Wheel-Kinesis is a thing, Or, Horses Talk
“What’s the point of this again?” He muttered as he stared idly at the screen, the color red painting the background of his screen as his character died again while he was in the in-game browser. He was dressed in his signature everyday shirt with a simple cartoon on how to pick-up chicks, featuring a stick-figure picking up a literal chick, some sweatpants because jeans were a lot harder to try and kick stuff with and they were downright comfy.
“You showed that you have a wonderfully bloody imagination, so I thought you might want into the superpower contest!” Replied the cheerful person he was chatting with on the computer, who he had met a couple hours ago telling him all about a contest for superheros or something. He hadn't been paying much attention before the man had said something about a prize.
He rolled his eyes, probably another scam, he never saw this link before in his life and it was probably one of those viruses going around on steam. Why was he even listening to this guy? “What makes you think I'm going to fall for this old trick?”
“No it's not a hack link, fine don't use the steam browser, use your internet, chrome, Firefox explorers. Whatever you have use that instead, no download necessary, just have to click a couple links and read the rules.”
“If you stop bugging me about this fine.” He said as he closed the browser and kept the link in the chat box, his world switching back to that of Team Fortress Two and the enemy team in his spawn… who just shot him in the face. Well he just lost that game go figure, s'what he gets for talking to people in game.
“Pinky promise.”
Sighing he exited the game and went back to his desktop, a black star shining in the background, and opened his internet app, then pasted the link in. Phasing momentarily he wandered over to his internet security app and made sure it was up to date before clicking enter for the link. “Why'd out of all the promises you could make, would you do a pinky promise?”
The cocky grin was evident through the voice. “Cause I can.”
“Uhuh.” Was his response to that as the page finally loaded, bringing up a site he never heard of before. Just like the dude said it was some sort of contest and on the front page were the rules, no omni powers, something about tier one and tier fives. He just skimmed over that all and clicked the continue button on the front page.
“Load it yet?” The man asked, eager to hear of the new superhero.
"Yeah yeah I'm on some screen for rolling." He said as he clicked the link five times, before it could load up a single page, because he saw something about rolling five times for powers in the rules when he just skimmed over them. There was a reason he never read Terms and Conditions and that's because he couldn't care less.
"So what powers did you get my boy?" The man asked, his voice giddier than a kid who had just been handed the keys to a candy-store.
Sergio leaned into his screen, to get a better look at it, as he clicked on one of the five tabs. "I have animal telepathy, useful I suppose if one were to travel a lot."
"Naturally." The man said followed by what sounded like clapping.
"One about power gliding? How the hell can you glide without a cape? Bah." He shook his head as he saw some dark-skinned man with streams of red coming out of his wrists as if he was emo-flying, using his blood like a jetpack.
"Easier to move around then."
"Super-natural Agility, another way of getting around then." He said absent-mindedly as he clicked on the fourth tab. The sound of scribbling coming from the other end of the mic alerting him to what the man was doing. "You drawing?"
"Sketching ideas, sounds like you're going to be a Flash-knockoff so far."
"Haha fuck no, let's see and this one is... oh hell yes Electrical Resurrection, the power to bring back the dead, including myself, with electricity! Now that's something!" He exclaimed as he threw his arms into the air, because screw being fast when you can be immortal!
"Zombie armies is what I think you'd do." The man replied with a hint of amusement in his voice as the scribbling increased with intensity.
"Hoo-ah. Now let's see what lucky number five is, please be something I can use to beat the crap outta people with. And it is..... the hell's wheel manipulation?"
"Come again?"
"Hang on I'm reading it right now... the power to manipulate wheel size, density, shape and etc., can be used offensively and to fly.... who the everloving hell thought of this?!? I mean come on wheel-kinesis? What?" He shouted as he read the wiki for wheel manipulation, his face grimacing as he realized he'd probably lose whatever prize the winner was supposed to get.
"Pffff. You don't seem to like it that much."
"Why cause the only name I can fucking think of would be to call myself Wheelman! Who can also raise the dead with electricity! I mean what the hell and what's the point of power gliding if I can already fly with wheels!?!"
"A backup? Anyways since you don't like your choices would you like a re-roll?" Asked the man politely.
Sergio shook his head as he drummed his fingers on his laptop. "No because with my luck I'd get something worse, so what do I have to do now that I selected my powers?"
"Well if we knew each other in real life, I'd have you sign a piece of paper saying it's okay for me to use your character and the backstories you'd made for him/her. But I'm sure a verbal agreement would suffice."
Shrugging Sergio said, "Yeah sure then I 'spose not like I'm willing to met you IRL."
"Did you just use an abbreviation while talking?" The man asked incredulously.
"Yes."
The man sighed. "Well for it to be agreed upon I need you to say what I'm about to say. Now repeat after me. 'I allow you to use my character in any way to see fit, use my backstory and change him as you so wish."
