She's Not Good with Children.
It had been a long day for Rainbow Dash. There were rainshowers scheduled for every major town within a hundred miles, and she had had to act as coordinator for the weather team for each and every one.
“At least it's finally over,” she thought to herself, “but I would really have loved to practice some of my new stunts today.”
Coordinating was a slow job, and Rainbow Dash was anything but slow. She would never master the mega-awesome-triple-rainbow-corkscrew she had invented if she kept having to work instead of training.
She flew along, daydreaming in this manner, until her keen eyes caught sight of a small box on the side of the road that she hadn't noticed before. There was something strange to her about how it was just sitting by the road, far from anypony’s homes. She decided to take a peek; maybe it was a package Ditzy had dropped on her delivery route.
She banked, and descended in a few wide spirals, sticking the landing perfectly a few feet away from the box. She noticed it didn't have any labels or writing on it, so it couldn't have been a parcel from the mail, she thought . Looking around once more to make sure no other ponies were around, she decided to take a look inside.
She poked the box with a hoof, and it made a high-pitched squeal. Rainbow Dash jumped back ten feet.
“What the hay?!” She took a deep breath, and shook her head to relieve the shock. “C’mon Dash, ya gonna let a little box scare you? You can take whatever hideous creature might be in there, no sweat.”
Slowly, she hovered up to the box again. She trepidatiously pulled one of the sides of the box open, then the other. She peered inside.
“Ugh! Gross.” She grimaced. “What in Equestria is that thing?”
Inside was a pasty-white, baby animal of some kind. It was squirming around and continuing to make strange noises. It didn't look anything like a pony, Dash thought. In fact, it looked gross. She examined the creature further, her curiosity piqued.
“Heh, looks kind of like Spike, except no scales or tail."
She looked around again. “Hello, did somepony drop this?... Pinkie is this another one of your pranks?”
She waited, but heard no answer.
“Well, I've got no reason to take this thing, guess I'll just go home.” Rainbow Dash started to take off, but stopped midair. She sighed and visibly deflated.
“Ugh... Fluttershy would never forgive me if she found out I left a defenseless animal out here... even if it is a really weird animal.”
She reluctantly decided she would at least take the creature to Fluttershy; it wasn't very far to her home after all.
Carrying the box in her forelegs, she arrived at Fluttershy’s cottage and placed the box by the front door before knocking.
“H-hello? Who is it?” Rainbow could hear Fluttershy calling from inside.
“Hey, it’s Rainbow Dash, I found a weird animal by the road and-”
Before Dash even finished her sentence, Fluttershy had burst through the door, her eyes wide with excitement.
“Oh! Where is it? Is it hurt? Oh, oh, is it a bunny? Or a puppy! Or, or a coelacanth, or-”
“It’s by the door, just look,” Dash said, rolling her eyes. “And I don't know what it is, that's why I brought it.”
Fluttershy squeed and began opening the box. “What if it's a brand new species nopony’s ever seen before, or... or....”
Fluttershy’s voice trailed off when she opened the box.
“Oh dear... where did you find this?”
“It was just up the road a bit, why?”
“I-I've never seen anything like this. I don't think I've even heard of something like this in Equestria.... It’s....”
Sparing Fluttershy from finding the right word, Dash interrupted her.
“It’s weird, yeah. What are we supposed to do with it?”
“Well, I've taken an oath to take care of any creatures I can. So... I guess I'm gonna do that...” Fluttershy whispered.
“Alright then, see ya!” Dash turned to leave.
“Wait!”
Dash stopped, dropping her head in defeat as she realized she wasn’t going to get to train today.
“What is it, Fluttershy?”
“Um... what does it eat?”
Dash shrugged.
“I've only had it for a few minutes and it’s just been making those loud noises, I don't know anything else about it.”
“I think that it’s crying, Rainbow. It's probably hungry.”
“So let's feed it!”
Fluttershy started rummaging through her pet supplies.
“Well, we could try this I guess.”
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash spent the next several minutes trying to find something the baby creature would eat. Nothing worked: carrots, lettuce, hay, or even dog food.
