Mail Order Changeling

by odeeyou

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Changelings, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 7087

You put an ad in the paper?!

DAILY EQUESTRIAN CLASSIFIEDS

Are you lonely and depressed? Maybe you just need a friend or a companion?
Hired Hooves or even a significant other? We will work to your needs to the best of our abilities
to be whoever you need!
Perhaps you have special needs or specific tastes? Custom jobs may be requested by any who have needs not specified by the ad and we will work to fulfill your requirements!
Payment plans include love, adoration, hugs and kisses or just the love of a good friend!
Payment of other emotions subject to inquiry.
To order your own Changeling, just send a request giving your name and address to our PO Box.
Job details and requirements (including payment plans) will be hashed out in pony.
Changeling Drones
PO Box 6174
Ponyville, EQ 90210

Published 2015-02-10 15:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-03-29 02:48:40 UTC

prologue

In the center of the Everfree Forrest, there gathered some 53.5 Changelings two months in the aftermath of the failed invasion of the Equestrian capitol Canterlot.

Fact is, after the love powered shield that threw them from the city, they’d been scattered to the four winds. The shield’s caster acting as an epicenter and all changelings pushed away from it in all directions.

This was a problem.

With the hive scattered about the country, it had taken two months to gather what small number they had. Queen Mother Chrysalis would have been able to contact any changeling over any distance of the continent…

That is, had they been able to find her. Since the invasion, her whereabouts have remained unknown.

They were a nation without a queen. An army without a general. A body without a head.

*The collective is broken.*

*With no queen we cannot properly function.*

*We will die here.*

*Game over man!*

*Something must be done!*

*The hive has lost queens before. A new queen must be found.*

*The next closest hive is across the ocean!*

*We will not survive.*

“ENOUGH!” A changeling broke the mental connection and stepped forward into the center of the mass. “The survival of the hive is paramount. Until Chrysalis or another queen is found we must make decisions for ourselves.”

The assembled changelings blinked collectively. This was something of a foreign concept for many of them.

“I am the oldest and most experienced infiltrator here. I… will take charge.”

The silence over the changelings was deafening for a moment.

*Can we do that?*

*The hive comes first. The hive always comes first. To survive we need sustenance.*

*How? Ponies will be wary.*

*They will hunt us down-*

*Kill us.*

“No, they will not.” The new de facto leader of the changelings spoke. “I have lived a long time hiding amongst the ponies. Since the failed invasion I have continued to monitor the situation. The ponies have passed no laws against changelings and none have been reported as being captured.”

*To survive we need food. Food created most readily available by the ponies.*

*How will we get the ponies to accept us?*

The lead changeling looked hesitant, but spoke words that were likely the first ever spoken by a changeling. “By befriending them.” His wings buzzed agitatedly but his face showed only determination. “And I suggest you start talking like a pony. We will be doing it a lot.”

“So what exactly is the plan?”

This time the changeling was unable to hide his embarrassment, judging by the way his fangs retracted. He mumbled something under his breath.

“What?”

“Iptnadinthpapr.”

“You… you put an ad in the newspaper?!”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Meanwhile, in a certain Tree Library…

“Pfffsplfft!” Twilight spit her tea all over the paper, in particular the classifieds.

“Oh come one!” Spike looked at the now dripping newspaper. “I hadn’t even gotten to read the funny pages yet!”

Author's Note

For any errors in spelling or grammar I apologize. I don't have a beta. Mainly cause I work long hours and swing shift. I find time in my off hours to read on my phone but not a lot of time to type on the computer.

the experiment

“Oh this is going to be so much fun! My first Changeling test subject!” Twilight clapped her hooves together in excitement.

“…What?” Came the intelligent replay of Changeling 1408.

“Never mind that!” Twilight readied a stack full of parchment and a quill ready with ink at one of the library’s tables. “Tell me everything you can about changelings. Let’s start with the big one. You feed on love?”

“Oh no. That’s actually a blatant misconception.” He waved a holey leg to stop her from writing any further. “We feed on magic. By pony definition we are vampires and likely by any other variation of the term as well. We are energy vampires to be more specific though we do have many differing methods of extraction of energy. Given the age of the changeling race, we are likely the basis of many stories surrounding the mythology.”

Twilight stopped writing mid explanation as was now looking at the changeling with wide and worried eyes that told him she was likely now very worried about her current situation.