"Any way you see fit? Long as it ain't smut." He said pointing his finger at the screen.
Another sigh. "No smut, why would you think that?"
"Because I can. Alright, I allow you to use my character in any way you see fit, and use my backstory and change him as you so wish."
"Not what I said exactly, but meh it works. Now do me a favor." The man said emotionlessly.
"What's that?" He asked as he closed out of his browser and navigated back to his games and prepared to open one.
"Don't scream." He said, his voice taking a demonic turn.
"Wait wha-- MMMMMPPHHH!!!" Sergio screamed as a black hand popped out of his computer and grasped him about the face, the hand feeling cold and life-less, despite it obviously holding him by the face. He could feel the demonic claws ripping at the back of his head and he did not like it one bit.
"I just asked you not to scream..." Complained the voice as it started pulling its arm back inside the computer screen, dragging him along with it. "Swear humans have no respect for anything at all. Though I am the one who kind of broke into your house... errrr computer."
Still screaming Sergio gripped the edges of his computer as the hand kept pulling him in, his face barely an inch away from it. "Now Discord is just pissing me off these days, going all soft and shit, he knows I like watching him screw around. So here I had to go and abduct a member of one of the most violent species ever to exist because of you. Thanks!" Muttered the voice.
"Oh quit protesting and get in here!" It said as another hand came through his screen and grabbed both his arms somehow and pulled him straight through. Despite the hand holding his face he could still see through the space between the fingers and what he saw was a hooded man, holding him up by one hand and a cloud floating right behind him. Sergio's eyes locked onto that cloud as it slowly passed by the two of them, to which the hooded man noticed he was staring at something and turned.
"What? Oh right humans aren't used to being this high unless they're in planes." The hooded one said with disinterest as he turned back to Sergio.
"Mmm mphh?" He asked through the hand.
"Yeah want to see how high you are?"
"Mm mmph mmmppppph." He stated with a glare.
"There is no need for that type of language young man." The man said, his head backing away from the foul-mouthed man-child in front of him.
"Mph mppphhhh." He said defiantly through the hand and held up both his hands, the middle fingers standing tall and proud in front of the hooded man's face.
Now it was the hooded man's turn to glare. "Okay you know what kid, fine screw you to. Here's the rules, all your powers for your character are now yours, electrical resurrection, super-agility, animal telepathy, power-glide and as you so eloquently put it, wheel-kinesis. Now please do me a favor and don't die as soon as I drop you?" Finished the man letting go of Sergio's face.
"Fuck you goat-demon-man thing!!" Screamed Sergio as he plummeted to the ground below.
"I am not Tirek!" Screamed the hooded man in reply as he disappeared in a flash of light, leaving Sergio to his fate of falling.
Flailing his arms now, and uttering a long list of obscenities that would make a sailor blush, he flipped himself over to see a city coming up at him, fast. His list of obscenities grew longer as he tried backstroking up and away from the ground, which suffice it to say, didn't work. He then tried the dolphin, using your legs like a tail with furious paddling with his front arms, which also didn't work. It did manage to make him point straight down towards the earth and made the wind whistle pleasant songs of death into his ear.
'Wait he said all those powers are now mine? Can I glide?' Was a thought that flashed through his mind, making him look behind himself to see if he had any capes he didn't have earlier. Well the man gave him powers or so he said, but didn't give him a cape.... wasn't he supposed to be a superhero?
Another power that came to mind was his wheel-kinesis, but he needed a wheel. Well until he got within view of the city he was screwed. Good a time as any to kick back and relax because without his wheels he was dead, splattered all across town, a permanent addition to the city's street of fame. He was oddly calm about all this, maybe it was because he thought he was asleep.
Or high.... heh high, like in the sky? Get it? Ah nevermind. When he flashed by the first roof he cupped his hands around his eyes and used them like binoculars to try and see anything on the ground.
When he flew by an oddly pinkish window he thought he saw cars on the ground, which meant wheels! Thrusting his arms out he gestured at them. And nothing happened. He tried beckoning to them, as reached the halfway mark of the skyscraper, with a single finger. Nothing happened. Bringing his hands up against his head he thought really hard about the wheels flying to his aid. Again nothing.
The wind whipped his hair back as his eyes widened, along with the street that was getting close for comfort. Clasping his hands together he prayed to the heavens above. "Oh please mighty god of wheels, spare me by having your thick, strong and sturdy wheels save my life?"
A loud crash opened his eyes and he looked down to see a wheel coming to save him, in all its magnificent wooden, blurry glory! Screaming in excitement now he reached for wheel when it came near him and wrapped his entire body around it, its speed jerking him up and away from the ground. Wrapping his arms around it, like a life-vest, which it pretty much was, he did his best to merge with his salvation. "Oh god yes! Ha that's right wheel! Screw gravity!"
