Diamond Tiara Gets High

by Phenoix12

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Silver Spoon, Comedy
Length: 1082

Diamond smokes weed and stuff happens.

Diamond wants to try this 'weed' she keeps hearing about. Silver joins her. Stuff happens.

Just a dumb story created to try to help me break though my writers block. Enjoy~

Thanks to Leoshi for taking time out of his life to proofread this thing.

Published 2015-02-11 18:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-11 18:20:02 UTC

...also Silver Spoon is there

Diamond quickly closed her bedroom door behind her and made her way to her bed. There upon she placed her prize. This item wasn’t easy to get; she had to sneak into daddy’s office down the hall and grab it from his desk drawer. At one point she feared that her father was about to walk in on her as she searched for it but she lucked out and as soon as she got the item she skulked back to her room unseen.

Now looking down at the small unassuming item… a pipe. One of her father’s several cheap disposable clay pipes he kept for when he traveled so he didn’t need to bring his nice expensive feather wood pipe. But Diamond didn’t care about that. She had her prize and now set to the next stage of her plan.

She pulled out from under her bed a small paper bag. This bag was kept hidden so nopony would find it and nopony would know what she was about to try. She opened the bag. Inside was a mixture of grass clippings, ragweed, dandelions, and other such stuff that she had personally collected from the lawn.

She had always heard of ‘smoking weed’ but now was the time she was going to try it. Now was the time she would find out why so many ponies seemed to like doing this. She carefully loaded a small bit of her weeds into the pipe and took a match and lit it.

Upon the first puff the effect was instantaneous. Diamond descended into a fit of coughing and gagging due to the horribleness of what she had just experienced. It felt like she had just inhaled a bunch of random weeds from the lawn that were lit on fire for some odd rea- oh wait, that’s exactly what happened.

“This is absolutely HORRIBLE!” Diamond yelled, “Why would anypony even do this!?” She couldn’t believe what a letdown the ‘weed’ was. She had even invited Silver Spoon over so she could try it also. She’ll be so disappointed that it wasn’t at all like what the movies made it out to be.

Speaking of Silver Spoon, there came a knock on Diamond's door. It was Silver; the butler had let her in as usual and she came right up to Diamond's room. Diamond let her in and soon they were both sitting on the bed.

“Sooooo~” Silver began. “Where’s the weed?” she said, looking around the room, soon stopping at the paper bag near the edge of the bed with the pipe next to it. “Awww, did you start without me?”

Silver opened the bag and--- “Diamond, why is this bag, like, full of lawn clippings.” ---oh sure just cut me off mid… whatever. I’ll just let these two talk it’s not like you need me to explain everything.

“Ummm… because they’re weeds?”

“…you do know that ‘weed’ doesn’t mean just, like, any random weed from the yard right?”

“…it doesn’t? But why do they call it ‘weed’ then? I just thought they smoked a bunch of random junk from the garden or something.”

“No, weed is like, city zebra slang or something…”

“City zebra slang?”

“Yah you know like,” Silver started… before going into the most racially insensitive impersonation of a zebra ever. “Like yo where’s my zebras at up in this street! I wanna smoke some of that weed.”

“That’s racist! And it didn’t even rhyme.”

“Not the point. Luckily I brought a bag of real weed!” Silver said with a smile as she pull a little paper baggy out of her saddlebags and dropped it onto the bed.

“Real weed? Where did you find that?!”

“Zebras.”

“Really?”

“Yah, behind Zebra Print’s photo shop, there’s some donkey selling it,” Silver said matter-of-factly, before opening the little baggy and exposing the bright green cannabis leaves to the world.

“Oh, so that’s what they look like,” Diamond said while looking down at the product… Did you know that cannabis has many applications other than a recre-- “So do we just smoke it and we feel good?” …fuck you Diamond Tiara…

“Yah, but I think we can also just eat it.”

“Oh, well that sounds easier.”

With much carefulness the two fillies divvy up the licit leaves into equal piles before unceremoniously putting them all into their mouths at once…

“Ihf thafs ‘unny,” Diamond said with her mouth full of greenery, to which Silver just replied with a shrug. After a few moments of chewing they both swallow down their special meal.

“Hay Silver? How long does it take for this stuff to kick in?”

“I don’t know a few minutes maybe… I’m kinda feeling, like, something already.”

…a few minutes tick by…

“Whoa… everything feels weird…” Diamond said while looking around the room. “Like… everything feels like air or something.”

“Yah… I feel like, like, I could fly,” said Sil- did she just use ‘like’ twice?

“Wow look at my hooves!” Diamond suddenly shouts out. “They look like… hooves! They’re so cute and hoofy!” she finishes with a giggle before breaking into laughter which Silver joined in earnest.

“OH Diamond! Have you felt my fur? It’s so soft… like a cat,” Silver says… while apparently petting her own tummy which Diamond joins in doing…

“Wow it’s soft… I could pet you forever… and ever… and ever… is time slowing down?” Yah I wonder this story just feels like it’s droning on now. “Story?” Yah I… wait…

“Diamond check out that monkey thing in the corner!” Silv- Oh shit they can see me?

“Oh wow… what is it?”

“So you can see it too? Wow we must be, like, sharing a dream or something!” ...you can’t be dreaming because you’re not asleep.

“Dude it’s talking!” that was Diamond by the way if you care about who’s ever talking right now.

“It’s like a talking monkey thing with no hair!”

“I like it's little outfit! Its cute.” …um well thank you Diamond I- “Do a dance!” –what! I’m not going to dance for you.

“Hay talking monkey, do a trick!” Silver I’m not going to-

“Take off your shirt!” You know what?! I don’t have to take this, I’m leaving. Let’s see you have a story without a narrator!

…

“Awwww… Monkey thing is gone.”

…

…

…

…

…

“Hay Dia?”

“Yah Sil?”

“Wanna make out?”

Author's Note

I just felt like writing something dumb. Don't judge me!