Fifty Shades of Niegh

by Mousei11

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Anthro, Comedy, Adventure, Random
Length: 1540

A short analysis of our fandom, mainly, THAT side of it.

A short analysis of the brony fandom, mainly, the cloppers.
In this read:
Figure out everything there is to know about the cloppers. Why they clop, what they clop to, and how it all comes together.

Written by
Twilight Sparkle

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-09 12:44:24 UTC

Prologue: The Princesses Made Me Do It I Swear!

After my three visits to the Homosapien world, I've noticed many strange, strange things in comparison to our Equine world. Once I was introduced to the Internet, I almost never got off. So much computer data compiled in to one large server powering an entire system of binary coding! I enjoyed studying computer science, and bringing all of this knowledge back to Equestria really helps everypony! We now have many different technologies that assist us in our daily work. Powered by self-replicating magic, we're always ready to work hard and there's nothing in our way. The magic and technology combine to make a certainly flawless machine that does all of the work so we don't have to.

There is however...something strange about the internet. When more people found out I was an Alicorn Princess from Equestria, some started to give me awkward looks and sweat a bit. Most just tried to run away as fast as possible! I didn't know why, until human Rainbow Dash showed me something that changed my life forever.

The Cloppers.

At first I wasn't sure what to make of such an onomatopoeia. Just the contact of hoof to a solid surface wasn't something special. I then found out what it was in reference to. Another onomatopoeia, referred to as 'fapping' is one describing the audible contact of skin on skin. When talking to Dash, I assumed it was as much as clapping, or maybe something worse, hitting. I shortly found I was very wrong.

On that day...

"So...clapping, or hitting?" I asked, naively. Dash face-palmed, letting out an audible sigh of disappointment.

"NO TWILIGHT." She blurted. "Have you never been on the Internet?!"

"Yes, many times." I replied with a confused expression.

"Did you have the safety filter on?" Dash asked again, with a dull frown.

"Yeah, that keeps the computer from blowing up doesn't it?" I asked.

"Yes, Twilight! That's exactly what it does!" Rainbow shouts in a frustrated tone.

"So I was ri---"

"No Twilight!" Rainbow shouted again, interrupting me. "It protects the innocence that everyone lost at the age of 12!"

"What do you mean?" I ask once more. I felt my inquiry was getting a bit annoying, but I had to know what she was talking about. I couldn't wrap my head around the point...That could have been worded better...

"Twilight, do you know why people have been looking at you strange?"

"No, why?"

"Look." Rainbow Dash said, she opened her laptop and showed me a page that had a colorful GOOGLE logo. "I want you to type in, "Twilight Sparkle.""

"Okay...Why?" I asked. Rainbow Dash didn't respond, so I just continued to type my name.

"Now press enter." She says. So I pressed enter...and thus my innocence fell.

"WHAT IS THAT!?" I said, looking at the most terrifying picture of myself. I seemed to have more elaborate...parts..and for all I knew at the time, an oddly shaped stick in between my waist!

Thus I returned to the princesses and informed them of the issue.

I was charged to write about this strange behavior. A book to be ready to read before everypony begins to freak out.

Chapter Two: Excitement

This chapter will go over the following:

~ The Issue

~ The Explanation

~ The Conclusion

The Issue: From observation of the natural state of human embarrassment, being caught 'fapping to ponies' is a major issue. The very thought of being 'aroused' by such is even insane. Most if not all humans are too STUPID to realize the very fact that 'fapping to ponies' isn't as 'insane' as what they thing. Yes, maybe strange that you like seeing somepony as myself with things I've never seen before (until that day), but some humans will just stop at nothing to be satisfied...but I digress.

