn't want to disappoint any of them, so I said 'hey, how about I take you both at the same time'? They look at each other and I can see that they're not quite sure, but not entirely against it, but you know me, I don't give up!" The other, a lavender filly, didn't answer, preferring her red face behind a book, pretending to not hear the red maned one. "One was rather nice, he was all worried about me, saying that he's a big boy and he's not sure I can take it, but I'm like 'filly please, I've had bigger and more at the same time, I'll be fine'!"

Sunset immediately turned away and focused on the sandwich. Nope! Not in a million years!

That day was spent mostly on formalities and unpacking, with no time to find friends or more roommates, or so she told herself. She realized that after the fiasco with Yellow Year she had to lower her expectations, or else her clan's infamy could get the best of her. Besides, classes wouldn't start until Monday, so there was no rush. For now she concentrated on unpacking, memorizing the layout of the campus and surrounding area, supplying her stock of emergency snacks and completing the paperwork that was usually done by her parents, but since they were nowhere near (still liking it!) she was forced to do it herself, not that she minded. Sure, it would've taken a lot less time if she had somepony to help, but for once she wasn't being told what to do and she was enjoying it immensely.

On the last day before the classes started she went to the public library to make a generous donation of her own books. On her way there she stopped by several bulletin boards and posted a flier on each.

Looking for a roommate!

Building A, Room 616, with its own bathroom.

Ask for Sunset Shimmer.

She wasn't sure if that was enough, but if anypony at this point was looking for a place to stay, this was as good a chance as any.

"Alright!" She nodded to herself, wary if there was anypony to see her speak to herself. Finding nopony, she left with a cart full of books towards the library.

Unlike her room, the library was exactly as she imagined it. Not only was it so large she couldn't grasp it with her eyes and so well stocked she had to think hard on what wasn't there, but also well maintained and relatively clean- her collection was in the right hooves. She left her treasure near the entrance and went inside, looking for anypony working here. Even though it was Sunday, at least one librarian was supposed to be around. It was hard to concentrate on her quest when surrounded by so much knowledge, so many precious tomes, so many great books! She was about to just stick a note on her cart saying 'Donation, you're welcome- Sunset Shimmer' and spend the rest of the time just snooping around the place, when she saw something unusual...

Spike the dragon, an assistant librarian, wasn't being lazy. Nopony visited the library on Sunday before the classes, there were no returns and other than some freshmen visiting for the first time, there was nopony else to tell him what to do. Nopony to tell him to clean the place, especially when it was spotless. Nopony to order him around and organize the perfectly arranged shelves. He literally had nothing to do. What he did have, was a large, one of a kind, deliciously juicy ruby which he was still savoring since his last birthday. And savor he did, lying on the chair in the reading area, legs up, hands behind his head, with the ruby in mouth, sucking on it like a pacifier while having no care in the world. Until he heard something.

"EEEEK!"

The shriek caught him off-guard, off-balance and more importantly, off-chair, as he fell on his back with a loud THUD! The ensuing fall had a side effect of him biting into his gem violently, sending shards of his favorite food into his throat, chocking him. A single hiccup escaped his mouth, sending a burst of flames out, which narrowly missed the window sheets behind him. He composed himself, still hiccuping with fire.

"A d-d-d-DRAGON!" The orange coated mare yelled, backpedaling into the bookcase behind her.

"Oww, don't sca--HICCUP!" Another fire breath escaped him, this time narrowly missing the orange filly that scared him before. The girl jumped away, scared, as he tried to get to her and keep the situation in control. "Golly, I'm so so-HICCUP-I can't sto--HICCUP-I didn't mean to-HICCUP!" Each hiccup released another ember of flames, each one dangerously close to the student. Great first impression, Spike, he moaned in his mind.

Sunset dodged just in time to avoid getting burned to cinders. WHAT IS A DRAGON DOING HERE!? HOW DID IT GET HERE?! WHY!?

"G-get away from me!" She yelped as the little, yet ferocious, dragon kept stalking her, hands extended towards her, speaking gibberish in between breathing more flames at her. Being a member of Sunset Clan came with a ton of knowledge of magical fire of many kinds, and dragon fire was considered to be one of the most dangerous of them all. Evidenced by how fast a shelf full of precious textbooks ignited after getting hit with a small one. A quick spell extinguished the fire, but the danger was far from over.

"Ooops-HICCUP!" The dragon yelped, shutting his mouth with his palms, which didn't do a good job at stopping the flames, now flying in all directions randomly.

He... he doesn't want to destroy the library! Then why...? Her eyes widened. A spy? But, why would a baby dragon spy on... no, that's not important! She shook her head, her eyes narrowed and concentrated on her target. Talk later, first things first!

"I don't know what you want, dragon," she said to him, her horn gathering energy "but fighting fire with fire will only get you burned!" Note to self- think of some cooler one liners... no pun intended.

"I'm telling yo--HICCUP it's just a mis--HICCUP!"

"Oh no you don't!" She sent a strong, telekinetic wave, knocking the little dragon back before it could utter another word. As he collected himself from the ground and desperately tried to crawl away from the crazy mare, he was lifted by her magic into the air.

"What are you doing!? HELP! Ugh, let me go you--MPPHHH!" He couldn't finish the sentence due to the tape that suddenly manifested around his mouth, as well as his hands and feet. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake away from his captor. The orange filly held him in mid-air as she approached him and looked him in the eye.

"Oh not you don't! I would ask you what you're doing here, but I know your kind- let them utter a word and and they'll burn your face off!" She ignored the little dragon shaking and struggling. "Not on my watch, lizard! You'll be answering to Princess Celestia first!"

Even though he was just recently scared out of his guts (at least it cured his hiccups), he was glad to hear that at least a reasonable pony was going to handle him next. He sighed, rolled his eyes and waited, hoping she wasnt one of those captors that enjoys torturing her captives on the way there. At least she won't dro-- He didn't finish the thought, as he suddenly fell on the ground. Why always me?

Sunset Shimmer was new to Canterlot, so she didn't know who to ask for help in matters like these. Was she supposed to ask a teacher? Go find guards? She could try to look for a librarian, but nopony was there even now. She knew that Princess Celestia was most likely at the campus, busy with paperwork, so that was her best shot. Besides, Princess/Principal Celestia probably wanted to know as soon as possible if there was a fire breathing lizard lurking around her school. Day three and I already saved Canterlot! I guess getting recognized here wasn't as hard as I imagi--

SMACK!

Before she could finish that thought, something hit her at the side of her head, sending her flying away in the opposite direction, letting go of her captor. Her vision went blurry and all she could see were two purple blurs, closing in on each other. She massaged her hurting head and blinked a few times, each time focusing her vision on few key elements. One, the remains of a chair she was apparently hit with. Two, the little purple dragon that ran to hide behind her savior. Three, a purple unicorn about her age, with a shade of scarlet on her angry face, teeth showing, standing tall, her horn visibly pulsating with magic ready to go.

"GET YOUR FILTHY !@#$ HOOVES AWAY FROM MY LITTLE BROTHER!"

Sunset couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. She wasn't aware of some things going on in Canterlot. Looking around the scene, where a few more ponies appeared and started whispering among each other, she had a feeling it would bite her in the flank later.

Day minus one of school, and you're already in the Principal's Office. Nice work, Sunset.

Sunset Shimmer tried to avoid Princess Celestia's eyes, while Spike the Dragon Librarian (HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!) and Twilight 'Top Student' Sparkle explained the entire situation in their own, surprisingly convincing story. That is, if you really believe that the top school in Equestria would ever hire a baby dragon in a place he he could set ablaze with a sneeze. Or hiccup. All she had to offer was her side of the story, her town's rocky past with dragons and a sincere apology.

"I'm sorry I... uh, attacked you, before asking." That was all she could say.

Spike, with his arms crossed, tail bandaged (even though it was just a bruise) and unamused expression in his face, humphed and shrugged. "Yeah, and I'm sorry for being born a dragon."

Sunset Shimmer sighed. Yup, not awkward at all!

"And I'm sorry for throwing a chair at you," Twilight Sparkle chimed in, scratching her head "when I saw Spike in danger, I panicked and acted irrationally."

"Eh, I've been worse." Sunset shrugged.

Princess Celestia cleared her throat, gathering their attention. "Good, let the bygones be bygones and don't let this misunderstanding ruin your relationship. Twilight Sparkle, Spike, you are dismissed. Sunset Shimmer, I would like to have a few words with you."

The two 'not in trouble' bowed to Princess Celestia and left. Spike used his last chance to blow a raspberry at Sunset, but then got scolded by his big sister. Whether it was due to proper etiquette, due to Princess Celestia's presence or the sheer goodness of her heart, Sunset was grateful for at least that much. She suspected it was the last kind act from a non-Celestia being she would experience once this got out. And she knew it would.

"Before we begin," Princess Celestia started suddenly, pulling Sunset away from her thoughts yet again "I must ask, what exactly did you mean when you said 'I've been worse'? Is there something I should know?"

A few drops of sweat appeared on Sunset's forhead. "N-no, it's nothing. It's just that a Shimmer Clan has very strict approach towards self-defense classes." She waved her hoof, of the Princess' raised eyebrow. "'What won't kill or cripple you, will only make you stronger'."

Celestia nodded. "If you say so. Since Spike started as a librarian, most new students either stood paralyzed or ran away screaming, before it was explained to them. So far you were the only pony that challenged him. And won."

Sunset Shimmer was conflicted. What she heard being said sounded like a praise, but she couldn't take it with anything other than shame. She scratched her head. "It wasn't exactly a challenge, so..."

"Sunset Shimmer," Princess Celestia raised her voice "I have been maintaining the protective barriers on this school by myself since this school was first established. Anypony or anything that I don't want inside its walls will not pierce its barriers without my consent and knowledge. And if by any, however minuscule, chance an intruder managed to breach it and stumble upon one of my precious students or staff members, then it means that the intruder is far beyond their capabilities. In such cases, I want them to run away to safety and alert anypony of the incoming danger, NOT face them. That's what teachers and guards are for. It's why I am here." She stopped for a moment, giving Sunset Shimmer some time to start blinking again. "Do I make myself clear?"

Sunset gulped. "C-crystal!"

Celestia looked at her student for a while longer, before returning to her usual, maternal smile. "Good, as long as you know. You will hear a similar speech at an assembly tomorow morning. But let's change the topic. Since you're already here, how were your last few days? Today's accident notwithstanding."

Sunset shrugged. "Not much has happened, to be honest. I'm getting used to the city, campus, my new room..."

"I saw the flier on the way," Celestia said "I'm sorry it didn't work out with your original roommate."

A few days ago, Sunset would've showed an emotion. By now, she either stopped caring or learned how to hide it. She wasn't sure which one. "Her loss. If she wants to live cramped with two other fillies, then be my guest."

Princess Celestia blinked. Sunset could swear she was contemplating saying something, but after a while she just smiled and nodded. "I'm sure you'll find somepony, sooner or later. You just need to be a little more patient."

Sunset nodded. "Just be patient..."

"Why do the other foals act like they hate me?"

"Because they hate you."

"...Why?"