“Don’t worry! Don’t worry!” The changeling saw the worry and tried to alleviate her fears… by jumping to the wrong conclusions. “Despite being fully capable, Changelings haven’t used their fangs to drain ponies for hundreds of years!” He gave a fanged grin in what he thought was a reassuring smile.

He rolled his eyes in amusement. “We figured it was way too obvious to locals that vampires were about when ponies were found with holes in their necks.” He chuckled; unaware of the horrified fascination his current employer was giving him. “Evolution allowed us to feed without physically damaging the host. It allowed for longer feeding as well.”

Twilight squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. “… Are you feeding now?”

“No.” He shook his head. “As per contract, we feed only under express permission.” He shrugged. “Not that many ponies would be able to tell unless I was draining large amounts of magic from you, which would be noticeable in the form of fatigue.”

Twilight nodded in a way that said ‘that makes sense but not really.’ “Why do you drain large amounts of magic from ponies if you don’t have to?”

“It’s just the faster method of extraction. Remember that Changelings act as a hive. We require food not only for ourselves but for our young and for building the hive. In fact, only small portions of what we collect go toward sustaining ourselves.”

“Wait!” Twilight shuffled her papers on everything she knew and collected about changelings as a whole until she found a page she was looking for. “Then what was Chrysalis saying about love in the Canterlot invasion?”

“Well, magic IS heavily influenced by emotions, hence the misconception.” He shrugged. “The strongest is arguably love. Magic exists in and around ponies like an aura of energy. When you feel strong emotion, you tend to either radiate it around you or direct it to the object of your attention.”

He tried to think of a good example for which she could understand. “This is actually why you can feel a chill as another pony glares at you behind your back, or claim to physically feel the emotional love of another. Your magic subconsciously picks up on it and accepts it, or tries to shield it or direct it away.”

Twilight was writing furiously. “This… this opens up all new fields of study! Oh I can’t wait to further study all this! I could write a book! Ah!” She paused and annotated her notes. “If you feed on magic does that mean you feed on other emotions as well?”

“We are capable, yes.” He stuck his tongue out in distaste. “However, love is considered the most nutritional. In contrast magic directed by negative emotions like hate and anger could be considered toxic. They can be as dangerous to us as said emotions are to the ponies.” This time he squirmed in his seat as he IS feeling rather peckish. “May I? Just a small nibble?”

“…Okay?”

He leaned forward over the table, almost invading her personal space and breathed in like he was taking in her scent. He leaned back, apparently satisfied. “Curiosity? Horrified fascination? It’s hard to find the proper pony analogy. Compared to love, it could be considered a third class meal to a first class meal.”

“That’s rather interesting.” Twilight spent the next several minutes in silence as she recorded all of her current findings. “While we’re still on the subject of feeding, why cocoon ponies when feeding?”

This was the part the most ponies really didn’t like. “It allows for the maximum draining of energy. The cocoon forcefully drains the pony of magic and allows the Changeling to masquerade as the pony in order to drain the love of others around them.” He shifted uncomfortably. “Rarely done however, as the chance of discovery is often too high.”

Twilight nodded distractedly, writing and listening with thoughts going several different directions you could tell by the way she twitched spastically. “That brings to mind another big question! Your shape shifting ability! How does that work?”

“Truthfully, it doesn’t.”

“Huh?” Twilight blinked. “But then how…?”

“Some of the more powerful changelings like Chrysalis can full on shape shift, but it’s a huge expense of magic to maintain it. It’s a waste of gathered sustenance if you were to ask most changelings. What ponies perceive as shape shifting is often just illusion. We can refract light around us to create form. It also means we have to be careful about physical contact.”

“Physical contact?” She annotated again before starting a new page. “Visual only? You said stronger Changelings are capable of shape shifting. Shouldn’t partial shifts be possible and easier to maintain? Could you demonstrate for me?”

“Usually it’s visual only.” 1408 agreed before bursting into green flames. A moment later a copy of Twilight sat across the table from her; copied right down to her voice. “And yes, more powerful Changelings can fully shape shift. You probably know some spells yourself but for changelings they are never cost efficient.”

“Cost efficient.” Twilight underlined the words and grabbed several tomes on multiple theories of practical magic. You could read her face that it just didn’t make sense to her. “Why not? In a high magic environment like Equestria most spells are self-sustaining-“

“For ponies, yes.” Twilight Clone closed her eyes in annoyance. “Of course you are aware of how Unicorns use magic. You use the magic within you to create a spell, or more correctly ‘a command’ before willing the ambient mana to perform the task. The amount of magic born with a pony is the indicator or how much they can pull ambient mana. This is the reason the Princesses are able to exert such wide control over all of Equestria and the Sun and Moon. It's also likely the reason for why stories of powerful unicorns often perform spells that… overachieve their expectations.”