The Explanation: Humans and ponies alike have a built in mental function that is referred to as 'arousal', (n.) the action or fact of arousing or being aroused. Arousal being 'sexual excitement'. This function is the brains response to something that is considered 'attractive', usually any part contributing to the reproductive function of the human/equine body. All animals go through this stage, humans and equines (of this world) just happened to have regulated it via marriage. What most people don't realize is that when one creates art of---to be bland---naked horses, that the mind associates these drawn parts with actual human beings, in which the very fact of, "I'm looking at a cartoon horse", is completely ignored.

The Conclusion: Common pornography, and equine pornography are only different in the love of the character being displayed. In all honesty, the equine body being altered like this is basically the same as pornography in general. In this case, it is as strange as 'fapping' to normal pornography, but to a fictional (as far as they know) character.

Chapter One: The Makeup of Equinity

To start my first chapter of analysis, I'd like to bring up the very makeup of the Equusferracallabus---As is correctly stated.

First of all, I had to make a number of observations and analyses with the Equine race of the human world. To put together a basic summary...They're ugly horses. The makeup of the body is completely unattractive, and very inhumane. I took a survey of about 600 humans, 599 of which said that horses were unattractive. As for that one...well...let's say it was biased. The 'horse' was used as a work animal for humans, and as a means of transportation. Slightly offensive, but I digress. This was the conclusion of my first experiment: People may think it's all strange for one from this world to be 'aroused' by one of the other world resembling an animal from the first's world, but there is a drastic difference in their horses and our ponies.

My second experiment was to compare pictures. A picture of certain ponies I know from Equestria, and some generic horse pictures found via the Internet. I tested the same 600 people, in which the results were 600 people thought of the Pony as more attractive than the horse. Though some gave an odd reaction of making it clear to me that only in the circumstances in which that was all there was to choose they would think a pony as attractive. Either way, I put the records in my notes and decided to lay down for the night.

The equine race is described as 'anthropomorphic.' Most accurately defined as: (adj.), relating to or characterized by anthropomorphism. • having human characteristics. Anthropomorphism is described as the following: (n.) the attribution of human characteristics or behavior to a god, animal, or object. Equinity holds many anthropomorphic traits, such as the ability to communicate in the way humans do, to make human gestures, to look partially human in certain ways, and to act like humans.

You may say that even though we are 'anthropomorphic', it is still strange to be 'aroused' by one of our kind.

This is covered in the next chapter.

Chapter Three: Feeling Artsy?

Introduction: What we will be going over today is just a simple issue over the Internet; in fact the one that brought me to the Princesses of Equestria. Most people refer to this issue as one of the 'rules of the Internet'. Specifically, Rules 34 and 35. Stating that: "34. There is porn of it, no exceptions." and "35. If no porn is found of it, it will be made." Then the final rule 36, "36. There will always be more f**ked up sh*t than what you just saw."

Here we will be going over:

~ The Issue

~ The Explanation

~ The Conclusion

The Issue: Many people may look at and 'react' to this 'Horse Porn', but where does it all come from? Of course, someone has to make it! These people are called the 'Clop Artists'. Whether in form of story, visuals, video, animation, or even physical toys, the clop artists will always support rules 34-36.

The Explanation: "Why would they do this?" You ask. "Why would they make such horrible things?" Well here is your answer. Clop Artists are renowned for their art, and the content they produce via the Internet. (i.e. Tiarawhy, known for HER [Yes I said her] Numerous animations ranging from pedophilia, to incest, to TENTACLE PORN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!) Clop Artists are proud of what they do, and what they do doesn't necessarily have anything to do with their liking of porn.

As for those who create the 'toys', if anyone remembers the Lyra doll auctioned for 700$ because of a hole in the back of it. On the Internet, commissions. This kind of work earns them money, because there aren't just two or three of you horny freaks out there, there's millions of you, and sometimes you have to have your own little picture or animation for you and you only.

The Conclusion: Clop Artists earn money, and popularity for the hard work they put in to animations, physical creations, and pictures. This may or may not mean that they enjoy the porn themselves, it isn't that clear. It is clear however, that they lack some sexual morality.