“So what does this thing eat?” Dash grumbled, throwing a raw fish back into the bear’s food bin.
“Maybe we should go ask somepony for help.”
Dash wanted to get this ordeal over with as soon as possible.
“Let's just go to Rarity’s, she's the closest, and she has a little sister; she's bound to know something about babies right?”
They arrive at Rarity’s Boutique to find Rarity in the process of mending Applejack’s hat, which had been torn nearly in twain.
“Is there any hope for ‘er, Rarity?” Applejack was asking, biting her lip nervously.
“I'm certain I can do something about it darling,” Rarity said, masterfully working her sewing needle in and out of the fabric. “You did do quite a number on it though, what was Big Mac doing with that pitchfork, anyway?”
“Rarity!”
Rainbow’s cry broke Rarity’s concentration and startled her, causing her to poke herself with the needle she was repairing Applejack’s hat with.
“Oh we’re sorry, so so sorry Rarity. Are you okay?” Fluttershy panicked, rushing to examine Rarity’s hoof for injury.
“Im fine, whatever is the matter though, Dash? Oh, and thank you for making an entrance without breaking anything for once.” Rarity smirked.
“Ha. ha. Very funny. We found a baby... thing, and we can't figure out what it eats.”
“A baby what now?” Applejack asked.
“Oh, hey Applejack, forgot you were here,” Dash said.
“We don't know exactly what it is,” Fluttershy admitted.
“What do yah mean yah don' know? Yah just picked up ah random baby varmint off the street?”
Applejack trotted over and looked into the box. She covered her mouth as if to hide a gag.
“Oh... that's what you mean.”
Rarity looked inside as well. She cringed.
“Well... not everything can be born beautiful I suppose. I could probably create an ensemble that would complement it’s appearance though, perhaps-”
“We aren’t here to play dress-up Rarity, focus. Baby, won’t eat, what do we feed it.”
Rarity scoffed.
“Well, have you tried milk?”
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash exchanged looks.
“Oh yeah... I guess we tried everything except what a pony foal would eat.”
“Well do you have any?” Dash enquired hopefully.
“Well I have no need of it on a regular basis, so no, I don’t. Applejack?”
“Well I reckon we might have some down at the farm for bakin’, but I don’t rightly recall.”
Rainbow Dash shook her head.
“Too far for a maybe.”
Fluttershy spoke up.
“What about the cakes? Pound and Pumpkin are still on bottles, they should have plenty of milk, right?”
Rarity nodded.
“Precisely what I was thinking, but I happen to know the Cakes aren’t in town right now, they’ve gone on vacation. Pinkie should be there, though.”
Dash knocked loudly on Pinkie’s door in the upper room of Sugarcube Corner.
“Pinkie, you there?”
The door burst open, confetti blasting Dash in the face, causing her to jump.
“Sheesh, Pinkie, you’re going to give me a heart attack one of these days!”
“Heehee!” Pinkie snorted. “Sorry Rainbow Dash, I gotta have some booby traps in place while the Cakes are away, you know. You never know who’s waiting right around the corner!”
Suddenly, Pinkie appeared behind Rainbow Dash and poked her in the back of the head, startling her once again.
“Hey, cut it out! I need to ask you something.”
“Oh really? What is it Dashie?” Pinkie stood up on her hind legs, leaning against the door and giving Dash an inquisitive stare.
“Do you have any milk?” Dash purposefully omitted the information about the baby in the box so Pinkie wouldn’t get too distracted by it.
Pinkie tilted her head and blinked hard.
“Well, all mares have milk, silly.”
“No, no, no.” Dash face-hoofed. “I mean like, in a bottle, that we can borrow.”
“Aren’t you and Fluttershy a little old for bottles?” Pinkie giggle-snorted once again. “I mean, ask Fluttershy, she’ll remind you she’s even older than me!”
“It’s true.” Fluttershy sighed.
“It’s not for us, it’s for....” Dash paused, trying to think of something, anything, besides having to mention the baby so Pinkie wouldn’t lose focus of the situation at hand. “Applejack!”