"Because your parents are to blame in one way or another for most of their troubles."

"What? But I didn't do anything to them!"

"Neither did your father when he was your age."

"I'M NOT LIKE HIM!"

"I never said you were, but adults think you'll grow up to be another Shimmer and they want to protect their foals from bad influences."

"...ugh, forget I asked!"

Sunset opened her eyes way before her alarm clock wanted her to. She sat up on her bed and glanced to the other bed. An empty bed. She yawned, then fell on her back once again. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, but sleep didn't come again. Stupid Sugarcoat, she's supposed to be hundreds of miles away!

"Why do you keep tormenting me?!" She paused for a while, before getting off her bed. "Yeah, I'll talk to myself! Nopony is around to call me creepy! Nopony... at all..."

Mumbling to herself, she took a quick shower and prepared herself for the first day of school.

Just be patient!

The assembly went without any hiccups, poor choice of words, I know. And she did indeed hear a similar speech from Princess Celestia, also things about learning, finding one's self and forming bonds with others. She suspected that part of the speech was aimed specifically at her, but then again it was Princess Celestia, she was always all about friendship. Either way, the speech did its job and she was more motivated than she ever was. Nothing would stand in her wa--

"Hey, is that the one that attacked the librarian?"

"Wasn't this a misunderstanding?"

"I heard she's from the Shimmer clan!"

"That Shimmer clan? From Winter Fields?"

"I think it's Winter Mountains?"

"Why does Princess Celestia allow that nutty family here?"

"Not so loud or she'll burn you!"

Sunset Shimmer sighed deeply. Just... be... patient...

Author's Note

First of all, sorry for the looooong delay. This chapter has been in works for eternity (or few months) and it's only the first part of the origin. Yes, it's going to be a long ride, but I think you'll enjoy it. I hope.

Secondly... I dunno, you read the chapter by now so you have your own opinions already. Be sure to comment, like or ask if there's anything bothering you. But do remember that some questions will be answered later.

Third, yes, Sugarcoat and Sunset Shimmer are cousins in this universe. I'm not saying it's canon in the original version (it clearl isn't- they don't know each other), but I make all the rules around here, so here you go. At least I'm trying to do something interesting with her character, which is not something the movie even bothered with. Year passed and Friendship Games grew on me, but I'm still salty about not properly using the Shadowcolts (or bolts?). Think about it closely and realize that it makes a lot of sense.

Fourth, welcome back.

45. First Sunset: Think outside the box

"New place, new ponies, new beginning!"

"Everything will be the same as always, except you don't have your parents around to scare ponies into submission."

"But they're miles away! As if any of those students even know who they are!"

"Their parents know and they will forbid their kids from associating with you."

"T-then, I'll just have to work fast, before anypony finds out..."

"Somepony might pull it off, but you have no experience in befriending ponies. The rumors of a 'Shimmer' coming to the school will spread faster than you can make a single friend."

"Y-you don't know that!"

"Yes I do."

"W-well, I'm not going to give up anyway!"

"Admirable, but futile. By now everypony knows about your heritage and thinks you're a little spy for your parents."

"I'm not! Well, they told me to be one, but I never wanted to, I just wanted a reason to get away from them..."

"Even if you're not, your family is forever labeled as 'Celestia Haters' and they don't try to hide it. Attacking that dragon librarian only added fuel to the fire. No pun intended."

"I keep telling them, it was just a misu--... wait, how do you know that? Y-you're not supposed to be here!"

"I'm not really here. I'm just a figment of your imagination, caused by the stress you had to endure over the last few days, which manifested as myself, because unlike other ponies your age, I was actually forced to interact with you, due to us being related by blood."

"I'm dreaming?"

"Yes, this is a dream."

"Oh..." Sunset scratched her back. That might explain the flying cupcakes... I was wondering what that was all about. "So, if I punch you in the face, I won't be in trouble?"

"No, you won't. I don't exist, so you won't be hurting anypony and it could relieve some of your tension. It's in your best interest to abuse me to your heart’s content."

Sunset smiled and raised her hoof. "Don't mind if I do!"

"I won't mind at a--BEEPBEEPBEEPBEE-"

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEE--SMASH!

Sunset slowly, but surely got up, her eyes barely opening, which even further limited the vision she had through her messy, morning mane. She looked at the poor, smashed alarm clock, but felt no pity for something that disturbed her slumber. With no annoying beeping to keep her awake, she stretched a yawn and plopped herself back into the bed, hoping to continue with the plan. When suddenly...

BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!

She got up again, grabbed the buzzing object with her magic and slammed it multiple times against the floor, no doubt annoying those living on the floor below. Once the annoying gizmo let out its last breath and died as planned, Sunset realized it was time to wake up and get ready for the first true day of classes.

Once she reached her class, the plan was as simple as the quantum theory. If the teen dramas she watched were anything to go by, all she had to do was say hi, introduce herself and then everything would fall into its respective place and then boom, instant friendship! With possible complications solved by friendship, musical numbers and makeovers. And Ice-Cream. With a new resolve in her head and heart, she approached the first filly she could find that was sitting alone AND wasn't Yellow Year or any of her cronies. She made sure to stay as far away from them as possible, though she failed to sneak past them and they started whispering something in between each other. She didn't care about them, as long as they stayed out of her way and didn't add any more fuel to the already big fire.

She approached a lonely, shy looking white coated unicorn (Duh, it's a school FOR unicorns!) filly with a long, pink mane, sitting by herself in one of the front seats, uninterested in other ponies, neatly stacking her notebook and quills around her desk, patiently waiting for the class which wouldn't start for at least 5 minutes.

Perfect! Now for the charm...

She slowly, but confidently, walked towards the girl, stopping just a hoof or two next to her... then stood in silence for about ten seconds, before she realized a mortifying fact. Wait, how do I start a conversation? I can't just smile, say my name and hope everything will work itself out. Or can I? Last time it went well enough, after a few hurdles. What if... She would've spent a few more minutes planning, if the filly hadn't turn to her, finally noticing her presence. Their eyes met, one looking from above at the sitting other. They blinked. Aaaaaand I'm blowing it already! Quick, small talk!

"H-hi!' She waved to the filly.

She waved back. "Uhm, good morning?"

No turning back now! Go Sunset, go! "Hi, I'm Sunset Shimmer."

"Uhm, hi, S-sunset Shi-shimmer." The filly nodded, blushing furiously, immediately turning away from the intimidating figure.

Sunset scratched her head. Either she has a giant crush on me (which I can't blame her for, even if I'm not into her kind) or she's even more shy than I am! That's okay, the natural small talk should begin anytime soon. Like in the movies.

Seconds passed...

Crap, why aren't we socializing? Quick, talk! "So, seems we're in the same class together, huh?"

"Uh-uh." The filly nodded, without even turning back to Sunset.

Oh brother... "It seems like I wasn't the only one looking forward to this class, right?"

Pause.

"You know, because you're sitting in the front? I mean, I would've taken a front seat too if I wasn't too late, but hey... what can you... do..." She hung her shoulders, before finally giving up and hitting her face. I knew it wouldn't be the easiest thing, but this is getting out of hoof!

Before Sunset could collect herself and either give up or keep trying, the filly nervously left the seat, magically grabbing all of her belongings. "Y-you c-c-can have it, I-I-I d-d-don't need it! I can, uh, I can sit in the b-back!"

Sunset raised an eyebrow and followed after her. "Hey, I didn't mean anything like that, I was just--" she tried to reach with a hoof towards her, but upon the slightest contact, the filly shrieked and fell on the ground, covering her head with her hooves, while all of her belongings fell on the ground with a loud thud, now that her spell was suddenly interrupted. The noise was loud enough to attract the attention of all the gathered students, whose eyes were divided between the terrified filly and slightly less terrified filly. Sunset wasn't sure which description fit her the most.

The filly (who failed to introduce herself) trembled on the floor, but still managed to say a moderately coherent sentence. "I'msorrypleasedon'thurtmeIdon'twantanytrouble!"

Sunset blinked. And that was all she managed to do before blinking again, still too shocked to act or talk. Was she thinking I was trying to... bully her? She shook her head and rushed with explanation. "Nonono, it's alright, I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was just--"

"LEAVE HER ALONE, SHIMMER!"

Sunset was telekinetically shoved back from the sobbing filly by none other than the only other student she knew by name. Yellow Year's two henchfillies rushed in between the two and glared at Sunset, like a pack of mother bears protecting her cub.

"Get lost, Shimmer!" Said one of the cronies.

"Yeah, she's scared enough!" Added the second one, while Yellow Year leaned over the terrified filly and attempted to delicately calm her down.

Sunset's eyes twitched. "I wasn't doing anything!"

"Uh-huh, likely story!"

"First day and you're already bullying some timid filly?"

"I told you, I wasn't trying to bu--"

"What, got bored of the Baby Dragons?"

"Pick on somepony your size!"

Eye twitching intensified. Can they STOP interrupting me every two seconds? "I wasn't picking on anypony, I wasn't trying to bully her or anything, it was just a misunderstanding! I was just trying to be friendly!"

"Friendly? You think we're gonna buy this?"

"Yeah, you think we're, like, dumb or something?"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Smart ponies don't use 'like' instead of elipses!" She immediately regretted saying or even implying this. While the perplexed look on the two was priceless, it didn't make her case any better in front of other students. A few whispers could be heard from around. Not a single one of them was in any way reassuring.

"That's the one that attacked Spike!"

"What's she doing in this class?"

"Keep quiet!"

"I thought the Shimmer clan was just an urban legend?"

"I heard they practice witchcraft!"

Sunset couldn't help but sigh deeply, knowing full well that no matter how much she defended herself, at least some part of what they were saying was true. Faced with a class full of contempt, she was about to go away and let things cool down by themselves. Okay, don't make things worse, just leave them, don't prove them right...

If only she was given that option...

"My parents warned me," she heard a voice behind the two unnamed fillies, before they made way for their leader to pass through. Yellow Year was glaring at Sunset Shimmer not with fear or anger, but with contempt. The whispers died down, making each step of the yellow unicorn that more powerful. "they said that all Shimmers are the same. I didn't believe them at first. I told them that you were just a normal filly, but they insisted. I thought they were wrong, but..." she stopped her march right in front of Sunset's face, who swallowed hard and stepped backwards. "... ever since you showed up, you've been nothing but trouble!"

"I-I, I just..."

"I don't know what it's like in Winter Park or whatever it's called, but this is Canterlot! Some ponies might be afraid of you or your clan, but make no mistake, your parents won't be here to save your ass every time you cause any trouble!"

"B-but... t-that was a mista--"

"The only mistake here is you!" Yellow Year's outburst made most ponies in the class gasp loudly, but not Sunset Shimmer. She wasn't sure how to react, so she ended up doing nothing. "I don't know why, after almost a hundred years, a Shimmer is coming to this school or why Princess Celestia let you inside, but mark my words, Shimmer! I'm keeping my eyes on you and I'm not afraid of your clan. Just TRY to do something wrong. I dare you!"