Twilight Sparkle, prodigy and personal student to Princess Celestia stared the Changeling with an open mouth with quills and papers fallen to the floor. This of course went completely unnoticed by her clone. Most ponies didn’t know (or care) how or why magic worked so long as it worked. This has led to a long line of theories on Pony magic.

Theories on Pony magic, that, if the changelings are to be believed are incorrect because most if not all ponies believe the measure of their core is indicative of their strength. When instead they should have been measuring the ambient magic affected by the spell. Why ponies can perform great feats in regards to their special talent (but not outside it) has been a great mystery to ponies.

Or it was. The changelings apparently thought ponies already knew this. For once, Twilight didn’t relish writing this down because she knew just how near impossible it was going to be to tell a bunch of stubborn, traditionalist university professors that they were all completely wrong.

Twilight Clone opened her eyes as Twilight Prime was fixing her stack of fallen papers. “Changelings cannot draw mana. All of our magic is purely internal. That is why we are forced to drain and eat the magic of other living creatures.”

Twilight Prime nodded (looking conflicted about writing something down) and picked up where she left off. “What about other sensory illusions?”

“Again, only the more experienced and powerful changelings can do so for any decent length of time. It’s usually unnecessary since we largely target singles to avoid likely abundance of physical contact.” He buzzed his wings as an example. They could be heard buzzing but were invisible to the eyes.

Twilight Prime stopped writing and sat the quill and parchment down in order to give the changeling a very careful look and glanced down at her list of questions. “Outside of factors like strength and magical ability, changelings are just as susceptible to magic as ponies are, correct?”

Twilight Clone pondered briefly. “For the most part, yes. Magic that is emotionally driven will likely have a stronger effect. It’s a bit of a two edged sword really.”

“Then I wasn’t to cast a spell on you. The spell will be a constant effect until it is broken, so I ask that you don’t drain me in the process. I assure you it will cause no harm. Okay?”

Twilight Clone nodded in agreement and watched as the purple spell was cast from her horn, connecting a thin purple line of magic to the two of them. “What is this spell?”

“A lie detection spell.”

The illusion around 1408 fell with a metaphorical crash. “Oh.” He shifted and wondered if perhaps the others were right and things would turn uglier than they already were. “You know that I had no intention of lying to you.”

“Intentions can change.” Twilight countered and peered carefully at him. “Now think carefully before you answer. How many ponies are killed by product of changelings masquerading as ponies?”

1408 dropped in his seat. “I’m not actually sure. Changelings are hive minded but Chrysalis would be best described as the lexicon of all changeling knowledge. I don’t think it’s something we ever kept formal records of.” The spell twinged. “I would expect the number to be small. Outside of the swarm, our goals have always been to preserve our existence in secret, and we have lived in secret amongst pony society for over 700 years.”

The spell faded and twilight took a few deep breaths. “Thank you for being honest.”

1408 snorted and grumbled to himself. “Like you gave me a choice.”

“Now come on!”

He was abruptly levitated into the air and trailed behind Twilight as she made for the basement of the library. “I want to run a full physical on you. Oh, this is going to be so much fun!”

Changeling 1408 took a curious bite of the magic levitating him and winced at the amount of eager curiosity. “Fun for whom?”

the daddy

When Changeling 117 arrived into town, (ignoring all the towns ponies that avoided him like the plague) he found his new employer/food provider waiting for him at the post office.

At least, he hoped they were his new provider. Clients were, after all only clients if they were willing and able to pay for services. Something not all ponies were willing and able to do.

There was also the fact that she was the only pony within the vicinity not running away from him.

“Hello! I brought all the bits in my piggy bank to pay you… I hope it’s enough…”

And damn it to Tartarus, the sad but hopeful emotions rolling off this filly were enough to make him melt into a puddle of honey.

He looked at the little grey and blonde unicorn as she held up a tiny piggy back with hope and worry all but written on her face. It was an internal struggle not to pick her up and love her to death. He was supposed to RECEIVE love, not GIVE it. At this rate, he’d be drained by evening.

Gently, he pushed the piggy bank back to her and gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile. The fangs DID have a tendency to be rather off putting to most ponies. “Don’t worry, we don’t charge currency.” He smiled as he felt the worry disappear. “So what is it you need a changeling for?”