At that the wheel stopped, throwing his legs from their safe hugging position, and then flew back towards the ground, making him resume his screaming. "Not like that you damn wheel! I meant go up! GO UP!!"
It of course followed his orders, because wheels don't think for themselves. It also didn't think to slow down so he could maintain a good grip on it, as it flew into the sky with him being attached only by his fingertips, and even then he was slipping off. Still screaming he quickly changed his wording before he lost his grip. "Stop moving you damn wheel! I command you to stop this instant!"
And it did. He didn't though as he flew back into the sky above, flailing his arms yet again, reaching that pinkish window and realizing there was a pink horse there staring at him from inside an office. The world seemed to pause as the horse stared at him and he stared back at it, then the illusion was broken as it waved at him with a happy grin and he started falling back to earth. "OKAY OKAY DAMN WHEEL!! Just keep me from falling then stay the fuck still!"
The wheel seemed to nod as it sped back underneath him and came up underneath him, gradually slowing him to a stop. Panting now he sat down on the floating wooden wheel, staring at his surroundings, noticing a distinct lack of human ads on the billboards and an abundance of horse ads on everything. His lips puckering into a frown he stared at the offending objects before patting his trusty wheel. "I don't think we is in Kansas anymore Toto. Want to go see the Wonderful Wiz of Oz? The Black Dynamite one not the white one."
The wheel seemed to nod again. "Okay then wheel, slowly bring me down to ground-level so I can see why there's horse ads everywhere." Mr. Wheel proceeded to do just that, letting Sergio stare at the buildings again and noticing all the floors seemed to be smaller than usual. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed something flying up towards him, something purple. Turning to it he squinted and shaded his eyes, as it grew larger and larger, quickly becoming something other than a bird.
His mouth gaped as it came to a stop in front of him and crossed its arms(?) and glared at him. "And what the hell are you?" The floating purple pegasus asked. Blinking he stared at it, its wings giving a lazy flap every two seconds to keep it aloft as it hovered there, staring back at him with anger and a hint of curiosity showing in its eyes. Its hair was a light purple and its... fur... main area of hair was purple, minus some mark on its ass which he did his best to avoid looking at.
Instead he focused on the giant-ass eyes that took up more than half its face. Those super-realistic creepy eyes, ones that looked like no matter where you could go they'd be watching. It was horrifying as those eyes stared back at him waiting for him to speak. So he pressed onto the issue at hand.
He shook his head and ripped his eyes away from the sight, then thought of something that would explain all this, a hand pulling him through his computer, a pegasus floating in front of him and the fact he's sitting on a flying wheel. Well schizophrenia could explain it, along with LSD, a whole bunch of drugs and maybe him just flat-out dreaming. Yeah he was just probably dreaming! With a smile at that thought he extended his hand in friendship to the pegasus in front of him and said, "I'm Mr. Wheel the omnipotent god of anything wheelular. Yes that's not a word but I'm a god now so I can make up words. And who are you, you fuck-mothering pegasus thing?"
It glanced at his hand and then spoke, "My name's Violet Streak and you whatever you are just stole the wheel to my mother's hospital carriage. So if you don't mind can I have it back?" She finished holding her hoof out as if he was supposed to hand it to her. Frowning he lowered his hand, because she more or less denied him his handshake. He guessed it was a she anyhow, what with the bitchy naggy voice. That seemed downright sexist... okay to rephrase that, it's because it sounded feminine. Also meaning she sounded pissed.
"I dear hope she's not dying. It's not good for your health you know." He grinned as she was forced to wait for him to get off her wheel.
"No her water just broke." She growled at him, her head pressing against his as her wings flapped harder. It felt weird having a horse's head shoved against his, almost felt like he had a puppy shoved onto his forehead, that was also pissed at him.
Pulling away from her, he looked at his noble steed, the wheel. "You hear that boy? Somebody's having childbirth and it's coming from your mother cart! Come let's go save a mass of cells from not being born into a horrible world! You know which carriage is yours right? So go on fly towards it, WITHOUT throwing me off this time."
Thus the wheel changed direction and directed itself to one of the few carriages on the street, that had a slight crowd gathered around. They all started pointing at him as he came down on his glorious stolen stud of a wheel, and judging by how the Violet just blurred past him he was going down at a leisurely pace, allowing his Wheel Godliness to sink in. Oh well not his problem some chick was having a kid. Nearing the carriage he noticed it was more or less like a ambulance, just replace the engine with two regular midget horses, take off the sirens and tada! One hospital carriage.
And just like any good hospital carriage there was a wreck near it, a carriage had run into lamp-post right by it and caused a minor traffic jam of maybe four or five carriages. All taxi-colored. Why do horses need taxis, can't they fly like the pegasus? Speaking of which the Pegasus named Violet joined the crowd that was watching him, her wings twitching as her hooves stamped impatiently on the ground as he still floated down.
