The Fall of Uber Villain Guy -or- Is That Burnt Ham I Smell?

by Nuki Mouse

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6
Length: 1770

A comic parody of Equestria being invaded by an Uber Villian Sue, and just who took him out.

When the Mane Six fail, to whom must all of Equestria turned to for salvation.....DERPY?

This a total comic parody about Equestria being invaded by the very dregs of fanfic cliches, an Uber Villain Sue, and just how he was taken down. Mane Six, Celestia, Luna, and...? No shipping or slash, just insane comic violence.

Changed rating to teen due to (comedic) character death and some swearing. No gore.

Published 2011-07-17 13:01:04 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-01 10:37:32 UTC

The Fall of Uber Villain Guy -or- Is That Burnt Ham I Smell?

The Fall of Uber Villain Guy -or- Is that Burnt Ham I Smell?

By Nuki Mouse

Note: UBER MARY SUE's never work unless in a total parody. This parody started out as part of a posted review (by me) on Ponychan of a way over the top Uber Villain Sue called Cold-eye in another’s story. Thanks to Midnight Shadow for proof-reading this and correcting all my many grammar & spelling errors.

The golden sun shone brightly through the high arched windows of the grand throne room, its rays illuminating the modest 20 tiered golden dais capped with a very plain and understated ivory and mother of pearl divan, and upholstered with mediocre quality Corinthian leather. Casually reclining upon the divan was the always-humble alicorn Celestia, Crown Princess of Equestria, Ruler of Canterlot, Supreme Commander of the Royal Guard, Head-Filly of the Royal Academy, and Goddess of the Sun.

Nearby, off to the left and slightly behind a support column, was a regal single-tier dais made of the finest plywood and PVC the Palace coffee fund could spare, and elegantly appointed with cushions from such elite suppliers as “Holiday Barn”, “Comfort Stalls” and “Stable-Six”. Upon them squatted the noble and aloof Luna, princess without a kingdom, temporary ruler of the local servants union, new head maid of the royal household and goddess (pro-tem) of the moon.

Before the two sisters were arrayed the kingdom’s finest defenders, the Elements of Harmony, otherwise known as the Mane Six. There was a sudden BOOM and the mighty doors of the throne room were ripped ajar. There stood the kingdom’s ultimate Nemesis, Uber Villain Guy.

“CELESTIA,” bellowed Uber, “It is time for you to die and your kingdom to fall!”

Celestia’s two ever present and loyal Royal Guards seized their weapons, turned, and galloped like hell out of the throne room.

“I’m only in this for the College fund!” yelled loyal Guard #1.

“Right behind ya bro,” answered loyal Guard #2.

“Twilight, my beloved pawn... I mean STUDENT,” cried Celestia, “I implore you and your friends to make the supreme sacrifice to save me... um... the kingdom!”

"Oh no, without my books to consult first,” whined Twilight, “what can I do?”

"Watch me! I’ll just fly headlong into certain...” but surely 20% cooler than most, hoped Dash, “...death!" Moments later to everypony’s surprise, she literally did just that.

“I reck'n I'll just throw me some apple pies at ya, y'all might taste one 'n turn good.” Heck it worked once before, thought AJ.

"Bleat!" cried out Fluttershy as she rolled over on her back. "Shush," she whispered, "I'm doing my fainting goat impersonation again!"

"Darling, how can you stand to be seen like that? I mean really, flat black with dull gray highlights? You should know that this season's colors for uber villains are GLOSS black with GOLD highlights!" chastised Rarity as she searched though her emergency fashion supplies for the proper Battle-suit accoutrements.

"I know! I’ll just throw you a party!" gleefully sang out Pinkie Pie as she danced and burst in to song, “This is a singing telegram....”

Crash!

Suddenly the prancing pony was knocked silly, or at least sillier, by the bulk of the kingdom’s finest plywood dais.

“What?” questioned Luna, as everpony stared at her, “somepony had to do it.”

Shit, thought Celestia, all I can do is turn the lights on and off, or trick barely grown fillies into doing my dirty work. Wait I know...! "Luna, my beloved little sister, you must aid me in...”

"HELL NO, Big sis! You locked me in the moon for 1000 years!” interrupted Luna as she ran out of the room via the maid’s exit, with "HEY UBER GUY! KICK HER ASS FOR ME!” echoing behind her.

With that said, Uber Villain Guy, all 50 feet of him with buzzsaw teeth, laser eyes, a veritable Swiss army knife selection of weapons built into each fist and flatulence known to have depopulated mid-size cities, stormed into the throne room. He looked down at his cowering victims and smirked.

"OH-OH-OH" reverberated the standard evil cliché villain’s laugh, “I'll crush you all into strawberry jam! I'll grind your bones! I'll kill you, then I’ll kill your parents, and then I’ll kill your parent’s parents! I'll even get your little dog too," his voice of utter doom rang out while pointing at AJ. "Then, I'll....

"Muffins?"

Uber Villain Guy looked up from his victims. Hovering just in front of him was a small gray Pegasus with a blonde mane and tail, and huge golden yet crossed eyes. Upon a hoof was a tray with several muffins on it.