Bits no longer being an issue, the piggy bank went into a satchel on her back before she latched herself to his foreleg with the ferocity of a leech. “I want you to be my new Daddy!”

That… took a few moments to process. “If I may ask… what happened to the old one?”

The filly let go of his leg and looked despondently down at the ground beneath her hooves. “Mommy said he left before she had me.”

Dirty rotten bastard had better hope he never runs into Changeling 117! He’d tear that pony a new plot hole! “Okay. So what’s your name?”

“I’m Dinky! What’s your name?”

“Changelings don’t have pony names. We get numbers to identify us. I’m 117, or you can just call me Daddy if you prefer.”

“Yeah!” Dinky hugged him around the neck, making him wrap a leg around her instinctively to keep her from falling back to the ground.
He could feed off the filly hugging him, but so much of it was going to be redirected back to the filly he wondered if he should even bother.
“Do you mind if I take another form? A lot of ponies are afraid of changelings so it would be easier to get around if I looked like one.”

A moment later of green fire and a blonde Pegasus stallion with grey shaggy fur sat, still hugging the little filly to his chest.

“That’s awesome! Wait! Where’s your cutie mark?” Dinky squirmed free and did a full inspection of her new Daddy.

One second later and a changeling face smiled on both sides of his rump. “I’ve never been a daddy before so you’re going to have to help me learn how, okay?”

“Okay!” Dinky hugged him again. “Wait a minute.” She looked up at him in confusion. “If you don’t take bits, what do I pay you? I thought Mommy said everything cost bits these days…”

He snorted. “Changelings need love.”

“Love?”

“Yep. You love your mommy, right? And your mommy loves you too? Well, I need love just like you and your mommy do. That’s all I need.”
Oh, his food stores were going to run dry so quickly around this filly, but she was just so darned adorable! “So what is the first thing a daddy should do?” He wondered. Changelings didn’t have daddies so much as they had… siblings. Lots and LOTS of siblings.

“Well… first-“

WHAM!

Sprawled out in a small crater of dirt with a great amount of weight sitting on his chest, he opened his dazed eyes to see angry amber eyes glaring into his… metaphorical soul. As his vision expanded, he saw that they belonged to a grey Pegasus mare with a blonde mane standing on top of him.

A VERY UNHAPPY MARE.

“Strange stallions I have never met, let alone never seen around before, DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER.” A few jabs from her hoof sent him sinking into the dirt a few more inches.

“Silly Mommy! He’s not a stranger! He’s my new Daddy” Dinky climbed atop the pile of pony pushing him promptly… into the ground.

“New… Daddy?” The Pegasus mare’s eyes wandered in different direction as she tried to understand this new information.

117’s eyes moved to that of Dinky’s. “You… didn’t clear this with Mommy first?” It just occurred to him that whatever small odds he’d had moments before of surviving this just plummeted further.

Dinky shuffled her hooves sheepishly. “It was supposed to be a surprise for Mommy…”

Mommy’s hooves dug a little deeper into his shell. He was surprised he didn’t hear his carapace creaking from the strain. Her glare refocused on him tenfold. “I don’t know what my little Muffin is talking about, but YOU are going to explain it right now. DADDY.”

“Yes dear.”

the supervisor

Changeling 696… or was it 969? He was always a little confused on that. Despite his dyslexia, some of the other changelings began to call him ‘Numbers’ (living amongst ponies, some of them would be expected to have names) ironically due to his inability to use them very well.
In any case, he stood at the entrance of the post office. He had been slated to be the next changeling to do whatever job/position/slave/tool he was told in return for love or the next best food equivalent.

Of which he really hoped he qualified for. As a working drone, receiving orders and following them were what he did best. To be fair, that’s what most changelings did best. Hierarchy amongst the changelings consisted of the Queen… followed by whatever drone was selected for overseeing any one project… and really however much experience they had at doing it.

He wasn’t very good without orders given. He was a drone. The changeling in charge of the group had given him the order of taking orders by ponies in return for food. The problem was that he wasn’t an infiltrator. Taking orders from ponies left a little too much open to interpretation. He wasn’t up to date on pony culture. He didn’t know enough about any hypothetical jobs he might be expected to do.

That and this whole ‘thinking for yourself’ thing was all very new to him.

Still… no one had died yet he supposed.

“There he is!”

And then suddenly he was surrounded by three fillies.

“Hello Mister Changeling!”