Floating to a stop above the hospital carriage he hopped off and landed on top of it, almost sliding off because he forgot he stole the wheel, by accident he might add, his trusty wheel floating beside him. When he regained his footing he cleared his throat and turned to the crowd of colorful horses around him, not batting an eye at the collection of mythical creatures all staring him down. A few of whom looked like they had pissed themselves. Spreading his arms wide he proudly exclaimed to them all, "First off I wish to say to you equine creatures, that apparently know English, bow to your new God of Wheels! Oh I also require one of you to lift this carriage so I may slip the wheel back on.” He added on gesturing with his thumb to the carriage underneath his feet.
Violet yelled at him from the street. “Can't you lift it with your magic? You’re perfectly capable of making yourself fly! Just do that with the cart!”
Placing his hands on his hips he leaned over the edge of the tilted carriage to give the purple pegasus a smile. “I'm God of Wheels, not of carriages albeit that'd be fun to fly around on chariots. And no I'm not going to lift it myself, ask the ones who drag it all across the street they do it on a daily basis I'd guess.” Sergio finished pointing at the two ponies attached to the carriage with a pair of ropes.
The crowd of equines looked at him like he was crazy, which was okay because he probably was. When a minute passed with nothing but the sounds of crickets, in a city for some reason, the purple one muttered something akin to, “oh for the love of God.”, but he wasn't quite sure he heard her right when she replaced God with sun. She trotted forward and placed herself underneath the carriage and used her horse legs to lift the carriage up, ever so slowly it went up, but it did manage to get off the ground enough for him to slide the wheel back on.
"Okay boy, yes I'm talking to you wheel, you need to get back with your family now go on. Reattach yourself." He said, waving bye to the wheel.
The wooden wheel followed his orders and floated down to where it belonged, a pegasus crawling out from under the carriage as the wheel slid on. "Okay thanks alien, now get off my roof!"
Scoffing in fake insult at that he straightened an invisible tie. "I dare say no, young one. I inconvenienced you by stealing your wheel, so let me unconvenience you by helping you. Wheels! Float up!" Sergio's position above the population rose on the carriage that is, along with his ego. "Now if somebody could just direct me to where this hospital is?"
Violet flew onto the carriage and walked straight up to him, her little hoofs making tap-dancing sounds as she walked across the roof of the carriage, unafraid of the being that she'd never seen before. 'Either she's incredibly brave. Or stupid. I'll go with both.'
Rising onto her hind legs she barely reached his chest height but nonetheless tried staring him down, and again poked him in the chest with her hoof. Man that thing felt as sharp as a knife, hope she didn't cut his skin."Why? You've already caused enough problems for my mother when she could be in the hospital right now!"
"Why? It's pretty fucking obvious that I'm not from around here love!" He yelled at the top of his lungs gesturing to the crowd around him.
"No I mean why help us?"
Making an 'O' shape with his mouth he raised a finger into the air to being an elaborate speech on why he was doing it because of how damn awesome he was. Then lowered it as he realized that'd be lying. Shrugging his shoulders he raised his arms up in defeat. "Nothing else to do that comes to mind right now. Just tell me to make a left and I'll make this beaut fly left, right you say? She'll go right and etc."
She pointed to behind him and sat down on the carriage. "It's a right down that way then."
Looking around he saw another carriage and looked at it, his arms throwing an invisible rope around it and dragging it to him. "Come hither wheel I need something to stand on!"
The wheel flew off the end, sending a piece of something flying into the back of one of the horses' heads, its face slamming into the ground. "Sorry." The wheel settled on the carriage and he placed one foot on it, the wheel raising it to knee level and giving him a poise like that of famous explorers.
"Onwards my noble carriage! Gold awaits! Adventure awaits! Horrible hospitals await, women horses in childbirth! Now go forth down this street and make a right, like the prissy bitch behind me said!" And thus the carriage flew down the street, an oddly girlish scream coming from something other than a horse, as resumed its ridiculous speed from earlier.
Mental Breakdown, Or, Dragons are People too!
"It's a left here. Now a right, quit trying to run ponies over." Muttered Violet as a unicorn screamed and ducked to the side as they flew through the streets and Sergio was busy humming.
"I told the wheels to listen to you, I'm not trying to do shit right now." Sergio said nonchalantly as he picked at his teeth, then inspected what he scraped off. "Hmmm I need to brush my teeth. We going to a hospital correct?"
"Go straight. Yeah why?" She asked, head turning ever so slightly towards him without actually looking at him.
"Only place I can think of with a toothbrush." He replied, his arms spread forward and back acting like he was surfing.
At that she turned around and looked at him with a dull expression. "You're a damn idiot aren't you?"
"Keep yo eyes on the road missy. And watch what you say to the Wheel God or I'll beat you with wheels almighty.”