Sunset had a myriad of ways to respond. She could badmouth her so badly, she'd run away crying. She could dig up some dirt on her for use later. Use a subtle magical trick to make her trip, or destroy her belongings, burn her mane. Or forget any subtleties and just lunge at her with her hooves. She was trained in self-defense since she was little, this yellow bitch didn't have the slightest chance. The adolescent male part of the audience would no doubt enjoy a little catfight in the morning. But what was the point? She wasn't trying to make any enemies. They keep finding me, though. Eventually, she huffed and turned away, slowly walking back to the seat she just "acquired".

"Yeah, you better run!"

"Know your place, Shimmer!"

Sunset didn't respond. She was surprised she didn't feel like snapping back at the two cronies, or Yellow Year for that matter. Nopony said anything to her anymore, but she could tell that most of her classmates had their eyes on her, except not for the reasons she would've wanted.

My place... where?

The classes in the most prestigious middle school in Equestria were supposed to be something else. It was supposed to be the most amazing thing, filled with new knowledge and experience. But for some reason, she ended up learning a material that she was already familiar with (Is it my fault for reading everything beforehand?), surrounded by those who feared, hated or, in the best case scenario, didn't care. She tried to be patient, just like Princess Celestia advised, but a similar story repeated in every class, whether because Yellow Year or one of her cronies was there, or because they already heard the rumors and kept a safe distance, no matter how much she tried to get closer. She kept a straight face all the way though repeating Princess Celesta's 'Just be patient' mantra, which helped her not kill anypony on the spot.

Once she closed the door to her room, however...

"I told you it wouldn't be any different."

"Well excuse me for trying!" She snapped back at her imaginary cousin, tossing her saddlebags violently at her own bed.

"You're angry at yourself because you knew this would happen, but you tried it anyway."

"No sh*t Sherclop!"

"And despite all that, you're going to keep on trying. Because nothing will stop you. You're a Shimmer and Shimmer's don't quit."

"Don't you even dare saying what I think you'll say!"

"You're just like your fathe--"

A pillow passed through the imaginary filly and slammed at the door.

"I'M NOT LIKE HIM!"

Sugarcoat was silent for a moment, before shrugging. "He has a short temper too."

Sunset wanted to cover her head with a pillow in vain hopes the voice in her head would disappear already, but since she threw it away and didn't feel like levitating it back, she instead used her blanket. "Just leave me be!"

"The fact that I'm here shows that you're afraid of doing what you're about to do, which is still trying to reach out to others. You know how it will end and you desperately wish for somepony to stop you or give you a hint to give up. Which was usually my job."

Sunset sighed heavily. It's not too late to get a book from the library, is it? Anything to stop thinking about... it.

"It's too early to go to the library after what you did to that dragon."

"I KNOW THAT!" She shook her head. The more she talked to her imaginary phantom of her least favorite (and only) cousin posing as ponification of her own self loathing, the more real she felt. Besides, she entered this school to learn more about magic, get away from her home AND find some friends. And Sunset Shimmer doesn't stop at anything less than 100%!

"Even though I doubt you'll listen to me, I'm still going to say that I don't want to be the one telling you that..."

A few days later, Sunset Shimmer didn't even have enough strength to throw pillows anymore. They were in fact being used for something more important. They were easier to replace than a blanket wet from tears.

"...I told you so."

She knew this would've happened and she didn't need an imaginary enemy to point it out. First impression was the key, she blew it and it only got worse. She was a Shimmer. That was a fact and it was engraved in everyponies heads and no amount nice behavior would ever get that stigma away from her. She didn't even have to do anything to deserve it. The rumors escalated on their own, nopony was even trying to get her down. Not even Yellow Year, who kept an eye on her, but rarely interfered, acting more as a guardian and protector to those around them. She even took Twinkleshine, the wallflower she scared on day one, under her (proverbial) wing and she became a fourth member of their clique, which was... good for her? Either way, she didn't want to bother with any of this anymore. She came to this school for three things, but at this point, she was content with just two.

"67% is still above average, I guess..."

"I think you now fully realize that nopony in the school will ever talk to you now that they know who you are, or at least they think they know the real you, which they don't because nopony bothered to--"

"Oh for Celestia's plot, when will you finally shu--" She stopped in the middle of the sentence, her mouth still hung open, as well as eyes, as a realization struck her.

"Nopony in the school will ever trust you, but there's more to Canterlot than just this building." Sugarcoat's image said with the same cold face as always while Sunset's smile slowly grew. "Most ponies outside don't know about your clan and even when they find out they will be more willing to let it slide since they aren't as connected to the--"

"Yes, yes, you don't have to over-explain it," she jumped off her bed and passed by her imaginary cousin towards the mirror "I was so caught up with the school that I forgot ponies exist beyond these walls! All I have to do is find some and make a good first impression, for once! And speaking of," she noticed her own reflection, baggy eyes and disheveled mane being the highlights "gotta do something about this mess I call me! And don't you even dare say a single word! You hear me, Sugarcoat?" She turned away to see... nopony. No Sugarcoat, real or imaginary, anywhere in the near, or far, vicinity. She smiled as she opened the bathroom door.

"Perfect! I'm feeling better already."

Easier said than done.

After a quick shower, mane styling and deciding not to wear anything other than her saddlebags to not appear too vain, Sunset Shimmer found herself on the busy afternoon streets of Canterlot. It sounded great in her head, but as always the devil lied in the details, which she wasn't quite sure how to handle. For example, where was she even supposed to find ponies her age? Her first thought were libraries, book stores and some nearby cafes, but then she'd probably find students from her school trying to break the monotony of their usual life (Just like me?), which was a big no-no. Her newer NEW start had to be as fresh as possible, so she walked all the way to the opposite side of the city, towards the more busy side of Canterlot, filled to the brim with restaurants, middle class shops and non-elite schools. But finding a bunch of teenagers wasn't as hard as actually interacting with them. If the past few days had taught her anything, it was that first contact is often the most complicated one and for her, a complete stranger to both this city and youth culture in general, this would be the biggest hurdle to overcome. At least back at the school she had classes as a common topic.

After about ten minutes of searching, she found a clique of three teenage ponies roughly her age, walking down the streets. All three of different tribes and coats, but all shared the same passion for accessorizing, as they were all into glitter, earrings, necklaces, make-up, girly saddlebags, all the girly stuff from the magazines. All of them were of course just cheap imitations, but the glitter was still impressive for an untrained eye.

All in all, this was as typical a teenager as she could imagine that wasn't going to the most prestigious school in Equestria. She hesitated only for a short moment, realizing she'd rather try and fail miserably than talk with 'Sugarcoat' ever again. Armed with feigned courage and illusory confidence, she approached the trio.

"Hey there," she caught their attention and almost immediately followed up with more dialogue, hoping to outrun the nerves she was gathering "so, umm, hi, my name is Sunset Shimmer and I'm new in town, I mean, city," earning mostly confused glares, Sunset swallowed and smiled brighter "so, umm, wanna hang out, or stuff?"

Aaaaaand I said it. At least I was honest. That counts for something, right?

The trio looked between each other, then almost simultaneously snorted.

"Ohmigosh, did you hear that?"

"What a geek!"

"Yeah, like, who does she think she is?"

Sunset raised one eyebrow. They do realize I'm still standing right here?

"Thanks but no thanks, Sunset Trimmer..."

"Shimmer."

"Like, whatever!" She rolled her eyes and lead her pack away from Sunset Shimmer. Their giggles and jokes could be heard for a few more seconds, before the sound became too incomprehensible.

Sunset closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Calm down Sunset, no use turning them into ashes... just yet. Collect your thoughts and think positive... umm, at least they were honest? That has to count for something. At least they weren't prejudiced against me for my family name alone... yay?

"Don't worry about those three," Sunset almost jumped when she heard a male voice behind her "your saddlebag has more IQ than those three combined. You're not losing anything of value."

She turned back and eyed the newcomer. He was a young colt, dull gray earth pony with a dark, messy mane that almost covered his expressionless face, as if trying to say 'whatever I don't care anyway' and blue eyes. He was wearing a simple black t-shirt with some sort of hard rock band whose logo went way and above the call of duty when it came to being able to be read and understood (which she heard was a sign it was a good band). She only took a small glance at his rear (because she WASN'T interested in stallion rears!), but she noticed that his cutie mark was an electric guitar with several sparks coming from it.

"O-okay," she nodded, not quite sure how to continue the conversation "and you know that because...?"

The youth shrugged. "I've known them for years. Same school, same neighborhood, you know."

"Ah. Childhood friends?"

He rolled his eyes. "Tsh, yeah, right. Before they became bimbos."

"Rrright."

Silence fell between the two of them. Sunset scratched her head, wondering if she should continue the conversation, turn away and leave, or...

"You're new in Canterlot?" He asked suddenly.

"Uh, yeah. Just got here a week ago, for the new semester."

"What school?"

"Celestia's Schoo--" She held her tongue, realizing her mistake. Crap, I was supposed to keep that fact hidden! Oh darn, no turning back now! "Celestia's School, yeah."

"Cool. You're in luck today."

"Thanks, I guess... why?"

"Because every minute with three stooges would make you dumber. It's been known to happen."

Sunset snickered. "Fortune smiles upon me."

The teen smiled too. "It sure does."

Another moment of silence passed between the two, though this one wasn't nearly as awkward or inconvenient. The colt coughed, scratched his head, his eyes looking slightly away as he asked.

"I could... show you around? Canterlot, I mean. If you have time, you know."

Sunset's eyes opened wide. Woah, is he... is he asking me out? I mean, he seems okay (if a little apathetic) and I don't blame him for trying, but... But as she was about to start considering her options, a familiar, light blue filly with glasses and three ponytails, stared at her from behind the colt. She opened her mouth as if wanting to say something, but Sunset was faster.

"Yes, I would love to... I-I mean, sure, why not? I don't really have anything better to do right now anyway."

The colt blinked, then nodded. "Cool. I'm Glam Rock."

"Sunset Shimmer."

"Cool name."

"Thanks, yours too... I guess."

As the two left, Sunset peeked behind her, in search of her cousin's ghostly form. Thankfully, Sugarcoat was nowhere to be found.

Author's Note

Some of you might remember one of the Q&A's, where a tiny detail was mentioned. It is about time to expand this little piece of knowledge.

Speaking of Q&A, it's almost time for one. It will come either after this one, or next one. I know I will break the face, but it's overdue and I like them way too much.

In b4 someone compares Glam Rock to Flash Sentry.

Q&A Part 6: Still a lot for one filly, don't you think?

"Hello everybody, it's that time again! Welcome back to..."

"Sunny!"

"Moony!"

"Twily!"

"Q&A!"

"Wow, it's so good to be back!"

"Yeah, no kidding. It feels like we haven't done one in forever!"

"That's rich coming from you, miss 'it takes a novel to explain my backstory'."

"It's not my fault I'm a way deeper character than the two of you put together."

"Girls, stop wasting the word count on petty arguments and let's get to the questions!"

Whiteeyes asks #askthemaresketeers My favorite pokemon is zubat...I find them adorable. Now my favorite to battle with is Pangoro, but that's just me.

"Those damn Zubats..."

"They're everywhere."

"Sucking fun ouf exploration, along with blood of my pokemon."