“You look kinda cool! Not as cool as Rainbow Dash but still-“

“An’ we’re…”

“THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!”

Changeling 969 looked down at the three posing fillies and wondered if he was being auditioned for some kind of performance group. “… Okay?”

The red mane yellow filly with a bow stepped forward. “Ya see, mah sis said we can’t do no more crusadin’ without… what’d she call it?”

“Supervision!” The white unicorn with a bi-colored mane answered.

“But we don’t know any ponies with super vision. So we thought maybe a changeling?” The orange and purple Pegasus filly questioned. “Do you have super vision? Cause if you did, that’d be cool! Not as cool as Rainbow Dash but still-“

“Yes. I suppose so.” Changeling 696 answered carefully, after a bit of thought. This ‘thinking’ stuff was hard. “I have five eyes. So that would be kind of super in comparison to most ponies.”

“Whoa…” The three fillies whoa’d in awe.

“Fave? Ah only see two.” The farm filly squinted up at his face.

“Yes well…” He bent down to his knees so they could see his face closer. “I have the two large compound eyes and three small ocelli just above my horn. They are a little hard to see since they are the same color as my carapace.”

“Whoa…” The three fillies whoa’d again.

“So what kind of supervision does that give you, Mister Changeling?” The little unicorn filly asked him.

“It means I can see a radius of 180 degrees… or was it 810… in front, sides and above of me at all times.” Not that said vision did him much good. Before the invasion he’d mostly sat around as one of the many, many, MANY guards and workers to the hive.

“That’s cool! Not as cool as Rainbow Dash but still-“

“Ya know what this means?”

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADER ROLLER COASTER BUILDERS, YEAH!”

“…what?”

The next 15 minutes were a bit of a blur for changeling 969. He remembered getting dragged off to a tree club house…

He remembered feeding a bit off the youthful enthusiasm of three fillies…

He couldn’t remember anything after that! Only that he felt like he was returning from an all-time sugar high…

And now he was…

Strapped to a push cart with three fillies on a long circled wooden ramp? From what little he knew about ponies, he wondered if he should be worried…

the double

Number 2481 sat in the empty caboose of the Canterlot Express Railway as it went to (obviously) Canterlot!

Though they were currently based out of Ponyville, it wasn’t entirely unexpected that they might get clients from out of town. Perfectly acceptable so long as said client was willing to pay the expense of travel.

Changelings were not known for their large change purses.

*Change purses! Get it?*

Even though he was about 3 hours out of Ponyville, he could still hear the collective groan at the horrible pun. His siblings didn’t know a good joke when they heard one.

*Collective!* Groan! *Pfft!*

He was the youngest of the changeling infiltrators in Ponyville. His first infiltration had been to subsume the life of a retired comedian in Canterlot, which unfortunately he’d never gotten the chance to do. He’d gotten lots of practice though! And learned lots of pony culture from it!

Oh look! The train was pulling into the station! Time to get to work.

Stepping out of the caboose, the rest of the high class ponies getting off the train all gave him a wide berth, but were otherwise content to ignore him.

Just as well. A disguise would only make him look guilty of replacing a pony, even if he didn’t. Few changelings were known for their creativity, hence why they didn’t create their own original pony disguise.

An old white male unicorn stallion wearing a black suit and dour expression stood at the end of the platform holding a sign saying ‘Mr. Buggy’

Good thing too, given he hadn’t been paying a lot of attention when he’d been given orders for his current job. The collective didn’t do him much good anymore since a lot of changelings had a tendency of blocking him out.

And wasn’t that awesome? He had a name now!

He strolled up to the stallion with his best dour buggy impression. “I am Mr. Buggy.”

The stallion nodded and put away the sign. “Excellent. I am Silver Platter. Come with me please.”

The newly named Mr. Buggy walked alongside his new employer into the city of Canterlot silently for a few minutes before he gave up waiting for details into his new job.

“Look Silvey- I can call you Silvey right? Look Silvey…” He hooked a leg around Silver’s neck and pulled him close. “I don’t know if you know how this works but if you want this relationship to go anywhere you’re going to have to give a little and I’m just not feeling the love here, know what I mean?”

Silver Platter winced and tried to pull away-

“Is it my appearance? I can change that you know.”

One flash of green fire and Mr. Buggy took the form of a fashion model he’d seen once in a magazine that most ponies agreed was very attractive.

Ms. Fleur de Lis.

“Song queue!”

Unfortunately the shapeshift carried his original voice since he didn’t know what she sounded like.