“Uhuh…. whatever you say. Okay slow it down it’s that building over there.” She said pointing with her hoof at a greenish building with a giant-ass red cross near the top. Why was it green and sandwiched between two other buildings? He shook his head before stretching his arms.
“Okay guess this is our stop then.” Muttered Sergio as he stood up from his sitting Indian position and then stretched his arms out in front of himself, his joints giving a nice crack as they all popped. “Oh that felt good.”
Violet looked at him and shook her head before hopping off the cart and galloping inside. He stared after her then looked back down to underneath him. A cry of pain came from inside the carriage reminding him of why he came to the hospital in the first place. “She just ditched her mum… Fucking Rucka Rucka Ali’s version of Japanese in here.”
Clapping his hands together he hopped off the top of the carriage, a minor shock going up his spine with how he landed. Hissing he rubbed the curve of his back and walked towards the entrance, the entrance in question a familiar glass double doors that slide open. He paused briefly to look back at the carriage before shrugging. If his dream included pregnant horses for some damn reason then they can wait till he’s damn ready to help them out.
Walking under the overhang he spotted Violet and a couple of nurses running back out and slid to the right out of their way, tipping a invisible fedora as they passed him. The nurses all slowed down and stared at him before as one uniform being they all shook their heads and ran on to the carriage. Smiling he continued on swinging his arms back and forth, up to his chest and back down, a spring in each step.
Nearing the doors they slid open, he could spy what looked like the reception counter set right in the middle of the floor, rows upon rows of seats to its sides. At the reception counter were two horses, one of whom was actually dressed somewhat like a doctor and the other wore nothing, its tail flicking back and forth and revealing a bit more than he’d like to see. Averting his eyes to the ceiling he kept walking forward a slight song starting to nag at him from the back of his mind.
“So I shouldn’t see any more… things?” Asked one of the duo, presumably the one in front of the corner.
“If you do then we’ll have to up your dosage. But believe me you should be perfectly fine.” Sounded a more professional voice.
“Alright thanks Doc!” Happily said the first of two voices, followed shortly by the click-clack of hoofs against tiles. Assuming the horse that had been flicking its tail had turned around now he took a peek down and found the horse was happily skipping, eyes closed, to the front door.
Ignoring it’s green coloring he crouched down so he could be at eye-level and side-stepped so the horse would bump into him. He paused momentarily to look up at the doctor to see if he had noticed, but the doctor horse didn’t notice, he was too busy reading some clipboard about medicinal sciency things. Smiling he looked back to the horse that was skipping towards him, almost within reach, though its face would impact with his if he let it keep going its course.
With a raised hand he let its snout bump into his palm, to which the horse’s eyes dilated to the size of saucers, somehow even bigger than before. With a smile he said with a slight chuckle at the back of his throat. “Hey how ya doing? I’m Mr. Wheel, God of anything Wheelular, how’re ya pills working for ya matey?”
The horse kept staring at him with the huge-ass eyes before taking one step away from him, did a full 180 turn and marched back to the reception desk. Sergio quickly stood up from his position and jogged over to the seats on his left and grabbed a magazine, holding it up over his face. Scaring some of the ponies already waiting, to which they all stared at him, despite him holding the magazine clearly over his face. “Hey Doc, I need you to increase the dosage.”
He was probably bad for screwing with this dude’s mental state but hey, kicks are kicks. “You haven’t even left the hospital yet!”
“I just saw bucking clothed pink monkey say hi to me on the way out.” Did that fucking horse call him a pink monkey? Lowering the magazine that had the words ‘Playcolt’ proudly emblazoned on the front, across a very suspicious spot of horse, he stood up in one swift movement and stalked towards the horse. “I mean since when the hell are there pink monkeys?”
The doctor horse looked up from the complaining horse in front of him to see a very tall, poorly dressed biped walking to them, steam metaphorically coming out of its ears. Without any tone of emotion the doctor simply stated. “I do believe I’ve found your problem.”
The complaining horse leaned his head back as Sergio placed his hands on the counter. He growled “Did you just call me pink you lil’ fuck?”
The poor horse’s tail tucked in between its legs as it whimpered, eyes dilating yet again. Leaning down farther Sergio positioned his face right above the horse’s and flashed his canines. Doing his best to scare the horse “I’ll show you what color your insides are if you want?”
“Err I-I d-d-dahhhhh….” Was all the horse said before it collapsed onto the floor, its head making a nice resounding smacking sound, as it smashed into the floor. Sergio raised his eyebrows at the collapsed horse before looking up at the doctor in front of him, then back down to the horse beneath him.
Stepping away from the body he smiled at the doctor who was smiling sheepishly at him, visibly shaking in his chair. “You gonna help this dude right? You’re a doctor ain’t ya?”