"Not to mention supersonic. !@#$ supersonic!"

"It never works when I try it."

"Wasting precious money on repels that don't even work 100% of the time, what a ripoff..."

"Okay, enough tangents! I think they're kinda cute."

Moondancer, can you give us a list of w be ry species you've had, ah, "fun times" with? I'm really curious what is on that list.

"Oh brother... okay, let's get this over with, girls. Do your worst, my body is ready."

"That's our line!"

"Do what? You're the slutty one... no offense."

"None taken. I mean go on and complain about my promiscuity, smack me for being so lewd, gag and do your usual drama queen routines whenever I talk about something inapropriate. You know, the usual gig."

Pause.

"Does that actually... you know... bother you?"

"...w-well, I got used to it by now, but..."

"Oh."

Pause.

"H-how about we just go for a coffee break while you answer it by yourself?"

Moondancers ears perked. "Really? You'll do that for me?"

"Sure, what are friends for. No hugs, though."

"Awesome! Well then, to start with, all three pony tribes are a given, and I mentioned thestrals some time ago..."

"Isn't it too early for another coffee break?"

"Read the mood, Sparkle, she needs to answer it and I'd like to NOT hear it for once!"

"...donkeys and mules..."

"I know and I agree, but does it have to be coffee? We just had one this morning and I don't think it's healthy."

"It's a figure of speech. We don't need to drink anything with caffeine."

"...gryphons, a minotaur couple, yikes, lemme tell ya, legends of their stamina ain't jokes, I couldn't sit for a week!"

"Then tea it is. Unless you want something else."

"Depends. Do we have any soda left?"

"...zebra twins were a doozy, and so was the buffallo diplomat..."

"Not unless you count that sugar-free grape soda Moonie bought a six pack once."

"Ugh, I'd rather have water, thank you very much."

"...ooh, just remembered the party at the llama district. Things they could do with their tongues!"

"Mineral or tap?"

"On second thought, tea sounds fine. What do we have?"

"On the more regretful side, no more diamond dogs, not for this filly!"

"Earl grey, some herbal teas, green, white, some fruit flavored ones... I don't remeber all of them."

"Just pick whichever sounds like it won't poison me."

"A few yaks from when I visited Yakyakistan, a few horses in Saddle Arabia..."

"So, kumqwat white tea? I like that one."

"Sure. Two spoons of sugar and it actually tastes pretty good."

"No alicorns, in case anypony wonders. But I did score a changeling once! At least I think I did."

"We're out of sugar."

"Bummer. Then just plain green will have to do."

"I mean, he invited me to a dinner, but only ordered a white chocolate mocha, saying he'll be fine with paying. And after we're done, he said something about him and his buddies won't have to eat for another few months. I wasn't sure what he meant at the time, but seriously..."

"Just plain one? Not the mint green or strawberry green? They're sweet enough without sugar."

"They taste like a chem lab. And I get enough of that smell during chemistry class, thank you very much."

"...aaaaaand that's all I can think of."

"Wait, you're done already?"

"You want more?"

"N-no, of course not! I just thought... you, uhm..."

"Cut me some slack, I'm just one pony."

"Well then... Moonie, you want some tea?"

"Yeah, kumqwat white... do we have sugar?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Then I'll stick with the soda."

For all three of you, what is your biggest fear, and why?

"I don't know... darkness, I guess?"

"Not quesadillas?"

"I-I'm not afraid of quessadillas! I just don't like when cheese spills off on my coat, it's hot, slimy and it takes forever to get it off!"

"I know the feeling. But let me tell you what Twily truly fears: Magical Kindergarten!"

"That place was a hell and I don't ever want to go back!"

"Okay then, I'll go next. My biggest fears are... STD's! Oh, don't give me those stares! Can you imagine what it would be like, if your passion led to hurting yourself and your friends? I use all the protections money can buy and then some, but you still wonder, what if? What if..."

"Have you ever tried to just, I dunno, mate a bit less?"

"Never!"

"Figures. Either way, my biggest fear is, to put it simple, being deported back home."

"I've been wondering, what's so bad about Winter Gardens that you don't want to go back there?"

"It's not that it's a bad place. Sure, a lot of ponies hate me there (but they do here too), it's kinda cold and food is terrible, but... actually, cold temperature and terrible food is enough to not want to go there."

"Also, you don't have two best roommates waiting there for you <3."

"I didn't say that."

"Oh come on, everybody knows you're a big softie when it comes to us. Can't you drop the tsundere act for once?"

"Only if you stop fornicating with random ponies for a day."

"I sometimes go an entire day having fun with just the ponies I know."

"And I sometimes go an entire day being nice to other ponies. Sadly, it's not your day, you dirty slut."

"She's just too shy to admit that she loves us."

If you had twent four hours to live and then would drop dead, no way to prevent it, what would you do with your last day?

"...I vote we skip the boring questions. Anypony who agrees with me say 'aye'."

"Aye."

"Aye."

From my friend, Kahvi, who doesn't have an account: You are all magically made orphans, all your parents are now dead. However you have the means to magically resurrect one, and only one, parent from the lot. However, you must all agree on who to tevive. Whose Mom/Dad are you bringing back? (I apologize for this, but I said she could ask one question and I don't go back on promises.)

"I vote this to be declared a boring question as well."

"Aye."

Okay, that was depressing. Here is a happier one, favorite ice cream flavor? Oh, and here are some coupons to this local frozen yogurt place that just opened up, sorry about such a downer of a question my friend had.

"I'll take melon!"

"Plain vanilla."

"Pfft, look at the guy, thinking we can be bought with just Ice-cream. Well, one of us can be, but that's not the point."

"We didn't even answer those questions."

"They were boring. And Chocolate Mint."

zap-and-golden-apple #askthemaresketeers My question is for all three, of the nightmare incident moon, ¿Who do you think suffered more? the younger sister who in his time of greatest weakness and blinded by anger, was imprisoned for a thousand years, and then reach a different world.
or sister who suffered for a thousand years the pain she caused to her sister, and probably the only lasting company, since it was she who saw all his acquaintances perish by time, without a shoulder she can cry in.

"Also..."

D48 asks #askmaresketeers (because I don't feel like being a troll this time)
To all of you: Have you ever thought about how lonely Celestia is? She spent a thousand years alone and everypony always puts her up on a pedestal so she does not really get to have any friends.

"I don't think you're giving Princess Celestia enough credit. She's a lot stronger than she looks. Which is saying a lot."

"We've had this conversation with her once. And while yes, she missed Luna a lot and she didn't have anyone to share her burden of immortality (aside from Philomena, I guess), so one might think that she was growing very lonely, but that wasn't true. Not entirely at least."

"I feel like a lot of people forget that she's not exactly in the same league as us ponies or you humans. She's been alive for so long, that she adapted to the idea of outliving everypony she knew and doesn't look at the world the same way we do."

"And she was never really lonely. She has the Bluebloods (though their relationships are a bit rocky lately), the students of the school and, hey, even Moonbutt Prime is back!"

"So yeah, while her life is complicated and on a bit different level than we can imagine, she's doing just fine... or so she claims."

"I can't be the only one who wants to give her a hug right now, right?"

apologizes for the drafting.

"No need to apologize, I love drafting! That's the only good way to play CCG's!"

"You only say that because I always defeat you in constructed play."

"Only because you get better luck with boosters and somehow your idiot's brothers age old set is still viable in competetive play."

"We've been over this. You can afford singles at the hobby store if you wanted to. Rares aren't that expensive, especially for a rich filly like you."

"Buy singles? BUY SINGLES? And defeats the whole purpose of opening booster packs? Pfft, as if. That's why drafting is so pure and honest, the game starts everypony at the same place and puts a lot more emphasis on skill into building and operating a non-optimized decks! It's an ultimate trial of knowledge and skill!"

"You two are the biggest nerds I've seen in my entire life."

"You play the game with us!"

"And you've been on last five draft tournaments with us, too!"

"Didn't she win one of them?"

"My point stands."

To Pinkie Pie: Why didn't you speak up when the girls were talking about you? We all know that technically not being part of the Q&A is no reason for you to not show up, and it would have been a great way to make new friends.

"Again, who is Pinkie Pie and why does everyone keep on bringing her up?"

"She lives in Ponyville. Shiny frequents the bakery she works at. He said she's really energetic, to the point of being in two different places at the same time, given enough cupcakes. I'm not sure what that means."

MeadowRosePony asks #askmaresketeers
Hey Moonie, have you ever met Velvet Step? I think you too would get along great!
P.S. She's from Crystal Wishes's stories.

"Nope, not yet at least. Maybe one of those days we could... get to know each other a bit closer."

"Why are you always assuming you'll get to do something dirty?"

"Why else would anyone ask me, of all ponies, a question like that?"

"Good point."

Sunny Rose #askthemareskateers
What if I told you there was a pegasus who used to live in Canterlot who has just as much of a sex drive as Moondancer?

"I would say it's not true, because: a) I would've heard about him or her eventually; and b) I refuse to believe anypony in the world has as much sexy in them and doesn't make everypony everywhere know that. It's just not fair."

"Yeah, what she says."

Gearhead Gears #askthemareskateers First question is for Twilight: How did Shiny deal with Discord? Did Candence do it for him?

"Who did a who with who and a what?"

Second question: Moondancer, if you could go to bed with one princess, who would it be?

"That's an easy choice."

"Oh boy..."

"I think we should leave the room for five minutes or so."

"Princess Koriand'r, better known as Starfire."

Pause. Heads slightly tilted.

"Super hot, cheerful, fun loving and quite a crafty lover. I'm sure we could get along well, inside and outside the bed."

"Oh... okay. Sure, why not."

"And if I could, I would prefer the pre-New 52 version. The current one is a bit too meh for my taste. And as much as I love the animated one, that one's a bit too PG for my rating, if you catch my drift."

"Well, that's a good choice, I guess. Let's get to the next question."

"But really, you were expecting me to choose from Equestrian Princesses?"

"Nopony claimed anything!"

"That's what you get for poorly asked questions."

Third question: Sunset, tell me what you think of this song. Does it apply to you in any way?

"Well, it's a very old song, so it has rooms for improvements. If anyone would make a new version, though..."

One more thing. Twi, I heard that some new fashion designer moved to Canterlot. Her name is Rarity Belle. Are you guys gonna go visit her some time?

"Umm, that's nice, but why would I visit a fashion designer?"

"Yeah, that mare has a fashion sense of a dead fish, why would she seek out one? Oh, don't look at me like that, I'm telling the truth."

"Huh, I don't remember a designer of that name appearing in Canterlot. And I know my fashion designers."

A_Guy forget the hashtag, but we feel generous, so he asks anyway:

"And he expects to get answers, huh? Well ain't he cheeky."

"Since when do we care when someone even uses those hashtags, anyway?"

"Moonie's right. At this point even I don't really care about them anymore."

"But really, those questions aren't really something we could even answer honestly."

1) If you would have any weapon from the Ratchet and Clank series, what would it be and why?
2) What do you think of the Sly Cooper series and who is your favourite character

"I mean, did anypony here even played Ratched and Clank games? Or Sly Cooper?"