“I want to kiss you all over!
And over and again!
I want to kiss you all over”

He then proceeded to dance provocatively around him.

Silver Platter bit back a curse when several flashes from a camera went off across the street by a well-known reporter. He’d be hearing from his wife later for this.

“Come on! I’ve seen heart songs before! Where are my backup singers?”

“Please stop!” Silver Platter bit out and glared at the glamoured changeling. “My job is to bring you to my Lady! She is to be your employer!”

Flash of green fire and Mr. Buggy was standing next to him again with a very surprised expression on his face. “Your lady, huh?” He rubbed his fang ponderously and gave Silver a once over. “I guess you ARE at that age where the wife needs a strong manly changeling to help around with house with certain things.”

He shrugged, missing the purpling face of the pony in front of him. “It seems kind of unnecessary though. I’m told they make pills for that now.”

“YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE!” Silver Platter now stood in front of him with a large glare and a larger pulsating vein in his forehead.

“That doesn’t look healthy Silvey…”

“My Lady is how I address her Royal Highness! I am her butler! She is to be your employer!” He shouted at the Changeling before backing off with a huff.

“Her Royal Highness?” Mr. Buggy looked around and realized just now that they were standing at the front gates of the palace. “Uh oh…” He backed up a couple steps… right into the spears of a couple of guards behind him.

“Come along Mr. Buggy.” One of the guards prodded him. “You wouldn’t want you to be late for your appointment with the Princess.”

“…oh honeycomb!”

Mr. Buggy looked around furiously as he was ‘escorted’ into the palace by the guards. Mostly he was looking for convenient bolt holes should things turn any more pear shaped than they already were.

He thought he was to be taken straight to the throne room… only to be walking past it to what looked like a smaller door next to it.

With a shove, he was pushed inside and the door closed behind him.

There, in the center of the small room stood Princess Celestia in all her splendor and practically radiating her own light. A quick glance about the room showed no light fixtures. She really WAS radiating her own light.

She also looked rather anxious about something and seemed rather relieved at his arrival. “Finally.” She exclaimed with an exhale and a smile. “Hello my little Po- er… Changeling.”

“My student told me of her study into Changeling physiology and I am told you are capable of illusionary larger than your natural self.” Celestia declared in a manner that left no doubt or question.

Mr. Buggy opened his mouth “Bu-“

“Your job-“ Celestia interrupted. “Is to take my form and sit on my throne for the next couple of hours. In return you may absorb the love directed to you from the love my ponies hold for me while on the throne. You will proceed through the…” She lifted a clip board to her face. “Fifteen petitions to the crown scheduled for this morning. You will decide on the outcomes as follows: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. No. No. No. Tartarus No. Yes. Yes. No. Any questions?”

Mr. Buggy opened his mouth “Ye-“

“Look my little Changeling.” Celestia lowered her head to give him the eye. “I have been smelling cheesecake cooking in the kitchen since I woke up this morning. It’s driving me crazy! Now take my form!”

A flash of green fire and a duplicate of Celestia stood in the room.

“You’ll do fine!” Celestia told him and then teleported out of the room.

Temporary Replacement Celestia was left standing in what he now recognized as a disused antechamber to the throne room. There followed a long moment of confusion as he tried to piece together the past few minutes. “What?” Rather unsuccessfully at that.

An adjourning door opened opposite of him and a guard stuck his head around the door. “Are you ready Princess?”

With an audible gulp, he nodded and followed the guard into the throne room.

The throne itself was… surprisingly comfy! For something that appeared to be made of slab marble this was nice. He bounced up and down on the throne a bit. Cushioning spell perhaps?

Continuing to bounce a bit, he looked to the guard standing by the main door, which was apparently a queue as he then opened one of the large doors and allowing a beige and white mane earth pony mare into the hall.

“Your highness…” The mare began with a bow.

“Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. No. No. No. Tartarus No. Yes. Yes. No.” Answered Temporary Replacement Celestia.

The mare stood looking confused at her ruler. She wasn’t emitting very much love either.

Temporary Replacement Celestia looked down at the clip board at her hooves with worry. “Maybe I didn’t do that right…?”

A guard shuffled up beside the throne to look at the clip board. “Um… Princess? I believe the answers are all in order to each individual petition.”

“Oh.” Temporary Replacement Celestia intelligently replied. “That makes more sense than every petition getting the exact same response…”

He looked at the increasingly confused mare standing in the center of the hall, “Yes.” and smiled pleasantly at the pony.