The horse nodded before slowly proceeding to hop off of his chair and walk around the desk, Sergio staring at him the entire time with a slight grin building on his face. The doctor eventually reached the fainted horse and grabbed its hair with his mouth and slowly dragged him away, not looking up in fear of the biped.
As the two of them reached a set of doors and the doctor’s rump bumped open the doors, Sergio finally looked back too the waiting area too see multiple horses staring at him. Glancing back at the double doors he shrugged, before proceeding back to his seat. “You know I hope to God this isn’t the only hospital around here.”
Jumping over the back of his seat he picked up the same magazine he grabbed earlier and opened it, gazing out the window as Violet and them finally came in. He waved before continuing on with his little rant. “I mean dragging somebody who just fainted away? Seriously bad etiquette for treating the sick.”
He paused to open the magazine and flipped through it. “Okay I grant you I’m obviously not from around here and sure that’d make one stop and think about lil’ ole’ me but… why is there a picture of some chick’s face? Oh it flips out ‘aight I can do that. Let’s se--- OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST!!!” He screamed as he threw the magazine up into the air and kicked it away from himself, the chair falling over and throwing him out onto his back, completely horrified by the multi-page spread of some horse with flaming hair.
“WHO THE FUCKING HELL PUTS THAT TYPE OF MAGAZINE IN A HOSPITAL!!” He continued to scream, backpedaling away from it until he slammed into a wall, his head smashing against it. Cursing he grabbed the back of his head and cradled it as the drums sounded in his head.
Rubbing at it he grumbled under his breath to himself, his fingers digging at the spot. “Damn since when did I crawl backwards fast enough to give myself a thunderclap in the head?”
As the pain faded Sergio stood slowly back up, ignoring the fading pain as best he could. Also ignoring some of the snickering horses. “Bah that hurt.”
Wait.
That hurt…. that bloody hurt. He just hurt himself in a dream…. but since when could you do that in a dream. His right eye started twitching as he sank down onto his haunches and cradled his head.
He just felt pain, in a damn dream. Since when? Since it wasn’t a dream. No no no no no no. It had to be a dream, this couldn’t be reality.
“Mother of God. Mother of God.” Was all he said to himself over as he rocked back and forth in his sitting position. He felt pain. Dreams don’t pain one. Harm equals no dream. But horses don’t real talk. Imagine talk yes. But talk, no no no goes against religion, common sense, and science. You can’t say screw science!
Reality was broken right now. This wasn’t some damn cartoon, anime or whatnot, not a movie or a book. He looked up momentarily at that thought. Weird shit happens in books a lot right?
Maybe….
Nah. Too fucking weird even for him. Rubbing at his temples he thought of anything else that might explain it, because this wasn’t reality and this sure as fuck wasn’t heaven. If it was he was going to walk up to the big man himself and backhand him. Then follow up with a bitchsmack. Then a dropkick. Followed shortly by a second dropkick.
Okay what else did he think of too explain all this away? Well there were mental diseases. Those were viable options. He went insane. That worked too. This was all reality… hell no.
“Hey buddy you alright down there?” Asked a gruff voice, somehow being farther up than a horse had a right to be.
“Rationalizing things, bugger off whomever is speaking to this one.” He muttered in reply and pointed down at himself.
Okay so he had to choose between insanity and mental ill-- “Look you might be next to a wall but you’re still in the way. So if you’re not going to get up yourself, then I’ll have to move you.” That voice was starting to annoy him.
Pulling his head out from between his legs, heh, he glared at the voice. To see a towering Dragon-like being staring at him, its slitted eyes peering at him as if to decide whether or not to eat him. His long line of curses died in his throat with a little, “Meep.”
It frowned down at him with it’s grey scaled face. “Uhuh… fine I’ll move your ass.” It said distastefully, picking him up with its tail before walking over to the waiting area on all fours, its head still brushing the ceiling as it walked.
He was forced to stay in his balled up position as it deposited him on one of the chairs and settled itself down next to the rows of chairs, one of the horses opting to leave, muttering under its breath. “Too many freaks for one day.”
Glaring at the horse as it left he then retreated back inside his ball of safety, one that was located to a fire-breathing Dragon apparently. So, insanity or mental illness...
Hmmm, one suggests it’s genes and the other suggests it’s all life’s fault. Blame family or blame everything else? Well he did love his family… jumping up from his balled up position he pointed his finger to the sky and screamed at the top of his lungs, “Insanity it is then mine friends!”
The Dragon looked at him from the corner of its eyes before shaking its head. “Knew I shouldn’t have come here, friend of mine or not.” The Dragon went back to lay its head down but noticed that the strange one’s head started turning towards him the rest of his body staying perfectly still.
Sergio smiled at the Dragon as it stared at him, who was slightly disconcerted by him, not often it would see a being act like this. He cocked his head sideways and slowly, eerily quiet, approached the Dragon and started circling him. The Dragon followed the biped’s movements. “What are you doing?”