"Well, not really, but..."

"Do you really think it's fair to our audience if we just google our answers?"

"No, it wouldn't be."

"The foxy lady looks kinda hot, but yeah, I get what you mean. But at least the next question is viable for answer, right?"

3) Favourite moment of your lives in gereral?

"Hmm, that's a hard one. We can't really give an answer to that without prepara--"

"Arriving in Canterlot."

"--tion... huh, that was fast."

"Yup. Being free from my parent's reign, leaving behind a place full of misery, smoke and hostility in favor of the capital of our kingdom to be taught magic by our immortal ruler- how is THAT not the best moment in my life? Especially considering the things I had to go through later."

"You sure you want to talk about it?"

"Meh. The main plot will cover it."

"That's what she said. Mine is similar, more or less- the time when I rebelled against my mother and left home for my birthday. You guys know the rest, we covered it a while ago."

"So, that only begs one question- which of Shining Armor's moments was Sparkle's favourite."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't act surprised. By now we all know that all your life revolves around your Gary Stu of a brother, that is, if it's not about books or our friendship. Out with it."

"I was going to say it was the day I hatched Spike."

"Ugh, how could I forget about the Fire Hazard... oh right, I know how: easily."

Emperor #askmareskateers
Moondancer, is your name a literal one and you dance to the moon? All night long, in some cases? With stallions and mares both?

"Heh, it's almost as if you actually read this story. Yes, I've been known to dance once in a while. With a lot of mares and stallions. And then some."

"You're preverted, we get it! Two hundred thousand words later, not to mention cameo's and guest appearances in other stories, made that tiny fact perfectly clear!"

"Oh Sunny, Sunny... of all the flavors in the world, why do you always choose salty?"

"I can be bitter and sour at times as well."

"Then I'll treasure all those rare sweet moments."

"Should I leave the room for twenty minutes, or...?"

"Nah, we're pretty much done. One more innuendo and she'll smack me."

"Ah, so she is capable of adapting! And here I thought you can't teach her new tricks."

"That's what she said." SMACK! "Oww, walked into that one!"

dj-pon3fan asks #askmaresketeers First off, HI MOONDANCER! You meet me at that party last year and gave me some advice on how to step out of my rivals shadow. (Here is my picture if you dont remember me. http://anthrorenamon.deviantart.com/art/myPony-513245466 ) I was the only pony with red eyes there. Thanks for it, it helped me greatly.

"Always glad to help ."

To Sunset Shimmer. Before she says anything, no I haven't slept with Moondancer.

"I wasn't going to say anything."

"You were totally going to say something."

"...you can't prove nothin'!"

I am just wondering if you would be interested in being a model for my new Dub-step album cover. You would look awesome surrounded by fire looking angry with a pheonix in the background.

"A pheonix, you say? Hmm..."

"Aaaaand he struck her weak point, for massive damage!"

"Dj-pon3fan used 'Pandering'. It's super effective!"

"Shush, you two!"

To Twilight. Would you be my Waifu? I'm serious. You are pretty cute.

"Umm, this came out of nowhere, but yeah, sure. Go ahead."

Pause.

"Umm, Twily, you sure about that?"

"Yes. Why?"

"You do realize what you just did?"

"Umm, I think I do?"

"Do you even know what waifu means?"

"It's a term used for 2D characters that you love a lot and treat with utmost respect, despite them, you know, not being real."

"Ah, so you DO know."

"I've been on internet forums."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Sure. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because... because... how do I explain it in virginese?"

"What Sunny was (barely) trying to say, is... why you of all ponies? Aren't you supposed to be more, you know..."

"Virginy?"

"I would've used a different word."

Twilight sighed and rolled her eyes. Twice. "First of all, I wish you'd stop with that virgin comments- they were never funny to begin with and they're getting really old."

"I think they're hilarious."

"And to answer your original question, no, I'm not bothered by being someponies, or humans, waifu for the exact reasons I stated at the beginning. It's all 2D and not real, all they do is project their love into the image of someone, or somepony, they admire and wish they were with them. I don't know about you, but to me it sounds like the greatest compliment. And honestly, most people just do whatever they want with us, imaginary 2D cartoon and fanfiction characters, without any consent. This person at least had enough courtesy to ask and who am I to deny him his imagination?"

Pause.

"...rrrrright."

"You're still a virgin."

DINGDINGDING!

"Well, would you look at the time! We're way past our usual word count."

"Do we have anything else to add to the conversation?"

"After that last one, I don't think we need to say anything else."

"Oh please, as if anyone will remember we even had this conversation."

"Some of them will remember."

"That is a problem for the next time. Assuming none of the questions we get next time will be scandal-free."

"Knowing our audience? I highly doubt it."

"Oh well... Bye, bye!"

Author's Note

I don't even play CCG's... Dice Masters on the other hand :moustache:
(for those of you that didn't get the "drafting" question, here's a link)

Also:

askJetto Everybody_ever asks when is the next main chapter?

Soon. Very, very soon. No, not right now. But soon.

7. Besties with Moon: Objective Plus/Minus

Moon Sky had a secret. A secret nopony could find out. Not even the school's faculty, not a single teacher or student. A secret that had to be protected by any means necessery.

A secret that was...

"Hey Moonbutt!"

"Meep!" She jumped... again. She wasn't getting used to it, contrary to what her sister told her. And yet this young, innocent(ish) white mare did it every single time, always obliviously smiling. Moon Sky wasn't sure if she really didn't realize it, or was doing it for cheap laughs. Either way, it wasn't a big deal, so she let it slide. Every single time. One day she would tell her to stop. "Hello, Moondancer. Can I help you?" Not today.

"You might." Moondancer leaned over her desk and looked around. "So, there's this cool night club... no, don't look at me like that, this one's legit, for realzies!"

Moon Sky reached her memory to the slang dictionary she read last night. That particular expression was not in it (probably because slang died very fast and that dictionary was already two years old), but she reasoned it had to be some extrapolation of the word "for real", which supposedly meant "legitimate". She nodded, not sure why she used a shortened version of legitimate right after it, making it sound redundant. She let her continue, hoping she would get it from context. "Yes, and...?

"And they have a super rave party soon! DJ-Pon3 of all ponies will be there!"

"Dee-Jay Pon-Free?" The dictionary didn't mention any of those words. One sounded familiar.

"Yep!" Moondancer smiled obliviously once again. If she was pretending, she had to be the best actress in the world, wasting her talents on measly magic. "And guess who has a friend who has a friend who knows an employee who gave a friend of a friend, that's me in case you're confused, two tickets?" Moon Sky nodded gratefully. She was glad she specified it, otherwise she would've been completely lost. Moondancer meanwhile hummed to herself. "Wait, I got confused in my own speech, did I spoil the answer? Whatever, I got tickets. Wanna come?"

Moon Sky contemplated this question. It wasn't the first or last time Moondancer invited her to something, but she refused every single time. Tennis court, swimming pool, Cafe, window shopping (she only recently found out it wasn't about buying windows, though knowing modern teens she wouldn't be surprised) and now this whole... rave party? She was pretty sure she knew what a "party" was, but she never encountered the word "rave" thus far, at least not in this context. She was intrigued. Maybe coming this time would give her better insight into thing that books would never be able to explain? She owed her for all those times she refused. Maybe just this once?

"Sorry, I'm busy tonight, I can't go. Maybe next time?"

Moondancer smiled a little too widely for it to not be suspicious. "I didn't say it was today. The rave's tommorow."

Moon Sky's eyes widened, but she couldn't decide if it was out of fear, or hope. She had another chance. Just say yes, that was all it took.

"Tommorow... no, I'm busy too, but thank you anyway."

"DAMNIT WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY YES FOR ONCE?!" Yelled the Brain.

"Because... shut up!" Answered Heart, crossing hooves and turning away.

Moondancer's ears dropped a little. "Oh. Well, too bad, again, I guess." Just in time for the the bell to ring. "Gotta go to class. Catch ya later!" She zipped away, as Moon Sky waved to her, before planting her face into the desk, moaning over her weakness.

Her despair lasted about two seconds, when a heavy book slammed into her desk and immediately woke her up. "No sleeping in class." Said Professor Inkblot, as the class started.

"Did you ever entertained the idea of saying... no?"

Princess Luna raised her head from her sister's bed once again to give her a deadpan glare. She exhaled and slammed her head over the cushion with a loud, muffled thud. "I tried, but it's not that easy! Try telling her in that innocent, smiling, bright face that you wish not to see her anymore!"

"Believe me, I know that feeling," she chuckled "she's been attending my classes for years now and you wouldn't believe how many times her grades got up a notch after a simple conversation. Let's just say, she worked hard for all those plusses on her A's."

Luna shot up from the bed, gasping in horror, hardly believing what her own sister, headmistress of the Academy, was just implying. "T-Tia! How could you?" Celestia stepped back, to avoid a head to head (or horn) collision with her sister. "How could you raise your students grade like that? Do you have no shame for yourself? Abusing the grading system from Equestria's most renowned school... for a cute smile? This is... this is a travesty!"

Celestia blinked at her sister, then covered her snoute to avoid snorting at her face. "Oh Lulu," she extended her hoof and patted her mane "I don't remember how I had fun while you were gone."

Luna smacked her sister's hoof away from her messed up air, immediately trying to fix it. "Tis no laughing matter, sister! That's a breach of ethics, caused by one who was supposed to be an example for her country!"

"Luna Luna, Luna..." Celestia shook her head "...let me tell you something about the grading system in my school. You see, my dear sister, plusses and minuses mean nothing. As in, literally nothing! They're not even represented on the students' score sheets. Anything beyond a single letter or a percentage scale is only ever used to motivate the students for extra effort. And trust me, you don't see a smile this convincing everyday, it warrants a prize of some sort."

Luna stared at her wide eyed, blinking once in a while to confirm her continued existance. Celestia continued.

"I started using them hundreds of years ago, back when I was just starting this academy here. There was a small, but noticeable increase in my students' grades whenever I gave them, so I encouraged all the faculty to adopt a similar system as well. I started with a plus and it just stuck, bo some are more creative. Red Blast uses cute smiley faces, Silver Scroll gives stars and so on. Heck, every once in a while I get to guest teach in the kindergarten classes, where I use sun stickers instead of grades. Foals love them! So much so, that a lot of my graduates treasure them as some sort of family heirloom. It's just cheap stickers, but who am I to deny them the joy of having a proof of being acknowledged by their Princess? In fact, I expect you'll print some yourself when you start teaching... if you ever decide to start, no pressure."

Luna blinked once again. "Are you trying to tell me that I spent ten minutes debating over the grade for my Modern History essay for nothing?"

Princess Celestia couldn't help it and started laughing hysterically, losing all the strenght in her hooves and falling to the floor, laughing, while Luna stood still, blushing and irritated.

"Stop laughing!" She ordered, but even if she was higher in hierarchy, she had a feeling it wouldn't have done a thing. She grabbed the nearest object in grasp of her magic, which happened to be a pillow on her sister's bed. "I said STOP LAUGHING!"