The mare continued to stare confusedly.

“Was it the presentation?” Temporary Replacement Celestia began to fret. “If only I had more time to practice!” He stomped her hoof irritated. “How’s this? YyyyyeeeeeEEEEEEESSSS!”

The mare opened her mouth-

“Perhaps it needs a song and dance number? Those make everything better!” Temporary Replacement Celestia stood from her throne and began to shuffle back and forth across the dais.

“Oh Yeah… Oh Yeah… Oh Yeah…
The moon… beautiful
The sun… even more beautiful
Oh Yeah… Oh Yeah… Oh yeah…
Beautiful
Oh Yeah… Oh Yeah…
Good Time.”

The two guards standing next to the entry doors shared a glance. “It looks like Princess Celestia is in one of her moods again.” He moved to the door. “Hold down the fort while I go warn the kitchen staff.”

the pet

“Gah! I feel so bloated…” Changeling 09101112 wobbled into the clearing of the forest. They didn’t have a hive yet but they did have some shelters and buildings set up. “I feel like I’ve put on 15 pounds.”

Defacto Changeling leader 8675309 looked over at his sibling. “You don’t look like you’ve gained 15 pounds… You have gained 15 pounds!”

Yes. 09101112 was… fat. With a large protruding belly. If you ignored that all Changeling drones were male (and that they didn’t reproduce that way) he could almost be mistaken as pregnant.

8675309 winced as he realized what happened. They had no hive, meaning that they had no reserve to hold excess magic. Some of the Changelings were collecting an abundance of food with no way of expending the excess. With their current numbers there was no shortage of food.

He gave a mental shout to several changelings that have yet to find work. They quickly surrounded the bloated changeling and began siphoning off the excess magic until he no longer looked like a balloon.

The explanation of Changeling transformations were accurate, though lacking a more detailed and extensive explanation.

1408 had said to Twilight that more powerful Changelings (with perhaps greater physical reserves) could physically change their appearance. Otherwise it was primarily illusory.

Thing is, even physical transformations were still illusions. They could look and feel like any number of beings but they were still changelings. They were still insectoids. They had all the same organs they always had. They just looked different.

Not like the transfiguration spells of the Unicorns.

Ponies called the illusion ‘Hard Light.’

Light was electromagnetic radiation. Energy made up of photons and are largely mass-less. They could be moved about but could not bind together to make solid constructs.

Magic, however was a different kind of energy. Magic CAN form solid constructs and also gave off its own light. Force fields for example.

This was one thing Changelings agreed with the ponies about. Magic made no sense and ran contrary to all know natural laws.

But nopony cares about that.

Changelings didn’t have the grasp of magic that ponies did. So instead they used their own inner magic to create a quasi-solid field of energy that mimicked a physical form. Assuming they had the magic to power it.

Back when the Changeling race first encountered the ponies… this had been a problem. Creating an energy field was one thing. Using one to mimic all the individual hairs on a fur covered body well enough to fool physical touch was another.

Changelings have since had a LOT of practice, but for a hive that constantly and carefully rationed its food, it was never efficient. This was why more common illusions and less risky infiltration procedures were utilized.

Not a problem for the Queens. Mind control and what not.

Assuming the changeling in question had the experience, he would allow physical transformations (deeper illusions) on a case by case basis. It would depend on what emotion they were receiving and how much they were receiving otherwise they might burn up their own energy faster than they received it.

Changeling 3.14159265359 sat in front of his new employer with an open hanging jaw. His new job needed a little more reasoning if he was expected to do this. “What?”

“I want you to take the form of a dog, as a gift to my daughter.”

“O-kay… But why?”

Filthy Rich rubbed his hooves together. “I have several contributing factors really. Contracting a Changeling saves me the trouble of buying a dog, paying for obedience training, veterinary bills… You live off of love so I save on dog food. You are nearly self-sufficient! I get someone to watch over my darling little filly and in return you feed off the love my Diamond Tiara has for you.”

Changeling 3.14159265359 opened his mouth to protest but only sighed in resignation. “Okay, fine. It’s not the most degrading thing I’ve ever done.”

“Great! You start today!”

“A few issues though!” He waved a holey leg at his boss before he could continue. “I can take the appearance of a dog, but it would be illusion only. I can mimic fur, but if I’m to have any physical contact with your daughter, if it’s to be convincing I’m going to need to be a very BIG dog and need a LOT of love.”