“Well it isn’t everyday ya see a Dragon, friend. So I’m just taking it all in before I dash outta here.” He stated matter of factly. “Mind if I ask what gender you are, and as to why you’re in a city of horses?”
Sergio was busy taking in the Dragon’s features, less like the Asian Dragons, who were long and serpentine, with whiskers adorning their face. Instead this one was more like their European counterparts, with its fangs and more reptilian body. Colored a light grey, its eyes a dull blue it looked back at him, its eyes roaming up and down his body as if to figure out what he was.
The Dragon stared at him blankly. “Are you seriously asking what gender I am? Is my voice not enough to tell?”
Still circling Sergio replied. “I once met a lady who sounded like Morgan Freeman just a few octaves short and a dude who has his knickers so high up he don’t have any. AKA Justin Beaver, who’s currently trying to make up for his failings as a male by doing drugs. So no your voice don’t mean a damn.”
“I have absolutely no idea who this Morgan Freeman is or Justin Beaver.” The Dragon said slowly, not quite following the biped’s speech.
“You’re blessed not knowing Justin trust me.” Sergio said as he nudged the Dragon’s tail with his foot, ignoring the snarl from it as he kept moving.
“Fine I’m a male, I’m currently visiting because a pony who helped me a long time ago is currently in ICU.” The Dragon said reluctantly, settling his head back onto his claws, paying only slight attention to the biped’s movements now. “What are you though, closest things I can compare you to are Diamond Dogs and Minotaurs.”
Sergio paused at that last word. “You mean those things with horns sharp enough to gore and muscles the size of my chest?”
“Yes, well... most of them anyways. Some are pretty pathetic.”
Of course, why not have Minotaurs when you have Dragons. Oh who cares he’s the Wheel God he can handle a Dragon. “As for me I’m Mr. Wheel, God of all things Wheelular and I’m here because I have nothing else to do. Are Dragons common around these parts?”
The Dragon replied, “Not around Manehattan, go to Draconia in the South-East though and you’ll find one maybe every thousand kilometers.”
“How in the hell is that common?” Sergio asked, crouching down on his knees so that his head would be closer to the Dragon’s, who was propping its head on its claws.
“You really don’t know much about Dragons do you?”
“They breathe fire and fly. Also greedy. Alsoooo….. err…. that’s it. That’s why I’m asking you.” He poked the Dragon’s snout. “You’re a living none-bonified Dragon!”
The Dragon growled at him as it rubbed its snout. “If you want I can give you a first claw demonstration of what happens when a Dragon breathes fire at somepony.” It said raising its head above him, smoke escaping its nostrils.
“Are you threatening the Wheel-God? I’ll dropkick you into last saturday if you are.” Sergio hissed, straightening up and pursing his lips, hands making mystical movements as he brought them up before himself. “WOOOOOOO-ooooOOOO-WAHHHHHHHH!”
“Flare, quit harassing that thing! The police said your next misdemeanor will be your last!” Yelled a high-pitched voice down the hall, to which the Dragon winced. Wondering as to what would make a Dragon wince he looked in the direction of the voice, to see the most underwhelming thing ever.
A pink horse was trotting their way, an ugly colored gold mane waving in the air behind it, and a even more miniature green horse with a regular brown mane on its back.
“But he wa-”
“I don’t care what… he was doing, I barely managed to talk the city out of pressing charges against you last time. If they actually find you turning somepony in BBQ they’ll re-open the previous charges.” The horse said matter of factly slowing to a stop at one of the chairs and sliding the miniature-miniature horse off of its back and onto the seat. The little one didn’t even acknowledge that and continued playing with…. was that a Hot Wheels car? They don’t even have fucking cars!
Oh wait, it was a Hot Wheels carriage…. with flames on the side… okay then, back to the pink horse walking up to him. “Hello there pink one, why is the Dragon afraid of you? Please tell me so I may scare all those that dare challenge me.”
She looked confused then with a laugh smiled. “Oh he’s not afraid of me, he’s just facing some trouble with the law, you know framed for killing somepony. I’m just his lawyer, also the wife of his best and only pony friend.” She finished extending hoof towards him in a handshake gesture.
He grasped it in his hand and ignored the cold hard hoof thingy part. “So you’re a blood-sucking vampire basically?”
She gave him a mock bow, her head bowing low to the floor, with a chuckle. “Only a few of us are like that. So if you don’t mind me asking who’re you?”
Turning away from her he looked at the mini-mini-horse playing with its Hot Wheels carriage and noticed the shiny wheels on it. “Tell you what I’ll show you.” With a light jog he went over to the kid and looked down at him, who stared back up at him, making airplane noises as he flew his carriage around.
“Hey kid, I got a deal for you, I’ll make you fly if you let me borrow yer carriage.”