Pinkie squinted at Dash for a moment, then her eyes widened more than seemed physically possible.
“So Applejack is the one drinking out of bottles, I should have known!”
“No!, look, Applejack needs it for baking a pie, okay?” Dash’s tone grew more impatient with every moment Pinkie ignored the question.
“A pie? What kind of apple pie uses milk? I can’t think of any, and I’m a baker, heehee! She must be using that as a cover story!” Pinkie was playfully rolling around on the floor, laughing at her own revelations.
“Okay, you got us.” Fluttershy stated dejectedly.
“Huh?” Rainbow Dash hoped Fluttershy wasn’t about to reveal the box to Pinkie, lest they wait even longer to find out the answer to their question.
“It’s actually to make ice cream to go with the apple pie.” Fluttershy said, feigning remorse.
“Ooooooh, why didn’t you just say so silly?”
“Yeah, so, do you have any?” Dash asked hopefully.
“Nope!”
Dash deflated.
“What?!”
Pinkie giggled.
“Yep, the Cakes took the last of what we had with them. Boy you must have really been looking forward to that ice cream, you look so disappointed.” Pinkie licked her lips, looking up at the ceiling and going into a trance-like state. “I don’t blame you though, ice cream is great! I remember this one time, I ate soooooo much that I-”
Pinkie looked back down towards Rainbow and Fluttershy once more, but they were already gone without a trace.
“Alright, last shot, let's see what Twilight knows.”
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy approached the tree-castle.
“This is still so weird,” Fluttershy whispered. “I miss the library....”
They stepped into the large central room of the castle where the seven thrones sat.
“Oh, hello Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy. What's going on?” Twilight said, emerging from one of the halls.
“We found a weird baby, Fluttershy didn’t have food for it, Rarity and Applejack told us to get milk but had none, and Pinkie Pie is being Pinkie Pie, so I figured an egghead might be able to solve this problem.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow.
"What kind of weird baby? Let me see.”
Dash set down the box, and Twilight looked inside. She almost immediately gasped in shock.
“Oh my gosh!”
“What is it?” Rainbow asked.
“I've seen one of these before, in the human world. This is a human! Like the ones I saw inside the portal! What in Equestria is it doing here?”
Rainbow Dash was elated.
“You mean we can get rid of it? I mean... send it back to it’s family or whatever?”
Twilight rolled her eyes.
“Yes, I can recreate the portal to Canterlot High like I did before. I'll write a message to Sunset Shimmer in the magic notebook, and send it through. I’m sure she'll know how to handle it.”
Sunset Shimmer walked through the doors of Canterlot High and made a beeline to her locker.
“Can’t believe I left this here,” she thought to herself, opening her locker and retrieving the magic notebook. “I’ve been meaning to write to-”
Her thoughts were interrupted when she noticed that there was something written in the notebook. Someone had written her a message!
“Oh, I hope it’s Twilight, maybe she’s coming back, it’s been so long since she returned one of my letters.”
She read the words on the page.
“A package by the portal? I wonder if the portal is still open!”
Sunset made a mad dash back outside, running to the statue that stood at the entrance to Canterlot High, the statue that held the portal to Equestria.
She tried to walk through, only to bust her nose on the statue. While she recovered from her daze and disappointment, she noticed a wooden box in some bushes nearby. There was a scroll attached to it with some twine.
“A wooden box? I thought the message in the book said cardboard. Maybe the portal can change objects too.”
She removed the scroll, and read it.
“'You'll know what to do.' What’s that mean?"
It was now she noticed a strange stench, which seemed to be coming from the box.
“Uh oh, I hope it hasn’t been here too long, it’s been a week since spring break began after all. I can’t believe I left the notebook for all that time!”
She picked up the box, and started undoing the twine around it. She began slowly opening it.
“Ugh!”
She quickly threw the box to the ground upon seeing the contents.
“What the heck, Twilight?!”
She was bent over, eyes watering, coughing, and dry heaving for several moments before she recovered from the foul odor.
“What am I supposed to do with a dead cat?”