Filthy rubbed his jaw in thought. “I guess we could just call you a very rare breed. Diamond Tiara would love that and I doubt she would know better. Okay. Let’s see what you got.”

Said Changeling paused and thought about the larger canines that he’d seen before. One flash of green flames later and-

“A Saint Bernard?” Filthy Rich shook his head. “Too… mangy. Can you do a dog that’s sleeker? Like a Wolf Hound?”

Another flash of green flames-

Filthy shook his head again. “You’re too gruff in appearance. Can you make the fur white? Maybe add some Collie to soften the features?”

Again with a flash of green flames-

“And female.” Filthy added. “She was adamant about that.”

Changeling 3.14159265359 snorted in amusement while considering his appearance. In jest he added some red fire like lines into the fur with the change into a female appearance.

“That’s good!” Filthy walked around ‘her’ with appreciative looks. “I love the red markings.”

She huffed a laugh. “Yeah, this isn’t going to work. I’m way too recognizable.”

“Why?” Filthy paused and looked her over again. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a dog like this before… It shouldn’t be recognizable…”

“Then you haven’t done your research.” She rolled her eyes at him. “I look like Amaterasu.”

“Who?”

“Seriously? She’s only the Eastern Diamond Dog’s goddess of the sun!” She bit back sarcastically and fought the urge to insult him. Calling your boss an uncultured philistine was not a good way to keep your job.

Now Filthy Rich looked both interested and affronted. “Princess Celestia is Goddess of the Sun!”

She rolled her eyes again. “There are some who would argue they are the same being.”

“Daddy! You got me a dog! You got me a dog! You got me a dog!” A pink filly with a bi-colored purple and white mane ran excited circles around them before pausing to look UP at her dog. “You got me a BIG dog.”

“Yes well…” Filthy Rich coughed into his hoof. “It’s a very rare and expensive breed. Only the best for my little princess.”

Diamond Tiara squealed in joy and gave her father a quick hug before returning to fuss over her new dog. “She’s so pretty! Much prettier than Applebloom’s stupid dog.”

Changeling 3.14159265359 had doubts that this was going to work.

“I’m going to call you Princess Periwinkle!”

“Oh come on!” Princess Periwinkle face pawed.

Diamond Tiara looked up at her dog in surprise. “Did you just talk?”

“I don’t know.” Filthy Rich stepped up beside her and gave the dog a look. “Did she just talk?”

Periwinkle opened her mouth to say something but closed it again due to the look she received from her boss. “Bark?” She tried. “Woof.”

“There, you see?” Filthy Rich gave his daughter a comforting pat on the head. “Doggies don’t talk.” He paused. “Except for Diamond Dogs.”

Diamond Tiara continued to state up at her dog since she could have sworn the dog said the words ‘bark’ and ‘woof’ instead of actually making said noises dogs usually did.

“Playful yip?” Periwinkle tried again. “Bark- please love on your new doggy –woof.”

Diamond stated up at her new dog with loving awe. “Best. Dog. Ever.”

the crack

“My Buddy! My Buddy!” Luna sang and skipped cheerfully down the hallway while dragging a changeling along with her magic.

“Where ever I go – he goes!
My Buddy! My Buddy!
My Buddy and me!”

Luna looked down at changeling 12345 aka ‘Buddy’ expectantly.

Buddy wracked his brain for lyrics. “Umm…”

“Big Sister! Big Sister!
Where ever she goes – I go!
Big Sister! Big Sister!
Big Sister and me!”

Luna squeed and wrapped Buddy in a suffocating hug. “So what should we do together now my new friend? Wait! I know! Let us go to my sister’s room and bounce up and down upon her bed! It shall be fun!”

Buddy took a deep breath when he was released from the hug, and smiled up at Luna. “Can we try on some of her shoes?” He asked hopefully.

“Okay!”

“Yay!”

Buddy laid on his back beside Luna on the roof of her tower, watching the moon crawl across the night sky.

“Hey Luna?”

“Yes Buddy?”

“Have you ever wondered what those sparkly dots are up there?”

“Silly Changeling. I don’t wonder. I know.”

“Oh. What are they?”

“They are fireflies that Starswirl and I stuck in that big bluish black thing.”

“…really?”

“Yes. Don’t tell anypony though. Unicorns came up with some theory about burning balls of gas burning billions of miles away. Which is of course ridiculous, but neither my sister nor I have the heart to tell them the truth and crush their dreams.”

Buddy felt a moment of satisfaction at that knowing that the changelings had been correct about their theory of the night sky all along.