“Okay.” Was all the horse said as it handed him the carriage. Grunting a thank you he snatched off the wheels and held all four of them in his palm before tossing the carriage back to the kid.
Okay so Wheel Manipulation includes wheel control, size, shape and replication so…. Smirking he grasped one of the wheels on both sides and pulled on it, the wheel following suit without effort and expanding. It kept its earlier dimensions up until the point he stopped pulling and it easily covered more than half his body. “Okay Wheel, do whatever the kid wants, long as it don’t threaten its life.”
The wheel then floated a short distance to the mini horse and hovered in front of it, to which the kid stared at it, its eyes somehow encompassing its entire face. Sergio muttered under his breath as he looked once again at a pair of hyper-realistic eyes. “Oh dear fucking hell that’s creepy.”
The kid looked over at him, the eyes staring deep into his soul before gazing back to the floating wheel in front of it and slowly poked it. The wheel didn’t budge. Standing up on its seat now the mini-horse pushed down on the wheel and again it didn’t budge. It cocked its head to the side before slowly stepping onto the wheel, a smile now growing to match the size of the eyes.
What the hell is with the eyes!?! I mean come on! Feel like I’m ‘bout to hurl. The kid sat down on the wheel and looked over at him. “Can it move?”
“Verbal commands young’un.”
The child looked back down at the wheel before pointing forward. “Go where I’m pointing.” The wheel responded by gradually moving forward, the mini-horse now laughing with maniacal laughter.
He meanwhile turned back around to the Dragon and lawyer-horse now staring at him. Smirking at them he grabbed another one of the three wheels out of his palm and spread it wide, this time jabbing his hand through it. Wiggling his fingers he could feel the wheel fit just like a glove and he flattened it up to his elbow, the small black, plastic Hot Wheels wheel now covering it. “I am Mr. Wheel, God of Wheels, tourist of worlds, and would-be conqueror if I had any idea what I’m doing. As of now I’m stuck wherever here is, I do believe I’ve lost any grasp on reality I once had and most importantly…”
Taking a deep breath he enlarged another one of the wheels and slammed his hand through it, making a glove of it too. With a maniacal grin he looked at the two of them before letting his eyes wander all through the waiting room where now all the horses were watching. “I’m bored and that just won’t do.”
The Dragon stood up from his laying position, so once again its head was grazing the ceiling. “And what do you mean that being bored just won’t do?”
Grabbing his last wheel Sergio smiled at it. “Well if you’re a God it’s boring to be bored.” Then he pulled on the wheel.
“The hell?” Nothing happened. Pulling again the wheel did absolutely nothing. Lifting it to his eye level he looked at it. “Why you forsake me wheel?”
“Last time I checked a God knows how to rule over their things.” Chuckled the Dragon.
“Oh screw you buddy.” He muttered as he tried pulling on the wheel again and again, no ideas coming to him as to why it wasn’t following his bidding. It wasn’t like it could disobey him! It was a fucking wheel, it couldn’t think! Could it? Nah.
“Okay forget this one, prob defective or something.” He sighed as he dropped it on the floor. As he kicked the wheel away he thought he heard something. Looking up and to the double-glass doors it started getting louder. It almost sounded like thunder… no no…. more like… an avalanche. Weren’t they in the middle of a city?
Then they came, a little mob of police-capped, baton-wielding, multi-colored, miniature horses about twenty in all. Well they didn’t waste any time finding him… wait he didn’t even do anything yet! Maybe they were here for the Dragon dude.
The double doors flung open as they all rushed in and screeched to a stop near the desk set about forty feet from him. As a collective group they all looked at him, momentarily pausing to look at the Dragon, then looked back at him. He looked back at the mob of eyes, that feeling of bile rushing back to his throat. “Ah it’s the fuzz. Uh how can we help you?”
One of the mob pointed at him with its sharp hoof. “You’re under arrest!”
“Why!?! I ain’t even done nothing yet!” His hands automatically going up in front of himself in surrender.
Another one of the mob floated above the others, its wings giving it more of an air of authority. Heh, air. “You hit a stallion in the back of the head and gave him a concussion, you stole a hospital carriage, and are going around calling yourself a God and otherwise freaking ponies out!”
“Oh that’s racist man… worst thing to freak one of y’all out was when I flew with me carriage.” He argued, his hands pointing out past the wall.
“Shut up and just put your hoofs… claw… things on your head!”
Lifting an eyebrow he looked at the mob then back at the Dragon. Then back to the mob. “Okay which head?” He asked innocently, one of his hands going on top of his hair and the other one drifting south.
A couple of them blushed. “D-don’t play stupid!”
“I don’t do stupid, I do do arrogant though if that counts?” He said as he crossed his arms. “One last thing.”
Taking a deep breath he lifted both his arms straight above his head, then pointed his third fingers high to the sky. “Fuck the police!” Then he turned around and dashed into the same doors that he saw the doctor go through.