She tossed the projectile. It collided with her sister's face, making a loud POMF noise and getting impaled on her larger than anypony's horn. To Luna's credit, that did shut her up. A little too much, in fact. Princess Celestia stood up from the ground, the pillow dangling from her horn completely obscuring her face, instead sending some feathers as it moved. Luna swallowed, beads of sweat the size of acorns dropping from her forehead. She stepped back and awaited the dire consequences.

"Luuuunaaaa..." She growled, her magical aura surrounded the pillow and slowly lifted it out of her face, slowly revealing the maniacal smile underneath. "... YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!"

"Meep!" Princess of the Night squeeled, as she ducked for cover, narrowly avoiding the deadly projectile.

Almost ending her shift, Raven approached the doors to Princess Celestia's chamber, magically holding a few scrolls and knocked on the doors a few times. Hearing no answer, she knocked again, to no avail. She hummed and pushed the doorknob to look inside, only to notice...

"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE NIGHTMARE AND PAY YOUR DUES!"

A set of pillows shot right before Raven's eyes and passed through, colliding on a makeshift barricade made out of a kingsized bed, which costed about few thousand bits to manufacture, currently appraised as priceless antique piece of art. Or a piece of junk.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, SUN SCUM!"

Another set of lightspeed pillows went from the other way, the backdraft wind messing up Raven's hair and glasses, only to end up missing their target.

"JOKE'S ON YOU, MY DEAR! I DON'T NEED YOU ALIVE!"

"THEN COME AND GET SOME!"

"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

Raven fixed her glasses and hair, then turned back and quietly closed the door. "I'll come back in ten minutes."

"FACE THE WRATH OF MY ORBITAL SUN CANNON! MWAHAHAHA!"

"Or thirty."

Author's Note

The first appearance of Raven is not nearly as grandeur as I thought. Oh well.

Also, this is still about Maresketeers.

20. Guardians of the Sparkle (S.A.S.S. part 2)

AT LEAST HE KEEPS HIS HEAD!

Sky Watcher was your typical, dark coated pegasus stallion. In the bright daylight, he was your average photographer working for 'The Daily Canter'. He was at the bottom of the hierarchy and got no respect from any of his peers; thus his destiny was to be sent everywhere and anywhere where true professionals couldn't, wouldn't or didn't want to go. Such as a pet fashion weekend in "The Tiniest Pet Shop"; or a trip to 'The Mystery Cottage' to see what new ~~con~~ attraction Grumpy Stunt was trying to sell. All in all, his special talent was being wasted on nothing.

His special talent, you ask? Remember in the last paragraph, when we mentioned 'the bright daylight?' Sky Watcher was a very gifted photographer, but we won't blame anypony for not noticing. His day photos were okay, but there was nothing special about them. His cutie mark was a silhouette of a camera and his special talent was night photography. No matter how dark the place was, his pictures would always turn up perfectly clear. With a talent like that, his true dream was to become an investigative reporter. He could imagine himself lurking in the shadows of the criminal underground, helping the justice system clean up the streets from injustice!

Maybe someday. He hoped.

His latest assignment was to cover the school festival at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. This was the one time of the year where the academy not only opened its doors to the public, but the student body also prepared various forms of attractions. Haunted houses, fortune telling, food stands, games and more. As a member of the press, he spent his time walking around and shooting photos left and right. He eventually reached what was normally an economy classroom, but not today. With all the bright curtains, tables sheets and ribbons, it has been turned into a...

"Welcome home, Master!"

A maid cafe! He swallowed, witnessing a classroom full of young adult mares dressed in adorable, frilly, black maid outfits; walking around the place and serving tea and cake to their customers, calling them 'masters'. He didn't know who thought this was a sensible idea (Moondancer) or which teacher approved it (Princess Celestia), but the only thing he was going to complain about was the nosebleed he felt was incoming.

"Hey, the seat's empty." He almost jumped when he heard somepony calling to him. He turned to see one of the maids, this one was orange coated and fiery maned. She was glaring at him menacingly. "You gonna sit down and order something, or just stand there and block the traffic?"

He looked around, wondering if a nicer maid could approach him instead. As soon as the fiery one's eyes narrowed, he panicked and obediently sat down at the table. The somewhat hot but incredibly intimidating maid levitated a small, one page menu into his hooves, then stood next to him, tapping her hoof on the floor, waiting. He swallowed and concentrated on the menu, deciding quickly in hopes this would calm down the mad maid.

"Uhm... coffee, please." He said meekly.

She snorted, then looked at him with a deadpan glare. "Seriously? That's it? We work our asses off on a weekend and let guys like you enter and ogle pretty mares in ridiculously cute costumes, and all you can do in return is order the cheapest drink we have?" She groaned and looked away with disgust. "'Come on Sunny, it'll be fun,' she said. Just because mares have no concept of shame doesn't mean I enjoy this... humiliating, stupid frilly dress!" And then he could swear she roared, but nopony other than himself reacted.

Sky Watcher swallowed. "Uhm... then maybe a latte?" Pause. "...and a strawberry shortcake?" Another pause. "Please?"

'Sunny' stood still for a few seconds, before beaming with a bright smile. "Great choice, Master!" She turned around and happily trotted away, leaving the confused pony alone. He swallowed again and wiped the sweat from his forehead. One quick glance at the menu made him notice another item at the bottom.

Smile - Free!

He wondered what exactly it meant and if he should risk asking 'Sunny' for it, when he overheard somepony at the table nearby ask that exact question.

"Excuse me, what does it say that 'smile is for free'?"

And that was the first time he saw Twilight Sparkle, wearing a maid costume, giving off the brightest, most beautiful smile he has ever seen in his entire life. While his cheeks started burning like the hot lava on a burning oven with a slice of hot peppers and a teaspoon of Tabasco, his hooves instinctively reached for a camera.

Red Hope was jealous that he didn't get to experience it himself. He was busy somewhere else and had very little time to ogle mares from their class. By the time he was free, Twilight's shift was already over, much to his (and others) despair. So was Moondancer's, which explained why Con disappeared and got back to his room late, exhausted but satisfied.

"Wait a moment, you took pictures?"

Sky Watcher smiled smugly. "I had a press pass, I was allowed to take pictures without any problems." Receiving a nod of acknowledgement and jealousy out of the group, he asked. "Do you want to see?"

They did want to see. The crowd gathered around Sky Watcher, as he produced a framed picture of sweet delight from his saddlebags. It was as epic as they imagined*.

"Woah..."

"It's... the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

"Gorgeous!"

"I'll give you twenty bits for it!"

"No way, I'll pay fifty!"

"Hundred!"

"Your soul?"

"Bash, get out!"

"Disgusting!"

Sky Watcher hid the picture back into his saddlebags and shushed the group. "Gentlecolts... and lady," he nodded with acknowledgement to Red Velvet, the sole female in their group "there is no need to fight. I have a color photocopier back in the office," he produced a large stack of identical copies "there's more than enough for everypony!"

There was a lot of rejoicing.

After becoming a national hero, Sky Watcher continued his story.

The ~~curse~~ charm of the Sparkles isn't known to let go that easily. For days after the school festival, the image of a smiling purple unicorn was still fresh in his mind. The picture he took back then was the only one he didn't turn in the office and instead kept it near his bed because reasons. After few days of constant blushing, wet dreams and lack of motivation to live, he couldn't take it anymore and had to see her again. He used what little investigation skills he had to get her full name and address. He also learned the names of her two best friends (one of which was apparently Sunny) and that she liked vanilla hayshakes. He had no idea if she had a coltfriend or a marefriend (her non-Sunny friend had very little problems invading her personal space) and until he got some proof, there was no point in approaching her. He couldn't just ask her friends; 'Sunny' (real name- Sunset Shimmer) looked like she could burn him alive for no reason and the other one (Moondancer) seemed a little too suspicious. There's no way any single mare could be this friendly, not without some kind of emotional baggage later turned into psychotic tendencies. He had no other choice, but to observe her from afar, under the guise of the night, when his talent reigned supreme.

Few days of observations from various rooftops, bushes and other hiding spots brought little success. He couldn't get a good angle into their dorm room, where curtains were blocking his view and there were very few good moments at night when she was outside of her room. With his camera ready in his hooves, he waited, shivering and yawning, but enduring it for the greater good. Until...

FWOOSH!

CRASH!

"Aaah!" Sky Watcher jumped back, dropping his camera to the ground, watching as it shattered into pieces. As his heart pounded harder each second, he looked at the sharp looking sword impaled into what was left of his precious tool. He froze, then shook his head and was about to fly away, before something cold and sharp touched his neck.

"I wouldn't make any sudden movements if I were you." A calm, reassuring stallion's voice said from behind. Sky Watcher tried to turn his head around, but the blade once again scratched his coat dangerously close to his skin. "Nuh-uh-uh, what did I say? Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean off blood? Pret-ty haaard."

"Wh-what do you want? Y-you want money? Take it, just don't..."

The voice laughed. "Money? Where did you get that silly idea from?"

"T-then what...?"

"Believe it or not, my little voyeur, I only want you to be safe and happy. You see..."

"H-happy? What do youEEP!?" He stopped, once again feeling the cold blade on his neck.

"I was about to get to that part! You see, little miss Sparkle is a dear friend of mine. And as her friend I can tell you for a fact that she does not enjoy being spied on, no matter how cute the spy is. Love your manecut, by the way."

"Umm... thanks?"

"Look at it that way- what I'm about to do to you pales in comparison to what her BBBFF would do, IF he ever found out."

"BBBFF?"

"Don't ask. I'll give you a choice. I can slit your throat right here, right now; which kinda sucks. Remember what I told you about cleaning the blood? You don't want to burden some random pony you don't know with washing it away, now do you?" Sky Watcher swallowed and gently shook his head, carefully avoiding the blade. "Or you will promise to never, ever be closer than one hundred hooves away from Miss Sparkle again, two hundred if you're holding a recording tool of any description. Sounds good?"

"Y-yes sir!"

"Oh, and first thing tomorrow morning, I want you to buy a one hundred page notebook."

"W-why?"

"So you could end each and every single day writing a full page of 'I am a good pony and not a disgusting piece of worthless crap of a peeping tom'. Do I make myself clear?"

"C-crystal!"

"And don't even think about skipping the city or trying to hide." He could feel the breath from the next sentence whispered in his ear. "Because I will find you!"

Then all of a sudden the blade disappeared. Sky Watcher nervously turned around to find nothing and nopony. He swallowed and quickly left the rooftop and went back home, unable to fall asleep that night. Or ever again.

"And that's the story," he finished, sweat pouring from his forehead in streams, perfectly complimenting tears that were gathering in his eyes. This was the part where a group hug ensued, along with words of encouragement and friendship. But unlike what happened to most other stallions that shared their stories, his was met with silence and suspicious glaring. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

High Roller snorted. "We're all perverts and deviants of some kind, but you... you are something else!"

"Shameless voyeur!"

"Peeping tom!"

"Disgusting!"

"W-what? Guys, didn't you hear about the ninja? And the sword?"

"And to think I used to look up to you!"

"What a despicable freak!"

"Disgusting!"

His eye started twitching. "Oh come on! I thought I was gonna die! I deserve SOME pity, don't I?"