"Muffins?" repeated Derpy Hooves, as she held out the tray.

"Do you not KNOW who I am? I am your death, look upon me mere pony and despair! I am....”

"Muffins?" Derpy repeated once more, as her huge golden eyes suddenly un-crossed and looked directly at Uber.

While the glare of Rarity been known to wilt badly dressed fillies at 100 feet, and the stare of Fluttershy could make grown dragons cry, they were nothing when compared to the uber cute ultra kawaii look of Derpy's un-crossed eyes.

"OK OK, I'll eat one!" cried out Uber Villain Guy, unable to resist the cuteness. He snatched up a muffin and swallowed it whole.

First there was a grumble.

Then there was a rumble.

Sudden the entire form of Uber turned bight red, then yellow, and finally lime green with purple polka-dots. Next, he bloated up 3 times his normal size, right before bursting into flames that left nothing behind but a pile of soot and the faint odor of over-cooked ham.

With her eyes now crossed again, Derpy calmly glided down to land among her friends. Among the first to greet their savior was Pinkie Pie.

"Baked Bads!" gasped out Pinkie, as she recognized the muffins on Derpy's tray. Apparently their effects only intensive with age..

"Baked Bads!" echoed the rest of the Mane Six, including Rainbow Dash, whose limp form suddenly sprung back to life. Self-resurrection is 40% cooler than certain death! She thought to herself. They all thought those weapons of mass-indigestion were destroy in the best interest of kingdom security long ago.

"Young filly, I'll take those," demanded Celestia as she seized the tray, while thinking "I'll just invite Luna to tea and MUFFINS tomorrow....."

The next day was somber, as funerals were held throughout the city, but none more poignant then the one for their beloved Princess Luna. Though she survived the battle in the throne room, the stress was apparently too much for her. Celestia assured all ponies present in the Royal Dining Room that although rare, it was not unknown for overly stressed alicorns to turn multiple colors and then burst into flames whilst eating breakfast.

“It is much like my beloved pet phoenix Philomena,” confirmed Celestia, “just without the resurrection part.”

Later, standing upon a mound on the far eastern edge of Canterlot, and near to where she insisted the moon would next rise, Celestia spread her sister’s ashes into the wind. With a sad look upon her face, Celestia silently forgave her little sister as she watched Luna’s ashes slowly settle all over the Greater Canterlot Combined Landfill and Manure Treatment Plant.

Still later, and bowing to much public pressure, Celestia crowned Derpy Hooves as the new Lunar Princess and Goddess of the moon.

And the ponies were happy.

(YEAH).

Epilogue: Moon rise that very night.

“Muffin.”

“Yes yes, I know,” replied Celestia, “you like muffins but the moon...”

“Muffin!”

“You must understand, Derpy,” explained Celestia, “it is traditional at this time of the evening for you to raise the moon...”

“MUFFIN!” yelled out Derpy, as her eyes un-crossed while looking directly at Celestia.

Those eyes, those eyes! Celestia wilted, all resistance sapped away. “OK, you win!” cried out Celestia, as she fled from the eyes; suddenly overcame by an immense desire to clean the Palace bathrooms.

And from that day forward, as Princess Celestia set the Sun in the west, Princess Derpy Hooves raised the great lunar Muffin into the eastern sky.

The End.

As anyone knows in a parody it's best to kill off the overly ranting villain in a really dumb way by the least likely character, plus I just like Derpy Hooves.

Author's notes about changes in story

. Just radom notes about changes in this story

This story was initially submitted last July. After revisting the story on this site I realized the rating was wrong, it should be TEEN due to both Luna's and Uber's deaths. Rainbow dash doesn't count since she came back to life. Also there is some actual not ponyized swear words like shit and ass, this maybe minor but enough that it should be teen IMO.

Plus it was posted incomplete instead of complete, this was and is just a one shot parody.

HOWEVER the biggest change was in Ditzy Doo, she now morphed into Derpy Hooves in my story. Last summer it was still very much in the air whether the grey wall-eyed pegasus was called Ditzy Doo or something else. Some posting I read stated Studio B was calling her Ditzy, and she (wall-eyed grey pegasus) was the pony refered to as Ditzy in Winter Wrap-up. But I was also aware of the fan base calling her Derpy Hooves instead. I had NOTHING against the name Derpy, I just liked the alliterate name Ditzy Doo better at the time and figured most readers would realize this was also Derpy.

But since the Last Round-up fiasco, with first calling her Derby and having a deep (for a filly) slow voice, then removing the name "Derby" and giving her a higher pitch "cutesy" vioce in the I-Tunes version. I agree her name IS Derby Hooves from now on and I changed my story to reflect that.

BTW "The Last Round-up" wasn't changed on the HUB On Demand channel when it ran the last 2 weeks of February. But it also has not been re-aired on the HUB itself yet. It is the only episode not showed again since its initial air date, so until it finially airs again we (the fans) won't know if all versions of TLR are to be editted or just the I-Tune version.

P.S. I actually like the cutesy vioce better, it is more like I thought Derpy should sound, but I don't agree with dropping her name, changing her eyes, or changing the frustrated tone of RB to a more conciliatory one.