"The only thing I pity, is that you turned out to be such a creep."

"The worst."

"Disgusting!"

Sky Watcher groaned and crossed his hooves. "Bunch of great friends you turned out to be... I even shared that photo with you!"

"Oh look, now he wants to bribe us!"

"Is this how much our friendship is worth to you?"

"Disgusting!"

"Is that all you can say?"

"...disgusting."

Few minutes of blaming later, another member of the association spoke up. This one was a light blue earth pony with an icy blue, spiky mane resembling icicles. Until they looked closer and found out that these actually were genuine icicles. This stallion was something else. He was...

COLD AS ICE!

First Equestrian Bank in Canterlot saw better days.

"Muahahaha!"

Like the ones when it wasn't being assaulted by a light blue pony with icicle-like mane, shooting freeze beams out of his eyes everywhere. Yes, eyes, not horn. Because the super villain in question was 'Ice Cold', an earth pony with the amazing power of ice and then some. And when your life gives you superpowers that go beyond the proper, standard issue magic, you only get three choices. Either become a guinea pig for others to study; wear tight spandex and become a superhero; or become super villain (spandex optional). The pony formerly known as Mix-Up wasn't always like that. He used to be a meek, beige coated lab assistant in the Chemistry wing of 'Princess Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns', but one freak lab accident later, he was new stallion; better, more powerful than a squadron of Royal Guards, able to effortlessly take whatever he wanted.

He also went a little cray-cray.

"What's wrong, puny guards? Not enough power to BREAK THE ICE?"

Out of a squadron of a dozen, only two guards were left standing, currently hiding behind an overturned cart. The rest was frozen solid, each in a different location, in the pose they had right before getting hit with an ice beam, usually with a terrified grimace on their faces.

"I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die!" Cried the black coated older officer.

"It's an ice beam, Marrow, not a death ray!" Said his longmaned, younger partner.

"Easy for you to say, Rigged! I have two weeks before retirement, I ain't got time for those clichés!"

"Just hang on for a few more minutes. HQ is sending a group of specialists!"

"Dude, which specialists can deal with THAT?"

"I dunno... Power Ponies?"

"They're comic book characters! They're not real!"

"Tell that to that guy!"

They peeked out from the cart to look at the situation. The front entrance to the bank was covered in snow and ice statues, with icicles hanging everywhere. Bags of bits were being taken away by 'Snowponies'; golems made out of snow controlled by their creator. The villain himself sat inside the bank and laughed maniacally, as he had all the rights to.

"Are you all that's left?" Officers Marrow and Rigged jumped when they heard a voice behind them. They turned and almost immediately sighed with relief, seeing a white coated unicorn stallion in golden, royal guard armor.

"Yeah. Are you the specialist they sent?"

The stallion nodded. "The medical carts are on their way. I need you two to carry all the frozen victims there. We'll take care of the rest."

"W-we?" Marrow asked, he and his partner looked around the area. "But you're the only one here!"

The stallion didn't seem to hear that. He took off his helmet, letting his long, sapphire blue mane out. He threw his helmet to the two officers. "Hold this for a moment. It would only slow me down." That said, he walked towards the crime scene.

It didn't take Ice Cold long to notice him. He glared at the lone Royal Guard. "Well, well, well. Looks like this city has more suicidal hero-wannabes!"

The guard didn't even flinch. His eyes narrowed and he pointed his hoof at the villain. "Ice Cold, FREEZE!"

"HAHA!"

"You're under arrest. Surrender now, or else!"

Ice Cold started laughing. "I think... NOT! Snowponies, get him!"

All Snowponies dropped their bags and galloped at the lone guard, who assumed a fighting stance. Three golems lunged at him, but he was faster and jumped away, only to then lunge forward and strike each one with a solid punch, turning them into piles of snow. Two more appeared from his side and tried the same tactic, but he used the momentum from his previous move, spun on his front hooves and launched a solid buck, each hoof striking one target. Another one came at him, with a long horn made out of ice, which it swung at his direction. The guard effortlessly dodged each slash, maneuvering himself near the large pillar. Once there, he waited for another strike; this one he deflected into the pillar, making the snowpony impale its horn on the stone structure. He struck the head of the immobilized creature with a well aimed karate chop, turning it to yet another pile of snow. He took a quick glance to his left, noticing three more horned ones. He grabbed the icicle stuck in the pillar with his teeth, waited for a moment, then lunged at the Snowponies. Once on the other side, he spat out the icicle horn, as the three monsters behind him turned into proverbial dust.

Ice Cold whistled. "My, my, those were some COOL moves! But I'm afraid it's not enough! It was ICE to meet you!"

With a pun this bad, he shot a beam right at the guard. The unicorn jumped to his side, though not early enough, as a beam grazed what little armor he had left. He groaned at the frozen part of his breast plate, then magically took off his entire armor set, which at this point was only limiting his movement. This revealed his cutie mark: a purple shield with stars above and inside it. Very appropriate for a royal guard.

"Don't look so glum!" Ice Cold said, as his eyes glowed with bright blue flash. "It COLD've been worse!" And then he shot a beam after another. The guard was nimble enough to avoid all of them, at most getting grazed by his tail or mane for no major effect. His luck ran out once he stumbled upon a frozen puddle. His hooves slipped and he couldn't jump away in time. As milliseconds passed and he couldn't make a move, his horn glowed. The beam got closer and closer, until it stopped on a suddenly materialized purple wall in the sky. Blocks of ice fell on the ground, as the guard sighed with relief.

Ice Cold growled. He shot his beam once again, which hit the invisible wall once again. Except this time the beam didn't stop and kept firing, spreading the ice over the wall, which the guard soon turned into a bubble that surrounded him, which in turn was eventually entirely covered by a thick, ice shell.

"Good effort, but once I get my mind on something, I only get stronger. You can say it's a... SNOWBALL effect! HAHA!" The villain laughed at his own terrible joke, before stopping and turning around, shooting a beam of ice at another unicorn, who also nimbly dodged it. This unicorn was an even brighter shade of white, with blonde mane instead. He wasn't wearing an armor either, so he could clearly see his cutie mark, which was a pair of silver swords. Only when the pony stopped moving, he noticed a pair of retractable hoofswords strapped to his front hooves. "Don't think I didn't see you sneaking around!"

"Heh, I tried," The sword pony shrugged and smiled "how did you know I was there?"

"Fool! I have a spatial awarness in any cold areas! I knew of your presence from the very moment you stepped on the snowy area!"

The other pony blinked. "Sure..." he rolled his eyes, before jumping away from another beam.

The situation was similar to the previous one, though this guard was a lot more agile and managed to get closer each time he dodged. Eventually Ice Cold had to change his tactics. His powers were not limited to freezing and golem creation, after all. And he proved it by shooting his beam at the ground. The vein of cold traveled on the ground, until it got to the sword pony, at which point a giant, spiky icicle emerged from it, narrowly missing the assailant. Soon after that, a few more icicles shot up. The pony jumped away from the first one, but he was unable to change his trajectory in mid-air. He instead sliced the other icicles with his blades before they reached him, landing further away safely. Realizing that the closer he was to the villain, the faster the icicles traveled, he opted to retreat and jumped out of the building, landing near the ice ball the other pony was trapped in.

"A noble effort, but I'm afraid you're only getting a COLD shoulder from me!"

"You're not even trying anymore, are you?"

He shrugged. "It's not as easy as it sounds."

As the two exchanged banter, the giant ice ball started glowing purple then exploded, sending shards of ice all around. The white, slightly blue-ish due to low temperature, pony shivered, welcoming the pleasant warmth of the sun.

"Oh hey Shiny, good to see you again."

Shiny nodded, rubbing his hooves over his body. "I-I-It's f-f-f-frickin' c-c-cold!"

"Ready for round two?"

"S-s-sure, j-j-just g-g-gimme a s-s-sec!"

Sword pony nodded, then turned toward the overturned cart, where the two officers were hiding. "Is the area safe?"

"All clear, we're the only ones remaining!"

He nodded. "Good job! Did you hear that, Fire Strike?"

Ice Cold raised an eyebrow. "Fire Strike? Who are you talking to?" He didn't get an immediate answer, though the smug smile he was wearing was quite unsettling.

He was about to ask again, when the sword pony pointed up. The villain blinked and his eyes narrowed. It was clearly the oldest trick in the book. But at the same time he was pretty sure he could defend himself from any surprise, so he relented and looked up. All he saw was a big, burning ball of fire. Not surprising, considering it was the middle of the day.

"What, the sun? Hate to brake it to you, but my powers won't be defeated by simple sun rays! Unless Princess Celestia decides to strike it in my direction."

Which he knew wasn't possible for two reasons. One, that would destroy the city, which Princess Celestia isn't known to do. Two, he made sure to plan his robbery while she was on a diplomatic visit to Zebrica to apologize for some centuries old feud and wouldn't come back for a few more days. Still, he was getting hotter every second just thinking about it. The smile on the sword pony grew even wider, while the barrier user stopped shivering. Ice Cold looked at the sun once again.

And then something hit him. Not literally, not yet. He looked to the sky to his left, at the sun. Then right, at the sun which grew a size. Left again at the small sun. Right again at the bigger sun. Then at the two ponies, now surrounded by a purple barrier, waving at him. Sun to the left. Sun to the right.

His eye twitched as he felt like the biggest sucker in existence. "Dude, that's not coo--"

And then there was a giant explosion of fiery doom, right in front of the bank entrance, melting all the snow and overturning everything that wasn't bolted to the ground. As the dust settled, the purple barrier dissolved and the two unicorns looked around the destroyed front of the bank, along with remains of carts and carriages on the streets.

"Did I overdid it?" Asked an orange stallion with fiery mane, as he entered the battlefield. The other two shrugged.

"Eh, the insurance will cover it, I guess." Sword pony reassured his friend. "The irony is that it probably wouldn't cover extremely cold temperatures."

Shiny inspected Ice Cold. "He'll be fine!" He reassured his friends. The villain mumbled something in his sleep, confirming that with his freaky mutant ice powers he also got enough invulnerability to survive a small nuke. "But he's out cold." His friends groaned and facehooved. "...what?"

Meanwhile, just a few yards away, Officer Marrow and Rigged were laying on the ground, their faces black from soot, their manes messed up. Officer Marrow coughed a few times. "I'm too old for this!"

"I got better." Ice Cold happily announced to the group which, unsurprisingly, moved their chairs away and gazed at him cautiously, afraid he was going to turn them into ice statues. He rolled his eyes. "You have nothing to worry about, guys! After they detained me, they placed magical wards on my body to keep my powers sealed. At best I can freeze a glass of juice, which is mighty convenient on hot days."

The group hesitated. Red Hope was the first one to... break the ice (and he felt bad, too). "So, that robbery just few months ago, it was you?"

"Yep! I don't think there's another pony with my powers anywhere near Canterlot. But it's okay, I'm on probation. Turns out too much power can get over your head and turn you into a raging maniac. Who knew? They say I'm hot headed, but that day I had a massive..."

"Don't say it!"

"Don't you dare!"

"Disgusting!"

"...BRAIN FREEZE!" He was met with silence. Somepony coughed. Ice Cold snorted and crossed his hooves. "Sheesh, what an audience."

"...I don't get it."

After a longer pause, High Roller coughed. "Well, as long as you behave and don't cause any problems, you're welcome on S.A.S.S. meetings. You might be an evil super villain..."

"Ex-super villain!"

"...but at least you're not a despicable voyeur!"

"OH COME ON!"

Ice Cold shook his head in disgust. "Ugh, no way! I'm a villain, not a monster!" Pause. "I mean, I was. Totally not anymore."

"I still don't understand one thing," Red Hope said "what does all of this have to do with Twilight Sparkle?"

"Oh, that's simple. She's the reason I got like this!"

"Thanks for letting me use your lab for my homework, Mix-Up!" Twilight Sparkle, now in a lab coat, thick protective goggles and hair tied in a bun (which she somehow managed to pull off!), said as she placed her notebooks and vial filled with substance of some description into her saddlebag. "After Sunset Shimmer 'accidentally' blew up our classroom I was afraid I wouldn't be able to finish it on time."

"N-no, it's alright," The beige earth pony in lab coat waved his hoof, trying to hide his large blush, which she didn't notice "t-t-this is all A-A-Academy's stuff anyway. I-I-It's not even m-m-my s-s-station." He wiped his sweat, watching as Twilight was slowly turning away, almost ready to leave. It was now or never. "T-T-Twilight!"

The cutest mare in the universe turned to him. "Yes?"

"Ummm... d-d-d-d-o y-y-yo-yo-you..." Just ask her for the damn movies! You can do it! "d-do y-you... do you want an umbrella?" GODDAMNIT!

Twilight giggled. "Nah, they didn't forecast any rain today. But thanks for the offer. See ya!" And she was gone.

Mix-Up waited for a minute, hoping, praying for her to come back with no memory of their previous encounter, and somehow fall in love with him on the spot. Oh, who are you kidding, Mix-Up? There's no way she would ever notice a geek like you! He smacked his head over the table, multiple times, completely unaware of an existence of a certain vial right next to him. I wish I was cooler. At least twenty times coo--

"Mix-Up!" One professor screamed. "Get that unstable mutagen over here! And don't drop it, the results could be catastrophic!"

"Huh?" Mix-Up jumped, accidentally knocking something from the table. He looked at the floor where the crash sound came from. Now there were shards of glass, along with sizzling, smoking pile of blue goo. "Oh crap!"

Twilight Sparkle stopped on her track as the ground shook under her. She looked around and hummed, then shrugged. "Just my imagination." And she walked away.

"And that's how I got my powers!"

The room went silent for a while.

Red Hope coughed. "So... basically, your story has almost nothing to do with her?"

Ice Cold touched his chin and hummed, then shrugged. "Now that I think about it, yeah."

"And you don't want to get revenge?"

Ice Cold snickered. "For what? Transforming my old, worthless self into a super being? Nah, if anything I want to thank her!"

"And you didn't try to kidnap her or force her to marry you?"

"You read too much comic books. Of course not! I haven't even seen her once since my revival. I was too busy training my powers, plotting, bank robbing, jail sitting and pretending to have a change of heart so they'll let me leave on probation... uh, I mean, sorting my life out. Yeah." Pause. Everypony glared at Ice Cold. He swallowed and quickly changed the topic. "And even if I somehow managed to kidnap her then I'd have to deal with her equally overpowered friends, her royal guard brother and his cronies, not to mention those three guards that beat me last time. And that's not counting Princess Celestia (and Luna too, I guess), who's been known to care about her students a lot. I think I'll concentrate on my villain career instead... by which I mean, getting away from it and into more legitimate, honest life!" He smiled.

More silence occurred. "Dude's kinda messed up!" Said Daemon Bash, earning himself a lot of confused looks. "What?"

Among all the awkward silence, there was another sound coming from the crowd. The quiet, but enthusiastic clapping belonged to one known as 'Sun Praiser'. They were sure it wasn't his real name, since no sane parent would give a name like that to a blue coated unicorn with short, yellow-light blue mane resembling electric currents. Also, his cutie mark was a lightning rod surrounded by electricity. He was wearing a short, pure white coat with golden highlights, with a necklace with Celestia's cutie mark hanging from his neck.

"Bravo, that's the spirit!" Sun Praiser kept clapping. "Don't let other ponies brand you as an evil pony and embrace the change! Let Celestia's light guide you to be a better pony! Praise The Sun!"

Everypony in the group, Ice Cold included, groaned upon realizing who this pony was.

Princess Celestia is an unquestionable ruler of Equestria, that much is a fact. She is also a being responsible for moving the sun, that was also true. What was never confirmed to be true or false, however, was her status as a deity. Every time she was asked about whether she (and Luna too, I guess) is (were) a a true goddess(es) or not, she either completely denied it, or told ponies not to think about it or outright states that she had no idea, but she wished not to be treated as such, as worshipping one pony, no matter how powerful or wise, was foolish. And stupid.

Back in the day, ponies were foolish. And stupid.

It started harmlessly. A shrine here, a prayer there, a chapel, then two, nothing major. Then there were radicals who thought that a part of the codex that stated 'A marriage between mare and stallion is sacred' actually said 'Burn any filly foolers for no reason whatsoever'. To be fair, same sex relationships weren't all that common back then and she made sure to rewrite that part to be more ambiguous. And then came crusades, because 'them filthy zebra scum are different so they must be evil' (she's still apologizing to this day). She got so mad, Equestria was without sun for three days. Banning religion was stupid and pointless for many reasons, so she reached a compromise with her 'worshippers'.

To make the long story short, what was once an organized religion became a glorified fanclub of Princess Celestia. A big, well organized fanclub where ponies took new names (all of them sun related, obviously) and instead of preaching nonsense, burning villages and shunning those who have a different opinion, focused their efforts on charity work, amassing an impressive amounts of bits each year. In an ironic twist of fate, 'Paladins of the Sun' (don't ask) are the reason why Equestria is such a prospering kingdom with close to no poverty.

Why they took a vow of celibacy is a question Princess Celestia is still afraid to ask.

"I am a firm believer of turning over a new leaf. In fact, I think this is a good time to tell my story, since that was what is was about. Praise The Sun!"

Red Hope sighed and shook his head. "If you must. Just a question first- are you going to say that all the time?"

"Why of course! We, Paladins of the Sun, include our motto in our speech as a sign of respect and undying loyalty. Praise The Sun!"

"This is gonna get old fast, isn't it?"

"Disgusting!"

PRAISE THE TWILIGHT!

The unicorn known as Lightning Strike (born to two pegasi parents, hence the name) wasn't the greatest pony. In fact, some called him the worst.

"Lightning Strike, you're the worst!" The white coated unicorn said to him, as his other friends were too busy burying their faces in their hooves, hoping that everypony in the bar wouldn't notice them.

"Pfft, that's what she said... NOT!" The worst pony in question laughed, almost spilling his beer. "Come on you guys, take those sticks from yer asses and start having fun!"

"I'm not sure that waitress found your pickup lines to be very 'fun'," the white coated pony remarked "last time I checked, mares don't react well to words like 'pound' and 'whorse' used in a single sentence."

"Please, what's a queer like you know 'bout woo-win ladies?"

"I'm pretty sure I have made more contact with them than you."

Everypony at the table hissed. "Would you like some ice for your burn, cousin?" The fiery maned stallion smirked at them.

"Whatever!" He crossed his hooves and turned his eyes away from his so called friends. It just so happened that their seats were right by the windows. Anywhere else and his life would have turned in a completely different direction. He would have probably become a Royal Guard, like everypony gathered at the table. And he would've grown to be the most corrupt, sleazy guard this country has ever known. But one mare changed everything.

"Woah, sweet flanks at nine!" He suddenly jumped, his eyes glued to the thing he just described. Other stallions joined him and looked at the mare in question, passing by with her two friends. "By Celestia's plot..."

"Ugh, I can't believe I said that!" Sun Praiser lowered his head in shame. "Praise The Sun!"

"...forget that hag of a wench from before," He said, licking his lips "look at'em ripe plot here! This is what I'm talkin' about!" He turned to his friends, expecting a similar reaction, at least from his cousin. He found no appreciation or awe, but terror on most of their faces. Except one, who sat silently, his face betraying no emotion. "No? Whatevs, more for me!"

"Lightning, I wouldn't..."

"Of course you wouldn't, Silver, we know you go the other way, not that there's anything wrong with that, other than being weird!" Like we said, the worst. He turned to the fiery maned one. "C'mon cousin, don't tell she ain't the sexiest flank yer seen?"

The other pony scratched his head. "I'm not saying she's not pretty, but..."

"Yeah, that butt! Lemme tell ya what I'm gonna do!"

"No, better not!"

"I'ma gonna go to that !@#$ and !@#$ her !@$# with !@#$ and !@$ while !@$#..." and he kept on going, describing in great detail every single moment together with the purple coated mare, while his cousin and his gay friend's eyes went wider and jaw dropped lower and lower. The fourth pony at the table remained stoic. "Come on, what are you three so silent?" He turned to the only pony that said nothing past few minutes. "What do you think?"

The saphire blue maned unicorn in question blinked. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He finally spoke. "I think... I should go to her..."

"Yeah, and?"

"...and protect her from creeps like you."

"Pfft, what are you? Her guardian angel?"

Shiny shook his head, then stretched his front hooves. "I'm her older brother."

Silence. Lightning Strike blinked once. Then again.

"Well, ffffffffffff--"

"I woke up on the emergency ward in the nearest hospital, looking forward to get all the glass removed from my body (the one I got when I was punched through the window). That's where I met Sun Lover, my future mentor. I always thought Paladins of the Sun were just some weirdos, but for some reason, his speech spoke to me at a deeper emotional level and made me realize the error of my ways. Though in hindsight, morphine did most of the work." He shrugged. "Either way, I left the academy and joined the order. Praise The Sun!"

The group hummed. It was by far not the weirdest thing they have heard today. They shrugged and started murmuring between each other, before High Roller turned to Sun Praiser. "Well, that was certainly an uplifting story. You're a living proof that anypony can change, so... Praise the Sun?"

"PRAISE THE SUN!" Everypony shouted in unison.

"Even if you're a super villain."

"Preach on, brothers (and sister)!" Ice Cold jumped up with his hooves up. "Praise The Sun!"

"PRAISE THE SUN!"

"Unless you're a filthy maggot with no regards to ponies privacy. Then nothing can help you."

"OH GET OVER IT ALREADY!"

"...disgusting."

Red Hope slapped his face with his hoof. "This place is full of idiots!"

Con turned to him, smiling smugly. "And yet you're here every single time."

Red Hope sighed. "Then I guess that makes me the biggest one so far..."

Author's Note

* - do remember that these ponies are in a support group, thus their mileage may vary from yours.

Alternative chapter title: "Twilight Sparkle: The Cosplay Edition"

Sky Watcher was eventually forgiven for being a disgusting creep. You don't need to write comments about abuse of a fictional characters, thank you very much. Also, I would appreciate if no shitstorm discussion about religion gets started, thank you very much.

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